People Fret About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Giving Different Wedding Gifts To My Two Sisters-In-Law?
“I (31f) got married to my hubby (33m) last year in November. Before that, we were in a long-distance relationship and we are not from the same nationality. I am African and he is Indian. We are both of the same religion.
Post our wedding, I shifted to India and his family (mum, dad, and elder bro) welcomed me very happily and made me a part of the family.
What a joyous union it was, and much to my relief, his family welcomed me with open arms. Most of his relatives embraced me with warmth and respect, and I found a special bond with one of his aunts and her daughter (aunt (50)- Maya and daughter(26)-Ahana).
They showed me kindness and always treated me with the utmost respect. My bond with Ahana is a great one. We share our small secrets just like two normal sisters would do.
Another aunt Roma (aged 50) and her daughter (28) Tina displayed shocking disdain towards me.
It pained me deeply to face such hostility in the midst of what should have been a joyous time. They said things like “Oh you are not a good match for our boy. He is so fair and you are so dark. I never felt any discomfort in my skin color. They also say things like “You have trapped him”.
I am a lawyer and he’s an IT Engineer.
For Ahana’s wedding (this February), my hubby and I decided to be graceful with what we will be gifting her. Ahana was in love with my wedding necklace set and always wanted something similar for her wedding.
So I decided to buy a similar one for her wedding but with different gemstones. When we showed her the gift, she jumped out of excitement and hugged me and my husband and said “You are the best. I love you”. The wedding happened and everything went on smoothly.
In April we have been informed that Tina also will be getting married in September. So my husband and I decided that we’d give her money as a gift.
She and her mum came to our place yesterday and while talking, Tina said “Bhabhi for my necklace, don’t use gemstones but use diamonds only”.
I was a bit taken aback and so was my husband. I calmly told her “What are you talking about”? She then told me “Oh you got Ahana such an expensive gift so even I deserve one that’s why I am telling you my preferences”.
I told her that the gift to Ahana was a gesture to show how I appreciated their love and kindness.
And as far as you’re concerned you’ll get your gift but not the necklace. She told me “You are joking right”. My husband then said no we are serious and this is our final decision and consider whatever we are giving to be enough because of how rude and insulting you two were towards my wife.
Tina called me a mean person and went away with her mum. I am now reconsidering my decision.
Should I give her a similar gift or be firm of what me and my husband decided. AITJ for doing so?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The way Tina is acting I wouldn’t even give her a gift and I wouldn’t even bother attending the wedding I don’t believe in rewarding entitlement and she’s been nothing but rude to you If the rest of the family side with her then that says more about them than you” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I would consider getting her vouchers for etiquette classes (if something like that exists in India), or a note that says a donation has been made in your name to (insert whatever charity is likely to annoy her) and include the donation receipt.
Having said that based on what you have written here you seem like a nice person.” meeeee01
18. AITJ For Not Paying More Of My Partner's Rent?
“My (25M) partner (26F) of three years is going to be moving into a summer sublease next week. We looked at a few places for her and she was split between two places in the same town.
One is a room in a shared house with 2 other people (co-ed) and the other is a studio apartment that costs 60 more per month. She thought that the studio would be more comfortable and make her feel safer than living in a co-ed space with strangers for roommates, but did not want to pay the extra 60 dollars per month.
I wanted her to feel safer so I offered to cover the additional 60 for her so that she would not have to have such a tough decision, while also helping me feel more secure with her living situation. She was pretty happy about this arrangement and signed the lease.
She recently had a conversation with a new friend (who I don’t know very well) and told her friend that I was helping her cover 60 dollars of her 800-dollar rent. Her friend scoffed at her and said “Only 60”? Now she is upset at me because she says that I’m being cheap/stingy for only covering 60 dollars of her rent, whereas a “good partner” (according to her friend) should cover at least 100 dollars if not half of all of the rent.
She says that since I would be coming over to help her out and to hang out at her place, I should be paying more since I would be using the space too.
I told her that I thought that was a stupid reason and that she should be grateful that I’m even covering any rent at all for her since I won’t be living there (I currently pay rent to my parents to live with them, since I am working part-time and studying full-time at my graduate program, and can’t realistically afford to move out at the moment).
This spiraled our conversation into something else. She began to say that if she ever needed to count on me to pay for her, I’d be useless. She brought up a recent vacation she took with some friends, where she was a few hours late to arrive at her destination because her flight was delayed and she did not want to pay a hundred plus to change flights.
She said that she couldn’t count on me to pay for her changed flight. I am confused because I feel like it shouldn’t be my responsibility to help her change a flight so that she can get to her vacation (which I was not a part of) a few hours earlier.
I want to be a good partner to her, but I honestly do not know whether things like this are part of a partner’s “normal” responsibilities or if she is trying to take advantage of me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re being generous paying the extra 60 dollars for her rent.
Beggars can’t be choosers. And as far as the flight, no you shouldn’t be expected to pay that. Flights get delayed – she needs to be an adult and deal with it or use her own money. ” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, She is an adult and needs to pay her bills.
If she wants a sugar daddy there are websites she can sign up for. If you want a future with her you need to have some conversations about finances and what you both expect and are comfortable with financially in a relationship.” powerramwagon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is unbelievably ungrateful. And mean on top of this. “She began to say that if she ever needed to count on me to pay for her, I’d be useless.” What the heck? First off: she is an adult and should plan her life without having to count on somebody else to pay for her.
Second: you DO pay for part of her rent, so why is she complaining? You showed that you are there for her. She is trying to take advantage of you. That is not normal behavior.” Lokea_01
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Treat My Son's Fiancée Like My Actual Daughter?
“I (41M) have two kids with my ex-wife, (42F) a son John(22), and a daughter Sally (20), I’m remarried to my wife (28).
I’m very close with my kids, my son is engaged to Abbie, she seems nice but has been a bit pushy trying to create relationships with me and my wife, though she’s also awkward with her. Abbie isn’t close to her family, she told us many stories about why, and while some of her complaints don’t seem awful, it’s not my place to judge and I didn’t live it so I can’t know anyway.
We’ve tried to be welcoming but Abbie has forced her way into some family traditions to where she wouldn’t have been invited, and somewhere no one outside of a specific family would have. She has been calling Sally “sis” since they were only seeing each other for a few months, has an odd sister/mother-in-law thing she does with my wife, and the one I’m not a fan of, wants me to be like a father to her.
Not because we’ve clicked or anything. We are very different people, not saying that in a bad way, just saying it’s not based on how we get along or anything.
My kids and I have a tradition when they come over that we have a private catch-up in my office/study before they leave, which is now even more important to them because while they both get along well with my wife they don’t want to have personal conversations around her yet.
Abbie asked if we could talk, and after I explained the tradition John later asked that I do it, saying she’d never had a caring conversation with her dad. We compromised that I didn’t include her in the tradition but did join the two of them for coffee and let her talk.
Then she started calling me dad, they weren’t even engaged yet, John pulled me aside and begged me to give her that, laid this whole thing on me about me always being the dad she always wanted right in front of her and she just wanted that, told me she cried watching me and Sally together (she still gives me random hugs, I’m a lucky dad).
I didn’t like it but I do feel bad so fine I gave her that. She wants me to walk her down the aisle and the father/daughter dance. I don’t want to walk her down, and I walk with a cane so dancing is hard.
At my wedding, I only danced twice. John is begging for me to do one, preferably the aisle.
They came over Sunday, John and I were talking, and I thought to address it, when Ab walked in without knocking, asking if he’d told me yet.
I asked what, John said she wanted me to say something about having a second daughter now in my speech and how I loved her. I just looked at him. She asked if I’d do the walk and dance for Sally, I said of course.
She yelled she’s my daughter too and I said it will never be the same, Sally is my actual daughter. I tried to explain I’d talk about her being a happy addition to the family and I love how happy she makes Jack, which I thought was a good compromise, but she started crying.
John apologized and they left, but he called me when they were home nearly begging me to. AITJ because I won’t lie and say I love her or she’s my daughter.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have your boundaries. Abbie sounds like she’s developed this fantasy involving you and your family.
