People Give Us Final Say On Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Refusing To Pick Up My Mother And Her Friends At 2AM?
“I (21M) have a mother (49M) who has been a heavy drinker my entire life.
I haven’t seen this side of her for about three years because my parents have split, but when they were together, she would become aggressive and unpredictable at times (to the point police were involved) at least a few nights a week as my dad seemed to be the catalyst for her anger despite doing nothing wrong.
This behavior lasted over a decade and I have vivid memories. Because of this, whenever I see her drink, even in situations where I know she’ll behave (in public, with extended family), it makes me feel uneasy as I remember all the misery she caused for our family growing up.
In the past, whenever I have tried to tell her she needs to stop drinking, she claims she’s an adult and she can do what she wants (she also rejects therapy of any kind). With all this said, she’s still my mum and raised me relatively well apart from this (although it was a big part).
It has also been a few years which is why I’m unsure if I should let it go and should forgive her since she still drinks excessively but doesn’t go ballistic (she has once since then but I wasn’t around).
She called me inebriated at 2 am and asked me to pick her and her friends up from somewhere 20 minutes away.
I tell her it’s 2 am and I’m tired but she insists. I then suggested getting an Uber but she said her phone was dead (I think she was calling on her friend’s phone). I tell her that one of her friends can order one and she can transfer the money later if needed. Now I can’t exactly remember what her friend said but she made a sly comment suggesting I was foolish for that suggestion (idk why).
I was already infuriated by my mother and this comment just ticked me off, so I said “you and your friends can screw off” and then hung up. I admit this was a bit rash and she came home angry, though she didn’t lose it which kind of surprised me.
She’s now upset and says I shouldn’t have done that and need to apologize. I have refused to do so. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I totally feel you with this. If she’s enough of an adult to choose how much she chooses to drink, even though it is obviously affecting her family.
She can also figure out how to get home. Boiling points are always turbulent, and in my case, I just stay away and keep conversations to surface level when I have to be with them. Loving someone and accepting their hurtful actions are not exclusive.
I love my family, but keeping them on the outside of my bubble keeps me sane. I hope you have a chance to make peace with her, and if that means she doesn’t get full access to you until a resolution is reached, it is totally OK in my book.
She is trapped in her own coping cycle, and while she can’t see it, she will never really know how much it hurts you. Good luck, my friend… just try to be kind, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat.” sigrunvalkyrja
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Daughter of a high-functioning fully employed heavy drinker here. Dad is mean and angry sober, quiet and tolerable with a drink in his hand. I get it. Doesn’t matter what kind of inebriated she is or how nice she is sometimes. Until she admits she has a problem and commits to sobriety, she’s a heavy drinker.
Draw your boundaries and don’t apologize. When she wants to argue, walk away, hang up, ignore her.” Internal_Home_9483
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as a former heavy drinker I can very certainly say that you are only hurting her and yourself if you sympathize with or enable her, do not give her an inch because she WILL take a mile.
You did good standing up for yourself and I hope your mom gets the help she needs and fast because at this rate you would be much better off cutting her out of your life.” Ltlpckr
21. AITJ For Getting A Tattoo Without My Parents' Knowledge?
“I, female (18; senior in high school) recently got a tattoo without my parents’ knowledge. For background, I tried to bring up my wanting to get a tattoo in hopes they would go with me. However every time it was brought up in a conversation, the conversation was quickly changed without setting a rule or boundary on the idea of a tattoo.
I have been working since I turned 16 saving up for this tattoo.
Once I turned 18 in October. I started the process of getting a full sleeve on my right leg, sea-themed because I love sharks.
As of this past week (January), my parents found out about my biggest tattoo.
(It covers my hip and 5 inches of the top inside of my thigh.) The tattoo is nothing bad. Simply 14 flowers in red ink, two sharks (one hammerhead one whale shark), and a jellyfish (currently not finished) in black ink for contrast.
My parents found out about the tattoo and flipped out.
Calling me names repeatedly for the past week. The day they found out they compared my tattoos to being a knocked-up high school dropout. The same day my dad repeatedly threw food at me telling me I should just drop out. They have also convinced themselves I am spiraling out of control and that they have lost their daughter.
Mind you, I have straight A’s, committed to college on a small academic scholarship, and plan to move out come June. They also threatened to drain my bank account and quit my job for me. Due to the fact they cannot trust the decisions I am making recently.
I already don’t have the best relationship with my parents. This situation has escalated everything. I cannot talk to them in a civilized manner without them bringing up how reckless and immature I am. On top of them crying and yelling at me during these conversations.
They absolutely hate when I am calm during these “arguments” replying to everything in a monotone respectful manner. Or simply replying with okay. I stay calm due to the fact I know there is no winning when talking with them.
I no longer feel at ease in my own house, having to walk on eggshells every time I am around my parents.
I’ve repeatedly tried to converse with them, however it only leads to me being disowned, yelled at, or degraded. I’m so stressed that I cannot communicate effectively with my parents to the point I do not sleep well anymore, and am struggling with outside life.
Am I the jerk for getting the tattoo? And ruining what I thought was a good life?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because of your parents’ EXTREME comments. You should probably talk to a trusted adult about the verbal abuse. You need to drain your own bank account and open a new account without your parents’ access.” lostalldoubt86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a legal adult with combative parents, take some steps to protect yourself. As others have said, open a new bank account without your parents’ name on it and move your money there. Also, if you really think they’ll try to “quit your job for you”, just warn your boss and let them know you don’t authorize any of that.
Keep your head down and hang in there until you’re out.” DinoSnuggler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – There was no clear communication outside of passively changing the subject when you brought up the topic (which could be considered terrible, passive-aggressive communication on their part, but that would be a pretty CHILDISH thing for a pair of adults to do).
That said, you did make an “adult” decision here, and although they are overreacting, they do have the right and ability to pull support once you are out of high school. With the rude comments unrelenting, I would start prepping for a life without their support.
Get your documents, open a bank account unaffiliated with them in ANY capacity, and start saving your money for accommodation, food, and tuition. If you are going to higher education and have any acceptance, work with acceptance counselors at the institution or in-school counselors at your current school to plot the best course of action assuming that your parents will not be providing any support and so will not provide any financial information for tuition assistance.
Judgy jerks shouldn’t be parents, but that’s life. There’s A BUNCH of people who shouldn’t be procreating (but nooooo that’s eugenics or whatever). They’ll either get over it or be left in the dust with their rotting brains.” throwaway85939584
20. AITJ For Wanting To Sleep In The Same Room As My Partner At My Parents' House?
“I (20F) have been seeing my partner (21M) Michael for a year and a couple of months now. I lived in a dorm at college which my parents partially paid for. My partner stays over about 3-6 times a week and my parents know this.
Michael met my family several times and they like him a lot and trust him to be kind and loving to me always.
But when he comes to my parents’ house where I partially still reside for 2-3 months a year, he has to sleep on the couch in the basement while I sleep on a full bed upstairs.
If we are alone in my bedroom together, my father will passively aggressively walk by and open the door. This December I left the country to live abroad. The last time I saw him was Christmas, and he had to sleep on the same couch in the basement.
I wouldn’t see him for 7 months and it broke my heart.
A big reason I want to sleep next to him is because I want time alone with him. I live in a small house in NYC and there is no privacy except the bedrooms. Because my family is so uncomfortable with PDA and sometimes I am, I do not like the feeling of someone else being in the room.
Even though no one has said it, I believe no one wants us to sleep next to each other because they are afraid we will be intimate in their house.
My partner’s father said one time, “if you are going to be intimate in my house please do not do it when I am home”, which is a given as that is mortifying and that was the end of that.
I personally think my parents should have done that, but I think the fact that I am a girl, have siblings, and that my parents are catholic and probably don’t want to acknowledge I am intimate makes a big difference.
Frankly, I am also just getting too old for this nonsense.
I live in Europe with my own income, language, job, and school and it’s insane to me that I can leave the continents and go to bars and clubs but I have to keep the door open if I am in the room alone with my serious partner.
My parents say we can sleep in the same bed when we are married, but also advise that I should not get married until I am 30. There are so many contradictions and even they know because they will smile or try to end the conversation.
They say “my house, my rules”. But my parents are so reluctant to talk about this, that recently we have been thinking that it is not worth the drive for him if my family will be there the whole time.
