People Excuse Their Behaviour In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Wanting My Money Back Instead Of A Birthday Gift Bought With My Own Money?
“I have been friends with this girl – let’s call her Nicki for about 4 years and I would consider her as one of my best friends.
I wholeheartedly trust her so this incident has left me quite upset. There was an event happening soon and Nicki was in charge of buying all the tickets for our friends we all paid her before her bought the tickets. Nicki was holding onto my ticket for me since I would be going with her anyway.
Unfortunately, something popped up so I will not be able to attend this event anymore and decided to sell my ticket.
I found a buyer and he was going to pick my ticket up from Nicki but he was paying in cash so I asked Nicki to just transfer me the money after she received the cash from the buyer.
A couple of days went by and Nicki still hadn’t transferred me the money so I asked her about it only to be told that she had something else for me instead. I met up with her and she said she used the funds to buy me a birthday present because it was my birthday a couple of weeks ago.
I didn’t know how to react because I’m grateful she got me a gift but at the same time that’s my money. I’m genuinely so confused right now because she essentially made me use my own money to buy myself a present that I didn’t even ask for.
The ticket was also a couple hundred dollars so I was planning to use the money to pay for my bills but now I’m just stuck with a random birthday present that I bought myself.
I told a couple of people about this and they all said I was being dramatic and ungrateful because Nicki was just being nice.
Am I the jerk here???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she used your money to buy a birthday gift for you when she should have used her own money (perhaps a smaller amount of money). If you’re looking politely at this behavior it’s rude and stingy, if you’re looking at the facts it’s embezzlement or stealing.
Perhaps she got points on her credit card for buying the stuff or she got a good deal and is pocketing part of the money. But as I wrote „perhaps“. But in the end, OP is NTJ.” Ghostthroughdays
Another User Comments:
“The force is strong with Nicki.
Not only did she keep your money without your permission (theft), but she bought you a birthday present **with your money**, pretended it was more expensive than it was so she could pocket the difference; and then conveniently lost the receipt. Not only does she attempt to gaslight you into believing this crazy scenario comes from a good place, but she has successfully gaslighted your group of friends into believing she was only trying to be kind and generous while stealing your money.
The truly amazing part is “*she’s the sweet and nice person of the group”* The truth is she’s a master manipulator and there’s nothing sweet and nice about her. You could probably look at past events in a different light now. I hope you get your money back from her.
NTJ.” crybabybyebaby
23. AITJ For Not Telling Venue Owner About Celebrity Guest At Wedding?
“After high school, my friends and I left our hometown and I settled in a major city about a couple hours away. My friend Elizabeth, who lives several states away, wanted to have her wedding back home. I helped her look for venues, self-contained ones (i.e., where we could sleep, eat, have the ceremony, and have the reception).
Nancy, a hometown acquaintance, runs the venue we chose, and while visiting and getting everything finalized, I discovered that Nancy’s young teenage daughter Natalie is obsessed with a specific celebrity, Alice, to the point of having Alice-themed merch and posters on her walls.
Elizabeth became friends with Alice a few years ago, but I didn’t know until we had a logistics call that Alice was going to attend the wedding.
Alice mentioned that she wanted to be just another friend at the event instead of doing things like taking photos and signing autographs and that she was fatigued from her latest project, which involved a lot of fan interaction. I reassured her that we were going to stay out in the countryside with a small group of people, so everything would be fine and she’d be just another wedding guest.
The wedding went off without a hitch, but afterward, Alice posted a few photos with no location identifiers to social media. Still, Natalie followed her, recognized a couple of distinct landscape features, and was hysterical that Alice was at her mom’s venue and she didn’t get to meet her.
Nancy is furious with me and thinks that not only should I have told her Alice was going to be there, but that I should have gotten Natalie in front of her. I’m honestly torn and genuinely feel bad for Natalie, but it also feels like I would have been violating Alice’s privacy to do so.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your job to disclose the entire guest list to the owner of the venue. The level of fame doesn’t matter. Alice wanted a stress-free environment to be with her friend for her wedding. In my opinion, the needs of the guests exceed the needs of the venue owners when it comes to events.” okstar63
Another User Comments:
“That vendor and her daughter are thinking too short term. If Alice had had to play celebrity during her time there, it’s unlikely she would have been happy enough to post pics of it. Posting pics of it increases the likelihood of someone Alice knows asking about it and hosting their party there, with Alice in attendance.” Ryuugan80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a cousin who is a wedding photographer. A good one! People fly her all over the country to shoot their wedding. She had a wedding once, where she was told there would be a “high profile guest,” and she had to sign an NDA to get the contract.
The day of the wedding comes around, and the Best Man turns out to be a globally famous actor. He’s been a big name for about 20 years. He’s an Oscar winner. He was so impressed with her professionalism and how she didn’t start fangirling over him that he ended up letting her add a couple of the wedding photos to her website for promotion.
I know the horse is already out of the barn, but if it ever comes up in the future, just say that Alice’s legal team has some pretty strict protocols about events. Then you’re not the bad guy, and hopefully, people leave you alone!” Chemical-Pattern480
22. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother Use My Car For His Spring Water Hauls?
“Some background is that a chunk of my family has decided that they are only going to drink spring water from now on. My brother is now constantly asking me if I can go this spring to haul water with him.
If I say I’m tired or I’m busy he asks for my car. I don’t like letting anyone drive my car but when I say no he tells me I’m depriving everyone in that household that drinks the water (pregnant sister, nieces, and nephews) and letting them down.
As well as sending him out to the middle of the woods at night by himself and I’m a jerk for not caring what happens to him. It’s just such an emotional guilt trip every time and I feel like a jerk but I never signed up my car to be the spring car or decide for him to go out there in the middle of the night.
I do not drink this water. I do not know if it is even safe. A lot of people draw from this spring is my understanding but I’ve never seen a test or anything. My brother tells me every time I get a headache it’s because of the shot so I don’t exactly take his word on it.
It is in the middle of nowhere. Always takes ~5 hours total no matter how much I try to rush him. The haul is like ~500 lbs of water. Which I am worried is going to add some serious wear and tear to my car the more I do this errand with him.
I don’t know if that’s how it works but I imagine it’s not great for the car. I drive a Rav4 if that matters. He called 4 times today never taking my no as an answer until I just gave in to shut him up and because I can’t decide if I’m overreacting.
Am I the jerk for not wanting to let my brother borrow my car?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The question you asked is whether you’re being a jerk denying someone use of your vehicle. The answer is no; you’re being smart. It is extremely entitled of your family members to expect you to loan them your car.
From a liability perspective, I would never allow someone not on my policy (like my driving-age child) to use my car. As an aside, It is not rational for your family to drink out of an untested spring 5 hours away (actually, it’s not rational to drink untreated water from any spring).
I am mind-boggled that a pregnant woman is drinking this untested water, but anti-vaxxers are crazy, so …. Edit: I drink from a drilled well, but the water is (1) underground a couple of hundred feet, and (2) I test the water through a professional company.” Horror-Newt108
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you make a lifestyle change like that, you’re taking on all the responsibility for it. He doesn’t get to pass that on to you. He can rent a U-Haul truck/van once in a while, or invest in an old used one just for his water hauls.
“Bro, it’s your water. You haul it. I’m done discussing this. My car is not, and will not, be available for this anymore. Discussion over.”” Catlore
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you’re not depriving anybody of anything, they’re depriving themselves of their ridiculous ideas and you’re not putting your brother in danger, he’s putting himself in danger with his choices.
Why is he doing this run at night? Is it so he doesn’t get caught? Is he even allowed to get water from that source?” Born-Eggplant8313
21. AITJ For Being Upset That My Dad Used My College Fund For My Sister's Tuition?
“My dad used a combined $20k from my and my twin brothers’ college accounts to make a payment for my sister’s college.
My brother and I graduated from high school last year and both decided not to go to college (we are not bums, we are running our own business). The money in the account is the result of deposits from my grandparents and my dad. I figured it out and sent him this text today.
For those who don’t know, a 529 is a college investment account.
