People Get Bruised Egos In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Yelling At My Family After Being Called A Disgusting Affair Baby?
“I’m (16m) a child born from an affair. My dad’s first wife was terminally ill and he had an affair with my mom throughout the two years of her life and I was the result of that, born just after she died. My parents got married a month later and filed for divorce 4 months later and my dad got custody of me.
Dad’s kids from his first wife hated me. They hated him too. But they despised me. They called me disgusting, said I should never have been born, they told me they wished I could have died instead of their mom. It was awful. They were 11 and 12 years older than me so old enough to be aware of what dad did and old enough to hate me.
Dad married for a third time when I was 5 and he had three more kids with my stepmom. My half-siblings cut contact with us but we would see them at our grandparent’s house sometimes and they used to be nicer, though not loving exactly, to my younger half-siblings.
They would always make sure I could see them treating them better too. My stepmom would brush me off if I mentioned how they treated me. Dad did nothing and my grandparents used to scold me for not spending time with all my siblings during family holidays and stuff, which is when we saw them most frequently.
If I mentioned why I was isolated they would tell me it was all in my head.
I had some messed up self-esteem issues for a while. I also know my family treated me like it was no big deal because I’m a guy and if I’d been a girl I can almost guarantee my feelings would have mattered more to my dad and grandparents.
So the yelling thing happened two weeks ago. We were all gathered to celebrate my grandma’s birthday. All the extended family was together and Grandma wanted a photo of all her grandkids and great-grandkids (she has a few, including from one of my half-siblings). My older half-siblings said they refused to be in a photo with me and refused to have their kids be in a photo with me and asked grandma if she wanted a child born from an affair in the photo.
Grandma was like of course, we’re all her grandkids. One of my younger half-siblings asked what that and one of my older half-siblings told them dad was unfaithful to their mom and had me while their mom was dying and it made me disgusted.
I was still expected to get in the photo.
I looked to my dad and my grandparents who kept encouraging me to get in. Which is when I lost it and started yelling at them for standing by my half-siblings more than me. I asked how they expected me to be okay after stuff like that was said and nobody said a thing.
I was scolded some more and grounded for ruining my grandma’s birthday and raising my voice at them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow. Your relatives are awful. Extremely so. I can only imagine what it has been like having no experience like that whatsoever. You are NTJ.
This conduct going unpunished, uncorrected, etc. is outrageous. They all, except probably the younger ones had it coming big time and still isn’t enough. It seems like walking away from most of these people when you reach adulthood is in order. Finding a life with enriching friends, romances, and new family.
All who know you through the lens of knowing how you are, not issues that you have zero control over. As you seek people who wouldn’t be like your relatives. …or at least are not the types to be cruel about such things if they had the same situation arise.” Scenarios
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it is very difficult to appreciate all the YTJ. This is a teen who lived a life of scorn that his father who put him in this position needed to address with his elder kids. They should not be allowed to be abusive to OP.
Grandmom can want him in the photo but to have some call OP disgusting and have no one address it – you guys expect OP to go and smile for a pic? That’s ridiculous – addressing the mistreatment trumps posing for a photo. All the adults have failed to address this situation and as a child, OP finally had enough and it came out.
When it did instead of addressing the pain, people were more concerned about a birthday. That is an unbelievable attitude. The fact is that his elder siblings directly called him a disgusting affair baby about the photo and instead of saying anything none of the elders, including Grandmom addressed it.
We might say OP didn’t have a sense of occasion but did his nasty siblings? They don’t get called out but OP does? In the circumstances, a loud and resounding NTJ calls them all out. They have all enabled a very toxic, traumatic atmosphere.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“You are completely NTJ. And I have zero life experience that compares but I am a wildly petty vengeful person. So here is some truly unuseful advice. Lean into it! Buy a t-shirt saying child born from an affair. Wear it in photos.
Tell everyone the circumstances of your birth and how your two older siblings have mistreated you since birth. Go into detail about how awful they have been – tell it to their friends, coworkers, grocery store clerks. Explain how your father and grandfather condone it – tell everyone how it’s messed with your self-esteem and how no one cares because if they did they’d have stopped two grown adults bullying and abusing you.
Tell the guidance counselor. Embarrass them. Humiliate them, shame them as much as you can. Because truthfully they all deserve it. You kid have done nothing wrong. You were born into a selfish destructive family but you bear no sin or shame for it. You are a good kid who deserves love and kindness and I just want to give you the biggest hug ever.
Your family are jerks and deserve the storm of karma that will inevitably land on them.” Altruistic_You737
18. AITJ For Leaving The Pet Sitting Job Early Even Though The Pets Weren't Left Alone?
“I 16f usually help my mom with pet sitting. She does it as an extra job and sometimes takes on more than one at a time. Everyone she pet sits for is aware that I might fill in for her, and they are completely fine with that.
If they aren’t, she is the only person who goes over.
There is a man that she pets sits for who lives only about a 2-minute walk from our house, and he is fine with me, my brother 18m, and my brother’s partner 18m, pet sitting for him.
The last two times I was over there it was me and my brother’s partner who we will call Michael. Sometimes depending on our schedules, I will go over with Michael and be there for about 2 hours, and then he will have to leave for something, but I will still be there.
That has never been a problem.
Today, Michael and I went over there at about 11:15 a.m., and I had to leave for a family barbecue at 1:00 p.m. he and I were watching a movie when my dad got there to pick me up, so I left.
My brother who we will call Damien came over only a few minutes after I left. So the dogs were never alone, Michael was there the entire time.
The man who we will call Steven was supposed to be home around 3:30. He suddenly barged in at 2:30 and began yelling at both my brother and his partner.
Saying that he was tired of the revolving door of all of us, sometimes being there sometimes not.
My brother and Michael tried to explain that the dogs were never alone, Michael had been there the entire time, and just because I left didn’t mean anything.
Steven then said that next time he wants it to just be me there. Just me the whole time. No one else. That made me uncomfortable when Michael told me that. Because I’m a 16-year-old, and he’s anywhere from late ’40s to early ’50s.
Both I and my mother have a little bit of an inkling that Steven was more so mad because Michael is a trans man. Steven has never said anything bad, but he does have conservative newspapers around his house and stuff like that.
Also, when he came in and began yelling at Michael and Damien, he brought up the fact that he had never met Michael before.
They had met more than five times at this point. And even had a 10-minute conversation before so I don’t know what he was on.
He was mostly just upset that I wasn’t there anymore, and that Michael had never introduced himself, even though I was with him when he did the first time they ever met.
I’m wondering if maybe I was the jerk for leaving when he didn’t know I was going to, but I can’t see how that’s a possibility when the dogs were never alone, and he has established that he is okay with my brother and his partner watching his dogs.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This guy is just a bad human. You didn’t do anything wrong. Maybe your family should drop him as a client if he explodes in rage at people. What if you were alone and he exploded with rage? That could be scary.
He seems like a creep and a safety risk.” eefr
Another User Comments:
“The ick is all over this guy. It’s gross that he wants you and just you in his apartment, especially if he barges in before you expect him to be home.
It just doesn’t sit right. My first thought was, yeah, he didn’t want your brother and his partner under his roof. He wrapped it up as a revolving door, which could be seen that way… but again, doesn’t sit right. But you fulfilled your obligations.
You looked after the dog when it needed you, so to me, NTJ. If you haven’t, please share this with your mom just so she is aware.” BeMandalorTomad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This has nothing to do with you. If the guy was okay with other people watching his dog before, and he is not now, he should have discussed this with your mom.
You were all just trying to help keep his pets safe. If he is not okay with the arrangements, he can make demands, or take his business elsewhere. Similarly, you can all decide not to have him as a client. It’s a business arrangement and you should treat it like that, as long as the dog is fine, there is nothing to feel guilty about.” Slayerofdrums
17. AITJ For Defending A Store Worker And Asking My Partner To Stop Yelling?
“My partner and I went shopping this weekend. She ended up buying perfume from a store, after we left the store we realized the perfumes were completely overpriced vs online. We decided to go back to the store and get a refund.
When we got back to the store probably (2 mins after purchase) the employees had a bad attitude and repeatedly stated there is a no refund policy, and that we could exchange for something else.
This angered my partner, and she started yelling at the worker and the manager who both had attitude. My partner argued that it was unjust and since we just purchased 2 minutes ago they should take it back. The manager walked away, leaving the employee to talk with us.
My partner continued to get angry, yelling about how unfair their store was and how it was a scam.
My partner was yelling at the employees for about 5-10 minutes. Throughout I was asking her to stop, so I could talk to the employee and see if an exception could be made.
