People Cry About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
27. AITJ For Defending My Autistic Partner's Food Aversions At A Dinner Party?
“I know my partner Mike can be a lot. He has some hangups about food because he is autistic. One is he won’t eat previously hot food if it goes cold.
He has been like that and it’s harmless.
We went to a friend’s house for dinner and she cooked us all tacos with homemade salsas I told her I could never get my salsa right and she told me the tomatoes and things in salsa are traditionally roasted or boiled first. She is of Mexican descent but grew up here.
Mike started to tell her it wasn’t right and salsa is made fresh in Mexico. She explained pico de gallo is fresh and salsa is roasted and Mike argued until it was shown to him on Google, TikTok, and YouTube on how to prepare.
I know Mike can be stubborn and I never argue with him when he’s in a mood and said it was stupid to heat salsa and serve it cold. I don’t know what triggered it but Mike was asked to leave after that comment and it became a whole screaming match at him and everyone yelled at him.
I felt bad and tried to defend him. But we had to leave. I was told as long as I’m seeing Mike I can’t hang out with my friends anymore because they call him r acr ist.
He’s not. I tried explaining he’s autistic and has food aversions and it just probably bothered him that a hot dish was served cold.
I was told that it doesn’t matter that he shouldn’t argue with how a cultural dish is prepared especially when it is prepared by someone of that culture and to call the cooking method stupid. My friends told me to do better and not see someone like Mike.
No one will discuss it with me and Mike called them all bully jerks. I tried explaining to him why it might be considered ace but he told me to shut it and has been distant to me saying I put him in that position.
I see both sides of the issue and I hate that everyone is mad at me?”
Another User Comments:
“Autism isn’t a get-out-of-being-a-jerk card. People with autism process the universe differently than neurotypical folks (to varying degrees), but they can be funny, nice, mean, indifferent, interesting, boring and they can be jerks.
Mike, whatever his various qualities are, he sounds like a jerk, that is for sure I don’t quite get how, in your narrative, Mike is necessarily a racist, which means either your friend is throwing that word around pretty easily, or you are leaving some stuff out of your story.
Given how much of an apologist for Mike you are… kinda of leaning on the idea that you cleaned up this story. Feels like you’re going to be apologizing for Mike a lot, and that you apologize for Mike a lot. At what point in all this apologizing do you get that Mike is, simply, the one at fault?
The universe is not going to reshape itself to fit him any more than it reshapes itself to fit anyone. At what point do you understand that sometimes… there aren’t 2 sides? Or perhaps better stated, at one point does one understand that when there are 2 sides, one of those sides can be wrong?
If I hold a rock and say “This is very hard”, and Mike says “No it’s not, it’s very soft”. While technically, I suppose there are 2 “sides” to that argument, one of those sides is wrong. Your whining (and that is what you are doing here) about “seeing both sides” are you trying to blind yourself to the fact that one of the sides is just straight-up wrong?
Mike is a jerk. And in this situation, yeah so are you. Grow a spine, stand up to Mike, or get used to being his walking, talking apology machine. YTJ” SoImaRedditUserNow
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Mike is telling a person of Mexican descent that she doesn’t know how to prepare food from her own culture.
(Great combo of mansplaining with a soupçon of racism.) A nice dinner gathering had to be put on hold so he could watch videos that proved the woman who prepared his dinner prepared it correctly. Mike was wrong and you were wrong to defend his behavior.
And there’s a big difference between hot food going cold, and food that is heated or cooked to be served cold on purpose, like salsa, potato salad, pasta salad, etc.” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“You defended someone who was telling a friend of yours that she was making a dish that is intrinsically part of her culture wrong because he’s seen someone do it differently on TikTok?
Yeah, big YTJ. And if you don’t see how you were racist by defending him, you should do some introspection before all your friends cut you off.” curiouslycaty
26. AITJ For Eating A Mysterious Delivery That Wasn't Ours?
“Settling a debate between me and my housemates. My (21F) housemate (21F) hears a knock on the door. She goes down to investigate, and it is a delivery man holding an order. We didn’t order this. The delivery driver says our address, hands it to us, and walks away.
