People Try To Enjoy Telling These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Refusing To Pay The Late Fees Of A Parking Ticket For A Friend's Car?
“So to start off, I’ve been friends with the person for a little over 4 months but have known them for about a year (just never really interacted in school).
Anyway, we started hanging out more after I was going through a breakup and trying to get back out there and connect with the world again. There was an instance when we hung out back in June where we went to the beach (which was their idea but I suggested the beach).
I was taking their editorial photography (which I did for free because we’re friends) and ended up switching locations to the beach later in the day and ended up parking in the wrong spot and receiving a ticket of 96$.
I felt horrible about it because I did in fact suggest that specific beach and offered to pay half of the ticket at the time, it was their car that received the ticket.
At the time paying half didn’t seem like a huge deal, it would have been 48$ each rather than a larger sum. I told them that once they pay it to let me know so I could send in my portion and take care of that asap.
I reminded them in person to pay it off about 2 times after the whole situation, I even mentioned that if they didn’t pay it their license could get suspended to which they responded by telling me they had about 6 other tickets they’d still hadn’t paid off.
I could tell they had been going through a lot mentally so I empathized.
Last week we hung out again and I went to see them after they told me they hadn’t really eaten the past couple of days due to their breakup, so I drove over and tried to make them feel better and be there for them as a friend.
I paid for the food, bought some Js, and was determined to just have a good time and talk about how they were feeling. It was good and I didn’t mind putting in the extra effort to make them feel comfortable (they don’t have many friends in LA).
A few days later I received a text from them stating they found the citation for our ticket and that the original charge of 96$ turned into 241$ and that they just paid their other tickets and how expensive it all was. They proceeded to ask me if I could pitch in half of that charge which would be 120$ essentially per person.
I was in slight shock but also in disbelief that they would ask me to pay for THEIR late fees, as I warned them about it months ago. I told my best friend and he agreed that I should send a text stating that I understood how hard that must have been but that I only agreed to pay the 48 dollars from the original charge (he thinks I should stick up for myself).
Since then I have been ghosted ever since and still haven’t sent in the money. I had been helping them all this time with their career and even was able to get them on board for a feature film as one of the leads and other networking opportunities.
As I look back to our relationship, it’s felt a little transactional and it looks like they only message or hit me up when they’re struggling or are going through a rough patch and I’m not sure I like that feeling.”
Another User Comments:
“This is very confusing.
Who was driving? I know you said it was their car. Here’s how I see it: -you were driving their car with them in it. You would be responsible for half if not all of the original ticket. But not if they took forever to pay.
That’s on them. They were in the car when you parked it, and they are responsible for the car. And they watched you park it there. -they drove their own car and got the ticket. It’s solely on them. You shouldn’t have to pay a cent” ninjastarkid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They chose to let the ticket go unpaid, along with several others. It sounds like they can’t afford a vehicle if they are going to not pay parking tickets or other infractions. You offered to reimburse half of the original ticket cost once it was paid – assuming they would pay it.
When they told you they had several other unpaid tickets, that would have been my cue to pay them half then and let it go. Unless you REALLY like this person, I’d stop hanging out with them. No wonder they don’t have a lot of friends if they treat people this way.” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here You should have sent your half of the ticket right away, instead of waiting until they paid their fine (late), then you would have held up your end. But you still haven’t even sent what you agreed to. Some people might say you don’t owe them anything since it was their car and they were driving, but you said you felt responsible for half and agreed to that, so that’s what you should have paid.
They should have not only paid that ticket on time but their other tickets as well instead of letting them accumulate late fees. Even if you’d been responsible for the whole fine, they still have a duty to mitigate their damages by not letting late fees pile up.” SoMuchMoreEagle
19. AITJ For Wanting My Dog Back From My Brother?
“I (30F) started the divorce process from my abusive ex (31M) in Jan 2022. I purchased a puppy from a breeder in Oct 2021 for $3200 with the understanding that she was my responsibility. When we separated, we agreed that I would keep the dog I bought, and he would keep the other (we had 2).
Worth noting that we separated while I was pregnant and we had a 2.5-year-old.
In April 2022, I moved into an apartment. A few weeks prior, my brother (27M) offered to watch my dog (then about 8 months old) until I could get into a house with a yard.
At first, I said no. I didn’t like the idea of giving up something I had taken on as my own responsibility. My parents told me that this would be best, and after a LOT of prodding, I caved. My brother picked up the dog (I live in CO, he lives in TX) in mid-March 2022 and she has been with him since.
When he took her, I said I didn’t know how long it would be before I could take her back, but as soon as I was able, I would. He said it was no big deal, I’d get her back, she was my dog and she’d be back with me someday.
I offered to help him pay for any expenses (food, vet, etc.), but he refused.
Now, I’m in a healthy relationship and we moved into a house together about 4 months ago. My partner and I discussed my dog when we first moved in and decided that we’d take a few months to unpack and get settled and then we would readdress (more my partner’s idea than mine, but I agreed).
All this time, my family knew our plan, but my mom would still ask me when I was taking my dog back, because “it’s not fair to my brother to be watching over my dog when I have a house now”.
Now, this weekend. My partner and I agreed that we would get my dog back and I told my brother we were ready.
He called me and told me that he’s decided that now he’s too attached to her and doesn’t want to give her back. He told me that I should’ve had a timeline and that if he only kept her for 6 months or so, it would’ve been fine.
I’m floored. I know that my dog has feelings and that she loves my brother, too, but I feel taken advantage of. I didn’t want to give her to him in the first place, but my family convinced me to. All of them said it was temporary, I would get her back even if it took a while, and it was going to be ok.
I went through absolute torment with my divorce, but was looking forward to eventually getting my dog back. I talk about her often with my friends here, I have a picture of her as the screensaver of my watch. My life imploded, I became a single mother of two, and now I’ve lost my dog to my own brother.
And I was told that I should’ve had a timeline for my life to stop being awful. I’ve talked to my parents about this, and they say they don’t want to take sides. I’m just furious because they’re the ones who talked me into giving my dog to my brother in the first place, all under the guise of “Don’t worry, you’ll get her back”.
Joke’s on me I guess.”
Another User Comments:
“Gather your documents about the dog. Show up on his doorstep – unannounced, and ask for your dog. If you need to involve the cops call them. Or show up and just take the dog from the backyard.
It’s your dog. You bought her. You were pressured into letting your brother keep her when you didn’t want to. NTJ.” Grouchy-Storm-6758
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Please tell me you had her microchipped in your name? Please tell me you have proof. I would take my brother to court and tell my family if they make one peep they would be cut off with their “you should let him keep the dog for you.
And We are picking sides” ok then, they can stay the heck out when you go nuclear. Honestly, I’d drive and go pick him up out of his yard while he’s at work.” JackedLilJill
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here From a legal standpoint, you have a 50/50 shot of getting said dog back over a year and a half later.
Between property laws, abandonment laws and him having a paper trail of vets Bill’s to show care and cost invested. I would suggest speaking to a lawyer because snatching the dog could put YOU in legal jeopardy.” Inkrosesandblood
18. AITJ For Losing My Cool After My Family Keeps Eating My Food?
“I (18NB) live with my family of 7 in one small household. This is a recurring problem that I’ve had since I remember getting a job at around age 15. Ever since I had my own money, I started buying drinks and food that I liked/knew I could eat without a problem because my parents could never afford the extra cost of buying the food I was able to eat without feeling ill.
When I started to buy my own stuff, it was hard to notice that someone else was taking it in the first place. Drinks would go faster than I remember drinking it, a few pieces of the food I bought would go missing, etc. When I noticed it I’d tell my entire family something along the lines of “Hey, this is mine, please don’t touch it” and it would work for about a day or two.
Then, entire items started to go missing. I buy a few drink bottles, I’d be left with one or none. I buy sandwich meat, it’s gone before I can blink. I buy cans of food I can eat, someone has cooked and eaten it before I even notice.
It’s frustrating, and I’ve tried so many times to tell them to not touch my things or to just ask me if they aren’t sure who it belongs to.
This has resulted in me having a “food cubby” down in my room in order to just protect what I buy and keep it away from their greedy hands.
Unfortunately, some items have to be kept in the fridge.
