People Drive Us Up The Wall In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Allowing My Dad To Send Pizza For My Kids?
“Let me start off by saying I was by no means a wealthy or rich kid.
I got second-hand clothes, ate food bank food, and struggled and told myself I would never let my kids struggle like I did. At 16, my dad got a great job which he still has and we didn’t have to anymore. But on to the story…
My (31f) fiance (35m) and I have 2 kids; 10m and 8m. They are not his bio kids. We were planning on pizza last night, but due to it being the first of the month, bills are due. So, they called and asked their dad. He didn’t have the money either.
No biggie, grilled cheese and soup it is!
My oldest ate the grilled cheese but didn’t like the soup (wild rice and chicken) which, again, is reasonable. He doesn’t have to eat something he doesn’t like. My youngest made a SPAM sandwich since he didn’t like the grilled cheese or soup.
Okay, fine with me. Like I said, it’s really not a big deal to me.
My dad and I were chatting and I relayed the story to him, not thinking anything of it. He ended up having pizza delivered to the house for lunch today and the kids were so excited and I was so grateful he did that for them.
The only stipulation was he wanted them to call him and thank him. Sure, they can do that. They did, he talked to them for a bit, and they went on their way.
Now, here’s where my fiance may think I’m the jerk; he struggled as a kid, big time.
He thinks because they got their pizza, and that I didn’t really make them eat what I made for dinner, that they are spoiled and I’m going to make them ungrateful. He went on a tangent about how they barely had food growing up living with his dad, and how he had to sleep on the floor.
Waking up to no food. I just stayed silent because I never know what to say when he does stuff like that.
I didn’t ask my dad to get them pizza, he did it on his own accord. Should I have told my dad not to get the pizza?
Should I let my kids “struggle” and not get the pizza they wanted? Am I the jerk for staying silent when he was talking about his struggles?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He woke up to no food, so the kids must do that also? And if there was grilled cheese dinner last night and the pizza was delivered as lunch today, then why is he saying you didn’t actually make them eat the non-pizza dinner?
Your dad is their grandfather and is perfectly entitled to send his grandkids a simple gift like pizza. You would be the jerk if you rejected the gift because your partner wants the kids to have a hard time.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“My mom grew up super poor.
When she had to take us kids and run from my dad, she did everything possible so that we didn’t have to do without like she did. But she also set reasonable expectations for us, like wearing a pair of shoes until they wore out or we outgrew them, and only preparing as much food as we were going to eat so that nothing went to waste.
You can teach your kids to appreciate what they have and what went into getting it without them having to do without. I never went hungry. But I also learned that if I used up food unnecessarily, I had to eat whatever else was in the house until my mom had time to shop again.
NTJ for parenting your child.” TinyRascalSaurus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I thought that parents wanted to make a better life for their kids so they would not have to go through what they (the parents) did. Regardless, we are not talking about buying them Gucci and Lamborghini.
They could not have pizza so they made do. One kid ate the grilled cheese but didn’t want the soup. The other, rather than whining about you doing something else, took it upon themselves to make a sandwich. THAT is to be commended. I get that your fiance walked to school in the snow uphill BOTH WAYS.
However, he needs to get over himself. This is not a hill to die on. Your kids are not showing any sign of being ungrateful. You know your kids and you know which battles to fight. There isn’t even a war here. You are doing great!
Don’t second guess yourself.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Confronting My Husband About Calling For His Ex In The Hospital?
“My (26F) husband (29M) got into an accident a few weeks ago while on his way home from work and was rushed to the hospital. My mother-in-law called me and told me he was almost dying and I freaked out. When I got there the doctors told me he kept asking for his ex, and that they had to sedate him because he wouldn’t stop freaking out because she wasn’t there.
I thought it was okay since the car crash was so bad but the doctors told me it wasn’t. He fractured his legs and there was a minor fracture in his arm. And he wasn’t on any substances either. He was saved from serious injuries, especially his brain.
I let it go at that moment because his health came first, but now that he’s home and recovering I can’t help but be bothered by it.
I brought it up last night (3 weeks after the accident) and he went off at me saying I don’t know what it feels like to be in that position and that I made his misery about myself.
He said I don’t understand the dynamic between them and what they had, so I should stop bringing it up and that this wasn’t about me, and that he was allowed to ask for her since he was hurt and she would calm him down then texted his mother who berated me over it.
She says my main priority should be caring for him till he’s back on his feet.
A part of me wants to be petty and leave and tell him to call his ex and ask her to take care of him instead. What should I make of this situation?
I’ve been taking care of him and catering to all his needs and I haven’t even gotten a single thank you.
Am I the jerk for bringing it up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ based on your comments. You really need to add to the main post what he said when you asked him about it, and add that it was 3 weeks after the fact.
He knew what he was doing. If he wants his ex so bad he should get back with her. I would have a hard time moving forward with him after this. For anyone who didn’t see her comment, when she asked him about it 3 weeks later, he said “I don’t understand the dynamic between them and what they had, so I should stop bringing it up and that this wasn’t about me, and that he was allowed to ask for her since he was hurt and she would calm him down.” He clearly knew what he was doing.
It wasn’t substances. It wasn’t hysteria.” mzpljc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He wouldn’t get so angry and defensive over this if there was nothing to it. How would he feel if something happened to you and you were screaming, going crazy asking for your ex, to the point you had to be sedated?
He should be able to talk with you about this calmly and honestly. You both are fairly young so you probably haven’t been married more than a few years at most. The “honeymoon” phase is usually one of the best in a marriage but yet he is still “going crazy” calling for his ex in the hospital. That doesn’t make sense.
He should be willing to explain himself, even if it’s not easy for him, even if it’s not something you want to hear. Because what happened is not private between the two of you, people all over the hospital know about him calling for his ex, as does his mother, since he involved her.
If he really feels more comfortable with his ex, which he obviously must, you deserve to understand where you fit into things. He could have called out your name, he could’ve called out for his mother, or he could have called out for one of his male friends.
He could have asked for anyone, but he didn’t. He called out for his ex like a crazy person until he had to be sedated. This requires a conversation. So there is obviously something he feels with her or from her that he doesn’t get from others, including you.
There is a saying “the ugliest truth is better than the most beautiful lie.” You deserve the truth.” Gladtobealive2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I hope you have separate finances. If you don’t, start setting some aside. He’s holding a part of himself for his ex.
It sounds like if she showed up wanting to be with him, they would be together. You’re no one’s consolation prize. Get your ducks in a row just in case. Also, he called his mom on you? For real? How childish. Not gonna lie, if you can live with whatever the answer may be, you should ask him if you should go ahead and leave so she can take care of him.
You’re too young to put up with nonsense.” Bob_Barker4ever
19. AITJ For Letting My Kids Choose To See Their Stepdad Over Their Biological Dad?
“I (34f) have two kids (14f) and (15m). By the time I was pregnant with my daughter my ex, their father, made the choice to leave and cut contact with us for the past almost 16 years.
Any attempts to reach him or his family have been met with me getting blocked or being told they would call the cops for harassment. At most, he would pay the bare minimum for child support. At the time I didn’t want to get full custody and kept trying to get him to see them until my son was 3.
I ended up meeting a swell man named Victor around that time and eventually, we got married. He loved and raised the kids as his own (they knew he wasn’t their real father). We eventually split around the time my son was 12 but they still would stay at his place every other week.
Well in a few months, it’s supposed to be my son’s 16th birthday then my daughter’s 15th next month after his. My ex, their father, reached out and demanded he see his kids. At first, I was going to take legal action because I felt he didn’t deserve to see them so easily after years of nothing but radio silence.
After his family and my own harassed me enough I gave in and allowed them to see him. After maybe a month of this my kids came to me saying they wanted to see their dad (Victor) instead of going to their biological dad’s house every other week.
Eventually, I started receiving spam messages and voicemails about how I’m a jerk and bad parent for letting his kids love another man and calling him dad instead and that I should’ve raised them to respect and love their real dad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
plain and simple, Victor was there for those kids when they needed him. Bio dad wasn’t. It only makes sense that the kiddos love and respect Victor and don’t care much about their bio dad. Personally, I’ve BEEN the kid who’s bio parent dipped. I was three when I met my mom’s new partner, and I love him very much, to the point that I consider him my true dad.