There is no ticket or name attached to the order, which is a white plastic bag. There are ~eight of us in the house at any time and one housemate (21M) has his parents visiting so she assumes someone must have ordered it. She brings it upstairs to the kitchen.
No one claims it.
We know that it can’t belong to our other housemates (a couple, 21F and 23M) because they ordered food earlier in the day and already ate it in their room. We debate the morality of opening it. We go down and knock on the neighbor’s door (they are 3B and we are 3A).
They didn’t order it either. Morality seems to be in our favor. We holler upstairs to the couple that magical food has materialised and we will feast like kings. We dig into delicious shawarma. The couple comes downstairs, sees us eating the food, and asks what happened. We explain the situation happily and tell them to grab some.
They look at it and then angrily announce that it is the same as the food that they ordered earlier, and they can’t believe that we are eating it. We are shocked. One-half of the couple storms over and begins snatching up the food and packing it away.
This is all happening in front of the visiting parents. We are in shock. She says she would’ve given us some if we had just asked. We replied that we didn’t know that it was theirs, and had assumed it wouldn’t be as they had already ordered and eaten up in her room.
She argues that it could’ve been their lunch the following day. Tensions are high. Both parties are failing to see the other point of view. The group chat is in shambles.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You assumed that it wasn’t your housemate’s because they already ate but the address clearly said their address.
You absolutely should have asked EVERYONE who lives at that address” CptKUSSCryAllTheTime
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you didn’t ask everyone in the house. It doesn’t matter that this couple had ordered food earlier. You should have asked them anyway. It was a simple, common-sense thing to do.
It’s crazy to me that you asked neighbors, but couldn’t be bothered to ask people who live in your same house about something that was delivered to their address.” NYDancer4444
25. AITJ For Reporting A Colleague Who Keeps Giving Me His Work?
“Mark and I work in the same department but have different roles, so we’re never working together directly.
Last week, I was in a four-hour training session, and Mark messaged another colleague, Mike, who was with me in the training. Mark told Mike to tell me to come to him. Luckily, we had a 15-minute break at the time, so I made my way from the training room to find out what Mark needed.
When I got to Mark, he handed me the paperwork and asked if I could fill in the results and cancel missing entries. I was confused but shrugged it off, thinking maybe he was busy. I told him I was in training and wouldn’t be finished for another two hours.
He said it was fine and that he would sort it out. As I walked back, I couldn’t wrap my mind around why he needed me to do his work, but I let it go.
Yesterday, I was discussing work with four colleagues when Mark came in and handed me a stack of paperwork that needed to be entered into an Excel sheet.
This is usually something I do, so I took it, but I wondered why he didn’t do it himself or ask any of the other four colleagues in the room.
Today, half an hour before leaving, I was helping a colleague when Mark came to me, handed me paperwork, and told me to complete his missing entries and cancel any empty spaces, the same as the first time he was looking for me.
Before I could say anything, he left. I looked at my colleague and asked if I was overreacting. This is the third time Mark has asked me to do his work, and it feels like he’s treating me as his assistant.
I’m considering bringing this to my supervisor’s attention.
Note that my supervisor doesn’t supervise him; we have different supervisors due to our department’s size and differing roles. Would I be wrong for reporting him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ too much ambiguity here, if he’s not your boss then he shouldn’t just be foisting his work onto you.
Have your boss step in and clear things up. Maybe you’re supposed to be doing this, maybe not, best to nip it in the bud if he’s just using you to do his work.” JasonBond0006
Another User Comments:
“You can handle this one of four ways, but first look at your job description.
1. Go to your boss to ask for clarification of your responsibilities because your plate is full and Mark is asking you to fill out forms for him and you are curious if you are also reporting to Mark. 2. Let Mark know that your plate is full and you don’t have the bandwidth to help him.
