People Feel Odd About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Threatening To Report My Car Stolen After My Family Gave It Away Without My Permission?
“I (18f) will be leaving for military boot camp soon and the discussion of what to do with my car has recently come up.
Since I will be gone for 13 weeks, I will not need my car during that time and have agreed for my sister, Alexandra(16f) to use it during that time.
Recently a problem arose when I decided that when I came back from boot camp I would take my car so that I could have it wherever I was stationed. I thought that since the car is in my name and it was given to me as a gift (not by my parents but by my grandparents) this would not be a problem, or so I thought.
I brought this up to my parents, and they looked surprised. Apparently, behind my back, they had planned to give Alexandra the car while I was at boot camp and not return it to me once I came back. This shocked me as they had not discussed this with me.
I completely own the car, and it is not theirs to give away. They also already told her that the car was hers, before ever talking to me.
Alexandra has been using my car to get to and from school while I await my ship-out date.
It has not been a problem as I told her she could use it, and I was under the assumption that I would also be able to use it when I needed it. Since Alexandra had been told she could have the car without my permission she assumed that she no longer had to allow me to use it.
One day I needed to go to my recruiter’s office to sign some paperwork, and since Alexandra’s school is 33 miles from my recruiter’s office I offered to drive her to school and head to my recruiter after. She did not like this and said I should drive our mother to work, and then go to the recruiter.
I tried explaining that this was not the ideal situation since our mother’s job is 30 miles in the opposite direction, not including the 10 miles it takes to get to Alexandra’s from our house. In the end, I had to have my recruiter pick me up and take me back to his office.
This is where I might be the jerk. That night, I brought this incident up and this started a fight between me and my family. I was tired of this and I said that when I return from boot camp they will give me my car and everything I own (which is most of my clothes, and I am also currently fighting over Alexandra over this).
My parents got mad and said I was a child and owned nothing, not even the car.
As previously stated, it is in my name. My clothes are mostly second-hand from friends, so they did not buy them. I then explained this to them and they stopped talking, Alexandra then said the car was hers, so shut up.
I got mad at this and said that when I came back, my car will come with me and if I saw her driving it, I would report it stolen. Now everyone says I am the jerk for threatening the cops on a teenager. So AITJ for threatening to report my car stolen?”
Another User Comments:
“So for everyone telling me to take the registration/title to boot camp with me, thank you all for bringing this up because my previous recruiter (he ended up going back to his original MOS) told me I couldn’t take anything with me, and I have just clarified that with the new one that I can bring it!
So I will be bringing it with me, and also I am making plans to leave my car/belongings with a friend.” Nervous_Shap3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you wouldn’t actually get anywhere if you did call the cops. Since you have regularly let Alexandra drive it, and this post alone acknowledges that you have knowledge she plans to take possession of it even if it *is supposed to* be temporary possession, the police would tell you it’s a civil matter.
You would then essentially have to sue Alexandra to give it back. You would definitely win if the title is in your name, but it’s not as simple as calling the police and getting it returned to you. Source: I’m a prosecutor” Unhappy_Ad7172
Another User Comments:
“Since your grandparents bought you the car, can you store it at their place? Don’t leave your car in your sister’s possession or she will trash it since she knows you are taking it back. Is she even covered by your insurance? Now that she knows you are taking it back when you return, she has no incentive to keep it in good shape.
Fill the car with the possessions you absolutely don’t want to lose and park it at your grandparents house, or rent a store room for the 3 months. Talk to your recruiter about this drama, they have seen it all and may have some useful or outside the box advice.
NTJ” Old-Mention9632
19. AITJ For Moving My Daughter Out After My Sister's Complaints About Her?
“My (F38) daughter (18) recently moved to Montreal (from London) to attend Uni.
Also, my sister (42) lives there, ideal as she was happy to host my daughter during her studies.
Daughter (F) is usually very quiet and reserved & can happily spend the whole day in her bedroom.
My sister is single and works from home and she was eager to get some company although I did warn her that my daughter is more of an introvert so maybe not to get her expectations too high.
F arrived in Montreal, last Tuesday, after an 8 hrs flight and 4 further spent in immigration queues. She was exhausted but waited for another 2 hours at the airport for her aunt to pick her up so by the time they arrived home, she immediately went to bed.
The day after, they moved to a 2-bed apartment. I asked my sister to do this before F arrived or later to give her time to recover from the trip which she declined explaining that this was the perfect time for her as her only downtime at work.
Apparently, the movers came late, cleaners did not show, so F was tasked with cleaning the entire place by herself.
I thought that would be the end of the issues, but I started getting complaints since then daily: F spends most of her time in her bedroom.
F did not want any help getting her social security number (she was already told by the uni how to apply for it versus the fact that my sister wanted to make the application on her behalf). F was not cleaning unless asked, Not getting up on time & did not immediately showering.
F only answers in yes and no, instead of full sentences (bearing in mind that she understands French, sister’s main language, but she is not fluent so sometimes finds it hard to give more details).
After several calls from my mother, as my sister has been venting to her, I called my sister yesterday to clear the air and explain to her that what she sees as rudeness and insolence, is not necessarily the case.
Whilst speaking to her I also told her that I understood if she found it too hard to cohabitate with F, so we would be more than happy to just move F to a dorm room instead.
Apparently, that was a despicable thing for me to say and showed how ungrateful we are after all the sacrifices she made to accommodate F.
I thought she was complaining about the extra rent payments incurred & offered to make up for it until she could move but that only made the situation worse.
She started cursing us and I must admit that at that point, I lost my cool and really went in on her nonsense and excessively high standards.
She told us that F had 48 hours to get out or she would kick her out.
We promptly got her a dorm room, F is moving out today. Since then, family members have been calling me claiming that I should have made F try harder to integrate rather than moving her out.
Her dad and I truly believe that the atmosphere was too toxic so we made the right decision but due to all the calls, part of me wonders if we are in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“Just to clarify, she wanted her to wake up at 7, no later than 8 am.
Immediately shower then clean the bathroom, mop and hoover the whole place. I thought this was quite a rigid schedule to enforce and how would this work once lectures started?” Khadijakat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister didn’t want her niece staying with her; she wanted a friend who had to hang out with her.
The way you describe your daughter sounds like a description of me. I’m not rude, I just don’t like talking and too much social interaction wears me out. You did the right thing and backed your child. Tell anyone who complains that she’s your daughter and you both made the decision with her best interest in mind.” BoundPrincess84
Another User Comments:
“I think this is a huge win for your daughter. I can’t imagine living with someone who thought they had the right to organize my day and expect me to mop and vacuum the apartment every day while orienting myself to first-year Uni in a place where everyone speaks a language I am struggling to master.
Maybe we don’t have a fair picture, but it seems that F had been delegated the role of first maid. She made her help move and clean the entire place the day after a trans-Atlantic flight. Your sister’s snappish responses to your attempts to sort things out and going behind your back to whine to your parents and family???
make me wonder just what her expectations were regarding their cohabitation. NTJ Hope your daughter’s next roommate is easier to get along with.” Some_Range_9037
18. AITJ For Expressing Concern About My Brother's Parenting At His Baby Announcement Dinner?
“I (18f) have three older brothers (33m, 26m and 25m). This situation is about the oldest one (33m) Steve. Steve has 2 kids (9m Ryan and 2m Danny) to two different women but does not have custody of any due to multiple issues like going in and out of jail, etc. He does pay child support to both as far as I know but doesn’t make any effort to communicate to see his kids.
This brings us to now.
So last night we had a family dinner that included my mom, Steve, his current partner Kate, my two other brothers and me. We were having ca onversation as usual when my mom brought up what she saw on social media that Kate is pregnant.
Kate confirmed it saying she was at least 4 months pregnant. This was a surprise to all of us since it was unexpected but we were all happy and congratulated them. But this is where I might be the jerk.
After the initial happiness died down, then I started to worry for the unborn baby.
See, as much as Steve says he sees his other kids and spends time with them – it’s just not true. It’s been basically a year since he saw either one of them. He actually lives not even 5 minutes away from Danny (the youngest) but still doesn’t see him and it seems like he doesn’t want to.