Just a few days ago I bought a couple of small packages of little meat slices and crackers, and a few small bottles of apple juice. This was the turning point for me. After a 10-hour day at work, I just wanted something to eat and drink without having to worry about feeling sick.
I open the fridge, and there’s nothing. All of my food and drinks are missing. I lost it, and started going around the house to each sibling asking “Did you take my stuff? Did you see what happened to it?” I was furious.
My mother came in asking what was wrong, and I just let everything go.
I was crying, yelling, telling her that I was so sick of everyone taking everything that I had bought and just chowing it down as if they hadn’t eaten for weeks. That I was tired of them taking my stuff without even asking whose it was, or blatantly ignoring that I had told them what was mine and to not touch it.
I was sick and tired of going hours or days without eating because I couldn’t eat half the stuff she cooked, and I just wanted to enjoy the food that I bought and not have to worry about being sick after I ate it. She got angry and yelled back that I “can’t expect everyone to be perfect” and that I was being rude and selfish to ask that of everyone.
I told her I wasn’t expecting perfect, I was expecting that they would have some decency to respect the only thing I asked of them: don’t touch my stuff. Things got more heated, and I ended up barring myself to my room for now. AITJ for losing my cool over this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think you need to move out, this is not going to stop otherwise. Just out of my personal curiosity, why are you unable to eat what they normally prepare without getting sick?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not a jerk at all!
As a mother of six, I can tell you that your mom is probably exhausted trying to keep up with the dietary requirements of all-a-yall, and her impatience may simply have been that she was in no mood for what she saw as a trivial sibling squabble.
Which it clearly is not, since for whatever reason you came up with this solution to save her time and trouble as well as take responsibility for your own needs (which makes you the opposite of a jerk). At our house we had good luck with people labeling their personal food with sticky notes and a sharpie.
As far as I know, no one has ever consumed food that is labeled with someone else’s name. Make the whole house aware of the stuff you can eat and the stuff you can’t. As a gesture of goodwill and a … distraction? For siblings tempted to eat your food?
Maybe on your shopping day you could bring back the youngers something nice, or maybe if you are feeling generous and otherwise unbothered, make a batch of cookies for them if you have time. Then you are the best and most awesome sibling! And maybe they’ll keep their greedy paws off your hard earned food supply.
I am really impressed by the level of responsibility you are showing by working hard and trying to take care of your own self. You shouldn’t be punished for that! You’re doing great and this internet stranger is proud of you. Hang in there!” Calliope_Woman_67
17. AITJ For Reducing My Involvement In Walking And Feeding My Neighbor's Dog?
“I (24f) have been feeding and walking my neighbour’s dog everyday for over a week, I have other priorities and want to stop, or heavily reduce how often I am doing it.
A neighbour is taking care of their daughter-in-law’s dog while she’s away (for a few months).
I noticed however, the dog would sometimes get a walk, and only get fed once at night everyday.
I offered to take it for walks occasionally however, it quickly ended up being me being the only person to take it for a walk, and the only person feeding it.
It takes up to 2 hours out of my day everyday. He’s a big dog, and when starting the walk – he drags with his 30kg bodyweight, training him to slow down had been working when I was walking him daily, but as soon as I take a day off he’s at it again.
It is nice going for walks occasionally but I just don’t have the capacity to handle that every single day. Especially when it takes a 1.5-2 hour chunks out of my day. I’m not getting paid for the work and don’t expect to be.
I’m also caring for my parents, doing most home chores and cooking twice a day for them and am job hunting and prepping for coding interviews and projects everyday.
The neighbour’s kids thanked me, but also told me not to worry myself too much on taking it out especially if it is tiring me out. Which it was, I hadn’t been able to complete half of my daily chores last week and also took a toll on how much work I get done per day.
So I let the neighbour know that I wouldn’t be able to do so for the foreseeable future since the time and energy commitment is far higher than anticipated and had put me behind how many job apps I am applying for and to get one of her sons to do it in the meanwhile.
After crossing paths she let me know that the dog has been calling out for me he isn’t getting any walks and only fed once a day as per usual. I had felt really guilty about it as the dog doesn’t deserve that. But I had told her that she could get one of her son’s to do it.
She told me that one son is barely home to begin with and the carpenter just feeds it and is too tired to walk.
I told her that I’m able to occasionally, but I can’t be the only one to do it and she said I set myself up for the responsibility and I should carry that through until her dil is back.
That I’m at home with few responsibilities, and don’t even have a job yet, so have the flexibility to do so while her carpenter son is doing physical labour everyday and doesn’t have the energy. I told her that it is still her responsibility and that all I was doing was a favour and not intending to be the sole person to be expected to rely on for feeding and walking the dog and I’m sorry for not carrying through with my part till the dil is back.
I said I can only every so often and she said the dog’s been begging for me and I’ve really upset it and should try again even if it is shorter walks. I’d prefer less frequent longer walks (less mental drainage).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but do call authorities because the dog is neglected. I’m fully for helping the poor pooch but they basically dump their chores on you.
Feeding the dog is not time consuming so her son can feed the dog before he goes to work and after. And she, herself, can walk the dog at least once a day. Problem solved” Ok_Yesterday_6214
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re manipulating you into doing something that wasn’t your responsibility to begin with.
You offered to help out while you had the ability to do it, now you can’t, it’s perfectly okay. They don’t want to lose free services so they’re guilt-tripping you. Some people tend to forget that you offered to help them out of the goodness of your heart and start thinking it’s your job now.” lexsi_n
Another User Comments:
“NTJ obviously. A pet is a commitment. You helped out of compassion but that doesn’t make you the owner of that pet, or your new responsibility. I hate it when people are easy on the pet trigger and then neglecting it and making it suffer, but that’s why I don’t have a pet myself – with kids and work, I just can’t find the energy to take care of another living creature” edebby
16. AITJ For Confronting My Son About His Manipulative Fiancée?
“I (44M) have been concerned about my son’s (23M) soon-to-be wife (27F) for a while now. Let’s call my son John and his fiancée Lisa. Lisa has kept him from family holidays on account of her “anxiety”, has forced him to stay home with her in the evening when he wants to be out with his friends, never participates in family outings, and is forcing him to be a shut-in.
My wife and I have had many long conversations about it. She told me to stay out of it, and I’ve listened to her. That was until yesterday. John was helping me clean up our wedding barn (my wife works as a wedding planner, and we have a private venue where we host weddings and other events) when he informed me that he needed to head out early since Lisa was texting him.
Apparently she got some weird family news and needed him home.
Now one time would be fine, but she always has things like this happen. She uses anxiety as a tool to manipulate him and to keep him from his family. We used to be close before she got into his life and now he’s hardly ever around outside of helping us with the barn.
And even THEN she gets in the way!!
They share a car (even though they could afford two) so I guess she was already on the way when he informed me he had to leave early. This was the last straw with her, and I decided to tell my son what was on my mind.
I went off on him about how he’s let her manipulate and alienate him from the family. That she’s controlling and a liar and that she makes up stuff to get out of things she doesn’t want to do, like holidays. He just sat there, like he always does when I try to talk to him about things like this.
As we were talking Lisa pulled up in her car. She must have been able to tell something was wrong because she got out of the car and immediately asked John what was going on. I said “Nothing” and told her to wait in the car while I had a discussion with my son.
She said “I’d like to hear what you’re talking about”, which really annoyed me. So I told her again to get in the car and stay out of it. She just stood there acting like I wasn’t talking to her. John eventually told me we could talk about it later and started to get into the car.
This is where I might have been the jerk. I shouted, “Get back here!” She looked shocked, but said to John “Let’s just go”. I don’t know where she learned to treat adults like that. They both got in the car and when John went to shut the door I stuck my leg in to block it.
That jerk shut the door on my leg! I grabbed the door and screamed at him to knock this stuff off, and then Lisa started to press in the gas. This caused me to trip a bit and then I shouted “You flipping jerk” (unsure if that word is allowed here.
When I fell they both got out to check on me but I told them to “leave!” and they left. I know I shouldn’t have said what I said, but she was asking for it by being her manipulative self. I just wanted to keep my son out of a toxic relationship.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m erring towards YTJ in this, you chose to raise this topic in anger, rather than have an adult conversation with him, or fully understand the roots of his future wife’s anxiety which may or may not be genuine. You’re assuming the worst. For goodness sake, you cannot order them about, especially in such a disrespectful manner.
