People Put Their Best Foot Forward In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Inviting My Sister On A Trip With My Friends?
“I, 20F have two best friends of five years who I will call Oscar and Vivian.
For a long time, we have wanted to plan a trip to New York and recently the topic came up again so we started planning. We also have two other friends named Julia and Amy who were not originally part of the plan but we have all become a bigger friend group over the past two years so we decided to invite them too.
They agreed to join us.
While planning they brought up the idea of bringing a chaperone. I thought this was silly since we are adults but I mentioned my older sister might be interested. She is familiar with my friends and they were totally fine with her coming as well as her bringing one of her own friends.
I asked my sister about it and she said she was not sure but would think about it. In the meantime, we decided we did not really need a chaperone and went ahead and bought our tickets.
When I told my sister we had bought tickets I also told her we did not need a chaperone anymore.
She then asked if she and her friend could still go but just do their own thing and stay at a separate hotel. I asked my friends if they were okay with this and at first Oscar Vivian and Amy said they did not mind, but Julia said she was not okay with it and claimed it would ruin everything.
She said when she bought her ticket this was not the kind of trip she signed up for.
Not long after that the others changed their minds and started siding with Julia which makes me think she messaged them privately. I told them my sister and her friend would not be joining us for most activities and might only come along for less personal things like breakfast or dinner.
But they all insisted they did not want to see them at all and even said they should not be in the same place at the same time.
Julia said that if I did not tell my sister they could not come she would do it herself.
I thought this was rude and unnecessary. When I told my sister about it she was confused and upset. While I was on a video call with my friends my sister overheard Julia saying my sister and her friend would ruin everything. My sister grabbed my phone and confronted them which led to an argument mainly between her and Julia.
Afterward I texted Julia to apologize for my sister’s reaction but she said she would not attend the Friendsgiving I had invited her to that weekend because of that call, also told me my other friends were not going either though but none of them told me this.
Julia then said she would not go on any other trips with me after this one. Since all this happened my friends have barely talked to me and seem to be siding with Julia.
I don’t understand why it is such a big deal for my sister and her friend to come especially since they will mostly be doing their own thing.
I also do not see why they cannot join us for something casual like a meal. It feels like my friends are not willing to compromise and want me to side with them completely. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m not sure these are your friends, and for them to be badmouthing your sister, who was only considering coming because they mentioned a chaperone and as a favor to you, for no reason is disrespectful to her AND to you.
I wouldn’t tolerate people being that disrespectful. NTJ. Also, these probably aren’t your friends. Sad to say.” November-8485
Another User Comments:
“Julia sounds like the mean girl of the group and the rest are her little puppies that are her followers. I would still go and just vacation with your sister and her friend.
You just learned that not all friends are true friends. Drop them and move on. Update me!” Upset_Structure3547
18. AITJ For Telling My Partner That My Friend Is Gay?
“I started working at a coffee shop, where I met a friend, Val, and we got on really well. She gave me good friend vibes, and we clicked right away. She’s insane but in a good way. She ended up sitting next to me in class because we had a couple of classes together.
She told me, the first conversation we had, that she was gay. I commented on a female character on her shirt. She started talking about how attractive this character is and then realizing what she was saying, added that she was gay and outed herself, kinda embarrassed. I said, stupidly, oh, no worries, that’s fine.
I have a partner, but I’m like 20% gay. Sometimes I see a hot guy and I’m like yup. I’d do it.
I really did not need to say that, but she died laughing and made me tell her everyone that lives in that 20% percent. We don’t see each other much, during class/work and we’ll grab food afterward.
During class, she started doing whatever she could to make me laugh. She started talking about how cute the professor was and sent me a poem she wrote for him, which had me dying in class.
Our professor ended up calling us out and asking what was funny, I wanted to dive under the table, but I apologized and he let it go.
But as you can see, she gives best friend vibes. We just have fun being around each other, that’s all. My partner said she heard about us laughing in class. I said we were being silly, she asked me if I should be hanging out, alone, with a woman, but I said we weren’t hanging around alone.
We go to the dining hall after lunch, we’d both go anyway, might as well go together? Plus she and my other friends were in class at the time. I said she didn’t need to stress anyway, Val is gay, and she dropped it.
This weekend my partner went to a party that I couldn’t go to, and that’s when everything blew up.
She had met Val before, at my work, and she walked into her kissing a guy at a party and called me about it. She said what is wrong with you, you said she was gay. I was totally confused. I said she told me she was gay, she always calls herself gay.
She said she told my “friend” Val not to be around me anymore and I asked how that was supposed to work. We go to work together but also have class projects/group work to do together. She hung up on me frustrated and stopped answering my calls.
I called Val after that and she was annoyed. She said your partner is crazy, she just yelled at me and made a scene at a party. I asked why she told me she was gay, and she said she was. Gay is an umbrella term.
She’s bi. I was like dude, who calls themselves gay when they’re bi? There’s a difference. But she said there wasn’t and she explained what happened to my partner, she needed to chill out. She said it’s messed up not to be able to have friends that are the opposite sex, and I said sure, it’s more about the lie, though.
It comes off as fishy.
We both explained what happened to my partner but she is still very upset/passive-aggressive about it. She has called me a jerk multiple times. AITJ here? Did I mess up bad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t lie, you told the truth to the best of your ability, and Val doesn’t need to explain herself to ANYONE.
The fact that she chooses to disclose pieces of information about it is just that, a choice, not a requirement. These things are fluid, especially at a young age when you’re still figuring everything out. Your partner is being unreasonable here. And her reaction to seeing Val kiss a guy that’s not you sounds absurd.
Why would you make a scene there? What business is it of hers? That’s some next-level insecurity.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told your partner exactly what Val told you – that she was gay – so you didn’t lie and aren’t to blame for the misunderstanding just because you both accidentally mistook that as meaning she was a lesbian.
The real issue here is your partner flying off the handle when she caught Val kissing a man and immediately demanding that she not come near you anymore, especially since it caused a scene in front of someone Val was presumably intending to date or at least hookup.
Your partner had no right to try and end one of your friendships just because the person in question is a woman who happens to be attracted to men and then self-righteously tell you about it later as if you would automatically agree. And this whole ‘Should you be hanging around alone with someone of the opposite sex?’ nonsense is ridiculously insecure.” asphodel2020
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – but only because you outed a friend’s sexuality to your partner. I understand it was to make her see that Val was not a threat, but it shouldn’t have come at Val’s expense. You disrespected a friend in order to make your partner feel better, which isn’t cool.
At no point should her sexuality have been mentioned. She disclosed that to you, trusting you with the information. If your partner is this insecure and lacking in trust, for no reason, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship.” kikikoni
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister's Partner At My Baby Shower After A Betrayal?
“Back in 2020, I(30f) introduced my sister Penelope(25f) to a friend of mine, Jamie (32f). I was ecstatic when they started seeing each other! They were truly some of my closest people in the world. I asked them to help me move across the country.
I laid out the travel days, hotel locations, amount of hours for travel each day, etc. They agreed to all of the plans and expressed their excitement daily.
The day before we were set to leave, my sister came to me and said they were going to get a head start that day.
I agreed to just leave early with them because I have dogs that I was relying on their help with. I asked them before we left if we were sticking to the same hotel plans – they said yes, so I kept the reservations.
The next morning, I woke up to a flat tire.
Several hours later, my tire was fixed and they had decided to get a head start to the next hotel. As soon as I got to the hotel, Penelope asked if they could drive hours further that night, leaving me completely alone. I immediately was hurt and confused. At this point, it was too late to cancel without paying the full room cost and I didn’t have wiggle room in my budget.
They reluctantly agreed to stay and help out as originally planned. They said I was being selfish by not getting to my new state sooner, because Penelope had never been there before. I ended up driving the rest of the way by myself anyway because they refused to switch drivers at all.
Once we got to my new home, I ordered groceries for us and asked them what they wanted from the local store. While I was out, I got a text from Penelope saying they had gotten a hotel room over an hour away and their Uber was picking them up.
They said the vibes were off and wanted to be alone. By the time I got back to my place with the stuff I got that they specifically asked for, they were gone and had left my dogs in the new place unsecured. I was so upset at this point.
They had celebrated their 1 month anniversary on this trip and I felt like they used my moving trip as a way to have their own vacation without any regard for me. My sister would never have suggested leaving me (or anyone) alone in the middle of a road trip, so I knew a lot of this was coming from Jamie.