In conclusion, I’d rather talk it out and I know it will be an uncomfortable situation for my parents, but I want them to trust me and understand where I am coming from.
I don’t even think they’ll sit down to talk about it and now I am so upset about it and I don’t think I can do it without crying. Should I facilitate a conversation or is it not worth it and I should give up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to sleep next to your partner, but YTJ for thinking you set the rules for your parents’ house or have the right to try and change those rules. “I live in Europe with my own income, language, job, and school and it’s insane to me that I can leave the continents and go to bars and clubs but I have to keep the door open if I am in the room alone with my serious partner.” Then get your own place.” Lunar-Eclipse0204
Another User Comments:
“What reality am I living in where parents being this weird is the norm. They’re adults, just gonna build resentment. Being treated like you’re 14 when you’re 20 is lame. I don’t know a single friend’s parents who wouldn’t let their children stay in the same room as their partners or pull this nonsense.
Y’all weirdly puritanical. If y’all act like this to your own kids don’t be surprised when they stop visiting.” Setherina
Another User Comments:
“So how old are your siblings? Your parents may very well be fine with you sleeping in the same bed as your partner when you are away from the family.
But they are trying to tell your siblings they cannot have partners in their room with the door closed, or sleep in the same bed as them. They cannot enforce rules on your siblings and have you doing the exact same thing. Your siblings know you and your partner are not married, so you would be showing them that sleeping together before marriage is just fine, and your parents are telling them it’s not.
When I left for college I stopped going to church. My parents knew I didn’t go, and knew I didn’t believe what was taught at church. But there were also younger siblings in the house. My parents pulled me aside and told me that it is my choice whether to go to church or not.
I’m an adult, but they are trying to raise other kids who know when church services are, and those kids are seeing me not going. They told me I didn’t have to go to church, but I did need to leave the house for one of the times that church services were going on.
That way it looked like I was going to church to the other kids. But as others have said here it’s their house, so either stay somewhere else when you visit, or abide by their rules.” Past_Ad5967
19. AITJ For Asking The Husbands To Babysit During Our Girls' Night Out?
“I’ve got a close circle of friends. Of that circle, there are 4 couples (including mine) that have kids below 3 years and 1 couple that has no kids.
We aren’t going to be able to socialize properly for the next month so we decided to get together.
(ETA: the men will still be getting together but there is no pragmatic way the women will be able to do something together for the next 5 weeks at least.)
The ladies wanted to do a salon trip and then get dinner. Obviously, nobody wants to have their babies around while they’re getting their nails done and also we have not dressed up and gone out properly since the start of the year.
So we asked the husbands if they could have a more chilled-out night and look after the kids, put them to bed, etc.
Now it turns out that the couple with no kids is mad about this – the guy because obviously the husbands were preoccupied with childcare until the babies were in bed, and the gal because the two of them had to make separate plans and she had to pay for herself.
Are we jerks here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t understand why the gal is mad about this? Was she not going to be paying for herself on a girl’s night out anyway? As for her husband, he has no issue when it’s all of you taking care of the kids – what’s the difference if it’s just the guys taking care of the kids?
He has the option to not attend and make plans elsewhere if he likes. So does his wife for that matter.” ShortYogurtcloset111
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My wife and I actively make space for each other for these sorts of things. She will want to go on a spa day with friends, pedicure, girl’s beach trip, or stuff like that.
My answer is almost always an enthusiastic “Yes” after we double-check calendars. She does the same thing for me going on a hike, climbing trip, long bike ride, etc. The payoff in a house of refreshed spouses is almost always a big positive payoff. In a good marriage, everyone should be putting in what they can, whether that is only 30-40% of the load on a rough day, or 75% of the load when that is what you’ve got to give and the household needs it.” Moof_the_cyclist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’re friends with people with kids, you understand that sometimes they’re not going to be available due to childcare responsibilities, I have no idea what the guy with no kids is mad about. So his buddies have to watch their kids, that’s going to happen.
And the gal with no kids is upset why? Because it’s a ladies’ night and her husband isn’t going to be there? I mean, she’s not obligated to go, is she? She can stay home with her husband if she wants. The occasional guys-only or girls-only trip shouldn’t be a problem.” ChuckyJo
18. AITJ For Wanting To Attend A Close Friend's Wedding Abroad Without My Wife?
“About 6 months ago my wife (27F) and I (30M) were invited to one of my closest friends’ wedding. We don’t speak often but we were very close and consider him like family despite the infrequent contact. At the time my wife said she was unable to make it because of a work event and we discussed it but she said I should go and that she was sad I’d be going without her and ideally wouldn’t want me to leave.
Over the past few weeks, we’ve been arguing about me going more and more. I had discussed the dates and would be away for a week or so. As the date for the wedding has gotten closer and closer she appears to have really taken a hard stance on not wanting me to go.
I have tried to tell her that it’s important to me and that it’s a close friend and to be honest, most likely the only friend’s wedding I’d be invited to on my side.
I have tried to find a compromise and only go for 3/4 days, as it’s in another country but to attend the wedding and come back instead of the full week.
Right now we are at an impasse because her very definitive line is me not going to the wedding and I’m trying to find a solution but it appears the only way she will be happy is if I don’t go. I have tried to talk through the reasons why she doesn’t want me to go but every time I try she says she doesn’t want to talk about it because I will just give her solutions.
I think she doesn’t want me to go if we both can’t go. She would come with me if she could and I wish she could. However, it just feels like it’s not worth the situations that might arise if I do go.
We have been married for about 4 years now. We don’t really argue or disagree on much but recently, this trip has put a pretty big wedge between us. I’ve traveled for work before internationally and it hasn’t really been much of an issue and I’ve even taken her with me.
I feel like either I go and she’s annoyed or I stay and I’m annoyed.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She really needs to fess up as to why she doesn’t want to go. “She says she doesn’t want to talk about it because I will just give her solutions.” So basically, she’s saying it’s her way or the highway.
This is not cool. I’d be tempted to tell her that unless she can tell you exactly why she doesn’t want you to go, you will just assume it’s not really that important and go. You can’t make any judgments unless you know all the facts.” goldenfingernails
Another User Comments:
“Could it be you don’t argue much because you do what she tells you to do? This trip was decided a while back – so why is she changing her mind now? Why is her ‘permission’ needed for you to go to a close friend’s wedding?
It honestly does not make sense that she would tell you to go and now tell you not to go. I’d say go for the full week – enjoy the wedding – and let her be ‘annoyed’ that she can’t control you.” omeomi24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You say she initially told you that you should go, so not sure why she changed. I’d hate having people control me like that, insist I couldn’t go because they couldn’t, so I’d go for that reason alone. You have to decide if that’s worth causing further problems with your wife.” stroppo
17. AITJ For Avoiding My Roommate After She Ditched Me For Another Roommate Last Minute?
“I (18F) just finished my freshman year of college. I met my roommate, Emily (18F), online through a college page.
We have similar hobbies, but completely different majors. She’s more decisive and I’m permissive. Emily also has issues with her leg which she should be wearing a sleeve for but stopped during the first semester.
In March of this year, our school held a roller skating night and a couple of friends invited us.
A couple of laps in, Emily started to complain her leg was hurting. No matter how much we told her to sit down, she wouldn’t. When we were on our last lap of the night, Emily fell and couldn’t get up because of how much pain her leg was causing her.
Campus safety was called and they drove us back to our dorm.
I was very accommodating to Emily. I picked up her lunch and walked her to classes that were upstairs (Most buildings don’t have elevators). Originally, she was told her leg was sprained, but her parents drove several hours and took her to a doctor, who told her it was broken.
After she received the proper treatment from a doctor, she started to complain more about the campus’ and students’ accommodations. While I would walk her back from classes, she would loudly comment about people who would pass us and belittle people who offered her help.
She also labeled herself as disabled, which really bothered one of our friends because Emily would make rude comments about their disabilities. I will admit, I brushed over these comments at the time because I wanted to see the best in her. A month or so ago, Emily yelled at us because we entered the dining hall without her.
I made them talk it out so we were fine for a while. Then I realized that she never apologized throughout the whole conversation. She also would express concern that I am going to choose our friends over her. I tried to make her feel better.
My breaking point came during roommate selection for the upcoming school year. On Monday before it was due, Emily called one of our friends and mentioned how she might room with another girl if they didn’t get a single. I had heard nothing about this, and wasn’t really listening to their phone call.
