People Dish It Out In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Dedicated Hobby Space With My Demanding Stepdaughter?
“I (F53) have been living with my partner (M59) for 19 years.
His kids were 7, 9, and 12 when I moved in, and I love them all dearly and would do anything for them. However, I am also pretty independent, having moved out of my family home at 16 and forging my own career and life. I believe that supporting and enabling them is important, but I don’t think we should do everything for them.
I am now in a job I love, which does not take up a lot of my time, earning £100K, and I have been the major wage earner since I moved in and now the only one.
My partner’s youngest daughter (25), we’ll call her Sue, went to university at 18.
I supported her and accepted that, with government rules, since I brought the household income over the support threshold, it was my responsibility to pay her living costs.
Then the health crisis hit, and she came home from university in March 2020 with her then partner.
We welcomed them home, telling them to take the upstairs for themselves and just relax. We said, “We have it covered. Finish your degree; worry about the rest of it when we know what the world is going to do.” We have a bedroom downstairs with an ensuite, so no drama.
Fast forward to July 2023. She is back from 3 years of travelling and working abroad with no money and is about to start teacher training. She has always moved back here between trips, and we have charged her nothing for basically completely occupying 2 of the 4 bedrooms in the house for all that time; one of them is full of stuff she never uses from 2020 when they moved back from university.
My partner is not just any partner, but his stuff is all still here.
One of the bedrooms upstairs, although it has been used—particularly by my partner for office purposes in the past—is also the spare room for guests. In the last 10 months, I have taken over the desk space for miniature painting.
I have never had a dedicated space for it before, and I spend probably 4 to 10 hours a week just plugged in and zoned out painting. I love it; it’s super relaxing.
She has asked to share the desk space in the guest bedroom. Now, the miniatures are pretty small and relatively fragile, and the only space I have to put them away is on the bed or down in the shed in the garden.
Also, clearing away paints, brushes, and general organization takes about 15 minutes. Bear in mind, she already has 2 rooms—one large enough to have a bed, drawers, a wardrobe, a sofa, and a TV. It’s better than a small bedsit. So I said no, but I offered to help her sort through the large amount (like a 5ft cube) of stuff she never uses, help sort her second room, and provide a desk for her to use.
She would not take no for an answer, even when I offered to share my office space—where my laptop is—as a stopgap (which is quieter, has better internet, and better light), and eventually called me a jerk.
Now, I am still OK with helping her sort out her second room.
I have already arranged a better painting station for me to use so that she can have “her” desk, but just not in the guest bedroom.
AITJ for standing my ground on this?”
Another User Comments:
“So NTJ. She is very demanding, and calling you the B word is way over the line.
In fact, I would have put my foot down right there and told them I was not providing a living space for someone who calls me that. You need to find somewhere else to go. Where is hubby in all this? Why is he not dealing with her??” GarysCanary
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Personally, I feel very strongly about NOT sharing the home office at all. With anyone. Now I am lucky and I have enough space, so it may be different for other people. But: you, too, have enough space. If I were you, I’d probably even give an ultimatum to return the second room the stepdaughter is occupying.
Like: as of the end of this year. She should be encouraged to find her own space, not to settle down completely in your house and to make it a huge step back to move out someday.” Jocelyn-1973
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At this point, I’d just throw her stuff out and ask her to leave, but that’s just me.
You are definitely NTJ for using the space in your home for your hobby, and may I suggest/beg you to set firmer boundaries with this grown woman who is behaving with extreme entitlement. She needs to get her stuff sorted from the bedroom and be given a deadline, after which, if she hasn’t sorted it, it gets thrown out.” Radiant-Ability-3216
22. AITJ For Refusing To Intimidate Hospital Staff While Sick?
“I’m a surgical resident who works at a big tertiary care center.
My program is extremely competitive and hard. I’m struggling to keep on top of things and take care of my own health.
I’ve finally got the weekend off after six weeks, and I wanted to do nothing but rest. I became ill on Friday night and took some strong meds with sedative side effects.
The next morning, I woke up at noon with 37 missed calls from my aunt (my blood uncle’s wife). I read her first text, in which she told me that her brother (whom I’d never met) had been admitted to the hospital where I was working, and she wanted me to visit him and report back to her about his condition.
She also told me to “intimidate” the staff so that they would know that the patient had a “family member” who was a doctor, ensuring that he would receive better care and not be “mismanaged.”
I told her that I was ill and couldn’t go to the hospital to check on him, but I’d be willing to have a buddy of mine go and find out what was going on if she knew which ward he was in.
She didn’t know and told me to go find out myself since I was a staff member. I explained that since I am not technically a family member nor the doctor treating him, admissions would not give me the information.
Long story short, I did not go, and she finally came to see him (she lives just 20 minutes away from the hospital) and got the update from the doctor who treated him.
She’s now giving me the cold shoulder, and her daughter, my cousin, texted me this: “What’s the point of having a cousin who’s a surgeon if they can’t even do this one thing for us?”
I kept telling them I was sick, but they were ignoring me.
I’m almost 97% sure I’m not in the wrong, but after reflecting, I think I could’ve worked harder to find which ward he was in and then contacted a friend to get an update. However, I felt like I should at least know where the patient is so that my friend, who is busy on call, wouldn’t have to go through the trouble of looking.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you had to look after your own wellbeing in this situation. You did offer an option. They are clearly capable of using the phone to find out for themselves. Having a specific job doesn’t entitle anyone to make demands on you.
Also, in your line of work I imagine patient confidentiality is expected – if a friend of my family sent them info about how I was in hospital, I’d be really annoyed. Go through proper channels!” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All the reasons you mentioned are sane and valid.
Also, legally, wouldn’t you be barred from sharing that information anyway without patient consent? Not to mention their idea of trying to intimidate other staff you work with is foolish on multiple levels! Sounds like it’s time to start blocking numbers on your phone to me…” SingularityMechanics
21. AITJ For Considering Stopping Mortgage Payments When My Husband Won't Pay His Share?
“I (33F) am married to Rob (35M), and we have two kids—6 years old and 4 months. Rob has struggled with keeping a job for most of our 7-year relationship. He has an average job tenure of about 6 months before something happens—usually an issue with a boss or coworkers—that leads to him losing the job.
At the beginning of this year, Rob was unemployed, so he went to a remote northern community for work, leaving me at home. He tried to convince me to move there with him because he found a job he liked, but I refused. I was pregnant, didn’t want to move for his job, and our daughter is settled here.
On top of that, our relationship wasn’t great. While he was away, he didn’t send any money home for the house or our kids.
Rob moved back home in August, and in September, he started a new job where he makes decent money.
Since then, he sent me $600 from his first paycheck and $300 from his second. This doesn’t even come close to covering his portion of the bills. I asked him how much he was making so I could calculate his share, but he refused to tell me.
He said he’s paying off his credit card and saving for his second round of school.
Now, he’s threatened to stop sending any money altogether. Although I usually make more money, I’m on maternity leave, and while I get a top-up from work, it will end next month.
I can’t keep paying for everything on my own. I’m thinking of opening a separate account, moving all the bills to it, and paying my 50% while asking him to match it. If he doesn’t pay, I’d let the bills go unpaid and let the situation play out, even though I know it will impact my credit badly.
But honestly, if the house is foreclosed on, I would just leave. I can’t afford to stay and pay for my half on my own. And unfortunately, I also can’t afford to leave and be stuck paying for 2 households.
So, AITJ for considering doing this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I appreciate you’re in a bind, but your idea will do more than impact you; it’ll create a hole that you might never dig out of. The bank will foreclose, crashing your credit, they’ll auction it for a fraction of what’s owed, and after all that you’ll still owe them the balance, and that cloud will follow you for decades.
And that’s after you divorce, which even under the best of circumstances, will cause you aggravation. I don’t know what the right move here is, but there’s got to be something you can do besides take the financial hit. First, cut this guy loose. He’s a drag.
I don’t know what you saw in him, but whatever it was, it can’t possibly make up for the hardship he’s causing you. Pluck him out of your life like a bad tooth. You should probably see if you can sell it. You need to untangle your finances from him.
You’ll sue for child support, sure, but I wouldn’t bank on him paying that on time. You need to talk to someone who has experience with this. As tough as it is on you, it’s not unique. Someone has seen it before and will know the best path forward, financial advisor, lawyer, someone.” Saberune
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Divorce and take him to court for child support. If he doesn’t pay that willingly then they will garnish his wages automatically. He won’t have a choice. Literally, what are you waiting for… freaking up YOUR credit will teach him WHAT exactly?
“I’d let the bills go unpaid and let the situation play out” Yeah, tbh, you’re really dumb for that. You might as well not even pay your half at that point. It won’t matter. It’s not fully paid so it might as well not be paid at all.
