People Are Fed Up With These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Selling My Daughter's House After She Tricked Me?
“In 2020 I bought my daughter’s Alexis townhome (that she was renting from someone else) that she has been living in since 2016.
My daughter was having a tough time since her divorce and the prices were under the market in August of 2020.
I was stupid and naive about Alexis. She said she got screwed over in the divorce even though she received alimony. Her ex moved out in March 2020 and she had a previous roommate that she said she hated from March – January (I bought the house during this time but I couldn’t legally evict that roommate due to certain laws) I was happy when she moved out on her own.
Next was Alexis’s partner and she refused to rent out the spare room with the bathroom and moved him in. He was a grifter and held odd jobs like Instana cart. He moved out in late 2023 and I operated the townhouse at a loss because they never matched me on rent to cover my mortgage.
Next, there was this new girl Amanda who subleased from my daughters. This is for a room in a popular spot in California and Alexis said she was charging her $2000 and Alexis was paying her part. I thought Amanda defaulted because that’s what my daughter told me.
I moved in with eviction paperwork as soon as I could legally do so. It was sent and Amanda had a lawyer and showed me the receipts where she paid Alexis every month on time or earlier. I asked my daughter what on earth is going on and my daughter lied to me it has been her not paying.
I’m stupid and at moment that I realized Alexis was the problem. Amanda still moved out and I have a pending lawsuit from her.
I told Alexis that I’m sick of owning this townhouse at a loss and I’m selling it before the housing bubble bust. My daughter thinks I should give her the profit and I told her she is the reason I’m selling it she has never paid rent.
I told her I could legally evict her or she could move out on her own. My family is thinking that I am the worst mom and I have told everyone that Alexis has not only scammed me but other people. Alexis checked herself in rehab trying to make it harder on me to evict her but now I’m determined and my family is upset and her father(divorced) cannot figure out how I can do this to her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are being sued because of your daughter’s lies. Do you realize how expensive a wrongful eviction is? You are screwed here. I hope you aren’t in California where damages are tripled in cases of wrongful eviction or withholding deposits.
Next time your family complains, point out that due to your daughter’s lies, you are being sued. Offer them the house and let them get a mortgage and then rely on your deadbeat daughter to make them whole.” ConnectionRound3141
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You stuck your neck out and not only did she not hold up her end of the deal, she scammed you every chance she had.
You can’t trust a thing she says, and that’s on her. If she wants that back, she’ll have to work darn hard for it. As for rehab, she could be sincere. Or she could be using it as a way to reframe herself as the victim to avoid responsibility for her appalling behavior.
Either way, she is an adult and you’ve done plenty. She needs to take care of herself, and you need to do what’s best for you. Sell the townhome. Stop enabling your daughter.” iconjurer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the Alexis situation but light jerk for filing to evict Amanda and not talking to her.
Alexis had already established bad behavior so you should have checked and not taken her at her word. I kind of hope Amanda wins her lawsuit. If her dad is paying for rehab and thinks you are awful then he can take in Alexis. Good luck to all.
Bottom line, sell the house. I have no sympathy for your daughter.” glueintheworld
21. AITJ For Giving My Jobless Brother An Ultimatum To Pay Bills Or Move Out?
“My younger brother (20m) moved in with me around Thanksgiving. I told him not to worry about rent or bills for the first couple of months as he was still finding a job and trying to get back on his feet after dropping out of school.
Months go by and he finally finds a job. It takes a while but he eventually starts paying me for the bills and rent. He’s been late to pay me or won’t pay me at all multiple times due to him being fired or quitting jobs.
He’s been through 5 jobs in 7 months and can’t seem to hang on to one.
Now the issues recently came from the fact that I (23f) work full time and have a part-time job as well as do freelance work. I work all the time (8 am-4:30 pm at one job and 5 pm-10 pm at my second job) I’m extremely busy all the time and still make time to keep the house clean and take care of my dog.
My brother had lost yet another job and didn’t tell me for three weeks. He was completely avoiding me or would straight up leave me open when I asked about the money for the bills. This is extremely frustrating because I was never home enough to talk to him in person.
I had assumed since he wasn’t working and couldn’t pay me for the bills he would at least use his time to look for another job or clean up around the house. That unfortunately is not the case. I come home to dishes all in the sink, dirty pans still on the stove, trash everywhere, and plates and cups all over the house from when he has friends over while I’m working.
It feels wrong to yell at him about getting his life together since I’m not his mom and I shouldn’t have to tell a grown man to clean up after himself and get a job instead of smoking in the basement with his friends all day.
I had finally had enough and told him that even though he’s family no one other than me would put up with constantly being lied to about money and straight up not paying bills. I told him he had a month to figure his life out or find somewhere else to stay.
So, am I the jerk for being so hard on him, or does he just need to grow up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He’s taking advantage of you and your kindness. You see him as your family, but it seems like he sees you as a meal ticket.
He’s not going to learn to take care of himself or how to be a functioning adult if he’s allowed to keep sitting on his backside with no reality check. Sometimes you have to learn the hard way and in the end, I think you’re doing him a favor.” cupcake-snail
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he’s had months to get it together. Sounds like smoking in the basement is impacting his finding and keeping a job. Let him go live with said friends. You should just tell him he’s got a month to find a place to live.
Just because he finds a job, doesn’t mean the behavior will stop.” Civil_Individual_431
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and please stick to your word on this. If he doesn’t have a job and pays you after the month is out, he needs to be gone.
All he’s done is take advantage of you. He needs to grow the heck up until he ends up like my ex (43 still lives with his dad, works fast food, and spends his time off only playing video games.) If your parents feel you’re being too harsh tell them thank you for volunteering to take their son in and provide for them, such good parents.
You aren’t his mother, he needs a reality check” Personal-Tourist3064.
20. AITJ For Confronting A Couple Who Cut In Line At The Supermarket?
“While at the supermarket during the after-work rush hour, I noticed and accepted how a huge line had developed for the sole cashier working.
Many customers had craned their necks to see where the queue ended and this one particular couple who passed me made a fuss and then disappeared somewhere behind me, presumably to go to the end of the line which had only gotten longer since I’d gotten there.
Then finally, when the manager came out and realized they needed backup, calls over an employee to open up a register and then came over to me to direct me to either of the two lines that I was now up for getting service at.
That’s when all of a sudden the same flustered couple from before reappears and just as both the manager and I try to convey I’m next, go straight to the new cashier. The manager immediately went over to them but they used their physical presence and groceries to take over the spot and made up a ruse to make her believe they had the right of way.
The manager knew better and recognized their jerk behavior but also didn’t want to start drama with the already backed-up situation so let them stay and when she came back to me apologized.
She then directed me toward the original line and while waiting there I told the couple who still hadn’t stopped talking/making a fuss that there were “people behind me as well”, which in my mind, was to serve as a reminder that not only did they cut me off but that it affected everyone else too.
That’s when one of the two shouted at me with vitriol that it was none of my business.
Nervous adrenaline ran through me because it felt like fighting energy was thrown my way. I try to be both polite and logical in life and wasn’t even trying to get my spot back but if they were either playing dumb or were clueless I figured it’d serve to clarify that moment we all were in.
I look back and see some of the customers shaking their heads because we all knew what they did. They incredibly got to pay and leave at lightning speed before everyone else including me.
I could count the amount of times on one hand I ever talked to strangers in shopping environments…AITJ for saying anything at all?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and sadly, most of us are shaking our heads along with you and the rest of the customers who got cut off. I do blame the manager. She should have left them standing in that new line and opted not to open that register, and instead opened a different line.
Then, when the rude jerks tried to hop to another line, they directed the traffic back to the row they just vacated. Good for you for speaking up and of course, it very much was your business anyway.” National_Pension_110
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re not the jerk for speaking up when someone cut in line.
It’s frustrating to see others disregard basic etiquette, especially when everyone else is waiting patiently. You handled the situation politely by reminding them that others were waiting as well. The couple’s reaction was unnecessarily defensive, but you didn’t escalate the situation or make a scene.
It’s understandable to feel nervous in these situations, but you were standing up for fairness, which many others on the line likely appreciated. Your comment was a reasonable response to their inconsiderate behavior.” En1ightenedbae
Another User Comments:
“Over half the posts in this sub make me genuinely curious if half the population has a backbone.
