People Look For Words To Explain Their Behavior In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Moving Out and Not Supporting My Unemployed Stepdad and Mom Financially?
“I’m a 19-year-old female and I currently live with my mom and stepdad, he is a very arrogant, brutalist person while my mom has a short temper. The rest of my family lives in a different country. My stepdad is usually the one providing for the house (self-employed) while my mom stays at home with my baby sister.
About a year ago I decided to start my first job. I roughly make $2k a month but half of that I use to pay for my stuff since she refuses to spend “unnecessary” money on me, I was saving up for a car when suddenly my stepdad stopped having a job demand and hasn’t worked ever since, he also refused to work anywhere else because he won’t get paid a lot, while my mom is working her tail off for such a small amount of money per week.
Our rent is almost how much I make a month so there isn’t a lot I can do, I gave them all of my savings to help pay the rent for the past 3 months. I have never once complained about helping and would never refuse to help, I would lend them money every week and not once ask for it back even if I needed it.
At the beginning of this month, my mom sat down with me and told me they were moving to a different state. She said I had the choice to find myself a place to live if that was what I wanted. I agreed to stay.
A couple days after that talk I found an affordable place that SHE recommended to me and found myself a new job that’ll pay me almost twice the amount I make right now.
Not once during this whole month complained about my decision, she drove me to the job so I could meet my new coworkers and offered me a couple of appliances so I wouldn’t have such a hard time in the beginning.
It all seemed fine until yesterday when they both started to assume things and yell at me saying I was choosing myself over them, she mentioned I would rather pay a stranger than help them which was never true, it was her idea for me to live alone.
She also said things like “Your partner won’t ever be there to help or love you the way that I do”. I have no money left to help, I gave them all I had, and there is no way for me to afford a house of 4 people by myself.
This isn’t the first time she has said something mean. I’ve heard things from her in the past months like “You always find a way to ruin everything” or “You are so selfish”, all because I tried to set boundaries. I’m trying not to blame myself for my decision but I’m so tired of trying to do good things and end up feeling guilty for it.
What do I do? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It isn’t your responsibility to pay the expenses of their household because your Mom and Stepdad choose to not work. Get out of their house as soon as possible. And stop giving them any money. You need your money for you.” teresajs
19. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Friend After My Platonic Partner Got A Partner?
“So I (28M) have been friends with Trent and Amy. Me and Trent are both aromantic (don’t want long-term romantic partners).
Well, Trent is probably somewhere on the spectrum but I don’t know anymore. He came out a 16, me 17. It was around this time that our friends started going off in relationships and I felt lonely. I noticed that everywhere, no matter where romantic relationships always seemed to take precedence over everything else.
And I get that I do, it’s like a staple of romantic relationships that they come first. I talked about this with Trent, and we decided the best way to get past this (cause he was feeling the same way) was to get a kinda pact between the 2 of us.
That we were gonna come first for each other, kinda like partners but without the romance.
This worked pretty well. We were even considering getting married just to solidify it. Meanwhile, Amy had a new partner every month. She’s had this recent obsession, Ryan.
I don’t want to pass judgment on Ryan because. I don’t know him. But from what I can tell he’s an embarrassment to humanity. He can’t hold down a job and is intoxicated 90% of the time to the point where he doesn’t come out of his apartment.
His apartment- by the way- is paid for by me. Cause Amy comes crying to me asking for money for him.
Now, back to me and Trent. So Trent now has a partner. Like a real one. And I’m reeling. I don’t know how or when this happened. Maybe I’ve been too busy with work or looking after my grandma to notice but somewhere along the line, he got a partner, without telling me.
Edit: I have obscured said partner’s name for privacy. Let’s call him Trevor.
So I went crying to Amy ’cause, you know, my world just got annihilated and I feel like I’m dying. Also, Trent and I live together so I didn’t want to go to my house.
Amy then proceeded to act very confused and ask me why I was crying so much cause it was not like Trent and I were partners. She then told me that I should be happy for Trent who finally has a ‘real’ relationship.
I snapped and here’s the part where I may have been the jerk.
I told her she has no leg to stand on when it comes to ‘real’ relationships cause she kept running back to Ryan on her knees, at least I could hold down a relationship for nearly a decade ‘real’ or not. Which, admittedly, is cruel.
And I stormed out. I know toxic relationships can be hard to get out of and since I’ve been her shoulder to cry on since we were teens I know full well just how much pain this jerk has caused her. I feel bad about throwing it back in her face but at the same time, I’m still hurting.
A lot. I’m trying to take Amy’s advice and be happy for Trent but it’s hard and every day I look at him I want to kick him out of my house. Which, I obviously won’t but still.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ 100%. There was no need for you to be a jerk to her.
The way you describe yourself in this post paints you in a very very bad light. Like for example, you say “I don’t want to pass judgment on Ryan because. I don’t know him” and then proceed to badmouth the guy throughout the whole post. Then on a subreddit where it is traditional to obscure names, you reveal a person’s real name and then make fun of it for no reason.
You seem like a mean person in general.” User
Another User Comments:
“Stop giving people money and buying them things, and cut these people out of your life. Because they aren’t your friends, they were just using you to get by in life. Stop being too hard on yourself, start over and make new friends without paying for it or giving them expensive gifts” ShazzaMP
Another User Comments:
“OP YTJ, Like you went for the throat and she deserved that but how upset can you be when you never noticed the guy get a partner? Like I know you were hurt but I can’t take you as anything but self-absorbed and selfish.
Like this directly affects you and you were so tuned out.” Default_Munchkin
18. AITJ For Suggesting My Friend Sleeps in the Spare Room Instead of My Bed?
“So I live with two of my close friends – housemate 1 and housemate 2 at university. We have another friend in our group, who we are all very close to, but does not live with us.
My dissertation was due in two weeks at this point, months earlier than everyone else’s.
But my housemates decided to go to an event on the weekend, and invited our friend, and some others, to stay at our place for the event. I wasn’t going, as I was way too behind with work, and needed to go to the library early on the weekend.
I was told by my housemates that our shared close friend would be sharing my bed with me, as they both are sharing a bed with another one of the girls. I was reluctant at first as everyone knows I hate sharing beds as I suffer from insomnia, and I wasn’t going to the event so wasn’t sure why I was now hosting, but sucked it up as she is one of my best friends.
Turns out, that the spare bedroom we have wasn’t being used (which I thought it was). Just to caveat, it’s a single bed with a broken mattress so no one wants to stay in it, but is fine for one night’s sleep after having a few too many.
I said to my friend when she arrived, and they were all having a good time in the living room, that I’m going to sleep now as I need to be up at 7 am, so please try to be quiet when you come into my room – but I also suggested, if you prefer not to be woken up at 7 am if you’re staying up late tonight, the spare bedroom is free.
She expressed that she was reluctant to stay in there as she had before and it was uncomfortable, but I said I could lay it out with some blankets and pillows to try to make it comfy. I reassured her if she wasn’t comfy, come into my room multiple times.
I then made the bed for her and texted her saying it was done, but once again no pressure and she was welcome in my bed.
One of my housemates then texted me in the morning saying: I do not appreciate you not being able to do anyone a favor.
And I am yet to see you lift a finger for anyone who isn’t yourself.
I explained the situation and that our friend seemed to prefer to stay in that bed than in mine as I was waking up for the library, but she said I guilt-tripped her and manipulated her.
(I think my friend said to my housemate she was upset having to stay in the spare bed). I explained it to my housemate and she said I’m not seeing the situation for what it is.
So AITJ for suggesting my friend stays in the spare bedroom?
It seemed it was genuinely her decision, but I guilt-tripped her with the ‘I have loads of work to do, and I hate sharing beds’ and that was manipulative.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While the mattress should have been replaced by now, I also know that even the cheapest option is expensive.
You gave her options, let her know what was going on, and she and your housemate decided to ignore the fact that you said that your bedroom was free, but you were getting up early. This is with the fact that you volunteered to share a room with her.
Willing to bet they’re upset because you called them out on it by saying ‘guest room’s free; made up the bed so it’s a bit more comfortable’.” Efficient_Wheel_6333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you do need to learn to be firmer, you shouldn’t have had to share your bed with anyone as they weren’t your guests on this occasion ( even if your friends ) you were not involved in the event and you had other priorities.
