People Cry Over Their Mistakes In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Leaving My Own House Party To Sleep At My Parents' House?
“I (39y M) live with my wife (39y F), son (4y M), and MIL (66y F). My business has been running into problems lately, so I have been stressed and unable to sleep much.
In the last 5 days, I have probably slept maybe 20 hours. I have been occasionally breaking out into hives lately as well which may or may not be stress related.
My wife wanted to throw a party and invite maybe 30-ish people of our mutual friends, her friends and co-workers, and their kids.
She let me know the day before. I was a bit annoyed with the short notice, but I have long accepted that my wife is very sociable and outgoing, so I don’t argue about those sorts of things. I am more of an introvert, but I usually try my best to keep up with her.
Plus she said that if I needed to work late that night, it’s okay, don’t worry about anything, and she would have a plate of food ready for me when I got home.
So I got home at around 8:00 PM, and everyone was there. I ate a bit and made the rounds to visit people.
My social battery went to zero pretty quickly, and I had popped a Benadryl (instead of my usual Claritin), so I was getting tired. Our house was not that big, so there were people just about everywhere. No real place of refuge, and regardless, it would have been too loud to truly fall asleep.
I told my wife that I was tired and that I was going to sleep in my car. I thought better of it once I got in my car, figuring that everyone would think I was weird whenever they ended up seeing me. So I decided to drive to my other house, where my parents live, to go crash on their couch (they were at home and not in attendance at the party).
Also figured that no one would truly notice. People outside would think I’m inside, people inside would think I’m outside, etc. This was around 9:15 PM.
Woke up the next morning to a few missed calls from my wife, and one of our friends. They had called between midnight and 1 AM.
Came home at like 6 AM before anyone woke up, made breakfast for everyone, got ready for work, and got my son ready for school. My wife said that I was a jerk for leaving, which embarrassed her in front of her friends and for not helping clean up afterward.
I assume my MIL thinks the same way because she is giving me the silent treatment. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. >Plus she said that if I needed to work late that night, it’s okay, don’t worry about anything, and she would have a plate of food ready for me when I got home.
She knows you’re under stress and told you not to worry about anything. To me, that includes your attendance and help with clean up. >Our house is not that big, so there were people just about everywhere. No real place of refuge, and regardless, it would have been too loud to truly fall asleep.
Imagining coming home to this after a long stressful week of little sleep almost gave **me** hives. The only thing I think you could have done better is just go to the other house in the first place and skip the party … or give your wife a heads up that you were leaving that party.
Either way, NTJ.” Leading_Task8778
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re a saint OP. If my partner had, had the audacity to inform (not ask) me that they were throwing a party within 24 hours I would be seething. You were tired, why would you help clean up after a party you had nothing to do with?
You were not the host. Your wife needs to respect your working hours and ignore your MIL. Her silence is a gift. Don’t apologize for a darn thing. They’re both likely upset because ‘you’ made them look bad. It must have been awkward for her guests to realize she was throwing a party and her exhausted husband had to leave his own house just to sleep.
That type of behavior is the type of stuff I take note of in my friendships. My spouse and I would come back home gossiping about how your wife was so inconsiderate.” EJ_1004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband and I are in the same situation.
He’s much more social and will randomly invite people over. He’s well aware my social battery is not the same as his. He’s fine with me being social for a short bit/ making the rounds, and bailing for happy hours at our house. For big events like his birthday or holidays, we plan and I’ll stay for the whole thing and clean up afterward.
You probably could have communicated better about your change in plans about where you were staying though.” Icarusgurl
20. AITJ For Returning My Stepdaughter's Stolen Heirloom?
“I (52f) have two stepdaughters through my husband of five years Donna (26f) and Dana (21f), and while Dana and I had a decent relationship I had no relationship with Donna.
Although, not through lack of trying. I met and saw my husband for two years before I married him and during that time I tried to reach out to Donna and offered to take her out on fun outings, figure out what her interests were, or even engage in some polite conversation during family gatherings.
Donna was not interested and I started to back off when I felt her annoyance at my behavior. I wasn’t trying to be the type of stepmom who wants to replace the deceased one, I just wanted to have a positive relationship. I asked my husband for tips but he told me not to bother as Donna has always been standoffish and difficult.
Her grandparents told me to just give her time while Dana called her a stubborn and sensitive jerk. Donna isn’t very nice to Dana’s mom (they’re half-sisters) and she blames her for her parent’s divorce and resents the fact that Donna is their grandparent’s favorite.
I wanted to ask more about it but I felt like that would be too pushy and nosy and just kept on. When my husband and I got engaged I reached out to Donna (through her grandparents) about her being a bridesmaid but she declined and didn’t even show up to the wedding.
I was hurt but didn’t say anything when she graduated I didn’t kick up a fuss about not being invited to the ceremony but passed along a message in the form of a card stating what an amazing accomplishment this was for her, that she has so much potential, I know how much her mom would be proud of her as I would be of my children (I’ve got two kids from a prior relationship), and that I’m here for any advice if she needs it.
After that I just let it be. Then I found out about the past family drama and it all clicked. Dana’s mom was a horrible stepmom to Donna. Dana’s mom treated her horribly and favored her daughter constantly. Dana’s mom even took jewelry that belonged to Donna’s mom for herself and sold most of them.
My husband did nothing about it.
I had a horrible stepparent myself and felt for Donna so I went through Dana’s room, found Donna’s mom’s necklace, and then gave it to Donna’s aunt who in turn gave it to Donna. This has caused a lot of strife between me and my husband but I refuse to apologize.
Dana is now calling me a jerk and a thief and says that she’s going to call the authorities unless I pay her so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ from what I’m understanding – if you know for a fact it was Donna’s mom’s necklace, then the item was originally stolen and all you did was return it to the rightful owner.
I would probably apologize to Dana and let her know the history, as it’s possible she didn’t realize what her mom had done and who the necklace belonged to (giving her the benefit of the doubt on this)” remainsofme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You righted a pretty severe wrong, so good on you.
Furthermore, what is going on with your husband with all of this? You know, the guy who is supposed to take care of HIS daughters. This is firmly on that guy. And I say guy because no self-respecting man would let his new wife steal and sell heirlooms that were rightfully his elder daughters.
Is this the man you expected to find when you married him? ” mildlyupstpsychopath
19. AITJ For Wanting To Keep Some Holidays Low-Key And Not Always Celebrate With My In-Laws?
“I (33F) generally get along very well with my MIL (62F) “Lauren” — she’s kind, loving, and supportive.
There are a few things that frustrate me about her relationship with her sons and me but nothing too serious.
However, her view of holidays and traditions has been annoying me. I am not very close with my parents so I’ll call them for holidays but only see them once every year or two.
DH “Dan” and BIL didn’t include SOs for holidays until I joined about 7 years ago, so the family has always done holidays as a nuclear family, and it always follows the same patterns i.e. every Easter Lauren gives baskets and makes a specific bunny cake.
Every birthday is appetizers, dinner, cake, and presents at IL house.
Now that Dan and I have a toddler and another on the way, I want to have some other traditions not necessarily always with the whole family on a schedule. For example, I want my kids to do Easter egg hunts and crafts at my house where we invite friends their age (like I grew up doing).
I don’t really care about my birthday and generally want to save my social battery so prefer a mani/pedi, takeout, and a movie at home. I don’t need presents. I think adult birthdays every year are a bit silly but to each their own and I’m happy to celebrate others who want to do that for themselves.
Lauren and I agreed on who handles each of the important holidays — Thanksgiving, Xmas Eve, and Xmas. But we never discussed Mother’s Day or Father’s Day… last year was strange. Lauren seemed put off that I chose to keep Mother’s Day low-key and give her her Mother’s Day gift and her birthday gift two weeks earlier at her family birthday dinner.
We called Lauren on Mother’s Day as well but she immediately asked if next year we would meet in the middle. I said that I didn’t know yet what the plans would be.
For Father’s Day, we went to their house for the usual plan but Lauren went out of her way to make it clear that it was FIL’s day (literally used those exact words at one point) despite it being Dan’s first one as a dad.
Lauren only asked FIL what he wanted for apps, dinner, and cake, got him an expensive gift, and gave Dan a Bluetooth speaker and a Home Depot gift card. It was truly strange.
This was the first year Dan and I didn’t make plans with the whole family for my birthday but they turned our next “hangout” into a birthday celebration for me, with dinner, cake, and presents despite us telling them that we couldn’t stay late due to baby’s bedtime.