I was under the assumption we would room together because that is what Emily told me the week prior. On Tuesday, the three of us were studying for a test, without Emily, so I couldn’t pick up her lunch. On Wednesday, I saw that Emily had removed me from our housing group, so I asked her if she was rooming with the other girl and she said yes.
That is when I started to sob and call my mom because I didn’t understand why, now, only two days before selection was due she was telling me this. In that moment, all empathy for Emily was gone and everything she had done in the past started to make sense.
Since then I haven’t tried to talk to Emily or help her in hopes that she would reach out first. It took her almost a week to text me. Once again, not apologizing.
AITJ for avoiding my roommate?”
Another User Comments:
“You sound sweet and caring.
Emily does not appreciate you. Stop helping her. Her new roommate can from now on. Stop crying….you dodged a bullet. Go down to housing and ask for a single. Meet new friends. Who appreciate you. And immediately!!! Stop helping her in any way. Chin up.
Good luck moving forward.” 11SkiHill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Emily is a mean person, you helped her beyond what most people would do and she still couldn’t force herself to tell you that she didn’t want to room together again. Telling you was a moral obligation and she either screwed that up or did not care.” mlc885
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My roommate jr year did this to me. Told me THE DAY OF selection she was living with someone else. A couple of hours later another girl heard what happened and had suffered something similar. We ended up getting a giant 3 person suite to ourselves, and she was the sweetest and it ended up being a great year.
We are still friends. That other girl was never the friend I thought she was.” Abject_Director7626
16. AITJ For Letting My Son Find Out About My Cancer Diagnosis On Social Media?
“This issue started a while ago, my son married Becky. Becky and my daughter do not get along. Looking at it, personalities don’t mix well. They frustrate each other a lot. About a year ago, the family was having a BBQ and Becky was asked to bring paper plates so no one had to clean plates.
She brought plastic plates so my daughter would need to wash them in order to give them back to Becky by the end of the night. The BBQ was at her home.
I think it was a breaking point for her because she grabbed me and went inside.
She had a big rant where she was not pleasant about Becky. It was mostly about her not following instructions and in her eyes that she was incompetent. I told her to calm down and just enjoy the night. I will do the dishes.
A few days later I got a call from my son saying he will only communicate with me if Becky is there.
So group chats, if she is on the phone with him or in person. That he heard that we were talking negatively about his wife and this is what he is doing now. Same thing with my daughter, he didn’t let me explain.
So from then on, we have been communicating that way.
It has been frustrating at times and I don’t feel like I can talk to him about anything personally.
This brings me to the main issue, I have breast cancer. I informed the kids one by one about it. I am not comfortable to explain my diagnosis with his wife in the room.
We are not close and I am very emotional about it. So I texted him that we needed to talk alone and he told me that anything I say I can say in front of his wife. I called him but no answer and me saying it was very important didn’t do anything.
My option was to tell him with an audience or not tell him and let him learn from someone else. I chose not to tell him, I had my first appointment and my daughter made a post on social media wishing me luck and support.
He called me up angry that he found out about this on social media and called me a jerk for not telling him. My point was I did try and he wouldn’t listen to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m sorry about your diagnosis OP and I wish you the best of luck with your treatment.
The truth is, you asked your son for a private conversation and he said no. He does not then get to berate you for not telling him. This is the consequence of his own shortsighted actions and, frankly, you don’t need the drama right now (something else he might consider before yelling at you about his own perceived slights).
You DID ask him, and he said no. Really sorry you have to deal with this on top of the cancer, OP. Please look after yourself.” heather20202024
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Becky sounds like an instigating jerk and your son is an enabler not even hearing you out.
He established a no-contact type policy because he doesn’t like his self-centered wife being called out. You tried to tell him and he refused to meet up with you. Now he is upset he found out this way when if he met up with you and didn’t put his jerk wife on an unearned pedestal he would have been told face to face.
I am so sorry you are going through all this! And I wish you the best of luck on your road to recovery.” sunlightofourpast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ—The fact that he called you a “jerk” as opposed to calling you and asking about you and your health….well, that says it all right there.
I’m so sorry. Please just focus on yourself and your health. The plastic plate thing—your DIL brought them to the party with the demand that they be given back to her? No way!! If she wanted them, she could’ve dug through the trash for her precious plates.
Focus only on you and what works for you. If updates are sent via social media or text, it’s ok however you want updates to be sent regarding your health. If your son doesn’t like that, too bad.” One-Comb2574
15. AITJ For Refusing To Rehome My Daughter's Pets Due To Her Half-Brother's Allergies?
“I have a 14-year-old daughter with my ex.
Recently I bought a rabbit and 2 guinea pigs for my daughter.
To be clear the pets stay at my home however, her half-brother (my ex’s son) still has allergic reactions around her. They share a bedroom so he is around my daughter a lot.
We don’t know which one he is allergic to so my ex is demanding I rehome all the pets.
My daughter refuses to do that and honestly, I don’t want to do it either. I told her that her son can use medication or my daughter can live with me full time and she started yelling at me calling me a bunch of names.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say NTJ simply because at 14, daughter should not be sharing a bedroom with brother – that’s not ok. Also, ex is ignoring a few very simple fixes in that the pets don’t reside with her – have daughter change her clothes, bag them, and take a shower when she comes in.
It’s obvious the kid is reacting to dander or fur. Some clothes need to stay at mom’s to avoid exposure. Limit what goes back and forth. The answer is to prevent cross-contamination – not rehome pets at another house. Ex needs to freaking try that before making demands.” whichwitch9
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Before your daughter goes over to her half-brother’s house, make sure she’s in clean clothes and lint roll her down. That’s the least you should do if she’s going back over. Dander sticks to everything. Fur follows you everywhere.
That being said, it’s your house. It could be the Timothy Hay, the dander, or the fur, but your ex doesn’t get to dictate what happens in your house. If the half-brother’s allergies are that bad, your ex needs to find out what he’s allergic to so he can take proper precautions as well.
That should be the priority. This way if he’s around something else that triggers his allergies, he knows what to do. You both need to take precautions. You and your ex need to find a middle ground.” KineticaMayhem
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the kid is allergic to secondhand animal contact via his sister, he needs to be on allergy medication because everything is going to set him off.
Your daughter can shower immediately when she gets to that house and put her clothes in the wash. Or she can shower just prior to leaving yours and out on fresh clothes (without touching pets again). That is a reasonable enough solution on your/your daughter’s part.
Re-homing beloved pets isn’t reasonable. Your ex seems difficult.” Fun-Translator-5776
14. AITJ For Tuning Out My Husband Because He Doesn't Respect My Time Or Listen To Me?
“I (40F) work 2 jobs – remotely, so I’m still at home, but it adds up to 60-70hrs/wk that I’m in my office, busting my tail. Lunch is spent working the other job.
Breaks are spent taking care of animals. On top of work, I also do 90% of the cooking, 50% of farm chores (small hobby farm) & about 50% of the cleaning. I also pay the bills, and we grocery shop as a family. I’m doing “stuff” before work, after work, & every time I get a few minutes of peace from my jobs.
My husband (50M) works 1 job 40hrs/wk, cooks maybe once every 3-4 months, helps our teenagers with the other 50% of farm chores, & helps clean on weekends. He likes to have a few drinks every day after work. By the time I emerge from my home office, I’m exhausted, & he’s sitting there with his feet up, already buzzed. Yes, I have talked to him about this.
It got me nowhere. So, I’m already annoyed.
Before I can truly sit down & relax, I’ve got to do that day’s chores and cook supper. He will sit there and give me a play-by-play of his entire day (he gets really chatty when he’s been drinking).
Following me around if need be (not helping, just in the way). When I’m done and just want to sit down & relax, he will continue talking non-stop, sometimes even acting out what he’s trying to tell me. I will know EVERY detail. What someone was wearing, what expression they made, their body language.
Everything. Annoyed more.
If he happens to take a breath long enough to ask about my day, as soon as I start, he’ll interrupt. Like how HE would have handled the situation. What I SHOULD have done. And even tips on how to do my job….
that is highly trained & he knows nothing about. Even if I’m just trying to tell him a funny story about something that happened. Annoyed x3. Now if he asks about my day, I just say “it was work” because why waste my breath on someone who isn’t going to listen to what I say anyway?
