People Worry Over These Fragile 'Am I A Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Asking My Hypochondriac Friend To Stop Diagnosing Me With OCD?
“My best friend is a hypochondriac (constantly self-diagnosing, panicking about health, in tears about potential illnesses, almost every day says she has food poisoning or a parasite, etc). I don’t think she has awareness of her hypochondria either, and when I’ve tried to shed some perspective I get trampled so I stay in my lane.
I recognize her hypochondria is likely from childhood trauma and extreme anxiety, so I give nonjudgmental support and compassion.
Recently however she’s turning her hypochondria towards me. I can brush this off when it’s physical stuff, but lately, she’s convinced that I have OCD (I don’t).
If I bring up anything that’s bothering me she insists “You’re fixating / it’s because of your OCD / you’re ruminating / you have bad OCD” etc. and it’s been getting on my nerves. I’ve told her emphatically that my doctors have outright said I don’t have this condition, no psych has ever been willing to entertain that I do, that I’m open and honest with my docs and would have no problem being diagnosed with it, but I don’t meet the criteria over and over.
It’s annoying to have to defend myself to my best friend, honestly, w*f. But I try to move along and not let it get to me, recognizing that she’s a hypochondriac and not to give it too much air time.
Well, two weeks ago I told her I was feeling guilty about an incident at work that week where I’d gotten into trouble for breaking a rule (the first time I told her about it) and she immediately fired back with “You’re obsessing and hyper ruminating, it’s because of your OCD, etc etc”… I realize she isn’t even listening to me or what I’m saying and is just going off again with this response.
So at this point I kindly to please stop calling me OCD, I don’t have that condition, my psych team has never thought so even when I directly asked about this specific condition, and let’s please leave that kind of decision-making to doctors, you and I aren’t doctors, etc.
Well, my friend hasn’t spoken to me since I asked her to stop diagnosing me. It’s been 10 days and I haven’t heard anything from her, she stopped texting me (we text daily usually) sending me funny things on Instagram, and vanished. I feel like I’m being punished for standing up for myself with a healthy boundary, and it hurts.
I didn’t even think it was that big of a deal.
Am I a jerk for asking her not to pathologize me? Honestly, it feels kinda like she’s the jerk for taking so much offense to a simple boundary… idk. I miss my friend and feel a bit in the a*s by her hypochondria that I tolerate so patiently… don’t think she has any clue how hard it is to be around.
AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was doing something crappy to you, and when you asked her to stop she ghosted you. That’s not friend behavior. If she tries to come back into your life, she owes you a serious apology. Focus on your other friends.” dryadduinath
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was high time you let her know you didn’t like her constant diagnoses. You allowed her to continue the friendship sans the annoying behavior, and for now, she’s demurring, probably because her feelings are hurt. This is the start of her becoming aware that her projected hypochondria is hard to be around.” Regular_Boot_3540
Another User Comments:
“She did you a huge favor. I get that it’s her mental health that’s causing this behavior, but it’s her responsibility to keep that in check. (Which she isn’t doing). If I were you I would’ve taken a break from that friend a while ago.
You should seriously consider if you even want this person around you… NTJ.” Important-Nose3332
18. AITJ For Not Paying Vet Bill After Dog Ate Onions I Threw Away?
“I 23F went over to my friend’s 25F house to hang out on Wednesday. We do this often, and there haven’t been any issues until this past Wednesday.
We ended up ordering pizza and a few other things for dinner. Our food came with a small side salad that she didn’t want, so I ate it. I don’t like onions or cucumbers in my salad, so I picked them off, tossed them in the trash, and didn’t think anything else about it.
We had a fun night like we always do.
I got a text from my friend saying that Elsa, her dog, had gotten into the trash and eaten whatever was thrown out, and that’s why she’s concerned. She asked how many onions I had thrown out, as she could see one of the rings on the floor.
I told her it was about 5 rings of onions on the salad, and she started to freak out, saying it’s poisonous to dogs. I’m aware that dogs shouldn’t eat onions, but I also didn’t think the dog ate enough onions to make it sick. The dog is 85 pounds, and five onion ring shavings shouldn’t be as harmful as she was saying they could be.
I texted her back, saying that I didn’t think the amount of onion the dog ingested should be harmful but to keep me updated on any irregularities.
Yesterday rolled around, and she told me that the dog has diarrhea and she’ll be taking the dog to the vet.
I told her to keep me updated, and I was sorry to hear that the dog had diarrhea. After the vet appointment, she told me that she thinks I should go half on the emergency visit, which is $300. I asked if the dog had any issues before I even commented on the bill.
She told me that the vet said to keep the dog hydrated and that the dog didn’t have diarrhea while at the vet and seemed to be in normal spirits, so they didn’t prescribe or think the dog needed to stay for observation. They told her that if it continued to bring the dog back in, I of course agreed.
I ended up texting her about the bill, saying that I don’t think it’s my responsibility to pay for the visit, being as though the dog got into the trash, and that’s something that animals do. She responded that if I didn’t throw away onions, this wouldn’t be an issue, and her dog wouldn’t have had to go to the vet.
She then said that I was irresponsible for throwing away onions when she had a dog, but didn’t say anything while I was there throwing the onions away. She’s telling me I’m a jerk for not caring about her dog and not taking responsibility for making her dog sick.
I didn’t respond to the message but I really can’t see how this is my fault. I was never told I can’t throw them in the trash and she never corrected me when I got up to throw them away.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is trying to shift responsibility onto you for her problem.
Her dog raided the trash. Dogs do that. She needs to make sure she a) trains her dog and b) makes the trash less accessible. (W*F did she think you were going to do with the onions, vaporize them?)” Ok_Conversation9750
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You owe her zip, her dog, her place, her trash bin. Her responsibility is 100%. You are not responsible at all for throwing away the onions in the trash, where else were you supposed to put them? If you had left them on the table and the dog got at them, then maybe, but you didn’t.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dog owner here. Our bins are out of reach from our dogs, so we can use them as bins and not need a second extra special dogproof bin that we don’t tell guests about and then try to invoice them when they break a rule they were not aware of… Your friend is a jerk.” g***************d
17. AITJ For Refusing To Attend Family Gatherings Due To Their Constant Criticism And Guilt Tripping?
“I, a 27-year-old woman, am constantly being berated by my family members, to come and see them when they hold family gatherings. They continue to try and pressure me into joining even when I refuse.
Now, I like to classify my relatives as one big heaping pile of nonsense.
All my life and even now whenever I do see them, they like to comment on my appearance, my hobbies, and everything in between. They taught me from a very young age, that saying ‘no’ was wrong, and refusing people was very rude and selfish, which I deem absolute nonsense, but little me wanted to see the best in them so I believed it.
Because of this certain lesson, I’ve grown up to be someone who always has a hard time saying no and has to constantly remind myself that I won’t get in trouble anymore for keeping my boundaries solid.
Recently, I moved to Texas; since then, I’ve gotten so many texts asking if I will be coming down to see them soon in Indiana (as if I don’t live thousands of miles away now).
Sometimes I’ll let the texts sit there for a couple of days before responding, and I always say no; even then, I am always met with a negative response from relatives, my mom especially, calling me selfish and a jerk. Guilt tripping is huge in the family too; my grandma said she’d cry herself to sleep every night if I ever moved away (yet I did anyway).
Now she threatens that she will cry herself to sleep every night until I come back. My mother loves to remind me that she put a roof over my head and kept me alive and that I at least owe her and the family my company.
I like to tell her that she CHOSE that for herself, but I never win with that either; I only get further insulted.
From age 5 to 6 till now, they have constantly tried to shape and mold me into the person they BELIEVE I should be, with no regard for my interests and passions.
They tried to force Christianity on me and low and behold, I am now an Atheist. Whenever I went to a relative’s house when I was younger and said I was an Atheist when I was forced to pray for whatever reason, I would always be hit with the: “Not in this house you’re not”.
Somehow, anything I did was always wrong. If I was reading, I’d be yelled at to go outside. If I went outside, I’d be yelled at to come inside because I’d been gone too long (their idea of too long being 2 hours).
They’d tell me I need more ‘girly’ hobbies, whatever those are.
These past few days she has been calling me nonstop since there is a family event coming up soon; my cousins from D.C. are going to Indiana and she thinks that means I should too.
