People Take The Easy Way Out In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
18. AITJ For Wanting My Upstairs Neighbors To Control Their Child's Noise?
“I (32F) live in a pretty nice apartment complex. I’ve lived here for 8 months now.
Everything is state-of-the-art, well manicured, quiet, and nice. Recently things changed because I have new neighbors (husband wife and 3-year-old child) that have moved in upstairs (directly above me) maybe five months ago. We have high ceilings and hardwood floors. Ever since they moved in it has been constant noise at all hours.
For the first few months, I cut them some slack because I assumed they were probably getting situated, unpacking, moving furniture, and hadn’t got a chance to put rugs down, etc. I also am aware that sound carries quite a bit in an empty apartment so I was trying to give them some time.
I took it upon myself to get multiple fans and sound machines. I even bought earplugs however I live alone and I am not so comfortable with not being able to hear my surroundings. I also am aware that they have a very young child.
Why you ask?
Because I constantly hear that child running, jumping, screaming, crying, etc. There have been multiple occasions that they have had all of their windows and patio doors open and the child is just screaming for upwards of 15 minutes… part of me feels bad because I understand that kids will be kids and I am sure that it is difficult parenting a little one at that age.
The child has a right to play and have fun in their environment. I do not have children so I am trying even harder to be considerate of this.
However, being that the noise is at all hours (12 am, 5 am, 2 am, 2 pm, etc) I fail to understand when this child rests and what kind of environment they have going on up there.
I know it is not technically my business, but when I am not able to sleep through the night, take a nap, sit on my patio, or take Zoom calls for work because of the background noise, it is my business. One weekend after three days of constant noise I was at my breaking point and decided to type up a note saying “Hey!
Welcome to the complex. I am not sure if you are aware, but the sound really really carries in this building, and it has been super loud recently.
If you could try to keep it down a little bit during the evening hours, that would be great.” (I didn’t want any problems, so of course I did not sign it.) I left it on their door.
Absolutely nothing changed. I have contacted the leasing office multiple times now to ask them to please contact them and have them keep it down.
This has not worked either. I sent an additional note asking them yet again to please keep it down. They took the note and put it back on my door…..
I am at my breaking point. I pay quite a bit of money in rent and I have not seen peace in a while now. I don’t want to be one of those crazy crabby, neighbors, and I get that they have a small child, and calling the police seems extreme.
But what other choices do I have??”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say no jerks here. Police can’t/won’t do anything, nor would the landlord. Kids annoy me too, but the fact remains, they are kids, and within reason, you can’t control the noise they make.
They scream, cry, bang stuff, over and over. I get it. I also know how loud it is living below people, especially with wood floors, and if there is no soundproofing, which there rarely is. I sympathize with you, but this is just a common occurrence when you’re living in close quarters with other people.
There’s no solution other than endure it or move.” Trick_Photograph9758
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I mean you would be if you called the cops because what are they going to do? What you need to do is start making recordings of the noise in your unit.
EVERY TIME. Send those recordings to the leasing office. If the leasing office still does not address this, tell them you will be hiring a lawyer because not only has your quality of life been affected, but so is your work.” slap-a-frap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are entitled to quiet enjoyment of your space. Get as much documentation as you can (take videos) and DO call the police and file a noise complaint whenever this happens, especially if it’s after hours/at night when they should be quiet.
This is clearly beyond a kid being a kid and the parents need to do their job and parent. If the complex is not doing anything then noise complaints are your next step. I would also look at your lease as there should be clauses about quiet hours or being able to enjoy your property that you can cite to escalate things with management.
You should not have to put up with that.” LiveLaughLawyer
17. AITJ For Telling My Unemployed Partner To Get A Job Or Move Out?
“I (31F) and my youngest child’s father (34M) have been living together with my 3 children (9, 6 & 3) and his two children (14 & 8) for a year and a half due to the current rental and cost of living crisis.
Everything had been going smoothly until earlier this week. On Wednesday when he came home from work and told me that Thursday would be his last day of employment at his current job, as his boss did not have any more work coming in and he could not afford to keep him on any longer.
It came as a huge shock and I automatically felt sick with worry about how we were going to be able to afford the household bills if he had no job. I told him we could sit down that night and look at what is out there and apply for anything and everything to get him employed again ASAP.
This is when he told me he had no intention of looking for a job and “working for just anyone”. I told him he was being ridiculous and that he needs a job sooner than later as the household bills are not going to pay themselves and I am not in a financial position to be covering his portion of the household bills.
This led to him admitting that he had known for over a week that he would have no job soon and that he hadn’t thought about looking for another job, as he was going to try and do cash jobs from home. When I looked at him dumbfounded, he started to get defensive, calling out the fact that I have changed jobs a few times in the last couple of years (due to schedule and custody changes with my older kids and lack of support).
This led to an even bigger argument where I told him to think logically about the fact that he was losing his job in the first place because people don’t have the money to be going out and spending on nonessentials right now. He told me I was being selfish for not supporting him.
This irritated me, as it wasn’t a matter of me being selfish at all. I told him he was the one being selfish and was willing to risk the roof over the children’s heads in the hopes of maybe getting some cash jobs here and there.
I told him there was no guarantee and that is not something I am willing to support.
I then told him that if he did not find a job and be able to continue to pay his share of the household bills, then he would need to move out for me to have someone move in who could do so.
He told me I was being unreasonable and that it would mean he would not be able to have his older kids in his care anymore, as he would have to move to his mum’s, as that’s the only place he would be able to go.
I told him that was his problem and the consequences of his actions, or more so lack of action.
So AITJ for telling him to get a job or get out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your fault. You have a large and blended family, and suddenly he drops the bomb that he’s lost his job and has no plans to actively look for a new one?
That’s a red flag. I would worry a lot about paying the bills myself. The idea of working part-time from home is not a foolproof plan, especially when there are so many of you. Sure, it sucks that he may have to move out, but he’s the one jeopardizing their stability by not taking responsibility.
It’s not selfish to expect him to support the family he lives with.” Freedom_red15
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. What the actual midlife crisis is going on here, sir?!? You have responsibilities and comparing job changing to going where you need to with no loss or great pause in income and planning is NOT the same as I’m getting fired knew I was getting fired and have nothing in mind to support myself, my partner, and the others in my care.
Yeah, I was all set up to say buckle up and be a unit… but that part made me go nope, you’re not being unreasonable you’re being realistic you need to cut your spending if your funds are getting cut then your expenses must also be cut, and he just made himself into an expense you can’t afford.” [deleted]
16. AITJ For Wanting To Send My Autistic Cousin To Day Camp For A Break?
“I (21F) and my dad (45M) have been taking care of my cousin (17F) for the past two years while her biological parents sort out some mental health and other things.
Dad is a trucker so he can be gone for up to a few days at a time. I have my issues with some trauma I’m working through (family on my mom’s side is kind of wild) but my Cousin aged out of foster and we live many hours’ drive away from mom’s side and dad’s side is on another continent (Dad is an immigrant) so our only choice was to take Cousin in.
I love Cousin to death and have been taking care of her since we were kids because at one point we lived together in kinship care, it’s a long complicated situation but we’re technically cousins but more like half-siblings.
Anyway, so Dad is the primary income.
I have a summer job but it’s part-time (20 hours weekly) and minimum wage. In the meantime, I do the cooking, cleaning, etc. We live like a 50s nuclear household but without all the nasty fifties treatment I can’t name here. So like, I do cooking, cleaning, entertaining guests (mostly Cousin’s friends), and Dad does yard work, budget, income, driving, etc..
We had a good setup for a while because by pure coincidence Dad was always home whenever I was at work last year so Cousin wasn’t alone. This year isn’t the case. I started college, I’m still working, and it’s adding up.
I gained 2 inches on my stomach in less than a month. My hair is falling out. I am extremely stressed.
Cousin is autistic. She doesn’t know how to cook or clean even though I’ve shown her a billion times. I feel bad asking her to clean because when I lived with my mom (age 5-14) I was the maid.
I don’t want Cousin to have this experience like I did. So I set up activities for her, cook her food, clean her dishes, et cetera. I tried to think, “Okay it’s not her fault, just be as kind and loving as you can be” but then people accuse me of coddling her, treating her like a baby, and hindering her potential.