It was up to them to sort themselves out. Asking you was fine, but you should have said, “No I can’t go to the event, and no I can’t share that night as it’s close to my dissertation and I need to prioritize that”. It was up to your housemate to sort the sleeping arrangements out without involving you.
But your wishy-washy passive-aggressive solution trying to not offend your mates or cause problems caused more problems, unfortunately.” ACuriousSquirrelx
17. AITJ For Accusing My Cousin-In-Law Of Having Autism After She Left My Wedding Early?
“I’m in a bit of a situation and was hoping for some advice. I (30F) recently got married to my wonderful husband Larry (33M), and our wedding went perfectly except for one thing. Larry has two older siblings: Candace (38F) and Orlando (40M), and he’s very close to them.
He also has several cousins, most of whom he likes. He has a cousin, Susan (38F), who’s married to Gabriel (39M). Larry thinks that Susan has undiagnosed autism due to her difficulties in social situations and inability to maintain eye contact. Candace and Orlando agree with this assessment.
She was never diagnosed because her younger brother Brad, 35M, had high-maintenance ADHD that required a lot of their parent’s attention when they were younger, so Susan didn’t get as much attention. I’d met Susan once at a large family function before our wedding and she was very nice, but I didn’t get a chance to know her better because there were so many people.
Brad is super nice as well, and I’ve gotten to know him better because he and his wife live closer to us. Brad also thinks that Susan might have autism.
Anyway, when Larry and I were doing seat arrangements for our wedding, we ended up with several tables that only had two spots available, so we had to split up larger parties.
We put Brad and his wife at a table with other cousins their age, as Larry thought Brad would get along with everyone better. We put Susan and Gabriel at a table with older relatives, as Larry thought Susan would be more comfortable there.
Throughout the reception, Brad and his wife had a great time socializing, whereas Susan didn’t.
Every time she’d try to go socialize with them, the other cousins would be polite but would talk around her about things that didn’t include her, so she felt left out. Susan and Gabriel eventually just left the reception halfway through the evening, but no one noticed her absence for several hours.
It wasn’t until we were doing final photos at the end of the evening that someone thought to look for Susan, couldn’t find her, and then texted her to ask her where she’d gone. She simply said that she and Gabriel had left earlier. Everyone got upset that she didn’t tell anyone she’d left, and Larry was mad that she ruined our final photos by disappearing.
Here’s where I might be the jerk: I texted Susan that it was no wonder everyone thought she had autism when she acted like this. She responded by blocking everyone’s phone numbers and has been off the grid since then. Now Brad is saying that I’m the jerk for ‘outing’ our opinions of her when we could’ve just kept it quiet, but I was upset that Susan had caused such a fuss at my wedding.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Don’t use autism as a slight. That’s just… no. Don’t. Simply don’t. You exiled Susan and Gabriel to a table with a completely different age group; all her attempts at socializing were shut down (clearly not for the first time), and people didn’t notice for SEVERAL HOURS that she had gone.
And you dare snap at her for not taking it in stride? It was *your wedding*, so she just had to have no self-respect for the occasion; was that on your registry? Also, no, Brad. No. The problem here is not “outing” your opinions. Or, well, it’s the lesser problem.” ladyteruki
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You’re the jerk several times over. First off, it’s a jerk move for you and others to diagnose someone behind their back. Second, it’s a jerk move to get annoyed at someone leaving a wedding when they’ve reached their limit of socializing.
Third, it’s a jerk move to then manifest that annoyance by lashing out at them in a message. Fourth, it’s a jerk move to throw the others under the bus by saying ‘everyone’ thinks she has autism. Lastly, and this is the big one for me, let’s assume you’re correct that she has autism.
For someone with autism, a wedding can be stressful. Socializing can be awkward and draining. She makes the effort to attend in the first place, for which you should be grateful, then makes an effort to converse with people, who ignore her. She leaves early, which seems understandable, and after all of that, you send her a nasty message.
YTJ, big time.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and your Larry is a jerk and all those family members talking behind Susan’s back but not caring enough to notice she was having a bad time or left, they are jerks too. Good for Susan to figure you all out on the wedding and promptly block you.
Hopefully, this will be a good start for her. P.S. Susan didn’t cause a big fuss because NOBODY NOTICED SHE LEFT. It is you and your dear Larry who made the fuss that one of the cousins will be missing from the photos of YOUR PERFECT NEW FAMILY.” stealing
16. AITJ For Ignoring My Father-In-Law After He Let My Son Visit His Biological Mom Without My Consent?
“I (28M) met my husband “Randy”(27M)and my son “Jamie” (12) when we were both 15/16 and Jamie was almost 1.
Randy’s ex wasn’t ready to be a mom and was unfaithful to him. She just left Jamie with him and she got addicted to pills. I kinda just stepped in about a year later. Honestly, it was love at first sight with both of them..
I was suddenly helping out with a kid at 16 and in love. Randy and I got married in college and I officially adopted Jamie. His parents were kinda weird with me at first being Iranian and a guy. But they came to like me or at least I thought they did.
Jamie’s bio mom recently came back after getting clean and wanting to be in his life. Both Randy and I were apprehensive about it, but his parents convinced us that Jamie should have the chance to know his mom so we agreed to supervised visits.
It was going okay until I got off work early last week and went to pick up Jamie from my in-laws and he wasn’t there. I was confused and kinda freaking out when they kept bouncing around not answering me about where he was. Jamie and his mom pulled up in the driveway soon after and I was upset.
I asked them what the heck was going on. My stepdad starts going on about how Jamie deserves to see his mom and spend time with her. I was upset and I yelled at them that they barely knew her and they had no idea what she could’ve been doing with him.
He starts telling me about how I wouldn’t understand because Jaime isn’t biologically mine and I didn’t have a right to keep him from his mom. I just took Jamie and left.
Randy was wholly upset but way more forgiving after a while, but I wasn’t and I pretty much started ignoring my FIL.
Randy convinced me to let them keep seeing Jamie not wanting to rip them away from him. Randy confronted me today about ignoring his dad every time I’m around his parents and I just told him I don’t want him around Jamie anymore. He got kinda defensive and said he knows what his parents did and said was messed up but that situation wouldn’t be good for Jamie and that I’m sending mixed messages to him.
They were still his parents and Jamie loved them. I talked to my family about and my parents think I should just suck it up and forget about it for Jamie’s sake but my brothers think I didn’t do enough and I should’ve been trying to convince Randy to go NC with his parents and just have him and Jamie around our family from now on.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to parent your child as you see fit. Being told that you don’t understand because you are not a bio parent just confirms they are not healthy for your kid to be around. It is amazing to me how people want to encourage adoption, but in the next breath will claim we are not “real” parents for adopting.” adolia66
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your in-laws went behind your back and allowed your son to spend time with someone you have decided should be supervised around your son. They don’t get to overrule you because they are genetically related to your son. Honestly, if I were you, I would be concerned about their attitude that you aren’t your son’s “family”.
If something happens and your husband should die, I guarantee you they will try to get custody of your son.” YellowBeastJeep
Another User Comments:
“NTJ—Grandparents let a child go off with the clean, but previously pill-addicted biomom without permission or notice? Then questions OP’s authenticity as a parent?
Sorry, grandparents are asking for trouble, the bat-out-of-there biomom _knew_ she shouldn’t have had that kid at all, and if the boy were mine I wouldn’t trust the grandparents with him alone ever again. FIL showed his true colors, and it is on him to regain your trust. I am not a big fan of kids having phones all the time, but your son needs to have one any time he is around the in-laws and needs to understand that he must speak with you or his other dad before he goes anywhere with anyone.” Strict_Condition_632
15. AITJ For Wanting To Postpone My Son's Wedding Because of His Fiancee's Behaviour?
“My son (23) and I (F47) have always been very close. About 3 years ago, my family and I went to a new church and it was there that my son met his now wife. At the time, I thought she was really sweet and I wanted them to get together.
I was very excited and supportive. We saw them every other day for dinner. After 5 months of seeing each other, they got engaged and I was very happy for them. They began preparing for their January wedding and my son bought a house 2 weeks after their engagement.
Everything was fine, until one day, 7 weeks before the wedding. My son’s fiancee came over and it was clear that they were disagreeing. They went to our family room where they proceeded to sit in silence while I made dinner. I served dinner, and they were both not talkative.
