People Question Their Actions in These Enthralling 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
30. AITJ For Staying Longer At My Deceased Friend's Grave Than Her Family?
“So my friend sadly passed away when we were both 17. Now I’m 18, but this happened 2 months after her death, when I was still 17.
So I, 17f, wanted to visit her grave for the first time.
At the funeral, only family went to her grave, because there were too many people.
The cemetery is pretty far away and in my country you can only drive from 18 years old, so I can’t go there by myself.
My mom said she would drive me there, which was very kind of her.
The cemetery is in a forest, and so her grave is hard to find, but when I arrived there, her mom and aunt were there. They both visit daily. The mom was just leaving and the aunt just arrived. We talked for a while, and then the aunt took me and my mom to her grave.
The aunt stayed there for about 15 min (I was crying very hard, so could be longer). It was very hard for me to see the grave, so I was really sad. When the aunt wanted to leave my mom said: let’s leave too. I asked her if I could please stay a little bit longer, and because my mom didn’t want to force me away in front of the aunt she left me there for a while.
When we eventually got back in the car she started berating me about leaving later than the family. She doesn’t like that I’m grieving and says that because we’re only high-school friends I shouldn’t be sadder than her family.
That really hurt after seeing her grave for the first time, but beside the timing: should I leave sooner the next time?
I have started to become really close with her family and I don’t want to hurt them or be rude to them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s reasonable you wanted some alone time there to process things, it’s not a competition. They visit every day and this was your first time.
There’s no etiquette for this, no set rules. It’s nice for her family to see she had friends who loved her. Your mother is clearly struggling with seeing you upset and wants it all just be better for you, but it’s important to tell her clearly what is and isn’t helpful for you while you are grieving.” ViolaVetch75
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her mom and aunt visit daily. This was your first visit. There is no magic formula for the grieving process. Your mom probably just didn’t want to stay or thought “you should be over it already” which is incredibly callous. You were being respectful to your dead friend and the memories you had.
You were not rude or disrespectful unless you were making their family stay to be there with you. They were probably glad that their daughter/niece friends still remembered her.” DarkwoodConsort
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I know many friends from High school that didn’t come home from fighting in a desert land they couldn’t find on a map in high school The rule for visiting gravesites: stay as long as necessary, but know when they close for The night.
Also If you feel the need to clean the site, NEVER remove rocks or coins from a headstone!” HockeyBabble
29. AITJ For Wanting No Visitors For A Few Months To Spend Quality Family Time?
“I (27f) and my husband (28m) have been discussing not having any visitors (extended family mostly) from sept-jan. We had our daughter “Anne” in November of last year and since then we feel like we have had only a handful of time as a family together without other people around.
I’m currently a SAHM but planning on returning to work mid next year and my husband works full time. We live across the country from our families so any sort of visit turns into us arranging everything from hotels-dinners-activities for several people over several days.
The last visit we had was from my in-laws who told us they were coming only a week in advance and would be staying for a week. Essentially we had to rearrange our daughter’s sleep schedule around what they wanted to do. If my husband was too tired after work to go golfing or hiking he would get guilted by them saying they haven’t done anything while visiting us but we spend a ton of time together otherwise.
My parents are also about to visit us and it feels like it’s a never-ending situation of us having to plan things for everyone and have them invade our space for weeks on end with everyone’s excuses being that they want to spend time with their granddaughter/niece.
It’s stressing out my husband who feels like he can’t just relax when everyone is over and I also agree.
If we lived closer and visiting us wasn’t a huge production every time, we’d be more than happy to have them over but its emotionally and mentally exhausting to deal with practically every other week.
So we have discussed it and after our last already planned visit (end of September) we want to ask that no one visits us until the new year. We want to spend our birthdays (all three of us are in November) and Christmas together as a family of 3 and really enjoy every minute of it without all the stress.
We also plan on video calling everyone throughout it as we already do weekly.
So I’m not sure but WIBTJ if we ask this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but don’t “ask” your extended family for anything. You and your husband have your own family now, your relatives are the ones who need to ask if they can visit.
Simply tell them that you will not be accepting visitors for a while, and I wouldn’t get into giving long explanations for why. You don’t need to justify or defend this decision, it’s perfectly reasonable.” coffeemom23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – First of all, you shouldn’t have to ask people not to visit because they should either be asking if it is ok (and you can say no) or waiting to be invited. It sounds like this has gotten completely out of hand and you are absolutely right to reign it in.
You could try saying something in advance, but I think there is a good chance they would make you out to be the bad guy and it doesn’t address the real issue. You need to reestablish the boundary that people need to be INVITED to visit and that they cannot just plan trips based on their convenience.
I suggest that you and your husband just commit to saying no when people tell you they are planning to come visit.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because they’re related doesn’t give them priority rights over your time and energy. It sounds as though they simply announce that they’re coming, and you have to jump through hoops to satisfy them.
Who said you have to? What power do they have over you? Tell them no, and if they don’t like it, they can stew in their juices.” RealbadtheBandit
28. AITJ For Buying My Son's Fiancée A Sports Bag To Carry Her Things?
“My youngest son is engaged to a very lovely young woman. My son met her while he was living in another state for college and while they were there we met her a handful of times when we’d go visit him. We invited them both on a vacation with the rest of our family last year.
While on vacation, she would ask me daily to carry things in my purse for her (cell, keys, wallet, etc) or she’d ask my son to carry things in his pockets. I didn’t think much of it then because she’s more of a tomboy but was wearing shorts that didn’t have much in ways of pockets.
Been there, dealt with that before.
Now that they live closer and we see them more often, it’s a frequent occurrence. There have been a few times they were out with us and she’d start asking my son to put everything in his pockets (including water bottles) and when he says no she’ll get pouty and keep asking.
At that point, she’ll ask me. Our daughter offered she could have one of her purses since our daughter basically collects them, but she said that purses are too feminine for her. I’ve asked her why she doesn’t just bring what she needs with her and she explained that sometimes what she needs for a day out is more than what fits in her pockets.
A lot of the pants she wears have normal pockets, not that ridiculous half pocket a lot of women’s pants have.
I bought her a plain blue drawstring sports bag and gave it to her telling her she could use it to carry her things around and I would pay to personalize it for her if she wished. She refused it and said she already said that purses are ‘too girly’ for her, and I pointed out that this wasn’t a purse, it’s a sports bag, and both men and women use these for carrying things.
They’ve not come out with us since and my son says they’re both still upset with me for trying to ‘feminize’ her. I thought I was offering a solution that would work for everyone, I wasn’t trying to change her.
Did buying her the sports bag make me a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was obviously a kind gesture that she’s shoved back in your face – she seems pretty rude to me. I’d just stop taking her stuff in your purse. Just say it’s heavy/full. Or say that’s fine but would she mind carrying it for you (after all she’s younger and presumably perfectly able to carry a bag).
No problem with her not liking feminine stuff. Big problem with her thinking everyone around her is her personal pack mule. I wouldn’t be giving an apology to FDIL or your son tbh.” Ok_Letterhead_1008
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I can understand carrying something for her once.
But he being fine with her stuff in a purse, but saying it’s too feminine is so childish, it’s laughable. How were you feminizing her when both men and women carry bags? Nobody gives a flip as long as she carries her own things. >They’ve not come out with us since and my son says they’re both still upset with me for trying to ‘feminize’ her.
Is this girl *really* the right one for him? Is this the only thing that she’s childish about? If he’s in his 20s he should truly consider a long engagement to her. She should’ve acted grateful for your buying her a bag even if she didn’t like it or want it.
I wouldn’t want to contribute or donate anything to their future wedding if this is the type of girl my kid is marrying. Strong opinion but this can’t be the only thing he’s had to deal with.” MilkCartonDandruff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hate purses and refuse to carry them.
Mostly because we’re forced to buy them because women are stiffed on pockets. However, I go to great lengths to make sure I buy clothes with actual pockets to store my belongings. It sounds like she doesn’t want to have to carry anything at all.
I think this was actually very thoughtful of you, trying to find a solution that wouldn’t make her uncomfortable. A sports bag was a perfect compromise.” Hairosmith
27. AITJ For Wanting To See My Bank Account Balance?
“I (17f) and my mother (56f) often argue about this a lot and I feel like she’s being a bit unfair.
I am not a big spender, I honestly dislike spending money a lot since I’m anxious but when I do want to its a problem. I have been in many situations where I try to buy something and it doesn’t go through, and that leads to my mother asking me why I tried to buy something when I don’t have enough, every time I always point out that how can I possibly know that if she doesn’t allow me to have access to my account to see my balance and she just gets upset saying I have to wait until I am 18.
She says that everyone has to wait until they’re 18 to see their balance and I feel like she’s lying. Some of my friends avoid inviting me out now as they don’t like how I have to stop and wait for my mom to answer me if I can buy something as it’s very time consuming and it ruins my mood.
I feel humiliated that I can’t spend my own money/not even be allowed to see my balance. And its not like money is not a problem for us as we live pretty comfortably and my mother herself buys things for herself quite a lot.