3. Ask Mark why he’s bringing you this work because this isn’t part of your job description and you will need to clear it with your supervisor first. 4. Let Mark know that he needs to clear it with your supervisor before you take on additional work because you currently don’t have time with all of your other responsibilities.” LowBalance4404
Another User Comments:
“The first mistake was doing it for him in the first place, especially since you’re under different supervisors. I’d let your supervisor know, and I’d stop responding to him, stop taking the things he hands you. His work is not your work.
NTJ” Miserable_Dentist_70
24. AITJ For Feeling Hurt After My Friend Criticized My Generous Gift?
“I’m currently studying for the bar exam and have been, admittedly, a bad friend to some of the important people in my life. I’ve been so overwhelmed with my stress and work that I haven’t had a moment to breathe, let alone have a moment for other people.
My best friend mentioned how he and other friends sometimes send each other little care packages of snacks and treats as a reminder to say they’re thinking of them.
I currently have no income and I am strapped for cash because of my bar study expenses and just not having a job right now.
My friend knows my economic situation. My friend had a really hard week so I wanted to do something nice for him I went on Uber Eats and I ordered $100 worth of snack groceries. I ordered his favorite candies, a big assortment of chips, ice cream, candies, his favorite fruit, etc. I ordered a lot of little snacks because I thought it might make him happy and that way he could have some fun things to eat throughout the week and remember me by.
I called him to ask if he received a gift, and he said he did and thanked me, but he didn’t like the chips I got. I was taken aback: I was raised to be grateful for anything you receive. I told him, “Gee, I was hoping you’d be a little happier,” and he said, “Well, do you want me to lie?
I like practical and functional gifts. Your gifts felt hollow.” I wanted to cry. That was $100 I could have used on my groceries. He then proceeded to say he “doesn’t like big gifts like that,” and that he would have preferred a “nice drink” or “a dinner order from his favorite restaurant.”
I’m just so stunned and hurt by his callousness. I feel like this is an impasse for our friendship. I don’t know if I can be friends with someone so thankless and callous. AITJ for doing too much and not getting precisely what he wanted?
AITJ for being so hurt?”
Another User Comments:
“Holy NTJ Your friend isn’t the jerk for not liking the gift. People are allowed to not like stuff. However, instead of just saying thank you and accepting the gift and throwing it away later, your friend went out of his way to say that something you spent your money on for him felt hollow and he would’ve preferred something else.
That is the definition of ungrateful. He doesn’t have to like the chips, he just has to have decent manners. NTJ” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is extremely ungrateful and extremely rude. I can understand why you’re not sure if you want to be friends anymore.
Does he like practical gifts? What’s more practical than food? ffs?! And he’s told you that he exchanges treats like this with other friends all the time, but yours was too big and felt “hollow”. Wow, what a jerk. He’s going out of his way to be hurtful.
You’re def not a jerk for doing “too much”, but it’s a lesson in not caring for others at your own expense. Did you spend so much because you felt guilty for being a “bad” friend? Which you’re not, btw: you have a very legitimate reason for not being available and any real friend would understand that.
Find some better friends, and don’t beat yourself up for being generous.” starkcattiness4433
23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Split The Cost Of A Late Checkout Penalty With My Friends?
“So myself and a few pals booked a long weekend away. Our flights home were at midnight so I booked my hotel for 5 nights so I would have use of the room on the day, store luggage, nap, charge electronics, shower, etc.
I made all of the other travelers aware of my plan and even told them to move their belongings to my room if they didn’t want to pay for the extra night (I didn’t ask to split the cost as this was my choice).
I had checked with the hotel and they were fine as long as noise was kept to a minimum.
For context, it’s a beach holiday so the plan would have been to spend by majority of the day on the beach before leaving at 9.30 pm to head to the airport.
On the final day, two of the group (not super close friends of mine but had been made aware that the offer of the use of the room was open to them by a message in the group and one to both individually also) just decided to not check out.