The text:
Dad, I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but today [Brother] saw the envelope saying that you took a combined $20k out of our college accounts to pay for [Sister]’s college.
I talked to Mom briefly about it.
I find two main faults with this.
1. You did this with no notification to [Brother] or I
2. You told us that our 529 money was for 4 years of in-state undergrad. As we know, [Sister] is out of state. Therefore, her tuition costs more.
Undeniably, that is a factor in your deciding not to pay entirely out of pocket for this payment.
[Brother] and I have talked about our 529 money with you before. You told us that we are not allowed to take that money out for personal use and that it will stay in there in case we decide to use it for ourselves or our kid’s education.
I see there being two sensible options in regard to the money that was already taken out as well as any money that may be moved in the future:
1. If you want to use the college money in [Brother] or I’s 529 for your personal use (Being the agreement you have with [Sister] to pay for her college) you should compensate us by depositing an equal amount in a money market through [Bank] that is owned by [Brother] or I respectively.
2. Leave the money in the account to accrue interest in case [Brother] or I want to use it to educate ourselves or our kids.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It was college money put there by your grandparents and your father. You didn’t go to college but your sister is going.
Do you hate her? Why would you deprive her of this? As you said, you have your own business. Sorry, but I never understand children who consider their parents to owe them money. Quite entitled and selfish.” Sloane
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You chose not to go to college, so your sister gets to go to a college out of state.
Your choices have consequences. It’s your father’s money, so he can do what he wants with it. He is not obliged to pay for your children’s education. You can start a college fund for them just like he did for you. I hope he also got a laugh out of this pseudo-formal demand from you…….” alien_overlord_1001
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Dad is a jerk because you just graduated high school last year. It’s not uncommon for someone to take a few years to try other stuff before going to college. He should have at least sat down with you and talked to you about it.
If you plan on going to school sometime soon, that money should still be available for you. You’re a jerk because asking your dad to deposit the money into your bank account is ridiculous. It was a college fund in the first place, not your own spending money.
If you don’t intend to go back to school shortly you have no right to that money. Also, this seems like a conversation you should have had in person, not over text.” spacefish420
20. AITJ For Wanting To Celebrate My First Mother's Day Separately From My MIL's Birthday?
“I (30f) gave birth last year and so this year will be my first Mother’s Day this Sunday. This upcoming Monday also happens to be my MIL’s (63f) birthday. Every year my husband (32m), his brothers (29M, 25M), and FIL have celebrated both MIL’s birthday and Mother’s Day on the same day no matter what day Mother’s Day fell on that year.
I was all too happy to celebrate both occasions with them because I lost my mom when I was 8 to ovarian cancer so I never really celebrated Mother’s Day until I met my husband.
This year, however, I would like to celebrate Mother’s Day with just myself, my husband, and our daughter.
I tried to encourage other plans on Saturday, a day filled with fun, food, and activities that MIL likes but have been shot down. I even asked if the three of us could do breakfast/brunch and then we go over to MIL’s to celebrate but this was also unacceptable.
Both Mother’s Day and birthday must be celebrated on the same day. I tried to talk to MIL about it but she said that this is the way it’s been for years that it isn’t going to change now and that maybe we (my husband and I) can do Mother’s Day things another day.
So this is where I might be the jerk; I told my husband he is welcome to go and spend the whole day with his mom, dad, and brothers but I will be staying home and celebrating with the wee potato who made me a mom, we’re going to watch Bluey and make tiny blueberry pancakes (her favorite, lol).
My husband says I’m being unreasonable and that we can celebrate another time, that his mom just loves celebrating being a mom and her birthday together with the ones she loves, and that it would be awkward if her first grandchild isn’t there to help her celebrate (BILs have partners but do not have children yet).
I told him I was standing firm on this and he got angry and went to our room. He’s been in there for a couple of hours now and I’m starting to feel bad for putting him on the spot like that and making him choose how to celebrate.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Remember that Father’s Day is in June. Show him the same (lack of) consideration on Father’s Day that he shows you on Mother’s Day. Also, don’t do any of the labor to celebrate his mother. Don’t buy her gifts. Don’t wrap them.
Don’t make any food. Don’t say anything, just don’t do it. Your husband’s family is his responsibility. If he wants Mom to have a gift, he can choose it, buy it, wrap it, and give it to her.” Teresa’s
Another User Comments:
“NTJ new traditions happen when family changes.
And your first one as a new parent is the one to start in a way you intend to continue. It’s special. Not being the only mother in the family was going to happen. It’s hardly a surprise ffs. Celebrate her birthday, sure. But you’re a mum now.
It’s your Mother’s Day too now. It’s a bit weird and oedipal. Politely but firmly set the tone as to how it’s going to be now. And I mean Bluey. Well, that’s just a classy day right there.” DwightsJello
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom’s birthday is Monday as well.
We used to always celebrate her birthday and Mother’s Day on the same day. That changed as my siblings and I grew up/got married/had kids. My family is having lunch Sunday at my grandmother’s house for Mother’s Day. I love my family and have no bad feelings towards them, but I want to spend Mother’s Day with just us.
I have a 5 & 2-year-old and have never had just my own Mother’s Day. I’m exhausted and just want to go to church in the morning then come home and lay around. I let my parents know I probably won’t make it Sunday and their response was “Okay”.
I called my mom and asked if she wanted to go to lunch Monday for her birthday. She was very touched and said yes. Those are normal responses. You are an adult with a husband and a child of your own. You get to decide how you want to spend your Mother’s Day or any day for that matter.” Old-Look5716
19. AITJ For Searching My Partner's Drawer After She Hid My Headphones?
“So, I have ADHD and sensory issues.
However, I’m pretty low-needs and can manage my stuff as long as no one interferes. I have sensitive hearing and that’s my main ‘trigger’ so to speak. Noise stimulation is my main thing but I always have precautions. I have this incredible pair of headphones which is one of my prize possessions, it’s blue and white, and I’ve had it since I was I think 12ish.
They block out everything, no joke. And they’re smooth and well shaped and ‘fashionable’ looking so I can wear them around my neck without looking like a weirdo.
My partner has a weird aversion to all of my little ‘quirks’ as she calls them, all the barely noticeable things I do to deal with my issues (I don’t take meds) But she particularly hates those headphones.
Last night, she came into our room while I was using them to fall asleep and I opened my eyes to someone waving their hand in front of my face since I couldn’t hear her. She was even more grumpy than usual about the headphones but I thought she’d gotten over it after I set them aside on my bedside table and we’d talked to sleep.
This morning I woke up to them gone, I searched the whole house for them, despite being sure of where I left them, and then asked her if she’d seen them. She told me no, but there was something about her voice that made me suspicious.
I waited till she went to the shower and went over to her side to see if she’d taken them.
Lo and behold, in the first drawer there they were. I was furious and waited till she came out to confront her, but the second she saw the headphones she started yelling at me about how I could violate her privacy like that and what a terrible partner I was.
I don’t quite know how it happened, but I ended up apologizing and then making her a coffee to make up for it.
She’s gone to class now and I’m confused again. Surely this was her fault? Or am I being dumb? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“So she took your belongings, lied about it, and after you give her the benefit of the doubt and searched the whole house you look in her drawer and find them? And she’s mad at you?! NTJ. I would be cautious moving forward in this relationship.
Her red flags are flying high. Good luck.” CptKUSSCryAllTheTime
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That’s gaslighting 101. She did something deliberately to force you to stop doing a behavior SHE didn’t like (not thinking at all about your needs), lied to you about it, and then tried blaming you once you realized what she did.
As others have said, you deserve someone who loves all of you and isn’t trying to change you to fit them.” Hoppypoppy21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, 100% not your fault here, she Denied the act, Attacked you for retrieving your missing headphones, and then made herself into the Victim and you the Offender, classic DARVO, and a massive Red Flag to potential narcissism, get out while you can.