My grandma (87f) sees this and often slips me a 20$ bill every once in a while so I can buy something for myself without worrying about if I will be allowed to and my mom doesn’t like this. I often collect cash to save up because I feel comfortable seeing how much I have in front of me and that I can spend my money knowing my limits.
I fully understand and respect her being wary of me spending money but at this point it’s becoming ridiculous as I now get anxious about buying anything at all with fear that I will get in trouble. My brother (26m) tells me that I shouldn’t care too much but I can’t shake this nagging feeling that she just doesn’t want me to spend anything in general.
I’m worried because I haven’t really done anything to lose her trust in me and I’m scared that she’ll become more strict. She tells me that I always second guess her and I’m starting to feel like a jerk, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I could see my account balances and transactions at your age. Your Mom is lying to you. Go to the bank and ask for it. Once you are 18, open an account at a separate bank and transfer the money to that account so your Mom can’t control it or you anymore.
Especially if you work a job, don’t let it go to that account. You want a separate bank, not a different branch of the same bank.” oaksandpines1776
Another User Comments:
“NTJ ok so a few things, 1. yes your mom is lying to you. if you have an account you should be able to see your balance.
can you go to the bank yourself and ask a teller about account login information? they might not let you as you are a minor on a joint account but it is worth a try 2. you can use your card at an atm. it will show you your balance “balance inquiry” this might involve a fee but the atm would show you the fee before you proceed. typically its a few dollars.
3. your mom might be struggling with you becoming more self reliant and adult and might be pulling to control you more. you can figure this out without her (or you can open your own account without her) good luck” hypotheticalkazoos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is financially abusing you.
Go to your bank. Explain to the manager that your mother is preventing you from knowing what’s happening to your money. I’ll bet she is spending your money on herself. And at your age, you can get a legal advice for free from most reputable law firms. Your mother is stealing from you.” Mekla11
26. AITJ For Confronting Neighborhood Kids Banging On My Window Nightly?
“I (33M) have been annoyed by neighborhood kids banging on my window nightly. I caught them in the act and I am now questioning if AITJ for confronting them. I live and take care of my elderly 90-year-old uncle, so I am on edge about this.
The banging on the window started this Saturday. They usually do it between 9 pm and 12 am. Sunday night they did it multiple times in that time slot.
Last night, I left my blinds slightly open so I could get a look at them in the act.
It worked. I followed them and found them hanging out at the neighborhood basketball court, where I decided to ask them why they keep knocking on the window. The one kid who did the banging, quickly ran off, leaving his friends behind. I made sure not to make any police threats, but I did tell them the situation will escalate to me telling their parents and so forth.
They were a bit rude in their responses (denial, laughing at me, and finally, an admission of guilt and apology.)
I feel like a jerk, because I was a teenager and used to do this stuff. I remember dumping a neighbor’s trash can on the road because I wanted to be a jerk!
I am hoping they stop because I hate being confrontational, I feel like I should have let them be and just let them be teenagers.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- if anything you did them a favor if they heed the warning. The next person they decide to “prank” might have a much worse reaction than yours.” chuckinhoutex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- think of the other people they might be bothering. Veterans who have PTSD issues, babies who are still learning to sleep through the night, disabled children who scream at loud noises. But you should probably just report it to the police next time and install some sort of camera if you can.” PicklesMcpickle
25. AITJ For Threatening To Report My Neighbor For Letting Her Dog Pee On My Patio?
“So, I(23f) live alone so I got myself a doorbell camera.
I got it because one of my 4 upstairs neighbors(m) had been giving me weird looks and standing at the top of my stairs all strange.
It’s also important to note, my patio has had a terrible smell of dog pee for a while now.
Kind of since one of my upstairs neighbors moved in, but so many people have dogs in my apartment complex and I’m not completely confrontational so I never said anything. I also had a lovely little garden, and one night when I came home from work, one of my plants had been torn up and there was a paw print in the soil, so I knew for a fact someone is letting their dog come onto my patio while I was unaware.
I don’t dislike dogs, but I don’t appreciate this happening.
Well, with my new camera installed, I caught my upstairs neighbor allowing her dog to come down my stairs, and when she saw the camera(looked directly at it) tried to rush her dog back up the stairs.
So, today, I am walking out to my car and there she is with her dog, and I ask her about it. She tried to play dumb at first, and I told her I have my camera and then she immediate turns to the defensive saying, “well I can’t control where my dog is comfortable peeing, it’s not my fault.” So I just boiled it down to “okay, well if it happens again I’m taking it to higher ups.” She said “so what you’re gonna call the cops on my dog?!” (Which no I was thinking more of the leasing office, but okay).
Anyways, I just said I would really appreciate it if it would not happen again and she was all in a huff.
I’m not trying to start beef with my neighbors, but this is ridiculous right?!? Like this shouldn’t be happening in a normal scenario?
Well, I call my mom to tell her about it and my mom defends her!! My mom said that I handled it poorly and I shouldn’t be threatening to call the leasing office because it’s not a big deal. I might be crazy but this is my personal space that I pay for.
AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ they were caught and knew it was a mistake, not only that it led to damage of your property with the plants as well. You pay to live there and deserve a place where you can do what you want.” TheKings1337
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Did you take a photo of the damaged plant and the paw print? If not, please start doing so so you have a record of what’s been going on. Definitely report her to the leasing office. Even if they don’t do something about it right now, they will have it on record.” DorianGreyEyes
24. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother's Friends Stay Alone In Our Apartment While We're On Vacation?
“My brother came and asked me if I am okay with two of his friends stay at our apartment while we go out on vacation. So they would be staying alone at our apartment (which we rent).
I told him no because someone has to be here and that this was a dumb question because if anything happens to them or the apartment we would be liable and possibly kicked out.
I also told him no because whenever friends of his stay at our apartment which happens a lot after they leave he never cleans.
We are in the same place for two years and he never cleaned the house once. Anyway he starts yelling and calling me a jerk because I called the question stupid and I didn’t let his friends stay over.
If one of us was here I wouldn’t have a problem but I can’t let two strangers live here by themselves
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They aren’t your friends they might be ok they might not. But you did the right thing it’s you who would be liable for damage at the end of the day.
Whilst his question might seem dumb to you. He knows his friends and probably trusts them more to you. So it wasn’t as such of a big deal to him. Probably a bit argumentative to call it dumb.” SuperDooperNinja
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, let the landlord that you will be out of town and that your apartment is to be empty.
There is nothing to stop your brother from giving his key to his friend behind your back. Also, as he has this friend over all the time you need to find your own place when your lease is up.” Crazybutnotlazy1983
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s YOUR house that YOU pay rent for and YOU apparently have to clean anytime they come by.
Plus there are big risks for you. I wouldn’t have called his question dumb tho, that starts problems” IndividualSite8566
23. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister And Nephew After Being Accused Of Stealing?
“For the past 2/3 years my sister (22) and her son (3) have been staying with me (F17). For a bit of background, in 2020 my sister came up to stay with me, my dad, & my grandparents because she ended up getting kicked out. Everyone agreed that they didn’t want her there but my grandmother convinced us to let her stay because of her baby.
While staying there I ended up having to take care of her son during my freshman yr due nobody else wanting to, which made me fail. I moved to my other grandma’s house (on my mother’s side) in 2021 to focus on my studies but the same year my grandpa died which caused everyone who was residing with my grandparents to have to move.
My grandma moved to a 1br apt in an elderly complex where my dad and aunt stay currently leaving my sister and nephew with nowhere to stay. I asked my grandma could she stay with me and she agreed under the conditions that she stayed in my room and was out for a month.
She of course did neither of those.
I’ve been managing her money during her whole duration here and didn’t allow her to have access to her card due to her not knowing how to count or anything. I do all the shopping and I never hesitate to go and get it and let her know how much money she has.
I have never spent anything off her card without her knowledge/approval and I’ve NEVER left her broke. She also receives bank statements monthly showing her the transactions. We argue pretty frequently about how she spends her money when she manages to find access to her card (by stealing it out my room, having the info on her phone etc.)
So fast forward to recently, last week I came home after being gone for a week to discover her card is missing from my room. I found out, asked her to give it back, and somehow I lost it so she reported it missing and told me she would let me know when she got it.
I asked her today where it was and she told me that she gave the card to my dad which confused me. So I asked him why he didn’t tell me he had her card according to him, he was told I was using her card to buy stuff.
Being completely fed up with everything and having to put up with so much disrespect from my sister and my family I decided that today she has to go.
My sister calls my dad and they start berating me and telling me about how it’s my fault she’s broke, (she had 150$ on her card but for some reason it’s all gone now?) how god doesn’t like ugly and I’m wrong for kicking a child out.
They also started accusing me of taking 800$ because the news told them that ssi would send out double checks this month but when I looked it up I saw nothing like that?? My grandma has been trying to kick her out for a while now and has just been waiting on me to take initiative.
