People Act Flighty In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Kicking Out My Roommate After My Dog Got Injured Under His Care?
“2 years ago, I bought a house.
I have 15 acres and a decent-sized house. I decided to let my friend move in from Oregon,1 year after I did. Now, my friend has his wife, kid, 3 dogs, and a cat which I opened my home to and never set any crazy rules besides “respect my stuff”.
One day, after working a 12 my tire popped. I got home and there was about half an acre of my property on fire. I woke them up and asked why there was a fire on my property and he said he set a fire but not to worry because he put it out.
I told my partner to call the fire department and she did. I walked inside because I figured the FD would be there. The roommate had extinguished most of the fire. Of course, I was extremely upset and had secluded myself so as to not yell (which I hate doing).
When he finally came in he started yelling at me “Where were you? I was doing that all by myself” I promptly told him that I had my partner call the FD and that he decided to take it on himself. I later found out that he had taken the phone from my partner and canceled them.
I was obviously upset but I put it behind me and didn’t make it a big deal (probably a bad idea).
Fast forward to this past Sunday. I had invited my partner’s mom to come check out the house. That afternoon I asked the roommate and his wife if they could watch my 2 dogs (a pug/beagle mix, and a small mutt dog) while we spent the night at my partner’s parents’ house.
They agreed and off we went. The next morning around 830am I get a text from the roommate saying that my little mutt is limping. I said it might be the meds he’s on for anxiety and that he probably slept on his leg and it fell asleep, to which he agreed. Well, I get home around 6 pm with my partner and my dog’s leg is 4 times the size it usually is.
We immediately take him to the emergency vet. We got seen really quickly and had his leg x-rayed. Turns out his whole femur is shattered. The only way this could have happened was if he got hit by a car or some other blunt-force trauma.
I called the roommate and very angrily told him he needed to figure out what happened to my dog. I told him about the swelling and he said it wasn’t there when he checked that morning. I said it was impossible as the vet had said it would have ballooned up about an hour after it happened.
They keep insisting that nothing happened and that they don’t know. We got home, his wife was in their room and he came out to see what happened, to which I said “You were the one watching him” The next day my dog was in surgery and stayed the night at the clinic.
After considering what to do all day I decided that they weren’t telling me the truth and needed to leave. I told him and he understood. Since then, we have exchanged a few words and his wife is passive-aggressively posting stuff on social media about me.
He explained that he would pay for half of the vet bills and I told him to save it so he could find a place and not have to worry about it. So, AITJ for kicking them out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but how much are you gonna take it up the wazoo from these people?
They destroyed your property, did something horrific to your dog, and are destroying your reputation? Grow some courage and start threatening them with the police for the destruction of property, the humane society for animal cruelty, and at the very least, a defamation lawsuit.” WavesnMountains
Another User Comments:
“They hurt your dog!!! That alone means any way you act is not out of line. Wait, no gunplay. I would be screaming and furious if someone hurt my cat. You will probably have to call law enforcement to get them off your property.
Don’t hesitate to do so.” 22-beekeeper
18. AITJ For Not Upgrading My Friends' Concert Tickets?
“So I 19F recently became close with two girls we’ll call S 18F and A 19F. We went to high school together, but only became close after I joined S’s live on Instagram and we made plans to hang out that same day.
And it’s evolved from there. Here’s where the problem starts- I always pay for absolutely everything and they have started to expect it. I pay for food, gas, outings to places, etc. They both have stable jobs. I part-time model and have support from my parents.
A tells me about a concert that one of my favorite artists was performing at. A and S told me they already had tickets. They each paid $115 for their tickets. This was no problem for me and I said wanted to go to the concert.
A tells me the tickets for the WHOLE row they were sitting in were sold out, and I could come next time. I thought that was messed up but shrugged it off and told them I would invite my sister, C 24F who also likes the artist and said we would sit in a different section.
I called my sister and she agreed. I told her that I would buy us the best tickets I could find.
This is where it gets twisted. A and S heard me say this and assumed I was going to buy them better tickets too without mentioning it to me.
I found me and C tickets in the front row since there were 2 for resale that were $350 cheaper than the original price. The day of the concert came and I pulled my phone out and scanned the tickets for me and C. The usher stopped A and S and asked for their tickets.
They looked at me and said I had their tickets. I replied “No you two already had tickets I only bought tickets for me and C” S then looked at A and caused a massive scene to erupt and held up the line for several minutes while they searched for their tickets.
Eventually, they get their tickets pulled up and have to go up the escalators whereas me and my sister head straight to get our passes to go to the front row. Me and C had the best seats in the house and I even got a hat signed by the artist.
A and S had level 200 corner of the stadium seats. After the concert, neither A nor S would reply to my texts or calls. As me and C are getting ready to just leave, I got a text from S in the group saying it was “bad” how I made them sit in bad seats while I paid to sit in the very front row.
I replied by saying she assumed I would automatically upgrade their tickets to the front row and that if I didn’t get my sister to go they would have completely left me out. A came into the group and told me I was a jerk for even buying nice seats knowing where theirs were and that I did it just to rub it in.
I told her I did it because I loved the artist and had the opportunity to get great seats for a great price so I did. If they wanted to sit in good seats they should have paid to sit in good seats and I’m sick of always having to pay for them when they’re both employed. They both blocked me and said not to reach out to them again.
AITJ for not upgrading their tickets?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are taking advantage of you. They didn’t invite you to the concert in the first place. That left you free to go with your sister and you were under no obligation to sit with them.
I would end your relationship with them. They are just using you.” Raku2015
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like “S” and “A” are thought you were their meal ticket. If they truly were your friend and you all couldn’t get seats together you’d think they’d be thrilled just to be able to share the experience of the concert from your separate vantage points.
It is entirely possible that this torpedoed the friendship, which could be for the best. If you had or do truly value their friendship, by all means, bring up your feelings on their expecting you to pay and that you’d love to hang out more, but they have to pay their own way.” fallingintopolkadots
17. AITJ For Blaming My Partner For Forgetting My Ski Boots?
“This feels really dumb, but this is making me really upset and I need an unbiased perspective. So, I (25f) live with my partner (27m) of 4.5 years. We live near a ski mountain and decided to take off school/work respectively this week to do a day trip to ski on Wednesday.
The day before leaving (yesterday), I got all of my stuff together. I take out my ski bag from the closet in his office and bring it to our bedroom for the morning, but I leave my ski boots with his ski boots and ski bag on the floor of his office.
My boots were directly next to his, touching them.
So morning comes, I wake up early to take our dogs for an hour walk, he does some work, I make breakfast, fill our water bottles, pack the car, his friend comes over, and we are ready to go.
I give our dogs a treat, grab my ski bag, see my skis and poles in the (already packed) trunk, and we go.
He has always been the one to load the car when we do things – he likes to do it his way and I am fine letting him.
It benefits me.
An hour into the 1.5-hour drive I jokingly ask if he grabbed my boots. Turns out, he didn’t. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. How is this possible? I put them in your pile last night. You grabbed everything that belongs to you and left my shoes behind?
Why? I would obviously need them!
I had to pay for rentals, they sucked, I only skied one run because my legs really hurt from the boots, and it’s just been a bummer.
He is insistent this is not his fault and that I take responsibility for not checking with him before we left that he put them in the car.
My stance is he loaded my skis and poles without telling me, and all of his stuff from his pile (which my boots were next to, touching his boots!!). I agree that I should have checked before we left, but I left it with his things to be brought to the car.
Why would he just leave it behind? I would never just leave one item behind and hope he remembers.
I think my upset stems from feeling like he abandoned me and left me to fend for myself, and it is him being a bad partner.
And that’s where my brain goes. What else would you just leave behind and risk me losing out on? Where is the line drawn for him in terms of “responsibility” for me and my items/experiences, it’s obviously not the same as where my line is.
