People Face Reality In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Telling My Parents About My Savings?
“I (15F) have been saving money for a while now, I don’t know what for yet, but I was saving for the future, just in case.
Part of the money I had was from my grandparents, they gave me money on my birthday or Christmas. I obviously never told my parents that I’d been saving money because I thought it wasn’t a big deal.
My mum was looking for something in my drawer and found my money.
She asked me about it and I told her I had been saving money. She got so mad because I didn’t tell her and then called me selfish, saying I should give my money to her and my dad because I owe them something.
I checked my drawer yesterday and my money was gone.
AITJ for not telling them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you don’t owe your parents. They are supposed to take care of you and provide for you. It’s asinine to think that you owe them when they are literally doing what a parent is supposed to do.
The money was gifted to you. I’d honestly advise you to tell your grandparents and let them know your mother took your money. I’m sure they will definitely have something to say about that considering they gave it to you. Perhaps ask them to start keeping the money safe for you or even help you set up a bank account with them being signatories since you are a minor.
Your parents can’t get your money if they can’t find it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When I was a teenager I saved money too, by 17 I had $4,300 in my pink Hello Kitty jewelry box (this was 2010 and I remember this specific number because I counted it all at once one day and I was shocked by the money from babysitting, paper run, birthdays from over the years added to).
Anyway, my mum found the money one day too, and you know what she didn’t do – take it!! Sure she got angry at me because she said my brother would take it and she put it straight into my bank account and explained how silly it is to keep cash like that hanging around.
A normal parent wouldn’t steal from their child – that is messed up and your mother is a toxic woman and I would take this as a life lesson and start planning your exit from this family. Please don’t let this deter you from saving, don’t feel you have to just spend your money out of fear your unkind mother will take from you (again this is not normal).
Saving is liberating and will get you out of tricky situations – just open a bank account with a trusted adult (i.e. grandparent) to secure your money.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Check local banks and see if you can open your own account that your parents have no connection to.
Keep the debit card physically on you at all times. It is empirically wrong for your mother to do this and parents who do it once WILL NEVER stop. She’s taken your money, and unfortunately, without proof it was yours, you can’t get it back.
So set up an account, start saving, make absolutely sure that you are the only person allowed to make withdrawals from the account, never write down or say out loud your pin code, and don’t make it something your parents could figure out like a date that matters to you or your favorite number or something.
It might sound like an overreaction but I promise you that it isn’t.” DazzlingAssistant342
21. AITJ For Wanting To Attend A Mutual Friends' Trip Despite My Ex's Discomfort?
“My ex (M30s) and I (F30s) broke up last February. I found a woman I love, came out as gay, and gave my ex majority custody of our son (M3) so I could focus on my career.
My ex and I were together for nearly 16 years and have built a mutual friend circle.
My ex and our son were invited first, and he accepted. After he accepted, he sent me a text asking if I could pass on the invite as he would be uncomfortable sharing the same house with everyone if my partner and I were there.
My ex and I have a very solid co-parenting relationship, but I found this beyond rude. They are my friends too and they are going somewhere I want to go. Would I be the jerk if I accepted and went on the trip anyway?
EDIT: For transparency, the woman I would be bringing with me is the woman I was unfaithful with my ex with while I was trying to figure out my sexuality.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You want to bring your affair partner. That’s super poor taste. And the optics of immediately signing over majority custody to focus on your new life doesn’t paint you in a very good light either, regardless of gender or orientation, as someone whose father decided he wasn’t living the life he wanted and did what you did.
Ex and child were invited first because they were most likely the ones they wanted there. Whether hardlines were drawn or not, mutual friends probably did pick sides, and they most likely picked the friend that got wronged while his ex just kinda goes off to live her new life.” No-Personality5421
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Were YOU even invited? Even if so, you probably shouldn’t. And he WILL NOT show if you and your partner show. He was invited first. This guy takes care of your young kid while you leave him for another woman. A woman you found quick.
Almost too quick, like you were seeing her before. Was not even 3 months!!!! Darn. I had an uncle whose wife left for another woman after a decade of marriage and a kid. A kid he had full custody of. One day left the house and moved in with her lover.
Full custody to dad because in this case, she was unfaithful and would have been reamed in court and did not want to be burdened anyway. Guy was devastated. Not just from the divorce. No. But from all the snide behind-the-back comments questioning his worth as a man from ignorant people in our homophobic world.
He has a VALID reason for not wanting you there. HE needs the support. You don’t. You just want to party and keep him from the group. Not only is it a hurtful reminder of a failed relationship, but you would get to party and keep the friend circle while he has to take care of a very small kid.
Seems unfair.” grenz1
Another User Comments:
“I understand that because you have moved on and discovered your sexuality, and hopefully love, you may be experiencing happiness for the first time (or at least in an authentic different way than you have before). But just because your ex and you have a solid co-parenting relationship (which is fantastic) doesn’t mean he is anywhere near where you are emotionally, 16 years is a long relationship to process.
There’s likely a lot of hurt there and it’s hard to process fatherhood and adulthood without someone he’s likely known almost half his life.
With that being said, it’s also very difficult on your friendships. I’m not an expert but if I had to guess you were invited because your friends genuinely care about you and do not want to choose sides in this situation.
They are probably happy for you for figuring out your sexuality, but inviting both of you, your ex and child first, it almost seems like they didn’t think you would go, let alone bring your new partner to share a house with them, your child, and your ex.
Genuinely I believe everyone is happy for you and trying to show you, that you still have friendships in this group, but I think you should try and respect the fact that you are still included but it’s likely too soon and will likely cause a problem in your friendships if you accepted with your partner.
It’s just not very nice. You WBTJ if you accepted the trip. Decline and make plans with your friends for something else sometime soon.” Comfortable_Fudge977
20. AITJ For Drastically Changing My Appearance To Match My Non-Binary Identity Without Telling My Family?
“I’m an 18-year-old non-binary person and want to express myself through things like certain clothing/makeup/piercings etc. However I am extremely paranoid about how my mother (and the rest of my immediate family) would react given that most don’t know of my gender identity, new name, pronouns, etc, and my mum had a very bad reaction to me coming out as she called it “a death in the family”.
Every day I feel worse and worse because I can’t express myself how I want to but I don’t want to upset them because they are my family and they’ve treated me so well up to now.
I just cannot gauge at all how my family would react if I came home one day with a full face of makeup, piercings, hair dyed, and wearing clothes I’d previously never even hinted at wanting.
I would look like a completely different person but I know it’s the happiest I’d be for a long time.
So WIBTJ if I came home with a drastic appearance change without telling any of my family?”
Another User Comments:
“If being your true self causes your mother to claim it’s a “death in the family” then no, they aren’t treating you well.
Treating you well would be accepting who you really are. If their good treatment is solely dependent on your compliance of their norms and denying who you are, that’s horrible. NTJ. I don’t care WHO it is, do not be anything less than the self you want to be for ANYONE.
I’d say go slow on the appearance. If you have been denying yourself what you want because of them, then you haven’t fully gotten to play with the ideas you have in mind. Don’t do something too dramatic that YOU may regret doing. Good luck!
Hope you find your best self!” RoxasofsorrowXIII
Another User Comments:
“So you aren’t planning elfen ears? I mean, so family members will totally freak. My dad totally freaked at my sister’s tattoo. (We’re Jewish – tattoos are a thing. Heck, when I was a kid getting your ears pierced was a thing.) Either they’ll calm down – like my dad did – or they won’t.
You can’t control their reaction. Ultimately, this is about how what you do makes you feel. If your family only accepts their version of you, then they aren’t accepting you. Give them a chance to accept the real you. And if they don’t accept that – well the awesome thing is that you are 18, and you are going to find your people – your family.
Some you may be related to and some will become your family. But they’ll accept you for who you are – whatever clothes, hair, piercings, and makeup comes with that.” rak1882
Another User Comments:
“Hey OP, I’m a fellow enby. Here’s the best advice I got as a currently seventeen-year-old who (from what I’m assuming) also lives with their parents.
First and foremost, NTJ. I’m really sorry that your mother reacted the way she did and I’m sorry that you still fear expressing your identity openly to your family members. Expressing in a way you do not like every day can be exhausting and frustrating, I can tell.
However, I would like to give you some advice before you plan to do anything.