I can already feel the tension of Lauren expecting us to go celebrate Mother’s Day with the full to-do instead of doing our own thing (I’m pregnant with a toddler — all I want to do is relax). I’ve already scheduled a flower delivery for her and feel like that plus FaceTime should be enough but I’m sure if I don’t explicitly say something I’ll be ambushed by another full day of social battery-draining or passive-aggressive Father’s Day.
AITJ for wanting to keep some lesser celebrated holidays low-key?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re the mother of your kids, so NTJ. But what does your husband say about all this? Your MIL sounds like she has “main character syndrome” so this is shaping up to be a husband problem if he can’t stand up to her.
And he should be the one planning everything and setting everything up for YOUR Mother’s Day.” G1Gestalt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We used to travel to the MIL for Mother’s Day until I said that this was my day, too, and I wasn’t going anywhere.
When my husband complained, I told him to buy his mom a present and go see her, if he wished. He never did. Enjoy your special day.” OldestCrone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I firmly believe that Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are for those with children they are actually in the process of raising.
I would celebrate Lauren and FIL on Grandparents Day. Are you and DH supposed to wait until your in-laws are dead before these holidays become about the two of you? You are your family unit now and Mother’s Day and Father’s Day should be celebrated within your family unit.
Sure you can send a card or a bouquet to his mom if you so desire. But this is now about the two of you, your in-laws had their day of being celebrated as mother and father.” TeachingClassic5869
18. AITJ For Confronting My Partner About Her Comments On Her Brother's Weight?
“So I (26M) have been with my partner (28F) for 4 years now, I also get on great with her family. We rarely argue or have many conflicts but this just kept rubbing me the wrong way so I spoke up.
For context, my partner is overweight, and borderline obese.
I don’t care, I love her regardless and still find her very attractive. Her brother (19M) used to be slightly overweight when they were younger but has lost a lot of weight since then, the main reason was that he suffered heavily from an ed, and while he’s gotten better he will still sometimes skip meals or not eat for a day.
I and my partner went to see her parents today and her brother was there, he was wearing a hoodie that was way too big on him, it was one that he and my partner got when they saw a band they loved as teenagers, I know this because every time he wears it my partner complains bc she can no longer fit into the shirt she brought when they went.
Anyway, the day kept going and my partner kept making comments about her brother, and how he had gained some weight, which he had, it was noticeable since he didn’t look as unwell as he used to, but she kept framing it as a negative thing, then lunch happened and her brother hardly ate anything, she kept whispering to me about it and how he was just being difficult.
After lunch, her brother went out to see his friends and I told her that she should stop bringing up her brother’s weight as it’s affecting him and it’s just rude. She blew up at me and told me I shouldn’t police what she talked about and that she was just pointing out facts.
Where I feel like I may be the jerk is I told her that no one goes around pointing out how she’s overweight and how would she feel if they did, at this, she started crying and told me to leave.
Her parents came in and asked what was wrong and she told them I was making fun of her and calling her fat, they also asked me to leave before I could explain myself.
I just sat in my car but her mother came out and told me again I had to leave I drove to a nearby parking lot where I’m writing this. I didn’t mean to insult her or make her feel bad I just didn’t like how she was talking about her brother especially since I have a little sister who has also suffered from something like this in the past so it is something I’m passionate about so maybe I overreacted, how do I handle this going forward?”
17. AITJ For Not Sharing My Writing Contest Winnings With My Ex?
“I’m a writer, nothing professional but mostly for fun and because I enjoy reading and have been in love with books since I was very young. I started writing at 15 as a way to get ideas out of my head or write some less cringe versions of things I’ve read a million times.
Anyways onto the story. Last summer I wrote a few short stories and submitted them to some writing contests my ex suggested as a way to help me step my foot out and maybe get something published as it’s my dream. I’ve never had anyone read my work because it’s mostly for fun& enjoyment.
But I decided why not& wrote some really good ones. We joked about what we’d do with the winnings if I won& I told him I’d get us both our dream cars& a nice vacation. He never read anything or gave me any input on WHICH contest I submitted to.
I still find it embarrassing to share my books with ppl I know.
Two days before Christmas we broke up. I was very upset and rightfully distracted for the last few months. I ended up changing my phone number so he couldn’t contact me again& I’d stop hoping he’d call and change his mind.
It’s weird but helps me move on and not check my phone repeatedly. When I applied for the contest I put both our numbers and my email. Recently I found out I won two out of the five by email( all contests were from the same website/company) because my number is no longer active.
Before they emailed they called my ex and also told him I won which I didn’t know until just recently. But he didn’t have my number as well so he also emailed me two days after I won. He asked me to call him and at first I was excited but after I called he barely asked me how I was before straight up asking if I was going to still buy him a car& a vacation.
All the feelings I had left completely dried up at that moment. I said no and hung up. I completely don’t believe I owe him anything especially after I bought him SEVERAL gifts for Christmas he took& never gave me mine. I ended up telling some friends and family and a few of them said I should’ve at least given him a cut since it was a lot of winnings& I was offered more to write a whole book based on one of the stories.
I don’t think he deserves it; he didn’t help me write or pick the contests I did it alone. But I’m starting to feel like I could give him some winnings from it as it won’t affect the whole amount I’m getting by much.
So AITJ if I keep everything myself?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not sharing. You have no reason whatsoever to share this winning with him. He did not do anything to deserve the winnings. The amount you won is irrelevant here. Don’t give him anything.
You worked for it and deserve it, all of it.” Evening_Mulberry_566
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he didn’t write it, conceive of the idea, or help in any way then he didn’t win. As such, he gets $0. Dreaming about what you and a partner will do with winnings while you’re together is just a dream.
It is not a promise a contract or an obligation- just a dream. That dream died with the relationship. The fact that he only called about the winnings is enough to say no. Leave him and the dream in the past. Move forward, congratulations on your win and future book.” LouisV25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sharing your prizes with cars and vacations are perks of being in the relationship. No relationship, no desserts! What if you started seeing someone new? Would he still think you should share with him? That is just ridiculous. Do not share as you would be setting a bad precedent and it will never stop including friends and family.
You are finally cashing in on work you have done your entire life (even labors of love still take work) don’t let anyone take that away from you.” Helpful-Science-3937
16. AITJ For Feeling Embarrassed By My Husband's Inappropriate Jokes Around My Coworkers?
“My (44f) husband (44m) and I went to a party.
On the way there I told him that one of the couples that would be there were coworkers of mine and to keep his conversations PG-13 around them. When everyone was being introduced he immediately said to the couple, “Oh you’re the ones she said I have to behave around” and everyone laughed it off and it was fine.
He made a couple of comments that were toeing the line of inappropriate but he never went overboard and everyone seemed to have a good time.
After the party, we decided to go grab dinner on the way home and after ordering I noticed my coworkers were at the same restaurant and must have come in after us.
My husband wanted to go run over and say hi and join them but I thought we should let them enjoy their meal and then stop by the table on the way out to say hi again. About 10 minutes later the wife came up to us and said that she just spotted us and the small world and all of that and my husband said “Yeah we saw you too but she said I shouldn’t say anything to you!” at which point the coworker was like “Did I get snubbed?!!” she laughed but it felt kinda awkward and she went back to the table.
After she left I calmly told him that it makes me uncomfortable when he tells people things I’ve said about them so he can get a laugh and it feels like a violation of trust he apologized but the apology felt disingenuous like he just wanted the conversation to be over.
I remind him that he’s done similar things before (like I talked negatively about someone to him and then at a party, someone brought up this person and he was like “Isn’t that the person you can’t stand?” in front of everyone)
So then it spirals into a fight about how it makes him feel like a jerk that I’m embarrassed by him “just being himself” and that he hates me telling him what he can and can’t talk about at gatherings with my friends.
We finish our dinner mostly in silence and then he barks at me the entire 10-minute drive home about how he knew I was going to try to start a fight bc I’ve been in a bad mood all week and how I care too much about what other people think and how much he hates me being embarrassed by him.
I feel like this is some basic social norm stuff but maybe AITJ?:
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is a circle of trust expected between two people in a marriage and anything you say between you shouldn’t be just casually tossed around for a laugh.
I do think you both should go to a counseling session and talk about how his behavior embarrasses you and steps you can take to set boundaries.” Early-Influence-2887
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I guarantee he is doing it on purpose to embarrass you. Barring a mental health or developmental issue, he knows what he’s doing when he does it.
