People Are Falling Over Themselves In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Defending My Mom Against My Dad's Family's Expectations?
“My parents divorced when I (16f) was 3 and my brother Shane (18m) was 5.
Shane remembers them fighting a lot back then. I remember none of it. What I do remember is my dad would always stay far away from mom and would sometimes skip things if mom was going to be present.
He’d tell me or Shane, or both of us, that he didn’t want to be Mom’s friend so thought it would be easier to stay away. When I was 6 Dad met Kim and within 4 months Kim and her daughter Lilah (now 13) moved in with him.
Within the next 3 years, Dad and Kim had my two half-siblings, got married in between and Kim moved her mom in to care for her until she died. So it was chaos. Dad also lost his job and made less at his new one.
Shane and I were back and forth between Mom and Dad. We’d spend a week with Mom and then a week with Dad. We hated going back then though because it was so chaotic.
Mom was a stable parent to us.
She was able to afford to give us a good quality of life that Dad struggled to provide. Mom paid for an extracurricular activity for me and Shane. She made sure we always had enough supplies for school. She bought us nice gifts (we had game consoles at mom’s and other stuff that we didn’t have at dad’s).
Over time as Lilah got a little bigger and so did our half-siblings, Dad and Kim started asking Mom to send them money for us or to buy stuff for Lilah and our half siblings too. Mom refused. Dad and Kim hated that.
They tried to say mom was okay with us suffering and grandma especially said mom should be making sure we didn’t feel bad because we had more. Shane and I never felt bad. We knew we had different things because our mom was mom and Kim was our half-sibling and Lilah’s mom.
So different families and different households too. I never felt guilty that we did so well with Mom. I never felt like she owed my half siblings or Lilah gifts or food or clothes. Grandpa used to say he and Grandma should do more since they were family and our mom wasn’t and I agree with that.
I know Shane does too.
A lot of stuff happened since but a few months ago Mom brought me and my two best friends to a concert. Dad knew I was going and he told Kim and Lilah about it, knowing Lilah had wanted to go as well but they couldn’t afford it.
This became a really big deal. Lilah got so mad at me for it and my dad and Kim got mad at Mom because I didn’t apologize to Lilah. They said mom put me in the middle of divorce stuff.
Then a couple of days ago they were talking about it with Grandma and all three said Mom made me feel bad by putting me (and Shane) in the middle and making us watch our other siblings suffer while we did so well.
Grandpa called them crazy. I told them mom never put me in the middle, they did, and she never made me feel bad for having more because I never felt bad. I knew that comes with having different families.
They told me to stop defending mom. Grandpa told them to stop acting like Shane and I need to hate our mom because they do.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, tell your father a wife that you divorced and got a new wife and more children, while our mother only focuses on us, your wife and children are not her responsibility we are her responsibility only, and she shouldn’t work hard to provide for your family, they are not her family if my mother who got married and we have step-siblings and half-siblings on her side, do you think it’s your responsibility to pay for them ?” Extension_Extent9796
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Insert Pikachu face when OP and Shane cut contact with Dad, Grandma, and Kim. Why is OP’s mom responsible for her Ex-husband’s financial well-being, a high probability that if the roles were reversed his dad would give two craps about the mom.
OP’s dad is giving Chihuahua energy. OP please do well for yourself and be prepared for your dad, grandma, and Kim to have a handout when you get successful because….family and you owe them for all they did for you.
Good luck!” CurlyNaturally
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t feel bad because you have nothing to feel bad about. Your mother provides what she can for you. Lilah’s mother and your father provide what they can (or well, don’t) for their kids.
Your mother has nothing to do with your dad’s new family. She owes them nothing. And you and Shane don’t don’t have to give things up because Lilah and your half-siblings have less. If their parents want them to have an equal standard of living to you guys, they have to figure it out themselves.
Your mum and your grandfather are the only sane adults here. I’m glad that your grandpa is reasonable and is calling out your father’s entitlement and delusions.” katbelleinthedark
19. AITJ For Giving My Aunt And Uncle An Ultimatum About Their Daughter Staying With Me?
“I gave my Aunt and Uncle an ultimatum about keeping their daughter for the school year. My cousin, Cassie, is 16 and very gifted. She’s recently got into a school that is very selective and even was able to score a full scholarship which they only give two students a year.
This school can be a direct pipeline into college and the career field she wants for herself later in life. This school just so happens to be in the state in which I live and only a twenty minutes drive from my home.
After thinking it over with my long-term partner of 5 years we have decided that as long as her parents are fine with it she can come stay with us. She’s gotten a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and we think she should pursue her dreams.
This caused me to have to break no contact. It is a long story but the short version is when I was 17, I am now 26, and my twin sister, Nadine, knowingly fooled around with my partner for months behind my back.
My parents took her side and called me a liar to my face and to others making me a social pariah in a small conservative area that I was this weirdo freak who was out for her twin partner.
It didn’t help that I had always been less favored than Nadine by friends and family for reasons like being, introverted, “fat and ugly,” and being goth. I knew my parents would never love or respect me the same as my twin.
When I left I kept in contact with my grandmother, who was my ONLY family that believed me. 2 years ago she put Cassie in contact with me to talk about personal issues she thought I could help Cassie with through experience as a safe trusted adult.
After weeks of back and forth, my aunt and uncle decided to let Cassie stay with me only if I spent some time with them to “re-know me” minimum of 3 weeks. I think it’s a reasonable request if they’re gonna let their child stay with me.
That being said I do not want to be ambushed by my parents or anyone else. I’ve offered my home or a paid Airbnb somewhere in the middle distance. They have repeatedly kept pushing with different excuses to stay at their house like their jobs, which they initially said they would take the time off for, before I brought up different locations.
The final registration is due soon which means a decision has to be made shortly. Finally, I said that if I am ambushed during my stay I will not take Cassie and have her used as a pawn in my life.
They could tell I was serious and started going down different paths of shaming me and pleading with me. They have said if I meet with just them it will ruin their relationship with my parents and others. At the same time, this is a dream opportunity for Cassie.
They’ve called me selfish for putting them in the middle, but I am simply making boundaries clear. My partner’s mom gave me a shocking POV semi agreeing with my aunt and uncle. She thinks if I’m not willing to reconnect I should tell Cassie no to moving with me and I am the jerk if I say “yes” with conditions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So, your parents would be annoyed at your aunt and uncle if they let THEIR child have an opportunity without giving your parents a chance to bully you? Can’t your aunt/uncle see how toxic this is?
You’re offering a HUGE benefit to their child. They should be grateful about it, rather than worrying about what the rest of your toxic family will think of them.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re well within your rights to have conditions for allowing your cousin to move in.
If anything, it’s very mature and generous of you to recognize that Cassie is innocent of the past familial betrayal/estrangement you experienced. You’ve opened your home to allow her to take advantage of a great opportunity. The people stopping that from happening by insisting on stepping over your boundaries are the jerks.
Also OP, you’re prob going to hear a lot of “be the bigger person” and “let it go for your own mental health” type nonsense. Please don’t be bullied into reestablishing contact if you don’t want to do so.
If you feel like you have a void in your life then cool, reopen your heart to your family. But if you’ve been fine and unbothered by this estrangement, then keep living your best life with the knowledge that you tried to help your cousin but others blocked the way.
Make sure Cassie knows this too.” mscromulent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ STOP catering to these jerks, stop playing their games. This is easy: tell them: NO MORE GAMES. You are offering a room to your niece, but if they prefer to rent an apartment for her, you are fine with that, too.
It is a take-it-or-leave-it offer. Your gf’s mom is a jerk, too. So do this: Call Cassie, and tell her that you will not cater to any games, but if she wants to come and stay with you, she is welcome.
But she can not let your parents into your home, and if she pushes you into any contact with your parents, she is out. – Then let her decide.” Aggressive-Mind-2085
18. AITJ For Being Upset After My Family Went On A Cruise Without Inviting Me?
“My sister called about two weeks ago and said on the phone she had something she was excited about coming up but she “couldn’t tell me”.
I’m not the type to pry so I moved on without much question.
A day or two later I checked her sc story and she was on a cruise and I didn’t think much of it. On a call with my mother shortly after she informed me she was on the cruise with my dad, uncle, and three of my cousins.
For context, my parents are divorced, everyone on the cruise lives in GA and I live in FL where I am in college.
A few days later my sister called me after docking on the Virgin Islands where she got service and the first thing she says is that my dad wouldn’t tell her what he knows about me being gay (I came out to my dad recently, but my sister has known for years).