She ignored my comments asking her to stop yelling. After 10 mins, I yelled at her saying “Stop yelling at the employee, she didn’t do anything wrong” as she seemed to be a young entry-level worker with no authority to make any difference.
My partner then stopped yelling, I then tried to make an exchange but she demanded we just leave.
After leaving the store, my partner said she was embarrassed that I yelled at her, mad at me for defending the worker and that I should always be on her side even if I believed she was wrong.
Her rationale, I should not have taken the side of the worker, and should not have yelled at her.
My partner (as a customer) has a right to yell at the worker since she made the purchase and is unsatisfied.
My rationale, I wanted to stop the conflict as everybody was staring. I wanted to talk with the employee to find a solution respectfully.
I wanted to get a refund and get her out of the store as this was truly embarrassing to be part of.
My partner continued to argue with me that I was not on her side and took the side of the employee and that she could not trust me.
She states I did not act like a man but acted like a loser.
I’ve told my partner, that it’s not right to yell at workers, and in the end, they won’t want to help us if we are rude and angry.
I mentioned it’s completely immature to yell at them since we are adults (over 30 YO)
She has been threatening to end our relationship and says the only solution to solve this is to go back to the store and yell at the workers for disrespecting her.
I believe this is so immature that I was trying to stop the conflict and find a solution to a refund.
AITJ for “defending” worker and yelling at my partner to stop creating a scene?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Additionally, the way a person treats servers and customer service personnel is a huge tell of their personality.
To go off for so long on people with zero power to do anything for her is abusive behavior and a massive red flag for you to get out of that relationship. And that’s not counting the way she turned on you, which was extremely problematic in itself.
Get out while you can.” SunshineShoulders87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner’s expectations that you support her unconditionally *even if she’s wrong, berating others, embarrassing herself and you, etc.* are unreasonable and you aren’t a jerk for not being on board with that. It’s hilarious to me that her ‘solution’ is to go back long after this original in-store conflict to ‘yell at’ the workers for disrespecting her.
You are right that this is insanely immature, as well as ego-driven, vengeful, and simply not an acceptable way to treat another human being. She owes them an apology and you one as well. The fact of the matter is that she didn’t realize when making the purchase that they have a rigid return policy, and that’s not the store’s fault, it’s your partner’s.
People who think they should blow up at other people when they are the ones who messed up are… ugh unappealing to say the least. I would not want to be in a relationship with your partner after this event and the way it has transpired. Not once has she looked inwardly, expressed regret at her actions, or tried to make amends…she’s only double-downed on her poor judgment and willingness to treat others awfully, and her ridiculous expectations that you blindly support her in doing so.
This is a massive gift, OP – it’s incredibly valuable to be learning this about her now.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This was all your partner’s fault. She bought a product from a store with a rigid refund policy and it sounds like she assumed that by yelling and throwing a fit in the store, she was going to get her way.
NO! All she accomplished was in making herself look like a fool and embarrassing herself. How you treat retail workers and wait staff is very telling of personality and this is disgusting behavior. For your part, you were trying to diffuse the situation. She just assumed that you would take her side unconditionally.
Your partner was making a scene and you were trying to save as much face as possible given the situation. She is just angry because you also thought she was wrong in her behavior.” Ok-Guitar-6854
16. AITJ For Refusing To Help Friends Who Didn't Invite Me To Their Wedding?
“For about 11 years now, I’ve (37M) been pretty close with [let’s call him] John (38M).
We met at a job in my mid-20s and were pretty regular company up until recent times, wherwhen hanging out (including a circle of mutual friends) has taken a decline but isn’t extinct.
John and his partner [let’s call her] Jane (36F) have been together for about 8 years now, engaged for a little under 2 years, both with a child from previous relationships, so they have taken trips with their kids near-yearly, and I’ve been happy to help visit John’s (now their) home and check on things, take care of their animals, etc while they’re gone.
I’ve helped them out with other projects/tasks over the years and most recently picked up Jane from the airport returning from a work trip and got her home this past winter during a snowstorm because my vehicle could handle it. Generally, I have been present and helpful on top of our base friendship.
About 5 weeks ago, I found out from a mutual friend their wedding was coming up, and invites went out a while ago, everyone in our circle but I was invited. As a gay guy, I’ve experienced being iced out of some of my straight friends’ lives and events in ways minor and pronounced, but this one has been something that has had me thinking about my time and energy with people.
I decided I would take the hint and begin to distance myself.
Three days ago, John texted me asking if I would be around in early-to-mid August. I say I am. John asked if I wouldn’t mind visiting like I have before to look after the animals and property, I said “Sorry, I can’t.” He calls to talk about it.
We run through the same conversation, polite but a bit tense, so I finally say “I just won’t be visiting your home.” After a moment of silence, I bring up that I’m disappointed that I appear to be the only person in our group of friends not invited to his wedding and that I can’t be helping as I have before if I’m just a background friend at this point.
I wrap up the call positively and sincerely with me wishing them a good wedding and trip, and that maybe we can grab drinks soon.
Jane reached out two days ago sending follow-up texts saying John is upset about what I said and with her because she made the final calls about friend invites, and that I am taking this the wrong way, there is only so much capacity, and that the others in our friend group have partners that took up space.
She adds that she hopes I’ll change my mind and help out them out because it would put John’s mind at ease.
I’m not entitled to the company of others or invitations to anybody’s events, but am I wrong for setting my boundaries in response to theirs?
I try not to frame my friendships as transactional, but they want something out of me here despite their not inviting me and then avoiding even bringing it up with me until they needed help with covering their honeymoon.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re good enough to be their house sitter.
But sure, everyone else’s “plus one” took up all the slots. Right. And I have a bridge in Brooklyn for sale. We all know what Jane’s issue is. And we know John has zero backbone for going along with it. But don’t be surprised if an invite suddenly appears.
“Oh, look, someone dropped out and we do want you to come. You’re only on our D-list. Don’t forget the gift! And you can still watch the house now, right?” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had some (minor) feelings about being excluded from a coworker’s wedding and I’d barely have called her an acquaintance.
I cannot imagine how hurt you must be by your friends’ behavior. Not like it matters now I guess, but does Jane secretly hate you? And why did she tattle on herself and make it worse? “Oh it was me who decided you cannot come because our friends’ *partners* are more important than you.
But can you make *us* feel better about our crappy behavior and do our bidding anyway?”. What a twist of the knife.” right
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15. AITJ For Not Stopping To Help A Kid When My Grandma, A Nurse, Was Already There?
“I feel like I’m going to pull my hair out over this, so I thought I would post here to see your thoughts.
I live in a tiny Iñupiat town, and because I work remotely and live on the same property as my entire family, I sometimes like to go for drives around town to reset my brain.
The other day, I was returning home from one of my drives, when I saw a small crowd of people on the side of the road. I saw my Grandma Mary (Grammary)’s car parked near the scene, so I started to roll to a stop to make sure she was okay.
She was fine, but she was tending to one of the teenagers who lived in the nearby rez. He had fallen off his bike and he looked a bit dazed.
Grammary is a nurse practitioner, and she has treated men who have been disemboweled by bears without a sweat, so I was sure she had it under control.
Still, I rolled down my window and asked if she had everything she needed for the situation. She nodded and waved for me to move along. There were about 15 people there already, and I’m sure she had enough to worry about, so I didn’t hesitate to obey.
After this, I went to my mom’s house to help them with work. I was in one of the offices when I heard the door of the parlor open and a male voice. I assumed it was one of the new security guards my PawPaw hired until I began to hear my name.
I stepped into the lobby and saw the uncle of the kid who was injured—I’ll call him Jay. He was pointing a finger at my mother, Aga. As soon as he saw me, he shook his head looked me up, and told me I was a stuck-up jerk.
I could tell Aga was ready to pummel the dude, so I quickly asked if everything was okay. I’m sure he was scared for his nephew, so I didn’t want to write him off.
Jay told me that I was a monster because I just “rolled right by” a kid in need. I asked him what I should have done.
Grammary was there and she had plenty of help. He didn’t give me an answer. He just said that I was the only person who didn’t stop.
Aga quickly stepped in and told Jay to leave.
My family has been telling me not to worry about it.
Grammary came over after her work was done and she seemed to be aware of Jay’s sentiments before we told her about everything, but she didn’t elaborate. She just rolled her eyes and assured me that she would have forced me to get back in the car if I had tried to help.
There were “too many chiefs” as it was. I guess I should feel better, but I still feel guilty. Should I have stopped?