My son’s fiancee didn’t even talk to me! Shortly after dinner, they left with only a few short exchanges of conversation. I was furious. My husband and I told our son that she was never allowed in our home again because she disrespected me. After a few days, we agreed to meet with them, and I made it clear to her that she couldn’t behave like that in my house.
I expressed that she hadn’t been raised right if she wasn’t even going to talk to me in my own house and that we didn’t raise my son like that. I expected this to fix things, but it got worse. My son’s fiancee was often upset ever since and acted like she didn’t want to be there.
3 weeks before their wedding, they changed church pews under the pretense that “they wanted to have their row because they were getting married.” I felt so abandoned because my son told me he’d sit with me at church forever since he was family. He then moved out completely, and he didn’t want to come over as much.
I didn’t know what to do, so I texted him and told him that I wouldn’t pay for/host the wedding rehearsal. He said that he wanted us there, but I didn’t believe him. My son came over the next day and I told him exactly how I felt.
I told him his fiancee was a changed girl since she got a ring on her finger. I tried to show him that she was manipulating him, they were unhappy and should postpone the wedding for his good.
After he pulled even further, we went to our son’s house one night to talk to him.
My husband begged my son to let me light the unity candle at the wedding, or else it would destroy me. My son told me he wouldn’t replace me. 2 days later, I got a text from my son saying that I couldn’t light the candle since I did not support the marriage.
Instead, he was going to have his mother-in-law light both of them. I was heartbroken, so I just stopped responding to his texts and calls. I went to the wedding to show my son I supported him, but we did not talk to him or his new wife.
To this day, he still believes he made the right call in banning me from the candle, even though he knew it would destroy me. I don’t want to talk to him until he apologizes for picking a new mom. AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“You have an unhealthy obsession with your son. He’s a grown man. To be this bent out of shape because he’s choosing to sit in a different pew is bizarre. To be this upset because he moved out in preparation for marriage is bizarre.
And I don’t even know what to say about feeling disrespected because she didn’t speak at dinner when you admit it was clear they were distracted and had something on their minds. Then you insult her. Maybe stop making EVERYTHING about you and you’ll be able to have your son in your life again.” klrobx
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and a controlling woman. You need to back off. You brought all that has happened to you upon yourself. They fought but still came to your home out of respect. You want her to talk to you anyway. Instead of just trying to see if they are okay and if there is anything you can do to help you want to pile on all about you.
You told him you didn’t support the marriage and then you demanded to be a part of the service. You have got some nerve. I am glad your son is supporting his now wife over you. That’s exactly what he should be doing as a husband.” Feisty-sahm
Another User Comments:
“This is not clickbait. This is an actual narcissist playing a real person. A few days ago, I read her son’s point of view. She blew up regularly and made her future daughter-in-law cry at that dinner she referred to. She tried to light the Unity candle herself and wanted to do all the readings at the ceremony.
She tried to ruin the whole thing for her son and daughter-in-law. Narcissists lie, cry, evade, and run way when exposed. Wonder what she does?” 22-beekeeper
14. AITJ For Confronting My Friend About His Post-Breakup Behavior?
“My partner and I got caught in a difficult position when friends (Mike and Jessica) separated a few months ago. We were trying to be there for both of them, as she was particularly distraught, moving out and struggling with mental health and not being in a stable family unit anymore (wasn’t like that at all before the break up).
My husband was routinely going to the gym with Mike and hanging out afterward. Hubby was coming back from these meetings not wanting to talk to me which was creating tension in our relationship, then would eventually blurt out stories of his buddy’s new multiple exploits from an online platform, including details of hookups that were occurring while I was socializing with his ex Jessica who thought Mike was out with another mutual friend (Jake).
Mike and Jessica were still working out childcare arrangements for their kids at this point and Jessica was looking after the kids while Mike was going out for these dates/hookups.
Jake the mutual friend was also calling up my husband and for lack of a better description was gossiping about the situation, glorying in Mike’s exploits somewhat (which included one of his friends) Jake was calling my husband occasionally in my presence not knowing I was there (while driving and phone was on speaker) and at the end of one call said not to tell me to my husband which made me feel pretty uncomfortable.
I was feeling anxious trying to be there for my friend but knowing that her ex was doing what they were doing, sometimes while we were catching up. I couldn’t tell her for fear of her mental health, and it wasn’t my place, but it was placing a burden on me I felt uncomfortable with, and anxious that if Jessica found out that I knew it would make matters worse, for our friendship and her mental health.
Anyway, things came to a head about a month ago when Mike confronted my husband at our house while I was cooking dinner after I ignored him at the gym earlier that day (by this point I couldn’t even stand looking at him). I told him I was finding it difficult knowing about all his new partners while trying to be there for Jessica and it was a burden on my conscience.
He didn’t get it at all and was flummoxed by my concerns. I said I felt guilty about it like I was lying to Jessica knowing about it, and wished he would tell her. That I felt annoyed it was expected my husband keep secrets from me and that it was causing problems in our communication.
He said it was none of her business, which I kind of understand, but my problem was that we were getting caught in the middle. I asked him if he felt any guilt, to which he took great offense and left.
Moving forward a month they’ve both ghosted us.
We both still feel sick about the whole thing, but honestly are glad to be out of the whole mess. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You need to remember that they are broken up and it truly isn’t Jessica’s business what her ex does.
What is the point in telling her if it causes her more distress? It does no one any good and it shouldn’t be your business either. Don’t get me wrong, I understand how you feel. By the way, I keep secrets from SO if someone asks me to and the matter is delicate.
As long as the secret does not directly even affect us and it is told in confidence, I do not feel any obligation to tell my SO. Seems more like the problem is not you standing the fact that your husband knows something you don’t about something that shouldn’t even matter.” Esatron
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m confused…they’re separated. I think generally that means even more than just ‘on a break’. The whole part about she thinks he’s out with a friend Jake so she’s watching the kids but he’s actually out with a woman….so what?
Yeah, he lied but…she could have told him no, you need to watch the kids, not hang with Jake. It’s not like he’s shirking childcare and saying it’s work or something ‘legitimate’. He’s telling her something as lame as being with a friend.
And it sounds like this can’t be constant. I mean, maybe one night or weekend she wanted him to have them and everyone knew he was on a date and lied. I cannot imagine he tells her this all day every day, neglecting his kids, or you would’ve happily told us that.
I just don’t see where you’re so conflicted you had to confront him. It’s not your business” dart1126
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You are getting caught in the middle of this ‘Days Of Our Lives’ soap opera by putting yourself and your husband in the middle of two people going through relationship problems. And placing your self in the middle is putting a strain on your marriage by competing loyalties.
I have one simple rule in situations like this: Don’t get involved, period. I don’t want to hear about it and I don’t want to be placed in the middle of it at all. Sure help out your friend with picking up the kids, going shopping anything but discussing their problems, that is for their marriage counselor if they have one.
The only advice to give them is to get counseling. You are not qualified to be involved it never ends well for the other friends. Never. Just completely back off. Believe me, you’ll thank me.” Mustng1966
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be In My Little Sister's Girl Scout Troop?
“My little sister (8) joined Girl Scouts around a year ago.
She’s in a troop with kids from her school, close to her age. The oldest is 9 and the youngest is 6 or 7. My sister enjoys GS and has made multiple friends after being an anti-social, shy kid.
I am proud of my sister but have no personal interest in Girl Scouts.
My mom on the other hand, for the past year my sister has been doing it, has been distinctly hinting towards me to join GS. I have expressed numerous times that I have zero interest in joining.
Her hinting and asking went on for numerous months until (12/13/23) when I was at a Girl Scout event with my sister and my mother asked me.
It was like the straw that broke the camel’s back because I got tired of her hinting and asking. I finally joined Girl Scouts.
I found out that since I joined GS at my sister’s troop’s event I got put into her troop. I’m in an elementary school troop with kids that are over 4 years younger than me when I’m about to be in high school.
My mom was so excited and wouldn’t stop talking about it and would brag to family members that I joined it.
A month later I went to my first GS meeting and I wasn’t having a very good day already so I was overwhelmed with my school day + finding out I was in a troop with little kids.
