People Feel Stuck In These “Am I The Jerk?” Situations
22. AITJ For Kicking A Rude Co-worker Out Of My Car?
“I came back from work around 2 hours ago and I’m still baffled about how this mess all played out.
I’ve got a few people at work that I’m cool with, and we all hang out in our free time and just do some stuff.
There are around 5 people that I’m cool with at work, and I’m the only one out of the 5 who actively drives to and from work. I live close to one of my colleagues Omar, so if he finishes work at the same time as me, I’ll drop him home.
There’s this one girl that works in my place, Sam, I don’t know her and I’ve never spoken to her, till tonight. She’s friends with Omar, and he was working overtime so he asked me if I can take her home as she was going in my direction.
I had no issue with that.
She walked EXTREMELY slowly to the car while being on the phone, which to me that just took the Mickey cause I’m tired and want to go home. By the way, when I say slow, I mean it’s like she wasn’t even walking at moments.
She opens the door and sits inside and now I’m proceeding to drive. I didn’t want the car to feel heavy for either one of us because it was a 20-minute drive. She’s got a slightly different role to me at work so I asked her about it to open up a friendly dialogue, and she responded with “just because you’re driving me doesn’t mean I have to talk to you”.
Funnily enough, she’s right, I was asked to drop her home, nothing more. So I just continued driving. She then added, “you could be creepy for all I know”. She didn’t say that in a playful way or anything so I just chuckled and said “yeah don’t worry we don’t have to talk, just let me know where you want to get off”.
Around 7 mins after I said that, she calls Omar and says “your friend went past my house, call him and let him know”. The thought that she was talking about me was too bizarre, so I just carried on driving. Omar calls me and tells me I missed her stop, I was baffled and just asked her why didn’t she say anything?
She aggressively said “I already told you to stop talking to me for goodness sake”. Omar even heard her say that while being on the phone and he was confused.
But for me that drew the line so I pulled over and I told her to get out.
She tried to say no like I’m her darn Uber, so I just continued driving home. She became aware of that when I told her moments later and she just demanded I drop her anywhere. I obliged and she called me a jerk on the way out.
Not only that, Omar called me a jerk too, saying I’m a jerk for even trying to talk to her. The only person that said I was right, was my partner when I called her to ask her if I did anything wrong. AITJ here ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get why that whole thing is so surreal to you. Who acts like that woman did?!? Note: Omar is the one who asked you to give her a ride. Omar is the one she bothered to say you had passed her house.
Omar is the one who heard how she talked to you and thinks you are a jerk for even trying to talk to her, much less the rest. Be very careful at work: If you have an HR, you may want to talk to them about it.
(I know a lot of folks don’t trust their HR, so do what you think best.) Because the only two other people involved are in cahoots. (Maybe they have a romantic relationship going?) So if this woman tries to file a complaint against you, it’s the two of them against your word.
Since the woman is not in your general work area, you can hopefully never see or speak to her again (if she doesn’t decide to create a stink for you at work).
As for Omar, I would tell him that he is no longer welcome to ride in your car, either.
He will need to sit down (maybe at work at the end of the day) and explain (1) why he asked you to give this woman a ride and (2) how in the heck he justifies her behavior and thinks you shouldn’t even be talking to her.
If/when he explains himself, you can decide whether you will have anything more to do with him. I personally can’t imagine anything he would say that would make me willing to hang out with him/give him a ride ever again.” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you don’t treat your Uber like that either. Did she forget that you need to tell a driver where you live if you need to drop them off? I mean were you meant to drive backwards and forwards all night in a game of hot, cool mediated by Omar?
I’d stop offering Omar rides too as he feels he can offer you up as a free taxi to anyone. Also if someone is creepy, then you don’t get in a car with them. Talking isn’t the thing you are worried about. Second the HR thing.” Timely_Egg_6827
21. AITJ For Keeping Distance From My Stepmom After Years Of Her Neglect?
“My dad married my stepmom when I was 13 and he moved interstate to live near her family, away from my sister and me. Despite my stepmom originally saying she’d move to him so he could stay close to us.
Whenever I traveled to spend time with Dad, she’d find excuses so he couldn’t hang out with me.
She also locked ‘nice’ snacks in a cupboard, and ate them herself when she thought we weren’t around.
My mom became unwell, and I asked to live with Dad because I was distressed and needed him, but my stepmom said no. Mom unfortunately then passed and I was on my own with my stepdad.
Fast forward and I have some half-siblings who have Dad and stepmom to themselves.
I recently got engaged, and Dad mentioned contributing to the wedding. She then downgraded the contribution to ‘part of the dress’. I know without a doubt that if ‘her’ kids (my half-sibs) got married, she and Dad would fork out heaps to help them.
I know this is an all-too-common story, but dang, I’ve done a lot of counseling to sort this out in my heart and soul. I try so hard to be polite and kind and treat her the way I want to be treated.
For some unknown reason, Stepmom now wants forgiveness and a closer relationship with me, and I have no interest. AITJ for having a big ole fat boundary between her and me?
I am trying to forgive, but by golly, it’s hard to forget all the unpleasant stuff.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she expects that paying for hemming the dress or something will buy her the right to be “mother-of-the-bride” in all her glory, I think she should be sorely mistaken.
Not that these things should be tit-for-tat, but for it being the last straw on the camel’s back. Her general behavior through the years should not be rewarded. If she had been a wonderful person and just wasn’t financially in a place to contribute, it would be completely different.” FragrantEconomist386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Tell your “father” to stick his contribution where the sun don’t shine and tell his wife that after the way she treated you, you have no interest in having any kind of relationship with her whatsoever. Don’t invite either one to your wedding and if they complain, tell them you only want to celebrate with those that love and care about you.
If you still want a relationship with them, maybe you could talk to your c*****************t about healthy ways to deal with the jerks. Either way, have a great wedding and enjoy life with your new family.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! “I forgive, but I never forget” is a saying I grew up with and to this day live by.
Also for me is it important to have a clear mind about certain events, so I always try to forgive, because it takes more of your energy to hold a grudge. But the person usually never gets another chance with me. Now, I would say forgive her, but tell her that she is not invited to the wedding.
Tbh, what game is this to say “a part of the dress”, like what? The veil??????? I would forgive her, invite only your father, and not take a cent from him. Is that petty, probably, but you are not here trying to pretend to be one happy family!!!!
He abandoned you because of her. She will get forgiveness, but she doesn’t deserve respect. Respect is earned!! Congrats on your wedding. Best wishes.” Deep_Rig_1820
20. AITJ For Swearing In Front Of My Kid And Joking About Not Wanting To Be My Nephews' Godfather?
“Three days ago I (39m) was on a family Zoom call with my mother (66f), sister (38f), brother (42m), and SIL (33f), when my 10 yr old son came into frame and asked me a question.
Call me a bad dad if you want but I use strong language around my son, I don’t generally encourage it from him but I don’t mask it either and I dropped a casual f-bomb into my response to his question.
At this point, my SIL looked at my brother and said “see, this is why he won’t make a good godfather” and then gave me a dirty look.
My brother looked like he had been slapped but me with my smart mouth I just said “No, don’t worry, bro, I definitely don’t wanna raise all 5 of your darn kids” which elicited a laugh from my sister, a stern look from my mother and a “screw you, OP” from my brother who then hung up.
It was just a joke, but I’ve been fielding calls for days from my family saying I’m a jerk, so, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I use an open swear policy. As long as it’s not directed at anyone or hateful, go for it. The first 6 months were really funny, a bit annoying at times, but a deal is a deal. And then all of a sudden, swearing lost its taboo, and therefore all the fun.
Outside of video games, I rarely hear swearing, and it’s usually used in the correct context. SIL should not be talking about your parenting skills, and your joke sent that message. So to summarize, absolutely not the darn jerk. SIL should learn to keep her inside thoughts inside, instead of crudely making statements about how YOU raise YOUR darn children.” ForSureNotAnFbiAgent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your bro and SIL sound like they are. First off, if you swear around your kids, that’s your business. Kids his age swear amongst themselves, and it’s developmentally appropriate. Secondly, your SIL then proceeded to have what should have been a private conversation with your brother in front of everyone.