I’ve told both my dad and grandmother about how miserable she makes me and have had multiple breakdowns in front of my dad begging for him to get her to move but I’m always ignored so now that it’s actually happening I’m pretty numb.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But why did they leave a 17 year old in charge of her? If they were concerned about her spending, why didn’t your dad take responsibility for her? If she can’t take care of herself, she has no business taking care of a kid.” Ok-Cheesecake5306
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Have your parents ask Social Security to appoint her a representative payee. The payee will pay her bills for her and then give your sister whatever money she has left. They’ll also assist her with housing. Next time they badger you into taking her in, drop your sister off at their house.” Significant-Use1083
22. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister's Toxic Relationship Cycle?
“My sister (27) has always been in very unstable rocky relationships. Her most recent relationship has been going on for about a year and a half and they have a 13 month old together.
She comes to me often to rant and complain about her partner, but anytime I try to give her advice or tell her that I agree and think he’s crappy. She refuses to listen and defends his bad behavior right after.
This constant loop of them breaking up, and then her complaining, and then they get back together.
They’ve broken up around 10 times.
Also just some backstory every time she wants to leave him she goes on social sites and meets with men right after, and before they have even broken up officially.
Recently she told me she was going to kick him out because he took her car in the middle of the night.
He was intoxicated, and got arrested. He was put in the tank, and she told me she was done with him.
A day later she picks him up and says he’s going to stay at her place because he needs a ride to work (he doesn’t have a car) and that she needs him to be able to pay child support and bills.
She then told me she is purposely going to make his life miserable while he is there.
I told her that it’s not okay for people to be treated like that, and that they both are in a toxic cycle of treating each other badly.
She told me to go away, and then blocked me on social media.
A day later she unblocks me and tells me that she feels humiliated that she has come to me so many times about their relationship, and that she just wanted support. She said I’m judgmental and have a stick up my behind.
I told her that I don’t condone that behavior, and it’s not okay.
I’m so tired of her always playing the victim card, and having excuses for everything. She can’t admit when she’s wrong. She has literally told me something awful that she’s done, and then she says “I didn’t do anything wrong.” “I’m a great partner and I deserve to be treated well.”
I can’t listen to it anymore. I had to say something.”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ, but my biggest worry is the poor child in this scenario! That’s not healthy in any way, and I’m sorry, but she’s not being a great mum allowing this cycle to continue!
ETA, he is definitely no better. Sorry, just didn’t want anyone to think I don’t think they’re equally awful bringing a child up in this environment!!!” crazy_catlady-81
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Best to go no contact with her until she gets it together. All she’s doing is using you to vent and will not take any advice.
And that’s going to affect your mental health if it hasn’t already. People like her need to hit rock bottom before they will even recognize that they have a problem. And her main problem seems to be that she addicted to negativity. She really needs to be in therapy.
What are your parents in all this?” Mekla11
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Telling her what to do is not going to get you anywhere. Your sister IS the problem. Go low contact or no contact with her. While you can tell her that neither of them are innocent, she will not believe you.
You can also tell her if she seriously leaves him forever to work on herself to contact you, but until then, don’t bother. Stop responding to her messages.” holisarcasm
21. AITJ For Scaring Off My Neighbor's Unleashed Dog That Was Damaging My Car?
“Long story short, my new downstairs neighbor moved in a few months ago and has been a nightmare with her 2 dogs.
Both dogs are pit bulls (not allowed in my apartments) and weigh over 50 pounds (apartment weight limit for dogs is 30). These dogs are left unattended in her apartment from 7am-7pm Monday through Friday where they bark and howl constantly and aggressively attack the window and growl whenever anyone walks by.
When she finally comes home to tend to her dogs, she does not clean their messes outside and lets them dig around in our small courtyard, making the whole area look trashy.
Anyway, I heard lots of aggressive sounding barking outside today around 7:30pm and looked outside to see what was happening.
I saw my new neighbor at the edge of the parking lot and watching her dog bark at a squirrel or bird or something in the tree beside our parking lot. This wouldn’t have been a big deal, BUT the dog was reared up on the passenger door of my CAR that was parked under the tree, jumping around and barking and likely going to scratch and damage my paint.
I couldn’t believe she was just watching her dog act this way and not correcting it. I grabbed my keys and unlocked and locked my car, causing it to honk two times to get the owner’s attention and let her know I was seeing this, please get your dog off my car.
I waited another minute and watched as the owner continued to not care about how her dog was acting, and then hit the panic alarm on my car. This scared the dog and the owner both, and the dog jumped away from my car quickly.
What I didn’t know and couldn’t see was that she didn’t have the dog on a leash, and it took off running into the wooded area behind the apartments. The owner chased after it, but came knocking on my door an hour later saying her dog was missing and that it was my fault.
I think she should have had the dog on a leash and shouldn’t have let it jump all over my car, especially after I gave her a warning honk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She’s breaking apartment rules by having the dogs in the first place.
She’s probably breaking local laws by not having them on a leash. It’s her fault they ran off, by not having them on a leash. I’m a dog owner, I have 2 now, and have had several in the past (I am old). She is a crap dog owner.” nerdmania
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If her dog isn’t well-trained enough to obey cues like “halt” “stay” “come back” while off-leash, it has no business being off-lead in an unfenced shared area. And she definitely should have called the dog when it first started messing with your car and redirected it.
Using noise as a deterrent for undesirable behavior that affects YOU and is being ignored by the handler is pretty mild. Before people come for me about “YoU cAn’T tRaIn A dOg OfFlEaSh WiThOuT lEtTiNg It OfF lEaSh”, there are a lot of intermediate steps with varying levels of control (leash, long line, fence, e-collar, etc) and various levels of potential distraction before you jump to “let them roam around a shared unfenced area with a ton of variables out of my control while totally ignoring them and just vaguely hope for the best”” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’ve known people who kept pit bulls at apartments that didn’t allow them, which were friendly and well behaved animals that the owners obviously cared about and properly exercised, etc. And I didn’t report them. This is not the case here though.
Ill tempered animals that are aggressive towards strangers, with owners that let them off leash and don’t stop them from potentially damaging other people’s property, really shouldn’t be in apartments regardless of the breed. Report them and don’t feel sorry for stopping the dog from scratching your paint.” missy20201
Also, how does she know that YOU causes your car alarm to go off by pushing the panic alarm? How does she know the alarm didn't just go off because there was a big dog freaking jumping on it??
Also, I think you pushing the panic button was a hilarious and brilliant solution.
20. AITJ For Asking My Mother To Stop Taking My Money?
“I am a pre-teen and am currently saving up money for something. Well recently my mother’s habits of consistently borrowing or blatantly taking my money has happened. She pays it back but sometimes she will promise to pay sums of money but then spend that on drinks.
This at times causes issues with my dad who’s divorced my mother as he asks where my money is and I’ll have to blatantly lie about it since my mother’s taken it, I understand helping out to an extent but this has been happening since I’ve been 8 or 9 years old and sometimes it can get tiring when I get my money not even after a day or 2 and its instantly gone.
Though my stepsister older than me gets barely any money taken off her because she acts irresponsibly with her finances and then it requires me to pay for basic things at times such as either bus tickets that aren’t even mine or just random groceries.
I will chip in at times since my family aren’t that well off but it can be a major pain at times having it swept away.
Well recently this has descended into me now buying things such as drinks or my mother will ask me to get drinks and when I might ask about money when it’s taken or borrowed I get belittled or told off.
Basically I have my money just completely taken off me with the fact that I have more than my stepsister and sometimes it can get annoying. Well today my mum asked my stepsister to go to the shop since she goes a lot and since she’s going out well I was told to go back out since she goes out a lot of the time, I was fine with this but then she started telling me about how I never go but she always goes beforehand I contributed to what was needed to buy I asked for some of the money back since possibly my stepsister could have had some since, well it spiraled into her getting mad and giving the money back and acting like I did something wrong like I was being petty when I wasn’t attempting to.
Well I came back and she hadn’t really spoken to me WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like you’re a similar age to my daughter and that’s too young to be dealing with stuff like this. My Mum was dependent on drinks too which wasn’t great, but she wasn’t this bad.
As unpleasant as it seems, you have to tell your Dad the truth. Unless you can hide your money or lie about not having any, your Mum isn’t going to change her ways. At your age you have lots of legal rights and protection, but not a lot of power to use them without help.
Your Dad can help you so he needs to know. Good luck.” MattTheCrow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your dad the truth. You have absolutely no responsibility to cover up your mom’s behavior – and the fact that you feel like you do is an indication that you know it isn’t okay.
The pressure your mother is under is not your responsibility. You are the child, not her. Seriously, talk to your dad.” hannahkelli
19. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Struggling Little Sister Live With Me?
“My mom, step dad, and little sister are currently living in very bad circumstances due to the parents not having jobs. There’s no AC, they can only shower once a week, and I honestly have no idea how they’re getting funds to eat because they don’t have jobs.
My sister just asks me for funds every now and then to pay for her dinner so I send her that. My sister asked to come live with me and I told her no. I just can’t afford it. She’s 14 so it’s food, clothing, basic essentials, and school things that I’d have to pay for.
With my current finances I only have about $400 biweekly after bills and that doesn’t include funds for gas and groceries. I want to help but I just can’t afford it. AITJ for telling her no she can’t live with me? Because I definitely feel like one.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ However, if you are in the US, you should consult with a social worker for CPS. She’s probably eligible for a variety of benefits. Your parents may, or may not, have set her up to get them. And they may, or may not, be using them for her needs versus using them for themselves.