There is a day camp in my area for ages 14-18. Cousin hates loud noises and wears noise-canceling headphones. She hates being in wet clothes. She can’t deal with the sun unless she’s wearing one very specific outfit. She doesn’t eat many things.
She has a special diet of things she’ll eat. I have to remind her bathroom, water, etc. Day camp would be absolute torment for her. At the same time, Dad does not have the time to be caring for her at the same level as I do.
I am stressed and I need some time where I can take care of ME and not someone else. There are no options other than 1 weekday camp 9 am-4 pm to give me a little vacation. It would be torture for her, it’s everything she hates, but I NEED my me time so bad.
It’s between that and me walking away for a week — which is neglect as she can’t care for herself.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for prioritizing yourself. If not today, you will eventually need to make a change so that you can adequately take care of yourself and make sure that your education and mental health needs are met.
However, putting your cousin in a terrible situation probably isn’t the best solution. Involve your dad in this conversation, maybe consider an “adult daycare” type of situation that specifically caters to people with special needs. This is a circumstance that calls for a longer-term solution, and you should involve all parties to make sure that things are fair and respectful of you, your cousin, and your dad.” Fearless_Dingo_6294
Another User Comments:
“I feel bad for you. You can’t send her to day camp. You would be the jerk. Not only would it be torment for cousin, but it would also be torment for the camp people. And unfair to all. As soon as your dad gets home you need to have a discussion with him about moving cousin. Speak to social services and possibly a lawyer. You have been wonderful, but you can’t do it anymore. This is not sustainable.” Both-Ad1586
Another User Comments:
“I wish I had a solution to offer you, but mostly I want to thank you for ruling out the ABA autism program in your area. Your cousin doesn’t deserve that. Camp not designed for neurodiverse people won’t work, so yeah going that route is a jerk thing to do.
But you need respite as a caregiver, so if the church can offer something, take it. Everyone will be happier and healthier if you do. Burnout is all too real. Take care of yourself.” Morsac
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad's Husband To Adopt Me?
“I (16m) have two dads. One passed away before I was born; Daddy.
He was my non-bio father and his best friend was my parent’s surrogate. She’s my Aunty Giga. My dad is my bio parent and my daddy’s widower. And yeah, I say dad and daddy and still say daddy as a 16-year-old guy. Dad always referred to daddy as… daddy to me so I use it.
A month before I was born Daddy passed away. My dad changed completely that day. Because of where we live, even back then, my daddy was still able to be recognized on my birth certificate. It was a fight and involved the courts. But it happened. It was uncommon back then but he won the case thanks to Aunty Giga and other family members recognizing my two dads.
I grew up always knowing about daddy and I always cherished the connection to him. I was always glad my dad won the right for both of them to be legally my parents. I was also always treated like their son, not just dad’s or not dad’s and Aunty Giga’s.
When I was 4 my dad tried to see other people again and he met Sam. They saw each other for about 3 months but Dad wasn’t ready and Sam didn’t like what he saw. He felt jealous and insecure that he wasn’t being brought in as another dad for me.
They reconnected when I was 8 and got married when I was 12. My relationship with Sam is complicated and weird and he wants to adopt me. But I don’t want him to be my dad, I don’t want to be adopted by him or have him take care of me if I become an orphan.
He has always made it a point to bring up the fact Daddy wasn’t my bio father in the first place and how legally it was a miracle he’s even on my birth certificate. I hate it. It feels so gross. He has told me at least I’ll know him while Daddy is just saintly in my mind because I wasn’t allowed to process only having one parent.
Even though I know I was raised by one parent. But I still had two. He just wasn’t here. But I read the book he was putting together for me. He documented a lot of the parenting journey and surrogacy stuff and the pregnancy until his death.
He was so excited. He loved me so much. He wanted me so badly.
On Father’s Day, we had a big fight over adoption. Dad was out and Sam brought up the adoption to me. He told me he’s tired of feeling like an outsider because I always treat him like dad’s spouse instead of my stepdad or my parent.
I told him because that’s what he is and he has to learn to accept that. I told him nothing changed for me. He told me it was stupid because I love one stepdad so much more. I told him daddy is more than just a stepdad and then I told him I don’t want him to adopt me ever and bringing up daddy isn’t winning me over.
I told him if anything he’s making me wish dad had found someone better. Dad doesn’t know what happened but things have been tense since and Sam said I went too far.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You need to talk to your Dad and tell him everything.
Does your Dad know what Sam is doing? Sam has no right to try and erase your Daddy regardless if you met him or not. He still is and always will be your Daddy. Your NTJ, Sam however is a jerk. Thank you for all the upvotes and the award.” Ready-Replacement181
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I can’t even understand how Sam could think you went too far. You told him to stop pressuring you to feel a way you don’t feel. I do think you need to talk to your dad about this though.
Make it clear that you don’t want the adoption that Sam keeps bringing up and that his pressure and trying to say your feelings for your daddy aren’t important and bother you. If Sam wants a good relationship with you, then Sam needs to stop this, and your dad needs to be fully aware of the tactics Sam is using on you.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are entitled to your feelings, and you are not required to accept your dad’s husband as a father figure. I mean… legally he is your stepdad, but if you don’t feel he is a father figure for you, then he isn’t.
I would say bring this up with your dad in front of Sam, and then ask your dad to make Sam stop and talk about this stuff in the future.” 229u3h28r0242
14. AITJ For Telling My Dad My Stepmom Isn't My Mom?
“I’m (15f) and my dad(39m) started seeing my stepmom(29f) a few months after my mom passed away last October.
I was happy for him, but I told him I wanted him to take it slow, they, however, got married just two months after seeing each other.
Even while they were seeing each other there were several issues, first off, he was late to my birthday and blamed it on me because “he thought I was still getting ready” he was over an hour late to the restaurant.
There are also several other instances of him wanting us all (me, my two brothers, him, stepmom, and stepbrother) to all hang out and yet he would only be with them.
Now this isn’t too bad, but it still hurts.
Recently, the marriage hasn’t been going too well. He still puts them first and even my younger brother (13m) has said he doesn’t believe my dad cares about us. He allows my stepbrother (8m) to get away with everything.
He never picks up after himself, I’m forced to, and just the other day he spit his drink at me in a restaurant and my dad said to deal with it because he was a kid and I did the same when I was his age.
I didn’t do the same, and even if I did my dad wouldn’t have known. My dad wasn’t in my life until I was 12 because he was in jail and stuff, but that’s a different story.
He has put his new family above us and it has been affecting our relationship.
Well, my stepmom said something about us having mother/daughter time and it irked me the wrong way. I just smiled and said whatever and sounded fun, but later I told my dad how I didn’t feel comfortable with her calling me her daughter or me calling her mom.
I’m already 15, I had a mom who I loved and cared for, and I don’t need another one.
Well, this made my dad upset. He started yelling and said that I had to get over the past and move forward and that I needed to start treating my stepmom and stepbrother as my real mom and brother.
I mostly just sat there and stayed silent, it’s what I usually do when he yells at me. He called me ungrateful and said that it didn’t matter because I was a terrible daughter to my actual mother. This is where I broke down and begged him to shut up, but he didn’t.
So I just went to my room and cried.
I was always closer to my mom than my dad, so it hurt hearing him say that.
Anyway, since then I’ve mostly been keeping to myself, coming out only when he tells me to clean up after them and for church.
My dad is a preacher and believes that since God forgave him I have to.
I know the death was rough on him so I’m trying to understand and not get mad, but it’s difficult. I know I’m not the best daughter but it still hurts hearing him yell and berate me every chance he gets.
I’ve been talking to my younger brother more about it, and he feels the same way.
I know I got off topic a lot, I’m sorry, but AITJ for saying my stepmom wasn’t my mom?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I met several “preachers” like your father over the years.
We called them pastor disasters. They usually find Jesus in a penitentiary after they get convicted of serious charges. However, your mother was a big part of your life and is irreplaceable. Your father will figure it out one by one you as all turn 18 move out and have limited, if any, contact with him.