If they’re coming from another state, I should too. If I don’t, she keeps telling me I don’t care about them and she’s super disappointed in who I turned out to be.
I feel bad, yet, I know I’m probably doing the best thing for my sanity by refusing.
Am I the jerk like my mom/family says?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When she replies to your next refusal… Get a screenshot of it, or quote it back to her, and add… “This mom. This is the reason I am not going to expose myself to your constant criticism and negativity.” If you wanted to push the envelope you could add — “Until you can treat me like an adult and at least keep your opinions to yourself, I won’t be attending any events.” ThinkingT00Loud
Another User Comments:
“NTJ oh my god I am so sorry that you’re going through this. You are doing the right thing, and please don’t fall into their trap of trying to make you feel guilty. This is what is best for you, put yourself first and prioritize your state of mind.
You should not let them step all over you like this. It does not seem like they could change, or at least it is unlikely, so I think the best thing for you would be to distance yourself. And I completely understand you as I also have problems with my family and them trying to control me, so I hope it all works out for you.” notcoconutnut
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but why do you still allow them to contact you? They seem to be quite abusive. You deserve better. Block them. Live your best life in Texas or wherever you end up. Stand up for yourself because you deserve better.” Fearless_Ad1685
16. AITJ For Rejecting My Half-Sister's Attempt To Reconnect After Years Of Neglect?
“I (26F) am a product of my father’s affair.
My three half-siblings, Jacob (36M), Lily (32F), and Helen (30F) have never wanted anything to do with me, and at first, my father didn’t either.
When I was around six, though, my mother died. Nobody wanted an affair baby, so I ended up living with my father and his family after all.
I was treated differently, like a guest in their home. I could tell my father resented me for ruining his family.
I tried my best to make my siblings like me, hoping they’d warm up to me eventually, but they made it clear they never wanted a relationship.
I know people are generally forgiving of people like my siblings, and that’s fine. I get it, they don’t have to want a relationship with the brat who tore their family apart. But once I got over trying to beg for their love, I began to hate them.
They had two living parents who actually wanted them, college funds, toys, therapy, and siblings who loved them. I had none of that. My father hated me, he barely spent a cent on me, my mother was dead, and they all wanted nothing to do with me, but I was the monster for just being born.
It’s taken years to accept that I was unwanted by my siblings, but I got through it. I got myself through life, into college, into a good apartment and (very well paying) job I love.
Recently, though, Lily reached out to me. She’s pregnant. She says becoming a mother “made her realize how important family is”, so she wants me in her- and the child’s- life.
I admit, I wasn’t very cordial. I asked harshly why I’d want a relationship with the people who abandoned and rejected me for so many years.
Lily said her baby was innocent in all this, and that I owed my nephew a relationship. I admit, I lost it at that, and I ended up screaming at her.
Her baby’s innocent in this? Where was that attitude when I lost my freaking mom and my entire remaining family rejected me at six years old?!? Where was that attitude when I practically begged for their love for years?!?
I screamed at Lily that I didn’t know why she suddenly wanted me in her life- whether it’s money for the baby or to ease her own guilt- but that she made this bed and now I’d make sure she lies in it.
Since then I haven’t heard from Lily, but Helen and Jacob have been trying to contact me to call me a monster for screaming at my own pregnant sister.
I don’t feel bad for not wanting a relationship, but admittedly, I lost it a little bit, and now I feel like screaming at Lily may have been too far, especially since stress probably isn’t good for the baby.
I don’t know, am I the jerk here? I feel like I might be.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not even a little bit. I think the real jerk in this story is your father. He should have stepped in to protect you after you lost your mother.
You were an innocent six-year-old child going through the trauma of losing your mother. You’re father failed you there. If my math is matching correctly, Lily was 12 when you started living with your father, certainly not a mature age BUT at that age, she should have been able to comprehend that you were innocent in all of this, maybe she would have if your father had stepped up and took responsibility for what he did.
“I could tell my father resented me for ruining his family.” You, a six-year-old child didn’t do anything to ruin his family, he did that! He should have accepted responsibility for that, then maybe your half-siblings would have eventually accepted that you had NO part in the breaking up of his family.” mlsinpa69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Go completely no contact with them. They didn’t want anything to do with you when you needed them and now that she wants to have family and not have her child realize when they do an ancestry test that she has a and that was never in her life.
They did nothing for you. They harmed you. You were an innocent child through no fault of your own. Actually the fault of their father. They treated you like crap and now they want to say oh All Is forgiven. Why do they have your number?
Who knows. Block them on everything. Don’t talk to them. Don’t feel bad and go on with your life and of the best life you can without those hurtful people.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Did Lily express any regrets for not building a relationship with you after you had words with her?
If not, her doing that isn’t the way to start building a relationship with you. You needed to hear that she was addressing the issues with you. If she brushed those aside to demand a relationship with your nephew, that was incorrect for her to do so.
You may have screamed because of years of hurt and anger at your situation. If you don’t want to have them in your life, it may be best to do that.” KryptonSupergirl
15. AITJ For Defending My Daughter's Right To Stay Seated With Her Friends?
“My (36F) daughter (11F) has a close-knit group of 5 best friends with whom she does everything together.
At her school students have to sit in the same seat for every single lesson, and my daughter and her best friends all sit together at one table.
There is another little girl in my daughter’s class called Winny. Once, Winny came to sit at my daughter’s table when one of her friends was off sick.
That day, Winny constantly knocked my daughter’s books and pens off the table on accident, and borrowed her stationery only to snap one of her rubbers, stain her highlighter with black ink, and was even found with my daughter’s pens in her pocket.
One morning Winny came to school crying non stop. The teacher was very sympathetic and asked if there was anything she could do to help. Winny said she wanted my daughter removed from her seat so she could have it, and the teacher agreed. The only empty seats left were all the way in the back corner of the classroom opposite her friends, and the only students sitting there were a girl who was known to be a delinquent and two older boys who had been held back.
The teacher refused to give my daughter a real explanation for why she had to move seats, instead saying some generic stuff about being kind to those less fortunate. My daughter cried for a week straight. In our country, the school year ends in December, so that’s over 7 months of being isolated from her closest friends.
She’s also starting high school next year and will be attending a private school, while her friends are going to a public school, so this is the last time she can hang out with them every day.
A few days ago, I was called into school because my daughter had gotten into an argument with Winny.
Winny had confided in my daughter’s friends about how she had gone into foster care after her parents had serious issues. Winny was always a loner at school and wanted some girls to sit with during this time, and the teacher sympathized with her so she agreed. The only reason my daughter had to move was because there wasn’t enough space for 7 girls and my daughter was simply the one Winny liked the least, and she admitted to lying to the teacher about being uncomfortable around my daughter to get her moved. When my daughter found this out, she told Winny she didn’t understand why she had to pay the price just because Winny’s parents were a bunch of irresponsible individuals who didn’t want her anymore.
I know Winny’s had a hard time, but so has my daughter. Her older brother passed away only months ago. I told the teachers that Winny isn’t the only child going through a tough time and I didn’t understand why my daughter had to be punished for another girl’s struggles as if she wasn’t suffering herself.
The teachers wanted me to make my daughter apologize for her remarks, and I said it was their fault for punishing her and forcing her to sit with the problem kids despite doing nothing wrong, and they were downplaying my daughter’s grief and trauma to cater to a brat.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This sounds like blatant favoritism. Unfortunately, I don’t think any school system on the planet has solved the problem of teachers showing favoritism. Here in America, I would advise you to go to the teacher (you have), then the principal, and if all that fails, go to the superintendent or school board if things get bad enough.
One thing is for sure, start a paper trail if you can. If you can e-mail the teacher and principal, do that. CC whoever you should. Unrecorded conversations in person practically don’t count. If you do have such a conversation, email the person you talked to afterward outlining the things you talked about and try to get them to confirm what was said.
Good luck.” G1Gestalt
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here, and I do mean everyone. The best solution would have been for the teacher to redo the seating plan. She shouldn’t have allowed a clique to form and become entrenched. I say this as a teacher.
In the school where I was required to have a seating plan I changed it pretty much every few weeks or when there was an issue. I almost never just moved one or two kids (unless they both requested it and it made sense). I generally started plans using a random name selector and then made adjustments to prevent problems. But I figured it did kids good to learn how to be near and work with a wide array of other people rather than just their friends.