After a bit of small talk, I asked her why I wasn’t invited on the cruise and she essentially said she didn’t think I could afford it. I told her it wasn’t her place to assume my financial situation and that it would have at least been polite to invite me.
I later learned she told everyone including my close friends and told them not to inform me. She said the cruise was $3000 a person.
I also asked her why they decided to go on a 9-day cruise without me when we have been talking about going on a deep-sea fishing trip for years now.
(Since I moved to Florida especially it’s very reasonable as I live on the coast and there are charters within walking distance from my home for $300 with all equipment provided) This was a trip I had invited the whole family on, and something I had been wanting to do to ideally work on repairing my and my father’s already damaged relationship.
She told me they would still come on the fishing trip to which I responded I no longer wanted to go on with them, and that if I went they were no longer invited. She then said she still wanted to come visit me in Florida and I said that if she came to Florida to find a hotel because she was not welcome at my place.
They all got back a few days ago and she hasn’t called me but has reached out to my mom to ask if I was still mad at her and my dad.
It’s frustrating to me because in the past I have always been the person to come up and visit for the holidays, and when I have come up to visit around Christmas she spends more time at her partner’s place or her friend’s houses than prioritizing spending time with me.
Sometimes I would go and the only time I would see her was when she would pick me up at the airport. And the time we would spend together she doesn’t plan any activity or have any meaningful conversation with me.
I’m done going out of my way to visit them. I’m also not welcoming them into my home on the off chance they decide to come visit me either. I’ve been living out of state for 4 years now and living in Florida for 1 and haven’t had them visit me once but I’ve been there for every major holiday.
Am I the jerk for being upset? Not wanting them to visit? Or no longer visit them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but cruises tend to get booked out quite a few months if not years in advance (I cruise a fair bit), I’m not sure what the timeline is on the whole telling your dad your gay situation is, so I can’t say if that had any affect on you not being invited, but for your mother, dad, sister, uncle and three cousins all to look at, and find a cruise to go on and never once having the thought to even ask you tells me they don’t like you for some reason.
Maybe it’s time for an NC approach, you’re not as loved as you thought.” Collwyr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I’m so sorry, I know how painful this kind of thing can be. The second I left for college my parents planned a beautiful island vacation with my sister (we were the only two kids) and I was told I was not invited. I was even asked to watch the cat when I came home that weekend while they were away.
We never went anywhere fun or interesting like that my whole childhood. Now in my 50s and I have not recovered from that feeling of rejection. I treat them civilly but coldly. Family is family. Or it should be!!
I have two adult kids now and at no point before or presently or going forward would I EVER exclude one from a family trip! It’s honestly cruel. You have every right to go no contact. What they ALL did was completely immature and hurtful.” waterfallwishes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m sorry. Based on the dynamic you’re describing I’m guessing sis is the golden child and you’re the scapegoat. It’s very painful to be the scapegoat. And it’s not your fault. That doesn’t make it hurt less.
But it’s not your fault. Additionally, your sister told everyone about the cruise – EXCEPT YOU – and told everyone not to say anything to you about it. Yet she contacted you and coyly said she was excited about something that she couldn’t discuss with you.
That was deliberate. That was cruel. She’s a big, fat, mean girl and jerk. I don’t think your life will get worse without her in it. Since your family went along with her I would suggest having very low contact with all of them and using your expanded time and energy to develop healthy friendships with people that value you.
You just might discover that you don’t miss the drama, the casual cruelty, and the disregard.” opine704
17. AITJ For Being Upset At My Dad For Planting A Tracker On My Car?
“I (32F) have an overprotective single father. I know he means no harm but he’s severely draining my energy. I promised to visit him every weekend after moving out to live on my own.
This week, I found that he planted an Airtag, a location tracking device, on my car without telling me.
I value my freedom and privacy very much. I often go out of my way to erase my social media presence. I make sure that only a handful of selected friends can contact me and even fewer know what I’m up to.
When I was alerted that an unknown Airtag (which I immediately knew where it came from) was following me, I was furious.
I called my father and confronted him asking where he hid it. He was surprised I found out and refused to tell me where it was.
I eventually found the Airtag purposefully hidden under my car, glued to a magnet.
We just had a conversation about this issue of his today (we had it almost every week to be honest) and I was starting to open up to him.
Then I came home to find this Airtag and I honestly just want to disappear and never see him again (which I wouldn’t but it’s just how I feel).
Am I overreacting? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ While it may be coming from a good place, your dad is invading your privacy.
He shouldn’t be monitoring your whereabouts constantly. What makes this more baffling is that you’re 32. Who’s parent still has that much paranoia etc when their child is in their 30s?” ibleedaudio
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but stop visiting him every weekend.
And don’t give him a key to your place. He’s refusing to recognize that you’re an independent adult. This isn’t just about protectiveness; he wants to control you. My mother called the cops when I didn’t answer my phone for an hour one night; they refused to do a welfare check because I hadn’t been “missing” for that long.
I was in my thirties at the time.” ComprehensiveBand586
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are not overreacting. His overprotectiveness has been a constant thing in your life and you have normalized it. I am glad you are asking others for their opinions – it shows you don’t feel it’s right, but perhaps can’t explain why.
And that’s a good place to be. I would recommend just smashing that tracker. And reduce your visits to your dad from every weekend to much less – maybe once a month or less. Go make more friends and try some new hobbies on the weekends.
Just sleep in and binge your favorite shows all weekend. Learn to bake desserts and have friends over for a taste-testing party. Do whatever sparks your interest!” tiredunicorn53
16. AITJ For Insisting On Changing Our Son's Name After Father-In-Law's Hurtful Comments?
“My wife (24F) and I (28M) had our first baby five months ago.
We’ve been together for 6 years, married for 5. He is a beautiful little boy and we gave him the same first name as my wife’s father, ‘Keith’.
My wife grew up despising her father for being unfaithful to her mother and abandoning the family.
In the past decade, he worked tirelessly to improve their relationship. In her family, it’s typically tradition for the first grandson and granddaughter to be named after their grandparents and my wife was proud to name our son after her father.
However, a few weeks ago, my wife and her father had a MASSIVE argument.
Turns out, he is convinced that for some reason, I am going to be unfaithful to my wife. He thinks we got married too young and I’ll get bored of her now that she’s devoting all her time to our son.
He told my wife this after she opened up to him about how worried she was about being pregnant so soon after giving birth. We didn’t plan the second pregnancy and a few days after the argument my wife miscarried and it was a painful moment for the both of us.
Essentially, he kicked her while she was already down for no reason. I had a friendly relationship with him but I know he wanted my wife to marry someone from her background.
Since the argument, my wife has not been calling our son by his name.
She’s using nicknames, calling him ‘the baby’ etc. She said that she needs time to get over the argument with her dad, but she also blames him for the miscarriage which is something I don’t think she’ll get over.
FIL has made no attempts to apologize or reconcile.
A month into my wife refusing to use our baby’s name, I said that we needed to change it because it would be better for my wife’s mental health and our son’s development.
If this argument continues or is ever brought up again, she can’t be too upset to use his name when he’s old enough to know it.
We’ve started the process now to change the name and somehow it got back to FIL AND he knows that I suggested it.
He is infuriated. He said that I was supposed to be the levelheaded one since my wife is postpartum and recovering from a miscarriage and that I’ve just made their rift a million times worse since I’ve denied him the family tradition.
My in-laws think I’m a jerk for insisting on the name change since now it’ll be even harder for them to reconcile. I don’t think I’m a jerk but my brother said it would be a good idea to get an unbiased opinion.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Your FIL brought this upon himself with his horrendous behavior. And I won’t even mention that blindly following traditions just because *everyone else did it* is ridiculous. >My wife grew up hating her father for being unfaithful to her mother and abandoning the family. >he is convinced that for some reason, I am going to be unfaithful to my wife.
He thinks we got married too young and I’ll get bored of her Sounds like he is trying to rationalize and normalize his behavior with the same attitude of *others do it, too.*” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
While your whole story was relevant for why you want to change your son’s name, the most important thing you’ve noted is that both you and your wife agree to change the name. No one else’s opinion matters.
I would suggest that you check out r/tragedeigh before naming your son to ensure that you stay NTJ” DoolJjaeDdal.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your job to ease their reconciliation. It’s your job to take care of your wife and child.