If you act like a floor mat don’t be surprised when people walk over you. Tell the couple to shut up and get in the back of the line. You’re never going to see them again so who cares?” Cold_Ball_7670
19. AITJ For Not Inviting My Brother's Ex To My Wedding Despite Family Pressure?
“I (29M) am a high school teacher and we are planning to get married to my partner (28F), also a teacher, in the coming fall.
This is one wedding that we have been preparing for over a year now and we could not be more excited about it.
In this regard, it is possible to underline that my family is rather complicated. My brother has a child with his baby mama whom I will refer to as “Sharron” (24 years female).
These two lovers separated after their child was born acrimoniously two years ago. Now my brother and Sharron are on speaking terms because they have to be for the sake of the kids but they are not close buddies. Well, I surely know that they are no longer an item, and my brother has gone further to find another partner.
Okay, here comes the contrary. My mom (56) has developed an obsessive relationship with Sharron, in which she often acts as if they are still a couple. My mom still persistently invites Sharron to events, even with my brother’s new partner around. Seriously, it is just so embarrassing, and my brother despises it though he hardly ever voices out his opinion just to avoid the creation of an issue.
Of course, now that my wedding is closer my mom is telling me I have to invite Sharron because well “she is practically family” and “it would be nice for her to feel some morale. ” I have no issue with Sharron herself, but we are not friends, have never been close, and don’t see each other regularly, neither is she close to my fiancée and honestly I don’t feel like she should come to our wedding.
To add to this mess, a distant uncle (65M), with whom I don’t normally see eye to eye, but who loves to meddle in family affairs, called me a few days ago and said that not inviting Sharron would be a breach of the ‘familial loyalty’ and I should ‘do the right thing’.
Fortunately, I have managed to hold my own till now, but now Mom is talking about ‘breaking the family apart’ because I refused to invite Sharron. My brother has refrained from commenting because he doesn’t wish to ‘pay the price’. My fiancée applauds me for the decision I make but he does not wish that this issue should become part of his wedding show.
So, AITJ for not inviting my brother’s baby mama to my wedding contrary to the growing pressure from my family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why would you invite the ex of your brother to your wedding? Because she gave birth to your nephew who is too young to understand the concept of a wedding?
That does not compute. If she was a personal friend of yours also, maybe. But her only connection is that she once had relations with your bro? Awkward. Especially if Bro will be there with his current squeeze. Inappropriate to include her on the guest list.” OkHovercraft4450
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Baby Mammas don’t need to come to weddings. Especially since you don’t have a personal relationship with her. Seems more like your Mother is trying to keep her close to keep her grandbaby close. Just smile and nod – and don’t give anyone in your family a plus 1.
Cause Sharron will wind up being the plus 1. Your brother, by the way, has the patience of Job for putting up with Sharron being everywhere.” PurpleStar1965
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother can feel free to have a close relationship with her. However, the rest of the family is certainly not obligated to include her in family events.
Feel free to not send your uncle an invitation either, since he feels it’s so disloyal to not include her. However, your brother needs to grow up and stand up for himself and his fiance. I cannot believe he has let this go on so long.
I would feel so disrespected if I was his significant other. I’m surprised she has dealt with it for so long.” CarmChameleon
18. AITJ For Telling My Conservative Mom I Don't Enjoy Spending Time With Her Due To Her Controversial Discussions?
“My (29f) mom (64f) is very conservative/Christian and has a history of bringing up controversial topics and refusing to let it go when asked. She’s done this multiple times over the years with different topics (politics, religion, lgbt issues, etc) and will not drop it no matter how much I beg her to.
A couple of weeks ago, she took me out for lunch and then came over to my house to hang out for a while. She brought up the topic of my nephew(18m) who is trans. I know that she does not approve of him being trans and it caused a big uproar last year leading up to my wedding where my nephew was in the bridal party(I asked him before he came out).
I thought I was starting to make some progress with her. I tried to explain that he is an adult and I don’t feel like it’s my place to say what he can and can’t do with his life/body and I’m just going to love him because he’s my nephew.
However, she wasn’t buying this and doubled down by bringing up two of my other close friends and bridesmaids who are lesbian and bisexual. She said that by not condemning them and allowing them to “live in sin” they’re more important to me than God’s laws.
I said that no, I’m following God’s law of loving others because I feel that it’s important to be like Jesus and to love everyone regardless of where they are in life. After all, it isn’t my business to judge them.
This started to escalate and we were both yelling when I finally said “This is why I don’t like hanging out with you alone!” She stormed out and hasn’t spoken to me since.
I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong since, even though it wasn’t the nicest way to say it, it was something that needed to be said.
My husband(36m) is on my side and now understands why I don’t often spend time alone with her. She generally holds it together in a group but not when she has me 1-on-1 but now his eyes are opened to how she can be.
It seems like my dad(70m) doesn’t feel the same, which is probably the hardest for me since he doesn’t usually let stuff with my mom come between us but he hasn’t talked to me either.
I know what I said was unkind but I can’t handle being backed into corners like this all the time….
So, was I the jerk for telling her that her actions make me not want to spend time with her alone anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“So, you finally told your mom that her one-woman crusade against everything you stand for is driving a wedge between you two.
Honestly, you’ve been a saint for lasting this long. When someone keeps shoving their views down your throat like they’re the gospel truth, it’s only a matter of time before you choke. You weren’t cruel; you were real. There’s a difference.
If she can’t handle a little honesty, that’s on her. Your dad? He’s probably just hiding out in no-man’s-land, hoping the dust settles. You’re not the jerk for setting boundaries. You can love someone and still not want to be cornered into a never-ending debate.
Sometimes, tough love means saying what needs to be said, even if it stings a bit. You deserve peace, not a battle every time you hang out.” 410Writer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mother is upset that you said no in a way she can’t ignore.
Your dad might agree with her, but the fact that you two had a good relationship prior doesn’t’ change the fact that he will stand by your mom trying to guilt you for saying no in a way she has to hear. However, your dad might just feel obligated to stand by his wife and hopes and/or thinks your relationship will endure until this is solved and just doesn’t want to rock the boat.” SupermarketNeat4033
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is entitled to believe what she wants. And so are you. Her refusal to HEAR anything you say and continue to insist that only HER way is the right way is no doubt exhausting. Getting frustrated and snapping at her is understandable and it was also the truth. Lay down boundaries.
List the things you no longer want to discuss with her and insist she stick to it. Leave if she tries to push these topics of conversation. ” Flimsy-Car-7926
17. AITJ For Being Upset That My Sister Won't Join Our Family Vacation?
“Once a year, my sister, my brother, my mother, and I go on vacation together.
This year, it was time again last week. It was already the fourth vacation with this group. As always, at the end, it’s about looking forward to the next vacation and planning a little.
Where should we go, and when is everyone available? We quickly agreed on a time because my sister already knows, due to her schooling, when she needs to take time off in the summer.
Yesterday, I got a message from her saying she’s not sure if she wants to travel with us because she wants to go on vacation with her partner.
I then asked if it would be possible to schedule a different time, but she didn’t respond to that. She only mentioned that they want to travel alone. I ended the chat by saying that we were talking past each other.
Today, I received another message from her, saying that she talked to her partner and they’ve decided she no longer wants to travel with us because they now have their own family.
I then called her to ask for an explanation as to why she couldn’t travel with her partner and with us as well. She replied that her partner was very sad when she went on vacation with us this year. I expressed my understanding but also pointed out that all of us had partners who weren’t with us.
I enjoy the vacations with this group because we rarely spend so much time together at once. After some back and forth (I asked a few questions and asked for her opinion), she angrily hung up on me. The call was on speakerphone, so I suspect he was listening in.
For context, it’s important to know that due to a disability, he is in a wheelchair, and she takes care of him outside of her schooling. Both are currently in school training programs. She is not his caregiver; he receives caregiving benefits. During last week’s vacation, he was with family members.
She’s 19, and they’ve been living together for about a year. I have no personal issues with him, although there was a conflict in the past due to different political views. I completely understand that he has needs and is helpless on his own, but I believe there are possible solutions for that.
Additionally, I cover 95% of the costs for these vacations.
AITJ, because I feel like she’s letting herself be too strongly influenced?”