Your daughter was completely out of line with what she said and absolutely owes the other girl an apology. You would be missing a vital teaching opportunity if you did not help her to do so. You are a jerk for being so close-minded that you can’t see that it’s a classroom full of children who all have different backgrounds that you are not privy to.
You are also a jerk for wanting to encourage the “cool kid” clique and referring to your kid as being “punished” when she was simply moved elsewhere. When my kids were younger and had tables, I know their teachers mixed things up pretty regularly.” Kessed
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Teacher has a bad seating plan and did not set any of these kids up for success in this situation. They are who your problem should be with. Winnie acted poorly. She also admitted it when she told the other girls in that group.
Her behaviour was wrong and that should have been addressed with the teacher. Your daughter’s response was horrible, shouldn’t have been said regardless of the circumstances, and you’re a jerk for not seeing that and making her apologize and own her part (being the horrible thing she said).
This is a chance to model conflict resolution with your daughter. Is the message you really want to send that it’s okay to be cruel just because you’re hurting? If it is, then you are the biggest jerk here.” Inevitable_Floor_735
14. AITJ For Accusing My Sister Of Believing A Scam Over My Living Reality?
“I’m 25. My sister is 40-something. She has been living in the US for about 10 years and everything is going well for her and my nephews.
We don’t really get along because of the age difference and we never actually lived together, except for when I used to visit her city as a child with our mom. Basically, we have nothing in common, I have more in common with my first nephew.
I’m still living with our mom in our country (Venezuela).
So, as many Venezuelan immigrants do, she sometimes helps my mom with something, mostly groceries, and there are a few businesses for just that, selling packages of groceries and the person living in the US pays them in dollars and they deliver it to the family member.
However, we had bad experiences with those businesses, because they are ALWAYS late, and not like, 1 hour late or something, I mean DAYS late, in some cases, they say they will deliver in the morning and arrive at night, and we had spoiled or near spoiled fruit, broken cookies, smaller meat than expected, and other issues.
And those packages and delivery fees are EXPENSIVE. Of course, she pays it, but my mom could buy MORE and better in a nearby grocery store with just the delivery cost.
About 2 weeks ago my sister paid to deliver one of those packages and they were 4 DAYS LATE!
According to my sister, their excuse was “they had no electricity” We instantly called it BS because yes, we had many power outages, those are programmed to have 4 hours of electricity, and 4 hours without, this is because this year is so dry the dam we use to have energy is DRY.
But we gave it the benefit of the doubt until the delivery guy arrived. We reviewed the groceries, everything seemed fine, and we asked where they were located. They mentioned a central location near a hospital.
It was BS because they don’t cut the electricity near hospitals.
And if they had left that area 4 full days without electricity it would be a DISASTER! It was offensive to say that to our faces.
I said to my sister that there was no way they would have been 4 days without electricity, but she defended the business.
She’d rather believe a bad overcharging business than us, who are actually LIVING HERE!
This became a discussion because she started to say “YEAH SURE, YOU JUST REPEAT WHAT THE GOVERNMENT SAYS, THAT EVERYTHING IS GOOD AND FINE” She always does this when we tell her that things are not as catastrophic as she thinks and wants to start talking about the Venezuelan government.
I called her out on that and told her that it was their word against my living reality.
This upset her and then she complained to our mom, and my mom told me that I should have just stayed quiet, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I guess NTJ, but this seems like a conversation between your sister and your mom. If your mom thinks she’s being ripped off and it would be better to send her the money directly, that sounds like a more effective conversation rather than complaining.” thewhiterosequeen
Another User Comments:
“She’s wasting her money and letting her mom starve unless she wants her parent to eat rotten food. Take excessive photos of every disgusting order and send them to my sister. She’s the customer, it’s on her to complain and get her money back.
NTJ.” I_wanna_be_anemone
13. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Mom For Eating The Food I Bought For Myself?
“Our fridge is usually close to empty. There’s always condiments, eggs and some sort of shredded cheese but that’s it. Usually cream for coffee too which I sometimes use for cereal. The pantry is full of dried pasta, Cheerios, and granola bars that are strictly for my sister.
My dad locks away all of the good food for himself and wears the key around his neck like some sort of TV show character. So there’s nothing to really make besides scrambled eggs, cereal or pasta. Yeah I should be grateful that there’s food at all but I’m sorry I can’t just live off of those things.
Plus I have a really sensitive stomach so a lot of dairy and gluten will destroy my stomach.
Yesterday, I bought my own food and left it in the fridge. Starved myself all day for as long as possible so I could eat towards the end of the day to not go to bed hungry.
I got a big enough meal to eat half last night and half tonight. I don’t make enough funds to buy solid meals for myself all the time so I was looking forward to not eating the same old thing yet again. I opened the fridge today when I was hungry to the point of vomiting and the majority of my food was gone.
Maybe a bite or two left but nothing I could get full off of. So naturally I got upset because I was starving, I paid for it with the little funds I had in the first place and my mom didn’t even ask. So I walked into her (home) office and asked her if she ate my food.
Her argument was that she thought it was old from days ago when she literally knows I came home with it last night. I even got her something too which she ate for dinner last night!!!! Then I got even more saying I was starving and hadn’t eaten anything in over 24 hours.
She started bawling her eyes out and my dad started screaming at me for being over dramatic. Then she dramatically left the house saying she’s gonna blow off work for the rest of the day to go and get me the same meal. My dad ran out and took the keys from her before she could leave then came inside saying she was crying.
So not only did she eat my food, she guilt tripped me and made me feel like I’m the reason why she’s not gonna make any funds today. Because she ate the food that I starved myself for. I think I feel extra guilty because we get along well but this isn’t the first time it’s happened. When I told my sister she sighed and rolled her eyes because this has happened to her too with the same excuse.
All I know is that I’m mad, feel guilty, and have extremely low b***d sugar so I might just sleep it off or something. Am I the jerk for reacting the way I did?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For starters, you are living in an extremely dysfunctional situation, where the father keeps all the nutritious food for himself, under lock and key.
The mother, just as hungry as you are, takes your food, gives phony excuses, and when called out, starts bawling. (Note: people who do the wrong thing and start crying in self-defense when confronted are always jerks.) She makes a big show of going to get you your food but ends up not going.
Your father — who is starving her along with you and your sister — screams at you and takes away her keys so she can’t go get you your food. Focus on getting away from them ASAP.” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I agree with you.
You bought that food for yourself. And your mother is being unfair. She did this to your sister as well. Sadly, as long as you live with your mother, there is not much you can do. She has the power to punish you or kick you out, so you don’t have the power to set boundaries or show anger.
The biggest problem is your father. If he didn’t keep all the decent food for himself, your mother would be able to get a good meal and wouldn’t feel the need to do this. Your mother did this out of desperation because your father is a jerk.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, no questions. Keeping food away from kids is child neglect, just because in a fridge there’s a tiny amount of food and in a pantry you have a couple of things doesn’t mean that the 2 of you are having enough food to make nutritious meals every day and your parents truly deserve to be put in jail for neglecting and then emotionally abusing their kids.
Your mother most likely was desperate for some decent food because of your dad who is the biggest walking jerk.” No_Law_4450
Are there any grandparents or other relatives who would not bow down to your father. Might you move in with them until you turn 18. Best of luck but you should not jave to endure this treatment
12. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Lets Our Cat Outside Despite My Concerns?
“About 3 years ago my partner and I got a cat. He had been an indoor and outdoor cat in the city but the person who had him could no longer keep him and asked us to take him, and my partner said yes.
My partner also agreed to be the one to take him to the vet and clean his litter box since I am allergic to cats. (I am allergic to a LOT so I take allergy meds 2x a day already.)
We live in a very rural, woodsy area with lots of predators and I did not want him to continue being an outdoor cat.
I work at it to try and keep him inside. We also have a dog and when the dog was being let out, the cat would run under her legs and go out. Lately, the cat has been very good about not sneaking out, but my partner frequently leaves the door wide open while the dog is out so that she can come back in on her own.
I don’t like this since the cat runs out while the door is open.