That can’t be healthy. And yelling at you? “You WILL tell people you love me! You WILL tell people I’m your second daughter! You WILL have a good time at my wedding!” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“Ntj, there are several red flags with Abbie which John has chosen to ignore.
However, it’s unfair of him to expect that you and the rest of your family should be required to cater to her irrational whims and behavior. Abbie is manipulative, likes being the center of attention, and feels entitled to have everything her way. The only way to deal with people like her is to set boundaries and stick to them.
Otherwise, Abbie will walk all over you and your family.” disdainfulsideeye
Another User Comments:
“NO! NO!! NO!!! NTJ! NTJ!! NTJ!!! Does your son have any idea what his future is going to look like? His bride-to-be is, at the very least, emotionally unstable and incredibly needy.
Every time she has a whim, he’s going to be on the phone begging you for something else. She’s been unbelievably intrusive, ignoring how anyone else feels and your son is not only allowing it but abetting her behavior. You are a nice guy and a loving father but you have to start saying a loud and firm “No!”.
Do not let her continue calling you dad if it makes you uncomfortable. Do not give her version of a speech at the wedding. Above all else, do not walk her down the aisle. It’s time for Abbie to grow up and join the real world.
Please encourage your son to reconsider marriage until Abbie has had some serious therapy. This is beyond wanting to be a part of a family!” uTop-Artichoke5020
16. AITJ For Not Buying My Stepson A New Phone When I Bought One For My Daughter?
“So recently I got re-married to a woman who was also entering her second marriage. She was the sweetest girl I knew, super kind, super smart, and super pretty.
We are so far very happy together. We recently bought a new house, and are living together. I have my daughter (F16), who I am in a very good relationship with and who comes and visits me on the weekends. (I just wanted to add that me and my ex-wife left on good terms, and still remain friends).
I also live with my stepson (M15), who I have attempted to get to know, but he rejects every offer.
Last month was my stepson’s birthday. Me, my wife, my daughter, his grandparents and a few of his friends came to his birthday party. He was gifted a PS5, and all of us were very happy for him.
We had a great dinner and a good time overall.
Two days ago was my daughter’s birthday. She had an iPhone 6 for the longest time, and her only wish was a brand new phone (the 15). I was originally going to give her the normal iPhone 15, but due to her good grades and her turning 16 years old (She’s so grown up now) I decided to give her the iPhone 15 pro.
This was a surprise to her, and I was excited to go to the shop and tell her.
I told my wife that I was going to surprise her with a new phone, and she was really happy for her. However, on the day I was going to give her her new phone (a day after her birthday), my wife had emergency work she had to attend to.
I would normally have been annoyed to watch over her stepson, but my wife had always looked after my daughter when I was out, so I was happy to do the same. I told my stepson in the morning that I was going to watch him, and that we would go out and get my daughter’s birthday present (my wife was a bit strict when it came to boundaries, and he has a pretty bad smoking record and specifically asked me to take him with us, which again was fine by me because many times my wife has taken my current daughter out for a sort of mother-daughter bonding time).
He grunted and just got ready.
We left and reached Best Buy. My daughter ran to the iPhone aisle, me and my stepson running behind. She picked out her favorite color, and I excitedly told her that she would be getting the 15 pro. She was so extremely happy her face was in tears and she gave me a warm embrace.
My daughter also shook hands with my stepson (with good intentions). Everything was going well. The Best Buy employee gave her the box. Just before we were about to make our way to the counter, my stepson snobbishly asks “where’s my phone?” I reply: “Sorry buddy, this is my daughter’s birthday gift. I didn’t know you wanted something, but considering you have an iPhone 13 and you got a PS5 last month perhaps we can buy you something sometime later?”
He started throwing a tantrum, calling me a deadbeat and throwing insults at me. I just stood there squeezing my forehead. I get a message from my wife asking how things are going, and I message her telling her the crazy tantrum her bratty son is doing.
Two seconds later he gets a call from his mother and starts shouting. He makes his way out of the store – breaking a vase in the opening aisle – and leaving. I paid for the phone and the vase, apologizing for his behavior. I got a call from my wife telling me she would be done and returning home.
We reached home, my wife furious at my stepson for acting like a brat. He was sent up to his room. I apologized to my daughter, but she was obviously very happy and wasn’t too worried about it. I spent some time with my wife and daughter, before dropping off her to her biological mother’s for the week.
When I reached home I saw my wife’s parents sitting on the couch, scolding her for not buying her son a new phone. They throw horrible insults at my wife, calling her a horrible person and a terrible mother. She was crying uncontrollably. I kick my in-laws out of the house after arguing, threatening to call the police.
I comforted her. My wife has also not been talking to me for two days, staying alone in the room watching TV. She said she needs time alone and wants me to better bond with her son, despite many attempts. I now feel bad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You went above and beyond to be fair and considerate. Your daughter deserved her birthday gift, especially given her good grades and her milestone birthday. Your stepson, on the other hand, had just received a PS5 and already had a relatively new phone.
His reaction was entitled and inappropriate. You handled the situation calmly and respectfully, even paying for the damages caused by his tantrum. It’s unfair for your in-laws to insult your wife and for her to shut you out when you’ve done nothing wrong. Keep trying to bond with your stepson, but remember you’re not responsible for his behavior.” User
15. AITJ For Not Letting A Near-Stranger Crash At My Place While I Was Sick?
“Had a situation recently that has divided my friends on whether I am the jerk or not. Sorry for some vagueness but trying to be semi-anonymous… also I typed it and it was too long, so some bits have been trimmed but this is the first issue we have had and it’s caused even more to grow.
Me(29m) and Jess (24f) are both living abroad teaching English in a small city. I live in the city but she lives about 15/20m out.
Anyway, there was an event on New Year we both were interested in going to the countryside, so a few people had organized to go together, with her driving.
We did a few things before the event including visiting a cultural site she was desperate to visit. We have some extra sites so we visit a waterfall and view I’d suggested. We had a great time! It was lots of fun, my first time hanging out with these people and we all got on well, and made plans to catch up soon.
Maybe a week after, I had gone away and had driven about 16 hours and had no sleep… was getting ready for an early bed/passing out at about 8 pm when Jess messages asking if she could stay the night. Her train from another city has been delayed and she won’t be back until midnight and then the local train won’t run.
I’m apologetic, but I’m barely conscious and not feeling well enough to have her come over after midnight. I suggest a few other people for her to ask and wish her good luck. The next morning I apologised again and checked she was ok and she said yep all good!
A few weeks back we met up, in the same initial group and more for one of the other people’s birthdays. I’d had a bad flu all week and had been off sick but wanted to go. As we’re eating I feel so bad, after dinner, I apologize and say I’m going to go home and enjoy the birthday.
Saying goodbye to everyone Jess is like oh I wanted to talk to you more, so we kinda hang to the side and chat. Eventually, she says ok there’s something I need to talk to you about. I’m assuming she’s probably annoyed about how we weren’t able to catch up lately, it was probably annoying for us both.
Nope. She says “Since that night you wouldn’t let me stay over I’ve kind of been resenting you”. I’m kind of too shocked to react. “I needed you and you weren’t there for me”. At this point I’m kind of biting my tongue, we had met up once before that happened. I explained I was sick and sorry and I wanted her to be safe so I tried to help but I was passing out.
To be honest, any other time I would’ve said yes. Also, there is a taxi rank at the station. She goes okay I understand. Then moved on to some other points which also blew my mind. I’m in shock that someone could A) hold a growing resentment for months over this but also B) expect to crash at practically a stranger’s house with no notice?”
Another User Comments:
“Right or wrong, she saw you as a friendly familiar in a foreign country where she didn’t know a lot of people or could rely on them in a pinch. Friendships, even loose ones, come together more quickly in foreign countries when you don’t have the fallback of your same social network to fall back on.
The fact that she’s held onto this grudge for many months shows she had different expectations than you did. NTJ.” Snackinpenguin
14. AITJ For Wanting To Sue My Ex-Best Friend For Unpaid Rent And Defamation?
“At the end of last year, my ex-best friend told me she and her partner needed a place to stay.