Good luck.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“Oh lovey – NTJ, not even a tiny little bit. Firstly, I’m so sorry about your Mum. You must miss her very much. Secondly, do you have any other family you can contact? What about your maternal grandparents? Did your Mum have any siblings – is there an Aunt or Uncle you can talk to?
If you do, then contact your extended family and tell them what’s going on. If you don’t is there a friend you can trust?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk here. I’m very sorry your father is being such a terrible father.
Try to be patient and strong for just a couple more years. If he berates you, remind yourself that it’s not true. He is lashing out because he wants things to be a certain way, and they can never be that way again. He wants to lay blame for the loss of his wife and your mom, but he can’t lay blame and it angers him and he lashes out.
I know it’s not right, but it’s probably what’s happening. Just keep telling yourself that you are a wonderful girl, your mother loved you, and one day soon things will work out.” TNJDude
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Dad £400 A Month From My Part-Time Job?
“I am a 21-year-old woman living with my big sister and my dad.
I am a university student with a part-time job.
This part-time job makes me £11.95 for 8 hours a day, 2 days a week, making £764.80 a month from this job. This goes to commuting to and from university, my job requires me to travel between clients and I pay for, my cat’s food, litter, and other essentials, my phone bill, and my food.
My dad asks me for £400 a month to “help” him. I understand that he could be struggling financially and that he might need some help, but £400 is ridiculous, this would mean a majority of my work will go to him. When I ask for a specific reason as to why, he just says that he needs the money and that he has a lot to pay.
My dad is not a gambler or anything, so the money isn’t going to any bad habits. He already gets £500 a month from my big sister.
He often asks me to pick up more shifts and to make money, when I say that I don’t want to he says, “Is it because you don’t want to give me any of it, do you think working less will mean you have to give me less money, because that’s not why I am asking you to do it, it’s for your good.” I am working less because I want to, because I don’t want to work more than I have to, and also partly because the more money I make, the more money he will expect.
I am always helping him with parking tickets, appeals, government-related things, emails, etc., and have done so since I was a child. He has 8 children including me and the other children live in a different house in our home country I can imagine the financial burden that is, but it feels like a little look into my future, how I wouldn’t be able to do anything since all my disposable income will be going to him.
One thing I would like to add is that when I didn’t have a consistently paying job he didn’t ask me for money, which leads me to believe he is not struggling as much as he says he is. Why does it only come up when he is aware of my income?
It irritates me to my core when he calls me on my payday asking for the money gives me a vague reason as to where my money would be going and proceeds to guilt-trip me with the amount of hours he works and the amount of things he has to pay.
He pays £1000 a month for an optional “saving” thing that some extended family members do, which is that they give that much money every month and each month it all goes to one of them, basically a saving program. He also pays for my sister’s cosmetic classes and my brother’s computer science classes, which are both things my dad said would be good for them, and are both extracurriculars.
And I’m thinking, if you are struggling, why are you asking me for money before you cut out the costs you don’t even need to give?
Could you guys tell me how to approach this?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you’re confident he has no bad habits.
You are an adult now. £400 for rent, bills (and food?) Isn’t much compared to moving out. You are capable of working more, but don’t want to as you’ll have to pay ‘rent’. If you think he is going to ask for more if you earn more then talk about it and set a fixed amount.
Just because your father can keep the lights on with or without you doesn’t mean he isn’t struggling, not to mention he needs to retire at some point. Living there is a cost whether you like it or not, and he has supported you for the past 20 years.
It sucks that some people have it easier than others, and I’m sure a lot of your friends don’t need to pay rent, but we play the cards we’re dealt. You’re old enough to pay your way, so either contribute to the household or move out.” AnswerKooky
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m so confused. You’re an adult living at your dad’s house. Why wouldn’t you be paying monthly rent, in addition to helping out with the utilities and groceries? I don’t understand why you would expect a free ride.
It doesn’t matter where the money goes; you are an adult. You should be paying for adult things. That sounds like a reasonable amount to pay for a room.” MorgothAF
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, dad definitely should be transparent with you. If he does need the help he should have a conversation.
I understand it can be embarrassing but if he needs help he won’t get it by just demanding. Now being that you stated you are already contributing to the household I would sit down with him and talk about the finances between everyone. For me personally unless needed I won’t have my children paying anything.
If I didn’t need you to pay as a child I don’t need you to pay as an adult. Contribute to groceries and clean up after yourself. When I was in college and working my money was mine but when my mom needed help she came to me and showed me what she needed help with and for how long and we budgeted and got it done.” User
12. AITJ For Preferring My Long-Term Foster Child Over My Partner's Nieces?
“I (f29) have been with my partner (f33) Lea, for 4 ½ years. Things moved quickly and we have been living together for 4 years.
In the beginning, we openly spoke about wanting kids.
She said, she was fine either way, and while I admit, I have some desire to be a parent, I decided against having children, even before I met Lea, because I don’t think I’m suited to be a parent. I have ADHD and some of the typical comorbidities, like depression.
As a result, my energy is often low, as is my patience and stress tolerance.
But, I have had a “part-time-foster-kid”, Fynn, (m13) for 11 years. When I was 18, I worked at a group home for disabled children, where I was assigned to mainly care for Fynn.
To say, we got attached, is an understatement and yes, it was by no means a professional relationship.
Fast forward, while I don’t have custody of Fynn, I got the right to visit/access him after I stopped working at his group home. He is with me around two weekends a month, we go on holidays together at least twice a year, and plan on becoming his legal guardian once he turns 18.
He is a very sweet teen, and while he is non-verbal, he communicates through vocalizations and body language.
When Lea and I started seeing each other, she was supportive. Taking care of Fynn is completely my responsibility and I neither expect nor want Lea to take over his medical care or watch him by herself.
But she helped out here and there and even got her driving license, so we were a lot more mobile with the wheelchair.
My partner had an older sister, who was a single mother to two daughters (f5 and f8), Anna and Delia. Around June 2023, the girl’s mom got diagnosed with cancer and sadly passed away around Christmas.
When Leas’s sister started chemo, Anna and Dora were staying either with us or their grandparents. I don’t want to go into detail, but it was a hard time for their family. Despite the cancer, the passing of Leas’s sister was still unexpected.
For the first month, Anna and Delia stayed with their grandparents, but due to Leas’s parent’s age, Anna and Delia started staying with us full-time.
As of right now, I would say, I am a parental role for them, and the worries, I had about parenthood have been confirmed. I am overwhelmed a lot, feel my patience running thin, and often have to stop myself from being unfairly mad at Anna and Delia.
Yesterday, I opened up to Lea about my struggles and she suggested, that Fynn should stop visiting us or at least less. I got angry at her because I’ve been a part of Fynns life for years now, and like, how is this fair to him?
Lea accused me of preferring Fynn over Anna and Delia.
Honestly, yes, I have a closer bond with him. Spending time with him is less draining for me, so I confirmed Leas’s statement.
Well, now Lea is quite mad at me. I should have worded it differently, yet at the moment, I thought being honest was the right choice.
But now I worry, it was cruel to admit it to Lea… So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Technically Fynn is not a foster child and Anna and Delia are your partner’s nieces (and sounds like she will become their legal guardian).
Having a part-time twice-a-month buddy is way different than being a full-time parent. If you had to care for Fynn full-time chances are you would be overwhelmed by him as well. You need to decide if you are capable of being a step-parent to these two girls.
They have already lost enough and they don’t deserve to be treated like an unwelcome burden.” Tls-user
Another User Comments:
“This seems like a very difficult situation to be in and it seems like you have been thrown into the parent role without being fully prepared for it.
I think expressing your difficulties/frustration to your partner was the right thing to do. I also think it makes sense that you are closer to someone who’s been in your life longer and unfair for your partner to ask Fynn to not visit when he is not her responsibility.
I think that considering the age of Anna and Delia and the tragic nature of their mother’s loss it seems like a harsh thing to admit. However, I think you’re NTJ because you weren’t asking them to leave, only expressing that it’s been difficult, that you need support, and were thrown into something you ultimately didn’t want for yourself.