Two days ago, my partner and I had a serious conversation about them leaving the door open so the cat could get out. They seemed to understand and said they would not leave the door open like that anymore.
Last night, they left the door open again while the dog was out and I let my frustration be heard in my voice when I asked them why they couldn’t seem to shut the door. They then promised they would start shutting the door.
This morning, I was getting out of the shower when I heard the cat meowing outside.
I went downstairs to let him in and I was angry. I texted my partner, who was at work, and I told them that I would not forgive them if something happened to the cat and that I couldn’t understand why it was so difficult to shut the door when the dog goes out and open it again when she comes to the door to be let back in.
There was no name-calling or anything similarly disrespectful.
My partner came back at me, angry with me for “assuming” and said that they let the cat out on purpose because the cat was sitting and staring at the door and that I “ruined the day” by being angry at them first thing in the morning.
I said the only reason I assumed was because of historical precedence, as recently as last night, and that they’re turning things around by expecting me to apologize for being upset about the cat being outside, yet again.
My partner is now home from work and we are in separate rooms of the house, not speaking because I should be the one to apologize.
Edited to add that my partner often says they hate the cat and hope it doesn’t come home one day. This cat is no bother to anyone. He’s very quiet and not bothersome at all. Due to my partner’s feelings toward the cat, I feel strongly that the door being left open is intentional.
So, tell me, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I had the same issue with my husband who constantly left the back door open and our cat kept getting out and coming home pregnant (couldn’t fix her because of health issues and then being pregnant over and over) and it infuriated me!
I’d constantly be screaming to shut the God-darn door and even though she has passed it’s still remembered as our biggest and longest fight! NTJ but your partner is!” Anxious_Monitor1671
Another User Comments:
“Make certain the cat is brought in at night (predators)…but the truth is if the cat was an in/out previously it will fight to go outside on good days especially.
I’ve had cats all my life and I’m torn – an ‘in-house only’ cat is content inside but a cat that has been permitted outside is seldom happy with being kept in 24 hrs a day. Not worth a daily argument, is it?” omeomi24
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The cat was raised to go outdoors. It’s cruel to trap it indoors not to mention foolish as that cat will NEVER stop trying to get out. I live in a very rural place and have had several cats and never lost one to wildlife.
Dogs are more likely to get killed by wildlife than cats. Cats are a top predator.” gloryhokinetic
11. AITJ For Holding A Grudge Against My Stepson Who Ignores His Mother's Cancer Battle?
“My (37m) wife (34f) was diagnosed with cancer in November, started treatment later that month, and has just finished chemo. Her follow-up scan is next month.
She has two children from a previous relationship (14, and 11), I have three daughters from a previous relationship, and we have no children together.
My oldest stepson (14) has not been around since last January save for a week in July when they went to my in-law’s house for the 4th of July, once in September when he lied to us about a situation with his friend trying to convince us to let his friend sleep over at our house on a school night, and over Christmas to collect his gifts.
We waited until after Christmas to tell the kids about my wife’s cancer so they could all enjoy their holiday. When we told the boys, neither of them asked any questions, and neither of them said much at all.. but when the oldest finally did speak all he said was, “I want Chick-fil-A.
Take me home before you go get it.” We were out for a drive when my wife broke the news. He then called his grandmother and had her come to pick him up, taking his gifts with him despite being told that his new things were for our house..
not for his father’s house.
We have not seen my stepson since. He has not called, not texted, not visited.. nothing. There have been other issues over the years with him telling outrageous lies to his father and the school guidance counselor that even resulted in CPS visiting our home on more than one occasion – every time they closed the case without incident based on our interviews and what our other kids said/how they acted during the visits.
A few days ago my wife mentioned that she was upset about her son not being around in general, but that it was particularly rough to have not seen or heard from him while she was/is battling stage 4 cancer. I stated that while I am not one to hold a grudge, and I’m not, this was going to be hard for me to get over and I was going to continue to be frustrated about this for a long time.
I have always been frustrated with him for how he treats his mother, but this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. My wife then told me that if she is not mad about it, that I am not allowed to be either.
But..
I am. And I’m not going to just not be mad about this. This is a 14-year-old person.. someone far old enough to understand what he is doing and how hurtful his actions are. This is not a young child who doesn’t know what cancer is or understand that treatment is hard and that he very well may lose his mother.
For a while I did think maybe he was avoiding it out of fear – but he has been refusing to see his mother or anyone else in the family for well over a year because he was punished for lying and his .98 GPA.
So..
AITJ for holding a grudge against my stepson?”
Another User Comments:
“I want to ask how old was he when his mother and father separated. Is that when the acting out started or before you and his mother got together? There are reasons children act out.
Your stepson is angry! And when they are angry they lie! He may be angry with his mother or the divorce. I’m not a therapist by any means but I do believe this 14-year-old is mad and instead of holding a grudge look a little deeper into why he’s acting out.” Ocbeach2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for how you feel, but it would be best for you to just stay out of it and focus on supporting your wife. If you have to interact with your stepson, just be polite and neutral. This young man doesn’t realize that he is creating his future punishment.
He is going to have to live with the consequences of his choices.” Soap-poisoning
Another User Comments:
“NTJ-hope the best for your wife. Chemo is hard for the patient and loved ones who are a support throughout the process. You have every right to be upset with the stepson, but you also can’t make him give a d**n.
His lack of support for her is just horrid.” Sea-Tea-4130
10. AITJ For Refusing To Take In My Mother So My Father Can Work Abroad?
“I (28F) am being strong-armed to take my mother (53F) in so that my father (50M) could work abroad.
For context, my dad used to work until ’13. He stopped working when I was still in college, so I worked to finish.
I couch crashed to save up, and in ‘14, I moved in with my partner (29M). I graduated in ‘15 and worked continuously so I could have a better life, not wanting to worry about how I was gonna pay bills or groceries.
In ’19, my mom suffered a stroke.
Because of the lack of funds (and Dad’s refusal to hold down a steady job), we couldn’t afford the hospital bills and my mom’s sisters bailed them out. We begged my dad to work, he’d use my mom as an excuse (can’t leave her as she can’t walk properly, she has to be assisted, etc).
TBF, my mom is at 50-60% mobility.
The year hit and my dad wanted my siblings to stop studying because they could no longer afford it. My sister (23F) then was in her last 2 years of college, and our brother (20M) was about to enter Senior HS (about 2 years before college).
My sister begged me to take them, and I couldn’t let them down, so I took on the responsibility.
For 4 years now, I have fed, sheltered and, even clothed my siblings. I provide everything they want. My sister has a Mac she used for school, and now she’s using it to work.
My brother got my partner’s 1 y/o laptop he uses. They never get hungry or bored or whatever in my house.
Recently, my dad called asking if our mom could stay with us as he got a job offer overseas. He said he plans to use his salary so my brother can effectively go back to school.
(He stopped college studies because of my current lack of funds, but me and my sister are putting him up back to college later in Aug anyway) My dad is holding the possibility of a better life for him and my mom hostage unless I take my mom in.
To be honest, I can’t live with them in the same house anymore. They feel like strangers to me now. They’ve abandoned me 11 years ago and I received no help since. I told them no outright, and they agreed back saying things like “When we’re bedridden, at least we know no one’s going to take care of us,” “If your mom dies, it’s on you,” “When your mom dies, you’re going to think maybe I should’ve helped.”
I’m being driven to guilt and I told my siblings and partner about this. They think I’m not in the wrong to refuse to help and just accept the guilt, they think they’re accomplices too and are willing to work through the guilt-tripping, but that I should stand my ground.
What I’m most afraid of is that I take my mom in, shoulder all the bills and stuff, and in a year or less than a year, my dad goes home and moves in with me. (he hasn’t stayed in a job longer than a year before his overseas work; he is flaky and would resign just because he’d find some fault in the work he has) I’m scared that’ll be my life forever.
So, WIBTJ if I tell them I can’t take my mother in, and if that means he can’t take the work anymore, then so be it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents don’t seem to have cared enough to provide for you and your siblings and they chose to have you.
It sounds like they just had kids to have someone to sponge off when they got older. Your intuition is telling you exactly what will happen and how your life will be if you take your mum in. It will be far harder and they will lay far more of a guilt trip on in the future if you try to extract the situation.
