People People Are Divided Over These Controversial 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Preferring To Discuss My Sister's Death With My Best Friend Over My Partner?
“A month ago my (25m) sister passed away. She was the closest person to me in my life and I’m still trying to get over her death.
My best friend (25f) of 18 years, let’s call her Betty, has been there for me through this.
My partner (23f), let’s call her Eva, we’ve been together for 10 months. She also wanted to be there for me during this time, but I preferred to talk about it with Betty rather than with her because Eva had never met my sister, she doesn’t have a sibling and she has never lost anyone close in her life.
Betty is the opposite and when I talk to her I feel that she can relate to me more.
Two days ago at my house, me, Eva, Bett,y and another friend were drinking. At one point Eva went to sleep, then my other friend went to sleep and we started talking with Betty about my sis again.
Then we went to sleep too.
The next morning, after my other friend and Betty left, Eva told me that she woke up in the night and overheard us and asked me why I would rather talk to Betty than to her. I gave her the reasons above and thanked her for wanting to support me, but she didn’t take it well.
She said, “If you won’t let me support you, maybe you should just be with Betty.” So we had an argument, she left the house and now she doesn’t pick up my calls.
I can understand why this situation upsets her, but maybe she should try to understand me.
I don’t know if I’m a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“Your partner thinks you feel emotionally closer to Betty than her. She feels like she doesn’t get to see her partner vulnerable with her but she has to take a seat and watch someone else be emotionally intimate with her partner.
She probably feels like you think you don’t need her support if you have Betty. Honestly, I understand her and if I were her I wouldn’t pick a fight but I would take a big step back in this relationship. ” professionaldrama-
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here and I’m sorry for your loss. Understandably, you would want to discuss it with Betty since she knows her and can better relate. But I would try to give your partner a chance in some way to show that she can be there for you emotionally.
You don’t have to talk to her specifically about your sister’s death but work on opening up a bit more toward her. You’ve been together almost a year and being vulnerable with your partner is an important part of a relationship.” owloctave
Another User Comments:
“But isn’t this when you are actually getting real relationships experience? Your partner is meant to be there for you through the hard times, if you don’t start sharing and being vulnerable with them in situations like this, when will you? I have never been through grief so I can’t really empathize fully with what you are going through.
However, if my partner was going through that I would still appreciate being part of that experience, with them allowing me to support them. Why not share it with both? I would personally go with No jerks here.” Enamoure
19. AITJ For Leaving My Friend Alone At A Comedy Show Because I Was Sick?
“I (22 F) and my friend of many years (also 22 F) got tickets to see a comedy show happening in our city.
This was special to us and we were very excited about it because the comedian we would see had been a mutual favorite for a long time and we loved to watch their stuff together.
But by the time the day of the show came, I was very sick with a head cold.
I had a bad cough and my sinuses were all messed up. I told her that I wasn’t sure I would be able to go because I felt like it was irresponsible to go to a public space while probably oozing germs everywhere.
She pressured me into going anyway.
I acknowledge that I played a part in this decision and it was irresponsible of me to go out into public while feeling so sick.
When packing for the show I brought this nasal spray that I had gotten a couple of days prior that had been helping me a lot by clearing my sinuses.
At the show, I timed it so that I would use the spray when the opening act finished to maximize my enjoyment of the rest of the night.
However, this time it felt like someone had taken an icicle and pushed it up and into my brain.
It was the most pain I had felt in a long while and it wouldn’t go away.
I started getting worried that something serious was going on. I got huge black spots in my vision and my hearing was going in and out. I leaned over to my friend and I told her that I needed to leave because there might be something serious happening to me.
She asked if I was positive I wouldn’t be able to stay for the rest of the show, and that it would probably end soon.
I told her I was sorry but that I had to leave and she asked me if I wanted her to come with me.
I said that she could if she wanted to but I could also just call an Uber for myself. She said she was gonna stay.
Once I left I had to call my partner to order an Uber for me because I couldn’t have my eyes open long enough to look at my phone and order it for myself.
I go home, sobbing from the pain, take some painkillers, and put a hot compress over my eyes.
After a bit, I felt better enough to text my friend telling her that I got home safe, I was sorry but I hoped she had a good time.
45 minutes later she, to my surprise, starts sending me paragraphs about what a terrible person/friend I am for leaving her there. She said I abandoned her, a young woman, alone at a show in the city by herself at night and something terrible could have happened to her.
She said that I was selfish and that she expected more from me because I always go on about how women should support women. I started crying again and apologized to her and said that I would have stayed if I could but I felt like I couldn’t because the pain was too severe.
She said she was too angry to talk to me.
We never spoke again after that and it has been over a year. I have rolled the situation over in my head countless times since but I can’t seem to figure out what I could have done differently.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t abandon your friend. You explained why you had to leave, and she had the option to leave with you if she was uncomfortable staying alone to watch the show. Your friend knew you weren’t feeling well, so it shouldn’t have been a surprise when you had to leave early.
If your friend would not accept you were sick and was too angry to talk, then there is nothing more you could have done.” napsrule321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, I’m amazed you didn’t realize what a bad friend she was to you!
She knew you had trouble with your vision (Your VISION!!) and SHE let you go out in a cab! What if something happened to YOU? Snap out of it. You’re not the bad friend here, she is.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She asked if you wanted her to leave with you, and you said that she could leave with you or stay.
She decided to stay. She’s just angry with no justifiable reason, so she’s pulling at straws to rationalize the anger. Edit: grammar/phrasing” LittleAngelOnFi.re
18. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Dad's Wife Adopt Me?
“I (15M) was adopted once already. My biological mother did not want to be a parent and she walked out when I was born.
My dad met my mom when I was still a baby and she adopted me when I was 2, a few months after they got married. She was the best mom ever and I miss her every single day. She died when I was just 6 and losing her messed me up.
I still struggle sometimes with not having my mom. My dad isn’t the most emotional or warm guy which meant I lost a parent who knew how to comfort me. Luckily my grandparents (mom’s parents) were like my mom and were that comfort for me.
It wrecked me more when Dad started seeing someone less than a year after Mom died and remarried before my mom had been gone 2 years.
I hate my dad’s wife. She assumes that because my mom wasn’t biologically my mother and because she died when I was just 6, it meant she could be replaced more easily than any other parent.
Her attitude toward my mom has been bad from day one. She even said my mom told me I was adopted when she could have passed me off as her own since I was so young and the fact she didn’t mean she wasn’t my mom, she was just playing a role.
My dad is just too cold to give a crap, I think. I think he likes having someone else around to raise his kid and now he has three kids (two with his wife) and he wants whatever his wife does to keep her happy.
So he looked into another adoption of me. But they were told, given my age at the time, no adoption would happen if I wasn’t okay with it. They tried to find out if they could pay more to have it happen but were told they would pay and then get rejected.
And I will never say yes. I would rather be in foster care than be adopted by her. We fight a lot. We don’t get along. But she tries to claim me as hers and it bothers her to be rejected by someone who “never even knew his real mother”.
I always point out I do have a real mom, she died when I was 6, and dad’s wife will never be as good as her or worthy of filling in for her.
It’s tense, it’s toxic and I know my only escape is when I can force my dad to let me stay with my grandparents for a few hours of a night or two.
Which isn’t often. His wife hates that I still have them in my life so he refuses often for her.
My dad’s ILs are staying with us for a few weeks. Visiting their grandkids. And Sunday we had dinner together unfortunately and they asked when she was finally going to adopt me because it was crazy that she had kids with my dad but hadn’t adopted me when I was motherless.
I told them I’m not. My mom died but she’s still my mom. They said it wasn’t right and that their daughter has been my mom longer and she deserves to have it official. I told them she’s never been my mom and will never deserve to be my mom which is why I will never let the adoption happen.