I ended up having a mental breakdown at the meeting and my mom told me to sit out and eventually come back into the meeting because it was “too important to miss”. The entire meeting was the troop leader telling the parents how cookie season was going to go while the kids ran around the room playing for an hour.
A couple of days ago my mom was cutting out door hangers about cookie season. She kept asking me to make an account on a Girl Scout website and kept talking and talking about GS and how my sister and I would have to go put the door hangers on around our neighborhood and I didn’t care.
When I first joined GS I expressed interest but when she was consistently bugging me I finally told her that I had no interest in GS and only joined because she wouldn’t stop bugging me even after I expressed how I felt about it. She began to say how we never bonded and since she was doing it with my sister she thought we could bond that way.
My sister and mom don’t bond over much but GS my mom and I have tons of shows we watch together. That made me feel like I was taking my sister’s thing. So I expressed that to my mom and she got mad at me.
Saying I never wanted to watch those shows anymore and never wanted anything to do with her and that my “angsty teen stuff” was getting old but anytime I bring up something other than GS we could bond on she says she’s tired or that’s boring or she brushes it off and continues to talk about GS.
She’s making me stay in GS until the end of the school year and I have to go to meetings and sell cookies. AITJ for not wanting to be in a troop with elementary schoolers that are years from middle school when I’m a few months from high school?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Was your mom the one who signed you up? Because I’m betting she lied about your age to sign you up with your sister’s troop. Girl Scouts is by age and grade level. You would be a Cadette or Senior level member while your sister would be a Brownie.
There’s no way you would be assigned to that troop.” EmpressJainaSolo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because it seems like you’re growing up and your mom is trying to cling to your childhood. Like I do get wanting to make her happy but that’s a sacrifice you shouldn’t have to make.
Also yes cookie season is right after X-mas when everyone goes on diets so good luck to your sister’s troop. Info: I was in Girl Scouts and girls your sister’s age would be “Brownies” and girls your age would be “Juniors” and it’s unheard of for those two age groups to be in one troop.
The moment I aged out of my Brownie troop (I was the oldest) I had to find a new troop to join with girls my age. Was there no troop for your age group?” D-Valkyrie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom must have done something with your application.
Troops ask what grade you are in, so you can be placed appropriately. Even when you search for a troop, they tell you the age range of that troop. I find it odd that Mom is bragging about GSs. No one cares. If your mother wants to bond with you, she needs to engage in something fun for you.
She is making this all about her. The Girl Scouts has a website. I encourage you to email them and explain that you do not want to be there. They wouldn’t want you there against your will and bringing the moral down” bookshelfie
12. AITJ For Refusing To Reach Out To My Mother After Setting Boundaries For Her Visits?
“I, a 31-year-old female, am an only child.
My dad is not in the picture, and any time I asked who he was when I was younger, I was just met with the response “I don’t know”. Every weekend I was shipped off to my grandmother’s house in another town when I was younger – this only ended when she passed when I was 10.
I have always been a bit shy and completely against confrontation. I am a people pleaser, and in trying to make everyone else around me happy, I always seem to make myself miserable, especially trying to keep my mum and husband, a 38-year-old male, happy.
My mother has 5 sisters and 6 brothers, and in recent years has seemed to burn bridges with pretty much all of them.
My mother works Monday to Friday, then on Saturdays and Sundays, I feel like she just assumes she can just come to my house to “see her grandchildren”, a 5-year-old female and a 4-year-old male.
Except, she just sits at my kitchen table, drinks coffee, and eats whatever she wants. She butters toast without a plate on top of the counter, doesn’t wipe it down doesn’t put anything away, and generally leaves a trail of destruction in her path.
When she gets fed up with that, she gets the kids riled up and wants to take them out to do whatever she wants, or for me to drive her places as she doesn’t drive.
It’s my weekend too and I want to do things with my children too.
As a notorious people pleaser, recently diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression, my doctor has told me I need to start saying no and putting myself first. My husband agrees, he works some of the weekend and says she puts me in a bad mood when she visits.
Cut to last weekend, she called I said no she couldn’t come down as we were about to get something to eat and then have a family day. She became short, her tone completely changed, and said “OK, that’s alright then” in a way I could only describe it as a ‘well, forget you then.”
It’s been over a week now, I’ve tried to call her several times, but she has not answered. The anxiety is bubbling in the pit of my stomach and I just don’t know what to do. I don’t think I am in the wrong, I just feel bad as she has completely alienated herself from everyone, she doesn’t have any real social circles, has lunch with 1 friend from school a few times a year, and is single.
Her life just seems to revolve around me.
I thought she might have tried to land down this weekend as usual and act like nothing had happened, but she hasn’t.
Now I have no intention of calling her again, but I feel bad about it.
I don’t know if I’m being too stubborn or harsh! AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I highly recommend the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C Gibson, you can often download it as a free PDF if you google it. Understanding the immature behaviour and how it impacts you, might help you understand why boundaries would be a good thing to put in place.
This response from your mum is manipulation. She wants you to stew and give in. Setting up boundaries is uncomfortable, but worth it in the long run. You did a brave thing, and it will get easier.” Rainbow_dreaming
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mother doesn’t have anybody else to turn to because she’s not a great person. That’s her problem, not your problem.
Stop communicating with her, I have no doubt she will come back like nothing happened when she gets bored of being on her own. Use your time to practice saying no to” International-Fee255
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, stop ringing her, this is what she wants.
Stay strong and don’t give in. This is how people like your mum behave when you start to put up boundaries. Also, I would suggest therapy as it will help you recognize ways on how people can be manipulative.” Ready-Replacement181
11. AITJ For Meeting My Partner's Favorite Comedians Despite Her Refusal To Do So?
“My partner is obsessed with this podcast hosted by 2 standup comedians. Listens to it every day, and she’s heard every episode multiple times. They decided to go on tour and do a live version of the podcast. The tour stopped at a casino close to us so we decided to go to the casino for a few days and see the show.
On the way to the show, I said to my partner “I’m calling it now, after the show we’re going to run into one of them at the casino.” My partner says no, and even if we did she wouldn’t say anything to them because she doesn’t want to ruin her image of them, and she doesn’t want to meet them.
After the show (which was amazing) my partner and I went to do some gambling. After a bit we separated and did our own thing, so we could play the games we wanted to. Well I called it, I was walking through the casino, and bam there’s my partner’s favorite of the comedy duo just chilling.
I immediately called my partner and told her who I had just seen and told her to come here right now. She says no, she’s in bed. I told her I was going to meet him, she told me not to bother him and I told her I was just going to say hello and to hold on.
She hung up on me, and I went up to him and said amazing show thank you so much, he smiled shook my hand, and said thanks, man. That was it, then I walked away and called my partner to tell her how cool he was.
She was a bit jealous but she didn’t sound angry, then after we got off the phone I turned the corner and ran into the other half of the comedy duo. Again I called my partner and told her who I saw and asked if she wanted to come down, she said no again.
This time I didn’t go up to him because he was talking to a bunch of people, but I did say great show man and he said thanks, man.
I go back to the room and tell my partner what happened thinking she’d be excited although a little jealous.
She’s not excited at all, she’s furious with me. It’s a slap in her face, I only said hi to them to spite her, I’m selfish, I don’t even care about them so I shouldn’t have said anything to them at all. She’s so angry she’s ready to cancel our trip and go home early.
Did I make a big faux pass here? I swear there was never any spiteful intention here I just wanted to meet a performer who just put on a great show, but I understand that she could be feeling like she missed a big opportunity.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – What? So, *she* didn’t want to meet them, *she* chose to go to bed, *she* refused to come down multiple times, and she was angry at you? For WHAT? Just because she decided she didn’t want to meet them, that means you’re not allowed to say hi.
Her response is childish and self-centered. It sounds like she’s the type of person who thinks everything is about her when it’s not. Like she can’t possibly believe that you said hi to them just because you wanted to, it had to be to spite her.
Has she ever reacted like this before?” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“Ntj, You did absolutely nothing wrong. You didn’t even bother the guys too much. You said hi. Great show. Thank you and walked away. And you even called her to tell her where they were so that she could meet them too, and she didn’t want to.
Jealous that you got to meet people she wanted to. She’s also worried that if she meets them they won’t live up to the imagined standard. She has put them in her mind. She needs to grow up. There’s nothing to get mad about” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“There’s nothing wrong with what you did. You didn’t use the opportunity to take selfies and post social media BS. You thanked them for a good show shook hands and left which I’m sure they much appreciated short and sweet.