As for Ryan, I know he doesn’t even check in with him because Ryan tells me all the time that he wishes his dad called him and seen him. Ryan feels that he’s the reason Steve won’t see him, that there’s something wrong with him.
I tell him every time it’s not him, thankfully Ryan’s therapist is helping him get better but it’s still so sad. I can’t imagine how Danny will potentially grow up thinking the same thing. Cause Steve will drop by, make empty promises and leave and won’t show up for months.
That’s how he always has been and as much as I wish it could change I don’t think it ever will.
Here’s the kicker, Kate has been showing interest in naming the baby (if it’s a boy) Ryan’s middle name that Ryan’s mom has put in so much thought and time for.
Anyways, back to the dinner. Steve noticed that I wasn’t saying anything and asked if I was excited to ‘Finally’ be an aunt. After hearing that, I admit I did go off on him. It was like he forgot about his other two kids that yearn for his attention like what?
I said that he acts like he’s being a dad for the first time. Did he forget about his other kids?
I guess he really didn’t like that since he got angry and asked what I was implying and that I should be happy for him and Kate.
I didn’t say anything else except that I hope he doesn’t do the same thing he did to his other children to his new baby. After that, I was told I was being a jerk and I ruined the mood, and that I should apologize to Steve and Kate.
But I can’t help but think about it. What will happen to the baby once it’s born? Of course, my family and I will love the baby, but I’m worried that the cycle will repeat itself. I’m also worried about the other children and how they will take it.
So, Am I the jerk for not being as happy for my brother’s new baby?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like he was badgering you for a reaction with that “finally” comment. Giving him the attention he wanted probably wasn’t the smartest move, but it’s understandable why you did react.” nixiepixie12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would apologize to Kate (no idea if she knew about Steve’s other children. If she did, she’s a jerk for getting with this jerk) because she’s done nothing wrong. I would say forget Steve (not literally obviously) but that’s his problem, he’s too busy looking out for his own interests.
Like others have said, please keep in contact with his other children!” KamatariPlays
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take My Young Kids To Disney?
“I (34f) have three kids, 8m, 5f, and 2f, with my husband 40M. I am not and have never been a Disney person. The rides are fun, but the character stuff and non-coaster attractions do nothing for me. I don’t go out of my way to yuck other people’s yum over it though, people can and should go do the things they enjoy, I’m not trying to ban kids from Disney.
This discussion happened at a mom’s group meetup today and one mom brought up something she saw asking why anyone would take a baby or toddler to Disney. Without really thinking I immediately agreed and said I don’t get taking littles to Disney.
This GREATLY offended one of the other moms, at which point she went on a five-minute-long monologue about why Disney is so amazing and how cruel I am for not taking my kids. I replied by saying I’m glad she and her family enjoy it, but I personally won’t be taking my kids until they’re all old enough to ride the majority of the coasters.
I thought this would be the end of it and we could move on.
This was apparently still unacceptable and I was then given another list of why there is more to Disney for kids than coasters, and they learn things like standing in lines and how to go on car trips.
I guess that was silly to me because my kids have learned those things without needing Disney, but I digress. I again said I think it’s great they get so much out of Disney, but it’s not for my family at this time.
She then pulled out a video of her husband and daughter (~2f) at Disney where they were playing with some of the flowers and asked me if I could really say that wasn’t worth it.
I was annoyed at this point and said it’s a cute memory for her and I’m glad she has it, but flatly said if I took my kids to Disney and my biggest takeaway/memory was my kid playing with a flower it would be a total waste of time and money.
Being in Disney wouldn’t make watching my kid play with a flower any more special than seeing my kid play with a flower in my backyard. I also added that I took my son (not by choice, my parents had some kind of pass they HAD to use or lose) to Disney when he was 11 months old and it was the most awful experience I’ve ever had at an amusement park (and probably top 10 in my life), so it’s not like I just assumed what Disney with a little is like.
I’m feeling very torn because I feel I should be allowed to just not like something without being badgered, but a few moms are saying I should have just agreed Disney is great and magical to keep the peace, and that I insulted her family by essentially saying she wasted her time and money, but others agreed that it’s a waste to take little kids.
I want to stress that at NO POINT did I tell her she shouldn’t take her kids or that she personally wasted her time and money, I just got sick of hearing I’m a curmudgeon for not taking my kids.
So AITJ for being honest after she wouldn’t let the conversation end?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She pushed and prodded when you tried to be honest and diplomatic. You didn’t attack her view of what’s best for her and her family, she attacked your opinion about what’s best for yours. I’ve gone with little kids and they, for the most part, had a good enough time.
But really the experience was for their Disney-loving families to get the joy they got from taking their kids. The kids will have no memory of it and would have had as much fun at their neighborhood park. You were absolutely right that a family can enjoy playing and being around with flowers for less than hundreds of dollars and an entire vacation.
She bullied you. Those saying you should have gone along with the bullying in order to keep peace are setting a bad precedent. She should have gone along with your view that it’s not for you. That would have kept the peace AND been reasonable.” ThatguyIncognito
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you probably learned a valuable lesson about them mommy groups. Heaven forbid you express a clear, firm opinion about anything that works/doesn’t work for you and your family. Somebody with a different opinion will always take it as a personal attack and attack “back.” Probably not worth your time any more than Disney.” Content-Plenty-268
16. AITJ For Wanting To Warn My Sister About Her Gold-Digging Partner?
“My sister (30F), let’s call her Sasha is seeing a gold digger named Mark (30M).
One thing everyone should know is that Sasha is the kind of person who forgets everything when she is in love, even her family. She will choose her lover over family (This came from experience).
When she was 18, she had a lover, John, who was clearly using her as an ATM because he always asked for stuff from her and got her to pay for everything- outings, food, even gave him an allowance (Sasha doesn’t have a job yet). I had enough and told her this one time right in front of our family and it turned into a big fight between us two.
I was hurt because she actually started a fight with me, her younger sister, who wanted to knock some sense into her. From our fight, she basically told me her lover was more important than us. (The disappointing thing is that my family didn’t back me up at that time.) After that, it became tense around us and we didn’t speak to each other until years after.
So back to Mark, how do I know he is a gold digger? A few years ago, our parents, gave Sasha a house and a job as a manager of one of our family businesses. Mark at that time was a secretary at a firm but went into hiding (I don’t know why, must be something shady because police were involved- I wasn’t there but my other sister was).
He went into hiding at Sasha’s house and became her “employee” when everything died down. He basically didn’t do anything but eat and laze around, Sasha did all the work and let him be (stupid I know).
Bad thing is that as he was her significant other at that time, she trusted him and didn’t guard against him.
It was very bad because he was secretly using the funds from the business for his own. The place we live in is a small town so word gets around – he used the funds to build a house on a land that he owned. This was also found out because, of course, financial statements didn’t add up.
Worse- she knew he was taking money but didn’t do anything as they were “small” amounts. Our parents were angry and reprimanded my sister saying that if things don’t get better, they would close the business, which it did after a few more months.
What happened to both of them?
Well, they were still going out at that time and suddenly broke up. Recently, however, they got back together and lo behold. Mark doesn’t have a job and Sasha is again providing for him. My parents were too nice and gave Sasha a job again but not as a manager.
From my other sister, I heard that she got him a motorbike, a car, and all other things. I don’t know where she even getting that money because I know full well, it doesn’t come from her salary.
So with the past experience, from John.
I’m debating whether or not to tell her and jeopardize our relationship again because I am worried this current significant other will harm our family based on all that he did in the past and the power he has to manipulate her now.
WIBTJ if I told her that her significant other is a gold digger?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to do it, but honestly it would be pointless. She will not listen to you, and you will just start a fight that you can’t win. The only solution here is for your parents to cut her off, so there is no more “gold to dig”, and after that Mark will just disappear.
He has her smitten, and no matter what you guys tell her, she’ll keep on giving him money.” ed_lv
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but she knows what he is and doesn’t care. tbh, I think you should be more interested in where your sister is getting the money to pamper this guy.