And if you can get such benefits (cash benefits, food stamps) and can actually be sure her benefits are used by you, for her, she may be better off and it may not be as expensive as you fear. Do some research. Whatever you do, don’t take her in but let your parents keep collecting on, and spending, her benefits while you’re paying to raise her.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- you understand their living conditions and are doing what you can, sending them funds is hopefully helping them. I think putting yourself first is totally okay. You know you can’t take someone in right now so maybe explain that to her nicely.
She may resent you for saying no so explaining would be a big part.” Clean-Concentrate-95
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But you’re overestimating the impact I think. She’d have access to hot water and a warm bed. She presumably has clothes. There’s a food cost but I’m sure she’d understand that she’s getting pasta and not getting McDonalds every night.
Look to officially fostering her and claiming $$ off the State for doing it.” NotTrynaMakeWaves
18. AITJ For Not Allowing My Unstable Mother Access To My Younger Sister?
“So I (f20) have full custody of my sister (f12) and have done for a year now.
Things were rocky and we went through some difficult times together when we were homeless. But finally at last life is looking good, we have a house and she’s finally regularly going to school and has made friends. This issue is our mother. Now I don’t want to go into too much detail but my mother has severe drinking problems alongside extreme mental health issues.
There was a time I felt sorry for her but due to recent events I just don’t have the time or energy for her. I’m old enough to make the decision not to have her in my life, but my sister isn’t.
I personally feel like my sister is thriving with me and anytime we talk about our mother she’s sad and generally dislikes her and the bad memories that come with her. When I ask my sister if she wants to go to our mother’s house she says yeah but only to see her cats.
She has no interest in seeing our mother.
Part of me wants to just not send her, keep her away from our mother for her own well-being as I know she is better off without her. But what if my sister grows to resent me for it?
Everyone tells me she is better off without her but I don’t want my sister to hate me when she grows up. I don’t know what to do.
I know now as I’ve grown that the best thing for me would have been for someone to take me away from my mother when I was younger, but I feel I only know that because I was able to watch and understand that my mother was never fit to parent.
I fear that as a child my sister will begin to idolize my mother in her absence and forget how bad it actually was to live with her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!! You were doing for your sister now what should’ve been done for you years ago.
In all these years, your mother has not changed her pattern for the better. Until your mother can get some help and change her ways the best thing would be for your sister to not have contact. It’s not asking much for your mother to seek some kind of help that would benefit a family bond between her and your sister.” Equivalent-Fan6782
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you’re doing a wonderful thing for your sister it shows an amazing amount of maturity that you are considering your sister’s feelings about your mother after all your mom has put you through. She’s 12, if she says the cats are missed more than your Mom- believe her” TacoTron2001
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to protect your sister. I think you should do what you feel is right. If your sister wants to see the cats, maybe do a supervised visit and see how it goes from there. If it goes badly you know to not allow your mother access to her again.
Hoping for the best.” EmphasisHonest9080
Even if your sister does end up resenting you, (it's a possibility because teenagers are notoriously dumb lol) when she grows up she'll understand. But your sister doesn't even want to see her, so what's the problem?
Just keep talking to your sister about it. Let her know that whenever she does want to go see your mother, she can.
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom To Come Wedding Dress Shopping?
“I’m going to start off by stating that my fiancé(23 M) and I (22 F) want a black and purple wedding.
We have chosen my 4 sisters to be the bridesmaids. I want only my sisters to be there when I pick out my wedding dress.
But by the time I go get my dress my littlest sister will be only roughly 15 so obviously my mom would have to come with her.
You see I haven’t gotten along with my mom since I graduated, growing into my gothic style because it makes me happy and it’s comfortable.
My mom always I didn’t add enough color. My mother complained about my clothes saying they were either for boys or were satanic. I was always given hand-me-downs of what could be considered old lady clothing, obviously not my style. She’d also complain about my weight.
Often. (I’ve struggled with weight since the 6th grade). My mother would say things like “you’re not exactly small”. Which hurt.
I had shown my mom a black wedding dress I just happened to run across online before my fiancé and I were even together just because it was beautiful.
She said “What you don’t want people to know you’re pure?” You see, my mom had always had this vision of me walking down the aisle in her wedding dress (a size 16 white wedding dress she wore when she was 19). I no longer fit it and also don’t feel comfortable in all white.
I’m afraid if I have her come dress shopping with my sisters and me that she will want me to try on white dresses and complain the entire time about the color and/or the theme of the wedding, ruining the experience for me and the rest of my sister who fully support my and my fiancé’s decision.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And look up the real history of the white dress and how it evolved into the ‘purity’ myth. Send it to your mom when she gets on that kick. Send her customs from around the world where white isn’t the norm.
Maybe (just maybe) she’ll lay off.” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I wore a black wedding dress. My mum actually helped me pick it out. She convinced me to remember it’s my wedding and ignore everyone else. You need to do the same. Get that goth dress!
Be beautiful! It’s your wedding!!!” RyotsGurl
16. AITJ For Joking About My Friend's Baby's Eye Color After IVF?
“My close friend is pregnant right now with and her (female) partner’s child. They did IVF to implant her partner’s egg into her uterus, which is pretty common among 2 women having a baby together.
However, they of course needed a donor to get the party started. My friend was getting frustrated because it was taking a really long time for them to get a donor that they wanted. The reason for this is because they wanted their donor to have blue eyes- as both she and her partner have blue eyes, so the kid would look like them.
I didn’t say anything at the time but I thought that was a bit silly and kind of gave of bad vibes caring so much that they were delaying the process to get the kid that looks like how they want. Also, her sister, who I am also close friends with, had a baby 4 months ago who is mixed race and doesn’t look much like her as a baby, and she had to cope with low key racist comments from her dad and aunty about the kid’s looks.
So like, I thought fair enough to want a donor who is the same race as you but it’s not that important they have all the same traits you do, it’s still your kid.
So basically she’s pregnant now and she was talking about she was so grateful after waiting so long (this was not the announcement conversation, of course) and I made a joke about how it would be funny if her baby ended up having green or brown eyes after all that.
I know it’s not likely but it’s still possible. She kind of got really stroppy with me and said I don’t know what it’s like to go through IVF and I shouldn’t wish bad luck on her. I was like, no I don’t know that but all you should be worried about is your baby being healthy and happy, I wouldn’t be upset if my hypothetical future child didn’t have green eyes like me, who cares?
Anyway since then she’s been pretty short with me but I don’t really want to apologise because I think she’s getting upset over a harmless joke. Her baby will most likely have blue eyes anyway.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Since blue eyes are recessive, two blue eyed parents don’t have much option besides a blue eyed baby, so she really doesn’t have anything to worry about.
No one’s going to assume it’s not her kid if it doesn’t have the exact same hair and eye shade she does. The obsession with hair and eye color for your baby has always bothered me – sounds way too much like Germany right around 1939 if you ask me.” HauntingAccomplice
Another User Comments:
“YTJ its her partner’s egg which means at least some traits of her partner’s she has zero genetic material in the mix wanting some shadow of a feature of yours in your child is not crazy. Empathy and minding your business are things I want you to practice this year.” BriefHorror
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I have a friend who is a lesbian and to her it was important that the donor look like her partner, they ended up asking the partner’s brother to donate even. For many couples it’s important that the child looks like both parents.
My cousin works in a fertility clinic, and couples often choose donors who look like them, so a resultant child is more likely to look like them. Your joke was harmless, but this is something important to them and it makes sense as to why.” RNWho
15. AITJ For Not Donating To A Coworker's Wedding Gift Collection?
“I (F26) am a newer employee at my company. My job is hybrid. I don’t know my coworkers well, and most of my week is work from home.
Sometimes we are completely work from home to keep up with the sheer workload. There were months I didn’t see my coworkers at all. Our multiple managers and team leads have all been at the company for 5+ years and are good friends. My coworker, Casey (F38) is a team lead and she is getting married. I don’t know her well.
I’m not invited to her wedding. I say hi to her sometimes at the office. I’ll ask her questions about my work. Casey can be very helpful and nice when it comes to work related questions but other than that I don’t really talk to her.
My head manager started a secret collection as a wedding gift for her. She IS going to the wedding. I initially ignored the emails she sent about this. I was not intending to give. And didn’t know what the right amount to give without seeming stingy would be.
My pay isn’t great and I live alone. Things are expensive. Rent alone (without necessities like utilities or food expenses) takes most of my monthly income. If Casey were my friend or family member I would’ve considered giving money.
The other day my head manager messaged me on Teams saying something like “oh I don’t see a donation from you.
just checking to see if I misplaced anything.” and at this point I felt very pressured. I was hoping the office wide emails were it and that I wouldn’t be contacted directly. I said “no I don’t think I donated anything.” I did not offer her an explanation nor did I offer to donate.
I was not going to give in at this point. She said ” oh, no worries” and left it at that. I noticed in the office later that day she convinced another new-ish person to donate via cashapp (she was talking at this person’s desk that’s near mine).