Your partner on the other hand wtf she said she didn’t know any to meet them so as not to ruin the image she has of them, hay would she think you would have to care about a comedian to thank them for a job well done I’d rethink wanting to stay with her immature rear end she sounds like a pain in the rear end” jaggedlittlepill1967
10. AITJ For Yelling At My Grandma After She Insisted I Eat Her Food And Searched The Trash To Prove I Lied?
“My relationship with my grandma is rather hard, she loves me, but she doesn’t act like it. If she offers something like food and I refuse she’ll insist till I lose my short temper, and that’s what happens to me, so most of our conversations end with me shouting at her after more than ignored 5 no’s.
Since I was a kid she was like that, never respecting a no, always complaining about how thin I am and how I’ll have anemia and thousands of diseases. I tried to change, I did, but I just couldn’t.
Today we had a fight, around 11 am I ate some leftovers in the fridge, but since I couldn’t take it all I threw what I didn’t eat away, later I decided to make a sandwich with a hamburger steak, nothing too big, so since the steak would take longer I put it in the air fryer, but my grandma heard the air fryer and came to my kitchen to not only say that she’s making lunch but also ask what I’m cooking, when I told her I already had lunch she started doubting, she accused me of lying and kept asking if I ate everything, but when I thought she gave up and accepted. She went through the trash.
She came to my room with the little bag full of trash and the food I threw away in hand showing it to me, she started calling me a liar and how lying is a sin and that the food wasn’t rotten. I never felt so angry in my whole life.
So we started arguing, I kept saying that I threw it away because I couldn’t take it and I wouldn’t just put food full of saliva back in the fridge (when I was a kid I used to ask to put the food I couldn’t finish in the fridge, but my family, including my grandma, said it was disgusting because the food was full of saliva and everything for some reason), she kept complaining of how she made the food yesterday and it wasn’t rotten and everything and I defended myself with the same thing said earlier.
I had enough because she started crying saying that she won’t make food for me anymore (I know how to cook by the way, but she wants me to eat only her food) and that she’ll tell my mom.
My anxiety kicked in because I know my mom usually takes her side, so I went to my room and texted her telling her what happened before my grandma did (she makes things look worse than they are, sometimes straight-up lying without noticing), I knew that if my mom arrived here and talked to me I would cry, I hate crying in front of people, even family, so to calm my anxiety down I called my dad.
He understood my side and immediately came to pick me up, I grabbed my things, left, and warned my mom that he would come, she got a bit mad, but we agreed that she’d pick me up tomorrow by lunchtime. My dad comforted me when I repeated what happened and even joked saying that I should flush instead of throwing the food away in the trash.”
Another User Comments:
“Your grandma is the jerk and needs to accept the world doesn’t revolve around her. You’re not obligated to eat or not eat something because she said so. Older people tend not to change their way of thinking because they believe they’re always right, so if she doesn’t want to change you should put your feet down and not enable her behavior.
Fights are pointless if she refuses to listen to you. And by the way, she knows when she’s lying and making things worse than what it is and she does this to play the victim card and to have people like your mom to have her back.” AffectionateShoe867
Another User Comments:
“My grandma always put so much food out for us and would get offended if we didn’t eat it. My mom explained that they didn’t always have enough food around when they were growing up, so Grandma would think we were being polite if we didn’t eat.
Grandma probably feels pretty powerless as an old person. She wants to cook for you to feel useful. Change is hard for old people and she probably doesn’t understand a lot about you but being from a generation with food scarcity she wants to make sure you don’t go without and that she has power over you.
I suggest you ask her what it was like when she was growing up. Why she wants you to eat so much? When you move out on your own you’re going to miss her cooking, or when she’s gone. I miss my gramps. Wish I had more time with them.” Phototos
9. AITJ For Asking My Son To Limit His Partner's Toddler's Visits To Our Home?
“I’m not a fan of babies and toddlers and it’s one of the big reasons my husband and I wanted to adopt a 7-y (Ted).
My son, Ted (28M), lives with my husband and me, he works and helps around the house (he pays 1/3 of all bills and food, in addition to paying a certain amount of “rent” – an amount far below any other place and we just use it to pay some taxes, etc, as the house is paid off).
Ted is seeing Lucy who has a daughter, Sam (2y). They have been together for 1 year.
Lucy lives with another friend in an apartment that is open with 1be and doesn’t have much privacy. Because of this, they stay at home to have some time “alone” 3x to 5x a week and 2x of this with her daughter.
They hardly sleep at home, but they stay from 6 PM to 11 PM.
I know it’s normal behavior for a toddler, but sometimes Sam gets agitated, talks louder, wants to interact and talk to everyone, she’s very agitated and my husband and I often prefer to go out to dinner and take a while to get back on the days that Lucy is with her.
We have nothing against Sam, we know it’s normal for a toddler, but we really don’t like baby/toddler.
I don’t mind Lucy being home that many times, but having Sam twice a week bothers us a lot.
I reached my limit when I found out that this next month Sam would be 100% with her mother (she has 50/50 custody) and I went crazy about the possibility of having a toddler 5x a week at home for hours.
So my husband and I sat down and talked to Ted that even though we like Lucy and Sam, we wouldn’t want to have her so many times a week we understand that she has no option but to spend time with her daughter, but we don’t want to have a toddler in the house so many times a week, so we would like him to reduce the number of times they come home at least during the period that Sam is 100% with Lucy.
Ted didn’t like it, he said he pays for things at home and rent, so he has the right to take whoever he wants, just like us and that we were being jerks.
I said that when we live alone without anyone else, we have the total power of who we can bring home, but when we live with other people we have to use common sense and know how to think about the collective of the house.
He is still angry with us, saying that the way we talk, it seems like he is living in favor and not helping around the house, etc.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, he pays for things but if his parter & her daughter are basically going to be there all the time that’s like having another roommate and you did not sign up for that.
Your son & his partner should get a place together of their own. They are both full grown adults.” laney73191
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. He’s paying an agreed-upon rent and he’s essentially a roommate (with a steep discount) in an owner-occupied residence. A roommate can have guests over.
But, as you own the house, you can terminate the agreement. So give him two months’ notice or whatever, and he can abide by the new visitor policy or move out.” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Many rental agreements have a guest clause that limits the number of days tenants can have guests in a month.
Mine is 2 or 4 days (I don’t remember, it’s been a bit since I signed it or looked at it). Maybe it’s time you pull out a rental agreement you find online, or a couple, that have this, and show it to him. Also, show him the market rent for renting a room.
He buys the food, does he cook as well? Maybe quit cooking for him if he wants to be treated like a true roommate. He’s 28 and living at home. I don’t fault this, rent is expensive, but he also needs to understand that this is a service you’re doing to help him” Big-Imagination4377
8. AITJ For Planning To Get Another Tattoo Despite My Family's Disapproval?
“Growing up, I’ve always been told that I need to take care of my pale skin. “Your skin is not a blackboard,” my mom would say. My sisters and I are all conventionally attractive as well, so this meant my mom would be overprotective of us and want us to look as beautiful as possible.
However, I’ve always been the sort of black sheep of the family. I’ve always loved tattoos but didn’t say anything because I know everyone around me would disapprove. I was tomboyish because I was tired of putting on makeup and learning how to walk a runway.
I wanted to have fun and be free instead of going to school all the time or walking down a path…but I love my family all the same. I waited until I graduated college to move out and be with my partner out of respect for my parent’s wishes.
I tried to be a good daughter, I really did, despite how I am. I’ve moved away to another state and I think about them all the time; I miss them a lot. We are all very close, until now.
I got a tattoo on my arm a couple of years ago, and while my mom was mad about it at first, she eventually came around and told me how pretty the flowers on my arm are.
But she told me no more tattoos. I said yes, which I realize was a huge mistake now. I should’ve told her how I really felt.
Now, my immediate sister Lucy (fake name), who also lives apart from our parents and is married, found out about my plans to get another tattoo next month, and is livid.
She scolded me saying while it’s none of her business, I’ll be rebelling against my mother and breaking my promises to her. That I’m taking her feelings for granted. I won’t be coming out of this without consequences. And that it’s so easy for me to cause pain because I don’t live close by anymore.