FIL and in-laws are invalidating your wife’s feelings by caring more about a baby’s name than how deeply she was hurt and the loss of her pregnancy. Forget ‘em all…and maybe consider a period of no contact since FIL had proven he can’t be trusted with your wife’s feelings.” Blackbird6
15. AITJ For Asking A Girl To Tone Down Her Screaming At A Concert?
“I (32M) went to a Blink 182 concert with my fiancee and her sister. We bought really good tickets for pretty cheap from the box office.
I believe they were like 300$ online and got them for 80$.
The issue started with the opening bands. Pierce the Veil came out. And the girl behind me would screech. She would scream and then her pitch would go super high at the end.
My right ear was hurting. I wasn’t the only one bothered, my fiance and her sister were also uncomfortable. It still hurts as I’m writing this. She did this a few times.
When the band took a small break I turned around and said “Wow you yell super loud do you mind lowering it a bit it’s hurting my ear” I tried saying it jokingly to not make it a big thing.
But she instantly took offense. She looked young in her 20s or teens and she was there with some guy. But the conversation we were having wasn’t too intense until her friend started talking. He started telling me to buzz off and I should’ve stayed at home.
Which got me heated and I started cussing him out.
The girl told me that she was going to do whatever she wanted to do. She paid the same amount as me and if her screaming upsets me too bad.
Which leads me to believe she paid 300$. I turned around and thought for a bit more. Then approached her again I reached out my hand and apologized and said my name is John (not my real name) I asked if she could nudge my chair or tap me on the shoulder when she was going to scream so I could at least cover my ears.
All while her friend was telling her to ignore me consistently. She said she was here for the bands and not for me. I took my loss and decided to enjoy what I could.
She screamed a few times and when Pierce the Veil ended the couple left. Honestly, I was upset more towards the guy he’s the one that got me heated and escalated the situation I was just trying to have a conversation.
I thought of a few ways to be petty and one was to stand up through the whole show and block their view, I’m a pretty tall guy, and look back and say I’m here for them, not you, and tell them If they don’t like it to go home.
Blink 182 came out and I decided to forget about it and enjoy the show. My petty plan would not have worked anyway because everyone was standing lol. The problem though was they came back and they were sitting. They looked super bummed and miserable.
I felt like maybe I was just being a grandpa asking some kids to be more quiet. I do understand people go to concerts to have fun and it’s going to be loud. Maybe I don’t know proper concert etiquette either.
This was my second concert. They only stayed for one more song and just left. So I feel bad I ruined someone’s night and they wasted a lot of money because of me. Maybe I’m old and next time I’ll just bring earplugs.
Cause my ear is aching super bad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, This is coming for a hardcore PTV Fan here! You did ask her nicely/in a joking way but maybe she and her friend thought you were being a jerk.
I’ve been to A TON of concerts/PTV concerts and people these days don’t know what concert etiquette is and it’s very annoying. Not to mention PTV fans are insane and don’t know what concert etiquette is!
Like I get it, it was probably her favorite band but she could have done all that screeching/screaming to one or two songs throughout the whole set! That’s super annoying. I have been to so many metal concerts and people know what concert etiquette is!
But sometimes you’ll get a couple that will act like that girl and sometimes it’s good to tell that person to stop/keep it down a little bit. Because it’s said that you can hear the actual artist/band.
If you don’t mind me asking did you get the tickets the same day as the concert and what time did you go to the box office?? My friends and I are still trying to get tickets but the resellers are selling them for ridiculous prices.” LavenderHazeHippo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If what you can hear the most at a metal concert is someone screeching, that is next level. It sounds like no one else was bothering you three, so it looks like she was overdoing it.
You can sing, you can shout to the song, but screeching? Nah, that is rude. That excuse they gave you “oh I paid for my ticket, I will do whatever I want” shows how disrespectful they are. Everyone around bought a ticket and.
therefore, deserves to hear the band. Bring earplugs next time though.” imreadytowalkintomy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I went to a popular festival and I could not hear the singer sing the songs. It was country btw. There were 4 young females there to just drink and treat George straight like Taylor Swift. After we couldn’t hear the 3 opening acts I asked them if they could please tone it down.
There were 24 people around us and they were all getting frustrated. 3 of them moved to different seats way up top cause we had lower expensive seats. They said their daddy paid good money for them to be there and I looked at them and said well obviously your age is showing as you’re upsetting everyone around us.
So George straight starts and they don’t know the words to the songs. It was quite comical. They stopped yelling and one passed out heavy drinker that was the issue. Honestly, security had to be called. People don’t understand there are courtesies at concerts.
We are there to see the artist, not the attention-seeking unemployed young person that has daddy’s money.” Mooshu1981
14. AITJ For Wanting To Keep The Money I Earned Instead Of Lending It To My Mom?
“I (16F) am living with my mom, my dad is not in the picture anymore so she is a single parent and her job does pay her a good amount of money (I don’t know her salary).
I have a part-time job and since it is the summer I’m working constantly wanting to save my money so that I can get myself some things that I’ve been needing, I’ve been needing some new clothes, shoes, and skincare items. I know how hard my mom works and I do understand how it can be stressful being the sole provider in the household I always try to help out whenever I can even though I only get a student wage, I buy our cats food which usually ranges from $80-$120 to ease off as much stresses from her as possible.
More recently she has been using this to her advantage, I am a very giving person and I always want to help people, which usually makes me vulnerable. Last week she had asked me to lend her $200 for a moving truck (since we are moving and her paycheque wasn’t able to cover it), she gave me a breakdown of how the 200 was going to be used as well.
Since it was the summer, my paycheque was around $500, I decided to put $200 into my savings and give her the $200 that she needed.
The next day when I asked her about it she told me “I have to do it tomorrow ” and apparently since the truck had price increases, she asked me for more money.
I was getting frustrated because this wasn’t the first time that she had asked for a large amount of money from me, at the start of January she had asked me for $300 for something that I cannot remember and she paid me back only for me to give it back again.
More recently now, this amount has been increasing, she doesn’t drive and I worked late until 1 AM and since I didn’t have any money (the only money I had was in my savings and I didn’t want to use it) I had asked her 2 days in advance if she was able to send me $30 for an uber so that I can get home, she told me that she would be able to do it no problem.
But when the day came around and I called her, she told me that she couldn’t and to use it from my savings, and when I was visibly upset and annoyed when I got home she told me that I was being selfish and ungrateful.
The amount has increased now to about $290, I’ve been trying to ask her what she needs the money for but she hasn’t been telling me, and when she gets her pay, she always buys stuff for herself and for the important stuff she uses the money that I work for.
I know I should be helping since she is my mom and all, but I want to have the money that I work for to myself sometimes and that never happens. When I told her this, she proceeded to yell at me and tell me that I didn’t see how hard she was trying and how I was being a selfish and ungrateful daughter, and I didn’t know if I was in the right or wrong…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Being a single mom is tough, but your mom also seems to have problems managing her money. You’re already helping enough, you should be able to use your money to buy what you had planned. And you should be able to trust your mother when you lend her money, which is impossible because she doesn’t keep her word.
Next time, I’d advise you not to lend her any more money and to explain that, given the last few times, you’re afraid you won’t see it again. She needs to get better organized because it’s her responsibility to provide for you without relying on your student salary.” PandaCotton
Another User Comments:
“NTJH…it’s not right for your mom to take your money..what you are doing to help now sounds good. I don’t know what you can do since you are a minor. What I will say is…I know it’s 2 years away and you need to keep and save as much of your money as you can and you need to get out of there the minute you turn 18.
Don’t spend too much on clothes and shoes…save to get free from your mom!” Global-Fact7752
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If a parent wants help from their child, especially financial help, they should be honest about it. Asking for an initial 200 and now asking for an additional 90, is really shady.
Also, the ones she borrowed from you in the past, what was it for and why was it not paid back when she clearly said she’d pay back?” VictoriaFairyDust
13. AITJ For Not Congratulating My SIL On Her Pregnancy After She Celebrated Losing A Twin?
“My (30w) SIL (33w) just announced her first pregnancy. I and my husband (her brother) already have a 2-year-old and her twin sister already got a few kids, so she was the last of us childless.
Here comes the “twist”, we lost our second born in July on their birth, in an unpredictable way. We don’t wait until a certain week to announce a pregnancy because life is unpredictable and you have no guarantees anyway.
So we announced this pregnancy way before week 12 and her exact words were “You’re pretty brave to announce the pregnancy that early”. The birth of said child was also the reason we weren’t able to attend her wedding which just happened on the same day a 4-hour drive away (we didn’t spread the news about our son’s death on that day though).
