People Are Eager To Defend Themselves In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
23. AITJ For Not Wanting My Baby To Share A Birthday Or Name With My Partner's Deceased Sister?
“My partner and I are having a baby in September. He had a sister who passed away in a car accident and she was born Sept 12th, and ever since we found out about my due date of Sept 16th he’s been saying he hopes the baby comes a little early as they would then share a birthday.
This is extremely weird to me, to the point where I want to have my baby in August because I want my baby to have nothing to do with his sister. I don’t want to be selfish but this is my first child and I don’t want it to be overshadowed by someone I’ve never even gotten the chance to meet.
Not only that but I have had a name picked out for the baby if it’s a girl since I was in high school because it’s my great-grandmother’s middle name and have always loved it. His mother interjected that this would be better suited as a middle name for my baby and I should name my baby Grace or Gracie if it’s a girl because that’s what her deceased daughter wanted to name her kid if she ever had one.
I don’t like that they’re making my baby more about the dead sister than about the baby itself. I’m not budging on the name as I have had it picked out over ten years and it’s MY child.
So AITJ for wanting my baby to be an individual and not have anything to do with my partner’s dead sister??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ overall. However, I wouldn’t mess around with the due date just to try to avoid the birthday issue. Let everything happen naturally and with that, if the birthday is the same, that is something you would just have to accept. Naming the baby is tricky.
It’s not just your baby. And even if your husband was okay with your name before, there needs to be new discussions. In terms of the family, they need to find better ways to remember their daughter. They’re two separate people. One, unfortunately gone and one starting out life.
Baby should not have to constantly live in the shadow of a deceased family member.” Geckosaurus-Rex
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. It’s not only YOUR baby but it’s your partner’s baby as well and as such you have to take his wishes into consideration and both of you have to find a middle ground; you better tell your partner the name you would like her to have soon just in case he doesn’t like it and both of you have to find a new one.
Your attitude of “I don’t want her anything to do with the dead sister, I didn’t even know her” is a SUPER DUPER YTJ attitude; you don’t have to know her to know that she is important to your partner. So instead of saying “no not happening” you should be saying “why don’t we give the baby your sister’s name as a middle name”.
My advice is that you better start to learn how to manage his family’s expectations in a positive way since if you go all no no no on them the situation won’t get ANY better but only worse.” reddicq
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you’re going to be in for some difficult conversations.
You should state very plainly that while you think it’s great he thinks so fondly of his sister and wants to honor her memory, you’re not going to take away from the joy of new life with a shadow of grief masquerading as tribute.
And make sure to preemptively cut the legs out of their “disrespect for our dead family member” claim that is sure to follow. “There’s nothing disrespectful about me naming my child, but there’s a tremendous amount of disrespect by trying to force something on me by using guilt.” Ultimately, it’s going to be your call.
Tremendous deference is given to the mothers on early baby decisions in the hospital, especially as it doesn’t sound like you’re married. So you can pull that card if you want to go nuclear.” wittiestphrase
22. AITJ For Ordering Takeout For The Kids While My Wife Was At Work?
“My wife’s two nieces and nephew are staying with us and our two kids overnight while their parents celebrate their anniversary. My wife had to work late today, so I was on my own with all five kids. I was a little unenthusiastic about double the cooking and double the dishes, so I pulled up a local burger place on door dash and asked all the kids what they wanted.
I left the oldest in charge when I picked up the burgers (less than 20 minutes total). The kids had burgers and fries for dinner, and then I got everyone washed up and in bed. There was still some cleaning to do (messy kids) but no dishes, so that was nice.
When my wife got home, she asked if there were leftovers, and I apologized that there weren’t and offered to throw something together for her. She asked what I made the kids, and I said we had takeout.
My wife was annoyed because 1. I was lazy and should have made her nieces and nephew a home-cooked meal because that’s what her brother and his wife would do for our kids 2.
I left the kids alone when I picked up the takeout 3. I didn’t make them eat something healthy and 4. I didn’t think about what she would eat when she got home.
My counterargument is a little takeout once in a while is no big deal, the kids were alone for twenty minutes, the burgers weren’t from a fast-food chain and had some healthy stuff on them and it was so late I assumed she’d already eaten at the office.
I offered to make her a sandwich, but she just went to bed in a huff. AITJ?
Edit: Our oldest daughter is ten and the youngest is six. Niblings are 9f, 6m, and 4f.”
Another User Comments:
“I think the issue for your wife is that, when she is responsible for the kids, she does a high amount of emotional labor and organizing and doing things to a high standard – eg.
The social politics of the standards set up by ongoing arrangement/reciprocal babysitting; nutrition; keeping the kids occupied etc. There’s often a disconnect or a double standard between what the mother is expected to do and what the dad is. It’s fine to have takeout every once and a while – but if she’s doing more childcare than you, I think it’s a valid question on why your night gets to be the ‘easy’ one – in the once-in-a-blue moon takeout sense.
Also – you really need the other parents’ consent to leave a 10-year-old in charge of their children. I would be unhappy.” molly_menace
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And I think the reason that your wife is angry is that, when push comes to shove, when you’re in the role of caretaker for your own kids and your wife’s nieces and nephews, you outsourced a lot of things and you left the kids on their own.
You didn’t take up the mental load of thinking about your wife and whether she also wanted food when she came in. You could have had the food delivered, you could have taken the kids with you for a walk. You chose to leave them alone.
Missing mental load – not planning to cook or prepare a meal for kids – choosing takeaway because you don’t want to do household chores (what does that teach kids by the way, that only mommy does chores?) – not considering their safety, leaving them alone.
Not thinking about your wife at all. Not checking in with her about food. I suspect it’s this that she’s upset about. All the things that I think she might think about all the time, you just dropped. Because you could. Because you couldn’t even see some things too.” firefly232
Another User Comments:
“You left five kids alone for twenty minutes when the oldest one was ten? YTJ and a very lucky one at that. A lot of bad things could have happened in twenty minutes. First, it’s not really any more work to cook for five kids than it is for two.
Second, you could have had food delivered and not put any of the kids (and your house) at risk. Third, you know what your wife likes, and certainly should have ordered her something unless you checked and knew she was eating at work. You messed up, leaving that group of kids was a huge mistake.
It’s very easy for a kid to get hurt, and if one of the littler ones did get hurt in your absence, even if it wasn’t major dealing with a bleeding cut or bump on the forehead could be pretty traumatic for a ten-year-old to face.
A broken bone or serious cut or burn would be awful for both the injured child, and the older one(s) who were left in charge. That’s too much responsibility for a ten-year-old, or even a twelve-year-old, IMO. While a 10-12-year-old could stay home alone for that time, being in charge of four younger kids is just too much.” Moulin-Rougelach
21. AITJ For Yelling At My Husband For Expecting Me To Provide Food All The Time?
“In the morning I went to buy breakfast with my youngest kid. I typically don’t eat a heavy breakfast and only eat a small portion of food. My husband asked me to buy him a kind of cake that is small in portion. I bought him the cake and some more food.
At 9 he said he was hungry and he asked me if I was hungry, too. I said no and informed him there is food in the kitchen or if he doesn’t like it he can order delivery.
At around 9.20 he said again that he was hungry and said that I should provide food.
I took it that he doesn’t like the food in the kitchen and told him to order something since I haven’t shopped for groceries. He opened his phone and asked what I want. Again I said I wasn’t hungry yet.
I thought he’d ordered something for himself, but 15 minutes later he said again that he was hungry and I need to provide food.
Not gonna lie I flipped. I yelled at him, “What do you mean provide food? There’s food, you are able-bodied and can go in the kitchen!”
He said I should’ve known that he meant he wanted me to fix him some fried egg and nuggets.
I answered then why didn’t he say so instead of being passive-aggressively annoying? He said I should’ve thought about it myself since if he asked, I could refuse. He said I was a jerk for flipping at him and refused to provide food.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“May I suggest such old classics as “I am not your mother. There is nothing wrong with you. Do it yourself” and “Is there something wrong with your hands and feet?” Plus the associated variations “I’m not your maid” and “I have already prepared breakfast. If you want something more, you can get it yourself.” NTJ.” 8kijcj
Another User Comments:
“If your husband all of a sudden became sexist, I have to wonder if there is something else going on? My experience is that when a man makes a major pattern/character change, they are up to something. However, if he has always had this sexist streak, then some hard conversations need to take place regarding expectations from each other.” Gwenbyn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is an adult and could have said “could you fix me something to eat” or he could have acted like an adult and got up and made himself something to eat or ordered delivery like you told him to.