I suspect you’re feeling the loss of the relationship that once was, but as children become adults, the dynamic changes. You need to respect that your son and his partner are adults making their own life choices. Your son, rightly, has different priorities now. It’s the adult life you and your wife will have been nurturing him to live.
Have a serious think about what relationship you want with your adult son, and take steps that help to nurture that, not destroy it. Decide if you want to be a part of your son’s future or not.” Emotional_Carrots
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because let’s ignore the swearing and the physical stuff for a moment – he chose her.
That means if you fight with her, regardless of who’s “right”, **you must lose**. If he and her are to be a couple, they have to be each others’ priority. It doesn’t matter what you think about her. It doesn’t matter what her parents think about him.
You’re flipping out about a fight that you can’t win. That you should have known you couldn’t win before you went into it. Stop trying to make your son choose between his future wife and his parents, because if he doesn’t choose her – and cut you off entirely if you refuse to stop pushing the issue – he is really the jerk in all of this.
Stop putting him in this position. You told him how you feel, and now it’s up to him to do what he wants with that and decide on his future.” gigantor_cometh
Another User Comments:
“ESH You acted abhorrently and definitely gave your son’s fiancé more ammunition for isolating him from your family.
It *sounds* like she is using mental health issues to control and manipulate him. Even if she’s not, this level of anxiety and codependency is really unhealthy and needs to be addressed if they are going to have a successful marriage. I’m hoping this is not your normal behavior and was brought on by panicking and wanting to help your son.
If getting physical and yelling and cursing is a consistent thing with you, then it’s likely your son has found refuge in his fiancé. In that case, it’s better for him to have less contact with you and your wife until you get the help you need.” FactorNo4347
15. AITJ For Refusing To Pay 2/3 Of The Energy Bill After Being Told It Would Be Split Equally?
“I needed a bridge between housing as I lost the place I was living in due to it being sold, I was planning on moving in August but was blindsided by the house I was living in being sold 2 months before my move-out date.
I found a sublease close to where I was moving, in a 5-bedroom house where the roommates were all leaving for the summer but would come up occasionally to stay. The agreement when I moved in was the utilities would be split 5 ways.
I spoke to all of the roommates and offered to pay more for the energy bill because the area I moved to has very hot summers and I had lived there before and knew the PG&E bill would be double or triple because of this.
So I clearly stated this and offered up front to pay more. Every roommate said don’t worry about it we’ll split it 5 ways. I even reiterated this whenever one of the roommates came to stay and AGAIN offered to pay more because we had been having triple-digit heat for weeks.
Still, I was told it wasn’t an issue, to please use the AC as they knew how hot the weather was and that the utilities would be split 5 ways.
Now they have the utility bill and it’s almost 3x what they usually pay and are telling me I’m responsible for two-thirds of it.
This is not something I budgeted for, I literally don’t have the money and I had multiple conversations where I warned that the energy bill would be significantly higher and I would be willing to pay more. They were well informed of this fact and now are expecting me to come up with money I was told I did not have to pay that I do not have.
After being told this I said I would be more than willing to cover anything over the average PG&E bill for August as I would have ample time to budget and prepare for this but that for July it’s unfair to ask me to cover 2/3’s of the bill, without warning or time to budget for it because that was not the agreement and I offered multiple times to cover more ahead of time but was told the utilities would be split 5 ways.
I cannot control the weather. To give you an idea in July there wasn’t a single day under 90 degrees. We had 2 days at 108 3 days at 106 and over 15 days over 100 degrees. Most nights have been cool (besides when it was over 100) so I turn off the AC at night, open all the windows and the house stays cool until around 2 or 3 and then I turn on the AC.
I turn it off the second it’s cool enough to keep the house cool so the AC doesn’t have to work harder the next day and I can delay turning it on until mid-afternoon. I’m doing everything I can to conserve energy but I’m not sitting in a house I’m paying rent at when it’s 108 out and not turning on the AC.
I feel I did everything I could to give the roommates an option for me to pay more and for me to know that would be the case and therefore budget for it. It’s not my fault they wouldn’t listen to me. I’m offering to cover anything above their average energy bill for August myself but I don’t think it’s fair to break the already agreed-upon terms with no notice because no one listened to me.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Not enough info. Are you planning to continue living in this space? That would inform how much you want to keep peace with them. If it’s money you don’t have, then what happens to the bill? Whose name is it in?
What are the cutoff policies where you live? Good luck to you all.” AspiringCrone
14. AITJ For Complaining About My Half Brother And His Wife's Noise In Their Own Home?
“So I [25M] have been out of a job for a while and I haven’t been living in the city I’m in long, so for the past two months I’ve been living with my half-brother [37M, Sid] and his wife [~37F, Alice].
They don’t exactly have a spare room set up for guests so I sleep in their living room (technically they do have a second bedroom, but they’ve made it into like a home library thing, so there isn’t really much room for me to sleep now that a bunch of my stuff is in there too).
Obviously I appreciate that they’re letting me live with them, but honestly, they’re kind of getting on my nerves. They’ve got a lot of “home rules” that are honestly kind of a pain in the rear to keep up with, and they expect me to do more housework type stuff because I don’t have a job right now, even though it’s not like I have a real bed or anything.
Anyway, I haven’t said anything to them about that because they’re obviously letting me stay with them for a while for free, but one thing that really has been grating to me is that I can always hear them.
I guess because they like having their space as a couple, nowadays when they get home and hang out with each other they mostly just stay in their bedroom or in their home library thing.
They close the door and all, but I can always hear everything they’re saying, and it’s especially annoying when they talk about me (and does Sid ever love griping about me). I have to turn the TV on really loud to not hear them, or just wear headphones all the time.
They also talk all the time, the only time they aren’t having like a constant conversation is when they read (and even then they take breaks and talk for ages) or when they watch a movie they’ve never seen before (and that’s always followed up by ages of talking about it).
The most annoying thing though, is that they are so loud when they’re intimate, and they’re intimate all the time (which I wouldn’t have guessed, Sid said he was “mostly asexual” once, but I guess he must have meant Alice was the exception or something).
I didn’t know anyone liked constant talking while being intimate too, and they don’t really take a short time either. They go to bed later than I do and wake up earlier too, and the number of times I’ve been kept awake or woken up early because I can hear them is enough to drive me crazy.
Earlier today, I told Sid and Alice they should be quieter because I can hear them all the time. I guess that annoyed Sid off because he told me to find my own place if it bothered me. Alice gave Sid a look and asked me if I wanted to sleep in their library instead.
I said no, because it’s tiny and I didn’t mind sleeping on the couch, I just minded hearing everything they say and hearing them being intimate all the time.
That really annoyed Sid, and he called me a jerk for trying to tell him and Alice what to do in their place and told me to find someplace else to stay if he had a problem with him and Alice “living their lives as they liked.” I think he was being way too extreme.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“First of all, if they’ve been good enough to make space for you when you’d otherwise be homeless, you should be doing most of the chores without even being asked. This is basic decency. Secondly, it’s their home, they can do what they want and be as loud as they want.
Put your noise-cancelling headphones on and mind your own business. Finally, if you don’t like it, move out and get your own place or get a job so that you’re not around so much. I’m sure they’d appreciate a bit of a break from you.
YTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Yep YTJ. You don’t have a job, you are living with them rent-free and you dare to complain about them *checks post* living their lives? The entitlement here is incredible. If I was living with someone rent-free the absolute least I would do is the housework.
I’d also be doing the majority of cooking and anything else I could do to help. They’re not there to serve you and are doing you a favor. Ever heard ‘Don’t bite the hand that feeds’? Instead of complaining about them talking, maybe try learning.
It sounds like they have a very healthy relationship with lots of communication. You should be striving for that kind of relationship.” thegodcomplex17
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Doing housework in lieu of rent when not working should be expected especially as this is not a short-term visit.
Imagine the flip situation where you let someone stay in your home and then they complain that you’re noisy. It’s obviously time you moved on” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Lend My Transit Pass To My Roommate Anymore?