It’s going to be the same outcome regardless. You can’t afford to live there, but with what would happen, you won’t get approved at 98% of places, won’t be able to take out any loans, etc. Really stupid move and that’ll only hurt your kids and their future.
Divorce and child support.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ – to your kids. If you stop paying, the utility companies will switch the electricity, etc. off and the bank will take the house back. Why would you put your kids through the upheaval of all that?
You wouldn’t be teaching your husband a lesson, you’d just be making your kids go without. I totally get why you would want to punish your husband, but don’t drag your kids into it.” Hatstand82
20. AITJ For Excluding My Friend And Her Overly Touchy Partner?
“I (24) have been friends with ‘Sarah’ (24) for about 5 years.
She’s such a sweet person and I consider her a really good friend. She and I have been in the same friend group, which consists of about 7 people, for also about 5 years. Some of us met in college and others joined through work. Recently Sarah got this new partner who’s also a really nice guy.
The issue is, that whenever Sarah and her partner are together, they’re super touchy. I usually would have no problem with this, but it’s reached a level where a lot of us feel awkward inviting them out to do things due to their past behavior.
For context, we all went to see Oppenheimer last weekend and Sarah and her partner came. After the movie, one of the other girls, ‘Anna’, who was sitting next to Sarah, texted me saying that during the movie they started getting pretty physically affectionate (I won’t go into details) and mentioning how awkward it was for her.
This definitely was the furthest they’ve gone around us, but we’ve all witnessed them making out on couches after group dinners when we’re all cleaning up.
During one of these dinners, we were talking about how fun it would be to go to a musical at the theater.
Over text, we all kind of agreed to not invite Sarah and her partner to this because of what happened last time. So we all go and Sarah finds out because one of the girls in our group posted on her story that she was there, and Sarah asked about it.
Sarah got super upset about being left out and asked me about it over the phone. I brought up that a lot of us felt uncomfortable with her and her partner being so touchy. I said that Anna felt really awkward when they started getting really physically affectionate during Oppenheimer.
Sarah got super defensive and started calling Anna weird and creepy for watching them do that, and it was none of our business how she acted around her partner. I was then a little confrontational and said it was our business when they were making us uncomfortable with all their inappropriate PDAs.
Sarah called me a jealous jerk and hung up.
I feel like it was bad of us to leave her out, but it’s really hard to do anything with her since she always invites her partner. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if she didn’t do the PDA that goes too far, you guys have a right to do things without her.
She doesn’t have to be invited to everything. Probably wouldn’t have thrown “Anna” under the bus, though. Just would have said we saw the intimate acts at the theater.” PlentyHopeful263
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend and her partner are way out of line. You didn’t need to speak to her about it, because she knew what she and her partner were doing.
Just drop her from all group events and she and her partner can rent a room. She wants the right to go over the top intimately in public with you there and then fight with you when you tell her it offends. Ridiculous.” RealbadtheBandit
Another User Comments:
“ESH – Fair enough, you don’t want to invite them when they’re being inappropriate, but you could probably have talked to her before you excluded her. I’m not surprised she was on the defensive when you were explaining it to her. But also, they’re adults and that’s kind of yuck of them.
Lol” kiwifruit598
19. AITJ For Resigning From My Manager Job When My Team Turned Against Me Over A Male Hire?
“Essentially I (20F) recently got a job in a management position at a small coffee shop and bar. I’ve been in management positions for a while now and I love it!
I like making people’s day and being the manager people look forward to having!
However, recently this all changed. When I first got to my new job it just felt off, in that people were really strange around me and didn’t introduce themselves properly. I made sure to talk to everyone and get to know them, but the large majority seemed to just brush me off, sometimes without even saying a word to me.
Now, I’ve been working many of my starting shifts with the owner, which had been great, but the other day he left me to run my first shift on my own. On that shift, four out of five staff members walked out at the command of one of them.
I eventually got them all back (bearing in mind we had a queue out the door when this happened), and when I did, I tried to ask what the heck was going on, but got nothing. So I eventually asked the other girl who I had actually got on with, and she seemed a little antsy, almost as if she had something to say.
Eventually she told me that I got the job over a guy everyone there loved.
Since then, they’ve made my life a living heck without giving me a chance to show who I am. I brought it up to the owner. He said he’s aware of the situation but wouldn’t be willing to discipline them and potentially lose one of his best bartenders.
The other day, they started making fun of my looks and personality behind my back. I broke down, and after that close, I just didn’t show up to work, eventually landing another job thanks to an amazing friend I’m so very grateful for. I know I should’ve said I was quitting, but I was too anxious to go anywhere near the shop, let alone into it.
However, I feel really bad for leaving them in a state. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did what you could with the owner and got nowhere. It amounted to “deal with it” in a work environment that was very hostile to you. In most states (assuming you are in the US) employees are “at will,” meaning your employer may terminate you for any reason so long as it is not discrimination of a protected characteristic.
That works both ways – you can quit whenever you want. Screw them. Look after yourself and get a job someplace less toxic.” AttilaTheFun818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Normally, I encourage people to be professional, and at least tell someone you don’t intend to work any longer, but you spoke to your boss, who made it clear he would do nothing to correct their behavior.
I’d make note of the names of all of the people you worked with, and if you ever encounter one of these people seeking employment, you would be justified in saying no, based on their previous history of poor behavior.” Glinda-The-Witch
18. AITJ For Canceling My Relationship With My Family After They Ignored My Birthday And Ate My Cake?
“My birthday recently passed and my (27F) entire family either forgot or completely ignored it. I am a Leo so normally every year I host a birthday party for my friends and family members to attend.
This year, however, I had been crazy busy with work and other things, so I wanted to just have a chill birthday. I didn’t feel like planning a party or being around a ton of people and I let everyone know that in advance.
My birthday was on a Saturday, but I already had a few friends send me cards, gifts, and well wishes. One of them even cooked me dinner and made me a cake. My SO (25F) got me balloons and surprise concert tickets for that night.
We had a blast and even met up with a few of our friends. My birthday was a 10/10 considering I didn’t ask for anything and had nothing planned.
My family, however, was the complete opposite. My Mom Sandra (56F) and my sis Connie (25F) barely mumbled “Happy Birthday” when I went to visit them.
I wasn’t expecting any gifts or money because I know money is tight and I never want to be a burden to them. I thought at the very least I would get a card or pancakes for breakfast, but I quickly realized that they had no plans to do anything with me the entire weekend.
Instead, they both had extensive plans with their partners and wouldn’t be home a lot. (My father also forgot it was my birthday, but he is irrelevant to this situation).
My feelings were hurt, especially since it felt like they did not care that it was a special day for me.
When I asked them why they hadn’t done anything for me, they claimed that I said I didn’t want to do anything, so they did nothing. I got visibly upset and they tried to gaslight me for “overreacting” and promised that they would be available the next day (after I cried and forced it out of them), but that did not happen.
Once again, I went for a visit thinking I would get to spend the day with my mom and sister only to find that they would be busy until 2 pm for a late lunch date after they spent more time with their SO. To top everything off, I found out my sister and her partner went to my apartment (she has a key and is welcome to come and go as she pleases), ate my entire birthday cake (No, I didn’t get a slice) and “slept” in my bed without permission.
I was completely crushed as I had cancelled plans to hang out with them and it seemed like they couldn’t care less about me, my feelings, or my birthday. I walked out and took my spare key back. I sent an email explaining that they could contact me for emergencies via email but to otherwise leave me alone.
I have the tendency to be dramatic so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think anyone is the jerk where your parents are concerned. Parents often go out of their way for 18 years of their lives and yours making sure young you have a special birthday every single year.
This is on top of the 974,000 other holidays that they need to make special for you in those years. You were born 27 entire years ago, give them a break for not wanting to continue to make a huge deal out of it. In a vast sea of unnecessary holidays, I just don’t think we should take birthdays this seriously as adults.” shootyoureyeout
Another User Comments:
“ESH, you for stating you wanted nothing, but that wasn’t true, bare minimum you wanted their attention for breakfast, well wishes, etc. You wanted to spend time with them but made no plans and were upset when they made plans with their SOs.
They are jerks because it was your birthday, they ate your cake and didn’t even get a card so send well wishes.” demon803
17. AITJ For Losing My Cool Over My Husband's Snoring And Jeopardizing My Mental Health?
“My (45F) husband (47M) snores. I don’t mean he makes soft noises during his sleep. No, he makes so much noise that our kid, who has a room across the hall, hears him even with the door closed. Now I realize that snoring isn’t something you can just control; however, whether or not you try to find a solution is within your control.