I know I’m missing context, but 3000 characters isn’t a lot.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, go on the attack. Remind folks that you stopped and checked with an ELDER and your ELDER told you that you weren’t needed. Since you trusted your ELDER and believed she had the situation handled, you left AS INSTRUCTED. It feels kinda bad to be recommending you go on the attack here, but if folks are going to be talking about this, it’s a lot better that they have your name in their mouths as someone who is a respectful, kind, and helpful person.
Leaning on Grammary’s name and reputation should be pretty helpful. It’d be different if you positioned it as “Oh that useless Jay, he’s just blah blah blah.” But making it a good thing and about Grammary more than you. “Oh as soon as I saw Grammary I wasn’t worried anymore, and when I asked if she needed help she of course had it handled, so I went home like she told me, I’m so glad she’s part of my life!” Blech.
Small-town life. Better than big city, tho..” Wiregeek
14. AITJ For Refusing To Move Into My Parents' Basement Despite Financial Struggles?
“I am 22M going on 23, in my 5th year of my undergrad, and my family likes to do long vacations every summer in their camper. They were traveling all summer and we met up with them, and from the moment we met up with them my dad especially has not talked to me or been very nice towards me.
He had his share of stuff that happened on the trip with his truck which is what I initially thought the issue was.
After a few nights, my mom brought up how they wanted to renovate their basement into a 1 bedroom apartment, partly so I could move in without rent, partly to raise the value of their house.
This year I had many problems with apartments, having to move 3 times because of roommates, ex-partners, and/or landlord issues, which led to my parents trying to convince me it would be best for me to move into their basement. With my financial issues, they pitched it as a way for me to save money and stress.
My brother has been following every piece of advice they give him and he is favored because of this, on top of his major being one that will start higher than I will probably ever end up with (I’m going to be a music teacher).
I also had gotten caught smoking a few years ago which I still do and don’t tell them, but I feel like if I tell them anything about my life it immediately is followed by advice I didn’t ask for or an opinion I didn’t ask for.
I told my family I didn’t want to move into their basement because of the amount of fighting that happens whenever we live together, on top of my wanting to live independently as I feel like I’ve always been reliant on my parents and in their shadows (my dad was my high school science teacher so I never felt like I was able to fully define who I was in school because of that, another major issue we had back in the day).
Long story short, now my parents think I’m being stupid for not doing the more financially smart thing and moving back in with them when I have a full-time job as a manager of a restaurant on top of going to school. It’s stressful but not as bad for my mental health as me living with them full-time.
I’m in a bit of credit card debt but nothing a few months of work couldn’t fix. Now I just feel like no matter what I say to them I will be the jerk of the family for not taking their charity when I just want to live my own life and figure out who I am outside of them.
They still do things like track my phone refuse to let me have my bank account, and are still trying to pay for my school, but I feel like no matter what I do from here I will be the jerk if I don’t follow their advice”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’m struggling to understand something. If you are living on your own and paying your bills, why are you letting them run your life? And they can put in an apartment and “raise the value of their house” without you living there.
Unless you’re expected to pay for this renovation. Per your other comments, what are you paying them for anyway? My advice: Take 360 off your phone, now. Open your account today and transfer all your money to it. Just because your parents SAY you can’t transfer money to them doesn’t make it so.” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re a 22-year-old man with a full-time job and your parents won’t “let” you have your bank account? Maybe there are some missing reasons why they are (or at least want to be) so controlling of you. They’re not offering you charity, OP, they’re offering to figuratively chain you up in their basement for your benefit whether you need it or not.
Hard decision. You could save up enough money in a year to move hundreds of miles away for a job after you graduate. But if you get a local job, don’t be surprised if they demand you live in the basement till your own kids graduate college.” NanaLeonie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but my dude, you are an adult. Get your phone plan. Open your bank account at a different bank, then walk into your current bank and close that account. If you can’t without their signatures, then withdraw all but the minimum.
Direct deposit into YOUR SOLO account. They don’t get to ‘not allow’ you anything anymore. Start acting like an adult if you want to be treated like an adult.” No-Locksmith-8590
13. AITJ For Not Inviting My Husband's Friend's Wife Thrifting With Me?
“Recently a group of us went on a trip, fake names for clarity.
The group consisted of my husband, Nathan (29M), myself (27F), my husband’s best friend, Lenny (29M), Lenny’s wife, Kassie(25F), and 2 of Lenny’s male friends (22M and 31M).
Lenny and Nathan have been best friends since grade school and talk weekly. Kassie and I are “friends” by association and talk maybe 1-2x per year.
Not close, but we get along fine. The guys golfed every morning on the trip, leaving Kassie and I to entertain ourselves. We did brunch in the mornings and hung out by the pool in the afternoons. When asked if there was anything Kassie was interested in doing on the trip she said no, just wanting to enjoy the pool.
Noted!
Events that led to my decision:
1) Miniature golf was a scheduled group activity. Mind you it’s outdoors in Arizona in July. I said that I would not be participating due to having my baby and not wanting the baby in the heat for hours.
I went with the group to the mini golf location and mentioned I might pop over to Target next door for the AC until they were finished, then we would have dinner as planned. Kassie, who already paid for mini golf and was heading to the 1st hole overheard and said “If you go, come find me and I can go too”.
I’ll admit that I was looking forward to just browsing and recharging my social battery with just my baby and me. After her comment, I decided not to go to Target. I realized Kassie is the person who will say yes to anything, even if she isn’t truly interested.
2) After brunch on the morning of, I asked if she wanted to the mall, and she said yes. We arrive and I notice she didn’t look around, but instead hovered. I asked if she wanted to shop at any store in particular, and she said no and continued to stand next to me while I browsed. I felt bad for suggesting this idea when she wasn’t into it, and we went home shortly after.
The AITJ situation happened near the end of the trip. The group was lounging in the pool and I briefly mentioned that I wanted to go thrifting. My husband confirmed keeping the baby. While I was getting dressed he texted and asked if I invited her, I said “No, I kinda want time to myself” and that was it.
I headed out and came back 2hrs later to an angry mob. Kassie commented on how she “must have missed her invite”. I asked if she enjoyed thrifting, and she said “No, but I still would have gone”. I mentioned that I would have felt bad making her wait for me to do something that I enjoy, but she does not.
She continued to push and was offended, even announcing that she told Lenny “I’m getting madder the longer she’s gone”.
I’ll admit that I purposely did not extend the invite given the recent mall experience and knowing she would have said “yes” to going thrifting.
To sum it up, I took heat from the group the rest of the evening about how I was wrong for not inviting her, and it wasn’t about whether or not she enjoyed thrifting, it was the principle of not inviting her. My spouse said I should have let her know my plan, but informed her I wanted alone time.
Could I have done this? Yes, but I didn’t feel the need to explain myself, and from what I know about Kassie I don’t think it would have been received well.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The jerks are the 4 men, including your husband, who intentionally participate in activities that exclude both you and Kassie and insist both of you entertain each other.
Nonsense. Tell them to go bang wall and forget about joining such trips in the future if they are going to behave like babies” dasher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kassie is Lenny’s partner so, if anything, it’s his job to entertain her and do things with her.
You’re not her babysitter just because you’re the only other woman. Plus, she’s rude for expecting an invite just because you were doing something. You’re an autonomous adult and are allowed to do things on your own. And why did you come back to an angry mob?
Why wasn’t your husband defending you and shutting everyone down? And if he couldn’t, why didn’t he have you meet him and the baby somewhere away from *his* unreasonable friends?” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m an introvert who works a very social job and has a very extroverted family that likes to do everything together whenever we gather.
I’ve learned a phrase that will save you anguish… “Hey guys, I’m just going to pop out for a bit. I need a bit of me time. Just going to run to the store. I’ll be back in an hour or two. Do you need anything while I’m out?
Text me if you think of anything.” It’s clear. It’s concise. And by offering to bring anything back (general courtesy, IMO) you also help allay concerns that you are stepping out because you’re mad at someone. Now, if you have a person who is clingy and annoying it might still not land well.
But you can honestly say you handled it by communicating clearly. You can’t control the reactions of other people. You just have to make sure your communication is on point.” AudDMurphy
12. AITJ For Shortening Our Camping Trip Because I Need To Get Ready For Work?
“I’ve never been camping, I’m severely allergic to mosquitos, have stomach problems and I just generally like being within the comfort of my house.
My (29F) partner (24M) grew up camping, is an outdoors person, and loves to camp but doesn’t get to do it often. Both our birthdays are coming up next week and since we’re long distance, we planned to meet in his city, I asked what he wants to do for his birthday and he said camping so we’re going camping.