We got into a big argument and they essentially stopped speaking to me altogether. I tried to reach out several times over the years, but I eventually gave up.
Now, I’m pregnant. My mom is planning a baby shower and I found out after the fact that she has enlisted Penelope and Jamie for help planning the entire thing.
I have opened up to the idea of Penelope being involved as my baby’s aunt. However, I still don’t trust Jamie and I feel deeply uncomfortable being around her at all. The first time I will have seen or spoken to her since the move will be at my baby shower and I’ve been so anxious about it, it makes me physically ill.
Am I the jerk if I tell Penelope that I’m uncomfortable around Jamie and don’t want to interact with her while I’m in town for my baby shower?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and disinvite them. The whole “but they’re your family!” line is such utter crap in whatever form it takes.
They treated you badly to the point where you’re still upset years later and they have apparently done nothing to mend fences. So they get to live with the consequences of that. Continuing relationships are earned, and they haven’t earned their place here.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am of the belief that you are entitled to decide who is relevant in your life. If you don’t want someone in your life, then that’s that. No explanation is needed. In regards to the events of the road trip… normally, I would say that you were expecting far too much from Penelope and Jamie, but you said that they had already agreed to the plans.
If the plans were agreed upon, and then they violated them, then they are the jerks.” Carmenti
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re spot on that they used you for a vacation; they didn’t seem to think of you much at all. Your mom trying to mend the rift between her kid’s tracks, but have you told your *mom* that you are uncomfortable with Jamie?
If the baby shower is all set and ready to go, don’t have this conversation right before the event itself, just be polite and distant and focus on those who are there for you to celebrate your baby. Do have the conversation with your mom and sister (separately, to see who is going to listen and respect your feelings in this), but after the shower.
You do not have to interact with anyone, whatever they’ve “done” for you is irrelevant to how you feel about them. And are you really comfortable with your sister being in your child’s life if you are so uncomfortable with her that you don’t want that individual around?
I’m not saying either of them would hurt your baby, but I don’t get any “vibes” that they could be trusted with childcare, considering how they treated your dogs. Good luck, OP, and congratulations on your upcoming motherhood!” Sinacias
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Ex-Best Friend, Who Accused Me Of Casting A Hex, Around My Child?
“For context, she (27f) and I(25f) were best friends for 8 years off and on.
We definitely had our ups and downs but I always just assumed it was because we were dumb kids. But, in the last year or two I’ve been having some serious life changes that I really hoped she would fully support.
In August of 2022, I found out I was pregnant and we were both very happy.
She even seemed excited to be the cool witchy aunt who would teach my future daughter about spiritual healing and crystals and all that. But, on the day I gave birth, I was a bit too exhausted to talk to anyone and I slept most of the day while my fiance did a lot of the heavy lifting.
The next day, I went to send her photos of my daughter only to find out I was blocked. Obviously, I was very confused as we were both patiently waiting for this day with joy. So I checked to see if she had blocked me on Snapchat and she had forgotten, so I messaged her and asked why she blocked me.
For a full hour before blocking me again, she just kept telling me “You know what you did.” I genuinely had no clue as to what she could be talking about so I asked a few mutual friends if they had any idea as to what she was referring to.
Only one friend could give me any insight into what was going on and just said to let her cool off because she had apparently taken too many “magic mushrooms” the night before and nothing she was saying made any sense. Well after 2 months of no word or even the slightest apology for abandoning me during the most important moment of my life, I gave up on her and just kind of moved on.
She didn’t just block me either. She blocked my entire family and anyone who had made any contact with me for months after the fact) Cut to 8 months later she reached out to one of my closest friends and he finally got an explanation for why she blocked me.
In her message, she basically told him that when she was high her spirit guides came to her and told her that I had “spiritually violated” her. Obviously, being a boy and not into that stuff he had no idea what that meant and asked her to elaborate.
Her words exactly were that I had cast a hex on her while literally giving birth and that she couldn’t have that kind of negativity in her life anymore. That was about 2 months ago. She recently reached out to me the other day and asked if she could come to meet my daughter because as I quote “the gods told her the hex was lifted and I was ready for forgiveness.” I asked her if she was high when they said that too and she got upset and told me yes.
I told her I wasn’t looking for her forgiveness and I wasn’t interested in having that kind of energy around my child. She called me selfish and told me holding on to the past like that isn’t “proper healing”. I just feel like I’ve moved on from that part of my life and I’m happy with my fiance and have another little girl on the way.
Anyone who puts substance-induced hallucinations above an almost decade-long friendship isn’t someone I need in my life.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!! And I can’t even see in this where she apologized. Only that she said you were ready for forgiveness, which isn’t an apology.
Anyway, putting your little family (you, your child(ren) and your partner) first is always the right thing to do. You definitely do not need someone putting substance-induced hallucinations above your friendship in your life. And as a safety concern, do you want someone like that around your kids?
I wouldn’t.” NoteRCT
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think any normal person would have the same amount of patience you showed when it comes to someone who lets their substances and highness affect their friends and family’s lives like that. Let her be. She doesn’t deserve you and you don’t have the time to deal with her spiritual premonitions.” BigNathaniel69
15. AITJ For Wanting To Expose My Brother's Neglect Of His Puppy On Social Media?
“I (21F) am living with my dad and my brother J (23M). J was in the Marine Corps for a bit, but now he’s back home.
Why he’s back home, I have no idea, but that’s a different story. When he came back home, J brought his new puppy Rocky without telling us and without even asking for permission. J claimed that he would take care of Rocky and for about 2 weeks, he did.
Over time, I noticed that Rocky’s droppings would stay on the carpet for days. For the past year, J has been neglectful of Rocky and allows him to destroy the house. The couches smell like pee and have been torn up, he would lock Rocky in rooms for hours and Rocky would scratch up the bottoms, the carpets smell bad, my dad’s old records have pee on them, and he even ate my AirPods and destroyed my video games.
I never once got paid back, or even an I’m sorry. Rocky once got to a jar of Vaseline and ate it. The poor thing got sick on the carpet and J let it stay on the carpet for a week before I said anything.
He only cleaned it because I mentioned it to my dad and he was mad.
I’m so tired of spending hours cleaning and making sure the house is clean and nice for when people only for it to be destroyed in minutes and I’m expected to clean everything and be happy.
I have reached my limit. I have told my dad every day how I hate that we have a pet here with a neglectful and selfish owner, but according to him, “We can’t get rid of Rocky because J paid for it with his own money and we would be mean for doing that.” Which I think is very wrong.
It’s not right for us to get rid of a dog that’s not legally ours, but it’s also not right for a dog that’s not ours to destroy a house that my father worked hard on and we just sit back.
I’ve reached my limit. If nothing is going to change, I will snap and do something drastic. Since we’re not allowed to get rid of the dog ourselves, and J won’t do anything, I will do something. What I’ve thought of is taking photos and videos of everything that has happened to the house and my stuff, and putting it on social media for people to see.
There are pros and cons to this, and this may be me talking out of anger, but I am serious with doing this. I want people to see how neglectful J is, especially my dog owner friends. I also don’t want J’s reputation ruined by this, because he has a job that does require long hours and I don’t want to make this an attack on him personally.
I just want him to wake up and be responsible.
And this will be a very last resort. I personally don’t want to post about it, but I physically can’t live like this. I’ve mentioned this to my partner and friends, and they will stand by me.
My dad gets mad at me for complaining to people because “don’t make J a bad guy” but I’m pretty sure a bad guy neglects a puppy. I’m just stuck on what to do. I don’t want my family mad at me, but I want to stand up for them and myself.”
Another User Comments:
“I understand your frustration. NTJ. But I think you need to rethink the plan. Your dad is not going to be reasonable about seeing his son exposed like that on social media. He hasn’t been reasonable so far and I wouldn’t hold my breath for that to change anytime soon.
He seems happy with the current dynamic (i.e. you do all the housework for his house, J is the golden child, etc.). I worry going forward with your plan will make your living situation very hard. And as others have pointed out, you may not even see the results you want.