Acting like a pesky child did nothing but get you steamed up at him. Your reaction was justified he was acting like a spoiled rotten brat. Nip it in the bud now or he will do this with everything all the time. It sounds like he’s lazy.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Declining The Role Of Maid Of Honor For My Sister Due To Her Toxic Behavior?
“My (28) only sister (26) just got engaged (yay!). Our family isn’t jumping for joy about her partner of 5 years who she has picked, but he makes her happy and that’s all that matters.
My sister and I have never been particularly close. We are completely different people and there has always been some resentment between us. I cast a large shadow on my sister growing up (academics/sports) and I always found it annoying how much my parents coddled/spoiled her and downplayed/belittled my achievements to make her feel better.
My sister doesn’t have many female friends either.
Since seeing her fiancé she turned into a homebody whose life revolves around him, her cat, and smoking to reduce her anxiety. She’s always had mild mental health and anxiety issues but they went through the roof when she began seeing her fiancé and no one in my family besides me will address it.
I had to eventually let it go a few years back to keep the peace in my family who likes to sweep everything under the rug.
Rewind to 6 weeks ago. I spent months planning a 7-day vacation where my mom has always wanted to go.
My mother insisted on paying for the trip. My sister was on board and we all thought it was going to be a fun girls’ trip. The second we got off the plane it was a disaster. She immediately criticized every aspect of the trip.
Within 36 hours she had two crying meltdowns of being homesick. She didn’t pick up a single tab, coffee, dinner bill, or gas refill. The second night she drank way too much and I saw this awful side of her that I had never seen before.
She threw another tantrum and there was a fight between her and my mom. The next day she played the victim and ignored us. I was prepared to send her home on the plane that day to salvage what was left of the trip so my mom could have a good time.
My mom reconciled to save the trip and it did get better. I am still angry because her behavior on the trip was unacceptable. I poured so much time and energy into making the trip a great time for her and my mom and she pretends like nothing happened and refuses to apologize.
So 3 weeks later her partner finally proposes to her. She asked me to be her MOH a week later. I respectively declined. I explained why and noted her behavior on the trip, other events like that from the past and other issues we have. I said for my own mental health and stress I cannot take on the task of being her MOH (plus I do not like her fiancé for other reasons).
I said if she starts to show changes and seeks appropriate help for her anxiety and mental health that I would re-consider. I just have no interest in dealing with her moods, freakouts, and having fights for a year when I have my own stressors right now.
My family is angry at me and says it’s my job as her sister and that I’m making her mental health worse. My sister (behind my back) says I’m saying no because I’m jealous/bitter because my LTR of 4 years came to a mutual end 2 months prior.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every reason to believe the role of MOH will be thankless and horrendous regardless of the effort put in. You’re wise to refuse and should stand your ground, no matter what. ”My sister (behind my back) says I’m saying no because I’m jealous/bitter because my LTR of 4 years came to a mutual end 2 months prior.” While we know it’s not true, why would you even ask someone who is jealous of you to have a position in your wedding with as much responsibility as the MOH?
Ultimately, we all know there are only 2 reasons why she’s asking you… (1) she has no other friends she can ask or (2) she wants to hold her “authority” as bride over you in order to have you at her beck and call until the wedding is over.
Neither is a valid reason to give in to her or your family’s demands.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, although I’m not sure I would have provided such a detailed explanation. Maybe instead, “Gee thanks — that’s really sweet, but I’m afraid I can’t be the MOH you want/need/deserve.” If she wants to think it’s because you’re bitter and jealous, oh well.
And family can butt out — it is not a sister’s “job” to be MOH. Nor are you responsible for your sister’s mental health. There’s no law requiring weddings to have bridesmaids or groomsmen.” AdEmpty4390
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – good on you for saying no because the next year of wedding planning up until the wedding sounds sure to be an unpleasant ride.
I’m sorry your family is angry – even after the ruined trip with your mother, they are still minimizing her bad behavior because that is what it is. Anxiety doesn’t give her a pass to be inconsiderate of other people. She sounds exhausting. Stay strong and insist on only being an attendee of the wedding and not the MOH.
Life is too short to consign yourself to the kind of drama being in this wedding party will bring.” DS3333
19. AITJ For Telling My Husband's Friend To Shut Up On Father's Day?
“My husband is very mad at me for this.
I was on a video call with my dad to wish him a happy Father’s Day. And my husband’s friends called him on Discord. I was still talking to my father when I heard a “shut the heck up (OP)”.
So I finished up with my father and tore into his friend.
I said. “It is darn Father’s Day. I was talking to my father. How about you shut the heck up” and closed my husband’s computer then disconnected him from the chat.
My husband then tore into me about disrespecting his friends. Calling me the jerk and that I had no right to do that.
He opened back up the call and his friends were all saying a bunch of really mean and hateful things about me.
I then told my husband that I was going out for a bit and to watch the kids. I’m now sitting in the car down a back road, crying my eyes out.
I feel like such a terrible person and my husband is sending me non-stop texts telling me to come home and stop my whining.
I plan to go back once in calm. But please tell me. Was I the jerk?
Something you should know is that our home is tiny.
Our bedroom is downstairs and has no wifi signal so all wifi use has to be on the main floor. My son’s bedroom, the living, and the kitchen are the only rooms on the main floor. So him going elsewhere in the house is not possible and I was watching the kids at the time and I am not taking the kids to the downstairs room with nothing to do.”
Another User Comments:
“Oh God. Big yikes. NTJ. Listen, I’m not gonna assume anything about you and your husband, but that is a major red flag that your husband did not defend you when his friend told you to shut up. Not only is that disrespectful, but it shows how little he respects you when he comes to his friends.
It sounds like he does not hold you in high regard, and any good man would defend his wife in a situation like this. Your home is your home. If you want to call your dad on Father’s Day and be loud, it is your home to do so.
Your friend (who wasn’t even there physically) has no right to tell you to be quiet in such a disrespectful manner. And I would really reconsider your relationship with your husband. Your husband of all people should be infuriated by anyone talking to you like that.
This makes me wonder what he says about you when you aren’t around. If this were me, I would do some snooping in his messages. Your husband’s behavior is very concerning and I hope you find happiness with someone who respects you and loves you.
Good luck.” captainofcerealthief
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP, on your Duh’s list of priorities, you fall below friends. Waaaaay below friends. This is beyond a needed reassurance that you aren’t the jerk. This is “you two need to see a marriage counselor” territory. If your husband won’t go, decisions need to be made.
Do you want to continue to the very end of your life with someone like this? Do you want to force him to face the problems you have in your marriage? It’s called “two cards.” One is a divorce lawyer, the other is a marriage counselor.
He has to choose.” ChinSpin_1986
Another User Comments:
“He thinks it’s ok to treat you like that????? What in the everloving heck? Absolutely not. This is not normal. This is not ok. The fact that he has you doubting that maybe you were the unreasonable one is INCREDIBLY BAD.
You need to normalize your relationship expectations here. This is emotional abuse. Now, maybe now that he’s apologized, he’ll realize that he needs to change. Maybe he’ll fully own that this is abusive and do the hard af work to change it.
But look up the cycle of abuse. Read the “why does he do that?” book for free online. Has that pattern happened in the past? Do you see parallels? Not asking for a response. Asking for you to take a good hard look yourself. I know kids complicate things, but this would be relationship shattering to me.
Good luck. NTJ x 2000000.” alizarincrimson
18. AITJ For Only Wanting To Serve Appetizers To Our Wedding Guests While We Eat A Full Meal?
“We’re trying to save money where possible for the wedding ceremony and are using Publix for the catering. My wife thinks the guests will be ok just eating finger foods such as fruit/vegetable trays, assorted cheeses, wings, chicken tenders… but she knows she’ll be hungry and won’t be satisfied with just those.
She wants just her and me to also have a roast chicken at the table (I think some sides too).
I think it would be incredibly rude to have an openly much better meal than our guests would have. Us tearing apart a full bird while they munch on tenders.