He does it to make you uncomfortable and if drama ensues, even better! Like watching a sitcom but in real life. Now he’s “getting angry/hurt” because he knows it shuts down the conversation. What you need to say is “This conversation is not over.
If you ever do that again, I will not be going out with you anymore. If you do it twice, I will be rethinking this relationship. You know very well you are doing it to make me uncomfortable and to cause trouble for me and I will not stand for it going forward.
Either grow up or get out.” ritan7471
15. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Help My Struggling Brother Anymore?
“My partner and I have done well for ourselves – lucrative careers, living very much within our means, very little debt (manageable mortgage, cars paid off, CCs paid off monthly, no student debt, etc). We don’t have “retire now” funds by any means, but we are very secure.
My brother, however, has very little. He’s certainly not without fault for this, but he does also have mental health issues. I could get into more detail here, but the long and short of it is he is consistently paycheck-to-paycheck and relies on the people around him a staggering amount when it comes to funds (IE: He asked a friend of his if he could have some of their airline points).
A few weeks back, maybe a day or two after we had a very good conversation about how he was doing (I was impressed with things he was saying specifically about how he was treating his mental health), he sent me a text saying that he was embarrassed to do this, but that his phone was shut off and he needs about $150 to get it turned back on, that he’d quickly pay me back, etc. I sent him the funds immediately, though I did feel conflicted about doing so.
A few days after that, I’d texted him a funny thing that was sort of an inside joke to the two of us when growing up. I got nothing back. He’s since texted, but no mention of the funds of course. I really and truly do not expect nor need him to pay those funds back, but I can’t lie and say that I’m not bothered by the radio silence on his end.
At the same time, I can understand he might be embarrassed or feel weird because he ‘owes’ me funds.
Anyway, here’s where I feel like the jerk: I feel like I can no longer help him financially at all. I don’t think bailing him out is helping him at all.
I struggle with this decision, but at the same time- I feel like a jerk for having thoughts creep into my head about how truthful he’s being about why he needs the funds, etc. At the same time, it’s $50 bucks here or $150 there – it’s never been a huge ask (over the past 6-8 months, I’ve probably sent him ~$500 total – some of which he did not ask for).
I feel like it’s a bit of a bad situation but my plan as of now for the next time he asks is to ask him what he’s doing with his funds before sending him anything else, and letting him know that whatever he’s asking for, I’d send him some extra and say it’s an all a gift – but that I cannot do so anymore after that.
Unfortunately, this also makes me feel like a bit of a jerk (why do I need to know about his finances?). These amounts are so small and pretty inconsequential to me, but they help him greatly.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- if you continue to give funds you don’t feel like giving it’ll eventually create a resentment that could permanently hurt your relationship.
But I think it’s worth having a candid conversation with him as to why. Treat him like the adult he is.” typeslikeagirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you will be if you send him any more funds before he pays you back **everything** that he owes you.
You cannot keep enabling his poor fund management. The next time he asks just say no, and tell him you are waiting to be repaid first.” No-To-Newspeak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s time for your brother to sink or swim. I bailed my sister out of financial jam after financial jam until it burned through a good chunk of my savings.
I’ve never seen a dime of the funds that she’ll “have by the end of the month”. So when it came time for her family to get evicted because they weren’t paying the mortgage (meaning I’d only paid their mortgage for a couple of months after my dad had paid their mortgage for a couple of months) the only thing to do was to let it happen.
I’m reminded of that scene from Rounders where John Turturro’s character tells Matt Damon’s character that he’ll help him any way he can… except for funds.” bearded_fisch_stix
14. AITJ For Letting Our Son Ride His Bike With A Cast On His Arm?
“I (31 M) and my wife, Dee (29 F) have three kids, Jake (7M), Kyla (5 F), and Tommy (2M). Not too long ago my eldest son fractured his arm and had to have a cast for a couple of weeks, he loved it.
The attention, the gifts, and the food.
Well, he loved it until he didn’t. He’s a very stubborn kid ( I think he got that from me lol) and he didn’t understand when Dee and I would not let him do some of the things he liked to do pre-cast. Stuff like climbing trees, and swinging upside down on the monkey bars we have in our backyard.
Etc;
One safe thing he likes to do is ride his bike. He and his sister would always race each other at the park and he’s been riding ever since he was three, he’s improved exponentially since and rarely falls over now.
Now to the problem.
My wife is of course still worried he could hurt himself and even though I have bought him leg and arm pads ( I don’t think that’s the correct terminology but I can’t remember the words for it)
I insisted to her that I was there and that I would never let our children get hurt on my watch and I gently reminded her that they have been doing this since Kyla was 3 and they haven’t come home with major injuries.
Mainly just scratches, nothing too deep. But she still says that he can’t do any of that because she feels if she’s not there then she doesn’t know if he’s 100% safe.
I was hurt by this comment. Why did she not trust me?
Why could she not feel relief when I said the words “I will protect him” I don’t get it and I kept pressing her for answers on why she didn’t feel as if I was trustworthy enough.
She just responded that it was ‘ mother’s instinct’ and that it had nothing to do with me.
I snapped and I know I shouldn’t have but I called her out on her lack of trust in me, the father of our kids, and called her a worry wart and told her she needs to believe that I can take care of him properly.
She was angry. I know she was because she went silent and just dismissed me and stayed in our room until it was time for bed. Not coming out once even for dinner.
I’m really worried as she’s locked the door to our bedroom and is currently putting our youngest to bed, she refuses to open the door and the kids are already down, I’m currently in the guest bedroom.
AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“Is it safe to go out on a limb here, and assume that your son’s broken arm is the first significant injury/illness that has happened to your children? If that’s the case, this may be less about your wife doubting your abilities as a parent, and much more about her suddenly being faced with the understanding that she isn’t always going to be able to protect them from the dangers of life.
No jerks here.” ClRQ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… One, your doctor will answer the question about whether you should be concerned if you want a professional opinion… Generally, however, you need to let your kids practice navigating their lives with their personality, not yours. He is a strong-willed kid, and I agree with you that he is most likely capable of doing more..
don’t hold them back with your worries…” Commissionedthepoint
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and if his doctor has given him the go-ahead to ride his bike then she should trust that he’s able to ride his bike, whether you are hovering over him or not. When I was a kid people broke their arms and legs all the time, it seemed. Nobody’s life stopped and parents didn’t freak out about everything they did after.
She can’t keep him in a bubble, sorry.” Hot_Box_4574
13. AITJ For Wanting To Protect Our Condo's Grass Lawn From Neighbour's Foot Traffic?
“I live in a new condo building where we have our piece of land for flower gardening and part of that land is covered with grass and decorative bushes.
This little grass part with bushes is situated between our condo building, our parking spaces, and the neighboring condo building with its grassland and parking spaces.
Our condo building HO is paying monthly for grass lawn and flower maintenance.
So the issue is that I noticed that on our part of the land some bushes are now broken and there are a lot of empty spots where the grass is no longer growing because someone was walking from neighbours’ condo building side towards our parking spaces.
Then I noticed that indeed every morning a lot of neighbors from neighbouring buildings one by one would just walk on that grass field when there was a concrete road existing parallel to that grass field.
I wrote a complaint in our social media condo group saying “Hey, we have a problem, every day someone is walking on our grass lawn, we should do something about it”.
I offered to put up some decorative fences maybe 0,5 meters high, and someone else offered to put up some more bushes.
And then, there’s this lady commenting on my post, saying that we should give all the neighbors the opportunity to walk where they wanna walk, because it is much more convenient or shorter walk distance between the main road and the building and that we should put a concrete road on that grass lawn.
I figured that the main people who were walking on that lawn were from neighbours’ condo buildings. I replied to that lady saying “Hey we do not need unnecessary people traffic because we are too close to the main road, this will attract even more people to our parking spaces who are not supposed to walk there or be there.
And there might be situations when people would try to drive through on that concrete road by passing our parking gates and parking without a permit for example.
Then the lady replies that I am a bad neighbor for not letting them walk on that grass.
Also, it turns out that that lady is exactly from that neighboring condo building. I don’t know who gave her access to our group. In the end, I replied to her that our HO meeting would decide what we should do with this problem, but not her, because this is our condo building land and she is not part of our HO condo building.
Now I kinda of feel bad for making that post. And at the same time, I’m thinking why should that concrete road have to be made only because she said so? But luckily we have to vote before we do anything. And this lady keeps commenting on my posts endlessly.
It feels like she wants to be the one who has the last word, putting her in ” the right” position or giving the right answer to our HO condo members.”