We’re not married but we are probably getting engaged this year. We talk about the future and our relationship often. We also both WFH so are together constantly. I need to feel like he has my back. If I approach this topic seriously he’ll hear me out, but it’s confusing me he thinks I’m SO WRONG to think it’s his fault my boots didn’t make it in the car.
But I also recognize I should have checked. But they were in the pile!!!
Tell me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He was inconsiderate, and you missed out on skiing because of it. He is doubling down because he doesn’t want to admit that he made a mistake.
If you have to double-check everything he does to make sure he does it correctly, then he isn’t partner material.” CalamityClambake
Another User Comments:
“So without passing judgment, have you shared with him what you shared here? You see the boots as indicative of general thoughtlessness applied to the rest of your life.
He probably doesn’t and thinks you’re just talking about boots. I think, in general, yes he should have grabbed the boots and that’s definitely something to talk about. But make sure you communicate what that implies to you beyond just the boots” Zutara764
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is wild. When you’re packing the car, if everything is all together in one spot, and it sounds like it was, who cares whose stuff you’re grabbing? Just pack it all in the car. You shouldn’t have to specifically ask if he got your boots, especially since he got your skis and poles and all the other stuff.
When I drop my golf bag and beach chair at my parent’s house before vacation, I don’t need to be like “Did you put my bag in the car?” because of course my dad did. Maybe he sabotaged you so he could hang with his friend instead?
(If so, why not just say he wanted to ski with a friend, you two don’t need to spend every waking moment together.)” secret_identity_too
16. AITJ For Correcting A Dad's Incorrect Deadlift Advice To His Son At The Gym?
“I (31m) was at the gym benching. Next to me a dad was ‘teaching’ their son to deadlift. The kid was maybe ten or eleven (too early to be deadlifting even with proper form in my opinion, but that is a different discussion.) The dad was very out of shape, he looked like a shorter Bobby Baccalieri.
The dad is telling the kid to not bend his legs while deadlifting. He was having his son bend at the waist with locked knees and lift like that. After the kid finished his set, I very politely walked over and said that you should bend your legs while deadlifting otherwise you will hurt your back.
The dad rolled his eyes and said his son needed to strengthen his back. I told him there are better lifts for that but to deadlift properly you should generate lift with your legs and finish with your back, and that if he started to lift this way that young he is going to have serious back problems in the future.
The dad said thanks and turned his back to me. I go back to my rack and do another set. During my set, I hear the dad literally yell at his son ‘KEEP THOSE LEGS STRAIGHT.’ After I finish my bench, I switch to deadlift, I put 355 on the bar and do a set of 5 and after I finish I sarcastically say “See I probably couldn’t even lift half this with straight legs.”
The dad says to his son ‘Let’s get out of here’ At this point I think it is done and just hope if the kid deadlifts in the future he bends his legs. Two minutes later the dad and kid walk over with a staff member, the staffer is young and has to be new because I do not know her.
The dad points to me and says ‘This is who was harassing me.’ I explain what happened. She says to the dad ‘I think he was just trying to be helpful.’ The dad says no I was trying to show him up in front of his kid.
I say I am perfectly fine never talking to the dad and kid again. The dad blows up is demands I get kicked out and my gym membership revoked. The staffer says this situation does not warrant that and she does not have the power to revoke my gym members.
The dad then yells “Well I demand to talk to someone who does.”
The staffer gets the manager, who I know very well, she and I even briefly went out. The dad again explains what happened and the manager says she is not going to do anything.
The dad again starts complaining and the manager rolls her eyes and says ‘Just apologize and we can move on.’ So, I say ‘Sorry for trying to help, I did not want your son to end up hurting his back before he was 20, becoming inactive, and then ending up 200 pounds overweight’ (which I will admit was a subtle shot at the dad and I probably only said it to make my ex laugh) The dad loses his temper going on about how I am a jerk and that the gym is a dump et al and that was it.”
Another User Comments:
“You weren’t a jerk until you decided to be one at the end, which you admitted to. Then you became a very small jerk but the other dude is more of a jerk. In the future, just alert a staff member. Any good gym does not want to risk on-site injury and will send over someone to talk to the other customers.
They’ll have authority as a representative of the gym that you don’t, and you can avoid having an unpleasant interaction.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“It’s a little weird to be in a kid’s business, but I get you were trying to help. Honestly, when strangers interject and try to help me I just pack up and leave ASAP.
I don’t think you’re a jerk, but it’d probably help to not be in people’s business for their own comfort.” BeefTopRamen
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you gave advice and stopped or if you gave advice and complained to staff that he was endangering his kiddo – but instead you kept at it and turned petty saying things like ‘sorry for trying to help.’ and harassing them.” LePetitPorc
15. AITJ For Wanting A Say In Our Shared Classroom Decorations?
“I am an ECE in kindergarten and in September it will be my third year on the school board with my third teaching partner (L)
I was on leave when teaching assignments were distributed and I emailed L right away so we could work on our supply order that was due in a week. I told L the things I knew we would need. L told me I was on leave and not to worry about any of this.
I told L I wanted to be a part of the classroom process. I mentioned Kindergarten is moving towards a neutral and natural-based environment so please keep it in mind. I heard nothing back.
I returned from my leave to find L ordered none of the items I suggested but new items we already had because L wanted new things.
All the old items could go with my past teaching partner who was leaving. L begins to move all her items in from the classroom taking up lots of our already limited space. She discards toys and bins she finds old and dirty. When I remind L they are kindergarten items and not hers to throw away L assures me anything she buys will stay in kindergarten if she leaves.
I mentioned again about the neutral classroom but L focused on getting her things away and discarding stuff, so I had to walk away. The day before summer break the classroom was a mess with all of her things and we already put our learning areas together so I went home.
In July I expressed my interest in UFLI and L agreed to let me take the lead on phonics. I also mention neutral and natural classrooms again.
End of August I get a text from L telling me all the things she’s going to order for the classroom because our items are gross and old.
I get upset and ask why she did not communicate with me before going forward with this. L tells me I can choose the colors. I explained it was not about the colors but rather her not asking if I wanted these things too.
Monday, I go into the classroom and find it all primary.
The area where I wanted to put my alphabet and asl cards already has her version. I explained the alphabet posters I have to go with the program I’m running could we switch them? L hums for a while then tells me to do as I see fit.
I came in the next day, took down her posters, put brown paper over the bright red board (red for years she did not paint it), and put up my posters.
Hours later I got a text from her saying that I’m the one pushing for collaboration and I never asked before putting up paper and making it neutral. I was upset at this point; I told her I had no say in the classroom, I had been advocating for neutrality, and I should not have to push for collaboration.
We agreed I could put the cards up. She tells me I can do as I like and spend my own money as she has spent enough. I ignore this to cool off. L texts me later to tell me that the room was disorganized before she got there and if someone had cleaned and organized her she would be thrilled.
I texted back, that I will be in tomorrow to drop off the labels as I promised, please do not contact me until Tuesday. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sounds like she has her own vision for the class and is not interested in your input.
She’s supposed to be your teaching partner, not your boss. You need to be firm about your intentions.” floccinaucinihilist
14. AITJ For Refusing To Sit In The Hospital With My Friend's Fiancé Whom I Dislike?
“I have a friend who is an older woman (F63). About 12 years ago, she met and got engaged to a man (M75) whom I cannot stand (they are still not married).
He is a miserable chauvinist, very controlling, and a generally unpleasant person. I have also seen some very troubling behavior, including him picking a fight with her at my wedding and driving off, leaving her alone at the reception. Some of my friends found her crying in the parking lot and had to drive her home.
She eventually stopped bringing him around our friend group and told me that I don’t see all the times he is sweet and does nice things for her. But I was always afraid I didn’t see the worst of his behavior either.
A few years ago, this man was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and his condition has been progressing.
Because he is such a horrible person, none of his 4 kids from his previous marriage want anything to do with him, so my friend is stuck doing all the caretaking for him alone.
When I last saw my friend, she told me that he had a reaction two weeks ago and has been in and out of the hospital since and that the medical staff nearly killed him a few times because they couldn’t get his meds right.