Think: How can you kick your sick mother and me onto the street in our old age with nowhere to go at our advanced age? Don’t do it. Protect yourself and what you’ve built. Listen to your partner and your siblings who love you and know how crap your parents have been.
Or risk being forever trapped/given even worse guilt trips.” PutTheKettleOn20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if your dad was so committed to work he would have found a job earlier, and if he is dedicated to finding a job and supporting your brother and your mom, he would attempt to find a job close by so he could live with your mom, it just seems like he wants you to keep your mom so he doesn’t have extra spending, and then once you are stable enough to pay for all of them, he seems like he’s also going to move in with you, politely tell him you cannot handle her financially, and that you are sorry but you’re happy for them to come to visit once or twice a month.” Express-Strawberry61
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but don’t look at this as only affecting you everyone you live with and care for the people who rely on you are saying no. if you accept this it impacts your siblings and partner too. do not let you guilt them into hurting your future.
you relying on someone who has shown you they are unreliable nothing is stopping your dad from peacing out, keeping his money, and never returning for his wife.” jeez
9. AITJ For Buying An Extra Concert Ticket For My Husband?
“My husband and I are a blended family. Each with a separate child from a previous marriage.
We have been married for 10 years and have two additional children together. Recently, my daughter (17f) gifted me three tickets to a major concert in another city. Since this is an artist my husband and I both love (that she now loves) I assumed the tickets were for the three of us.
I was so excited but also angry at the amount of money she would have spent but figured it would be okay as this would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for us. It was then stated that the tickets were for me, her and her friend and that the friend paid for the 3rd ticket.
Here is where I need to know if I am the jerk… This was said to be a “gift” to me for my birthday/mother’s day from her so that we could spend time together. She planned it out and paid for it without ever mentioning anything to me but told a close friend about it but never mentioned the friend going.
(I asked the friend why they wouldn’t have encouraged her not to spend that kind of money on the tickets and they told me that she only mentioned it being she and I). This particular concert is in a city known for a high crime rate and isn’t a place for 3 young women to go, alone, in the middle of the night.
If given the chance myself, I would never attend this type of concert without my husband and had told my daughter this many times in the past when she tried to get us to buy her tickets to this same concert in other cities. I have explained the way these concerts work and that it isn’t really a “safe” place to be without a male “bodyguard”.
(Husband and I are in our 40s and he was a bouncer at a music venue for many years so I have heard the horror stories)
In my opinion, she has wanted to go for many years and she and the friend decided they would buy the tickets and “gift them to me” so that I would be forced to take them and not be able to say no. So I went online and purchased a ticket for my husband (without telling her or him or anyone).
When I mentioned to her that this isn’t a place to go without him, she said that men don’t go to concerts and this was supposed to be time for us. I agree except that if it were for “us”, the friend wouldn’t have been invited as I don’t even know her and have only met her a handful of times.
I have now told my husband that he will need to take us and sit with us because I am not comfortable taking them alone and he said that he will do it because I already purchased the ticket but thinks that I am the jerk for not clearly explaining it to her and telling her beforehand.
I haven’t specifically told her, yet, that I purchased him a ticket because the concert is still several months out. So AITJ for purchasing him a ticket?
I would like to clarify that neither she or the friend have a license or a vehicle to take themselves and have never attended a concert before.
She has asked for us (me and my husband) to purchase these tickets two separate times in the past and hinted at a third time when a friend mentioned when she was going last year.”
Another User Comments:
“You may have been the jerk, but it seems to me to have been more than a little in self-defense.
I would be extremely upset if my daughter gave me a “gift” that was “just the two of us” – but then expects to bring along a friend I don’t know? But I can’t bring my own husband? Yeah that’s not a mother’s day gift. Who would enjoy going out “just the two of us, except you get to share me with a friend”.
Threes are always bad, unless all three people are friends with all three people, and can take turns being the third wheel. I’ll go with ESH, but I think her more than you. And maybe next time she’ll rethink before she does something so inconsiderate and just assumes you’ll go along.” mifflewhat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Did you talk to the other girl’s parents? Did they know she purchased the ticket? Would she have been allowed to go without an adult? Sounds like the girls just wanted a concert. Adding dad to the mix is fine. Were they all general admission?
So you could sit together?” Effective_Brief8295
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your daughter did something nice to spend time with you, and you’ve completely ruined it. If you didn’t feel comfortable going there without your husband, she should’ve told her so she had a chance to invite another girl.
She’d be heartbroken, but she and her friends clearly feel safe going, so they’d have a blast. Instead, you turned it into an event for you and your husband, which she didn’t want. She’s going to be so mad and heartbroken when she realizes you did this to her.” crystallz2000
8. AITJ For Grounding My Son After He Bullied His Cousin At A Family Event?
“My ex-wife (31F) and I (31M) have one kid together, our son, Edison (12M), we divorced 2 years ago, when Edison was 10.
We have joint custody over Edison and sometimes I’ll be at my ex’s family events that Edison wants to go to (like birthday parties).
Edison has a cousin, Ayrton (11M) who turns 12 next month, and his family had the birthday party yesterday as they’re going on a trip in May.
Ayrton and Edison go to the same school, Ayrton is in 6th and Edison is in 7th. They go to a Catholic middle school despite our family being an atheist. The best schools in our area are private Catholic schools, many students who attend them are atheist or Jewish and that’s where I met my ex, despite us both coming from atheist families.
Ayrton was also raised atheist but now identifies as Catholic.
Ayrton being the one out of the nieces and nephews to become religious makes a lot of sense, he’s always believed in good luck charms (like a keychain a friend gave him) and maneki-neko cats (Japanese cat figurines that allegedly bring good luck) and genuinely believes they’re good luck.
We’ve had issues with Edison in the past mocking Ayrton for his belief in the maneki-neko cats and telling him to respect his cousin. Edison is into science like me, I’m a high school chemistry teacher. I’ve told Edison to respect others’ beliefs even if they’re not rooted in science.
We ate dinner and had cake at Ayrton’s parent’s house and Ayrton started to open up presents, he got this vintage basketball jersey he wanted and took off the shirt he was wearing to put it on. This revealed the rosary he was wearing under his shirt, it was a cute little necklace with basketballs as the rosary beads.
Edison almost immediately made a joke about Ayrton for wearing the necklace, he asked Ayrton if he was “becoming a girl”. He kept doing this until we left.
Edison has a very, very extensive history of bullying that includes being expelled from multiple preschools and elementary schools.
He is constantly in detention or getting suspended now that he’s in middle school. This behavior started long before our divorce, but my ex blames the divorce and doesn’t really believe in psychology, so he only sees a therapist twice a month, during my weeks.
My insurance from work covers this and Edison will always complain about going, but I feel it’s important for him.
Edison’s most recent bad behavior has included using slurs and other concerning behavior, which I’ve mentioned to his therapist.
On the car ride home, I told Edison he was grounded and told him he’d give me the phone once we got home.
He started to text my ex and when I got home, she was calling me.
I answered the phone and she said I had no right to ground him for this because it could hurt his relationship with Ayrton and Ayrton isn’t my nephew.
She said that I have “no right” to ruin the relationship between Edison and her family members. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would inform the wife to stop being a jerk and undermining your authority with your kid. Leave your divorce out of it for her freaking kid’s sake.
Your son is out of line and has a history of unacceptable behavior that she is condoning unless she wants a few years to be excluded from her family cause nobody wants her kid around or see him in jail, she better start doing what is right for him instead of trying to play “cool mom” to try and be the favorite parent.
I would also make the situation public to the rest of the family, including hers, with a detailed explanation of how she’s been undermining you on matters critical to your son’s future, explaining what he did, and that she is trying to sweep it under the rug and why this is concerning.
A bit of peer pressure can often do wonders to sway the stupidity out of people.” Choice_Pool_5971
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Excuse me, is your ex trying to argue that Edison calling his cousin a slur isn’t harmful to their relationship?! She’s nuts.
My only concern with you is why o why did you let Edison keep going. You should have corrected him immediately in front of nephew.” Internal_Home_9483
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it isn’t a surprise why your kid is still a bully. You may want to use legal counsel regarding her refusal to give your son the help he needs.