I’m also worried if this will affect how people at the office treat me going forward.
AITJ for not donating anything?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to not give anything. You’re new, not high on the pay scale yet, and you barely know this person. Further, you weren’t even invited to the wedding.
God I hate soliciting at the office. No, I’m not buying your kids’ school fundraiser candy, donating to your kid’s band uniform/trip, or a giant book of coupons for stores I don’t shop in. Hit me up when they have wine or bourbon for their fundraisers.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This will probably affect you (and you can fix it by pretending you’re in huge money trouble right now, like “I just moved, I’m eating nothing but Costco chips these days” but you don’t seem the person who does it and I respect it), but the jerk is the person who asked and even pressured. You don’t go to a 26yrs old you know the low income of whom and ask money, you simply don’t” Chocolatecandybar_
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. There’s no perfect way to do these things. If a few coworkers get together and split the cost of a gift for the engaged coworker, then they risk other coworkers feeling left out. If they give everyone the option to contribute, some coworkers feel pressured. If you send out one announcement, you didn’t provide enough notice.
If you send out many reminders, you’re putting pressure on people. No matter what you do, a well intended gesture is awkward for someone in the office. Stand by your decision and hopefully your coworkers will have the maturity to realize you were under no obligation to contribute.” Mother_Tradition_774
14. AITJ For Throwing Away Unwanted Gifts From My Partner?
“I had a birthday a few months ago, and I told my partner to not get me anything. I didn’t want or need anything. That this wasn’t a secret challenge to find something I would like. I genuinely did not want any gifts.
Of course she gets me some gifts.
And I hate them. She got me junk and a responsibility. Two things I don’t want more of in my life.
She got me this crappy little plastic egg cooker thing. She knows I make hard-boiled eggs in the pressure cooker, and I have expressed before that they come out perfect every time and that I love it.
So I don’t need some piece of junk as-seen-on-tv replacement.
She also got me a small cactus. Which I see as nothing more than a responsibility that I don’t want. I know cacti are pretty low maintenance, but I just don’t care for them, and I have nowhere to put it, and I have a cat who likes to rub on things and push them over.
It was a mess waiting to happen, which causes anxiety in me. And the only place to put it was in this one window in my tiny apartment where the curtain always drawn, so it’s not like I ever see the darn thing.
So I threw it all away.
After a few months these things sitting unused and unenjoyed just being useless clutter and wastes of money.
And now she’s mad and has been very distant lately. She said that it was the thought that counted. But I told her that it didn’t seem like any thought was put into these gifts.
I realize I’m a hard person shop for, and that’s why I expressly don’t want anyone getting anything for me. I am very picky.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It is the thought that counts- your whole attitude about this is so cold. She tried to find things that applied to your life- yes, she missed, but you don’t even appreciate the time she spent thinking about you.
Some people express their love with gifts- she wanted you to know she thought of you. With the cactus, you could have sat her down and told her you appreciated the gesture and explained the cat issue, and asked if she’d keep it for you at her place, or if she’d be okay if you passed it to a friend etc. I understand not having space for extra stuff- I truly do- but sometimes we show people we love them by treating them with grace and care and accepting that sometimes they miss the point.
Throwing things away, classifying them as junk, and claiming she put no thought into them- that can be very hurtful if she thought she had found you something useful.” SpicyTurtle38
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t have to like the gifts, sure, but talking about it like that, and then outright throwing it away?
Chill, dude. She just wanted to make you a bit happier. You could’ve later tell her gently, after accepting the gifts, that you appreciate it, but she really didn’t have to. Or you could’ve help her out, send her a wishlist prior to your birthday.
You are not only a hard person to shop for, you generally seem like a hard person to be around.” donteatfrogs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The YTJ votes are ridiculous. You told her flat out that you did not want gifts. That doesn’t mean “get me stuff I don’t want.” She got you two things you do not even remotely need, and are just clutter in a small apartment.
There was very little thought put into these gifts. She didn’t listen to you at all. You kept these for months and they went unused. Yeah you could have maybe donated them instead of tossing them, but that’s a small detail here.” User
13. AITJ For Being Upset My Wife Won't Attend A Music Festival For My 40th Birthday?
“I’m 39M and my wife (38) and I have 2 kids. We’ve been together for nearly 16 years. We went to a good few music festivals together over the years before we had kids, including a couple of visits to Barcelona for Primavera Sound.
For those unfamiliar with it, it’s a festival held in the city of Barcelona itself – no camping, just hotel/airbnb for the weekend. The previous times we went we always rented an apartment.
I turn 40 next year and I’ve always said I don’t want a big fuss for it.
The one thing I’ve always said though, is that I’d like to go to Primavera. Our kids are old enough now that they can stay with my mother or sister for a weekend – they all love each other big time, they both spoil the kids whenever they stay with them and the kids love going, so that’s not an issue.
A couple of years ago one friend mentioned wanting to go to Primavera for his 40th and I loved the idea, so since then it’s the only thing I’ve said I wanted to do.
Today my wife asked me what I want for my birthday next year and I again said no fuss.
She mentioned Primavera, and I said yes.
She then tells me that she won’t be going, that she’s outgrown it and has no interest. I told her I was disappointed, that she’s my wife and the only person I’d want to celebrate my 40th with.
She repeated her disinterest in the festival and said she’d “hold me back”.
Later she noticed I was quiet and asked if I was annoyed with her, I said I was because she has basically told me she doesn’t want to spend my 40th celebration with me.
AITJ for expecting her to want to come? It’s not as if I drag her along to these things all the time, it’s a one off for my 40th.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. But a multi-day music festival, even if it were in your backyard, is what most people would count as a “big fuss.” I know you’d like to spend your 40th with your wife, but do you really want to drag her somewhere she would quickly get tired of?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but getting close to YTJ. It’s okay to be disappointed. I would be. But I also wouldn’t want to drag my partner to a huge event that they wouldn’t like just for me. I would want to do something we’d enjoy.
Asking your wife to be miserable isn’t a good birthday gift. She’s supporting you. I think that’s lovely. She just doesn’t want to go to a huge thing that would bring her down and then bring down your birthday. Also I would consider a multi-day music festival, or even a music festival in general a “big fuss”.” strawberrimihlk
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I can see how you are disappointed about her not joining since she is the person that you want to go to the festival with, but I can also see how she really probably does feel she’s doing you a favor if she does feel that she’s outgrown it and may hold you back if she’s just not into all of the walking around and crowds, etc. then you might actually feel more bummed or lonely with her there if she doesn’t want to participate in the same way you do.
It’s not like she’s just flat out saying that she doesn’t want to go because it’s not her cup of tea, which would be pretty rude since it is your birthday, but it sounds like she’s considering you in the process and thinking that she sees herself bringing you down and doesn’t want that to happen.
Maybe try to keep an open discussion about it between now and when it gets closer.” Cicity545
Do a little compromising and try to think of a birthday activity that truly is "no fuss" that you'll enjoy. And then maybe you can go to Primavera on your own or with friends on another occasion. Good luck.
12. AITJ For Wanting My Colleague To Cover All Damages After He Hit My Motorcycle?
“At a gathering two weeks ago my (26F) motorcycle was parked fairly close to my colleague’s (40M) car, but still enough place for one to get out of the parking spot.
I did offer to change the parking spot of my bike but he reassured me that he can get out. He got pretty inebriated and decided that he wanted to have a smoke and needed to buy some. Decided to take his car to the tobacco shop.
On the way out of the parking spot he hit my motorcycle, I didn’t see the hit or fall of my bike. It was around 11 pm, rather dark and when checked for damages I saw that the foot-peg was completely broken off as well as the engine guard.
He said his insurance will cover the damages and that I need to take it to the shop for cost estimation. Which I did. The mechanic realised that there are some consoles, the break paddle, clutch and other things damaged and added them to the list.
The total damage with the mechanic’s work costing about 1800 eur. He is now accusing me of requesting a full bike repair and semi refusing to “pay”. The funds will not come out of his pocket but the insurance will cover it. Everything on the list is only for the right side of the bike, the side which my bike fell when he crashed into it.
He also didn’t tell his insurance he drove into my motorcycle he said he leaned on it and it fell. Me stupidly trying to be a good colleague went with his story, now am regretting not calling the police. On one of our talks I kindly reminded him that he was quite inebriated that night and I’ve already lost two weeks of good riding season to which he falsely accused me of being inebriated too.
There are people who can vouch for me not having taken a sip of any drink but the audacity bothered me a lot. In the beginning I did offer to only change the parts that provide a risk such as the break paddle, but after all the accusations WIBTJ for requesting everything broken and scratched because of the fall to be replaced?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but lying to insurance companies always bad policy. Cover your Bum and tell as much truth as you can and get your fixes covered–ALL of them. Forget him for trying to Screw you over. He’s a jerk for refusing to cover the damage he cost AND he’s a jerk for driving inebriated. He’s lucky he’s only paying for motorcycle damage and NOT a dead person.” MountainMidnight9400
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here, your colleague obviously for drinking, driving, and trying to commit fraud. You for covering for him and being his friend in the first place despite knowing what he’s like” Conscious-Line-9804
11. AITJ For Choosing To Stay Home Instead Of Going On A Family Vacation?
“I (27F) live with my parents and have since I graduated from college 7 years ago. During some of this time, I had some mental health struggles, so I stayed home.