Finally, it’s not a character flaw or a judgment of anyone else that you don’t want to be considered a person willing to take on FIVE kids in the event the unthinkable happens. She was intending to rebuke you without actually speaking to you, and what was your response supposed to be?
Oh, you’re right, SIL, I’m such an unfit parent—please please please let me be the godfather to your kids; I promise I won’t EVER swear again? Hey, some people swear, some people don’t. She sounds insufferable, tbh.” elliedee81
19. AITJ For Taking My Grandkids To Epcot While Babysitting?
“I recently babysat my grandchildren (5 and 4) for a period of four nights and five days so my son and his wife could attend a wedding in Mexico, and spend a few days on vacation.
They approached me since her mother would not be available, and I initially said I wasn’t comfortable with that. It seemed like a long time to watch the kids, and she has point-blank told me that the woman’s family is more important than the man’s, so I was irritated I was being asked and not her mother.
I will admit that I did give in when my son became very emotional, but I felt/feel like they were being manipulative.
While I had the kids I was invited to a birthday at Epcot and wanted to go. It didn’t even occur to me to run it by my son or daughter-in-law, as I had the kids for an extended period of time and obviously they knew they would be going where I went.
My daughter-in-law had previously mentioned wanting to save up for Disney, but she’s said that about a lot of things, and never made me aware it was something super special to her. Also, it was Epcot. It’s not like I took them to Magic Kingdom and they had some magical moment of seeing their favorite character.
When they returned and found out my daughter-in-law was furious and burst into tears. She said I stole one of her kids’ first and called me entitled. To be honest I didn’t react well to being called entitled when she was the one who had previously demanded babysitting.
My son asked me to apologize as she was distraught over missing their first Disney trip, but I declined and asked them to leave.
My son reached out again and said I should have asked for something that big, and his wife feels robbed. I know she is a huge Disney person, but it was Epcot, not quintessential Disney and I don’t feel I should have had to miss out on a birthday party I wanted to attend.
I told my son I am not apologizing for anything and that maybe they should think about how they made me feel when they didn’t respect my initial no.”
Another User Comments:
“I hope your son feels humbled here today. NTJ. They imposed on you to watch their children.
You did exactly as they requested. You’ve done nothing wrong. You are not responsible for your rude daughter-in-law crying. Tears don’t make a person right. The only entitled behavior is your son and daughter-in-law. They guilted you into accepting something that you expressed you were not comfortable with, and then got upset about how you took care of their children for them.
You shouldn’t have to forgo your plans because they did not secure childcare before going on vacation. Again, you’ve done nothing wrong. She deserves no apology. She can pout and whine all she wants – she was the one who put you into an uncomfortable situation.
She never said not to go there and you’re not a mind reader. Next time they ask something like this, tell them you can’t deal with the negative reaction of your daughter-in-law and aren’t willing to subject yourself to her behavior.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, NTJ. I’m guessing you paid for the kids to go to Epcot & get fed and paid for any other excursions during those days?? And all in the name of trying to spend some fun quality time with your grandkids. I know it was probably a lot of work, but you enjoyed it!
So instead of a SUPER GINORMOUS thank you for the money you spent & time with the kids, allowing the parents to go away on a vacation without the kids, you’re called entitled & demanded an apology?? No to the N O!! The daughter-in-law is the CLEAR jerk, and son too, for agreeing with his wife.” StrawberryKittyKat4
Another User Comments:
“Your son and his wife are incredibly entitled to force the babysitting duties on you because they think “the woman’s family is more important than the man’s,” or whatever stupid logic that is. You told them no. That should have been enough.
Then your son decided to use emotions to manipulate you into being their free babysitter. Maybe this is a blessing because they may not ask you to babysit in the future. As far as Epcot goes, it’s just one park out of the several Disney parks in the Orlando area.
They can still take their kids whenever they decide to save up the money after their Mexico trip and the kids will be able to see plenty of Disney attractions for the first time. You did these kids a favor by making their time with you enjoyable.
Since this was supposed to be your time without having to babysit, you just made the time more enjoyable for you too. NTJ.” jasperjamboree
18. AITJ For Insisting My Friend Use My Full Name Instead Of A Nickname?
“I (17F) changed my name to a more common name (think like Acorn to Amy). This was on New Year’s and has gone over well with just about everyone however one of my friends, Cal (16M), is having some trouble with the change.
Cal loves calling his friends nicknames.
I didn’t notice it until after I changed my names but he doesn’t call any of us by our actual names. Or call like most people by their actual names. He even calls our teachers nicknames and if he doesn’t like someone only then does he call them their full legal name.
He’s on the autism spectrum so I guess it’s just one of his quirks.
I don’t like any nicknames of my new name and I much prefer the full thing. Cal apparently has never met someone who likes their full name and keeps trying to make a nickname happen, even though I shut him down every time.
On Friday we were all hanging out and he tried to call me by another nickname and I told him to talk to me using my full name or not talk to me at all. I didn’t mean it but I was just fed up.
He seems to have chosen the second option. I thought he would get over it so I tried to text him yesterday but he had me blocked. I tried to talk to my other friends about it but they said that I really hurt him and should’ve just let him use his stupid little nicknames.
I think I could’ve been more gentle but I don’t think I did anything wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nicknames are a form of endearment but only when both parties are comfortable. It seems like a case of boundary setting and not of friendship.
You communicated your discomfort, which is your right. Cal’s reaction is unfortunate, but it highlights a need for respect that goes both ways. Respect isn’t optional, it’s fundamental.” Valuable-Battle-6545
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but OP he’s autistic. You said something direct that you didn’t mean – no surprise he took it literally.
If you’d like to make up ask a third party to ask him to unblock you so you can apologize. Just explain directly that it bothers you and it’s not about the specific nicknames but you just don’t like nicknames – or don’t like any of the derivatives of your new chosen name.
Explain why you chose it maybe, that sort of thing. Maybe ask him back why he wants to use a nickname so badly etc. just genuinely communicate about it. If there’s a middle solution, like if you might be ok with a nickname not derived from your name, feel free to present it.
Again, he’s autistic. As someone autistic, he’s not gonna just pick up the cues or assume these things on his own (necessarily at least, and often we might assume the incorrect thing if we try, it’s why we generally don’t). Your best bet is always going to be direct and Say Exactly What You Mean.
He’s not stupid, and I’m sure you know that, it’s just a communication difference.” CaptainMeredith
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You want to be called by the name you chose. Why are his feelings more important than yours? Ask your friends that. People have tried that with me (think something like Ruthie when I’m Ruth).
I hate it and tell them so. And I don’t respond after that one chance. People should never call you anything different without your permission.” FuzzyMom2005
17. AITJ For Not Hosting My Sister-In-Law During My Brother's Wedding?
“I 36f was really happy for my brother’s weddings as he was my closest and favorite brother, and being the only sister it was my responsibility to take care of each and everything.
Just two days before the wedding events, my sister-in-law (husband’s elder sister) (let’s call her Ana) called for best wishes for my brother’s wedding but ended up saying that they would be coming tomorrow and would be staying with us for a whole week (because they were invited to the wedding).
Ana’s family is like they need to be fed at least 4 times a day with a proper buffet and frequent snacks, so whenever they come I am full-time in the kitchen. There are so many things to take care of whenever they come. I was filled with mixed emotions of tension and anger.
I talked to my husband and suggested that Ana and her family should go to my husband’s younger sister’s house. (let’s call her Jane) (Her house was just a street away)
My husband did agree but my MIL did not (we live in a joint family).
I was furious and knew I would not have time to host them because I had to do wedding preparations and take care of the bride. My husband told me not to worry and continue with my preparations and he would take care of that.
During the wedding days, I was not home at all and got to know that Jane was doing all the chores at my house. I knew I would be listening to many hateful comments afterward. During the reception, I heard gossip circulating calling me the jerk for not attending to my guests (I know they do not come that frequently but I was really busy).
To this date, I listen to such comments whenever they come. (Though it’s not like they went to Jane after that, Ana still stays in my house whenever she visits) Everyone praises how Jane took care of everything and I have been called a jerk and other names for not being a good wife and not taking care of my husband’s family.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but also INFO: Who invited them to stay with you, your husband, and MIL for the time around the wedding? Did they invite themselves (on the basis they had an invitation to the wedding, they assumed they could stay), did your MIL invite them, or did your husband or another member of the household?