She had to take off work this whole time so she could be with him as much as possible since she was afraid he would die if she wasn’t there to advocate for him. She was completely burned out.
I told her to be sure to take care of herself and to give herself a break.
She blew up and went off on me, telling me that she doesn’t need advice to take a break if I’m not offering her help. She yelled at me for a half hour about how she was so burned out and tired of doing all this alone and that none of her friends were stepping up to help her.
I asked her what she needed help with. She said she wanted someone to sit in the hospital with her fiance and to talk to the doctors to know what was going on so she could get a break.
I said, “I can’t do that.
I will not sit in a hospital with him.” I was blunt, but the thought of having to be a medical advocate for someone I dislike so intensely horrified me. I really don’t like this man, and I cannot be his caretaker in a medical setting.
If it were her that needed someone to be within the hospital, I would absolutely do it (and I have in the past!) I will not do it for him.
I told her I would do anything else short of that that I could. I would run errands for her, buy her groceries, make her food, pick up his medications, whatever, but I would not sit with him and accept responsibility for keeping him alive.
She was a bit shocked. She said she understood that I may not like him all that much, but this was something she needed and that, as my friend, I should be willing to do it for her. I reiterated that I could do other things to help her, but I would not sit with him in the hospital. This was two weeks ago and she hasn’t talked to me since.
So AITJ for not being willing to sit in the hospital with my friend’s sick fiance whom I can’t stand?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said you’d help her out in any way you could otherwise. I’d think that would free her up to be at the hospital more.
Win-win. But, IMO, she is just upset that she somehow got involved with a mean person and is taking it out on you. Along with that, there’s no way due to HPPA that you’d be able to get any info from doctors about him, that’s next-of-kin stuff.
The most you could do is sit there and listen to him blather. Not worth it. You did the right thing.” jippyzippylippy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but only because of the sheer responsibility over a life you have no stake in. Not the other things you listed. I understand you dislike him but alienating her and hyperfocusing on how he makes YOU feel during such a devastating and stressful time is a bit of a jerk move.
You’ve offered what you can do, but she may not feel able to take you up on it depending on how vitriolic you were in conversation.” xyz_Street_483
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. If you know that you dislike him enough to be the wrong person to advocate for his needs, then okay, you shouldn’t sit bedside.
Offering to help lessen her load in other ways is the best you have to offer, and you offered it. But she’s not the jerk for losing her cool when you said “Take a break”. When loved ones are ill, you receive lots of trite-sounding advice from people who have no intention of making space for you to take that advice.
And that’s really frustrating. She is burnt out and tired and it sounds like she’s not struggling with the things you offered to help with, she’s struggling with caregiver burnout and compassion fatigue.” thatvolleyballsetter
13. AITJ For Not Visiting My Wheelchair-Bound Friend After Her Accident?
“I (25f) have this friend, let’s call her Lily (27f) and she got in a car accident on her way to my house that left her in the hospital for over a month. During that time I visited her once for like 30 minutes and told her how my husband and I got a new car so once she got out we would be able to come see her, as I knew she was really lonely and her depression was getting worse from being stuck in a hospital bed unable to move.
While she was still in the hospital we talked on the phone every day and she kept saying how alone she felt and how she couldn’t wait to see me and my daughter(3f).
Fast forward to when she got out, she called me and asked when I would be coming to see her cause it was “all she had to look forward to”.
I told her it would be easier for me if she could just come to my house as driving for an hour was difficult with a toddler. She got annoyed and told me she couldn’t because she was “in a wheelchair she couldn’t get up the steps to my house and traveling was very painful for her still”.
I thought that wasn’t a good enough excuse cause she traveled to get to her follow-up appointments and didn’t complain about that, but I told her maybe I would come to see her in a week or so. She seemed okay with that and left it alone for a week and then called to ask again when we would be coming to see her but again I told her it would be easier for her to come to us as I thought she would have gotten over herself by now.
But she gave the same excuses and I told her maybe she should just rest up and I would see her when she was able to travel in a car again. I thought that would make her see how silly she was being, and she would just come to us, but she just hung up and never came.
I reached out a few more times and she kept telling me how left out she felt not being able to do anything with her friends, so I again offered for her to come visit and again she gave the same excuses. At that point I was really annoyed, and here’s where I may be the jerk I told her it was her own fault she felt left out cause she wasn’t making any effort to see anyone, she just kept using her wheelchair as an excuse.
I get that she got injured breaking half her body but they taught her how to get up the stairs before she left the hospital. She told me that I was being a bad friend and she’s glad I don’t fully understand what she’s going through and she hopes I never have to but that I could try to at least pretend to care that she’s hurting.
Which I found really hurtful of her to say. I have tried. I have invited her over and I always answer the phone when she calls even though I know she’s just going to complain. But I’m not going to make my toddler sit in the car for an hour just because it’s slightly inconvenient for her.
I think she’s just being dramatic. She had no problem always coming over to my house before the accident, so I don’t get why she’s being so difficult about it now. But now she won’t talk to me, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ It’s not even a conversation here, you are the bad guy here. She is in a darn WHEELCHAIR. Dude, I don’t even know how you could possibly think you are in the right. I get it kids are annoying to take on long drives especially when they are that young but she just got in a car accident, AND she is clearly very depressed. You think that your being mildly inconvenienced matters more than your friend’s mental and physical health.
Glad you’re not my friend, you sound toxic.” AxnerIII
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I am astounded at your lack of empathy for your friend. She was badly injured on her way to visit you! With what appear to be life-changing injuries and this is how you treat her.
You barely visited her in the hospital, and now you refuse to visit her when you know how difficult it is for her to get around. You are not her friend, you abandoned her when she needed you. I have toned this down because I don’t want to get thrown off this platform.
You need to take a long look at yourself, your friend deserves better” Ok-Classic8323
Another User Comments:
“I think this is fake. I’ve seen a few of these today where it’s like I know someone wrote this from an angle for views. It’s sad that this is what AITJ is becoming… Probably the influencers who create content based on this sub fanning the flames with over-the-top egregious things.
I bet Rebecca R. wrote this herself!!!! Or was it Charlotte D!?!!! Or those two chicks who sit in their cozy little studio with the neon light?” meepbeep52
12. AITJ For Not Apologizing To My Sister Over An Instagram Post About Age Gap Relationships?
“So my (f25) sister (f28) Jenna and I have always had a bit of a complicated relationship.
Backstory: when Jenna was 17 she met Mitch, who was at the time about 36 years old.
They started seeing each other and have since been together until this day. I’ve always found the age gap gross. I’ve always been civil to him in the very few times I’ve met him. Mitch doesn’t have a job, a car, or really much of anything.
Jenna drives him everywhere because he doesn’t trust the government. Last I heard he was trading baseball cards to make money but honestly, that could have changed. I’ve heard from my other sister Molly (f23) he hasn’t treated her very nicely. Apparently, he’s gotten better in recent years.
But I’ve kept my thoughts to myself
Another thing to note is that growing up, from her late teens onwards my sister Jenna was always in a falling out with one of our parents. For a year it was our dad. She’d refuse to see him.
For 2 years it was our mum. It alternates but you get the picture
So it all kicked off a few months ago. I was scrolling Instagram and I came across a post saying that large age gap relationships were more often than not unhealthy, with an unequal power dynamic, etc. I thought that was interesting, and I agreed with it
I knew Jenna would see it, and I hoped she would. But it wasn’t my sole reason for posting. I hoped it might help someone else who might see it, like a young naive 18-year-old, and maybe they’d realize that age gap relationships should proceed with caution
Well, Jenna blew up in my DMS and said I was disrespecting her and Mitch’s relationship, that I was totally out of order for posting it, to take it down and apologize immediately. I told Jenna I didn’t have to run what I posted on my social media by her, and I wasn’t going to apologize.