1) Start slow. Don’t do everything at once. Especially with piercings. I’m aware you most likely did research already and you probably know this yourself, but I’ll say it already.
Start minimal with piercings first, like ears or a nose piercing, and learn to take good care of them. Don’t get multiple at once or go full hardcore like getting a tongue piercing as they can get harder to maintain. As for appearance in general, create wish lists of clothing or certain hairstyles and colors you like.
You don’t want to go for a look you may have second thoughts about. Create albums of different clothes, piercings, and general styles you prefer, and continue to build on your appearance as time goes on and you keep buying and accessorizing yourself.
2) Begin letting your family members know that you want to achieve a certain look or style.
From what I can tell, you’re in a similar boat to where I was. I was also just as exhausted with having clothes or a haircut and an appearance I did not identify with. When I came out, I realized I had to be honest and assert what I wanted. I started sending my parents clothes I liked and asked if I could get my nose pierced. Of course, parental opinion is going to stifle you, especially considering what was implied about your mother.
Don’t let that stop you though. There are always loopholes in fashion which you can still enjoy! Plus, once you move out you will have more freedom to do whatever you want. But starting with asserting your fashion opinions will at least let your family know how you feel and what you want for yourself.
So even when you do change appearance, it won’t be as sudden.
3) Please don’t let anyone tell you your identity is not valid because it is. I know it is hard at the moment. You will have family members insist you are something you are not.
You are going to be challenged time and time again. I am so proud of you already for coming out. But I promise, no problem will remain forever. You will be able to express yourself sooner or later. I know that promises are fickle but I can assure you that everything gets better.
I’m sorry if this advice is not the best or thorough. I hope it can be of help though. Good luck. Don’t give up on being yourself!” Living-Price-314
19. AITJ For Confronting My Friends After They Blew Off My Camping Trip?
“I invited 10 of my friends to go camping last weekend and no one showed up.
They all acted like they wanted to come and only one person said they couldn’t make it. Some of them said they would think about it and get back to me and then some said they wanted to come. I told them the time and the place and no one showed up.
I went to the campground we were supposed to meet at and waited for an hour before I realized no one was coming. I didn’t even get a text from any of them saying they couldn’t make it.
I found out they blew me off by seeing a post on Snapchat of some of them hanging out and having a fire at a friend’s house instead.
I was so angry and hurt that without thinking I drove to the house they were at. When I got there they all acted like they were happy to see me and not like they just blew me off. I used some choice words and told them they were horrible friends.
None of them have talked to me since and honestly, I don’t regret doing it.
This is not the first time my friends have blown me off it happens frequently. I don’t think it’s because they don’t like me I genuinely think it’s because they simply forget about me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I saw a post one time that explained how if you are the one always taking the pics and you are the one always reaching out and the one always helping everyone and being there for everyone and nothing being reciprocated it made you a background friend.
I was that friend. I know how it is. You need better friends. If they blow you off like this too often, they don’t care for you as you do for them.” PersonalityFuzzy3361
Another User Comments:
“NTJ bro. Move on and find new friends. Quantity doesn’t matter.
Quality does. I have enough to count on one hand with fingers to spare. But we’re brothers to the end that don’t let thousands of miles let our friendship die. Those friends are rare but when you find them, you know it and treasure it to the final breath.” Druss94508Legend
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t call you a jerk but there were some missteps. Sounds like they all gave you “soft no’s” (no one actually said yes and no firm plans made = soft no) so you expecting them to show is a bit much. Blowing up at them didn’t help anything either.
Now you’re seen as the crazy one. You were left out and that doesn’t feel great. I’ve been there. I don’t think they’re real friends regardless so investing more time in them seems like a waste. Personally, I might offer an apology for the blowup just to put the drama behind me, but I certainly also wouldn’t try to be friends with them anymore.” manlaidubs
18. AITJ For Parking In An Empty Lot Belonging To Another Business?
“About 15 minutes ago I was just getting off my first shift and decided to go to the main office to check on some things. I parked in the store next to the office part and then the owner confronted me.
Owner: Did you read the sign?
It says (insert name of business) parking only.
Myself: Yes, I read it and….
Owner: Can you just move it, it’s in one of my spots.
Myself: Because your parking lot is so full right now.
Owner: If you leave I’ll get it towed, that’s your risk.
(In an upset voice)
Myself: Really successful business you have there with an empty parking lot but whatever.
Moved the car after giving him a side eye and went on about my morning.
His parking lot was 100% empty before and after I was done and he was being a little jerk about it, but who is the jerk?
Edit: the parking lot on my work’s half was full, his half was empty.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Incredibly entitled. You have no idea how often that person has to deal with people ignoring the rules and occupying the spots meant for their customers. It would have cost you nothing to be polite, instead you were a jerk about it.
You’re the kind of person who makes a mistake and then, instead of apologizing and rectifying it, gets defensive and tries to blame anyone but themselves.” Mayalestrange
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He tried asking nicely, and you gave a bit of a passive-aggressive response. It seems like only after that did he get upset.
I get that it was inconvenient for you, but your problem is with the office that doesn’t have enough parking space. Not with the business owner next door who does. You could have offered to go in and buy something in exchange for the free parking, but instead, you more or less insulted his business.
He doesn’t owe you free parking, no matter how much or little you may think it should bother him. He could be dealing with people parking there without shopping nonstop, who knows? Either way, it’s his, which makes it his choice.” Nevaie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You were asked to move your car and didn’t until the owner asked you multiple times to do so. And you insulted his business to his face because you couldn’t park in a clearly labeled spot. It’s not hard to just park in an unlabeled spot.
You’re not entitled to parking stalls close to a company you have no business with just because they were empty. It may have been empty the whole time you were there, but you can’t predict that it will stay that way.” pajanaparty
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay A Large Dowry To My Wife's Family?
“I’m American, my wife comes from another country, poorer (by a lot) than the US. I grew up fairly low-income by US standards. Now I’m pretty much middle class but not having had much growing up makes me really (really) concerned about having a large rainy-day fund as well as saving for retirement.
My wife’s family sacrificed a lot financially so she could come to the US. She sends money back to them now. And I’ve already sent them several thousand dollars. But their custom is for the husband to pay a dowry for the wife. I thought maybe it would be a fairly small amount, like a symbolic gesture.
But no, sounds like they’re expecting something that could run like 5 figures, and that a small amount would basically cause them embarrassment back home. My wife’s mom also recently asked me to buy her a new cell phone.
But…I am thinking about all the money I’ve already transferred, and how a lot more would cut significantly into savings and rainy day funds, and yeah, I don’t really want to give beyond an amount that is apparently usually given to someone who achieved considerably less than has my wife.
So I’m being a bit cagey for now about what I am willing to spend.
So I might be the jerk because a) I’m probably being cheap and b) I’m probably not respecting the other family’s customs.
So AITJ?’
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – good lord, I know which country but I’ll keep it low.
The answer is NO, not your customs. You married her as a normal standby. This is literally why dowry was banned. You can legally go if they pressure I presume. Plus your money your wish. P.S. Keep finances separate. She might give money to HER parents from your joint savings.
“A dowry is a payment, such as property or money, paid by the bride’s family to the groom or his family at the time of marriage. Dowry contrasts with the related concepts of bride price and dower.” Dude, you do realize, you are supposed to GET money?
“Which type of marriage payment of bride price was a condition? (a) In Asura marriage, the bridegroom gave as much wealth as he could afford to the bride’s relatives, not in accordance with the injunctions of the scriptures because it was like buying the bride, which was prohibited”* Yeah, you are getting lied to.
The divorce button be looking great right now.” maddison_cox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No matter how much you send them it will never be enough. They’ll just keep asking for more. You need to have money in an account your wife does not have access to or she’ll send it all to them.
Tell them you’ve sent enough and won’t be sending any more funds. You are not of their culture and not bound to abide by it. As far as your wife sending them money, that needs to stop unless it’s coming from her own income. Even then, she needs to be contributing to the household expenses.
Good luck.” Safe_Competition_671
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Depends on the country and its customs. You may be creating an issue with the norm for them. You and your wife have to decide if you will honor the customs or not. Also, you need to set the limits on what the in-laws get.