She announced her pregnancy at a little get-together that originally took place to celebrate her and her twin sister’s birthday. She wasn’t pregnant with one child but twins but lost the child early into pregnancy. And she was openly happy about it.
She started listing all the reasons she was glad that she didn’t have to buy everything twice and didn’t have to do twice the work etc.
I was sitting across the table and I didn’t even know how to react, first of all of course her pregnancy announcement triggered some feelings of jealousy and I would have wished for her to tell us beforehand and not in a room full of people.
But I’m not mad about that or anything although I find it a bit insensitive.
On the other hand, her happiness about losing a child left me speechless, I mean I guess I kinda get her train of thought but I think some thoughts are inside thoughts and I must admit I felt offended about being confronted with her reaction to child loss in that kind of way.
Anyway neither me nor my husband got up to hug her or congratulate her and she later on texted my husband that she wasn’t happy about the way we acted.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here- we all react to trauma differently.
Your shock at that moment was 100% valid; I’m sure anyone would struggle to be congratulatory when another person is actively celebrating something that caused them immense trauma. On the other hand, your SIL is dealing with a very similar kind of loss, and if talking herself into being happy about only having one child is her way of coping, that’s valid too.
Ultimately you’re two women— family members— who have had to deal with the same/similar very difficult situation. I hope you can explain your reaction (calmly); after suffering a loss herself, I’m sure she’ll be able to understand, at least a little.
And while it sounds like she’s in the denial phase of grief, I hope you’ll be able to be there for her as she deals with her loss, too.” iwasneverhere_2206
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here it’s all very difficult.
I’m so sorry for your loss and of course, you’re still grieving and comments hurt and that’s okay. You’re allowed to feel that way and also a little jealous. Your SIL is also allowed to feel the way she does and honestly sounds like she may be putting on a brave face and making joking comments (as many of us do) as a way of dealing with her grief.
Maybe instead of growing apart, and being bitter reach out and be each other’s support for you both have lost and are grieving. ” Less-East8801.
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you don’t get to decide how she processes the loss of a pregnancy.
If she wants to focus on the positives and the pregnancy that is still going on and remind herself of the negatives that could have come with twins, that is how she is processing and she is allowed to do so.
Judging her based on your personal experience is not fair and it’s clear she wanted to be happy about the experience she is having so far instead of dwelling on the grief, you could have taken a more supportive and understanding route.” Competitive_Delay865
12. AITJ For Defending My Sister's Partner When She Called Him Stupid?
“I love my sister and sometimes she is the most amazing person on the planet. But other times… she is the opposite of that.
She has a problem where her opinion is always the right opinion. If I like a band she doesn’t like, she will look down on me and act like her opinion is better and I’m stupid.
We were hanging out with a group of friends.
I was talking to my sister’s partner about a show we both watched and didn’t like.
My sister immediately said we were wrong and stupid for our opinion. I said we weren’t stupid, we just didn’t like it. She asked why I and her partner said we couldn’t explain it, the show just didn’t click with us.
She said we were stupid for the opinion. The show was too complex for us to get, and we also couldn’t explain our opinions, which made us even more dumb.
I was the one mostly arguing with her, but I told her that we aren’t dumb, it just didn’t vibe with us, it’s a personal opinion.
She said it was OUR problem. We were stupid and that’s why we didn’t get it.
I hate when she acts like this, she gets into such a superiority complex and it upsets me.
It was mostly us arguing back and forth and her partner was quiet.
But now he asked, “So you think I’m stupid?” He sounded so hurt. It hurt my heart.
You’d think my sister would have dropped it, but she doubled down. She said yes, you’re dumb, it’s just my opinion. It turned into them arguing back and forth.
Her partner was saying he was hurt by what she said and upset she was calling him stupid, and she was saying it was her opinion, she is allowed to have opinions.
But unlike me he didn’t seem mad, just sad.
I hate to see people mistreated, so it just broke my heart. But he ended the argument with, “Fine. I’m stupid. We’ll just drop it.”
But I couldn’t just drop it. I told my sister that I was disgusted by the way she just talked to him.
I said it’s fine with her to have an opinion, but you should NEVER call your partner stupid, especially in front of your friends. You should never insult them. I said you should treat your partner with respect, and I am upset by her lack of empathy.
I don’t know how but she managed to turn the whole thing around at me. She said she was getting upset, and that I needed to stay out of her relationship.
What hurt is her partner stood up for her.
He said I was white knighting. If his partner wants to call him stupid, he’s a grown man and can handle it. He doesn’t need me to help, and I shouldn’t speak for him.
I felt so hurt and betrayed. I said he was giving off mistreatment victim vibes, defending the person who just insulted him in front of her OWN FAMILY and HER FRIENDS.
It got heated after that and they were so upset I called her abusive. Our night ended after that, but she said she could never forgive me for saying that.
God, I just feel betrayed. AITJ here? Was I wrong to say what I said?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is a raging jerk and has no respect for her partner. He has no self-esteem and thus no spine, so he takes the mistreatment. They’re both toxic and nothing good can come from associating with them much.
Step back and have as little to do with them as possible; take care of yourself. You won’t be able to change either one of them and will only get frustrated as their dysfunction parades by.” Pladohs_Ghost
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re NTJ, some men see weakness in their emotions so it’s not your fault he couldn’t accept you defending him. She feels validated to act this way and he enables her. This is a situation where you gotta let them be if they want to hurt each other no one can stop them.
It’s painful when you have a conscience and don’t like to see injustice happening, but really what can you do” MoonIllusionsLies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yeah, I’d just steer clear of that one big time. You won’t be able to completely avoid them at family events and such.
So, the best ya can do is try to befriend him and build him up a bit. Don’t defend him, don’t even bring up how she treats him when something like that happens. Just simply tell her to go away and mind her own business, the conversation is between you two, or just completely ignore her and keep carrying on with the conversation you were having.
But be very clear your problem is her and how she talks to you, nothing to do with him. Hopefully, he will see how you stand up to her for yourself, see how ridiculous that behavior is, and will eventually try to emulate it himself.
Sometimes you gotta show people how to respect themselves and be a good example.” JHWildman
11. AITJ For Not Inviting My Estranged Father To My Son's Birthday Party?
“A little background to this story, my father and mother got into a messy divorce and are not on speaking terms. I’m a married adult, with young children, and own a home. This home is not particularly close to my dad’s house.
My dad has since remarried, although I did not attend the wedding.
Now my son’s birthday was coming up and he said he wanted a birthday party. I don’t know why but for some reason I wasn’t expecting a 3 year old to want a birthday party, so maybe I am the jerk.
So I quickly invited some of my son’s friends and my mother, since she lived closer and I knew she could make it on short notice. It was a fun party and my son had a great time.
I took pictures and posted them to social media when it was all over.
Then came the text. I won’t post it here since it’s rather lengthy but the gist of it is: you don’t invite me to family gatherings, you disrespected me by not coming to my wedding, your mother has poisoned you against me, I won’t be treated like this for much longer, there will be consequences!
I was confused at first, I had just seen him last month at a small family gathering with his side of the family. I tried to explain that I couldn’t have him and my mom over at the same time since my mom would just leave and I didn’t need that drama at my son’s birthday party.
I offered to let him come over and give my son a gift on another day if he would like. As for his wedding, I told him I didn’t feel comfortable going. It was just weird for me and nothing personal. I told him I didn’t appreciate the whole “consequences” talk.
After all, I’m the only child he has left who even speaks to him.
On a side note, I did not say this to my dad, but I’m not even sure what the consequences would be. I’m a self-made man at this point in my life.
It sounds cruel to say, but I don’t need my parents for anything anymore. I suppose he could write me out of his will but I’ve always assumed I wouldn’t get anything. I’d be lucky if I didn’t inherit debt at this point.
Anyway, to make a long story short, I said he has to deal with the fact that he can’t be over at the house at the same time as my mom. If he wants that to change he needs to make things civil with my mom.
Until then, he has to accept coming over for separate family gatherings. He took this as me taking sides and we just went around in circles for a long time, claiming all his previously stated positions.
I’m tempted to just do what my siblings have done and cut him out of my life but at the same time I want him to be able to have some kind of relationship with his grandchildren.