Is there a reason your husband and MIL did not play host to them and do the chores? Is this a cultural thing, or due to infirmity/disability they could not act as hosts during that time? What did the other family members expect you to do?
Leave the wedding preparations in favor of your SIL & family, or split yourself in two doing double duty? Did your husband or any members of your husband’s family offer to step up and help out with the wedding preparations to give you more time to spend with your (not invited by you) houseguests?” Ok-Status-9627
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This takes my breath away. The audacity of imposing on you without even an ask. Please work on asserting yourself as an individual who makes decisions. Make it clear in writing that you will no longer be the host of a guest unless you invite them.
Your husband needs to back you up and not just pat you on the head and tell you not to worry. You are allowing others to treat you like a servant. Bring it to a boil and have the inevitable blowup rather than tamping down after fires.
State unequivocally that guests must be invited and approved by you or you will leave for a holiday. If they want to follow a tradition fine. You are making a new tradition when it comes to your participation. Don’t defend yourself. Just state your position and ignore the response.” feminist1946
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “You” didn’t have guests, OP. Your husband and his mother had guests. Although I find it difficult to consider husband’s sister who feels comfortable inviting herself and her family to your home much of a “guest.” You don’t mention your MIL doing doodly squat to take care of her own daughter Ana and her ravenous hoard.
Sounds like a setup to me, OP. Do you frequently have MIL problems?” NanaLeonie
16. AITJ For Babysitting My Foster Sister's Stuffed Bear Against My Mom's Wishes?
“My parents are fostering the sweetest little 8-year-old girl, Emilia. Before Emilia was with us, she was with her previous foster family for 2 years. They loved her but unfortunately, their biological son was diagnosed with cancer and they couldn’t handle both kids so Emilia was moved to our home.
Before she left, they gave her a stuffed bear that she named Fuzzy. It has a recording of her old foster mom saying she loves her. Emilia is extremely attached to this bear. It’s been almost 3 months and she only puts it down when she has to use the bathroom.
This bear goes to doctor appointments, therapy, the grocery store, everything.
Well, Emilia just joined a homeschool co-op and my mom won’t let her take Fuzzy so Emilia asked me to babysit Fuzzy while she’s at school. I promised I would so for the past 2 days, I’ve been taking pictures of Fuzzy with a snack, buckled into Emilia’s booster seat, and sitting at the counter at my work with a crayon and paper (Fuzzy has brought her some very cute drawings).
The thing is, my mom doesn’t like how attached Emilia is to Fuzzy and wants me to stop “babysitting” Fuzzy and make Emilia deal with her stuffy being home alone while she’s at school. My mom won’t say anything to Emilia about it because she’s already in hot water for forcing Emilia to go the whole day without Fuzzy when they had appointments and errands so I would have to take the blame for this.
I said no, I think telling her I won’t babysit Fuzzy anymore will only stress her out and she doesn’t need to deal with that. My mom is upset that I’m not helping with her dependence on Fuzzy but I think she’s being too hard on Emilia.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom needs to talk to any counselor or child psychologist in the universe, who all would tell her to back off. This child has been traumatized and has a comfort toy. It gives her security and a sense of stability and safety and comfort.
Let her have it. She’ll give it up in stages when she’s ready. No rush. She’s not going to be walking down the aisle at her wedding with Fuzzy.” Antelope_31
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Having Fuzzy is helping Emilia, and it’s easing her having to be at another foster home.
Your mother has already gotten blowback for trying to intervene. You’re demonstrating that you’re willing to engage Emilia on her level to help her feel more comfortable, which is a positive for her. It might be worth getting an air tag or something on Fuzzy, your mother might “accidentally“ lose him somewhere being jealous of what he represents to Emilia.
Also, good to have that in the unlikely situation that Emilia loses track of Fuzzy. A backup Fuzzy too might be worth looking into as well (even just to sub in when full-time Fuzzy is getting cleaned).” lemon_charlie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are awesome!
Emilia was taken from a place she felt loved and cared for. She was given a special gift before leaving. Fuzzy gives her good memories, and you are making sure that those good memories are safe! Your mom is being mean. I have a teddy bear that I’ve had since I was born.
I’m 36 and married now. First thing I turned to other than my husband last year when my right shoulder began acting up? My old teddy bear. She lives in a storage container with my other stuffed animals in our closet, so I know exactly where she is.
I didn’t stop sleeping with her and the plush Eeyore my husband got me right after we started seeing each other until I moved in with him. I’m not a foster kid. Just a very anxious adult, but I give you that example from my own life to point to should your mother keep being a pain!
Emilia needs to know her Fuzzy is safe. Once she knows – and feels – like she is in a safe, stable environment, she may not need the reassurance that Fuzzy is safe at all times. Your mom needs to slow her roll! It’s only been 3 months!
I don’t know much about foster kids or the lives they live, but I do know that it can be incredibly stressful for them. Emilia needs more time. You keep protecting Fuzzy for as long as she needs you to.” midnightsrose77
15. AITJ For Suggesting We Recast The Uncommitted Lead In Our School Play?
“So I 16M am in a school theatre company. And there’s this one girl in the theatre company, 17F, who got cast as the lead in our play. Anyway, since the beginning of the casting, she has shown no motivation or commitment to this play.
She either comes in late (20-30 minutes) or doesn’t show up at all. This has gotten me and some of my other classmates and peers frustrated since she is in every single scene! We were supposed to do this play in the last week of February.
But now we have to delay the play 2 times.
We are 4 months into production and she still hasn’t memorized everything and she is the lead of the play. She won’t be here for the entire month of March. So now we keep having to delay the play until either April or May since that is what works best for her.
And consistently she has shown a lot of disinterest in this play, whether it’s the script the story, or the people in it. When we were auditioning she gave a whole speech and narration about how this was her dream role, and how much she loves theatre.
Then after casting she told me and some other classmates that it was just a lie so she could get the part. She also said she joined this class so it will look good on her college resume. We’ve also been noticing her attitude isn’t great and she is being cold, and not putting in a group effort when trying to rehearse or work with us.
Anyway this week when we had our meeting, I asked our director if the lead was here. He said he had no clue, and she didn’t say anything. I brought up to him that we should recast since she is barely memorized and has a lack of commitment.
Everyone in the class seemed to agree and was saying that they should recast her. Then about 15 minutes later she showed up late. The next day apparently one of her friends told her what the class and I said about wanting her recast. And she is very mad and upset with us.
On one hand, I believe she should be recast since she is bringing the team down. On the other hand, I feel bad since I said that in front of the class with her fellow peers, so everyone heard it, and I know that can make someone feel bad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Former musical theater kid here. She fought for the lead role and hasn’t even come close to stepping up to what’s required. If she’s not even willing to memorize her lines and show up on time, she doesn’t get to tick the box off on her college application that she was a lead in the play.
Simple as that. Ain’t nobody spreading lies about her. They are spreading truths. If she’s bent about that, too bad.” OaktownPirate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is nothing worse than someone who won’t step up to the role they fought for. The lead arguably makes or breaks the production.
That’s on a normal day, only considering talent. If your lead doesn’t even bother to show up then you can kiss the whole play goodbye unless you replace her. Being a part of a theatre production is also about making sacrifices for the greater good.
I had to step down from one role because of a surgery, then the year after we cut some scenes because the guy who had those scenes with me got a concussion and couldn’t remember said scenes, and the last year I took a small role because I was needed behind the scenes to deal with the younger actors, etc. Any college that will take a role in a play in consideration should also check with the school how it went and if the student fulfilled the task assigned correctly.” Vidiacool-uwu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There was a girl like this in my high school theater production. She almost never was on time to rehearsal, would be on her phone IN THE MIDDLE OF A SCENE, actively distracted any of her friends in the cast, and was generally unpleasant and rude.
Honestly, we were half sure she was only the lead and didn’t get kicked out because her mom was good friends with the principal, who already didn’t like theater. She ended up dropping out a few weeks before the show. We were lucky that we had an understudy, otherwise, we wouldn’t have been able to have a show.