Perhaps it’s time for an audit of the family business where she is working. There are all sorts of ways someone can steal from an employer. I have a nephew who should be in jail due to all his financial shenanigans at the family business before he was caught.” NanaLeonie
Another User Comments:
“Not your business. Your sister’s personal life is her own. I would talk to your parents to ensure that the family business isn’t being used to finance Mark again. IE tell them to do a complete Audit of the businesses financials, but if your parents are okay with enabling Sasha, that’s their choice.” CakeisaDie
15. AITJ For Asking My Landlord To Respect My Privacy And Not Enter My Apartment Without Permission?
“I (27F) live in a ground level suite part of a house. My landlord (60sF) lives alone in the house. The suite used to be her daughter but she’s moved out.
She reduced the rent for me because she liked me and we’re from the same country. She’d also bring bits of food every now and then. We were on good terms.
The first day I’d paid rent, I’d cleaned and left my cleaning stuff there.
I hadn’t moved in properly yet, but I found the next day that she’d moved my cleaning supplies and stuck labels on the walls reminding me to turn off the fire. I was a bit turned off as I’d already started paying rent and she shouldn’t have invited herself in, given that I could’ve had my personal belongings in there.
But I didn’t say anything. Then, I’d found one of our connecting doors opened. When I asked her about it she claimed her grandchild opened it by accident. I kept it cordial and was still friendly with her.
Last week, she found out I was away and went in to turn off my security light (I used a timer to turn this on a few hrs a night just to be safe).
When I came back, I found out and asked her about it. She made up a bunch of nonsense about how her dog led her to my door and so she turned off my light because she was scared of a fire.
I sent her this:
Hi ___, it looks to me that this is not the first time it’s happened. To be honest, I’m quite unhappy about how you entered my apartment without letting me know and without my permission.
According to Canadian laws, you must ask for your tenant’s permission at least 24 hours before entering.
I hope you can respect that. I can see that you have smoke detectors installed in my part of the house, so I trust that it’ll alert you if there are warnings of a fire. Regarding the light, you can always send me a message if you are concerned as I can turn it off from my phone.
I’ve purchased cameras to be installed, so you don’t have to worry about any issues in the house when I’m away either, as I’ll be able to see everything from my end.
I think the request I’m making is perfectly reasonable, and I hope you can respect that.
In the future, if you have any concerns, please just send me a message.
I hope that I can continue to enjoy my stay here and have my privacy protected. I’ve been respecting your privacy, and I trust that you can do the same for me.
Thank you.
She was furious after this message. She said repeatedly that I could leave early and asked if I wanted to confront her grandchild about the door. She also started complaining about me loudly on the phone.
I talked to her son-in-law who became the mediator.
He was very reasonable and empathic with me. He claimed she always picked fights with people. I also knew this as I’d heard her swearing at people on the phone a few times.
I suspect that she’s been inside many more times. I’d found her looking into my suite from her backyard and looking away when I’d caught her multiple times.
I’m worried she’s gone through my stuff as she seems to be the nosy type.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry, you’re going through that, OP. She is invasive and controlling. I would not feel safe in my home if this happened to me.
If you can afford it, get some cameras installed inside and outside, and a doorbell with a camera to monitor your entrances. Also, you did a great job writing her the message. It was direct and professional, and clearly outlined the boundaries that you are entitled to have.
I think you should write down what you can remember happened in your conversation with her, and then write down what her son said as well (with dates). Never hurts to keep documentation with things like this. I also think that whenever she calls you again, try to record it in case she gets angry and abusive.” Savsmith445
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds she’s a bit of a sour lady who doesn’t really comprehend the legalities of being a landlord and was moreso looking for a friend/ly acquaintance or roommate. Document everything, maybe consider having a camera to record the door where she’d enter from.
Not saying it’ll escalate to this, but you could sue if she continues to enter without cause/notice. I’d personally start looking for a new place, I can’t see this resolving to both of your satisfaction.” Top-Sympathy7731
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She seems like that classic stereotype of a busy body landlord with nothing better to do than try and exert control over their tenants.
You live there. You’re allowed to have lights on as you see fit, and use the space you’re paying for. You are entitled to some privacy and the law is completely on your side. It doesn’t matter if it was her, or her dog, or her grandchild, it’s still her responsibility to keep everyone out of your unit.” JustheBean
14. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Friend's Totaled Vespa After Our Italy Trip Accident?
“In May I(24F) went to Italy with three of my best friends. None of us are experienced Vespa drivers but rented them anyway like naive young tourists usually do to go out into the countryside to go to some wineries.
Basically, I was driving my Vespa with my friend Amanda(23F) on the back of it to meet our two guy friends who were already at a winery. Down a steep downhill turning road, I lost control of the bike going about 40mph squeezed the brakes, and the bike slipped out from under us.
We flew off the bikes hit the pavement hard, and were injured but able to walk away. Amanda’s knee was black & blue, she was shaking, & we were both crying from shock/impact. Our helmets hit the road hard, my arm was bleeding through my sweatshirt & traffic almost hit us when we pulled the Vespa to the side of the road.
The bike was damaged, but drivable.
We called our two guy friends to tell them that we got in an accident, we were fine, but really scared & we didn’t want to get back on it. We felt lucky to walk away. They pressured us to just suck it up and drive to them anyway.
I begged them to come help us or send the winery’s taxi service to come pick us up & I would get a tow truck to bring the Vespa back for us. They said they were enjoying their wine & that we were fine so we should just drive it back.
It was getting dark, and we were in a bad spot so I knocked on a random Italian family’s house to ask for help. Through Google Translate, we were able to get them to give us a ride to the winery & the Italian dad drove our Vespa back for us.
Amanda & I were angry that our friends abandoned us out there after a scary accident while they were just enjoying their cheese & wine. They laughed in our faces and called us dramatic. We didn’t want to drive it all the way back to Florence in the pitch-black night after we just crashed it.
After some fighting, they kept laughing and making fun of us. Amanda & I, clearly disheveled, were so angry that we told them “Fine, you two deal with the Vespas, we’re taking the train back.”
An hour into the train ride, we found out that my best friend Tony (24M) totaled a Vespa on the way back & was headed to the hospital. The doctors sent him home after doing some tests with just some ibuprofen.
Since he was hurt, I decided to end the trip early and bring him home. But he blamed me and Amanda for his accident since we “left him no choice but to drive the Vespa back”. I took him home, took care of his flight with my benefits since I’m a pilot, & was there for him as much as I could by carrying all his bags through the airport and making the trip home with him so he wasn’t alone.
We didn’t talk for 3 months, then he called me saying that I needed to show responsibility for his accident by paying some of the $4K he owes for totaling the Vespa, in the name of friendship. But I firmly believe I did not cause his accident.
He should have towed the Vespas, especially after his best friend just had an accident. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“His accident is not your fault. It sounds like since you helped him get back, he’s continuing to take advantage of you.
There is also no legal obligation for you to pay it. Sounds like he’s a horrible friend. NTJ” mom2lotsofboys
Another User Comments:
“No one told him to total the Vespa. He had a choice and could’ve gotten on the train and made you deal with returning the Vespa since you drove it.
YTJ for leaving the Vespa but NTJ for not paying $4K. If anything offer $1k if you have the money. Does Italy not have one driver on the vespa or multiple people can ride it? At the end of the day, if the company found him liable, he owes the money, not you.” ineedcoughfee
Another User Comments:
“Why is there no darn insurance on these Vespas? If I rent a car in the US I have to have my own car insurance which will cover me or buy it at the rental place. Mine will cover all but the deductible, the rental place usually covers all of it.
And what the heck does the owner of the Vespas do if you don’t pay? Is insurance just not a thing in Italy?” HeddaLeeming
13. AITJ For Telling My Friend She's Neglecting Her Dog?
“I 20f have a friend 19f who we’ll call Jess who adopted a shelter dog about a year ago. We’ll call the dog Rex. Rex is around 4 years old and one of the best dogs I’ve ever met, but I am not a fan of how Jess treats him.
I am a HUGE animal lover and more and am a service dog handler. So I understand I can have some pretty high standards. Hence me looking for some outsider POVs.
Rex came to Jess potty trained and knowing a couple of basic commands, but with some issues common to shelter dogs.
Including bad barrier reactivity, being possessive of attention, and being sensitive to verbal corrections. Jess hasn’t really ever been the animal type, which is why her bringing him home was a big surprise, especially since she has stated her hatred for animal upkeep multiple times when asked to care for mine when I am away and can’t find anyone else.