Had a long-term relationship with someone who did this and EVERY time I “violated her privacy” it was because I had found out something she couldn’t excuse, ranging from things like your incident to saying I wasn’t invited to a party that she attended when I was invited, she just declined for me.” Thr0witallmyway
18. AITJ For Keeping My Relationship A Secret From My Parents?
“I have been seeing my partner for 3 years now but have not told my family about it for a few reasons which I will explain below.
I love him very much and I truly believe he is the one for me. He always makes me feel appreciated, prioritizes me, and has been my biggest supporter throughout the years. I have met his family and they have been very loving and welcoming.
The reason why I have kept this from my parents is because there are a few requirements they expect before approving this man to see their daughter:
1. Social-economic status – he has a college degree and is currently working for a chain restaurant with hopes to take over the business one day.
In my parent’s eyes, any potential son-in-law must have a university degree. (This is not a requirement for me because I see that he has a job and is not a bum that lazes around all day.)
2. Religion – I come from a religious Christian family.
My partner is a nonbeliever, and I don’t mind this either. But it is an important requirement for my family.
There are a few more reasons which are a bit personal, but these are the main two reasons.
My partner is understanding (his family too) and he does not want my family to cause me stress so he is okay with this.
But there will come a time when we will take the next step in our relationship, and my family will have to know about this.
AITJ for keeping this secret for so long? When they do find out, it may be a few years from now.
But I am keeping this secret to keep the peace and not cause all parties stress and conflict. It could be a HUGE mess in the future, or maybe my family will be a little more open-minded? Either way, I am willing to fight for this relationship when the time comes.”
Another User Comments:
“You are an adult & need to stand up for yourself. I don’t understand why your bf is ok with you hiding him. Are you going to wait until you are engaged to tell your folks? It is not going to get any better the longer you wait.
If they were to be more open-minded, the odds are more likely if they have met him & see your relationship. Sorry, but YTJ & it’s time to grow up.” bcrhubarb
Another User Comments:
“Do you still live with your parents and rely on them in any way?
You’ve already kept this a secret for 3 years, now it seems like the best option is to go all the way. If you do live with your parents, move out, then gradually let them know, once you stop caring so much about what they think.
If you don’t live with your parents, then I don’t know why you care so much what they think?” Silver_Antelope_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it’ll only get harder to tell them the longer you wait. I’d recommend getting it over with. You know that you love this guy, you know you’re going to stay together, so there’s no point to putting it off anymore.
Tell them as soon as you can, so they’ll have more time to cool off and adjust before any potential weddings or grandkids. You don’t want to drop this bombshell last minute before a major event – it will cause undue stress and make life that much worse, and potentially result in them doing something hurtful you’ll all regret (like refusing to come to your wedding) that they won’t do if you give them enough time to cool off and come around to it It’s your life, not theirs.
You can’t control how they’ll react. Hopefully, their love for you will outweigh their desire to control you, and they’ll accept him and you.” RysnAtHeart
17. AITJ For Ordering Food For My Wife Without Her Explicit Consent?
“Two days ago, I reached out to my wife while she was studying on the computer.
I was hungry and it was 9:45 pm (most restaurants close at 10 pm over here). I wanted to order a burger and wanted to check with her if she wanted the same. She indicated with her head that she didn’t want to get disturbed/interrupted, so I moved away and ordered one burger for me and one for her, plus also some cookies she likes from that place.
When the food arrived, I went to the room to bring her her burger and she replied to me that she would not eat it because she had not requested that, and if I had not ordered cookies (that she also did not ask for).
I then gave her the cookies and took the burger out. I was a bit disappointed and hoped she wasn’t refusing the food out of spite, but I also didn’t make a fuss around it.
Today we were chatting over breakfast and I was eating the now 2-day-old burger she didn’t eat.
I told her this burger was good and that she would probably enjoy it (on a future occasion). She then replied that I hadn’t asked if she wanted it and she was upset with me because I ordered it for her without asking her consent.
After that, she went to the computer to study again. I tried to speak to her and also wrote a message on Telegram explaining I felt she didn’t want to hear my point of view. She did read the message but did not speak to me ever since.
I am now hungry again and although we have plenty of food in the house, I don’t feel like cooking (99% of the time I am the one cooking). I feel I already went above and beyond to clear the air, but she doesn’t seem to put any effort.
Should I go ahead and buy food only for me this time?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk for this situation, but this sounds like something that has some backstory we are missing. Is this a consistent point of contention in the relationship?
Do you often fight about you maybe getting her things when she doesn’t want them or ask for them? Not that it makes it right, but her source of frustration sounds deeper than this situation. Next time you order just say, hey I’m getting food from *wherever* would you like anything, and if so, what would you like?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Most people would consider it a nice thought that you ordered food for her. This argument feels like you two have made a mountain out of a molehill, it’s just a burger and not worth being upset about 2 days later. But NTJ, she already expressed her displeasure that you got food for her last time so from now on, don’t order food unless she explicitly says she wants it.” MayorSalsa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Here I was expecting you didn’t order anything, then I’d be mad. Like yeah, think of your partner and get them some food! I think it’s reasonable to order just for yourself if she’s gonna get mad and not tell you what’s wrong.
Unless she hates hamburgers and you ordered that despite knowing that, I’m gonna guess that there’s something she isn’t saying. But that isn’t on you.” SlayerAsher
16. AITJ For Struggling To Pronounce My Baby Sister's Name Due To My Speech Issues?
“I (16m) have speech issues. I have a stutter and I also have trouble making certain sounds as well.
I did speech therapy when I was younger and I’m better than I was but still can’t say some things correctly. I was my parents’ only child until now. My mom is pregnant with my baby sister. And they chose her name which is something I can’t say correctly.
My name is Michelle. I have a lot of trouble with the chill part and I don’t say words like shell right either. My parents are frustrated by it and they are saying I’m doing it intentionally because I don’t like the fact it’s a traditional name.
They used the fact I want to change my name to say I’m being intentionally difficult. It hurts. They know I always struggled with this but now it’s a great big issue. My stutter got worse because of the stress of my parents and now the name sounds even worse out of my mouth which angers them more.
But I’m not doing it intentionally. I worked so hard for so long on the sounds.
My (maternal) grandparents spoke in my defense but mom told them to shut up and said they were encouraging me. She was already upset because they offered to pay for me to change my name.
My mom said it was so wrong and this was just another way for them to undermine her and my dad as my parents.
This led to me telling my parents it was unfair for them to blame me for saying the name wrong. I said it when they got on me again for how I was saying the name.
They keep making me repeat it so I get it right. But I get worse because the pressure makes my stutter so bad. My parents told me I shouldn’t talk to them about fairness when I keep messing up the names they love. Which I don’t.
I never said anything about Michelle and I regret telling them I hate my name and want something different (my name is Richard).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I am going to be completely honest with you – they are making it worse for you to be able to say the name correctly due to stressing you out.
Stress/anxiety impacts people’s ability to speak even if they don’t have diagnosed issues when it comes to speech. There is a very famous study (completely unethical practices might I add) that proves this. Children were left with lifelong speech issues when they didn’t have any prior BECAUSE those conducting the study kept belittling those children for their speech.
I am sorry you are dealing with this.” crochetandmead
Another User Comments:
“Your parents are really sad people. You lost the lottery with them. Ignore them and call the new baby “Mimi” instead of Michelle. Tell them that Michelle is a French name and that “Mimi” is a known nickname for Michelle.
Refuse to play their “say it correctly” games anymore, they seem to get pleasure from belittling you. Maybe go live with your grandparents? NTJ Don’t let your parents mistreat you again, keep standing up for yourself. No more pronunciation games.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Geez, Do they not understand how stutters work? They are creating a fantasy that you are resenting their new daughter as well as your name now, and it’s only going to get worse. The baby’s not even here yet and she’s already the golden child.
Ask your grandparents again for them to intercede. Your parents are being abusive to you. You could also speak to a counselor or teacher at school. Maybe ask for more speech therapy – mostly just to get the therapist to tell your parents to back off you.” ParsimoniousSalad
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's Troubled Friend's Grandson To Stay Over?
“I(19F) and my mom(42F) live together. She and I have a roommates thing, where if something big happens, or someone wants to stay the night, we check in with the other and ask if it’s okay. We both pay an equal amount of bills, etc.