I had recently bought a house earlier in the year, so I had an extra room for guests. My ex-friend in the past had stayed with me before in my apartment when I had one, but temporarily (no rent paid from them). We had been friends since high school, and we were close.
My offer to her was $400 a month per person (so $800 total a month for both of them). This included their room, and everything else in the house (shower, living room, wifi, laundry, food, etc). Let me also say, my total bills for the month are roughly $1600, so I believe it is fair.
She had agreed to this and moved in at the end of October. They paid me $200 cash, and $200 Venmo for the first month. They told me they’d get me the other $400 by the time they got their next paycheck since they had gotten a new job.
I said fine, I trusted them, so I expected it to come soon. Two weeks passed nothing. It was the next month and I was behind $1200 in total. $400 from the previous month, and $800 for the current month. I kept asking them, not a lot, but every other week the amount.
They had not signed a lease agreement, but over text had agreed to the amount. Fast forward to the middle of December, I had asked them for the rent that was owed, and they told me they were moving out. They said it was cause they needed credit, so I said that’s fine, but you’re paying me right?
I lessened the amount to $1000, just to get something, kinda like a deal. They told me they’d pay me at the end of December. I said okay. I asked them on December 29th for the amount. No response.
They ghosted me for 2 whole weeks following this, then proceeded to answer one day saying it was “too much” and that they had never paid more than $600 for a room.
I then lowered it to $800, and they told me they’d pay that. I have not gotten anything. I had just recovered from a major chest surgery and went back to work full-time as well as full-time college. I was busy, so I had no time for Snapchat.
I didn’t answer over snap as I was not using it at the time, but I answered over text. She then decided to end our friendship based on that. Following this, I blocked them both to avoid drama (she’s known for drama). She messaged me on a separate account on Instagram calling me a plethora of things, as well as calling my partner a creep.
I am a grown adult, and so is he, so that’s not the case. She then proceeded to post on Google for his job saying the “general manager preys on customers” (I have a screenshot). We got this removed and then she continued to post about me- still not receiving money.
I have text proof saying she and her partner would pay me $800 plus that they were aware of the $400/mo/person. I’m planning to take this to court to get my money, as well as suing for defamation of character since she publicly posted that my partner is a creep.
Is this the right thing to do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Don’t bother trying to get the money unless her partner’s reasonable and you can get it from him, but even that would probably create more drama and it’s not worth it.
Try to fade away so she moves on to tormenting someone else. You’re not getting the money and she’s not a friend. Move on.” Pkfrompa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have no idea whether such a suit will succeed, or whether it’s worth the stress and anguish.
Lawsuits are an absolute pain. But I don’t think you would be the jerk for doing it. These ex-friends quite clearly owe you money.” SushiGuacDNA
13. AITJ For Arguing With My Roommate Over A Rare Spice She Used Without My Permission?
“I am a college student sharing a flat with another girl in the same college as me.
For a little background, this house is under my name (not on lease). I’ve been living here for almost a year and she started living here around 8 months back.
She lived somewhere else earlier.
Now, the source of conflict is a spice. I hail from a different country. Naturally, I only have one chance to go see my family and that is during one of the breaks. Living so far from my family, I feel very homesick.
When I first moved in here, my mom gave me a lot of homemade stuff to keep with me. Like homemade sauces and a few spices that are not found over here. There is one such spice that is not found anywhere around here.
I have always cherished the taste of my native food items. You simply don’t get the same taste here.
So, I started using this particular spice very frugally. It is something that helps me whenever I miss my family. It is rather sentimental to me. I have it kept in a separate space to not be mistaken for a normal spice.
When my roommate moved in, I gave her a few rules to follow.
Not to go into my room unless she takes permission, not to go through my medicine drawer, and to not use that spice of mine. She agreed.
She is an aspiring social media influencer and posts videos of her cooking and all. Now, here is where things go wrong.
She used a lot of my spice in her recipe (without asking me) I only got to know about it when I saw how half of it was gone. I almost cried. I confronted her and all she had to say was that it was indeed a rare spice around here which is why it made her (new) recipe even better.
I said she shouldn’t have used it without asking me…heck, she shouldn’t have used it at all. At this point, she also got up and started arguing with me. I reminded her how she had done it before (a month after she moved in.
After she did it then, I labeled the spice as “*My name*’s spice. DO NOT TOUCH!!”. We even joked about the exclamation marks). I told her that she had crossed a huge boundary by doing this. She justified it by saying it was just a spice.
It is replaceable. Not a hill to die on. I do a lot of things that annoy her as well and she put up with it. I’ll admit, at this point, I lost my temper. I shouted at her. There was a whole argument between us.
I will clarify any doubts regarding this argument in the comments. We haven’t had a proper conversation since this went down.
I narrated this incident to my friends and was surprised when they all said that I overreacted and that I was a jerk. They said I could just get another the next time I went to visit my parents or just buy it at a price that is 10x more than its normal price at some random website.
It was not something I should argue with a good roommate for (a roommate that is good for not crossing any “major” boundaries and not stealing or getting shady people over). So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It sounds like all you wanted from her was an acknowledgment that she had crossed a boundary, and when she wouldn’t acknowledge that you got frustrated and lost your temper.
That’s normal and it happens, and you probably could have handled it better… But still, your roommate is the jerk here for crossing the boundary and not doing anything to make it up to you. Keep your spice somewhere safer from now on, and anything else you don’t want your roomie to touch; she has let you know that she can’t be trusted with boundaries.” BAUGH
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She stole from you. She knew that it wasn’t available to share, she made a deliberate choice to ignore your (very reasonable) boundary. She knew you wouldn’t be OK with it which is why she didn’t ask you. She needs to replace what she took, and if that means paying extra to get it shipped, so be it.
She chose to take it, she needs to replace it. Moving forward, lock it, and anything else you value, up. She’s shown you she is untrustworthy and inconsiderate. ” ProfessorYaffle1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She didn’t even bother asking, which given your previous interactions and her defensive nature sounds like she knew what she was doing and decided she just wanted to do it anyway without accountability.
It’s also incredibly insulting to break that boundary and then try to tell you how important it should be to you. You have every right to be mad. That said, if you explained the situation to your friends and they think you’re overreacting then maybe you should listen to them and take a breather.” Aestro17
12. AITJ For Declining To Design A Memorial Tattoo For My Abusive Ex-Neighbor?
“I (60f) had neighbors who I was friends with for many years; let’s call them Betty and Sylvester. Our kids were close in age and we would hang out quite a bit. We even went on vacations together.
Sylvester seemed to have issues with me.
He could be nice one minute then insult me the next. I started avoiding him but since we would all hang out at Betty’s parent’s house I still saw him regularly.
Some examples of Sylvester’s behavior: he insisted we join them in Mexico after my dad died “Because you need something to smile about”.
As soon as the plane landed Sylvester became a different person. He told everyone where to meet up for dinner except our family, he screamed at his wife and kids for inviting us to the pool, he offered my husband his side of guacamole then had a tantrum when my husband shared it with me, etc. It was an awful vacation, to say the least. He would be the life of the party then after a few beers would become mean and insulting.
Too many times I saw him make Betty and their two daughters cry. This kind of nice, then mean behavior was a pattern that was exacerbated by his excessive drinking. Sylvester was a raging heavy drinker who would get blind and inebriated every weekend. At one point in our friendship, they got divorced.
Sylvester blamed me for the divorce, blamed me for him having to move out, blamed me for everything. Whatever, he wasn’t my ex so I didn’t have to deal with him. Betty would tell me he was saying awful things about me to anyone who would listen.
I would also occasionally hear from his older daughter. She would tell me that he referred to me as the devil and demanded that she stay away from me. Of course that didn’t happen.
So years passed. I no longer spoke with Betty (we drifted, our lifestyles changed, that sort of thing).
The older daughter moved out of state. She and I stayed social media friends but that was it.
I saw on social media that Sylvester died unexpectedly. I commented on my sympathies but didn’t reach out since I hadn’t spoken to any of them in over 12 years.
The older daughter just reached out to me asking if my husband and I (we are both artists with a specialty she is quite fond of) would mind designing a tattoo to commemorate her father using a cartoon Sylvester as the base.