I’m currently doing much better and am looking to move out soon.
My family, though, can be kind of overbearing. I have an eating disorder and hear daily questions from my parents about what and how much I’m eating. I also don’t get much alone time — my family’s almost always home when I am.
My mom works from home most days too, so it feels like there’s always someone around, and they’re usually telling me what to do.
My sister (25F) who doesn’t live with us took the time to plan a 1.5-week trip to another state.
This state has a lot of really cool natural features/hikes, and we also have multiple relatives in the state that we’re slated to visit on this trip. I was going to stay home for the first few days of the trip and join my family about halfway through, but I told my mom (57F) a couple of weeks before the trip that I was considering not going at all.
She kind of pressured me to go, but when I discussed it again with her, she said that while she’d love for me to come and so would everyone else, if I like the alone time, my flight is refundable, so I can cancel and stay home.
She also said she’d stop pressuring me.
It turns out that I REALLY love the alone time. It’s quiet, and I feel free to eat how I want to without questions and commentary. I feel like I’ve been productive too. But my family called me tonight, and my mom said that this is probably the last family vacation we’ll be able to take, our relatives (with whom we’re staying) still think I’m coming, and she doesn’t know when we’ll be in that area again.
Plus, my sister said that she really wants to spend time with me and said that she’s “running towards me” and just wants me to “take one step.” I feel guilty about choosing not to go, but I also know that being around my family for long periods of time can be upsetting because my dad’s a stressed-out backseat driver, my parents have a lot of little spats, and on one of our other family trips, my dad basically made fun of the way I walk (I’m disabled).
I feel like unpleasant stuff always happens on vacation, so I really don’t want to go, but I feel guilty about potentially putting a damper on their trip. WIBTJ for choosing to stay home?”
Another User Comments:
“It is a vacation which is for relaxing and having fun if you feel more relaxed and at ease alone then you’re not a jerk but just know spending time with your loved ones can really be refreshing and rewarding especially if you’re doing activities that promote communication which I think you need to let them know what makes you unhappy and uncomfortable I bet they don’t mean any harm when being overbearing” No_Lab_9977
Another User Comments:
“NTJ There’s clearly a lot more going on here. There is a bit of jerk from your side because you did say that you would join them but are now reneging. But you have some very good reasons not to go. Hopefully you are able to move out soon and then there will be less pressure.
Just be mindful of setting those boundaries with your family as they may want to become more involved in what you are doing and what you are eating even though you aren’t at home anymore.” KitchenDismal9258
10. AITJ For Ignoring My Mom After She Prioritized My Siblings Over Me?
“I (18M) and my mother (40F) haven’t been on the best of terms as I was growing up.
She always prioritized my 2 older sisters (Now currently 20 and 22) and my younger brother (14). Growing up she wasn’t there most of the time. Not even my events have it be a football game, track meet, or anything involving me. Unlike with my siblings, she’s never missed a single event.
Going onto the main part of the story. My mom decided that after being with her new husband for 2 years that she was going to leave my state and move in August away with him leaving all of us kids and going to live her dream life with him (mind I was 17 then and my little brother then was 13).
Over the last year she’s visited my state three times and I was only ever notified after she was already in state, unlike my siblings who were told months ahead of time and were able to plan things out.
The most recent time she was in my state she was here for my graduation ceremony and during the entire week and a half that she was here she again prioritized my sisters and little brother.
She ended up putting all the time she had into fixing my eldest sister’s house, fixing both of my sisters’ cars, and even helping one of my sisters move into a new apartment and going to my little brother’s events that were being held 2 of the days.
In total of the week and a half that she said was going to be all about me I got maybe 10 hours of it.
After trying to communicate with her that she told me this visit would be about spending time with me and celebrating my accomplishments she said “You’ll have your time when I’m done helping my daughters, and supporting my son” (referencing to my little brother)After hearing this I was hurt and as just someway to make some distance I decided to just stay home while she was here busy with everyone else’s stuff.
I didn’t see or talk to her after that because I was so angry and even now I still haven’t texted her 3 months after she’s gone back home. So again I ask, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for certain, and I’m sorry this happened to you.
If you don’t mind me asking, where are you and your siblings living? Is your dad in the picture?” ItsUpandDown
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you delude yourself. She is the one ignoring you. How much contempt is needed to you understand your mother doesn’t like you?
Go NC.” User
9. AITJ For Bringing Up My Vegetarian Diet At A Party?
“My friends and I were recently at a party & I mentioned that I couldn’t eat gelatin as a vegetarian.
I’m questioning whether I might be the jerk in this scenario.
I’ve been a vegetarian for two years.
I usually inform people about dietary restrictions ahead of time when in social settings involving food. However, since I’ve been friends with this group of people for a while, I figured they were aware.
At the party we had desserts and all of them contained gelatin.
I brought up the fact that I couldn’t have gelatin and my friends acted surprised. They’ve been aware of my vegetarianism since I started, so I assumed they would understand.
My friends have a habit of downplaying or teasing me about my vegetarianism. They often make jokes/sarcastic comments, dismissing it as me being overly sensitive/dramatic.
When I mentioned that I couldn’t eat gelatin, I knew they would react in a similar way.
To be clear, I never push vegetarianism on others. I think it’s a totally personal choice and I never get grossed out or complain when my friends eat meat in front of me.
And I only mentioned the gelatin in the desserts because my friends asked me why I wasn’t having any since they were “so expensive” and it’s only polite to eat what the host provides.
Upon hearing my comment, my friends started mocking me, saying things like, “here we go again.” It felt hurtful and dismissive.
This situation made me question whether I should have kept quiet to avoid stirring up this kind of response. I understand that constantly talking about my dietary restrictions can be annoying, but it’s also important for my friends to acknowledge and respect my choices, even if they don’t agree with them.
One of my friends pulled me aside and told me that I was being overly dramatic and that my constant emphasis on my vegetarianism was starting to annoy them and others, especially with something as “insignificant” as gelatin since it’s “not even meat” and therefore “allowed”.
They suggested that I should learn to relax and not make a big deal out of every food-related situation. I felt hurt by their comments because it seemed like they were disregarding something that matters to me. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m an omnivore.
Hooves man, it’s frickin hooves. I don’t think a lot of people realize what actually makes up some of what they eat, and to deflect their own surprise in their ignorance…. They assign blame” Bananas4skail
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You get to choose what you eat, declining something does not make you overly dramatic.
It seems like they’re the ones making a big deal out of your food choices, and it’s especially perplexing because they know you’re vegetarian and served all animal-based desserts. It makes me wonder if they were just ignorant about what gelatin is, and shamed you to cover for their embarrassment.” Illustrious-Shirt569
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Hang Out With Friends Who Only Want To Stay In?
“We’re in our late 20s, been friends for years, since middle school.
Grew pretty close in HS, then I moved off to university and stayed in the same city working full time focusing on my I.T career.
In college I met some great other set of friends who I’m also close with, we like to go out, grab dinner and drinks every so often, or go swimming, or go hiking, and they usually don’t mind spending money on stuff whether it’s going out for happy hour, or going to a swimming spot and chipping in for gas.
However whenever I roll into my old town here and there my old friends always say “stop by” this time I said “alright let’s go out and do something” and they agree.
When I get there they’re always “not ready to go out, let’s just stay in.” Then they end up just getting relaxed and playing video games or watching something on Netflix all day.
I want to spend time with them, but it’s always the same thing. Even when I suggest going hiking or swimming it’s “nah I don’t really feel like it” or “we can do something tomorrow” but it never happens.
So I decided to stop hanging out with them whenever I’m in town, and they get mad at me for not wanting to stop in and say hi, and “do something” with them.
So recently this time, I told them 2 weeks in advanced that I’ll be in town, and we should go out for a few drinks, play some pool, go to a pub and grab dinner together and listen to some live music and they agreed.
When I got there it was “oh I don’t have any money to spend, let’s just stay here instead.” I told them “2 weeks ago you agreed.” They said “yeah but we spent it, we got relaxation items here we can game and listen to some Spotify.”
I told them I’m leaving because I’m tired of doing the same thing every time. Then they got upset for me “not wanting to spend time with them cause they don’t have money” yet they’ll spend $200 on relaxation items.
AITJ for not wanting to spend time with close friends anymore cause I’m tired of doing the same thing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But honestly their nights sound better to me, but I guess I’m also cheap and like watching stuff relaxed, if you don’t that’s perfectly fine, but you gotta just accept that you enjoy different stuff. (It is jerk-like though that they are unwilling to compromise and seem to always lead you on)” Poku115
Another User Comments:
“NTJ People grow, sometimes that strains or ends friendships. I’d say be polite but honest and firm. Shouldn’t have to be said but, nobody has a right to peer pressure you and that goes for relaxation items, booze, giving up your hobbies, anything.