I’ve never called him my stepdad, he’s just my dad. I’m very lucky because he’s still with my mum twenty years later. My bio-dad tried to pull some “your mom’s a liar, I always loved you” stuff that simply wasn’t true. He never showed up, he never called, he didn’t care.
You know who cared? My dad. So your kids’ bio-dad has absolutely no right to get uppity that another man took his place. He wasn’t there. How can the kids have a good image of someone who was never around? How could they not love the man who raised them?
It’s ridiculous. Bio-dad can’t be mad when he’s the one who put in zero effort. If the kids want to see Victor instead, they have every right to feel that way. Bio-dad needs to get over himself and accept that he’s the one at fault.
I’m very sorry you and your kids are going through this. You didn’t do anything wrong by giving them a supportive father figure when their biological dad wimped out.” HarknessDelta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you actually were really nice to even consider letting him back into their lives.
Is there any court order for visitation etc? If there is, see if you can get it changed. If there isn’t, they are old enough to decide who they want to see. If their bio dad wants to be, he can try to go to court to force it, but with his neglect till now and their age it is doubtful he would get anything.
Sounds like you did the best you could and as long as you didn’t bad mouth their bio dad to them, you’re in the clear. Just block the other people, “this doesn’t involve you, please leave me alone or I will be reporting you for harassment.”.
Document any and all harassment to show a judge just in case. But hopefully, the threat of legal action will help even if legally there’s not much to do. But if he really wants to try a judge won’t look kindly on them harassing you.” Muzzie720
Another User Comments:
“It speaks volumes that having met and spent time with bio dad, your children have decided stepdad is still the better option. That’s not on you. Bio dad had chances, had opportunities, and had the legal right to see his children and chose not to.
That’s on him and his family. NTJ and the block function on your phone for his extended family is very useful. A lawyer is a great asset in regards to bio dad.” Heraonolympia123
18. AITJ For Considering Reporting My Workplace After Being Denied Vacation Due To Not Having Children?
“First off, I am not from the USA. We have way more labor laws that I will explain along the way.
I applied for my yearly vacation in February and put in 2 weeks at the beginning of July, but it was denied on the premonition of parents getting vacation in July and August (children have summer vacation then). I understood and got only the first week of July.
Fast forward to a week ago. When my boss asked me if I would still like to have 2 weeks because no parents applied that week and everyone else already had vacation approved on other dates. I happily said yes and was over the moon to have 2 weeks off in the summer after 5 years.
Well, my coworkers saw I was approved and complained to my boss (10 out of 32), because I don’t have children! My boss took the second week, just because they complained. Even though NONE of them even had a chance or desire to get that week.
To say I was upset was an understatement.
I can call the labor inspection and get everyone in trouble, 90% of my coworkers and my company. In my country, we can work 12 hours max, but the next day you HAVE to be free and you also have to be free a day a week.
Right now we work a whole weekend for 11 hours every day and that is illegal. We all agreed at the beginning we would rather work for a whole weekend and be free for 2 weekends. I couldn’t care less about this, but most of my coworkers are from another country.
Meaning they need the whole weekend free if they want to visit their family.
WIBTJ if I do call them and kind of mess over 90% of them, because I want to be petty for those 10 that messed me over. Right now I will mention this from the 32 coworkers only 4 said that what my boss did was wrong.
To my boss’s face. Out of the 10 that complained, every single one pretended nothing happened, but my boss told me who complained…
I just don’t want to mess over anyone of those 4 that had my back… I’m torn on what to do!
Please give me your wisdom of who is the jerk!”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ: you were approved for one week and everyone else had the opportunity to apply for the time off. Since no one did, you were circled back to and given the time off you requested. But because your boss received word that others didn’t like this, instead of saying those that complained “you had your opportunity and didn’t take it.” Your boss instead placated them and took back what they offered you.
Others have recommended you find a new job, and I agree with them. Your boss didn’t stick up for you when they should have. They didn’t handle the situation well.” Syd35h0w
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If that’s not allowed where you are report it.
Otherwise, it will keep happening. That’s some real nonsense by your boss. Did they actually say that’s why they canceled? I think it’s lame to hold summer vacation time just for parents, and I am a parent. People need to plan ahead or accept that they might not get this time off approved. You did plan ahead and shouldn’t be ‘punished’ for that.
No one else even asked. Why does it matter to them if you take your earned vacation time?” Feeling-Manner3862
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. In most countries even the “summer is for parents only” is also wrong. Not illegal but court decisions are pretty clear about that.
Yes, parents need it more often but just because you don’t have kids doesn’t mean that summer holidays are off-limits. Of course they still try to pretend that this is the rule but it’s not. Your boss cannot just take 1 week away because a bunch of colleagues cried about it without even wanting it.
Contact them. You are already upset at your coworkers, what else could happen. If you don’t do anything, your grudge will become worse and if you do something, the backstabbers might get into trouble as well because this whole “I have kids, the summer is mine” behavior is done then.” MasterpieceOk4688
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be The Unpaid Uber For My Friend's Son?
“Both my husband and I work full time, and we have 2 kids who are active in multiple sports. Recently a friend switched her son to play with our team. Now it seems like it’s her way of making us the official chauffeur for her son.
When she “asks,” she doesn’t really ask, but it’s more of a statement, “ My son will need a ride there and back.” She NEVER says thank you, and it’s never “can you” (and NO I’m not exaggerating).
Most times she wants us to go across town to pick up her son at her dad’s house and drop him back which is NOT on the way.
Both her dad and mom are mobile, no health issues, both drive. She has an older son as well who can drive. Just last night she said, “well if you can’t, then I’ll have my son (senior in HS) pick up then.” Last week she told us to pick up her son for camp.
My husband stood outside in the sweltering heat at their house knocking forever thinking something was wrong. I texted her and she said “ooops my dad took him to camp, but he will need a ride home.” I was livid.
I get that she is a single mom, but she does have family around.
Sometimes she doesn’t want to take her son, so that she can go on dates, so we are left having to take her son home. She lives with her older sister and her mom and dad live nearby.
I don’t mind once in a while, but it does get exhausting and takes a toll on everyone.
The gas prices don’t help either. The time we have in the car with our kids it’s usually to catch up on things going on with them (school, activities, friends, etc.).
I totally feel like we are being used. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The more I read, the more I want to shout “Why are you doing this in the first place?” As you say, she has other family, a son who can drive, herself, and her ex (kid’s father). This is not your problem.
She can take care of it herself. I like the poster above that said: “We are no longer able to ferry your son. You’ll have to find another form of transportation.” Odds on her response “but whyyyyy?” should be met with “doesn’t matter why. We are not going to do it anymore.” Excellent advice.” BradWTodd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are absolutely being used. I know parents who will use other parents without any hesitation or gratitude. You can’t let them abuse your time like that (for example, they’d schedule things like aerobics classes during drop-off time and convince another parent to handle all the transport so they can go to classes or even just go to brunch).
Helping someone in an emergency is one thing, but being their unpaid help is entirely different. Tell them you are there in emergencies, not for their convenience.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Either she ponies up the gas money for this (BOTH WAYS if it’s a double trip) or she gets someone else to do it.
Simple as that. Even chauffeurs get paid! Granted if the kid clearly looks under 16 a good bit of us won’t take him. (We aren’t even supposed to take anyone under the age of 18 without an adult present to go WITH them) but if the kid looks under 15 I’m even less likely to let them in the car!
It’s a safety issue for us. (I’m a driver. And I’ve had minors in the car but under very bad situations including them being out at 3 am trying to get home. So I make exceptions but not always) being a single mom is tough, but she needs to cough up that gas money considering the amount of driving she’s demanding you all do!
If she can’t, then she can pay her son to do it. (Anyone driving that much deserves to be paid. Related or not.)” Alyssa_Hargreaves
16. AITJ For Calling Out My Brother For Faking Autism To Manipulate Girls?
“I share several classes and have a locker nearby “Nicole.” She’s more of an acquaintance than a BFF, but we still enjoy making small chat and usually pair up for group projects.
I was at my locker and saw my brother “Mick” rubbing his hand very aggressively on Nicole’s arm.
She told him that she wasn’t okay with it, but then Mick said “Oh, I’m autistic, so it’s hard for me to tell.” Mick has never been diagnosed nor even suspected of having autism.