I feel very awkward using my skills to create something to honor a person who hated me.
I mean he HATED me. Everything that happened to him was a result of his heavy drinking but he made me the scapegoat. I talked to my husband about it and he doesn’t want any part of it.
So WIBTJ if I politely declined?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with politely declining a design gig, I imagine you do this all the time for all sorts of reasons. “I’m so touched that you thought of me for this project, it sounds like a lovely idea. Unfortunately, I can’t take it on right now because [whatever].
I hope you’re able to find another artist who can help you honor your father.” Jyqm
Another User Comments:
“I think it would be well enough to offer your sympathies again, tell them that you appreciate that they thought of you but that you’re unfortunately not available and should look for a different artist. It sounds like you’re far enough removed by now that any negative feelings that could come from it wouldn’t impact you. Some petty people would think it’s some karmic justice that a memorial piece would be designed by someone he’d hate to have it made by, just a thought.
NTJ though.” Plane-Trifle3608
Another User Comments:
“I would look at it less you’re memorializing Sylvester and more that you are consoling a hurt young woman — one who you witnessed mistreatment. Regardless of your feelings about her father, I would encourage you to refocus on your feelings towards her!
How do you want HER to feel in this complex yet heartbreaking situation? Perhaps consoled and comforted in a way she never got from her father. A tattoo is a small way to do that.” c*****************n
11. AITJ For Demanding Repayment From My Family Member Who Continuously Borrowed Money From Me?
“So to summarize my story one of my family members asked to borrow money from me, and I gave her money which was $150 about a week later she asked for $300, and then a month after that she asked for $400.
She promised to pay me back, and I realized she was struggling at the moment because of her stupid financial decisions like tattoos, and paying for her friend’s dinner which is like 7-10 people, so I gave her the option to pay back the whole $850 by simply buying me an item for $300 she agreed to it, but told me to wait.
Then a month and a half went by and I asked again “When are you gonna get the item” She asked if I could wait and I simply replied, just pay me in payment of $100 per week. So she paid me $100 for one week then ignored and blocked me for about a month then I managed to get her mom to tell her to contact me and she did.
Then she complained about me being annoying wanting my money back, and saying I am super impatient, which I am not. Also, during those times she still got tattoos and paid for her friend’s events and stuff.
Then she just said that she would rather have her mom pay the rest of the money to me than deal with me and told me to go away and then blocked me for about a month, also her mom didn’t pay me at all, then one of our good friends passed away and that when we saw each other at the funeral, I was a little angry but quickly went away because I shouldn’t get mad at personal things at my friend’s funeral.
So a year passed by and I asked her mom if she had paid her back, and she refused to tell me if she did or not saying that I shouldn’t worry about it, so I asked my family member who owed me money if she paid her mom anything, and she said go ask her mom then I replied she saying it none of my business.
Then she said why am I digging up old stuff and I said because I didn’t get all my money back for a whole year, then she said that I’m the pathetic one for asking for money and tried to say that I was trying to get money from her mom and at the moment her mom is going through some rough time like not having much spending money to spend on junk, but the bills are paid though.
Then try to say that she hadn’t asked for more money from people at all and told me to go away, and said that the ordeal was settled a year ago, to which I replied it was settled at all you ran away and ignored me like a jerk.
After that I said all I wanted to know was if you paid anything at all to get Mom, at this point I wanted the money to go to her mom cause her mom helped me, so I was hoping the money would go to her.
Then told me to go away and said that I’m pathetic and that I’m asking for money and ignoring me it happened 2 months ago now and still ignoring me.
All I wanted was to help her mom a bit.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for trying to get your money, but TJ for “lending” money to family.
The rule is, don’t lend to a family unless you’re okay with never getting it back. Your family member has played you for a sucker. You’ve bent over backward to try to let her pay you just a fraction of the debt. Now that she has her money and doesn’t need more from you, she feels free to insult you.
Get some self-respect back. At this point, if you have proof of the debt, you should take her to small claims court and sue for the entire remaining balance.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Struggling because one makes stupid decisions where money is involved does not entitle one to be a garbage person about it.
She will never pay you back unless you threaten to burn her world down. Decide whether you want to go that route and then cut her off.” Brother-Cane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you’ve learned a valuable lesson. Now, onto my wicked pettiness. Going forward any events that require a gift, birthdays, or Christmas, keep a running total of the actual amount owed and say my gift to you is the forgiving xxx amount and then give her a bill for the balance due.
Yeah, this will probably kill the relationship, but you’ll save money and frustration in the long run.” AdultinginCali
10. AITJ For Wanting A Courthouse Wedding Despite My Future MIL's Objections?
“So, my fiance and I just got engaged last month during a trip to Oklahoma. It was magical and special, and of course, she said yes! So wooo, everything is happy! Anyway, I won’t be using any actual names just out of respect for privacy, but I’ll be referring to my future mother-in-law simply as MIL.
My fiance and I began making wedding plans. We knew from the start that we wanted to get married in her hometown simply because she has more family there, and it’d be easier to fly my family there versus vice versa, so we’d have an easier time getting family together.
My fiance and I aren’t huge wedding people; it’s not the kind of thing where she’s been dreaming of some big extravagant wedding or anything like that. We want to celebrate our love for each other while surrounded by close family and friends and invest more of our energy and money in our honeymoon.
Anyway, this plan wasn’t working so much for my MIL.
To summarize, my MIL has tried to get us to change the date three times, asked us to do a venue and go all in, and has expressed her dismay with us getting married in a courthouse.
She was wed in a courthouse and regrets it, so she kind of pushes that regret onto us in a way to guilt us into doing a bigger wedding when all that we want to do is fly there for a week, have the courthouse wedding surrounded only by very close family and friends and then to spend the rest of our trip just being around her family before we zip to our honeymoon so at some point we cave and we’re like alright we can at least do a small venue and stuff.
Recently, my MIL came into some fortune, $21,000 to be specific, and she tells my fiance and me about this when it happens; of course, we’re happy and ecstatic for her. $21,000 is massively helpful in almost any household, so that’s incredible. Of course, we’re happy for her.
During that same phone call, she promised to pay for two of our friend’s flights, my parents’ flights, and a condo to stay at during the wedding. The next day, she messages us and tells us how she spent $15,000 on a concert. $9000, which is solely for the concert tickets.
I’m a big stranger to concerts, but I know they can get pricy and we understand that it’s her money and she can spend it however she wishes, but we felt a little hurt by it. Anyways, she has since taken back what she said she was going to help with, and so we told her that on second thought, we kind of want to go back to the original plan and do a simple courthouse ceremony, and well, she got upset with that.
She then went on to make some hurtful comments at my fiance for how she moved out at 18 and doesn’t see her and stuff, which isn’t true. It’s not like we haven’t tried, and she said at least her sister wouldn’t just do some dumb courthouse wedding.
Anyways, we’re just very hurt by everything and it has made our special day very stressful and we don’t know what to do about it.
AITJ for wanting to do a courthouse wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, it’s your wedding, not hers. What MIL wants is irrelevant because it isn’t her wedding.
Her regrets aren’t your responsibility to fix either. Children and the partners of those children are not obligated to allow their parents to live vicariously through them. Second, spending less on the wedding means you can spend more on the honeymoon, or put the extra money away towards a home or a family or anything else that you two can enjoy together as a couple. Third, and I may be misinterpreting this, but it sounds to me like MIL was trying to manipulate you into giving her what she wanted by offering to offset some of the cost. Then immediately rescinded that offer but expected you to still agree to the higher-cost wedding.
That is sketchy and uncool. Honestly, if I were in your shoes, whatever minimal consideration I may have had for her opinions would go right out the window with that little trick. ” Fluffy_Sheepy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wedding. If MIL wants a big wedding tell her to do it for herself as a wedding vow renewal if that’s possible.
My husband and I got married at a registry office (the UK version of a courthouse wedding) and had 14 people there, no wedding reception, and our day was perfect for us. We knew if MIL got involved it would have been an expensive circus which we did not want.