Another User Comments:
“Going against the grain here, but YTJ. Your sister is a grown-up now, and she has every right to not vacation with her family if she doesn’t want to.
You sound controlling to me. “That’s the way it’s always been” doesn’t mean it always has to stay that way. You seem overly concerned with what you want, and are not giving your sister space to be herself.” Effective-Company-46
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Just because you all have partners that you enjoy getting away from doesn’t mean she does. She may enjoy spending time with her partner. You have no respect for what she wants. She is the youngest. In previous years has she just been told she’s going and where and what she’s going to be doing without any input from her?
Maybe she doesn’t enjoy these trips as much as you and now she is old enough to say no and be with someone who is giving her the strength to stand by her as she finally can make her voice be heard instead of smothered out by you.
You refuse to accept her decision thereby showing more smothering. Sounds like you pay for most of it so it’s your way. Accept that she cares about her partner and wants his company over yours at least for now. Respect her wishes.” wlfwrtr
16. AITJ For Wanting My Overstaying Sister To Move Out Of My Apartment?
“In April, my sister (29F) went through a financial crisis which caused her to lose her apartment.
She asked me if could she stay with me (25F) for about two weeks until she was able to find something else.
I’ve allowed her to save all of her money, just so she can have more than enough money to be able to move during that period.
It’s now almost September and she’s still in my 2 bedroom apartment which consists of me and my daughter. Keep in mind I’m almost 6 months pregnant, dealing with the stress another able-bodied adult is bringing in. She has a full-time job yet, doesn’t help out on any bills, or any household needs, and doesn’t keep the house up to part— it’s been a nightmare.
With everything built up, I asked her to move out in early August, and I’ll give her until the end of August to do so. Here we are, at the end of August, and she hasn’t found anything. Every time I ask her about a lease, it’s an excuse as to why she hasn’t found one, or she “finds” one, the move date comes and she doesn’t move, she’s still in my space saying “Oh I found something cheaper so I’ll do a lease there”.
I feel I’ve made her so comfortable, that she feels entitled to continue to stay in my home. My mom who believes because this is my sister, makes me feel guilty about me saying I was going to pack her things and have them ready for her to move out but doesn’t want her to move back home with her either.
She then creates a narrative, that I want her out so badly so I could move my child’s father in, because I expressed to her how I don’t see him often due to my sister being here, and it feels cramped when so many people are in my small space here..
which truly isn’t the case, I’m just really ready for my own space back. And even if that was the case, why should it matter when this is my home that I pay every bill at with no contribution?
Nevertheless, what do I do in this situation?
I don’t want to be “the jerk”, but I’m very overwhelmed, overstimulated, and stressed. I never knew asking someone to leave your home could be such a hard task, especially when you’ve voiced to them on numerous occasions their causing you major stress during your pregnancy and that you think you guys should split ways.”
Another User Comments:
“Unfortunately by insisting she move out and making her go, you will be classed as the villain. Your sister won’t go voluntarily, because she’s already living in a nice home without having to pay for it. That has to stop now.
She’s outstayed her welcome long ago, now she’s just mooching off her generous, pregnant sister. Not ok. Don’t feel guilty, don’t back down, make her leave. She’s playing on your empathy to continue her mooching.” Ratchet_gurl24
Another User Comments:
“You need to put your foot down. It’s right at the end of the month, so I don’t know if you are prepared to kick her out, but starting Sept. 1, she pays you half of rent/utilities and you make it clear that she will leave on September 30th no matter what.
She cannot be rewarded for failing to move out. This gives her a place to stay, but also makes her pay. If she chooses not to pay, well, that’s a CHOICE, so you aren’t kicking her out. If she doesn’t cut a check on September 1st, literally kick her out.
You might look into eviction papers if you need to and serve those as a very clear sign. It doesn’t matter why you want her out. She has broken her word and overstayed when you generously provided her with a landing pad when her life crashed. I assume her room is supposed to be your nursery, so you need to set it up.
Mom can let sis move in with her or send her money to help her move. She is a full adult, employed, and has savings, feel free to reject any plea for help. She doesn’t need it.” sleddingdeer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was supposed to be a temporary stay and it’s been months.
Your mother saying that you want her out so you can move your child’s father in has no relevance. If you did want him to move in, that’s none of their business. How is it fair for you to have to support yourself, your children, and your sister?
She has a full-time job so she needs to be on her own. If you can do it as a single parent, she can do it as a single person without children. There’s no excuse.” shadyzeta579
15. AITJ For Kicking Out My Demanding Autistic Friend After Not Accommodating All Her Requests?
“My friend (20f) has Autism and ADHD. I (20f) have learning disabilities, and OCD I am waiting to be tested for autism.
My friend asked if she could stay at mine for a few days. She refused to walk to where she wanted to go, so we could always take the bus.
One of the days, she asked if we could go to London but later told me she wanted me to fund the whole trip as I work 2 jobs. She only gets $100 every week and she has bills to pay (ETA: her mum holds her money that she gets from the government and gives her 100 a week to spend) which I declined as I had my bills to pay.
I was already feeling upset at this point by her demands but we went out for a family meal to celebrate my nan’s birthday and invited my friend as we didn’t want her to be home alone. Naomi asked if she could order a share plate for herself (which was around $40-$50) and my mum saw me get upset by the request so kindly told her, we had ordered 3 share plates already between the family to share as well as individual plates.
When our food came, Naomi kept giving me a pouty face as she realized she would have to pick her food. At the end of the meal, I thanked my parents for paying for our meals and I had to remind her to say thank you too.
When we were leaving, she told me she wanted to wait to get the train back (we already paid for our return tickets that day) even after my family offered to take us back. She however did not want to walk to the station, so we ended up waiting nearly 2-3 hours for a bus to turn up.
During our wait, I asked her if we would have already been there if we had started walking. We would have already been at the station as it’s about a 15-20 minute walk and it was getting pretty dark and late by this point.
By the time we got home, it was 10.30 pm and we had finished the meal by 6 pm. By this point, I was really upset as she was not listening to me so I kicked her out of my house.
Some people have called me a jerk as I haven’t been that supportive of her or tried to help her understand social standards and kicked her out at night.”
Another User Comments:
“Understandably, you were frustrated, but that doesn’t come from your friend’s inappropriate behavior. It comes from you not being clear to her about your boundaries. If you had said to her explicitly, “You need to fund your way. If you can’t afford something, we won’t be doing it.” And, “I’m willing to wait X amount of time for the bus.
After that, I am walking. It is your choice whether or not you join me or wait for the bus yourself. I can write out the directions for you on paper if that will help you get there by yourself, but I will not wait for you.” You would have absolved yourself of the responsibility of babying her and would have felt much calmer about what you were willing to give.
Another User Comments:
“I agree that you’re NTJ. People on the spectrum have different needs and wants. That’s completely understandable. But when those needs and wants conflict with other people’s social cues, they need to be able to assess things properly to know if they’re going over the line with their needs.
You’re not her caretaker. You’re not here to train her on those things. She needs to do that with a specialist. I’d be frustrated with her as well. So don’t feel bad, OP.” FunkySlacker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a prime example of “don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm”.
She needs to manage her problems and not dump it on you. It’s nice that you tried to help her, but she sounds like an emotional vampire who would drain you dry. Do NOT feel guilty about putting yourself first; you have no duty of care toward her, and you have your issues to manage.
She’s not a very good friend, and neither are the people who are giving you flak about kicking her out.” CrazyOldBag
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Fund My Paralyzed Dad's Unhealthy Habits?
“My (32f) dad (51m) has been paralyzed from the waist down since a few months before I was born.
He has always lived on his own and been fairly independent for the most part until the last few years when he became depressed after one of his legs needed to be amputated, crushing his dream of being able to walk again, and has just let himself go, he stopped working, getting up, etc.
I live on the other side of the country and today one of his aides texted me telling me he needs more money as he has been running out every month. I have been sending money when I can but now it’s up to 200$ a month.
I know that my dad is on a fixed income but he is spending a lot of money on unhealthy habits and DoorDash and credit card bills and running out of money every month because of it.
It’s difficult enough for me to manage my household while looking for work and I don’t mind scraping together what I do have and sending money for groceries and cleaning supplies etc but I don’t want to fund his unhealthy habits and door dash habit, he goes through a few bags of sugar a month on coffee alone.