“A bit of a backstory: so, I (23F) live with Archie (37M) for over a year now.
We didn’t know each other prior to me moving in, he was just a queer guy looking for a roomie and I was a broke student looking for a place. In the beginning, it was great, and I realized we have similar house dynamics so this could work out.
Now, over a year later, I do have a lot of problems with him as I’m sure he has with me. But mine are a bit more personal: he has a strong personality, a big lack of ethics, and a tendency to manipulate. The latter is the reason I wanna move out, but can’t afford to yet, so let’s focus on this main event.
I have a travel card (transit pass) with a lot of money on it because of the job I worked during a difficult time, as they kept giving us credit as we were working from home. Those ARE non-transferable and legally only I should use the card.
However, Archie pressed me to let him borrow it a couple of times as an emergency (he’s femme presenting and one could argue that we could look alike as we’re both overweight with long curly hair).
But the thing is, that became more frequent than not, and now whenever I won’t be using it, he asks for it.
I’m not a fan of it, but there aren’t any consequences for him getting caught other than losing my credit which he said he’ll pay for if that happens. I just go with it because it’s a nice thing I can do for him and he usually does a lot of nice things for me.
I wasn’t raised to see favors as exchangeable acts, but he constantly brings up how he has the short end of the stick in the friendship as he’s always offering me stuff and favors, but I never offer it as much and will straight up say no to something he asks me if it inconveniences me (like having to stop by an unsafe neighborhood on my way back just to pick up something for him).
Last night he asked for my travel card again to go to work and I just told him to be back by tomorrow (yes, I didn’t say “tomorrow morning” and I saw a smirk on his face, but he does know I have work in the morning).
Today I woke up and he wasn’t back, no messages. So, I called him and he said a customer dropped a bottle and he hurt himself cleaning it up, which made him late but that I could take some money from his room to use it for today.
But I’m so upset, like if he has money why not use his? After all, my travel card credit isn’t some sort of financial aid, I had to work for it. And if he knew he was late, why not warn me of it?
But on the other hand, this was the first time something like this happened and he did hurt himself, so….WIBTJ if I told him I’m never letting him borrow it again?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ simply tells him no. When he asks, tell him that it has become an inconvenience to let him use your card.
He could have called and let you know that he would be late, apologized to you, and told you to use the money he had a the house. He knew you needed your card, yet still did not make an effort to help or communicate when he was going to be late.
If he complains, let him know that you are not in need of his ‘favors’, and will no longer be breaking the law for his convenience.” Ggeunther
Another User Comments:
“You WNBTA. This happens a lot, unfortunately. You wanted to do something kind for your roommate/friend and now he’s taking advantage of that.
The saying goes something like, “When you’re giver, learn your boundaries because takers don’t have any.” It was nice of you to let Archie borrow your travel card, but this has been too much/gone too far. Don’t let him use your transit pass again, OP.
Best of luck!” noturuwu
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you’re rigid, inflexible, and overly legalistic. It is just a policy that it’s not transferable and not a law that’s being broken. You might lose the card, but he will pay you back if it happens.
You mutually help each other out and this is your big issue, borrowing your travel card. You accept his help when he offers but then have a fit about this? You seem ungrateful because there aren’t really any consequences to you, but you are creating a moral dilemma that isn’t that big of a deal. Also, insulting his morality over this is just immature on your part.
Do you think a 37-year-old male wants 23-year-old roommate?” vt2022cam
12. AITJ For Cutting Communication With My Brother And Mother Over Their Lies And Manipulation?
“I am 30 male, have 1 brother, 35 male, it came to light last year that my brother has a substance use problem which has now ended up causing his wife to divorce him and take his kids away from him.
During this very stressful time of the divorce (which is not yet finalized) there have been a number of heated conversations between myself and my brother and his lack of acceptance of the fact his current situation is a consequence of his actions that have simply caught up with him.
Our mom, who has always been there to catch my brother when he has fallen, or to fix any issues that may have arisen in his life, did not seem particularly perturbed by the whole situation.
Fast forward to just this last week, I got a phone call from my sister-in-law’s sister, who I am very close with, she let me know that my brother, who was meant to be seeing his kids(2 and 4 years old), had not pitched up and was claiming to be at a training seminar for his work.
Immediately I knew he was lying because he was off work.
So I call up my mom, where my brother is currently staying whilst the divorce proceedings take place. And I question her as to his whereabouts and reason for not going to be with his kids.
She began by saying that he was very ill and she had sent him to bed to rest and that she would go and see the kids (note no mention of any training). I pressured her further and asked if my brother had been out partying that weekend, which she said yes, but he was not intoxicated and didn’t use any substances because he ‘looked ok’ but she did smell some booze on him when he got home at 1:30 am… this part is important.
My brother then called me later on in the day to ask if I had heard from his sister-in-law, I explained my conversation with our mom to which he said, was all lies and she was mistaken “She must have smelt my cologne, not booze” he said.
I got my mom on a group call with him and went over the details which she told me about him being out and drinking, to which our mom was now retracting. I also asked him about his excuse he told my sister-in-law about his training seminar, which he tried to dodge by saying “I told her I was tired from my training seminar the day before” This was all happening on a Monday..
After much back and forth of them trying to match up their stories which I was falsely feeding facts towards to basically confirm that they were covering each other’s backs, told them that I would no longer be a part of this game they were playing and if they continued to choose to lie and manipulate me then I will no longer be communicating with them.
It has been a week since this happened and my mom is reaching out as if nothing has happened the only comment from my brother was to say that he was still sick and might possibly have an ulcer.
I am torn about cutting the comms but with the amount of stress and anxiety that this has caused to the whole family, I don’t know if there is much more I can take
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“For your own mental health, go lc/nc for a while. It may also help you to see a therapist who is familiar with addiction, or even try AlAnon (it’s for families of those addicted to booze, but the same principles apply).
I hope you can stay in touch with your niblings as they will likely benefit from an even-keeled adult. Best of luck to you and your family, OP. NTJ.” NGDGUnpunished
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Lying perpetuates addiction and life destruction. I applaud you for having both on the phone to confirm they both are dysfunctional regarding: his health and life choices.
You are a sound voice so don’t apologize for your statement. Since mom called and pretended nothing happened it’s another layer of false living. Continue to choose the truth: The peace of mind is magic.” DesertSong-LaLa
11. AITJ For Expecting My Friend To Pay For Damages She Caused To My Car?
“I (F24) was given my fiancé’s car when he got a new one.
Knowing I struggle with car maintenance, he put roughly 3k into the car to ensure everything that could have been wrong was fixed. It drove so much better than my previous 2005 car. I had the car for 4 months with no issues.
Jessica (F23) is my best friend and it was her birthday.
We live in a county connected to a major city. For her birthday she wanted to go out to the city and go to a club. Fine. Except I don’t drive in the city. It causes anxiety and I’m really bad at parallel parking.
So the plan was we would meet at her house, her sister would be DD and pick us up and then drop us off. Great. Thirty minutes before she changed plans and said she wanted to stay at her sister’s, and requested we drive to her sister’s and she would park my car.
Uh okay. It’s her birthday so I go along with it.
I get to her house and there’s now an additional friend needing a ride. I pick up the girls and we drive down to her sister’s. As soon as we turn onto her road J yells “PARK HERE” at the first spot on the road.
There’s a large “Park and be towed” sign. I go down the road 4 more feet and J sees a spot. I probably should have just gotten out and gotten in on the other side, but I got out and stood on the curb to watch her park.
This makes her nervous. Then a car pulls behind her making her more nervous. She screams “GET IN I CAN’T PARK HERE” and I do. Now, for absolutely no reason, Jessica speeds down the road. I mean pedal to the floor for what? And sees a spot big enough for 4 cars that I easily could have gotten into.
She hooks the car over and sends my car completely off the street on the front passenger side. Hits the curb going as fast as she was, and absolutely launches half the car over this curb. Hard as anything. It is dead silent. I just went “Get out.” She tried to apologize and ensure she’d pay for it and I said “I need to breathe.
Get out” She did. I wanted to drive off. But it’s her birthday. So I stayed. We talked about it. She promised to fix any damages fully.