I’m a horrible sleeper myself, so I can admit I’m part of the problem. I have (mental) health issues that make getting proper sleep difficult. So I’ve tried to find ways to deal with the snoring from my end, but I’m currently at my wit’s end.
I’ve tried many earplugs (including personalized ones), been to a pain clinic to see if there are ways to wake up less from the pain, bought a weighted blanket, and taken calming medication so that my mind doesn’t go all over the place (a decision I made with my psychiatrist).
I’ve even spent nights on the couch.
Basically, I think I’ve tried everything I can. The snoring gets progressively worse (though the intensity isn’t consistent), and it’s beginning to influence my mental health and memory.
I’m just done. I feel I’ve done more than enough, and he needs to step up now.
Buy a new pillow, buy a new mattress, get some nasal strips, get a check-up so we can be sure it’s not a medical condition, etc. I’ve suggested these things time and time again, but he always has an excuse or makes a vague promise.
Today he complained about how we never spend our evenings together anymore, and that was just the final straw. I called him some very nasty names, told him he was being selfish and choosing snoring over my mental health, and so on. If I want to get any uninterrupted sleep, I have to go to bed at 9 p.m. Which is ridiculous, I realize that.
The thing is, he’s not selfish. He’s a great dad and works hard, but I just want to smother him with his pillow. And I resent the fact that he does absolutely nothing to find a solution. Maybe there is no solution. And if we’ve tried all options, I’ll accept that, and we’ll have to look into putting a bed for me somewhere else in the house.
But yeah, I think blowing up at him the way I did was uncalled for. Ironically, he’s been giving me the silent treatment now.
I think people might wonder why I’m so scared for my mental health. I’m bipolar, and I’m sensitive to psychosis. I’ve never lost complete control, but my hallucinations are very vivid and unpleasant nonetheless.
There are several factors at play, of course, but lack of sleep can be a trigger in part. So AITJ for calling my husband every name under the sun and telling him he’s selfish all because he snores?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve done everything you can to attempt to fix the problem, and he won’t do anything.
He’s damaging your relationship and he expects you to be okay with that. While his snoring is absolutely not your responsibility, you could try one more thing — a humidifier. It might help him snore less or more quietly. If not, it’ll at least mask the noise a little.
I think you should talk to your husband about how you feel and how this is damaging your relationship.” Rainyli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is being selfish. Tell him to get over his fear of the doctor. His life may depend on it, in more ways than one.
Sleep apnea can be a symptom of something serious. So unless he wants to see you as a widow, he is being selfish. Maybe talking to him about increasing his life insurance may get him to the doctor.” Jeweler-Medical
Another User Comments:
“My husband has an undiagnosed case of sleep apnea.
I have woken up waiting for him to take a breath, only to hear him choking because he finally started breathing again. His dad had it, his older brother had it, and so did his younger sister. He has it too, but he refuses to do the sleep study for fear of losing his CDL and having to find a desk job.
It’s not easy being married to a constantly grumpy man. He’s tired all the time, has no energy, and is bitter.” [deleted]
16. AITJ For Withholding Contact Because My Mother Shared My Confidential Plans?
“I (20F) embarked on a journey to Europe with dreams of a better future and a thriving career in fashion. Little did I know, this adventure would turn into a rollercoaster of challenges and emotional turmoil that would leave me questioning my relationships and my own actions.
So, AITJ for feeling abandoned by my mother and not reaching out to her after she shared my confidential plans with her?
My arrival in Europe marked the beginning of a series of trials that I could hardly have anticipated. Living with my cousin’s family initially was far from the warm embrace I expected. His wife’s complaints made me feel like a burden, and their hospitality felt anything but genuine.
After a month of relentless searching, I secured a spot in a shared house with 25 people. The conditions were grim, with dirty bathrooms and chaos ruling that place. I even found myself accused of theft simply because my roommate assumed I had used her hair products just because I had curly hair.
Amidst the turmoil, I managed to secure employment as a hotel housekeeper and establish a semblance of normalcy. But the feeling of homesickness soon consumed me, and I spent three months back in my home country, hoping for a warm reunion. Instead, I faced the harsh reality that life had moved on without me.
My friends seemed distant, their routines uninterrupted, leaving me with a profound sense of isolation.
Undeterred, I returned to Europe, determined to reignite my fading dreams. I confided in my mother about an unconventional plan to extend my stay with her, believing she would understand my aspirations and challenges.
However, she crossed a line by sharing my confidential plans with the vice principal of my school without my consent. This betrayal cut deep, leaving me questioning her actions and motives.
In response, I chose to distance myself from her, a decision that weighs heavily on my heart.
I sought solace in conversations with my sister, hoping for some understanding and validation. To my surprise, my mother’s perspective shocked me. She failed to acknowledge her misstep and rather dismissively believed I was overreacting. While I recognize that her intentions might not have been malicious, her lack of empathy feels like a sharp knife through my already wounded emotions.
Now, I haven’t called my mother in a week, hoping to convey my hurt and disappointment to her. On the other hand, her assertion that I would need her before she would need me sounds selfish, complicating my emotions further. I feel like my vulnerability has been taken advantage of.
I need judgment on whether I’m the jerk for withholding contact from my mother, despite the fact that she disregarded my trust in her and shared my private plans without my consent. I feel conflicted because, while her actions hurt me deeply, I question whether my response of not calling her might be too harsh.
Could my emotional reaction be justified, or am I overreacting to a difficult situation?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It sounds like your plans have thus far consisted of leaning on your family, minimum wage jobs, shared poverty houses, and demanding that your mother bend over backward to accommodate your feelings.
Frankly, the context of there BEING a vice principal wasn’t mentioned before the shared planning, so the reader has zero context as to why that may or may not have been a betrayal.” Petefriend86
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you didn’t seem to convey your plan was a secret and from my assumption is questionable legally.
You seem insufferable, you’re dependent on those around you and then feel emotionally hurt that people haven’t paused their life when you willingly chose to leave them. The struggles you faced that you make out to be a surprise seem to be pretty obvious and your goal of making it in fashion in a foreign country seems deluded unless you’ve already got talent and clientele.
You might not realize this but with high society in other countries you will be looked down on for being an American, your goal doesn’t seem feasible for someone whose emotions control them so easily.” SpiritfireSparks
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I don’t really understand why you’re mad that she told this vice principal. Why is that such a problem?
I’m not even trying to be mean but this writing reads like a bad young adult novel and it’s very hard to follow with all the extra flowery words, so I might be missing something here.” henree1108
15. AITJ For Telling My Friend He’s Pathetic For Comparing His Dates To His Ex?
“My buddy Brian and I have been friends since high school, and we are approaching 20 years of friendship. He has supported me through a lot, and I like to think I have done the same for him. To keep it short, about 3 years ago, my friend went through a divorce with his longtime partner/wife.
They were together for over 10 years.
Now I can totally understand being down in the dumps for a while after that (also considering she was unfaithful to him), and I was happy he went to therapy for it. However, I have been annoyed by him and his reactions to our mutual friends’ attempts to help him out.
About a year and a half ago, his therapist told him he should start going out with someone. So, enough said, we were wing manning for him and trying to get him going. He saw a couple of girls, and he had a great girl he was with for a month or two, but he broke up with her.
It was his first serious relationship after a big divorce, so we thought it was understandable. Then it happened again, and again, and now, for the fourth time, he has broken up with a good woman.
So, a week or so ago, we sat him down and asked him what was going on while we were all hanging out on a Friday night.
He was nervous but basically said that he keeps comparing all these women to his ex wife, and since no one is going to compare to her, why try? Then he started to actively talk about how good his ex wife was as a person.
Honestly, it annoyed me. So I told him, “Dude, you are being absolutely pathetic over someone who treated you like absolute crap and been unfaithful to you. What is wrong with you?”
He got quiet and basically looked down and said, “Yeah, I am,” and went to bed. Now I feel bad about how I said it, but I feel my message is still true.
Pretty much all our mutual friends have thanked me for saying it as they agreed with me, but my best friend is still pretty cold to me. Am I really the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Clearly, you are the jerk. Your message can be true, and you can still be the jerk.
Maybe he really needed it, or maybe you went too far. It’s understandable if you are frustrated, but he probably is too. And his view on his situation is going to be different than your view. ‘Pathetic’ is a pretty strong word, and not something you can easily walk back most of the time.
He didn’t have the energy to debate with you, so it’s much easier for him to agree and leave.” matty_nice
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There is tough love, and then there is this. Why is it so important for you that he goes out with someone and has a partner?
Clearly, he isn’t ready for that. Just because he was treated like crap and was unfaithful, doesn’t mean he didn’t love her. Just because it needed to be said (for some reason?) doesn’t mean you had to deliver it like that.