Don’t let this girl do the same to you, she deserves to be kicked from the show.” Pastel-Clouds-808
14. AITJ For Prioritizing My Wedding Over My Future MIL's Ceremony?
“My fiance (22M) and I (25F) are getting married. His mom started being extremely difficult when we announced. We visit his family in November, and she is not friendly with me at all. Spends hours in her room with a headache. Repeatedly and emotionally tells us that we must spend at least one holiday per year with them now as it’s only fair, and eluding that she was hurt we didn’t spend any this year.
2 weeks after returning home we get a video call from her and my fiance’s entire family telling us that she needs to have a religious ceremony take place involving her and her recently deceased mother by proxy, and the day before our wedding is going to be the best time for that.
Mind you, this wedding is going to be out of town and so the few days before are going to be busy putting things together. But anyhow, Fiance looks at me to make the decision. I feel like I can’t say no. MIL is being very emotional. I try to convey that the day before our wedding is going to be busy so this is not ideal, and if they must do it please plan in the morning as we have a lot to do later in the day.
We get a text from his mom a month later saying she scheduled it for the late afternoon because that’s the only time available. She then also tried to invite 5 extra people to our 50-person wedding. Was told no 2x, then 3rd time sicced her daughter on us to tell us we needed to make up our minds whether or not they could invite those people.
We were honestly dumbfounded. Fiance calls her and says no she cannot invite these people we don’t even know to our tiny intimate wedding and to stop asking. She cries on the phone but the tears clear up immediately when the topic changes. She mentions that she is going to be upset if I have more people from my side of the family than she does at the wedding.
(She never sent us addresses from her family despite us asking at least 3 times.) And then when that didn’t go over, said she feels really left out of the wedding and like she wants to feel more apart than she does.
Last week we were making scheduling plans and we realize the time she has set for her ceremony is the only time we can get our photos done.
We let her know and suddenly she is very keen to check if they have a morning slot available and surprise! They do. Fiance tells her he will talk to me about it because it’s still going to be very busy the day before our wedding.
She calls both of us anyway and basically puts me on the spot. She starts getting hostile and I am unwilling to negotiate at this point and tell her neither her son nor I will be able to make it and it doesn’t matter what time it will be, it is the day before our wedding, and preparing for it is more important than her ceremony.
She starts crying saying how important it is for her family to be together during this ceremony. I say I’m sorry but the wedding has to take priority. His family is upset at me for not being flexible on this and with the people we said couldn’t come to the wedding.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For whatever reason, she does not like you. She’s doing everything in her power to make sure that her entire family hates you as well. Realize, her behavior is unlikely to improve after the wedding. Your fiance should have taken point on this, and should on any future issues/problems that this woman created for you.” Leaping_Larry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This is your and your fiancé’s wedding, and that means at the end of the day, the decisions you make about the invites, scheduled events, etc. are y’all’s to make. As you mentioned, you only agreed previously due to being put on the spot and as you got closer to your wedding, the time slot your MIL originally scheduled (despite your wishes for a morning one) was an evening one that clashed with your photos.
Photos outrank, and despite her suddenly finding an earlier time, the event that she is pushing forward is not something she can overrule you on. This is y’all’s wedding, and you both get final say over the official wedding plans. Your MIL can be sad and/or disappointed by this – emotions are valid – but her behavior of lashing out and pushing for things is not.
(Is she paying for a portion of the wedding? Asking to see – she may assume she has a bigger role if she’s paying for the wedding or any event.) Still – not her wedding. I would say to talk with your fiancé about this behavior, only because this is your MIL and when married, you will more than likely have more social events with them and such.
This behavior needs to be nipped in the bud, not tolerated or swept under the rug.” PrestigiousZebra4300
Another User Comments:
“Nothing in this story makes any sense! Future MIL’s mother died some months ago. Suddenly, she wants some religious ceremony. The ONLY convenient time is the day before the wedding!
The future MIL is deliberately being obtuse and excessively demanding about every aspect of the wedding. OP, you have to decide whether or not you want this woman controlling the rest of your life. Imo, you would be a total jerk to yourself if you said “yes”.
Dump this mummy’s boy and find someone who will stand up for you. Fiance and future MIL are both jerks and I wouldn’t waste toilet paper to wipe them! Why waste your life with them?” Entry-Party
13. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Dad About My Unhappy Childhood?
“I (46M) have a workable relationship with my dad at this point. My dad was a single parent and raised my brother and me. He was very open about the fact that he had nothing in common with me and that my brother was his favorite.
This resulted in my brother getting to do study abroad, family trips booked when I couldn’t go (college age), etc.
My dad is also generally unable to accept any criticism of any kind. He will just lecture you until you give up.
For years whenever I would comment that my childhood was not good, he would claim that I had “mythologized” my childhood and didn’t actually remember it right.
So I finally just decided to go with that for when I was with family. I decided that my official stance was that I don’t remember anything other than little things from before I was 20.
In the past year or so my dad has now been bugging me to try various therapies to bring back my memories because he is convinced I will remember having a happy childhood.
I’ve told him that we have a workable relationship now and that we shouldn’t open that door. However, I think it bugs him that there is an implied criticism that I feel like my childhood was unhappy to repress it, and if I remembered it I would know he was a great dad.
Frankly, I’m tired of it all and I’m contemplating blowing up our relationship by telling him the truth:
1. I had an unhappy childhood.
2. A big part of that was that I never felt like he loved me, or even liked me.
3. Another big part of it was that he was very explicit (both in telling me and in actions) that my brother was his favorite.
4. I don’t have a single good memory from childhood where he was the reason it was a good memory.
It will probably blow up our relationship and I don’t know if the next iteration of his trying to convince me I was a happy child and he was a good dad will be worse.
Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That sounds exhausting. Don’t go to therapy for him, but maybe do go to therapy for yourself to talk through this sort of thing because it sounds like he’s had a rough impact on you growing up. It’s fine if you want to tell him the truth, but the likelihood is it will just result in further lectures, so try not to get any hopes up for him taking responsibility.
It sounds like you’re ready to have that chat and deal with the consequences though, even if the consequences are that you don’t have contact in the future. Good luck.” camembert23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Speak your truth as your father is living in fantasy, not you.
Sometimes you just have to rip off the bandage to let the wound heal. I’d rip it off and confront him. If it blows up the relationship, so be it. You need the closure that will bring and be better off for it no matter what happens in the long run.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“My mom loved both my sister and me, but she married someone after my dad left when I was 4, who I was scared of in my own home. Sometimes he was really nice, but I never knew when his temper would explode.
Then she divorced him, and drank every night. A lot when she was with her friends. She’s proud because my sister and I are good moms. She thinks that was her doing. We are good moms, because we were determined to be nothing like her.” feelingmyage
12. AITJ For Telling My Parents My Brothers Were Misbehaving While They Were Away?
“This happened a few days ago and one of my (19f) brothers Carson (13m) is still giving me the cold shoulder over it. A week ago, my parents left for a business trip and left me and my brothers home alone. Every day, our parents would check up on us before we’d go about our day.
For most of that week, Carson was sick, so I’d keep track of what medicine he took and what time he took it as well as call his school to report his absence. I’d also go to university a little later to make sure my other brother Felix (9m) went to school.
On Thursday, Carson felt slightly better, so we decided that he’d go to school on Friday. I returned from university a little later (at 6:00 PM), and almost immediately, my parents called me to go to the pharmacy near our place to buy some cough syrup in case Carson needed it, so I did.
I felt very tired and sleepy afterward since it was a long day, so I decided to take a nap.
I expected to sleep for only 1-2hrs, but I guess I was very sleepy because I woke up at 1 in the morning. I stepped into the hallway to get myself a drink of water, but then I heard some noises downstairs.
I walked to the living room to find Carson watching TV. I probably wouldn’t have cared if it weren’t for the fact that it was a school night, so I confiscated the remote and told Carson to go to bed. He smiled and walked to his room in the basement.
Then I went to check on Felix, only to find him watching videos on his phone, so I did the same to him. Then I remembered that it would be a garbage day the next morning, so I went outside to take the trash out, when I noticed the basement lights were on.
I walked downstairs to find Carson on his phone. Exasperated, I took his phone and the other remotes in the basement (since the room had TVs as well) and told him that if I caught him doing that again, I’d call Mom. He obliged, then I walked upstairs, only to hear Felix running around giggling.
Having had enough of their actions, I yelled that I’m telling Mom and did just that.