This already had me concerned, but I have no right to tell her what she can and can’t have so I kept my mouth shut and even helped her set up when he came home. Here’s where I might be the jerk, After Rex had been home for about a week Jess started treating him in a way that I found distasteful.
- He would go to the door to tell her he needed to potty, and she would ignore him (Even if it was pointed out to her) for so long that he would end up going to the bathroom right in front of the floor and hanging his head.
Only then would she take him out and usually she would yell at him for going potty inside while doing so.
- Rex is a very active dog. But she NEVER walks him, if he has to go outside to go to the bathroom he is clipped off, this leaves him with LOTS of pent-up energy and he started playing too rough with other dogs (When he is usually the gentle giant), jumping on people, and becoming more aggressive during play.
Even after being told by multiple people, including a trainer, why he’s acting like this, she refuses to walk him.
- Rex was already minimally possessive of people’s attention because he hadn’t had much more than she did even though the dog is in love with her.
This has made him even more possessive of people’s affection. If another dog is being petted or loved on, he will shove them out of the way with his big head and put it on their lap to be loved on, etc.
- He is also left in her room for 80% of the day with no food or water due to the issue of her family and me.
After this going on for a year, I got tired of it and when she was complaining about Rex not being as well-behaved as my dog, I told her it was her fault and that she had been a bad dog mom and didn’t deserve a dog as amazing as Rex.
She says I’m overreacting and that she treats him just fine, and that my standards are too high because I spoil my own dogs. (TBF I do, they eat special diets, get loads of toys and gear, multiple walks a day frequent trips to the park or town, lots of training, etc.) so AITJ For going off on her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is neglect. Even if she’s oblivious to all of the signs of how dogs behave, leaving an animal without access to water or food is horrible. The best thing you could do is collect some pieces of evidence and report it.
The reason for the evidence is sometimes if animal control shows up for reports people can make it look like “oh, silly me, I forgot to fill his bowl but everything else is in order.”” parguello90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she’s abusing her dog and doing exactly the things that will make his behavior worse.
Poor dog. > because I spoil my own dogs. (TBF I do, they eat special diets, get loads of toy and gear, multiple walks a day and frequent trips to the park or town, lots of training, etc. My dog would say this isn’t spoiling, it’s the bare minimum every pup deserves!
(He’s also a pampered pooch 😉 )” Bflnonsuperwash
12. AITJ For Letting My Unemployed, Manipulative Partner Become Homeless?
“So I (F19) met my partner (M20) a year ago, we were coworkers. He was the new guy and I thought he was cute.
We started talking and ended up spending New Year’s Eve together at his place. From there we never left each other. Everything was great, he was my first real partner, gave me flowers, bought me jewelry, etc.
I then learned that he lived at his ex’s place but that she didn’t live there anymore, kinda weird but whatever.
After about a month, he tells me that his ex wants to move out and that he needs a place to crash. Being in love, I agreed to let him live with me for a while so he can find a new place.
This was in January.
My mom wasn’t pleased with the situation. Being young, my parents still have a say in my life (especially when they’re the ones paying for my studio.) But they agreed to let him stay until February/March at most. But slowly he started skipping work, saying he didn’t feel like it, was tired, etc. At one point he ghosted our workplace and stopped going completely without warning anyone.
I didn’t feel like that was the right thing to do but I thought « it’s a big fast food chain, they’ll be fine.
So I didn’t think anything of it, especially since he found a new job quickly. But he also ghosted that job after 3 weeks.
So he had no income anymore. And never offered to pay the rent or AT LEAST the groceries. So I ended up having to feed two people with one halftime job while also being in college (while he played video games all day) My mom literally had to tell him to pay the groceries because he wouldn’t have had the decency to offer to do it.
I warned him months in advance about me having to move out in July so that he had time to look for a job or a place but he never did. He would say he did but I knew he didn’t. We got stuck in that loop for months of him not looking for a job/apartment, no social life, while I was doing my best to work, study, cook, etc. I wasn’t seeing the red flags.
Meanwhile, he wasn’t the most affectionate partner either but I was fine with it mostly because I felt comfortable in having a relationship and was scared to be alone/depressed again.
Fast forward to this week. I moved out but I’m living at a family member’s house until I can move in in Sept.
So now my partner has no job, no place. He managed to get 3 nights at a hotel but now ran out of money. My mom did everything she could to help him but he didn’t want to be helped. She took him to job interviews, sent him apartments to visit, and loaned him money.
And my family won’t let him stay at their house because he lived like a parasite with me basically.
He’s now on the streets. I feel bad but I also feel like he used me without me realizing it. Took him to meet my family this week for me to confirm what I thought.
He’s not in love with me, he puts me down/ trash trash-talks me in front of my family, and is manipulative. Stil,l I feel bad sleeping in my bed while he’s sleeping on a bench outside.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – actions have consequences.
In this case, non-action has severe consequences. I would like for you to re-read your post. Pay attention to all of the things you said that is going on in your life. You’re in school, you are working through school, you are being responsible with not only your money but your time.
While you are doing that, he can’t even hold a job at a fast food chain for any decent amount of time. YOU dodged a bullet. HE needs to take notes on what you’re doing to become an adult. Don’t feel bad for him.” slap-a-frap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if you did not ‘officially’ broken up yet, say it is over or just to be safe, ghost him altogether. It already seemed like you were done months before. You got no reason to feel guilty. He was a leach, that is an adult, is able to get a job, had months of warnings etc. Believe he will be fine and he gets what he made himself.
**You are not responsible for him.**” Zealousideal_Deer915
11. AITJ For Not Crying At My Father-In-Law's Funeral?
“Me (24 female) and my husband (25 male) have been married for around 3 years now. He and his parents were super close and when his father (68 male) passed away, he and the rest of his family were absolutely and reasonably devastated. I, however, was not as close with them, I had barely seen them, and when we did meet we had never really talked. I’ve been steady with comforting my husband but I can’t really feel too sad, I do of course feel sad about it, but it’s not overriding my other emotions.
I’ve heard my mother-in-law and my husband talking over the phone and I can hear both of them sobbing about it, so I can definitely tell how much it means to them.
My husband, his mother, and his siblings had planned the funeral for weeks, changing the date constantly because of many disruptions, but they finally settled on a date around 5 months after the passing.
They had constantly met up to talk about it and I came a few times but they mostly wanted to be alone together to talk. Ever since the passing my husband has reasonably not been wanting to go out and go to special events. I’ve tried to get him to go out with me and have only been successful a few times, to small gatherings with some of my family and friends, but never to big events or places like clubs or parties.
Cut to the funeral, everyone’s wearing black or some dark color. We walk into the Hall/church and take a seat on the front row, the pastor is there setting everything up to get ready and someone comes around and gives a few people photos of my father-in-law.
Out of the corner of my eye, I can see my husband tearing upholding a photo, I am also holding a photo but clearly not tearing up by it and I can tell my husband notices and softly grimaces at me, I look at him in return then look back at the photo, soon it starts and we do… Funeral stuff.
I can feel my husband’s eyes on me occasionally, most likely for not being sad or something.
We reach the end and once we finish my husband pulls me aside and starts yelling at me for not crying/being sad or whatever. I get confused and ask why he’s angry at me as he knows that I’m not close with my father-in-law, and also to ever think about how I could still be sad, just not showing it.
He soon gets quiet and as I walk away I can hear him mumble about how much of a jerk I am for not feeling bad about his father’s passing.
Once I walked away I went to go get some snacks from the food section and my husband soon followed, I noticed he was slightly avoiding me but I thought that it might be because he just wanted some food, so I walked up to him while he’s in the middle of dishing out his food.
As soon as he notices me he scurries off to another food section and I follow, he hurries back to the last one he was at and finishes getting himself food. He keeps avoiding me throughout the night and I can hear him talking about me a bit, we still haven’t talked and it’s been 2 days since it.
So, am I the jerk???”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, sadness cannot be forced. It’s ok to be sad for your husband and the family. You not crying doesn’t mean you hated your father-in-law either; some people even when they are sad just do not cry.