The whole day went to mess and I was sent to my room then on Monday I was told to apologize and when I didn’t it was stated by all four adults that I was an ungrateful brat.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ not one bit.
Sorry, you lost your mom so young. ” She even said my mom told me I was adopted when she could have passed me off as her own since I was so young and the fact she did mean she wasn’t my mom, she was just playing a role.” She was a good, kind woman & worthy of your love & loyalty.
“They tried to find out if they could pay more to have it happen but were told they would pay and then get rejected.” That speaks volumes as to how much your Dad & his wife are not good even without all the other info.
Ditto his ILs. Could petition for your mom’s parents to become your guardians? You’ll be able to get your Dad & the wife out of your life forever at 18 if you choose. Very best of luck to you.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your feelings are valid, and your Dad and stepmother need to stop trying to force the issue.
Is there someone at school, a counselor, or someone you can talk to who might be able to help you? You might be able to file for emancipation in a year or 2 but you should be able to request to live with your grandparents through the courts given your age” Lunar-Eclipse0204.
Another User Comments:
“The evil in me compels me to say this… next time stepmother goes on a rant you could always say: “Don’t worry, if you die suddenly he’ll replace you just as fast. He’ll make sure your kids never know they’re adopted, just like you wanted.” I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
See if you can get copies of all your important documents, switch them out for the originals where possible when you can, have them ready for the moment you turn 18 so you can move in with your grandparents. NTJ” I_wanna_be_anemone
17. AITJ For Accusing My Best Friend Of Stealing My Clothes?
“My girl best friend (20F) and I (23F) have known each other for a few years now, weve always stayed in contact through social media all these years but only got closer last year. Every single time she comes to sleep over at my house some of my clothes vanish.
The first time, I was invited to a halloween party but since I only knew a couple of people who would go, I asked if I could invite my friend. She came over to get ready at my house, we went to the party and came back to my place again to sleep.
The next day, as shes going through the clothes she brought she asks me for a bag since she tore her paper bag, I go and ask my mom if we have a reusable paper bag to give her. My mom takes one from the laundry room (that’s where they’re kept) and hands it to her.
I go over to the washroom while she packs her stuff, as soon as shes done she goes home.
A few days later in the middle of a conversation she sends me a selfie wearing a crop top that was very similar to one that I received from my mother as a gift. I tell her “omg!
we have the same crop top” and she immediately tells me “yeah it’s yours! it’s with me!” and I tell her “what do you mean?” she goes “I don’t know if your mom accidentally put it in the bag but i opened it and it was there, I saw it now so I took a picture to send it to you”.
I didnt really think any of it at first so i just said “Okay bring it to me on Sunday” since we were going out that day. She brought it to me with some other stuff I lent to her 3 MONTHS AGO.
Next time, she came over to another house thats 2 hours away from where I live so we could spend New years together, we went out a bunch of times, used each others clothes and I always made sure she put them back into my closet.
We stored our clothes separately.
At some point she was using my clothes everyday, and that wasn’t a problem until we both went back home… I forgot 2 new wide leg jeans I had bought recently at that house that was 2 hours away from where I live, so I had to spend a few weeks waiting until my parents felt like going there again.
When we returned the first thing I did was look for them and only ONE of them was there. I started asking her if she somehow had my jeans with her, considering that she went to my birthday dinner wearing one of my crop tops (that I didnt let her borrow) while jokingly saying it was hers in front of everyone.
She immediately said no, I insisted for her to look through her stuff, while also asking abt the top she wore on my birthday. She said she was only joking about it being hers, I asked her why she would do that and when did she take my crop top with her.
She tried gaslighting me into believing that I didnt remember that she asked me to borrow it and take it home with her (I told myself I wouldnt let her take my stuff home with her anymore after last time so that doesnt make any sense).
A month later I find out she has even MORE of my stuff with her. What do I do? Every time I confront her she comes up with an excuse.”
Another User Comments:
“You drop the friendship. It is not a friendship of she is stealing from you.
You might also tell the other girls in your friend group. You have the proof in the pics she posted.” ConfusedAt63
16. AITJ For Rejecting The New Book House My Ex-Husband Built?
“I had a little book house outside of my house since 2017. People can come by and take a book or leave a book for others. I designed how I wanted it to look. My then-husband built it for me. He built it extremely heavy, but a manageable size.
It looked like a house. It even had a little roof. I live in Minnesota so the weather is rough here. I went to clean it out and noticed it was getting to be in rough shape. My now ex offered to build it again.
I agreed and said I did not want to spend over $100. I gave him the measurements and said that the only thing I would change is to add a bit more depth for bigger books. He asked about the ideal height of the shelves. I said 10 inches (the current one is 9.5).
He texted that he had a great idea for the door. I asked what it was. He refused to tell me and wanted it to be a surprise.
When I went to pick up the book house it was NOTHING like my previous book house.
This thing is MASSIVE. It is 24 inches long! He built it big and boxy and then put kind of a snow drift wooden ramp on the top which I absolutely hate. The front he was talking about was a door window. Other than the size and how it looks – the box was built nicely.
It’s sturdy and appears waterproof. The door has a nice little padding so it can’t be slammed shut. Has a latch to securely close it.
I took it home. I asked him what it cost. It was agreed I would pay him for the materials so I did need to know.
He said, “You only owe me $100”. Okay, but I’d like to know the actual cost. “That’s your reaction?!” He said.
I was trying to think of a nice way to put this. So it took me a minute. I then said that he did a great job and it seems to be built really well.
It’s less heavy this time too. But this thing is way too big for my needs. I don’t have enough books to keep stocked that I needed it any bigger. The depth is too much because the books will be lost in the back and harder to see.
(Almost 13 inches)
He said he would cut it in half for me. I said I didn’t really like that idea either. That only fixes the length issue and I wanted it to look like a house again.
He says I did not say that.
I reminded him I asked him for his building plan and he refused to tell me. I gave him the measurements of my current house and said they were good – just add a small amount of depth so yes, I assumed it would be close in size and I assumed it would look almost the same.
I told him they sell for about $400 online. He now says he paid $140 for supplies. I suggested selling it online measured the new one for him and sent him pictures he could use for the sale. I also offered to pay the agreed-upon $100 and he could then make even more if he sold it.
He said he wasn’t upset that I didn’t like it, but I have a feeling he is. I tried to say that it was just too big to spare his feelings, but he pushed me by saying he would cut it in half.
I didn’t want him to ruin the house by cutting it in half because it might be just what someone else needs/wants.
Am I the jerk for being honest and not just using the book house as it is?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I can see that people are voting the opposite to me, so maybe I’m way off, but I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. It’s something that you’ll be using, it’s in front of your house, and he’s not allowed you to have input into its design.
I think your mistake was going back to him for the new one, but I don’t think you were a jerk at all. It sucks that you had to not be so gracious about his hard work, but it’s not fit for purpose, so what else were you to do?
Do you have kids together? Would any of them like it for their house (if they’re old enough?) or maybe donate it somewhere nice that are able to put more books in it? And give him the money he spent on materials.” Tabula_Rasa2022
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a little library which my husband built and I painted in 2016. Ours is getting shabby so needs to come down, be re-sanded and I will paint it anew. You will be doing the tending, and stocking the books, and I understand your concerns about having one that is too deep and too large—you don’t want books pushed to the back, falling into the back—and also having your own idea about how it should look—you did ask to see the plans.
You are offering to pay, and for him to also sell it elsewhere, so he’s not going to lose here. For whatever reason he had the idea that you would like being surprised by his changes even when you said you wanted to see the plan first—well, that just didn’t work out.” Auntie-Mam69
15. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister For Having Sex In My Apartment?
“I (23F) live alone in an apartment and recently my sister (27F) got evicted from her place so I offered for her to stay at my place till she finds another place to stay.
We got along just fine since we both grew up and now understand our boundaries. We had a schedule where I would cook and she would clean and then the next day it’d be the other way around where I’d clean and she’d cook.