So, AITJ for having two birthday parties for my son, just to appease a parent who doesn’t even appreciate the extra effort? I don’t think I can keep doing this forever. I think my kids don’t care now but I would think they would resent this as they get older.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…..but let me ask. Did your father contact your child to wish him a happy birthday? Did you receive a gift for him in the mail, or did you get a call saying…”Hey, I know you have a birthday coming up.
Do you have any plans?”. It appears your father showed absolutely no interest in your child’s birthday until you posted about it. Now he wants to act butt hurt that he wasn’t included. As last minute as your party was, if he cared at all there should have been some kind of effort from him before that point.” Savings-Bison-512
Another User Comments:
“You have a 3-year-old, so you know what a temper tantrum looks like, and you know that rewarding tantrums just gives you more tantrums. Don’t try to appease someone who is not being reasonable. Parent your child in a way that makes sense for you and your family, and issue invitations you want to issue.
Let him impose “consequences” if he chooses; I suspect they will make very little difference in your life. But giving into his threats is going to set you up for a long, hard road.” EsmeWeatherwax7a
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk here. You’re the jerk for this: > As for his wedding, I told him I didn’t feel comfortable going. It was just weird for me and nothing personal. Nothing personal? It would feel *incredibly* personal to just about anyone.
Of course, he’s hurt. That’s an objectively hurtful thing for a close family member to skip out on their wedding because you just didn’t feel like going. Your dad is the jerk for apparently not being able to be civil with your mother in the room and for making vague threats toward you about “consequences.” Of course, having 2 birthday parties is not feasible.
But maybe taking turns with family events, holidays, and who gets to attend? Or having everyone involved go to family therapy. Mom and Dad so they can manage to be in the same room with each other for a child’s birthday party without having drama.
You have to figure out your “weird” feelings towards your dad moving on with a new partner. Or just bite the bullet and go no contact, since you seem to have already made a choice. Or at least be more careful with your social media settings.” RazzBeryllium
10. AITJ For Refusing To Live With My Aunt After She Called Me A Liar?
“So my dad had me (17f) and my brother (15m). Our mom passed away when we were 2 and 4 months old. A year later he met Mel and they got married. Mel had two daughters (23f and 22f). I’m not sure if their dad passed away or if he just wasn’t around.
But they lived with us 100% of the time. I don’t remember a time before Mel and my step-sisters. Mel was so happy with my brother and he became her son and her pride and joy. She never cared about me and never expressed an interest in me.
My dad was very similar. He forgot about me being his daughter. Mel still showed an interest in her daughters but they disliked the fact she claimed my brother as her son and showed so much obsession about having a boy and I get it because she was all they had before.
They disliked me. They disliked my brother too and wanted nothing to do with him, but he was so good having two parents that he never cared about siblings. He calls himself an only child. I’d hoped to be close to my step-sisters but they bullied me and said I would never be their family.
My grandparents noticed that I was left out of a lot, noticed the bullying and the rejections. They live out of state and when they’d come to visit and we’d all go out I was left behind with them while my dad and Mel took the other three out to amusement parks and stuff.
Mel would tell me to my face in front of them that she was not my mom and yet beam when my brother called her mom. They also noticed that when my brother and step-sisters got treats I rarely, if ever, did.
They brought it up a few times and were ignored. I know they had this big talk with Dad about it and he denied anything was going on. I also know they asked my aunt, who lived close by and saw us a lot, to keep an eye on me.
She didn’t.
Two years ago I’d gotten down after being stuck with Dad, Mel, and my brother during a difficult time and being ignored, that I told my aunt about everything and asked if I could live with her.
She got upset on my dad’s behalf and she called me a liar and told me not to be so jealous, that I wasn’t a kid anymore. And no, I couldn’t live with her. She was so mad at me that I avoided seeing her for months.
I was so afraid she would ridicule me in front of them. For some reason, she realized a couple of weeks ago that I wasn’t lying. She came and told me I could live with her now and she told me it was awful what my dad let happen and that I shouldn’t be there anymore but she would get me out and she’d protect me.
I was shocked. It came out of literal nowhere. She didn’t apologize for what she said before though. And so I told her I’d stay. I didn’t think living with her was a better idea anymore. She got mad and asked me why not and I told her because she can’t call me a liar and then expect to swoop in and for me to see her as a hero.
She told me I got so hung up on nothing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m sorry this is happening to you. What about your grandparents? Or anyone on your mom’s side of the family? Even if you’ve not had contact with them, try reaching out on social media.
Also, I want to know why your aunt suddenly believes you and wants you to come live with her. Maybe I’ve been on the internet too long but something just doesn’t smell right with this.” CelticSkye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your aunt sure sounds like she gets mad at you a lot — living with that would hardly be an improvement over living with people who ignore you. I am so, so sorry this is the hand you’ve been dealt in life.
You deserve better. Get away from all of them as soon as you can and start looking for your people and your real family of choice in life. Much love to you.” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Only bullies say or do something and then tell the victim to (” get over it” “toughen up” or ” you’re making more out of it than there is”).
She bullied you. We may never know what changed her mind or why, but I bet it has something to do with your grandparents. Either way, your dad, stepmom, and aunt are bullies, get as far from them as you can as quickly and safely as you can!” mustang67101
9. AITJ For Taking My Son Back After Ex Introduced Him To His New Partner Without My Knowledge?
“Went to pick up my son 2M last week and when leaving was handed shoes that were not mine. Seemed calculated as they weren’t by the door when I arrived. I got my shoes and left with my son.
I called to go over some things and brought up our seeing other people so we could be on the same page. If one of us is seeing someone and it is getting serious we can let the other know to discuss, make intros, etc. He agreed. Not a crazy ask.
Not my weekend but he let me have the kid Fri to spend time with my brothers who are visiting. I asked if he wanted him Fri night and he said no, Sat morning. I said ok and I would let him know when he woke up.
Sat AM I let him know he’s up and I can have him ready by the time he arrives. My son asks for food so I start making him some and shortly after there’s a knock. I ask if he wants pancakes (he’s been unemployed all year and sometimes I offer him food), and he says he’s fine so I told him I’ll make them real quick.
He is rushy and fidgety so I tell him the clothes are on the sofa to dress him. The kid starts a FIT which according to him is routine when getting dressed. He asks if he does that with me and I tell him no. I stop to talk to the kid and calm him, finish the pancakes, and give the container to his dad.
The kid is still upset so I told him I could walk him down since I had to take the dog out. My dog does his business, I kiss my son bye and start back to my apartment. I glance around and see movement in the car so I do a U-turn.
A woman is sitting in the car. I look at him and ask if he’s serious and with a dumb face he says what? I grab my son out of his car seat and take him back. He follows and we argue.
I told him we JUST spoke about this and came to an agreement and he said he knew I wouldn’t react positively so he decided to just do what he wanted. I expressed my issue was not what he was doing but how he just did it.
I don’t know this person and from what he says he probably doesn’t know her well either. I do not feel comfortable having someone introduced to my child at this stage and being around him. We still co-sleep with our child so where is this person sleeping?
He left upset and I kept my son for the day.
He is trying to gaslight me into thinking that my request is bonkers.
I went back down to apologize. What happened was not her fault and let her know I wasn’t mad at her.
She seemed fine and assured me she didn’t know and that it’s super casual and sporadic and she didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes. On his end, he says it’s his partner and I’m keeping him from having a family and happiness.
He complains about time with his son but I offered him on Friday, and he was with her as I confirmed with her. We both have two weekdays and every other weekend child-free.
We quit counseling in May and he has been seeing her since May.
She seems nice enough but I do not know her and do not trust just anyone around my child.
Let me know if AITJ is here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if he’s been seeing this person for months he could have let you know so the adults could decide if it was serious enough for an introduction.
Co-parenting effectively requires putting aside ego and always putting the child first. You did a good job by talking to his new partner, that tells me it’s not about him seeing other people it’s about him not honoring an agreement.
Children don’t need to meet every single person their parents see and parents need to keep new people to their child-free days until it is serious.” Comfortable_Ad1333
Another User Comments:
“Weird ESH. I understand you’re trying to protect your child and I get it, it would be nerve-racking trying to ensure your kid is safe when they’re not with you.
However, unless it is in legal documentation, your ex can introduce your kid to who they deem suitable while it is their custody time. If you want this new partner thing to be mandatory, it needs to be done formally.
Withholding your child from your ex during their custody time just because you don’t know their new partner could be seen as a negative thing custody-wise.” CrabbiestAsp
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and for a couple of reasons. Stop “co-sleeping” with your child it’s a terrible front safety perspective as a baby and also delays development and produces weak useless adults when done with toddlers.