You guys need to have an open honest conversation about this!” Pogo_ShinyHunter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s admirable that you’ve been helping Flynn for so long and that Lea took in her nieces. You’ve all been through a lot in a short amount of time.
I’m sure the poor girls and Lea are grieving the loss of their mother/sister, making it doubly hard on them. I get where you’re coming from with ADHD. I’m a parent with it too. A lot was dropped on all of you in a short time, and of course, you favor Flynn, you’ve known him longer.
There’s nothing wrong with that – and realize that Lea’s emotions are running high right now. I highly recommend Therapy for everyone, parenting classes for the adults, and grief counseling for the girls. A good therapist can help you with techniques when the ADHD frustration and depression set in.
Therapy will help you, Lea and the girls communicate better together and as a family. Once you’re all on the same page, it will be easier for Flynn too, because there will be less discord in the household. I wish you all well.” NonaYerBiz
11. AITJ For Rejecting My Friend's Unexpected Proposal?
“I (42F) have a friend we’ll call SQ(50sM). We met many years ago when we worked together. He was always very kind to me and even gave me rides to work sometimes when it was freezing outside so I wouldn’t have to walk/catch a bus/ride my bike.
I hadn’t owned a vehicle in 17 years, and he took pity on me. We were always friendly with each other and got along well. I left the job and we didn’t really talk much for years, but we’d chat on socials a little here and there.
Nothing more than that.
A few months ago we were chatting, and he asked if I’d like to get lunch sometime. We met for lunch and my feelings about him being a good friend and a good person were cemented.
Recently, I posted pictures of me in a new dress.
I have lost a tremendous amount of weight in the past few years and I’m proud of myself, but I still struggle with self-esteem and confidence, I mentioned that large people are treated horribly in our culture. He texted me afterward, saying we should go out to dinner so I could show off the dress in public and flaunt it.
It just seemed like a kind suggestion. He said that he would treat me because he asked me. This was very kind of him but also handy because yesterday morning I woke up to find my debit card stolen and my bank account drained.
We went out to dinner last night.
He picked me up and took me home afterward, as I still had no vehicle, and we had a great time together. I wore the dress and felt comfortable. I’m an incredibly social person and I get along with just about everyone, but nothing prepared me for our goodbye.
He drove me back, I invited him in to meet my cat because he is a cat person, and when we were saying goodbye he told me that I had done a great job on my “job interview”. That he wanted to be in a relationship with me, and that he was prepared for it to take however long it needed to.
That “the dress dinner” was just a convenient opening for my “interview” aka how he could gauge his interest. I should have said something right then but I was honestly gobsmacked.
He also loaned me some money, as I have nothing to my name right now.
I will pay him back as soon as the funds are restored (likely tomorrow). I feel stupid about this, but he has never hit on me or flirted with me…just randomly announced that my “interviews” were going well for the role of his partner when we said goodbye.
The role I don’t want.
So, dear readers, WIBTJ for telling him I have no interest in “applying” for the “job” he thinks I am “interviewing” for? That I never applied for it and don’t want to be considered? I’m not dense (though I’m sure it seems that I am); I can look back and see better what was happening now, but I am not in any way attracted to this man and I need to let him know, preferably in a kind way.
He has never once overtly hit on me or flirted with me, and our conversation during dinner was very easy and friendly.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ One thing he hasn’t taken into account is that you too have your criteria, your tastes, your own needs, your projects.
Not every woman on this planet is available to be in a relationship with him. I’m sorry that what you thought was a good friend turned out to be a jerk. You’re not an object to be tested before buying, you’re a person who in this case isn’t interested in him and his weird methods.
He probably expected you to say “What an opportunity, I’ve never been offered such a beautiful position. I’m so proud to have passed the tests for such a qualified job, it’s an honor for you to allow me to be your partner”. Screw him.” PandaCotton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘Interview’….that gives off major creep vibes. Kinda like he’s been grooming you and now the Overlord has decided you are ready for the initiation phase. Brrrr. Just talk to him…say something like: ‘Hey, I was a little surprised and overwhelmed by your remarks the other day, I never knew you were interested. I just want you to know that I value you as a person and appreciate your friendship, but I don’t see us being more than that.
Cause apart from the creepy comment, he sounds like a decent guy, and he deserves both the truth and your kindness.” Slayerofdrums
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That was underhanded of him. It tells you everything you need to know about what kind of person he is.
Don’t feel bad about it at all. I’m sure he’ll find someone else he thinks is attractive and “interview” her. This would have flustered me. I would have been embarrassed by it, even though it would have been not my fault. It does put you on the spot when people treat you like they are doing you a favor by considering you at all.
Like you even asked!!” SubjectBuilder3793
10. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Support My Daughter's Adoption Attempts?
“Let me give some history on my daughter and her life to explain why we’re in this position. My daughter was 18 when she told me she wanted to marry her partner of a year. My husband and I (both 60s currently) did not want to see her get married so young, either of them, and we advised them to wait and keep seeing each other.
To live life a little first. His family had the same response. So to “show us all” they could do it, they went and got married at the courthouse with just some of their friends as witnesses. Once they were married my husband and I tried to be supportive without getting in the way.
They were so young but also old enough to make decisions for themselves and we did not want to be those parents who step in and make things worse again.
The marriage was doomed from the start but they had two children together. My grandson Indigo (now 12m) was first and he was followed by my granddaughter Skye (now 11f).
My grandchildren were loved but their parents were not happy together. Their dad was not a good husband to my daughter, but he was an excellent father and my daughter was not a good wife to their dad but she was a good mom. He died a few days before my granddaughters 5th birthday.
My daughter found love quickly afterward and married her current husband even faster than her first.
From the time they said I do, my daughter and her husband have spent tens of thousands trying to make my grandchildren his. They went to court for him to adopt them but the judge asked to speak with the children and said no after their meeting.
They appealed the decision and lost again. They paid thousands for a therapist to speak in court about the benefit of adopting for the kids. The court assigned their own therapist and denied the request again. The only real “break” from this was when the courts were only handling emergency hearings and adoption requests were delayed due to unforeseen circumstances.
But once they could they were back at it. My husband and I asked why our daughter didn’t wait to allow the kids the choice. But she wouldn’t hear tell of it. They borrowed money to pay for these therapists and lawyers and court fees.
Each time the request to adopt was denied by a judge.
Now my daughter is pregnant by her husband and they do not have the money they once did. It all went on the many failed attempts to adopt my grandchildren. My daughter turned to us (husband and myself) about a month ago now and shared how tight their finances are and asked for our help financially.
My husband and I told her we would discuss it but we’re on the same page, we do not feel we should help. We feel like doing so will allow our daughter and her husband to continue this pointless adoption pursuit and is not in the best interest of the family.
My daughter was furious when we told her no. She asked how we can turn our backs on family. She has said we are clearly not fit to be parents or grandparents.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get her wanting her new husband to legally be the children’s father now that they’re married – but there was no reason to sink all of their money into it that many times.
I assume they all lived together? Why was it so important for it to be on paper to the point that you’d sink money into it that many times, instead of waiting to a point for the kids to consent – if at all.
Why do we force these things on children? Maybe they feel no one can replace their biological father, even now that he’s gone. Maybe they accept new husband, or even stepdad, but not legally dad. (Edit to add – now that we know the kids do not want this, it’s even more skewed to try to force it just because they’re minors) This isn’t like sinking all your money to just gain custody back of your kids, you’re sinking all your money into a document basically.
It can say your dad – if the kids don’t accept you as dad, the paper doesn’t truly matter. They’re adults. Unless they’re part of the rare 1% where contraceptives didn’t work – then don’t have unprotected relations if you can’t financially afford the results of it.” secondarytrash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I used to work as a paralegal and eventually a court clerk, and your daughter is lighting money on fire, it truly isn’t going to happen, even if the kids change their minds. The court clerks know who your daughter is.
When she files something, the judges are reviewing records from former hearings and seeing that she’s wasting time. Her attorneys know an adoption isn’t going to happen. I guarantee if your daughter tried to change jurisdictions to get an unbiased judge, there will be phone calls between judicial assistants to make sure that a new judge understands how many times she has tried this.