So, Mom was on the phone with one of her friends, who lives with her grandson.
Colten is… a troubled kid to put it kindly. He’s into bad habits, steals, lies, and doesn’t listen. He starts fires and destroys things if he gets upset. My mom was on the phone with Colten’s grandma, and my mom said, “If Colten wants, he can spend the night every once in a while.” (He loves our dogs.
My mom is also basically an aunt to Colten without sharing blood so this is a first-time thing but also not weird). I immediately texted Mom since I was sitting beside her, “Let’s not. He steals”. I also don’t want my stuff getting destroyed if he gets upset.
I have so many fragile Lego sets in my room that he can easily get to that took me hours to build, or he can break my TV or my game consoles.
I have a bunch of expensive items. PS5, Xbox 1, Occulus 2, PS4 VR 2, and different expensive cards that he knows are expensive because he’s a major collector.
He trades anything expensive to either the pawnshop we live nearby, or to one of his many bad habit dealers in exchange for stuff.
I suggested that if he wanted to see the dogs, he could knock on the door, at any time during the day and if I’m home, I’ll go outside and sit with them while he pets and plays with them.
That doesn’t bother me any. But I don’t want him inside. Mom is kind of upset about it, but I think I’m being completely reasonable. He can’t be reasoned with or controlled. The state is going to put him in an institution soon, so that says how bad he is.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Older women, I’ve found, have more leniency than I’m comfortable with when it comes to troubled young people, it can be good when it’s invested in the right kind of person. You’re right to feel this way and protect your dogs’ lives, and your items. Plus, if he’s going away soon, who knows what kind of outbursts he might have as the date draws nearer?
You’re NTJ though.” lf88h
Another User Comments:
“My ex-husband had a nephew who had a bad habit in high school. As soon as he turned 18, his mother (my SIL) kicked him out because he was stealing from her to support it. Grandma (my MIL) took him in because of family.
He stole from her, stole some of my ex’s childhood belongings and collectibles stored in the garage, and cut up some of his late grandfather’s vintage Navy uniforms when he was high. At least he wasn’t an arsonist, but there was no way to control him.
OP, you are NTJ. Your concerns are perfectly reasonable. You can set boundaries with family and your mother should not be letting him in the house, maybe not even the yard.” PotentialUmpire1714
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your mom sees that Colten’s grandmother is facing caregiver burnout and needs respite care for Colten.
That’s having Colten away for a night or two with a trusted caregiver. She may have volunteered hoping the dogs would be therapeutic enough to prevent an outburst and possibly not thinking the logistics entirely through before the words were out of her mouth.
Your mind immediately went to the practicality of essentially child-proofing the home for his time there. Grandma trying to replace a $500 gaming console is a financial burden she doesn’t need, and possibly can’t afford, in addition to the other troubles presented in Colten’s caregiving.
You suggested what was a safer environment and immediately volunteered your own time to assist in Colten’s care. Perhaps organizing a meal train or household help would relieve grandma of the household caregiving tasks, lightening her mental load and freeing her attention to monitor Colten.” Peskypoints
14. AITJ For Not Dropping The Backed Owed Child Support To Reconnect With My Ex?
“I have two children Bea and James (23) from my first marriage. We divorced when the kids were four. In the divorce, I got full custody and he was supposed to pay child support plus half medical/dental and every other weekend visitation (He never showed up to the court proceedings).
For the first two years, he would sporadically come by to see the children. He rarely paid CS and was locked up a few times for non-payment.
We went back to court and they reduced his child support to 200.00 a month for both kids. He never paid.
He owes close to 90k in back child support and he never paid any medical/ dental bills.
I found out a week ago that my ExBIL reached out to James to talk on behalf of my ex. My Ex wants to reconnect( it’s been 17 years) but he is worried about the back CS that’s owed. James has talked to me and asked me if I would drop the back owed CS so he and his father can start a relationship.
I spoke to my current husband and he said it’s up to me.
I believe that my ex is just using our son to get the CS dropped. I doubt I will ever receive any money that’s owed, it’s just the principle of it.
I haven’t told James my decision yet because maybe I’m just being petty. I have spoken with close friends about it that say I would be the AITJ if I did not drop the CS case.
FYI: My ex works under the table and also has a wife and an SD that he provides for.
He’s been living fine throughout the years he just didn’t want to pay CS.
Also, he did not reach out to Bea just James. The reason in my opinion is because Bea is a girl. Bea doesn’t want to have anything to do with him.”
Another User Comments:
“In many states, the custodial parent doesn’t have the option to drop the child support, especially if it goes through the courts/ dept of children and family. Your ex hasn’t wanted anything to do with his children, except til now, when he thinks he can get out of the back support.
NTJ” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that I am sure your ex was recently made aware of how much he owes, and possibly threatened with jail. The minute you drop the back CS demand your children will never see him again. If anything you should be pushing for the back CS to be perused, your children are old enough that that $90K could be paid directly to them which would give them a head start.
Your ex shouldn’t be able to get away with not taking care of his obligations without any consequences. You don’t owe him anything he owes you and your children.” DrSueuss
Another User Comments:
“Don’t let him manipulate you through your children. That’s a lot of money….and he had it. So NO. You are not the guilty person….he is.
You were wronged. Never let that money go. I would put money on it….he will manipulate your kids, then you. Then drop them once the past child support is forgiven legally. Do they own a home? Get an attorney and go after it. Regarding the kids.
Tell them or has nothing to do with them, and remind them they didn’t starve because they had one bio parent who cared. Good luck. And if I seem passionate…I let child support go and bitterly regretted it. Not because I couldn’t support my kids….because he came back Into their lives and lied to them.
Made me a bad person. It was awful.” 11SkiHill
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Enforce My Wife's Playpen Rule On Our Family Beach Trip?
“I am 36, married, and have a 5-year-old, a 2-year-old, and a 10-month-old. A lot is going on, and stress levels are high. My wife constantly fears our children getting sick because she is a stay-at-home mom and has to deal with sick children.
I understand the frustration of a sick child, but I believe it can only be controlled to a certain extent and shouldn’t limit activities.
My sister, who has three children in daycare, believes that sickness is inevitable. Unless it’s an extreme illness, she brings her children to family functions, pays attention, and wipes noses, but germs still spread, and my kids have gotten sick from them (and vice versa).
My wife thinks my sister shouldn’t bring sick children to gatherings, but we’ve done the same.
The issue at hand is our upcoming family beach trip with 13 of us. We have a baby playpen for our 10-month-old to crawl around in. My wife wants to bring it but demands that I tell my family only our child can use it.
I think this rule is a bit absurd and offers different solutions to avoid conflict:
1. Don’t bring the playpen instead bring a baby walker to avoid any discussion with my family. It also takes up less space in the communal living room.
2. Bring the playpen, but if my wife doesn’t want other kids in it, she should talk to my family about it.
My wife got frustrated and called me the jerk for taking my family’s side and for putting her in a situation where she had to talk to them. She says if others want a playpen, they should bring their own. I suggested that if I have to talk to them, it’s respectful to do so before the trip so they can plan accordingly.
I also said solution #1 might be best due to the limited space in the communal area. She thinks they won’t bring one anyway so the limited space argument is irrelevant and insists we bring ours, calling me the jerk for suggesting otherwise.
We’ll be together for a week, and if someone is going to get sick, it will happen with or without the playpen.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And the playpen should stay in the bedroom you are staying in. No one should have to move around it the entire vacation. Also, the baby is 10 months old. He should be spending very limited time in the playpen. You and your wife should be watching him/playing with him.
You are also right that if your wife wants a certain rule to be followed then SHE needs to express that. And your five-year-old will be in school soon. Germs will prevail.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but if 13 people are staying at a ‘beach house’ – is there ROOM for a playpen at all?
Seems like a walker would be a better choice. Honestly, if I were you – considering your wife’s attitude – I wouldn’t go at all. If she wants to tell your family ‘Hands off MY playpen’ – she should tell them herself …not expect you to do it for her.