He lives in California and does not want to leave his apartment and be near another family that lives close by despite it being completely unsustainable for any quality of life. (tiny, cramped, hoarder-style space)
I would move closer, but I simply cannot afford to live in CA.
I don’t want to tell him what he can and cannot spend the money I give him on but I am cutting into my own life and savings while not working and trying to get my own business and life off the ground. At this rate, I will never have kids because of how much of my own life gets put on hold saving my family.
I don’t want to keep sending money that is going down the drain and negatively impacting his health.
On the other hand, I can’t imagine the pain of spending 32 years in a wheelchair and existing entirely in one room, never leaving the house or feeling the sun.
What if the doordash and his unhealthy habits are the only things that bring him any joy?
WIBTJ if I told my dad that I don’t feel comfortable paying for things i.e.: his unhealthy habits, sugar, fast food that aren’t life-affirming?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: I can’t imagine the difficulty of having to live in a wheelchair. However, I’ve had friends in my life who have lived in wheelchairs and found ways to have full lives, despite it. I don’t know what your relationship is like with your dad, but I can’t imagine ever letting my kids fund my bad habits to the detriment of their future.
Have you tried talking to him about your concerns?” TxAgBen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are never required to pay your support to your parents. I would stop sending any money since he is not willing to negotiate on moving and his spending on unnecessary items. He has to want to help himself and he is content to let you foot the bill.” Ok-Tangerine-1365
Another User Comments:
“Maybe tell him you will continue sending him money for a couple of more months but only if he speaks to a therapist even if just online to get out of his depression. Ask him to substitute Doordash and get Meals on Wheels instead to cut costs.
Tell him you can’t afford to send him $200 every month and have to spend less. Or when you see him for the holidays stay for a few extra days to help him with his bills and life. Set him up with a psychiatrist in advance and take him when you get there.
Have a heart-to-heart talk with him that you’re worried about him. Get some of his old friends or nearby church involved. You can also think of it like you are paying for his rent/utility bills and he’s paying for the unhealthy habits & Doordash.” 100Shootingstars
13. AITJ For Wanting To Celebrate My 21st Birthday My Way Despite My Grandma's Disapproval?
“I (20F) am going to turn 21 in less than a week.
I also live with a very Catholic Grandma (84F).
For a while now, I have gone through several 21st plans that have all been rejected by my Grandma. My initial plan was that since my birthday is happening around the time of the Ren Faire, I’d get all my friends and me to dress up as our DND characters, drink ale, and have fun at the Faire.
My Grandma rejected this idea because I’d be drinking around a large group of people, and she was convinced I’d end up so inebriated I’d be taken advantage of and murdered by a Jester at the Faire.
My second birthday idea was to have a video game-themed birthday party, where everyone would show up dressed as their favorite video game character.
I’d get a Black Forest Cake (Portal 2) and we’d have “a rum and Nuka Cola” (from Fallout; got the recipe from the official Fallout cookbook). Grandma rejected the idea because she thinks birthdays, after you’re 18, should be “sophisticated”, and games aren’t sophisticated to her at all.
My third and final idea was to have all my friends come over for a sleepover, where we watch “The Room” + “The Disaster Artist” and take sips of our drinks each time a funny moment happens. Grandma rejected this idea because again, I’d be drinking with a large group of people and she would feel I would be unsafe.
So finally, I asked my Grandma what she wanted me to do for my birthday. Her “big plan” is that she wants two of my older brothers (32M and 28M) to drive me to a bar, order me one drink so “I can see what the bar experience is like” and then immediately drive me home the moment I’m finished the drink/it’s paid for.
I told her that sounded like a bonkers 21st birthday plan, to which she said I either celebrate my 21st birthday “with safety” or she’s locking me in my bedroom to spend my birthday all alone.
So here’s where I’m wondering if I’d be the jerk….would it be wrong of me to just sneak out of the house on my birthday and just, do whatever I want?
Like, go to Applebee’s all by myself and drink/eat whatever I want and then later go to the Mall and walk around/buy whatever I want all by myself? It’s honestly the only thing I can think of doing now since all my other ideas aren’t allowed.
I feel like I’d be the jerk since I’d be making my Grandma so worried by sneaking out…..”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Can you leave earlier in the day and just tell Grandma you are meeting friends to celebrate and you’ll be home tomorrow?
She is controlling, my abusive mom always used “it isn’t safe” to keep me in the house without friends too. Time to put Granny on an information diet, and explain that you aren’t asking permission, you are informing her of a decision you made.
You may also want to start making plans to move out, and ask your older siblings for advice on handling granny.” Internal_Home_9483
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you can do literally whatever you want within the confines of the law. You do not need to listen to your grandmother in any way shape or form.
Just remember that freedom of choice does not mean freedom from consequences, your grandmother may react negatively if she figures out what you’re doing and you should be prepared for that.” venue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As many people will say you only get one 21st birthday, and it is not fair for your family to decide what you want to do.
However, I would have a conversation with your Grandmother, and explain to her that you understand where she is coming from. Let her know her idea is not what you want to do and it hurts that none of your ideas are being accepted at all.
If you two can’t come to an understanding then screw it it’s your birthday go have fun, but there could be some tension afterward.” Ok_Sheepherder6259
12. AITJ For Wanting To Spend Time With A Friend During A Family Vacation?
“My family and I (30f) are going on a 2-week family vacation to Disney World in a month.
It’s going to be me, my brother (27) and my parents. I’m from the UK and have a friend who lives in the States (29f). We met up and had a mini Disney vacation a few months back while I was on a solo trip for my 30th birthday, and I mentioned that I’d be coming back later in the year and it would be great to meet up again.
My friend is very special to me and her mother is terminally ill so I want to be there for her as much as possible. She loved Disney when we went a few months back and wants to go again.
She has booked a few days in the area to coincide with the last few days of our trip and plans on doing the parks too, so we plan on meeting a few times.
I figured that being an adult, my mother wouldn’t mind me going off to do my own thing for a couple of days out of the 2 weeks. I just let her know what’s going on, and she proceeds to scream at me, yelling that she doesn’t want to meet with anyone else and that it will completely ruin all of our plans as a family (we haven’t even made any plans as far as itinerary goes yet).
I explained that she didn’t have to meet her and she, my dad, and my brother could still do whatever they wanted to do without me, but she was having none of it, continuing to yell at me and insisting it was going to ruin everything.
I told her she was being a petulant child and to go away.
I didn’t tell her about my previously mentioned solo trip until about 2 weeks beforehand for this exact reason, and she was upset that I didn’t invite her along to join me. I’d also like to add that a few years ago she took a day out of our mother/daughter Disney trip to spend the day with a coworker who was also there. I had no problem with and was happy to go off and do my own thing.
So I find it very hypocritical that she’s berating me for doing the same thing.
Am I in the wrong here? Am I being selfish for spending time with my friend instead of my family for a few days?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As other users pointed out, 2 weeks for a family trip seems long.
It may not seem like a lot on paper, but it can easily become a sour vacation. And you’ve told them that they don’t have to meet your friend. I suggest establishing with your family the activities they do and don’t wanna do.
And the ones you do/don’t want to do. From there plan out the vacation. Ie: the first 3 days are exclusively family time, then a few days of independent time (as you are all adults), and the remaining time is spent as a family.
INFO: what have your other family members said? Do they care? If they’re okay with you meeting your friend then still NTJ. But if they also care like your mom, I’d say MAYBE light jerk.” SMA1024
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re an adult, you’re paying for the vacation, and you’re not interfering with anyone else’s plans.
Your mother needs to calm down, especially considering she took time out of a shorter trip to meet up with a friend and no one gave her any issues. You might want to remind her of that if you haven’t already. We just had a situation where some family was down in Orlando just for two days to celebrate an in-laws birthday.
Another family member got very upset that they didn’t meet up with them. However, the trip was only two days, it was to celebrate an in-law’s birthday (that they are not related to and do not know) and the in-laws paid for the lodging.” Forward-Wear7913
11. AITJ For Leaving My Best Friend's Birthday Party Early After Feeling Excluded?
“I F19 have been friends with (let’s call her Emily) F19 for 11 years, and we were always inseparable—at least, that’s how it used to be. Things started to shift after she went on vacation with a few girls we both knew. I was surprised to see how close she got with them, considering she used to dislike them and even gossip about them.