Mick asked her out and Nicole turned him down.
She was very nice about it and explained she just wasn’t ready to be with anyone yet. Mick went off on Nicole; calling her ugly, saying he was never attracted to her and only asked her out of pity.
I interrupted and lied that our dad was calling and needed to talk to Mick right away.
Once we were further down the hallway, I called out Mick and he told me it was “none of (my) darn business!” I later apologized to Nicole for having to deal with Mick. I told our parents, they said how they would “deal with him later” but for now we needed to “back off and let Mick blow off steam.”
I caught Mick doing the same thing to other girls; invading their space, lying he was autistic so they’d feel too bad about saying anything, then going off on them if he was rejected. My parents promised they would speak to Mick but it didn’t make a difference.
My friend “Rose” takes summer school, and confirmed that Mick is doing the same thing to girls at summer school.
So two days ago was Mick’s birthday. We’re waiting until some of Mick’s friends return from vacation for the main birthday party.
But we had a nice dinner with family on the actual day. Even when someone tried changing the topic, Mick would keep going off about how the girls he asked out (particularly Nicole) were fat, ugly, and intimidated by how much better he was than them.
He then made a comment about Rose being nosy and asked why I hung out with her, while also calling Rose dumb.
That was enough for me. I snapped back at Mick “Mick, you can’t get a partner because you’re a creep who pretends to have autism just to talk to girls!” Most of the relatives were confused, as they knew nothing of this.
I don’t even think my grandparents know what autism is. Mick stormed off to his room.
We tried resuming dinner but it was obviously very awkward/tense and everyone left right after instead of staying like they usually do. All the guests left and my parents laid into me for calling Mick out.
They said how they don’t agree with Mick’s behavior, but there’s a time and place to deal with it and just now wasn’t it because you only turn 15 once. And I had ruined what was meant to be Mick’s special day by putting him on the spot and humiliating him that way.
I agree that when I called him out wasn’t the best time. I could have held it in. But I was sick of what Mick was saying, especially about Rose and Nicole. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ….. Special Education Teacher here. Mick deserved to be called out for faking a disability.
Also, to clarify things. Those who have very mild Autism may miss social cues (like saying things with sarcasm or facial expressions) but they know when not to be touching another human being. Please CONTINUE to call out your brother every time he fakes being Autistic.” RedBullMetal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Mick would keep going off about how the girls he asked out (particularly Nicole) were fat, ugly, and intimidated by how much better he was than them.” This tells me all what I need to know about Mick. If a girl doesn’t want to go out with him, then there’s something obviously wrong with her.
“They said how they don’t agree with Mick’s behavior, but there’s a time and place to deal with it.” Well, they certainly aren’t doing too good of a job dealing with it. Parent is a verb too, not just a noun. Sometimes, you don’t get to pick the time and the place.
Sometimes, it just happens. “Now wasn’t it because you only turn 15 once.” Unless, it’s a quinceañera of which would not apply to Mick, or a “golden” birthday, that’s going to be a no. He’ll have another birthday next year.” BadBandit1970
Another User Comments:
“Yeah. There is a time and a place to deal with it. The problem is that this hasn’t happened. Your parents are responsible for dealing with this, but they aren’t. You really have very few tools available to do anything. You’ve already reported his behavior to your parents.
You’ve exhausted your reasonable options, so acknowledging the issue with him and making the issue publicly known, well, that’s what you’re left with. This is your parents’ problem. This is your parents’ fault to the extent that they have not dealt with it in any way.
I don’t think they understand how dangerous what he’s doing actually is, now and particularly in the future as he escalates. It’s not only dangerous to the girls (which it seems they don’t care about), it’s going to get their precious little only 15-year-old boy in trouble.
This is not okay. They can’t just pretend it isn’t happening. NTJ.” PinkNGreenFluoride
15. AITJ For Accepting The Family Estate As My Wedding Venue Despite My Friend's Rejection?
“My best friend is engaged to my fiancé’s cousin. They’ve been planning their wedding longer than we have and my friend thought it was a given that they would get married at my fiancé’s family estate as almost everybody in their family has had at least some part of their wedding on the estate.
They were told they wouldn’t be allowed to get married there and now my friend has pushed back her wedding indefinitely until they can convince the family to reconsider as that’s her dream wedding venue and she planned her entire wedding around it.
I thought they would refuse to let us get married there too so I was looking at other venue options but my future mother-in-law asked me to consider getting married at the estate. I said yes because I know it’s important to their family and if none of this drama with the estate happened with my friend, the estate would’ve always been my first choice anyway.
I told my friend a few days ago and she’s angry at me for accepting and for not standing in solidarity with her. She thinks I should’ve refused as they’re treating her unfairly and by accepting I’m showing them that I’m siding with them and that it’s okay for them to do this to her.
She said I should’ve tried negotiating with my future mother-in-law so that we both could use the venue.
She’s since told me she doesn’t know if she can bear being at my wedding unless I change the venue.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft ESH. The precedent you would be setting by accepting the venue will affect not just your friend and cousin, but you as well. YOU are tacitly saying that they are not worthy members of the family (unless there is something seriously wrong with either person).
YOU are tacitly agreeing with a black sheep / golden child scenario that will occur with every other major decision that family makes/places on your friend and your fiance’s cousin. You are opening up any child this couple has to being treated just as unfairly as they were.
All because your future MIL doesn’t want to offend your parents…not that they don’t want to offend you, or that they love and respect you, but that they don’t want to offend you. But can offend your husband’s aunt and uncle.” VonShtupp
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are not the jerk for getting married where everyone in the family gets married, but you are a jerk for being vague and obtuse about it and pretending your friend should not be hurt. You admit you understand that the cousin is being denied access to the family wedding venue because the family disapproves of him marrying your friend.
You probably do know why, but it is probably a reason that would make the family look bad. So your friend is right, you are siding with the family against her and pretending you are just “going with the flow.” Just be honest that being in this family’s good graces means more to you than your friend.
Your friend is not a jerk for being hurt and for thinking you are friend enough to her to care that you are hurting her. If you want to show your friend she is meaningful to you and that you consider her a family member, ask her to be your maid of honor.” Historical_Agent9426
Another User Comments:
“INFO: why do they not want them to get married? The fact that OP hasn’t answered this question leads me to two possibilities 1. This might not be real. 2. If it is, then I’m gonna make some assumptions so bear with me.
Op says her family and her fiancé’s family are friends, so my guess is that OP comes from a similar socio-economic background as her family (wealthy), however, friend does not. Op gets offered the estate, friend does not because they don’t approve of the cousin seeing a “commoner”.
Hence why friend is mad about OP choosing jerks over a friendship. Still not giving a judgment because this assumption is still an assumption and OP hasn’t answered any questions related to why the family doesn’t like the friend.” Pretentious-fools
14. AITJ For Refusing To Move Out After My Partner Asked Me To?
“Three weeks ago, my (35f) partner (33m) of nearly three years told me he wanted to be alone.
This isn’t quite out of the blue, he has been struggling with satisfaction in life for at least the past six months, I worry that he is depressed and spiraling out of control, and is using avoidance and booze to cope. I have offered to help him be connected with mental health services, but he declined. I have been giving him all the space I can under the same roof and continue to buy us both groceries and care for his dog.
He asked me to leave the (2 bedroom) apartment we’ve lived in for nearly two years. I do have a relative I could move in with but it would be extremely detrimental to my mental health. There is also no way I can afford a one-bedroom in this market.
Yesterday he asked me how my search was going and I told him that we had just signed a two-year lease so I wouldn’t be doing any searching. He reported that he would start looking for another place at the end of the month and break the lease.
I imagine this might be difficult for him as he needs a dog-friendly two-bedroom apt and rent is ridiculous everywhere (our current total rent is about $300 less than comparable apts in the area). I have money set aside to pay for the apt by myself until find a roommate and if I don’t find someone I have a few more months to sort out my next move.
Am I the jerk for not leaving gracefully?”
Another User Comments:
“Sometimes it is the right/more graceful thing to do in accepting things are over and moving out, but why does he think he’s more entitled to keeping the shared apartment than you? It sounds like (I’m sorry) he wants to be rid of you and wants you to do all the work toward that.
I was dumped in a similar fashion once and I have always regretted rolling over and making it easy on him while having to completely reset my life and move back in with my parents in my 30s. If this guy doesn’t like the status quo, he can make the effort to change it.