After all, just because you post the photos doesn’t mean J will meaningfully change. If you can, move out asap. Stay with friends or your partner. Find family members who understand and stay with them. Move out and leave them to their filth. And I would consider how your family treats you and what kinds of relationships you want with them.” Classic_Secretary460
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You live with your dad, so your dad makes these types of decisions. You have the option of taking responsibility for the puppy, not taking responsibility for the puppy shutting yourself in your room, and leaving. Whining isn’t winning your dad over to your side while communicating with him might.” Petefriend86
Another User Comments:
“Why has this been enabled for so long? This should be a personal attack. He is being personally irresponsible for his darn dog. Over a year and it took you saying something to your dad to get upset about the dog puking on the carpet a week earlier.
What is he, oblivious? His actions = his reputation. His reputation is based on his personal actions. If he wasn’t your brother (blood-related), how would you feel about living in that filth?” Potential-Power7485
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit My Neighbor's Kids Again After Being Misled?
“I (14 F) NEVER want to babysit this family of 5 again. (Btw they are also my next-door neighbors). Earlier this morning, I received a text from the Mom (probably in her 30’s). She has 3 kids with her husband (also probably in his 30’s).
The 2 oldest kids are twins (5F and 5M). They also have a baby (M 2-3). The text I received from the mom was asking me if I was free for 2 hours to watch the TWINS. She said the twins and did NOT mention anyone else.
I said yes and when it was time I walked next door and into their backyard where they told me to go. As I opened the gate, a mother and 2 kids walked in behind me. Weird I thought but at first shrugged it off, until I saw a bounce house blown up, and an outdoor table set with a bucket of forks, knives, spoons, and an ice cream station.
They were having a party. And wanted ME, just ME nobody else, to watch over the kids. The kids started to pile in with more and more moms with their kids.
In the end, around 15 kids were there, from the ages of 1 YEAR OLD, to 6 YEARS OLD.
Very young. I have babysat kids around those ages before, but 2 at a time. Not 15. I was completely shocked. And the mom was so casual about it. Not anything like, oh sorry, I forgot to mention. Nothing. When I was out of the 6 moms’ sight, I quickly texted my mom to vent and explain how many kids I was watching.
My mom could hear and see all the kids from next door. I then went back to watching the kids as they played on the bounce house, shoved each other, ate pizza, made ice cream, and kept playing. I ended up staying a bit over the time she asked as well, because not everyone was gone yet.
Also, tomorrow is the first day of school. I just feel like I just wasted the last HOURS of my summer. I had no plans today, except to go to the mall and get my nails done, and I finished that before I babysat, but I would’ve much rather sat on my couch while watching some TV.
Instead, I watched 15 kids and got paid 30 dollars.
I don’t usually care about how much or little I get paid when babysitting, but I was disappointed. I usually charge 13 dollars per hour, which my mom says isn’t a lot, and whenever I tell people they say to raise my rates.
I don’t care, because I enjoy hanging out and watching kids. But when I charge 13 dollars an hour, that’s for 1-4 kids. Not 15. I get it I got paid 15 dollars an hour, but I was watching 15 kids, and I was expecting more. When I told my mom when I got home, she thought I deserved AT LEAST 50 if not more.
Also, I’m on my period and have cramps, it was painful to be standing for all that time that I was, and this is one of the first times I’ve had cramps, I’m not used to it. So I wasted the last hours of my summer and did that in pain.
The Mom asked me if I would ever do something like this again, and I said yes to be polite, but honestly, I don’t ever want to babysit this family again, no matter how many kids I’m babysitting. So, AITJ for not wanting to babysit this family ever again?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, You have a few choices here depending on how you want to go about this. You could totally tell a white lie, and say that you aren’t taking babysitting jobs because you want to focus on school. You could say that what they did to you was very unfair because it was.
I’d say talk to your mom about the most appropriate way to deal with the neighbors but don’t take any more jobs from them. There are certainly a lot more families who are way more respectful and would love for you to babysit for them in your area.” Mindless-Flan-503
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are nowhere near qualified to watch 16 kids on your own!! As a child, you shouldn’t be responsible for so many kids. For future reference what I was taught about 10 years ago is a base rate of 15 bucks an hour for one kid, with each additional kid adding on $10.
you should’ve been paid somewhere in the neighborhood of $165 an hour. Honestly, I wouldn’t babysit for them ever again.” QueerGeologist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to tell her NO. Just don’t ever accept a job like this again. Had you been able to plan ahead, you could have let the other parents know that they needed to stay, as you were only hired to babysit 2 children, but things can get out of hand.
Just say no to them from now on. Tell them you’re unavailable or it won’t be possible, or whatever you want. You owe them no explanations.” Few_Ad_5752
13. AITJ For Defending My Grandma From My Mom's Expectations Of Her Accepting Her New Baby As A Grandchild?
“My mom is expecting a baby with her husband Chris. My mom hasn’t talked to her parents in about 10 years. It’s a complicated mess but they are a bunch of toxic jerks who sided with a criminal and someone they never should have over innocent people.
My mom was disgusted and stepped away from them. So she has no extended family.
My mom used to be married to my dad. He died 4 years ago but they were divorced for a little over a year at the time of his death. My dad became hooked on substances after he was a witness to something extremely traumatic and he was destroying his life before he died. It destroyed my parent’s marriage and it hurt my mom a lot, especially after the drama with her family.
I (17m) always loved my dad even when he was sick, and I do believe his addiction was a sickness, but I understand why it was so hard for my mom on top of her own family stuff. It was also hard for my dad’s family.
My grandma and my aunts and uncle. My grandpa died when dad and his siblings were young and my grandma also lost two babies. So she was through a lot as well.
My mom and grandma got along fine but I never would have called them close and after the divorce, they didn’t really keep in touch much.
But since my mom got pregnant she and Chris have been so weird about my grandma. It started over my baby blanket. My grandma made my baby blanket and she has it again now because I asked her to save it for me. Dad had just died at the time and Mom and I were moving a lot and I was worried something would happen to it.
Mom knew where it went. So when she learned she was having another baby she asked grandma to have it for her new baby. My grandma said it would be up to me and I said no.
So Chris told her she should make the baby a blanket since she’ll have a new grandchild.
I was just as caught off guard as my grandma was. She told him the baby was not her grandchild and why would he think they are. He said since the baby will be my sibling it would only be kind to accept their child as a grandchild.
My mom said grandma knows she has no family and given what my dad aka grandma’s son put her through, she should consider doing the kindest thing possible and accept them as family and welcome a new grandchild who will be related through me if nothing else.
Grandma said that it wasn’t fair to put Dad’s trauma onto her. That he went through something none of us would understand. She also said she has no obligation to the baby and that I’m almost out of mom’s house and she doesn’t need to be around the baby at all once I’m gone.
My mom and Chris have repeatedly tried to change her mind. So one day I told them they were being so weird with grandma and the baby. I told them grandma has nothing to do with this and it sucks that the baby won’t have grandparents (Chris’ parents are dead) but it doesn’t mean my grandma owes anything.
My mom said grandma could do something loving and generous and I should be encouraging grandma and not calling Chris and her weird. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ there have been multiple posts recently on people expecting others to accept people into their family that aren’t actually their family members (former son-in-law’s new family, etc) and it utterly baffles me.
Especially since in this case, they’re blaming grandma for her son’s trauma to manipulate her.” Careless-Ability-748
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your grandma makes a great point: if you were ten years younger this might be different, but you’re going to be out living your own life well before the baby registers as anything other than “baby”.
Not to say you won’t have a relationship, but it’s definitely not going to be typical sibling closeness! Tell your mom or Chris to learn to crochet and make their own baby blanket.” ghostchurches
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and before any blocking happens, do you have stuff from your childhood that is yours or grandma’s, that you don’t want to lose other than the baby blanket?
I’m not advocating basically stealing anything that isn’t rightfully yours from your mom, mind you, but if there are some things like that, make sure they’re in a safe place and then have a talk with your mom about her behavior and say thing(s).
Also, let grandma know that you may need some time.” Ash_Dayne
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My 18th Birthday Party With A 7 Year Old?
“I (18 F) turned 18 on August 20th. My family held a barbecue for multiple things, one being their 25th wedding anniversary, I can’t remember what the second one was.
And the last thing was my birthday. The barbecue started off well, I invited some friends and we had some fun playing corn hole. My family members would give me a hug and say “Happy birthday” and I would smile and thank them. After everyone had arrived, my dad gathered everyone around in one area and made an announcement.