I’ve started tuning him out to be honest. Just saying variations of “uh-huh. Yep. Huh. Cool,” without actually listening to what he’s telling me. It’s the only way I can get a freaking break after my long days when I feel like my brain is broken, & I’m annoyed that I can’t even get a full 5 minutes of respect when I’m talking, but I’m expected to give 5 HOURS of focused listening?
(I wish I was exaggerating at how long he can talk non-stop)
I have tried talking to him about all of this, but even if he says he’ll do better, as soon as he starts drinking, he goes right back to it – and he won’t stop drinking.
I’ve talked to him about that too. So, I just tune him out and mindlessly give one-word answers or grunts.
He finally figured me out about a week ago. I, again, tried explaining my issues…. only to be interrupted again. I’ve now been having to hear for hours on end for days how I’m disrespectful, to the point where I just started “uh-huh-ing” again when he was complaining about the “uh-huh-ing”.
Making things worse.
AITJ for tuning out my husband and saying uh-huh as if I’m listening?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have teenagers and a husband whose job is limited to 40 hr/wk; stop cooking for the family on your workdays. Buy some convenience items for yourself.
Embrace girl dinner. Get some large, noise-cancelling headphones. There should be no confusion about when you are having some downtime. And a new ground rule for all ‘talks’ is no drinks before or during. Enjoy your headphones.” ComputerCrafty4781
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t seem like he’s listening to you at all.
Honestly, it sounds like you are a one-woman hurricane, what does this man even add to your life? Do you have any happy moments or quality time together at all? That said, maybe you guys just have too much on your plate. Is there a reason you have to work two jobs?
Maybe downsizing (looking at the hobby farm first) would reduce your workload and stress.” fckinsleepless
Another User Comments:
“Hm, I’ll go NTJ because it’s clear you are at your wit’s end and I don’t think what you’re doing is all that egregious, and nothing else seems to work.
But, you all really, really need therapy. What you’re doing right now is not sustainable and you aren’t being heard when you try to tell him. Is this even a marriage? What if you just stopped cooking? Ultimately you need changes, in part from the division of workload but also in how the two of you engage.
On one hand, he sounds like he misses you and enjoys catching up with you at the end of your day, but is super tone-deaf in trying to walk you through it instead of helping you! On the other hand, his actual treatment of you sounds INSANELY condescending, disrespectful, and full of himself which makes me think it’s not about catching up with YOU but about hearing himself talk.
I ask again, is this someone you can actually like?” owls_and_cardinals
13. AITJ For Considering Buying A Mini Fridge And Microwave Because Of My Roommate's Behavior?
“I (28f) live with two roomies, “Anne”(26f) who I’m subleasing from & “Tom”(22m), her friend who she moved in about 6 months ago without my consent.
When I first moved in 13 months ago, Anne’s other friend “Carrie”(26f) and her partner “John” (28m) were living here. Initially, I was iffy about living with a guy, but after meeting everyone, I was on board, and until Tom moved in there weren’t any issues.
Now though, it’s been a pain.
For example, before, if something ran out like TP or if there was trash to be taken out, or the bathroom needed to be cleaned we all pitched in. But Tom never bought TP even though he probably uses the most, and often left the bathroom in a state.
If it was recycling day, he’d only take out regular trash while recycling would be left overflowing into the next week. He’d leave his beard shavings all over the sink, not cleaning it until he was told. And I’ve definitely witnessed several ‘surprises’ in the toilet until it was, again, brought up in convo.
It got to a point where it felt like if Anne or I didn’t clean the bathroom, take out the trash, or buy communal things we all share, it wouldn’t get done. I tried to talk to him about it, but he got defensive, saying I was “mom-ing” him.
I tried speaking with Anne about it & she seemed to understand so we all had a roomie meeting to address concerns. It’s gotten a bit better but the atmosphere’s been pretty tense between me and them since.
I’m basically holed up in my room 90% of the time now.
Recently, when I was really sick and asked for a favor via text, I got radio silence. Anne responded 2 days later, but I decided to just pull my energy back and just mirror them. I used to greet them, and she would respond, but he wouldn’t.
Now I ignore him back.
Yesterday though, I went to make myself a sandwich only to find that my entire pack of cheese disappeared. Normally, we don’t touch each other’s food and I only ate two slices from the pack. Tom was present at the time so I asked if he used my cheese for his sandwiches.
He said he doesn’t make sandwiches (which feels like a weird lie, because I’ve literally seen him pack away deli meats and bread after grocery shopping) and denied eating my cheese. I thought, “it’s only cheese” but I was also so annoyed with the months of nonsense that I cooked something else right there and silently sat down in the living room (where he spends 90% of his time) eating and studying until he got uncomfortable enough to leave.
It was petty, sure but I didn’t care.
Now I want to interact with them even less. I’m so over it. The tension is causing me a lot of anxiety and even insecurity/second-guessing myself. We all split the utility bills, but I’m thinking of getting a mini fridge and microwave for my room to avoid any more drama.
But if I go that route WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ but girl, I think you are thinking very short-term. You need to be looking for a different accommodation and have a roommate meeting where you explain that if the current situation is continuing you will be looking to move out.
Sounds like one of your roommates is not doing his share of the shared chores, in fact he is not cleaning after himself at all and he wouldn’t need to be “mom-ed” if he was acting like an actual adult and not a child who needs to be reminded constantly to pick after himself.
I am not even going over the whole cheese thing! That is unacceptable entirely.” atealein
Another User Comments:
“I agree it’s time to look for better roommate options. You should definitely get yourself appliances for your room. Might as well be comfortable holed up in your room and having access to the food you buy.
And if Tom ever has anyone over to visit, it might be a great time to announce loudly, “Darn it Tom! When will you learn how to flush your poop in the toilet?” That should embarrass him in front of his friends. Don’t know if he’ll learn to flush but it’ll be fun for you to see him squirm out of everyone knowing his gross bathroom habits.” Silly_DizzyDazzle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but why have to spend on stuff like that? You already know the problem. It goes by the name of “Tom”. For the future, add to the lease that failure to take your turn in cleaning and on trash day, and stealing, are grounds for immediate dismissal. It may sound harsh, but it really is beyond the pale that one person would expect his roommates to put up with all his bad habits.
The entitlement is shuddering! He should be sent back to his parents, as they have failed to let him go through the final adulting courses.” FragrantEconomist386
12. AITJ For Refusing To Look After My Partner's Daughter?
“I, (23f), and my partner, (25m), have been together for a little over a year. I knew about his daughter (6f) and had met her before, but I wasn’t really comfortable with her.
A few days ago, my partner asked if I could take care of her as he was going to work and his ex was out of the country. I said no, as I didn’t want to take responsibility for a child who wasn’t mine.
He was quite upset because there wasn’t anyone who could take care of her. I told him to get a childminder, but he said he couldn’t as it was “short notice” or something.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for this specific time.
However, if you come to live with your partner, or marry him eventually, the child is something you have to take into account. As long as you are his partner and live on your own, you are not responsible. But you have to bear in mind every step you will take in this relationship will commit you, and you will have to find a balance between your relationship, and the planning and affection a child requires.” AikaNemo
Another User Comments:
“I would argue this is slightly different than most of the rest of the responses. You said you have been in a (serious I would guess) relationship for over a year with a young man who has a child. If you are not comfortable with children, why are you in this relationship at all?
I understand a concern about watching a child who is not your own, but a serious relationship means there needs to be some willingness to accept her into your relationship. You can’t expect him just to drop her at his ex’s anytime you want.
Not saying you are completely wrong, but you need to accept she is part of your relationship.” Boater280ws
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in this instance. Did he not know his ex was leaving the country? Did he not know he had work? He should have a babysitter.
From what you wrote, it sounds like he just assumed you’d watch the child. You would be the jerk to yourself if you continued a relationship with this man. He will always have a child. For 12 more years, the child will be a minor, and if anything comes up during his custody time, you would be the default carer until the mother could be reached/could come get the child.
If you don’t like children, don’t go out with people with children. It is unfair to you, your partner, and the child(ren) in question.” EquivalentTwo1
11. AITJ For Being Upset That My Wife Buys Me Gifts She Wants Instead?
“A few years back my wife got me a hammock for my birthday, despite me having never expressed the slightest interest in a hammock and despite her wanting one.
Whatever, I think okay weird but she just totally misread what I might like.