She was very mad, and asked me to go to their rooms with a video camera on so she could scold them. Carson was silently crying, while Felix pretended to sleep, then she told me to clean the kitchen, and then study for a bit before going back to sleep, which I did.
In the morning, Carson was very upset with me for calling Mom on him. He didn’t want to do anything I told him to because of what I did, including taking his daily medicine. He also refused to help me out with the house chores out of spite, despite the fact that it would be the day that our parents would return.
In the end, even though he mostly got over it, he still is upset with me, so I have to wonder if I went a little too far with this. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP, a 13-year-old and a 9-year-old are both old enough to know what the expectations are.
They were being defiant because their big sister was in charge; I suspect that they toe the line when your parents are home. They are both a bit old to play the “you’re not my Mommy” game. You did exactly the right thing. You are responsible & caring.” stephnetkin
Another User Comments:
“INFO: is this the first time your parents have gone and left you effectively in charge? I’m not making any “adultifying” accusations here but if this is still a relatively new thing, the boys may be just pushing boundaries to see what they can get away with when the parents aren’t around.
Sometimes, ya gotta call for backup.” LocalLiBEARian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. IMHO, your 13-year-old brother was being a bit antagonistic. If he wants to sulk because there were consequences, that’s not your problem. Don’t lose any sleep over it. I think you did your best, but you are only 19.
You will not be an adult, with an adult brain (fully developed pre-frontal cortex), and the level of maturity that comes with it, until about age 25. You made the best decisions you could for your age, but maybe you’d have handled some things differently if you’d been 6 years older and wiser.
Also, it appears to me that your parents did not do a good enough job of ensuring that everyone knew what was expected while they were gone. Your folks should have sat you three kids down prior to leaving and outlined very clearly what they expected–and then wrote it down and tacked it up on the wall–including that they expected YOU to call them if there were ANY issues or concerns.
And if one of the boys (since they all have phones) had an issue, that boy could call them as well. I also think the parents should have called twice a day, especially with a sick kid, to check up. Bottom line: You’re not an adult, but you did the best you could for your age.
No one died on your watch, so consider it a learning experience. NTJ.” Robbes_Watch
11. AITJ For Snapping At My Friend For Criticizing My Child's Name?
“I have a “friend,” I’ll call her Lindsay. I use the term friend very loosely at this point, as I no longer would truly consider her a friend. We are both in our early thirties. I’ve known her for the better part of a decade, though over the last few years, we’ve become considerably less close.
When I was trying to get pregnant, Lindsay told me she couldn’t picture me as a mother and that not everyone needs to be a parent, it’s okay if I didn’t want to be. When I was pregnant, after years of trying, Lindsay texted me late one night (I think she was inebriated), saying she’d done way more with kids than I have, she would be a way better mother than me, and I have options (she was implying adoption).
Lindsay has no children. She has babysat/worked as a nanny almost a decade ago. I decided not to invite her to my baby shower based on those comments.
My son was born a few months ago. He was named after a family member who tragically passed. His name is not super common, but it’s a very normal name (top 200 names in the US.
Maybe top 300?).
A few weeks ago, I texted a photo of my child to a group chat Lindsay was in. My friend jokingly calls him a long name — like, let’s say his name is James, my friend calls him James and the Giant Peach.
His name isn’t James, but you get the point. Lindsay said “that’s awful.” I said what? She said “your child’s name is cringy af and he’ll get made fun of as a kid and as a teenager.” I snapped and said “when you have kids, you can do whatever you want with them and name them whatever you want.
But you do not have kids. Let me do what I want with mine.” She never replied.
Lindsay reached out to me on the side and told me she recently found out she may never be able to have kids. She said my comment was cruel.
I said I’m sorry to hear that, but it doesn’t make her comments about my child okay. She hasn’t spoken to me since.
AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your friend Lindsay was being cruel, and petty, and perhaps was jealous because she had been trying to get pregnant before and couldn’t so she took her disappointment out on you.
Anyone claiming the kind of things you said she was saying isn’t really a friend to begin with in my opinion. (And if kids haven’t changed since I was a kid it doesn’t matter what the kid’s name is, if they want to they’ll find a way to be cruel, my name is John and people still found ways.) I’d move on from her as a person in my life.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t being cruel because you didn’t know her medical information. Her personal struggles don’t give her a free pass to make inappropriate comments or fantasize about taking your baby. It would be one thing if she’d apologized and explained, asking for sensitivity and committing to not letting her envy control her mouth, but no. I would not be surprised if she starts feeling entitled to your baby.” 1568314
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s being a crappy person and suddenly when it’s her feelings on the line, she’s above it all. Honestly, I doubt the legitimacy of her struggle and wonder if she’s just trying to manipulate your feelings. After all her nonsense, I would have responded with “I couldn’t picture you as a mother and not everyone needs to be a parent.” Is fertility a serious topic that shouldn’t be taken lightly?
Absolutely. As much as I don’t want kids, I know there are people who do just as much and I am heartbroken for my friends who also struggle with this. That being said, I would have put that under the category of “humble pie”. You can’t have a history of being a vitriol sprinkler and then have the audacity to be indignant when you’re put in your place.
I simply don’t think everyone has earned the right to sympathy. You don’t owe this person any more energy than you’ve already given them.” consolelog_a11y
10. AITJ For Supporting My Nephew After My Sister Kicked Him Out?
“My sister and her husband are not on good terms with her eldest Max (18). Just to clarify, her husband is Max’s stepdad.
Anyway, my sister isn’t a very good person. She’s pretty racist and is the type to be easily influenced by the media. Her husband is pretty much the same. So are our parents.
Max used to be similar but he’s matured a lot since turning 15.
It’s mostly because his friend group expanded out of nowhere and he realized having certain beliefs was inherently wrong and not just an opinion.
Anyways, they kicked him out of the house because he broke up with his pretty white Christian partner and is now seeing a young girl from an immigrant family.
His mom accused him of only seeing her to get a reaction out of her/for attention and even said she was good for nothing. In front of the poor girl.
Max said some nasty things back and he got kicked out. He’s now staying with his dad.
Anyway, I’ve been spending a lot of time with him because he’s pretty upset over this and doesn’t do much besides work. He likes to act tough but my sister won’t even let him talk to his little sisters so yeah.
His partner suggested a movie night and they asked me to join so I was at the grocery store buying some snacks for us when I saw my sister doing some shopping. I tried avoiding her but she saw me and started interrogating me about all the snacks.
She was being pretty light-hearted. I tried walking away but she sort of trailed after me. My nephew then called me and as I was pulling my phone out of my purse my sister peeked over my shoulder and saw his name.
She got annoyed and asked if I’m seriously talking to him.
I said yes, what about it? She said she’s trying to punish him to which I rolled my eyes and asked her to be serious. She got even angrier and said he’s been acting like an entitled jerk and needs to face the consequences that come with choosing some “possibly dangerous” girl over his family.
I told her that her kicking him out is more of a blessing than a “terrible consequence” and he’s doing just fine without her.
She said he must have somehow inherited all my bad genes since we’re both so stupid and I responded with thank god which really made her angry and she told me that while she won’t disown her son, I am no longer her sister.
She then stomped off.
Now we fight like this all the time. In fact, we hate each other. But we’ve never fought regarding her kids and I feel like I may have overstepped here. I can’t trust the people around me to be unbiased so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please keep showing up for your nephew. Yes, parents should generally be respected when it comes to parenting decisions for their kids and I, as a child-free woman, would mostly follow what my Brother/SIL are doing. But I draw the line at a) anything that would actually harm the children, and b) racism, homophobia, and all that stuff.
Additionally, I think with an 18yo that rule generally doesn’t apply anymore anyways. Max is making his own choices and forming his own opinions, and if they align with your values and you want to support him, do that. Sounds like you need to set a boundary with your sister anyway.” Ms_Meercat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I mean I know we often say we should respect other people’s parenting choices for their kids. But that’s about you know choices like screen time or differences in healthy parenting styles. However when abuse or abandoning a child, is what’s happening then the ‘parents’ lose all rights to respect.
She kicked him out. That’s not a ‘punishment’, your sister has stopped parenting her son. She’s lost all right to have any say in his life or how anybody else chooses to interact with him. It’s great he has his dad and you to support him.