It wasn’t ok for your husband to yell at you, but I’m wondering if he was using you as an outlet for his own sadness and anger. An “emotional punching bag” if you will. Doesn’t make it ok, but some people tend to do that.” nackle09
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I wouldn’t blame your husband too much though. Anger is a part of the grief process, even misdirected anger. In a week or two sit him down and have a conversation about it. Essentially he’s a bit insane with this loss.
He’s not going to make total rational sense right now. It’s not fair to you of course, but it’s unfortunately a well-documented aspect of grieving a significant loss.” pm-me-kittens-n-cats
10. AITJ For Uninviting My Sister From My Daughter's First Birthday Party?
“My sister (24f) has 3 kids. My sister did not invite me to her first child’s first or second birthday because we were not on good terms at the time. I was not invited to her 3rd birthday party because my ex-partner was there.
My sister told me about her baby shower and what she was doing for a theme but didn’t invite me and when I asked about it, she said I was not invited. I was not invited to her second child’s first birthday.
Skip to now.
Even after her constantly cutting me out of my niece’s life for so long, I have tried my hardest to allow her to be part of my daughter’s life. My (22f) daughter’s first birthday party is December 9th and it is an indoor pool party.
I sent my sister the information when we decided on all the details. I told her I needed to know if she and her kids would be there by the end of September cause I’m renting the space when I get paid from my new job (I don’t get paid till the end of September).
She instantly texted back and sai,d “I don’t know because I’ll be 7 months pregnant by then and I don’t know how I’ll be feeling”. I told her to please let me know by the end of September because I want to make sure there’s enough food for her kids and her.
She then told me if she did come they would probably just stop by but her kids were not allowed to swim. I asked her why. She said she didn’t feel like chasing her kids around and that she didn’t want to get sick from the food (that I can understand) I told her I understood but if that was the case why doesn’t she stop by and see if someone can babysit for a few while she comes by and she said she didn’t want to.
So I told her I didn’t see a point in her coming since it was obviously an issue so I was going to just leave her off the guest list and she could come to see my daughter on her actual birthday ( December 12th) and she sent a long message telling me she wasn’t gonna be treated like crap because she doesn’t want to be around the food and doesn’t want to chase her kids around.
Plus no one was even going to be paying attention to her kids so what was the point in them being there? I told her that my daughter’s birthday party was not about her or her kids it was about my daughter and that no one was going to babysit her kids when everyone who is going to be there had their own kids to worry about and told her not to come because it was obviously a problem and I don’t want any drama at her party.
She blew up on me and told me I’m a selfish jerk and that it’s not always all about my kid and other people’s kids matter too. She told me she didn’t want her kids around my “spoiled brat”. My daughter is 8 months.
She’s the sweetest little girl. My sister’s kids get away with murder tho. Now most of my family has been telling me that I’m a jerk and I need to just let her do whatever she wants to keep the peace even if it ruins my daughter’s birthday.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – And this is from someone that absolutely sees no need for big one-year birthday parties. The kid won’t remember so it’s really for the adults. What I don’t understand is why you invited your sister in the first place.
She has deliberately excluded and ignored you in the past. Why put yourself through this torment & disrespect? Stop inviting her or reaching out to her. Family does not always come first-especially in your sister’s case.” sunset-tx-armadillo
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with ESH.
If I understand right, your sister was honest she wasn’t sure how she’d be at 7 mos pregnant. You told her she had a deadline to tell you so you could estimate food. She said that wasn’t an issue because she won’t be eating cause (I assume) she’s still got pregnancy nausea, and the kids won’t be there long enough to eat, because she won’t have the energy to manage them in the pool.
So she’s still not sure if she’ll be up to coming, but now you don’t have to worry about a last-minute decision as far as she knows because the food deadline is the reason you needed info right away. Her plan seems totally reasonable and I don’t really understand why you wanted her to change it and organize a babysitter.
Or why you uninvite her when that’s not what she wanted to do? Except it’s pretty clear the answer is that there’s a long history of her not being reliable or sensitive, rejecting you, minimizing your feelings/not taking your relationship seriously. So it sounds like you completely over-reacted here, but for reasons that make sense and are sympathetic.
Which is why neither of you is really in the right or wrong here, I think.” Margenius
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re right, this party isn’t about her. You are nice enough to pay with your own money for the pool party and all of the food.
The very least she can do is give you a straight answer. If she doesn’t want to watch her children, then what is she doing being a mother? And you did give her the option to do a more intimate birthday party, but she turned you down or gave you maybe both times.” DanausEhnon
9. AITJ For Being Upset Over My Parents Ignoring My Religious Beliefs In My Birthday Gifts?
“Some context: I (24F) recently told my Christian parents that I am agnostic, and predictably this led to an argument about my morals and whether I’m a Satanist. The discussion has been tabled mostly and only comes up every month or so.
My mom leads an online church group and has become more religious than before. Part of the reason for her behavior is that she experienced near-fatal complications after a surgery she had last year. She credits God for her still being alive since “He gave humans the knowledge for my doctor to learn medicine.” I have not mentioned anything religious out of respect for my parents, and even help my mom with her group every now and then; nothing major, just making her tea, handing her notebooks, etc.
While on a road trip out of state, my mom sees some books in a gift shop and, knowing how much I like to read, points them out to me: Women of Color in the Bible and 100 Bible Verses for Anxiety and Fear. I let her know that they weren’t books I was interested in, so we looked at Bible cases for my grandfather and that was it.
My birthday was last week and during the gift-giving, I saw that two of the gifts my parents had given me were books; the same books my mom and I talked about during our road trip… 3 months ago. My disappointment was palpable, but I smiled, said thanks, and finished with the rest of the gifts as soon as possible.
When I reminded my mom that I was not interested in the books, she got upset and said that she knew I liked to read and they seemed like good books for me. I told her that I wouldn’t be using Bible verses to help my anxiety and I flat out wasn’t interested in the WOC book.
She went outside to watch some videos on her phone.
While I was throwing the trash away and gathering my gifts, my father took me to the side and spoke to me about my reaction to the books and how I seemed disgusted by them.
I let him know that I wasn’t disgusted, I was upset that even after discussing it, Mom still bought those very same books that day and held them for 3. months. waiting to give to me on my birthday. Her reasoning was that she expected me to change my mind about religion in the days leading up to my birthday and she ” wouldn’t give [me] anything to steer you or guide you in a certain direction” which is actually what she’s trying to and been trying to do since ‘The Argument’.
She then said that if I was ‘that upset’, she could return them.
I’ve been keeping quiet about my lack of faith and have only told my parents about it, but seeing my mother disregard my interests in favor of pushing me back to Christianity makes me regret it.
After the cake I let my mom know that she could have gotten me anything else, even an actual Bible and I wouldn’t be as upset, but I’m starting to think that I handled the situation incorrectly. So am I the jerk for getting upset about some books?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she knew you didn’t want them and got them anyway. She will continue to do these things and it’s important to set that expectation with her now. She’s trying to push you towards Christianity but one day she’s gonna realize that she’s actually just pushing you away.” artemis_ml
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made your boundaries in the ground and your parents disregarded them. And your mother’s argument about you returning the books is just as dismissive. If you ever get the chance to talk with the teenager who chose to reject her control-freak parents’ religious beliefs and is threatened with being sent to boarding school, let her know she’s NTJ for refusing to cooperate with her control-freak parents, and as soon as she’s legally able to, start looking toward her real friends to help her since her blood relatives can’t be trusted.” TheCajunPhoenix
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. Instead of reminding your mother that you’re not interested in those gifts. Say thank you, take those books upstairs to your room, and do what every young adult does with bad gifts, place them in a spot where you will never read them or look at them and let the dust get to them, easy day!
You have to learn paths of least resistance.” MrTaptap
8. AITJ For Wanting To Charge My Niece's Father For A Broken Halloween Costume?
“My niece’s father and his family are VERY religious and my niece has only ever attended private Catholic schools, but she loves spooky things and Halloween is her favorite holiday.
She celebrates with her mother (my sister) and our side of the family but some years her father will take her to church instead of letting her go trick-or-treating or will take her to church for a half day of worship/mass. Please note, that her parents haven’t been together since she was about 2 weeks old; they’ve been co-parenting her entire life and have been able to work out a good routine over the years.