They left all of their belongings in the room including expensive electronics and jewelry.
Naturally, the hotel management was annoyed and charged them the night stay and a penalty.
The group acted like this cost would just be split between the 6 of us (my closest pal was on my side and was an absolute no to this idea).
The two who caused the issue said I “never questioned where their stuff was so they thought my offer wasn’t genuine”.
I gave them all a room key per group on the last day and told them to sort themselves out.
The other logic is I earn considerably more than the other (also work longer hours but never seem to be considered) so it’s no great loss to me.
Mine is just why? Why did they not just use the offer extended?”
Another User Comments:
“You are not responsible for them ignoring the check-out time if anything, you bent over backward to give them an alternative, which they ignored. And no, it doesn’t matter if you earn more than they do – you are not responsible for the costs they incurred themselves.
You wouldn’t even be responsible if you hadn’t warned them about the check-out time and offered an alternative, which you did. Who on earth stays in a hotel without checking the check-out time and making sure that they are out before it? NTJ” SavingsRhubarb8746
Another User Comments:
“Even if they didn’t think your offer was genuine for some reason, it still doesn’t make sense. Most hotels in my experience will store luggage for people. They could’ve packed up and stored the bags for the day, picking them up that evening. Not checking out was a dumb choice on their part- why should the group be paying for their stupidity?
NTJ” Kelshandra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fees were caused by the negligence of just two of the group, any fees should be solely their responsibility since nobody else in the group, yourself included, had anything to do with why they got charged. You made an offer to use your room for temporary storage for that final day, they had an out to avoid any fees, and hotel reservations are made with the assumption that they should have time to clean and reset rooms for the NEXT guest that made a reservation.
Your not-so-close-friends are jerks to not only you and your entire group, but to the hotel staff and whoever may have had a reservation that now gets shafted because they couldn’t just move their bags.” neoprene
22. AITJ For Considering Not Attending A Relative's Funeral After Being Excluded From The Will?
“Recently a family member passed away suddenly and unexpectedly, leaving our family in shock. Fortunately, he had also updated his will, covering his wishes for a fairly sizable estate.
He had no children, and his wife had passed away, leaving his four siblings, including my parent, to split equally the majority of the estate. A smaller portion was put aside to be split equally amongst my generation. This smaller group includes me, my two small children, my two siblings, and two cousins.
After the estate was finalized, the executor of his will took me aside separately and told me that according to his instructions, I was personally not to be left with anything, but my two small kids would both be given an equal share of what this smaller group would inherit.
This amount would be placed in an account controlled by the executor until my kids reach 18 and go to college, or the executor passes on. I was told this was a fairly common practice amongst families and that I should be grateful my kids were included. Emotionally, it’s hard to not feel put out.
While this family member and I were not exactly very close- we lived in different states, etc, our family as a whole has always been close and there have never been any scandals or drama among us. Also, the others in this group had much the same relationship with him.
WIBTJ for not attending his funeral with the rest of the family? It cost almost three thousand dollars for our plane tickets. I just feel like not only was I specifically left out of the inheritance, but I was not even trusted to handle money set up for my kids.
Why? I’ve never asked for money or any type of help from my family, I’ve had a very normal and boring life. Is this a normal practice? Or am I crazy?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, the way it’s set up, you could be grateful they aren’t getting it right away.
This way at least it’s more likely that they will use it on something “useful”, like school, or a down payment on a car or a house. You won’t have to worry about your kids not having those things, you just have to worry about raising them to handle money well.
That’s a big oof though. If you want, I would just say the expense is too much to travel. I mean 3k is a ton. I don’t think I have an answer on whether I’d spend that much on flights for a funeral.” ninjastarkid
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not for failing to attend the funeral, but because there is something left out of your narrative. Your children are not a part of “your generation”. They are the next generation, so if they were left each with 1/6, they are better off than any others of their generation, since there were only 5 people at your level.