We’d already seen her almost double SIL’s wedding budget when she got married from £8000 to £12000. Have your wedding the way you and your future wife want it. You will be much happier in the long run” Potential-Bug1510
Another User Comments:
“Follow your heart and do the courthouse wedding!
Following your heart won’t be something you regret, but having a wedding for others will. As a small side note, I had a small courthouse elopement because we just weren’t big wedding people either, and loved it! We saved the money and went on a fabulous honeymoon.
NTJ! You do what you want. It’s your marriage to start with the celebration you feel fits you. Congratulations on your engagement!” Major_Barnacle_2212
9. AITJ For Leaving My In-Laws' House Because We Didn't Get The Bedroom?
“My partner and I have been together for 3+ years and visit his parents 2 hrs away as much as we can, even before we moved in with each other. His bedroom is in the basement and it’s where we stayed when we would visit them both before and after he moved out.
BIL recently got married to someone he’s been with for a few months and has children from a previous relationship, FIL’s house is halfway between their houses so they would be there every week staying in the basement. We tried on several occasions to meet her at this time however BIL said she was not comfortable with that, so their sleeping arrangements were predetermined. His children would stay upstairs in a spare bedroom next to MIL and FILs, so MIL would care for them while they would have the basement and not care for the kids.
This room only has room for a crib for one child while the others sleep on a couch in the living room.
FIL wants us all to come and meet up as a family and we try to twice a month, but with a 2 hr drive to get there until early afternoon.
BIL and SIL get there much earlier in the day and immediately go unload all their stuff and do not indicate to us whether they are staying or not until we get there.
Recently we left to head home and got a text the next morning from SIL about how since we left they weren’t able to do what they wanted because there weren’t enough people.
They also complained that we didn’t communicate we weren’t staying the night so it was unfair to not know.
If we stay, we are expected to sleep in the living room on an air mattress. We have never stayed the night while they’ve been there because of the sleeping arrangements.
I said I wouldn’t mind the air mattress in the basement where there is some privacy for us but SIL refuses but I do not want to be in the middle of the living room.
My partner said we were staying and were going to take the bedroom, as we didn’t want to be woken up or have to sleep in the same room as BIL children.
However, SIL refused to let us take the bedroom saying they already unpacked as we hadn’t let them know before they got there that we were staying and they planned to have the bedroom. We had mentioned to FIL that we would be staying and no one told them.
I understand they didn’t know and they had unpacked, so we just went home.
SIL is saying we should communicate better when we are staying and that we need to tell them before they get there, so they aren’t inconvenienced by unpacking all their stuff just to move it.
She also said that she didn’t know we would refuse to stay if we didn’t get the bedroom, but they never asked if we were staying or offered us the bedroom when we said we would stay. We have been vocal about it, however they are acting like it’s news to them.
They claim they “go out of their way” to set the air mattress up, but all it is, is SIL telling MIL to set up the air mattress for us.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ How long are these stays and how much are they bringing with them that it’s such an inconvenience to move their stuff?? I’d say from now on contact them via text or email about all future visits or any other little detail.
‘Hey! Just wanted to get in touch with you to let you know we’ll be there at X, staying until Y, if we can stay in the bedroom, otherwise, we’ll head home at Z in the evening.’ then they can’t just ‘forget’ or say you didn’t inform them.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t stay somewhere if I had to sleep on an air mattress if I could help it. A couple of years ago, my friend invited me to his house for a weekend and then when I got there I didn’t realize I didn’t have a bedroom or a bed or anything and I had to sleep on his terrible couch made of pieces that aren’t even connected and kept on separating in the middle of the night.
Man, that was awful.” FUNCSTAT
8. AITJ For Not Inviting My Grandparents To My Secret Wedding?
“My husband and I have been together for almost 8 years. We got married in Nov of 2022. Before we got married we consulted a lawyer about what choices we had. We opted to do the route for a green card because he needs to be able to legally work because I will eventually be going back to school.
We have been together for over 5 years when we got married. We were ready! My relationship was kept secret for very long besides from my mother because of the fear of what my father would do if he found out. He is abusive. He found out in 2021.
He rejected everything because my husband is not from the USA and because my husband is darker and his first language is Spanish. Being that I was keeping my relationship a secret from my father I was also keeping it hidden from my family up until my dad found out.
I did not need people in my family telling my dad and making my life at home worse than it already was.
People often have this misconception that my dad will just have to accept it but don’t understand the misery I would have to endure at home with the fighting, the name calling, the control, etc. I was still very guarded about our relationship after it had come out that we were seeing each other.
We got married in his country and started the journey of getting his green card. The wedding was for my husband’s family (most will never be able to travel out of their home country) and also to start the process. Here is why I am asking if AITJ because it came out this Christmas that we got married because I put my married name on something public (I know I shouldn’t have but I am/was excited) My grandparents (my mom’s) were furious they were not notified of my wedding.
I explained that this wedding was for my husband’s family and not mine and that my own mother was not at the wedding and the wedding was not even planned by me, it was planned by my husband’s family because I was in a whole different country and finishing up my bachelors degrees.
I thought that this was the end of them being mad because I had explained that we wanted to have our big wedding in the States, but today I went over to my grandparent’s house 4 months later and my grandpa found a photo of my wedding posted on my MIL social media or something.
My grandparents exploded and stated that they did not understand why they did not get at least notified of my wedding. I explained it again, but then because my mom had wanted to invite my grandma to venue shop with us for our wedding in the US earlier this year my grandma screamed at me that I had made her look stupid to the venue people and my husband’s family must think they are dog mess because they did not go to the wedding.
I got up and walked out and told them I was leaving my grandma said “good”. I yelled out that they play favorites and that my uncle’s kids are always valued more. My grandparents yelled at me to “******* up”. I left. I understand that I did not invite them but the wedding was not for them.
It was for my husband’s family.”
Another User Comments:
“I get wanting to be at the wedding and being upset for not getting an invite, but not questioning the reasons, not understanding your fear of mistreatment, and not being sad that their son is doing it to you… there is a strange dynamic in your family.
I would reconsider how much contact I would like to have with them. NTJ.” Impossible-Most-366
Another User Comments:
“I only have one thing to say and it is not about your marriage/wedding. When someone asks you, or tells you, to******* up, they are essentially telling you / asking you to accept, without complaint, their, or another’s mistreatment.
Is that acceptable to you? Next time someone uses this phrase or even, be the bigger person, just explain that it is really asking you to continue to take the mistreatment and do they think it is ok for you to be mistreated and to accept it without complaint.” ConfusedAt63
7. AITJ For Having A Child-Free Wedding And Upsetting My Aunt?
“My fiancé (m27) and I (F25) got engaged in October of last year. Our wedding is in August of this year. We have always planned on having a small wedding as we are paying for everything ourselves.
We also want our wedding to be child-free so everyone can relax for the day and because we have a lot of cousins and friends with kids inviting everyone would increase the head count significantly.
We discussed who we wanted to marry pretty early into planning and decided it would be nice if my aunt/godmother (f42) would do it because she made me her maid of honor when I was younger.
After all, I was there with her and helped her through her through her cancer treatment. She was ecstatic when we asked her and said yes.
For context, I was very close with my aunt and grandparents on this side of the family growing up.
We have drifted apart in recent years since I and my fiancé began seeing each other and I moved out of my parent’s house at 18 with him. They wrote me letters openly expressing that they were unsupportive of my relationship when I moved out and stated that they “didn’t raise me to be like this” (they didn’t raise me) but we have moved past it in the past few years and started seeing them a bit more (usually once a year at Christmas.)
Anyways, after I sent the save the dates, ( my aunt’s was addressed to just her and my uncle and not their children since it is a child free event) my aunt texted me asking if her kids were invited. I responded “No, unfortunately, our wedding is going to be child-free.
I’m sorry!”
Immediately I got a call from my grandmother asking “why I’m doing this to our family.” I tell her our wedding is child-free, and my intention isn’t to hurt or target anyone. Tells me I need to stop being selfish and they won’t be able to come to my wedding because they won’t be able to find childcare.
I told her I hoped they’d be able to find childcare in the next 10 months because I would love for them to be there.