Usually, her mom makes her costumes but this year my niece said she wanted to be a Wendigo and my sister suggested she ask me for help because she had no clue what it was and I often do DIY commissions (paintings, cosplays, wall decorations, sculptures…etc.) I was ecstatic when my niece asked me to make her costume and after explaining to my sister what a Wendigo is and some basic lore behind it, I confirmed with her that it was ok/appropriate since I know her father is extremely religious and my niece is still young.
She said it was fine and I came to her with a rough draft of what the costume would look like and got the go-ahead.
A few weeks into making the costume, her dad wanted to chat. There was a bit of back and forth but his main concern revolved around her costume being a demon and as such would be inappropriate.
I explained that it is not a demon and that I had explained to my niece prior to creating the costume why she definitely shouldn’t wear it to school or a church event and assured her dad that the costume would be covering her literally from head to toe and isn’t inappropriate for a public Halloween event.
I continued with the costume and we’re now at the point where it’s just finishing touches I held off on since she’s still a child and is still going through growth spurts but the mask is done. She ended up showing her paternal grandparents her mask earlier this week and they freaked out.
I got a very upset visit from her dad and I don’t know everything that happened at their house but the end result is a very sad niece and a mask broken beyond repair. I asked who had broken it and he said that he had.
We got into a bit of an argument and in anger he told me to just send him a bill for the mask. After he left I asked my sister to text him and explain what he’d said and to let him know that if he refused to at least apologize for tearing down my niece for something she was excited about/worked so hard in helping them I would charge him.
She let me know that he more or less said “You wouldn’t dare charge me but go ahead.”
It’s been about a week since the mask was broken and although I definitely have enough time and materials to make another one, I’m still fuming. WIBTJ if I charged him for the mask he broke?
It was technically a custom piece and something I could have sold for a few hundred dollars since I used a lot of my higher-end materials to make it.”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely charge him for the full amount. NTJ Now, this doesn’t mean he will actually pay you (and you may or may not wish to pursue further legal action), but it is not jerk-ish *at all* to put him on notice that his behavior has potential consequences.
If at all possible, send him the invoice via email or text… Something where he can easily respond directly to you in writing, giving you a paper trail if he angrily refuses” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I looked up Wendigo, and I can understand why your niece’s father thinks it’s demonic.
Does he believe in such things? On the other hand, you had your sister’s permission, it’s her child, too, and he had no right to break the mask under any circumstances. If he had a problem, he could have taken it up with your sister.
Your sister might want to be more careful about what your niece shows to his side of the family. Send him the bill – he might not pay it, but at least he won’t think that you are alright with what he did.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t just charge him for the materials. Calculate your time on the original mask, then double it for the time it will take to create a new one. Then, add at least 20% jerk tax. Don’t wait another day. The jerk will balk, so be prepared to take him to small claims court.
Oooh, I despise people who use religion as a club, especially when they destroy things and make a child cry. Please post an update with the costume, if you can.” JewelCatLady
7. AITJ For Refusing To Pay More Than Agreed For My Mom's Dream Truck?
“I (20F) made a verbal agreement at 18 with my mom to pay 10K for a car so she can get her dream truck. When this agreement was made, we never talked about interest or the length of how long I would be paying this loan.
I have been keeping track of the amount that I have been paying towards the vehicle and I am over 10K. I thought we had agreed on 14k, so I gave her a proposal that would have the 4k left paid off by the end of this year.
I received a phone call from her screaming at me for how I was just messing her over, that it was originally only 10k I owed her, and how the agreement we made did not include interest. Over the phone, she stated that the loan was at a 12% interest rate.
She took out a line of credit against the vehicle and combined the loan with another vehicle. During one of our phone calls, she stated that she had put $21,600 towards the vehicle already! There is still somehow $10,090 left to pay towards the loan and she expects me to pay $7000(plus the accruing interest towards the loan) for the remainder of her loan.
I told her that that was unfair and that I was willing to agree to pay $5000 instead of the original $4,000 that I had proposed. She told me that if I was not going to pay the full amount that is left towards the vehicle then she would call and have the vehicle repossessed.
I was not agreeing to pay that amount and she went down a rabbit hole about how I was trying to mess her over in any way possible. At this point, we are both heated. I ended the phone call because the phone call was no longer productive.
For the remainder of the evening, I received text upon text about how I was such a mean person and that I was trying to mess her over in anyway that I could. I did not respond until the next day so we could both have time to cool down.
When we talked the next day she stated that if I wanted to get the car into my name I would need to stick to the “original agreement” and pay the remainder of the loan or she was going to sell the car and give me none of the profits.
I came back with if you are going to sell the car(which would sell for about 10k) I would like to receive 4K back(due to the car being 60% of the loan so she could pay off the car portion and all that would remain is that of her bike) of what I have put into it.
She told me this was unreasonable and that she and my dad think that they are giving me the deal of a lifetime.
The next phone call she recruited my dad and I spent 40 min getting “bullied” about how I was a mean person and not smart for having these expectations.
They had no intentions of reaching a compromise or even answering any questions I had about the finances of the car.
Had I known I was expected to pay the remainder of the loan and interest at a 12% rate, I never would have agreed. WIBTJ if I stood my ground on the 14K that we agreed to?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You never should have been asked to contribute toward this vehicle at all. Unless you signed any paperwork with a bank about being legally obligated for this loan, you are done paying. Your mother is taking advantage of you and I’m sure it’s not the only inappropriate thing she’s done.
She is not on your side, she is not your responsibility, and you have every right to distance yourself.” KnittedBanana
6. AITJ For Ghosting My Exploitative Ex-Roommates And Prioritizing My Mental Health?
“This all started when I moved in with two of my best friends who were in a relationship… yeah, bad idea, but I was in a bad spot so I rushed this without thinking. We will call my friend Sam and their partner Stacey.
Everything was going pretty fine for about 2 years till Stacey got fired from her job. She had gotten other jobs but wasn’t really consistent and eventually, Sam got a really good job that paid really well. Stacey, knowing that Sam was making good money, eventually stopped working altogether.
Now this wasn’t too big of a deal at first since when we did all move in together we had agreed to pay equal 3 ways in all bills, because of this I never really worried as long as my part was paid.
This is when the problems really started. Money issues just started becoming the norm in all sorts of ways it’s hard to remember them all, but I can give a few examples.
We would constantly be late for rent and have to pay late fees since Sam was paying for 2 people. The internet was in Sam’s name so I’d give him cash every month and several times the internet would just shut off because they would use the money for something else even let the internet get 2 months behind.
After all that, I was still willing to stick around even after getting yelled at by Sam for suggesting Stacey to get a job. Getting a phone call telling me I don’t appreciate you telling my partner she needs to get a job. Now the thing about Sam’s really good job it would force him to travel and be gone for weeks at a time.
During these weeks of being gone, they had decided to get a dog without telling the landlords since they didn’t want to pay the pet deposit. Now I didn’t want a dog and they didn’t even ask me. I just came home one day and it was there.
Now when they would both leave I was just expected to take care of the dog …. to the point they put a camera in the living room to watch and see if I was and message me in the dead of sleep to feed it and take care of it.(I work graveyard shift made this annoying) Now I did the best I could this was a puppy even bought it food when they couldn’t afford it.
I should have said how I felt but I hate conflict that’s on me. The final kicker was I started to notice that I didn’t have as much money as I normally do. Long story short this. They were charging me more and more for rent saying it was late fees.
When I finally figured it out they told me they were charging me more for rent and utilities because they weren’t there and I needed to pay more. Now I’m not gonna lie it’s my fault for not noticing this sooner. I just didn’t think friends would do this.
Now I decided to move out within the week. They were upset. I gave them the last month’s rent and left. They continued to message me for money and I ghosted them. AITJ for ghosting my ex-roommates and forcing them to pay without me for my own mental health.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These are not your friends. They’re the people exploiting you. Leave and don’t look back. Easy peasy.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they’re all over the place, and not respecting all the set rules, plus using you. Glad you got out… Friends like these you can definitely do without.” IamMrEE
5. AITJ For Not Allowing My Mother To Buy My Baby More Gifts?
“My wife and I are expecting a baby and the whole family is very excited about it.