Yesterday was her birthday, and I wanted it to be special. I spent a lot of time and money picking out gifts I knew she’d love, and I was excited to give them to her. When I arrived at her house, I brought a cake with candles and sang for her when she opened the door.
It felt like the perfect moment. But everything changed when the girls from her vacation showed up.
I knew they were coming, so I did my best to be polite, even though they weren’t exactly my favorite people. But as soon as they walked in, it was like I didn’t exist. She focused all her attention on them, making jokes and trying to entertain them.
She even asked them what sodas they wanted—didn’t bother to ask me.
Later, she invited us all to her room, and they quickly formed a circle, talking nonstop about their vacation. Even though I didn’t like them, I tried to join in, but they kept excluding me with their inside jokes.
This went on for hours, and I felt more and more isolated. I kept hoping Emily would notice how out of place I felt, maybe say something to include me or at least acknowledge my presence, but she didn’t. It was like I had vanished.
Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore. I politely excused myself, saying I needed to get home urgently. At that moment, Emily was out of the room. As I was putting on my shoes to leave, she came by the door. I handed her the gift I brought, said goodbye, and left without making a fuss.
She might have sensed that I was upset, but she didn’t say a word. Cried my eyes out the moment I stepped out of her house. I realized that the person I left behind wasn’t the friend I used to know. She wasn’t my friend anymore, and maybe she never really was.
Now, those girls are saying I was wrong for leaving in the middle of what they considered a great time. They’re pushing me to make it up to Emily or apologize.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You were very purposefully being excluded from an event.
Your friend made no attempts to fix this. And then her new ‘friends’ ended up pressuring you over the phone, not cool. Your old friends knew you were upset and she didn’t say a word. Unless she contacts you to work this out, I see no reason for you to invest any further in the relationship if this is what she’s offering you – silence, secondary friendship, and exclusion.
It sucks losing friends but you will get through this. You’re a wonderful person OP. And if your friend wants to be friends with the people she used to gossip about that’s on her, she’s the one that’s losing out.” EJ_1004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These things happen a lot, sadly. Especially in the later teenage years. The way that those girls were acting is a common form of “female bullying”. It doesn’t feel nice being excluded and pushed away by a long-term friend like that, but there isn’t much you can do about it.
My recommendation would be to distance yourself from your friend a little more for your own sake and connect with people who share your interests and don’t leave you out of things. It hurts like heck to lose a friend, especially such a long-term childhood friend.
But, people change as they develop and grow. You should keep her at arm’s length. Maybe only hang out if it’s just the two of you. Set your boundaries of saying that the other girls are overwhelming to you. If she’s a good friend she will respect that.
If the other girls bother you, it’s ok to block them or not respond.” DoccyWoccyPengin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you made no effort to include yourself in the conversations it would be a different story. Your friend is the jerk for excluding you. On a more personal level, my best friend of 8 years recently ghosted me.
I know how it feels to be unseen by the people who you love. It sucks, but if that’s how she is towards one of her longest friends… she isn’t your best friend, and you deserve SO much more. Sorry that it happened.” Burnouttheesquirrel
10. AITJ For Refusing To Let My SIL Babysit My Baby Due To Her Beliefs About Infant Care?
“My husband and I had to be somewhere for our older child so we asked my mother-in-law if she could watch our 3-month-old son for a few hours.
She said of course. Unfortunately, when we went to drop him off, she wasn’t home and one of my husband’s sisters Jane (21) was instead. My mother-in-law wasn’t going to be home for a bit so she (Jane) agreed to watch our son for some time.
I immediately said no because well Jane believes that babies don’t feel anything. She thinks that they cry for no reason and we shouldn’t respond to their cries ever for whatever reason. And that not responding won’t have any effect on them.
She thinks that anything we do to babies during this period of their lives will have absolutely 0 effect on them in the future. She will often call them mindless too.
My husband called his mom and we politely explained our concerns and then hung up because we were extremely busy already (and now we had to find another babysitter as well).
I figured that was it until Jane came over extremely upset and in tears insisting that she’s not a bad person and that she would never do anything to hurt any kid. She then accused me of “discriminating” against her because she doesn’t want/have kids like everyone else in the family.
I told her straight up that I don’t give a crap if she wants kids of her own, but I don’t like her thoughts on how to care for babies specifically. Instead of trying to understand me, she doubled down and said that her way of dealing with babies makes sense and that I’m wrong and I’m just extremely sensitive so of course I don’t get it.
She kept arguing with me about how to take care of my baby so I just asked her to leave and she blew up on me. My husband even told her to calm down and that it’s not like we’re preventing her from seeing our kids all together but she just went “Forget you and your dumb kids” and left. Which… okay…?
But my mother-in-law is annoyed with me because Jane is still very upset and I’m just wondering if I’m the jerk. Like I don’t think I am especially since no one lets her babysit for the same reasons but I’m the first person to say no to her face and tell her why instead of making up an excuse… and perhaps I was too harsh…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The research into infant development is extensive and everything they experience is important. Tell Jane to do some actual research and if she can find any science-based, peer-reviewed support for her view, you will at least listen. And tell your mother-in-law that you care more about your innocent child’s well-being than her entitled adult child’s hurt feelings.
That you will slay dragons to protect your child, and that sister-in-law is dangerous and any reasonable person knows it. Mother-in-law owes you an apology for planning to leave your baby with a child mistreater.” WantToBelieveInMagic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and whoa…like, I’d NEVER be comfortable leaving my kids with someone that flies off the handle when faced with a differing opinion.
The fact that your mother-in-law is okay with this says she’ll 100% leave your kids with Jane just to undercut you and your spouse. Mother-in-law should be cut off from babysitting and you and your partner should be NC with Jane.” Salt-Operation
Another User Comments:
“NTJ So… she’s not interested in having kids, yet still thinks her way of caring for babies is superior to yours? That doesn’t make any sense to me. I don’t want kids myself so if I was EVER asked to care for a baby I would make sure to follow every instruction the parents gave me.
You can’t trust that she follows your way of caring for your child so you don’t want your child alone with her, that’s all. And seems you were right considering she doubled down, proving that she wouldn’t have cared for the child properly.” gothussy
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Find A Job For My Dad?
“So my(23f) dad(48m) asked me to find him a job and I just don’t want to do that. He is a CFO in some company but he has been working there for the last decade and the salary hasn’t increased in a while.
He is unhappy with his workplace and wants to make a change.
I work in IT as a PM, most of my friends are software developers, and some work in IT recruitment. I know something about this industry and not much about other industries. My dad asked me to review some vacancies for him so I told him what I know from my friends and experience (which is rather little).
I told him that I don’t know much about his field of work (his recent background is in logistics and power) but I can look something up in mine. I referred him for some CFO vacancies in IT and warned him that he has to learn more about tech management and probably start from a lower position.
After that, we had a heated debate. My dad doesn’t believe in any approach to product development that is not linear. I explained to him that he has to know how to budget for Agile if he wants to work there and there is no way around it.
He said it’s dumb and Agile is the reason developers never get anything done.
I sent him some other vacancies I found by simply googling “job search” but to be honest I was doing copy/paste and he didn’t like them either way.
We left the topic for a while.
But recently my dad texted me again and gave me a task to find him a job. I am really confused right now. I love my dad and we have a great relationship but I feel like I already did my best the last time only to hear that my job is useless.
The thing is he is asking me to be his assistant. I have no connections outside IT so the only thing I can do is to scroll through hiring sites copying links for him and I have no desire to do that. I have a full-time job and am getting my master’s degree.
I could say I have no time but honestly, I just feel like it’s useless.
My dad has been nothing but supportive. He helped me to look for grants and supported me financially during my bachelor’s program and I don’t know WIBTJ for saying he should probably look for the job by himself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ How does someone even get to a CFO position and not know how to use the internet to look for a job? Honestly, at his level wouldn’t it be more likely for a recruiter for C-suite positions to see his resume online and contact him directly anyway?
I might be wrong because, of course, I’ve never been a C-suite employee lol, but that’s the impression I have.” One typical
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the issue is: it will not be easy for him to find another job because his skills are outdated and he is on the decline.