Also, it’s his baby too you don’t get to universally make the rules. Does it suck yes, but unless it’s a court order you have 0 say. Yes, true co-parenting is nice but it’s simply not always possible.” LetsUseBasicLogic
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Parents Borrow My Car Because It Has A NAV System?
“I’m a 22-year-old guy, and I live with my parents.
I’m on my summer break from college. Since I was around 10, my mom would lease a new car every three years. Four years ago when I turned 18, she purchased the car that she had been leasing, as the lease was nearing its expiration, and gave the car to me, then leased a new one for herself.
The car she currently has is the same make, model, and even color as my car, only three years newer, and it has some features that my car doesn’t have (heated seats and steering wheel, blind spot monitor, park assist, etc.), but one feature that my car has which hers doesn’t is a NAV system.
An important thing to note is that when she gave me the car, she transferred the title to me, so the car was mine, not hers.
I love my car and especially the NAV system and use it all the time.
I have a lot of trouble with reading maps, so being able to see where I am in real-time is nice. Plus, since it’s not on my phone, I don’t have to worry about using up my data, or finding a place to mount the phone so that it isn’t in the way but where I can still clearly see it.
Plus my phone is rather old and tends to lag. My mom likewise is very happy with her car, and when the lease expired last year, she decided to purchase it. That’s how happy she was with her car.
This is why I was surprised when earlier today, my mom asked if she could borrow my car for a trip they will be taking next month in which they plan to drive to various states and stop at various tourist attractions along the way (not saying where we live or where they’ll be going but it’s in the southwestern US, so it will entail a lot of driving).
They will be gone for three weeks. They want to take my car because it has the NAV system. I told them no because I needed my car. They insisted that I could get by for three weeks without the NAV system.
I told them that I would need the NAV system, because during the time they will be gone, I have a doctor’s appointment in another city where I’ve never been, and I was also planning a short trip of my own with some friends to see a concert, and I said we could take my car because NAV system, and I also promised to be the designated driver.
My mom said that I could use the NAV system on my phone, and in the meantime, I could enjoy the features on her car that my car doesn’t have, and my dad said that I could also drive his car.
He has an older yet very nice car which has a lot of sentimental value to me that I enjoy driving, but I still need the NAV system in my car. Plus I’m not sure either of my parents would want me driving around a bunch of sweaty guys in either of their cars.
I told them that they could use the NAV systems on their phones. I also reminded my mom that I am the legal owner of my car, as the title is in my name.
We argued for a while but eventually, my mom reluctantly agreed that they would be going in their car.
But now I’m thinking that maybe I should have allowed them to use my car.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Although what I’ve gotten from my parents doesn’t come anywhere near this expense (i.e. 10+yr old homeware), I can appreciate the dynamic – it can be frustrating and degrading when your parents give you something, and then still treat it as theirs.
As much as I want to say you should be grateful for any car, it needs to be balanced with having some sense of self and dignity. So I’m on the fence about whether refusing was right, although leaning towards it being right since you had trips planned, but either way no jerks here” DuckWithAnEye.
Another User Comments:
“I once borrowed my mother’s cat for three weeks while she went on vacation. It was supposed to be two, but a snowstorm delayed the return of the cat by an extra week. My children were not sad about this.
I was not sad about this. My stepdad, who is more of a dog person, was not sad about this. Only my mom was sad about this because she missed her cat. ” Candles
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, your mom gave you the car for free in the first place.
How nice is that? And you can’t find it within yourself to let her borrow the car that she gave to you for free in the first place? Sure, the title is in your name, but she gave it to you.
As a small show of appreciation, the least you could do is let her borrow it. Also, you’ll be fine without the NAV system. Just use your phone.” LoudCrickets72
7. AITJ For Expecting My Unemployed Partner To Share Household Duties?
“I (30F), Anna, have been with my partner (31M), Mark, for about 6 years now. We have lived together in multiple states and I have moved frequently to support them and their career goals. I can work from home so it is easy for me to move.
Things have been tense for the past month. Mark was laid off from his job (through no fault of his own) in December. We figured it would be no time before he would be back at work, but it is now July and I am fully supporting us.
I am lucky that I can, however, money is tight and I am starting to eat into my savings.
Anyway, lately we have been arguing a lot about household duties. I do about 50% of the cooking (he will grill some nights and the others we will do cheap takeaway or just random stuff from the fridge) I am also responsible for cleaning the floors with the Swiffer, the countertops, keeping the house tidy, my laundry, the sheets and towels, the shopping, and one bathroom.
His tasks have always been dishes (but only after dinner dishes if we eat together,
I try to clean as I cook and if we eat separately, I wash up my plate), vacuuming, trash, his laundry, and the guest bathroom, as well as outside house maintenance.
I admit, I am a bit messy and scatterbrained. I am the queen of leaving something on the table so I don’t forget to put it away and then get object blindness to it. Our home is never dirty, but our dining room table often has 3 to 5 random things on it.
We also have an older dog and if she barks to go out, I will set down what I am doing to let her out into the yard and then sometimes forget to come back to exactly what I was doing.
He has been yelling at me a lot about this. Saying I put no effort into this relationship or keeping the house neat and that he has to constantly mind after me like a child. (He never picks up my messes, just tells me about them).
I’m getting frustrated because I don’t personally feel like it is that bad. I know it is his pet peeve and I am trying, but I’m not perfect. If I leave one thing out after cooking, I will get a nasty text about it when he finds it.
I wish he would just put it away as he lives here too, but perhaps that is childish of me? I also feel that since I am currently the only one working (granted it is work from home) he should be stepping it up instead of binging TV shows on Netflix.
He keeps yelling at me for every mistake. I know he is stressed about his job. He is working to find a job (I know it seems sus, but he has a contract, just waiting on a few things to get sorted) and I know that it is stressful to be unemployed. I know he says that he hates not working and it gets to him.
But I feel like I am trying my best and I know I’m not perfect, but I just don’t know how much longer I can take the constant criticism and nasty language. Am I the problem/AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At the moment you are supporting both of you and to be told you’re ”not putting in enough effort” must be hurtful. I think it might be helpful to sit down at a time when you’re both relaxed and likely to be able to carry out a calm dialogue about expectations and limitations.
Neither of you is perfect, what aspects can be handled by the other in the spirit of give and take, with grace? Or consider some type of couples-building exercise or counseling. I hope you two can weather this tough spot and come out stronger together.
Just make sure to keep the birth control … under control – no surprises needed at the moment.” Lhamo55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Collectively, it doesn’t sound like either one of you is a jerk, you’re just going through a rough patch.
You’re right, I’m sure the stress of being unemployed or maybe feeling emasculated because you’re the breadwinner, could be the real root of the problems here. You are already doing your part. You’re supporting him financially and emotionally.
And I’m guessing you don’t stress about being tidy all the time because you don’t stress about him being unemployed all the time. I think you’re rolling with the punches better than he is. I think one good heart-to-heart could make all the difference.
Tell him you appreciate what he must be feeling, but you are trying to be as accommodating as possible but some patience on his end would go a long way toward a happy household.” BeMandalorTomad
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like he or both of you need an outlet for stress relief.
I can see being huffy and having justified overreactions while stressed. That doesn’t mean putting the relationship itself on blast though. That’s an odd thing to throw in if it’s just about general messiness. Chore tangent. Sounds like chores are being handled like roommates instead of a relationship.
Yes split the chores but there is no “his laundry, her laundry. His dishes, her dishes.” It’s just laundry and dishes. And while he’s jobless- dynamics and household expectations should change with as long as it’s been. That honey-do list best is nil.” Snowkit10
6. AITJ For Pushing Back Against My Strict 11PM Curfew At 21?
“Hi, I’m a 21F and I’m currently living with my parents, who both have enforced an 11 pm curfew on me. I drive on my own, and go out maybe about twice a week, other than that I attend all my normal obligations (job, school, etc) without trouble and they even have my location at all times (I don’t go to bars, clubs, any late night activities)
Now on occasion, I will be late about three, maybe even four minutes. Right at 11:03, I might enter the house. Keep in mind, I don’t have younger siblings that need sleep, it’s just my parents who don’t even sleep before midnight and my older brother (22, who has absolutely no curfew).
When I come home even minutes late, my mom goes on a rampage and yells at me and is extremely upset that I didn’t make it on time. Even when I make it right on time she’ll make some kind of remark like “You’re getting too close” or “Watch yourself”
Today I came home quite late, around 20 minutes over 11. I had even told her that I was going out to have a serious talk with my partner (at a cafe that’s known to be safe and close by) and that I might be over the curfew.