Another User Comments:
“If she is damaging your condo building’s property and is from another separately owned building, she is trespassing aka you can even call the police.
May want to inform of that as well.” bill-Schick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to protect your property from casual damage from other people. Does she have a similar property? Would she mind if it was equally damaged? Regardless, unless she owns it her opinion is irrelevant.
Maybe stop responding to her with anything besides “I’m sure that’s nice but your opinion doesn’t change anything.” because it doesn’t matter. ” latent
12. AITJ For Wanting To Rehome Our Dogs That My Family Won't Take Care Of?
“I (32f) live with my husband (32) & our daughter (11). We currently have 4 dogs, a 10m boxer/pit mix, a 4m boxer, a 2f lab/GSP mix, & a 2f Belgian Malinois.
I never wanted more than one dog (our 10m). When we got him, he was over a year old, house-trained & very well-behaved. The 3 we’ve accrued over the past 4 years were my husband’s & my daughter’s doing, despite me telling them no. Ever since the other dogs have been brought in, my house has been destroyed. The 3 are all high energy & get destructive when bored. One has a habit of refusing to use the bathroom when she’s let outside & then pee & poop in the house.
Since he brought the girls home our boys decided to start marking the furniture. So we’ve gone through 4 couches so far because they shredded them & peed on them. We just got a new couch and the boys have already peed on it once & the girls have tried to tear apart the cushions.
Our baseboards, doors & stairs are chewed up & anything that was ever left in their reach has been destroyed.
My husband & daughter don’t clean up after or take care of them. If the dogs poop or puke, I have to clean it. They shed everywhere so I’m constantly having to vacuum & constantly mop from the mud they track in.
Their solution to everything is to crate them when someone is not with them to watch them, but if we did that then they would be out of their crate maybe 1-2 hours a day. That is not a life. I told them if they won’t take care of them rehome them.
They say I always make them get rid of their animals but it’s not true. We had 32 chickens at our old house that we had to rehome when we moved into town because our city doesn’t allow livestock. He brought home 3 cows that needed to be bottle-fed but we work full time so it wasn’t possible.
He brought home 12 freshly hatched turkeys while in our current home. Since the turkeys were so small we kept them in the house & I took care of them for 2 months until they were old enough to live outside on a farm. He bought a skunk on a whim that I also took care of.
We had him for 4 months until he bragged to the wrong person & the game warden was called because it’s illegal to own them where we live.
They refuse to help or train the dogs & I’m sick of constantly having to clean up after these dogs along with all the other housework.
I’m tired of my house and furniture being destroyed. I’m embarrassed to have people over anymore because of how torn up the furniture is & the pee stains on all of it. And before anyone says anything, no I can’t just leave, neither of us can afford to live on our own.
I’ve tried talking to him and he just says I complain too much and he’s not getting rid of his animals (that he rarely interacts with). So AITJ for telling them they need to rehome the dogs?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Neglect is a form of mistreatment.
They refuse to train the dogs, and their solution to everything is to cage them. That is neglect. The dogs deserve owners who can 1. Properly train them 2. Provide them with mental enrichment and stimulus 3. Provide adequate physical enrichment 4. Maintain safe, clean living conditions for everyone in the household Keep in mind that you have the responsibility to your daughter to ensure she is living in a safe home.
A soiled home where you are breathing in dog waste is not safe.” sav575757
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t say this lightly, as I have three dogs, two cats, and a chinchilla (I’ve had dozens of exotics and as many as four dogs at one time)–and I believe that animals are a part of the family.
I would never rehome them. However, if they brought the animals home and then refused to care for them, that would be a major problem. While none of these dogs should be put down (then you would be the jerk), if you can find them homes, that would be acceptable (though rehoming elderly or even middle-aged dogs can be very tricky).
Right now, those dogs are in your care–and you can keep them happy and healthy. You should do that until you can find them a nice place to live. You should be having a very long conversation with your husband because he sounds like an absolute moron, who has no concept of responsibility.” Weird_Ad_198
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- I say this with love as I grew up with all sorts of wild animals in our family. In the end, your daughter 11 is barely old enough to be fully responsible with an animal. and it sucks having to rehome any animal. but the safety and well-being of the dog and the people living at home need to be prioritized. If professional training isn’t an option for all of them to live a healthy lifestyle with you or each other then they should be in homes where they can have their needs met.
Not saying you’re not doing enough, but 4 untrained animals is a lot for anyone let alone someone who doesn’t know how to train. On top of that cows skunk turkeys????? Bless your soul. that must be a loud house. Your husbands the jerk on the other hand.
maybe you need to sit down with him and say basically “If I don’t have help with any animals you bring home including the dogs then I will be rehoming them because I am not trained or capable of running this menagerie and doing other things in my life alone.
” discuss expectations of what you need help with running, playing, walking feeding, getting them trained. etc and how you will split the expectation of it. and if he doesn’t follow through then rehome them. also have a discussion specifically with your child and explain to her and show her how to help set up the expectations and let her know gently ” if these things can’t be done, then they need to find people who can do it, because {dogs names} deserve to have a fulfilled life too.” Maybe start with her feeding all the animals and showing her how to clean up the pee/ puke etc. because let’s be honest theoretically she might know that you “wipe it up and Clorox it” but it never hurts to show her exactly how it’s supposed to be done so she knows exactly how the expectation is set up.
or even show her a video about how the different breeds need stimulation and play and help to be their best so she can fully grasp how your home currently can’t do that. doing these things will help her better understand the responsibilities of pets and animals.
and make it less likely that she would continue her fathers{?} /your husbands habits.” TiredDoggon
11. AITJ For Wanting My Shy Partner To Discuss Living Arrangements With My Intrusive Friend?
“Adam is my friend and Eve is my partner.
Adam tends to do “managerial” talk if that’s a thing, where he asks leading questions and such and tends to act all wise and all-knowing. He makes you feel like you’re wrong and he’s helping you learn something, but all of this in a very obnoxious managerial way he does.
It doesn’t feel like you’re talking to a friend sometimes. From what I’ve observed, he seems to do it for fun, at times. He just likes getting on people’s nerves. I’ve gotten used to this and it honestly doesn’t bother me much. We’re still great friends and I just tend to ignore him when he’s being annoying like that.
Eve is quite shy and anxious around most people. She also despises confrontations because she feels powerless and dumb. She prefers to talk freely only to those very close to her. Eve doesn’t like talking to Adam, because of how he converses. She doesn’t think of him as a bad person.
She just is quite afraid of engaging in conversation with him because she worries he’s going to ask her difficult questions and make her feel stupid. For this reason, as much as possible, she avoids being around him alone.
I live in an apartment with Adam.
We have our rooms. Eve is over quite often and we spend most of our inside my room. Recently, Eve and I talked about her moving in with me. I told her that we could talk to Adam and could figure out how to split the rent and other household expenses.
Eve is against this. She feels like she already has trouble talking about financial matters and would lose it and end up crying if he said something that made her feel terrible. She is also afraid that if we have to negotiate on how we have to share any of the costs of living, she will not be able to say a word.
I acknowledge and understand how she feels about this. However, I also feel like this conversation should involve all of us since we’d be living together. I explained to Eve how I wouldn’t mind having the conversation myself but then every time we’d need to have an input from her, I’d have to go back and forth between her and Adam and this conversation would take much longer than necessary.
I told her that I’d talk to Adam beforehand and let him know that she’s feeling a bit anxious about it and ask him to be nice. Knowing Adam, I know he would understand and oblige. However, she was still uncomfortable and felt I was forcing her into an uncomfortable situation she didn’t want to be in.
She said she no longer wanted to move in. I tried to clarify that I did not intend to force her at all and apologized for having made her feel that way. I told her that I would have the conversation myself with Adam and figure it out and she wouldn’t have to be involved in it at all.
She just shrugged it off because she didn’t feel like talking about this anymore.
I feel like I might’ve been insensitive to my partner’s feelings while trying to be logical about this whole situation. This makes me feel like a jerk. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Even without that last conversation that led Eve to back off moving in, this whole situation was untenable. What was the plan if she did live there? was she going to hole up in your room, and hug the wall, scurrying away if he walked into the kitchen during breakfast?
This was for the best, she’d be a nervous wreck anticipating talking to him, over time it built up in her mind, making her tense and miserable.” Lithogiraffe
Another User Comments:
“I think the way this would usually be done is you would talk to your roommate and find out if it is even something he would entertain.