Well she didn’t like that and has since blocked me, and refused to come to our father’s big 55th bday party
It’s important to my dad, so to keep the peace I sent her a text saying I was sad she wasn’t coming to the party, and that I hoped that we could bury the hatchet if she came to visit for my dad’s bday.
Well that didn’t work and she sent a long text saying that burying things is no good, that she was worried we’d have a big argument at Dad’s bday
I apologized for hurting her feelings but I didn’t want to have a big sit-down conversation about it all.
Because it won’t end well. The reason I know a conversation won’t end well is because growing up, I’ve had to sit through her “conversations” and I know it will be me sitting there for an hour and a half whilst she dresses me down and won’t let me speak.
She won’t be satisfied until I’m basically on the ground begging for forgiveness.
Well, our sister Molly (f23) called me and asked why I wouldn’t just have a conversation with her, when I said the above she told me “That’s just how she is, just deal with it” and when I continued to refuse she called me selfish and hung up.
She’s since refused to speak with me.
Going crazy. AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Whilst it’s not your responsibility to deal with your sister’s (gross) relationship, it makes sense that you’re concerned. I wouldn’t apologise for this so I don’t think you should either.
If her idea of a conversation is her berating you until you beg for forgiveness then I’d avoid that too. I think maybe to clear the dust and make Molly talk to you again you could delete the post but not apologise. Just say that you realize it was in bad taste to post the article and it’s been deleted. That way you’re giving Jenna what she wants without actually saying sorry.” confusedbugs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand why she feels attacked but if she was feeling confident enough about her relationship I feel it wouldn’t have affected her as much. She could have just replied to the post with something like “Luckily there are exceptions to each rule”.
Maybe just give her a fake sorry and say that you’d love to go out for lunch and talk about it after your dad’s party. And then just don’t do that.” LittlePotaat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you’re close. Jenna is trying to leverage your love for your father and your desire for peace against you, so you’ll do what she wants.
If she were really in a good place in her relationship, she wouldn’t be acting this way over something like this. She’s using this and you to release some frustration. Classic behavior of a manipulative jerk. But here’s the thing, you knew something like this would happen.
You can say that you thought maybe some young person would see it and it would make a difference, and I’m sure that’s true, but you know that you primarily did it because of your sister. You asked for the smoke, and you got it.” Sanny-P
11. AITJ For Cutting Off A Friend Who Kept Pushing My Boundaries?
“I (19F), was friends with this guy, let’s call him Jake, for about 2 1/2 years. We met in junior year and we grew close due to having the same classes and homeroom. We talked all the time, and eventually, he asked me out. We had only known each other for 3 months at the time, and I said yes, but with the condition that we go slow, as my previous relationship ended with me getting deceived and me having trust issues.
The next day comes around and he’s making me very uncomfortable, he’s very touchy and very clingy. I eventually told him I wasn’t ready for this because he was making me extremely uncomfortable and I felt anxious being around him. He said he understood and we left it at that for a few months.
Eventually, he started doing the same thing again, being very touchy and making me uncomfortable, and he often ignored me when I said to leave me alone. We went our separate ways for a while when he asked me out for a second time, to which I responded no because I just didn’t like him like that, it was nothing against him I just didn’t feel that way about him.
He was sad but understood and kept trying to be around me whenever he could.
Eventually in senior year, he was way too close for comfort, being overly affectionate with a friend was very strange to me. He asked me out a third time and I again said no and gave him the same reasoning as before, and he said he understood again.
I didn’t believe him but I just left it at that, hoping he finally got the message and would leave me alone. Long story short I ended up at prom with him, and he completely pushed my boundaries, touching me even after I told him not to over 4 times.
After that night we rarely spoke, but we kept things civil since I didn’t want to add to the situation. We were on an Instagram live with a couple of friends when he asked me if I loved him for the fourth time, I said I didn’t feel that way for him again, and that was that.
It was radio silent from him for over a month, and I actually got a partner, who I still am with to this day. I was super happy, and then Jake showed up at my house unannounced, having walked from his house to mine.
Now he didn’t live super far away, but he did live far enough for the walk to be completely out of his way.
He came in and apologized for everything, and said he was happy for me. I was very skeptical but I accepted and went about my day after he left. Fast forward over a couple of months and I heard from our mutual friend that he was going to ask me out again, and he said he was going to keep asking me out even though I had a partner and I wasn’t interested in him.
I cut ties with him after that, but I kept seeing him at my job and just around town. My partner knows about him and knows how anxious he makes me feel. He sent me a message a couple of months ago saying how he was mad at me for cutting him off and leading him on, but I never did.
He and a couple of friends think I’m the jerk but almost everyone else thinks I’m not.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, You didn’t lead him on, he didn’t get the hint. It seems like he only wanted to be friends with you because he thought it would become more.
Typical “nice guy” behavior. And the sad thing is if he just listened to you the very first time when you said you wanted to go slow, everything could have worked out wonderfully in the end. But he’s the one who’s sabotaged himself by not listening to you, you even gave him so many chances and he still blew all of them.
I probably wouldn’t have given him so many chances, but I understand how hard it is to get guys like him to back off.” Complex_Chapter7262
10. AITJ For Not Giving My Late Husband's Motorcycle To His Father?
“My SO 30m passed almost a month ago now leaving me 28f a widow with 2 children 2m and 9y.
The day my SO passed my FIL started asking for his things while I was still in shock from not only losing my husband but being the one who found him which is something that I will never forget. My FIL mainly wanted my SO’s motorcycle which I know for a fact that my husband wanted to pass on to our eldest. Since then I’ve been asked a lot what I was doing with the bike and each time I gave him the same answer: he wanted our oldest child to have it when they’re old enough.
He called me angry when he found out I wasn’t comfortable with a viewing and yelled at me then brought up the motorcycle again. We ended up having a viewing and family was invited as my SO’s BFF whom he always referred to as his brother.
My FIL yelled at my SO’s BFF to leave and got angry at me when I stood up for the BFF saying that he was family. I said goodbye to my SO and took my 2M baby from my mom and went to the other room provided by the funeral home.
My FIL came in angry saying he was happy he would never have to see us again. I told him “Thank you for showing me exactly how much you respect my husband and his family. Me and his kids.” He charged at me saying that my husband wanted to divorce me and that I invited my partner.
My little sister who weighs maybe 1/3 of this man stepped in between us before someone pulled him away. I can honestly say I have never been so scared in my life. Knowing that I don’t ride days earlier my FIL offered to detail the motorcycle and bring it to my husband’s celebration of life.
I never gave him an answer but he took the keys got the bike and took it to his house to detail it and did bring it to the celebration of life where his wife decorated it with flowers knowing I had already planned on doing that with my kids.
She even went so far as to get the same exact flowers that I bought.
After the celebration of life, he took it back to his house and is now saying he will only give me the Bike back if I pay him what his son owed him which was 3000 knowing that I don’t have the money for that now that I’m the sole provider for my family.
He is also angry because I don’t want to give him any of my SO’s ashes after everything that he put both of me through.
Now he is posting nasty things about me on social media knowing that I would see them. It started with him taking down a GoFundMe that he created for my family saying that he didn’t want to give any money to “that woman.”
I feel as though I should add that my father-in-law had nothing to do with my husband as he grew up so much so that he signed over his parental rights. Their relationship was rocky at best but my husband was the better person and he tried because of his little brother.
My FIL has made everything harder as I am grieving and trying to figure out how to navigate life without my husband. He has messed with my head so much that now I’m wondering if I am actually the jerk”
Another User Comments:
“Is there any documentation stating that your husband had a debt with his father?
If there is you actually have to give him the 3000 dollars (?) and if you don’t have the money you will have to sell the motorcycle. If there is no documentation and you never acknowledged in writing that the debt existed you don’t have to pay, you can report the motorcycle as stolen, and if he wants the money he has to prove that his son had a debt with him.” Atena1993
Another User Comments:
“Give him some of the ashes, you don’t want to be petty. Imho Call the cops and report the bike as stolen before he does anything with it – don’t tell him – just see if the cops can retrieve it.