However one day I came back from work and I heard my sister moaning really loudly. I felt disgusted. I hoped that it was just her and she was pleasing herself but after I heard a guy in there I felt like I was going to throw up.
I didn’t want to disturb them but I knew I had to do I walked to the door and opened it then slammed it yelling “I am home!” So she’d know to stop.
Obviously, she heard and after a few minutes, she came out with a tall guy standing behind her.
A few hours later once I made dinner we all sat together eating however I couldn’t look her in the eyes, I felt so uncomfortable and nauseated I mean I understand that she’s a grown woman and that she has these needs but couldn’t they just go do it at his place or in a car.
Later on, I was told that the guy was my sister’s new partner, he’d started to stay the night. Nevertheless, they were intimate, and I couldn’t sleep. I got so mad since I had to be up at 4 am to get ready for work so being the “annoying” younger sibling I knocked on the wall.
I forgot to mention that our rooms were just a wall away and I heard everything. After I got home from work my sister’s partner wasn’t there so I decided to let my sister know that I wasn’t comfortable with him staying here, she just told me that I was overreacting and that we all do these things.
I told her that if she did bring him here for intimate intentions she could sleep outside or find another place as I would not tolerate it. She called me a jerk and a bunch of other names saying that “she craved it” and I can’t stop her from doing what she loves.
I couldn’t be bothered to deal with her so I ignored her for the rest of the day and just went to take a bubble bath and then went to sleep. But despite my warnings, I woke up at 2 am to once again hear my sister being intimate.
I got so fed up that I grabbed my big water bottle and barged into her room spraying them with water and yelling at them to simply shut up.
My sister was fuming she got up covered herself and started to yell at me. So I just simply grabbed her stuff and threw them outside telling her that if she didn’t respect my household wishes then she could get out and that if she ended up living on the street I wouldn’t care.
I kicked them both out. Later I decontaminated everything in that room and went back to sleep. The next day I woke up to a bunch of angry texts from a bunch of family members telling me that I was a jerk and that I shouldn’t have done that and instead talked it out with her.
My sister is currently living with her partner and I still haven’t apologized to her as she didn’t apologize to me.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Some people don’t accept kindness unless they can mistreat you for it. Your place, your rent and you were nice enough to allow her to stay.
Let the other family members let her stay with them if they are cool with it. As it turns out, it’s not like the partner doesn’t have a place, it’s just your sister wanted to be “home”. You spoke, set your boundaries and she did not take you seriously.
Your word has some weight now. Good for you.” catskilkid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You offered to help your sister out. She brought a strange man into your house for intimacy which made you uncomfortable. You spoke up about it and made the rules clear.
She ignored you and is now shocked because you enforced the boundaries in your house. Clearly, you have different views on casual intimacy, but no one wants to hear family members doing it. I also imagine that the situation caused you to view your sister differently which can also be confusing and upsetting.
There is no reason for anyone to be legitimately angry at you. He has his own place and if your sister was respectful of you she would have followed the rules and gone to his place.” _gadget_girl
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for making out like intimacy is dirty and wrong.
Could totally understand if you were concerned about the stranger in the house. But it really just sounds like you are upset that two adults are being intimate. If it’s the sound that’s truly the problem – Just toss some headphones on or play a TV show quietly on your phone until they stop.” Ok_Albatross8909
14. AITJ For Kicking Out My Toxic Cousin From My Birthday Party?
“I (23F) have a cousin (25F) we will call her “J”.
Things J has done: J went through my makeup bag and tried on every lipstick. I had to throw away $300 worth of makeup. J is on the heavier side and tried on my new clothes. She ripped my new blouse. She uses a baby voice to get what she wants.
J got married to a boy 21 days after meeting him, and her parents still don’t know. J only comes to my house as a getaway to talk to her husband.
Yes, I know she is jealous of me. I do my best to lift her up and call her pretty, buy her makeup, take her out… but she just radiates negative energy back to me.
Last weekend I hosted my own birthday party with my friends and family. This was the last straw with J.
I told J that I would be able to pick her up the night before for a sleepover. I picked up my 2 other friends after.
I introduced everyone to each other. My friend said “Hi how are you?” to J.. but J said, “Oh” and then rolled her eyes.
We went to In and Out at 12 AM, so my friends were hugging me and saying happy birthday to me. J looked annoyed. When we got home, J went straight to my fridge and took food out to eat… She had a double-double and animal fries 10 minutes prior to this.
The next morning I picked up the cake and put it on the kitchen counter. She put her hand on top of the cake box (while she did her baby voice) saying, “I want a piece right now.” She kept pressing on the box. I asked nicely, “Can you please keep your hands off the box.” My mom snapped at me saying, “What’s wrong with touching the box?!” As soon as my mom turned around to open the fridge, my cousin looked at me with evil eyes and pressed onto the box harder, smashing the cake that I paid for.
I was very upset and walked out of the room before I could let out my anger. I told my friends what happened and they were ready to confront her. I told them, we were just going to ignore it and just hope the cake didn’t get ruined.
J was asleep during most of the party. After J woke up, J completely ignored me and my group of friends. As she was passing by again, I stopped her to give her 1 more chance to join in on the activities and make a good impression.
I introduced J to every single one of my friends, everyone greeted her… just for her to say “oh” in her baby voice. She rolled her eyes turned her back towards us and walked away like it was her house.
I brought J to my house to celebrate my birthday with me, but J didn’t even bother joining in on any of the activities.
All my friends asked why she had attitude… I had to apologize for J’s behavior. I feel like I am in the wrong because she might have social anxiety, and I put her in front of a bunch of people.
I went to my mom and told her to grab her things and drop her home.
My mom immediately took her home, and I made sure she didn’t get a slice of the cake. I blocked her number. J got mad and told my mom that I was the jerk for blocking her and that I was a spoiled brat. (I did everything with my own money)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So she can lie, steal, and hide a whole marriage from her family but you’re the jerk for asking her not to be a jerk? How? You’ve been patient and kind towards her. Keep her blocked she sounds draining and toxic.” Batmans-dragon80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your party, your house, your money spent to have a good time. J seems like a spoiled brat who does her best to manipulate people. Good riddance to bad rubbish” Acrobatic_Shelter881
Another User Comments:
“J got that wrong. She is the spoiled brat and T A.
Sorry your birthday sucked. Stop inviting her to events. Stop invite her over. If she comes, make sure to hide your stuff. Get a locked cabinet if need be. NTJ. Happy Birthday!” Lucky-Guess8786
13. AITJ For Wanting The Unused Study Room For My Son Instead Of My Partner's Kids?
“A bit of back story, I (female 36) moved in with my partner D (male 45) a few months back, we were both married beforehand, and both have kids from our previous relationships.
D has two children, a female 8 and a male 10, I have four children 18,16, 13 males, and an 8-year-old girl.
Due to D being a farmer, moving in together meant my children and I had to move into his house with him…
D house is a three bedroom + study AND TWO SLEEPOUTS (these are two tiny homes like a pool house next to the main house) making 5 bedrooms all together.
We have one room, his kids share a room and my daughter has the other (I did think the two girls could share but he wanted his kids to be together, I thought it was a bit strange and for the lack of a better word a bit inappropriate as their ages are getting a bit old to share but that’s another story)
The study has always been unused for as long as I’ve known D. We have two sleepouts put in for the older boys. For context, his kids come two nights a week (even over the holidays). And my 13-year-old decided to stay in the city with his father as he has just started high school and didn’t want to change, he does come to stay with us every weekend and for all the school holidays (where we live they get 4 terms which are 2 weeks school holidays every 6 weeks and 6 weeks holidays over Christmas) the other 3 kids live with us full time.
When a 13-year-old stayed with us, he was meant to share a sleepout with 16, but being out in the country, he said it was too scary out there out nat night and normally sleeps on the couch.