My new fixed car goes from perfect to violently shaking when going over 30MPH. There is a growing squeaky clunk noise.
I take it to one shop that does not perform a road test. I told them what happened and they only looked at the tire. They say it’s superficial damage on the tire but check nothing else and credit the sound to her denting my rim.
I tell Jessica this but then still notice this increasingly loud sound. The shake just gets worse. I take it to the dealership the car came from. She bent my axle. She hit the curb so hard the tire didn’t absorb most of the damage, the axle did.
$1,400.
I sent her a new message explaining their findings, the email and pdf they sent me along with all videos and reports. I tell her I know it’s a lot and I don’t expect the full amount. She has since ignored all messages.
My car is undriveable. AITJ for expecting some type of payment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She did the damage by driving like an idiot; she should pay the price. You might have to go to court to get it though.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“Maybe see if someone on that block has a camera that captured the moment and her getting out of the driver’s seat after.
Once you get them tell her you have video evidence and if she doesn’t pay for the damages you will take her to small claims court. Sounds like the friendship is over” Fragrant_Holiday947
10. AITJ For Getting Upset Over My Partner's Indecision About Food Order?
“My (30F) and my long-term live-in partner of 8 years (40M) both work from home. I keep a busy job where people ask me questions all day due to the nature of the job, and a time-consuming side hustle in the travel space (advisor-type role so always answering questions) that allows us multiple international trips per year that I book and plan myself for both of us.
I was juggling multiple job tasks and am also preparing for some house guests, so rotating between work and house tasks. It was time for a break, I let my partner know that I was going to vacuum my car, but also run to a cafe after to grab a treat before going back to work.
I pointed him to the online menu and told him I’d be back to take his order. He commented that he didn’t realize how they had entrees at the cafe, and I told him I noticed that and they looked good! We had also previously discussed having leftovers for dinner, not for budget reasons, but because we had them.
I went ahead and vacuumed my car, and came back to ask him what he wanted. Phone and keys in my hand to walk out the door. It was about 4:45 pm. He doesn’t reply with an order, but rather “Is this for dinner, or is this for just a snack?”.
I’m immediately annoyed, now it’s a whole *thing* that I have to think through, instead of just tapping in an order and heading off.
I just turn around and take several steps back because I am not about to help a grown man decide whether or not he is ready for dinner!
He then blurts out a dinner order, and when I say, “Oh, an entree?” COMPLETELY NEUTRALLY CONFIRMING. Why would I give a darn? I’m going either way, he immediately says he just wants a cookie. Fine, cookie it is and I scroll back to that part of the menu so I can move on with my life.
I was so annoyed that something that should have been the easiest part of my day became a task for me to work through, so I confronted him when I returned. I told him that he needs to understand how unnecessary it is for us to tag team decisions like what he wants from a menu.
We eat on the couch, it’s never a sit-down meal. His reasons for not being ready with an order:
He was considerate of me because we had coordinated our dinner
He was confused because of the time of day, and if it was time for dinner
He switched his order because he thought I reacted badly to his selection
That’s just how his brain works
I rejected those because I never gave him any new information before he gave me an order and he needs to be cognizant of the energy he sucks away from me by making me step through what I considered to be an internal process.
I told him that he was fully empowered to make his own decisions on food and assured him that I was an adult with access to transportation and food. I showed him the menu, walked away, and told him to be prepared with a decision.
Why I might be the jerk: I was patronizing AF and I took a bite out of the cookie.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, honestly if you get this annoyed with him over something so small I feel sorry for him. I think his thought process makes complete sense.
If my partner asked if I wanted food I’d probably ask the same, is it for dinner or just a snack? In fact normally I ask what he’s having before I decide if I’m honest! But that doesn’t mean I’m not capable of making a decision and it doesn’t make him this irrationally angry.
Do you even like your partner?” dd2487
Another User Comments:
“YTJ yes, read your post and try to draw a different conclusion. you asked if he wanted to order something from a cafe, where is isn’t familiar with the menu and then got mad when he asked for clarification.
This reads to me like you are tired of the relationship(or not it’s not clear if you are romantically involved) and just getting annoyed at everything bc there’s no love left. why would scrolling a menu and pressing one button be so energy-draining and time-consuming?
IMO you just don’t care for this person anymore and are sticking around bc you have comfort.” ngroat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ…you completely overreacted over nothing. Snack/dinner does not matter. All you had to do was ask him what he wanted and if he wanted to get enough to cover dinner later.
Not difficult. If you want a mental break from any questions/decision making etc., then don’t engage/involve other people during your break time. This whole situation was completely on you and how you handled it.” Silver_Acadia5775
9. AITJ For Going Behind The Bar Without Asking My Co-Worker?
“I (19m) argued tonight with my co-worker Jane (18f). I’ve been working in that pub for 1 month now. I intend on staying here full-time for at least a year. My co-worker on the other hand has been working here for 2 months and a half-ish full-time and intends on going part-time when September hits.
Since I want to stay, work hard, and be full-time our boss told me I had to do more bar training. So that’s what I did. I tried to do more bar, checking with my co-workers if it was okay with them before going behind the bar.
Now Jane is very annoyed about going behind the bar. She almost always pouts when she doesn’t get to be behind it and asks very often our other co-worker Lila (21f) if they can switch. Lila has been in the pub longer than Jane. If Lila says no, Jane pouts and just goes out in the front and crosses her arms, is very reluctant to wor,k and is just unprofessional and childish.
Tonight I went behind the bar because it was slow and I thought it would be a good time to do some training. I didn’t ask Jane if it was okay with her but she was on a break, eating, and when she got back she didn’t say anything.
She was indeed pouting as usual but when our other co-worker Emilie (24F) asked her if she was okay she just said yes.
So I figured I shouldn’t have to guess what’s wrong. She came to me and asked to talk. She said she didn’t want to sound like she was throwing a tantrum but that we had a silly rule that the person who has worked there the longest goes behind the bar.
She said we all spent a lot of time on the floor before going behind the bar and that I wasn’t supposed to ask if I could go behind but wait for them to tell me to go.
I told her that I didn’t want to come across as throwing a tantrum either but I needed to learn how to do the bar because starting September we have the Rugby World Cup and we will be understaffed so I need to be trained this summer, otherwise, it’s going to be hard to have a proper training.
I also told her that she needs to tell me when something is wrong because I can’t guess.
She told me she knew and she had problems with communication and was afraid of conflict. She told me not to worry about September and that it would be fine.
I told her okay and finished what I was doing before going back on the floor to leave her behind the bar and all of a sudden she was all happy and not pouting anymore.
At that point, I was really mad. But I figured I’d play by “the rules” and just stay on the floor even if it’s hypocritical of her to say that and if she thinks the rule is silly why apply it?
So I took a break to gather my thoughts and call my partner to vent. Then I realized I didn’t tell her about the boss telling me to do some more training. I told her that the boss told me to do some more training.
She told me “Yeah I know”.
I feel like it’s stupid and that she IS throwing a tantrum if she knows I was literally asked by the boss to do this.”
Another User Comments:
“Next time you see your boss: “Hi boss, I know we were talking about me getting more bar training before September, but last time I worked, I was told that the person on shift with the most experience was the only one who could be on the bar.
I was wondering what you wanted me to do to get my training?” Boss will go, “Who told you that???” And you sheepishly and shyly say, “Well, Jane did.” Boss tells you what they want you to do and now knows Jane is hindering your progress.
NTJ” angeltay
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Sick Stepdad Babysit My Son Before My Husband's Surgery?
“My husband (32 m) and I (31 f) have a 7 year old son. My husband was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer a year ago. Over the last year, he underwent chemo and radiation, and he is finally scheduled to have surgery to remove the cancer and the entire colon.
We made arrangements for our son to stay with my best friend while my husband has surgery and is recovering at the hospital, so I can stay at the hospital with him. My stepdad wanted to keep him for a couple of days, and initially, I agreed.
My husband is under strict instructions from the surgeon prior to his surgery date; things like drinking protein shakes, doing breathing exercises, a colon cleanse, etc. but it goes as far as not being around anything that could lead to an infection when he has surgery- not being allowed to sleep in the same bed as our pet because the dog hair could contaminate the surgery site, things like that.