But as soon as I entered, she was visibly upset and raised her voice at me saying my curfew was going to be reduced to 10:30 now.
I was upset but didn’t show it, as my mom is Korean and there’s somewhat of this “respect” thing where I’ll never yell back or talk back to her.
So I just nodded and listened to her as she kept yelling at me for being “irresponsible”, “rebellious” and whatnot. So she tells me “10:30, you need to be home.” To which I reply “I can make it by 11”. This is simply me standing up for myself because simply I do think a 10:30 curfew at 21 is ridiculous.
Then my mom goes on to say that I’m being rebellious and that I’m ignoring what she is saying. To which I responded, “I’m not rebelling against you, I’m simply communicating a boundary of a curfew time that I think is appropriate for me”.
But then she yells back that I’m talking back, that I’m calling her a liar, and that it’s the same thing as being rebellious.
I then asked her a question back- “are you mad when I come home past my curfew because I’m “disobeying“ your rules or are you upset because you’re worried that I’m unsafe outside?
She responds that it’s both. I then tell her that I feel like she only enforces my curfew and gets upset at me because she just enjoys having something to get on me about. And then I mention that when I come home late and the first thing she does is yell at me and accuses me of being a rebel or disobeying daughter, I can’t tell that she’s “caring” for me or doing it out of worry.
She then goes on to say that her talking to me at that moment (note: she’s not just “talking”, she’s straight yelling) is proof that she cares about me. And then I said that it doesn’t feel that way and that it’s not a feeling of care being displayed in me, but rather fear.
She starts talking sarcastically saying “What are you? A little kid still? Do you want me to tell you in a sweeter voice? Or do you want me to hug you while telling you? Write you a letter?” And continues to say that it’s not her fault I don’t feel loved or cared for.
And that she’s doing her best to show it and if that’s not how I receive it then it’s just my fault.
So what I don’t get is that when I say something and she takes it in a certain way, if she interprets it in one way then that’s how I intend on saying it no matter what.
But then when I question how something she does makes me feel a certain way, she says that it’s my fault for feeling that way and that it’s not true. AITJ for not understanding and feeling her “love”?
The conversation simply ended with her saying that she was feeling less worried for me at that point and just straight upset, so she told me to go away upstairs before she got upset (she already was so I don’t know the point of that)”
5. AITJ For Snapping At My Partner Over His Reaction To The Netflix Login Issue?
“I’m a work-from-home mom of 2 – a 1-year-old and a 10-year-old autistic child. I maintain all of the household duties from 6 am to 10 pm – while also making a little income as a social media manager (was my full-time career before children).
My partner came home after work at 5. Drank beer until 8 when he showered and sat on the couch. I serve him dinner. He goes to watch Netflix – which logged us out. Same for Hulu. I’m nursing the baby to get her to sleep when he gets upset at not being logged in.
He proceeds to say “You’re home all day. You’re seriously going to tell me you didn’t watch Netflix or Hulu? Our son didn’t want to watch it?”
A little surprised at the question, I stated no, he was watching YouTube and playing with our visiting cousin/aunt all day.
And, if my kid asked me to sign in, I would…because it’s not a big deal.
He huffs and puffs and just starts in. In the meantime, I grabbed the controller logged into both accounts within 3 minutes, and tossed it back to him.
Here’s the thing – I could have swallowed my anger. But I’m tired. I deal with children all day long regulating their emotions, why do I need to treat a 33-year-old man like a child?
He continues to repeat his point that I’m home all day and could have signed in.
Where I say, if it was brought to my attention I would have. I ask him why he’s so upset and remind him that all he needed to do was say “Babe can you sign in for me?” As he’s done in the past, instead of choosing to be angry and fight with me.
He wanted to continue to fight so I leaned in. I don’t ever cut deep and say things that we can’t heal from…he doesn’t care. He has stated multiple times he doesn’t care about my feelings and when I ask him to adjust his tone in how he speaks to me (which I’ve been asking him to for 10 years now) it’s just an eye roll.
I told him he was being dramatic and ridiculous about the entire situation and it could’ve been avoided if he had just chosen to simply ask me to sign in versus fighting. When he continued to just keep coming back at me, I told him to shut up and get lost, which I know irritates him, but after a certain point, I’m just done and I can’t deal with the repetitive fight, within my eyes is completely ridiculous to begin with.
I know my reaction wasn’t ideal, like I said I’m just tired.
At that point, he proceeded to tell me the next time there was an issue with anything in our home that I just needed to be the one to figure it out, which led me to call him spiteful and lazy.
Because when he gets angry with me, he will intentionally not do things that I am unable to do or unable to pay for, because… It’s a power play. We had a simple issue with a household appliance and it took him over three weeks to look at it and identify the problem which was a five-minute fix, however, because he’s lazy for three weeks.
I could not use my appliance, despite calling two people to figure out the issue researching it online, and telling them what I believed the issue was. So I try. I do try to take care of what I can take care of and not add extra things to his list, knowing that he does work hard outside of the home.
However, I just feel like I’m constantly overlooked because I’m just “at home with the kids”.
I don’t know. Am I the jerk for not swallowing my irritation and instead asking him why he felt the need to lash out and then tell me he wasn’t going to help with anything in the future?”
4. AITJ For Telling My SIL Her Daughter Isn't Gorgeous?
“My brother and SIL have 2 daughters F14 Bria who is his and F16 Leah who is hers.
The problem is my SIL. Every time someone compliments Bria we MUST also compliment Leah otherwise she will get mad. For example, if I tell Bria that she is very talented in something SIL will interrupt me and say “But isn’t Leah also very talented?” It’s annoying.
I can’t say a single word to my niece unless I say it to Leah too.
A few days ago we were at their home and the girls were getting ready to go to a party. Bria was looking gorgeous so I told her “omg Bria you look gorgeous”
SIL interrupted me again and said, “But isn’t Leah very gorgeous?”
I finally snapped and said “No she is not” She looked at me shocked and said what the heck is wrong with you to say that? I told her I didn’t want to say that but since she wanted to know I answered truthfully.
If she thinks her daughter is gorgeous then she should tell her but she can’t expect people to compliment her.
Now she thinks I’m a jerk”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – assuming that Leah heard what you had said.
She’s a 16-year-old girl. That could seriously hurt her self-esteem. It’s a bad way to get back at your SIL by making Leah hurt. It is also true though, that yes, you shouldn’t have to compliment Leah every time you compliment Bria.
But she’s 16 and teens that age are sensitive and always looking for validity in who they are and how they look. **In the end though, I’d say YTJ because I’d expect an adult to handle that situation better without hurting a 16-year-old’s already fragile self-esteem.** You said it yourself “The problem is my SIL”.
So why did you make it Leah’s problem and force her to be the casualty in the problem you have with SIL?” wzardwrld999
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t like how your SIL acts? That’s fine.
You don’t want to adhere to what she tells you to do? Fine. But you should not have done it right in front of the children. You could as well have stayed silent and pretended like you didn’t hear what your SIL said, and talked to her privately after this.
But telling a pair of sisters one of them is beautiful and the other is not is just a massive jerk move. For goodness sake, they are children, especially since they haven’t done anything wrong. You have a personal grudge against the parent, which is fine.
But you should not have taken your anger out on the child.” qptw
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Do you ever compliment Leah independently? Do you ever bother to remark on her talents and achievements? Because this post reeks of favoritism.
Also, even if Leah didn’t look good in the dress, there’s this thing called being tactful. Also known as a white lie?? Because you’re a massive jerk for insulting a teenage girl based on her looks.” vivavalpixie
3. AITJ For Telling My Partner His Mom Insulted Him While I Was Cutting Her Hair?
“So my partner‘s mom texted me asking if I could go to her house to cut her hair which I’ve done in the past. Now I haven’t seen her often because with this much of the story, I’ll let you know that my partner and I tried to keep as much space between her as we can due to drama in the past. So I will admit I was a bit nervous to go over by myself, but I figured I was giving her a haircut.
What’s the big deal? I’m just gonna do that and leave. I asked my partner Chad if he would come with me because I was nervous to go by myself in case I would get cornered into any questions.
Chad said it’s been such a time and his mom loves me so much that he would like for me to go there and bond with her. I agreed that was a good idea so I made my time to go and do the haircut.