My mom especially has been over the moon (she’s been waiting a long time).
I told her that I didn’t want any surprises and that if she was planning to buy anything for the baby, to run it by us first. We might not need it, might not like it, or might already be getting something similar donated from a friend- since we are the last in our friend group to have kids.
Edit: we didn’t tell our family that last bit!! We also didn’t say they have to have our approval— only that they need to give us a heads-up before buying something.
This is the same rule I’ve given for everyone in the family, but mom is the one who has a problem with it.
She says that I am micromanaging and that it is unreasonable to expect her to send us a photo of every cute thing she sees in Target or wherever, and then get approval. She aired her grievances but agreed to follow the rules.
Well, so much for that because we just got done with a huge fight.
She informed me casually in the middle of us shooting the breeze that we should expect a package with maternity clothes for my wife (her daughter-in-law). I got upset because I felt she should have let us know before buying things as she agreed to.
She said this didn’t count because it wasn’t for the baby it was for my wife (she has never bought my wife clothes until now), and anyway it didn’t matter because she was informing me now that a package was on the way, so really she was telling me, and anyhow, it’s just a couple of blouses, so not a big deal.
I got upset and told her that this *was* a big deal to me because she was betraying my trust and our agreement and it makes me feel like I can’t count on her to follow any other guidelines we set as parents when it comes to our kids.
Another piece of context to this convo is that my mom struggles with money. Like a lot. She has a massive amount of student and medical debt that she is working to pay off. I pay for her phone and lend her money when I can.
She does always pay me back promptly as a point of pride, but we get into heated discussions not infrequently about how she spends her money. I am always trying to get her to think about moderation and budgeting and maybe not going on so many trips or buying ridiculous gifts for us.
She thinks I’m judging her and trying to micromanage her.
During this fight, she revealed that if I was going to make such a big deal out of a couple of blouses, she should inform me that she did buy a large amount of baby things for the next time we visit her in the fall.
(I was half expecting this because it’s going to be a pseudo-baby shower, but my expectation was that we would have a heads-up because of the rule.) I tell my mom that this is exactly the thing I was trying to avoid and she tells me that I am stealing her joy and not letting her express herself when it comes to her grandchild.
That she should be allowed to buy what she wants without my judgment.
So waddya say, internet? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I think that this is less about baby stuff and more about the fact that your mum is so irresponsible with money and you have to keep bailing her out.
If I were you, I’d just say to Mum that you’re not going to “micromanage” her anymore, not at all. She can buy whatever she wants and you will sift through it and keep the things that you want/need and the rest will be donated and you won’t be lending her any more money ever again (since she doesn’t want you “micromanaging” her).
Just let her do whatever she wants but don’t bail her out. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I get where you’re coming from, but soft ESH because it’s kind of the harshest way to go about it while ultimately not accomplishing what you’re trying to achieve.
Re-direct the energy by re-framing the situation. Instead of a blanket no, ask for a specific thing. Tell both sets of grandparents that most baby things ultimately aren’t things that are kept forever, and since they mean so much to you, you want the things they get your baby to be extra special and something they can always hold on to.
Ask one side to do a special stuffed animal and one to do a special blanket” BrightGreyEyes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mother is not respecting your boundaries for your child. Speaking from experience, you are absolutely correct that she will continue to undermine your parenting & disregard your boundaries.
It is your child, not hers. Whether or not she (or anyone else) agrees with these boundaries is irrelevant. In your post, you outlined how she has a history of not only being irresponsible but also not respecting you. This is only going to get worse with your child.
One thing you could try is donating the excess since she clearly has no intention of changing her behavior. That way the baby things are going to someone who needs them. With that said, you should also step back & stop trying to manage her finances.
This is a separate issue but she clearly does not want your help. She’s an adult & her choices are her own. You have no obligation or responsibility to her. If that’s how she wants to spend her money, so be it.” HelenAngel
4. AITJ For Asking My Seizure-Prone Sister To Step Down As Bridesmaid For Safety Reasons?
“I am a 35-year-old woman who is marrying the love of my life and I asked two of my sisters to be my bridesmaids. For one of my sisters, I was at both of her weddings and was excited for her to be a part of mine.
Throughout the entire planning process, she was MIA never responded to my texts or confirmed times that worked for her to come with me to find my wedding dress. Two months before the wedding I texted all my bridesmaids to ensure they all had their dresses and were fitted and ready to go, my sister did not respond to that message either.
To be crystal clear, none of these reasons are why I asked her to step down during the ceremony. She had been suffering seizures on and off for a couple of years but I thought she had them under control.
In December I organized a paint and sip at my house for me, my mom, and my two sisters.
During the course of the night while we were sitting, painting, and laughing she broke out into a seizure and nearly knocked my mom off of her chair. It scared us all and she said her meds hadn’t been working and she was having seizures more.
During my final walkthrough with my coordinator, I asked about accommodations for my sister during the ceremony. The gazebo we would be standing under has a waterscape, lots of rocks, bricks, and pillars along with many plants so I was afraid that she could possibly suffer a seizure during the ceremony and hurt herself or others.
The wedding coordinator said that she couldn’t accommodate something like that due to liability issues but my sister could sit with the guests during the ceremony. When I had to ask my sister to sit down during the ceremony I was very tearful and hurt because this wasn’t at all how I envisioned my wedding.
She said she understood and she would be okay with that. I found out later she in fact was not okay with that. She told everyone in my family that I used her condition as a weapon against her and to control her and I kicked her out of my wedding.
She even convinced them all that my wedding was her “only joy” and had been looking forward to being there for me and I conspired to take that away from her. Since she is going through this medical issue and an impending divorce to her second husband.
When the things I mentioned before that she was absent for did not translate into that she even cared about my wedding. My mom, brother, and nieces all got mad at me and my mom even stopped paying for my flowers when that was her only contribution to my $25k+ wedding.
I was devastated and tried calling and texting my sister numerous times but she blocked me. While I was blocked she reached out to everyone trying to turn them against me and not come to my wedding.
She even wouldn’t allow her kids, my niece and nephew to be my flower girl and ring bearer anymore.
The morning of my wedding my mom told me my brother had come to Vegas from Florida but was not going to attend my wedding because of what I did to my sister. I also had begged my BIL to please allow my nephew to be the ring bearer(my niece is not his child so he could not make that decision).
To my surprise, my BIL showed up with my nephew and both my nieces. I let them come to my bridal suite and take pictures with us but they acted very rude and nasty towards me. I felt cornered and hated by my family even though I felt like I was trying to put my sister’s needs and safety before what I wanted. I tried to explain my side and defend myself but they didn’t want to hear it and already decided I was selfish and only cared about my wedding.
My wedding day was full of toxic family members making everything about them but in the end, I still married the man of my dreams. My wedding was in March and I have not spoken to my sister or brother since before my wedding. My mom and I still have a rocky relationship and she keeps telling me I need to be the bigger person and call my siblings and apologize.
I just wanted an unbiased opinion about the decision I made and if I brought this all upon myself. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I mean, I’m assuming here that you tried to look for a venue with accommodations and you would if you could find a better one?
But given her condition and given the accommodations I would say that having her come as a guest is a good safety measure for her. If she can’t understand that she’s the jerk.” Professional-Poet176
3. AITJ For Revoking My Brother And His Partner's Car Privileges After Unauthorized Use?
“I have a brother, 5 years younger than me. When I went to college, my parents bought a really nice suite for me to live in. It was quite clear from the start that my brother would join me in the suite if he decided to go to college in the same city.
He did and then moved in. By then, I finished college and had a job. I got a car from my own earnings and savings. I use my car often, but not always. Not daily, anyway. And in our country, besides the driving license, in order to be legally allowed to drive a car, you must also have a car certificate, which I keep.
I allow my bro every now and then to take the car, especially if I don’t need it. But recently, he’s got a partner that lives in the dorms. They started spending more and more time at our place for obvious reasons. At first, I didn’t mind, but when they got too comfortable, I told my bro he had to talk to them about utilities and maybe rent.
He got mad and we eventually dropped it. I gave him some warnings when we paid the bill.