Always fight for what benefits you.” OkHistory3944
Another User Comments:
“Your partner has a lot of nerve trying to kick you out. Screw him. He’s up to something so keep your pertinent documents and valuables safe. I’d get a secret camera to see what he does when you are out of the apartment.
Something is fishy here. NTJ.” Decent_Bandicoot122
13. AITJ For Arguing With My Partner About Advil Being Ibuprofen?
“Just started seeing a guy and we talked about our bad habits/negative things that have impacted previous relationships. He said he is argumentative and stubborn.
After about 5 days of being together, he said he was feeling kind of sick and needed Advil.
I told him I have ibuprofen in my bag. He said no, I need Advil. I was shocked. He is 31, has a bachelor’s degree, and is a pilot. Russian descent but American since age 10. Surely he understands generic vs brand-name substances. (Obviously) Advil is the brand name of ibuprofen.
I explain this. He says no, I disagree. To me, this is not a disagreement of opinion. The dude is literally telling me he does not believe Advil is ibuprofen. That is a fact. I show him medical articles online. It goes nowhere. We then both escalate it so we are in essence arguing about whether it is ok to have an opinion that is completely factually wrong.
He thinks that is fine and I should drop it. I think that is ignorance and is not ok. I appreciate people correcting things I don’t know so I learn because I want to be factually correct.
We discussed it again today, and again he said he should be able to believe and say whatever he wants and I should not argue about it.
There is no black and white. I legit don’t think he thinks anything is a fact then. I’m not trying to sound like a jerk but I am also of very high intelligence, a litigator by training and subsequently taught myself tech sales. I hang out with other really smart people.
I’m not sure I can handle this kind of outlook on life. My friends all said they would have left last night and I don’t think they could tolerate this type of conversation/argument.
Otherwise, he is great… We have incredible chemistry, like very similar hobbies, want the same things in life, and have a committed relationship.
I just don’t know if I can accept this philosophy of being ok with flagrant misinformation. It is also possible he was taking that position just to argue or gaslight me… Which might be even worse.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ….but as someone with supposedly very high intelligence, you need to read the writing on the wall here.
He has admitted he is stubborn, and demonstrated his “stubbornness” includes denying reality and hard facts, and you think sticking around is even a remotely good idea? I get your point that it feels like an absurd thing to end a relationship over Advil – but it’s not about Advil at all.
When somebody shows you who they are, believe them. What happens when he won’t budge or even consider the possibility he is wrong about something serious? You’re saying it’s a philosophy of his- no, it’s just willful ignorance and a giant red flag.” AnalysisParalysis907
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This guy sounds exhausting to have a serious relationship with. How can you possibly discuss any topic with him if he will never admit that he’s wrong and apparently facts are not facts? He can say that he prefers Advil over generic ibuprofen which is a perfectly valid opinion.
But I don’t see how one can even argue that Advil is not ibuprofen. has he ever looked at the back of an Advil bottle? Where it literally says ibuprofen? You say he’s a pilot…to use an airplane example, that’d be like someone saying “The Boeing 737 is not a passenger plane”.
By his line of argument, that’s a perfectly acceptable statement to make?” sour_lemons
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The thing that caught my attention more than anything else is that the argument turned to “agree that I can believe what I want” and the next morning you were over it and willing to not bring it up again – essentially letting him believe the ridiculous thing he wanted – and he couldn’t let that lie.
He restarted the fight because he needed to WIN. Which means he needs you to submit and fully agree with him before he can let it go. And spoiler alert – I have a feeling he won’t stop there. He’ll want to bring it up from time to time to remind you about the time you dared to disagree with him and how he showed you.
No matter how great a guy is in other ways, if he needs to WIN every fight your life with him will be miserable.” Eliza_Doolittlex
12. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Elderly Mom Babysit My Brother's Kids?
“My mom was a free full-time babysitter/nanny for my brother and sister-in-law’s son from age 2 months until 4 (40-50 hours a week) until last year. They have a second child, a girl, due next month and they expect the same arrangements as before.
My mom is nearly 80 and shouldn’t be looking after kids anymore due to her age and health yet she encouraged my brother to have more kids.
She says that daycare is too expensive because they have too many bills. She helped with my child over 15 years ago and my brother mentions that any time I ask him to reconsider having mom look after my niece due in July. She never looked after my son more than 15 -20 hours a week and not at all until he was 2 (I stayed home).
While I do sympathize with them concerning the cost of daycare, I think they shouldn’t have children if they can’t afford them.
I work from home in a pretty demanding position. My mom asked me a couple of times a month to come and sit with my nephew when she was his full-time caregiver.
She asked me recently if I was going to “pitch in” and help with the new baby when she wants to run errands or lunch with friends. I don’t really want to do that as I can’t have a baby crying in the background if I have to jump on a Zoom call or teams meeting.
She says that I should want to help my brother/her and I feel crappy for saying no, but I’m sticking with it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you said, your mom is in her 80s and she shouldn’t be providing all of the care for two young kids.
At the same time, she should have stood up for herself and told your brother and his wife that she wouldn’t be providing care for any new children. Yes, childcare is expensive, but people should plan for that before having children, or decide like you did to stay home.
The fact that your brother is bringing up your child being watched by your mom from 15 years ago is ridiculous. Everyone was younger then, and you didn’t have him being watched by his grandmother until he was 2.” DC_Verse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ; Your mother should put her as a priority, if your brother can’t take care of her, let her see if a family member who has time can for a lower cost than what a babysitting service would charge… My parents had me when my grandmother was relatively young, 40-50, and she could take care of me for a few hours; my aunt had my cousin 12 years later, and my grandmother only took care of her for a few hours, no more.
Older people need their time and space if you cannot respect that, you have to examine your own way of living and reflect on what you are doing wrong.” Interesting-Beat2885
Another User Comments:
“Bit tough to add a judgment because I think you aren’t a jerk for not wanting to help out yourself with their child care.
YTJ however for dictating that mom shouldn’t be helping either. It’s her choice, she encouraged them to have more kids knowing the plan, it’s not your place to police that. If she has a problem watching the kids that much it’s on her to say so but some grandparents do love that, if she’s almost 80 she probably also recognizes that this is the most she’ll probably ever see of those kiddos and may want to get a ton of that time in while she can.” snowwhitesludge
11. AITJ For Taking Away The Credit Card From My Wife Due To Our Debt?
“My wife (F36) and I (M37) had been struggling with money, we both have stable jobs and have good incomes.
The reason for our problems is credit card debt and bad financial administration. I’ll admit it, we both like to spend our money but my wife has this mentality “As long as we pay for it, there’s no problem”, and I have no problem paying partialities to a few things as long as it doesn’t affect our income but this has gone too far.
Recently my wife has bought the famous Thermomix, for those who don’t know about it it’s a fancy cooking machine. It can make your life easier in the kitchen. Don’t get me wrong I love it, the problem is that, IT IS EXPENSIVE. We could have afforded it in a not-so-long future, and I told her that but she did buy it with the card.
So I worried about her behavior, talked to her again about how we should be careful with our expenses, and yet again she came to the casual response of: “Yeah, but if we need something we shouldn’t restrict ourselves”. Which for her means everything it’s a necessity.
Since she now was planning on buying those automatic vacuum robots, which I think are good for the house but we should wait until we pay completely for the other stuff. I was mad and without her knowledge grabbed her bag and took the card, and as a precaution, I turned it off on the app so she couldn’t purchase anything online.
Of course, she realized and called me a jerk. But this is for us, I am not in the wrong or so I think.
AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Credit card debt is no joke. A $200 item will be more than $300 if you just make minimum payments on it.
At a certain amount, you could be years paying off the balance. Better to not get into debt to begin with. Maybe one of those cash app cards will work. You can do a budget together so she can see where all the money goes, then put her spending money on the cash app card.
When the money is gone, she has to wait until the next payday for more. That way you aren’t controlling her purchases, but she can’t overspend.” boxerdogclown
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you need to be clearer and discuss this again more openly. You should come armed with data – how much is this costing you in interest?
How much is this costing your credit rating? How has this affected you in the past? If she had a credit card in her name alone, could you still be responsible for her debt? Is there anything comparable that you do which may annoy her or cause expenses for you both?