They effectively have 1/3 of the gift between them, whereas the others have 1/6 rather than 1/5. Regardless of this, it is telling that you were bypassed for some reason. It’s telling that you aren’t trusted to care for your children’s money for them. This would say to me that you either make unwise decisions (money, domestic partners, or possibly substance or gambling issues) and your family member wanted to make certain that the money wasn’t wasted away, but was used for the benefit of the kids.
The likelihood of this is further supported since none of the others at your level had the restriction of a Trustee either for them or their children. So, you are NTJ for declining to attend the funeral. There are lots of reasons not to go, cost is a significant one.
Trying to hedge your story by leaving out significant facts, though, makes you a jerk.” Tarik861
21. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My New Friend About My Best Friend's Overcharging Rent Scheme?
“I met a new friend a few months ago and have been seeing her weekly since, she’s lovely, kind, generous, and funny. She does like to get on the drink almost every day however which I understand can be problematic, but she never gets out of hand or rude.
If she has too much to drink she will just go quiet and go home.
She was looking for a new place to rent due to her old housemates being weird & making her uncomfortable to the point where she felt like she had to stay in her room.
She found a place on social media which so happened to be my best friend’s house who I’ve known for 12 years.
My best friend asked if I knew her and if she’d make a good housemate – I was honest and said I had only known her for a few months and couldn’t say as I don’t know what it’s like to live with her.
A new friend asked me if living there would be safe etc, I said it should be fine and she’s pretty chill.
However, the day before my new friend moved in, her old housemates had all abruptly left that weekend told me how disrespectful, delusional, rude, and greedy my best friend was & how they found out how much the house was to rent vs how much she was charging.
All her housemates were overcharged so my best friend and her bf rent was covered by them whilst also making a profit.
I feel guilty for my new friend for saying it would be fine but I didn’t know what my best friend had been doing previously.
I feel disgusted with my best friend & her bf for using people during a rental crisis & acting like they’re always broke & getting me to shout their drinks/food mean while she isn’t paying any rent, or making a profit. All these years she has been lying to me.
I asked a new friend last night how much she was paying rent and I was shocked. She’s put the rent up even more.
Would I be the jerk if I were to tell a new friend how much the house costs in total so she can see she and the other 2 housemates are covering rent for the couple plus earning more than them?”
Another User Comments:
“This is more details matter to make a judgment… there’s so much nuance to renting and such. And the market does matter and if they own and are renting out… kinda the point is to make a profit. Who is responsible for the property and its costs?
This matters. ” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“This is a tricky situation. As far as I know, it’s not illegal to charge roommates more than wh not have agreed to it. If you’re bothered by your best friend’s behavior, talk to HER about it.
It’s not your place to tell your new friend what is going on.” Specific_Anxiety_343
Another User Comments:
“Maybe this is location specific but I (US Northeast) have never heard of a tenant being able to legally sub-lease rooms at will for whatever rate they want.
Usually, all tenants need an agreement directly with the landlord, who sets the rates. It sounds like a major liability to the landlord/owner to have a bunch of unknown people living on their property, and also puts liability on the official lease-holder, since if there’s damage or something I assume they’re on the hook for it.
Even if it’s all legal OP is NTJ for giving the new friend a heads up that it’s not a good deal (though presumably they are aware of the going rate and chose to rent the room anyway)” SongIcy4058
20. AITJ For Refusing To Reimburse My Roommate's Ex For The Dog He Abandoned?
“So, I (20F), live with my roommate (19F). A few months back, she started seeing this guy who was in a frat. He decided to get a puppy which my roommate had made very clear she didn’t want any involvement in because it was such a big decision.
Especially since he wanted to buy the dog intending for it to be a “frat dog” that would live at the frat house. It was clear from the beginning that he had no idea what he was getting into.
After 2 days, the not even a month-old puppy was too big of a responsibility for him (waking up every hour crying and wanting to use the bathroom).