Being a bully is hurtful to others and dangerous. He will probably bully the wrong person at some point and he could get hurt or worse. It is a serious psychological issue.” stephied333
7. AITJ For Not Allowing My Recovering MIL To Have A Relationship With My Kids?
“My (f33) MIL 9f63) was a severe substance user and had a drinking problem throughout my husband’s childhood and early adult life, to the point that he has a great deal of trauma resulting from this.
She managed to get sober and stay sober up until about two years ago when she began abusing her medications. This resulted in many 911 calls and my husband leaving late at night to meet with the EMTs.
Because his father also has a drinking problem, she ended up moving in with us for a few months in hopes of getting her back on track.
During this time, she was often argumentative and nasty towards us. She eventually relapsed, and we found that she was hiding liquor in my daughter’s (f6) room. She said multiple things about only wanting a relationship with our youngest child, as the two oldest are from my previous marriage, even though my husband considers them his children.
She became so angry at us that she left and later tried to come back after her husband would not let her move back in with him, saying that we were being too hard on her and forcing her to run away. She plays the victim often.
We wouldn’t let her, so her husband let her move back in and she eventually became inebriated to the point of going to the hospital with a serious injury.
From here, it was a struggle to get her to go to rehab, as she waited until she was discharged to say she didn’t call any of the rehabs.
She moved in with my BIL but was abusing her medications there again and was sent back to the hospital, where she was forced to get sober. My husband got her to rehab, but somehow, between the hospital and rehab, she got herself messed up enough that she was unable to walk when she arrived. So, he got her a hotel near the rehab and wished her the best of luck.
She was able to get into rehab a few days later by having a friend drop her off.
She has since gone through the 28-day program and spent a few weeks in an Oxford house, but because of all the complaints of discomfort she experienced there, her husband allowed her to move back in with him early.
Since then, she has contacted me and my husband, wanting a relationship with our kids. I told her this was not an option because, as their mother, it is my responsibility to choose healthy people to be a part of their lives. So, she will not ever be a close part of their lives, but we will see her on holidays and special occasions.
She got very upset about this and said that the only reason she went to rehab was to have a relationship with us and that everyone deserves a second chance, that my BIL has forgiven her and is letting her be a part of his kids’ lives again.
She said she is a lovely lady when she is sober, and she doesn’t even remember any of the stuff she said/did when she wasn’t sober. She thinks I am being stubborn and that my husband is being unfair to her in this situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a common theme with addicts. In the end, you have to decide what you’re comfortable with. You are not obligated to deal with the constant stress of having someone that volatile interacting with your children. With time and consistent progress, maybe one day she can have a relationship with them.
But addiction(especially alcoholism) takes years of recovery.” IdkmanImSad1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she endangered your kids! Thank you for making a stand and protecting your children they don’t need to be exposed to the trauma that a close relationship with her will cause. Your MIL has not recovered because she has not taken responsibility for the effect her addiction has had on those around her.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. If I were in your shoes I’d invest in a video alarm system, as well as having a chat with the officers at my local police department. Addicts love the pretend to be cured so it’s not their fault when they relapse.
Your MIL is going to use your reluctance to see the grandkids as her newest trigger when in reality it’s all on her. Don’t bend until you’re confident she’s sober for the long haul.” Cannabis-aficionado
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Split The Cost Of A Family Trip Equally With My In-Laws?
“I (27F) & my husband (27M) were invited on a family trip with his parents, sister (21), her partner (23) & bro (14).
I don’t have a great relationship w/ my in-laws. I have put the effort in for almost 6 years. There’s a slight language barrier that they use as an excuse as to why they don’t care to ask about what’s going on in my life or hardly ask my husband about me.
They never acknowledged when I got a new job I was laid off from a tame job after my husband had shared it w/them. However, they did find it in their heart to ask for $500 to plan a massive birthday party for my FIL when they knew we didn’t have the $.
I legit lost sleep over giving them that $, not knowing how or when we would recoup it. They never said thank you. My husband & I had a HUGE falling out over it.
Then 3 months later, ON our wedding anniversary they called my husband NOT to send well wishes but instead to ask to borrow $1500.
We had another major argument & it ruined our anniversary. We told them no & they still never acknowledged our anniversary. So, that’s some of the many issues that have come up over the years. My husband does not see the issue with them constantly asking us for money when we had discussed this before marriage & the answer was no but now that we are married there’s always a call or text asking for $ from them & my husband refuses to put his foot down so he comes to me & when I say no I come out as the bad guy.
Last year they planned a family vacation including the sister’s partner & it was all paid for by the parents. They invited us 6 days before the trip & we couldn’t get off of work nor did we have the $ for this lavish trip, so last minute.
Mind you I have tried every single year for the last 5 years to plan a trip w/them & somehow it never happens but as soon as my SIL gets a partner, who speaks the language, suddenly they can afford a trip & make it happen overnight.
I was upset.
Fast forward to this year, they invited us a couple of months ago & something came up at w/the location we were supposed to stay at so we are replanning the trip. My in-laws sent us some very pricy ($700-1000 per night) airbnbs to consider but we cannot afford to stay at a place like that.
My husband found a great alternative but it’s still $1400 for the week.
My in-laws expect us to split it down the middle so $700 for the 5 of them (FIL, MIL, BIL, SIL & her partner) & we pay $700 for just us 2. Did I mention they also plan to bring their 2 dogs?
My husband sees no issue w/ this however I’m an anxious mess because of the impending argument I know will come from this. Am I wrong to think they should pay $1000 & we pay $400 ($200 per person going)?!
AITJ for even arguing this point?! We will be booking a place to stay in a couple of days & I’m so anxious about it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband is. Why are you making yourself sick over this? If he respects you and your marriage then you should agree with his family. But it sounds like he is giving one side lip service. You have to figure out if he’s lying to you or them.
Either way, you can’t go on like this. Anticipating a fight over an activity you don’t even want to do is no way to live.” everyone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not wrong if you ask every person to pay their share.
To have you two paying HALF and the other five people paying half is unfair. Especially since they come to you asking for money. If they can’t afford it, they shouldn’t expect you to front more than your fair share of costs so they can go.
I understand not wanting to taint the trip, but if you end up paying half for the two of you, you’re going to be anxious about the money spent because it’s out of your budget. And it’s well within your right to only pay for you and your husband as a head count.
It seems as though they can afford it, as they took that trip previously without any help, and I hate to say it, most likely invited you to try and cut some costs for themselves, which it seems like they are doing here this time around.” squinnsmckenzie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ No way should you be responsible for 5 of them at the Airbnb. Do not book this yourself as you will never see the 1000. Tell the ILs to book it on their end and that you will pay your share only – 400 for the two of you – when you see them at the Airbnb.
It’s fine that your husband is grateful and feels “he owes” his family but his family feels very strongly that “he owes” them a lot as well. They act like his money is theirs. This is very selfish behavior from parents.” hadMcDofordinner
5. AITJ For Not Disclosing That I Own Pet Spiders To My Tutoring Clients?
“I (F29) run a tutoring service out of my apartment for elementary and middle school students in my area. I do this in addition to working my 9-5, as it provides me some supplemental income and I enjoy the work.
For context, I take this very seriously; I maintain an account through a reputable tutoring company, I routinely do training and update my credentials to make sure I am up-to-date with the current learning standard, I am first aid and CPR certified, I have been fingerprinted, and I get background checks done every year.
All of my qualifications, certifications, and other info are available for clients to see at any time they request. Generally speaking, I maintain a very professional and positive relationship with my students and their families, and I’ve been running this service for 6 years without ever receiving a major complaint.
I also happen to keep pet spiders; 5 jumping spiders, 1 orb weaver, and 3 tarantulas. None of them are dangerous to humans. While technically all spiders are venomous, the species I keep have extremely mild venom that would only cause mild itching if bitten, and they’ve never bitten anyone.
I recognize this is a weird choice of pet but I just love them! That being said, I’m fully aware of how most people feel about spiders, so they stay locked in their enclosures, and their enclosures are all in one closed-off room. The room doesn’t have a lock because my apartment doesn’t have interior locks, but the door always stays closed.
This has never been an issue until last week. It was my first time meeting with a new student (F12) and the lesson had gone very well. When her mom came to pick her up, she asked to use the restroom while her mom paid me.