Get a broad idea of what he would ask for, then talk to your partner, and then the 3 of you sit to finalize. You are right, though, that Eve has to be in a discussion that involves Adam. That is the one thing that roommates have to be able to do – agree.
You’re not a jerk for that. I’m not sure how the idea of Eve moving in came about, but it sounds like a terrible idea. A person should be comfortable in her own home. I think Eve moving in would make all three of you uncomfortable.
Eve is already uncomfortable being in the common areas with Adam. It sounds like Eve would never want Adam to talk to her about anything and that you would have to be the go-between for the two of them.” TheOpinionIShare
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You acknowledge that Adam is being a jerk for his amusement.
He does this for his kicks. You tolerate and ignore it, but your partner is bothered by it. The answer there is to stand up for your partner and tell Adam to knock it off when he’s being rude like that. Your partner is sensitive to exactly this kind of behavior, and wanting her to just ‘put up’ with it isn’t the right approach.
It’s not just about one conversation, but living together and having to be around a guy who does that even in her own home. Yes, it probably wouldn’t work out as a living situation. If she were here I’d be suggesting she not move in.
If you have told him to knock it off and been supportive of her, then maybe jerk is strong. But still, it was a bad idea to push.” User
10. AITJ For Backing Out Of Rooming With A Girl Who Insisted I Pay For Things I Didn't Agree To?
“I (18F) committed to college 2 months ago. It’s my dream school and I’m so happy about it.
A little over a month ago a girl DM’d me after seeing my picture on the decisions page asking to room together.
Our college has a thing where you fill out a bunch of info about yourself and they match you so that was my plan but I was cool with finding someone this way too.
She seemed a little odd just from Instagram but nice when I was texting her so I didn’t think much of it.
She filled out the paperwork saying we were going to room together like 2 weeks ago, I still haven’t done it but we won’t room together if I don’t do it as well.
But we were talking about what we were getting for the room and she asked if I would split the cost of a Keurig.
I just responded I wouldn’t use it because I hate hot coffee so I assumed that pretty clearly meant no. We were also going to split the cost of a fan for the room. I also said that we should wait to buy anything until August but then 2 days ago Venmo requested me for $30 more than half of the fan.
I asked what fan she got that cost that much and she replied “Oh I got the fan and the Kuerig.” I was still trying to be nice and said “I’m not paying for half the Kuerig bc I don’t plan on using it.” And she kept telling me stuff like you never know, you probably will need it for studying and stuff.
I kept trying to just like joke around about it and was like “No I survive on energy drinks I’ll be okay” but she was adamant that I had to split it with her. I said it was a lot of money for something I would never use and she said, “Oh I didn’t buy them yet so I could try to find something cheaper.”
I assumed them was referring to the Kuerig and the fan. She still wouldn’t let up so I ghosted her for a few hours while I was with friends and then texted her later Friday night to say “I don’t think we will work as roommates if we bicker this much about something so small.
I’m still so excited to get to know you when we get there. Have a good one!”
She has been spamming me ever since saying the paperwork is irreversible (which is not true) and that I need to at least pay her half for the fan.
I responded, replying to the message where she said she didn’t buy “them” and she claimed that wasn’t true and that she already bought the fan. I don’t believe her because that doesn’t make much sense.
I’ve been ghosting her and started talking to a different girl who DM’d me from the Instagram post. I feel kinda bad bc she did already fill out the stuff and I am not gonna pay her half of a fan that I won’t use and told her not to buy.
I guess I feel guilty but I keep rationalizing it to myself and everyone in real life keeps telling me I did the right thing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for so many reasons: 1. You didn’t consent to the purchases. 2. You weren’t even roomies yet, so you didn’t have equal opportunity to use the items. 3.
You can’t split a fan or coffee machine in half at the end of the school year. Those items can only go with ONE person. 4. The coffee machine is 100% for her personal use. You saw a user, and you protected yourself from them. You did good.” sav575757
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the right thing. You sound like maybe you’re too prone to going along with people and you have trouble saying no, so that’s something you may want to work on. Otherwise, people will take advantage of you. You did well here though, so maybe you’re already improving on actions and just need to work on not doubting yourself after the fact.” NapalmAxolotl
Another User Comments:
“Don’t feel bad. She’s buying things(or not, since her story keeps changing) and trying to get you to pay for them. She’s just trying to get funds. She doesn’t get to choose for you. Tell her no, you’re not rooming with her because she is so pushy and trying to get funds from you before you even meet.
Block her. Fill out your paperwork and find a new roommate by letting the school match you. Oh, and let the school know what is going on and that you DO NOT WANT HER as a roommate under any circumstances.” Fearless_Ad1685
9. AITJ For Refusing To Live With My Husband's Parents After They Kicked Me Out?
“I will try to keep this as short as possible. My husband and I have been married for almost a year and in a relationship for two. We had lots of fights during our relationship and marriage. When I got pregnant, he suggested that we live with his parents in his hometown, which is about a seven-hour drive from my hometown.
I kind of had a bad feeling about it, but agreed eventually. His reasons were to save funds and I could have someone to help me once the baby was born. He got a new job in his hometown, so he was away for most of the day.
My MIL would use that time to badmouth his ex-partners and her son for some reason. Every time I asked her if she needed my help around the house, she would brush me off telling me I was pregnant and should rest. Then when my husband got home from work she would tell him that I was lazy and not doing anything but sit in my room and walk around.
We had a huge fight over it, and she even went as far as to insult my family which she never met. She also said she didn’t want me in her house anymore and that she was not my maid. My husband and I found an apartment and moved in, we had our baby and everything was fine for a few months.
My MIL never contacted me, my husband even said she felt bad and wanted to see her grandkid, and I let my husband take our baby to his parents’ place for a few hours. About a month ago, we were kicked out of our apartment because my husband was behind on rent and bills, which I paid half of, other months I even paid everything myself, but I guess my husband lied to me about paying.
My husband tried talking me into going back to his parent’s place, which I refused for obvious reasons, but my husband didn’t understand. Instead, I went to my hometown with my baby, I of course told him and he was okay with that.
Now he wants to work abroad and he’s demanding that I come back to his parent’s place until he leaves, which I again refused, telling him I don’t feel comfortable staying there after everything happened. My husband is now calling me a bad wife and a lot of other names because I’m depriving him of his kid, and his parents of their grandkid.
He can come to see the kid in my hometown before going to work abroad, but he keeps saying that he’s too busy preparing. Now I’m the jerk for not wanting to spend time with him and his mother who threw me out of her house.
So am I a jerk?’
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Bad wife, he says? Really? He lied about paying rent and got you and your child evicted. Unforgivable in my book. He is an irresponsible lout, and I doubt you have the time and energy to raise a grown man along with your baby.” LeamhAish
8. AITJ For Sneaking Avocado Into My Husband's Smoothie?
“I (32 female) and my husband (33 male) have been talking about making healthier habits with our routines, sleep, diets, etc. I love cooking and giving my family nutritious food that they also enjoy.
Lately, I have been experimenting with new recipes and found a smoothie recipe that included avocado as an ingredient.
My husband doesn’t like avocado, but I decided to give this recipe a try since all the comments in the recipe said that it did not have a strong avocado taste.
Our son (4) loves helping in the kitchen and was excited to try our new smoothie.
I tried the smoothie and thought it was quite good and did not taste like avocado. I told my son to take a little of the smoothie for my husband to try and I playfully told him not to tell him that it had avocado until after he tried it, as I thought he might not even give it a chance if he knew.
A short moment later my husband called my name from upstairs and asked if there was avocado in the smoothie, as our son told him, and I confirmed. He then came running down the stairs yelling angrily at me saying that I had disrespected him by giving him avocado knowing he didn’t like it, that I was trying to change his way of eating and forcing him to eat something he didn’t like.
I didn’t intend for him to force drink it if he didn’t like it, I was ok with making him something different and just wanted him to try it. In the past, he’s been open to trying things he doesn’t normally eat and sometimes he has liked it and we have incorporated it into our regular meals, so I thought this could be one of those.
I genuinely thought that I had found something good for him and that he could like it as it didn’t have the taste of avocado, but boy was I wrong! I don’t know if he didn’t like the taste or if it was just the fact that there was avocado in it, but I cannot wrap my mind around so much anger coming from him and the feeling of being disrespected to the point of yelling at me that way.
I honestly had nothing but good intentions, so I was hurt by his reaction to what I intended as a loving act, I then called him ungrateful, but he became even more offended by the obvious look of hurt on my face. I then felt angry at the fact that he was claiming disrespect while being super disrespectful to me and things just escalated from there, but I guess that’s another story.