He started off by saying thank you to everyone who came and he started listing what we were celebrating. When he announced that I was turning 18, everyone cheered and congratulated me. This is where things got weird, or at least for me. My grandma said that we were celebrating two birthdays.
I spotted her earlier talking to one of the younger kids but I couldn’t hear what she was saying. I should also add that she makes me uncomfortable when she puts her hand around me and on my waist, hip, or on my rib cage.
I kept taking her hand off but she kept putting it back. I even stepped away and she still kept trying to put her hand on my hip. She was doing all this while announcing that the little girl turned 7 today as well. Everyone turned their heads to the girl and said happy birthday.
Meanwhile, I stayed silent. My dad had me stand in front of everyone so they could sing Happy Birthday before we ate. My grandma had the little girl stand with me.
So they sang happy birthday to both of us and me and my friends got to grab our food first. When we sat down at the table we occupied, I said in a quiet voice “I know she’s a little girl and she’s 7 now, but I feel like I should’ve been the only one to have happy birthday sung to me.” My friend, we will call her Emma, (16 f) agreed with me and said “Turning 7 is not as big as turning 18”
After everyone ate, I saw a few people giving me looks, like I was being selfish. No one said anything to me, but I wonder if I was not as quiet as I thought I was. My friends and I moved to sit inside as a wasp kept flying around our table.
Once dinner was cleaned up, I saw dessert being set up. And once I saw the cake for me, I wanted
The cake was pink, it did have my name on it, but it looked more like a cake for a 7-year-old. I don’t know who brought it.
I didn’t say anything because I did not want to ruin the mood. Once I started eating my piece of cake, my grandma brought my present over to me. I opened it and got a pair of shoes and a gift card. I hugged her and said thanks.
I then got up and brought over the presents my friends got me and opened them in front of them. Once I opened the gifts, said thank you, and put them back in the bag, I continued to eat my cake. But what happened next almost made me cry.
The little girl who turned 7, started opening my gifts after I put them back. I smiled at her but put them where she couldn’t reach. She just walked off and I started to feel bad. Am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…. A few questions, isn’t the little girl related to you?
Given it was your 18th bday at your house, it was supposed to be your party and well they should have asked you before. Well given you said you ripped the gifts off her hands that’s a bit mean and well could have approached it better.
But feels it’s because this was pushed on you and well you wouldn’t want her to like your gifts and having to give some to her.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your grandma was the problem here Turning 18 is 100% a much bigger deal than turning 7, but also, birthdays are generally more important to little kids.
That little girl didn’t really have the social subtext for what was going on, your grandma put her in a crappy position that was over her head, and then you ended up directing your frustration toward her in a way that everyone very much picked up on.
The main reason your grandma is the jerk is because it seems like she did this on a whim without warning the hosts of the party. So she knew that no one had prepared anything for that little girl and that this would be a surprise to the people being celebrated, and made the active decision to put everyone in that situation anyway.
I just feel bad for this little girl who got stuck in a weird position in the middle of someone else’s family drama.” JustheBean
Another User Comments:
“This is kinda what happens when you try to celebrate too many things at once. It sounds like the 7y/o wouldn’t have been present if not for the anniversary and therefore wouldn’t have had to share your birthday.
It’s not unreasonable to not want to share a big day like a milestone birthday (my mum’s birthday is only a few days from mine and we always have separate gigs for them). It’s not unreasonable for a child to think they can unwrap presents after they’ve just had Happy Birthday sung to them.
Kids are dumb and they relate the two things together even if the gift isn’t for them. I feel like the family could have done a better job considering everyone’s feelings on the matter and you also need to understand that you’re not a kid anymore, so you’re probably going to have to shift your expectations slightly going forward.
NTJ” My_nsfw_account_88
11. AITJ For Being Upset About My Husband's Possessiveness And Lack Of Apologies?
“Two days ago we had a “disagreement” where he kept mentioning HIS money (I’m a stay-at-home mom and he’s the one working) which took me by surprise because it was never only his, but OURS.
Even when I was working we always considered it ours and not mine or his. Every night he uses my laptop to play games, which is fine but now he’s started to play games during the day as well and I have no access to it anymore.
(We’re on vacation and brought only my laptop with us). On the day of the disagreement I mentioned how I can’t use my laptop when I need to because he’s constantly playing, day and night to which he replied that the laptop is HIS, he bought it which is somewhat true because he placed an order for it but I’m the one who paid.
All this has left me hurt and mad at him. I tried to tell him and talk about it but he’s the type of a person who doesn’t want to listen and is always right so I gave up because it made me even more frustrated and hurt.
Later that day we went out with the kids and he bought ice cream for the kids and himself but not me. I had to fight off the tears in public the whole time we were out and just try to act normal for the kid’s sake not to ruin the fun for them.
The next day I was understandably still hurt and mad. He kept trying to have a conversation with me about stupid things but I kept basically ignoring him. In the morning he wanted intimacy (this is his way of “apologizing “) but I was having none of it.
He was happy and giggly all day, joking, talking to me, trying to kiss me or ask me to kiss him but I wouldn’t. He really hurt my feelings and I’ve had enough of his “apologizing” throughout the years that it makes me sick when he starts his little apologizing ritual. The man has said the words “I’m sorry” a total of 3 times during our relationship.
Literally!
Anyway, fast forward to yesterday. We spent the day going out with the kids again. I was still mad and hurt but managed to have a conversation with him here and there. In the afternoon he started talking badly about our kids in front of another family member and when the person left I asked him not to do it again.
It wasn’t in a mean or confronting way by any means. I brought it up during our conversation. This infuriated him and started arguing with me about it. He also added how he’s had enough and how the day before he was kissing my butt all day, being nice to me but I’m always looking for a fight, and spent the rest of the evening not speaking to me.
We put the kids to bed, I went to take a shower when I heard a knock on the door. It was him telling me he was going out for a beer. I just stood there in disbelief not knowing what to say. He turned around and left and I walked back to our room and started sobbing.
That was just after 10 pm. He didn’t come home until 5 am this morning! He casually walked into the room at 5, took off his clothes, and went to bed not saying a word to me.
AITJ for getting mad over this and not trusting him and not believing he only went for a beer?”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, the only thing I was thinking the whole time reading this is that he withholds money if he doesn’t get enough intimacy. Taking your laptop as a punishment for not having enough intimacy. Not get an ice cream because he didn’t get enough intimacy.
I don’t think he went out to get intimacy elsewhere but I do think he wants you to think that. So you will give him more intimacy. Money is control, and he has you in a vice. He’s not a good man, not for you, and not for your kids.
NTJ over getting mad, NTJ over not trusting him, but I really think he went for a beer. Maybe at a bar, but he is dead sure he can have intimacy at home if he just punishes you enough financially.” MyCuffedLife
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
See a therapist, and then a lawyer. Do not under any circumstances tell him these things. Create as short-term an exit plan as you can manage and get out. You will doom your children to a lifetime of accepting this same treatment from their own partners if you stay.
Don’t do that to them. Do kindness for yourself instead and reclaim your personhood and freedom away from that sorry excuse for a man.” detroit_red_
10. AITJ For Publicly Shaming My Uncle After He Evicted Us Following Our Dad's Death?
“My brother (m21) and I (M17) lived with our dad who sadly passed away last week. We lived in the house that my uncle owned, we were just renting it. My dad wasn’t always the greatest with that though. He was behind on rent for a while and had a ton of debt in general thanks to credit card payments.
He would rather spend whatever money he got on booze and gambling. My brother and I both worked to help pay for things but after everything, we’re still behind on a lot of things. I’m still in school so I couldn’t work as much and it was my brother who was helping the most, working 2 jobs.
So now here we are, literally a week since my dad passed away and my uncle told us time was up and we’re gonna have to move out soon. We were confused, we asked what he meant and he told us that almost a month ago he told our dad he was done and we were going to have to find a new place to live because he couldn’t keep up with the late rent payments anymore.
He apparently found new tenants and they’re moving in sometime soon so after the funeral, he told us this. Just to note, our dad NEVER told us this.
I was just baffled my dad nor my uncle ever mentioned this to us. He knows we help our dad out to pay rent and other things.