I showed her where it was and went back to talking. I was just wrapping up the debrief when I heard a shriek and the student ran back to her mom and me, sobbing hysterically about my pet spiders. Her mom was extremely furious. At this point, both of them were screaming and the mom said she was going to leave me a terrible review, how dare I keep such awful things in my house, she was going to make sure that no one ever hired me again, etc. At that point, they both left.
Now, there is no way that the student mistook my spider room for the bathroom. I showed the student exactly where the bathroom was, and it was on the other end of the hallway from the room where my spiders lived. Also, I have a little decorative sign on the outside of my bathroom door, similar to the ones you see in public restrooms. I even heard the toilet flush and the sink running a few minutes before the student came running out, so she did use the restroom.
The only way she would have known about my pet spiders was if she had been snooping in other rooms. She shouldn’t have been doing that, but now I’m reconsidering whether I should have disclosed ahead of time that I own unusual pets. Just because I didn’t think it would be an issue doesn’t mean it won’t ever be.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. They are completely wrong on many fronts. Firstly this is not information you would need to disclose. Secondly, the girl was trespassing and snooping, which is absurdly rude. Thirdly their response is over the top – it’s not even like they were miffed personally because of the girl’s phobia…they went into an incredibly punitive and attacking kind of frame of mind meant to harm your prospects as a tutor.
That speaks volumes. It would be really sad if your business was impacted by this. If you can leave a public response to her review, do that. Consider reaching out to the tutoring company to explain the situation to them and see if they can provide any guidance or protections.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “The only way she would have known about my pet spiders is if she had been snooping in other rooms.” Not ok. What you keep in the private areas of your apartment is entirely up to you. “The mom said she was going to leave me a terrible review, how dare I keep such awful things in my house.” So she’d rather try to ruin someone’s career/livelihood than parent her kid & teach her basic boundaries.
No wonder her kid is an entitled brat.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – And I do NOT like spiders…at all…terrified of them. Not going to lie, when this story started I pictured free-roaming spiders which would’ve given you a different ruling. The fact is they are in a separate area/room, door shut, and contained in an enclosure.
Mom and kid were out of line. But if you want to start “disclosing” to be preemptive or if the Mom does leave a review, you can always explain the educational benefits/enriched learning for those needing tutoring in the sciences curriculum. Again NTJ but I’m itchy and am probably going to have nightmares tonight.” Reasonable-Bad-769
4. AITJ For Calling My Mom When I Felt Unsafe, Despite My Husband's Disapproval?
“My husband tends to overshare all of our relationship issues with his dad. His dad then tells other people (his dad also tells me about all of his sibling’s relationship problems). Great guy, but I believe my issues with my husband should be just between us two.
We have gotten into arguments about the things he tells his dad. I only know he tells his dad because his dad tells me.
So this weekend I was making a 14-hour road trip. I have never driven this far alone before so as per my husband’s advice, I saw a highway sign for lodging and planned on staying at that motel.
It was a terrible experience. It was only me and the manager in the lobby. He asked if I was married, would hug him, and if I would sleep with him, he told me I didn’t have to tell my husband. I was terrified but also was too scared to ask for my card/ID back in case he would get mad and retaliate.
I’m five feet tall and not scaring anyone. I was texting my husband and he called me when I told him I was scared. We stayed on the phone and pretended he was meeting me there.
The manager gives me my room key and I head to the room.
I was planning on just locking the deadbolt and honestly, I was exhausted and wasn’t thinking. I get to the room & the key doesn’t work. My husband tells me to go back to the lobby and tell the manager. I refuse and think he will just try the key himself and shove me in the room.
I want to get out of there and my husband argues that “I’m just throwing my money away” since I already paid. I’m irate at this point. Never have I told my husband that I’m afraid. The one time I do, I don’t feel validated. I yell at him and he hangs up.
I’m still outside the door scared and don’t know if I should stay or leave. I call my sister and she is with my mom. They tell me to get out of there. Once I was in my car and driving away, and my husband called repeatedly.
I’m irate so I don’t pick up. I’m driving and on the phone so I ask my sister to text him “She’s safe but she doesn’t want to talk”.
I drove a couple of hours away to a nicer hotel and was on the phone with my mom the whole time.
I told her my husband wanted me to stay and needed validation that leaving was the right choice.
I don’t think this situation is comparable to my husband telling his dad we fight about things like our seating charts. My husband said I’m a hypocrite and I can tell my mom my problems but he can’t tell his dad.
I don’t feel like I was calling her to complain about him but because I felt unsafe. He doesn’t see it that way.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re having an emergency in which you’re scared and called your sister & mom after your husband dismissed your concerns, and your husband telling his father every little thing…..
are completely different issues. Your husband should have trusted you when you said you were frightened and been on the team trust your gut and get-the-heck-out-of-there-you’re-more-important-than-money. Reasonable that in light of his feeling that you were wasting money by just leaving there, you had every right to call someone else you trusted, especially a woman, to validate your concerns and support you in doing whatever you had to do to feel safe.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You need to work on your self-esteem. Your husband is the jerk and you need to stop putting up with what he is dishing out. Also, you should have called the police at that motel. I know the desk clerk didn’t break any laws, but you felt unsafe.
The police could have helped you leave (without the desk clerk retaliating). NEVER just accept a situation if you feel unsafe! Also, always go to a nicer hotel when you are alone. Better to spend a little more money and be safe.” IPreferDiamonds
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s a creepy situation! One that can escalate to something dangerous and you’re right to trust your gut. I’m sorry your husband didn’t listen to your fear and suggested that money was more important than safety. It is okay to talk about your relationship issues with trusted confidants.
This is not so much a relationship issue as you calling to get a second opinion to be validated. Also, I’m guessing it’s not so much your husband discusses your relationship with his dad, but that his dad shares that information with others!
That’s just gossiping in the guise of conversation and false concern.” Bootiebloot
3. AITJ For Confronting My Friend About Not Inviting Me To Her Bachelorette Party?
“I have a friend, let’s call her Lisa. We’re both in our mid-thirties.
For 10 years, we were extremely close—best friends, I considered her family, and she shared the same feelings. She is one of the most important people in my life.
About a year and a half ago, I noticed she began pulling away. She declined all my invitations to hang out (we live in different cities a few hours apart), citing various reasons, such as plans with her new partner, tight finances, etc. She also wasn’t interested in meeting as a trio, saying her partner wouldn’t be comfortable just with girls there and that it was awkward for them to stay at my house overnight.
She did hang out with other friends in her city, with and without her partner.
A few months passed like this, and eventually, she opened up about feeling a disconnect for a while. One of her concerns was that I didn’t share much about my love life, and she felt I didn’t trust her.
I completely understand her perspective. I had a called-off engagement three years ago, which was traumatic, and I feel uncomfortable sharing details until I know a relationship is serious, which I explained to her several times. We talked on the phone about our feelings and eventually met in person this February.
The meeting went very well; we both expressed how much we mean to each other and that we want to work on restoring our closeness.
She also told me she got engaged to her partner and they are getting married in June. I was thrilled for her, knowing how much she wanted this.
Only close family and a few friends are invited because the wedding is abroad. It did hurt that she didn’t invite me (she was supposed to be my maid of honor at my canceled wedding), but I didn’t say anything and just congratulated her, and we parted on a very warm note.
Since then, we’ve chatted cordially over the phone. I offered to meet again, but she said she was busy until after the wedding.
Fast forward to April: I’m visiting another friend in her city and see pictures from her bachelorette party on social media. Many of her friends and acquaintances were there, including people who won’t be at the wedding itself.
I was shocked, as I had asked her a few times if she wanted a bachelorette party and she had said she didn’t know. This broke my heart.
I messaged her, congratulated her on the bachelorette, and asked why she decided not to invite me, sharing that it hurt my feelings.
She responded that she didn’t have to explain her decisions to me and that she had said before that we wouldn’t meet until after the wedding. She said it hurt her that her happiest moment was making someone upset, that she doesn’t want toxicity and drama, and that this is not how healthy friendships are.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Look, I’d consider this friendship over, ended, ran its course. You said yourself, you felt her pulling away, her myriad of excuses about how she couldn’t or wouldn’t meet up. You’d be the jerk to yourself if you try pursuing this friendship… Just leave it be.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds as if your friend is keeping something from you. Even close friendships end, and it sounds like that’s what’s happened. Nothing wrong with you asking, and she way overreacted with her defensiveness. I wouldn’t contact her again.” stroppo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to let this friendship go. Seems like your (ex) friend made it clear she doesn’t want to be in your life anymore. I’ve dealt with something similar it’s not worth the extra mental fatigue of dealing with salvaging a broken friendship.