After I got off the phone with her, I texted my aunt apologizing for hurting her or the kids, explaining again that there were going to be no children at the event, and it had nothing to do with them in particular.
I didn’t hear back.
I followed up with her 2 more times asking if she still was going to come to the wedding and marry us and I never heard back. I followed up a month later to let her know that because I never heard from her I found someone else to marry us.
She called me a few hours later, but I wasn’t able to answer the phone. I sent a text saying we could talk on Saturday. I forgot to call her and she never reached out to me. We have not spoken at all since then.
I sent out my wedding invitations this week and my aunt RSVPed and declined their invitation. She also texted my mom and told her she wasn’t coming to my wedding shower. I think it’s reasonable to have a child-free wedding and to be selfish with who we invite.
But maybe I’m missing something? Am I in the wrong for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I see a comment with no jerks here, but the fact that the person who had agreed to be your officiant waged a proxy war against you and that family members act like you are committing some great atrocity tells me that there are some real jerks you’re dealing with.” txa1265
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but if you make a decision, you need to be prepared for the consequences. If you don’t want children at your wedding, you’ll need to accept that some parents may be offended, don’t have childcare don’t want to pay for it, or simply don’t want to join.
This is their choice. They have every right to RSVP no, and you can’t be mad at them for that. If this means so much to you, then I’m not sure how you “forgot” to call them on Saturday – if I were in your shoes I’d be thinking about that call all week leading up to Saturday!
You need to accept the repercussions of your choice and find someone else to do the ceremony.” Emotional-Pilot-4811
Another User Comments:
“I’m surprised to see so many No jerks here verdicts, to be quite honest. It’s your wedding and you get the final say on who is allowed to attend.
As you said, it’s nothing personal, you would just prefer not to have children present. I wouldn’t personally do that, but I respect the decision to. The No Jerks here verdict falls apart for me regarding your aunt. You followed up with her multiple times asking if she would officiate to no response.
That just seems petty to me, to not respond to your niece regarding her wedding. I think forgetting to call her on Saturday was clumsy of you and I can see why people are pointing it out and using it to push a No jerks here verdict, but part of the responsibility falls on her as well to call YOU.
NTJ.” Brave-Negotiation-40
6. AITJ For Buying A Discounted Chair That An Employee Wanted?
“I just moved to a new state for an internship and I’m trying to furnish my room. As a young college student (19F) I didn’t have any excess money to spend so I went to a discount store nearby in search of furniture.
Upon walking in my eyes were immediately drawn to this bright orange desk chair in great condition for only $10! I quickly fell in love so I grabbed the chair and pushed it around with me as I looked for other things.
At one point an employee pulled me aside and told me to “keep an eye on the chair because someone might try and snag it.” I assumed she was joking so I laughed and moved on.
I did make the mistake of leaving the chair unattended while looking at some of the extra discounted items, but when I returned I saw the same employee MOVING the chair! I ran up to confront her and she said she was “just moving it out of the way” (the chair was tucked in a corner, NOT IN THE WAY).
I laughed it off and passive aggressively thanked her before making sure the chair was in my sight at ALL times.
She watched me the rest of the time I was there and when I went to check out she was conveniently at the register right next to the one I was at.
She was sharing with her coworker (at a volume just loud enough for me to hear) how she has been needing a chair just like the one I found and how she works a lot, has children, isn’t doing well financially, and how it’s so frustrating to “watch people who can probably afford new items come to the discount store and buy all the good things” (her words).
I did start to feel bad a bit because even though I’m not super wealthy like she assumed, I would be okay without the chair. I’ll admit that I do have a bean bag chair I brought from home that I could use as a place to sit while doing homework.
I almost caved and gave the employee the chair until the lady checking me out informed me that she couldn’t sell me the chair because there was no barcode price sticker on it.
That’s when I knew something was up because the selling point of the chair for me was the fact that it was $10!
How could I have known that if there was not a price on the chair?? So I looked around like a crazy person for the barcode sticker until the employee who previously tried to steal my chair *magically* found the sticker. When I tell you I was LIVID.
I completed the purchase and marched out with my stuff without offering the employee a thank you for “finding my sticker”.
Now that I’ve had time to sit back and reflect I do feel bad about how I behaved while leaving. Yes what she did wasn’t cool, but she was an older lady who probably does work a lot and is doing her best to provide for her family, and I’m a college student who’s only gonna be here for a half a year then I’ll probably have to sell the chair when I go home.
I genuinely love the chair I’m just not pleased by how I got it. I kind of bought it out of spite.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First come, first served. The employee knew you planned to buy it, actively tried to interfere with this and made a very rude assumption about your financial situation.
Complaining to her coworker within earshot was the icing on the unprofessional cake. If she wanted it so badly, she could have purchased it before her shift, or set it aside to buy later (although some places do not allow their staff to do this).
Good on you for not letting her bully you out of buying what you wanted. I’d complain to a store manager about her behavior.” Pure-Philosopher-175
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The store probably has a policy that employees aren’t allowed to buy new items within 24 hours of going onto the floor in order to make sure that they have good items to offer customers.
You did nothing wrong to buy a chair from a store. She was rude and unprofessional to try and hide it from you and try to guilt you. More than likely she was breaking store policy as well. She was also making assumptions about you, not to mention – she owes her job to the fact that people shop in the store.
If only “needy” people shopped in second-hand stores they would go out of business. Buying used items is good for the environment and economical and not something that should only be reserved for the needy in order to make sure that these places can stay in business to offer the cheaper items to the needy.
I’m glad you got the chair – enjoy!” neuro_curious
Another User Comments:
“Years ago I once went to a thrift store when it was opening and bought two chairs for $15. An older lady coming in told me she had bought the table that went with the chairs the day before and was coming back that day to buy MY chairs.
I am old so I say this with some shame—some old people use their age to guilt younger people into giving up good thrift store finds. I had one very old lady tell me the antique metal farm basket I had was “ Just what she had been searching for, for a long time “.
Phui!!! I am glad you got your chair OP. Have no guilt .” FireBallXLV
5. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Room With My Brother To Save My Parents' Marriage?
“I (16M) live at home with my brother (13M) and parents. Although my brother has his bedroom, he never sleeps alone in it.
For the past few years, he’s slept with my mom almost every night, while my dad slept in a different room since there’s no bed in our house that can accommodate three people.
Since my mom works until pretty late at night, sometimes he would sit in bed for hours just watching videos on his iPad until she came to sleep.
He would always say that “he couldn’t sleep until she came.” I’ve always thought it was just an excuse he used to excessively use electronics like he already did and had been telling my parents for some time now to at least try and make him sleep by himself in his room– partly so he isn’t staying up until 11:30 watching videos, but also because I felt bad for my parents.
He’s told us before that it’s not that he’s scared of the dark, but that he gets “bored” when he sleeps by himself. My parents told me since he was sleeping with them that it shouldn’t bother me, so I left it alone.
One night a few weeks ago my dad had a huge argument with my mom about how they don’t spend time together like a normal couple, and that they don’t even sleep together.
He was very upset about it, to the point where he was screaming and ended up locking himself in his room. Ever since then, my mom told me that I needed to sleep with my brother. At first, I asked her why she couldn’t at least try and make my brother sleep in the room that he has already, but after he started whining and saying that he didn’t like doing that, she told me that “he was her baby” and to shut up and go with it if I didn’t want my parents to end up getting a divorce.
So, I did. Now, I’m almost 17 years old. My room is my personal space, and having my brother sleep here means that that’s all gone. If we were in a living situation where this had to be done, or he truly could not manage to be alone, I would not protest, but none of those are the case, so it feels very unnecessary to take my space away.
Now and then I’ll ask my parents why they won’t at least try and have him sleep in his room for one night because he’s never even tried. They’ll refuse the idea, and start getting angry at me for being difficult and spoiled.
Last night I asked my mom again, and she told me that wasn’t going to happen because my brother doesn’t want to.
I told her that he was old enough and at this point, she was just listening to him because he makes a much bigger fit than I do when he doesn’t get what he wants, and that maybe I should start doing that too so she’d listen to me.