That same day we were having a refrigerator delivery so we had to make sure somebody was home for the delivery which Chad said he would be so it was fine for me to go and do the haircut in the morning.
When I got to his mother’s house, I started the haircut and the people for the delivery were calling me to say they were outside, but nobody was opening my door.
I was calling Chad to get the door, but he had fallen back asleep and his mother witnessed me calling him and realizing he was not answering the phone.
Then it begins. “OK, I’m going to be hard on you now. What are you doing with him? “ how long are you going to put up with somebody like this?” “ he is not a good person. I have prayed for him and I realize that he has a bad soul.” “ I know you think he has wealth, but it won’t be for long.
I am changing my will.” (Now she’s insinuating. I’m a gold digger.) “This is the man you want to marry? This is who you want to be the father of your child?” I continue to cut her hair.
I just answered questions like what length would you like? Do you want a lot of volume? Kind of ignoring the comments? Chad does end up answering and getting the delivery fixed by the way. Anyways, in that moment, I felt uncomfortable and I just felt like it wasn’t her place to be speaking to me like that and I kind of have to admit it wasn’t the first time, but it was never that aggressive.
It was subliminally in other ways insinuating that we shouldn’t be together.
Anyway back to the big question am I the jerk for telling my partner that his mother pretty much told me to leave him and that he was not a good person?
Because that’s exactly what I did when I got home. I told him what happened and what went down and he was so upset. He reaches out to her and mentions the entire story and now she has called me and texted me paragraphs saying it was a woman-to-woman conversation and how dare I mention it.
Part of me feels like I broke a girl code, but another part of me feels like it was important for me to tell him that I didn’t like those comments and it made me upset.. so now it’s all up in the air not sure what’s next.
Probably won’t have a relationship with her, but it’s too soon to say I would just like to know am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s your relationship and his mom put you in a tough spot but I’ll give you this warning.
I had a friend who was engaged and the MIL told her that she was making a mistake by marrying her son. My friend didn’t listen but she should have. I know you’re worried you were being called a gold digger but it might have also been a fair warning that came when his mom was witnessing you trying to get a hold of him because he wasn’t responsible enough to handle the delivery like he was supposed to.
I’ve told so many friends over the years that if a parent is warning you not to marry their child, listen to them. Good luck.” blueswan6
Another User Comments:
” I’m gonna go against the grain and say no jerks here.
Yes, I think it was ridiculous for her to say those things and not expect you to relay this back to your fiancé. However, not all parents think their children are amazing and say it like it is. My ex’s mother told me he was a heavy drinker and he wouldn’t change.
I countered that he had been through a lot. Nothing changed. Not therapy, not rehab, nothing. I ended it years later… years! I hope I’m just projecting onto you, OP, and if so, I apologize. Just consider the will comment in another light.
it’s not you who’s not getting the wealth, but him… why is that?” sideglancegirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When my ex and I broke up his mom asked me out for coffee…and immediately told me she was so happy that it was over because she knew I deserved better.
She saw me going down the same path she had gone down with his father. But she hadn’t said a thing when we were together. Her badmouthing her son to you when you were there doing said son a favor is just wild.
Of course, you were going to tell him! Girl code isn’t real and whatever one does exist does not apply to someone’s mother behaving like this.” GraveDancer40
2. AITJ For Feeling Hurt By My Sister's Dismissive Behavior On My Birthday?
“My sister has not been feeling mentally well. She is in the final year of her master’s degree but has not been to class or done anything since January. Why she doesn’t want to say. She struggled with a year of depression in 2018 when she got into a big car accident which was caused by her borderline heavy drinker behavior in the months prior which she has fully recovered from.
My parents pay her entire tuition and insurance. My sister lives with her partner (M32) of 6 years. She does not pay any rent or utilities but does receive a full scholarship.
My sister prefers her in-laws because they ‘do not ask difficult questions about the more serious stuff.
My family is) are always very sharp and picks up on these things and discusses them. Or at least that’s how we were raised. Ever since she got with her partner, she started to distance herself more and more from us in regards to wanting to talk to us about what was going on.
Since I have not seen her in person since maybe January and she has been dodging my calls and texts, I went to her place 2 weeks ago. She lives 20 minutes by foot away from me. I texted her that I was in her neighborhood, did some shopping, and 30 minutes later I still got no response.
I went to her house and rang the doorbell. No response. The windows of the house were all open and it smelled very much like incense. I waited for a while and then left. 5 minutes on the dot after I left she called with some weird story where she said she had a cold and then a stomach bug.
I was happy to hear from her.
I discussed this with my parents and my mom told me that they are fed up with her behavior and are planning to cut her off financially if she keeps ignoring us this way.
My sister has also never had a job in her life.
Then my birthday rolled around. The days before my birthday my sister started to actively text me about the dinner I was hosting and made several food demands, only to change her mind hours later.
She also kept bumping up the time she would show up from 4 pm to 6 pm to 3 pm to 7.30 pm. I was just happy to be in contact with her again.
Then on my actual birthday, she did not contact me till my parents prompted her about it when they asked me if I heard anything from her yet.
She called me, congratulated me, said she was sick again, and then said she did not know when she would have time to come for my birthday because this weekend she had a family weekend with her in-laws.
I texted her today to ask if she was with her in-laws, and she said yes because she was feeling better.
I then texted her back that I felt sad that she did not attempt to catch up on my birthday. She said that I was an entitled jerk brat because this weekend had been planned already so how could she not show up to this?
Also, I was a leech to my parents for always asking them for stuff and going to dinner at my parents once every few weeks. I felt the most hurt by her I ever felt in my life and did not respond.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s purposely driving you away. She doesn’t want to share what’s going on in her life with you because she knows you’ll be concerned about her/ be worried/ not approve. She’s old enough to know she’s tanking her scholarship and master’s program (if you are correct she’s not been doing anything for half a year).
But she’s an adult and can deal with the consequences. Tell her you’re around if she ever wants to catch up, then don’t hold your breath.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “I then texted her back that I felt sad that she did not attempt to catch up on my birthday.” So an honest, non-threatening message about the way you felt.
It’s clear from your post your sister being in your life is important to you & you’ve made multiple attempts to reach out. “…That I was an entitled jerk brat because this weekend had been *planned already so how could she not show up to this?”* So why indicate she’s going to come to your birthday event by indicating/changing her dietary choices?
I’m sorry about the way your sister is treating you. Take the time you need to process your hurt & go from there. L or NC may need to be among your potential choices. All the best to you.
Eta missing sentence” Apart-Ad-6518
1. AITJ For Telling My Sister Not To Eat In Her Car?
“I’m (f15) learning how to drive in my sister’s (19) car.
My sister and I have very different standards of cleanliness. Her room is always messy, she has no problem wearing clothes, she sleeps with our dog, she doesn’t wash her face, and she only washes her hair once or twice a week.
I knew she eats in her car because her booster seat thing had sesame seeds in the holes and I sometimes see fast food wrappers in the car but I can just take off the booster thing and ignore it.
I got home the other day and she was eating in her car and there was food everywhere. It was disgusting. When she came inside, I told her to stop eating in her car because it grossed me out.
She said it’s not my car so not my choice but I told her I drive it almost every day.
She told me she has 25 minutes to eat and get to work after class and her work is 15 minutes away from her school so she’s gonna eat wherever she wants and if I have a problem with that I can buy my own car.
I told her I can’t work if I can’t drive and she said that’s not her problem.
She hasn’t been letting me drive her car because “apparently it’s disgusting” and she’s been kinda unpleasant to me so I wanted to know if I was the jerk for telling her not to eat in her car”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Not your car, you don’t get a say. If it’s hers, she pays the gas and stuff on it, then you get no say at all especially since she was letting you use her car to learn.
Also your “I can’t get a job if I can’t drive” is an excuse. Do you know how many people I know who have worked and can’t drive? You figure it out. But if you want to set rules in a car, buy yourself one Edit: I’m not saying it is easy to get a job without a car.
I’m saying it’s not impossible. I’ve seen many people figure it out from riding a bike to catching public transport, or with others so young, parents giving them a ride.” Pixiegirl128
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s her car, and like she explained, she’s working, in school, and it sounds like she has a small child.
She probably isn’t exaggerating when she says she gets 25 minutes to eat. Also… the hygiene practices you listed at the beginning are not that gross. She’s being very generous letting you drive her car almost every day.
Apologize, and stop acting entitled to her car. Beggars can’t be choosers.” CausticMoose