Some expect their kids to finance their retirement. Your wife will need to be upfront and honest about family expectations. No is a complete sentence and you need to tell them you are not an ATM and live with the blowup. I would also say that since you have given them some money it will be deducted from the final amount if you agree to pay.” SnooWords4839
16. AITJ For Making My Mother Cry Over Social Media Photos Of My Baby?
“I recently had a baby with my long-term partner. This is our first child and my mother’s first grandchild. My partner has stated no photos should be posted of our baby on any social media by anyone.
Today was the first day my mother has seen our baby and she was so happy to hold him and took a few photos of them together.
After she left, she posted these photos on social media. My partner saw this and got really mad. She went off at me about it and asked if I could tell my mother to take the post down, so I did.
She got really upset and started to cry, asking isn’t she allowed to show off her grandson.
My heart broke knowing I had upset her.
Now my family is going off at me because of all this, saying I won’t be seeing my mother again while she’s visiting the area (she lives 1500km away).
I feel like I’m stuck in the middle of all this.
AITJ for making my mother cry?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your child and your partner made it clear that she didn’t want anyone posting photos of your baby online. It’s a reasonable request. Your mother still could’ve posted something mentioning visiting her first grandbaby and just not included the photos.
Of course this also depends on how you talked to your mother about this issue. If you were yelling and cursing at her then ya you would be a jerk for that.” AnyBoss0
Another User Comments:
“My father posted a photo to social media of me and my newborn son when I had explicitly asked him not to.
Literally 2 hours after I’d given birth. I was exhausted in the photo and far from something I’d be even remotely comfortable with having online. When I logged on to social media hours later, I saw it and I rang him. I was screaming incoherently into the phone to the point multiple midwives ran into the room.
(My husband had taken Bub to get his shots). He removed the post. Dad was so angry with me, but I held firm that it was the exact opposite of what I’d asked of him and I was extremely hormonal obviously, so he got what he got.
People who violate new parents’ boundaries, seriously” useless-millenial
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are not responsible for your mother’s response to a request. Also you as a parent are protecting your child. I agree that the mother of the child posting the child’s image on social media needs to have parents’ approval. I’m sorry your mother in my view attempted to persuade you with guilt to be allowed to do what she wanted. Please understand that you and your partner need to be a solid parenting unit and beyond the same page meaning agreeing to rules like not posting to social media until you both feel comfortable with it.
Please have an open and honest discussion with her about it. Because you both as a unit need to be on the same page for future rules and changes and adaptations throughout your child’s life. Congratulations to you both on the new addition to your household.” boiledpenny
15. AITJ For Wanting To Sell My Concert Ticket After My Mom Didn't Give Me A Birthday Gift?
“I (17m) and my mum (45f) got into an argument around the time of my birthday so she didn’t give me anything for my birthday, I didn’t say anything to her about it because I didn’t want to sound like a brat, but it definitely upset me that she was doing it to get back at me.
However it’s been a week and both she and I have a concert coming up that I bought tickets for, she gave me money for her ticket but I don’t really want to go with her because I’m still upset over the birthday thing.
I want to sell my ticket so I don’t have to go, I won’t sell her ticket because she paid for it and I think it’d be too far. But I know she hates going to concerts alone and she’d be upset over me not going, but I don’t think I should have to?
Why should I have to go to a concert with her after she said she wouldn’t be getting me anything because of one argument?
CLARIFICATION: I did eat the dinner, nothing went to waste.
For context: the argument was because I didn’t want dinner as I had just woken up, and she said I was treating her like a hotel service for not wanting to eat.
We didn’t speak to each other for a week after that. Also I’m not really upset over her not getting presents, it’s more her trying to “punish” me for the argument and using my birthday as a way to do that.”
Another User Comments:
“Genuinely gobsmacked by all the comments glossing over the fact a mother ignored her 17yo’s birthday and telling the 17yo to be the bigger person. NTJ or ESH – it probably comes down to whether you actually want to go to the concert or not.
But if you genuinely don’t want to go to the concert anymore, tell her you’re not interested in going and offer to sell her the ticket to take a friend instead.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for your feelings. You’re a kid, of course it hurts not getting a gift from your parent because of an argument.
Personally, I would advise not fighting fire with fire. It’s not a precedent you want to set. Be the bigger person. If you want to be mature about it, try talking to her and explain that you don’t really want to go anymore.
Maybe even give her the ticket. I grew up with a narcissist who used any excuse to start a massive argument and then punish me for whatever she could invent. The only way I ever got any relief was by feigning indifference to her insane behavior.
I don’t know what your mother is like or what kind of relationship you have other than what you’ve said but if it was me, I would say I have a school-related study event (can’t get mad at that) and be really excited to attend that and give her my ticket as a ‘peace offering’.
That way you don’t have to go but also won’t get into trouble for her ‘wasting her money on one she can’t use without you’ Good luck.” AJSCRPT
Another User Comments:
“Honestly sounds like it’s more than just that one thing… like the straw that broke the camel’s back.
You’re almost an adult, time to start acting like one and try to sit down and talk to her. Make yourself notes if you want to remember certain things and try not to react emotionally, try to see things from her point of view. It’s likely she’s got other things going on, either you’re not helping with chores, or she’s stressed about money, or someone else annoyed her and you just got the brunt of it… Mum’s still a jerk for punishing you via your birthday… unless you’ve actually done something heinous.” BeautifulParamedic55
14. AITJ For Considering Uninviting My Abusive Brother From My Wedding?
“My brother (50m) and I (34f) have had a tumultuous relationship for my whole adult life.
I think?
I never realised at the time but for some reason recently I’ve had this epiphany that he is emotionally abusive. It has been a root cause that affected a lot of aspects of my mental health and self-esteem. But, some may say this is just standard brother and sister behavior.
There are good moments and bad moments, but the bad moments have stuck with me.
Conversations feel like honey traps for some information he can use against me, or to randomly start an argument.
One notable example (among many) would be in my siblings’ group chat (which is no longer a thing) he asked if anyone has watched any good things on Netflix recently, and we all made a suggestion.
My suggestion was ‘the crown’, and he, for lack of a better term, just ‘switched’. He had a really aggressive rant about it and how my liking of this TV show is bad. I just thought it was a good TV show.
Other examples are him insulting my sister because she didn’t want to discuss a subject that he did, and resulted in him calling her uneducated. She is a teacher.
She works in education and has a degree. My sister was understandably upset, and my mother messaged him to just please leave her alone and he told our mum to ‘get lost and that she is an embarrassment to the family.’
Over time, I have progressively seen him and messaged him significantly less.
Which only irritates him more and has made me feel quite guilty. He says it’s me that’s the problem and I’m rude and immature, and classless. He’s my big brother and likes to make sure everyone is in check, which my other brothers seem to appreciate and encourage, as does my father.
He’s really lovely to my dad and my brothers and he doesn’t speak to them the way he speaks to me. This makes me think that I’m the problem but I don’t know how to change.
My father keeps asking me to be nicer to my brother, and that I’m rude by ignoring him.
I’ve really tried to look inward and be nice to him but I still find myself getting anxious and my stomach dropping when I see a have a message from my brother.
My mother still naturally loves him and hopes for me to have him at the wedding.
Wanting to ‘keep the peace’ I have done so. But I really don’t have the energy anymore. My fiancé is so good to me and it’s making me think that I deserve better from my brother, which will never happen.
When my fiancé is around, my brother is lovely, and can be the nicest person ever, so I have no doubt that he’d be nice at my wedding.
When he’s nice like this I feel guilty for even thinking of cutting him off.
Should I just have him at the wedding and then be done with him? Or try and repair the relationship? Or be bold and uninvite him so I can relax just that little bit more on the day?
Is this normal brother and sister behavior?”
Another User Comments:
“The pattern is obvious. He likes and respects men, and dislikes women, including his own mother. He was 15 or 16 when you were born. By rights, he should still be protecting his baby sister from the emotions when he first met your tiny, vulnerable self.
But he disliked you from day 1 because you were (going to be) a woman. You have trouble seeing this because, from day 1, he was your big brother. None of this is your fault, but you need to remove him from your life. You can never win him over, and he will never stop disliking you.
NTJ, obvs.” kimba-the-tabby-lion
Another User Comments:
“”Keep the peace” is one of the dumbest sayings there is. Cause usually it means that the bully continues and everyone just should be bullied without making a fuss. Also, what does “make sure everyone is in check” mean?
You all are adults. That sounds vile. NTJ. A wedding is about the two persons who are to get married. Everyone attending should support these people. Why should anyone invite her/his own bully to their own wedding? Is it possible that your family is from a more sexist culture where males need to keep the females “in check”?