I mean, did opening dialogue with him come up as an option? Something like: “Hey, it seems like you’re having a really tough time moving past your ex. Going out with someone doesn’t seem to be helping, so is there some other way we can help you right now?” Do better, my guy.” CDNEmpire
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can see how it would hurt his feelings a little at the moment, but the intent and the message were good. He’s obviously still idealizing his ex, even after she treated him badly. Until he fully deals with that, he’ll be stuck being miserable.
Not that being single equals being miserable. The dude needs to get angry enough to deal with the sadness.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
14. AITJ For Storming Out Of My Dad's Café Over His Constant Micromanagement And Yelling?
“My dad owns a café and I used to work for him. I quit a couple of years ago because he stressed me out by constantly yelling at me and micromanaging me. One time he told me to check on a flatbread I had put in the oven 5 seconds ago and then yelled at me for refusing to check on it.
Recently I figured it would be a good idea to work for him again under the condition that he just lets me do my job. Another thing to note is that my dad thinks I’m slow and blames it on my ADHD and autism (I don’t know where he got the idea that I have autism from, as I was only diagnosed with ADHD).
While I am slow sometimes, it’s more a combination of being a bit rusty and making mistakes due to the stress from my dad constantly telling me off and micromanaging me.
Main drama: I went into work today 30 minutes late (ADHD thing I’m working on; I know I was in the wrong here and have apologized, not important) and I started cooking.
Immediately, my dad started yelling at me so I got stressed and began making mistakes. My dad heated up 2 flatbreads in the oven and burned both of them before blaming me for not taking them out of the oven. I also asked him to chop a few things for some pizzas as he was in that part of the kitchen; he then yelled at me rather than just telling me to do it because he was busy.
He then proceeded to take over the pizzas I was making (they only needed to go in the oven at that point) and completely mangled one of them.
A bit later, he yelled at me for not finishing a wrap he had gone to get an ingredient for.
The final straw was when he wouldn’t stop ridiculing me and yelling at me for being slow, so when I put those pizzas in the oven, I stormed off in the middle of lunch. I went back 5 minutes later and, rather than apologizing, my dad put me on pot wash duty, so I decided to go home.
On my way to my bike, he called me like 5 times trying to get me to go back, but I refused because he didn’t say sorry.
Now we’re both at home and he’s been threatening to stop paying for my bike insurance (£140 a month for a 125).
The idea of working for him was to earn enough money to take over those payments. While I am angry about that, I do feel guilty for storming off, which is why I’m posting here.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH – your dad can’t and shouldn’t manage people.
You should show up on time and pay for your insurance. Find a new job not working for your dad and show up on time to it. Also. Info: why is your insurance so high?? That bike is worth a couple thousand at most? Shop that around…” sirpoopingpooper
Another User Comments:
“You obviously need to find employment elsewhere. Family and business don’t always mix. Working together in a kitchen takes skill and flow – which you two do NOT have. I think you should have finished out your shift – regardless, but that job isn’t for you.
YTJ for leaving in the middle of lunch, especially if they were busy.” DLCMotroni
Another User Comments:
“You were 30 minutes late. That’s not even a little late, that’s a lot late. Huge YTJ. He has every right not to pay you or pay your insurance if you’re gonna be a jerk who doesn’t take work seriously.
It’ll teach you valuable lessons. If you want to be a crap worker, be a crap worker and get treated like it. I wouldn’t pay you, lol. You don’t get to jerk around for the same pay as people doing their freaking job.” OppositeYouth
13. AITJ For Canceling My Stepson's Birthday Cruise That Excludes My Husband?
“I have a stepson (Joe 24) and 6 kids Ava 22, Jack 21, Ella 18, Poppy 16 Robin 14, and Daisy 13. My relationship with Stepson is odd, he is very attached but I love him, and I have been with his father (my husband) since before he was born, but he can be very intense.
Long story short my husband was in a very short on/off toxic relationship as a late – teen with a woman 10y older. She stepped out on me, it ended, we got together, and found out Joe was his later. His mum is unstable and is not allowed to contact us, and this can make things hard.
My relationship with my bio kids is awesome. We’re well off now, but we weren’t when the oldest 2 were born, we’ve built a business and a life as a close family. Myself and my husband are also great, we have never been apart in 24 years for more than one night which was for work.
This is important. Normally for my birthday we just have a nice dinner and I day I want to do it, my husband and kids organize it, but me and my husband pay. This is important too.
This year, Joe wakes me at 6 am to say he’s booked a holiday for just me and the kids, a week cruise.
It was awkward as he explained he had not invited my husband. He also said he’d got everyone to chip in, including the younger kids. These are things I’m not happy about because I don’t like my kids to spend much money on me, and my whole family being on holiday other than my husband sounds weird.
At that moment I thanked Joe, but later I asked my kids about this, and they said not only did Joe 100% tell them their dad was invited, but also that he’d told them that we’d already paid. We haven’t, so Joe has paid this alone, which is really weird because it would cost in the thousands.
He has a decent job, but also he has a pregnant partner and is saving for a house, so a birthday present for me isn’t a priority.
Also, his partner will be 8 months pregnant at the time of the trip, and I think he should be with her.
Also, Joe’s mum is extremely angry now he has told her. She struggles financially and is asking why he wouldn’t help her rather than buy me a holiday.
My kids are freaked out a bit but sort of willing to go if I want to, my husband is upset he’s not invited and finds the whole thing very weird but doesn’t want to take a trip away from me, Joe’s partner is very upset and so is his mum, but weirdly Joe is acting like everyone can’t wait to go, and is posting pics of holiday things in family group chats.
I don’t want to go, I’d much rather pay the money back and cancel all of this, but I’m wondering if he’s just genuinely excited and that would be a horrible thing to do – WIBTA if I cancel and pay Joe back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to have a conversation with your husband first and determine how to approach Joe as a unit. Tell Joe you appreciate the gift but that you’d prefer to wait until everyone can holiday together. Then figure out how to get the money refunded or if nonrefundable see about adding the gf and husband to the reservation because having 7 kids on a trip with 1 parent is too much.
If possible gift him the money he spent so his savings isn’t wiped. Call it a baby shower gift or an early housewarming. If it’s important to Joe to spend time with just you, maybe the 2 of you could do a day trip.” Willing-Helicopter26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, definitely tell him to refund it and then maybe see about getting him therapy for his over-attachment to you. If he’s living with you, I would recommend changing that situation asap as well. Make sure your husband is with you when you tell him you’re not going.
I don’t know if he’s in love with you or what, but this is giving me a very creepy feeling.” TiredBrokeJoke
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ, but I’d advise you to proceed gently. Joe is obviously going through some things. I would guess that his gf getting pregnant has freaked him out a bit.
It almost seems like Joe is looking for a fatherhood test drive. He wants to know if he can handle being “the father” and is using a vacation with his family of origin as a testing ground. This doesn’t make it any less weird though.
I agree that you should try to refund him the money and urge him to seek therapy.” randomcharacheters
12. AITJ For Considering Towing My Neighbor's Car For Taking My Parking Spot?
“I (26m) am living in a condo complex in NY. I’ve been living there for the past two and a half years and have no problem with anyone as we all keep to ourselves and respect the rules of the HOA. I’d like to think that I’m on friendly terms with everyone since we are all courteous when we see each other.
Now here comes the problem. For the past two weeks, there has been a car parked in my assigned parking space multiple times throughout the week on the days when I’m not home before 5 pm (I work roughly 50+ hours per week depending on my work schedule).
When it first happened, I came home at about 10 pm and found that car parked in my spot. This, of course, vexed me since I just wanted to park and go home to relax after a 12-hour shift. So I left a note saying, “Hi, it seems that you took my spot.
Please park at your designated parking spot or use the visitor parking area in the complex,” then I parked in the visitor lot and got on with my evening. The note worked, for a day.
This person parked in my space again the following evening.
I then left a harsher note saying that the car would be towed if it was found parked in my space. I’ve tried to call property management, but they’re of no help since it only happens outside of their office hours. This made me feel as if the person was parking in my spot on purpose to taunt or inconvenience me for the sake of messing with me.
Later on this week, I found out from my sister that the car belongs to my neighbor’s daughter, and she’s been parking in random spots; it’s become very bothersome for everyone.
So, I’m now thinking that if it happens again, maybe I should just call a towing company to tow the car and basically ignore the HOA guidelines and procedures (they are the only ones allowed to tow cars in the complex).
On one hand, I think I should keep communicating with that car’s owner to maintain peace in the complex and avoid becoming a Karen myself. On the other hand, I feel, screw it, they’ve got to learn their lesson the hard way. So, I’m putting this out there for the internet to judge.
So, WIBTJ if I towed my neighbor’s car?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNTBJ, but if your HOA has a policy that only a board member can call for/approve a tow, then you want to get in touch with them. I have a winter condo, and board member names and phone numbers are available to every owner.