I hope someone is there for his sisters as well.” Kore888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is being a horrible parent. Kicking an 18-year-old out for anything isn’t going to teach them a lesson, it’s just going to sever that relationship even further. He is probably incredibly stressed out and confused, so your kindness goes a long way.
This isn’t about overstepping with a family issue, this is about treating a human with compassion. The world needs more people like you and less like your sister.” AmbitiousBanjo
9. AITJ For Hanging Up On My Mom Who Wants Me To Send My Autistic Son To Wilderness Camp?
“I have a 12-year-old son.
His dad had autism, I knew this. My son has it too.
I wasn’t surprised and when I found out I was pregnant I was expecting it. My family does not know for several reasons.
Unfortunately, my son’s father passed away due to substance abuse and they now think autism=substance abuser. The other reason is that they believe it’s embarrassing.
While I’m not ashamed of my son at all, I’d rather he not hear this stuff. For the most part, he seems just like any other kid, just a bit slow with his feelings. No one noticed for a very long time.
My parents came over for tea and were in the living room while I was in the kitchen.
My husband came into the kitchen as well and was telling me about how one of his friends knows a therapist who’s good with autistic kids. Turns out, my mom was eavesdropping.
She didn’t say anything at the time but called me about a week later informing me that she knows but hasn’t told my dad yet.
I was a little annoyed but I let her speak. She then began saying that ever since she found out, she’s been reflecting on my son’s behavior and she found some concerns with some things. She says that she didn’t notice at first but it’s odd now with context.
She then said that I shouldn’t be looking for therapists and that I should send him to one of those wilderness camp things.
I just said I’m handling it but she kept saying that we need to think of what’s best. “A friend sent me a flyer for one, you can just send him to one during the summer and we can tell your dad he’s at a regular summer camp and when he comes back “he’ll be good as new” and your dad will never have to know!”
I said I was handling it again. But she kept going and I was so angry I just hung up. She called again, I hung up again. She called me two more times and after I hung up both she sent me a huge text saying she’s just trying to help me and that I’m building walls again.
She then told me that she’s my mom and hanging up on her like she’s nothing is rude of me.
Now, nothing she says will change my mind on whatever programs she’s talking about, but AITJ for hanging up on her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think obviously you know this, but if you send your kid to a “camp” for his autism, that’s grade-A abusive parenting. Your mom is uneducated about Autism and has absolutely no idea what she’s talking about. Ignore her, and continue to advocate for your child.
However, I’m going to be a bit harsh as an autistic person myself… That you even think you could be the jerk here does show that you need a bit of a stronger spine when it involves your son. Your mother essentially told you to send him to a corrective camp that will torture him into appearing normal, and you’re asking if you could be the jerk?
Girl come on. You hung up on someone who was encouraging you to do everything wrong, with little regard for your son’s safety or emotional well-being. If you’re going to be the parent of an autistic person, you need to be able to stand by choices like this.” Fuzzy-Pin-2414
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And please be very, very careful. Tell the school your mom isn’t allowed to pick him up, never leave him alone with her, etc. She can’t be trusted. You know your dad better than we do, so think about whether telling him would help things.
Is he the more reasonable one who might keep Mom in check?” SneakySneakySquirrel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is way out of line and she does not have your son’s best interests at heart no matter how much she thinks she does. Please do not send your kid to wilderness camp as it is not meant for people with autism.
As I’m sure you’re well aware you can’t cure autism. Your mother’s attitude towards your son will make him feel like something is wrong with him when there’s nothing wrong with being autistic. You are absolutely right to hang up on her and have your son’s back.
Unless she changes her attitude I would go NC.” bethholler
8. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Makeup Artists' Parking Ticket?
“So for context, I got married a few months ago and hired 2 amazing makeup artists to come do our bridal party glam. They were great, everything was great. However, I did inform them the morning of that they will need to pay for parking but I can reimburse them.
(I only told one as they traveled together and the other was driving).
A week later I received a DM from them asking me to pay for a $105 parking ticket and I told them I’m not paying for it as I advised them it was a paid parking area & the $105 far exceeded the amount if they had just paid for parking in the first place which would’ve come to around $35.
I had already paid $980 between the two of them, a $70 travel fee, and a security deposit of $100 each which wasn’t deducted from the full amount (that part I knew when booking). But I really don’t want to pay the parking ticket.
They are now blasting me on social media and I’m feeling pressured to pay for it.
So AITJ for refusing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ridiculous. I don’t think this is any different than parking illegally outside my office. If I earned a ticket, I wouldn’t ask my employer to pay it. As for the social media retaliation, I think you should do as much as you possibly can against them to mitigate the defamation.
Up to and including a restraining order, if possible.” Carock77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you want to be generous, pay the 35 for the parking. Or point out that all expenses that are part of their getting to the venue are covered by their Travel fee – which is THEIR contract, not yours.
Post THAT under their social media blasts. They already charged you for it. And: Why would you care? You are not hiring them again anyway.” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“They are professionals who acted irresponsibly and are now slamming you in a completely unprofessional manner.
They messed up and didn’t pay for parking, thought they could get away with it, and are blaming you now that they realize they didn’t get away with it. Also, what’s this about a $100 non-refundable security deposit? That’s ridiculous. Go ahead and leave these people terrible reviews.
NTJ.” panic_bread
7. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Of My Parents' Rental Property To Live Independently?
“I (41F) am physically disabled and have been since before birth.
Because of this, I can’t work full time, though I have two bachelor’s degrees, a PhD, and work part-time. I am single and have no kids. The area I live in (in Australia) is extremely expensive in terms of rent.
My parents own a rental property, a 3-bedroom flat that they allow me to rent from them at a reduced rate.
Dad maintains the gardens and Mum occasionally helps with housework (however, in the last few years, the NDIS has provided me with a cleaner for 2 hours a week.)
There are steep conditions on my living here, including that I am not allowed to have anyone live with me (not even other family members), I am expected to keep it tidy to my mother’s specifications, and, what hurts most, that I am not allowed to have a pet.
Any pet. I asked for a budgie and they said no. No pets. Ever (“You can have a pet when we’re dead.” Actual quote.) Their reasoning: “You are too disabled to look after a pet, and we’ll end up having to help you and we don’t want to.”
I have asked, begged, cried probably. No go. All that happens is my mother gets angry and shouts about me being selfish and ungrateful.
I recently became aware of a career opportunity in which I might one day have the income to buy my own place while working within my physical limitations (sorry to be vague).
It’s little more than a pipe dream at the moment, but it’s good to have something to dream about because the prospect of living completely alone for the rest of my life has… not done my mental health any favors, let’s say.
I mentioned it to my mum vaguely, (like idle “If I moved into one of those apartments on x street, they have disabled lifts, right?” nonsense.)
She told me to stop talking about it because she was offended that I would want to move out of the flat “we worked so hard to give you. Don’t be so ungrateful.”
My dad asked “What’s wrong with your flat?” and I said, “Nothing, only that you own it so you can and do dictate what I do with it, including forbidding me to have pets.”
You can imagine how well that went over with Mum.
My mother in particular has been extremely controlling for my whole life, to the point where I genuinely can’t tell when she’s being a jerk sometimes. I am grateful I’m not homeless. But AITJ for also not wanting to be lonely?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No roommates? Ever? Have they given a reason for this? Why wouldn’t they want you to have company? I sincerely hope you can move out. I don’t care what your disability is you deserve to have roommates or pets or even a messy living space every once in a while.” p-how
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, of course. And I’m sure lots of people are going to suggest talking to a therapist. BUT, let me say this – change the narrative with your parents. It’s not about being ungrateful or not wanting to be alone.
It’s about seeing different places, making money, more independence, an opportunity to support yourself and use your education, and learning about how to live differently with your mobility issues so that you can do more without constant support from family. It’s a win-win!” RutilatedGold
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting your own place or a pet for your mental health. Just a suggestion or two, could you catch a taxi/uber to a cat cafe to pet a cat or two? Could you contact an animal shelter and ask to pet their animals?
Some do take volunteers as it helps domesticate them and helps them to get rehomed. Can you reach out to organizations that do housing for people with disability? The only constraints will be that you won’t be able to pick your house sharemates and there are probably restrictions on pet ownership too.
Do you get a part disability pension? That is considered permanent income and I know a lady who was able to get a mortgage on a unit (many years ago before the crazy price rises). Could you actually manage the type of pet you want?