Tell FIL to put in a claim for the money he says he’s owed – one he can verify lending etc. and handle it formally. NTJ be glad he doesn’t expect you to tear him like Grandpa…” mayfeelthis
Another User Comments:
“Report the bike stolen to the police and get them to round there, ASAP.
This man doesn’t care about your husband and certainly doesn’t care enough to want to be involved in his grandkid’s life by severing all ties with you. Get the bike back, put up a ring doorbell, and screenshot anything he posts on his social media about you.
If he makes any online threats, or you catch him coming near your home through the ring doorbell file for a restraining order. I’m so sorry for your grief, tensions are high right now and I don’t think it would hurt to take precautions in keeping your family safe.
NTJ” CallMeLool
9. AITJ For Getting A New Phone Behind My Mother's Back To Secure A Job?
“I am an 18-year-old person and I currently have a phone that is paid by my mother. Because she didn’t have enough money and she got a phone for my younger brother, she put our phones on a child plan, which was fine for a while.
The problem arose when I was trying to get a job. Because of how my phone was set up, no one could call or text me nor could I call or text anyone outside my mother and brother which made it hard to get in contact with employers.
The only way I could contact employers was through email but it was not working out as every employer would try to call or text me which wouldn’t go through. I continued to try with my emails hoping an employer would send an email instead of trying to call or text me, but it never happened.
Another thing about the child plan is that my mother had complete control over my phone. I had to ask for every app I wanted to download, she could track me, and she could completely lock down my phone and I couldn’t use any apps for a certain amount of time, she did this often.
One day she decided to lock down my phone and instead of having it only locked up for about 5 hours like usual, she set it to lock down every day for 23 hours straight where I only have an hour of phone use every day. She did this because she was upset I didn’t have a job yet even though I repeatedly told her why it was difficult.
Of course, this just made it harder to get a job or even talk to anyone outside of my family. This went on for a month as my mental health deteriorated and I felt helpless and lonely. I don’t have money to pay for my own phone and I am usually stuck at home to watch all my younger siblings.
I finally was able to get in contact with my best friend and was able to explain my situation to him. He told me he was going to get me a new phone and pay for it for three months.
But, he told me I would have to hide it from my mother as she might try to take it away or something worse.
I was very reluctant at first as I didn’t want to lie to my mother but I really needed to get a job so we could both move away from our families. So, I took the phone with me and started to contact employers and my friends who haven’t been able to talk to for a month.
It has been a couple of weeks, I now have a job and feel much better mentally. I still have my other phone and it is still locked up through most of the day. I want to keep this phone and pay for it and just give back my old one to my mother.
I feel extremely guilty for hiding this from my mother. I don’t want her to keep paying for a phone I barely use and I feel like it’s unfair towards her but since she has been restricting everything on my other phone I feel like I had to do something to help me out of this hole.
But I feel like I should’ve done something else. Also, she will eventually find out and I don’t want our relationship to be bad like in the past. But I need to know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are legally an adult. You should have control over your phone.
A kid’s phone with a 1-hour day window where you can use it is complete madness at your age, let alone to ask permission for every app you want to download. This is insanely controlling. You mentioned your relationship being bad in the past, but it is bad now.
This is not how a relationship between a parent and a grown (or nearly grown) child should be. I would keep the new phone secret, save up money from my job, and move out as quickly as I can. You are supposed to relax restrictions on children as they get older, and let them learn how to manage their lives so they can be functional grown-ups.
It sounds like your mother is trying to keep you a perpetual child. You shouldn’t be isolated from your friends and other family. These are things jerks do.” RuralGrown
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are 18, an adult, you have every right to have your own phone with full access and nobody can tell you what to do with it.
It’s really as simple as that. Many of the things you are talking about in regards to your mother are red flags to me. It is concerning to me that you feel guilt about being your own person, and are worrying so much about tip-toeing around your mother’s behavior, it sounds very controlling.
You need to be able to get a job and become your own person.” Mr_Tiggywinkle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good job, OP, in finding a solution to your mother’s overbearing conditions. You are an adult and have probably been programmed to believe this is normal. No rational mother is controlling an adult child’s phone.
Give her back the child’s phone, and tell her you have your own. You have probably been programmed to believe you need her permission for minor things like this, so she won’t get upset. But, OP, you are not responsible for her feelings or reactions.
If she gets upset, she gets upset. Of course, be polite and kind, but don’t worry if she disagrees with you over this. Adults can disagree, and it’s OK.” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Not Travelling To My Half-Sister's Birthday Party?
“I am a 28F and live in Europe. First a bit of context. My parents divorced when I was 8, and my father moved away 900km when I was 9 to his home country. When I was 18, my dad and my stepmother had a baby. When my half-sister was 2 years old they separated.
Fast forward to now, I currently have had no contact with my father at all for 3 years, because he is a heavy drinker who emotionally mistreatment me all my life. When the relationship with my father began to hit rock bottom, I had to go no contact and block him on everything so he would not send me 30 messages per day with insults and anger.
In order to have contact with my sister, I can only video call my ex-stepmother.
Last year, my sister was able to stay with me without her mom or my dad for 10 days and we did a lot of fun stuff together. I was very happy to spend some quality time with her.
This year, my sister was having a big birthday party for her 10th birthday. My ex-stepmother asked if I would come, but I declined saying I did not want to come because my father would be there as well (he lives in the same small town).
She then offered to come to my city with my sister, her new partner, his 3 children and 2 dogs. I found this weird (the new partner and other kids part) but was happy that she would come to me and I helped with searching for a place in a big city for them to stay.
4 weeks before the trip was planned, the stepmother messaged me saying she would not be able to come because she had just adopted a new puppy for my sister’s birthday and the dog would be too small and not ready to cross the border. She then asked me if I could come anyway.
My father would not be in town that weekend.
I told her I needed to check this first because it was so last minute. I don’t have a car or driving license, so I would need to take multiple trains there. There was nothing available.
I was only able to take a train ride that lasted 11 hours with no seat, so standing up the entire time just to get there, and even longer for the train ride home. I work a full-time job and to do this in 4-5 days just seemed exhausting to me, also with a risk of not getting home on time in case of delays to start working the next day.
I told my ex-stepmother this info and that I would not be able to come because of this. I proposed postponing it to another time that worked for both of us. She then said she had already told my sister I was coming and that she now felt horrible and mad.
She then said I just simply did not want to come or make an effort and that was that. I called her, but she ignored me.
This was 4 months ago. I asked her several times if I could speak to my sister without success. I thought it would blow over or that my sister was just on a lot of holidays like she said, but yesterday she sent me a long message that I needed to explain myself because she and my sister were mad I did not want to take the effort to come to them and that it is all my fault.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good grief! You have made the effort to connect and spend time with your sister. Even the odd request with the partner and his kids coming. You checked and transportation didn’t work out. So now, ignoring your repeated calls is due to you not wanting to spend time with your sister?!?
That makes no sense. It appears something is going on in that household that you aren’t aware of. I’d respond to that note with a request to talk. I’d make it a point to tell your sister that you love her and she can always talk to you.
Stay calm and try to keep the communication line open with your sister.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Ask your ex-sm to let you “apologize” to your sister. Then, explain that her mother told her you were coming without checking with you first 5 days before the party and you couldn’t get a train in time.
Don’t let her mother ruin your relationship.” lostalldoubt86
7. AITJ For Not Wanting My Jobless Mother-In-Law To Move In With Us?
“My Fiance and I have been together long before migrating to the US. My family had already migrated, and then he and I came. My mother-in-law recently migrated with my brother-in-law. Having said that, they both stayed with my grandmother for over two years at no cost to them as my mother and I figured it was mutually beneficial since my grandmother should no longer stay home alone.
My grandmother is an abled woman but given her old age, she sometimes forgets to shut off the sink or turn off the stove. She can bathe and feed herself, it’s just those little things.