Conversely, I’d be perfectly fine with just the appetizers for everyone, us included. The cost for every table to get a roast chicken would put us at like $30 a plate according to her and that’s not saving money. With every decision we make she justifies them by going “It’s OUR wedding!
It’s ours, not anybody else’s!” She didn’t want to have a wide variety of options to cater to others either. She only wanted stuff she’d like. I think we’d be total jerks to go through with her idea. Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“1. Don’t have a wedding you can’t afford.
2. You always always always feed your guests. You don’t skimp on that unless you want to end up on the wedding shaming pages and forever be known as the wedding that didn’t feed anyone. People will take their gifts back if they aren’t fed. It’s just rude.
If you don’t want to host a full meal have a 2 pm wedding with an afternoon tea reception after. Or something. But still don’t cheap out on the food options. Nobody wants chicken fingers from Publix. You would be the jerk if you proceeded in this manner.” neworderfan
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you do this. You would be infamous in my circles and family for pulling something like that – in fact, in my world, guests would leave after realizing how horribly you’d treated them. I can’t even properly wrap my head around how selfish and entitled this ridiculous idea is – people complain about stuffy etiquette but then I read bull stuff like this and there is something to be said for having even rudimentary manners.
Guests aren’t props for your day in the spotlight. As hosts, you have a responsibility to be…hospitable! Could you imagine going even to a kid’s casual birthday party and being told there is no cake for the guests, just a cupcake for the birthday kid and the rest of you can have a piece of candy?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. You’re inviting people to a party. The party is to celebrate your life event, yes, but these people are your guests, here at your invitation, and the party should be fun for them. Give them the best you can within your budget, and DO NOT set yourselves above them.
Remember that an expensive wedding is not your only option. You can stretch your food budget in a couple of ways: invite fewer people, so that your per-plate numbers are high but your totals are lower; check with some local caterers – you might find caterers who can do more with their wholesale budget than you can with your retail (we did!); reduce your budget somewhere else – maybe you can Pinterest/DIY the decor or bouquet, or get a cupcake assortment instead of a cake, or rent a sound system and set up a playlist on your phone, instead of getting a DJ.
Put the money where YOU care about the item. Finally, if what your fiancée really truly wants is for you guys to be fully centered on your big day, you could elope! Wear nice clothes, have a nice ceremony, spend your budget on a fancy honeymoon, and send people an announcement when you get back.
This is a valid option! Basically, don’t make people spend their time and money to come to your party and then treat them like nothing more than drains on your purse. Treat them joyously, or not at all. You can always schedule the wedding for the early afternoon, and end the reception at 5.
Then, you and your wife can go out for a full meal after the reception (and so can everyone else!)” Aealias
17. AITJ For Not Inviting My Brother's Vulgar Partner To My Wedding?
“My brother (35) and his partner (27), have a very toxic relationship and honestly, I can’t stand her. She and my brother have loud vulgar fights in front of people, and she makes herself a spectacle. She uses inappropriate language non-stop and does not know when a topic is inappropriate or none of her business.
I’ve made efforts to redirect her away from topics that are inappropriate in the setting, and she refuses to take these prompts. My brother is completely non-confrontational and finds it easier to let her spout off than try to argue with her. I sincerely believe he dislikes her as much as my family and I do, he just won’t admit it.
She came to my house for Christmas 2 years ago, and said some horribly vulgar things, at the dinner table, in front of my whole family. She spent the whole time using inappropriate language and making jokes about her and my brother’s “private life.” Since then, I have told my brother I don’t want her in my home, and I don’t overly want to be around her.
We’re by no means prudes, my whole family is pretty out there and can make a gross joke, but she’s the most vulgar person I’ve ever met.
I’m getting married in June, a small ceremony with just family and close friends. I’ve invited my brother, and not his partner, and used the short guest list as my reason.
I invited my BIL’s partner so I’m aware I’ll need to answer to my lie. I just want to avoid any drama until after the wedding, but the reality is, this woman is dreadful and would not only make everyone uncomfortable, but humiliate me in front of my fiance’s family, and all of our friends.
AITJ for lying and not inviting her to the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you are a little the jerk. Have you spoken to her, while she’s being awful and said, “Stop it”? Hints do not work it’s time to flat-out tell her to shut up.
It sounds as if your brother is not innocent if he engages with her. It’s time for you to buck up and speak up to her. Then, when you don’t want her around she’ll know why and you don’t have to make stuff up.” oberlinmom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting her. But you shouldn’t lie. You don’t like her and that’s okay. I didn’t want my dad’s partner at my wedding for similar reasons. His invite was addressed to only him. He knew and didn’t disagree. I only allowed her to come up with him so he wouldn’t go home to a trashed apartment.
He promised to make sure she behaved and she did, thankfully.” SteampunkHarley
Another User Comments:
“No. NTJ. It’s your wedding. You don’t want her there, you don’t want her there. Does your brother object to this? He may be relieved. If his partner says anything, just tell her that this is how it is.
A lot of people are not invited. Are BIL and his partner engaged to be married? Big difference there! You can see where I am going. You can also blame your future in-laws for the extra invite, I am sure they would be more than happy to cover for you.
If your brother gives you grief over this, just tell him the truth. You don’t want this person a part of this wonderful day as her past behavior has proven to be nightmare enough to not allow her in your home. Enough is enough.
Stop catering to inappropriate behavior. Sometimes you have to save people from themselves. This is supposed to be a nice occasion, and this person is inappropriate on every level from what it sounds like. You have zero obligation to make others comfortable regarding this.” Shoo_B_Doo_B_Doo
16. AITJ For Locking Up My Playstation To Stop My Brother's Late Night Gaming Sessions?
“My brother (21) is a notorious shut-in. There’s no reason for it, he just hides from the world and acts like everything is against him.
I’m his older brother and I want him to be happy, so after I got my very first PlayStation, I noticed he was taking interest in it. I told him he could play some games on it and told him the password, hoping he could find some interest and play video games with me eventually.
Unfortunately, that’s not what happened.
At first, there was no problem. I work a night shift, and sometimes I would come home from work and he’d be in my room, playing away at 11 at night. I was glad he was having fun, and he would respect that I needed privacy and go back to his own room.
But after a week or two of playing video games every day, he started to get bold. He would play past midnight sometimes when I wanted privacy, saying he just wanted “one more match”. I kind of became a pushover and let him have his fun.
But then, he started to game in my room until the mid-hours of the morning, keeping me up. I would tell him to leave, and he would ignore me. I tend to get very heated when I’m frustrated, so I control what I say very carefully, but I end up being more of a pushover.
His gaming sessions would end up becoming an everyday occurrence, and he became entitled. He dumped cash into some games that he bought and used it as leverage to use the PlayStation whenever he wanted. He would straight up ignore me when I tried to talk to him, and at one point when I tried to tell him that he had 30 minutes left to play and he better be out of my room, he said, “I don’t know why you’re still trying to talk to me.” I had to walk away from that situation because I would have gotten mad.
I even had to get our mother involved at some points just to get him off the PlayStation. When that happened, he would yes our mother to death and then go right back to what he was doing a day or two later, and then he would use that as an excuse when I was frustrated that he was doing it again.
Finally, after over a month of him doing this, I snapped. I came home from work, and I had an early shift the next day. My brother was gaming away, and I told him to finish up the match and leave, but he ignored me.
He kept me up consistently, talking to his friends and playing flashy games that made it impossible to sleep. At four in the morning, I got up and told him to get off. He looked at me with the most entitled, annoyed look and said, “One more round.” That’s when I snapped, and without a word, I unplugged the PS4 in the middle of his match, marched outside, and locked the PS4 in my truck.
He was raging and whining, calling me a manchild for what I did, but in my eyes I had been patient and even a pushover for over a month, and he was mad that he couldn’t exploit my kindness anymore. But this isn’t about my opinion.
Would you have done the same in my situation, or AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, handled it better than I would have, if my sibling pulled that sort of crap on me I would have definitely been judged the jerk on here lol. You have a right to privacy, and you also have a right to get people to leave your room on request, your brother calling you a manchild is hilarious while he was basically screaming “please let me play one more game, then I’ll go to bed” at 21.” lothikara
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Like others would have said, my brother wouldn’t have gotten a second chance after the first instance of him overstepping. RE your brother’s behavior in general, I understand he’s a pill, but there’s being introverted, and then there’s serious mental health.