Cause it should be possible to have a calm conversation at your age. But this should have happened long ago. You still can try it, but if you don’t manage to get along with him before the wedding, don’t invite him.” Morlakar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow, he is quite the jerk. People treat you the way you let them treat you. Having said that, you have several options. 1. Just flat-out cut him out of your life right now(sounds like it is long past due to me). No, it is not going to get any better.
Nope. There are no repairs because there is nothing to repair. And it is not you! 2. Since he is civil to your father and fiance, just get through the wedding with him invited. Humor your elderly parents. Suck it up….and keep telling yourself that this is it.
Get through it having him there. Dad is happy. Mom is happy. Don’t be alone with your brother. Let your fiance and dad be a buffer….. This will honestly be less stressful for you in the long run….THEN!!!! How to deal with him moving on.
Benign neglect. Yep. Really. And it sounds like you are already doing it to a point. He told your mother, his mother, to screw off and that she is an embarrassment to the family?! Wow. And your father did nothing? That is a huge red flag…might explain a lot.
Anyway, get through the wedding if you can….then, no more. Do not engage. Block him if necessary. No big fights or confrontations….just do not engage. If you need excuses, your phone has been having problems … Your voicemails and texts not coming through…. No, it is not you.
No, this is not a normal or healthy relationship, it is abusive. No, you do not have to put up with it. Nope. Nope. Nope.” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Walking My Dog On My Parents' Land While Friends Are Hunting?
“I’m in the mid-west and don’t hunt. Don’t mind when people do, though. My parents allow friends to hunt on their land.
I walk my dog on the same loop every day. They hunt on this loop (We wear bright reflective clothing and never feel in danger). Switching our route could disorient my dog (she is off-leash).
My parents don’t care if I’m there, they know it’s the only place my dog can get exercise.
But the hunters get upset like I’m supposed to cede to them this time of year and I mess up their hunt when I walk by. I feel like if my dog is a problem they can go somewhere else.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’d just go to my parents and tell them “hey, your friend x gets upset when I go walk our dog on the usual loop even though it’s our land and they’re using it, would you mind telling them to knock it off and that it’s just a part of hunting on our land?” And for future people, just tell them that’s a stipulation.
Dependent on how supportive your parents are of course, but since they’re their friends and it’s their land, I feel like you need them to mediate since you just walking up to them would probably just result in a screaming match. Get your parents behind you and establish that boundary.
In the end, they’re using foreign land to hunt.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Hunter here. Sounds like these hunters are using the land, not leasing it for sole use. Talk to your parents to confirm the understanding – then hard NTJ. If there is no understanding/lease then it’s mixed use and these hunters need to respect that.
I hunt crown land and private. Private it is known that horseback riders might be passing through (although usually not at the times I’m there) and crown land we have agreements with neighboring parties so no accidents occur (although we have had cases of dogs chasing deer from >10km away separating deer from their families and exhausting them which makes me grumpy).
But you’re doing nothing wrong if hunters haven’t been given sole use. And they need to be more grateful for having access to private land.” Ok_Snow_5320
Another User Comments:
“What a weird problem. If I were the hunter, I would be confused about why I’ve been invited to hunt on this land where someone is walking their dog, thereby scaring off the game.
It’s like a fake invitation. If I were you, I’d be scared of an upset hunter shooting my dog. Do you know these people? Do they know you’re the son of their hosts? Did anyone tell them you’d be walking your dog there? If they don’t know you also have a right to be there, I can see them getting pretty mad.
You and your parents need to figure out a time that you walk the dog and give the hunters a separate time for them to hunt because right now none of this makes sense.” NoPoet3982
12. AITJ For Wanting To Stay Neutral In The Fight Between My Mom And My Late Dad's Partner?
“My mom and dad met when my mom was 16 and my dad was 18. They had a thing and then she found out she was pregnant. My grandparents were angry and kicked my mom out and she moved in with my dad.
They married and then not long after they divorced. But they were really close as parents still, always calling each other best friends. I always lived with my dad because I was a typical “daddy’s girl” and my mom was happy because she got to be young and try to build herself up by finishing school and then she started her own business.
It seemed to work out for all of us.
When I was 12 my dad met someone new and she moved in with us but then 6 months later my dad died. On the day he died, that night, his significant other sent us all a message saying at least she had some good news that she was pregnant.
I was young and honestly just happy that I got to have a brother because growing up the only child was lonely.
Now I am 25 years old and some information came to light and things escalated. Some people are talking in the family that my brother looks identical to my uncle’s child and that it seems fishy considering my uncle stayed with us for a while before my dad died. And then some family members told my mom that my dad’s significant other had been telling people for years that I’m her daughter, that they were married, and that my dad hated my mom.
Now there is a fight going on between my mom and the significant other. My mom told her to stop calling me her daughter as it is weird and psycho, that everyone knows my brother isn’t my dad’s son, and that she should stop lying.
Now they are coming to me and it feels like they are asking me to choose a side. What should I do?? AITJ for telling my mom that I want to be neutral for the sake of my “maybe” brother as he is innocent in all of this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This fight is going to be a doozy if it isn’t already. You are very wise to stay out of it if at all possible. In no way should you choose a side, because being in the middle truly sucks. It sounds like your dad’s significant other is pretty toxic, to be telling everyone you are her daughter and not your mother’s.
What would make someone act like that? You are right that your brother is innocent in all this. Even if he is your uncle’s child, he had no say in the circumstances of his birth and deserves to be treated well.” LonelyOwl68
Another User Comments:
“So your brother is about 13-14? Both your mother and his mother are hurting him. Everything else is second. You’re not a jerk, right now you’re the only one who seems to be thinking about him, I hope you two are close because it sounds like you might be the only one he trusts in the future.
At 25 you know who your mother is and can easily correct others if they ask and then the truth is there so I wouldn’t let that get to you too much. Like really it just makes your brother’s mom look crazy when she lies to people but your mom looks crazy too responding to the crazy.
I’m very hesitant to make comments about your brother’s paternity, but from my experience looking like a relative of one parent is normal. I look a lot like my mother, but I look nearly identical to her deceased sister. Like I get called her name a lot, from the age of 5 to present 30s.
Genetics are funny.” Ready-Conflict-1887
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – For context, I am a mother of two (16 & 13) and my 13-year-old is the male version of his cousins who are 17 & 8, like honestly if you stood the three of them together you would say they were siblings, their baby photos are all eerily similar, there are some VERY strong genes in that side of the family, they skipped my husband (there’s some resemblance but not as strong in him) and my 16-year-old (he very much takes after my side of the family).
My husband is definitely the father of both of my kids, but that is how genetics and family traits work, there are features that are inherited, and sometimes they can skip a generation and then reappear in the next one. A child looking like their uncle isn’t evidence of anything AT ALL.
The daughter comments are weird given the timeline and events but that’s not for your mom to decide, that’s your choice.” Famous_Account272
11. AITJ For Keeping My Transgender Son's Baby Pictures?
“My 45F son, 18M, transitioned from a female to male about 4-5 years ago.
I, myself, thought that it was a little too early to start transitioning, but I didn’t say anything and decided to be supportive. After all, that’s my child!
Anyway, a few days ago, my son saw me scrolling through my camera roll and yelled at me because I was tearing up at his baby pictures, where he was still dressed extremely femininely and was obviously a girl.
I wasn’t crying at it because he isn’t a girl anymore, I was crying because time flies! He told me that by keeping those photos as memories, I am totally disregarding the fact that he is no longer a girl and I am transgender-phobic.
INFO: At the time I was looking at the pictures, my son wasn’t near.
I would never look at those around him because that’s a big boundary of his.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – even if you were crying over the change, that’s allowed too. You support your son, but it’s normal to grieve what you lost too.
But what it comes down to is that you’re allowed to keep your memories. Your son is a young man. 18 years ago he was a baby, but that changed. Looking at baby pictures doesn’t make him a baby now. Looking at pictures when he presented as a girl doesn’t make him a girl now.
I think it’s fair that he request that you not look at those photos around him because he’s allowed to be upset by them. I think it’s unreasonable to demand you delete those photos just because they upset him. But given that he wants you to delete them rather than just keep them away from him, that’s unreasonable.” Electrical-Bat-7311
Another User Comments:
“As a trans person, please don’t delete them. We’ll never feel okay with what we were born as but that’s not a reason/excuse to delete memories. That little human is still the human you raised today, they just made their choices as a human that led them to a new exciting path.