In your shoes, I’d call one of them and they’d either call for a tow or tell me to go ahead. I’d at least find out what the procedure is; if you are not supposed to call for a tow, then you need access to someone who can, and you need someone available at nights and on weekends.” Auntie-Mam69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are paying for that spot along with your condo, so that little plot of asphalt is yours. And, outside of office hours or not, the HOA should do something to help; after all, you are paying them. The person has deliberately snubbed you after you left the note and believes that there will be no consequences for what they are doing.
So, unless there are consequences, they will keep doing it.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Contact the HOA and tell them that they have a week to deal with the issue, and if they don’t, you will handle it. The idea is that they have to feel more uncomfortable parking in your spot than they do if they don’t park in your spot.
If you come home and find the car in your spot, go knock or ring the bell on the door of the person whose daughter’s car is in your space. Keep knocking or ringing, no matter how long it takes. If necessary, bring a lawn chair and sit by their front door until they get home.
Do this no matter what time it is.” ClothesQueasy2828
11. AITJ For Confronting My Grandmother About Her Relationship With A Controlling Partner?
“I (21m) moved in with my grandmother and her long-term partner when I was in my early teens. Growing up, I had quite a good relationship with my grandmother’s partner, who I will refer to as Mark for the remainder of this post.
When I was 17, Mark committed a disgusting crime, one that resulted in the neighbors shunning our family.
As a result, my grandmother had a rough time with her mental health and was diagnosed with depression. Initially, my grandmother began talking about leaving Mark. She talked about how she hated him for his actions and couldn’t love him. However, her attitude changed in the following months, and slowly things in our household returned to normal.
Currently, I am a university student and unable to financially support myself outside of term time, so I live with my grandmother and Mark. I would describe Mark as controlling, a show-off, and a mean individual. He’s always making comments about my grandmother’s and my weight or calling us lazy.
If I ask him not to, he insists it’s a joke and then insults us further. He asks us what we’re having for dinner but recoils once informed and follow it up with comments about our weight. He gets intoxicated one evening and begins arguing and shouting.
Then, the next day, my grandmother and he acted as though it never happened. This isn’t everything, but it hopefully gives enough insight into how he behaves.
On multiple occasions, I have tried to approach my grandmother about how unhappy I am regarding Mark. Since I began trying to discuss my feelings with her, she started making comments like “See, he’s not that bad,” when he has, for example, offered me a lift. Recently, I was more explicit about my dislike for Mark.
I told my grandmother that I was still angry at Mark regarding his crime, as well as angry at his disregard for my feelings when I asked him not to be so awful to us. My grandmother’s response was along the lines of “How do you think I feel?” with emphasis on the “I”.
She added that I didn’t have to deal with it while I was at university, but she had to deal with it every day. She then accused me of “always doing this” to her and said that I make her upset. This resulted in her crying and shouting at me for making her go to work like that.
AITJ for unintentionally upsetting my grandmother, I fear I may have pushed her too far, but I also know she won’t talk to me about the situation otherwise.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s time to pack up your things and move out of this house OP.
You need to get a job and become more financially stable, as well as find roommates to live with you. Mark sounds like a horrible and despicable individual, and your grandmother is an idiot to still have a relationship with him. However, this isn’t your problem.
If she doesn’t care to listen to your reason, don’t bother talking to her about it anymore, and get out as fast as possible.” Popular_Document1399
Another User Comments:
“If he gets intoxicated at all regularly, you may want to check out r/AlAnon. They may be able to help empower you and your gram to see things a bit differently.
Ultimately, just the sub isn’t enough; actual meetings are important to see that you two aren’t alone. NTJ, but don’t keep hassling your grandmother; she is not prepared to leave him at this point. Encourage her to get support instead, and go yourself.” ContemplatingFolly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandmother is being emotionally and mentally mistreated by Mark, and she is in denial. Some women prefer to live in misery rather than do anything about it because they lack self-worth and are afraid to be alone. So sad living a life like that.
I know a woman who’s married for fifty years; her husband treats her like crap. She loves the thought of being married fifty years and the facade she portrays on social media. She’s miserable, he’s miserable, he is unfaithful to her, and spews awful profanities to her, but she’s afraid to be alone and she lacks self-worth.” Teani2003
10. AITJ For Telling A 60-Year-Old To Stop Standing On Coral Reefs?
“I (33F) am blessed to live right on a gorgeous paradise of a beach. There’s a reef nearby that’s manmade, in that it’s made of a whole lot of very large rocks that were placed there by humans. But it’s become an ecosystem with lots of coral growing on it, and it’s approximately a mile of divine sea life.
To put things into perspective, I’ve seen sharks, squid, octopus, all kinds of stingrays, manatees, and lots of tropical fish there. It’s become a snorkeling hotspot for us locals.
Anyway, I start each morning by snorkeling there. Several of us are regulars doing that, and we’ve gotten to know each other.
Well, there’s a guy (60M) who also snorkels there regularly. He has a habit of standing on those rocks. You’re not supposed to stand on a reef or mess with a reef in any way.
Our city is a tourist hotspot, so we get new people snorkeling this reef all the time.
Often, they stand on the rocks to readjust their masks, take a break, etc. I always tell them very nicely to please not stand on the rocks as it’s not good for the corals. Most people get off the rocks right away.
Well, this 60-year-old man insists on standing on the rocks because he’s “been doing it for 50 years” and because “this is not a real reef.”
I pointed out that the corals on it are very much real. He said, “Listen, lady, you cannot stand on the rocks, but I will.”
Well, he’s also kind of weird in that he stands on the rocks and starts up lengthy conversations with everyone who snorkels past him.
He actually stops them from what they’re doing to talk about the fish that are out today, how spiritual snorkeling is, etc. At one point, we were all more than half a mile from shore and he stood up on the rocks, right on top of a bunch of corals.
I told him that he’s standing right on corals. So he said, “I’m 60 years old, and nature has to help me out.”
I told him that we’re more than half a mile from shore, and if you can’t tread water for a bit to take a break, then you shouldn’t be out here.
This all came to a head when other people overheard our conversation, and then noticed that I refuse to speak to him. Once they found out about what he’s doing, no one else wants to talk to him.
And then finally, an avid scuba diver was snorkeling at the reef yesterday, and it turns out that she’s into coral conservation.
She asked me why I refuse to speak to him, and when I told her, she got mad and threatened to call the police and have him arrested… It’s illegal to mess with reefs, and you can get in trouble with the cops, although I don’t know if that means he’d get arrested or what the outcome would be.
But she said that it would get him kicked off the beach forever.
So now he’s mad at me and said that I’ve ruined his life and he can no longer enjoy the reef he’s been going to for 50 years. I did not mean for that to happen, but I’m not sorry.
He doesn’t respect the ocean or the reef and does not belong there anyway, IMO. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I know you know that coral is threatened worldwide due to warming and it is a critical habitat for countless sea life – it sounds like you have tried nice, and since that isn’t working you are getting more aggressive.
Asking people to respect the assets we all share is not unreasonable. He is the one behaving in a way that will impact his ability to enjoy the reef – not you.” svengali763
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He’s doing something obsequious and illegal and it sounds like multiple people have gently informed him/warned him that his behavior is not allowed or acceptable.
It’s not your fault that eventually someone got angry enough about it to call the cops. I mean… You didn’t even call the cops on him. You simply told someone who asked what he was doing, which he is doing publicly. His unhappiness is entirely self-made.” RebelWithoutASauce
9. AITJ For Disappearing From My Group Chat Because Of My Mental Health?
“I (31F) got married almost 5 years ago now. About 1.5 years after I got married, I unfortunately really started to struggle with my mental health due to some issues with in-laws who constantly criticized me, expected me to live by their rules, and pretty much blamed me for any problems in life.
It got to a point where MIL would call every day, often via WhatsApp, and tell me how much I ruined her life. This led to me not being able to sleep for months; I would spend the whole night crying and started to feel really anxious/fearful of going out or engaging in any social interaction.
I started to feel really low about other things I’ve struggled with in life as well, such as the death of my sibling, and it got to the point where I questioned if there was any point in living. My husband spoke to his parents many times, but they refused to acknowledge that they’d done anything wrong or change their behavior.
We now do not communicate with them or visit very often.
As an aside to this, my closest friends and I have a WhatsApp group on which we would chat very regularly. However, ever since I met my husband, the whole time I was engaged and even on my wedding, they were constantly complaining about marriage and in-laws and made a few comments about how I better enjoy life before I’m married and that I wouldn’t be smiling after I was married. After I started struggling with my mental health, the group heightened my anxious feelings, as their complaining brought up a lot of the feelings I was already dealing with.