So, instead of finding a proper solution, the guy had my roommate bring the puppy back to our apartment. She didn’t want to take care of it or want the responsibility, and it became my responsibility to feed, take outside, and watch the puppy.
Eventually, she broke up with her guy and helped with the dog and expenses with me.
But I have taken most responsibility for the dog. I didn’t mind too much because I had grown attached to it and didn’t want it to suffer being taken back to the breeder (the guy had threatened to do so even though he wouldn’t get cash back).
I ended up keeping the dog and have been taking good care of it since then.
Fast forward to now, my roommate’s ex-guy contacts me out of the blue, asking for cash to cover “his share” of the dog’s expenses during the time he had it.
He claims he spent a lot on food, vet bills, and other supplies, and he wants me to reimburse him. I was stunned. He abandoned the dog, and I ended up taking full responsibility for it, including all the expenses since he left.
I told him that I wasn’t going to give him any cash because he abandoned the dog and left me to deal with everything.
Now he’s calling me selfish and saying that I owe him for the time he did take care of the dog.
AITJ for refusing to give him any cash?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sounds like he is short on summer fun cash and thought you might be an easy source of cash.
Not your problem. He doesn’t even deserve a response at this point. You’ve already given him an answer. Make sure you have proof of ownership. Is the dog registered in your name? ” HowlPen
Another User Comments:
“He’s delusional….still….it’s best to just block him and ignore him but if he persists in contacting you through others just tell him to sue you for it because it wasn’t your dog when he paid for anything, and now it’s either your dog or his dog.
If he serves you papers you will insist the judge makes him take the dog back and pay you for your expenses and boarding and tell him you have ALL the receipts and statements and will prepare him a bill for boarding. Then say “I’m blocking you now because we can’t speak again until we are in court”.
You won’t hear from him again.” User
19. AITJ For Letting My Friend Propose At My Graduation Party?
“I (18F) just recently graduated high school in May. The summer has been so busy so I haven’t been able to have a graduation party until last weekend. My mom (45F) and her friend pulled out all the stops: taco bar, cute decorations, and games as well as putting together an Amazon registry for my dorm room!
It was truly amazing, except for one minor hiccup.
A few days before the party, I got a text from a super close family friend, Max (21M) asking if he could propose to his partner (who also happens to be my cousin) Bri (22F) at the party.
I ADORE them as a couple and I have always seen Max and Bri as the older siblings I never had, so of course I was overjoyed at the impending engagement and the fact that Max wanted to incorporate my event into a small aspect of their story.
So of course, I gave him the go-ahead!
Cut to last Saturday, after we went outside of the venue for pictures, Max took a knee and popped the question. She said yes, and because we were already outside for pictures, we got some gorgeous shots of the proposal.
Everyone was overjoyed, except my mother and her friend (the one who helped her plan the party) who pulled me and Max aside, infuriated, and said that the party was supposed to be about me entering into a new stage in my life, and they didn’t plan the party for Max and Bri, and they were stealing my thunder, and that this was on par with proposing at a wedding, and that this was just plain tacky.
Max apologized, but I said that I permitted him and that yes, this is my party so I want to celebrate with my family and friends who are also about to enter into a new chapter of life! However, my mom said I didn’t plan the party so it’s not technically mine so Max should have asked them instead of me.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your mom was the hostess, not you. She shelled out the money for the venue, the food, decorations, etc to celebrate you, not Matt and Bri. I know you’re flattered and think “Matt wanted to incorporate your event into his story” but what he wanted was for his engagement to be subsidized by your mother.
What was the rush? They are 21 and 22? Why didn’t Matt save up another year to throw his event to propose at?” BaconEggAndCheeseSPK
Another User Comments:
“It is always in poor taste to use someone’s party to do such things. It was unfair of Max to ask you to allow it.
I understand why your mother is upset, she paid for the party and it became all about Max and Bri. You should have told the person paying for the party and asked them. So while the party was FOR you it wasn’t your party, it was your mother’s.