Our dad never told us and I have no idea why, maybe he thought he could weasel his way out of this or something. I’m not gonna badmouth my dad here or try to guess his master plan. I asked our uncle how could he just kick us out now, our dad just passed and we never even knew we were being kicked out and that he could have told us sooner.
He said that’s not his fault, that our dad was supposed to tell us and there’s nothing he can do because the new people are gonna move in soon. My brother tried bargaining for a little more time to find a smaller apartment nearby or something but our precious uncle told us to kiss his backside.
Because of our dad, he’s behind on payments too. So he doesn’t trust us basically.
The only place we can go now is to my aunt’s house who’s in a whole other state. In my anger, I went to Instagram and a social media site to post to everyone with the caption: “Well, my inconsiderate jerk of an uncle is kicking us out of our house, a week after my dad died so goodbye my friends, looks like I’m forced to pack to another state”
I got an interesting text from my “aunt” who’s my uncle’s partner saying how dare I badmouth my uncle to everyone on social media, and now everyone in the family is sending him rude messages (Not sure if that’s true). She said that house belonged to him and he had the right to kick us out and gave us a month’s notice and it’s not his fault our dad never told us.
I understand it is his house but still, he can’t be bothered to give us a little more time. I can’t finish high school, my brother has to quit his job here and leave our family and friends. Although I probably shouldn’t have posted it to social media, I let my anger get the best of me.
I want to know if AITJ is in this situation.”
Another User Comments:
“Your dad is the jerk for getting you into this situation by not having his priorities (kids and rent over booze and gambling). If your uncle can’t afford to lose the rent and did all this when he was alive he’s probably signed a contract with the tenants and can’t drop them now.
Your dad was the tenant and as his kids, it was your dad’s responsibility to tell you. The timing sucks but it’s your dad’s fault, not your uncle’s. You’re NTJ for the outburst you’re a teen who lost a parent and now a home. I do think your uncle could at least try and accommodate you at his place until your schooling is finished or your brother can find you a new place though even if you couch surf.” BenynRudh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, well, he definitely has a legal right, but morally he could’ve given you a little more time to find a place and move out or work a new deal with you and your brother. It was really awful of him to come up to you after the funeral and tell you you needed to get out, so really, he deserves whatever nonsense the rest of the family throws his way.
I wish you and your brother the best. And I’m sorry for the loss of your father.” Glinda-The-Witch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but quite possibly your uncle isn’t either. The real jerk is your dad. Perhaps the eviction was legal and in the correct time frame and your dad just said nothing.
Your uncle was under no obligation to tell you and probably thought you already knew as your dad should’ve let you know. If your uncle has signed a contract with new tenants he’s caught between a rock and a hard place. It would’ve been good to have offered you a place in the short term.
Can you and your brother afford to rent a 1-2 bedroom apartment? It sounds like your brother was already paying for everything anyway. Could your uncle give you a good reference to get something? Also, what does your uncle expect to happen with all the furnishings in the house?
I’m assuming they are yours and the house didn’t come fully furnished. Is he going to store it? If you walk out with just your clothes, he’ll need to clean them. And you’re actually not obligated to do anything seeing as the lease was with your dad and not you and your brother.
Still a jerk move under the circumstances but leaving you there may leave the new tenants homeless. No winners really. Or your uncle is just conveniently telling you anything to get you out of the house.” KitchenDismal9258
9. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Ex's Prenatal Care Without Parental Rights?
“My ex (26) left the country when she was approximately 3 months pregnant.
She was previously married to a guy in a neighboring country and this guy was unfaithful to her, and she (my ex) moved back to our country, a few years later we started seeing each other and we found out we were pregnant in early March.
Things went south when I found out she had a fake social media profile and was having an emotional affair with her ex. Things are complicated and it would require a long post for all the details. Let’s just say she is now living with her ex’s sister, I really don’t know what she was thinking but I can assume that she was led to believe her ex was going to end his relationship with the woman he was unfaithful with, and cling back with her and be happy forever after.
A couple of days after she left, she told me she wanted nothing to do with me, forget about her, and she did not need me for anything, although I did try to convince her to come back, to live with her parents or I could help her pay an apartment and pay her prenatal treatment and delivery, all for the sake of been close to my kid.
She refused that and said she wasn’t coming back. A few weeks later she texted me, asking me for money, she couldn’t pay for prenatal care and needed help. I told her, that as long as she is out of the country, I can’t help.
I even asked her, if she would allow me to recognize the kid legally as my own to which she replied NO. So I said, no rights, no money. She blocked me.
2 months later, she messages me again through messenger, saying how irresponsible I am because I left her on her own to take care of the pregnancy and that I am a piece of trash, yada yada.
I replied a few hours later as I was asleep, asking her what she wanted, she said nothing, she just wanted to let out her frustration against me with a nasty message. I ended up blocking her this time because there was no point in having this sort of conversation.
She proceeded to message me again on WhatsApp just to swear some more and block me.
And to be clear, the only reason I reply to her is because if she decides to come back to our country, or give me parental rights, I am willing to help with all the needs.
I guess things are not going as she expected, her ex is not leaving his current relationship or perhaps is not willing to take responsibility for another man’s kid, I really don’t know, all I can say is that things are not going her way.
I forgot to mention but we are from Honduras, and she is now in El Salvador, I am middle class but she is from a more humble background, I am pretty sure she is working as a stay-at-home maid at her ex-sister-in-law house, and they pretty much only help her enough for her doctors visit, food and if she is lucky some funds but not enough to take care for a baby.
I’m just not willing to give her a dime unless I have rights, she is willing to give my child another dad but wants money from me, it doesn’t run well with me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t even know for certain the kid is yours, given her past record.
She would have to prove you are the father and acknowledge parentage before you owe her anything. It’s a shame for her that she seems to be held as a slave, but that is due to her own life choices. You should also look at what you can do legally through the embassy, as it doesn’t sound like the child is safe with her in either case.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex was unfaithful to you, stole away your child, and had the gall to think you’re in the wrong? What she’s doing is incredibly evil, and she’s too self-centered to realize it. If you haven’t already, I’d recommend contacting a lawyer to see what your options are.
Another thing to consider is, that without parental rights, you can’t organize a formal child support arrangement in the courts. If you can’t do that, then you have no way of knowing your ex will actually spend that money on your child. Given her past behavior of treachery and dishonesty, her word is worthless.” New-Number-7810
Another User Comments:
“The ex is unhappy at the consequences of her actions. I can not fathom why leaving, denying the father(?), and attempting to get someone else to take care of you would cause OP to be cautious! The fact she after rejecting you now believes she is entitled to anything without proof the child is yours, after her behaviour has created reasonable doubt is laughable as are the people trying to drag you because of the child.
If the ex wanted a stable and financially supported pregnancy she could have as suggested stayed with her parent and let op pay while allowing him to be part of what was happening! But that was unacceptable and many here think that OP should pay out and after providing either find out the child is not his but by paying he is on the hook for 18 years or it is his but he will never see or raise his own child that is wrong and anyone suggesting OP subjects himself to this is evil!!” Electrical_Promise89
8. AITJ For Wanting To Sell The House My Family Lives On After They Stopped Helping With Mortgage Payments?
“A little bit of a backstory back in 2018, my dad came up to me with a proposition that he would help me and my husband buy a house with his retirement fund and then when he got his final check, he would pay it off as long as we bought the house and the land.
We told them that the only way we would be able to buy the house was if we had their help. My dad was the one who originally had brought it up and said that he was 100% down to help us pay it. He just wanted a property of his own.
So that’s what me and my husband did after talking it out. We searched for about a year until we found a property that all of us liked. We settled on a property that had 4.7 acres and decided to put a modular home on it our house was set up in May 2020.
My dad asked if we would deed half an acre into their name so that could be their own which is what I did. Well about six months after we moved in my mother decided to move her brother and her mother onto the property.
They all have to use my kitchen, my bathroom, and my laundry room because none of them have those as they all live in tiny homes. About a year and a half into us living in the home my parents stopped paying their portion of the mortgage which was $600 as our mortgage was $1200.
Sticking me and my husband with the whole $1200 even though they knew that we could not make that payment on our own. I had brought it up to my parents, and my grandmother was sitting at their house, she went off on me saying that I’m ungrateful that they’ve helped me enough and they shouldn’t have to help me anyway because they don’t live in the house and they live on their own property and that her and my uncle shouldn’t have to help me either because they also don’t live in the house.