Your daughter basically cursed herself by continuing to pursue this, judges hate people who waste their time. I’m betting that the kid consultation is only for show, it’s likely they make up their minds the instant a new filing hits their desks.” Floating-Cynic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you have a right to feel the way you do and deal with the situation how you see best. Not helping does not make you a bad mother. You daughter needs to get her own priorities straight. Adoption is not the most important thing right now.
It’s clear that the kids don’t want this adoption and she should just leave it. There are plenty of stepfathers who don’t adopt and they are still great fathers to the kids. A legal adoption is only a piece of paper without the relationship and love to go with it and that is something they need to learn.
If you do want to help there are other things you can do. You can tell you daughter that you will help if they stop trying to get the adoption until the kids decide they want that. You can also tell her that you will not help them but you will help the kids by getting them things they need.” charmedvampgirl
9. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Inheritance With My Family?
“I, a 22-year-old male, have suffered all this time because of my family.
And it got worse when my grandparents left me their house and some money after they passed away five years ago. I am the youngest of four siblings. Usually, the youngest is supposed to be the spoiled one, but not this time. All my life, I was treated like a butler and not a son.
Well, not all of it because I was raised by my grandparents since we lived across the street from them, and I was their favorite grandchild. But I don’t think that was the reason for my family to treat me the way they did because I was the unwanted child, born 9 years after my siblings (35 f, 33f, and 31m), and they didn’t miss a chance to remind me of that.
Always doing all the chores around the house and always forced to take responsibility for their mistakes.
I worked on the family farm since I was 12 and got paid by my grandparents and uncles, so I never asked my parents to get me anything because I could afford it by myself.
Even when I couldn’t, my grandparents gave me the rest. That’s not the issue here, but in 2016, my grandfather passed away of old age, and in his will, he gave his house to me, the farm to my father and his brothers, along other things to the rest of the family.
He had one condition: I was not allowed to sell the house or give it to anyone else until my grandmother died, and I would take care of her. I gladly accepted that condition because they took care of me throughout my childhood and gave me the warmth that I needed and raised me to be a strong man, so I saw that condition as a way to pay them back for everything.
Three years later, my grandmother passed away in her sleep, but since she inherited all of my grandfather’s money, she divided it between me and one of my cousins (25m) because she helped me take my grandmother to the doctor’s appointment, cooked food for us, and was there when we needed her, unlike my siblings.
After she passed away, the whole family was gathered by my grandparents’ lawyer to read the will. They were shocked, thinking that my grandmother would give everything to them because of the sweetheart she is, and I heard my mother saying, “at least we got the house, and the money is with our son, so he will share with the rest of the family.” At first, I couldn’t believe the entitlement.
Then I spoke up for the first time ever, and I said, “I would rather burn it all than letting you, your husband, or any of your horrible children touch it.” Am I the jerk for doing that, for refusing to share what is now mine?
The story doesn’t end there, but I feel like I took a lot of your time already, and I am sorry for the bad English; it is not my native language.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They’re experiencing what I like to call consequences of one’s actions.
When you treat your child like garbage, don’t be surprised you’ll only get garbage in return. You’ve done nothing wrong. Your grandparents knew exactly what they were doing when they wrote out their wills. I’m assuming that they’ve done a lot more horrible things than what you’ve posted here so I say do what your grandparents intended you to do with what they gave you.
Build a beautiful life for yourself without them in it. That’s why they did what they did. They knew your parents and siblings would never be there for you the way they should have been, so your grandparents made sure you’d have the resources to go anywhere and do anything you wanted. They set you free.
Take the gift and don’t look back with a single drop of guilt. Because the adults that were supposed to be loving parents and siblings wouldn’t feel a bit guilty at all if the situation was reversed.” CelticSkye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your grandparents, who raised you, saw how horrible your family was and were very pointed in their desire for your birth family to not reap any additional rewards.
They should be grateful your father received a share in the family farm. You appear to have done your grandparents’ legacy proud, and you and your cousin did the right thing helping your grandmother in her final years. She wanted YOU and your cousin to have the funds provided, NOT anyone else.
It is just amazing how many people have the audacity to ask someone to share in an inheritance. A will is written a certain way for the person to distribute their assets the way THEY want them distributed. Sometimes it’s petty, sometimes “unfair” to the disinherited party.
It is their right to be petty and to disinherit anyone they wish. No one is entitled to others’ wealth (not going into marriage and legal requirements). Tell your parents and siblings to shove off and don’t look back.” Odd-End-1405
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandparents left things in their will to the people they wanted to have it–the people they cared about and the people who cared for them in their old age.
They could have left some to your siblings, but they chose not to, and they clearly had good reason. You owe nothing to your siblings if you don’t want to give it to them. It’s totally your decision. They’re not entitled to anything you don’t want to give to them.” gordonf23
8. AITJ For Confronting A Rude Woman In An Elevator?
“I (F18) and many others were waiting for the elevator to come. In front of me, there was a woman, let’s call her Amy, who was also waiting with her bicycle.
While waiting, she kept pushing her bike repeatedly, kicking me in the knee. She was staring at me through a mirror next to the elevator and saw that I was right behind her. I usually do not confront people immediately, so I just let out an exaggerated sigh, hoping she would get the hint, but I was wrong.
So, the elevator came down, and Amy rushed in with her bicycle. She walked in and stood right in the middle. She moved only when I pushed her bicycle slightly to the side; she still took up half of the small elevator. Only Amy, another man, and I fit in there.
The rest didn’t fit because the man refused to move closer to me, and I was already glued to the corner due to the lack of space.
No one pressed the button for a few seconds. The woman turns around and asks if anyone pressed the button.
The man then did it. Then, the woman looked at me from head to toe with disgust and said to the man: “That girl could have also pushed the button.” She kept talking about me right in front of my face. So, I removed my headphones, looked her in the eyes, and told her stoically: “I can hear you.” She laughs mockingly, turns to the man, and says: “See, that girl can see us!” I replied: “I didn’t say see, I said hear.
Besides, you could have pressed the button as well.” She then accused me of being glued to my phone and that I should look up sometimes. I got irritated and told her: “I can look wherever I want, for how long I want and whenever I want.
Who do you think you are to tell me whether I can be on my phone or not?”
At that point, we arrived at the surface, where another older woman was waiting. Amy said, “Well, it wouldn’t have hurt for you to press the button!”.
I turned around one last time, looked her in the eyes, and yelled at her: “You have two perfectly functioning hands, don’t you!?” She started stammering. I didn’t wait for her reply; I just ended this discussion by yelling: “Yeah, you do, right!? So use them!” Everyone around me was shocked at the tone and loudness of my voice.
The man grabbed the woman and pulled her away, and I resumed my way back home.
I usually follow the motto: “When a dog starts barking at you, you don’t go on your knees and start barking back.” I don’t want to waste my time on such people, and I know that it makes people look idiotic when they try to fight with someone who isn’t even engaging with them.
But this time, I couldn’t keep my anger in. If the woman had kindly asked me to push the button, I’d have done it in a heartbeat. But the sheer arrogance and entitlement from her, alongside her face of disgust and her talking badly about me right in front of me, pushed me over the edge.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ignore rude people who don’t bother with the barest of social niceties. It costs nothing to be kind, but when someone comes at you with negative energy, you either rise above it or give it right back. And since she already physically invaded your space, and was rude to not just you, but every other person waiting on the elevator by barging in and taking up more than her fair share of space, she deserved none of your kindness or empathy.
Will she ever understand why you were rude to her? No, she will probably blame it on some other exterior factor like race or age. It’s never about their actions with some people. So forget her.” sacred unity
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have never understood the implied-but-makes-no-sense elevator-pushing game.
I’m not a bell hop. I don’t get commissions for working the elevators. I don’t care what floor you’re going to. I’m not even the slightest bit curious. I’d never think to ask. Push your buttons then move so others can push theirs.
Every time somebody sees me push MY floor, then says “I’m going to floor X” I reply “it’s all yours”. Logically, why give a stranger the chance to mess up your destination? What if they don’t hit it in time? What if they hear “4” instead of “9th floor”?