Not trying to guilt trip me though, she says. Because I want to get another tattoo.
In my grief, I sent my mom a long message talking about my plans. I told her tattoos make me happy and confident, and that no matter what, I’m still her daughter and my love for my family will never change even if it ruins my relationship with them.
My two youngest sisters (19 and below) are 100% on my side and have been providing me with updates on the situation.
But I’m almost 30, I make my own money, and I don’t live in my parent’s house anymore. I was extremely worried at first, but it’s been a day or so and I haven’t heard anything from them.
Now I’m mad. I’m still getting the tattoo, however.
So far all the friends I’ve told the story to are fully on my side; they all echo that I’m an adult and I should be free to make decisions as I please, because ultimately, it’s my body and I’m an adult.
But I can’t help but feel that I’m being selfish and inconsiderate. My partner is worried they’ll consider him as a bad influence. Maybe I’ll be shunned out of the family now. I still keep in close contact with my youngest sisters though.
And ultimately…I’m worried my mom will disown me.
So…AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a Filipino woman myself and have a couple of tattoos, so I can understand the dynamic (and toxicity) of Filipino families. With that said, you’re an adult.
You don’t need your parent’s blessing or permission to do what you want to do with your body and money. You don’t need to even have to discuss with them or explain to them why you want tattoos. I doubt your parents go to you before making any adult decisions, so why do you have to?
If your family is anything like mine, they’ll get mad, maybe give you the silent treatment, but eventually they’ll get over it.” akibiyori-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re your own person. Your family cannot dictate what you do or don’t do with your body.
As a fellow Asian, they may be disappointed at first, but they’ll get used to it. I’m sleeved now and half my body is tattooed, my folks no longer care whenever I get a new piece.” Database82
7. AITJ For Not Inviting My Abusive Mom To My Graduation?
“I grew up living with my birth mother and only visiting my dad every other weekend.
I’ve always felt that this arrangement was unfair and I should be able to see my parents an equal amount of time, I just never dared to confront my mom about this until I was 16. I left a note for her while I was home alone and was about to leave for my dad’s house pretty much letting her know I’d like to see him more.
After this, she changed up completely and started calling me names and saying stuff like “This has always been your plan, just to hurt me!” She also told me that she was going to take my car away, turn my phone off, not get me anything for Christmas, etc. After a while of putting up with this from her, I ultimately decided it would be best for me to live with my dad and visit my mom on the weekends.
Hers and my stepdad’s attitudes towards me kept getting worse and worse with each visit. My stepdad would continually tell me things like “You’re not a part of this family anymore” and insults like “You’re the fat kid”.
My breaking point was when they took all my stuff and packed it up into boxes while I was away at my dad’s house, changed my bedroom into a storage room/office space for them, and told me I had to either sleep on the floor or the couch.
They also told me that once they do clean that room out, it would be for a foster kid. One weekend they cleared off the bed in that room and told me I could sleep in there, but the next morning my stepdad went in the room while I was trying to sleep and turned all the lights on, and called his friends while playing video games.
When I asked him to leave he told me that if I don’t like it I can get out. My mom was away from the house at the time and I messaged her telling her what happened, hoping she would stick up for me, but she told me that I needed to stop being ungrateful.
So I called my dad to come pick me up and I left, and I haven’t been back since.
I’m now 18 and I’m going to be graduating high school in a couple of months. My mom still tries to contact me and apologize for everything that has happened, but I don’t reply.
My step-mom told me that I should try to fix my relationship with my mother, so I don’t regret it when she’s not there for my graduation, but I have no desire to talk to her.
So AITJ for not inviting my mom to my graduation and not trying to fix our broken relationship?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t break the relationship, she did. All you asked was to see your dad more often, and she took it like a child, then started abusing you, and allowed her partner to do the same. This is a consequence of her actions.
Even if there was bad blood from her past relationship with your dad, that isn’t something she has to take out on you. I wouldn’t want her at any special events either if I were you.” AngereyPupper
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you are the jerk.
Your mom and stepdad both hurt you. It’s gonna take some time to heal from that. Your graduation is a special day. But there will be other special days too. Like your wedding, first child, first house, or accepting your dream job. If you and your mom repair your relationship by then she can attend any of these.
I wouldn’t invite her out of obligation. It’s up to you. But you still have a long life of big moments for her to be a part of if you want.” Bella_Bogner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry this happened to you. Your mother and stepfather were abusive.
You are under no obligation to interact with or invite anyone to participate in your life events. That said, at some point in the future, perhaps you could suggest family therapy to explore whether or not your mother is ready and able to make amends for her actions, whenever you might be ready for that.
Missing your graduation, while sad, is a minuscule fraction of the unhappiness she caused you. It is a consequence of her adult choice to mistreat her child and not your problem. Congratulations on graduating, and I hope your life is full of brightness and joy.” savinathewhite
6. AITJ For Losing My Temper With My Niece Over Repeated Boundary Violations?
“I (18ftm) have my room and when my niece comes to stay over she stays in my room. Normally I don’t mind because she follows the rules I have set out.
- Don’t go through my things.
- Don’t wear my clothes
- Don’t read the books I have told you not to.
At the moment I am sorting out my room and have moved some things around so she has her space in my room to put her things when she’s staying over. So, there was no need to move any of my things, my niece who we’ll call Child went through my room when I was at work and I came back to my room being completely wrecked. So I went to the child and asked what happened.
She had said that she didn’t like the layout of my room so she redid it for me. I also told her to not wear my clothes because I have aa citrus allergy and that’s what she tends to eat and she uses citrus-based hygiene products.
Most of the time she will put on my clothes and put them back without telling me, however at the moment it’s currently summer and it’s oot. The child packs clothes fit for winter and I have her clothes that don’t fit me to wear if she gets hot, I came home the same from work, I had worked a 12h 30m shift, so I was tired, upset, and not in the mood for any nonsense.
I came home and she was wearing my clothes and told her to not wear them.
I told her to not read certain books because I’m a massive horror person, lots of the books I have are horror and gory. The child the other hand hates horror so I let the child read some of my older books from when I was her age.
I came back into my room from feeding my cats and she was reading a BL horror book, that night she couldn’t sleep.
I told her off nicely the first time she was at my house from 26th of December 2023 until 14th of January 2024. Over those weeks I had lost my top with her.
At first, I tried to be nice but she continued her actionscalledalled her mother, my sister who we’ll call Shell. Shell believed that I was being unfair to her oldest child and told me to back off.
While the child was staying over at my place I went to see my partner, it was only meant to be a day trip to see her.
The child had said to my mother that I was sleeping over and got me locked out of the house for the night. So, I had to stay over with partners who also got in trouble for having me over. When I returned home I found Child asleep in my bed, wearing my clothes, my room a mess again and my horror books around her.
So I lost it at her screaming that child had no respect for people’s boundaries, and needed to learn boundaries.
Child rang her mother who again told me off for losing it at Child. T should be happy that Cthe hild was visiting my house.
I wasn’t happy that she was going over my boundaries. Now because of Child my sister refuses to talk to me, and has strained some of the relationships that I have with my siblings. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s 12, not a toddler.
She’s more than old enough to know right from wrong. I bet 100% that she knew she shouldn’t have been doing any of the things she did, but she did them anyway. And you’re 18! Like I know she’s your niece but you’re barely an adult yourself.
Was yelling at her the best way to go about this situation? Probably not. But you have a right to be angry and to feel disrespected” perksofbeingcrafty
5. AITJ For Accusing My In-Laws Of Stealing $200 From My Purse?
“My, 26f, in-laws(late 50s), and brother-in-law (30) all live with me, my 2.5yo son, and my partner(32m). This arrangement has worked for us for a few years now and I get along really well with my in-laws. Backstory: my in-laws own their own company.
Recently a piece of equipment vital to their job broke and they haven’t worked except for a few small jobs. The part costs over $700 not including labor. My BIL is a recovering addict and as of recently has been doing well. I’m a bartender, so I always have a lot of cash on me.
Because of my BIL, we still take precautions with our stuff(keys, wallet, etc.) and leave them around. (He’s stolen a lot from us before) My partner, and my son have the whole upstairs. At the bottom of the foyer is a door that locks from our side.