She sounds like a really fun person…not.” omeomi24
12. AITJ For Not Apologizing To My Grandma After She Criticized My Eating Habits And Made Snide Comments?
“I (F16) was at my older cousin’s graduation party and was eating. Now, for some information, I eat slowly.
Everyone knows this. Anyway, I was taking a break and brought up getting ice cream later to celebrate my scores on a test. Then my grandma chimed up about how I was wasting food and I was wasteful and should’ve taken that much. I was only taking a break, and I always finish my food.
This isn’t the first time my grandma has made comments about me or my family. I’m always tired for an unknown reason and she always makes snide comments about that (or sometimes about how I dress).
Anyway, I ignored her as long as I could but eventually, my great-aunt asked what was wrong and Grandma said “She’s just mad.” And I mumbled angrily, “I’m not mad.” She didn’t like that and screamed, “Do not talk to your grandma like that.” I began crying and said, “Don’t talk to me like that then.” And left before she could say anything.
I usually do this if I begin crying. I remove myself from the situation so no one makes fun of me for crying.
Well, my family came and found me outside and eventually got me to come back in. By then I was slightly calmed…until my mom said I should apologize.
I said I didn’t want to because she was being horrible to me. I didn’t want to be a doormat, especially since I’ve seen how my grandma treats my mom (her daughter). And Grandma talks behind her back to us to make us turn against my mom sometimes.
I found out later that my grandma blamed the way my mom raised me for how I turned out now. I later apologized to my cousin for causing drama (though he blamed my grandma partially and said it was fine). However, I’m having second guesses.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your GM is a pain in the rear and your great aunt overstepped and THEN verbally mistreated you. I wouldn’t apologize to her. I would say that any future unsolicited random critical comments will result in you either: 1) leaving the area, or 2) giving one back.
“Grandma, that dress makes you look fat. You should consider not wearing patterns.” After all, you are just trying to provide helpful feedback. You can also just go selectively mute and stop talking to either of them.” Far_Information_9613
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Apologies are generally owed when one has wronged someone else and especially when one wants to rebuild or maintain a relationship.
1. You did nothing wrong here. You owe no one an apology. 2. Your grandma and great-aunts are jerks. They owe you an apology but the likelihood these two battleaxes will see that and apologize is so close to nil as to be spooning with it. 3. There is no reason for you to apologize as a social tool to maintain a relationship with these unpleasant people, either.
Keep your distance. If they bug you just leave and keep your emotional well-being safe. If you ever are feeling particularly bold when they make some mean and petty dig, wrinkle your nose, ask “What’s that awful smell?”, go and sniff your grandma and announce “Oh, it’s your rotting soul!
How rank!”, and then run off.” Curious-One4595
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like your grandma makes a habit of picking at you and then your reactions are blown out of proportion by her loyal subjects. In a couple of years once you’ve got more freedom, the people around you hopefully won’t laugh when you cry, because that’s jerk behavior.
You already apologized to your cousin for the general disturbance and you do not have to apologize to your grandma for… not eating fast enough? NTJ P.S. Maybe it’s time to get some tests done at the doctor for your fatigue – could be anything from a vitamin deficiency to thyroid to something out of left field.
Could be a chance to rule things like that out and then chalk it up to your exhausting relatives.” RowanMoses
11. AITJ For Flushing Some Of My Grandfather's Ashes Down The Toilet As He Wished?
“So I’m a 24-year-old female living in Arizona. When I was three years old, I started living with my grandfather. When I turned nine, he adopted me. I helped him raise my two younger sisters until I left the house at the age of 18.
When he became very ill, I became his full-time caregiver for the last few years of his life. From the minute that he got sick, he told me that he wanted to be cremated. I think now is a good time to tell you his entire life.
He was a plumber. He always told me that he wanted some of his ashes and some of my grandmother’s ashes to go in an urn together. And that he wanted some of his ashes flushed down the toilet so he could “see plumbing from the inside.” I always told him that I would do whatever he wanted. At first, he wanted me to flush all of his ashes, but I convinced him to not have me do that.
Within his last month of living, he told me not to forget to flush some of my ashes. In January of this year, he passed away, and I did what he wanted. I’ve flushed a tablespoon of his ashes.
My mother, who uses substances, and my sisters, who were teenagers and wanted to do their things, were not around during the time that he was sick.
They got on me for flushing some of his ashes saying that I’m a bad person and that I shouldn’t have done that.
Am I the jerk because I did? Of course, I never felt great about flushing my grandfather’s ashes down the toilet, but it’s really what he wanted.”
Another User Comments:
“Agree. How wonderful you did what he asked. It takes a special person to do so. And you were HONORING his wishes, which sounds better than Obeying. Everyone should honor the wishes of a person who is dying unless you find out it is illegal or extremely expensive.” iamsage1
Another User Comments:
“Why feeling guilty !!!! You explained his wish he had been a plumber all his life and wanted to take the journey through the sewer system. It may be weird for other people but your grandpa had a connection to it so there is nothing weird or disrespectful about it.” TRACYOLIVIA14
Another User Comments:
“I adore posts like this! So your grandpa asked you to do WHAT? Since we have never met him that request is really weird, but for someone who knew him well it’s probably logical. Since you have a restraining order against mom and one of the sisters, their opinion doesn’t matter – and I am baffled how they found out about it.
Your other sister is probably young and grieving so she probably is not in a good place to think logically. Grandpa put you in a no-win situation.” Backgrounding-Cat
10. AITJ For Telling My Overbearing Landlord To Stop Her Unnecessary Visits?
“My partner (22M) and I (19F) recently moved into a new apartment in the city center at a very reasonable price. During the viewing, the realtor was overly eager to get us to rent it, even reducing the agency fee and deposit by €1000 on the spot.
We decided to take it.
Upon moving in, we met the owner, a very sweet woman in her 40s, who offered additional cleaning services that we declined. Soon after moving in, we faced multiple issues with the apartment, the major one being a broken sink.
Despite multiple scheduled visits, the plumber was consistently late or didn’t show up, and it took four weeks to get the sink fixed.
Then, our landlord began making frequent visits under the pretext of providing laundry services we initially declined. She visited every few days, claiming she needed to bring clean towels or bedding, clean the mattress, or take more laundry.
These visits felt excessive and intrusive. We finally told her we didn’t need these services.
However, she persisted, insisting on bringing a cleaner. We agreed to a one-time visit. The cleaner was scheduled to come, and although we tidied up, we didn’t do a deep clean, expecting the cleaner to handle it.
After the cleaning, the landlord claimed the house was very messy and tripled the cleaning fee. We disputed this, but she insisted, pointing out minor issues like a dirty pillowcase and a mattress stain (which was there when we moved in). We reluctantly agreed to pay the increased fee but refused to have weekly cleanings.
The final straw came when we discovered she had taken all our bed sheets, presumably to force us to contact her again. While she has always been sweet, her constant intrusions and unnecessary services are becoming suffocating. We’re considering telling her to leave us alone as it feels like she’s overstepping boundaries and making us uncomfortable in our own homes.
WIBTJ if I told her to leave us alone and stop these frequent, unnecessary visits?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and good to remember going forward that if someone is reducing rates to get you to move in, it’s because the place is terrible or the landlord is terrible.
There’s no such thing as a free lunch, etc. That should have been your warning to avoid this apartment. Not sure where you live, but in the US your landlord can’t just keep showing up unannounced much less foist cleaning services upon you. You are not obligated to allow the cleaner into your house.
Read over your lease very carefully and get out ASAP.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Thank you for all the advice. A lot of you were saying that she should be giving a 24-hour notice, which she always does. Honestly, it’s our fault for being so flexible with her.
Either way, she hinted to us that as soon as the contract ends we will have to move out when at the beginning she said that the contract would be renewed, so at this point, she is also not happy that we are being resistant to her visits.
After I told her that we would not be needing any laundry changed or a cleaner she completely ghosted. After that, we have not had any problems with her, and will be finally moving out as soon as the contract ends which is in two months.