A year later she buys me a lawn mower for my birthday, something I would never in a million years want for my birthday but was simply a household item we needed. I was annoyed. I likened it to me buying her a dishwasher for her birthday.
This year we have a new car. She’s very much wanted seat covers for it. I’ve very clearly articulated that I don’t think we need them, they’re a waste of money, don’t want them, etc. My birthday comes around, and my birthday gift is seat covers for the car.
AITJ? I feel annoyed/frustrated/disrespected, but if I try to voice that I know I will get guilt-tripped into thinking otherwise. I honestly don’t know what’s true anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not appreciating presents that aren’t actually for you. This makes me feel curious though: “I know I will get guilt-tripped into thinking otherwise.
I honestly don’t know what’s true anymore.” Is this gift-giving situation perhaps representative of other communication between the two of you? A person should be able to communicate something (positive or negative) to their partner and feel heard and understood.” tinyd71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
But it looks like you have to beat her in her own game. Take the seat covers and do NOT use them for the car. Put them on your office chair, heck lay them on your bedside. Use them on your couch, everywhere just not in the car.
If she asks what you are doing tell her “this was a gift to me, I use it like I please, thank you very much”. When she insists on using them in the car tell her “you have to wait then till someone gifts you seat covers, but MY seat covers are off the table, I already use them for my office chair and I don’t need a seat cover in the car.” And if she insists ask her if this means the seat covers were never meant to be a gift for you but a gift to herself, and if so, why would she gift them to you?
Does this mean you don’t deserve gifts?” Every_Caterpillar945
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At first, I was wondering if she was paying you back for bad gifts you bought for her, but then I saw your comment about some of the gifts you gave your wife.
So it’s not that. You are being disrespected and it’s no surprise that you feel annoyed and frustrated. Your wife is using your birthday as an excuse to buy something she wants. That’s really selfish behavior. You suggested couples therapy, and I think that’s a good place to start.
Having a neutral 3rd party to guide the discussion would be very helpful. Has your wife ever indicated that she would be willing to try counseling? If your wife won’t go to therapy, please consider going for yourself. Sometimes it’s really helpful to have someone outside the situation validate your feelings.
OP, you deserve much better in a relationship than a partner that doesn’t listen and guilt trips you when you try to voice not only your opinion but your needs. Worst of all, she has you so confused that you don’t know what’s true any longer.
That’s a form of control, it’s manipulation and not the basis for a healthy relationship.” MerryMoose923
10. AITJ For Not Making My Mom Apologize After She Overshadowed Our Wedding With Her Birthday Celebration?
“I recently got married and some issues between my wife and mom are unfortunately intruding on our newlywed bliss.
Our wedding took place on my mom’s 40th birthday which was completely coincidental. I did feel like kind of a jerk for doing that to her, but it was the date that worked best for everyone and we felt it would be easier to rearrange a birthday than a wedding.
I hoped she would understand and I did prep her for it beforehand.
On the day of the wedding, my now-wife feels there was some inappropriate/offensive behavior on the part of my mom and her partner. First of all he gave her her birthday gift in front of the whole bridal party and seemed to have an attitude with my wife.
My aunt proceeded to remind everyone every five minutes that it was my mom’s birthday. To be fair my mom wasn’t saying much.
The real issue occurred towards the end of the wedding. My mom said she just wanted to go in the hot tub and drink, and her partner said no she needs to go to sleep as they have a busy day tomorrow.
He said this right in front of my wife, me, my in-laws, and some of the bridal party. My mom was confused and he told her they were leaving in the morning for 10 days in Dubai for her birthday, her stuff was all packed, and everything was booked.
Obviously, this is a really over-the-top gift, the type of gift most people never get in their lifetime, so it felt very showy. My mom was excited and jumped on him, but nothing too over the top. Also, he told her where they were staying and everyone was jealous, wanting to look at the picture, etc.
My wife looked pretty annoyed, so I tried to move the conversation along. When we were alone she confided in me that she found that rude and felt my mom was trying to overshadow our big day. She asked me to talk to my mom after the fact because her behavior really bothered her.
My mom recently returned, so I did and I asked her to apologize. She said she wasn’t apologizing as she didn’t do anything. I explained she hurt my wife and she said my wife’s feelings aren’t her problem. I asked her to consider talking to her and she rolled her eyes and said she didn’t care at all.
I decided to let it go and told my wife I will not be forcing an apology, nor will I be putting boundaries down such as she can’t come over until she apologizes. While I feel my mom is being rude and childish, she didn’t technically do anything and I won’t be discussing it further.
My wife feels hurt and feels I need to have another conversation, and I feel like a bit of a jerk since she is my wife and I know she needs to come first.”
Another User Comments:
““We felt it would be easier to rearrange a birthday than a wedding” – ah yes, because “could you please have been born on a different day, because we are planning an event that could take place any day of the year, but we’ve decided it should be your birthday” is how it works.
So the drama is that your mom received a gift on her birthday and people acknowledged your mother on her milestone birthday? Interesting. The only jerks here are you and your wife. Your mother didn’t do anything. She has nothing to apologize for. Based on her age, I’m guessing you guys are late teens/early twenties?
Just make sure your next wedding isn’t on someone’s birthday, it’s a very easy thing to accomplish. Birthdays are annual and they occur on the same date every year. YTJ.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A milestone birthday can be a real big deal. As it should be.
My dad is turning 75 this year and we are going on a long vacation for that milestone. Nothing about that type of trip is over the top or showy. You and your wife should have enough emotional space to allow your mom to have a happy birthday while you simultaneously celebrate your wedding.
Literally zero reason that one should have canceled out the other. Your wife being hurt by somebody else’s happiness is a bad sign for things to come I think. Good luck dealing with that.” BeardManMichael
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but not for refraining from forcing an apology as much as asking for one in the first place.
As you said yourself: She didn’t do anything wrong, so why did you go along with asking for an apology to begin with? And seriously: Of all the days in the world you chose that day? Easier to rearrange a birthday? No. Her birthday is her birthday.
Your wedding day was not even a thing yet when you planned it. You could have picked literally any other day. And then your wife, and to a certain degree you, have the nerve to get upset about her being happy for receiving a fantastic present on her actual birthday, which you took away from her by having your wedding on the same day.
Get over yourselves, man.” Spinstop
9. AITJ For Insisting My Younger Daughters Join Us On A Trip Without Wifi?
“I have three daughters 10f 14f and 17f.
We go visit my husband’s sister for 3 days, she lives in a remote rural area and has no wifi so my younger kids don’t want to go. My oldest is fine with going as my SIL has a daughter the same age and my daughter is good friends with her.
We usually leave the younger two with my sister who’s the only one to have an extra bedroom.
But this year she’s renovating her house and she’s staying in a much smaller apartment so she can’t take her and there’s no one else with an extra bedroom so I just told them they had to come.
My younger kids love social media so they refused and begged to stay home alone or asked me to cancel.
I’m not going to cancel over this and I think they are too young to stay home alone.
They are now mad at us.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Heaven forbid if they lose electricity and wifi for a few days due to power outages. They need to learn now that it isn’t the end of the world for no wifi. They can play games on airplane mode. They can download movies/shows at home to watch while there.
They can play IRL games and go for walks and anything else. They can bring a book to read or get their homework done super early. And I would be concerned about their “need” for wifi at this point. Maybe you should set more boundaries like they can only use it X amount of hours a day or only after homework or something.
Do they have hobbies? After school sports or clubs or activities?” Trick_Delivery4609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you left your 14yo in charge for say, a couple of hours while you and your hubby went to dinner, I don’t see that as a big deal. 3 days?
No, not happening they are too young for that. Do not cave. If there really are no other options then they have to come along and too bad so sad they can’t use their phones. If you really wanted to, you could ask your phone carrier about getting a mobile hotspot they can connect to but be careful with that because it can make your monthly bill really high.
3 days of no internet will not kill them. It’ll actually be good for them to unplug for a while because social media has become such a problem. (Side note: I am not anti social media, I just think that it’s become too much of a babysitter for young children.) Take them to the bookstore and have them pick some stuff out, or to a craft store, there are other things they can do for 3 days.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…. And therein lies the problem. Your younger daughters cannot live without social media. I think that not only should they most definitely go and find other ways to occupy their minds, but you should cut down on this time at home.