I decided it would be a good idea to make the study into a little room for 13 since it’s just been used as storage.
I thought it would be nice if he had a space for himself and a proper bed. It’s not a large room but will be big enough for a wee space for 13 to call his own. Now this is where I have been told I am the jerk…
After clearing out the study D decided since his kid’s room is small (it’s the same size as the other bedroom) but is always a mess leaving no room to play, D thinks they should get the study as a playroom. When I said if they cleaned their room they would have room to play (not that they “play”, they are normally on their iPads in the living room the whole time they are here, not judging his parenting I just feel that it’s relevant) D said that the rooms are small and they will still need the space.
I even cleaned their room and sorted it all out to show they had more than enough space, but D just got mad and stormed off. After a week of fighting over the room D decided he needed a home office so none of the children get the room and it would become his office, I thought it was the best as we couldn’t agree on anything else and I went with it and agreed to the home office!
Today he said in passing that he is sharing the space with his kids and when I called him on it I was told I am the jerk as his kids need the space and now the room has been made into a second room for his children.
So AITJ for thinking my son should get the room as he’s here more, and his kids already have a room when my son doesn’t?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk, but mostly you. I too have a mom who made it clear she valued her romantic relationship more than our comfort (siblings and me).
I’m 28 now and haven’t talked to her in years, you still have time to fix it, your kids will resent you for forcing them into these living conditions just so you can live with your partner. He clearly cares more about his kids’ comfort than yours, you’re an even bigger jerk if you stay with him despite that, the kids deserve better.” Left-Inevitable-347
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for trying to push around someone else’s children in their own home because you weren’t able to provide for your own children yourself. Also, the fact that you have a 13-year-old son who’s too fearful to stay in a dwelling with your 16-year-old son indicates that there are issues with which some help would be in order which are being ignored.” Redditactron
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Probably should have figured out these arrangements before moving in. This is only going to get worse as the kids get older. What a nightmare. The whole home office debacle shows how much he respects you and your kids.
He and his kids are priority #1. He used that office excuse as a workaround to disallow you from using that room for your kid. He wasn’t upfront with you. Terrible communication and attitude by the sounds of it.” 2Whom_it_May_Concern
12. AITJ For Telling My Family I Have No Interest In Church?
“Over the years I have spent my life going to church even as a kid but I didn’t have any interest for religion not because I don’t like God simply because I just wanna live my life I don’t wanna bear the responsibilities of God and his word I simply just want to have a normal life.
I was tired of her spending money on me let alone letting me go to conferences even though I don’t want to attend and most of the conferences were either in summer or on holidays so I missed a lot of time spending with my family (I went to conferences when I was 13)
But one day she thought that I stole one of the slacks she bought for me for church and used it and she told me through messages that she would not hesitate to go to my school and take it off from me in front of everybody and since I was offline at that time when she messaged me and I mostly keep my phone notification silent so she got a bit mad and told me that “the Lord will deal with me” and “hope that the Lord will take away my phone” and the signal at the countryside sucks a bit so I didn’t get her calls I showed mom what she texted and she got really mad we never went to church for a few months
She finally reached out again and she and my dad agreed we would go to our religion’s gathering. So 2 days ago we finally went to the gathering and had a bit of a talk and told her that I simply have no interest in church.
And as always my dad got mad he texted me that I had no respect whatsoever and that I shouldn’t show my face to him ever again we texted back and forth him telling I had no respect and telling him I was sorry and that I had to tell her.
He told me that I’m some kind of a correct person and that I’m still a kid and kid he’s right I am still a kid I’m still 16 but I can’t just let this go on. I really don’t want her to spend lots of money for me to go to church gatherings and items only to be met with disappointment since I have no interest whatsoever if that keeps going not only will it damage her financially but it will also damage her feelings over and over it’s best if it were just to stop.
My dad texted back “I don’t care if you have no interest you know she is very sensitive! and I’ve told you to just keep quiet as long as you go to church! you know she is very sensitive! you have no respect whatsoever!!”
I replied: “If you really care for her you think it’s good for her to keep spending money on her grandson who has no interest whatsoever I’m just doing what’s for the best dad” (my grandma spends around 5k or 10k or even above just for us to attend conferences and also buy us church stuff)
After that, my dad told me he was no longer gonna support me financially or for my college (I’m in grade 12) and right now I’m currently at my mom’s grandparents’ house and I’m doing housework to at least be helpful around the house most of my stuff are at my parent’s house and I’m trying to find a part-time job with the help of my best friend”
Another User Comments:
“I am sorry to hear of this but it’s nothing new. I’ve heard of those like yourself having worse fallouts. While we were Christian growing up, my dad was an abusive authoritarian. I sincerely believe I had a form of PTSD as a teen.
Busting into your kid’s room to wake them up with your belt will do that. We finally came to blows when I was 16/17 because I refused to call him “sir” upon demand. I ended up with a sore jaw, he had a bloody lip, and a couple of days in the hospital for a mild heart attack.
And I’d been perfectly fine if he had died as a result of it. Do I think YTJ? No simply because of the entitlement Christians demand.” trailrider
Another User Comments:
“Your family sucks. Badly. Unfortunately, they’re the kind of Christians that make all Christians look bad (and I do know that there are a LOT of good Christians… but just way too many like OP’s family.) Seems like they don’t actually read much of the bible… just cherrypicking their way through, and ignoring the parts they don’t like.
Like most of what Christ tried to teach his followers, for example. NTJ” canuckleheadiam
11. AITJ For Wanting My Ex And His New SO To Leave My House And Stop Using My Car?
“I (F) am currently living with my ex-fiancé, Steve (M), who lives in a townhouse with me and Rob (M). When we signed the lease we were together and planning a wedding, but then last year we decided a mutual break up.
Following this, he lost his job and was solely relying on funds he had saved while he was working and unemployment to get him through the lease and utilities until he could move.
When we had been together and he was still working previously, Steve was using one of my cars to go to and from work.
Once he lost his job he decided he would use my car without telling me. This would range from simple things like going to the store or hanging out at friends’ houses and not coming home until early in the morning.
I had originally sat Steve down when this was first a problem and told him if he was going to use my car I only wanted him to use it when it was for his job ventures, or going to the store (it should also be added we live close to a bus line as well) because I felt bad and figured it could at least help him get a job.
Recently, Steve started seeing a friend from an old shared group that lives in a different country bordering us. Originally Steve would just leave and stay up there for days to weeks at a time and not tell me or Rob of when his plan on return would be.
Since then, Steve still has not gotten a job and has asked for their family to pay off his credit card while spending hundreds on his new SO for whatever she wants. I worry about financial stuff when it starts to threaten the end of our lease.
Instead of asking if his SO could come to stay, he gave me and Rob about 5 hours before his SO would be here, no asking, nothing. His SO has now been here for days and since then I have cleaned the kitchen multiple times by loading/unloading the dishwasher, wiping down the stove, etc. In the past, we have had multiple talks as a house of what everyone should try their best to do, including keeping shared spaces clean.
On top of ALL of that, he has also resorted to using one of my vehicles again to go to mindless stuff like shopping in the town, hanging out with their friends, etc.
Before his SO came here, I told him to ask our other roommate how they felt about it, and I said I didn’t want them here for max a week.
Rob told me that he said he did not want SO here while he was away and housesitting, which is something he left yesterday to go do for the next two weeks.
Today when I asked when SO was going back home I was told that there was no given date and that “it would depend” on when her living situation at home would settle down.
So my question is, would I be the jerk if I asked either the SO or both to leave since my ex is already stepping on the boundary set by Rob and me? And what should I do about them just taking my vehicles wherever they want?
I feel alone and ostracized in the house that I pay for but don’t know what options I have”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re being stepped on here. It’s water torture: death by a thousand little drips. It seems like he takes a little bit, then a little bit more, then a little bit more, so you feel silly objecting to such small things, but at the end, there’s nothing left. Definitely hide the keys and warn of calling the cops about the car.