“My dad doesn’t believe in any approach to product development that is not linear. ” .. with that, it is not unexpected that his salary is not increasing. He is useless, and only momentum from earlier achievements is keeping him afloat. He needs to brush up his skills and his mindset, or he will be out of laborforce soon.” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Your father has worked for a long time to support you. He is asking for your support to help him because he has been out of the job market for a long time and feels insecure about what he should look for, doesn’t want to make a poor decision, etc. I think spending 1h-2h a week to help him should be within acceptable boundaries.
But ask him if he is sure about only wanting jobs where they don’t do agile, or whatever other criteria he is looking for. Basically, yes, you are busy. But – he did support you financially and helped you with your education, so look at this as payback.
Just be clear with him that you can’t dedicate too many hours a week to this because of your other commitments, and it should be fine. But refusing to help at all is a bit too much IMO.” MenchitWolfram
8. AITJ For Confronting My Brother About His Untrained Dog Messing Our Shared House?
“I feel very sure that I didn’t overstep any boundaries or act unreasonably but outside opinion doesn’t hurt.
My (28M) and my brother (25M) share a house. He has two dogs, both are small. One is five years older and is already well potty trained and the other he just recently brought and that dog is maybe three or four years younger than the other dog.
The newer dog constantly makes a mess everywhere on the first floor of the house and there have been times when I’ve accidentally stepped on it while coming home from work. My brother works full time so he is often at work for 8 hours. This went on for a couple of weeks now and I was getting fed up about constantly having to dodge mess in the hallway leading up to my bathroom and bedroom.
I texted my brother and told him when he gets a chance to potty train the dog or lock her up in his room (he has dog pads, food, and water for her there btw).
He responded saying “There’s nothing he can do about it because she’s too old to be potty trained and he doesn’t want her in his room alone.” I told him this was becoming too much of an issue for me and he needed to do something about it.
He responded saying “Leave me alone.” I then told him it’s unfair how he is blowing this off like that and if it was the other way around he would have been on my back about this. He responded by saying “Leave me alone, I’m not in the mood and I’m mentally drained from today.” I told him “Fine, I’m going outside to smoke a joint (he is VERY anti-relaxation herbs and hates me smoking it despite me never smoking in the apartment and he’s called me “weak-minded” and “a junkie” for using it numerous times) and I better not hear you complain about it either.” He never texted me back and it’s been two weeks since we last spoke.
During those two weeks, we were supposed to see WWE and a movie together but he gave away my tickets to someone else and he has unfollowed me on PSN, Twitter, and social media. He has done this type of childish behavior before whenever he doesn’t get his way or we get into an argument.
Right now I just want to know was I in the right for confronting him about this?”
Another User Comments:
“He should not be a dog owner if he is not willing to nor is capable of taking care of a living being. As a dog owner, he has to follow certain laws, etc. that fall under pet care.
As housemates you both are entitled to certain rights and certain rules are to be followed. I would look into those if I were you, depending on where you live and your living arrangements. If he sold YOUR tickets, that is categorized as theft. Since this is your brother, is there a family member you can talk to about this?
Maybe they can help.” AstronautClean8324
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is not properly caring for this dog (who can almost certainly still be potty trained?). Dogs don’t want to live in the same place they make a mess, so to speak – most animals don’t!
At the absolute very least he needs to get a dog walker, but this seems like a situation where he and the pup could benefit from having a trainer.” revengeofthebiscuit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – living in a mess is disgusting. And if your brother wants another dog, he needs to accept responsibility for the dog.
If he cannot watch or teach a dog to use the bathroom outside or on a potty pad, he needs to be inside with it to clean, etc. because dogs living in mess is harmful to them too. Also, think about the house you’re living in and ruining.
If you rent, you will be charged a hefty penny when exiting. If you own one, you will have to fix what the dog is ruining. All $ out of your pocket.” Par3atAugusta
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Let My Financially Irresponsible MIL Live With Us?
“First, my MIL (63) is terrible with money. At 55, she received a £50,000 pension lump sum and decided to buy a house. She lived there until early 2021 when she put it on the market. She confided in me that she was selling because she had accumulated too much debt from renovating the house and was struggling financially.
The house was a new build in the UK, meaning it was like a blank canvas.
She then insisted I keep this secret from my husband, her son. However, my husband already suspected she was in debt due to her behavior. A few days after our conversation, I told him because I didn’t want to keep secrets.
This confirmed his concerns.
My husband calmly approached her about her finances, offering to help if she was open about her situation so we could create a debt management plan. She refused, sold the house at a significant loss, and lost the entire lump sum.
Since 2021, she has been “sofa surfing”—staying with various people until she outstays her welcome.
– Aug 2021 – May 2022: She stayed with her ex-boss and his wife, who eventually asked her to leave. They haven’t spoken since, suggesting a fallout.
– May 2022 – Dec 2022: She stayed with a friend, but they no longer speak.
– Jan 2023 – Nov 2023: She lived with a work colleague but is no longer in contact with them either.
– Dec 2023 – present: She’s staying with my husband’s best friend’s mother.
During these stays, the most she’s paid for rent and bills is around £400-£600 per month, despite earning about £3,500 monthly.
We’ve tried multiple times since 2021 to discuss her financial situation and offer help in getting her place, but she has consistently declined, insisting on doing things “her way.” We stopped trying around December 2023.
Her current host told her in June that she must leave by the first week of September.
Now she’s asking us to let her stay in our spare room. We asked about her long-term plan, whether she’s cleared her debts, and how long she plans to stay. We set a maximum stay of six weeks.
She admitted she has no long-term plan and said six weeks is too short to find a place that allows dogs.
We offered to take care of her dog until she found suitable housing.
My husband fully agrees with this approach. We’ve tried continuously to help her before, but she’s always declined.
I may have missed some details, so feel free to ask questions, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She is creating her perpetual problems: unsecured housing, repetitive moves, and inability to save while obliterating relationships. Stick with the boundaries and move-out date. She sounds entitled and a user. It’s great to have empathy but be aware you did not cause, you do not control and you cannot cure/fix her chronic poor decisions.
Depending on your location your state/province may offer senior housing. Best to you all navigating this unfortunate circumstance.” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I think allowing her to move in at all is going to cause an issue. Once she’s there, it’s going to be hard to get her to leave.
If you can afford it, could you help find her a place to stay that she can afford with her income and help with the moving costs/initial rental costs?” photosbeersandteach
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think her plan all along was to come live with you and her son.
Glad you guys are not falling for her manipulation and forcing her to handle her business. You have offered a 6-week stay, budget planning, and even watching her dog while she finds somewhere to stay but she has refused it all. That indicates to me that she doesn’t want to change but continues to mooch off others.
Stick to your stance.” Beautiful_Choice8620
6. AITJ For Wanting To Quit My High-Paying Job To Teach My Wife A Lesson?
“I have a senior job at a well-known US tech company. It sounds cool and pays well (mid-six figures), but it’s stressful, with long hours and late nights. The CEO is difficult and infantile, and honestly, I don’t care about the product area.
In my previous career, I worked on start-ups and freelance projects. The pay was maybe 1/3rd of my current, but I loved the work. We rented a nice house in a city we liked with great schools. But about six years ago, my wife became obsessed with owning a home.
She grew up with a lot of moving trauma and insecurity because her family never owned a house, and for her, owning meant stability.
We agreed that if my start-up didn’t take off in six months, I’d get a “real job” so we could buy a house.
This meant moving to another expensive city that had more jobs with higher pay. I got a job in Silicon Valley, and we eventually bought a house in a nice suburban neighborhood. This was about 5 years ago.
At first, she was happy, but after a while, she became unhappy again.
She now complains about where we live, saying it’s boring, that she can’t make friends (she didn’t have many before either), and that maintaining a house is stressful. She talks about how much easier it would be to rent a small apartment downtown. (note that we have maids and such, so my wife does not do any household chores, so this is not about housework).
She’s also unhappy with my workload, saying I work too much and have no life, which is partly true. While we still travel and enjoy some things together, I admit I work too much due to the instability in my industry.
Lately, she’s accused me of being selfish and gaslighting her, claiming I would rather pursue my high-status job at the expense of the life she loved in our previous city.