For two young people to be so overwrought at no wi fi for a few days is insane. The second problem is they refused? Um, nope. They have no say whatsoever. You are the parent. You tell them they have no choice. And if they moan even one time, there will be new limits when you all get home.
They have imaginations. Tell them to use them.” Worth-Season3645
8. AITJ For Pulling Out Of My Friend's Bridal Party Due To Financial Pressure?
“I (22 F) was the maid of honor for my friend’s (F) wedding, along with 2 other bridesmaids (Anna and Jess). Note: I was not friends with the other bridesmaids, as they were the bride’s friends from elsewhere.
The bride was not involved in the wedding/hens planning process as we wanted the activities as a surprise, and would also be paying for the bride’s head for all activities.
Our agreed plan/budget was $500 each. However, Anna suggested changing the plan to do a weekend trip, increasing the budget to $1,000 each factoring in accommodation, food, etc. (paying for the bride)
I raised my concerns with the bridesmaids because I felt stressed dropping $1,000+ in one go for one wedding, as I do not have a full-time job (I’m desperately looking for one).
I only work casually 2 days a week. I also had to use the money I’d saved for the wedding on a family emergency. The bridesmaids, however, work full-time but are renting their housing.
When I brought up my stress to the bridesmaids, they tried investigating my financial details, aggressively asking me if I paid rent, what I spend my money on, why and how often I support my family financially.
I explained that although I don’t pay rent, I also don’t get paid as much as them. Anna said, “so get a second job”, implying that I’m not working hard enough/I need to work harder to fund this wedding. I felt pressured by them to spend more, as they claimed that they were in worse financial positions than me, and if they can pay, I should too.
They both then called me “disrespectful” for being concerned about money because I don’t pay rent, which was unfair, as they assumed I don’t have any other financial priorities in my life.
I told the bride everything, how I felt uncomfortable and invalidated like I wasn’t allowed to feel stressed about money because I don’t pay rent.
She agreed they were unnecessarily aggressive, but agreed with them that I was disrespectful for being concerned when I don’t pay rent. The bride expressed her hurt in how “quickly” I “threatened” to pull out. I explained that my pulling out would not be because of money, or that I didn’t want to be her MOH, but because of how I was treated by the bridesmaids.
I’d rather pull out sooner than later to avoid more future conflicts. She ultimately agreed that I pull out, knowing that she wouldn’t enjoy her day knowing that we bridesmaids had beef.
A few weeks later, I asked the bride if everything was okay between us.
She said it’s expected to have a shift due to my “immature actions” and how I “blew everything up”, and felt hurt that I quickly pulled out of the bridal party. I explained again why I pulled out (above para), and if she refused to understand how her friends made me feel which led to my decision, then I can’t change her mind.
She then said, “I’m not rehashing this convo so you can feel good about being the victim”.
For the past few weeks, I was made to feel like a bad friend and I started to believe it.
AITJ for pulling out of her bridal party?
Were my actions immature?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your only problem was that the other 3 women were immature. I don’t know you and you want to know what I make?? Screw you!! You reacted normally and your friend should have appreciated that you came to her to voice your concern.
Not the kind of friend I would want in my life. You did the right thing stepping away. I’m sure one of the other women was happy to take your place as the MOH. Probably the plan to begin with.” AffectionateEar5043
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Yeah, the only disrespectful thing here is interrogating someone you just met about their finances and telling someone to get a second job in order to participate in a wedding. Screw that noise. This was just the party, the expenses were going to go up when you factor in gifts, dress, hair, makeup, shoes… no, you were right to pull out early.
These people sound horrible, the bride included. Not paying rent has no bearing on this, your income levels are still vastly different, and you each have different responsibilities that cut into your income, theirs is rent yours was a family emergency. None of them have a right to question your finances nor do they need a breakdown of your expenses.
Drop this one-sided friendship. It’s not worth it. You were not the one being a bad friend in this situation.” AGirlHasNoGame_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe next time, share less. Your financial details are not their business. Saying “I can’t afford to pay double the amount agreed on” is enough for the bridesmaids.
Saying to your friend, “I am sorry, but I can no longer afford to be your bridesmaid. The projected expenses have already doubled and may increase further. You deserve to have the wedding you want, but I simply can’t afford it, so it’s best I withdraw now” is enough for the bride.
If they pressed for details of your budget “Sorry, detailed discussions will not change my ability to afford these increased costs. If I could manage it, I would, but it isn’t possible.” Keep in mind when this issue comes up in other circumstances. I was in a friend group with women better off than me.
(My folks made less than many of my high school friends, plus was a college scholarship student.) And it came up with outings, vacations, and events.” Holiday_Trainer_2657
7. AITJ For Wanting To Reclaim The Car I Bought For My Brother After My Family Failed To Pay Me Back?
“I’m Lacy, a 20-year-old serving in the military. I received a kick-off bonus of 18k, and things were going well until my mom, Janet (40), asked me to help my brother Jack (17) get a new car.
I agreed to pay for an $8k car under the condition they pay me back monthly. Six months later, they’ve only made one payment of $1,800 from selling Jack’s old car. Despite promises, they’ve been spending money on casinos, kayaking, and partying. When I confronted them, they gaslighted me and started blaming me for picking up the car.
I plan on taking them to court as the car is in my mom’s name, although I have proof of payment and their agreement to pay me back.
Our relationship is strained; my mom favored my siblings, kicked me out, and discouraged my dreams like college.
She only became kinder when she found out about my money. They never visited me during my time in Pensacola, and my mom now wants me to buy her a house. My partner and friends made me realize I was being used. Am I wrong for wanting to reclaim the car?
Any advice on what I should do ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Props for going the military route. I did it too. Got college and grad school paid for. You are def NTJ for wanting to be paid what was agreed to you, especially if your family is simply taking advantage of you.
But if you do this, be prepared that it might permanently damage your relationship and you have to be willing to lose that to get paid. If that is worth it to you, as you do seem on the verge of estrangement already, then don’t feel guilty doing it.
Pretty sure this would qualify as a small claim. So you won’t need a lawyer nor would they, just some money for the filings. Make sure you have your ducks in a row, proof of payment, what you have been paid, what you’re owed plus interest, texts about the money would be good too as it proves they agreed to pay you and are choosing not to now.
I believe an oral contract here would stand.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you could sue them. But also draw your boundaries. You are being used, it’s like saying you aren’t worth anything to them except when they need something they think you can provide.
I know this type of dynamic well. For me, the solution was going very low contact and being ready to leave when they cross the line. Nobody has the right to steal your peace or joy. Now it’s up to you to reestablish that.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – take her to small claims court for the balance of the loan if you have the loan documented with terms and she signed it, but be aware, just getting a judgment doesn’t mean you get paid if she doesn’t voluntarily pay you, which she probably won’t.
That means you have to keep going back to court to garnish her wages, bank account, etc. It’s quite a bit of work. Or, you can just walk away, live your life, and never look back. Lesson learned.” Legal-Lingonberry577
Option 2: go to court, get awarded the money, then let it go
Option 3: go to court, get awarded the money and then pursue the actual payment.
Option 1 will probably make you resent them more and want to cut them off. With option 2, both sides will know you've won and your parents won't like it. Option 3 will probably lead to.them cutting you off. Only you can decide how far you want to go.
6. AITJ For Not Allowing My Step-Son's Ex Into My Home After Numerous Incidents?
“My (36) not quite stepson (25) (I’m not married to his dad (47) but I’ve been with his dad for 14 years) had a child (2) with a lady (25) and I won’t allow her into my home for a few reasons.
We asked her to watch the dog for an hour during an emergency and she didn’t let the dog out, she let the dog poop on the floor (which she has never done in her 10 years of being with us, she gives clear signs that she wants to go out and we informed ex of this).
I have found her (after going outside with my little one) trying to get into my petty cash box.
She called my child disgusting because she still uses nappies (my daughter is autistic and toileting is a problem (she has an OT for this).
She has literally eaten my dinner (I went out into the kitchen during dinner to grab something for my little one, I came back in and she was eating my food off my plate with her hands).
She threw a tantrum (a full-blown kicking and screaming tantrum) because I refused to give her my daughter’s lactose-free birthday cupcake (kiddo has lactose intolerance), ruining the day and also leading to some awkward conversations with my daughter and the friends and family that were there.