If it turns out the interest is minor, is it something you can live with? If it is something major, it needs to be clear to her that buying on credit is something that you actively dislike, that you feel harms you and your finances and continuing to do this causes problems for your relationship.
You need to make it clear that you find it harmful and disrespectful and it affects you. Then you need to discuss compromise: Do you set a limit for credit purchases? If you’re not on the hook, does she get a card in her own name only?
Do you have an agreement to save for purchases and avoid credit? Do you have separate accounts for choice purchases – or just separate finances? It’s not a good idea to take things out of her bag – that feels sneaky and controlling. Instead, communicate clearly and compromise – or if you can’t, work out what that means for your future choices.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The American Express Serve card is a prepaid credit card. It’s the best prepaid card because you don’t get charged a fee when you add money to it. It’s $6.95 a month and will save you headaches. You put the amount of money you can spend a month on it and don’t go beyond that.
I have one for online purchases so that if I’m the victim of fraud they can only get what’s on the card and since it’s a credit card you will get it back. It’s a safe way to make purchases that aren’t tied to your credit.
It also makes sure you don’t overspend. Pay the real credit card off and put it in a safe place for emergency use only! That doesn’t include buying anything for the house. Consider getting credit counseling for the two of you as a couple.” MaryAnne0601
10. AITJ For Asking My Ex To Pay For A Misdelivered Lunch Order?
“I recently got through a rather acrimonious divorce. What’s relevant is my ex-spouse is still living in our former shared home and we are now sharing custody of our child.
My ex-spouse is required to pay me spousal support and child support until our child is out of high school, and they are not happy about it (though they had been the provider for our entire marriage). It is a difficult relationship to maintain.
It’s currently my week with our kid.
At mid-day, I was trying to juggle a phone conference and get dinner into the slow cooker while our child was at school. I was hungry for lunch and missed breakfast, so decided to order a sandwich from Jimmy John’s. I don’t do this very often, and somehow (surely my own fault) the meal ended up at my ex-spouse’s house (ie, the last place I lived).
My ex-spouse immediately texted me to let me know this had happened, to their credit. However, I was still in the phone conference (I had chosen Jimmy John’s because it wouldn’t be a big deal if I was unable to grab it immediately when it arrived), so I didn’t see the text.
My ex-spouse tried calling, but I missed it. 26 minutes after they received the delivery, they sent me a text stating they assumed I had figured out what had happened and thrown the delivery in the garbage. (As the food has not been offered from the trash or chucked at my door in the hours since, I believe they just enjoyed my lunch at my expense.)
34 minutes after the delivery, the phone conference concluded and I checked my texts, confused that my food still hadn’t shown up, and saw my ex-spouse’s texts for the first time. I was pretty upset, I admit! Both at myself for making such a dumb mistake in the moment, and also at my ex for not allowing me much opportunity to correct it (we live about five minutes away from each other and I would have simply picked it up if I had seen their text in time).
So this seems like a stupid small thing and I should probably just let it go. I am fully aware of that. But there have been a lot of stupid small things since we separated, and so I am currently insisting that my ex-spouse pay me for the delivery which they knew was accidentally delivered to them but intended for me, and then either eaten or destroyed. Which they are of course refusing to do.
My ex-spouse knew immediately that it was my food, but the whole thing was kicked off by my mistake. An opportunity was offered to recover it for a brief window and when no response was received the food was destroyed or eaten and they won’t pay me back.
Who is the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“Seems like YTJ to me. You made a mistake, didn’t respond promptly, and it cost you your lunch. That sucks, but taking it out on your ex isn’t really fair. If you’d accidentally sent it to your neighbor or your office instead, how long would you have expected them to hang on to your delivery and try to get back to you?
Now add in a mutually acrimonious relationship and consider how much less consideration you can reasonably expect.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“This is tough, but YTJ. It’s just an order that you messed up and he doesn’t have an obligation to save it for you.
That said, I highly recommend you do some co-parenting counseling or something to help with the acrimony because this messes up kids’ lives permanently when it’s handled badly by the parents. You are this upset over a sandwich. It’s not the sandwich, it’s the relationship, and you need to work through your issues for the sake of your kid(s).
Also, whoever thought the “one week with one parent, one week with the other parent” idea was good needs to retire, because that system screws up kids consistently. It keeps me in business since I treat them, but I would rather they not have to go through that.
Any family court people out there, take this under advisement–stop doing that, it messes with kids and their parents and facilitates the development of behavioral problems, eating disorders, social dysfunction, and academic difficulties.” TheLadyEve
Another User Comments:
“YTJ look I get it divorce sucks but the nice thing about it is you don’t gotta have fights about ridiculous things like sandwiches anymore.
You sent it to the wrong place. He did a courtesy text and call. More than most people who don’t like each other do. He could have simply binned it because all the communication he is obligated to have with you is things related to co-parenting.
Keep your eye on nothing more than co-parenting effectively and stop squabbling about a mistake you made that he didn’t bend over backward to fix for you.” Positive_sunflower_
9. AITJ For Telling My Husband His Daughter Is Too Spoiled And Immature For Her Age?
“My husband has a 17yo daughter, Nora with his ex. I have an 8yo son, Ryan with my ex. Due to distance (the ex moved a few years ago) and hubby’s ex being high conflict, he doesn’t see her as much as he wants (he used to see her every week) so when he does, he totally pampers, babies, and spoils Nora.
It gets to the point where I cringe from watching it, yet he has higher expectations for my son, who’s a 2nd grader, than for his 11th-grade daughter.
When Nora is with us, she acts completely helpless, like she can’t do anything for herself, and whines constantly for her dad to do everything for her.
If he can’t, Nora starts to cry and scream that she knows he never loves her and locks herself in the bedroom or bathroom for hours while screaming she wants to go home.
A few examples:
Daddy I can’t find my shoes. Find them for me!
Daddy I can’t find my sunglasses. Go find them! Daddy I don’t know how to put my plate in the dishwasher. Here do it for me! Daddy my shoelaces are tangled. You untie them! Daddy I’m thirsty. Get me a drink! Daddy I’m hungry. Order me some food!
Daddy I don’t like the angle of the TV. Move it for me! Daddy I don’t know where my phone is. Look for it, I need it now!
And it’s like that all day long. Nora also doesn’t just say Daddy, it’s more like DAAAADDYYYY!!!!!
And the constant interrupting! I can barely say a sentence to my husband or my son without Nora interrupting it. If Ryan is talking to me or my husband Nora interrupts to speak over Ryan and whine until the focus is on her. I point out to my husband that we absolutely do not let Ryan whine, scream, and interrupt the way Nora does.
My husband says that Ryan is with us most of the time, and Nora isn’t so he wants to just make Nora happy and take care of her when she’s here. That she’s going to college in another year so he has very little time left of Nora being his baby girl.
I told him I do understand but Nora’s attitudes and behavior are very immature for her age and babying her is not helping her. It’s also difficult to be around because all day it’s either whining, interrupting, screaming, or crying with Nora when what she wants does not happen fast enough.
It makes me stressed out to the max and takes a toll on both of us.
Nora is not disabled in any way that we are aware of. She’s a smart kid, we expect her to get a scholarship and she’s involved in many extracurriculars.
She’s also great with Ryan when it’s just the two of them and her dad or me are not in the same room. So I do feel it’s all just an act for attention.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.. He is creating a monster by enabling her behavior – and if not addressed, will not stop at 18 – trust me.
My ex also had a daughter – ironically also named Nora who was the same way – so I feel your pain. It’s a nightmare. The sooner he starts to teach her instead of DO for her, the better off she’ll be. It’s not easy, but he can do so in a loving way, by talking to her like an adult.
Ex: Daddy, I can’t find my sunglasses! Can you find them?! Your husband can respond: What helps me, is if I backtrack to the last time I had them. Where did you have them last? Why don’t you start there?
Be careful though, she will pull the same things on your son (at least our Nora does).
Surprisingly, she is quite independent when it is just me. It’s almost like exerting female manipulation (of whining and pleeeeaaase…) being used to get what she can from men, to make up for feeling powerless and/or abandoned when her parents split. It is super unhealthy and can lead to harmful relationships in the future.