As someone who’s not that experienced, I assumed we would do like 2 nights camping and then hang out at a hotel or Airbnb for the rest of my 5-day visit but found out that he wanted me to leave from the airport straight to the campsite and then straight from the campsite back to the airport onto a 5-hour flight.
I will be there from Wednesday to Sunday. I asked if we could maybe spend Saturday night at a hotel so I could shower and have a good night’s sleep before my flight on Sunday as my flight will be arriving back to my city at midnight Sunday (Monday morning) and I have to be at work at 8 am so considering the hour drive from the airport to my place + showering + getting ready for bed. I won’t be going to sleep until 3 am.
I’m also assuming that after a week of sleeping in a tent, I’d be exhausted so I just want to sleep a little before my flight and shower and freshen up but he said that it would be pointless to spend a night at a hotel.
I said in that case I’m going to leave Saturday night so I have all day on Sunday to unwind after our week-long camping trip, that hit a nerve and he said the whole trip would be pointless, I explained my point of view and he said what’s the point of taking time off work on Wednesday Thursday and Friday if we’re not gonna even use Sunday which is already a weekend.
I told him I didn’t want to arrive at midnight and end up in bed at 3 because I’d be exhausted all day on Monday, and he wouldn’t compromise. I went ahead and booked my flight back Saturday night anyway. Now he’s acting off, doesn’t seem excited to see me, giving me attitude and just overall acting like I ruined our trip.
It is also my birthday and I would’ve rather done something other than camping but I’m doing it since that’s what he wants for his birthday and I still feel like I’m not doing enough because I’m not ok with coming home too late on Sunday and spending 4 days there instead of 5.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… seems pretty ridiculous to me. He loves to camp. That’s all well and good. And it’s fair for his birthday he’d like to do that. But … for my birthday I can’t imagine forcing people to do an activity they don’t like for 5 freaking days. Especially one that will exacerbate health issues. Let’s say I loved bowling and my SO was very much not a fan. On my birthday that we could play for an afternoon is perfectly reasonable. But it’s not ok for me to make my SO play for 5 days… while sleeping in the bowling alley, and she’s allergic to the resin that stops your fingers from sticking in the ball holes. I’m not even thinking about the whole airport business. Again… your partner is being utterly ridiculous. A whining little boy. Who wants to make people do stuff they hate for 5 days just because it’s his birthday?
you are a better person than me for putting up with him” SoImaRedditUserNow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I want to draw your attention to one aspect of the story here. You ask to spend the last night in a hotel for a collection of very good reasons (i.e. your need to get a decent night’s sleep before work).
He dismisses this as “pointless”. He’s communicating pretty clearly here that your needs are without value to him. He wants a trip that is for both of you (and both of your birthdays) to entirely revolve around what he wants, regardless of what you want.
He refuses to compromise even the tiniest bit. And when you set a reasonable boundary and stick to it, he punishes you by sulking. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who behaves this way? Keep in mind that, in a long-distance relationship, people are inclined to only see the best parts of their significant other, because the time together is so focused on the relationship it’s easier to hide your less-ideal qualities.
*This* is his best-behaviour super-excited about OP coming to visit, birthday fun-time self.” minute
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s YOUR birthday that week too, and it doesn’t sound like he even considered (or asked) what you want to do for your birthday. You graciously agreed to go camping even though you don’t anticipate enjoying it (and he knows you’ve never been and are allergic to mosquitoes and have stomach issues), so I think it stands to reason that he should be willing to compromise and stay in a hotel for a day or two and do a few things of your choosing in honor of your birthday and what *you* feel is a vacation.” fallingintopolkadots
11. AITJ For Refusing My Father's Offer To Move Into His House?
“So my husband and I recently had a baby. We’ve been together for over 10 years. We have our apartment, it’s a little small so we do eventually want to upgrade.
My dad lives alone in a 3-bedroom house which is fully paid off. He’s semi-retired, retired early, and has a really good pension but still works part-time.
He’s also a narcissistic functioning heavy drinker. I have had a long history of issues with him and if it wasn’t for wanting a nicer place for the baby I wouldn’t even be considering this.
He would love nothing more than to spend his days drinking and watching Netflix, but he has to work a bit still because his pension doesn’t cover all his bills. Just two months ago he was in the ICU for booze poisoning.
Anyway, when my baby was born he offered to let us move in so we would have more room and be able to have more money for the baby.
He said we would take the top floor and he would have the basement (with a kitchenette and bathroom). He said all he would want from us is to pay the utilities.
I thought this was a way for him to reach out for help.
If we lived there then he would be able to see us and his grandbaby more often and maybe he wouldn’t be so lonely and drink so much. Well fast forward to now, we discussed it more in depth and he wants to do $30k worth of renos to the basement before we move in, which he wants us to pay for in monthly payments once we move in which… ok fine fair enough.
Then he says he wants to stop working once we move in and in 2 or 3 years he ‘may’ decide he wants to ‘do something with his life’ like travel the world and take out $30-$40k against the house to do so, at which point he would ‘have to’ start charging us rent (amount unknown) to pay for that loan…
Am I nuts or does it sound like he wants us to fund his retirement and drinking? The whole point of us moving in was we would save money, now we’re going to be back to paying what we are in rent now, stuck in a house that we have no equity in which he could sell at any point.
I told him off because this is not how he first offered it to us, and he got upset and started screaming at me like he has since I was a kid. As if he offered us this great thing and we just ruined it.
I mean, if I was in his position and my kid was in my position with rent/house prices the way they are I wouldn’t be charging them rent on top of utilities, the house is paid for! It’s not like he would be supporting us whatsoever, we would be buying our groceries, driving our car, both working FT, etc.
So AITJ for refusing this great offer?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You wouldn’t be a jerk for refusing any offer, but you can see already that this has moved a long way away from being a great one. And that’s before you moved in, yes?
So this is him presenting his best face to get you to agree? Even if it saved you money, which it does not sound like it will, raising your baby in the house with a narcissistic heavy drinker is not a good plan for your family.
If the choice is money or peace, choose peace.” EsmeWeatherwax7a
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for several reasons, most of which you stated. You would pay for his renovations, then have no equity in a house that he could sell right from under you. And do you want a child around an adult who’s drinking enough that he needs to stay in hospital?” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What a “great offer!” You get a place to live for thousands and thousands of dollars whilst living with a narcissistic heavy drinker! Are you sure you want to turn that down? Listen to your inner voice telling you to decline.
He’s just angry because you didn’t fall for it. Plenty of people raise their families in small apartments or houses. Do you have a roof over your head, food to eat, and utilities covered? You’re good. Save money towards getting a bigger place. Keep to a tight budget and in time, you can do it.
Congratulations on your beautiful baby!” LoveBeach8
10. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Stop Criticizing Strangers Loudly And Ruining Family Events?
“I’m 22 and live with my parents after graduating college in May. I moved back in to save money while starting my new job. My relationship with my mom has always been challenging.
She’s been strict, distrusting, and emotionally volatile. I’m constantly trying to please her, and she’s never one to apologize or take accountability.
Last night, we went out for my parents’ wedding anniversary. Everything was fine until my mom started loudly talking negatively about a man in designer clothing on a nearby yacht.
I mentioned that I knew him because he often visited the restaurant where I worked and was very generous with tips. Embarrassed, I quietly asked her to tone it down. She got defensive, called me names, and said I ruined her anniversary. She started crying, said she never wanted to speak to me again, and stormed off, taking the car keys and the card we were using to pay.
My dad had to go after her to get the keys and card. She then said she’d take the train home because he didn’t “defend her.”
My dad is calm and collected, which often makes her angrier. After my mom left, we all cried at the table.
I expressed my love and appreciation for my dad, who was touched as nobody had ever told him that before. My mom stayed at my aunt’s house and hasn’t come home yet. She canceled a trip we had planned to visit my sister because she didn’t want to be alone with me.
We haven’t spoken since.
A similar event happened with my sister a month ago. My mom loudly criticized an employee at a store where my sister works (but at a different location). My sister, who just got promoted, asked her to keep it down. My mom stormed out and didn’t talk to her for days.
The employee reported my sister to headquarters for “acting suspicious” because she was crying. My mom didn’t apologize.
When we got home from dinner, my dad and I went for a walk, and I ended up throwing up from the stress. I haven’t stopped crying since.
My dad suggested family therapy. I’ve been in therapy for years for depression, anxiety, PTSD, and grief. I’ve recommended therapy to my mom many times, especially after a tragic loss, but she says she doesn’t need it.
I told my dad it sucks being in this situation.