She then told me I was completely ungrateful, so I snapped and went downstairs to sleep there instead. My brother still refused to sleep alone so she ended up sleeping with him, and my dad was not happy about it. I genuinely don’t think my parents are being reasonable by not having him sleep by himself even once, but maybe I overreacted last night.
AITJ for refusing to sleep with him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mother is tired because of her shift work and your parents are a bit lazy. Trust me getting a child who wants to co-sleep to sleep on their own can be exhausting. You have to get up every night and put them in their bed and reassure them it will be okay.
And when they wander into your room again and try to get into bed, you have to do it all over again. Don’t dump this situation all at your mother’s feet, your father needs to actively participate too. The problem is they let it go on for far too long.
Your parents have indulged your brother for far too long. You’ll be eighteen years old in a heartbeat and out of the house. Ultimately, it’s not your problem to resolve. They can’t scapegoat you if you’re not there.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your mom is emotionally manipulating you by telling you that divorce and conflict between her and your dad is your fault.
It’s not. It can’t be. Their issues are their issues. Your mom has chosen to enable your brother for years to the detriment of her relationship. You aren’t responsible for any of that stuff. You should have your personal space and refuse to let your brother into it.
Let your parents deal with the natural consequences of their actions. good luck” ManyYou918
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Who gets bored when they are not even conscious? Don’t let them guilt trip you into it. You’re a teen and you need your space.
I would have been locking myself in my room before bedtime. He is 13!!! Your dad needs to man up and make him sleep in his bed. Or get one big enough for all 3 of them. Also, just sleep in the same room? Or the same bed too?
I hated sharing a bed with anyone when I was little. At 13, he must be pretty big and growing. I assume he is cuddled up next to you. Tell them your bed isn’t big enough either! If they offer to buy you a bigger bed, tell them they should buy a bigger bed for themselves and sleep with him.” TwinkyBoys
4. AITJ For Accidentally Ignoring My Wife While Engrossed In A Video Game?
“Today I (30M) was laying in bed with my wife (30F) playing a video game together that we love, after a long stressful week.
Our cat was also lying with us. We’d been having a pretty normal chill morning chatting and having fun with the game together. I made her a cup of coffee and had a little breakfast myself, and everything was pretty happy. At one point, since the cat was lying on the opposite side of me that she was, she leaned over onto me to pet him and was telling him how cute he was and cooing over him.
This is pretty common, so I paid no mind and kept playing.
She started saying something to me at that point. But since I was currently engrossed in a cutscene, and since she’d just been talking to the cat, I didn’t realize she was now talking to me instead.
She even nudged me, but since she was already leaning on me moving around to pet the cat, I didn’t notice the nudge and I think I just assumed it was part of her moving around to pet him. But then she got louder and got my attention, so I asked her to repeat what she’d said because I wasn’t paying attention.
That set her off, and she got upset at me for ‘tuning her out’. I disagreed with that, because ‘tuning her out’ makes it sound like I was actively ignoring her on purpose and not caring when I just hadn’t been paying attention in the first place since I didn’t realize she was addressing me.
‘Tuning out’ sounds to me like I knew she was talking to me, and simply chose to ignore her and not respond. Like I was mad or something and didn’t want to listen to her. This is so far from the case, as I value every thought and opinion she has, even if I am mad.
I just didn’t realize at the time that she was talking to me and not the cat, so I just kept watching the cutscene, but I listened to her as soon as I realized she was talking to me.
She seems intent on believing that I did this on purpose, and when I ask her why she thinks I’d willingly do something like that, the only reason she keeps giving me is that she even said my name, and “Well your ears didn’t magically stop working”.
I apologized repeatedly for not paying attention, and I understand that it was annoying for her to try to say something to me only for me to not notice. That’s on me, I shouldn’t have spaced out so hard and should have been paying attention.
But she seems to think this was a purposeful, conscious, malevolent thing I did out of malice or something when it was just a dumb little accident I didn’t mean to make. And that’s all I’ve been telling her, that she has all the rights in the world to be annoyed or mad that I screwed up and was spacing out not paying attention, but I just want her to understand I didn’t do it intentionally, and that I wasn’t just ‘tuning her out’ and purposefully ignoring her.
I have no reason to do that, I’m not mad or annoyed or anything, I was just distracted and didn’t notice. So…AITJ for failing to pay attention like that? Was that malevolent?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s ridiculous to fight over something so small.
My husband tunes out a lot, it’s frustrating but I learned to accept it. Maybe discuss ways for her to grab your attention. I like doing 2 taps on my husband’s shoulder while saying his name or flashing my phone’s flashlight in his direction, these work great for us.” Buttercake-nymph
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife has a poor theory of mind and is invalidating your real lived experience. , And maybe get checked for ADHD? I grew up with my mom yelling at me for the same stuff your wife accused you of doing; telling me I was ignoring her on purpose when I just truly didn’t hear her as my attention was engrossed elsewhere’.
I wasn’t diagnosed til I was 31.” Arpeggio_Miette
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve been with my husband for 20 years. I can’t tell you the number of times this has happened. I’ll admit, sometimes I’ve tuned him out too. Still, we’re not terrible people and we do love each other.
I’m not saying you’re excused for any of it because it does suck to feel like you’re not being heard. Apologize. But this is such a small thing.” IrrelevantLyric7
3. AITJ For Being Upset When My Partner Left My University's Summer Ball Early?
“Me (20f) and my partner (22M, who we’ll call Steven), have been together for almost a year.
When I met him last July, I had just suspended my studies at university. I wasn’t enjoying the course I was doing so asked the university to hold my space there for next year on a different course.
As a result, I didn’t get to attend last year’s “Summer Ball”, which is a prom-type event where we go to a posh venue and dress formally. I didn’t get a prom at the end of high school, as 2020 restrictions were in place; I was looking forward to getting dressed up fancy and going for drinks and dancing with my friends.
I sent Steven a cute invite with flowers I’d drawn by hand, inviting him to be my plus one, and he accepted. I thought this would be a good opportunity for him to meet my friends, as I’d met his and we got along well, as I had put in effort to get to know them.
He has a group of friends, just five other boys, and a few of their partners (including me), who were sometimes invited to gatherings (drinks, bowling, house parties, etc). This friend group (mainly the guys), doesn’t have the same values or humor as myself, but I’ve tried my hardest to get along with them, and I’d say I do a pretty good job of it.
I’ve sometimes made jokes that didn’t land with them and felt a bit awkward (I am autistic and sometimes struggle to read a room), but nothing too weird.
Last night, I spent 2 hours getting ready, and Steven got the train to my house (he lives in our hometown 30 minutes away), he got into his suit in my room, and we went downstairs to join my housemates for pre-drinks.
My housemates are some of my friends from the course I was on last year, and Steven has met them before, made small talk, had drinks, etc. He was a little quiet and sat amongst the chatter of others, but I kept checking up on him, offering drinks, etc.
We walked to the venue, entered, talked to some other friends from other courses, danced with my friends, and danced with Steven, we all took pictures together and were having a great time, we got free ice cream, and it seemed all fine.
I had to go to the bathroom, and Steven waited outside for me, and when I got back, I offered to buy him a drink, he said no and that he wanted to go outside.
I bought myself a drink, and we went outside, where he said that he wanted to leave and that he felt uncomfortable and singled out because he didn’t know anyone. I said that if he’d made the effort to get involved in the conversation, he might not feel this way.
He just said everyone was weird and that he had nothing in common. I go to art school, so, understandably, he might view people as a bit quirky, but everyone there is very lovely and welcoming.
He tried walking off, but I said that this meant a lot to me and that we could stay and just dance with each other, after some back and forth, he just left the venue.
I followed and cried all the way home, but now I feel bad for forcing him to be somewhere he felt uncomfortable. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Assuming that nothing illegal or questionable was going on at the venue–something that would make it understandable why your partner wanted to leave–**NTJ**.
Seems to me that your partner *could* have stayed a couple of more hours, out of consideration for how much it meant to you. But he chose to put his discomfort about not knowing anyone over your happiness at going to the event. I think you should look for a partner who cares about you enough to put your happiness above the temporary discomfort of going somewhere where he doesn’t know anybody, or where everyone seems kind of “weird”.” Robbes_Watch
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You can tell him something is important to you, he cannot want to do the same activities/see the same people as you. You can’t force him to enjoy going to the places you enjoy. If he was really into something you hated and tried to force you into doing/going to those events you’d probably not want to go either.