It sounds like she really should get counseling. Good luck!” LittleGrandCindy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is where you need to set some boundaries if you want anything to change. Understandably he doesn’t see her much and so pampers her, but if it’s to the point where she’s being rude to others that’s not ok.
now not your child so don’t tell him how to parent her, but is your house so you get a say in house rules. Rather than telling him not to treat her a certain way, you should stress that her behavior will not be tolerated by you in your own house.
Or something like that. Setting boundaries doesn’t make you a jerk, BUT telling him how to parent will.” mind_like_the_ocean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why don’t he and Nora stay in an Airbnb or hotel when she comes to visit? If he wants her in your house, you get a say in her behavior.
Especially when watching all this will have a negative effect on your son. Maybe that’s the place to start? How to make this a healthier situation for both kids, and what sort of rules or “code of conduct” could make that happen. A family therapist (preferably a psychologist, not a counselor with a 6-month certificate) could help you make an appropriate plan (with appropriate consequences) for the family.
If your husband isn’t on board with the situation, she turns 18 soon. Even more reason for them to meet outside your home, and get into a new routine more suitable for your son’s well-being.” AuntyErrma
8. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Accept My Dad's Fiancée At My Graduation?
“My relationship with my mom is not very good.
My parents are divorced and my dad now has a fiancée whom I like as much as a biological mom.
About a week before my graduation, my mother asked me what the seating arrangements for the graduation would be. I told her that it would be me, her, and my father.
Later in the week, my dad told me that he wanted his fiancée to sit with us. I was okay with this and said I would make sure that my mom was okay with it. I told my mom that I wanted my dad’s fiancée to sit with us as I felt that it would be awkward for her to have to sit somewhere random.
My mom then told me that if my dad’s fiancée sat with us she would tell her to move. I didn’t want there to be drama at an 8th-grade graduation, so I told her that she could either come and sit next to me while my dad and his fiancée sat on the other side, sit somewhere close but not in the same row if it was such a problem, or just not come if it was such an issue to her.
I would have liked for her to come but she chose not to. My grandma and grandpa came though. And after the graduation, I thanked them for coming to which my grandma told me that she didn’t feel welcomed. Which makes me feel like I’m the jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“First and most importantly, congratulations!! Next, these are adult issues that they should be navigating on your behalf. Finally, NTJ in any of the myriad of scenarios here. You’re a minor child, you’re ascending to new levels of emotional maturity and education, and all of the adults in your life should be aligned with your aspirations and goals.
If they can’t figure their own stuff out, it’s not then your responsibility to figure it out for them.” BeerAnBooksAnCats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandma shouldn’t have said that to you based on her reasoning of her not feeling welcome because your mom CHOSE not to come.
The adults shouldn’t be putting that on you. They should be supporting you in your educational journey. Stay strong, hopefully, eventually your relationship will improve with your mom. Until then keep setting boundaries.” cdiddy19
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are definitely more mature than your mother.
Your parents need to work their own stuff out and shouldn’t be using you as a mediator. Your father should have called your mother to ask about seating arrangements when he didn’t like them. But your mother missing your graduation to spite your dad and his fiancé is immature and childish.
You handled it well. Congratulations and enjoy high school.” Ginger3950
7. AITJ For Telling My Wife She Isn't Actually Losing Weight?
“My wife has told numerous people that she has lost a hundred pounds. She is currently about 175 pounds overweight, weight that has steadily crept in over decades.
She believes she has lost 100 pounds because she counts any decrease in her weight, even due to random fluctuations, as weight loss.
For example, if she weighs x on day 0, then x +2 five days later at night, then x +1 the next morning: she counts that as having lost a pound.
I’ve tiptoed around it before suggesting that you can’t really lose or gain a pound overnight but she simply says she “knows her body and has been at this a long time.”
Last week I told her that her weight loss calculus is not working and that all she is doing is summing up random fluctuations and only the negative ones. I added that the fact her average weight continually goes up over any 10+ day timescale is evidence that she is gaining not losing weight.
And that over this entire time period, she has deluded herself into thinking that she knows what she is doing, and that central fact has allowed pound after pound to creep onto her. I was unfortunately frustrated and angry at the stress this puts in our lives due to her reduced mobility.
I ended by saying she never actually lost a hundred pounds, which I could see crushed her spirits. But I am not sure it was ultimately avoidable. This was met with “you really do not understand and I can’t trust you as an ally in this anymore” along with other harsher words.
So, AITJ for telling my wife she isn’t actually losing weight?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, your wife is basically lying to herself and others about her weight. What others say really doesn’t matter, but she’s convinced herself of weightless when she’s gained weight is downright a health hazard.
Also a hazard to my IQ trying to come up with how anyone would consider a net gain of 1 pound to be a net loss of one pound.” Aururai
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t making fun of or demanding she lose weight. You are trying to educate her on her incorrect calculations.
Can you sit down and have a chat with her, if she’s serious about weight loss ask her what her goal weight is or how much she wants to lose, then put her current weight on a board and only weigh in once a week or fortnight (daily weigh-ins aren’t accurate due to **************** weight, etc).
By having her original weight on display it will actually show how much your wife has lost or gained. It might be easier for her to understand than the whole ‘I gained 3 yesterday but lost 1 today so I’ve lost weight’ mentality. Keep track of her weigh-ins so she can see progress from her original weight.
Having everything displayed might make it easier for her to understand. Eg. You started at X, as you can see you now weigh Y, therefore it’s a loss/ gain. Only do the above if she’s open to it though. She may just be in denial and not want to face the truth though.” Status-Pattern7539
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Unless she’s just exceptionally bad at math, it sounds like she’s doing mental gymnastics in order to feel like she’s getting something out of her effort to lose weight other than just frustration. I’m assuming she’s insecure about her weight and frustrated with her struggle based on how defensive she got when you explained it to her.
Being fat doesn’t make her a jerk. Being frustrated and defensive about a medical problem doesn’t make her a jerk. You explaining the facts to her doesn’t make you a jerk either. I empathize with her. I’m not overweight but I’ve watched loved ones struggle to manage their weight and I know it’s not easy.
There’s a lot of shame and guilt that comes with the territory. Ultimately, she’s not doing herself any favors by manipulating the numbers like that, but I don’t think the solution is going to be as simple as you explaining why the math is bad.
Like others have suggested, she probably needs to see a nutritionist and a therapist. This is a twofold issue. Whatever she’s doing to try to lose weight obviously isn’t working, AND it seems to be causing her a lot of emotional stress.” grisver
6. AITJ For Enforcing My Dog's Boundaries When My Uncle Scared Him?
“My parents had some friends over for a party and I was using it as a training opportunity for my pup. I had him on a leash. He was doing amazing even taking treats from and accepting pets from strangers. It was dark when my uncle came over to where I was sitting with my dog and accidentally spooked him.
As I was getting Bear calmed down my uncle was saying that Bear just needed to get his sent and then would calm down. He then asked the person sitting next to me to hand him Bear’s leash I said no and stood up to walk Bear over to him.
My uncle tried to grab Bear’s leash so told him “don’t, just give him a moment to check you out” but he grabbed the leash regardless and then reached his hand out to try to pet Bear. That scared my dog because he wasn’t expecting my uncle to try to touch him so Bear tried to run away.
Because my uncle had ahold of his leash Bear hit the end of his line and my uncle started pulling him closer by his leash while Bear was still trying to get away. My response to this was to grab the leash on the other side of his hand and to firmly tell him to let go of the leash.
I had to repeat myself 3 times to let go of the leash because he was trying to tell me that what he told me was okay (it wasn’t).
Once I got him to let go I said that I wasn’t trying to be rude or mean and then tried to explain why what he was doing wasn’t okay.
But he repeatedly interrupted angrily trying to defend what he was doing, and I wasn’t having it. I said “He’s my dog and I will reinforce his boundaries” and my uncle snapped and yelled “FINE! Take your darn dog and go!” At that point I was angry so I walked away.
I remained calm during the whole interaction.
When I get mad/frustrated at someone I always try to calmly explain why what they did wasn’t okay. I have this tone that I use when trying to communicate that that is calm and respectful but you can still hear the frustration in my voice.
The day after this whole thing went down my mom told me that I needed to apologize and that I was the jerk for doing that in front of guests.
So… am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a dog with gastrointestinal issues, I’ve had him for 6 years when I got him from a dog rescue.