I told them I was struggling with my mental health and with sleeping, and I turned off WhatsApp for a while. I ended up feeling like I needed to do this a few times, and once or twice I was offline for a few months at a time.
This was a few years ago now.
Since then, I’ve really tried to improve my mental health. I can sleep now, I no longer let my in-laws’ words affect me as much, and I’ve managed to start going out with people again. The only thing I still struggle with is WhatsApp—whenever something goes wrong in life, my instinct is to turn it off again.
For the past few years, I’ve been in and out of the friend group. Each time I’ve tried to tell them that I’ve struggled with something and that that was the reason I was absent. I did try to be there: I always messaged on birthdays, when they were ill, when they got the illness, and when they were pregnant.
But I would disappear again afterward. Recently, they turned cold on me, stopped responding, and told me I hadn’t been there for them, that I let things with my in-laws affect me too much, and that I reacted wrongly when I cut myself off from people.
I don’t want to bias opinions against my friends—we had some good times, good laughs, and they had previously tried to help me when I had been struggling, although I’d never struggled with my mental health like this before.
So, AITJ for being on/off in communicating?
Sorry if this all sounds a bit silly, but an opinion from a stranger might be helpful.”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ but you are definitely making things harder for yourself by not opening up the communication with at least some of these people you are closer with.
I understand not wanting to pour your heart out on a group WhatsApp chat, but why don’t you talk to some of these people individually? It seems strange to have all communications going on in a group chat.” chantillylace9
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You needed to remove that method of communication to deal with your own issues. An unfortunate consequence is that you have not been available to help them deal with their own issues. These friendships do not seem to be working because of how you are communicating among yourselves.
Have you tried face-to-face meetings over lunch or other times?” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“I get mental health issues because I struggle with my anxiety, but I had to do something about it. I got on telehealth and got anti-anxiety meds. However, my friends during that time were my lifeline.
They are the ones to whom I vented. And they vent to me. I am the type of person who doesn’t let other people’s problems affect me unless they’re directly related to me. I think OP needs to remember that other people’s issues should not occupy your thoughts and turn into an anxiety brain.
Sometimes, you listen, give comfort, and let it slide off your thoughts. If your mental issues are so bad, I would recommend talking to someone. If your thoughts have already led you to consider ending your life, then you need help. I would recommend a good therapist.” Anna_Stacy_Yamina
8. AITJ For Refusing To Pick A Side In My Family's Argument Over Favoritism?
“For a little background, I (f17) live with my mom (f44), dad (m55), and younger sister (f16, we will call her R). Last year my oldest sister, M (f34), moved into our house with her partner and two children, both under the age of ten, due to their landlord dying in a freak accident.
(R and I have the same mom; M has a different mom. We all share the same dad.) M is the oldest and R and I are the youngest.
Back to the story, M gets home and asks me when our dad gets back. I tell her he went to the store to get something and that he will be right back.
I go into my room and shut the door. Then I hear yelling. I try to tune out because I tend to overhear conversations/arguments that I shouldn’t. After a little bit, I hear my dad call for R and me. We walk out, and my dad explains what they are arguing about.
Dad: So your sister here (M) says that I treat everyone differently and that I baby and spoil R. (To me) And that you feel the same way. OP, do you think that’s tr-
M: (crying) It is true! And you do baby R—you just bought her new hunting gear for $180 out of the blue when she has a job!
Me: Dad, I don’t want to get involved in this argument.
Dad: Yes or no?
Me: Dad, I do not want to—
Dad: Yes or no.
Me: I—um… no?
Dad: OP, yes, or no? That is all you need to say.
Me: No?
My dad then rolls his eyes and walks away as M and I walk back into our rooms. My dad then walks into my room and asks the same thing over and over again, and I give the same, quiet no until he annoys me and I just yell, “No,” so that he would leave me alone.
Over the next few minutes, they calm down and, somewhat, apologize to each other. And as I was typing this, M came into my room and said, “Don’t let Dad put crap in your head. I never said that you felt the same way.”
To further clarify, I do feel like our dad and R’s mom treat us fairly. They treat M like the 34-year-old, irresponsible adult that she is, with as much respect as they can without being too harsh. They treat me like the young college student that I am, giving me some of the freedom that I need while still keeping an eye on me.
They treat R like she is a high school student with no car and little money but who still has a job and school responsibilities.
AITJ for not picking a “side” when I didn’t want to be involved?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you need to sit your mother and father down and explain to them that you feel that they treat each of you the way you should be treated and that you feel it’s fair.
However, you do not want to be involved in any arguments that you are not personally a part of. And, if you feel something is unfair, you will address that with them individually and not behind their back with your siblings. Use “I messaged” to tell them how you feel.
I am uncomfortable when you… It makes me sad when… that way, you’re not accusing them of anything and hopefully they will realize that you are acting more mature than they are.” Glinda-The-Witch
7. AITJ For Canceling Beach Plans Because My Best Friend Always Oversleeps And Cancels Last Minute?
“I (19F) have a best friend we’ll call Rave (21M). Rave and I are very close, so we try to plan to hang out whenever we can because he only lives 15 minutes away from me. Although…here’s the thing: For the most part, Rave has a tendency to oversleep, forget about, or change our plans.
It’s a very typical occurrence, and it’s very rare that we stick to the original schedule. I’ll list some examples here:
– Rave and I once agreed to meet up at a restaurant for lunch, but he never ended up showing up. After I left in frustration, he texted me that he had slept through his alarm, his phone was dead, and he was on his way, but I was already frustrated and told him to forget about it because he had made me wait three whole hours with no contact from him.
– On several occasions, we had planned to go to the mall only for him to oversleep and act as if everything was normal before profusely apologizing that he forgot about our plans because he stayed up playing Smite all night long and didn’t go to bed at the right time.
Every time.
– Recently, he invited me to an amusement park under the assumption that his aunt would not be attending. (According to what she said to him, ‘allegedly’) He spent weeks telling me that I was capable of coming, only to take back his statement the morning of, claiming that she had “suddenly changed her mind” and that he “decided to rebel by not going because I wasn’t able to.”
There’s more, but those are for another time. The situation I’m dealing with right now: We were supposed to go to the beach today, and we had planned this maybe 4-5 days ago. Well, it’s literally 30 minutes before we’re supposed to go, and I haven’t gotten dressed or anything because he hasn’t responded to my efforts to contact him to confirm our plans.
I’m just so frustrated because this happens almost all the time, where he changes the day and we go then (rarely) or he just oversleeps and says the same apology all over again.
After being promised to do something I’d been waiting all summer for, I got a little ahead of myself and wrote him a frustrated message.
I told him he didn’t actually seem to care about hanging out with me, regardless of how much he talked about it, because if he did, this stuff wouldn’t happen. I said I was disappointed and that I wasn’t going to be responding for the rest of the day since this was a waste of my energy and time.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Any person who actually wants to commit to whatever plans they’ve made will make an effort to do so, and it seems that he’s not putting in any effort. I would talk with him and decide if you really want to keep making plans with him.” connordog123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’ve given several chances, and he needs to offer more than explanations and/or expressions of regret. He needs to establish what he’ll do to prevent it from happening again and empathize with how you’ve been feeling, too. Does he value your time and have difficulty prioritizing it?
Maybe. Does he have a hard time managing schedules? Likely. But no matter what the reason: even if it wasn’t his fault that he’s the type of person who oversleeps and mismanages schedules, it’s still his responsibility. You’re right that it doesn’t seem like he wants to spend time with you.
And, yes, you have every reason to want space for the rest of the day while you’re feeling hurt. No one is entitled to have the discussion right away. If he values fixing things, he can wait until tomorrow or for you to approach and say “Actually, I’m ready to talk if you are.”” Ginger_Shepherd
6. AITJ For Confronting A Creepy Guy Who Tried To Kiss My Sister In Her Room?
“So my older brother organized a little party at our home (parents’ house) and about 20 people attended, including me and my sister… It was a nice party.
Everything went well and all. Later that evening, my friend and I went up to my room to talk about some stuff in private, and a few moments later, my sister came into my room with tears in her eyes and told my friend and me the following story:
She was in her room getting her stuff ready to go to her partner’s house. But then this guy Sam (obviously not the real name) entered her room and tried to kiss her on the lips. She backed off and told him she had a partner.
He answered something along the lines of, “Come on, that doesn’t really matter…” She then quickly got away from him and into my room.
So what’s also important to know is that Sam knows our family and my sister’s partner pretty well, and he also knew they’re officially a couple.
He even talked about them being a couple last weekend with my sister’s partner and my brother at a birthday party they all attended. My sister was pretty shocked and scared because in a safe space like your own room, you just don’t expect anything like this, and I really didn’t feel good about having Sam at our house any longer.