He sounds like he’s got major depression, and maybe even agoraphobia. Either of those things don’t just go away, and are only going to get worse without help.” Old_Mintie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly just wanna say good on you for acknowledging that you have a tendency to get heated when frustrated and making consistent efforts to avoid lashing out by removing yourself from the situation or being extra careful with what you’re saying.
It’s a great quality and it’s really clear here that you are trying your best in all regards.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Refusing To Hear My Ex-Best Friend's Apology?
“Nearly a year ago my “best friend” and I got in a huge argument and quit talking. The argument itself wasn’t that big of a deal but how she handled it really upset me.
It was like she was trying to hurt me as much as she possibly could. On top of that, what caused the argument has been an ongoing problem for the majority of the 4 years we’ve known each other. All of this caused me to decide I was completely 100% done with her.
Recently her mother saw me and stopped and said that the ex-friend wanted to apologize but hadn’t been able to catch me due to my schedule and for some reason, my phone wasn’t working. I told her that the reason my phone “wasn’t working” was that I had blocked her daughter’s number and that I had no interest in hearing whatever apology she had to give.
I meant what I said when I said I was done and that wasn’t going to change. The mom called me a bunch of names but whatever.
When I got home I told my husband and he said I was being a jerk and that I should at least let her apologize so there’s no hard feelings.
I’ve talked to several other people and they all think I should let her apologize despite me not wanting anything to do with her. My mom even pointed out that it could give me the chance to get back in touch with some other friends that I only knew through the ex-friend and thus haven’t talked to at all since this all happened. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Certain “dark” personality disorders are characterized by the inability to accept being cut off by a former friend. The fact that this person has multiple people trying to tell you to give her another chance is a red flag in and of itself.
If someone screwed up so badly that you are justified in cutting them off, a normal well-adjusted person can recognize that it’s not meant to be and move on.” Humble_Ladder
Another User Comments:
“Sometimes listening to an apology is actually beneficial to you. Hear me out.
Listening could give you closure. And I agree with your mom and SO that it could mend fences with others that you knew through this person. You don’t have to be friends with this person if you listen to the apology, it really could be healing for you and help you move forward- without that person.
NTJ either way but I’d listen to the apology – you really have nothing to lose.” Zealousideal-Crew783
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she wanted to apologize that bad, she could’ve written you a letter and just left the ball in your court. Instead, she recruits people to guilt you into talking to her.
That’s very manipulative. That puts the pressure on you to “be the bigger person” (aka, put up with abuse or just put up with people you flat out don’t like) and puts everyone’s eyes on you instead of her.” seeingredagain
14. AITJ For Secretly Recording My In-Laws Speaking In A Language I Don't Understand?
“I didn’t meet the majority of my husband’s family until after we were already married. For the most part, everybody has been very nice to me but I’ve always got the vibe that a few members of his family, including his brother’s wife, secretly dislike me.
They’ve never been outright nasty to me but sometimes they’ll switch to a language I don’t speak and I get the vibe they’re speaking about me, especially since they never do it when my husband is there.
I wanted to know if I was just being paranoid so when his brother’s wife started speaking to their family friends in Italian and they were all laughing and giving me funny looks, I decided to secretly record their conversation.
I asked his sister, as we’re friends, if she would tell me if they were speaking about me but she asked me if I had shown my husband the recording. When I told her I hadn’t, she told me to ask him what they were saying.
I wasn’t planning to show him but she mentioned it in front of him and he asked to see it. He didn’t tell me what they were saying either but he was furious and he went and confronted them all. I don’t know what they were saying when he confronted them as they were speaking Italian but it was very heated. They all said sorry to me so they were obviously saying something about me.
After when my husband wasn’t there, his brother’s wife confronted me and said I was already causing trouble in the family and not everybody had to like me. She was angry at me for secretly recording her and told my mother-in-law and her husband that I did.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Erm… Speaking in a foreign language when you’re fully capable of speaking English around people who can’t speak your language is extremely rude and disrespectful anyway. I speak two languages and my mother would have slapped the taste out of my mouth if I ever did that to a guest in our home.
Anyway… No, you’re NTJ. They were being deceitful deliberately, had they just spoken to you, you wouldn’t have had to record them complaining about you to have it translated by your husband. She’s angry that they were caught, that’s all. Spineless.” Garner-almighty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had a similar situation with my (then, new) BIL who didn’t know I was fluent in his dialect. Hubs ripped him a new one. BIL then set his new wife to some trouble stirring. This was back in the days of landlines and taped recordings.
I started recording her. One day she called when Hubs was off work. He heard the whole thing. When his bro called that evening to start problems, he blew up. So OP, I see some distinct problems ahead. Keep recording. CYA. And tell your husband in a way that doesn’t make it seem like you are trying to come between him and his family.
Italian is a relatively easy language to learn. One day, you will be able to give it back to her in a language everybody understands. Make sure to record it. The look on her face will give you pleasure for many years.” Mwindanji
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While I think it was silly to record their conversation without their knowledge, it was awful that they changed the language they spoke around you and then spoke about you with you standing right there. Your husband rightfully so defended you and that’s all that matters.
Do not worry about what the rest of the family thinks, you did nothing wrong.” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Being Upset That My In-Laws Went Back On Our Deal?
“I am getting married this summer and we are excited! My partner and I are very lucky that my late parent stashed away some cash for this, and it seems we will be contributing about $2000 of our own money, so we are very lucky and feel very grateful.
A few months ago, my soon-to-be MIL said that she and my soon-to-be FIL would pay for one of the vendors, a total of about $800. My fiance and I were so happy and so grateful and budgeted according to this offer. They said they wanted to help a little bit and we really, really appreciated this bill being taken off of our plate, so to speak.
A month or so ago, my soon-to-be MIL and FIL started organizing a dinner for the night before the wedding, cocktail style, with the family and wedding party. We thought this was very kind and were very surprised. They’ve already spoken with the hotel about the room, menu, time, etc. We have no clue about the details.
Recently my fiance and I have been settling outstanding payments and returned to the conversation we had a few months ago – now FIL and MIL are saying they will pay half of the $800 bill they originally offered to cover.
I am a bit miffed because we didn’t want or ask for a “dress rehearsal” the night before (we will be so busy and I had made plans with my bridesmaids) and feel a bit that the rug was pulled out from under us.
AITJ for expecting (honestly, hoping) them to pay, or am I being a bridezilla?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t about you expecting your future MIL to pay, it is about taking someone at their word when they OFFER to pay. If you told someone you would pay for half of a bill and they took on the expense because of that offer, then it is super cruddy to back out and leave the person with the bill.
Speak with your fiancé about this party and see if something can be done to reduce the expenses related to the extra party you didn’t want.” EvilLadyJ
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – Money situations change unexpectedly all the time, including willingness to spend money.
We’re all guilty of it. It sucks but people are genuinely allowed to change their minds about where they spend their money. She’s still putting in what I imagine is the equivalent of $800 (or more) by paying half the vendor and funding the party.
If you really didn’t want the party they’re planning, you should have made that very clear from the moment they mentioned it, but I do understand why they’d want to contribute less to the vendor when money is being put into the party.
Yes you can be upset – unexpectedly having to pay more is upsetting and does not make you a jerk, but it doesn’t sound like you’re losing their support either, it’s just being partially redirected in a direction you allowed. MIL is probably patting herself on the back thinking she’s throwing this pre-wedding party for her son and DIL AND helping fund another vendor, and you’re fuming because you didn’t want the party and have to cough up another $400 for the vendor.
I think it’s a communication issue more than who’s the jerk issue.” lobosaguila
Another User Comments:
“Gentle no jerks here. They offered to pay for one of the vendors and you and your fiancé gratefully accepted. You booked the vendor without the money in hand and that money hasn’t been mentioned in “a few months”.
For whatever reason, they’ve gone back on their word and decided to cut their gift in half. You’re 100% allowed to be upset because it puts you in a tight financial situation and they didn’t let you know before now. But ultimately, it was still their money to gift, they hadn’t given it to you yet, and the topic wasn’t talked about for months.” bee456654
12. AITJ For Calling Out My Wife's Aunt For Excluding Her From A Family Photo?
“My (at the time) wife hosted Thanksgiving one year and did the vast bulk of prep/cooking/etc. Guests included her aunt, two of her cousins, and her sister who, in total, brought two or three of the twelve-plus dishes served.