We make sure to take our stuff upstairs and lock the bottom door at night so my BIL can’t access it. On the other side of the foyer is another door that locks from the other side into my in-law’s suite. They usually keep it locked. I had $404 in my wallet before I went to bed Sunday night.
Yesterday, I sat down to budget my money and recount it, I only had about $185. I was so confused, went upstairs and tore everything apart. Nowhere to be found. I knew it wasn’t missing, it went from an envelope into my wallet into my purse.
I haven’t touched it since I counted it last night. When I came downstairs before I realized money was missing, I put my purse on the kitchen table while I made a list, etc. BIL was in the kitchen, and in-laws were in the kitchen and living room, it’s open concept, but I didn’t keep my eyes on my purse the whole time since I was right there.
When I realized the money was missing, I automatically thought it was my BIL. Last night my partner suggested maybe it wasn’t his brother and could’ve been his dad since MIL told him his dad has been stressing and not eating because of the broken equipment.
She then asked him to skip paying rent(he and I take care of all the rent)to help them get the part.
My partner said no. So they could’ve snuck in through their foyer door Sunday night while I was sleeping and I didn’t notice until morning.
This morning I confronted all three of them together and said it’s one of you that stole $200 from me and now I don’t trust any of you and just wanted to thank you for not being able to pay bills, not being able to send my step dad any money towards my moms funeral expenses that we’ve been chipping away at for 5 months now, etc. I told them it wasn’t even all about the money, it’s about respect, trust, and me feeling comfortable in my own home.
No one owned up to it and a few how dare you accuse me’s were thrown around. My BIL insists he didn’t take it and said if he did he would’ve taken all the money and paid his phone that’s still off.
He also has been sober all last night and today. I can tell when he uses it very clearly. I don’t know what to do, I’m hurt and feel betrayed. There’s a lot of tension in my house right now and I’m starting to think maybe I was a little too harsh, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I agree with the other commenter that is time to move. Either they move out or you do. Until then, I’d set up video cameras and more locks too. And your husband needs to step up. He should be the one dealing with his family.
And he should kick them out for stealing. I don’t understand why a business would not get a small loan to cover a $700 piece of equipment, so they could continue working. They are losing work by being so shortsighted. (But are they living with you and have no money/ huge debts?
Then I guess that makes more sense.)” Trick_Delivery4609
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You for knowingly subjecting your young son to this kind of home environment, and your in-laws for stealing from you. Your husband is a jerk for not asking his family about the money and leaving you to do it.
How do you think it’s affecting your young son to be raised amidst all this dysfunction? Time to send them packing, or if it’s their house, find a place of your own. Until that happens, get a safe and lock up your valuables.” Ajstross
4. AITJ For Wanting to Send My Abusive Mother Personality Quizzes?
“I (27f) have never gotten along with my mother (48f). She always tried to portray herself as the “cool mom” while also being extremely manipulative and borderline abusive- i.e, around company, she would give gifts and say amazingly nice things about her children, but in private she very clearly favors my younger brother and even before he was born said that she’s disappointed she had me first instead of “her boy”; explosive rage where she purposefully breaks things that have much sentimental value to me; trying to take my phone/iPad/laptop from me to go through them STILL at 27; my first formative memories are of her calling me a “fat meanie” and taking away food as young as 7 years old (I may have been a little chubby, but this particular incident has caused a bad relationship with my self-image and food that I still deal with).
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve stopped seeking her approval and have minimal contact with her (at this point I only see or talk to her if it benefits me in some way, because I cannot stand to be around her and her comments otherwise).
That might make me a jerk for a different reason, but it’s only after finding a way to survive her throughout my life.
The problem: I moved in with an elderly family member to take care of them and lower my cost of living expenses, and she lives very close to us.
She plays a large role in the community, and I volunteer at her spot occasionally for some of my passion projects. People who “know” her have started asking why I’m cold to her, ignore her, etc, but even when I am honest with them they can’t see past the facade that she has let them all believe is the real her.
They think she is amazing and does wonderful things for the community because she has a big heart- in reality, I know that she just likes it when other people say nice things about her/has the “Oh I’m Jill, I’m the director of the [x]” card to pull to get things for discounted or free.
I’ve thrown the idea around with my best friend and my therapist to start sending her quizzes or checklists for things like narcissism or other personality disorders that I honestly think she may have. My best friend has known me since we were 10 and thinks this is a fantastic idea because she’s always hated how my mother treats me.
My therapist says that if my mom does have some type of disorder she may lash out at me instead of seeking help, and that this may be a jerk move to attack her. I’m looking for something along the lines of confirmation or closure (and possibly warning her nurses when my brother and I inevitably put her in a home).
So WIBTJ if I sneakily send her some quizzes or checklists blended in with regular BuzzFeed-type quizzes?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Are you a clinical psychiatrist who is trained to give these tests of yours to others? Your therapist is correct you are just attacking your mother with this scatterbrained idea of yours.
You have great trauma where it concerns your mother and it appears you are getting help for that, but you need to focus on that treatment and go off the rails with this. You’ll never get better until you can come to terms with the trauma rather than creating more with others.” mustng66
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you would be the jerk for doing that if you intend to get closure or let medical staff know. But your therapist sounds right, I’d be worried about her lashing out. It’s tricky to know the healthiest/correct course of action.
My sister sounds similar to your mother and it always used to frustrate me that people think she was such a great person when she was my tormentor for years, but I took some comfort in the fact that friends and other close family know what she’s really like and don’t judge me for being cold towards her.
I almost feel sorry for her because she doesn’t have any close friends/family. After all, she alienates them eventually with her toxic behaviors.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here Online “personality quizzes” are garbage that don’t accurately diagnose anyone with anything.
Even if she got the result you were looking for, do you think it would cause any sort of self-reflection? Of course not. She’d just dismiss the quiz as trash (and ironically she’d be right). Your mom sounds unpleasant to be around. How would her getting a fake diagnosis of narcissism make her any easier to deal with?” sjsyed
3. AITJ For Wanting My Airbnb Host To Remove The Unexpected, Unruly Dogs?
“I’m staying at an Airbnb for about half a year. In the listing, it said there would be one Maltese dog. The reviews said this was a very easy-going dog who just hangs around, not getting in the way at all. I’m not a dog lover, but that sounded like a fun new experience.
However, when I got to the apartment, I found that it was occupied by no less than four French bulldogs. The hostess explained that these were not her dogs, but a friend of hers. She’s doing him a favor by letting them stay in her apartment.
He feeds and walks them twice per day. Where the Maltese is, I don’t know. My flatmate told me that they might be here for another two months, but I am not sure exactly how long.
This would all be fine if these dogs weren’t a nightmare to coexist with.
They scratch all the doors in the apartments trying to get someone’s attention. Because they always immediately zoom at me when I leave the room but aren’t allowed in the kitchen, I have to maneuver around them in convoluted ways to just be able to make my breakfast. Most egregiously, in the afternoon, I’m typically the first person to come back home, only to find that the dogs have urinated and defecated all over the living room and the shared bathroom because nobody ever seems to walk them during the day.
It stinks terribly. It’s not on me to clean this, but the stench does mean I can’t use the common areas without feeling sick, so I’m locked in my room until the hostess comes back home and cleans. Note that even without the mess, the dogs themselves still smell awful and the entire apartment smells like them.
Also, whenever I enter the apartment, they growl at me for some reason. While I’m supposed to be able to use the common areas for eating dinner, the dogs make this nearly impossible because they will constantly try to eat everything I have made for myself, necessitating me to fend them away from my plate the entire time.
The table is very low, so I can’t just put my plate down or else they will eat my food. In the evening, they run around, scratching at doors relentlessly even as I try to sleep.
This morning, they barked me awake, which pushed me over the edge, so now I’m making this post. Not only is this situation extremely annoying for me, but I also feel quite bad for the dogs because they do not seem happy here.
Had I known there would be 4 smelly, rowdy, in-your-face, and frankly disgusting dogs running around the apartment, I would never have booked it. Then again, it doesn’t seem like these dogs currently have anywhere to go, even though their owner does come by every morning and every night, and I don’t want to create a really sad dilemma for my hostess or the owner.
WIBTJ if I asked my hostess to find a way to get rid of these dogs as soon as possible? Note: this is not in a Western country so I have no idea how animal protective services work around here, and I also don’t think they’re very advanced, so I don’t think that’s the solution.”