It takes more time to say it out loud and wait for somebody to process what you said. Crazy for others to think it’s a good thing to practice” RedactsAttract
7. AITJ For Telling My Husband's Best Friend To Stop Giving Unsolicited Pregnancy Advice?
“I (22f) and my husband (23m) got married young, I was eighteen, he was nineteen. Both of us knew we always wanted to get married and start a family young. I started college two years ago, and he just graduated with a Bachelor of Biomedical Science.
My husband has a girl best friend (23f), who I’ll call Sam, who he met in College, both of them grew up Baptist, and while he’s left the church, they had a very similar childhood and bonded quite quickly. Despite what you may be thinking she and I got along well.
She and I liked the same music and we were both studying in relatively the same fields so she became a friend of mine as well.
Since I found out I was pregnant though, some issues have started to arise. We announced our pregnancy on social media after we told our parents.
Sam texted my husband a congrats text and then told him to pass on her well wishes to me. She’s been texting him nonstop with baby advice and what she likes to call “advice for mama” which includes sometimes relatively targeted jabs at what I should eat.
Honestly, I kept brushing the texts off, but it got to a point where the conversations were less about the baby and more about me which I was getting increasingly uncomfortable with because she wasn’t texting me she was texting my husband. My husband acknowledged this and has just started to show them to me and ask what I want him to do.
I just told him to ignore them.
When I announced I was having a baby shower and sent out the invites, I received a text from Sam. She said something along the lines of wanting to host my baby shower and set it up. I told her politely that my mom was planning on hosting it with the help of my sister and that it was a special moment for them and I wouldn’t want to take that away.
Well, Sam ignored that message, because the next day, she came over and insisted we start working out arrangements for the venue.
I told her once again, that my mom and sister were hosting it and she told me that she should take her advice and let her plan it because she’d ensure that the baby shower would be better if she planned it particularly because she’d be working on the menu.
Whether it was pregnancy hormones or just bottled-up rage, I told her that the jabs she’d been making at me behind my back about my diet during this pregnancy to my husband were annoying and that no she could not host this shower and from now on her unsolicited advice was not appreciated especially if she can’t say it to my face.
That night my husband’s phone blew up with messages from Sam saying that he had no right to show her those messages and they were just supposed to just be health tips because Sam was studying nutritional science and only wanted to help her best friend and ensure a happy baby and life.
I know she had somewhat good intentions and she’s been a good friend to my husband and to me so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sam overstepped massively, to the point where it’s clear she has more than platonic feelings for your husband. If Sam was truly your friend she would: * Text you directly.
* Listen to you. * Understand that advice doesn’t have to be taken. * Not make this about her. * Not be upset when you get shown the advice that should be meant for you. It’s clear Sam doesn’t understand that there needs to be boundaries in the friendship.
You and your husband have to be firm about what those boundaries are. This can’t be a you thing or a him thing, you both have to be united in this.” ducksmcquackers
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your instincts are right on this one. If the two of you got along so well, why wasn’t Sam texting you directly with all her “helpful” advice?
This woman sounds like she is trying to insert herself between you and your husband in a nasty manipulative way. I think you need to have a serious discussion with your husband about boundaries. What did their husband say after his phone blew up?” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everyone always has the most insane amount of unsolicited advice for pregnant women and new mothers. Trust me, we’ve all experienced it. And we’ve all tried to be polite and smile and accept it graciously. And eventually, there’s that one person who just won’t stop no matter how politely we ask them and tell them their advice/help isn’t needed in this situation and they just won’t shut up and you end up screaming at them and suddenly you’re the worst person in the world because they were just trying to help.
Don’t apologize. Don’t feel bad. Her “helpful” diet tips were sent to your husband, not you. That’s not helpful, that’s a jab. You repeatedly told her that your mother and sister were organizing your baby shower and didn’t need any help and she didn’t listen to you and insisted she could do better.
Now you’re justifiably upset. And she can get over it” Short-Log-4875.
6. AITJ For Pretending To Be Religious To Keep My Family Together?
“My wife and I have been together for 16 years. We both started kind of religious. I had a Baptist upbringing and she had a Catholic upbringing.
She’s from a prominently Catholic country. I’m from the bible belt. We have 3 kids together aged 7, 9, and 10. Throughout our relationship, we haven’t practiced religion. In the early days, we prayed together. Since then, I’ve mostly become agnostic. I just don’t care for religion.
My wife always seemed a slight bit more religious than me.
Over the years, her mom and sister became super Christian. They worked on her until it just all clicked for her. Now, over the past year and a half, she has become super Christian.
We began going to a Pentecostal church that her sister goes to.
The pastor is young and seems pretty influential. I keep to myself. She pushes hard. I go with her to Sunday service, but I don’t sing. Our second time going to this church she told the whole congregation that she was off her depression meds.
I was unaware of this and it upset me that she said this to everyone before me. She told me she was too afraid to tell me. She felt more comfortable telling me in front of the whole congregation.
I’m not fully against church. I like the sense of community and some of the things they do.
They have a food pantry for the needy. I agree with the praying and things like that. It just feels like a community she could be a part of and kind of like a form of therapy for her. They do speak in tongues and believe everyone should but it’s not required.
I made her a praying bench and she decorated a corner of our bedroom to pray in and read/study the Bible. She reads the Bible several times a day. She reads it to our kids every single day. I don’t usually participate in this.
Our kids go to church every Sunday and go to church camp. I’m not fully on board with the church camp myself.
I feel awkward every Sunday at the alter calls. I never want to go up there. Once she got me to by crying and begging me in front of everyone so I went.
She still pressures me to go to the altar. Never. Some sermons are super awkward. They do a week of resurgence around Easter where you go to church every day. There are guest preachers. Everyone is running around, crawling, falling over, screaming, and speaking tongues.
It was terrifying and made me uncomfortable.
Now, everything in our home is bible centered. No PG13 movies. We listen to preaching or religious music every minute. Half of our weekends are dedicated to God. I feel like my life has become so stressful.
My wife asked me if I believed and I was saved. I say yes because I don’t want to destroy everything.
My kids are becoming brainwashed and ask me every night to pray. My wife doesn’t bring in money. She volunteers 2-3 days a week at church. We struggle financially and she wants to tithe the money we need.
AITJ for allowing this to get so far?
I love my wife and kids. Is there any way to save my family?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for faking and going along with something you do not believe in. This will only get worse and their ideology will influence all aspects of your life.
There is no way to ‘save’ your family since they do not want to be saved. You either shut up and put up or move on. There is no compromise with extreme religion.” Kukka63
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You need to stop this insanity now before it’s too late & your kids are brainwashed. It’s one thing to be a devout Christian, but it’s another thing to force it on other ppl, and that’s what your wife is doing.
She’s forcing it on you & the kids & that is not healthy. Honestly, can you do this for the rest of your life? Can you put up with pretending to be ok with this? Because you are too scared to stand up for yourself & your kids.
I know you don’t want the marriage to end, but my god, you’re allowing this to spill over onto your kids. If you can’t stand up for yourself, you need to do it for the kids.” NOTTHATKAREN1
Another User Comments:
“the first time I’ve ever seen two adults fight, like really fight, enough to pierce through the self-centeredness and innocence of a child–was at a party.
It came out that the wife had been giving a huge amount of tithe money to her church, completely behind her husband’s back. It was discovered right before the party, and they were so involved in their fight that they, in their tight circle of harsh words, did it in front of everybody.
Their family, their friends, their daughter. I’ve been wary of tithe money since” Lithogiraffe.
5. AITJ For Leaving The Restaurant After My Dad Used Inappropriate Language In Front Of My Kids?
“I’ve never had a great relationship with my dad. I’ve never been able to have my own thoughts, feelings, or opinions. I’ve been called names for holding different beliefs and overall it’s been rough trying to figure out who I am as an adult.
My mom and I have a better relationship but she co-signs his behavior. She says “you have to love people where they’re at and that’s just the way he is”
I moved to OK about 4 years ago. My parents live in AZ. I have 5 kids and do things differently than my parents.
I don’t discuss politics or religion with my dad if I can help it. I can have those discussions with my mom because we’re able to listen to each other. My dad is a different story. I get called stupid, brainwashed, or worse.