Let’s see what happens with the deposit. Also, we have found out that the agency fee the realtor took for us is not even legal, it’s against the law to take any agency fee, so we will be researching how to get that back as it was very high.
Again, thank you for all the feedback.” Weary_Influence1009
9. AITJ For Wanting To Change Our Flight After Friend Alters Plan?
“My partner Dan (28M) and I (28F) have a mutual best friend, Shelby (29F) who has an important event coming up this summer in Colorado that we’re flying to from home in Seattle to support her and we’re all staying in an Airbnb together.
We are only going to this event in support of Shelby and have no connection to it otherwise.
We are staying with her a few days before it (by her request) so she’s not out there alone and we happily obliged as Dan and I work from home and can work anywhere in the road.
The trip is from Tuesday, her event is Friday and the plan was to stay with her until late evening Saturday to have time to celebrate before we head back home. This has been planned for about 2 months now with the event being about 4 weeks away.
We also spent our own money to be there. (Not a huge deal at all – but maybe this context is important for everyone?)
This morning I got a message asking if we could just have breakfast on Saturday and then “split ways” so she could go explore by herself.
While I’m not upset, I find it a bit odd (and maybe selfish/inconsiderate?) that she wanted us to come and then change plans last minute. This kind of hurt our feelings as we were making plans all together for Saturday morning/afternoon before we had to take off on our flight.
My question is, would my partner and I be the jerk if we just switched to an earlier flight on Saturday morning instead of the evening?
This flight would most likely be too early to go have breakfast with her after looking at our options for flights online.
I’m going to talk to her about this but I’m wondering if it would be rude or petty to bring this up as a potential option for us since the only reason we’re going on this trip is for her anyway. Plus, Dan and I wouldn’t mind getting home earlier in the morning versus late evening as originally planned.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would just tell her since she wants to do her own thing on Saturday that works for you guys we found an earlier flight so you have more home time before back to work on Monday and leave it at that.” dart1126
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Not sure why you’re upset. You’re spending Tuesday-Friday in the same Airbnb. I’m not surprised she wants some time to herself after all that. Just change your flight.” ChocolateSnowflake
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If your friend is entitled enough to say something about Saturday breakfast, “well, we made time to spend time with you on Saturday, but since you’re making other plans without us, and the only reason for the trip is to support you, it makes more sense for us to fly out earlier.” Majestic_Register346
8. AITJ For Insulting A Guy's Car After He Insulted Mine First?
“I, 20 M, was in my college algebra class talking to a girl about The Nightmare Before Christmas because she noticed I had a Zero sticker on my car’s rear windshield.
We were talking for a while as we waited for our class to start. We weren’t loud and just one other guy was sitting in front of us (I was in the left corner, she was sitting 1 seat away from my right and the guy was sitting in the row in front of her).
We were talking for a good 10 minutes or so and the guy turned around and asked what car I drove. I said I drove a 2015 Camaro, I asked him why. He went on about how Camaros are “unreliable pieces of junk” and he called it a “slowmarow” I had zero clue why he insulted me like that but I then asked him what he drove.
He said “Not a slow piece of junk, that’s for sure” and turned back around.
I replied with an “ok?” and went back to talking to the girl while we exchanged weird looks. Looks like that said “What is up with this guy? lol” Skip to the end of class and into the parking lot and what do I see?
The rude guy getting on an early 2000s Mazda 3. The car had one of those Punisher skull stickers with camo on it, which made me chuckle a bit. I was honestly shocked he dared to insult my car while he drove something that was not as desirable as a Camaro.
I honestly thought, after that insult, he would’ve been driving a BMW or something. I drove to where he was (about 4 cars away to my left) and proceeded to yell out “What the heck is that piece of junk?!” as I laughed out loud.
I proceeded to rev my car a few times and drove away. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. This has to be the easiest judgment this year. You both suck. It doesn’t matter what car you drive. There is no correlation between your car and your intellectual capacity or your prowess in bed. Sure, he was a jerk at first. That doesn’t give you a free pass to also be a jerk.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The same thing happened to me in uni, was walking back to the carpark with mates and a random guy. Go to get into my Honda Integra and this random guy starts making fun of it, so I ask him what he drives… Doesn’t even have a car.
Have fun walking home loser.” theHitman11228
7. AITJ For Not Allowing My Grudge-Holding Sister-In-Law To Move In With Us?
“I (29f) just relocated to my husband’s home state after being long distance.
When I moved here in January, my husband (30m) was housing his close friend, partner, and their 3 children in our 3-bedroom home. My husband has a son (2yr) who is here every other week.
As you can imagine 4 adults and 4 kids in a 3 bedroom house was very chaotic but we managed for the time being. They ended up moving out in March because I was pregnant and we were planning on turning the spare bedroom into a nursery. Unfortunately, we lost the baby, so our nursery plans went out the window.
We were finally getting into a routine and getting used to living together without other people in our home.
Now, his sister is separating from her husband who owns the home they live in, so of course she needs to move out. She asked him if she(32f) and her two children (4f & 3f) could move in with us for the time being until she gets back on her feet and situated.
My husband and I were involved previously but I ended things. My hurting her brother rubbed her the wrong way, and now she has this grudge against me and does not like me. Understandably.
When my husband asked me if she could move in, I thought about it but ultimately said no because I didn’t want to feel uncomfortable in my own home.
I am going to feel as if I have to walk on eggshells whenever I’m at home.
They have a brother who has a 5br 3 1/2bath home, he’s currently housing his wife’s mother and sister. I asked if my SIL could just move in with them since they have so much more space.
It’s getting crowded there, the brother said yes, but doesn’t think it’ll work out for too long.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your life sounds like it’s full of terrible decisions and drama. This stuff isn’t healthy or happy. Keep a safe space at home.
Don’t let anyone come live with you. Don’t loan anyone money. Maybe live with someone a bit before you marry them so you know if they are supporting seven other families. This is all basic marriage stuff.” AccountabilityPanda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Moving someone into the home is always a 2 yes, one no scenario.
You don’t have to justify why you don’t want to live with someone who isn’t your significant other. And unless you did something shady, it’s not understandable for his sister to hold a grudge because you broke up at one point.
You’re married now, and it was frankly none of her business to begin with. I’m not sure where we got the idea that family gets to judge and treat an in-law like a jerk if the relationship isn’t perfect. And she should prob get a lawyer before moving out.
Unless her husband inherited the house, there is a good chance he will owe her some equity. In many states, it doesn’t matter if she’s on the deed or not. It’s a marital asset. Wait for a court to decide before she moves out.” Electrical_Curve_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t ever let people live with you. It always goes past the timeframe discussed and usually ends on a sour note. We’ve had 2 of my husband’s brothers and 2 friends live with us (some simultaneously, but not all 4 at once) and it went sour every time.
I especially would not allow someone who doesn’t even like me to move in. That’s a recipe for disaster. What’s your husband’s stance on this?” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Not Attending My SIL's Birthday Party After She Accused Me Of Ruining Her Previous One?
“So my (21F) brother (26M) is married to SIL (24F). I live in my college dorm which is in a different state from my parents and brother. My Brother and SIL stay 5 minutes away from my parents.
So last year, I visited my parents for a week in the summer, before going back to my college’s state to start my internship.
My SIL’s birthday was during the week of my visit. She wanted to go on a cruise with my brother for her birthday. So when I announced my dates, she threw a huge stink about how my presence would spoil her birthday plans. Now, I never asked her to change her plans, and they didn’t.
But she accused me of trying to ruin her birthday, which hurt a lot. They left for their cruise and that was that. I haven’t talked to them much since then.
Fast forward to this year, my internship starts earlier, so I planned to visit my parents at the end of summer after it ends.
My SIL is turning 25 and my brother is throwing a huge party for her with her friends and family. I was sent an invite which I declined citing my internship as the reason. But the problem started when my brother called to berate me about not attending such an important party for SIL.
I felt a bit petty, so I reminded my brother how SIL made it very clear last year that my presence would ruin her birthday and I didn’t want that to happen again this year. He screamed at me for 5 more minutes and then ran to our parents.