I have two children and they recently upped our mortgage to $1350 me and my husband are really struggling to keep up with all of our other bills, including the mortgage and because of it, we’re getting ready to lose our house.
We are currently in default.
Neither my parents nor my uncle nor my grandmother would offer any help so I told them that I was thinking about selling the house now in order to sell the house I have to sell their piece of property too because that piece of property is deeded to my house under a down payment.
This means if I did that those five would have nowhere to go the only ones who work on the property are me, my dad and my husband as my uncle and my grandmother are disabled. I’m at a loss for what to do and I get told that I’m a jerk all the time and that I complain too much.
As well as being told that they don’t owe me a thing. They come in and out of my house all hours of the day they walk all over me and talk to me like crap but apparently I’m the problem. Once again the only reason we had bought this house in the first place was because my dad had promised to help us.
Now I’m stuck in a situation I can’t get out of.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sell your house and what you own of the land. Repay your dad what, if anything, he’s entitled to. There obviously was not a meeting of the minds in this arrangement but you don’t have to stay in a bad arrangement like this.
You can’t afford this property and one way or another — sale or foreclosure — it’s gotta go.” lonnielee3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sell and move. At this point, your family does NOT care what happens to you and your family so why should you care what happens to them?
You are NOT responsible for them. They are NOT your burden to carry. They are completely okay with watching you and your family struggle. It’s going to hurt and you’re going to feel conflicted a lot. But the absolute best thing you can do for yourself and your family is to move and don’t allow any other family members to move with you.” ToxicChildhood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You tried to make a bad situation work, you are getting taken advantage of now and are about to have your house taken because of that. Since you are being called a jerk and no one owes you anything then that means that you don’t owe them anything either.
Sell the properties, get your immediate family’s finances worked out, and don’t bother helping anyone when they come knocking. Money and family rarely mix well I’m sorry you had to learn that the hard way.” Lazy1e
7. AITJ For Not Immediately Informing My Extended Family About My Dad's Death?
“My 19f dad died of natural causes lying on top of his bed. My brother 15 was the only person living with him and called me on a random Sunday at 4 pm my time and 3 pm for him.
When I picked up he was very obviously shaking and kept repeating “Dad’s not waking up he’s 100% dead”.
It was very unusual for my dad to not wake up as he was a light sleeper so I calmed my brother down and told him to try splashing my dad with cold water.
When he didn’t respond I immediately knew something was wrong so I told my brother to call an ambulance and call me back when they arrived. Sure enough 20 minutes later I got a call informing me that my dad was dead and the paramedic was saying I needed to sign some papers since my brother is a minor.
The issue is I have been living in Sweden with my grandmother for the past year so I instead called my big brother 22 and told him he needs to get off work. Now this might be me overthinking for no reason but I assumed that they would need some time to process everything both emotionally and legally and that my brothers would call me when they were ready to start telling people.
Just give me a heads up you know. Apparently not.
Not even 2 hours later my grandmother called me and told me to open the door for my auntie because she had come over. I thought nothing of it because all my aunts and uncles come over at random times with no notice but when I got down there I saw my 2 aunties and my cousin who was mouthing an apology to me.
The first thing my aunts said to me was that they heard that my dad died and they couldn’t believe I had done this to them. I was confused but just let it go and went back up to my grandmother’s apartment. The second I walked in my grandmother threw herself into my arms and started howling so loudly it genuinely upset me and I can still remember the way it pierced my ears.
She was screaming about how they loved me but I clearly didn’t love them back since I could pull such a stunt and in a direct translation “this move is not nice”.
I knew at this point that literally everybody would know so the first thing I did was call my uncle (dad’s brother) so he could at least hear it from one of us instead of some random person my dad was friends with.
My uncle held a gathering at his house and asked for me to be there so my aunties took me there and I was first greeted by my mom’s brother who yet again asked how I could be so selfish and that I should be more considerate since they are my family.
I am just so confused because my dad was literally declared dead for 1 and a bit hours before this so were they expecting me to get off the phone with my brothers then immediately run to them or something? I didn’t grow up with my family in Sweden so often times they try to overcompensate by forcefully involving themselves in every aspect of my life I want to believe this is another one of those moments but wrote this just in case I violated some sort of family code I wasn’t aware of.”
Another User Comments:
“You have lost a father. Who do they think they are? The fact that you can keep it together at a time like that does not mean you have to put anyone else first. YOU have just lost your dad, the heartless individual…
I would demand an apology from every one of them. You were not allowed an hour or so to have a think, because they are more important, and you should have thought of them?! I’m so angry for you…I hope you can grieve and take time for yourself, because, I’m sorry to say, it will hit you at some point and it’ll be hard for you with such a selfish family.
You are NTJ. You are a daughter, about to bury her dad. Please look after yourself, eat, and don’t be pushed around or made to feel guilty. I’m disgusted with them (you may have guessed, I’ve been there too). Again, emphatically NTJ!!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I think that your grandmother saying that to you was uncalled for and rude, but everyone processes grief in different ways, and may not act rationally when hit with bad news. You are certainly NTJ, and as long as this experience didn’t escalate further to them blaming you, etc, I think that they are just handling grief differently.
An apology from them is CERTAINLY in order, however. I’m sorry for your loss.” thefantasycommish_
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Friend's Partner To Stay Over At Our House?
“I (26F) and my partner (26M) have been together since high school, it has been 9 years and we have lived together for the past 2y.
He keeps in contact with some friends once every few months which brings me to my situation. One of his close friends “Dan” he met in high school around the same time we got together.
I know Dan and he’s a pretty nice guy. He and my partner only call and meet up about twice a year.
Last weekend Dan called at 3 am in a panic telling my partner that there was trouble at home (he lives with his parents) and asking if he could stay at our place for a bit.
We have an office with a convertible bed and it’s my partner’s friend in need. Of course, he said yes.
My partner let me know in the morning of the situation and I started to prepare the room for his arrival this Sunday afternoon. Now this part, for me, gets a bit weird.
I asked my partner if Dan needed a ride to get to our place as he lives 2hrs away and doesn’t drive. He said he would check with “Nina”. Nina is Dan’s partner of 3 years. He apparently called from her phone as Dan left his at his parents when he stormed off.
He has been texting through her phone with my partner since. I heard Dan’s voice on the phone so I know this was probably true.
I was preparing the bed when my partner said Nina might come with Dan. I panicked. My partner and I have never met Nina and I do not handle strangers well.
I am a very anxious person and do not feel comfortable to have a stranger in my house for a few weeks.
I told him I wasn’t comfortable with her staying over as I had never met her and didn’t see why she would stay more than a day.
She lives with her very religious parents from what I heard so Dan could stay just not over night with her.
My partner said he agreed and I thought nothing of it. Next thing I know Dan isn’t coming over. He calls via Nina’s phone to say he is staying the first night at another friend’s house and will be coming over the next day after work.
I asked my partner what happened and he said he just had to get some stuff from his parents and the other friend was closer for the night. Monday after work I prepare a big meal since Dan will join around dinner time. Time passed 7 pm, 8 pm then 9 pm and I told my partner to call in case something happened on the way.
I kid not the same second he gets a text from Nina’s number saying Dan is spending the week at the other friend’s house and to call around 11 pm to talk info. I get mad. I asked my partner if he knew why he would let us know so late he wasn’t coming again and he said ” Dan is probably mad Nina isn’t allowed over”.
I told him to show me the texts between them and my partner had said on Nina’s number for Dan to read. “Tell me if you need to be picked up. By the way just to confirm it’s just you coming C (me) doesn’t want Nina to come over she doesn’t know her and doesn’t want her in our home” I feel it was pretty rash and direct and Nina probably saw the text.
Now my partner is refusing to contact Dan as he feels like he was used.. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s funny though. It was pretty ballsy for your partner to say so starkly the essence of what you shared privately with him: “By the way just to confirm it’s just you coming C (me) doesn’t want Nina to come over she doesn’t know her and doesn’t want her in our home” But he may have saved you a lot of stress because it was the truth.
First, this friend wants to stay with you for an undetermined time. Why? some unknown argument with his parents. What is going to resolve that? Then, he mentions his partner is coming [He wasn’t invited in the first place but is inviting his partner. (She is religious so won’t be staying overnight, but now you have 2 people as guests; 1 f/t and 1 p/t).