Recently, my husband had a doctor’s appointment early in the morning and would not be back before it was time for me to go to work. I made arrangements for my stepdad to keep our son for just a couple of hours in the morning between me going to work and my husband getting back from the doctor to pick him up.
I called the day before the appointment to remind my stepdad and ask how things were going (my mom/his wife passed away a month ago, so I tried to check in on him). My stepdad tells me how he’s doing, and voices zero concerns for his health or any other issues.
That night (the night before he is scheduled to babysit) he posted on a social media platform that he went to the doctor and was so sick with strep throat and a fever of 102. I saw this and was furious that he lied to me.
I decided that he could not babysit the following morning, so as to not expose my son, but also my husband, to any illness before a major surgery the following week. I was honestly heartbroken that my stepdad did not even consider the fact that my son could bring home the illness to my husband, which to me could be detrimental to his health and surgery.
My stepdad and I argued via text about it and I explained my reasoning and voiced my feelings. I tried very hard to remain calm and objective, not to be too emotional, but firm with my boundary. I went as far as to have my friend proofread and edit my text before sending it, so as to not be too harsh or rude.
My stepdad then became defensive saying he didn’t think about it, but also tried to guilt trip me for not coming to his house or calling him since my mom has passed away. (Despite the fact I literally called him the day before). I told him I couldn’t trust that he would be honest with me about his health that I have to put the safety of my family ahead of his feelings, and that I don’t think I will let him babysit while my husband is actually hospitalized during surgery, since I can’t risk my son bringing home any germs/illness when my husband is in recovery.
So, am I the jerk for not letting my stepdad babysit?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am sorry for the amount you have on your plate at the moment and the loss of your mum. I doubt your stepdad was being malicious, he just didn’t think.
I do hope you have a lot of support OP.” Any-Strawberry-9395
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As I can see you are being responsible and protective of your husband’s health and your son’s well-being. Your stepdad was dishonest and careless about his illness, and he could have put your family at risk.
* He has no right to guilt trip you or make this about him. * You are not obligated to let him babysit, especially when he has proven to be unreliable and untrustworthy. You are doing the right thing by prioritizing your husband’s recovery and your son’s safety.” Selena_Kardashian
7. AITJ For Letting My BIL's Cat Outdoors Without Permission?
“A month ago, my brother-in-law bought a cat for his partner. It was a British shorthair. I mean it’s their cat and they should do whatever they think is right and good for the cat.
I love cats and would like to adopt one for myself someday. The only thing that’s stopping me is the lack of time. Having a pet is also a commitment and I know for sure I would treat my future cat as my own child.
I need to give it my time of course and owning a cat is expensive too. Pets in general.
That’s why I was happy when they bought a cat and brought him from time to time to us (I live with my in-laws temporarily).
But, this is, I think, the part where I might be the jerk.
Last week, my brother-in-law and the partner (let’s call her Hannah) asked my parents-in-law to babysit the cat because they’re going on a one-week holiday. In-laws agreed to it and they brought the cat and off they went.
However, we noticed that the cat is easily scared of tiny sounds. He would run and hide (mostly under the table or the sofa) and he was mostly shaking and his heart was beating fast. He’s also easily startled.
A little bit of background: he’s 3 months old and also a hardcore indoor cat.
By that, I also meant that he is ALWAYS in the bedroom with Hannah. I mean, she should know for herself. It’s her cat. But even when they come over, the cat is always upstairs with my brother-in-law and partner in the room. My mother-in-law has expressed her worries that the cat might develop mental health issues.
My mother-in-law also said that a cat should run and move around freely. It also deserves some fresh air and to be outside from time to time. Hannah has many rules for her cat and one of them is he is forbidden to run in the garden as it will make him dirty.
However, we did not listen. We let him walk and run in the garden (cleaned him afterward though) When they were back and Hannah found that out, she was kinda upset. So I told her that I felt like he deserved to be outside and discover the grass, soil, and the world.
She should kinda let him be a cat and maybe through that he will be less rattled by sounds that he’s unfamiliar with and that now she has a reason to go outside. She didn’t say anything when I said that and just smiled.
Later though I received a text from Hannah saying ‘that it was a little bit mean of me to say that when everyone is there and that I shouldn’t give comments about how she’s raising her cat or share my thoughts as no one is asking for them and it’s not my business to mind.
She also said that the cat is her emotional support and that who gave me the entitlement etc. My brother-in-law understands my cents but also felt it was unnecessary to point it out and parents in law are neutral in the whole situation.
So I’m conflicted. I felt like I wasn’t being rude when I said it (also said it in a friendly way) and it came from a good place but maybe I overstepped something I don’t know and that I might be arrogant or entitled because of it when it’s not even my cat.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Cats are safer are indoor cats. In many countries, it’s a precedent they’re not let out. That’s not YOUR cat. It’s HERS. You don’t get to decide what other people do. You’re in someone else’s house with someone else’s animal. If they ask you not to do something, you don’t.
If you had your own cat, do what you want. Stop messing with someone else’s animals.” BigBee51
Another User Comments:
“YTJ a cat being indoors will not give it mental health issues provided there’s enough enrichment and hygiene food etc and indoor cats tend to live longer and healthier lives If you can raise a cat to be an indoors cat they’re usually all good and not bothered tbh it might be other issues the cat is picking up on like is the partner safe?
Do one or both of them have anger issues? The being easily startled could be that or the cat might just be like some humans are and be easily startled” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ- a lot of cats are skittish and letting them roam around outside is just asking for disaster.
There are numerous reasons for indoor cats to stay indoors. Do a bit of research on the topic and you will learn ALL the reasons for keeping cats inside. At the end of the day, it’s not your cat and you don’t get to judge someone for how they choose to raise a pet.” lostalldoubt86
6. AITJ For Talking To My Stepdaughter About Her Biological Mom Without My Husband's Consent?
“I (34f) have been married to my husband for 7 years. We have 4 children, Giada(13f), Joey (10m), 6m, and 4m (we also have a daughter that passed during birth), two from his previous relationship.
My husband’s previous relationship ended horribly. His ex left without saying anything. She drained their bank account and took everything, even things the kids had. She pretty much made them homeless. The kids were 8 months and 2 years old at the time. They haven’t seen their mother since she left, she hasn’t tried to get in touch with them.
My husband hates my ex and wants nothing to do with her. They never talk about their mom or ask, but they know they have a different mother. Giada’s birthday was on July 6, my ex sent a gift to my in-laws’ house for her, along with a note for my husband.
He didn’t want to read it, so he threw it away with the gift. I tried to get him to open it, but he wouldn’t. I decided to open the note, and it said that she missed the kids, still loved them a lot, and wanted to apologize to him.
As a mom, I felt terrible for her. I had postpartum depression and wanted to leave everything behind after I lost my daughter. I got the help and was able to deal with my grief. I don’t know what made ex leave her kids behind, but I understand that she could’ve made this decision when she was mentally unstable.
I know she’s in the wrong for all she did to them, but I just wanted them to know that if they ever wanted to meet their bio mom, I would always back them and love them no matter what. I just wanted to know if they wanted to meet their mother, so I asked Giada, who is older and more mature.
I asked Giada if she remembered her mom. Giada said, I only remember you, mommy. Then I asked if she wanted to get in touch with her real mother and told her about the letter from bio mom. I told her whatever she chooses, I will always support her.
She looked upset and told me I was her real mother. She asked why I would ask her that. I saw that she was upset and I told her that we didn’t have to talk about it and asked her what she wanted to do that day.
She ignored the question and told me that I was her real mom and the only mother she knew and had. She asked me if I was going to leave them and if her dad and I were going to get a divorce. She was crying, I tried to make her feel better by telling her that I would never leave her, her brothers, or her dad.
She was so upset that she pushed me away and went to her room. My husband is understandably upset. I told him why I asked Giada that question and that I just wanted her to know that I back her no matter what she decides, but he is still very angry with me.
He told me that until he calmed down, he didn’t want to talk to or see me.
I’ve already told Giada that I’m sorry and that I won’t leave her, her brothers, or her father. Although I’ve apologized to Giada, I don’t feel like the question I asked warranted this reaction from my husband.