During this period, there was a lot of turmoil between my mother-in-law and my grandmother.
My mother-in-law is a good person but with a very tough character (much like me). A couple of things unfolded between them and the family dynamic suffered greatly for it. My mother-in-law ended up moving out and my mother and I rushed to find a new caretaker for my grandmother.
This was fine.
However, given the turmoil, my fiance and I moved about six hours away from the rest of the family (cheaper cost of living, etc). When my mother-in-law moved out, she had no job and still had no job. She is constantly asking my fiance for money.
I am not against helping the family given that the home is taken care of first. I have never made a comment to him about it, and we have a mutual agreement that we can help the rest of the family so long as we can afford to do so.
Recently, my fiance and I moved about six hours away from the rest of the family. This was our new start. Last night I spoke to my mother in law where she discussed switching my brother-in-law’s school as the commute is much further. I explained to her that the schools in her area were not good schools by any measure and that my brother-in-law is a very quiet, reserved kid and an easy target given the schools (it’s a very big city).
She was not combative and in fact understood that I was just trying to find the best solution for her situation.
At the end of the call, she told me she hoped to soon move to the city where my Fiance and I live. I played it off but this upset me greatly.
As I said, she is a great woman but has a very tough character as do I and I just feel like that’s a problem waiting to happen. She also still has no job and neither does my brother-in-law. I have a guestroom only because I was able to afford a bigger place with my salary, but am very against living with family.
My Fiance lost his father as a child and his only family is his mother and brother. I can sense that her plan to move will entail her moving in with us “temporarily” until she finds something. However, I just sense that this is a problem waiting to happen as she truly has no drive to do much on her own.
When my father-in-law passed, my mother-in-law placed all burden on my fiance who was a child at the time. To me, it appears that she believes that will be a forever thing.
WIBTJ for not letting her move in in the first place?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – having someone move in with you for free with no real long (or short-term) plan is a recipe for disaster. Family or not. It is one thing if you have space, room, and a desire to do so. I know cultures are different of course but I would find that impossible to say yes to.
You are not married yet either- so you need space, time, and energy to really invest in your relationship. VS having someone in your home, in your space, and in your life that will dictate and run things. Nah MIL- peace out. She can move to the city and rent somewhere nearby sure… but it sounds like she knows she is overstaying her welcome and needs to leech (or at least invade) the next family member.
Especially if it’s your name on the lease and not his.” Innerouterself2
Another User Comments:
“As a new immigrant, isn’t your MIL responsible for maintaining a job and income? Someone had to be responsible for her in order for her to get a visa. This was how my grandfather came into the country.” 2dogslife
6. AITJ For Not Giving My Partner A Copy Of My House Keys?
“For full context. I was involved with this girl for a year, we broke up for five years and remained acquaintances (although at times rocky), then four months ago we started seeing each other again.
Recently, I moved into the local city to 1) be in the midst of that urban environment and 2) to be closer to her (we are now within walking distance; about half a mile).
So far, I’ve lived in my new place for a month.
Almost immediately, she wanted me to give her a copy of the keys so that she could be there when I was not there. I said I just moved in and wasn’t ready to do that yet.
I’m an introverted person and one of those people who really likes his space, and giving someone a copy of my keys is a big step for me.
Now, the context in which she got mad at me in particular was when she stayed overnight, and in the morning I had to go to the office because it was an in-office day.
That means I have to leave around 6 – 6:30 to get to the office on time (she knows that I leave the office around that time). She was still sleeping so I woke her up and said I was sorry but we have to head on out.
She got annoyed and told me to let her sleep for another hour, but I said I needed to go to the office. Then she told me to leave the keys here and she will let me in when I get back. I didn’t want to do that and it escalated from there.
I started to get agitated because I knew at that point I was going to be late for work.
Anyway, to make a long story short, she got mad that I wouldn’t leave the keys with her (I reluctantly left it for her once before in a similar situation where I really needed to get to work and she was fighting me for the keys) and it turned into her asking for a copy of the keys again.
She stayed quiet and angry when she started walking back to her place and I went to work (which I did ended up being late). I did apologize to her for getting agitated with her and told her I was just trying to get to work on time.
However, she hasn’t responded.
I’m a very introverted person and while I’m not opposed to giving her a copy of the keys to my place, that’s a huge step for me, and takes a bit longer for me to get to that point than an extroverted person.
There are also some other aspects of her that in my gut make me hesitant to turn over the keys as well. These include:
* Recently, she has been referring to my place as “our” place.
* She would make decorating recommendations, which is great, and I have been implementing those ideas when I like them.
But whenever I buy a piece of furniture or decoration that I like she gets annoyed and argues about it.
* She believes that a man in the relationship should pay for most things (all dates, vacations, house, etc.)
* Her job stability has been rough for the past six months (I’ve had to pay her rent a couple of times) where she lost her job and is now temping.
So, I get nervous that one day she might just end up moving in and I’ll have to support her financially.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- if you haven’t invited her to move in then she doesn’t need to have a key. Why does she need to be at your apartment when you are at work?
Seems like she is trying to move herself in. I’d give some serious thought to seeing her if she is expecting you to fund her lifestyle.. Soon as you let her move in, she won’t be working.” shadow-foxe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – her demanding a copy of your key is a major red flag.
If it was something you BOTH had discussed for a while then maybe but this is different. Even though you’ve technically known each other for a few years, you’ve only been seeing each other for a VERY short amount of time. It sounds like she views you more as a meal ticket/atm rather than an equal partner.
There are a lot of red flags here and you might want to take some time to seriously look at your relationship and decide if it’s right for you.” cinderella3-drizella
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this girl has more red flags than a 3 ring circus.
Lord where to start 1) Giving keys to a home is ALWAYS a big step for everyone. It’s a huge vulnerability. Her demanding a key like she is owed one on her timeline is controlling and ridiculous. 2) your house is YOUR house, not hers, not ours.
She is showing massive disrespect by trying to claim it as hers and trying to assert control over what’s done with the place. 3) do you really want to support this person? She is telling you she wants to control you and your space and she wants you to pay for everything along the way.
This isn’t a partnership.” Leahthevagabond
5. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Brother's Leg Lengthening Surgery?
“So I am visiting my family in a different state. I was having a heart-to-heart conversation with my brother since he was turning 19 and starting adulthood.
We were just talking about life. The topic of universities came up, I offered to pay for his uni but he said our parents already agreed and he needed my help on another thing.
He told me that he decided that he was going to get leg lengthening surgery.
At first I thought he was joking so I burst out laughing, but I saw that he wasn’t so I asked: “Oh you’re not joking?”. He told me he was dead serious and that getting this surgery would change his life. He said he has been made fun his whole life for being only 5ft6 and he can’t get a partner and people won’t take him seriously because they only see him as a boy.
I replied back that life isn’t determined by height you can still have an amazing life even if you’re average height all that matters is intelligence and confidence. He then got upset out of nowhere saying that I don’t know anything about the struggle he faces on the daily and that it is unfair that I am 6ft4 while he is only 5ft6.
I explained to him that we have the same parents and they are only 5ft8, furthermore, Asian people just aren’t that tall.
I asked him if he had discussed this with our parents. He said that our parents had already agreed but they would definitely not be paying for it they said that he should be thankful that he was blessed and needed to be grateful that he was alive and healthy, they said that he would have to discuss the matter with me.
At this point, things got a little heated since I felt like he was putting me into a dead corner. I told him that if he had listened to me he wouldn’t have been in this situation. I played sports heavily in school and outside growing up and pushed him to do the same but instead, he wanted to play video games 24/7 and do substances with his friends.
I told him to consume lots of milk and vegetables and have a strictly healthy diet, but he chose soda and junk food. When I told him to go to the gym with me he wanted to slouch on the couch and be lazy. I told him that the situation he was in was a direct consequence of the choices he made and that he should face it like a man and move on.