On the flip side, if someone says something is important to them you would like to think they would make an effort now and then. But who knows, maybe he was sick maybe he was having anxiety you’d need to discuss it more.” FriendlyStaff1
2. AITJ For Refusing To Celebrate My Stepmother On Mother's Day?
“I’m (16f) the youngest of my parent’s five kids together. But last year my dad had a child with his second wife.
I was only 8 when my mom died and 11 when my dad remarried. Before mom died my siblings and I used to make her breakfast in bed and we’d write her loving and silly letters and sing her songs. My oldest brother used to get us all together to do that and it always made mom so happy.
After my dad remarried he mentioned doing it again to my older siblings and they were very clear that his new wife was not a mother in their lives and they were not going to ever do it for her. Dad had hoped that me and my brother (17m) would be more bonded with his wife and might do it ourselves.
But we never did. We never did anything on Mother’s Day with her or Dad after they got married because he expected us to start doing stuff for her ourselves but none of us saw her as a mother and therefore we didn’t celebrate her on the day.
I have an okay relationship with my stepmother. I say stepmother out of basic respect but like my siblings, I see her more as someone dad is married to and not someone who is my parent or a close family member at all. This disappointed her but we all remember Mom and none of us wanted a second mom.
So last year my dad and stepmother had my half-sister together and Dad figured this would be the reason my brother and I would do this stuff for his wife. He asked my other siblings if they would visit for the day and they all said no. They said they thought all five of us should spend the day together if we wanted. Dad told them it would mean so much to his wife if they came to see her for Mother’s Day this year since it’s her first one as a mother and my three siblings didn’t care.
My brother and I accepted our sibling’s invite though and that’s when Dad sat us down and told us he had expected us to want to spend the day around his wife he told us that this year was a very big deal for her and weren’t we wanting to celebrate the mother of our youngest sibling?
My brother said he’d rather celebrate Mom with our siblings. I agreed with him. He brought up what we used to do for mom and how we could involve our half-sister eventually in doing it and let our stepmother feel some of that love and joy that our mom felt when she was alive.
He asked when we planned to do it for our stepmother because we never know when it might be too late. I told him I never planned to do the same Mother’s Day things for her as I did for Mom because one is my mom and the other isn’t.
Dad said it wasn’t fair and my stepmother would have gladly been another mother if I had been willing. He told me to have decided I would never do it meant I never gave my stepmother a chance to be someone important enough to me and he said he was disappointed we had all made that decision so early on and nothing changed our hearts.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m not sure why your father is giving you this guilt trip. You have told him multiple times that your stepmother is not your mother. It sounds like your father needs to be the one who starts this with his youngest child.
You celebrate your mother and your half-sibling will be the one to celebrate your stepmother.” lostalldoubt86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’ve never seen her as a mother, I don’t see how you’re bound to celebrate Mother’s Day for her. Sure your dad and stepmum wish it would happen but their wish does not make it your responsibility so NTJ.
Also, it makes so much more sense for you and your siblings to get together and celebrate for your mum. That sounds like a wonderful idea and I implore you to go ahead and do that. Not only is it a great memory to sit around with loved ones and remember past times with a loved one but the bond between your siblings would be so much greater for it.
You could make this an annual thing until your siblings have children and wish to do their things for themselves/ their wives but till then, look to it as a way not only to remember your mom together for a day but also have a great get-together.
As for your dad’s wife ( not calling her stepmother as unfortunately for her and your dad, clearly the bond is just not there), it is your dad and their children in the future to celebrate that day.” Shoddy_Career1520
Another User Comments:
“YTJ just a little bit.
No one is saying you should forget your mom, but she has been there since you were little. You keep mentioning your siblings, like you think it will be a betrayal to your mother, to be kind to her. What do you think your mother would say if she could speak to you?
Ask your siblings the same since their opinion matters so much, and being older maybe they remember her more.” Objective_Attempt_14
1. AITJ For Not Returning A Neglected Kitten To Its Previous Owners?
“Last week my neighbor (we live in different buildings), we’ll call her Dee, and I found an 8-week-old kitten (whom I’ve named Gogo) wandering around our apartment complex.
Gogo was covered in fleas, had a visibly swollen belly that implied worms, and didn’t seem cared for at all. It’s kitten season so I wasn’t surprised to find a lost kitty. Dee was unable to keep Gogo in her apartment because 2 weeks ago she also found a baby kitten by her car.
Both found kittens were promptly bathed, taken to the vet for checkups, dewormed, and treated for fleas. The vet told me that Gogo was malnourished and very very likely had tapeworms in her belly. I have a 12-week-old kitten, Ishii, that I found approximately 6 weeks ago (she has all her shots) and I decided to keep Gogo so they could grow up together and be friends.
Both Dee and I are very loving, responsible pet owners and we have the means to care for them.
As per the vet’s recommendation, Gogo and Ishii have been kept separately to ensure Gogo doesn’t have any contagious illness. Gogo has been kept in my spare room with the blinds slightly open so she can enjoy the view.
Yesterday, Dee informed me that she had a conversation with her next-door neighbor, we’ll call her Mia. The conversation proceeded as follows, Mia shared that she and her high school-aged son had 2 baby kittens given to them by a family member, they had them for approximately 2 weeks, and both of the kittens got out (they also have a dog).
We live in Texas and the heat is brutal, both kittens were found very close to the building so if they had bothered to look for them they would’ve found them quickly. Dee showed her a picture of the kitten she found and Mia told her that he was one of the lost kittens.
By this point, Dee has already taken this cat into her home and given him shots, etc. Mia agreed that Dee should keep this cat and she wouldn’t tell her son about it. Dee did not initially tell her about Gogo because she wanted to speak to me first but she did ask Mia if either cat had been taken to the vet.
Mia stated that they didn’t have the financial means to take either cat to the vet but that her son wanted Gogo back.
Today I came home to a note taped to my apartment door from the son saying that he lost a cat and saw one at my window that matched the features of the one he had lost with his phone number written down for contact.
Gogo has distinct features and is undeniably the cat he lost. I didn’t want to lie to this kid and gaslight him into thinking he didn’t see her. I typed up a message stating that we found 2 kittens in bad shape and one was rehomed, with Dee, and the other I planned to keep.
At this point, I don’t feel comfortable giving her back to them.
So AITJ for not giving Gogo back to people who cannot properly care for her? If she was in their home covered in fleas and had worms for 2 weeks how am I supposed to trust them to take care of her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “We live in Texas and the heat is brutal, both kittens were found very close to the building so if they had bothered to look for them they would’ve found them quickly.” They proved they couldn’t care for either kitten. You took Gogo to the vet and got her shots and treatment.
She’s yours now and she’ll be well cared for.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you find an unchipped cat outside, suffering immensely and on the verge of death, that’s a free cat baby. No amount of attachment on behalf of the original owner is going to convince me otherwise, especially if they have no way of proving it was “their” cat.
Being able to describe the cat doesn’t make it yours, I could perfectly describe the appearance of plenty of local poorly cared for outdoor cats without being able to claim ownership. If you’re feeling particularly kind and magnanimous and want to return the cat, I’d at least ask them to cover the costs you put into caring for the kitten before turning it over” luckytoybox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Don’t give the kitten back! These people were mistreating the kitten and its litter mates. It’s lucky you found her before she was hit by a car, got heat stroke from the brutal heat, or was otherwise injured. Continue taking great care of Gogo and don’t communicate further with these people.
A friend found a very skinny, shivering, and extremely dirty puppy running near a major highway in the winter. She took the puppy home, bathed him, and got him shots, and other vet care. After a month, someone contacted her and said it was their dog.
However, the dog wasn’t microchipped and didn’t have a collar. My friend refused to give them the dog, feeling that there was no proof he was their dog and that he had been neglected. Had she not rescued him, he probably wouldn’t have survived.” Leading-Knowledge712