I’m the one doing the work in therapy to try to communicate better and have better relationships. As a 22-year-old, I should be the immature one, but my mom, in her 50s, is running away and verbally abusing everyone. I feel like the jerk, but I don’t know if it’s the years of gaslighting from her speaking.
I don’t know how to proceed, especially since I’m living under my parents’ roof until I can save enough to pay off my student loans and rent an apartment. She told me she never wanted to speak to me again, and I respected her wishes (mostly out of pettiness) by not speaking to her.
I won’t have a conversation with her until she apologizes. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, some people thrive on drama and create these drama cyclones around themselves to fulfill that craving. Your mom is one of these people. There is no changing her.
Google gray rock communication and use that until you can move out.” Momjamoms
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is acting like a petulant child. You probably didn’t like what she was saying, regardless of the volume. She’s got some narcissistic tendencies and sees the world through only her eyes.
Keep your distance, emotionally. Even after she issues some kind of half-hearted apology.” National_Pension_110
Another User Comments:
“Your mother is a textbook narcissist and mine often used the silent treatment as punishment for my sister and me. You did nothing wrong. Your mother insisted on behaving like a child. I promise you she’ll get bored and move on to bug someone else with her toxicity.
I’d also start saving money to move out when you can. You don’t need this.” princesstoadstool3
9. AITJ For Accusing My Friend Of Being Ableist After Being Excluded From A Party?
“The situation happened between myself and a friend (Lana), both 16, a month ago. For contextual purposes, I have ADHD.
We were planning on going to prom and planned to meet at Lana’s house before hanging out with some other friends.
Lana finds out that there is an after-party hosted by guys on the football team. Lana asks if we would like to go. I say yes. Lana says that I was not invited, explaining that the football guys took issue with me specifically.
ADHD comes with rejection-sensitive dysphoria and emotional dysregulation; I take rejections pretty hard and have always known that the emotions I feel are more intense.
I deal with this by venting, talking out the reasoning and just letting myself feel all the emotions to then find a logical way of dealing with them.
I express my frustration in the group chat as a way to feel my emotions. e.g. “I’ve done their part in a group project for them and this is how they return the favor.”
Lana says I shouldn’t take this personally. I told her that I understood but I didn’t want to shove down my emotions. This exchange happens a few more times.
Lana: the fact that you are having this intense of an emotion towards anything should speak volumes.
I respond by saying that “telling a neurodivergent person their emotions are too much and ‘speaks volumes’ is so insensitive” especially when I have a disorder that affects how I experience emotions more intensely.
Lana: all u have done is call me ableist, which is a gross insult to who I am and what I believe and you use it to win a petty argument which I didn’t want it to become is disgusting.
You jumping to the conclusion and using being an ableist as a way to shame me is, again, frankly disgusting. After this convo, I’m not comfortable with you being in my home.
If it’s not apparent, this conflict is not about the after-party.
I privately message Lana telling her I would respect not going to her house and asking if we could meet up at lunch to sort out this misunderstanding. She conveniently leaves school at lunch and says “We can talk another time” without any follow-up.
I’ve only ever felt this invalidated by my parents.
Not having any other friends from school to talk to, I irrationally posted the definition of the term “abled fragility” on my story. I know this was a bad move.
Lana blocked me on every platform after.
Our high school is only 150 people and Lana has already spread this around despite this being a personal conflict.
I can’t afford not to have friends at a school so small. Many don’t talk to me anymore and I’ve been excluded by our friend group. They fear we will fight… Lana and I have not made eye contact for a month.
I’ve kept my silence on this ordeal. I wanted to apologize for being rash and ranting when but Lana spreading this personal conflict between us to others is what hurt me and made me change my mind. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Mild YTJ. Having a disability doesn’t excuse word vomit or emotional vomit. Other people are not responsible for your emotions. You are. You are allowing this to define you. Heck. You’re shouting from the rooftops that it defines you. Everyone has challenges. Everyone.
You owe an apology.” trishsf
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ – It’s a good idea to find a way to deal with your emotions, but venting to people who haven’t okayed it isn’t one. It sounds like you do this regularly and that you don’t ask your friends if they’re in a place to deal with your venting before you do it.
Then when you’re told that they aren’t comfortable with it, you bring up your ADHD and take the drama to social media. I don’t blame your friend for blocking you – and you say you’re upset that she spread it around school, but didn’t you also spread it around by posting about it?” darkling-dawns
Another User Comments:
“Personally if you weren’t invited I don’t understand why she announced this to everyone including you. She could have just as easily excluded you from this conversation. At the end of the day though you aren’t entitled to be at events you aren’t invited to.
If you haven’t already I suggest you get into some therapy or something to help you cope, because while you may not have a lot of control over how you feel, if your response to everything is like this I could see folks just being exhausted of you.
It kind of sounds like you’re allowing your illness or whatever to be your identity which isn’t good. ” 5GofProtein
8. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister's Partner For Body-Shaming A Plus-Sized Woman?
“I (23F) recently “popped off” on my sister’s (21F) partner (22M) and all chaos broke loose. The three of us were all in an Instagram group chat along with her partner’s brother. Her partner constantly sent “edgy” memes, rage-bait, and cringe-bait, all of which I could deal with easily.
The posts themselves weren’t an issue to me, but what he was saying about them became problematic in my eyes.
He started sending more and more cringe-worthy content centered around lesbian women. All three of us are bisexual, and he is well aware of my sister and I’s s*******y.
The butch lesbian cringe-bait content he sent in the group chat was fine, some of it was even funny. However, what was NOT funny were his reactions to the posts he was sending in the group chat. The specific instance that sent me over the edge was a completely normal post made by a plus-sized butch lesbian.
She was doing a casual date night outfit check as a plus-sized, butch lesbian. It wasn’t cringe-bait, it wasn’t rage bait. It was just innocent Instagram content. When he sent this post to the group chat he sent it along with puking emojis, laughing emojis, etc. I responded to his message saying he’s just being homophobic at this point.
My sister responded saying “She ate” as in ‘her outfit looks good and she’s just doing her thing.’ My sister’s partner then saw the opportunity to comment on the woman’s weight and said something along the lines of “Yeah, she ATE.”
This is what sent me over the edge.
My sister’s partner is by no means the picture of health and fitness. He would likely be considered plus-sized and has been much heavier in his life than he even is now. The woman in the video was referring to herself as plus-sized already, but she was nowhere near obese or problematically overweight.
Her body looked like any other average, relatively overweight American’s body. Her body looked like my sister’s partner’s body. When I say this, I’m not joking. At all. Their bodies looked nearly identical. This, along with the fact that he was finding any excuse to make fun of some random innocent queer woman TO TWO QUEER WOMEN, pushed me past my breaking point.
So I told him something along the lines of “How are you going to say something like this when I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between you if y’all were turned around.”
Needless to say, this didn’t go over well. He then went on to attack me for the shape of my body and for my appearance, NEITHER of which are things I did to him.
In my eyes, I never body-shamed him. I never said he was fat or criticized his body in any way. What I did was point out to him that he was making fun of someone who was in the same boat he was.
Now it’s all a mess, there’s a lot of strain on my sister and I’s relationship because of this whole thing and they seem to be flipping it all on me to satisfy their need for me to be the villain.
So… am I the villain? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I always sigh at people who don’t even casually call out, keep enabling, and never comment on someone being offensive until it gets personal to them. You do realize that you create a safe space for this person where they honestly think you’re fine with all this and think you agree and thus won’t think you’re that serious when you do confront them because “you’ve all been in on this” and don’t understand that they’re the only one enjoying it since everyone acts like it’s fine until it’s not.
There’s a silent agreement that this behavior is fine and accepted when you brush it off and never say anything. Good thing you did though!” Plane-Trifle3608
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. None of the people in the story seem reasonable. If you’re tired of the bad jokes, tell them to stop or go away.
If they cannot stop being jerks, then you’ll have to figure out something else like leaving the chat group. They are not having conversations you want to take part in. This type of confrontation is just drama for the sake of drama, I’d say everyone in the story is immature and acting like a jerk in their way.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This is the sort of mess to be expected from 15-year-olds. The partner and bro are being jerks and making fun of a heavy person. Even if they’re not in great shape it’s a bad thing to do (though self-deprecating jokes have more leeway).
You’re being a jerk and relating this to your s*******y for some reason. Also you “don’t see” how you attacked him over his body and appearance? By likening him to a person he was mocking him for his body and appearance? You’re either lying or stupid in that case.
Long story short, someone was being a jerk and mocking heavy people. So instead of being mature and just saying you don’t find it funny and think it’s all a bit lame you exploded and caused a mess. Everyone involved needs to grow up. You’re in your 20s.