Cats are pretty low maintenance but for example, can you bend over enough to scoop a litter box/cat tray? Do you have transport to take a pet to the vet for yearly visits and when it’s unwell.” Successful-Show-7397
6. AITJ For Being Upset That My Roommate Shared My Private Health Concerns With Our Coworkers?
“I F31 recently had a pregnancy scare with my partner, we did home tests that came back negative, & did b***d tests that were negative too.
But I was more than a month past my period due date. We thought it must be stress and lack of sleep. But because of my age and health habits, we decided for me to see an OB-GYN to make sure it really was just stress & see if I’m still okay down there.
Because I work in a hospital, that comes with knowing a lot of possible reasons my period stopped despite me not being pregnant.
I told my BFF/roommate F30 about my plan. She dismissed it as just stress. But didn’t discourage me from seeing a doctor.
I expressly told her not to tell a soul, not even our F38 coworker/roommate.
I chose an OB-GYN at a private clinic for privacy even though I could have done all medical work-ups/checkups at my own hospital with my employee discount & other perks that would benefit me.
But I didn’t want other people at work to know since I didn’t understand what was going on with me. I was scared.
Day of the appointment, I approached F38 that I had an errand to do and would be back soon.
When I come back there she is, sitting with our other coworkers whom I’m not close with, some of whom are notorious for spreading gossip & forming unwelcome & unkind opinions about others at work.
She put me on the spot in a way that would embarrass & force me to answer in front of everyone. All of them listened intently which was very obvious.
I deny. She keeps pressing and gives more details in the form of questions, details of which I only told my BFF & not her.
I walk away and then cry in the bathroom because I felt so violated & embarrassed. BFF confirms in a text that she ‘may have mentioned’ my plan with F38 while I wasn’t home.
I go on at work as if nothing is wrong. Nobody asks me anything else.
By the end of the shift I leave, F38 stays for overtime work. I don’t return home. BFF is blowing up my phone asking me where I am while I sit out 8 hours in a cafe that’s open until late. I waited until she left for her own shift 2 hours early.
To which I went inside, packed my stuff & stayed in my room all night. 2hrs later F38 comes home & goes to bed. By 5 am I’m out the door to go to my partner’s house for the weekend.
The next day another coworker F27 tells me that while I was at the clinic & when BFF and F38 met up as the other was leaving, they were all discussing me, my concerns, their speculations & opinions & didn’t see why I made it such a big deal since I tested negative anyway.
Which is ironic since we’re all healthcare workers, they even laughed about it and said that I’m paranoid & overreacted. F27 was mad & agreed I have a right to my medical privacy since I went out of my way to make sure everything was private even though it cost me more money.
AITJ for being mad my private health concerns were broadcasted and discussed without my consent?”
Another User Comments:
“Obviously NTJ, and seeing as you work in a hospital, your coworkers should know more than anyone about the importance of medical privacy. You wouldn’t be out of line to report that to HR.
That’s incredibly unprofessional of her and makes for a hostile work environment.” ShillinTheVillain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I work in healthcare, and I live my entire life by HIPAA. When my BFF tells me about her medical issues, I keep it to myself. She doesn’t even have to tell me to keep it between us.
I’m a fricken vault. You are right to be angry. I would blast all of them and cut them off. I would even report it to your compliance officer. They may not be able to do much because your information was obtained by a third party, but you can at least let them know.
And go to HR TODAY. I’m so sorry. I hope your health issue is resolved soon.” sugarlump858
Another User Comments:
“NTJ what a nightmare. I’d be looking for a new place to live and distancing myself from both of those “friends”/roommates who can’t keep your business out of their mouths.
I also work in Healthcare right now and would get a massive discount if I were seen where I work, but I won’t do it for exactly this scenario. Everyone I work with is great but very gossipy. I don’t want anyone knowing my private business.” ThatWhichLurks782
5. AITJ For Disowning My Aunt After She Stole My Deceased Father's Keepsakes?
“My dad passed away a few years back after a long illness. In the weeks leading to his passing, his sister (who lives in a different state) came to town to help take care of him, say her goodbyes, etc. Let’s call her Sheri. The day after he passed away while my mom and I were planning his funeral, Sheri went through the house and took (stole) a number of his things – scrapbooks and pictures from his childhood, his hole-in-one plaque, and some items from his time in the Army.
Specifically, she took his Combat Infantryman Badge (CIB) and his Purple Heart from Vietnam. Out of everything he had those last two items were the only items I wanted.
It took a few weeks for us to discover what Sheri had done. My mom was able to get Sheri to confess she took them, and to her credit, Sheri mailed everything back to us.
Everything except the CIB and the Purple Heart. Sheri claimed she did not have them and did not know where they could be. Considering she admitted to taking (stealing) the other items I didn’t believe her but I was not in a place where I could rationally deal with the situation.
Sheri came to town recently to get some things that belonged to her parents (my grandparents) that were at my mom’s house. Neither my mom nor my brother and I want any of these items so giving them to her is no issue. When she was at my mom’s house I asked her again about the CIB and the Purple Heart.
This time she admitted she had them and she has no intention of returning them. Her excuse comes down to “finders keepers.”
I’m not proud of it but I blew up at her. I told her that if she had any respect for my dad, her brother, she would return them immediately.
I even offered to pay for her to ship them. After some arguing she refused. This is when I told her she was dead to me and if there was anything else she wanted from the house she had better take it now because it was her only opportunity to do so.
Now I’m getting grief from relatives on that side of the family telling me I need to be reasonable. That it’s not worth ruining familial relationships over. As far as I’m concerned I did nothing wrong.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Thieving a recently deceased parent’s most precious keepsakes is absolutely worth “ruining a familial relationship over”—and proves that relationship wasn’t worth much in the first place.
Finders keepers does not apply to private spaces. It sounds like your parents were not married at the time of your father’s death (?) and therefore it is very likely you are legally entitled to your father’s property as his heir (particularly if he did not specify their ownership in his last W&T) and that his purple heart and CIB are yours in the eyes of the law.
A strongly worded letter from an attorney (or even a simple letter from you, letting her know you’re considering retaining one) is usually enough to get items back in the mail.” aemondstareye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My family had a situation similar to this. I am sure your dad would have wanted his child to have the items and would have made your wants a priority over hers.
She should have respected that and come to an agreement with the family instead of just taking it. She’s an adult and should have thought of this. Plus since she lied about it on top of everything is just immature. She is being selfish and at this point, she has made it where you need to be selfish back and I do not see it as unreasonable.” Little_Manager2727
Another User Comments:
“No way, you’re not the jerk here. Your aunt straight-up took some of your dad’s most cherished belongings without even batting an eye. And then, when you confront her about it, she pulls the “finders keepers” card? That’s seriously messed up. You had every right to blow up at her and tell her she’s dead to you.
I mean, those items aren’t just stuff—they’re pieces of your dad’s history and memory. It’s understandable that you’re upset, and honestly, I’d be furious too. Your relatives should be backing you up on this, not telling you to be “reasonable.” Stick to your guns, man.
You did nothing wrong here.” Open_Equal_1515
4. AITJ For Moving A Sleeping Man's Bag To Sit On A Packed Train?
“I’ve been mulling this over for the last few weeks.
I was on the train going to work in the morning, it was packed and some guy was sleeping with his bag occupying the seat next to him. I didn’t feel like standing so I repeatedly tried getting his attention by saying excuse me.
After 4-5 times I gave up and just put his bag on the floor so I could sit down.
The literal second I put the bag on the floor he wakes up, glares at me and asks what on earth I’m doing before angrily grabbing the bag and making a big show of looking through it before putting it on his lap.
I responded that seats aren’t for bags, sat beside him, and that was the end of it except for the occasional angry glare.
I don’t feel guilty or anything, I’m reasonably sure he was faking being asleep, but would like some vindication that I am not the jerk in this situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bags do not get seats of their own. Period. You tried, he wouldn’t wake up, so he gets his stuff touched. “I’m reasonably sure he was faking being asleep.” Absolutely. He probably thought you wouldn’t dare move it yourself and got all “wah” when you did.” consolelog_a11y
Another User Comments:
“He was absolutely faking it. Last time I took the Acela from Boston to New York (or maybe it was on the way back, IDR) my brother and I were sitting behind a woman who was sitting by the aisle with her bags in the window seat.