It always hurts for us to have that sense of not being ‘put together’ fully and a reminder when we aren’t expecting it stings, but who they were means something as well. He’s still young, and he’ll mentally even out about things eventually, especially if he is on testosterone, he’s just going through a secondary puberty as well just the flip side edition lol.” Throwway_queer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a trans guy who transitioned at 18, 24 now. I get that it’s a tough spot for both of you. Seeing my old pictures was hard at first because I wasn’t yet able to navigate that dysphoria around seeing myself as a girl.
He might continue feeling the same way he does now for the rest of his life, but I’ve gotten to the point of not caring. Maybe it’s just my prefrontal cortex merging, but I believe my mom deserves to cherish her fondest memories of us and I care about that more than the discomfort.
After all, I’m completely comfortable in my identity, and facing my past is easier because of that. Definitely avoid looking at those photos and videos around him for now. I have a strong feeling that he won’t be as bothered by it in a few years as he grows up.
18 is still a teenager!” jammies00
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Partner's Father-In-Law's Funeral?
“My partner of 1 year and I each have three kids. Not a combined house.
I’m divorced. She is widowed and has remained close to her FIL.
Her FIL passed a week and a half ago, funeral is tomorrow. I met him a few times and got along but I always felt awkward as he was her deceased spouse’s dad.
I was never specifically invited to the funeral, but imagined I’d be going when he first passed. I’ve been supportive emotionally, but I’m not involved with the funeral.
Her BIL started giving her issues the day after his passing (not about me, but FIL supporting her) and I figured then, combined with not being specifically invited, that it was going to be just her side of the family going.
I was fine with this as I didn’t want to add to or increase drama/stress. She has been stressed by BIL and that has only further cemented me not being there in my head.
Here we are a day prior and she has family coming in and mentioned me meeting them and I said “yeah, when”.
Then it came out that we had different ideas… to her, I was definitely going to the funeral, while I had gotten comfortable with the idea of not being invited and not causing drama with BIL. It caused a fight with me bringing up my concerns.
I’m concerned, and stated to her, that it’s a bad look for the new partner (she took issue with the term new partner, though I’d be new to his family) to attend when it’s that side of the family. I feel like there’s no good option for me to avoid being the jerk… Supportive, but obviously causing drama, or unsupportive, but no added drama.
I have no idea which makes me less the jerk.
The fight and my concerns have me leaning toward not attending… WIBTJ if I stick to not attending?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you are there to support the woman you claim to care for, not worry about what someone else thinks.
it might cause drama, it might not. I’d be more on your side if she was merely divorced, but she isn’t, she’s widowed, and there is no ex to conflict with. And this whole fight came about because you couldn’t even have an adult conversation with her about your concerns for a full week and a half, you just made assumption after assumption and never once gave her the choice of whether she wanted you to be there for her or not, you just made that decision for her.” TheDreadPirateJeff
Another User Comments:
“If she wants you there then go because she needs your support. Sounds like she’s getting enough grief from the BIL which is wrong on his end. Just because his brother died that doesn’t boot her out of his family and the relationships she established with them.
She clearly needs someone on her team outside of her husband’s family. If they start drama at a funeral that’s on them and they would look terrible. If there’s confrontation just say “I’m here to support my partner of a year who has nothing but love and respect for her deceased husband and his father.” If you don’t go then yes YTJ.” DeathWithDignity6
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Nobody wants to go to the funerals of people they don’t know, it’s always awkward and uncomfortable, and you have to make small talk with grieving people that you barely know in a sad environment. You don’t want to go and do this, and I get that.
But you are there to support your partner, she wants you there for support, so you go. You have to be honest with yourself, you’re trying to get out of this because you just don’t want to go. It’s not about you trying to avoid looking like a jerk, you just don’t want to go to the funeral of someone you don’t know where you will be uncomfortable.
People aren’t going to make drama at a funeral. You’re making this about you when you’re not going to be an issue when these people are grieving. You not going makes you the absolute jerk. You going, makes you the supportive partner.” Imaginary_Panic9583
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Thanksgiving With My Cousin Who Stole From Our Grandmother?
“My grandmother and great-aunt were very close. My aunt died and my grandmother became a 2nd mother to my aunt’s children (my cousins).
They are grown in their 40s. Well, one of my cousins was in a bind. She needed a car and had bad credit and no money. My grandmother was giving up driving due to age so she offered to allow my cousin to use her car with the understanding that my cousin made the monthly payments and she had a year to purchase the car from my grandmother.
My cousin made the monthly payments. However, after 2 years she still had not purchased the car from my grandmother. Well, recently my cousin was in a car accident. It wasn’t her fault, but the car was totaled. The insurance company wrote a check to my grandmother for 5k but mailed it to my cousin.
My cousin thought that the check should go to herself for her medical bills. However, the check from the insurance company is for the car that was totaled which is technically owned by my grandmother and my grandmother originally put the money up to buy the car and the car was in her name.
So, in my opinion and my grandmother’s opinion the check should have gone to my grandmother. Also, I’ve been in an accident before and everyone knows that medical claims and auto claims are separate, so she would have gotten her medical bills paid for most likely by the other driver.
Not wanting to argue about it, my grandmother agreed to split the check with my cousin 50/50. However, my cousin decided to forge my grandmother’s signature and keep all the money. Determined to keep the peace, my grandmother has decided not to bring it up to my cousin and she acts like nothing happened.
Now it’s Thanksgiving and my grandmother is insisting we go over to this cousin’s house like we do every year. My wife and I recently had a baby and she talks about how everyone wants to meet the baby, but I’m not with it.
I think it’s really disrespectful and not to mention illegal what my cousin did considering this is supposedly a second mom to her or at least that’s what she tells everyone.
AITJ for not wanting to spend time with family or take my kid over for Thanksgiving?
I don’t know if I can look at these people without getting upset. I hate thieves.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I HATE HATE HATE this “it’s faaaaaaaaamily” nonsense some people have. I wouldn’t be able to ignore this either and would feel the same way you do.
My uncle did something similar and I decided not to go because I can’t stand acting like this person didn’t mess over everyone and get away with it (and they acted like they did nothing wrong either).” TheSciFiGuy80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, the cousin wouldn’t pay grandma for the car, totaled it, then STOLE the check that belonged to your grandma.
Why would you go anywhere near them? Anyone who asks why you won’t go, just tell them after what cousin did, you don’t want your child exposed to people who do that. Or people who do not find it wrong to steal from family.” Fickle_Toe1724
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you don’t have to bring your baby if you don’t want to. Sadly many families have people like this, taking advantage of a grandparent. Using them for whatever they can get. Your grandmother is old and the stress of fighting might be too much for her.
Could be the reason for her wanting to keep the peace. But be prepared for this cousin to swoop in when your grandmother passes away to take stuff. I’ve seen people pack off possessions and the grandparent wasn’t even in the ground yet.” Desert-Grimworm
8. AITJ For Insisting My Sister Take Back The Stair Climbing Wheelchair I Bought For Our Dad?
“I (50F) had an argument with my sister (45F) about a stair-climbing wheelchair she guilted me into purchasing for my wheelchair-bound dad. They were coming to visit but staying at a hotel as my house is not wheelchair accessible and making it accessible would be prohibitively expensive.
There are ~8 steps to both my front and back doors and only one bathroom on the second floor of my small 100-year-old house. I told her I was OK if they canceled due to the accessibility issues, but she insisted on coming. She had me spend $600 on a stair-climbing wheelchair which I did not think my dad would use.
It sat in my driveway for almost a week when my dad, big surprise, refused to use it. I told her she needed to take it back with her as they live on the other side of the state.
When she was talking about packing up their stuff last night I reminded her to take the wheelchair and she replied, no, that is going in your basement.
I told her no way is that darn chair going in my basement as a constant reminder of the $600 I wasted on a practically immovable chair as it weighs almost 70lbs. I told her to take it home and have my dad use it there, have her partner sell it and try to get some of my money back, or throw it out there.
I just didn’t want it in my house. She took all her stuff and stormed out of my house and is now not speaking to me.
As some background here, she has been my dad’s primary caregiver since he had a major stroke back in February.