You’re functioning adults capable of living on your own and dealing with the world independently. If this is how you always deal with conflict resolution, I dread to think about what’s in store for your future.” BobR969
7. AITJ For Sending A Video That Led To A Wedding Cancellation?
“My uncle Jay (28M) is marrying Mel (26F). She’s shy so she never wanted a big wedding where she has to walk down the aisle etc. She wants to elope with just him and her and also have a traditional wedding in her country.
He’s completely cool with doing things how she wants it.
But Jay’s mom, Amanda, wants the typical wedding. Mel conceded that she was okay with having an additional third wedding where Amanda could do all the planning and Mel would veto anything she didn’t like.
Cost-wise, it’s no issue because the other two weddings are essentially free.
The problem started when Amanda was showing Mel the bridesmaid list. There were going to be 7 bridesmaids, and one of them was Jay’s cousin Leti (27F). Leti has been nothing but rude to Mel since the day they met.
She constantly makes little digs at her, talks poorly about her, and overall makes it clear that she does not like her.
So Mel immediately vetoed it. Leti was in the room sitting with them during the veto and threw a fit, talking about how Mel is always rude to her.
I can vouch for Mel and say that she never chooses to interact with Leti in any way shape/form. What she does do is whenever Leti makes a snide comment, she makes a direct comment back in response. So to an outsider, it might seem like Mel is being hostile but to everyone in the family, it’s a roll-your-eyes moment where we know Leti is the jerk, and Mel just isn’t taking it.
Leti tried to claim that Mel has been holding a grudge based on the first week of their meeting, but then Mel pulled out a video (that I sent her:/) of Leti talking poorly about her just a couple of days ago. In it, Leti calls her a mean person and says stuff like she’s not even that pretty, etc).
Amanda sees this and immediately starts minimizing it saying oh she didn’t mean that and so on.
At this point, I think Mel has had enough because everyone in the family knows how Leti acts towards her, but they never take it seriously. They only slightly tell Leti off and are always trying to convince Mel to not take it to heart.
So Mel says that she’s sorry but the wedding is off. She’s still going to marry Jay in the other two originally planned ways, but she’s not going to do Amanda’s version anymore. She says this all nicely (as always) but Amanda is now crying, Leti’s screaming at everyone, and other family members are saying that Mel should learn how to take a joke.
Days later, I said I was the one who sent Mel the video and now a couple of family members are mad at me for getting involved. Was I the jerk here? Leti won’t talk to me because I’m a “snitch” but I don’t even like her anyway.
I’m just upset that I indirectly caused Amanda to be upset.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Granted, the title is slightly misleading, but in an unexpected twist/funny way. I love that they’re still getting married on their terms without extra stuff they didn’t want anyway.
It was the right thing to do to send Mel the video. And it was the right thing to do to announce/acknowledge that you’re the one that sent it. Kudos to you for owning the fact you sent the video to Mel!” SomeKindofName42
Another User Comments:
“Ntj but I see where Leti gets her dramatic behavior from. The whole family is the same way. If I were me, I’d stay as far away and little contact as possible. The whole Amanda forces Mel to have a wedding when she doesn’t want one and then demands Leti who bullies her to be a bridesmaid and then everyone else throws a fit because Leti didn’t get her way.
Why does she even want to be a bridesmaid to someone she hates? Oh, because it’s about Leti’s time to shine. Does anyone not care about the actual bride? Weird how weddings always make people think it’s about themselves and not the actual bride and groom.
Bunches of jerks” cx4444
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Amanda deserves to be upset, she, along with everyone else in the family, is discounting Mel’s feelings. Mel is, unfortunately, going to have to put down the boundaries right away with this crew, cause they all sound awful, except for you who took the video evidence.
Also, can I just add how ballsy I feel it is that Amanda is demanding a traditional wedding when the bride and groom don’t want that.? She sounds like a complete narcissist: like she knows the wedding is about the bride and groom and not her right?” M312345
6. AITJ For Defending My Friend Against My Parents' Unfair Rent Increase?
“My childhood friend (25M) has been renting one of my parents’ (54F, 55M) apartments for almost 2 years now. They have one apartment in our hometown where they and my younger brother lived, and one in the capital city, where I’ve (27F) been living for 7 years during and after college, and I paid rent to my parents (this isn’t their main income, they are business owners).
My friend had been living in our hometown, but due to some events (that I can’t say here directly) that led to our hometown being half-destroyed, he had to flee. I moved in with my partner (renting too), so I proposed to my friend to move into my parent’s apartment in the capital since he doesn’t have any family here and doesn’t have another place to live.
My family fled and lived abroad with our relatives (for free), so I thought it wouldn’t be an inconvenience for anyone if I helped a friend out. My parents knew him well, so they agreed.
Initially, I wanted him to live there for free, but he offered to pay rent.
We agreed he would cover the utility bills and pay whatever rent he could afford. My parents were fine with this.
1.5 years later, my parents decided to get back in the country and move to the capital to live. They didn’t want their apartment back, because they found a bigger option.
Their old friend left the country and wasn’t planning on coming back, so he proposed to them to live in his apartment for free.
After half a year, my parents’ money was running low, cause they hadn’t been working for 2 years at that point. Despite that, they decided to renovate the apartment to then increase the rent price for my friend and also asked him to find another place to live temporarily while they made renovations.
Two weeks ago, my friend found another place, which he paid a non-refundable advance for. My parents knew that.
Yesterday, my mother told me that she is preparing for cataract surgery and that they won’t be doing apartment renovations, but they still want to increase the rent price.
I suggested they at least not overcharge my friend for the 2 months he would be living elsewhere since it was short notice and he wouldn’t get the money back. She replied that she agreed to 1 month only and that it was not her problem. I told her that it was unfair that they backtracked on their plans at the last moment and that it was not my friend’s fault that they were having financial troubles.
I guess that triggered her, because she became extremely angry and told me to get my friend out of the apartment immediately and that he wouldn’t be living there anymore. Then she told me that if I only cared about other people and not her, she wouldn’t be doing the surgery anymore, so they could at least save some money that way.
After our argument, my father texted me that I should apologize, because my mother canceled the surgery because of me. That upset me because I do care and I want her to get better, but I’m not sure I’m wrong here.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with YTJ.
This is your friend, and you are trying to help him out, but you are doing that not by making personal sacrifices, but instead by having your parents fund it. Your parents can determine what is fair for your friend, if rent is cheaper for him somewhere else he can move, if it’s not cheaper then your parents are being kind to him by giving him a deal. Stop acting like you are more knowledgeable about your parent’s finances than they are.
If you want to help your friend how about you give him some money each month, or give money to your parents to give him a rent discount. Stop giving away their stuff for your friend.” Past_Ad5967
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk here.
The way you just sort of informed your parents that your friend would now be living in the apartment that they owned was kind of jerkish. The way you write it, it sounds like you made agreements with the friend first before just sort of informing your parents that’s what would be happening and then they were ‘okay’ with it because it had already been decided. I’m not sure about your location so obviously I have no idea about your laws or anything but is there some sort of rental agreement or anything of the sort with the friend?
Is it legal for your parents to just give him the boot? It’s crappy for them to make him leave, saying that they’re going to renovate and then not doing that at all. Depending on what the friend is paying and the normal prices in the area for similar places, it might not be too bad for your parents to raise rent. As for doing the whole “you don’t love me so I’ll just suffer” BS, yes, that is emotional manipulation and makes your mom the jerk too.
Your dad is only slightly so for wanting you to apologize. The only person that seems free of judgment here is the friend.” Beneficial_Local1012
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if I’m understanding the situation. What I’m hearing is that your parents told your friend that their apartment would be unavailable for two months, so your friend responsibly found and finalized a temporary non-refundable lease with all the associated costs.
Now your parents are NOT doing anything with the apartment, but don’t want it to be vacant, so are trying to get your friend to pay for BOTH apartments for two months, or else permanently lose that apartment. And they’re raising the price arbitrarily at the same time.
That’s so unfair to your friend. If your parents want a stable income they have to be more organized than this. And your mom canceling her surgery to make you feel bad is just straight-up manipulative and abusive.” HelloHelloBakaHello
5. AITJ For Telling My Friend She's Ugly After She Insulted My Appearance?
“I have a friend who’s obsessed with beauty, by which I mean bone structures, lip width, and other anatomical stuff.
She spends a lot of time on those weird groups where they analyze celebrities’ f****l features (they think that most are mid lol). Anyway, it’s weird, but I don’t mind that. I mean, I read Simpsons fan theories and look for clues when watching the show later.