That’s easy. And since he’s breaking the lease, that’s leverage you can use. You would not be the jerk for using that leverage, given his actions and attitude. He’s not struggling. He’s using your goodwill as an asset, one that he has not earned.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Report the car as stolen to the police. You’ve told him not to use it, so he is stealing your car every time he goes out. The S.O. living there is harder. If your ex’s name is on the lease he can technically have a guest over for as long as he wants as long as he’s not violating a clause of the lease that states otherwise.
If his name is not on the lease, you can again call the police to help you evict the two people illegally living in your home. If his name is on the lease and he is in violation by having a guest over too long (many leases have a no more than 1 week/2 weeks, etc clause) then you could contact your landlord.
However, the landlord might choose to use that to break the lease entirely and you’d be out too.” VixenNoire
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Find a way to make sure he cannot access your car. Report the extra tenant to the landlord if she does not leave.
If you have to, put a steering wheel lock on your car or see if there’s any way to reprogram the signals in the car so that only the key fobs you have will work. No longer clean up after them, and be sure to put a lock on your bedroom or get a safe for important items (like keys) when you are not home.” corgihuntress
10. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Freeloading Friend Rides Anymore?
“I (19F) have a friend (20F) and she always asks me or another friend (19F) for rides everywhere because we have a car and she doesn’t. For the sake of the story, we can call my 20F friend Sam and my other 19F friend Kayla.
A lot of the time Sam would be asking for a ride to a place that either Kayla or I would be going to anyways and she doesn’t live far (literally in an apartment complex that is about 0.5 mi away) from either of us so it was not a big deal. It was normally asking if she could catch a ride to class and it usually worked out that either Kayla or I could take her because we had a class at the same time.
Over time Sam has started to ask for rides more and more both Kayla and me. If one of us couldn’t take her, Sam would immediately text the other and ask. Now the reason that I wanted to post this was because Sam just texted me asking if I had class tomorrow.
When I told her no, she asked if I could take her to class. I’m honestly kinda stunned by the fact that even though I told her no she decided to go ahead and ask anyway because I’ve told her I can’t take her before and she has just accepted it.
Also, another reason I don’t want to take her is that I don’t have class tomorrow and I have had trouble sleeping for a while now (literally got 2 hours of sleep last night and that’s been the norm for a week) so I am planning on spending my day off just sleeping until my massive sleep debt is somewhat gone.
I think I am going to tell her no, but I know she is going to immediately try and guilt trip me, and knowing myself I am going to give in.
Now Sam also recently got her wisdom teeth out. Honestly, this is the only reason I feel bad about not giving her a ride but her apartment is a 20-minute walk to her class and the only reason that Kayla and I drive is because we live in an area where it could start raining randomly and we don’t want our stuff to get wet.
Also, Sam asked Kayla if she would take her to her wisdom teeth appointment and slept through Kayla banging on her door and calling her and missed her appointment twice. Sam then asked me if I would take her the third time and I had class that day so I had an out and Kayla didn’t take her either so I don’t know where she got a ride.
I’m just tired of Sam asking for rides and at some point she started to expect both Kayla and I to pay for her stuff like when we go out for dinner and wants to split the check evenly even though Kayla and I only got like an appetizer and she got a full three-course meal. When we say no and just split the checks with our own food on it she gets upset and starts saying that she is tight on money and we should help out.
Sam also said she is tight on money is why she has never given either Kayla or me gas money which is not normally a problem but with the increasing amount of times she asks to be given rides and the fact that all of us are broke college students it’s beginning to put a strain on my funds.
So AITJ for refusing to give her a ride?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not her personal chauffeur nor are you obliged to pay for her meals and gas. You have to be firm in saying no. It’s the only way to get her to stop asking.
Sometimes when we help people we can end up wishing we never did. You give an inch and they take a mile. Don’t be scared to say no, stop doubting yourself and feeling bad. She’s the one who should feel bad for asking so much of you but clearly, she isn’t and has just plain entered the using/entitled stage.
get separate checks when you go out to eat and say up front we can only get what we have enough money for, you will need to pay for what you get as well. make sure you have enough money to cover it because we can’t pay it.” User
9. AITJ For Being Uncomfortable With My Partner's Filthy Apartment?
“I (22M) have an issue. My partner of over 2 years (22M) and his roommate (21F) have not cleaned their apartment in over a year and it has gotten FILTHY.
I cannot even describe with words how dirty this apartment is.
Rotting food, dirty dishes, and trash litter the kitchen. His bedroom is always covered in clothes and dirty laundry. The entire bathroom was covered in filth, PEE all over the toilet, shower, or sink never cleaned once in over a year. The roommate leaves bloody tampons in the open trash can for weeks.
The walls have holes, burnt-out light bulbs, you name it. Not saying I am perfect, I put off doing dishes and laundry and my room gets messy BUT I have NEVER NOT cleaned for a year.
Now every time I CLEAN HIS APARTMENT or even bring it up he gets incredibly upset and says he is totally okay and I should not be worried about him.
It always leads to a huge fight with him promising to clean, and apologize for fighting me and him. But am I a jerk for not being comfortable with his filthy apartment?
Is it rude to want to be with someone who is clean, and takes care of their space?”
Another User Comments:
“While it’s pretty normal to want your romantic partner to not live in filth, your partner has made it clear that he prefers it this way and is uncomfortable with you cleaning. That means you have a decision to make: do you like him enough to live with the mess?
You need to stop trying to change the man and instead decide whether you can tolerate how he wants to live. If you can’t tolerate it, you’re not compatible. You would be the jerk if you keep trying to force him to change.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk for expecting adults to maintain basic hygiene standards. You’re the jerk to yourself for cleaning this up! Dude, a little helpful tidying because your snookums have worked double shifts for 2 weeks solid is one thing but these folks are next-level filth.
I’m not saying break up but do you want a future of constantly nagging someone to follow basic sanitation?” FeistyMuttMom
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk, don’t clean for him though but you don’t have to keep being with him. Could be depression but you can’t cure his depression or rescue him from it that’s not your job.
He doesn’t sound like he’s necessarily ready to talk about what’s going on and you can’t read his mind. He could be a genuine Georges spider of filth (a rare outlier who. Maybe enjoys living like that ) but if he doesn’t want you to clean up after him don’t and you shouldn’t anyway you’re not his cleaner.
Maybe just don’t go to his place anymore” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Elderly Neighbor For Trespassing And Damaging My Garden?
“This just happened a little while ago and I’m feeling pretty bad about it so here we go:
I live in an apartment and my driveway is right beside my neighbor’s, our front doors face each other and our backyards are fenced between.
This guy is 77 years old and has been bothering me since he moved in. For context, I am a very small 27-year-old woman.
This guy is constantly knocking on my door to tell me the most useless things like he planted grass seed between our driveways because I “ruined the grass” (he did when he parked his trailer on it for months). His things are always on my side of the grass between our driveways and his yard is a disaster.
Anyway, the issue currently is that he has asked me multiple times if he could go and help with my garden. He’s even chased me out to the street to ask me. I’ve said no because it’s got ground-covered portulaca from when I had it filled at the beginning of the season and I’ve done about all I can to deal with it.
This week he asked me again and I said no. He finally told me that my pests were going to affect him too. I didn’t really respond to that and just kind of laughed it off because what am I even supposed to say?
My mom and I went over to my place to grab something today and my gate was open to my backyard. I was a little surprised and just thought maybe my landlord was there. When I walked back there my flower beds had been dug up and my tree had branches cut off.
My neighbor was in my garden with his tiller.
I lost it asked what he was doing and told him to leave. He said I told him he could do it and I said even if I had, I didn’t tell you to cut my tree down or anything else.