I did it because I thought it was best for the kids. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This was something that you both should have discussed and agreed to before you acted. You are a jerk for acting unilaterally. Also, betting Giada does remember and they are terrible memories.” Walktothebrook
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is not a conversation you have without discussing and agreeing with your husband first. You completely ignored his wishes and it blew up in your face. Sincere apologies to your husband are in order (including for opening the letter to him from his ex)” ItIsNotAManual1984
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you made decisions that weren’t yours to make, AFTER your husband told you to leave it alone. You also told a child who loves you that you weren’t her real mom. While you may not have given birth to her she sees you as her mom, and you basically told her she should care about someone who abandoned her.” Giggle_interrupted
5. AITJ For Signing The Lease Without My Best Friend The Day He Was Supposed To Move In?
“My best friend 25m and I 22f were planning on moving in together. The housing where I live isn’t cheap and after looking for places he said most things were out of his price range.
I offered an idea that he definitely didn’t have to agree to. Move into my one bedroom, he can take the upstairs bedroom and I’ll take the living room day bed. He said he was fully on board.
Two months leading up, I cleaned out my entire house, got rid of a lot of my belongings, and emptied the upstairs.
My landlord sent me a text about renewal and I texted my friend that he’ll probably have to sign some papers. He said he didn’t want to be on the lease. He said he couldn’t guarantee he’d be able to make it out here and have to move back home.
I wait to get the lease to see if it has any stipulations about having someone else here and it does.
I tell him I can try and get him on as an occupant and not a tenant that way if he wants to move home he can.
This meant I would be the one entirely responsible for rent. I said I would cover rent while he found a job.
We got the lease back and he was listed as a tenant my landlord said they they don’t do occupants. They do say they can take him off the lease at any point though.
He said his mom told him he shouldn’t sign it. He said he’s going to maybe stay with me for a few weeks and find an apartment in the city or move back home.
Then the next morning he’s sending me listings for other houses in the area.
I can’t afford to cover the rent on those places because they’re more costly than what I pay now. Plus he didn’t want to sign my current lease as a tenant. Then he says he will be on a different lease once he has a job and he will stay here for a year.
Then he changed his mind again and said he can’t sign my lease now until my landlord does a walkthrough so he’s not liable for my “damages”.
This all happened 24 hours before he was supposed to move in. My lease renewal was due in 1 day.
So I signed it myself and said I needed some space. He was only able to sign my lease because of my good credit and paying rent on time for three years. With no job lined up, no other home in mind, him maxing out his credit cards, student loans, and a car payment I had to do what I thought was the right financial decision for myself.
We’ve been planning to move in together for 4 months and agreed to stay at my house for the last 2. I would need more time to get together the money for a new place and without renewing my lease and not having a place lined up I would have no guarantee of a home
He did drive cross country to get to my state. He took the scenic route and spent a lot on hotels, gas, food, and seeing national parks. He was supposed to stay with me when he got here so by saying I need space I did leave him high and dry.
He got a hotel for the night. I know that in the financial position he’s in, he has very few options left.
So AITJ for signing the lease without him and the day he was supposed to move in?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You offered him a ton of options and he nixed them all because he didn’t want to commit or be responsible in any way.
You certainly don’t owe him a bed for even one night after he led you on for so long.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he wasn’t committing to pay alongside your lower rent and was looking for more expensive places, then he can totally afford to sleep in the bed he made for himself.
Your lease was due and he was not giving you straight answers, making him unreliable.” atealein
4. AITJ For Adopting Out A Rescue Dog Without The Coordinator's Approval?
“I’ve done animal rescue for a while, with numerous rescues, and am familiar with the standards that adopters are held to, and pride myself on the fact that I do my best to find my fosters the best forever homes.
2 weeks ago, a friend called about a dog she heard about through someone she’s currently fostering with.
The owners were going to drop him at a kill shelter because all of the other shelters/rescues in our area have closed their intake due to lack of space. I have a prior foster commitment that will start soon, but since it was dire, I told her to give them my info.
So a lady (A) called. Turns out the rescue she’s with isn’t backing this due to a lack of resources. I was hesitant but my friend assured me this lady is great. A told me he’s a really sweet dog and has had a rough life, but he can’t be around other dogs.
I have 5 small dogs but I have an area on a separate floor that I use to quarantine incoming fosters, so I was still willing to take him even though it’s stressful to ensure that the dogs stay separate. This dog is 4x the size of mine so I can’t take any chances.
I have a system in place to ensure nothing happens, but it takes a lot of energy to follow this protocol. I stressed to A that due to my having a prior commitment and the situation with my own dogs, this has to be temporary.
When I picked him up, the owners told me he hadn’t been to the vet in 5 years and he had some medical issues. A friend of A’s fronted the money for the vet and I set an appointment. I created a gofundme that raised enough for his bills.
The friend that originally fronted the funds was paid back. The dog is doing great, except that he’s becoming depressed about being isolated most of the day. I spend as much time with him as I can but he’s used to being with someone 24/7.
A family friend has fallen for him and wants to adopt.
I know he would give him a great home. So I told A I found an adopter. A told me she wants to talk to him before allowing him to take the dog home and wants to wait until he has his final shots next week.
I don’t feel it’s up to her. All she has done is coordinate over the phone, which is great but I’m the one who did the hard work. I don’t mind, but at this point, I feel it’s my decision. She never even met the dog.
If she doesn’t approve of the adopter, she expects me to continue caring for this dog until she finds someone else. I was stretched thin before I took him, and he has not been an easy case. I have told her that he will be living in a house with a securely fenced yard, given daily walks and that I’ve confirmed the adopter has the time and finances to care for him.
But she insists that she has additional questions, and even wants me to send updated pics of the dog in case she needs to look for another adopter. No one else has expressed interest and there’s nowhere else for him to go.
So, WIBTJ if I told this lady to shove it and just let the adopter take the dog home?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but yeah, let the adopter take the dog. Give A the options here: 1. She takes the dog 2. The adopter takes the dog. Her reaction will tell you where you stand.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. She put the people who were abandoning the dog in touch with you.
She was paid back any funds she put out, not that it matters. If she wanted to be in charge who adopts the dog she should have taken him herself. Do what you need to and let the poor dog go to a home where he will get love and attention.
Maybe not be rude about it, just be firm with your friend.” MistressKinx
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ, but do you have the legal authority to rehome it? Is it “your dog” on paper now, or are you (legally) a carer/petsitter for someone else’s dog?
I think giving the dog to the adopter is the right thing, unless you’re going to get charged with theft/dragged to small claims court/have the dog yanked from his new family as “stolen property”. I don’t know how much of a jerk “A” is, but make sure your ducks are in a row before the dog goes to his new home.” User
3. AITJ For Being Upset At My Sister And Ex-Fiancé Having An Affair?
“I (20) am a child from my dad’s second marriage. I have a sister (25) who is from our dad’s first marriage. Her mom is no longer in the picture and my mom has been functioning as the now primary parent after our dad passed away. I’ve always looked up to my sister and gone to her for literally everything.
I’ve never treated her like a half or stepsister because to me she is just my sister. I need to be married to someone of my religion, and there was a big matchmaking scene there, so we went back to the country I was born in for me to go to college and get married. She wasn’t interested in marriage but I wanted to get married young and got engaged to my fiancé(24).
My sister and fiancé would refuse to spend time with each other and she openly didn’t want me to marry him at first. At one point she and him got into a weird argument and I thought about breaking off the engagement, and my sister went to him to convince him to win me back, and I thought everything was fine now.
The ceremony was normal until we got to vows. We did something where you say a script but insert their name. He goes to say my name, and says half of my sister’s, before looking like he was gonna throw up. He pauses for too long and I try and get him to focus on me to fix his balance thinking he was having a medical situation, only for him to lock eyes with my sister, and visibly not me.
I look back at her and she’s looking at him. I realized that they were having an affair or something. I sprint out and my mom chases after me, and my sister chases after us. We get to the room where I got ready and I’m screaming and crying at my mom about how they were doing this behind my back and it’s just awful.
When I calmed down a bit I noticed my sister was there, and she started to apologize about how it was a mistake and how she never meant to hurt me I yelled at her to get out and she looked to my mom.