After the meal, her aunt said she wanted to get a picture of all the “kids” (everyone was at least in their 20s) with red hair. As that happened, that was literally everyone there except my wife. My wife didn’t say anything but exited the room.
I quietly pulled her aunt to the side and in a low voice mentioned that it seemed kind of rude to exclude the person who hosted and supplied almost everything for the meal.
Later that night, my wife tore into me about how I was out of line.
Apparently, her aunt complained to her kids about it, and all of them sent messages about how I was extremely rude to the aunt. I pointed out I had discreetly pulled her to the side and was just trying to stick up for her, but she said it was none of my business as it was her family.
I’ve read enough AITJs to know this could go either way as I was both discreet but also calling out something my wife hadn’t specifically said bothered her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, for years I’ve been left out of family photos because I have been the designated photographer.
I haven’t asked for this and have asked others to swap me out so I can be in pictures and that hasn’t happened. I pretend it’s okay but it hurts, especially when fly-by-night partners are in the pictures and I, an actual family member, am not.
So speaking from experience NTJ. I would appreciate someone else making the point so I don’t have to.” AforAuPair
Another User Comments:
“”Get a picture of all the “kids” (everyone was at least in their 20s) with red hair.” You specifically call this out yet fail to mention if your wife has red hair.
If her aunt wanted a photo of the redheads (odd but whatever) and your wife does not have red hair? YTJ. What you very easily could have done was, after the redhead photo, offer to take a photo of everyone to commemorate Thanksgiving. Your wife doesn’t become a martyr just because she cooked a Thanksgiving meal. YTJ.
Subtlety is a skill.” facinationstreet
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. What’s the problem with taking a photo of all the redheads in attendance? It would probably make a great photo. Hopefully/presumably there was more than one photo taken that day. You could have said you’d like a pic of all the “kids” and taken one yourself.
Would it have been rude to exclude the aunt from the photo? No IMO. Because then you could have taken one with the aunt too. I mean this is what families do…take multiple photos in different combinations of people.” throwaway20698059
11. AITJ For Insisting My Family Include My Husband In Family Events?
“My family have never been happy about my relationship with my husband and they completely cut me off at 20 after I married him despite them begging me not to.
Last year, my sister reached out and I started rebuilding my relationship with my family. For the most part, things have been going well but my family refuses to include my husband in anything despite both of my parents admitting they were wrong about him and me trying to convince them to give him a real chance.
I finally had enough when my aunt asked me if my husband had finally left me and that’s why I was back. She told me I shouldn’t be embarrassed and that it was bound to happen eventually. When I told her I was still married she didn’t believe me because my extended family never see my husband since he’s never invited to anything.
I was so upset that the next time I spoke to my sister I told her I wouldn’t be attending any more family events, including her wedding, unless my husband was also invited.
Now everybody in my family is upset and angry with me for forcing them to invite my husband to events when they don’t want to be around him.
They think I’m choosing him over them again and that I don’t value my relationship with my “real” family. My sister and her fiancé are mad that I specifically mentioned their wedding as an event I would skip, although my sister did reluctantly tell me I could bring my husband.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: I also need to know why your parents begged you not to marry your husband. Was it because you were 20? How old was he? Is he a lot older than you? Was he someone who had at some point had a position of authority over you and your parents didn’t like the shift in the relationship?
How long have you been married? When you say your parents have admitted that they were wrong about him, what does that mean and what does that look like? There’s not enough information here to make a judgment.” ElleEmGee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. After reading why they dislike him this much, you are absolutely not the jerk.
They never gave him a chance and that’s just childish and petty. Then, as you were rebuilding, you were actually good at not pushing him on them immediately. BUT at some point they either have to accept him as your husband or the rebuilding cannot go on.
He is a HUGE part of your life. It sounds like your family needs to get over themselves and move on. If they can’t, I simply don’t see how you can keep going to events (without him that is).” Throwaway-2587
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and if it’s like that then you should choose your husband over your family if you really love him.
I don’t know what your future plans are OP but this man could potentially be the father of your children, what are they going to do then? Seriously? What would they do if the two of you decide to have kids together in the future?
(If you don’t already have kids together) would your family consider your children to have “bad blood” because of your husband? I’m going to give you a hard NTJ.” thekarmabum
10. AITJ For Not Giving My Daughter The Bigger Room In Our New House?
“My (43m) wife (39f) and I have recently moved after I got hired at a new company. The houses in my new city are pretty pricey, so we picked an affordable one in a suburban town.
It’s not as big as our old house, but it’s more than livable, and it has a lot of space.
We moved in today, with our 2 kids 17m and 15f. We decided to give my son the bigger room because he has more stuff to put in his room.
We gave my daughter the smaller one because she only has a bed and a small vanity set. It’s not roomy, but she has space to sleep, look outside, and do her makeup, and we got the smallest room upstairs. My wife and I thought this was fair until my daughter came to me a few hours ago saying her room was too small.
I told her she had plenty of room to do her daily routine, but she told me that she couldn’t practice her gymnastics like she was able to do in her old room. I told her she is free to do that in the living room and the backyard, but then she went on saying that she is getting older, and my son should be moving out soon when he turned 18 (We don’t know if this is true yet since he hasn’t applied to a college yet, and isn’t currently working a job).
I still didn’t consider her request. She locked herself in her room and is still currently in her room. I don’t know what to do honestly. I can’t really move out for obvious reasons, but I want my daughter to be happy, along with all my family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Look at it this way. If the daughter has more stuff, would she be getting the bigger room? If the son has less stuff, would he be getting the smaller room? While we don’t have the exact room measurements on how big each room is, I’d presume she has fewer things because she likes her room to have space so she could practice gymnastics in the comfort of her room.
I’d dismiss favoritism here but she does have a point where the son would eventually move out. Either compromise for the time being that she gets the brother’s room, his stuff can be moved to the basement (if there’s one) or kept in the garage (if he doesn’t need all of his stuff).
But there’s plenty of info we’re lacking here…. but I hope you got it figured out. Best of luck.” Mathilda77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Growing up, we didn’t get a choice of what rooms we got; our parents made the decision and we went where we were told.
But truly, I don’t understand why you and your wife aren’t in the largest room yourselves. It’s like you’re putting yourselves last. I understand trying to accommodate everyone’s wishes but you have to accept not everyone is going to be happy 100% of the time. This is what I would do: 1) move yourselves into the largest room.
2) ask if either wants the basement if it is fixed up. 3) if no one wants the basement you have 2 bedrooms that are available. If they both want the same one then flip a coin, draw straws, etc so the room assignment is fair. 4) if they each have one of the bedrooms and the basement is empty, convert it into a family room where your daughter can do her gymnastics or they have a place to hang out with friends.
The reality is both are there for a short few years before going to College or living their own lives away from you both. The house should be comfortable for you both as you’ll be living there the longest. Claim the master bedroom for yourselves; you have no reason to be living in the attic unless something about it makes it special to you.” Tobywillygal
Another User Comments:
“Your daughter needs a reality check, you as the parents should have the largest room, you pay for the house and everything else that goes with the ownership of a home. You are setting her up to become entitled and self-centered. Sure offer your son the basement but then you take his room.
She needs to understand it’s not all about her and she has a few options to practice her gymnastics. Don’t let her dictate your household.” Accomplished_Sky_943
9. AITJ For Hanging Out With My Sister While She Breastfeeds Her Baby?
“My sister, her partner, and their baby have moved in with me (M) recently. I gave them the master bedroom and I now have another bedroom. I gave them that one because there are three of them and a connected bathroom for the baby.
My sister and I are super close.
We grew up basically just us two so we are best friends. When my sister and the baby are in their room, sometimes I join them to hang out. I talk to my sister or play with the baby. I love them both. I always ask if my sister is ok with me coming in.
In the beginning when she was feeding, I would wait for her to finish. The other day while we were talking the baby got hungry and my sister popped one out to shut it up. Since then I just stay when she feeds or come in if she says it’s fine.
Her partner found us talking while she was feeding and freaked out. He said it was disgusting and that I wasn’t allowed in their room anymore. Obviously, I was just spending time with my sister and nibling, but he said that since it’s their room, his partner, and his baby his say beats mine.