I do my best to avoid anything remotely political. Sometimes things that aren’t political end up being political with him.
My parents came to visit and last night was their last night in town. We went to dinner and overall the visit was ok.
We had a couple small incidents but I had kept my mouth shut/ignored it. While we were at dinner, we were on one of the safer topics with my dad, which is movies/TV shows. I brought up the “interview with the vampire series.” Admittedly I have not seen it but wanted to.
My mom likes interview with the vampire and I wanted to ask her if she had watched it. She is actually the one who got me into Anne Rice. Before my mom had a chance to answer, my dad cut her off and said “we aren’t going to be watching that.”
I had talked to my kids about what they could and could not say in front of my parents. I also corrected them and so had my parents anytime if they said it in front of them.
He then said “if your kids can run around saying “oh my God”, I don’t see what the problem is with what I’m saying.
It’s a mess.”
I got up, took my kids and left.
My mom called later and pretty much defended him. She said my kids had been disrespectful and we were both in the wrong. She called me prideful and stubborn.
She said that I could have a conversation with my dad to try and resolve it.
I laughed and told her to sit down with him and have a conversation with him about anything he deemed controversial and let me know how it went. She didn’t have much to say after that.
I’m feeling very conflicted, but this is not the first time he has done something like this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think you did the right thing. Having a discussion would have been pointless and only escalated the situation, to be frank, people like your dad are almost impossible to reason with so I think that was a good call. I think you would be justified in going LC/NC or giving them an ultimatum.
“You cannot use language like that in front of my children if you want to continue a relationship with them.” Or something along those lines” applebum8807
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My father in law used a racist term once in front of my child. I told him if he did so again we would not be back.
He was henceforth able to control his language. Leaving with your children sent a message to him and anyone else watching that you have a boundary about abusive language about other people. That’s an important message to the kids too. Good for you.” Individual_Metal_983
Another User Comments:
“NTJ There’s no reason to have a relationship with people who don’t respect your boundaries. If your Dad is behaving abhorrently, and your Mom is co-signing his behavior, that effectively means they don’t care enough about their relationship with you to change.
Personally, I wouldn’t want my kids around such people either. Take a nice break/time out from your parents. Send them a text “After your appalling public display at (restaurant) I do not feel comfortable having a relationship with you. I have sat in silence for years as Dad/you has made comments and degraded me, and I don’t want my kids learning or picking up on these behaviors and thinking they are okay.
For the time being, myself and the kids are taking a break from you both. I ask that you not contact me during this time, when/if I am ready I will reach out to you both.” If they can’t even respect that or take some time to reflect, it might be time to consider NC.
You teach your kids how they should be treated in life, they will do what you show them, choose to show them kindness instead of anger.” EJ_1004
4. AITJ For Refusing To Dance At My Cousin's Partner's Baby Shower?
“Honestly, this post in my opinion is cringy for me to write considering I only use this platform to find Sims mods, but I’m having genuine family problems and I just want to be done with everything.
So for context, I’m Samoan and I’m currently still in high school.
In my culture, the younger girls perform these dances (sivas) at important events in our family’s lives (so think weddings, birth milestones, grad parties). I love dancing for my family and just dancing in general, doing talukas, and dancing with my sisters brings me so much happiness because I’m doing it for my family.
Recently though, one of my older boy cousins got this one girl from our school pregnant. And I say girl and boy instead of man or woman because they’re both 18 (no judgment to either of them from me, but their ages are important to see where I’m coming from).
Because it’s against a lot of our family’s customs, the two decided to basically get engaged and stay together to take care of the baby. And because they’re together, my aunt decided she wanted to throw a baby shower for my cousin’s partner and she asked me to do a taluka for her (basically dancing alone).
Now here’s my issue; I do not like my cousin’s partner. She was a huge part of why I felt isolated in a PWI because she and the other islander kids made fun of me for being more white-washed (the reason being that I can’t speak our language as well as them).
I felt like I could connect with no one because she’d talk crap about me behind my back to literally everyone, calling me plastic and whatnot, and I know it might seem small, but these comments hurt me because I was already struggling with my cultural identity (I’m mixed, but I resonate with my Samoan side more because I don’t have contact with my other side’s family at all).
With that info out there, when my aunt asked me to dance, I said no. I didn’t tell her about the teasing that my cousin’s partner would do, but I did say I didn’t want to do it because I barely knew her and it made no sense to me.
That part is where I feel like I was the jerk and did too much because I definitely could have been less snappy with how I went about it but I feel like for me to dance alone, it has to be important, and honestly?
This just doesn’t seem as important to me considering who it’s for.
My aunts and all the older people are calling me petty for not wanting to do one dance for my future nephew/niece and saying it’s out of respect, but my cousins are telling me to stand by it because I don’t have to dance for her if I don’t want to.
I don’t know though, a part of me feels bad about not dancing because as much as I don’t like her, a lot of my family and hers don’t support her situation and I don’t wanna make her feel isolated because as much as I don’t like her, she’s still gonna be a part of my family and I want to support my cousin.
I don’t want any drama in my family either, so am I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would explain to your aunt & close family why you don’t want to dance. That she has made you feel uncomfortable and teased you. That you will love your future niece or nephew but you just don’t like her because of how she’s treated you in the past.” Antique_Radish8823
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you seem very young so let me just applaud how mature you made this sound. The fact that you’re considering doing it at all because of how your cousin and his partner may feel shows this isn’t out of animosity, just teenage conflict.
Now along with that, it probably wouldn’t hurt to talk with the girl. While you’re not petty for not wanting to dance, talking with her before deciding for sure would be best. If you’re already worried about isolating her, it would weigh on your conscience to choose to do this without giving her a talk, so try giving her a talk about the situation and how she made you feel if you do anything else.” Alarmed_Flounder_941
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re not even the more immediate family that culturally should be dancing. You are a bit further removed and therefore less obligation to dance than that immediate family. I suspect that maybe you are a much better dancer than anyone in the immediate family which is why your aunt wants you to dance.
What she doesn’t realize is that because you don’t want to and she’s trying to twist your arm to do it, you will do, at best, a half-hearted dance because your heart just isn’t in it.” KitchenDismal9258
3. AITJ For Being Upset That My Parents Bought My Brother A More Expensive Car?
“Here’s the backstory. My parents told both my brother and me that they would buy our first cars to help us get started in life. My(23F) first car was a Malibu back in 2018 bought for just around 31000 CAD and I was super grateful to my parents for this as it helped me get jobs and spend time with friends.
My little brother (18M) got a Cadillac CT4 last year for his first car, priced around 44000 CAD. I was already kind of annoyed that they got him this car instead of something closer to my first car but I just let it go.
Here’s the part where I’ve been pretty upset over, my little brother just recently got into a car accident and completely totaled his Cadi.
He tried to turn left through two lanes of heavy traffic to come home after work and got hit by someone traveling in their lane all because “it was faster to get home”. Insurance deemed him completely at fault and wrote the car off, giving my parents a check to pay it off and get a new car.
After paying the balance of his car off they had about 12-15k left over for the new car. My dad took my little brother to the VW dealer and they saw the Golf Type R(54000 CAD) my brother liked it, so they decided this was the car that they were going to get as the replacement.
If you know anything about cars giving an 18-year-old a type R is a recipe for disaster in my opinion.
The reason I’m so upset over this is when I first was looking at cars my dream car was the type R, the style and drive of it is something that I have always been attracted towards.
When we were originally looking for my first car we went and test-drove a golf GTI and my parents immediately said no and it was “too much power for me, and was too expensive”. I brought what they said up after they told me what car they ordered for my little brother and was immediately told it didn’t matter this was what was happening.
I asked them why couldn’t my brother just get a Malibu like me and they said “That’s a downgrade for him and isn’t good enough for him” which took me back and hurt me because I viewed what they said as “Well it was good enough for you but not him and he deserves better than you” so we had a pretty big argument and I called them jerks and said they were treating him and me differently.
I’ve already been really upset with my parents about how they’ve been treating my brother compared to me when I was younger, he gets to go out on school nights, he hasn’t gotten in trouble for missing curfew(multiple times), drove to school in grade 11 when I was only allowed to senior year.