Some people aren’t meant to be in your life forever, just appreciate the times you had.” governedbycitizens
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister As A Bridesmaid After Her Wedding Behavior?
“My sister is getting married in May. We always talked about having each other as MOH since we are each other’s only sister (we have an older brother).
When she got engaged, she did not have me as her MOH, instead had my SIL. I’m not going to lie, it hurt my feelings and I tried to accept it. She changed her mind a month later due to my parents throwing a fit and now we are co-MOHs.
Then I had to plan the bachelorette. I was planning it based on what she was texting me she wanted; however, my SIL and sister’s future SILs fought me on every choice I made, claiming that she wanted the polar opposite, and when we all tried talking to her about it, she got mad we couldn’t resolve it on our own.
Then the bachelorette. I flew across the country to attend. Everyone completely ignored me at the bachelorette, none of the decor I purchased was used and the SILs took credit for the things I had done for the trip. The first night, I went to tell my sis and other girls in the hot tub to turn the volume down to avoid a $500 noise violation fine from the Airbnb and my sister said “Ignore her, she’s a jerk.” which hurt a lot because I put a lot of effort into the trip.
The next day, I offered to do a coffee run while they were at the first bar because I didn’t feel like drinking yet and needed a coffee. In the 10 minutes I was gone, they took the only group picture from the trip without me.
I also found out that day that it was my sister who told my parents I was bisexual last year without my permission. I never wanted them to know since they don’t agree with homosexuality. When I said how upset I was, she went “You probably snitched on me for something and deserved it”.
After the bachelorette, I was incredibly upset and when I tried talking to her about it, she only apologized by saying “I’m sorry you feel that way” and tried to defend her actions but never actually said she was sorry for hurting me. I have barely heard from her since.
I also found out recently all the bridesmaids are getting their nails done together for the wedding and I was not told. When I talked to my sis about it she said “Well I didn’t know when you are flying back” which she very easily could have texted me to ask.
Now for the part where I’m debating if I will be a jerk. I know I’m getting engaged very shortly (next month I think!). Now, I don’t even want her in the bridal party at all. She has been mean to our entire family in her wedding planning process, and she has not made an effort to contribute to a relationship with me in the last few years.
She doesn’t even know what state I live in even though I’ve lived here for years. Would I be the jerk if I don’t have her be a bridesmaid in my bridal party once I get engaged?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ is understandable and comprehensible.
In return, however, I would also resign as a bridesmaid. Because you’re not a bridesmaid because that’s what your parents wanted. It’s a shame, of course, but there’s no reason for you to keep doing this to yourself. (Please read the congratulations on the engagement as soon as the time comes.” Remarkable-Roof-5740
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I might talk it over with your parents before you tell her since they did step into the last MOH situation, but I don’t see why you would willingly subject yourself to her sabotaging ways. The best workaround might be to not have a MOH.
Congratulations on your upcoming engagement!” beastofwordin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Girl, after reading all that, I am SO mad on your behalf. I wish I could uninvite your sister from MY wedding lol Seriously, I am so sorry you were treated that way and, understandably, you don’t want her around on your happy day, or at least not as bridesmaid/maid of honor.
If your parents get upset, tell them exactly what happened at that bachelorette party. If your sister gets upset, tell her you’re sorry she feels that way.” SommersWinter31
1. AITJ For Yelling Back At My Dad Over His Disrespectful Comments?
“I (16F) live in a very conservative household. But the problem is that my dad has really bad anger issues and he’s had them for years, he yells at everyone for the littlest things and is very quick to raise his voice or threaten someone and all of my family members just deal with it For example, last week I was playing video games after school and cleaning the house since my mom was at work, and he came into my room and asked me to open the living room window.
And I nicely told him “Okay just give me a second and I’ll do it.” And then he blew up saying things like “Your dumb game is more important than this? Stop being lazy and get up.” And I tried to get him to understand that this was competitive and that I’d probably get a penalty but he kept getting more aggressive and louder and louder so I just got up and did it and accepted the loss.
That’s pretty much what the last 16 years of my life have looked like.
Now for the issue at hand. It was around 11:00 on a Friday and I was playing a game with my friends having a good time and laughing and my father called me and my siblings to come to pray (my family is religious) and I didn’t know that we were going to be praying or I wouldn’t have started a game (competitive) and usually when it’s just me and my mother out of politeness she usually gives us all a heads up, but he never does since he thinks his time is more valuable than ours, so now my whole family is waiting for me and I can sense that my dad is getting more & more tense because he keeps sending one of my siblings to come to get me (mind you it’s been less than 5 minutes) so after the 2nd time I once again just take the loss and get up and since I have noise canceling headphones I didn’t hear how loud he was yelling so when I got to where everyone was it shocked me.
He was saying rude and hurtful things like, “You always make us wait for you do you think you’re special?”, etc. And I honestly don’t remember when I started yelling back but I did and we got into a nasty spat, leading him to call me an idiot and an imbecile and make misogynist comments and saying that I could leave when I turned 18 and that I’m not his only daughter, and instead of my family defending me they all kept telling me to just stop and shut up, so I did.
And he went on and on just yelling and threatening me and saying that I’ve accomplished nothing in my life and that I’m incredibly disrespectful and not even my mother said anything about it.
Currently, my whole family thinks that situation was my fault and it honestly kinda hurts, I’ve never been close with my dad.
He’s rarely shown up for any of my birthdays or serious events and I honestly can’t take this anymore, but I’m not sure how to feel.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is very unhealthy parenting. It could be that maybe this is also because of their upbringing and what they saw as being normal growing up, so one can still empathize with that.
However, he does not try to put in any effort or ever acknowledge any of his mistakes. I come from a patriarchal family, and I grew up seeing that my dad never accepted when he was wrong, and no one in the family spoke up besides me.
So I completely understand you!!! Optimistically speaking, maybe you can talk to him about it and say what’s hurting you, but realistically, he would probably take it as a personal attack and respond negatively. Just try to maintain your calm, do the bare minimum so he does not yell at you, and soon by 18 you’ll be out of the house.
Best wishes to you” notcoconutnut
Another User Comments:
“Breathe it in, revel in it, and be sure when you eventually are grown these are things you don’t do. For goodness sake, do what your idiot sperm donor wants for a few years until you have your freedom and are established. Then rain fire and brimstone cut him off with a bang.
Play the long game. Be smart, not emotional. Usually, we expect the adults to self-regulate because they are adults. Not sure what’s wrong with your spawn father- but that’s beyond Reddit’s pay grade to dissect. As for the rest of your family, do not expect any support.
It’s every rat for themselves on a sinking dysfunctional sad excuse for a family.” lovescarats
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, you and your father have very different values which is typical in households where the parents were raised in a different culture than the one where they’re raising their kids.
Your father probably is parenting the way he was parented and is genuinely doing his best. That doesn’t mean his best is good enough, or that you have to like it, it just means that he probably isn’t knowingly trying to make your life unpleasant.
The good news is you have only two years before you’re an adult. Try to spend those two years getting prepared to truly move out at 18. Figure out how to do adult things. Save whatever money you can. Get good grades if you plan to go to college, maximize scholarships, and minimize debt/dependence on parents.
After you are no longer living under your father’s roof, he still probably won’t change, but when you visit, you will be able to get up and say “Oh look how late it is, I need to get home, I have to be up early” and leave when his behavior gets bad, and then you won’t end up yelling back.
For now, you may want to apologize for yelling, IF your values tell you that you shouldn’t yell even if someone else yells first. What do you genuinely believe about this? You aren’t a jerk, but maybe you said some jerk things when you yelled. If you said things you would prefer not to say to your father, you could apologize without taking all the blame by saying something like “I’m sorry I yelled at you, that’s not how I want to treat you.
How you spoke to me was unkind and unfair, but I still wish I hadn’t responded by yelling back.” Boysenberry