I found out about his issues within less than a week and it cost me a fortune to have the vets figure out what was specifically wrong with him. I can not tell you the number of people that feed him stuff he can’t have and when I tell them not to or to stop it they tell me to “loosen up, he’ll be fine.” Then he ends up on chicken and rice for a week with protein powders and on steroids after being extremely sick.
I get so mad and then I tell people “stop feeding him stuff you’re literally making him sick, if you want to give him a treat I have treats here, here, and here and there are toys for him here.” Now I just don’t let people around him because the last time he got sick he was the worst I’d ever seen him.
Everyone always apologizes when he’s at the vet getting treatments but I get angry and tell them that they caused it because they think they know better than me, ignore me, and give him stuff he can’t have when I’m not looking. So yeah NTJ.
Speak up for your fur baby because he can’t do it for himself!” Quiet_Tourist_9199
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And your uncle needs to learn that what he did and wanted to do is an absolute no-go. Exactly the behavior of your uncle leads to fearful dogs switching to being aggressive at some point in their life (often small dogs as their boundaries are constantly crossed and they learn only aggressive behavior).
You did great with protecting your dog and considering the emotional state. You often get to know a person when they interact with people or animals a lot weaker than themselves (animals, children, older people, and disabled people). Your uncle wanted it to go his way no matter what.
(Maybe feeling powerful for once) You should try to explain the situation to your mother but use a child or teen as an example rather than a dog (sometimes people can’t relate so well when something like this happens with animals rather than humans).” Mischungu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your uncle however is a big jerk. Your mom needs to tell him to apologize to you, not the other way around. This is not just someone’s pet. Service dog training is very specific and rigid for good reason. If you have not already explained this to your mom ask her to explain it to your uncle and hopefully, he will apologize.
Unless he is just a jerk by nature he should see why he was wrong and owes you an apology. You owe him nothing. I am a firm believer in the rule that if someone acts like a jerk in front of people then they can be called out for it in front of people.” familydogsandwine
5. AITJ For Not Giving My Ex's Contact Info To His Potential Baby Mama?
“My ex had a one-night stand while we were engaged which resulted in a pregnancy. I was pregnant at the time too so our children are close in age. My ex has nothing to do with his potential daughter but has been very good to me and our son.
The mother has been trying to force my ex to take a paternity test so that she can make him help support their daughter but she hasn’t been able to get into contact with him as my ex doesn’t live in the UK and only comes and goes on business or to see our son.
She doesn’t have his address and any attempts she’s made to contact him have been ignored. She came to me to ask for his contact information.
I told her I couldn’t tell her, because my ex helps me voluntarily and I don’t know if he’ll stop being so nice if he finds out I told her how to contact him.
He also isn’t the type of person you want to make an enemy out of. I suggested she hire a PI to find out but she told me she couldn’t afford it and said her daughter deserved everything my son was getting.
She also asked me to let our children develop a relationship but I had to tell her no to that too since I don’t know for sure if my ex is the dad and I don’t want my son getting attached if it turns out she isn’t his sister.
She’s angry and upset at me now. She thinks I’m refusing to tell her how to get in touch with him because I’m greedy and want all of his money for myself which isn’t true.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she’s not your responsibility and you’re protecting your kid.
I feel for her situation, but you’d be betraying the father of your kid. I would ask her for her contact information. I would tell the father that she’s been around asking for him and to pass on her details. What happens after that is up to them.
You can feel like you both kept his trust but also did not leave her hanging. Side note: She sounds a bit like she’s just in it for the money and I would suggest all tread lightly here until you know more.” Emmaleah17
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Except for your ex but he’s not the main thing being discussed here. You are both trying to do what is best for your kids and giving out his information could damage your relationship with him and damage his relationship with his kid while for her, the lack of information prevents them from having one and prevents her from having an easy way to get support from him.
But I would be prepared for the day when she does find him and that he still might blame you even if you say nothing. And that if possible, you should change things from ‘voluntary’ to ‘court-ordered’ because if he is a difficult man that would pull support if upset, his word is not something I would trust to ensure it continues.” EnergyThat1518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. None of this is your responsibility. She should’ve thought about all that when she decided to have a kid with a one-night stand, especially when she barely knows him. You’re under no obligation to give her anything and let alone to make your kid be buddies with hers.
You said that your ex is a great father to your son, and that should be your only worry. It’s definitely not your job to facilitate things for her, especially if this would affect your relationship and co-parenting with your ex. I would tell you to tell him about this.
He deserves to know that that woman is stalking and harassing you. Block her and if she continues, get a restraining order. Her life decisions are not your problem. And the fact that her daughter doesn’t have the same things as your son is even less your problem.” KingOfDarkness_CB
4. AITJ For Excluding My Bullying Older Brother From Family Events?
“My dad had my older brother with his ex-wife.
My brother is a bully, just like his mother. I cannot tell you how many times my siblings, my parents, and I were poorly treated by my older brother and his mother.
So when I turned 16, I told my parents I did not want my older brother around me and refused to invite him to any parties intended for me. I also started celebrating other holidays at my aunt’s if I knew my brother would be around.
When my siblings started doing the same, my dad ended up celebrating stuff separately with my brother on different days so the rest of the family could stay together. My brother did not take this well. It created a huge conflict with our dad. And while I hate seeing my dad upset, I think he needs to deal with the spoiled brat he created by himself.
My brother has now spread all these lies to our dad’s side of the family. My grandparents are now accusing my mother of trying to drive my brother away, which is not the truth at all.
My brother got the pity party he always wanted while still getting my dad to be his personal servant.
All I wanted was to protect my own emotional health. Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You and your siblings need to list out all the terrible things your brother has done to each of you or to your parents…and then write them all in one letter and give that to your grandparents.
Tell them collectively that they owe your mother an apology and that until she gets it, none of you will be speaking to them or seeing them. And also make sure they know that once all of you become adults, none of you will have any form of contact with your brother and that again, if they have a problem with that, you will cut them out of your life too.
It’s time to set the record straight and hold anyone accountable who defends your brother’s behavior. Your dad is sort of caught in the middle, but at the same time, he created this problem and he can either seek out treatment for your brother or he can deal with him by himself.
NTJ.” The__Riker__Maneuver
Another User Comments:
“Nope, you are NTJ, but you have to accept that this is the price for protecting your mental health. The price is that your brother’s side of the story is the only side heard when he is with your dad’s family.
What do you care if he gets a “pity party” or what your father has to deal with? Your father is a grown person who should be able to explain the situation to the rest of the family and set them straight.” kimariesingsMD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. I understand how much of a pain older half-brothers can be as I have one from a hookup my dad had when he was 19, his mom and him have caused my dad a lot of pain and debt because of the child support she demanded and he’ll never be able to pay off.
He treated my family like garbage and was never around growing up but expected us to open our home to him in an instant and is a terrible father to his own kids, and won’t let me see them since I came out as trans nb.” diekovu
3. AITJ For Throwing Out My Husband's Chain To Help Him Break His Habit?
“My (F24) husband (M24) had an obsession over chewing his chain and recently he decided he wanted to stop. Last week, he gave me his chain and told me to hold on to it and not let him get to it. He only asked for it once a couple of days ago and I convinced him it was a bad idea and he appreciated it and was happy I didn’t let him get it.
I’ll admit I was pretty close to giving it to him because I love him and like giving him everything he wants.
So anyway, I decided that in order for me not to give in I had to get rid of the chain so I threw it out.
I thought once his habit got over I could just get him a new chain since it looked pretty cheap anyway.
Today we were getting ready for a wedding and he asked for the chain to wear, he won’t be biting on it anymore. I kept trying to tell him no but he wanted to wear it for the wedding.
That’s when I told him I threw it out and he freaked out because it was an expensive chain that was discontinued. He became really upset and said he’s never trusting me with his stuff again. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you should never throw away things that don’t belong to you.
I understand you wanted to help and not get tempted to give it back, Next time just hide it or give it to someone else to take care of. There are also timelocks, you could’ve just shut the chain away and set the timer for a few weeks so neither of you could open it.
There would’ve been better ways to deal with this problem, but throwing the whole chain away makes YTJ.” Wide_Jeweler_9739
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He gave it to you to hold onto it and help him get rid of a bad habit. This means he had the full intention to ask for it back once his bad habit was gone.