He started raising his voice talking about our bodies and personalities and that he is an introvert so I couldn’t expect him to be like me, he told me that I was his brother and supposed to support him, and since I was working and making decent money I could afford it for him and he would pay me back.
He then said that I was a horrible brother for not allowing him to change his life. At this point I had enough I told him I was not helping because it was a dangerous procedure his legs might never be the same and that it is a despicable and pathetic move for a man not even be able to accept and love his own body.
He got mad we haven’t talked since that convo this morning. Am I wrong in this situation? I apologize for the long post.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Not because you don’t want him to get the surgery but because of how you were dismissive of his feelings and blamed him for his height which is nonsense as “playing sports” doesn’t make you taller He’s obviously insecure about his height and instead of trying to reassure him and understand why he wants this surgery you attacked him and were rude.
You handled the situation pathetically. Try again but try to actually understand what it’s like to be a 5’6 guy, you have no experience with it and weren’t at all receptive to him opening up to you.” fromdowntownn
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sports don’t make you taller, and if he dislikes a part of himself enough that he considers a difficult surgery, then he definitely deserves sympathy and not being called pathetic.
Do you feel that way about everyone who changes their appearance? Dislike women with breast enhancements? Judge people with a nose job or hair plugs? Or is there a reason you can’t accept how your brother feels?” dehydratedrain
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Easy for you to say being over 6 feet tall and darn near 6.5 feet tall.
That’s like someone who’s considered very attractive telling someone who isn’t “Life isn’t all about looks”.. lol, You have no clue what it’s like to be as short as he is. I don’t see women on relationship apps saying “If you’re over 6’3″ don’t bother”.
You could have expressed your opinion without totally disregarding his feelings and insulting him. I find it laughable that you actually think playing sports and going to the gym would have made that big a difference in his height.” SigSauerPower320
4. AITJ For Wanting My Lasagna Pan Back After Volunteering?
“A few months ago I (28F) signed up for a volunteer organization where I make a lasagna and deliver it to someone near me all for free. For context, I live in NYC so I don’t have a car. I got matched with a woman (60s?) a few months later.
I texted the woman and she was super nice I asked her if I could pick up my lasagna pan at a later date after drop off. She was okay with this. I mainly asked her because I’m trying to adopt more of a no-waste lifestyle.
I made the lasagna and walked it to her which was not a fun walk. It was about a 15-minute walk, holding a lasagna with oven mitts (I didn’t really plan this out very well, to be honest) and walking in about 80-degree NYC heat.
So I was literally dripping sweat when I got there.
I don’t really fully remember anything I said to her at this point other than, “Here’s the lasagna I gotta go I’ll follow up about getting the pan later” or along those lines. I wanted to leave as soon as possible because I was going to a Happy Hour that was starting soon.
She texted me later that day saying she’ll have my dish ready whenever I want to pick it up. I said I could come grab it the next day or whenever she’s done and she said sounded good. So I figured she would text me when she’s done but she didn’t.
Finally on Friday (about 6 days later) I follow up and ask if the following day works. She says yes she’ll be here. In our initial texts, she had said she’s wheelchair-bound and disabled so she doesn’t leave the house. So I walk over and about 5 min before I arrive I text her that I’m 5 min away.
I arrive and the doorman lets me up (presumably he called and she told him to send me up) and I get to the door and knock. I also call and no one picks up. I don’t hear anything behind the door and I had a friend with me and it was so hot in the hallway I just left.
I followed up again later that day and said no one was there can I come to get it next week? This time I asked her to just bring the pan to her doorman. She says sure. I followed up the next Friday and asked if she left the pan with the doorman.
No response. Then on Monday I finally told her I needed the pan back so I could make the lasagna for another family because it seemed pretty clear she was trying to ghost me so I sent out a Hail Mary.
Finally, she responds with a novel-length text saying that she has anxiety and how she perceived me doing microaggressions on her.
For context, she is black. I am not. Her specific evidence in the text is that she asked me if I had walked there and I answered “How else would I get here”. I do vaguely remember this her tone was more surprised and I was sort of trying to make a joke with my sarcastic answer (like I try to smile when I say something sarcastic).
I have been told by friends that I’m kind of blunt. The rest of the novel-length text implies that my trying to get my pan back combined with my demeanor at the time of drop off implies that I’m a bad person and I look down on people of lower socioeconomic status (this was stated).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting the pan back, but you should also remember that your tone doesn’t come through in texts, and strangers probably won’t understand your sarcasm. She should have worked with you to get the pan returned, but I also can’t necessarily blame her for being put off by your actions.
By your own post, you were likely blunt/ sarcastic when she tried to make conversation and in a rush when you dropped the lasagna off. When you consider that this was through a food program you volunteered to be a part of, these actions could likely have made her feel like you considered helping her an inconvenience and you were just trying to get it over with.
No one likes feeling like they are an inconvenience, especially not when you were the one who signed up to bring the food. If you choose to keep volunteering with this program, I recommend using disposable lasagna pans. I know you are trying to reduce waste, but this would take pressure off of the person you are helping and then you can use your own pan for yourself.
I also recommend trying to find a minute or two to chat with the person you are meeting if possible and they are receptive to it because providing human contact and conversation are often a joint goal of these meal programs. Having limited mobility also limits the connections a person can make, so some conversation can go a long way.” Skye-is-falling512
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I once bought a casserole set at a yard sale and the lady I bought them from had put her address stickers or her initials on every single one. Let this be a lesson learned though. Not everyone understands your humor and sometimes you have to make a choice between feeding people lasagna and saving the planet.
I understand wanting to limit your footprint, but in these cases, I’d buy the disposable pan from now on.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her microaggressions or whatever dance she’s doing is not your problem. She just: A) Wants a free pan. or B) Is bored/lonely and wants drama to entertain her.
Forget the pan existed. It’s not worth the drama unless it’s made of gold. Next time just use a disposable foil one.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Involved In My Stepdaughter's Pregnancy?
“So my (35) husband’s (37) 19 y/o daughter is 14 weeks pregnant by her now ex-partner.
She has done a lot to us and his parents over the last few years including stealing from us, stealing his mom’s engagement ring and selling it for illicit substances, trashing the house and accusing us of throwing her out of the house and other things I can’t go into here.
Her now ex is also addicted to illicit substances and they have been reported to the police for theft after leaving the house they were staying in and taking the owner’s TV for illicit substance money.
A few weeks ago she turned up with no warning at our door demanding to speak to her dad.
She told him she was pregnant and then left. Before finding out she was pregnant his parents flat out refused to speak to her and wanted nothing to do with her anymore. That has now changed and she is now staying back with his parents despite everything she has done and they have said.
A couple of days ago she paid for a private scan to find out the gender of the baby and plan a gender reveal. We didn’t know this was happening. We were told by MIL that she was having the scan 15 minutes before leaving my husband unable to get there in time as apparently his daughter had tried to call him to ask if he wanted to go (she hadn’t).
Fast forward a couple of hours I get a video call from his mom saying she had a video to send us. A few minutes later I got another call from her asking if we had seen the video. I said no as it hadn’t come through to me.
She said she had sent it to my husband which he watched while on video call. It was of the gender reveal which shows she is having a boy. My husband was really deflated at finding out that way as he would have wanted to go to it.
His mom was there as were a few of SD’s friends and even his mom’s neighbor. We were neither told nor invited to it and neither was her mom (she actually called my husband screaming at him that she wasn’t and accused him of being in on it despite him saying he wasn’t there).
I am angry at her and more angry at his mom. This is my husband’s first grandchild and he found out that he is having a grandson by video rather than in person. His mom lives four streets away and couldn’t be bothered to call to say they were going to do the reveal the same night as the scan.
We have argued about this and I have said his mom should have known better and even if she couldn’t contact him for whatever reason she could have called me and I could have told him about it.
I am not on the best of terms with SD due to the fact she has treated me with the utmost contempt since she was about 12.