My sister was upset and said that really the entire apartment was mine since I own it and I can come in whenever I want. AITJ if I still spend time with my sister in their room?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s nothing wrong with you being there if your sister is ok with it.
“The entire apartment was mine since I own it and I can come in whenever I want.” I disagree with this. Even though you own the apartment, your sister has the right to privacy in the room that is designated as hers and she has every right to tell you not to come in if she felt uncomfortable with you being there.
I would check in with your sister to confirm that she’s truly comfortable and to reassure her that she has the right to say no if she’s not. Your sister’s partner is being gross and her “say” is the only one that matters here.” Legally_Blonde_258
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The partner is overstepping here. The only opinion that matters is your sister’s. If she’s comfortable with you being there while she feeds the baby then all is good. Almost 30 years ago I breastfed both of my girls in front of both my fathers-in-law (divorce on husband’s side) both my mothers-in-law, a set of great-grandparents, my parents, multiple cousins, a brother-in-law and sister-in-law, and my brother as well.
Baby daddy needs to grow up.” Syyrii
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! As a breastfeeding mother myself, I personally enjoy having some company whilst feeding as it can feel a bit isolating at times and people generally do try to keep their distance! As long as your sister remains happy with you spending time with her whilst she’s feeding her child, carry on doing it!
Also, your sister’s partner needs to pull his head out of his butt.” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother-In-Law Interrupt Our Vacation Over A Work Issue?
“Whenever my husband and I go on vacation, it’s always ruined because of his work.
It got to the point where I told him it was pointless for us to go anywhere because he would either be on the phone solving some crisis the entire time or we would have to leave early. He promised it wouldn’t happen this time and even took steps to make sure nobody could contact him while we were away.
The vacation was going really well until his brother showed up claiming he needed to speak to my husband about an emergency (work-related). While he did look stressed out, I told him he couldn’t come inside, even though we were staying at their family vacation home.
We had an argument because he told me it was important but I told him to wait 4 more days.
He ended up coming back a few hours later and this time my husband let him in. My brother-in-law was still angry at me for not letting him in earlier and my husband was upset that I hadn’t told him about his brother turning up or about him saying there was an emergency.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the business is so easily prone to crises that it can’t manage without your husband for a few days, that’s your husband’s fault for not creating a business that works well. (It may make money, but it clearly doesn’t function efficiently).
It’s also your husband’s fault that you had yet another vacation interrupted despite his promises. I wouldn’t have let the guy in either.” GreyStagg
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your husband said he would deal with it once he got back, it wasn’t really an emergency and his brother just doesn’t have any boundaries.
You and your husband need to sit down and talk about this properly though, maybe even have couples therapy. This is the sort of thing that often results in resentment and eventually divorce. I get work being stressful and important but we do need to be able to have a week or two where we can disconnect fully from work.
It’s healthy and it’s important.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk – seems like it wasn’t a real emergency and whatever steps your husband took were completely inadequate to make sure that people could function a few days without him at work. But that’s still your husband’s call to make, not yours, and without knowing what it was that your BIL wanted, it was a huge risk on your part to decide that it couldn’t possibly be a good reason, and to pick a fight with your husband’s family (on whom his income depends).
Your husband needs to train and empower his brother to make decisions in his absence with which they can both agree if he’s serious about being able to take proper time off work. Or at the very least how to defer decisions for a week or two until your husband is back at work.
It seems like within the work setting your husband has issues with letting go of control so that nobody feels able to act or speak on his behalf even for a short time – and like your BIL has issues with maintaining boundaries and working under pressure.
Those issues aren’t resolved by just leaving tech at home and being uncontactable – they need to be trained out and resolved within the workplace so that transitions of leadership can be made on a temporary basis without everything falling apart.” redcore4
7. AITJ For Asking My Parents Not To Attend My Cousin's Wedding The Day After Mine?
“I (31f) got engaged in December last year. In January we decided to marry on a Friday in July. My cousin (34f), who is the only daughter of my father’s brother, got engaged sometime in March and quickly also decided she needed to get married in July.
We will only have a small civil wedding with about 20 people and 2 siblings and their family and partner coming from about 500km (5h drive) away. We decided to have a nice after-marriage day on Saturday and also asked everyone to stay until Sunday, even planned to pay for their hotel.
My cousin asked me when our wedding day would be, she wanted to invite us and my parents and wanted us to be there. Until tonight we thought it would be 8 days after our wedding, so everything was fine.
Today she wrote me a message that they will marry the day after us and she hopes we will also join.
My parents and I live about 3h drive away from hers.
I am still deciding whether I want to go and wondering if I could also ask my parents not to go since we planned to also have a nice day together on that second day.
WIBTJ for asking them not to go to her wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“You can ask them, but you have to let your family make their own choices. Poor coordination on the cousin’s part, but you didn’t buy up the entire calendar. Chances are, your immediate family would rather stay with you than drive yet further for more rubber chicken, but be gracious if they do.
I hope you have a wonderful day, shared by those you love and who love you. NTJ, because you sound quite reasonable about accepting their answers.” Little_Outside
Another User Comments:
“ESH since your cousin didn’t know about the two days, but you also claimed 3 days for your wedding total so I don’t think it’s right to say them leaving will “make it less special”.
I do think it’s weird that she made it the day after yours and that’s a VERY short engagement.” holiestcannoly
Another User Comments:
“ESH. The dates are inconvenient but they’re not the same date. You can’t claim three days for your wedding? Are you going to have a yearly three-day-long anniversary?
You can ask but they’re already going to your actual wedding and what they do outside of that is their business. You can say “my parents have to be here my whole wedding” and “the wedding itself is one day, not three”, but you can’t then say “my parents should skip my cousin’s wedding to be here all three days”.
You must understand that your wedding is a huge milestone for you, just like your cousin’s wedding is a milestone for them, and both are important to your family.” ceciliabee
6. AITJ For Making My Mother Cry Over My Son's Health Insurance Situation?
“My son (17m) is a Type 1 Diabetic, and his father has never given two cares about him.
He has kept my son on his employer-sponsored health insurance up till now only because he is required by law, and I have a court order (we’ve been separated for 7 years). I’ll call my son Arthur and my husband Jerk.
When Arthur turns 19 in a few months, he loses his insurance, per the separation agreement, even though Jerk could keep him on the policy until he turns 26.
Jerk chooses to remove my son because he is a jerk.
Arthur will have to apply for government insurance at that time, but I can’t even apply for it until Jerk takes him off of his policy. There will be a lag of at least one month before the government insurance takes effect.
During that time, my son could be in danger.
We’ve had this conversation a few times since the divorce proceedings started, but Mom’s memory isn’t what it used to be. The conversation went:
My mother: What happens when Arthur loses his insurance?
Me: He’ll have to go on GovCare.
My mother: You better get him on it.
Me: I can’t even apply until Jerk removes him from his policy. Arthur won’t have coverage for a little while.
My mother: (starts sobbing, yelling, which always tears me up). But he’ll be in danger! Don’t you care about him at all?
Me: (upset, raising my voice). Do you really think I don’t have a backup plan? You know nothing matters to me more than these kids…
My mother: (cuts me off, starts apologizing, still crying).
She just left to pick him up at school, and I’m still shaken.
Thinking of hitting the bottle to calm my nerves. It upsets me so much when she cries, but I was insulted and hurt. She just as much as said that I’d let my son be in danger.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all this.
I would suggest you no longer give your mother the full story. It sounds like she’s starting to have some cognitive issues and some comprehension issues and it’s not going to be valuable or useful for you to continue to tell her things if she’s just going to upset you.
NTJ. And get her a cognitive exam.” Mabelisms
Another User Comments:
“Neither you nor your mother are the jerks. The jerk is. Don’t hit the bottle, it will not help any of you, go to the gym and hit a punching bag, that will. You are both just concerned for your son/her grandson.
People say dumb things when they are scared.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“OP, your mom sounds like mine. Finally got a diagnosis of dementia and then a few years later also diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Mom is on a strict info diet – short-term memory is non-existent but some things stick in it and she becomes obsessed with that one thing.
We limit what we tell her, especially about things we think will upset her because if that is what sticks in her mind, we are in for weeks of tears, recriminations, etc. You might consider limiting discussions like this with your mom. It’s possible she has something similar!” JomolaMomo
5. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Landlord's Friends Stay In My Rented House Over Christmas?