My parents are very ‘sweep under the rug’ kinda people so they yelled at me for holding grudges and told me to just come for the birthday and start the internship a week later.
AITJ if I don’t go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, actions have consequences, and telling your BIL (OP) that “your presence will ruin my bday” and “You are ruining my bday” sure warrants OP’s actions as consequences.
I find it odd that SIL dares to prevent her MIL and FIL from seeing their CHILD. Your parents and brother should stick up for you more. Remind them that actions (even just “sweeping it under the rug”) have consequences. Like they are telling you that you are unwanted of course you will act like it.
that’s not being petty that going with their flow and staying away from them.” Turbulent_Problem500
Another User Comments:
“No, you do not go and you would be NTJ for that decision. You weren’t welcome last year, and it clashes with a very important event in your professional life this year.
They need to learn that not only is respect earned, it goes both ways. Good luck with the internment, OP. SIL will have other birthdays. She might even still be married to your brother for a few of them.” The_Blonde1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I feel like you need to decide upon and set some boundaries with your family.
I hope you can have an open, honest, and healthy conversation with your family. If they are unable to treat you with respect (yelling at you is very disrespectful) then you may need to go LC to protect yourself.” OkBoysenberry4650
5. AITJ For Being Frustrated That My Partner Can't Cook Well?
“Alright so my partner is great, he does loads around the house and our relationship is going well.
On Sundays we normally meal prep for the week, mostly lunch for Monday – Thursday. This is both to be healthy and also to save money, as buying lunch out is expensive.
And in saying we, I mean me, because I do all of the cooking maybe except a smoothie now and then. This Sunday I had to work, so I only did a tiny bit of food prep in the morning, and I didn’t make enough for all the lunches.
I also worked late at night so asked him to roast some veggies we could have with some quinoa (I had to cook this because he didn’t know how to) and now when I’m sitting here looking at my lunch I feel so tired of not being able to give away some of the control in the kitchen.
He roasted some carrots that were not peeled, some tofu, and CUCUMBERS. This is mixed with quinoa and zero spice, oil, or flavor of any kind. He asked me how I was and I told him the truth: it tasted like nothing and cucumbers shouldn’t be roasted, and now he is upset.
He keeps saying he likes to cook, and I would like nothing more for him to cook me dinner after I’ve had a long day working a double shift, but I also feel like every time he tries it tastes horrible and I 1) can’t finish 2) feel sick (some undercooked rice in the past) 3) feel like a horrible person for not liking his cooking.
I love cooking and I’m happy to do it 90% of the time, but am I being a jerk for being fed up with a grown adult man not being able to cook basic things so it tastes nice?
Even when I’m sick he doesn’t have the skill set to cook me basic food unless it’s pot noodles and a boxed soup.
I understand not everyone can be great in the kitchen, but currently, I’m seeing my future as the one person who does all the cooking and I’m not sure how I feel about this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – In the modern day and age where we have the internet in our pockets that has every recipe and how-to video you could ever imagine, being bad a cook is a synonym for being a moron.
If he doesn’t know how to cook quinoa, guess what? He can look it up! The package even comes with instructions! If he has never roasted veggies before then guess what? He needs to look it up! Either your man is genuinely intellectually behind the rest of us or he was doing that thing where a person intentionally screws up so badly that you never ask them to do the task again and they remain off the hook forever.
Honestly, both of those options would be a deal breaker for me. I will note that “bad technique” is okay and that DOES take time to learn. If your knife cuts are uneven that’s okay! If you don’t have the right tool in your kitchen that is okay!
But if you can’t search up and follow a recipe, you need to move back in with your parents and stop burdening the rest of us adults.” starbiebarbie99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ There really is no excuse for being bad at cooking in this day in age.
Free recipes are easy to access. Anything in a package is going to have cooking instructions so there’s no excuse for not being able to properly cook rice or quinoa–UNLESS he’s trying to weaponize incompetence to get out of cooking. Go through and pick out some recipes together.
Practice making them together. If that doesn’t help, suggest you take over 100% of the cooking in exchange for him taking over 100% of another chore you share. This is just ridiculous. Do his taste buds not work??” Live-Pomegranate4840
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YTJ. I’m a great cook – thank you, Mom.
I hate it. In my 40s and I do not cook. I’m not going to be your 10% cook even though I’m good at it. I earn a lot, I’m generous, fully involved with kids, and will take on all other chores. That’s my deal. You can take it or leave it but I’m not the jerk.
You have a partner that’s great otherwise and you complain that he’s not a good cook for the 10% you want a break from cooking? For me, you’re the jerk.” Kami_Sang
4. AITJ For Refusing To Be The Best Man Because My Partner Wasn't Fully Invited?
“One of my best friends has recently got engaged to his partner of 4 years, they will be getting married next year and I was over the moon for them. A few days ago he asked me to be his best man and I said yes, I’d never have considered saying no, but yesterday official invites were handed out and my partner was only granted an evening invitation.
They said that they were only allowed 50 people to the ceremony and 100 to the evening, and any additional seats would cost them. If it were a case of the pair of them having huge pools of family and friends and they had to cut I wouldn’t feel angry about it but they both have very small families and I then found out that people they met online playing video games have been invited to the day and not only that but their partners have also been invited. It just feels like a bit of a slap to the face, being the best man and not being allowed one space.
The bride has often said that she doesn’t like new people in her life and my partner has very rarely been invited to social events at their house, though when she first started seeing my friend I made sure she was invited to everything we did from day one.
I’ve been with my partner for six months and by the time the wedding comes around it’ll be pushing 2 years.
Anyway, I ended up telling my friend that not only would I be pulling out of being his best man, but I wouldn’t be going to the wedding and it’s safe to say he wasn’t best pleased. He tried to explain it rationally with there not being space for her but I stuck to my guns, I know this may make me the jerk because I’m throwing away years of friendship for something that likely wasn’t a huge consideration for them, there just wasn’t enough space, but knowing how this had made me feel, I don’t think I’d be capable of giving a nice speech during the day.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You’ve been with your partner for 6 months, the couple doesn’t know her, and there is no guarantee you will even be with her in another 18 months from now. You’re planning to throw away your long friendship because you’re in a relatively new relationship with a person who is a stranger to the bride/groom and is having a smaller guest wedding.
There are hills to die on, but this is not one. YTJ.” HeirOfRavenclaw
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for making this a dealbreaker for you with your best friend. And you’re going to feel very stupid if you torpedo this friendship and then your partner of only six months dumps you in a couple of months.
It would have been nice if they’d given you a plus one for the full event but them inviting people they consider friends (and those friends’ probably more established partners) over their friend’s newish partner is not something you’re required to take offense at, and if they have twice as much room for the reception that means they are having to make a lot of tough decisions about who comes to the ceremony.
As the best friend of the groom, you could have a little less ego around the invite list.” SadderOlderWiser
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ NTJ I wouldn’t want to be best man in such a situation either. The partner of the best man is told to get lost while the faceless partners of faceless online gaming buddies are invited. Not cool.
You have so so so so so not overreacted. Don’t back down and give this self-centered woman the satisfaction of doing you over. As is said very often in these posts, an invitation is not a summons. Cave into this demand and your partner will never be invited to another event they are hosting all the time you are with her.” Funkyzebra1999
3. AITJ For Not Prioritizing My Stepdaughter Over My Own Children Due To Her Behavioral Issues?
“I (30f) have two children one from a previous marriage and one with my current partner. My partner has one child from a casual encounter, which is my stepdaughter. Currently, there is no custody agreement between them and we have my stepdaughter every second weekend and half of holidays.
This weekend her mother asked if we wanted her and we had said no due to commitments we have in place my stepdaughter’s behavior is totally out of line right now and has been for four years now due to her mother uprooting her life multiple times in the past four years along with allowing dangerous people around her and illicit substances.
We unfortunately are going somewhere that my stepdaughter isn’t allowed to go due to her extreme behavior and total disrespect for anyone around her. When I explained that to her mother, she lost her temper with me and accused me of pushing her away which I have never done, also stating that I don’t put her daughter first like I should.