He said he was an old guy that likes to help his neighbors and I told him he wasn’t helping and was only scaring me at this point because he never leaves me alone. This went on for about ten minutes until he finally picked up his things and left.
I’ve been feeling bad about it since I left but I’m also scared to go home at this point.
AITJ for getting mad at this guy? Do I need to go apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But I think you need to call the police and report this.
Take pictures of what he did and get a police report on file because you say you live in an apartment and your landlord may be unhappy with the damage, especially to the trees. Having a police report on file that your neighbor is the one who trespassed and did this will give the landlord the ability to go after your neighbor for damages (if he chooses to.) If you do not file a police report and the landlord is unhappy about the trees, he may very well come after YOU and charge you for damage to the trees and you won’t be able to later say “Oh it was my crazy neighbor” if you didn’t file a police report at the time.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Document the damage for your landlord and the police and file a police report. See if you can get the cops to let him know he is trespassing, and if he does it again, he may be arrested. You and your landlord might want to file against him in small claims court.
Have your phone recording any future interactions.” badpandacat
7. AITJ For Leaving A Bad Review After A Misunderstanding At A U-Pick Blueberry Farm?
“My partner and I wanted blueberries and decided to go to a nearby farm for their U-Pick blueberries. For reference, I live in an area with a lot of farmland, lots of local produce, and lots of vineyards.
There are a lot of places to pick from, but we chose a place close to somewhere else we were buying from.
At the farm, there was a sign saying it was around $1.50 per pound of blueberries with a 5lb minimum. We did not realize that it was a 5lb minimum per person, and we only wanted 5lb altogether.
We approached presumably one of the owners for directions and she told us where to go and to grab 2 buckets from the pile to pick. We mentioned that we only wanted 5lb so one bucket would be enough. Her response was “Yeah but she’ll be picking on one side, and you’ll be picking on the other, so best take 2.” And that was that.
She did not clarify that it was a mandatory 5lb per person.
So we collected around 6.5 pounds and went to weigh in. Immediately when the farmer saw the weight he started ranting about how we were ripping him off and wasting his time, and if we didn’t want 10lb we should have just gone to a grocery store.
He said they had a base fee and a rule that it was 5lb minimum per person, and when we stated that we only came to the farm wanting 5lb (and even said that explicitly before picking), he started mocking us for being unable to stay in the sun for long enough and saying some people just don’t have what it takes to do a bit of labor.
Throughout all of this, he didn’t even consider or let us mention that we were willing to pay the minimum fee instead of the $1.50 per pound, considering even the base fee for 10lb is cheaper than 5lb at the farmers market, and when we asked to buy a box he said that he had boxes but they were $2.50 each and when we asked to buy one he just said: “nah just get your own bag”.
We ended up just paying what he charged us for the 6lb and leaving. Nowhere through any of that did we complain or argue, literally all we said was “We only wanted 5lb”. Not to mention I don’t understand how it costs them for 2 people to be there instead of one.
Does it cost them an oxygen tax I’m not aware of for additional people to be there.
The only reason I posted this is because I made a different post elsewhere and was called an entitled brat for not liking that interaction and leaving the farm a bad review for being rude.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He handled this terribly. It could have been one of those things where everyone apologizes for this trivial misunderstanding, they add “per person” to the sign to avoid it happening again, and nobody goes off like a pork chop.
Edit to add: totally stupid policy by the way – what if a family wants to come through and they have like 5 kids? 7 people need to pick 35lbs of blueberries?” Sweeper1985
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First off, who can deal with 10 pounds of blueberries? Their entire business model is wacko.
Just charge a minimum price and say you can’t go over 5 pounds for that price. If you do, we’ll charge per pound after the 5 pounds. Boom. Done. I would have left a bad review as well.” jippyzippylippy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That dude is crazy.
You aren’t an employee with a 5 lbs minimum pick rate. That sounds insane. How long does it take to pick five pounds of blueberries? That sounds like madness. How are you wasting his time when he isn’t even picking the blueberries?” FrostyIcePrincess
6. AITJ For Leaving My Cousins Alone At A Club After They Refused To Dance With Me?
“For context, this happened Saturday night. I planned on taking my two cousins, we’ll call them Robert and Jason they are brothers, to a club. Once I arrived at their house they had yet to be ready even though they knew when we were supposed to leave, so I waited for them to start getting ready.
Then I take them out for food then we head to the club. Once we got inside they headed towards a table and decided to sit there so I got up and got the shots. I got Jason two shots and Robert just one shot.
So we chilled there for about 15-20 mins. After that, I asked if they wanted to go dance with me and they refused. I asked numerous times and they still refused.
So I told them I was gonna go dance and left. For the context of the club, it’s pretty small there are 3 rooms where you could go but at the time only one room was active the rest were dead, so we stayed in one room the whole night.
So after a few mins, I went back and asked again if they wanna dance and they still refused. I did that a second time again and still got a no, so I went back and continued dancing. After a while I decided to shoot Jason a text and ask if he and Robert are interested in dancing, he’s with Robert so I would assume he asked Robert what he thought because I made sure to include both of them, but he said no and for me to continue having fun too which I’m okay with since I was having fun with the people around me.
After an hour of arriving there and 10 mins after Jason’s last text to me to just have fun, I got a text from Jason saying he and Robert were outside ready to leave but I didn’t get around to it cause I wasn’t my phone, I replied 30 mins later asking if they wanted a ride home and Jason said they ubered home.
Me and Jason joked for a bit after so I thought all was good.
That was until the morning after when Robert was furious that I didn’t come back to them saying it was messed up I left them alone and blamed me for not texting them after a while.
So at this point,t he’s just going off on me for not returning and that he didn’t know where to go. And I argued that he refused to dance with me at the club multiple times which is the whole purpose of why we went there, and that he made no effort to text me.
And he argued that he was too inebriated for me to have left him alone. Mind you he had one shot. He also never once texted me to regroup or any of that, but he and Jason were able to order an Uber just fine.
He just assumed I would’ve returned after he said no to me multiple times. So I have no idea why he believes I was now obligated to return after he did not wanna dance with me, even after I came back twice from dancing to invite them both not counting the text I sent Jason.
So my question to you guys is, AITJ for leaving my cousins alone at a club after they refused to dance with me, and not checking up on them more than enough than I already did even though R wanted me to regroup but didn’t bother to text or look for me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it sounds like you checked on your cousins multiple times and you didn’t leave Robert alone, you left him with his brother. I have a feeling his anger is really about something else. I also wouldn’t recommend going to a club with them again because it seems like you want different things, I would find other people to go dancing with” Sea-Ad3724
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you went out of your way to make sure your cousins were included and had opportunities to join in the fun. From what you described, you made multiple attempts to get them involved, checked in with them, and even texted to confirm if they wanted to dance or needed anything.
It seems like you did your part to be considerate and responsible, and their refusal to engage made it clear that they were okay sitting out while you enjoyed yourself. Robert’s reaction the next day feels unfair, especially considering he didn’t communicate his feelings or needs during the night.
If he was feeling uncomfortable, lost, or unsure of what to do, he could have texted or tried to find you in the relatively small club. His decision to stay seated, refuse to dance, and not communicate left you to assume he and Jason were fine.
If they were able to order an Uber and leave together, that further suggests they were capable of handling themselves. Ultimately, while it’s understandable that Robert might have felt left out or overwhelmed, it’s also his responsibility to communicate those feelings in the moment.
You can’t be expected to read minds or babysit adults who are fully capable of speaking up or using their phones.” User
5. AITJ For Not Waking Up To Fix The Sprinklers And Blaming My Mom?
“I (f17) have a bad habit of ruining my sleeping schedule, nothing too bad, I usually wake up at 10 am and go to bed at 1 am, and when I mess it up it’s only by a 2-3 hour difference because I took a quick nap in the middle of the day.