So I went downstairs and first talked to my brother and explained to him the situation, and because of the circumstances I was a bit mad and kind of shocked. He answered, “Calm down, don’t always flip out like that!” So I kind of ignored that and just continued, “I’m going to send him home now, or at least talk to him because he clearly overstepped boundaries,” and went on my way to talk to him.
Sam was about to leave anyway, so it didn’t really matter in the end. But I still talked to him and told him that wasn’t okay and he clearly overstepped boundaries. Of course, he first told me his side of the story, which included “not knowing” about her partner… which he, again, definitely knew.
So yeah, that was that, but I’m kind of in shock by the reaction my brother gave. He didn’t give a single care about his guest invading our sister’s space and almost harassing her, and wouldn’t have done anything about it.
So, was I overreacting to getting mad, or did my brother not see the problem? I kind of feel bad because it kind of killed the vibe for my brother, so I don’t know if I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as a sister to 2 older brothers, they would have my back straight away, and even if she was single, he cannot go in someone’s room and try it on forcibly.
Maybe you didn’t approach your brother in the best way though, which is why you didn’t get the best reaction.” RebeccaCheeseburger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your reaction was spot on and your brother’s reaction is concerning. Sam is a total creep, and I’d be banning him from your home in the future.
Get your parents involved if you have to. What might have happened if you weren’t around? Sam doesn’t seem to understand the concept of consent and the word ‘no’.” pixie-ann
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Brother giving off some creepy vibes by protecting someone that tried to push himself on your sister.
He’s been watching videos recently. Talk to him again and ask why he didn’t have a problem with a guy invading his sister’s room and not taking no for an answer. If he can’t give a decent answer like he was high and just not with it or some crap, tell your parents what happened, that Sam shouldn’t be allowed in the house, and they need to talk some sense into your brother.” User
5. AITJ For Wanting To Play Sport And Maintain My Sanity As A New Father?
“My wife and I (28F and 28M) have a 3-month-old baby and are struggling with balancing our time now. This was also a problem before the baby came, but it seems to be worse now, as obviously the guilt of being a bad parent comes into play… For context, my wife is on maternity leave, goes out most days during the day to baby groups or to see friends and family, and obviously looks after the baby during the day.
She also does some private work once a week while MIL looks after the baby. I obviously help to look after the baby when I’m home.
My week looked like this:
M: Worked 9–9.
T: Worked 9–5, then was home all evening.
W: Worked 9–5, then was home all evening.
T: Worked 9–5, then was home all evening.
F: Worked 9–5, then wanted to play sports for 1.25 hours.
S: Off and home all day, apart from seeing a friend for 2 hours.
S: Off and home all day, then wanted to play sports for 1.1 hours.
Basically, my asking to play sports has tipped things over the edge for her this week.
In my head, the ratio of my time not at work that is spent at home (parenting) this week versus time out or playing sports is actually quite good… But AITJ for thinking this? For context, I’ve given up working late on Wednesdays to spend more time at home; I’ve also not been asking to play sports twice a week until recently, i.e., since we’ve gotten the hang of parenting.
I wasn’t expecting to be out multiple times a week in the first few weeks of the baby’s life, but we’re in a bit of a routine now.
She feels I’d rather be at work or playing sport rather than being a father, which is simply not true… I just feel like a better, happier person when I’ve exercised and can then give my all to being a father when I am at home.
If I don’t get to exercise, then I just feel grumpy and fat. She feels that my life hasn’t changed at all and admits she resents me for it. I feel my life has changed immeasurably, mostly for the better, of course!
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Dude … so she’s with that kid … all but a couple of hours a week? That’s a recipe for a breakdown. Honestly (and sorry to be this blunt) maybe you’re doing fine as a parent but as a partner? You’re blowing it.
Work to make sure she’s getting as much time away from the kid as she needs before you ask for more time for yourself. YTJ” prolifezombabe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your wife has the baby daily. When she visits people, she has the baby.
The only time she is without the baby are the few times you’re in charge or she’s working and MIL has the baby. Your life hasn’t changed much; you go to work and expect to go out in the evening multiple times a week. Your wife spent 9 months pregnant, is still nurturing the baby on maternity leave, and spends minimal time without the baby, and you expect to do whatever you want.
Cry me a river. Best find times for you to parent while your wife goes out, along with cutting down on your personal time. You signed up for fatherhood and need to step up, grow up, and realize you have responsibilities that mean less time for sport and your buddies.
Where are your wife’s 3x/wk outings alone with friends and sport? Weekends are family time, so you and your wife spend time together with the baby.” Emotional_Bonus_934
4. AITJ For Confronting My Mum About Missing My Milestones?
“Me (22M) and my mum (41F) always had an alright relationship, but it started getting a bit rocky in December when I tried inviting her to my graduation.
She lives in a different country than me, and she said she’s not getting her passport done just for my graduation and that she doesn’t want my stepdad to look after the kids. My mum chastised me for crying because of it.
Another event after which she started getting weird with me happened during my partner’s (25M) anniversary.
For context, I am trans, which my mother refuses to acknowledge. The name I go by starts with M, which is different from my birth name. I sent her a picture of a ring my partner got me with our initials (M+F), and my mum’s only reaction was questioning the initials.
Since I didn’t want to have this conversation over text again, I just responded, “It’s our nickname.” She left me on read.
A couple of weeks later, I planned a video call with her on my birthday. She forgot about it and my birthday overall until I sent her pictures of the cake my partner made.
She apologized and said she was glad I had a nice day. A couple of weeks later, I asked her if she could lend me 500£ for a deposit on a new apartment, and she agreed. For context, my mum does not struggle financially at all.
Unfortunately, the new apartment fell through, so I became homeless for a short while until my partner’s parents agreed to let me stay at theirs. My mum didn’t really offer me any comfort or advice during that time.
This brings us to last week—my university graduation.
My dad couldn’t make it, so instead my partner and his mum came. I reminded my mum that it was graduation day at around 8 a.m. that day. I was left on read until 7 p.m. that day, when she just messaged me, “Where are the pictures?” I sent her the pictures and said my dad paid for the gown rental, since he couldn’t make it, and mentioned that my partner’s mum paid for my outfit since all my clothes are currently in boxes buried in their garage.
She got snarky at me about Dad paying for the gowns, saying, “It’s the least he could do,” and she didn’t understand why my partner’s mum would get me a graduation gift. Only after this, at around 8 p.m. that day, did I receive the first congratulations from her.
The reason I’m worried I might be the jerk if I bring up all the things that upset me over the last few months is that she lent me 500£ without setting a timeframe as to when I need to pay her back (I am using that money on a new deposit).
I am an adult now, so it shouldn’t be a big deal if my mum forgets about my birthday or graduation. How should I talk to her about it? Am I just being dramatic?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ (In this very specific situation) I’m not going to go into the whole your mother not acknowledging you’re trans thing.
Obviously, it is wrong of her. YTJ because in this specific instance, when you spoke to your mother after the graduation, I found it odd that you brought up who paid for what items for your graduation. Maybe she asked, and if that’s the case, my judgment would be different.
However, you imply that you brought it up, and I have to generally assume you were getting a message across about her lack of either support or presence for the graduation. Yet, at the same time, you acknowledge that your mother has loaned you 500 quid for a deposit.
I agree that it is sad that your mother does not seem very loving towards you. But if that is your problem, then that is what you should have brought up— that your partner’s mum was able to attend, and that your father congratulated you beforehand even though he could not attend.
Instead, you brought up how much money each party has contributed. Strangely enough, that’s the one element that your mother has contributed as well, so you can see why I find it weird that you brought it up. And now, if you complain to her, the money portion of what you have said will be painfully obvious and obtuse about your other complaints.
Obviously, your relationship with your mother is complicated. I am an Asian immigrant but straight. I cannot relate to you in a lot of ways. However, forgetting birthdays, not being present for important events, and the inability to make time for myself are all things I have experienced as well while growing up.
At some point, it will be better for you, mentally and socially, to accept that your mother is not the type to be super-loving and doting. This does not mean you should go to NC, as many others may rashly suggest. It simply means understanding that your relationship is unique and does not play by the same rules as other families; clearly, your mother still cares for and loves you to a certain extent.
It is most productive to accept this and maintain a respectful relationship that can exist without long-term resentment.” nsfwkritik
3. AITJ For Not Allowing My Partner To Stay At A Girl's House?
“My partner (28M) and I (27F) have been together for about four months.
Everything has been great. We like each other a lot and spend a lot of time together. Honestly, I think he could be the one. He’s smart, kind, thoughtful, generally successful, and respectful of me most time. I think it’s very important to set boundaries in an exclusive relationship, and I’ve been upfront about mine.