I have no objection to my husband having something to do with her as she is his daughter but I want nothing to do with her pregnancy and very little to do with her child when it arrives. I know it isn’t the child’s fault what his mom is like but I know she will be in his ear constantly about me and poison him against me to the point he will treat me how she has when he is older.
AITJ for taking this stance?”
Another User Comments:
“I had to reread the whole thing to figure out what “stance” you are taking in the face of what demand. You want nothing to do with the pregnancy and baby and apparently, they did not ask you to be involved either, so there does not seem to be an issue really.
Everyone not invited to that baby reveal can excuse themselves from any babysitting guilt trips in the future ETA I forgot to put whether you are the jerk or not and realized there was not even really a question. who is supposed to be the jerk here?
The young couple might be the jerks if they expect an uninvited family to contribute time and resources in the future but that has not happened yet. You might be the jerk in the future if you hold a grudge against this innocent baby. But you are NTJ now, because how can you be the jerk for not caring about an event to which you were not even invited – therefore NTJ” foxyfree
Another User Comments:
“Kind of? You’re having some sort of second-hand emotional reaction when it’s your husband’s decision about how he feels towards finding out he is having a grandson by video, not yours, if he’s happy then let it go making it worse by fighting over it when he can fight himself but chose not to isn’t doing him a favor, he likely just wants to keep the best connection possible for the sake of his grandchild.
SD doesn’t like you? That’s fine you wanting nothing to do with her and her child is fine, you’re saving yourself the trouble and realistically SD not wanting you close to her son in the first place means there’s nothing you could do in general, save yourself the trouble.
However see how your husband feels about you not being in the picture with the child, you could be looking at a weird situation where he asks you to forgive her and just put up with her for the sake of the kid and he might not compromise on that.” Fabfixer
2. AITJ For Being Upset That My Parents Won't Let Me Socialize With Friends?
“16m. Next week I have my end-of-year party. After the party, my friends planned to eat together in a restaurant and then game at one of their homes (a 4-minute drive away from school). My parents refused to allow me, claiming that the end-of-year party is already enough fun and that I need to focus on my mocks next month.
They think I’ve grown a “non-serious” attitude about my studies because I got a B (79%, one percent off an A) in the midterms.
And it’s not like this is the first time either. They never allow me to go anywhere because they think this is the type of stuff you do in college or university and that I’m too young, literally everyone else would say otherwise.
My mom never listens to reason and she allowed me to go outside once with a friend to a soccer game (literally the only one instance in the year) and now thinks I’m asking too much and how she worries about my safety and whatnot.
I have my own phone, and my own money, all I need is their permission. There are barely 2-3 similar events every year. And she never allows me to go with friends, claiming that I’m too young. Sometimes when my friends ask me to come with them, I don’t even tell my mom anymore and just outright refuse knowing she wouldn’t allow it.
Now here’s the part about the title. I started studying and she called me to her room. She asked me why my mood was down and that I could tell her. I told her it was down because she didn’t allow me to go out with my friends.
She told me again that I should be grateful for what I already have, and not sad about what I don’t. How my parents worked hard for my education and that I’m not taking the May June IGCSE papers seriously. She told me how she couldn’t just trust me to walk with my friends outside when she didn’t even know where I was going.
I told her I’d give her my friend’s address and that I’d take my phone with me. But still no. After another 10 minutes of her trying to justify her decision, I snapped and told her, it’s fine then if you don’t want to allow me to go, but then don’t expect me to not be fed up about it.
She got angry here saying how I’m ungrateful and everything. She then said how the only way she’ll allow me to go, is if I take her with me. I might as well just refuse. Nobody’s mom is coming with them, she isn’t invited either.
I have a phone, I’m 16 now, my friend lives close to the school, and my other friend’s dad is ok with dropping me home. Like what else can I do? At this point, I’m just scared of what I might say to her in anger which would ruin my position even further.
For example, I barely passed by 2-3 marks in a test recently. And when the test results come out, she will definitely taunt me about how I’m more focused on friends rather than studies, and that I don’t deserve to go to such a big school.
In case you’re wondering, yes I have snuck out with my friends to restaurants and stuff after school before, she doesn’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re definitely in a tough position. Grades are very important but being a kid when you’re a kid is also important.
It’s good you talked to your mother about it, but it sounds like you talked, but she didn’t listen. All you can do is keep trying and hope she hears you. Maybe you need to have a conversation with your father.” Scrolling_Man_36
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow, dude, I’m so sorry you’ve got such a controlling mom. I believe they call this helicopter parenting. It’s unfortunate she’s trying to guilt trip you about *checks notes* a B+ in class. Good grief. You’re doing just fine but the stress of your parent’s pressure is probably why you aren’t getting straight A’s.
I’m concerned once you turn 18, they aren’t going to let you go easily.” goldenfingernails
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother should think about the fact that in two year’s time she will have no say in where you go with whom if you choose to leave your home which is your right to do.
In view of this, it is about time that you start practicing how to function outside of the home. There is nothing worse than seeing an overprotected 18 yo burn and crash because they don’t know what to do with all the new-found freedom.” FragrantEconomist386
1. AITJ For Not Wanting A Big 18th Birthday Party My Mom Planned?
“I (17F) am turning 18 soon and when it comes to birthdays, I’m not too fond of doing anything major, if not anything for my birthday. I just like to relax and get the day over and done with. I feel like there can be a lot of pressure with people expecting you to do something big for your birthday when I just want a quiet day at home.
But since I guess this is a milestone, my mother, who is also not keen on going all out on her birthdays, wants to have a massive family gathering for me which I can understand. But the problem is that I never once said that it’s something I wanted and my mother knows that.
Before I was aware that I was having a birthday party, she had already invited my family for the “big” day. And just to clarify, the party wasn’t supposed to be a surprise for me either.
To be honest, I wasn’t really happy with her doing this because as I said before, I’m not keen on these things at all, and I felt like I couldn’t even tell my mother that I didn’t want a party because she had already told everyone I was before I even knew I was.
She has been talking about it a lot and looking at it as well as buying stuff and I have been getting a little irritated because I really don’t want this. Earlier today, she called me downstairs to the living room to help her order some shopping online, and we were also just chatting with my sister who was also in the room with us.
My mother and I like to sometimes like to get on each other’s nerves for a laugh and sometimes we’ll playfight but she annoyed me a little by biting my arm which hurt a lot more than I think she thought it would and then asked to me watch a film afterward with her and my sister but I just wanted to order the shopping and go back to my room which is what I was originally called down for in the first place.
I said I didn’t want to and after a back and forth I said I was already watching something in my room and that I really didn’t wanna watch the film and said I would watch it some other time.
She then started telling me about the things she has done for me and mentioned the birthday party and I just sort of had had enough.
I said I never asked for the party and said you can’t throw this birthday party in my face when it’s something I didn’t ask for. After I said it, I got a little scared it would start something and sort of backtracked and said “I’m grateful for it and can understand that it’s something you want me to celebrate but I never asked for it.” I wasn’t really grateful for it as I’m sure those of you reading this probably sort of know by now because I felt like it was hard to feel grateful for something she knows I never wanted. She looked at me and insulted me and said I was ungrateful and said “You really are your father’s child” which I didn’t really understand since I don’t know my father and don’t know a lot about him.
She sent me back to my room and I’m sitting on my bed typing this and just want to know what your guys’ thoughts are on this. I feel kinda guilty now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She took it way too far by insulting you with the whole father comment.
That was utterly inappropriate and shows that she’s throwing emotional baggage at you that has absolutely nothing to do with you. (If you ever feel like escalating after such a comment you can say *why? because you want me out of your life too?*) Just try to enjoy hanging out with the family.
Ask them about what things they’ve been doing – try to make it a celebration of EVERYONE’S accomplishments, not just your birthday. It may sound strange, but showing more interest in what other people have done and shifting the focus to them can really improve the whole BDay party dynamic for people who don’t really want all the fuss in the first place.” ParsimoniousSalad