I am fully aware that some of the reactions I had afterward and things that I said were wrong, but was I a jerk for having him try the smoothie?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here I believe it’s reasonable to try things you dislike if they are made in different ways.
Avocado on toast is disgusting for me, but I like it in salads. It’s just different. Still, maybe you shouldn’t act like he is a child and you can sneak food in for him to try and have a GATCHA moment. Come on, does it matter if he dislikes the thought of avocado or the actual taste?
Just let him be. Your Husband on the other hand reacted with so much anger it would scare me. he got very emotional with your child around. This is not what a child should witness.” GemueseBeerchen
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here Your husband needs to grow up.
Avocado is an ingredient that takes on flavors and textures of other ingredients. I’ve made an avocado pie that tastes nothing like avocado – it tastes like lime cheesecake! Avocado smoothies with fruit salad just taste like fruit. Flying off the handle about something like that is not rational and what you did wasn’t worthy of that reaction.
Sure, he could have been annoyed but his anger was uncalled for.” Armadillocat42
Another User Comments:
“Your husband is an adult. You are so busy excusing/explaining/justifying yourself that you don’t realize you treated him like a child. He doesn’t like avocado…respect that.
You ‘genuinely thought’ you had hidden the taste and he wouldn’t know the difference – and you made your 4-year-old a party to it. The only ‘disrespect’ is what you did.” omeomi24
7. AITJ For Refusing To Carry My Sister's Items During My US Road Trip?
“My sister (41, F) moved from Singapore to Seattle about 1.5 years ago with her husband and son.
In that time, my retired parents (68, F and 73, M) have visited her once in Seattle and she’s come back to Singapore twice.
She has always been good at getting her way, and she’s gotten multiple friends traveling to and from the US to ferry things back and forth for her.
She’s also involved my elderly parents in this, making them travel for these exchanges – which I am very unhappy about because she assumes they have nothing better to do than to run errands for her since they’re retired.
I’ll (37, F) be going to visit her in May – June 2024 with my husband.
We’re not willing to fly 16 hours each way to spend a month in just Seattle/nearby, so we’ll be landing in San Francisco and driving up the coast over 3 weeks, ending with about 9 days in Seattle.
For context: The country of Singapore is a 49 x 28 km (30 x 17 mi) island.
Driving 2800 km is making me quite nervous in itself, even before accounting for the opposite hand drive and different driving rules. We’re going to be changing accommodation every 2 or so days, sometimes daily.
My sister asked me to carry some books and supplements in my luggage to pass to her and I said no because I didn’t want to have one more thing to worry about during the trip.
A couple of days later, her friend texted me wanting to pass some food to my sister on her behalf – meaning that my sister had gone ahead and arranged for me to carry stuff for her even though I’d already said no.
I asked her about it and she got really angry, saying I could just leave her stuff in the car and forget about it, and how many luggage-loads of things people would bring for their families.
I pointed out that this was because the families were meeting them directly, not at the end of a 3-week road trip.
I could indeed leave it in the boot… But I guess now I’m just more annoyed at how she once again assumed that I’d eventually be OK to run her errands.
She’s also complained that I haven’t carved out enough time for her during my trip, and it seems like more of a holiday for me than going to see her. I’ve already adjusted the itinerary to allocate 2 more days in Seattle (9 instead of 7), and now we’ll be meeting for 3 days in San Fran as well.
(Apparently, I can’t pass her stuff in SF because she didn’t buy luggage space).
She keeps saying I see my husband every day, I don’t need to spend any more time with him. But to me, living with someone day to day is completely different than traveling and having new experiences with them.
AITJ? I really cannot tell…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If they can’t take no for an answer, they aren’t *asking* you, they’re demanding it of you. You can take any trip you want to take and choose not to see her at all. You are in control of your own life and you make your own decisions.
She has no right to *demand* anything of you at all. That she’s doing so anyway makes her the jerk.” Thortok2000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to carry the stuff. This isn’t emergency medication or paperwork. You don’t want to, so fine. Your attitude toward this is weird though.
It is extremely common for immigrants to have friends or family carry some small things from their home country. Yes, there are shipping options but it is fairly common to add on a small package if someone is already traveling. I’ve been in the US for 2 decades almost. Even now when I travel to India, neighbors will pass on a small package to deliver to their kids who live in the same state.
I’ll drop it off when I am driving in that direction or they’ll come pick it up. >She’s also involved my elderly parents in this, making them travel for these exchanges – which I am very unhappy about because she assumes they have nothing better to do than to run errands for her since they’re retired. What do your parents feel about this?
If they enjoy traveling and seeing their daughter (and taking things for her), why are you so offended on their behalf? Again, you are absolutely within your rights to say no. Your sister has to accept the no and she is the jerk for being pushy.
But just saying you are acting like everyone is making this huge sacrifice when it is such a common immigrant practice.” poochonmom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because No is a full sentence and your sister is acting entitled and demanding and traveling with your spouse is different and you deserve a vacation. And as a road-tripping American, it is also hard to wrap my mind around 1600 miles over 3 weeks feeling stressful, since 500+ miles in a day is pretty standard.
Though I get it – just drives home how different life experiences can be. ” Jaded-Chip343
6. AITJ For Expecting An Apology From My Partner After He Ruined My Concert Experience?
“I (40M) just turned 40 a few weeks ago and my sister gave me two tickets for a concert as a present. This concert was for a male solo singer-songwriter I really like (liked) as an artist and also find attractive.
My partner (32M) doesn’t like this singer and is always making negative comments about his songs and looks like “he looks like (something nasty), I don’t know what you see in him”.
A little backstory, we’ve been to several concerts for this singer before. He kinda likes a few songs and knows the lyrics, but he’s not excited to go or sing along, he just sits there and waits for it all to be over.
So I stopped going to concerts for this singer, one because funds is tight and two because I don’t have a good time either if he’s just there not enjoying the moment with me.
When my sister gave me the tickets, this time I tried to invite her or my mom or my cousin but neither couldn’t/wanted to go, and I didn’t know any other person who liked this singer, so I asked my partner if he could go with me.
The day of the concert we got there on time and we were waiting for it to start, so he took his cellphone and started playing a game we liked. When the show started I was so excited but I noticed he was still playing the game.
So I made a hand gesture asking him to stop playing and watch the show. A few seconds I ask him again. A few seconds later I said, “Hey, stop playing, I’ve told you 3 times already”. Immediately he turns to me and shouts: “Shut up”.
After that, he just sat with his arms crossed. I was so uncomfortable and hurt by his actions that about 5 songs into the concert I stood up and said let’s go, we’re going home. He asked why and I said I wasn’t comfortable. He didn’t say anything, just followed me to the car, and never tried to stop me.
For some reason, he was mad too.
I was so fed up with his demeanor that I deleted every song from my playlists, and threw away t-shirts, mugs, and CDs from this singer. He ruined this for me.
We haven’t spoken ever since. It’s been 3 days.
Today he asked me: “are you gonna talk to me again ” and I responded with “Do you have something to say?”
I expect him to approach me and apologize for what happened. But for some reason if I get mad at something he gets mad too.
He’s too proud to even recognize what he did wrong. AITJ for wanting an apology?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here and I had to triple-check the ages. This reads like a teenage lovers tiff, not what I’d expect from someone in their 40s.
For starters, you invite someone you already know isn’t going to enjoy it. While he’s doing his thing you start berating him about not enjoying something you already know he doesn’t enjoy. It’s okay to enjoy it on your own. He may have been lowering the mood but you murdered what was left of it.
Then you go home and throw everything to do with it out in some weird teen tantrum that you need to see someone about, that’s not normal. Now you’re both iffy at each other while you wait for an apology when you both need to talk.
Your communication sucks and you sound like hard work to put up with.” GiantPixi
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You know he does not like this singer. You asked him to go to the concert with you anyway. He should have said no. While it’s rather rude of him to be playing on the phone during a concert, you had the option of ignoring him instead of barking at him like a parent to a misbehaving child.
What a ridiculously theatrical and immature overreaction. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. You sound exhausting to be around.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your partner behaved like a big baby at the concert. Now you aren’t even talking to him and don’t have any plans to until he apologizes.
This isn’t healthy communication. I’d advise telling him how you feel to start because your relationship isn’t heading in a good direction.” Reasonable_Bit_5230
5. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Help Pay For New Tires On Her Car That I'm Using?