In these situations, you don’t know if your signing a blank check or going to have boundary problems.” MaccBride
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your home and you have the right to be comfortable in it. Your partner was blunt but got the point across and saved a lot of emotional turmoil down the road.
Dan and Nina want to sleep together and their parents don’t want them together at their houses. That seems to be the extent of the “trouble at home”. They have other people they can crash with.” Sea_Firefighter_4598
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But maybe your partner could have been a bit more tactful in how he expressed your feelings about having an unknown individual stay over.
It’s a big ask to host two people for a few weeks – especially when you don’t even know one of them. Don’t worry – NTJ.” Logical_Mulligatawny
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Practice Braiding On My Dreads?
“I (16M) have been begging my mom (I forgot her age because she doesn’t look her age) to get me dreads for the past 3-4 years and 4 weeks ago and a day before my birthday I finally got them and was loving it.
My hair grows fast so I convinced my mom to stop getting me haircuts because “it’s a waste of money since it’s going to be back at this size after 2 weeks or less”. She agreed and didn’t get a haircut for around 8 months. Later on, my dreads started itching, because I have a dry scalp.
I can deal with it easily when my hair is normal but I was scared to wash it because I didn’t know how it would affect my dreads and I didn’t want to untangle them as they are still fresh. It cost my mom around $350 to get it twisted and around $100 to retwist.
We aren’t particularly poor nor extremely rich so I’ve been taking as good care as I can. 4 days ago I couldn’t get a solid 8 hours of sleep because my hair itched so I asked my mom to wash my hair since she had experience.
She agreed and mentioned the idea of braiding my hair as practice so she doesn’t have to pay. I said no and she dropped the subject until the day of washing my hair. She asked me again “Let me try twisting your hair. I’ve been practicing, it will look good.
Just let me do my thing”. I said no again and said if she’s just going to do it anyway at least do the back of my head so it’s out of the way and she got offended and just went to washing my hair.
I thought she stopped so I zoned out while she washed it and when I started paying attention she already undid one of my braids and started practicing. I got mad and asked her what she was doing and she said in an aggressive tone “What?
I already started it’s going to be fine” and low and behold the strand she did was too thick and looked bad. I was obviously upset because it didn’t even look like the rest of my hair and was A.
Somehow longer than the original and B.
Was more uncomfortable. I angrily asked her to do the other side so it looked somewhat even and she got upset because “it looks fine”. She reluctantly did it and I later tucked it into the knot of my hair so it’s hidden and out of the way.
I want to cut them off, it’s bad. And she’s so dead set on not letting me go to her hairdresser friend because she’s convinced that it looks amazing and she can do it better at home. When every time she wouldn’t let me leave until she test-braided my hair, she always made me look like my baby brother.
EVERY TIME! I even had to argue with her to take it one time because she refused to undo it because once again it looked great in her eyes. I had to threaten to go bald for her to take it out. When she does my sister’s hair it looks good but when it’s me it’s god awful and even my sister agrees.
I love her but I don’t want her touching my hair and she’s upset about it. I’m mad because she always finds an excuse to braid my hair and when I turn her down she can’t understand why.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Maybe this is why ignorant white people talk, but aren’t dreads when the hair gets matted together, and braids when it’s braided? How is your mom undoing a dread and braiding it? I thought it wasn’t possible to undo dreads, and that they just had to be cut off?” Marble_Narwhal
Another User Comments:
“ESH, I think. Your mom because she won’t listen to you, and won’t give you any leeway on you trying to get money to pay for re-twisting dreads yourself. And you because unless you live in the boonies where the bus only runs 1x/day or not at all, there are ways to get around that require very little money and I’m not talking about hitchhiking.
Transit passes for students on the bus are like… $12/month where I live. Not sure about your area, but that’s your best bet at getting out of the free babysitting you’re providing your mom and getting your own income to pay for your hair treatments.” schrohoe1351
4. AITJ For Not Wanting My Daughter To Visit Her Autistic Cousins?
“My daughter is 10yo(F), her cousins are 10yo(F) and 7yo(M). It is the general belief of the family (including my BIL and SIL) that the children are on the autism spectrum.
We have all suspected it for years. My BIL & SIL refuse to get the children officially diagnosed because they believe it will not benefit the children. They do not have them in any form of school either public, private, or home school alternative. They never bothered to enroll the kids because they figured it would be too problematic and challenging for the children.
They do not take the kids to the doctor (or dentist) unless they are severely injured. The children have never received their immunizations. The 7yo(M) is constantly exposing and grabbing his private parts. If they as parents were doing anything to address their children’s condition I would be much more empathetic, understanding, and forgiving.
However seeing them ignore their kids’ needs and flat-out deny any problem exists over the course of 10 years, has led me to this stance. Current problem: My husband doesn’t agree with my feelings about keeping our daughter away from her cousins despite their lifestyle. He feels his supervision alone is enough to keep her safe.
I disagree. I believe his approach is reactive and mine is proactive. He would rather wait for the problem to arise and then deal with it. I will not put my daughter in a situation I know is not just problematic but is also emotionally damaging.
My daughter does not know her cousins are (possibly) autistic so their behavior has no context.
When I tried to explain it to her I was told not to label them. For the record, we visit them yearly and we just saw them in April so it’s not like we’re estranged. He wants to take our daughter to stay at his brother’s house for a 3 or 4-day trip.
I can’t go because I’m recovering from surgery and they live out of state. He knows my feelings on his brother’s life choices and agrees with many of them. He still insists the kids need to be around each other more. I’m not trying to keep my daughter from her family just trying to keep her from avoidable traumatic experiences.
I don’t understand how he can still feel this way please help me AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your husband and you need to sit down and get on the same page. This division is going to cause a lot of problems. The 7yo grabbing his privates is very concerning…especially with your daughter staying the night…her cousin might try something inappropriate or physical. I also wouldn’t trust that your daughter won’t get sick or hurt at their house since they obviously don’t care about their children, so why would they care about your child?
Need to call child protective services more often. Show your husband all these comments…if he doesn’t come around after that it’s because he is letting his pride take priority over your daughter and that makes him a terrible father and he needs help. Any parent who would willingly take their child into a dangerous home is a jerk and shouldn’t be a parent.” User
3. AITJ For Pulling My Daughter Out Of My Aunt's Wedding Due To Family Drama?
“I 24F pulled my 5-year-old out of my aunt’s wedding that’s coming up this Saturday. My aunt got engaged last year and had asked my mother if she would buy my daughter her dress for her wedding as she feared I would leave her hanging.
That red flag is number one for me. Why wouldn’t she just come straight to me and ask me herself? But I let it go and just continued to ask her when and where I would have to go to bring her to get measured and get her dressed. I was working at the time and could absolutely afford to buy my daughter her dress for the wedding so I don’t understand why she wouldn’t just come straight to me.
Everything that involved my daughter my aunt would run straight to my mom to let her know what the plans were. I would constantly have to write to her to ask her about her wedding planning and what she needed from me. Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, a drama broke out that somehow I ended up involved in my cousin and his partner both communicated to me that my aunt had said some things about me to them.
Including warning her to be careful with me.
This left me feeling devastated as she is my favorite aunt. Growing up I talked to her about everything. My problems my heart breaks issues I’ve had with my dad ( her brother ) and to find out she’s been talking down on me behind my back to a female I had just started talking to and getting to know at the time broke my heart.
My aunt on the other hand instead of coming to me directly to try and clear everything up blocked me on all social media and even blocked my number. Once I saw that I wrote to her either way and let her know if I did something to get her upset I apologize and if what she wants is for me to leave her alone so be it.
I won’t look for her I won’t send pictures of my daughter to her which I did regularly because she is her godmother. I let her know I wouldn’t be attending her wedding and that I would be pulling my daughter out of the whole ceremony.
I let her know if she wanted to talk after her wedding I would be waiting for her ready to have this conversation with her. My mother and my Godmother have been begging me to let my daughter be a part of her wedding my daughter already has her dress.
But I can’t ignore that the things that have been said also involve her talking badly about my daughter. And how am I supposed to go and show up to a wedding where the bride doesn’t like me or talk to me? Everyone is telling me I should go to her and talk it out but she was the one who blocked me.