She was out of work at the time for cancer treatment (since completed) and quit her job to move in with him (next door to her house). I have been supplementing her income since then and have given her ~$4-5k and gave her $200 this week to spend while she is in town.
I have also gone out to visit seven times since my dad’s stroke and pay for everything while I am there, including almost $400 on dinners while I was there last time. She called me in hysterics a few weeks ago because her cat needed surgery, and I agreed to pay for that as well.
This chair was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. I have a good job, but I am single and live alone in a 100-year-old house that desperately needs work. She lives with her partner who works out there and is driving a car that her partner’s mom pays for.
AITJ for telling her the darn chair has to go with her?”
Another User Comments:
“Possibly unpopular opinion: YTJ. First, you’re a grown woman. You did not have to agree to buy the chair. Ultimately, that was your choice. Second, if you bought the chair, you can sell the chair.
Third, if you don’t want to give your family money, then don’t give them money. Again, you’re a grown woman – it’s your choice. I also think you need to understand that your sister, who had cancer, quit her job to become a full-time caretaker for your father, who is wheelchair-bound.
How much money do full-time caregivers make where you live? Because that’s how much money your sister is essentially saving your family. And taking care of an elderly parent is hard work.” Rredhead926
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t want to spend the money, you didn’t want to store the chair, and you knew your dad wouldn’t use it.
You chose to buy it anyway, you could have refused. This is on you. Unless when she was pushing you to buy the chair she said “buy it, use it while we visit, and then we’ll take it home after”, then she’s not the jerk for not taking it home with her, if that was never the plan.
Unless your dad said “please buy this chair I promise I’ll use it at your house” and then didn’t, he’s not the jerk for not using something he didn’t ask for. I’m sorry you regret your purchase, it sounds like you’re resentful of all the financial support you’re giving.
The chair is yours. Return it to the company, store it, donate it, trash it. Up to you to deal with it. It’s also up to you to review your finances and decide how much you can afford and are willing to donate to your sister or your father, then stick to that.
But whatever you freely choose to give, is a gift, and you have to let go of resentment about it. Good luck.” SummitJunkie7
Another User Comments:
“Ok, see, reading what you wrote here, I’d have said YTJ on the account of trying to put even more of the mental load on her.
But reading your comments I see that you did not buy the chair, you PAID for the chair. But it was a chair that they chose from a shop in their region, it was delivered to her, she drove to your home WITH the chair, then tried to dump it on you, even though your agreement was “I’m going to pay for the thing that I’m sure is useless, since you want me too, but if you insist on getting it, you will keep it”.
Probably NTJ (for wanting her to take back with her what she brought with her), but you should add the extra info in your post.” Eddy5264
7. AITJ For Snapping At A Pregnant Woman Constantly Asking For Favors?
“I F18 met a girl at the community college I go to we’ll call her Heather (F19) and became friends with her. One night she hit me up just asking what I was doing and whatnot and she explained that her friend who is a substance abuser was missing and no one could get ahold of him including his partner Kat (F 20 something).
I said I’d get both of them and go find the partner.
Kat is pregnant with her fourth baby and doesn’t have custody of 2/3 of her children. When I first met Kat I told her “Don’t rely on me I work a lot” and I have other friends and a partner.
Even after telling her to not rely on me, every day for twoish weeks she’d ask for a ride somewhere/go get her food/buy her food and every time I’d say no she’d beg me and then get upset at me even when I was at work or with my partner.
Last week I finally snapped after she begged me to go get her food when I was doing something else and told her “Yes I understand that but it’s also not my fault you’re pregnant, you’re 20 don’t have a car, custody of your kids.
You’re not helping yourself and I’m not gonna help you if you aren’t even trying. If you even ask me to take you somewhere the next time it’s gonna be a flat no. Figure your stuff out and people will be more willing to help.” Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Pregnant women don’t get a “get out of jail free card” to behave however they want without consequence. At the same time, “going off” rarely produces the outcome you’d want.” everybodyspapa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I see Heather wanted to pawn Kat and the partner and their issues off on someone else, eh?
I don’t see how Heather’s friends became your responsibilities. You don’t know this woman and don’t owe her anything. You probably need to distance yourself. It doesn’t sound like she is someone you would have sought out to be friends with, as you’re both in very, very different places in your lives right now.” moew4974
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for standing firm in your boundaries but there wasn’t any reason to dig into her to such an extreme. She’s not your responsibility but I doubt she feels great about the situation either. I’d have Heather who actually is her friend manage the situation better and limit your interaction with Kat as much as possible.” ArtemisRises19
6. AITJ For Not Inviting My Entire Family To My Small Wedding?
“I got engaged in 2022. We had the engagement party in early 2023 and announced we would be getting married at a small wedding in April 2024.
In a chat with my cousin Pip, I said we were hoping for a small day of about 30 people and it meant maybe not everyone would be invited.
It came up at a kid’s party that we weren’t at because we were ill. My grandmother (GM) and Aunt Ruby lost their cool. They were upset that not everyone was to be invited and that’s not fair. Nothing was set in stone, no invites had even been sent out yet and I had 50 done.
I was told what happened and was upset this occurred without us being there to explain why and at an event that was meant to celebrate a one-year-old! I told my dad what happened.
Weeks later, my Aunt Ruby and Dad had a heated discussion about what happened, and nasty things were said about me.
The conversation ends with my dad cutting ties with his sister.
Ruby rings me and tells me she’s not upset about it and blames the ordeal on the others telling lies. She told me when I give my GM her invite, she will be declining and handing it back because it’s not fair the rest of the family isn’t invited. She went on to say things like “why are you getting married if you can’t afford it?” “Why don’t you wait until you can afford a big wedding?” What gives her the right?
Skip a few months to my son’s first birthday party. My mum attempts to say hello to my GM who ignores her and won’t even look at her, but acts normal with us. Mum is devastated and walks away. For the rest of the party, if Mum went near my GM, GM would walk away.
After witnessing this, I made the decision not to even invite my GM. Why would I after seeing her treat my mum this way and why would I want to go through the heartbreak of having her give it back?
Skip to April, we got married. Without them there.
We had the best day and it was about celebrating us.
Neither of my aunts (Ruby and Pam) nor my GM contacted us, congratulated us, or even gave us a like on socials.
I was a bridesmaid for Pip 5 weeks later and Ruby’s daughter Mel was also.
When I walked out, silence from them. When Mel walked out, Ruby and my GM shed tears because Mel looked beautiful in her bridesmaid dress.
After the ceremony, I find my GM, Ruby, and Pam and made the effort to say hello. I gave all of them a kiss and a hug, and asked how they were.
I felt I did the right thing. Not once, during the whole event did any of them congratulate us or even make mention of our wedding.
Later, Ruby was dancing and Mum approached her. “Can we get together and sort this out?”
“Nope,” and Ruby left the dance floor.
After the wedding, Pam’s husband asked my mum and dad to get together with him and Pam. He wanted everything to go back to the way it was. Mum was excited and set a date. The following day he messaged saying “Sorry, Pam said no, said it’s her family and I’m not to get involved”.
No contact since. It was my 30th yesterday and nil. It’s finished between us.
AITJ for not inviting them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I got married a while ago and only had parents, grandparents, and siblings. My dad’s sisters were enormous pains to me about it.
This and many other aggressive and argumentative things over the years led me to just cut off that part of my family like a rotten tree branch. Many friends of mine have experienced some version or other of retaliation (usually passive-aggressive) about who was at who’s wedding.
Some people are just going to be bitter about things. If they continue this childishness, I’d just say good riddance. Some people are just petty.” TatyanaShudaPunchdEm
Another User Comments:
“You don’t have to invite anyone you don’t want to invite to your wedding and you’re NTJ.
That said, a lot depends on your engagement party. It is supremely tacky to have a larger engagement party and get gifts from people and then not invite them to the actual wedding, especially since you announced the time frame of your wedding at the engagement party.
Were these family members invited to your engagement party? Did you talk to all of them (not just Pip) about the fact that you’d be having a small wedding that did not include them? Or did you invite them to your engagement party, tell them when you’d be holding the wedding, and then let them find out from Pip at another event that they didn’t make the cut?
I don’t think you should have had to invite them to the wedding, but I also think you sent them a clear message that you didn’t actually see them as your closest people so getting upset that they no longer want to be close to you is a bit of stretch.