Every time we pulled into a station, she’d pull her legs up, lay down across the seats with her head on the bags and stay that way until we pulled out of the station, when she’d sit up again. My brother and I were stunned by her gall.
As seats started filling up, we started waving at people looking for seats and pointing to her. Eventually the conductor made her quit her nonsense and she was forced to share. You are definitely NTJ.” denjoga
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a big pet peeve of mine when people put their bags on seats during rush hour or times they know a train is busy.
It’s fine to do when a train is empty but you had every right to move his bag so you could sit in this case. It’s pretty clear that he was also pretending to sleep if he woke up that quickly after you moving his bag, which only adds to his rudeness.” Psychological-Bus509
3. AITJ For Ordering Only One Item For Drive-Up Pickup?
“The other day my husband and I were on our way to a farmers’ market, and on the way to the market was the Target that we always go to.
I had ordered some deodorant the day prior for a drive-up order. Just the deodorant. I told my husband that I wanted to stop at Target real quick to pick up the order and he said sure. So I park in a spot and wait.
The person comes out with the deodorant. He didn’t know that I only ordered one thing, and this really bothered him, like, a lot. He couldn’t believe that I made that person come out for just one item. At first, I wasn’t sure if he was joking or being serious.
I told him that I do it all the time, and I see other people who drive up who also get only one or two items sometimes. He said only jerks do stuff like that. I like, didn’t know what to say. I honestly thought that it wasn’t a big deal.
Is that a really annoying thing to do? Am I a bad person for only getting one item for drive up? My husband was like dumbfounded almost, and he was being weird for a while after that. Like it really bothered him, which initially I thought was a little ridiculous but then I was like wait am I actually a terrible person?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The worker gets paid the same no matter if it’s one item or a dozen. In fact, it’s easier on them to not have to carry out a lot of items. If your husband is really that bent out of shape over it, just start having him go in for those items, instead.
A tip: If I have a tiny order, I’ll sometimes set up the order, then go inside to pick it up because it’s generally a little faster to do it that way than to wait for someone to collect it and bring it out.” IAndaraB
Another User Comments:
“I was really hoping someone who brings out these curbside orders would chime in. When I was in high school, a friend who worked at McDonald’s said he and his co-workers talked bad about people who would use the drive-thru to get nothing more than a soda, so my guess is the people at Target do the same.
That’s so anecdotal though, who knows. Ultimately, I can totally appreciate why you would order a single item online. It saves me a ton of money to do it that way instead of going inside and finding a million other things to buy along the way.
I guess the question is whether it’s reasonable for you to wait in your car for someone to bring it out or whether you should go inside to pick it up. I say, life is hard enough – when it offers you a small break, it’s okay to take it.
NTJ.” LadyJusticeThe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re getting paid for the service. Last week I was doing self-checkout at Target and the employees were complaining about how someone had ordered so much stuff and they had to get 3 carts and something they needed was broken and why does someone need so much stuff, it looked like someone had ordered a lot of stuff for a party and was doing it with pick up.
So they probably would’ve been happy with your single stick of deodorant. It’s free to do pick up. It saves me a lot of time when I do it and then I don’t buy extra random stuff by walking around the store.” Soft-Tangelo-6884
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Name Our Kid After My Wife's Deceased Husband?
“Before my wife, Anna (30f) and I (30m) got together, she was previously married to Caleb. They were high school sweethearts, got married at 20. And when they were 23, he was hit by an inebriated driver and passed. Anna and I have been together for 5 years, married for two.
We are going to have a son very soon here and we have agreed on a first name. However, she wants his middle name to be Caleb, after her late husband.
I told her I am uncomfortable with this as she is married to me now, and we should not be naming our kid after a previous partner that she had.
She said that Caleb was a very large part of her life and she isn’t going to budge with that middle name. She said that since our son is going to have my last name, she should be able to choose the middle name. We have come to an impasse and cannot agree with this.
She is calling me insensitive and that I knew how important Caleb was to her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You both have valid feelings on the name, but one “no” from either parent should be a veto on a name. I don’t think calling the late husband a “previous partner” is quite the right phrase.
It may be true, but it’s not a partnership that ended by choice. It’s important to be respectful of him when you talk about him, but you do not have to name your son after him. Your son is a product of your union with your wife, not an opportunity for a memorial to her late husband.” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is YOUR child too! You expressed how you felt uncomfortable about the idea, and she completely disregarded your feelings. Both parents should mutually agree, and be 100% on the same page when it comes to naming their child because it is a very big deal.” Resident_Garlic2532
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here…. But can we stop calling this guy her ex… he’s not her ex he’s her dead husband and was a major part of her life and probably largely helped create the person she is today. Look at it as honoring that period of her life instead of that person.
Or as honoring the pain she went through that brought her to you. If you’re worried about what other people will say about you naming your kid after her deceased partner just tell them “if he didn’t die I wouldn’t have her.” Also, consider you’re about to watch your wife go through the worst pain imaginable maybe cut her a break on the middle name.” PhotogDebbie88
1. AITJ For Being Upset At My Partner For Ignoring My Pastry Choice?
“Today I (27M) went with my partner (30F) on a trip outside after we discussed that we should try to spend more time together.
We came across a small market where I saw a croissant and proposed to get some which she said she’d get one for us but chose raspberry cake.
Midway through the queue I decided to opt for a pain au chocolat and informed her.
I am currently in Germany and am still learning the language, so she asked me if I wanted to try ordering but I decided against it as I find it too burdensome to the clerk if I mess it up.
While she orders, the clerk warns that the “pain au chocolat” is actually bread with raisins and so she turns to me and asks me if she should get it still.
I say no, and then inform her to just get the croissant at which she doesn’t appear to be listening and orders some chocolate cake instead.
So I repeated 2x in German that I didn’t want that and I’d rather have the croissant but am ignored. I could tell it was comprehensible enough for the clerk packing the chocolate cake to pause and look for reassurance.
I then even grab and pull her hand lightly and tell her again in English to which she shushes me to which I answer not to do so but now everyone around us is visibly uncomfortable.
At last she is at least paying attention to me and asks me then if she should ask for a croissant to which I say yes.
Leaving the kiosk I ask her why she was ignoring me. She states she couldn’t hear when multiple people talk and when that happens I need to get her attention but I stress that I’d repeated myself multiple times.
She responds I need to grab her attention physically but I pointed out that it can come across as abusive and I did grab and pull her hand for attention.
To rule out my German, I even repeated the exact sentences used and asked if these were correctly pronounced and she agreed except for how I pronounced the ö as an o.
At this point, I ask her why she shushed me in such an obnoxious manner.
She responds that it is a bad habit she has from her mother but I don’t find that acceptable and warn her to not do it again, expressing how she put me in a very embarrassing situation.
To me, that’s maybe how you’d treat a child, not your partner.
She is now furious at my accusation of her being embarrassing to me instead listing grievances on how I was horrible to her for the following reasons:
- I should know she didn’t mean to shush me to be rude to me
- Some strangers’ opinions shouldn’t jeopardize our relationship
- She was doing something nice for us getting us those pastries and I am unappreciative of her gesture
- I should be the one talking to the clerks especially if I am hypercritical of her
I’d like a third-party perspective as I am too annoyed to see her points objectively.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Shushing you after she “didn’t” hear you, yeah right… But she is correct on one thing – if you want something to be done right you mustn’t rely on other people and do it yourself, nobody told you that you only can address her about croissants but couldn’t just directly communicate that to the clerk who took your orders in English.
But your partner doesn’t have much respect for you.” forgeris
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She literally treated you like a parent treats their child when they keep saying mommy over and over again when they wanna coax her into buying candy. She didn’t care what you were saying she cared about getting what she wanted and telling you to just deal with it.
Don’t shush me unless you want to be yelled at and cursed out. You are an adult, not a kid, much less her kid.” Familiar_Pie8610
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re building this up to be something huge when it isn’t at all.
Your partner is right you’re worrying more about how you come off to strangers than your relationship. Also, you can be gentle and still get her attention, lightly rub her back or squeeze her shoulder maybe? This is not a big deal your ego is just bruised. ” Level_Group_1407