In reality, she was the one who wanted this change. It feels like she’s rewritten the past.
So, here’s my question: WIBTJ if I just quit? We could sell the house, move back, and return to a lower-income but comfortable life. Selling the house would leave us with a good chunk of cash, although not enough to buy a place where we used to live.
I’m exhausted by the arguments and think, maybe this would teach her a lesson. She’s unhappy now anyway, and at least I’d be happier without this job. Is there a downside for me? Is that a jerk move?”
Another User Comments:
“There’s something here that makes your wife feel unfulfilled. She’s going to blame the x,y, and z external factors until the cows come home to avoid addressing whatever it is.
It’s not your responsibility to fix whatever it is for her either. Your attempts to do so haven’t worked yet, and continuing to try is futile. The only person that you can make happy is yourself. If you think downsizing will make you happy, go for it.
If your wife wants to come along, great. If she doesn’t, she can pound sand. NTJ ” lyrical_llama
Another User Comments:
“Your wife’s unhappiness is not your fault and you can’t do anything to fix it. Having said that making dramatic unilateral changes isn’t fair when you’re in a relationship.
You need to honestly assess whether you want to stay in that relationship before doing anything. If I were you, I would look into this desire to “teach your wife a lesson”. Does this reflect this sort of loving relationship that I’m sure you want to be a part of?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you have a way bigger problem. Your wife pushed you to leave the job and place you were living in and happy with to make HER happy. You have done what she wanted and now she is not happy and blaming YOU for it.
Doesn’t sound like she’s going to be happy either way…” KimB-books cats-11
5. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Fiancé His Friend Lied About His Toxic Relationship?
“I am a 32F, my fiance is 33M, and the friend in question is around our age M. John is my fiance Mark’s long time friend and John comes by once a week to work out with Mark and hang out. John has a long history with a woman, June, who he has been in and out of a relationship with.
By all party’s accounts, June is very toxic, a heavy drinker, and makes John miserable every time they get back together. Mark has expressed that he is fed up with watching John get mixed up with June time and again only for John to come vent to Mark when she inevitably makes John miserable.
Yesterday, John arrived before Mark came home from work. I greeted him at the door and I could immediately see he was weathered. When I asked what was wrong, he asked me if he told me not to tell Mark. I agreed. He told me he had messed up and reached out to June again and she had been trying to manipulate him into day drinking with her.
He expressed he didn’t want Mark to know because he knew Mark would give him a verbal lashing for getting back in contact with her. I understood and was happy to keep this to myself and give emotional support, as I have been in many toxic relationships in the past and know how hard it is to get out of them.
Mark also has a very tough love style and doesn’t beat around the bush when it comes to his opinions (I adore this about him, but I’ve observed it can push away some people).
However, to my shock, as soon as Mark got home from work John went to him and instantly told him that June had “messaged him out of the blue” and was harassing him and wouldn’t leave him alone.
I continued to overhear during their work John spun a version of events to Mark where they could bash on June together and John was 100% innocent of the situation.
I am very conflicted now. I was fine keeping John’s situation private, but I don’t like being a secret party to a lie where John can pretend he’s being chased by a crazy woman instead of having a problem with continuing to return to the same poisoned watering hole and actively encouraging the bad relationship.
So, would I be the jerk if I told Mark the truth?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can allow John to come clean if you want, but tell your fiance asap either way. If John gets caught lying and you told your fiance already then John and your fiance deal with that.
If John gets caught lying and it looks like you were in on it, now you have a problem in your relationship and damaged trust. To be honest, I think if it were me I’d tell my fiance before even talking to John, but you should do what feels right there.
Also, keep in mind that John put you in a pretty bad situation here. Who tells two partners different versions of the same story and expects that not to bite them? You should prioritize honesty with your future husband over John’s feelings.” willikersmister
Another User Comments:
“Here is a humorous way to handle this kind of situation. Years back I was a Sales Manager for a Fortune 500 company. I was responsible for as many as 20 salespeople. Type A folks, always angling for territory acquisition. Always wanted to drop the ” Don’t say I said this.Every time someone approached me with that I said humorously, ” Don’t tell me anything you don’t want to be known..cause newsflash.I will tell you.
I’ll be on the phone before you close the door.I can’t help myself..so be forewarned! Gossip is my vice of choice.” I’ve used that line in my personal life many times also. Now in my case, it was true..I WILL TELL..but something said like that makes it you, not them, and removes the awkwardness..and if they tell you anyway..well you warned them.” Aggravating_Lion_541
Another User Comments:
“YTJ also for texting John that you were “setting a boundary” with him. That is not how that works. You agreed to receive the information and invited him to tell you. Do you see how you violated your boundary? Anyway, I read your update and I think your plan for going forward is good.” annotatedkate
4. AITJ For Lying To My Coworkers About Moving To Avoid Giving Them Rides Home?
“I work at a restaurant/diner near my University campus and the majority of my coworkers are international students without a car.
Those are our cooks, while the three other servers have cars.
I started a year ago and ever since I got my car, they’ve been non-stop asking for rides home when we close the store at around 10:30 PM. It’ll be 1-2 people per ride every time and they used to ask hours in advance before we clocked out and were ready to go home.
I would reluctantly agree because I have a “keyholder-like” position and I have to stay and lock up the store set the alarm and watch everyone leave. It’s either we clock out in time after they ask me for a ride home or we’re waiting about 20 minutes past close for some ride they called.
Over time I thought this would go away but our boss continues to hire more and more international students without a car. And I think the others tell them I give rides and it’s become “expected of me” from the coworkers to the point they won’t even ask me for a ride until we clocked out and I thought their other ride was here because they didn’t mention it at all to me.
PSA NOBODY has ever offered me gas money or any compensation for driving them home. Even if it’s on my way home, it’s still gas and time, and I have to force conversation when I’m extremely tired.
One of our other servers mentioned they probably don’t even understand to give me gas money because they’re from India and they didn’t even know until recently you’re supposed to tip servers and food delivery people.
But a few weeks ago I went on a three-week trip to Japan and I have no idea how these people have been getting home. The first day I came back, I and this other girl clock out and we’re walking to the door and she asks “Can you drive me home?”
And I just flat out lied and said I moved forty minutes away and I need to go home. She was shocked I said no and started calling everyone she knew and nobody got her. And then begged me to drive her home saying it’s only 10 minutes away.
I had to drive her home. No gas money compensation. Nothing.
All the other servers know I’m lying and they fully agree but I think some of the cooks caught on and they’re really upset with me because I’m known as the “really nice one” to work with.
Quiet, does their job, doesn’t manage that much even if I’m a little more in charge than most people.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ….but just tell them no. The lying makes you seem like a jerk. Start by announcing (maybe you have a team meeting?
Notice board? Teamapp?) that you will not be available for rides anymore, and you expect people to take care of this themselves from now on. So there will be no confusion about this. Anyone who doesn’t take care of it will have to call an Uber or taxi.
Alternatively..if your boss feels differently, tell him/her they can pay you for the extra time and expenses. If you want to make some extra money, you could also communicate how much you will be charging per ride from now on….cash only, paid upfront.
Might be a nice little side business.” Slayerofdrums
Another User Comments:
“NTJ too common a problem. The majority of non-drivers I’ve helped out over the years have felt entitled to countless rides and didn’t offer to help with fuel costs. Life got cheaper and easier once I refused to help that way anymore except for a couple of considerate people who only needed occasional help.
Carting someone around who doesn’t reciprocate can feel like having a kid in some ways lol. “Just” a few minutes here and there adds up, and it’s easy to think nothing of such favors when one isn’t the one always providing them.” paul_rudds_drag_race
3. AITJ For Telling My Dad I Can Stay Where I Want Now That I'm 18?
“My mom and dad got divorced when I was ~8yo and my mom got primary custody with me and my brother having dinner with him on Wednesday nights and spending every other weekend with him.
Over the summer I turned 18, my mom’s always let me be quite independent and it hasn’t been a big change. Mostly just medical stuff, but as my school year begins to start up I’ve been hanging out with a few friends before they leave for college (I’m still a senior in HS) and I had planned to do that on Friday, which happened to be his weekend with us, which includes Friday nights.