After the argument we had about the car he was getting, I haven’t been talking to any of my family because what they said frustrated and hurt me with how different they’re treating me and my brother. So AITJ for being upset over them buying this car.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your parents are. I am sorry but he does sound like the golden child. See what happens when he wrecks this one, your parents are stupid, but very well off. It will do you no good to hold a grudge against them, you will only hurt yourself.
The best revenge is living well and making the most of your life. You can’t change them but you can change how you react.” SliceEquivalent825
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- maybe name-calling riled things up, but it sounds like this was the straw to break the camel’s back (and a pretty expensive straw at that!!) Honestly, for your brother to have been completely at fault to wreck his more expensive still first car, and then get this second car that’s a recipe for disaster again?
Sounds like your parents are gonna be paying for your brother’s mistakes and recklessness again… it’s not fair, but at least you came out stronger and with more personal discipline it sounds like.” ReasonableAd4791
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being hurt and upset.
You are allowed to share how it’s making you feel hurt and like you get unequal treatment; based on reality). Beyond that, save your breath. It’s their money, they can do with it what they like. Believe me, I understand exactly how you feel, been there all my life.
At least my younger sibling acknowledges the disparity and is an awesome person, and I’m at a point where I have more money than all of my other family combined. Go do that for yourself.” Antelope_31
2. AITJ For Kicking Out My Best Friend After She Gave Away My Cats?
“My (25F) best friend (24F) and I have been living together for the last year. At first, it was great! We’ve known each other since we were 10 so we thought we would do well living together.
We live in a small two bedroom apartment with my two cats, Peaches and Bowser, who are my whole world. They were a gift from my mom who passed two years ago.
I had been living in the apartment for a year before Angela asked to move in as she broke up with her partner and didn’t have a place to stay.
My last roommate had moved out a couple of weeks prior and I was having a hard time paying bills so it was perfect! Angela was paying me her half of the rent every month and we took turns buying groceries. As she worked mainly from home and I worked in person, she offered to do most of the chores.
About 6-7 months in, she got a partner (31M) who we’ll call Jared. They would sit on the couch all day and eat all the groceries. They’d leave chip bags and drink cans everywhere and expect me to clean it up. Jared convinced Angela that I was freeloading off her because I “expected her to clean the entire house” and she was basically my “housekeeper”.
She stopped buying groceries and soon stopped giving me rent money too and I was struggling to support us and her partner. She refused to clean and constantly told me she was not my “housekeeper” and that I was perfectly capable of cleaning my apartment.
The last straw was when I came home to my beautiful cats, Peaches and Bowser missing. I searched for them everywhere and I called into work the next day so that I could look around the neighborhood I printed signs and put them up everywhere.
I was crying all day and thinking that I had dishonored my mom’s memory by losing the most important gift she gave me. I came home that night defeated and exhausted and upset to Jared and Angela on my couch. Angela asked me what was wrong and I told her about my cats and asked her if she had seen them.
She said they pooped on the floor of her room so she gave them to her sister. She complained that they were annoying and left hair everywhere and that she hated cats anyway and she did me a favor because now I didn’t have to worry about them while I was at work.
That’s when I lost it. I told her to get all of her stuff and leave my apartment. I told her I was going to spend the night at a hotel while she got all her things but I didn’t want her in my home anymore.
She looked shocked and tried to object but I left and found a cheap hotel a block away which is where I am now. She’s been blowing up my phone saying I’m a terrible person and I didn’t deserve the cats anyway.
I do feel bad because I know she doesn’t really have anywhere else to go but I also can’t keep living like this. I’ll post an update when I get back. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you’re making many mistakes here.
Don’t leave them in the house, it is your space, they are not on the lease and have to leave. Call the police if they won’t leave. You should call the police anyway because she and her sister took your cats and are trying to ransom them back to you.
Don’t pay the sister a single cent for them, they are legally yours.” Start_a_riot271
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You set multiple boundaries and she ignored them. It is not your responsibility to support freeloaders. The cat issue was icing on the cake.
Don’t mess with people’s pets, I hope you get the cats back from her sister, also the sister taking them in is INSANE.” ZaxonsBlade
1. AITJ For Not Inviting My Estranged Father To My Son's Birthday Party?
“A little background to this story, my father and mother got into a messy divorce and are not on speaking terms. I’m a married adult, with young children, and I own a home.
This home is not particularly close to my dad’s house. My dad has since remarried, although I did not attend the wedding.
My son’s birthday was coming up and he said he wanted a birthday party. For some reason, I wasn’t expecting a 3-year-old to want a birthday party, so maybe I’m the jerk.
So I quickly invited some of my son’s friends and my mother, since she lived closer and I knew she could make it on short notice. It was a fun party and my son had a great time. I took pictures and posted them to social media when it was all over.
Then came the text. I won’t post it here since it’s rather lengthy but the gist of it is: you don’t invite me to family gatherings, you disrespected me by not coming to my wedding, your mother has poisoned you against me, I won’t be treated like this for much longer, there will be consequences!
I was confused at first, I had just seen him last month at a small family gathering with his side of the family. I tried to explain that I couldn’t have him and my mom over at the same time since my mom would just leave and I didn’t need that drama at my son’s birthday party.
I offered to let him come over and give my son a gift on another day if he would like. As for his wedding, I told him I didn’t feel comfortable going. It was just weird for me and nothing personal. I told him I didn’t appreciate the whole “consequences” talk.
After all, I’m the only child he has left who even speaks to him.
On a side note, I did not say this to my dad, but I’m not even sure what the consequences would be. I’m a self-made man at this point in my life.
It sounds cruel to say, but I don’t need my parents for anything anymore. I suppose he could write me out of his will but I’ve always assumed I wouldn’t get anything. I’d be lucky if I didn’t inherit debt at this point.
Anyway, to make a long story short, I said he has to deal with the fact that he can’t be over at the house at the same time as my mom. If he wants that to change he needs to make things civil with my mom.
Until then, he has to accept coming over for separate family gatherings. He took this as me taking sides and we just went around in circles for a long time, claiming all his previously stated positions.
I’m tempted to just do what my siblings have done and cut him out of my life but at the same time I want him to be able to have some kind of relationship with his grandchildren.
So, AITJ for having two birthday parties for my son, just to appease a parent that doesn’t even appreciate the extra effort? I don’t think I can keep doing this forever. I think my kids don’t care now but I would think they would resent this as they get older.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…..but let me ask. Did your father contact your child to wish him a happy birthday? Did you receive a gift for him in the mail, or did you get a call saying…”Hey, I know you have a birthday coming up.
Do you have any plans?”. It appears your father showed absolutely no interest in your child’s birthday until you posted about it. Now he wants to act upset that he wasn’t included. As last minute as your party was, if he cared at all there should have been some kind of effort from him before that point.” Savings-Bison-512
Another User Comments:
“You have a 3-year-old, so you know what a temper tantrum looks like, and you know that rewarding tantrums just gives you more tantrums. Don’t try to appease someone who is not being reasonable. Parent your child in a way that makes sense for you and your family, and issue invitations you want to issue.
Let him impose “consequences” if he chooses; I suspect they will make very little difference in your life. But giving into his threats is going to set you up for a long, hard road.” EsmeWeatherwax7a
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am divorced. We have adult kids.
I don’t like my ex much. I wouldn’t dream of being anything but civil at anything involving our kids and grandkids. I’m all grown up, and able to act like one. Is the messiness on both parts or was your dad an at-fault party and your mom hurt by his actions?
It sounds like you don’t harbor the same feelings about your mom as your dad, or at least it isn’t coming through in this context. I would simply advise both parents that their grandchild’s feelings are more important than their own, and if they can’t manage to be in the same room with each other for a few hours, a few times a year, then they are welcome to skip any other family functions that you host. What are you going to do in the future with events that can’t be double-scheduled?
School plays, band concerts, games for whatever sports your kid might be interested in? The boundary needs to be set now before those events start up. If either of them is rude to the other, that person is out the door. Doesn’t matter who starts it – that one is gone from that event.
They are both adults – they both need to act like adults.” Own_Lack_4526
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