Recently I’ve been doing a lot of yard work since my dad is off helping my grandma in another state, and my latest job was to fix a pair of leaking sprinklers.
It was going to be difficult work since our sprinklers are buried very deep, but my mom didn’t want to do it herself so she said she would pay me to fix it.
I would have done it anyway but I wasn’t gonna say no to some extra cash. It’s very hot right now where I live (over 100 f) so we couldn’t do it in the middle of the day, we decided to start around 7 pm since it would be just after sunset, but we ended up not having the parts and by the time we got back from the store it was already dark.
The next day was when problems started, I felt tired almost the whole day from allergies and fell asleep around 5 pm, which meant I missed the window of opportunity from sunset to night. My mom had apparently tried to wake me up to absolutely no avail and was upset that I had fallen asleep because it meant we were wasting more water (I’m not sure why she didn’t just turn off the sprinklers though…).
I assured her that I would do it the next day and we were fine.
I fell asleep for the rest of the night but ended up waking up around 5 am, which would actually be a good time to fix the sprinklers since it was a bit before sunrise, but my mom gets very upset if I wake her up early so I decided to wait until sunset.
6 pm rolls around and I’m feeling very tired, I try to hold out but I know I’m gonna pass out soon so I set an alarm for 7:30 and told my mom I was going to take a nap and ask her to make sure I woke up once it was cool enough, I also asked her to do everything she could to make sure I wake up since I sleep like a log.
I told her to pour water over my head, roll me off the couch, whatever it took, she said okay and I conked out on the couch.
When I woke up it was about 3 am and my mom was washing dishes in the kitchen, I asked her why she didn’t wake me up and she said she tried to and started going off at me about how bad of a child I was for making her fix the sprinkler by herself (which she had done while I was asleep), she just kept yelling at me about how I needed to fix myself and that I’d never get a job because I’m so irresponsible.
I went upstairs and shut myself in for the night once she finished and woke up around my normal time after a good cry
I feel like she didn’t try hard enough to wake me up since she didn’t do any of the stuff I asked her to and she knows how heavy of a sleeper I am.
I don’t think it was that bad and I could have always done it the next day if she just turned the sprinkler off, but I still feel really bad that she did it by herself and wonder if what she said was true”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, a little bit YTJ. You’ll need to find ways that you can wake yourself up instead of relying on your mom. She won’t always be there, and then you’ll end up just being asleep forever! If you say that you’ll do something for someone, then you do the thing you said you would do.
That includes taking responsibility for the thing, but also for whatever requires you to be able to complete the thing, like simply waking up.” Healthy_Employment44
Another User Comments:
“YTJ all I read here was excuse after excuse and then finally blaming your mum because she didn’t do enough to wake you up.
Grow up, take responsibility for yourself, and step up in helping your mum while your dad is away.” ChicBrit
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She woke you up, you just didn’t care enough to get up. You were planning on digging holes and fixing the sprinklers at night?
That doesn’t seem like a very good plan. Early morning would make sense. Why didn’t you fix it the morning you woke up? The entire thing just reeks of you making excuses to avoid working. I’ve worked with enough people like that to recognize it.” AShatteredKing
4. AITJ For Choosing To Spend Time With My Dying Uncle Over Attending A Charity Event?
“I (25m) have an uncle who has been battling stage 4 pancreatic cancer for a few years now. He has been holding on very strongly through his fight but has taken a turn for the worse recently. He has been in and out of the hospital frequently and his only desire is to spend time with the family before he’s gone.
His wife (my aunt) invited the whole family over last week Friday to have dinner and spend time with him to which my fiancée and I gladly accepted. After we accepted, my dad told me that he was participating in a charity event for 2 days (Friday and Saturday) and asked if we could come.
I canceled my Saturday plans to be there for my dad but told both parents that I thought it was important to spend time with my uncle. My mom freaked out and said that the (annual) charity event was “more important” and that we could “spend time with him (my uncle) another time!!” My uncle stopped accepting visitors 2 days after our visit and passed overnight last night.
It was literally the last chance I had to spend with my uncle and my mom still holds firm that I disrespected my parents by not going to the charity event. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your heart is in the right place. Nobody has the right to criticize or judge your choices about which charitable activities deserve your attention.
Sorry about Uncle. Mom needs counseling about what the important things in life are. Be happy.” harleybidness
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You actually attended the event in part, if not in whole if I’m reading right. Given it sounds like your uncle passed right after you made the right call.
Honestly the thought in my head, just for extra jerk points on the parents’ part, is wondering if the charity event was cancer-related…” zeidoktor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When my father was too ill to live alone, I started planning my time better to spend time with him and help him be comfortable.
He lasted 6 years and then passed away. I was the last child to have a phone call with him, even though I lived 800 miles away by then. My younger siblings were wrought with regret for not making similar choices or calling him more in his final years even though they lived in the same town as our Dad, but I do not.
I live in total peace with that relationship. Set yourself up for peace in the future. Ignore today’s haters. Pancreatic cancer is no joke.” Mangos28
3. AITJ For Refusing To Move Closer To My Partner's New Job After He Refused To Move For Mine?
“Partner and I have been living together for 5 years. He owns his home and that is where we live.
We live in a suburb of a major city and we both commute to work. His commute is against traffic and to a neighboring suburb. On a bad day, when school is in session, it takes him 30 min to get to work, normally his commute is 15-20 minutes.
He drives about 12 miles each way.
When I first moved in with him I was working at a job on the other side of the city. I had to take toll roads just to get home at a decent time and my commute was still close to 2 hours each way.
In heavy heavy stop and go freeway traffic. And my tolls cost me close to $500 a month. I don’t remember the exact mileage but I want to say it was 40 miles one way.
I did find a job a bit closer, the commute now is about 45 min each way and it’s 27 miles each way.
But my toll road bill has skyrocketed and I now pay $30 a day in tolls and I work 5 days a week.
With each job we spoke about moving a bit closer to my job to make life easier on me but ultimately he didn’t want a longer commute and didn’t want to rent out or sell his house while we rent another house.
So I’ve just been dealing with the commute.
He’s been miserable at his job for a few months and he’s looking for something else. We’ve spoken about it and I’ve told him if he finds a job elsewhere in the state or even another state I’ll go.
I have a few stipulations with my job but as long as we move to a big city with rich people I’m good. My job depends on my client having enough disposable income to afford my services (think personal assistant) so we have to live close to rich people.
We were in agreement and we actually decided on a city about 5 hours from where we live now, same state. When my contract is up I am supposed to start looking for a job in the new city and he will too. I can make a good $5 an hour more in the new city and the cost of living is similar and it seems there are more job opportunities for him in this new city too.
I thought all was well and today he tells me he applied for a job in the city we live in now and if he gets the job he wants us to move about an hour from where we live now so that he doesn’t have a long commute.
I told him to wait till he gets an interview and then we will discuss things then.
He starts sending me rental homes to look at. I again tell him to get through the interview process and see if he even wants the job before we even think about if we are going to move.
Then he sends me screen shots of google maps showing what the commute would be for him.
And it would put me a bit closer to my job as well.
And that’s when I kinda lost it. I reminded him I have a long commute and he wasn’t willing to move closer to my work even knowing it was costing me $150 a week just in tolls.
I then told him I wasn’t moving if he took the new job here.
So WIBTJ for refusing to move for his job if it’s here in the city we live in now?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you’ve made a lot of sacrifices personally and professionally.
You’ve opted into them by consent to a degree, so I wouldn’t hold that against him, but his conduct is somewhat selfish knowing the myriad of factors that you both need to consider before making a move. Asking you to continue to compromise for what works best for him isn’t healthy so it’s good you stuck up for yourself.
Is he just excited about the new job and that’s why he keeps sending you things? Or do you think this is him just trying to get his way?” Mtfbwy_Always
Another User Comments:
“So let me get this straight, you would like to move closer to work and your partner refused. Now that your partner has a job and is willing to move closer you refuse?