Well, fully knowing I have my children to take care of as well. My stepdaughter has become a major safety issue with the other children in our home. I love my stepdaughter but I can’t keep putting my children in a situation that’s dangerous. Also, she is incredibly destructive.
She breaks everything she can when she doesn’t get her way. She throws major fits just to get back to her mother and hurts my youngest child just to get attention and when we bring this all up to her mother she blames us for her behavior and tries to state her daughter would never do that.
So, AITJ for telling her mother until she can get her behavior under control and understand I’m not going to put her daughter first above any other child like she wants me to, that she can’t be slandering us and threatening us. Also, we would be having her the first week of these holidays which starts on Monday so technically we wouldn’t get her till Monday.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. At no point did you mention that this girl was in therapy or getting the time and attention from her parent that she needed. Just a whole lot of blaming mom for the behavior & telling the mom she needs to get her under control.
Where is this child’s other parent!” Apprehensive_War9612
Another User Comments:
“Well, this is why custody should be legal and established, if the Bio Mom is putting the kid in a dangerous environment and neglecting her you should call CPS and a lawyer so the father can take over, but I doubt you want to do that, correcting the kid for good would take time and effort you are not ready to give, every second weekend and half the holidays, you barely know this kid, even in the post between the lines one can see you don’t care much for her because she’s difficult.
The kid is the only one getting hurt here, no one cares enough to help.” marv115
Another User Comments:
“I see all the not the jerk but I have to ask, why has your partner allowed his daughter to live in an abusive home with her mother because that sounds like what it is?!
That you two are all right with her being traumatized and then upset with her behavior. That poor girl doesn’t stand a chance in real life because of all three of you!! Everyone’s a jerk and you’re the jerk for standing by and being all right with her treatment.
And that you want your partner to choose you and your kids over her.” User
2. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Shower Twice A Day?
“My husband (43M) and I (31F) welcomed our second child four months ago. With having a new baby I’m extra cautious about germs and cleaning. This got me thinking about my husband’s shower routine.
He will take a shower in the morning and go off to work (he’s a chemist so mostly a desk job but sometimes he walks outside from one building to the next.
They are less than a block away). We live in humid hot Florida so that adds to the equation some inevitable perspiration. He’s also a manager so he deals with people all day long.
I have tried to bring up the subject of him taking a quick shower when he gets home from work or even just before bed. He says that he does not need to take another shower since he showered in the morning.
I try to explain that I don’t feel comfortable with him laying in the bed because I lay our baby there sometimes and I feel like the bedsheets are dirty by him laying on them, same with our comforter (note: baby sleeps in a bassinet safely next to me but during the day I will lay him in the bed while I do chores around him like folding laundry, etc.).
I realize everybody has their routines but I have washed my hair in the morning, showered, and gone through the day. At the end of it, I’m feeling dirty, grimy, and in NEED of a shower before bed. How can he be okay with having gone through the whole day and not feel like he should shower?
I finally told him I’m not comfortable with him laying in bed dirty so he should sleep in the guest room.
I have OCPD so it’s really hard for me to not have things be the way I feel they should be in my mind.
In my mind it’s disgusting for him to lay in bed dirty but what do you guys think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ. I think you’re overreacting to how “dirty” he is. If he’s only going to and from work and not doing manual labor I don’t see how he can be “dirty” unless he fell on the ground or someone spilled a drink on him.
Seems it would be smarter to not have the baby in the bed. If you’re too overcautious about germs, that can be bad for a child. Nor do you necessarily have to shower/bathe every day. And doing so more than once a day can be bad for you.
From WebMD: What Happens When You Shower Too Much? Normal skin has a protective layer of oil and a balance of “good” bacteria that help protect your skin from dryness and germs. If you clean it too often, especially with harsh soaps and lots of scrubbing, you can strip away this layer, leading to dry, irritated, itchy skin.
This can cause cracks in the skin that allow germs and allergens to get through resulting in skin infections or allergic reactions. In addition, your body’s immune system needs some stimulation from germs, including those that live on your skin. If you scrub them away too quickly, your body doesn’t have a chance to produce the antibodies that protect against them.
Antibacterial soaps can add to this by killing off the natural bacterial protection against more infectious germs on the skin that are harder to treat. This can make an even bigger difference in kids as their bodies develop. That’s why some pediatricians and skin doctors recommend against bathing children every day.” troppo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ This is a you problem, not a him problem. In terms of hygiene, if you shower in the morning, all you need to do when you get home (and after bathroom use) is wash your hands. That’s it. Being overprotective of newborns in terms of cleanliness and germs is a big cause of allergies.
Our immune system is primed by encountering things in our environment. Subtract too many of them, and you increase the chances of allergies. Your husband is not disgusting. You are not managing your mental health and you are unfairly taking it out on him.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What y’all are smoking honestly? She’s 100% in the right in terms of hygiene. How can you not shower when you’re back at home after 10 hours of commute, work, and sweat? Doesn’t matter if he’s showering in the morning – you’re bringing all the mess into your house.
Even thinking about going to bed like that is making me feel sick. It’s ridiculous.” Chwasst
1. AITJ For Not Allowing My Adult Stepchildren To Move In With Me?
“My wife has 6 children who were 18+ when we met 4 years ago. I have no bio kids.
2 years ago, the youngest daughter moved in. The dynamic between her and my wife created tension in the house.
Additionally, the daughter didn’t believe she should work, provide for herself, or go to college/trade school. She eventually moved out of state to live with friends because they let her “cook and clean and not work”.
Months later, the oldest son moved in after discharge from the military.
The same weekend, his wife and two young kids also moved in. A week later, he decided to move cross country, leaving us to provide for his family.
9 months ago, my wife and I moved out of state (alone). After 4 months, we took in the oldest son’s 4 y/o out of concern for his safety.
This arrangement may be long-term.
Recently, the middle daughter asked to move after breaking up with her partner. I said no. The oldest son suggested moving in, potentially helping with his son. I said no.
Last night, the youngest daughter asked to move in again.
She found a room to rent after her friends decided to move to another apartment without her. While in the room, she “heard screams from her upstairs neighbor and called the cops.” She was scared and left. I said no. Now she and the oldest daughter aren’t speaking to my wife.
Additional context: I’m self-employed, a relatively new business, and the sole provider. Taking in the 4 y/o has been quite an adjustment -draining- but he’s a great kid.
I feel some of the stepchildren judge my wife because we live well, and think she should do more for them.
Honestly, I don’t want to take on the responsibility of others decisions. I’ll assist in solutions, but don’t want to be the solution. I’ve helped in other ways like paying rent, but drew the line at moving in.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Where is /are their father(s)?
The adult children need to start acting like adults and not children. You should consider moving into a small enough place that they can’t move in with you. If the 4-year-old ends up back with his dad, consider moving to a 55+ community and that will keep them out.
Sounds like you married into a pretty dysfunctional family, sir.” National_Pension_110
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with NTJ here, but disagree with the idea that a 22 or 23-year-old is -always- ready to be independent. Difficult times did a number on these young adults and many are stunted. My 22-year-old on paper is doing great but needed to move home for a few months after college until her new job started paying.
None of her friends are ready to move out. If we didn’t take her in, she’d be couch surfing. Free isn’t free though, if she’s here, she’s getting more life coaching from us.” KenoshaPunk
Another User Comments:
“I have young adult children, and during the last four years, they all came home at various times to regroup.
When we were their age, a studio apartment was affordable even with a part-time job, but that is no longer true, minimum wage won’t cover a single room in most areas. Jobs have become increasingly unreliable with the introduction of AI into everything. Things are quite different now than they used to be, and quite a bit harder.
Everyone needs some help sometimes, particularly during life transitions. Maybe you don’t think you will ever need the help of family, but consider what old age can do. In ten or twenty years, you or your wife might need help from her children. Do you want a family that will help you if you need it?
Or one that will tell you to go live on the streets if you can’t afford housing/medical care? Would they be the jerks if they treated you the way you are treating them now?” roan-buffalo
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