I yelled at her to not look to *my* mom for comfort that she’s not our mom she’s mine that I should’ve never trusted her and that a “real sister” would never treat me like that.
She cuts in to say she didn’t mean to hurt her sister and I yell back “Your half-sister”. She left after that. I privately ended things with my fiancé and disappeared for a week. My sister blew up my phone saying that she never meant for it to go that far that she didn’t know she loved him and that I couldn’t ignore her forever.
Eventually, due to a family tragedy involving our dad’s side, we made up. She ended up in a relationship with my ex with my permission and they’re happy. I recently learned that my ex’s sisters were aware of the affair and chose not to tell me.
It had been going on 3 months off of our entire relationship. They also were rooting for him to break it off since he was clearly in love with my sister. None of his family was on my side which made me wonder if I was only as blind as I wanted to be.
Given how supportive everyone was of them, was I the jerk for being that upset and saying that in the first place?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ of course. You had a right to your anger and hurt, and your sister is an immoral person. Even worse is your fiance.
I hope he gets testicle cancer and dies in a building fire. I am impressed that you can even face these people and resist the urge to scream (or worse). Nothing else to say but sorry and the right man for you is out there somewhere.
One who won’t act like a dog.” Samwry
Another User Comments:
“Woah this is a very unique situation, and I’m sorry this happened to you. Ultimately your sister is the jerk. If your fiance and your sister felt this way, they should have communicated it to you and broken it off before doing anything.
This would still hurt but less so. The religious aspect would hurt even more as I suspect physical intimacy before marriage is probably not acceptable in your eyes, and he did it with your sister. Sometimes people do messed up things when love is involved and what they did was really wrong.
You have a right to be upset and even lash out to an extent. However, your relationship with your sister has been an important part of your life. I would suggest taking some time for yourself and working through this alone or with a psych.
Trust is earned so you don’t have to trust her right away and you have a right to still be upset, confused, and mad. Letting go will take time but keep her in the loop if you can, she should understand that what she did has repercussions and even though she didn’t do it maliciously, you need time and space to heal.” ladylik3rat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- and oh my gosh I would have a hard time speaking to any of these people again. You would be completely validated if you did not, and I hope you are not feeling obligated to maintain appearances. OP, not sure of your culture but if my best friend or sister was involved with my fiancé while standing on stage tying my thali- I would never look back at any of them.
Arranged marriage or not- there were a lot of different ways the situation could have saved you heartache and embarrassment.” Brynne42
2. AITJ For Ruining My Brother's Surprise Birthday Party?
“I (17m) am currently living with my brother, Tom (23m, fake name), and his partner, Steph (22f, also fake name) for the summer. He lives in the city about two hours away from our big family that has always lived close to each other and works a really great job in his field.
His partner and I really get along and it’s been a chill summer, except my brother has been going through a rough time with his job that he says will get easier once he gets through it. But he’s been very stressed and Steph and I have been doing what we can to make his life easier.
Our family growing up was always big on surprises; every announcement, gift, party, etc was a surprise. We even went to a couple of surprise weddings. After a while, it stops being a surprise when you expect a surprise. But ruining a surprise results in a bunch of families getting mad at the spoiler.
Since it’s been a year since my brother moved to the city, my family wanted to throw a surprise party at his place with the help of Steph and me, and they’ve put a lot of pressure on us to make it special and keep it a secret.
I know it’s been hard on Steph because she told me she hates keeping secrets from Tom, so I have been doing most of the preparation.
When his birthday came and I drove to pick Tom up from work, he told me how tired he was and how he just wanted to get home.
I asked him if he wanted to do anything for his birthday and he said he just wanted to chill with Steph and me and watch movies until we passed out. When we stopped for gas I called my family and told them to leave everything and maybe a note for Tom because he was not up for a party right now, but my parents insisted I get him there on time and that he’d be happy to see everyone.
There were about 20 people there waiting for him with presents and food.
Well, when I got in the car, I told him our family was waiting for him back at his place. He didn’t even react and just told me to drive up to this bar about a block from his place.
We were there for over an hour and he downed a couple of drinks before we left for the party.
We got there and he acted happy to see everyone, but I could tell our parents were mad about us being late. Steph took me aside and quietly asked me why we were late and I guess my dad overheard me explaining where we were and why.
The party lasted about five hours before everyone left, but my parents stayed behind to yell at me for ruining the surprise for my brother.
Since then, I’ve gotten a lot of texts from family members saying that I ruined the surprise and they could tell my brother was disappointed. My parents have pretty much implied that because of this to not expect my next birthday to be as special as my brother’s was supposed to be.
Steph and Tom haven’t really said anything about it other than he doesn’t blame us for getting pressured by our family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I like surprises myself, but if I was eager to just get home and relax I’d be a bit peeved. Happy and grateful, but peeved. I think telling him was really reasonable if he sounded tired. He chooses to go to the bar first and winds up late for the party, yeah?
Sounds like he wasn’t too excited to go straight to his party out of nowhere, either. You’re a good brother.” oh-heavens-to-betsy
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna have to say NTJ here. Sure, surprises can be a little bit of a letdown when they are spoiled, but at the same time most, if not all, of the hate came from your family, not from Tom.
So it seems like your family is making a big fuss over nothing. But I think you should still ask him about it personally.” ThatSortaDude
1. AITJ For Not Supporting My Friend's Decision To Get Back With Her Toxic Ex?
“I (23, f) told my friend (25,f) that I wouldn’t support her regarding a decision she made.
My friend used to be in a bad relationship. Neglect, the partner not wanting to compromise for her at all, toxic behavior (as in staying friends with an ex to make her jealous, belittling her in front of friends and the friends of the partner doing so too, refusing any intimacy except like maybe 8 times a year, screaming and just not caring) after they broke up, my friend (I will call her M) was really hurt and depressed.
She really had problems cutting the ex off and starting new. There was drama with the ex again and again.
The ex secretly drove past her house to see if M had someone over and if so they would confront her and call her horrible things.
The ex called her every insult in the book, kicked her out of the bridal party of their friends without their friends knowing, wrote her a letter they never want to see her again, and then still showed up in the middle of the night at her new address and so on.
I went out with my friend and we were joking around. She would make jokes about attractive people walking by and I just laughed and said “You haven’t been intimate in way too long” She responded that she had something going on last night. I asked who and she refused to tell me but immediately told me after 30 seconds of silence.
It was her ex. They were getting back together and “taking things slow” I told her that I would not support them getting back together but I would respect her decision. But I wouldn’t listen to her cry about the same things as before to me anymore.
She got really upset. The next day I let her know through text that I still love and support her in every other topic and that I am still her friend but I stand by what I said. I won’t listen to her whine since she actively chose to put herself back in the place she was 2 months ago.
She called me a bad friend and said that I didn’t know anything about the situation that the ex had changed since they had been in therapy for 2 months now and she didn’t understand my view at all.
I explained that I still support and help her regarding everything else and want her to be happy.
And if she thinks that’s what is good for her then that’s fine but I don’t have to support it.
In my eyes, friends are not only for support and love but also for sometimes telling you stuff you don’t wanna hear and are too caught up in.
She thinks friends should stay quiet and support others no matter what. But I do still help and support. I helped her through all of it and now I am the jerk for piping up and reminding her how she cried every day at university because of her ex.
Since I am autistic I think and feel different than non-autistic people so I am at a loss.
So, AITJ for not supporting her in that regard?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – she brought it up to you, so you discussed it and offered your opinion.
But sometimes it really is just better to say nothing and bite your tongue. People need to make their own mistakes” jrm1102
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not only did she go through it with the ex, but with her being your friend you went through having to watch the ex treat your friend this way, it’s insulting to have a friend go back to an abusive ex and make your friend watch you make that mistake again.
I’d have a hard time not completely cutting them out.” PreparationPrimary69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a difficult situation, but after supporting her for so long you definitely need to set boundaries. She can’t keep relying on you to lessen the emotional blow of having a bad partner.
You were very kind and understanding in your explanation and made it clear that you will still be there for her. She can’t expect you to be her emotional crutch or to be able to dump all these things on you forever. I’m sorry you have to deal with this, but you did the right thing.
Just stick to it.” Mx_Jez