“Wondering if I am out of line here and ironically enough, my sister tells me over text verbatim, “Ask any unbiased person the question and see what their response would be.”
The relevant info:
My sister lives in New York. Last year she visited on kind of a whim and drove here (to where I live in eastern Ohio) to visit and see me and my son. She stays for 3 days or so before she leaves, so proposes the idea of leaving her vehicle here at my house so that I can use it in the interim while she’s in New York.
She cites that having her vehicle in New York can be bothersome, which I took at face value for seeing that it has that windshield paint/numerals on the top right corner of it on cars you see get impounded. Also, the back driver-side bumper/panel is side-swiped, which she says was a snow plow.
Now, she says she’ll come get the car whenever she needs it but she hasn’t in the entirety of my having it (8 months), nor has she communicated that she even plans on coming to get it/use it anytime soon.
I see this as a win/win because my car was an old 2000 model.
It was old, rusting, and only a 2 door that I had to squeeze into to get my son into the backseat car seat. I felt infinitely more at ease/safer with him in a 2014 sedan.
I came to find out that car insurance wasn’t being paid approximately 3 months ago and forwarded that info to a mutual family member because they offered to help, which ultimately ended up fizzling out, so I need to investigate that again.
She can be difficult to talk to because she only talks when she wants to.
I take the car in to get an oil change and find out the tread is non-existent on both front wheels. I declined to have them replaced that day so I could ask her to help with it.
It’s under $1000, but it’s a lot to fix. I go home and the tire wall blows out within the hour (this coincidence has me SO suspicious of the Firestone that I took the car to, btw). I take the car back and get the tire replaced because I have to.
I asked her for help via phone call(she answered) and text to help pay for HALF because it doesn’t take 8 months to wear down the tires to nothing, but she takes 19 days to respond, to which she ultimately tells me “You are driving a FREE vehicle, ask any unbiased person the question and see what their response would be.
Completely free? No lease? No insurance payment? Didn’t pay to register it in Ohio? Wow what a deal, I think oil changes and 400 dollars once is a pretty sweet deal. I’m working and going into DND mode.” I paid for the oil change, as I should and don’t think she should.
I replaced the tires and I asked her to help pay for half of the cost of the tires, – Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you can’t afford the maintenance on the car you are driving, stop driving. Be a responsible adult.
It’s dangerously stupid to not know that when tires go bald, it’s time to get new tires. I mean there are things you MUST do with EVERY car, including checking water in the radiator, changing oil regularly, checking tires for wear and having them rotated and replaced, and of course, carrying insurance.
What happens if you crash her car? Are you in a position to repay her? Yeah, YTJ. And a bad sister.” LompocianLady
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If it’s such a huge issue stop driving the free car that you point out is better and more reliable than your car and problem solved. Your sister is right, any unbiased person would likely agree that paying for the cost of tires and oil changes is dramatically less than it would’ve cost you to buy your own 2014 sedan.
You’re looking a “gift car” in the mouth or I guess in this case grill.” Signal_Permit_8940
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She’s right, you are fully using that vehicle as your own at zero cost. She gave you a free car and you are driving it as your new daily driver from what you said. If I were in your shoes I would have taken over the insurance payments by now.
You are using it like it’s your main vehicle and expect to get maintenance 50% off? Think of it this way, in 8 months she hasn’t touched it. With how little she used it, those tires may have lasted another couple of years. With how little she will likely use it for the next 8 months, getting those tires replaced, even while being blown out, is probably a zero priority.
Would you rather have $400 in your bank account or new tires on a car that you never drive and likely won’t drive for some time? She had zero incentive for replacing those tires. You get to drive on new tires. Who should be paying?” Calm_Psychology5879
4. AITJ For Not Learning To Drive After Moving To The Suburbs?
“My husband (42m) and I (39f) grew up in adjacent suburbs of one of the largest cities in our country, but when we met we were both living in apartments in the city center.
When we got married, six years ago, we had a pretty big discussion over where we would live. I was happy to stay in the city, even if we had kids, but my husband said that if we decided to start a family he would want us to move out to the suburbs.
I conceded that a bigger living space and easy access to grandparents for childcare would probably outweigh my desire to live in the city center, but I was concerned that transport links would be poor. He asked if I would be willing to learn to drive.
When I turned driving age as a teenager, I had been super excited to get my license, but cars and I simply didn’t gel. I had poor spatial awareness, I panicked under pressure, and I was petrified of other cars. Even so, I agreed to try again.
I took lessons, but then fell pregnant, and then started learning again but fell pregnant for the second time. So all in all, I’ve been learning for six years and still don’t feel ready to take my test.
Over the years, my husband has been bringing up driving with more and more frequency.
Whenever I ask him to do more around the house, he brings up the fact that he does 100% of the driving (and therefore 100% of the things that need a car, such as grocery shopping, school drop-off and pick-up, driving to and from family trips/visits).
I have no frame of reference, but I suspect that he overstates the difficulty of driving – I don’t think it’s as hard as doing the kids’ laundry or cleaning the house (two of the chores I do most of the time). I also think that the two regular things he does the majority of – cooking and driving – are things that he enjoys doing, whereas nobody likes vacuuming or laundry.
He says that the fact that I can’t drive is placing an unfair burden on him and the kids. He brings up the fact that we had to cancel our son’s after-school tennis lessons when he was asked to go into the office one extra day a week because the tennis club was virtually isolated from public transport (the nearest bus stop is a 30-minute walk away, but it’s just a 5-minute drive).
He says that I am relying on the fact that he and my mom & dad are usually around to give us lifts when we need them and that he is worried about what we’ll do if he becomes incapacitated in some way.
AITJ for not having learned to drive yet?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Driving is annoying and takes a lot of time, especially when you have to sit through events that you would never attend just because driving back home and then picking people to bring back home is even worse. I hated that when my wife made me her dedicated driver and in the end, I just sold my car, but we have good public transportation here so your case is even worse.
Your chores are not easier or harder, just different so to judge it you need to get your license and drive everyone around to see how much “fun” it is.” forgeries
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You agreed to move to the suburbs and learn to drive, and then you didn’t do it.
Most teenagers learn to drive in a couple of months, and you haven’t given us a good reason why you haven’t learned in 6 years. If you have an actual issue with your vision or brain, you need to get that diagnosed by a doctor. You know people don’t just trip and “fall pregnant”, right?
And pregnant women can learn to drive. Mothers can learn to drive while a parent or someone else watches the children.” NapalmAxolotl
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Driving can be a huge burden and causes just as much anxiety for people who drive every day. Rush hours such as school drop-offs, the drive into work, the drive after work for a stop to the grocery store, and then finally the commute home can be terrible, and not just because it takes more time, but when it’s busy it’s a bigger mental task, too.
Since he does all transportation, that means even your needs outside the house have to be facilitated by him, elsewhere. For most people, driving a car will be the most dangerous thing they ever do in their life, and repeatedly. You’re operating a piece of machinery that requires a government-issued license to use on roads.
They’re heavy, they’re fast, and because you’ve never experienced the daily tasks of doing it, you cannot speak on its workload or effort. I’m assuming there have been arguments already where he’s had to do his daily driving, finally gets home, and you have a destination or appointment, you had to go to, and if he doesn’t facilitate that ride (especially if you can’t find an alternative), he’s catches flak from you.
As someone who also had to help make their spouse comfortable with driving, and getting their license, you don’t realize how entitled you come across if these arguments are occurring until you start driving, and look back.” _strangway
3. AITJ For Choosing Not To Go Home To See My Goddaughter?
“I (20f) live with my grandparents (70) and my uncle (50). I live with them because it’s closer to my workplace than my mom’s, which is in another city, although it’s not that far (around 20 kilometers).
I am very close to my grandparents since they raised me because my parents had me very young, but my grandmother is very “old school”, and I’ve had a few mental health issues because of her way of raising me.
My uncle (whom I have a difficult relationship with for a few reasons) is living with us because he divorced his second wife, and has taken my room, which made me sleep with my grandparents since there are only 2 bedrooms in our house.
My mom’s house is my safe place. I come here every weekend to see her and escape my family for a few days.
Yesterday I learned that my goddaughter,(7, let’s call her Laura) was coming to town.
She lives with her mom/my uncle’s second wife, in a different town.
After their divorce, we spent 3 years not being able to see her, and recently her mom started bringing her around more. My grandma is very adamant about me being close to her, because of how great my godmother is to me, and I should follow her example, which I 100% agree.