I’m currently on a trip visiting family. We talk and FaceTime all the time, and I’m due to return next week. This past weekend, he was telling me how he went out with five of his friends. I always get nervous when he’s on nights out without me and request that he drinks minimally and updates me throughout (I’ve been betrayed before, and he knows about this boundary of mine and respects it).
This time, he was out later than expected, and the public transit had shut down. At about 3 a.m., he told me that he would be crashing at his friend “Mia’s” place because she lived nearby, her roommate was out of town, and she has a spare bedroom.
I said, “Pause, I don’t know this Mia, and I’m not comfortable with him staying at another girl’s place.” I called him, and we had an argument about it. He sounded perfectly sober and insisted that he had lost track of time and couldn’t get home because taxis were too expensive and he lived too far.
I insisted that he should stay with a male friend, but he said that the two guys in the group had gone home at that point. The fact that he was just with two women without me made me livid. He knows I have boundaries around spending time with the opposite gender, and while I didn’t request beforehand that he not stay overnight at anyone’s, he should’ve known that this isn’t compatible with a long-term relationship.
I cried and yelled on the phone; admittedly, I could’ve handled it better. But ultimately, he decided to bite the bullet and pay $60 for an Uber home. The next morning, I offered to pay half back, but he declined and said he needed to re-evaluate our relationship.
I have since apologized for overreacting, but he still says he needs space to rethink because he might not be able to give me what I expect from a partner.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are controlling towards him because of other relationships – he never gave you a reason to distrust him.
Inherited boundaries aren’t fair and really seem like a red flag to me. Absolutely, he’s done” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I disagree with the comments saying NTJ. People can’t just make excuses for bad behavior by saying, ‘But it’s a boundary of mine.’ That’s like saying he can’t go without friends in case he might betray them.
To me, that’s just controlling behavior. Just because you have trust issues doesn’t mean he should have to put up with them. It might be a boundary of yours, but it might be a dealbreaker for him.” Alone-Firefighter283
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You just don’t trust your partner, so let him go.
Find another one with whom you’ll have no trust issues. Alternatively, go deal with your trust issues instead of limiting your significant other’s choice of friends. You sound controlling and honestly weird for asking for reports from a grown man. A night out isn’t the only time when people can, you know, be intimate.
Basically, there is nothing standing between your partner and other women except his genuine desire to be with you. And if I were him, I’d have no such desire any longer after your little act.” annawrite
2. AITJ For Betting That Mia's Sister Would Divorce Her Husband?
“I (f24) went to high school with a girl I’ll call ‘Mia’. We weren’t exactly friends, but she was nice; we’d talk occasionally and had some classes together.
Her sister was a few years older at the same school (I didn’t personally know her, but she was known around the school because she was one of the top kids). They were from a poor family and would sometimes leave classes early because they had jobs babysitting, cleaning, things like that.
From what I knew, her sister decided not to study after school (not saying college is a must‐do or something, just stating the facts). Mia went to the local community college.
Mia and I lost touch for a bit, but I heard from mutual friends that her sister got married to a hotshot attorney from an upper-class family last year.
So a few weeks ago, I went to a party with my friends which Mia attended. We said hi, but not much else because she was hanging around with her friend and didn’t look particularly happy (and was also pretty much at the drinks the whole time she was there).
A couple of my close friends and I were chatting amongst ourselves. At one point, we were talking about Mia, and the conversation turned to her sister for literally a second, and I said to my friends, jokingly, “How much would you bet she (Mia’s sister) divorces the guy within the first couple years and takes half?”
Keep in mind this was a totally private conversation. Mia came over, looked at me, and asked what I said. I told her, “Nothing, I was just chatting to my friends.” She kept insisting and telling me to repeat what I said, and when I didn’t, Mia went off on me, saying she heard what I said and, “How could you say something like that?
It’s awful.”
She was a little tipsy for sure, but she was still making a big outburst. I later heard from someone else that Mia’s sister and her husband had been in an accident, which I didn’t know about, obviously. I tried to apologize to Mia later, even though she had been listening in on our private conversation, but she got really angry at me.
Some others are saying I shouldn’t have said that in the first place. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You sound like a mean girl. It was a “private” conversation but Mia was able to hear it. You made a nasty comment about someone you know nothing about and then tried to apologize because “you didn’t know.” Why are you saying derogatory things about someone you don’t even know?” selantra
Another User Comments:
“YTJ! You even said you don’t know the sister at all, yet you were compelled to talk about her behind her back and then didn’t have the courage to repeat what you said because you knew it was tasteless and wrong. Why wouldn’t Mia defend her sister?
You sound very jealous too. You just HAD to point out that they came from a low-income background, but the sister managed to snag a ‘hotshot’ and how she was one of the ‘top kids’. Very jealous, in fact. I find it really, really hard to believe that you’re even 24 just by how incredibly immature you’re being.
YTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You know literally nothing about Mia’s sister or the husband. You deliberately said something nasty that you had no business saying. Why? Did you think it made you sound cool or witty? It didn’t. You’re just a shallow mean girl, and that’s really all there is to it.
You said it within earshot of Mia. Hardly a private conversation. Of course she was angry, you absolutely are the jerk here, and an insincere apology (we know from your post you don’t see that you were in the wrong) is worth nothing.” YouSayWotNow
1. AITJ For Treating My Husband The Way He Treats Me?
“I (55F) am divorced and remarried to someone (53M) who used to be a great guy. We’ve had a fantastic relationship for the past 20 years, and everything was good with the exception that he never plans anything for my birthdays, even the big ones, and he won’t be the designated driver ever.
I figured if that was the worst I dealt with, I was doing great.
Fast forward to the past couple of years, and things have been going downhill rapidly. He’s job-hopping, has put us in a very tenuous financial position because of that, he drinks so often that I’m more surprised when he doesn’t than when he does, he plays games on his phone all evening and doesn’t talk to me, and he huffs and sighs when making a meal or cleaning up the kitchen.
I won’t drag this out, as I’m sure you get it.
I’m not perfect, but I do work full time and am back in school pursuing an education for a new career because, first and foremost, I always wanted to work in this field. I also have to do something because I cannot retire and my husband can’t work in his field forever as it takes a toll on the body.
Yes, that’s our fault, both of us. I also take care of almost everything here, in addition to work and school. Yes, that’s my fault. I just take everything on rather than risk an uncomfortable conversation.
So I’ve finally gotten tired of this “new” husband and have begun talking to him about his behavior and choices and explaining what I need to have happen so that we can get back to being a happy couple and so some of the pressure is off my shoulders.
His responses have not been what I would have expected, or he tunes me out altogether. He also claims I’ve become “mean” when I think I’m just trying to talk to him about what’s bothering me. I don’t yell, and I don’t call him names, so I’m not sure why he thinks that.
This is where being a jerk comes in. I’ve begun calling him out (still not yelling or name-calling) because acting like a reasonable adult isn’t making a dent in the “I do what I want” armor. I’ve also taken to treating him as he treats me since nothing else is getting through.
For example, he recently had a birthday. I did nothing other than wish him a happy birthday, get him a card, and get his favorite cake. All I get is a happy birthday wish, a card, and flowers. There was no party, no get-together with friends, no dinner out, no fuss, and no present.
I don’t do his laundry anymore. I point out everything I do when I do it. I show annoyance when he doesn’t help out due to being hungover. I don’t offer to help him with the rare projects that he does do. I also pretend I don’t hear him right away or give a one-word answer.
And finally, I know we should go to marriage counseling, but the extra money isn’t there right now.
AITJ for speaking up and calling him out and for showing him what it feels like to be poorly treated?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but also not effective.
If he’s been going downhill, he probably needs help and you probably aren’t equipped to give it to him. What you need to do is have an open and honest conversation with him about the things that have changed, the ways he’s been hurting you, and most importantly, the ways he’s been hurting himself.
Unfortunately, if he refuses to actually engage in that conversation with you and be honest about what’s happening, I’m not really sure that there’s a lot more you can do. He needs to be able to admit that he needs help and be willing to accept it or this will never get better.” itsastrideh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’m not sure your strategy is going to work. Is there a local church or family service center you can contact to see if any free counseling is available? Some colleges and universities have free programs with student counselors overseen by licensed ones.
I’m sorry this is your life right now.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But frankly, his behavior is destroying the relationship, and you using the same behavior will also destroy the relationship. If he cared to be self-aware or introspective, he would’ve done it by now.
So if you think you’re going to get him to have a light bulb moment… Well, this isn’t a movie. The outcome of this behavior of yours is that he will continue behaving immaturely, and now he’ll use your behavior against you in order to leave/be unfaithful.
Simple as that.” Initial_Job3333