I’m not a child I’m an adult we are both adults this shouldn’t have had to come to the mess it is now she could have talked to me or pulled me aside. Instead, she went to my mom and dad about why she was upset with me instead of just coming to me directly.
My mother is totally against my decision and thinks I’m making a big mistake. But I know I’m doing the right thing. So am I the jerk for pulling my daughter out of my aunt’s wedding ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Protect yourself and that means stay the heck away from that wedding.
I have no idea why your mom thinks your decision is a “big mistake”. Like, who is going to be negatively impacted by it? Certainly not you nor your daughter.” Revo63
Another User Comments:
“Ntj, Someone you’ve looked up to your whole life has been talking bad about you and your daughter behind your back, tried to get to your daughter without going through you, ghosts you, declined to talk with you, and wants your daughter to come to her wedding without her parent?
Sounds like she wants to kidnap her. You are not in the wrong and you’re making the right decision. Stay away from that woman” MirrorTraditional487
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- even if you did commit some offense against your aunt, she should be willing to speak to you about it directly and hopefully try to reconcile with you instead of talking about you behind your back.
Until she is willing to do that, she does not need to be in your daughter’s life, and your daughter doesn’t need to be in her wedding. Your daughter is only 5 years old, so you two are a package deal” Alltheworldsastage55
2. AITJ For Being Upset My Husband Left Me Alone To Buy Me A Surprise Gift?
“Recently, my husband (M 34) and I (F 27) have been having issues on and off that we’ve been working on.
One of our recent issues is that he keeps leaving me alone with his mom for hours whenever we visit her to hang with some of his friends or run specific errands and I’m getting annoyed. I don’t have anything against my MIL, we just don’t have anything in common and end up sitting in silence with a few words being exchanged here and there.
She lives about an hour away so he takes advantage of our trips there to see some old friends. It doesn’t happen every time but it’s happened more than I like, so I told him that I don’t appreciate being left alone anymore and he can visit his friends when I’m not there.
This weekend, I had an event that was in the same area his mom lives in so since he wanted to visit her, he and our baby drove down with me and we decided to spend the night there (since it would be too late to drive back home with our 4-month-old after my event).
The next morning, he tells me that he’s going out for about an hour with a friend and naturally I get irritated but don’t say anything.
On the car ride home, he asked me why I was upset and I told him how we just talked about him not leaving me alone at his mom’s.
Instead of saying anything back, he pulls out a brand new iPhone and explains that he went out to buy it for me as a surprise and that going out with his friend was an excuse he told me to buy the phone without me knowing.
I told him I was still upset at him for leaving me, a phone doesn’t fix our problems, and that I wanted him to return it.
He mentioned that he wanted to surprise me, how I always tell him I love surprises, and that I’ve also been asking for a new phone.
I have been asking for a new phone since August but after buying a car in September and having extra expenses because of our baby, I know it’ll just be an added expense we can’t afford at the moment so I haven’t asked for it since October.
I told him how I feel like he isn’t listening to what I’ve been telling him and he shouldn’t have left me alone even if he was getting me something, especially something we can’t afford at the moment.
He replied, “Any normal person would shut up after seeing the phone, forget about the issue, and be grateful and happy about the surprise.”
Even if the phone was something I was asking for recently, I don’t think he should have left me to get it, since leaving me is one of the issues we discussed. It shows me that he’s not listening to what I’ve been telling him.
If he was and he really wanted to get me the phone, he could have gone when I was at the event (or literally any other day) instead of leaving me alone with his mom to get it.
When we talked about it again later that day, he said that I crushed him with my reaction.
I do feel bad for making him feel that way but at the same time, he did the one thing I asked him not to do.
Am I being ungrateful and a jerk for still arguing with him about leaving me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but don’t let him leave you there.
Go with him. Or take the car and leave him there. Go spend some time just doing something you enjoy. Go to the library. The park. Whatever. Just don’t let him leave you behind. Let him know this is a firm decision. Please try marriage counseling since he isn’t hearing you.
If that doesn’t work, he can go live with his mother” Fearless_Ad1685
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he did exactly what you asked him not to do, regardless of why he did it this particular time. I will add ‘the next morning, he tells me that he’s going out for about an hour with a friend and naturally I get irritated but don’t say anything’.
I don’t like this. I don’t like staying silent when it clearly upsets you, just for you to be upset about it worse later. You should have said something. Told him that you spoke about this. Letting it happen just so you can rain fire later is not a productive or helpful way to handle this stuff.
If your goal is to truly address this, letting stuff fester just to fire your shots later will turn out to be a disappointing method.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like there was some mix-up and confusion between you and your husband, creating a bit of a bumpy road home.
Sure, he was trying to be sweet, but his timing was way off. He missed the mark on something you asked him to do, which was definitely a slip-up on his part. On the flip side, maybe you got a tad fired up once he explained himself.
Men sometimes need a nudge or two before things click for them, right? Plus, it seems this was your first visit since you made it clear you didn’t want to be left alone with your MIL. It sounds like a good heart-to-heart chat is in order to hash out what went down, share your feelings, and set some clear guidelines for the future.
No jerks here.” Marigold1245
1. AITJ For Choosing My Female Best Friend As My Best Man Instead Of My Brother?
“I 27M grew up with Ashley 26F and have known her my whole life.
I consider her my best friend and neither of us saw us being friends as wrong or strange until our teens.
We grew up in a relatively small town so it wasn’t long before our families and friends started questioning me and Ashley’s relationship and so did we.
We did attempt to be in a relationship and it went fine until it went further. I knew Ashley and was a very attractive girl but that never stuck out to me. We tried to be intimate together but we had to stop because it just felt so wrong.
I confessed to her that I think she’s amazing but I view her more as my sister/best friend. Thankfully she felt the same and we continued with our friendship the way we used to be.
I would also like to add I have a brother, Carl 32M who I was never really close to.
Our parents divorced and he went with our dad and I remained with our mom so I only saw him 2-3 weekends a month. I viewed Ashley more as a sibling than I did him.
Now to the present day, I met my wife Zoe 27f about 6 years ago through a few mutual friends.
She and Ashley were pretty close and eventually, me and Zoe got close. We started seeing each other around 4 years ago and our wedding recently passed. Zoe was fully aware of me and Ashley’s “relationship” and she said she didn’t mind. Ashley even offered in private to Zoe that she would try to withdraw a bit to make Zoe comfortable but Zoe said not to.
I would like to add that when me and Zoe began going out I was still hanging out with Ashley just now with Zoe.
When it came to choosing maid of honors and groomsmen I was having a hard time picking my best man. I had a few close male friends but no real best male friend.
Zoe suggested Ashley and I really liked the idea. Zoe and I are both fans of The Big Bang Theory so she took the idea from Sheldon and Amy’s wedding. I asked Zoe numerous times if she was really ok with and she told me I should have my best friend up there like she’ll have hers.
To get to the point quicker Ashley said yes and she was my best man (She even wore a suit). The wedding was amazing and it was truly the best night of my life. I got to marry the love of my life with the support of my family and friends.
My brother a few days ago (a groomsman) called me and immediately began to berate me for not making him my best man. Saying it was humiliating to see Ashley take “his” place. I tried to reason with him but he screamed that I also was probably being unfaithful with her.
I ended up yelling at him for this accusation because he knows how much I love Zoe. We haven’t talked and I’ve told Zoe this but I haven’t told Ashley.
Was I the jerk for having my female best friend be my best man instead of my brother?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ‘best person’ should be your closest friend, or at the very least the one who can best handle the responsibilities of the role (which for some people is as simple as making sure you are where you need to be and for others requires planning parties and wrangling the rest of the groomspeople).
While I can understand your brother might have felt hurt that he wasn’t chosen as your best man, that’s definitely something a mature adult would keep to themselves.” Bubbly_Chicken_9358
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Just because your brother is a man, that doesn’t make him the default.
I’m so happy that you had a good wedding and chose to have her as your best woman. I think he might just be insecure because your relationship together isn’t what he wants it to be. He shouldn’t take that insecurity out on you though.” astralforms00
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The person standing next to you should be the person you trust most to support you on your big day (after your future husband or wife of course). It is up to you to choose who that person should be, and if that person is a female best friend, then they are the one who should be standing there.
It can hurt some people to find out that your relationship is perhaps a little more one-sided than they thought when they find out that person isn’t them, but ultimately there is no real way around that fact.” Nrysis