The problem is, I was already at my mom’s house when I learned that she was coming, and everyone knew I wouldn’t be able to see her this weekend because even though it’s not that far, I depend on my mom to take me there, and I can’t afford to be spending much on uber (I’m a teacher, so I don’t earn that much).
My grandma called me today to ask me to go home because Laura couldn’t sleep last night and started crying asking for her mother, who was at her house. When she called I was having lunch with my friend, so I told her I would see what I could do and would call later.
I kept thinking of solutions, but I didn’t want to go, because this was the only time I had to be alone and have some silence. I work 7 hours every day, do an intensive Teacher Training course 2 times a week, and am also at university.
I called my grandma saying that I wanted to stay here for today, and would try to go home tomorrow morning to catch her before she left, and she said it was okay, and that I shouldn’t bother coming early tomorrow. She tried to sound nonchalant, but I knew she didn’t like it.
Now I can’t help but feel like I’m a jerk for not making an effort to see my goddaughter, and I know my grandma will eventually throw this in my face. I don’t know what to do. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Video call the kid and tell her you’re sorry you missed her, and that you wish you had known she was coming to visit. You need to figure out a plan to not live with your grandparents anymore. You’re uncomfortable in the house, you don’t have a bedroom and it’s bad for your mental health.
Your uncle isn’t going to leave (he has no incentive. Own bedroom, I’m assuming his meals are cooked and laundry done) so you have to. Options include learning to drive so you can commute to work from your mom’s, living in dorms at your university, finding a roommate situation, and being a lodger.
Try asking people you know (work, university, etc) that you are looking for a new living situation, could they let you know if they see or hear anything that would be suitable (a general location, cost, etc)? People are generally willing to help if they can.” AdGroundbreaking4397
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it was that important to your grandparents that you see your godchild, why didn’t they offer to give you a lift? I also suspect there is more going on here than you have told us — although that information is not relevant to determining who is the jerk.” FunnyAnchor123
2. AITJ For Choosing To Meet Friends Over Attending A Family Dinner For My Wife's Late Grandmother?
“My wife’s grandmother passed away in 2021. Every year since then, the week of her birthday, my wife, her mother, and aunt go out to dinner together to celebrate her life.
In the 10+ years of our relationship, I can count on two hands the number of my interactions with her grandmother. We had a language barrier, and her grandmother was in severe cognitive and physical decline throughout. I have good relations with my wife’s whole family but never had any type of relationship with her grandmother.
A few days ago, my wife asked if it would be ok if she cooked dinner at our house instead of going out to a restaurant. I said ok. Fast forward to today: I decided while they were having dinner, it would be a good opportunity for me to go out and connect with my close friends on my own.
I have admittedly struggled to initiate contact with many of them and have not been proactive in maintaining relationships. My therapist has previously advised me of the importance of this given my history of mental health issues and my isolation habits. My wife (also a therapist) has also called me out on this many times before and encouraged me to be more proactive.
I mentioned my intentions about this to my wife today. It turns out that we had a miscommunication. She intended to have the entire family, including her father and her aunt’s husband, all come over for this dinner. This was never clearly communicated to me, nor was the expectation that I would be there as well (she did acknowledge that).
I told her I still intended to go out. This turned into a big fight. My wife has never been expected by me or any member of my family to be involved in any of the funerals, celebrations of life, or any other family matters of this nature on my side.
When I went to see my grandmother for the last time before she passed away (without my wife attending or being expected to attend), my wife refused to even pick me up from the airport. She claimed to be “too tired” from attending a bachelorette party that weekend.
I pointed out what I perceived to be the hypocrisy of the situation. I am being expected to live up to an expectation that was never communicated to me, an expectation that has never been asked of her, and the fact that my desire to make good on a change that my wife herself encouraged me to make suddenly so problematic because of these expectations that were never communicated. My wife described my thought process and actions in this situation as “callous.” So now asking the room: AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell her: Sorry for the misunderstanding, she should have mentioned that you already have other plans, But if she moves the dinner to another day, you will find a date that works for you, too. “I told her I still intended to go out.
” .. GOOD: She can host her family without you. Especially with HER history of ignoring your family, you are fine.” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are doing something that your therapist and also your wife, a therapist, suggested you do, and now she thinks you’re being “callous.” You mentioned you have issues with being isolative and am guessing you may have trouble following through with social plans, so I’m confused as to why your wife is so mad at what was truly a miscommunication on both ends.
I would ask her why she is encouraging you to do something, and then take that encouragement back when it interferes with her plans. Also, and this is just the pettiness in me, would ask her, “Do therapists generally give their clients advice that they don’t take?
How can you be effective at your job if you don’t practice what you preach?” She was too tired to pick you up from the airport? Give me a break. Marriage is about give and take, and as a therapist, she should know that.” Icy_Cardiologist8444
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – you may not have had a relationship with her grandmother but you being there at the dinner isn’t about that, it’s about supporting your wife. Making plans without discussing them (the day of doesn’t count) isn’t great communication.
I think her asking you if she could cook the dinner at your house and you answering yes implied that you would be there, as it’s your home and you didn’t indicate in advance other plans. Your wife not supporting you during your grandmother’s passing wasn’t fair to you, she should have picked you up at the airport with open arms. All around, this can easily be solved with communication – early and often.
Make your” Miserable_Cow403
1. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend's Poor Grades After She Dismissed My Achievement?
“My best friend who I’ll call Z, Z (F15), and me (F15), both are in high school and both equally struggle in school.
I am pretty good in school, I have good grades while the other hand Z doesn’t.
Z always calls kids who have good grades ‘real-life nerds’ and ‘try hards’. I usually don’t care about her comments because I know she’s just projecting; usually will just laugh it off with her and move on from the subject. She says that I’m different but I know deep down if I hadn’t been her close friend she would’ve also disliked me.
Furthermore, Z never studies. She always makes excuses and says ‘Oh, they expect us to know this stuff when they haven’t even taught us that!’ When in fact, we have but she just doesn’t listen/care. Plus, the only time she has ever gotten a good grade in math, was from ME because I forced her to study.
Truly, I don’t care about Z’s studies and it’s honestly none of my business how she deals with school. Any of my opinions I keep to myself. Recently though, I had always struggled with chemistry and have never been able to get passed a C in that class.
In a recent report card, I ended up getting an A in chemistry. I was so happy. I had been seriously struggling with chemistry and all that crying and hours of studying all paid off at the end. I went and told everyone, who all were super happy and proud of me.
I went and told Z and I could instantly see a change in her eyes when I said that. Like a jealous envious type of eyes. We have this thing when I get a good grade that she will repeatedly say ‘Shut up, shut up’ while laughing as a joke and I always take it light-hearted. But this time she just started saying like ‘Yeah okay probably is a lie’ and ‘No way you could get that type of grade, you always struggle in chemistry’
I was so hurt and upset by what she was saying, and the more she talked the more my restraint had gone away. I blurted out in front of everyone in our friend group “At least I had a C in chemistry, unlike someone who has a G-” I instantly regretted saying that.
Everyone else was laughing but Z. She went quiet and later messaged me saying how hurt she felt. I was upset at her message and told her that ‘no you can control it, you just don’t care’ and to ‘stop coming at me just because you’re failing your classes’
She hasn’t messaged me since and we have first period on Monday together. I realize that I shouldn’t have retaliated back and should’ve taken the high road but I also feel as if I shouldn’t deserve this kind of treatment if it’s bothering me.
I just need a different perspective.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH – you should be able to celebrate your wins with your friends, especially after a struggle. The fact that you can’t mention grades around her shows she’s truly struggling and is not all right or apathetic about it.
It’s a sore point for her and pointing out her struggle in front of other people, even when defending yourself to her jealous comments, isn’t what a good friend does.” SunshineShoulders87
Another User Comments:
“ESH. No one likes bragging, you can be proud of yourself and tell parents or close friends who don’t mind sharing grades, but it is clear that this friend struggles in school.
You approached her with unwanted information that made her feel bad about herself, she reacted poorly, and you reacted by humiliating her. You guys need to learn to communicate your boundaries when it comes to discussing grades or just don’t discuss them.” WonderfulNarwhal2032
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Ahh, to be young and in school. This is where you learn good communication. You both were unnecessarily rude to each other, and both got your feelings hurt. If it were me, I’d offer an apology and an explanation. “I’m sorry I said this, it just hurt my feelings that you said that and I reacted out of anger instead of rationality.” Not worth losing a friendship over, if she is otherwise a decent friend.
I’m sure she feels the same.” S***TattooAndSad