She smells, bad (stepson has told us she doesn’t shower for weeks at a time, she just refuses).
She’s accused me of being classist (this is one we don’t understand at all as I grew up poor and we are living hand to mouth.
She keeps trying to smoke in the house.
(partner and I are smokers, we’ve got a strict smoking outside rule for everyone, including us)
And most importantly, she has stolen from us, I caught her taking some money off a shelf that my partner had handed to me not 30 minutes earlier while she was over, police were called after she refused to return the money, it was a whole thing.
She is rude and curses like a sailor in front of my child, we’ve asked her to stop, she refuses.
When she brings their little one over she sits playing on her phone and completely ignores their little one. She pulled a cup of tea over herself because my partner and I were busy with our little one, we got the blame and a phone call from social services, thankfully stepson stood up for us and the case was dismissed.
She has now not been in my home in several months, she claims she’s changed, stepson assures us she hasn’t (there’s no bad blood between them so he has no reason to lie).
I’ve told stepson that he is more than welcome to bring their little one over with him, but I will not have her here.
Ex doesn’t want the little one to come over to see us without her. My partner misses his granddaughter horribly and is asking me to allow her to come over just so he can see her.
AITJ for now allowing her to after all the trouble she has caused?”
Another User Comments:
“Clearly the solution is for your partner to go see his granddaughter somewhere else, and you should tell him that. Also, if this couple isn’t together, maybe you and your partner could try to get him some sort of custody or visiting rights without the mother there, so he’s legally allowed to have his daughter by himself.
If that’s advisable, of course. Eventually, this witch won’t be forcing her presence into your home.” Suzeli55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How can your stepson tolerate even being around this insane, smelly thief?!! I feel bad for him because now they have a child together and he is stuck.
You have every right to ban this woman from your house. This is such an extreme case. Throwing a full-fledged tantrum, lying, stealing and so many terrible behaviors indicate some kind of pathology. Batten down the hatches and keep her away from you and your home.” marlada
5. AITJ For Not Inviting The Unpopular Neighbor To The Block Party?
“I live in a little neighborhood, a lot of kids and grandmas.
The community is pretty nice besides one person. A new woman moved in by the hill in the fall. She is right next to the park where people hang out.
The problem is she is mental about her property. She has a very big area and there is no line from the park to where her property is.
If your ball goes over she will come out and tell you to get off her property.
The kids’ school bus stop is right there and like 40 kids get on in the morning. They all don’t fit on the sidewalk and will stand in the grass.
She put on sprinklers and soaked all the kids before school. They were not messing things up.
In the winter she yelled at a group of kids having a snowball fight and they went over the line. It has happened so many times and it has happened when people were still technically in the park.
I wish she would just put up a fence since it would actually show where it begins. So basically no one in the neighborhood is fond of her. The kids don’t like her, the parents don’t, and even the old ladies find her to be destroying the peace.
We are supposed to have a block party in about two weeks and I am organizing it. This year I got a petition to not include her. I also moved it so it would be on the other side of the park so no one would be anywhere near her property.
I sent out invites to all the homes besides hers. She came up to me and asked why she didn’t get an invite. I told her because the neighborhood finds her to be a jerk.
She called me a jerk and I am morally conflicted.
This comes out of the neighbors’ pockets, no city funding.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with NTJ, but I would take a different approach. I would let her know the specific things she has done to alienate her community neighbors, and that those actions have made the neighbors not want to party with her.
But still invite her, and let her know that she can apologize and begin to make changes to her behavior if she wants to be included. But I wouldn’t continue giving her that benefit if she declines to be neighborly and continues her hostile behavior towards the community.” whorfin2022
Another User Comments:
“I have a bus stop in front of my house. The kids were awful. Dropping all their school stuff in the middle of my front lawn, running around on the driveway, my front and back porches, screaming (this is before 7 am), running up to the window to scare my cats (going through my landscaping and flowers) and the boys roughhousing like Tasmanian devils.
Throwing stuff at the house, snack wrappers, drink lids (litter) left, etc. Called the HOA, not their issue, called the school, they told me there is nothing they can do…I BEGGED them to move it. Nope, call the police, the school told me. Somehow a rumor got around that I was going to call the cops and those kids behaved after that.
I think the school told the parents that at the beginning of the school year. (I had several conversations with the school) I never said that and would never do that unless there was a danger/threat against the kids. AND I would not turn the sprinklers on these kids.
Although I have been tempted. I work from home so it was very disruptive. It’s better this year.” calicounderthesun
Another User Comments:
“As far as the kids waiting for the bus – even if she is miserable, it’s a good time to reinforce that the kids should not be on her property.
I had a friend who lived basically on a school bus stop, and it’s a pain to have kids milling on your lawn. That the old owner didn’t mind is irrelevant. The kids should move further down the sidewalk rather than on her lawn.
They move somewhere when the sprinkler goes on, right? If there is not enough safe space then pics need to be taken and submitted to the school board with a request to move the stop. Most of us have had to teach our kids such things, that at some point, that while a certain adult might seem miserable, technically they are correct that in this case none of them should stand on her lawn.
As for the back of her property – I’m not sure about that. I understand there is an invisible line, but I would likely direct the kids to play in such a way the ball won’t go on her property. Actually, my daughter does that at her house – the neighbors regularly tell her they do not mind when the ball goes in their yard, but my daughter is teaching them manners and courtesy by instructing them in the ways they can play while avoiding the ball going over there.
She’s teaching basic social skills.” bestneighbourever
OP no you did nothing wrong. The lady is a sourpuss so why would you want her at a party where everyone hates her. You all are there to have fun and not be jerk down.
4. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My Parents Because Of Their Negative Attitude Towards Breastfeeding?
“I told my parents I’m no longer coming over to their house. I just had a baby and she is having a hard time with latching/feedings. Every time I have to feed her my father makes rude remarks about how I need to cover up.
I have explained before that covering up right now isn’t an option because of the issues we’re having but when they resolve I’d be more than happy to. I have also explicitly said that his remarks upset me. I finally made the decision to stop going over there until my daughter is no longer breastfeeding.
My mom keeps inviting us over for dinner but I’ve let her know that I am not interested in going over there anymore. AITJ for setting these boundaries or should I just let it go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Fed is best. Do what you need to feed your baby.
Also, there’s nothing wrong with formula feeding if breastfeeding isn’t working out. Lots of people put pressure on new mothers to breastfeed. It’s okay if you have to change course. I was very sick when my baby was born and couldn’t breastfeed. Formula feeding was our only option.
She’s happy and healthy and I have no regrets about it.” Ok_Arrival7478
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad childishly doesn’t want you to do what it takes to successfully feed your child while in his home, you NEED to be able to successfully feed your child.
Tell your mom that she is welcome to visit but your house, your rules goes both ways. Feeding your baby is your priority, not managing people who oughta know better’s feelings. Ignore your parents and focus on your little one. You’ll get through this Momma.” Nonby_Gremlin
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk! Also a little story for a laugh: I visited a (male) friend with my then newborn daughter, started to breastfeed her on his couch, and he says “Jesus christ, (My Name)! That’s disgusting! Put some darn socks on!” I totally thought he was gonna tell me to cover up while I nursed but it was actually just his weird way of showing support and trying to make me feel comfortable.
I still crack up when I remember.” swtpmmfrte
3. AITJ For Refusing To Adopt My In-Laws' Energetic And Large Dog?
“My husband Mark and I live with a 14-year-old sweetheart senior dog named Benji.
In 2022, my parents-in-law got a new dog named Kai. Kai was just a small puppy, but being a Newfoundland and Poodle mix he quickly grew to be gigantic. He was highly energetic and unaware of his own size & power.
This created issues for my mother and father-in-law (who are in their late 70s) who had to take Kai out for several walks every day while the dog would pull constantly and jump around excitedly. Because Mark and I lived in a different state, we couldn’t do anything to help them out.
My husband Mark and his older brother Nathan made numerous attempts to convince their parents to either give up their dog or get a trainer for Kai – for their own safety – but their suggestions were refused every time.
Long story short, within the following year, my father-in-law had shattered his right hip, then his hand & wrist, and then his left knee which all happened while taking Kai out for walks.
My father-in-law never admits this, but we all know that it was Kai’s high energy, habit of pulling, and bumping into him with his big body that caused all three accidents.