“We moved into our current tenancy in July 2019 and it was great (it still is to be honest) however an issue arose when Christmas came around.
Our landlord texted to ask us what we were doing for Christmas and we said truthfully that we were staying with a parent and celebrating.
The landlord gleefully said, “Wonderful. I’ll tell them they can stay then.”
We were obviously confused and asked further questions and the landlord said that our neighbors, who the landlord is close with, asked if their extended family could stay in the house (our house by contract) during Christmas as they didn’t have enough room.
We immediately said no, that this was our house, and that we wouldn’t be comfortable with that.
Landlord said it was THEIR house and they could use it as they saw fit.
We reminded them that by law and contract, it was our house and that we paid to stay here.
We also reminded the landlord that we are musicians and have a lot of gear around that house that would be very expensive if someone broke it.
The landlord relented but has since been cold and dismissive with us.
We ended up not going to see parents and staying home because we were paranoid that the landlord would just give them a key and let them in anyway while we were gone.
Were we the jerks for not letting strangers stay in the house? We don’t feel like it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The landlord had absolutely no right whatsoever to take over your home. While you are renting, it is yours, not his. Unfortunately, I believe you made the right decision to stay home because, with entitlement like that, I can almost guarantee the landlord would have let people into your home.
Don’t know where you are from, but USA – this would be totally illegal.” Odd_Transition222
Another User Comments:
“My brother’s landlord broke his lock and started using his room without permission… And then didn’t ever lock his room for the entire month so his room was always open.
And he also had the audacity to say it’s my house….We had to quickly book an expensive rental 4-wheeler to get all his stuff back asap.” Puzzleheaded_Essay22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Shocking the landlord thought it was ok. I would ask them if they were taking a vacation soon, because I had friends who wanted to visit & if we could time it right, your guest could stay in THEIR house.
Idiots.” peoplearejerks69
4. AITJ For Telling A Co-Worker Our Conversation Was None Of Her Business?
“I (20f) work at a pizza shop in a grocery store.
It was a slow Saturday afternoon and the day before I had gone to the doctor to discuss some touchy subjects. Most of my depression and weight and why I struggle with it.
A couple of days previous I told a co-worker about my appointment.
She is a lovely older lady with daughters my age who are going through similar situations like mine. We’ll call her T. But, let’s introduce another co-worker (37f) we’ll call her A.
A has always been a sore spot for me at work. Always making me feel uncomfortable at work with her overall behavior towards me.
Always being very rude towards me by rolling her eyes or ignoring me when I ask for clarification on order tickets. But, she is lovely and kind to everyone else in the store. But singles me out with her behavior. I’ve never reported her because she has worked with the company for 10 years and I don’t wanna cause problems. Because everyone else loves her.
It even made me cry because she didn’t treat me like she treated others. It made me feel like I wasn’t a good person since this co-worker treated me so coldly.
Now, to where I may have been the jerk. Like I said it was a Saturday afternoon when this happened. When I came in I saw T and A in the department along with 2 other employees who were busy with other things and aren’t important to the story.
I put my stuff away and T came over asking me how my appointment had gone the day previous day. So I told her what my doctor and I had discussed. I talked about my weight with her and my body image and how it affected me on the day-to-day.
Especially when it came to my mom and my weight. She gave me her perspective telling me how her daughter was going through the same thing and the steps they were taking about it. Giving me suggestions about things I can try.
But, in the corner of my eye, I could see A getting closer and closer in order to hear what we were talking about.
T had to leave for the day so we said our goodbyes and she left. After she left I went to the back to put some dishes to wash. That’s when A followed me to the dishroom.
A came up to me and the thing with A is that she will only speak to me when no ones was around.
“Hey, Op I heard you talking to T earlier. And I wanted to say-”
That’s where I cut her off and said “No offense A but, that was a private conversation between me and T. It had nothing to do with you.” I said back before she could finish.
She looked offended and crossed her arms. “I am only trying to help.”
“I understand that. But, that was a personal conversation. You weren’t meant to hear it. It was between me and T. Not me, T and you.”
After I said that she walked away.
Look I don’t want her help. Cause why would I want help from someone who treats me horribly almost 90% of the time? But, was I rude with what I said?
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She way overstepped a boundary by listening into a conversation.
She also singles you out with what I can only describe as workplace bullying as to no one else does she behave in this way. She then can’t go on to pick and choose the way she treats people. It’s your choice about who you talk to about personal matters.
And I would seriously consider raising the issue of her treatment towards you with a manager.” wanesandwaves
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I’m sorry that your coworker has been a jerk to you. I’m saying ESH as that sort of conversation with T isn’t a great idea to be having on work time in front of others, even if A wasn’t there.
It’s not professional and could make other people uncomfortable. It’s better to keep that for truly private conversations.” AussieinHTown
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Private conversations don’t take place on the work floor. They take place where other people are not around. You could have taken this as an opportunity to turn things around with the coworker who is cold to you.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Eating The Last Cookie To Stop My Kids From Fighting While I Was Working?
“I (36M) and my wife (34F) have 2 kids (8yo and 6 yo boys). We’re Indian. My wife is a homemaker.
Some backstory here, I work as a medical transcriptionist. This means that I work night shifts (6 in the evening to 5 the next morning) due to the time difference between India and USA.
Add to this, extra 2 hours of pre-charting which I do from 4 pm to 6 pm.
Now, while I’m working I need complete silence around me. This is because I’ve to listen to the doctor talking to the patient and it’s hard when there’s noise around me or when my wife/kids are trying to get my attention.
Also, the doctor might start speaking to me at any moment so if there’s background noise, she (the doctor) can hear it and it’s considered very unprofessional to the extent of me getting chewed out by my superiors. I do have noise canceling headphones but the doctor can still hear the background nose regardless of the headphones.
So I’ve made it clear multiple times to my family that they’re not to enter my workroom between those hours unless they need something that’s kept in that room and even then, they can’t make noise/speak to me.
This happened on Friday, at around 5 pm, my wife said she was going to get groceries, etc. and asked me to watch the kids.
I agreed on the condition that they shouldn’t make any kind of sound and that they should play silently. So she gave them a packet of biscuits to share among themselves and a glass of milk each to keep them occupied.
At around 5:30 pm, the kids started fighting.
My patient visit hadn’t started yet so I checked out what was the issue. Apparently, the packet had an odd number of biscuits and they both wanted the last one. I told them to share it but they wanted the biscuit to be split exactly in half and neither wanted the smaller piece.
This was pretty much impossible since that biscuit for some reason has been made in such a way that it can’t be split in half. At this point, I was getting annoyed since the first patient had started rooming (which means their vitals, etc. were being checked and the patient visit would start anytime).
The kids were arguing so loudly that I’m sure they could be heard from the next house.
I took the cookie from them and put it in my mouth and asked them to leave the room. Both of them started crying at the top of their lungs and I told them that if they didn’t shut up right that instant, I’d not be taking them to the amusement park on Sunday (which was yesterday).
That actually made them stop yelling like banshees but they were still crying silently. My wife thankfully came home then and took over.
I did take them to the amusement park yesterday, but my wife said I should be more patient with the kids since they’re still young and don’t know how to stay silent.
The kids apologized to me on Saturday when I woke up at around 4 pm. I sleep from 6 am to 10 am, have my breakfast, do chores, etc. and go back to sleep again from 12 pm until 3:30 pm.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but lol about the darn cookie.
You earned that cookie for dealing with dumb stuff. Your wife really needs to work out her grocery shopping during a time when you’re not working. That level of noise wasn’t ok and she knows you need it quiet. Leaving them with your work day about to start was kind of a jerk thing to do.
At a minimum, it was inconsiderate. Bet those kids don’t fight over a cookie around you again though.” Short-Classroom2559
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I also work from home and having background noise is the number one no-no. And I’m not interacting with patients! That is a whole other level.
Luckily my kids are old enough that they understand and they leave me alone. The kids definitely need to learn to respect their father and to no scream over a cookie. You absolutely did the right thing. You don’t want the smaller half? (Which was probably less than a 1/4 of a bite.) Then how about nothing at all?
It’s not like they had only had one cookie. They had an entire package. You were not depriving them of anything. I agree with the other posters, did your wife have to go to the grocery store right then? It’s ok to expect the kids to follow the rules and play quietly while you are working.