I also think that getting upset that others told them it would be a small wedding when you weren’t there to defend yourself is a bit jerkish. If it was important to you to be able to explain why to them, you should have explained why ahead of them hearing it elsewhere and someone saying something was predictable in these circumstances.
In other words, if they weren’t at your engagement party you aren’t the jerk, if they were, it’s more of an everyone sucks situation.” KelpieMane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – focus on how you felt during your wedding day & knowing NOT inviting all those extra people was worth it.
People don’t get to dictate your wedding because they want to be there. Regardless of the budget, a wedding is the size the couple wants. The way your father’s family treated your mother, even though this was yours & fiancé’s decision was insulting. I wouldn’t have gone up to the 3 women during Pip’s wedding.
But you tried to be the bigger person in public & they chose to swallow their own sour grapes.” Left-Ad-2496
5. AITJ For Asking My Brother To Cut His Vacation Short For My Wedding?
“I’m planning on getting married in November on a date that has great significance to me and my fiancé. My brother will be out of town with his wife, two young children, and his wife’s whole family for their annual family getaway.
The date of my wedding is the last day of their vacation.
AITJ for asking them to either fly in earlier in the day (which would be a pain, no doubt, having to wake the little ones) or asking them to cut the vacation a day short and fly in the night before?
I’ve offered to pay whatever fees might be involved, which would be well worth it to have them be able to attend.”
Another User Comments:
“This one is hard? I wanna say NTJ because you’re not telling them not to go. You’re asking for it to be cut by one day.
You also are willing to pay for any cancellations and whatnot. However, if they say no and you get mad, you would be the jerk. They already planned it and you already know about it. It’s not their fault the day has significance to you.
Remember that. Even if it’s sucks to know.” slythercon
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. They have a long-standing annual trip in the fall every year. You planned a wedding in the fall and didn’t check with them. You gave them 4 or less months’ notice.
I’d be pretty irritated with my sister if she made me choose between disrupting my entire family’s trip and attending her wedding. One side of your brother’s family is now going to be irritated with him. On top of that, you acknowledge they haven’t been able to make the trip in two years, so it sounds like his wife hasn’t been able to see her family in that time, and you are putting him in a place to choose to disrupt her vacation or miss his sister’s wedding.
I think you’ve placed him in between a rock and a hard place, and it wasn’t cool to do. You’ve decided that your “significant date” is more important than not disrupting his whole life. You say you won’t be upset if he can’t go, but have you considered he might be upset if he misses it, or that other family members will think badly of him?” WhoFearsDeath
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have made it clear you are OK with him not being there. If the date is significant to you and you don’t want to change it, and your brother doesn’t think your wedding is important enough for him and his own family to return a day early, then maybe you will just have to accept it.
Annual holidays occur every year, by definition. Your wedding is a one-off which won’t be repeated annually. It’s one year, but if he feels his wife’s extended family is more important than his own extended family, then so be it.” alien_overlord_1001
4. AITJ For Feeling Uneasy Around My Mother?
“I don’t really know what’s going on with my parents.
Ever since I was a kid my mom would always suddenly try to leave our house but this time is the first time she succeeded.
So a few days ago, I was watching a movie, and my mom started packing up things and I asked her where she was going.
She told me to come with her for 2 days and that it’s going to be a vacation but when I asked her where she didn’t tell me. I’ve known her for so long that I knew she was leaving because of problems involving my dad.
I said no though. Both my siblings were going and I didn’t wanna leave my dad because I didn’t want him to be lonely. I also didn’t want to be seen as if I picked sides so I just tried to keep away from it.
My dad came home and found out everyone was gone. I thought he would have lashed out but he just looked sad with the groceries he bought for my siblings. He left sometime after to look for them. He called me a few times asking me if I knew where my mom was and telling me to text her to ask where she was.
He sounded so disappointed when he asked me why I didn’t know where she was. It stung lol.
My dad came home. I heard him calling my mom. Judging from what I heard, my dad was able to talk to her while he was searching for them and that they’d come home the next day.
They did come home and she was smiling and told me I should have come. I don’t remember what I said but it was along the lines of I have stuff to do which was actually true.
After that, my mom kept trying to get close to me, constantly kissing me.
It was the type of kisses that were disgusting and felt like they left saliva. I’ve always told her that I was uncomfortable with it but she never listens. I avoided her a few times after that, by leaving after 5 to 7 minutes that she was there because she kept trying to do that.
It was never this bad before. She keeps asking me if I have a problem with her in an angry voice that I really dislike. I’m not sure what to do.
I haven’t been smiling at her these past couple of days since I kept staying in my room reading.
She would knock on my door asking to see me. I always answered but would never prolong it. She asked me if I wanted to make pizza a while ago. I didn’t really answer and just followed her since I was feeling so tired. She asked me if I had a problem with her again while I was eating.
I said no and that I was just tired.
I bumped into my dad. He actually noticed that I looked tired lol. Or maybe it was because I accidentally slept on the table lmao. I honestly don’t know what to do with my mom. I don’t really wanna talk to her because she’s trying to kiss me again and it’s so gross and she just keeps pushing my boundaries but at the same time I don’t really like frequently getting asked “do you have a problem with me?” since it’s honestly very uncomfortable.
I kinda need advice but I wanna know if it’s mean or jerk-ish to not smile at your parents since I’m practicing being a better person.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to think about how you actually feel towards your mom. Is it disappointment?
Disgust? What are you feeling and why? Put a name to it. Then, you need to have a conversation with your dad. Don’t bring this up to your mom. Tell your dad that your mom pushes your boundaries and constantly asks if you have a problem with her.
And these actions have increased since she left and came back. Then figure out the next steps together. You being tired could be a sign of your body struggling with the emotions your mom is causing, and you need help. What your mom is doing is abusive.
Threatening to always leave is abusive. And I’m sure you would have noticed if your dad caused something to make her feel like leaving. Then, she takes your siblings (after she failed to get you along), and is trying to act like mom of the year with affection.
As if she didn’t just leave you behind. And her smiles are another way to show your dad she “won.” She’s got to leave! And cause panic and struggle for your dad! It is like she is rubbing in the fact that she finally left. And her asking you if you have a problem with her, it’s wrong for her to do.
She knows she messed up and wants to take the blame off her. She wants you to say nothing is wrong to prove she never caused you harm (she did) while also trying to get you to say you’re mad at her so she can tell you that she is doing the best and you’ll never understand.
It’s manipulative and toxic.” Impossible-Simple-62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not sure your age, but this is not okay regardless of your age. It sounds like you may be experiencing some depression with the exhaustion and isolation. You may want to talk to your dad and ask to see a therapist. It sounds like Mom likes to manipulate the situation with threats.
But, I cannot really say one way or another because there’s a lot of information missing, and it’s likely you are not aware of everything that would add to the relationship between mom and dad. All that being said, pushing your boundaries, making you feel uncomfortable, and making you constantly reiterate that you don’t have a problem with her is not ok.
There may be deeper issues here. I think talking to Dad about how you feel will be the best solution. Sometimes parents make decisions because they think it’s better for everyone. This situation does not sound better for you. Hopefully, he can help you safely navigate this situation.
I’m sorry you are going through this.” BamBamGreenEggsnHam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you sound young and it’s really sad that adults are putting you in a very uncomfortable situation that is impossible to navigate. Just try to live your life and continue to avoid your mother.
She sounds incredibly unstable, unreliable, and toxic to be around. If your parents ever split up, I highly suggest you stay with your father. Your parents may never be the family you can rely on. As you grow up, I suggest you surround yourself with the kind of people you admire and respect.
They will become your support system.” Jackrabbits4ever
3. AITJ For Mocking My Cousin's Wedding Dress Choice To Protect Another Cousin's Wedding Day?
“My (F17) older cousin (Nora, F26) is getting married. A few weeks ago we were all talking about what we were going to wear for her wedding and one of my cousins (Sara, F15) showed us a picture of her dress.
It was a wedding dress. It was white, long, and basically a typical wedding dress. Everyone tried talking to her asking her to please not to wear it but she wouldn’t listen. Her parents also took her side.
For the next few days, everyone tried to convince them to get another dress but they refused. As she is the youngest member of our family she gets away with pretty much everything so they finally gave up and decided to let her wear it but Nora was very upset.
She didn’t want to make drama especially because no one was on her side anymore so me and my other cousins decided to fix this.