So I texted him Tuesday afternoon and said “Friday night I’m gonna get dinner with some friends, depending on how late I’m out I might sleep at mom’s because their house is close to ours”. Just saying if I stay out late I would sleep at mom’s instead of taking the 30-minute drive to his house at past midnight, not that I would have been drinking I don’t at all, but just because my mom’s (rightfully) a little scared of me driving at night.
I thought nothing of it and just texted him quickly to let him know they would have one less for dinner. It was not just some little thing and he texted me back saying “I think you should rephrase that as a question rather than a statement.” I was kinda taken aback by that because I was trying to just be nice and let him know ahead of time.
I talked to my mom and she said it was up to me, she agrees with me that I’m 18 and I can stay at whoever’s the house I want to.
That’s essentially what I told him, I didn’t want to be a jerk about it because I like my dad, it’s not like we have a bad relationship, I think we get along well.
So I texted him back saying that it was a statement, not a question, and that I could stay where I wanted to, either with him or Mom. He’s gotten a little mad at that and kinda told me off about it, I said that I would be back for dinner Saturday night at his house.
Friday came and it all honestly played out fine, there’s not any hard feelings but I just think my dad’s mad at me still. AITJ for talking to him that way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are 18 and for your dad to try that tactic with you is ridiculous.
He needs to accept that you no longer have to ask his permission or follow a custody agreement. This is the time for him to guide you into adulthood not hold the reins. You communicated your plans and your dad was a jerk.” Suspicious_Pea5952
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Did Dad realize that any official custody agreement/visitation schedule ended with your 18th birthday? For the last ten years, your dad had a stable routine to see his children. Did he put in any effort to cultivate the relationship for a smooth transfer into adulthood?
Your mother, being aware that you are growing up, gave you more freedom and more responsibility and developed a relationship with her young, but adult, child. Have a conversation with your father. ” Wild_Set4223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I say this as a divorced mom of a sixteen-year-old.
She communicates with us very similarly to what you wrote in your post. We have a family chat so both parents know where she is, even though it’s only once a month or so that this happens. My home is downtown, her dad’s home is in the suburbs and closer to her school.
It’s safest for her to stay with whichever parents’ home is closer.” Spirited-Hall-2805
2. AITJ For Blocking My Friend After She Refused To Give Me Another Friend's Number?
“Me (20F) and Nadia (20F) have been friends since we were 12 years old. Rani (20F) was in the same class as both of us when we were in secondary school. I have a closer relationship with Rani than Nadia does with her, now and back then.
I currently don’t have any public active social media. I like to keep my online interests and activities separate from my real life. This means that I have no other way to contact my friends unless I have their mobile phone number. As all my friends are introverts we have an understanding that it’s okay to go through long periods without talking to each other and to take our time responding.
We joke about having a low-maintenance friendship.
My phone recently shut down on me and I bought a new one. I was unable to recover my contact details and other things. Before my phone not working, I was in a conversation with Rani and she asked me about meeting up with our former classmates at a restaurant.
I didn’t get a chance to respond. Nadia was never invited because she chose not to be in contact with them when we were in school.
Last weekend, Nadia contacted me and we were able to make brunch plans. At brunch, I told her about losing all my contacts and that I had lost Rani’s number.
I wanted to reach out and tell you that I wanted to go to the restaurant if it hadn’t already happened.
Since Nadia has Rani’s number, I asked for it. Nadia said no. She said that she hates when people give out her number without her permission and she won’t do that to Rani.
I replied that she knew that we were talking to each other recently and that I would have had her number had it not been deleted. I am not a stranger to Rani and she won’t mind. She refused and at this point, I said I was confused…I have a reason to talk to her why are you being so stubborn?
I even asked Nadia to ask Rani’s permission if her privacy meant so much to her. She said no she doesn’t want to contact anyone from school anymore.
After the brunch, I messaged Nadia and I said she was jealous of my friendships with people other than her and I told her I am not okay with isolating myself from people who I was once close with.
I ended up blocking her before she responded. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Nadia found a situation to be in control and use it. It makes no sense for her not to give you the number. I suggest keeping a written copy of your contacts or backing them up digitally.
Do you know where Rani lives? Why not visit her? She may be wondering what happened to you?” Puddin370
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She doesn’t like it when people give out her number. That’s fine. But she isn’t Rani. You and Rani are friends and had her number before the phone broke.
Nadia not giving you Rani’s number and using that reason is a poor excuse for whatever she’s feeling. I agree it seems like jealousy.” Btching93
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Drive My Friend Home Anymore?
“I (F, 29) have a friend (F, 31) who doesn’t have a driver’s license. Whenever our friend group gets together, I’m usually the one who ends up taking her home because she kept asking me to take her since I “live close by anyways” and our other friends live further away.
At first, I didn’t mind because she’s a friend and our group only meets up about once a month anyway, but lately, my partner is getting annoyed that I keep saying yes to her because this has been going on for years now and the drive to take her home takes us about 30 to 40 minutes since we have to go past our own house to get to hers, and then drive back again.
Part of what’s bothering my partner, apart from the time it takes, is that she waits until the end of the night, usually after midnight, and then asks in front of everyone, never beforehand. Also, if anyone else offers to drive her because they need to go in her direction declines, saying she doesn’t want to bother them and she’d rather wait a few hours for a bus.
She doesn’t ask her family either because “they’d say no anyway” (which might be true since she doesn’t have the nicest family). However, she never has a problem with asking me to take her.
One time, I tried to turn her down by mentioning that the drive takes about 30 minutes, but she just brushed it off, saying her dad could make it faster which made me look like the bad guy because she insisted the drive wasn’t that long in front of everyone and resulted in awkward silence from everyone.
Now, I’m in this awkward spot where she asks for a ride while and I get annoyed looks from my partner and my other friends just expect me to agree because she has no other way to get home (buses don’t run that late, and she lives in a remote area).
I don’t want to seem like a jerk for saying no, but the talks with my partner have made me question things.
The whole situation just makes me uncomfortable because I hate saying no, and I feel like my friends will think I’m being mean if I refuse.
It’s gotten to the point where I’m dreading our get-togethers because I know this will come up at the end of the night.
AITJ if I refuse to take her since she has no other way of getting home?”
Another User Comments:
“Talk to her before the next get-together, as far in advance as you can.
Tell her that you won’t be able to take her home from the get-together, so she’ll need to figure out another ride. Remind her the day before. If she asks you in front of everyone again, remind her. “Friend, I told you last week that I wouldn’t be able to drive you home tonight.
I even reminded you yesterday to be sure you wouldn’t forget.” And then, stand your ground. She may try to make it uncomfortable, but your choices are to either learn to hold your boundaries or be walked on. NTJ.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You said that when other people offer rides, she says that she’d rather take the bus, right? Then she asks you later on after the bus stops running. Do what someone else suggested, and tell her well in advance that you won’t be giving her lifts anymore.
If she wants to know why, you can say it’s an extra 40 minutes that you don’t want to tack on to the end of your day when you’re already tired, or you can say that you’ve been doing it as a favor to her for literally years and it’s time for her to find other options, or you can just say that it’s, not an option.
And if she asks you for a lift on a day when she’s already turned an offer down because she’d “rather wait for the bus”, POINT THAT OUT. Say “I thought you were taking the bus?” And if she says that she can’t now because it’s too late, say “Well you should have thought of that before the last bus went.
Maybe someone else can give you a lift, or you can take an Uber/taxi / Lyft / whatever.” snootnoots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have had to deal with things like this before, I hate confrontation and I have issues saying no, so it was hard to get out of.
But I have found a few solutions to how to deal with it. If you know that they will ask or expect it, tell them before or at the start of the night that you can’t drive them home that evening. If they ask why, say you don’t have time, that you need to get to bed early, or whatever reason you want to give them, or just answer “I just can’t” The ones where you’re put on the spot are the hardest, but here I have learned to say “I don’t know, give me a second” and then excuse my self to go to the restroom, get a glass of water or something, to give me time to think if I do want to, and go back to give my answer.
If you want to avoid it altogether, then as soon as people start getting ready to leave, check your phone and go “Shoot, out of time, I have to go” and hurry out of there. I normally have a backup excuse that my dog needs to go out for a pee or that a neighbor is bringing something over.” piqueboo369