My point is that some people have strange obsessions, and it’s ok as long as they’re healthy.
Sadly, her obsession isn’t healthy, in my opinion. Sometimes, when we hung out, she would bring her cousin, who’s objectively pretty. She got a modeling offer without even stepping into a modeling agency.
She’s nice, so I didn’t mind, but then my friend started comparing us, which is super random. I mean, she’s skinny, has dark blonde hair and blue eyes, and I’m overweight, with black, curly hair, and overall, we are opposite. So my friend would tell her cousin how pretty she is and how she’s jealous of her getting this modeling contract.
She was talking about how beautiful her body is and would ask me to confirm, for example: “Her face structure is superb! Do you agree? No wonder she’s a model, right?’ I mean, she is pretty, but like, who cares? I don’t know I just don’t get why it’s important.
Now that’s the part where I got angry. She would also often say things to me like “Your face is so fat” or “Your nose is weird”. Well, you get it. But once she said that I look like a “used” 30-year-old (which is old according to her)”.
“Used?” I asked. And she said “Yeah you look like a 30-year-old woman who drinks and sleeps around a lot. You know…used. I can’t believe you’re so modest and don’t drink. It doesn’t look like that at all ” Then she laughed super loudly like it was a really funny joke.
Now this kind of thing happened a few times but it was way less extreme.
This time it was not only unhinged but also in front of a group of people most of which are her coworkers and her cousin. Now that’s where I might have crossed the line.
I said she might be analysing all of those faces but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s ugly. She looks like a sad horse and to change that she would need plastic surgery. Lots of it. At least I can improve my face with makeup.
She can’t. Honestly, I felt guilty immediately. And some of the people in the group later said I should’ve let her have it because she’s just “some girl from a village who doesn’t always know boundaries “. I mean I get that but it’s time to learn those boundaries because being this clueless is crazy.
It’s not being “Brutally Honest” it’s just being “Brutal”. I know that she’s the jerk but Am I? Maybe I shouldn’t get on her level and be the bigger person?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were harsh, but it was necessary. Her comment was cruel and bullying.
And she didn’t learn earlier because none of her friends or colleagues ever called her out on her escalating rudeness. Indeed, a calm, questioning response (“Why do you do that?”) can be even more effective, but we are socially trained to not respond to smaller slights which causes resentment to build up until we explode, so you get a pass from me.” Curious-One4595
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here- but you knew that would be the answer. You claim she’s your friend, but why? At some point, you can’t say she’s clueless but turn around and keep such an ugly human being (inside and out it would seem) around as your friend.
If someone makes you a worse version of yourself (and this post I’m sure isn’t your finest moment), then reevaluate their place in your life, just a general life tip.” MagicCarpet5846
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. As horrible as her behavior is (and as much as she probably needed to be put in her place), it still doesn’t justify your response.
It’s great that you feel guilty. You’ve got a conscience. Trying to justify doing something bad because someone else behaved poorly first or to a greater degree doesn’t cancel out your actions. There’s no ledger, or score-keeping in morality.” bostonbiguy1976
4. AITJ For Blocking My Sister On Social Media For Snitching On Me Over Snacks?
“I live at home, and I’m working to save money for grad school and moving out. My sister recently has repeatedly snitched on me. Our dad likes snacks such as saltine crackers and dried fruits, and my mom buys a lot of them at the grocery store.
Occasionally, I eat some of these snacks, and my sister (who sometimes sees me taking the snacks) tells our dad that I’m eating “his” snacks, implying that I’m taking food that doesn’t belong to me. Because she saw me eating the snacks, she’s not necessarily lying about me, but still, she makes a big deal out of it and makes me sound like a bad person for taking snacks that my mom brought for everyone (it’s only my dad who requested she buys them).
This morning before leaving for work I asked my mom if she needed anything from the grocery store. She said that we need dried fruits, and my sister then said that I’ve been eating too many of them. She proudly declared that she told our dad each time she saw me taking the dried fruit (she spends a lot of the time this summer in the kitchen).
I asked her why she snitches on me because it’s not a big deal, and the snacks are for everyone. She says that because I used the word snitch, it implies that I know I did something wrong. I asked her what she had achieved by telling him those things, and she said that she wanted to make herself look like a hero and expose my wrongdoings.
I told her that she’s very annoying when she polices me. She said that there were other snacks like cookies, fresh fruits, and bars that I could eat and that our dad strongly preferred saltines and dried fruits. He eats other snacks too, but he just suggested buying them.
I insisted that it’s wrong to talk about people negatively behind their backs, and she said that she just wanted to make our dad aware that his snacks were being eaten by other people. I again emphasized that they are not “his” snacks, he simply wanted them to be bought- it’s like a long time ago she wanted a trampoline in the backyard, but it’s not “her” trampoline.
Her friends, my friends, and I have all played on it before. She still would not stop arguing with me, and I just left to go to work.
Later out of frustration, I blocked her on social media and when she texted me like 10 times confronting me about it, I ignored her.
I thought it would teach her a lesson, but she says that I’m being unfair and overreacting. My mom called me and told me to let it chill and that as siblings, we should not fight. She says that as a guy 6 years older, I should set a good example for her and that I need to manage my anger.
I reiterated that gossip and defamation are horrible behaviors, but my mom said that my sister is young and still learning.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – tell your Mum you are setting a good example and teaching your sister, in a low-risk and cost environment, that actions have consequences.
Your sister is not acting in a friendly manner to you and making the home environment unpleasant so she can be a hero at your expense. So you’ve stopped providing her with ammunition by excluding her from aspects of your life – why was she monitoring your social media anyway?
Better you do it than she carries that attitude in a future life as college classmates, roommates, and co-workers will be less understanding. Edit: Yes, your sister is young and still learning – this is an important lesson. Hurt people and they don’t want you in their business.
2nd edit: She also doesn’t get to decide how people react to her actions – that’s a second lesson.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s your sister and you live with her, so there should be some politeness for the sake of family harmony.
But you don’t need to share your life with her, including what you post online. You’re allowed to put people on an information diet when they prove that they can’t handle knowing things about you. She’s young and at an annoying age so hopefully, she will mature and quit this rude behavior, but in the meantime, I would continue to keep her at arm’s length.
Your mom should also mind her own business now that you’ve distanced yourself since she didn’t feel the need to parent her youngest when she was being unkind to you.” friendlily.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My mom called me and told me to let it chill and that as siblings, we should not fight.
She says that as a guy 6 years older, I should set a good example for her and that I need to manage my anger. For goodness’ sake! I might be outing myself as a callous Xellennial, but giving your sister the silent treatment when she’s being a pain in the rear seems like a fairly mild response to me.
Moreover, it’s an important life lesson. If you think that you’re the main character of everyone’s story and do silly things that annoy other people, people won’t like you and, eventually, you won’t have any friends. Actions = Consequences. Honestly, I’m side-eying your parents here. They’re being way too lenient.
Your sister is 16. not 5.” Sufficient_Soil5651
3. AITJ For Not Including My Roommate In My Partner's Birthday Dinner?
“I (25F) have been living with two roommates, a girl, and a guy (let’s call him Guy), for about a year. I didn’t know them before moving in. The girl has a completely different schedule from us, so we barely see her. The guy and I get along fine.
We’re not best friends, but we hang out occasionally, alone or with each other’s friends.
Throughout the year, we developed an unwritten agreement: he buys the food for both of us, and I cook for both of us. It’s a win-win situation. He gets healthy, home-cooked meals and probably saves money since he used to eat out all the time.
I save a lot of money, and it’s not a hassle to cook for two instead of one – if anything, I think it feels easier.
The other day, my partner (whom I’ve been seeing for about three months* (edit – oops! I wrote three years but I meant three months**) had a birthday.
I wanted to make something special for him, so I bought fresh, high-quality ingredients to make a three-course meal for us. I followed recipes for two and bought only the amount I needed. We celebrated on the balcony, and it was a lovely time. When I was in the kitchen doing the final prep to serve dessert, Guy came home from work and said he smelled amazing food from the hallway.
I told him what was going on, and he asked if I had made a serving for him as well. I felt a bit bad and told him that I only bought ingredients for two servings but that there was good food I made the day before in the fridge, and if there were any leftovers, he could have some.
He just said, “Oh,” and went to his room. It felt awkward and uncomfortable, but when I went back to my partner, he said it would be ridiculous for Guy to think I would consider him while making a birthday meal for my partner.
The next day, Guy seemed sulky and distant, so I asked him if we could talk.
He told me he was very hurt and couldn’t believe that the one time I bought ingredients, I didn’t think of him. He said that if it were him, he would never leave me out like that and that I was selfish and self-centered. I thought it was unfair because it sounded like he was doing me a favor all along when we both benefited from the arrangement.