Last night when our family gathered together we all started talking in a way we knew Sara could hear us and we mocked her dress and made fun of her for wearing a wedding dress at someone else’s wedding.
The whole time we were laughing and mocking her until she had tears in her eyes and told her parents she didn’t want to wear it anymore. She went home but texted me and told me I was a jerk for doing this to her and bullying her.
I kinda feel like a jerk but I think I was justified so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are clearly some family dynamics here where Nora doesn’t feel like she can stand up to Sara’s parents. Sara is old enough to know this is bad form, and if she isn’t old enough to know it, several people told her.
Sara is spoiled and Nora is being told not to rock the boat on what is supposed to be her special day. That’s disgusting family dynamics and OP recognized that injustice and saw a way to fix it. Sara was trying to be a bully by ignoring the bride’s wishes, you stopped her from doing that.
Did you have to do it in an underhanded way — sure. But it seemed like the prevailing family dynamics didn’t allow for Sara to be corrected in a healthy way.” so_tired_now
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your cousin wanted attention at the wedding.
She absolutely refused to listen to any of her family who told her the dress choice was inappropriate – and she metaphorically spit in the bride’s face by choosing to still wear the dress despite the fact it made the bride upset. Her motives were very clear here.
Is bullying okay? No. Was it justified? Yes. You gave your cousin exactly what she wanted – all the attention. Unfortunately for her, your cousin learned a very important lesson: Not all attention is good attention. She, in a way, bullied the bride. She made intentional decisions to hurt her on her special day.
Thank you to you and your other family who decided to give her a taste of her own medicine. Her feelings may be hurt, but on someone else’s wedding day – her feelings are NOT more important than the feelings of the person getting married. Hopefully, she learns from this that she’s not always going to get her way – she may have most of your family wrapped around her finger, but that doesn’t mean everyone is wrapped around her finger.
Some people would have just told her/her parents they can’t go, or ultimately decided to go Low to No Contact. sucks to suck.” mandes270
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you all told Sara numerous times that her dress choice was inappropriate. You tried handling this the polite way, and you even attempted to get her parents to intervene.
And this way, she wasn’t publicly embarrassed by a lot more people, many of which she likely wouldn’t know, talking crap about her or giving her the cold shoulder at the wedding (when it would be much too late to buy and change into a new dress).
That doesn’t mean what you did didn’t hurt her feelings, but I don’t think your actions were severe enough to account for the hurt you likely saved her and Nora from experiencing overall. This was a good lesson for her to learn: if you are rude to someone for no reason, other people won’t like you and will talk about your actions.
If she’s a halfway decent person, she will look back on this and be grateful that she didn’t have the opportunity to publicly embarrass herself and put a damper on Nora’s day for completely selfish, stupid reasons. We’ve all had those moments as kids/teens, and I’m sure a lot of us wish we had an older family member who could have stopped us.” p_iynx
2. AITJ For Uninviting My Sister-In-Law's Mother From My Wedding After She Caused Drama?
“My (33F) husband’s (35M) brother’s wife was talking trash about my husband at our rehearsal dinner and saying really inappropriate things.
She was causing a lot of drama that night and my friends kept coming up to tell me what was going on. After my sister-in-law caused all this drama, her mother had the nerve to come up to me and tell me that I needed to stop causing all this drama.
She asks me why I hate her daughter – which I don’t – and then she looks me up and down, tells me that my outfit is cute, smiles, and walks away.
Later in the night, I saw my sister-in-law, mother, and mother’s date bickering together and then turning around and glaring at me.
That made me realize, that was not the vibe I wanted at our wedding.
My husband texted his parents explaining what had happened and they told us we should uninvite both of them and that they’d back us up. We ended up uninviting the mother and tried to keep the peace by letting my sister-in-law keep her invite.
Four days after we got home from our wedding and honeymoon, my husband got an email from SIL’s mother asking him to reimburse her for all of her wedding expenses and going off about me and how I’m a jerk for getting her uninvited from our destination wedding when she was already there.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, actions have consequences, though to be honest I’d have uninvited SIL too, or at the very least warned her she was close to getting the boot and would be removed if she started acting out again.
I’d also have let her know you were aware of everything she had been saying about your husband, that lots of people had overheard her and were utterly disgusted by her, just to throw in a little humiliation. If MIL continues to ask for money tell her you both want compensation for the distress she and her daughter caused at the wedding.” Any_Art_1364
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she dislikes you that much, why would she even be that upset about not going to the wedding? It’s not like you cut her trip short and put her on a plane home. She got a day there to do whatever she wanted. You aren’t close enough for her to travel someplace that doesn’t suit her tastes in the name of family, so she must have wanted to go there anyway.
She just wants you to pay for her vacation.” angelcat00
Another User Comments:
“Uninviting them to a wedding for which they had major expenses indeed begs the question that you should reimburse them. And folks should have thought of that to begin with and decided whether you wanted to happily pay the expenses or not.
Or pay them half because they kept half of the experience paid for only because of your invite, which you rescinded on the spot after all the expense was incurred.” mostly_lurking1040
1. AITJ For Not Allowing My In-Laws To Discipline Our Daughter Their Way?
“My husband Ronan (32M) and I (29F) have one daughter (3). We’ve always had very clear and well-established parenting that works well for us and for her.
Enter my in-laws. Prior to having our daughter, we’ve begun to see them more frequently – tends to be around ten times a month, whereas before then it would be maybe once/twice because Ronan has a reasonably strained relationship with them (particularly his mum).
For context, this is because she was one of those people who couldn’t let him have his own privacy, constantly looking through his room, asking where/when/with who he was going even into his late teens, things like that. He never completely cut contact but they’ve been better since we had our daughter and he didn’t want to completely cut them out of being grandparents.
They’ve always had a different approach to discipline than we do (another reason why Ronan has a strained relationship) and it’s very shouty/punishment-based. Raised voices, very “tough love”, while we tend to prefer calm discussions, occasional time-outs, and natural consequences. Our daughter’s a pretty good kid though, she doesn’t tend to act out a lot and usually is more than happy just doing her own thing.
Yesterday we went to go and see his parents, and she had a tantrum over her grandad taking her favorite toy from her because ‘she’s too old for it now’.
Before I could step in, Ronan’s mum had raised her voice and said ‘Behave or else!’ I tried to remain calm with the situation and told them that we wouldn’t discipline her that way, and asked that they leave any disciplinary actions to Ronan and me to deal with.
They were offended and said that we were coddling her and that their methods are ‘tried and true’. They also accused us of being too soft and that we didn’t know what we were doing. Ronan stepped in and said that it was our daughter, and we’d raise her how we believed best. We left shortly after this and his in-laws think that I was overreacting and that I’m the problem.
I just want what’s best for our daughter.
So, AITJ for not letting them discipline our daughter? Should I have handled this differently? Thanks for reading & any suggestions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First grandad randomly steals the child’s toy and unilaterally decides it’s inappropriate?
According to whom, sir? Do you have a degree in child development? And then they shout at her and give an empty threat? Or was it empty? What did “or else” mean? She is your child, and it is your call when a toy has been outgrown.
It is your call how you discipline her- and to be clear: this was not a situation in which she needed to be disciplined. She was reacting reasonably to a man stealing her stuff. Cut these people off.” Purpleteapothead
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter will quit her favorite toy when she is ready.
I myself was raised in a household where raised voices and physical discipline were often the norm. It turned me off children of my own as a result because I’m afraid to repeat the same mistakes with a child of my own. It also stunted my social and emotional growth.
Thankfully, I have a healthy relationship with my spouse of 11 years who will make a wonderful father one day, should we ever have a child of our own. Keep raising your kid as you see fit, and may you have a healthy relationship with them long after they’ve left the nest. Also, place boundaries on your in-laws.
10 times a month sounds utterly suffocating, and you’re a saint to deal with it.” SpecialistFee5179
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cut back on visits. You can not do something unprompted and hurtful to a child (take her favorite toy away), and then yell at her for getting upset.
An adult would get upset if someone took something of theirs. The word “behave” makes my skin crawl. I’d be furious if someone spoke to my toddler that way and would have snatched the toy back and immediately ended the visit. This was not a situation that even required “discipline” of any kind for the child.
Grown adults were bullying a toddler. Time for a timeout for grandma and grandpa.” pineapplesandpuppies