This will teach them valuable lessons. But they are still kids and it’s up to the adults to manage the situation to put as little on them as necessary. It seems like grocery shopping could have waited. Maybe work out a better schedule with your wife to make sure you don’t have to watch the kids while you are working unless there is no other way.
In turn, make sure she has downtime for herself without the kids. That might solve a host of issues..” OpheliaBlue1974
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for eating the cookie, but YTJ for everything else: agreeing to watch the kids when you should be working – jerk to your kids and to your job (wife is a major jerk on this one too).
Not having taught your kids to share at age 6 and 8, parenting with threats. Your kids shouldn’t be apologizing to you, you should be apologizing to them for not teaching them basic social skills, coping with emotions, and not developing normal eating habits (biscuits are food, not something to use to “keep kids quiet”).” stosto2
2. AITJ For Asking My Sister About Childcare Plans After Her New Job Offer?
“My sister Ria (34) got a job offer she was ecstatic about it. She has 2 kids, she worked till her eldest O (5) was 2 when she got retrenched. She never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom so it took some time to get used to the different pace.
O is going to school and her youngest C (2) is with Ria most of the time. If there’s an emergency our mom, other sister or I will babysit for her. When she had the eldest our mom and I were the main babysitters while she was at work.
My sister came over all excited as can be and gave us the news. I was happy for her but started asking the obvious questions. I asked her how far the job is? Who would take the eldest to school? And Who’s going to look after her youngest?
Now I work from home and our mom is retired so also has free time. Ria will most likely ask that we go get her eldest from school and babysit the youngest till she gets off work. She won’t send the youngest to daycare because the amount she would be spending would end up being most of her pay.
So it wouldn’t make sense to work in the first place.
Ria got mad saying that I didn’t have to be so negative about it and why I couldn’t be happy for her. I am happy for her but not at the cost of my free time.
Now some of our family says I should’ve just left the questions for later and that it was a jerk move not to just be happy.
So AITJ for asking her the obvious questions.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, she was sharing with you all because she sees you as her support system, and she feels secure in that; she simply could not earn money without childcare, and a resume gap is detrimental so she probably experienced that after just a couple few years.
That’s a good thing about you she feels she can count on you – unless it starts to feel excessive for you!! Your asking the questions is normal and valid, they just lack the empathy and support that was needed in the moment. The questions are fine though.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should be allowed to ask these questions because there has been a relationship set up that she uses you as free babysitting. Her rebuffing the question is a problem because it indicates that she doesn’t think you deserve to ask these questions, which you definitely do if she’s trying to make plans on your schedule.
They were immediately pertinent questions. You need to ask them again and if she won’t give you an answer, give her a small amount of availability. As small as you are comfortable going, only give her that. She doesn’t get to have your time and view it as something at her disposal without regard for you.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely YTJ. Your sister just announced she got a job, and the first thing you do is ask questions about child care instead of being happy for her and congratulating her. Did she explicitly ask you to take care of her kid while she works?
NO! You just “assumed”. She can send her youngest to daycare. Even if it costs her the entire paycheck, it’s worth it. Her paycheck may be small now, but if she is determined she will get promoted and her salary will increase. Browse this AITJ forum and see how many SAHMs are miserable, living a life depending on their husbands, with no way to get out because they cannot support themselves and the kids.
Your sister is taking care of herself and her future. She is making sure she remains independent and will be able to provide for her kids no matter what. It’s fine that you don’t want to babysit for her. Set boundaries, tell her you won’t do it if she asks.
But this post was not about her asking you to babysit and you refusing… it was about your sister announcing good news and you assuming the worst.” esk_7140
1. AITJ For Wanting To Cut Off My Financially Supportive But Verbally Abusive Parents?
“I (23F) live a pretty good life in a middle-class family.
My parents let me live with them rent-free while I study at university (on a bursary) and bought me a car, which I don’t have to pay them back for. They even go as far as to pay for one tank of petrol a month for me.
Although I have always worked a job since I was 15, my parents made it clear that they would always support me financially. They proved this to be true, as in my postgraduate year, I wanted to focus on my studies, so my parents said that I could quit my job and they would support me.
Although I went from earning R3000 a month to R500, it is still very generous and I am very grateful to my parents for this.
Despite my parents taking care of me in such ways, I still want to cut them out of my life once I am financially independent.
I have struggled with poor mental health all my life, and my parents only make it worse. They have a tendency of name-calling (such as ‘disrespectful ‘lazy’ ‘rude’ etc) whenever they are in a bad mood. They have admitted multiple times that they do not mean it, and simply lash out at me after a hard day’s work.
I would be understanding of this, but recently I had a conversation with my parents about how these name-callings make me feel, and how I tend to feel worthless after it occurs. Although they were mad at first (even threatening to throw me out) they eventually became supportive and paid for a therapist for me.
This was very kind, and their support meant everything to me. Things went well for a while, until one evening my dad made himself and my mom a fresh meal, and told me to eat the leftovers. I asked why I couldn’t have fresh food too, and my dad exploded and began name-calling again and threw me out of the house.
I spent the next two days crying non-stop, and thinking of how worthless I was and wishing I had just kept quiet and eaten the food, when he messaged me and apologized.
He asked me to come home, and when I did, he apologized again and cried. It was the first time I had seen him cry.
Despite all this happening, the name-calling still continues. I now feel worse than ever, because now my parents are fully aware of how name-calling makes me feel, and now it feels that they are doing it on purpose because they know how it hurts me.
My mental health is getting worse and worse the more time I spend with them. I want to cut them off, but this feels so selfish to do after they have supported me for so many years. I am at a loss and really need some help here.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, you say they are good parents, but what you mean is they help you financially. Good parents love you unconditionally, teach you manners (usually by example), provide support (emotionally as well as financially), and are available as needed. It sounds to me like the only way they support you is financially, which you will be doing for yourself (if not already) shortly.
I’m 50-odd years old, and I still suffer from incredibly low self-esteem due to my father and how he talked to and about me…I was forever called selfish, fat, ugly, stupid, useless, unloveable, untouchable….take my word for it and take care of yourself, starting now.
You might want to continue therapy to override the negative tapes you have been subjected to over the years. By the way, it’s their responsibility as your parents to take care of you. It’s wonderful that you appreciate that, but they have neglected you emotionally and you are entitled to do what you need to have emotional, spiritual, and financial well-being.
I hope you find all that you need. NTJ.” Momtotherescue
Another User Comments:
“Seems like they made you financially dependent on them, so they can use you as their stress outlet (is this the right word? Relief?). They can pat themselves on the back for taking such good care of their child, for providing for you, for supporting you.
But money means very little if every day is miserable and spent in fear. I’m sorry you have to hear this, but they are emotionally abusive towards you. It’s similar to a guy mistreating his wife and then buying her jewelry. For your own sake and health, you need to get out of that situation.
I’d bet they have some serious mental issues too, but that is not your problem. Your responsibility is to take care of yourself. I understand what it’s like to struggle with mental health, and how hard it is to make changes, I really do. Take small steps, and start saving money if you can, so you can start becoming more independent.
If you are still seeing a therapist tell them all that’s happening at home, not just about name-calling, about denying you food and throwing you out too. They can maybe help you move to a safe house or something like that. It’s clear to me you can’t stay in that situation for long, to me it looks like things are escalating.
I know they are your parents, and they supported you (at least financially), and you might feel you owe them something, but it’s pretty clear they are abusive and are slowly destroying you. Please, please seek help, talk to somebody, and take care of yourself.” Flon_with-a-boxer
Another User Comments:
“Kind of the jerk, sorry. I wouldn’t think too harshly of your parents. Maybe the fact that they are supporting you so much financially is putting stress on their lives. Maybe they don’t know how to tell you this and just lash out.
Having you live at home and still be in their lives may be worth the added financial burden. On a calmer day, I would broach the subject with one or both of your parents. See if going back to working more would ease the burden.
Maybe they need to see a therapist as well. I know from experience that when a family goes through a lean period, arguments and name-calling occur more often. When my wife and I were saving up for a new house and cutting luxury costs from our life, we were more at each other’s throats.
We saw a therapist together to ease the tension and figure out how to get through these spats better. Either way, I don’t think cutting your parents out of your life once you can move out is appropriate. That is the part that makes you kind of a jerk.” ZapTheSheep
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