Another User Comments:
“I would be looking for another Airbnb to stay at. Requesting a full refund after taking screenshots of the listing and then showing and taking photos and videos of these dogs and the destruction that they’re leaving so you don’t get nailed for the cleaning fees.” Future-Nebula74656
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds miserable and horrible for all involved. I would be finding a new place ASAP. People that are letting dogs use the bathroom on the floor, are neglectful, inconsiderate, and won’t change. Move out and then call animal services to do a wellness check.” Choosepeace
Another User Comments:
“NTJ contacted Airbnb the host has a limited amount of time to resolve any issues with the booking, and the booking never said anything about multiple dogs. They can remove them or refund you. The real jerk move would be to call the host to come get the dogs before you open the front door for them ( not saying to actually do it but put the threat out there).” caucasian88
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend Family Events After My Father-in-Law Excluded Me From A Christmas Gift?
“I have been with my husband for 8 years now and his family lives out of town. I’m extremely close to his mom’s side of the family and my MIL is one of my favorite people his stepdad is like the dad I never had.
This is the first year that we were a family of three for Christmas after struggling to get pregnant for four years. It was a really big deal to our family as our daughter is the first grandchild on that side of the family. Every year I save each month to be able to buy everyone’s Christmas gifts.
I make more than my husband so I contribute more to the Christmas fund because I honestly love Christmas and being able to buy things for both sides of our family because it’s just a small way that I can show that I appreciate all that they do (I tell them throughout the year as well with and without gifts).
I honestly never expect anything in return because I grew up rather poor and I just don’t care if someone buys me anything because I honestly just enjoy being able to have enough money to buy for other people. This year when we went to my husband’s dad’s house for Christmas everyone opened their gifts and I was just overwhelmed with joy at how they spoiled our daughter and got her books, little tethers, and a few outfits.
I just thought it was so sweet that even though she is only 6 months old they thought of her.
When it came down to my husband’s dad giving us our gift it was a card addressed to my husband and me. In the card, there was $200 cash and a Starbucks gift card.
I had already assumed that the cash was for my husband and the gift card was for me. The year prior he had gotten me a $25 Macys gift card and I just assumed that is all he wanted to spend on me which is completely fine with me, because it’s the thought that counts!
Well, when we opened the card together I was holding our daughter and reading it along with my husband. I looked at his dad and told him thank you so much. His dad then responded that the cash was not for me and only for my husband.
I was just taken aback and honestly so hurt that he would even say that to me. I didn’t say anything until my husband brought it up. He said that he couldn’t believe that his dad said that. And I told my husband that I no longer wanted to attend their family events on that side because they just make me uncomfortable.
So am I the jerk for no longer wanting to be around his family on that side?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ For being hurt over how FIL acted. He was being quite rude, to say the least. Y W B T J If you stay away from all the other people you speak of with appreciation for how they have treated your daughter.
Don’t spend any more money on FIL though. Ever.” DragonCelica
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What did your husband say to him? What did your husband’s father say in return? You say that he confronted his dad afterward but the fact that you still don’t want to go spend time with his family makes me think he didn’t address the issue well enough.
Your husband needs to step up for you in front of them (or him). It’s absolutely unacceptable for your husband to allow his dad to be disrespectful to you in any way. The fact that he went out of his way to belittle you in front of everyone…it needs to be shut down immediately.
Seriously I would suggest you get therapy together, it sounds like you both might have some conflict avoidance and therapy is helpful for basically everyone. But it’s really not ok for the resolution to be you stay home while he takes your child and goes anyway…basically telling them it’s totally ok if they don’t respect you.” Unfair_Fortune920
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only good reason to say that would be if he had a nice gift just for you hidden away: “The cash isn’t for you, it’s just for him…because there’s something better for you over here.” But you’re never gonna get that kind of treatment from that miserable old turd.
On the plus side, after reading through your comments, it’s nice to see you and your husband handling this so well. He’s firmly on your side, no one’s issuing ultimatums about cutting anyone from your lives entirely, and you’re open to seeing the rest of that side of the family and letting your husband bring your daughter around to visit him without you (though I don’t know why he would want to at this point).
Sounds like you’re working together as a team, in a very healthy way. I haven’t been on Reddit very long, but I can already tell that’s a rarity around here. Kudos to both of you.” Zytrax7
1. AITJ For Not Allowing My Future Sister-In-Law An Open Plus One At My Wedding?
“My fiance, John, (26M), and I (25F) are getting married in September.
We intended on having a small wedding with just close friends and family, however my family is very large. In total our guest count will be just under 60 people.
During John’s family’s dinner, we were discussing the guest list, when Martha (FMIL) brought up Jane (FSIL&MOH) and her plus one.
I pulled John aside to discuss how I am uncomfortable with an open plus one for the following reasons:
- Jane is not currently interested in anyone. If she did start seeing someone we would have no problem inviting them, it’s just the idea of bringing someone we haven’t met just to bring someone
- I am socially anxious and being around strangers in general is hard for me let alone showing PDA in front of them.
- Jane will be busy all day and sitting with us at the reception. I don’t want a stranger sitting at the head table with us and our families and being in every picture, and I don’t see a point in having someone there just for them to be alone the whole time
- We are trying to keep the wedding as small as possible and there won’t be a whole dance or anything she’d need a partner for
- No one else is getting an open plus one
John agreed with me and we decided to talk to her one on one later.
However, when FFIL (Henry) brought up her plus one again I was visibly anxious, he saw something was up and kept pushing me to say something. I told him I’m not comfortable with an open plus one. He then argued with me about it in front of Jane.
Jane left, obviously hurt. We talked with her later and she understood, but my in-laws were still furious.
Henry said I should give her a plus one because what if she meets someone she wants them to meet? Martha said I was being selfish and asked why I brought up the guest list in front of Jane if I didn’t want her to have a plus one.
I tried explaining that I was not expecting that at all, and it was pried out of me. Henry said I was being too sensitive. I tried to clarify that I’m only uncomfortable with an open plus one, and if there’s someone she meets we would be happy to invite them.
They were still angry when the conversation ended.
Martha now wants to meet me for lunch, and I don’t know if I can handle my own and defend my position again. I’m not sure it’s even worth the tension if it will just make me uncomfortable for one day, even if it should be just about John and me.
So, AITJ for not giving Jane an open plus one?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I don’t see why a plus-one is necessary unless the person already has an important, established partner. Partners of a couple of months don’t need to be invited to an intimate wedding, never mind a hypothetical one.
I’m not entirely sure why Jane was offended, how did the argument with your FIL go? That being said, you should consider therapy/treatment for your anxiety. It seems like it’s giving you extra stress that you really don’t need during wedding planning. That being said, I also very much personally understand that anxiety is difficult to deal with lmao” Ok_Adeptness7156
Another User Comments:
“NTJ since you said that you were willing to meet any new individuals and are open to including a plus one at that point. As a fellow socially anxious person, my wedding was a very big deal for me. I didn’t dance much after the typical wedding dances to start the reception.
However, I had an absolute blast just sitting back and people-watching and seeing everyone enjoy themselves. What helped me was that it was so busy I didn’t have time to think and thus got anxious. I did have people come up and try to encourage me to dance and be more involved but I was happy, and my wife was too, with how we were participating.
They understood once I explained I was having a blast and backed off. Just because I can socialize doesn’t mean I want to or am comfortable doing so. This is your wedding and are open to compromise as I take your writing. Have a blast and I hope you do have a meeting if your FSIL meets someone to make you comfortable including them at that point.” CapsFan1066
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s your wedding, only yours, you get what you want END. It seems the younger generation has started this smaller wedding trend which I think is truly great as it’s your wedding and you can do whatever you want. We’ve had this no-date generation debate at work.
My niece got married and none of us were given a plus one. We didn’t mind but it felt really odd going to a wedding without my SO and kinda put a damper on what would have been a really fun wedding if I had a date to dance with.
I was invited to another wedding and couldn’t bring a date, and I had to be walked out to the parking lot by another guest because it wasn’t safe. I honestly don’t believe in not allowing a woman to not bring a date which sounds super old fashioned but I don’t enjoy being harassed by intoxicated men.” grapefruitviolin
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