Maybe in a few years they mature out of this phase and y’all hang out again. In the mean time start expanding your friend circle to people interested in your likes.” RedAss2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your “friends” sound like the typical relaxed people I knew in high school.
Sounds like they never grew out of that. You need new friends OP. It’s pretty obvious these people only care about getting relaxed instead of actually going out and doing something fun. If someone invited me out to a pub or to go hiking, you bet your behind I’d go.
You sound like a fun and adventurous person, OP. Don’t let these relaxed “friends” ruin that by continuing to keep them around.” TheBigBluePit
7. AITJ For Leaving My Daughter To Care For My 7 Children While I Work?
“I (F34) have 7 children (F16, F11, F10, M8, F7, M4, M1) and just started working a full time job. All of my kids live with me, and my ex-partner would be the one to provide for us while I parented them.
We broke up a few weeks ago and I had to find myself a job, in which I did and I’ll be working long hours for 5 days a week. The biggest problem I have is nobody other than my sister (F18) and oldest daughter can help out with them since my mother passed away a few months ago and I have no contact with any of their fathers.
My sister called me while I was working earlier today (she’s at my house helping my daughter take care of the kids) and yelled at me through the phone, saying she was “done with this nonsense”, that she was going to call CPS on me, and before I could respond, she hung up.
I’m writing this on my break and very scared that she might actually call CPS on me. I’m not doing anything harmful. I’m just struggling to put food on the table, but nobody is getting hurt. If I knew my life would come to this, I wouldn’t have had all of my kids.
Now, I’m feeling guilty and like I should be held accountable for this entire situation. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ….It’s not your sister or eldest daughter’s job to take care of all your children. You should be held accountable because you continued to have children and didn’t have the means to take care of them.
“If I knew my life would come to this, I wouldn’t have had all my kids.” That’s a jerk comment in itself.” DisneyAddict2021
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I know you are desperate but it is unfair for others to watch children that are not their own.
You will ruin the young adult/teenage years for both your sister and daughter. You must get child support from ex partner if he is the father of all those children. If not, you must hunt down the fathers and get funds for childcare. Your decision to have so many children with no means to support them has caused those around you to suffer for your irresponsibility.
You caused this, not your sister calling CPS. CPS will just judge you and if you are found lacking, remove your kids from instability.” Mrfleas
Another User Comments:
“YTJ why aren’t you going after the fathers for child support and/or custody? Why did you keep having kids with different random men when you already had more kids than you could handle?
Your sister is right to call CPS. Hopefully they can help your children because you’re clearly incapable of taking care of them. Don’t have any more kids, even if that means getting a procedure or never being intimate again.” theoisthegame
6. AITJ For Sending My Son To Live With His Grandparents?
“My 17 yr old son Xander is an addict, and has been for two years (at least that’s when my wife and I became aware). He has been in rehab and teenage counseling multiple times, we have even switched schools so that he can be in a healthier environment, but nothing has worked and he’s always relapsed.
It wasn’t my intention to have to make an ultimatum, but his addiction is starting to negatively affect his little brothers (who are 8 and 10). They aren’t quite old enough to fully understand what he’s doing but they are old enough to be worried and scared.
I told Xander he stays clean, or he has to go live with his grandparents (they are okay with it short-term). Xander did go to a rehab program but once again got loaded the day after he got home. I reminded him of our agreement and started packing his stuff.
He got very upset and said he didn’t want to go to his grandparents’. I told him he hasn’t got a choice because no one else will have him. He said he’d rather live on the street and I told him it’s his decision. He ran away for a couple of days, but finally relented and moved in with them last week.
Even though my wife and I agreed this would be the arrangement if Xander relapsed again, now she’s freaking out because she thinks he’s going to run away again or that something else bad is going to happen while he’s not in our sight. I told her we have to stay firm now that the decision has been made, and that if we let him come home things will 100% be worse for our other children.
She’s still very upset, and while my friends/family have sided with me mostly, her friends/family have mostly sided with her. From a more neutral perspective, was I the jerk to kick him out? I think at this point it was the best decision for everyone.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ your child was an addict at 15 – that’s a direct reflection of your parenting. He needs a lot of therapy and not to be treated like he’s worth less than his brothers. Addiction isn’t a choice, it’s the at home treatment of unresolved/untreated mental health issues.
He can’t just stop – he has to address why he’s using to begin with. Throwing him out, creating more instability in his life would make you one giant jerk – unstable home environments make recovery near impossible.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I had a cousin who had problems with addiction her family kicked her out, and she would live in abandoned houses where she started doing more hardcore stuff.
Eventually, my mom took her in, and she got better. I think it’s good you stayed firm and gave him consequently for his actions, but you should never move a teenager away from his or her parents when they need help.” yesyesyesyesno135
5. AITJ For Asking A Child To Stop Touching A Price Tag In A Supermarket?
“I (30M) was in a supermarket and saw a child (7-8m?) who was standing on the edge of one of those open front fridge things right in front of the fancy cheese section. Now I probably didn’t need any of it, I am meant to be watching my weight, but sometimes they have really good deals and my self control doesn’t extend to discounts.
Anyway the child was in the way and was tugging on one of the labels I wanted to read. So I awkwardly stood off to the side for a few a bit as they played with the tag I wanted to read. When I hit the point where it was potentially odd for a grown adult to stare at a child, I decided to step closer and ask them to stop pulling on the labels and pushed the label back down so I could read it.
The price was like $6 because it was one of those fake ‘here’s the normal price’ tags and nothing else was on special, so I moved on.
I went a few metres over and was looking through the frozen desserts when someone, who I presume was the child’s father, came up and commented that I should never touch his kid again or someone was going to get hurt.
They also commented something about their son helping stick on the price tag, so I may have misunderstood what was happening somehow. It didn’t look like they were doing anything as they had half peeled it off and stuck it back on a few times, but maybe they were trying to make it more straight and I didn’t realize.
I wasn’t exactly paying attention to what the father(?) said because I had just found a frozen cheesecake so I kind of waved them off with a half muttered sorry without really listening to them.
I don’t blame them for this reaction as I am tall and likely had come across as threatening.
Now I wasn’t in a rush or anything, so I could’ve just gone and gotten the other things on my list and come back later. They likely would’ve moved on by that point and there would’ve been no issue at all. I also could’ve just kept my mouth shut.
Edit: Just to clarify, I did not actually touch them. I only reached passed to push down the label so I could read it. However I understand why the father believed what they did.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People need to stop letting their children roam freely in stores.
The children aren’t there to shop, but many adults are and don’t necessarily have the skills to properly communicate with or deal with other people’s children. OP did nothing wrong. He didn’t touch the child, but just wanted to see the price of cheese and the child was being a nuisance in a store.
The child’s father was out of line. He should ensure his child isn’t randomly touching the merchandise, and isn’t so far away that he can’t step in immediately if his child is impeding another adult’s ability to shop.” Just-Contribution418
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Parent should’ve been watching the kid. Parent should not have lied about what the child was doing (clearly just playing with the price tag if you were waiting patiently). Parent approaching you is his defensive overreaction bc he realized he should’ve been watching his kid so he found someone else to blame & make stuff up in the process.” giannd04
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here Kids are really scared of everything. Especially big tall people. I mean I’m a short but adult woman, if I was staring intently at cheese (quite a possible situation) and you snuck up and reached to grab a label, I might feel a bit shocked. If I was in the situation, I would probably have crouched down, and said to the kid in my ‘talking to a child’ voice.
“Heeeeyyyy, is it ok if I see that label?” You just have to be gentle and sensitive around kids because they are easily frightened little beans. There isn’t any suggestion from OP that the kid was misbehaving, the little thing was just looking at cheese and according to himself, trying to put the label on straight.
Bless. The dad though, absolutely a jerk and not showing a good example to his kid.” RhinoBambi
4. AITJ For Contacting My Wife's Boss?
“My wife is a manager for a company that supplies houses and care to people with disabilities. Her bosses rushed through opening a new home last month and put her in charge of it.
However in their rush they did not ensure that basic household needs for the clients, including food, were available. My wife has had to spend out of her own pocket for basic needs, soap, toilet paper, even food. For which she said there is no procedure in place for her to be reimbursed. This has resulted in a strain on our finances and trouble making rent, and led to arguments in our home.
I anonymously emailed her work without mentioning her name to advocate that they have some sort of procedure for this, both to prevent clients from going without basic needs, and managers to not have to spend their own money. FYI this isn’t an issue limited to only her home so contacting them anonymously did not directly draw attention to her situation.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It would be more appropriate for you to support your wife with her addressing her employer. Having her supply the house out of pocket is a huge risk to the employer. If she wouldn’t be able to afford these things, clients would have a major issue.
This needs to be addressed ASAP, and an email for John Doe is likely to be ignored.” appointment_card
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: It’s absolutely not your place to contact her employer. Your place, as a spouse, is to encourage her to take action on her own.
If she was on board with you sending the anonymous email, that’s a different thing, but it appears you did it behind her back. It’s just poor communication on your part.” GiddyUp18
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your wife is a jerk for doing this to you.