Its pretty clear you are upset at his selfishness about where you live and his unwillingness to compromise for your sake and he is probably confused as he probably thought this was a win win. Speak to him about your concerns honestly and openly. NTJ.” Pacquiao14
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…He wanted to stay in his home when it was inconvenient to you, but totally changes his mind when he’s facing a commute. Do what feels right for you, but you’re going to have to think hard about what this says about your relationship.
EDIT: I meant when it was convenient to HIM.” RoyallyOakie
2. AITJ For Cutting Off Contact With My High School Best Friend Who Rejected Me Multiple Times?
“I 20(m) had a best friend 20 (f) during my High school years we met in the 6th grade and became friends pretty fast, I developed feelings for her and confessed shortly after, she rejected me by telling me it just wasn’t the right time for her to be in a relationship and we continued to be friends afterwards, 2 years later I confessed again and once again got rejected for the same reason.
I was young and naive and genuinely believed her, she was always very flirty and had told she did have feelings for me but the timing wasn’t right and that maybe we could try in the future, shortly after she got a partner but as a young and naive guy I was I did not think much of it as my feelings for her fluctuated a lot, after all I was young and full of testosterone.
Then, fast forward 2 more years, during a tough period I got depressed and started talking to my best friend on the phone for hours every day, I as a moron confessed again and again I got rejected with the same excuse as before, the timing was not right but maybe it would be in the future.
She always flirted with me and told me she really cared and loved me a lot, which at this point I took as her misleading me and so it irritated me off. She never really gave me any definitive answer so I always held to that glimmer of hope.
I then asked her to please just tell me it was never happening and after trying to avoid it, she did, also while promising our friendship wouldn’t be affected.
As I said before I was in a really dark place during 2020 and she was my rock even after being rejected we still talked a lot until she suddenly started ghosting me one day.
This was mid 2020 so we didn’t really talk for about a year before going back to in-person classes at school. We were in the same class so after a year we pretty much saw each other every day but still we didn’t talk anymore. Just before our sr year she was moving away with her family and called me to say goodbye, I then asked her why she had ghosted me and she told I was in a very dark place at that moment and my negativity was too much for her.
That broke my heart, my best friend for years suddenly threw me away on my worst moment because it was affecting her, I had been there for her a lot of times while she was suffering so I felt betrayed.
Fast forward 3 years we are in college and I’m studying near where she lives and so are a couple of mutual friends from back home, they organize reunions every once in a while, I never go because I don’t really want so see her, she has called and asked why I skip the reunions and even tried inviting me alone to her home but I always decline with some excuse.
My friends are telling me I should get over the past and see her again but I just don’t think I can, for my mental health I stopped replying to her as I did not want to see her again and she has tried to contact me through mutual friends too, I still pretty much avoid it.
I was there for her I her worst moments but she abandoned me in mine, AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“I think while you need to do what’s best for you that you also need to remember how much pressure you were putting in her.
While you were friends you were always looking for more from her. And while she should have been honest from the start she was young and probably didn’t want to lose her friend. She did what she thought was best to stay friends until it probably became too much for a teen to deal with.
She should have ghosted you but she probably had no clue how to help you with your depression and probably felt she had no other choice. You are allowed to do what’s best and not speak with her but I think we also need to look at what she was going through with the stress you would be putting on her.
No jerks here I think and I hope you get some therapy to help yourself” Nericmitch
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. but please seriously go to therapy. I don’t think she was flirting with you. loving you doesn’t mean being in love with you.
being confessed to is HORRIBLE as woman because we have no good choices. being the rock for someone in a dark place, especially during a tough period, can drag that person down with you – especially since you’re both young. you’re not a jerk, but I doubt you’re seeing things very clearly.” darthlumiya
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’ve probably made the best decision since you became friends with her, by finally ending your friendship. Most couldn’t have maintained a friendship after the first rejection, but you were definitely dumb to maintain your friendship after the second rejection.
If being in contact with her is going to mess with your mental health, then 100% continue to block her, it’s not worth messing with your peace of mind.” User
1. AITJ For Not Giving My Parents A Role In My Wedding?
“I’m getting married and decided not to have my parents at the wedding.
Let’s start with dad, of course, every daughter wants their dad to walk them down the aisle, but with my dad’s track record of never showing up for me, I want to avoid that embarrassment, and headache on my big day. My sister doesn’t agree with this and thinks I shouldn’t take that moment from him.
But let me give some insights into my and dad’s relationship. He and Mom separated a long time ago when I was around 13 I’m now 30. He got remarried we were young didn’t like her at first, wasn’t nice to her, but she was also not nice to us.
Anyway that was a long time ago we all became civil but her. I have kids and invite my dad and his wife to every birthday party. He would show up but never her, until a few years ago he just stopped showing up too.
Come to the holidays, my dad’s wife will text two of my sisters and invite them (me and my kids are never on the invite list). Last year I expressed to him I thought it was messed up and I don’t understand why, he claimed it was just a last-minute thing he wasn’t sure if he was going to do the holidays and just happened to be talking to my sisters and mentioned it to them (this is every holiday).
This year my dad was going through hard times with his business and had money problems I let him borrow a few thousand dollars (never asked for it back and maybe having a little hope to be treated differently and have a relationship with him) well thanksgiving comes and same thing his wife texted my sisters invited them and their kids but no invite to me, and he texted me “happy thanksgiving love you have a good day”.
I don’t know why I even try to be a part of the family, express how it hurts me and everything else if I’m just going to be the outcast still.
Now to my mom, my sisters really pushing for a mother-daughter dance because our mother is a great mother and will do anything for us if we need it.
I think that’s the problem though I don’t need much so it led to not getting anything, to even a phone call a week. We go months without taking. Anyway she also doesn’t come to my kid’s birthday parties, (she will make a guest appearance maybe every 6th birthday party).
When it comes to holidays I cook now and she like plays a mind game like maybe she will come maybe she won’t I’ll just have to wait and see. I tried to include her in the dress shopping I was torn between two I took her, my grandmother, and my best friend and she didn’t like them and said they were ugly.
So I tried on a few more and she loved the one, I just didn’t. I suggested going to another dress store to try a few more on, gram wanted to but my mom said I’m not gonna waste my whole day doing this I have things to do and she’s going to choose whatever dress she wants.
So they left, me and my best friend went to the other dress shop & I found my dress. I decided none of them will have a part in the wedding and my sister thinks I’m the jerk, so AITJ for just having them as guests.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the first thing I would do would be to ask your father to repay the loan and tell your sister that she had parents that associate with her you don’t. If they aren’t asking about the wedding don’t worry about it because they ain’t worried about it either.” Admirable-Base2796
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your parents seem like pieces of work. If they wanna be upset, tell them to be upset about how they’ve treated you your whole life and now how they’re treating your children.” ImMotherLovingTired
Another User Comments:
“First of all, I want to acknowledge how incredibly painful it must be to feel so hurt by your family, especially when you’ve made efforts to include them in your life and reach out for connection.
You deserve a wedding day where you feel supported, loved, and respected, and it’s clear that your experiences with both your dad and mom have been filled with disappointment, emotional neglect, and a lack of understanding. In your father’s case, his pattern of inconsistent and hurtful behavior is deeply concerning.
It’s understandable that you would want to avoid the risk of being let down on one of the most important days of your life. Walking down the aisle should be a moment of joy and celebration, not one that’s overshadowed by the possibility of embarrassment or unmet expectations.
You have every right to protect yourself from that kind of pain. Your sister may not fully understand, but it’s your wedding, and you get to decide who is a part of your special day. It’s okay to set boundaries with people who haven’t treated you with the love and respect you deserve.
I think you’re doing what’s best for your mental and emotional well-being. You’re not the jerk here—you’re protecting yourself from more hurt.” User