At this point, my husband Mark discusses with his older brother Nathan that they must find a new family for Kai.
I was not a part of this particular conversation, but because Nathan has a smaller apartment, it was decided between them that it would be better for Mark and me to adopt Kai.
Mark brings up this topic and asks if I would be willing to adopt Kai.
In that moment, I didn’t know how to reply because I had conflicting feelings. I agreed that we needed to help find a new home for Kai.
However, for me:
1. Adopting a dog is a huge decision. We can’t just “try” having the dog for a while and “return” it or force the dog to find a new family, yet again.
It would have been at least a 10-year commitment, and I was simply not ready to make that decision in that moment.
2. We have Benji, a senior dog. I suppose some experts out there might disagree with this, but I have read that some senior dogs feel intimidated by younger dogs entering into the family and have difficulty adjusting.
3. I genuinely worried that I wouldn’t be able to physically handle Kai’s size and strength. I selfishly feared that I would injure myself, just as my father-in-law did.
Our conversation eventually turned into an argument, because my husband was under the impression that I would say ‘yes’ to adopting Kai right away.
This was especially important for him, because:
1. He desperately wanted to help out his parents by taking the dog off their hands. He kept saying that because they are old now, this might be the last thing he can really do to help them out in a tough situation.
2. He believed that his parents would feel much better knowing that Kai is not being sent to strangers, or potentially a “bad” family.
AITJ for putting my foot down and not adopting Kai?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…help out his parents by paying for a trainer and/or a daily dog walker, if you are able to do so.
Is your husband actually going to walk this dog at least twice a day to help expel his energy? Or will he be, let’s adopt this dog, but eventually the care will fall on you?” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I am a 1000% dog lover.
But the worst thing you can possibly do is take a dog that you don’t really want out of obligation. If you don’t feel committed it’s not fair to you or the dog. I suggest you assist the parents in finding a really good home for the dog.
I feel like there are a lot of people who will jump at a newfydoodle. Obviously, the dog needs someone capable of handling a dog that size as well as training. But the absolute best thing for this dog is to find it a home where the person really wants him and isn’t just a backup plan.
An aside. I was talking to my parents one day about “if I died” and they said they wouldn’t keep my dogs. And I was really angry about it. But after a lot of reflection, I realized that they weren’t being mean. They wouldn’t be capable of giving my dogs the life I would want them to have.
They don’t even dog-sit! And I realized that them having boundaries and knowing what they are capable of is a much healthier thing. I hope that your husband and his parents can eventually see that too.” justalittlesunbeam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t blame you for having severe reservations, Kai has been badly mishandled and while I don’t think his problems sound in any way insurmountable it’s going to take a lot of time, energy, commitment and let’s face it, money, to sort it out.
But Kai is still young so it’s definitely doable. I think even before you can think of rehoming Kai your husband and his family need to do something about Kai’s excess of energy. He needs a dog trainer, possibly in a residential course, and a dog walker (who knows if it goes well he may even be able to stay with your in-laws for now) but if that just isn’t possible then sorting his behavior will help him find the right home, the mix is high energy but both are loving and family breeds so he will make a fantastic pet for someone.
Personally, I’ve introduced senior dogs to younger dogs and I can honestly say it’s not the age of any of the dogs that matters most, it’s the personalities, and you can never tell which dogs will mix and which you won’t with any certainty till they meet though 14 does feel a bit old to introduce a young dog with as much life as Kai has.” history_buff_9971
2. AITJ For Not Telling My Family About My Property Purchases?
“My parents have a small condo in a beautiful mountain/lake resort area that both my sister and now her family and my family have used together or separately going back to the 2000s.
My parents rarely use it because they hate the snow. So for years, I have periodically checked on it for them.
A few years ago, my mother said she was planning to sell their condo, and we came across a great deal so we purchased our own condo in the area to use as our family was going to have our second kid, but for many reasons, we had to rent it out after a few months of it sitting empty and weren’t able to use it.
We didn’t tell anybody about the condo that we had purchased because, quite frankly, I was a little embarrassed about the purchase and the circumstances at the time, and I don’t think all investments/homes that someone has are everyone’s business. So, we, like my sister, continued to use my parents’ condo for about 2-3 weeks a year.
One time I happened to be there when the water heater broke and I saved it from ruin because they had no sensor and had a second-story unit. No one would have known for days if not weeks.
When we were finally able to use our condo we started to do so because we were too jam-packed into my parents’, we obviously told everyone about it and it was great to have separate spaces.
Everyone was really happy.
My wife and I decided to retire in this area in like 15 years and decided that a condo wouldn’t cut it for us. We found a home that needs a fair amount of work but is usable as an Airbnb in the meantime.
We purchased it mid-Fall, had a temporary tenant immediately in it for about two months, then hired a company to convert it to an Airbnb and really make it a nice and presentable place, for me and my own family and others.
I wound up waiting until around early January when my sister was in town so I could show her the place since we can now have enough places to sleep for all of our parents/in-laws etc., and it didn’t go well.
Neither my sister nor my mother are talking to me and are extremely upset that I didn’t tell them I purchased the house earlier, like when I bought it before I got it fixed up.
Like I said previously, I am the type of person who believes in privacy and am shocked by the response I’m getting here.
So, AITJ for not telling them about my purchase earlier/immediately? If helpful, I’m in my late 40s, my sister early 50s, parents late 70s.”
Another User Comments:
“It’s probably a complex mix of things. There may be some resentment that you did not ‘care enough’ to involve them when making such a big decision to buy a home in the family vacation spot.
That resentment is mixed in with a little envy (your new home is better than the old family home). Regardless of the reason, they have decided to punish you for not toeing the line. Not sure why family would choose to treat/manipulate one of their own like this.
Do not reach out to them; it will reward their behavior and will ensure that they continue to resort to it in the future. NTJ.” son-of-a-mother
Another User Comments:
“So in theory you don’t have to tell anyone but you’re still part of a family unit.
First you buy a condo that you don’t tell anyone about and use your parents’ condo. Then you buy a house and you don’t tell anyone. Your family probably wonders why so much secrecy. Honestly, I had a friend buy a condo and not tell us and we wondered if the friend did not consider us close enough.
It definitely impacted the relationship because clearly my friend did not consider us the same level of closeness that I did. And now I don’t talk to them at all. No jerks here because technically you don’t have to tell them but yea actions have consequences.” princessofperky
1. AITJ For Not Changing My Baby's Name Despite It Being The Same As My Sister-In-Law's Bully?
“I’m 8 months pregnant, and have been purposefully holding off on revealing my baby’s name and gender but since it’s so close my husband and I invited my parents, his parents, and his sister Ashley who’s 17.
Dinner was going great until we announced we’re having a boy and naming him Shawn.
My in-laws got a little quiet for a moment before my mother-in-law asked if there were any other options we’d considered. We took forever to pick a name, Shawn was the only one we could agree on. Mother-in-law told us that that’s the name of Ashley’s old bully who tormented her heavily in school and online during 2020-2021 and it got so bad she switched schools.
It got a bit awkward after that, there wasn’t much else to say and dinner ended quickly. My mother-in-law texted me and my husband again to ask us to find a new name for Ashley’s sake.
Would I be the jerk for not wanting to change it?
We were only able to agree on it a few weeks ago.”
Another User Comments:
“Not gonna lie I would pick a new name. Not because I had to but because I wouldn’t want my child to have to listen to nonsense for years about how he shares a name with his aunt’s bully and how his mom didn’t care enough about their family to pick something else.
I fully expect that it’s your son who will suffer for this choice – not you. There’s a name in my family that’s kind of like “Shawn” it’s also my father-in-law’s name. My partner understands it can only ever really be a middle name due to the connotation the name has in my family.
Either compromise or get used to the idea that your child may have a distant relationship with this branch of the family.” O4243G
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, is it that hard to come up with another name when I’m sure there are millions of different names you could pick?
Out of respect why would you not want to change it after knowing, that fact alone personally at least would make me want to change it. If you’re old enough to get pregnant you should be mature enough to actually have a sit down with your mother-in-law and come up with a solution instead of hopping on AITJ trying to get validation instead of being an adult talking about it.
It amazes me that grown adults come here instead of actually solving the problem with the people you’re telling us about. Grow up. Life’s tough, so is it for the rest of us, and you complaining about changing the name? Yeah definitely a jerk.” HeavyHoney9826
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