She is a financially irresponsible jerk. Rent needs to be paid. And you are a jerk for contacting her boss about her being irresponsible.” TinyCost2291
Also, just because there's no policy in place to be reimbursed, doesn't mean she won't be reimbursed.
3. AITJ For Inviting Teenagers But Not Young Children To Our Wedding?
“I honestly think I’m going crazy so I need impartial opinions. My fiance and I are currently planning our wedding guest list and it’s creating more drama than we had initially anticipated.
We opted for a childfree wedding as venue capacity was limited and we wanted as many of our friends to attend as possible instead of that space being taken up by extended family we don’t see particularly often.
There was a little pushback from his mother as a few of his cousins have young kids but the 2 or 3 people/couples it affected have said they are fine and will organize childcare. We have invited some ‘kids’ including my fiance’s God children who are 14 and 15, his Dad’s partner’s daughter who is 17 and my niece who is also 17.
We didn’t really view these as exceptions per se since we figured at their ages they could participate largely the same way as the adults, require zero supervision and knew enough guests that they wouldn’t feel left out of conversations. There weren’t any other kids between the ages of 14 and 18 that were left out.
The next age down on either side is around 10/11. (EDIT – I mean that the next age of kids within the families that won’t receive an invitation will be around 10 or 11. So it’s not as though the 14 yo ‘just made the cut’ but some 13 yo will miss out.
We felt 14 was a fair cut off age)
The problem came last week. Word had gotten back to fiance’s side of the family and his brothers are upset. They both have toddlers. We’d made our CF intentions known pretty much since the day of our engagement and they were not only cool with it but actually excited about having a more adult evening.
It also meant that the supervision wouldn’t fall exclusively on their partners, since both brothers are groomsmen. They’ve organised a sitter who will be looking after the girls from the hotel.
They haven’t expressly threatened to pull out but they have made it known that they think it’s unfair that we’ve allowed exceptions to ‘our under 18 rule’.
We reiterated that there has never been a ‘no under 18s’ stipulation and that we don’t consider these to be exceptions to the CF status due to all the reasons listed above. My fiance was on the phone with them both last night and it seems that the call got pretty heated. He held his ground but it appears their Mother had gotten involved and is unsurprisingly on the Brother’s side.
AITJ? We genuinely didn’t consider teenagers to be an exception.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but for anyone else reading this the way to avoid this is a specific note on the invitation indicating that children must be a certain age to attend. You are not having a child free wedding, you are having a wedding at which young children are not allowed.” BitterKaleidoscope52
Another User Comments:
“Light YTJ, if you were going to make exceptions for the teenagers being at your wedding you shouldn’t have made it ‘no one under 18’ instead you should have gone with ‘no one under 13’~~. There is a big difference between teens who can handle themselves, and toddlers especially in wedding settings.
~~But don’t go saying adults only when you’re allowing teens.~~ Edit: Changing my stance to NTJ due to misreading the original post. OP clearly stated she didn’t say anything about the wedding being ‘no one under 18’ just childfree. I stand by the statement that teens aren’t children and can handle themselves unlike toddlers.
This has clearly been misinterpreted by the brothers and they don’t seem to want to take responsibility for that.” KilljoyLights
Another User Comments:
“YTJ This isn’t a child free wedding. So stop using that as an excuse and just own that you didn’t want to invite the people you didn’t invite.” MummyAnsem
Tell anyone complaining, including your excruciating future BILs. Just because they're too cheap to want to pay for child care, isn't your fault or your problem. If they had chosen to pull out of the wedding because of it, them's the breaks, but they didn't; they just want to whine about it. Boo freaking hoo. End of the day, these are your and your fiance's decisions. Tell folks that, smile, and end the conversation.
2. AITJ For Not Canceling My Vacation So A Co-Worker Can Celebrate His 21st Birthday?
“Okay, I (27m) work in retail. Where I work, it’s basically understood everyone will try to take their vacation in the summer and if you want to even have a chance to get your days approved you have to ask off in advance.
So I asked off two months ago for a week off starting the 22 this month.
I have no real plans. I haven’t had a vacation in like five years and I feel like I’ve earned one. My plan is to just stay home and catch back up on things and explore the town.
Not much.
Anyhow, I was at work yesterday and everyone was talking about the vacations they’ve had or will be going on. Then I brought up mine will be starting in about two weeks. So some guy(20m) asked when it will be. I told him when.
Then he asked what my plans were. I told him what I told you. Then he says that I am basically not taking a vacation. He said he tried asking off for his birthday a week ago for the 24th but was denied. So everyone has basically figured out it was because of me asking of those days before him.
I thought nothing of it. But everyone started pressuring me to take back my vacation since I’m not going to be doing anything with it, and this will be his 21st birthday and he should be able to enjoy it. I refused, but now my team has been acting distant with me today and someone even commented behind my back I’m not acting very nice right now.
I don’t feel like I’m being the jerk but I want to ask the community. I may be the jerk because this is his 21st birthday after all.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That is a lesson you learn in retail (and many other office settings).
Request your time off when you want it as early as possible or it will be gone. He asks for a High season day off 1 week early? I get that it’s his 21st birthday, but why ask 1 week before? Did he just get the letter informing him what day he was born?
The fact that you plan to take it easy and explore town IS a VACATION. Is birthday boy asking for the day to fly to some resort for a vacation or drink at a local place and sleep it off the next day? How dare they say you are not taking a vacation!!
Can’t control the folks at work being haters though, that is a universal constant. If you traded a day, that’s up to you, but you have no obligation. Enjoy your time off from work (In my world I call that a vacation).” catskilkid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you have the right to time off work, you have the obligation to ask for it in advance, and you can do with your time whatever you want. If you want to spend your holiday, that you’ve earned and booked, in your home town or Madrid or Bangkok that’s up to you.
Have a lovely time.” Famous_Specialist_44
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk – you can do nothing at home at another (reasonably close) time but him becoming an adult also should understand that he will not always get his way. Also, his team acting cold towards you – understandable, but not a nice thing to do.” LadyNavia
1. AITJ For Not Inviting My Daughter's Friend's Twin Sister To Her Sleepover Birthday Party?
“My (M 40) daughter “Rose” had a sleepover for her 11th birthday last night.
She has three close friends she hangs out with a lot and told her she could invite them all. Her best friend “Holly” has a twin sister “Claire”. Holly and Claire have very different interests and different groups of friends, Rose likes Claire well enough but she doesn’t consider her a close friend.
The twins’ mother called me after Rose had invited everyone and asked why Claire hadn’t been invited. I’m disabled, and a single parent and don’t feel like I could handle having too many kids at the house at once, I told her this. She called me ungrateful because Rose had been invited to her birthday party.
Claire and Holly had a shared party and had been allowed to invite a few friends each. It was Holly, not Claire, that invited Rose. I pointed this out to her, and I thought I’d managed to make myself clear.
Last night she arrived at my house to drop them off, and I noticed immediately that both girls were carrying overnight bags and sleeping bags.
Fairplay to Claire, she did look embarrassed at having been dragged there. I told their mum, again, that this was Rose’s birthday she hadn’t invited Claire. She told me how cruel I was to turn a child away and exclude her from the fun. Rose pulled me aside and asked me if Claire could just stay, she didn’t want there to be problems between the twins.
I relented, so Rose went and asked Claire if she wanted to stay. She said, “No thank you,” she didn’t even WANT to come after all that. Their Mum acted as if it was because I’d made her feel “unwelcome”, but she did leave and took Claire with her.
Holly told Rose that the reason her mum was pushing so hard was because she wanted a night out and couldn’t get anyone to watch Claire. Also, Claire apparently hates sleepovers because she’s afraid of the dark and gets teased about it.
Today I’ve had messages from the Mum and some of her friends on a social media platform calling me cruel for “uninviting” (she was never invited in the first place) a child to her face.
Did I come across as cruel and unwelcoming? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Mum knew ahead of time that only Holly had been invited. hat she tried to press the issue is on her and the kids both knew what was going on, so that isn’t on you either.
There’s nothing wrong with twins having different sets of friends. I’d go so far as to say it’s healthy. Maybe if Mum had simply been honest about her motives ahead of time things would have gone down differently.” MakingMyWorldSpin
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here.
I understand that she only invited Holly but it seems childish to not just let the other twin go if she wanted to. It got kinda muddled and complicated by two adults having a go at each other because while I understand her calling to ask why the twin isn’t going, it’s wrong for her to have the twin show up and wrong for you to turn her away.
If my twin sister was invited and I wasn’t that would make me upset, but her reaction isn’t justified. It doesn’t really matter if molly didn’t want to attend. It’s hard to say who’s the jerk because you both acted wrong and I think there was previous bad b***d because it’s kinda odd to throw in that 3 kids were fine but 4 is tipping the boat.
It doesn’t really matter either if the mother wanted a night to herself, I wouldn’t add any fuel to that fire. I would say try to find compromises in the future since your kids are friends and it’s only going to make it more complicated for the future.” ihavenolife27
It really irks me when parents try or assume all their kids are invited to something just because one of their kids is. It's not fair to anyone but the selfish parent.