Otherwise, he would’ve sold the chain or threw it away himself. If you felt that your determination to not give it to him was crumbling, you should’ve opened your mouth and said so, before giving it to someone who can be trusted with the chain.
What if that chain was a gift from his father? What if it had emotional value and you just threw it in the garbage because “It looks cheap anyway?” Cheap or not, your husband gave you an item to take care of and instead of fulfilling your end of the bargain, you decided to make things easier on you and with no respect to your husband or his possessions, throw his items away without asking him for permission.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You yourself said you had a tough time not giving in because you want to make him happy by giving him everything he wants. Then you turn around and say you thought it would be easier to throw it away, which isn’t what he wants.
I have a feeling you don’t really know what he wants, you probably don’t even know him as well as you think you do if you were to do something like that so callously. YTJ.” UnqualifiedIT
2. AITJ For Feeding My Son Vegan Food And Encouraging Him To Eat More Veggies?
“I’m vegan, my wife is pescetarian. My ex is one of those people who thinks that only meat is real food, veggies are rabbit food.
I have a 5-year-old son with my ex, we share custody – one week at each house. When he is at my house, he eats vegan food when I cook (4-5 times a week) and usually fish when my wife cooks (2-3 times a week), and when we order takeout or go out to eat (a few times a month) he orders whatever he likes (reasonable stuff obviously, he can’t just have chocolate ice cream when we go have dinner).
When he’s at my ex’s place, he eats mostly meat and potatoes, but lately, he has been complaining about food there. When she dropped him off at my place this weekend, she asked to talk to me and my wife about the feeding of our son.
We talked and my ex was fuming about how our rabbit food is not only making our son hate her nutritious chicken but also isn’t giving him enough nutrients. I told her that’s ridiculous and that my son has well-balanced meals at my place. She then said he complains about the food at her place and wants more veggies like Daddy makes.
I told her to just make him more veggies and less pork then or something. She told me not to tell her how to parent our child and that if we don’t stop “forcing our beliefs” on the boy, she will drag me to court and demand full custody.
She said I “intentionally malnourish” my child and that that alone makes me a jerk because kids need meat, milk, and potatoes.
AITJ for feeding my son vegan food?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In any way. You’re not in any way pushing anything on him or discouraging him.
He just realized he enjoys eating vegetables, and probably feels the difference when he eats them versus just meat and potatoes. It’s not wrong he asks for some vegetables to round out his mom’s meals. She’s right, he isn’t getting enough nutrients. But, it’s because all she feeds him is meat and starch.
Children need vegetables and fruits in their diet, and teaching them to enjoy them earlier on is setting them up for healthy eating habits. If she tries to argue malnutrition in court… Jeez, I don’t see it going the way she thinks it will. I don’t know any pediatrician that would recommend only meat, starch, and dairy.” treatyourselftocats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! “How do I get my five-year-old to stop asking for more veggies?” asked no sane parent, ever. The ONLY scenario I can think of in which your meals for your son would be problematic is if you have positioned eating meat and animal byproducts to him as somehow immoral or unethical, shown him videos and photos of animals being slaughtered or kept in cramped/abusive conditions at large farms, and had conversations with him about animal abuse that are waaaay ahead of what is appropriate for his age.
To put it another way, if you’re simply giving him vegan food WITHOUT a side dish of upsetting him about the way most large factory farms treat animals, then there is no issue. As long as it’s all veggies, no morality condemnations, and he is healthy, you’re golden.” Lux_Brumalis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t doing anything wrong at all. She is just mad her son’s palate has extended beyond meat and potatoes and she doesn’t have the culinary skill or palate to provide that for him. I can understand why she is lashing out but the easiest solution for her is to literally just add a salad side dish or cook a stir fry or something equally as easy to make as meat and potatoes.
I’m not sure about your financial situation, but I would offer to pay for a dietician that all 3 of you go to see (you, bio mum, kid). Just explain to the dietician you are having a disagreement on the diet of your child and figured the best course of action was to see a dietician to discuss it and come up with a plan that meets his nutritional requirements.
For as long as you can before the dietician, both of you should write a food diary each day. What he eats, portion sizes, and any other relevant information. (so a salad could be like “1 cup garden salad, lettuce, tomato, red onion, carrot, X brand of Y type of dressing”) That way your dietician can start the first appointment off with a basis of what his diet currently is.
Doing this will have the dietician likely suggest she needs to include more than meat and potato for his meals.” HearingStunning
1. AITJ For Refusing To Take My Son To A Cooking Class His Mom Signed Him Up For On My Day?
“I have split custody of my 8yo son with his mom. We have a schedule in place and what she does on her time is her business and vice versa.
My son expressed interest in cooking. There are some places that offer cooking classes for kids and they happen to fall on the days when I have him. I keep those days free because he already has a full schedule of camp, playdates, and swimming.
I leave gaps in his schedule so I can spend one-on-one time with him. My ex and I share our calendars with each other.
So what does she do? She signs him up for a cooking class on a day that I have him and during my “dad and son” time.
To add insult to injury, she also wants to show up at his cooking class to watch him cook.
She did not run this by me so I told her that our son will not go to cooking class. I could move things around to make it happen.
I won’t because she had zero business messing my calendar up and then popping in on the day that I have him.
She said this was no different than when I signed him up for flag football this summer and one of the practices fell on her day and I showed up to his game.
I said we both agreed to flag football. There was no discussion about cooking class. Plus what does she need to show up at a cooking class for?
Now she wants me to refund her the cancellation fee if my son drops out.
My son would be interested in cooking classes but definitely not as interested in a rock climbing class.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. My God, what is it with the dads not getting that it isn’t “their time”, it’s their children’s time with them as the parent. It. Never. Fails. Every one of my daughter’s friends from split households; they never get to do anything when with their dads because it’s “his time”.
School dance? Nope, that’s my time. Sleepover. MY TIME. No, it’s your turn to be a parent. And that includes sometimes taking your kids to obligations. Yeah yeah, sometimes the other parent has signed them up for something. But when you KNOW it’s something your child would love.
Why? Why punish that child just to stick it to the ex in order to say it’s my time! Waaah! Grow up. I can tell you your kids notice this and resent you for it. Ask my daughter. She tells me alllll about her little friends complaining about their dad’s pulling this nonsense.
And yeah, they’ve all given up making any plans on their dad’s weekends. Guess how many have asked the judge not to make them go to their dad’s every weekend because of it. Yep, all 3 of them. And before the commenter I know is about to come at me about mom manipulating the situation.
Maybe. Maybe not. But that excuse goes out the window when op admitted he too plans stuff on her weekends. And she still takes him to it. Why? Because, back to my point, her son enjoys it. It’s not about the parent; it’s about the kids.” Minute_Box3852
Another User Comments:
“Gonna go with YTJ. I don’t really care about whatever previous arrangements you and your ex-wife had, does your KID wanna go to the cooking class? If he doesn’t want to skip it he shouldn’t have to, don’t punish him because of his mom’s failure to communicate.
I highly doubt this is an all-day cooking class, I’m sure you’ll have time to do something afterwards and you could sit in for the class too and maybe speak to his mother about what you’d like to do differently next time.
It wasn’t right of your ex-wife to not consult you, but it wouldn’t be right of you to keep your son from something he wants to do because of that.” ncndsvlleTA
Another User Comments:
“We all know OP is the jerk but I’ve scrolled a fair bit and read the comments and can really only see OP making one argument and it’s: “Well my son wants to go to (Legoland/Disneyland/the Aquarium) so should I buy him tickets and make him go with his mom on her time????” Short answer: Yeah, you should.
Your ex didn’t just schedule the class on your time out of spite, you even stated your days were the only days they were available. I admittedly am not a parent but if I were that kid’s mom I would GLADLY take my child to Legoland, Disneyland, and the Aquarium (on your dime is even better) on the same day if I could if it meant that I got to spend time with my child doing something he wanted to do.
Kids remember that and it would be a memory he had forever. I also admittedly had a bad dad and when I had to spend court-ordered time with him we didn’t do anything and I hated having to spend time with him because his holier-than-thou idea of us spending time together was him watching TV and me just being somewhere in the same house with him.
I would have loved to take a cooking class if it meant I got to share with him something I was interested in while also making memories together. Take your kid to the cooking class and get over yourself.” pandemilovato
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