Anyway, I had to come back home to pick something up from work one day (a day when I didn’t leave by car) and I decided, because I was in a rush, to leave again by car.
Lo and behold, my car was GONE. I freaked out because I had the car certificate on me, so I thought it might’ve been stolen. However, I called my bro to ask if he knew anything. He told me MAYBE HIS PARTNER has it. I asked how so, since I never said it was ok for them to drive my car.
I called his partner and turns out THEY had taken my car. My jaw dropped and I demanded they get it back this instant. THEY HAD THE AUDACITY to tell me they’re not done with it (was helping some friends with grocery shopping or smth??) and can’t bring it back now.
I then reminded them of the car certificate and told them this is plain stealing and I might as well report them to the police. They told me they were gonna come, but ran really late. My guess is that they still finished their business and only came after that.
I gave them a huge earful about 1) driving the car without my permission and 2) driving without a certificate which meant risking a big fine. They said bro gave them permission, just like bro gave them permission to stay here (at our place). While I couldn’t argue about the suite belonging to both of us, the car was fully mine so I explained I gave it to him as a courtesy.
I decided to forbid bro, and partner AGAIN to drive my car. They got mad and called me a jerk for taking away their car, saying I don’t even use it. I told them that the car is mine and I don’t think they’re responsible enough to drive it, therefore I decided it’s best that none of them have access to it.
The fight was bigger with bro, but I made it clear that giving the partner the car without telling me was a huge mistake and I will not reconsider my terms as long as he doesn’t show me some maturity.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother completely violated and betrayed your trust. He never had any right to “allow” his partner to use YOUR car without your permission.
If he wants to throw a fit about it fine let him, but do not let him drive it again, and please if you haven’t already take your car key back from him.” Bethanyann1292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your car, which means *you* decide who drives it other than yourself.
They are pretty darn bold for taking the car without permission from the owner in the first place. Don’t allow the brother or his partner to use the car, and tell the partner that if they are living there full time, rent and utilities will be split equally between the three of you.
Don’t let them treat you like a doormat, OP.” soog0704
2. AITJ For Asking My Wife To Stop Name-Calling Our Son?
“I’m remarried and have custody of my son(14) from an ex. The two generally get along, with a few sticking points relating to behavior & attitude. Her parenting style is different, and mostly she lets me handle punishing him and talking, her getting involved just strained their relationship.
Several times she has let her frustration get the better of her and jumps in, which makes it worse.
She had a habit of calling it as she saw it. When he was younger she would burst out “Quit acting like a baby.” Or things like that.
I have talked to her about it and said, he doesn’t respond well to that and it hurts his feelings and he gets angry, it makes the situation worse. She’s not wrong, his behavior is not right, but I have learned after trial and error that yelling does not work, especially name-calling.
If we want him to respect our rules and expectations, we have to respect in return and talk to him about it, not just yell and immediately punish. She doesn’t agree with my method and thinks I’m raising a selfish kid. I feel like it has worked.
Recently he felt upset that she invaded his space and talked to me about how it made him feel. I listened and said, I’ll talk to her and figure out what’s going on. I asked my wife and she claims that she did ask to come in his room, and see something, and he let her.
So she stayed within all the boundaries he set. In talking to him, he admits that she did ask to come in and that she stayed within all his boundaries. So I asked what the problem really was and he didn’t have an answer. I guess something triggered after she left that made him feel upset about the exchange.
How I’m wording is much smoother than it was, he was upset and my wife was upset and felt he was lying to make her look bad.
The day after we had friends over. My wife was talking to her friends and saying “he’s acting like a brat”, “we’re being a brat today”, etc. I understand her frustration about the situation, but I think her saying that is just making him look worse in her own mind.
Also, if he overhears it, he is just going to get angry and upset at her more.
The next day I told her that while I understand her frustration, I would like her not to name-call him. She said he wasn’t around. I said, but we don’t know, he could have overheard you.
And, regardless, it upsets me that you would talk about him that way. She said he needs to hear it and that I’m coddling him by protecting him from words like that. I said, there are ways to talk to him about his behavior that don’t involve name-calling.
She said it’s not name-calling, it’s just an adjective to describe his behavior. We went back and forth and she said he’ll never change if we don’t call him out like that. She shut down the conversation at that point refusing to talk about it anymore.
She was so angry she left to go drive (uber driver) and didn’t give me a kiss or say I love you. It’s our one rule, in case something happens while we’re out. So I know she’s super mad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife is.
On what planet is name-calling and shaming a child to others ok? I understand the frustration of being a step-parent but she is the adult and she needs to model the language and behavior she would like to see. You are clearly trying your best to mediate the situation.
Couples counseling may help resolve this issue or family therapy. Good luck.” Delicious_Wish8712
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for respectfully addressing your wife’s behavior and requesting her to stop using derogatory terms to describe your stepson. Your actions demonstrate your concern for his emotional well-being and the need for a positive and nurturing relationship.
It is essential to protect his self-esteem and promote a harmonious family dynamic. Your wife’s actions are disrespectful and potentially damaging to your stepson’s feelings. Instead of helping him improve, she may be causing him to resent her further. Furthermore, she is disregarding your parenting approach and ignoring your reasonable requests.
In this situation, your wife’s behavior makes her the only jerk.” Selena_Kardashian
1. AITJ For Being Too Hard On My Messy Roommate?
“My (22M) roommate (21M) and I have been living together for two months now. I would like to say we sort of get along, but in reality, I think we just tolerate each other.
In the time we have lived together, he has never taken the trash out, never swept the floors, and has only cleaned the kitchen once per my request because I cleaned the bathroom and I only thought it was fair that he do something. I can honestly live with this since I can take the trash out with no issues, and I can sweep the floor, I like it even, but it’s some of the other things he does that drive me crazy.
He doesn’t clean the dishes well. I think this might be my pet peeve because I don’t like how he leaves utensils with pieces of scrambled egg and then puts them into the cupboard or how he leaves the pans with stuck burnt food that I have to clean afterward.
He puts food into the microwave with no cover and leaves the microwave all dirty, which I have to clean afterward too. He has friends over every weekend, Friday, Saturday, and sometimes even Sunday and they stay until late, sometimes 5 am. This of course doesn’t let me sleep.
Where I think I might be the jerk is how I respond to these things. I like taking pictures of how dirty he leaves stuff and showing him them, so that he knows I don’t find it acceptable. I am very direct and I tell him, “Look, you left this like this, next time try to clean it better”.
I also give him passive-aggressive comments about the trash like “You know you can take the trash down too, right?” I hate being this way, but I also don’t know a better way to deal with these things.
Where I might be even bigger of a jerk is what I told him today.
He has been very sick this past week and a half. He has been coughing day and night and as a consequence, he hasn’t let me sleep. I dealt with this by buying him medicine (a day’s worth), and giving him tea recommendations (I basically told him, oh, in the cupboard there’s this tea that’s good for your health, it was my tea but I wanted him to have it), and by just reminding him that he should go to the doctor.
For context, we both have the same insurance and if he would go to the doctor, he wouldn’t have to pay anything (we live in Europe). Today, however, he woke me up again, an hour before I had to wake up because he was in the kitchen coughing super loudly.
He was also up 1 hour before he had to be up (we go to the same school and classes so I know his schedule). I got up really angrily and told him, “Why are you up so early?” he answered “I don’t know” and then I said “Dude, you’ve been waking me up every day, which I understand cause you’re sick, but just go to the doctor already” and he got annoyed and said fine and left the apartment and shut the door pretty angrily.
So my question is, am I being too hard on him and am I the one with the problem? Or am I justified in my thinking?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but this situation is not sustainable. You should have a serious discussion about how to make it thru til the end of the lease, or how one of you can get out of the lease.
You have 2 completely different lifestyles. My friend is in a similar situation. He barely leaves his room, does not use the kitchen, and buys paper plates & plastic utensils. He’s even got a mini fridge in his room. Good luck!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re living with a slob, and your only real options are to get separate everything (your own pans, forks, etc) or move out.
In my experience, he’s not going to pick up a copy of Good Housekeeping and get better, through his own will, or through your complaints, so you’re either going to have to live it and adapt, separate your belongings or move out.” ComradeVoytek