In the heat of the moment, I told him that from now on, each of us would buy and make food for ourselves, and he agreed. It’s been a few days, and on one hand, I want to make things right between us because- well, the arrangement was beneficial, but also the vibe at our place is very heavy and unpleasant and I do genuinely care for him as a person and a friend.
On the other hand, I feel like I wasn’t in the wrong, and it’s hard for me to swallow my pride and apologize.
I would love to hear a wider perspective, so what do you think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ There is no scenario where “Guy” should be included. Unless you chose on your own to put some back for him.
You made a special, I’m a dinner for your partner assuming romantics in some way are naturally excluded from these kinds of things. “Guy” is acting extremely entitled. If you two had an agreement to share something in one of your rooms, say a really good computer.
And one of you had your SO over for private time. Would you stop your private time so the roommate could come in and use the computer?” groovymama98
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but You were saving a lot of money and I can’t help but feel like you shot yourself in the foot by hastily putting an end to this arrangement.
Food aside, having the house vibe off and not feeling good about the people you live with is uncomfortable. Personally, if this continues with my housemate without getting resolved amicably I may look into moving to a new place.” anonymoos_username
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I don’t think this raises the level of jerkiness. He’s allowed to feel unhappy about the situation. I think when we read it directly from OP’s perspective, it makes sense to side with her. But he’s seeing it from his viewpoint, and I think it is much more muddied there.
Giving him a heads-up could have avoided all of this. Like everything, communication is the answer. Info: Did you give him a heads-up that you weren’t going to be making dinner? Was it reasonable to include him in this “special” dinner? No. But if you were cooking dinner each night – and he reasonably could rely on it to be done that night – it was a jerk move NOT to give him a head’s up.” SDstartingOut
2. AITJ For Telling My Constantly Complaining Friend To Be Satisfied?
“I (M,28) have been in college with a very tightly knit group of friends, of which Stacy (let’s call her that, F,29) was a part. Stacy and I grew quite close as friends because we mostly have the same character (rather introverted, nerdy, same classes and interests, and same friends).
She is a reliable friend and you can tell her anything, and she’s generally of good advice and listens whenever I need it. As we graduated college (back in 2019) our group split up, but Stacy had to go to Brittany (she’s French, I’m Belgian) for her job and home as her parents owned a flat there that she could live in.
Now, we keep in touch regularly via text messages and sometimes live calls. I visited her with two other girls from our group with whom she was quite close. It was a great holiday that I remember fondly.
However, time has passed, and the more I talk with Stacy, the more she’s starting to sound like a broken record.
You see, Stacy complains. A lot.
But I get her. Stacy is the daughter of two French ambassadors, and as such always had to move on from one country to another, change schools, change friends, basically living like a nomad, and seeing her parents maybe two times a year if she was lucky.
My mom always told me to cut her some slack, and I agree, it’s not an easy life.
However, Stacy has doubled down on her complaints for a few months now. For example, she regularly says her job sucks and she hates it, that she hates her city and has no one to talk to (am I a joke btw?).
When I try to offer her advice, she always has a good excuse. “It’s too expensive, I don’t have time, I don’t have holidays, I don’t want to…” to the point that whenever she complained, I started to leave her on read. The negativity was starting to get exhausting, especially since while she had a good-paying job, I was still stuck at my parents trying to find a decent job in the post-job market.
This brings us to the final event: recently, her (quite big) city hosted a pride event, and she was happy to go since she is a bi girl. She sent me a text about how it was nice, and I was happy that she finally seemed to have a good time.
It was short-lived, for two hours later she sent a full-on voicemail complaining about how public transport was stuck and not good, and that she would need a full hour to go home. I just couldn’t shut up and simply answered ‘Even on a good day like this you manage to complain, when will you be satisfied?
Can you be satisfied?’
Since then (a few days ago), she sent a few texts telling me I overreacted and owed her an apology. I didn’t answer as I was still too angry to reply in a way that would not damage our friendship further.
AITJ for telling her off?”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I understand Stacy. Probably you don’t know, but moving into a new city is hard, especially once you start working. It’s hard to find time to meet new people, and some cities are more difficult than others.
It’s hard to even figure out how to meet them when you don’t have the possibility of the university classrooms to find common interests with others. She probably feels isolated and considers you a good friend with which she can vent. Maybe she can’t see anything positive in her situation and is trying to keep up a one-sided conversation with you in any way she can.
Cut her some slack, maybe she needs it. Or calmly ask her if she needs help because you noticed the increase in negativity lately. There’s no point in throwing suggestions at her when you don’t know if they’re even feasible for her. Try to listen to the reason why she’s getting more negative.
And then remember.. the french like to complain a lot.” Money_Helicopter_207
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People like this are mentally exhausting because she’s just dumping negativity on you. There’s no relief and it’s not fair. I don’t blame you for snapping, even when it wasn’t the kindest. In my experience, I’ve only dealt with it by distancing.
Now that I’m older, I might start by just telling them straight up ‘Stacy, I adore you but every time we talk for the last months I only hear how everything sucks and you refuse to make any changes. I care that you’re hurting so much and it’s hard for me to handle.
Please, will you consider seeing a therapist to help you? ‘” AlohaSmiles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I used to be a complainer, or certainly a glass-half-empty type of person. I got it from my parents – even if I was outgoing and liked having friends, that side of me was there.
Until a year out of college, when somebody I reported to told me this: “You’re so negative. It turns people off.” I was CRUSHED. But after that, I made a huge effort to change. Send her a text or a card and tell her that you value her friendship, but that she hasn’t realized how negative she has become, and you’re concerned about her.” ElmLane62
1. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Delete Pictures Of Me From Her Social Media?
“Me (13) my mom, and my dad just got back home from visiting my sister (26) and her partner.
We are half siblings and we live halfway across the country from them.
A few days before we left, we wanted to take pictures, as we usually do. So we took some and I hate them. I didn’t smile or whatever, I just don’t like the way I look in them.
My mom (unlike my sister) asked me if she could make one of the pics her profile picture and I said no, so she didn’t. My sister, however, was extremely rude.
Once we had gotten home, I saw her snap story and it had 2 pictures that I just happened to be in.
I asked her nicely if she could remove them and I told her that I didn’t want them up there. She said “It’ll be gone soon it’s fine” and I told her how she didn’t ask for our permission (me, Mom, and Dad were in those pics).
A few days later, which is today, I saw her social media post. It had 3 pictures of me, my mom, and my dad in them, and I was in 2 of them. I had politely asked her to take them down and I said how I don’t want them up there in the first place and how she didn’t ask (once again).
She told me “I don’t need permission to post what I want on my social media. Relax dude.”
I said how that’s insensitive to my feelings, and that it’s my face that I don’t want up there. She said she was not going to fight with me, so I told her to delete them.
She, of course, said no, so I turned it around and pulled one of their cards, which was “It makes me uncomfortable”. She and her partner ALWAYS say this and express their feelings/opinions when they’re uncalled for, but I can’t have these feelings?
Like what the heck?
She then said how she “wouldn’t be bossed around, sorry” when all I did was NICELY ask her to remove a few pictures. I told her that if she was sorry she’d delete them. She wasn’t going to respond to me anymore unless the topic changed, she said.
I just told her flat out “I don’t want them up there”.
My sister texted my mom about it first. “I’m not arguing with your child, do something about it”. Mother said that my feelings were valid and the conversation was over. We are both ignoring her now.
She texted me and asked if I was texting her off my mom’s phone, and she asked the same thing to my mom.
Mom powered off her phone and before that, told my dad about it. I also told him. I sent a screenshot to him of my and my sister’s conversation.
My sister is a therapist. Keep that in mind. That cannot go well for her patients.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have every right to your privacy, and not wanting pictures of you on social media is normal. Your sister refusing to do so (especially as a therapist) shows a lack of respect and consideration of your feelings.
I don’t know at this point what you can do, you’ve tried your best. Maybe mention what I said above if you haven’t already. I dunno, I hope your situation works out though!” amantahugnkiss69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ultimately you asked and your sister declined to remove the photos.
That’s all you can do, especially as the photos are not explicit or suggestive (of you, as a minor). All the extra drama is beside the point. You consented to be her photo, and once you did that it’s quite difficult to control what anyone does with your likeness.
Knowing that your sister does not care if she has your permission to post pictures of you online, take this as future notice and refuse to be in pictures with her, or be aware that any you do take may end up online. Or take them yourself and guard who can have access to them.” Independent-Length54