Max 100% should have asked permission from your mother, not you. YTJ” SusanfromMA
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s generally tacky to hijack a party. But you weren’t throwing this party; your mother threw the party. Max should have cleared this with your mother, who wanted to throw a party just for you.
Your mom threw a party that was about Max’s announcement, which means Max and you are the tacky ones here. Was Max too cheap/broke to throw his party, that he had to jump in on something your mom and her friend planned for you?
You’re young, so maybe you don’t understand how hurtful this was to your mom and her friend. Please apologize to both of them.” TemptingPenguin369
18. AITJ For Accepting A New Job And Putting My Mental Health First, Despite My Mom's Disapproval?
“I(35/f) have been wanting to get a new job for a while now. But I‘ve never looked because I know my mom needs me to pick up my baby brother from school and watch him till she and my stepdad get home (they get off work at the same time).
Well, I finally decided that I was no longer going to work in a place that is not good for me mentally & I’m going to start putting my mental health first. I received a job offer today & you would think that my mom would be happy for me (or something like that).
But the first thing she said was “Well, I hope they don’t fire you after 6 months for no reason”……what the actual heck? Then she started saying that I should stay with my current job because I’ve been there for so long (9 years).
I told her that it’s wearing me down mentally & like always she still wants me to stay there.
But the thing is, she quit her last job before starting the one she has now due to it not being good for her mental health.
If she can do that…..why can’t I?? If she can find a job that makes her happy……why can’t I??? This may be just me, but I think that she didn’t want me to accept the offer because that means that she now has to find someone else to pick up/watch my brother till she gets home.
I’ve always considered her work schedule before I did anything. I always considered when my brother would need me before I did anything. I always put myself last. But the moment I put myself first…..she suddenly has a problem. I’ve sent her a text about when I start & that I can watch my brother till then, but she hasn’t responded. I sent the text over 2 hours ago….so I’m not sure if she ignoring me or what.
So……AITJ for accepting the job??? Also, AITJ for putting myself first??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re 35! You need to live your life for you. Put yourself first! I’m sorry but if you’re 35, and your brother is still so young that he needs a babysitter, your mom had him a little late in life.
She already raised you, she was old enough to understand how childcare works. You need to build a life for yourself, not give up everything to accommodate your mother who is living her life the way she wants to. Where will that leave you in the end?” SweetestBtchx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your baby brother is not *your* baby, and not your responsibility. You are a 35-year-old woman and you can do what you want with your life. Your mom is just butthurt that you won’t be able to leap in and take care of her young child, but really, that’s not *your* problem.
You should not even consider making your life, dreams, or goals smaller just to suit her babysitting needs.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If a friend told you this story, your response would likely be “Your mother is selfish. She is prioritizing her convenience over your happiness.
You’re 35 years old. Unless the baby brother is under 12, he can take care of himself. If he can’t, then that is your mother’s problem. Nothing will change here unless you make a change and stick to it. Remember that those in the wrong will always whinge about how unfairly they are treated, and it always means the same thing: If everyone around them doesn’t do exactly what they say when they say it, then the complainer is the victim and everyone else is the villain.
Their only type of communication is telling everyone how they have been disappointed. You’re too old to be expected to put your life on hold. Once you refuse and do your own thing, they will figure it out.” CandylandCanada
17. AITJ For Confronting My CEO Brother About His Financial Relations With A Shareholder?
“My brother is the CEO of a company he started, I also work for the company and sit on the board and am COO.
We recently took on a new investor who also has taken on a new role at the company at the same time.
My brother the CEO took a 10k personal loan from the same shareholder without any disclosure. The loan is interest-free. When I found out I confronted my brother and found out it was an interest-free loan which amounts to a gift.
The same shareholder got a little tipsy at a party where our CFO was also in attendance and told the CFO he lent the money to control our CEO.
We as a company talked about this and said we should keep the investor at arms reach until we could check him out.
What he said at the party was weird but people are not themselves when they drink too much but what was said was alarming.
2 weeks later the CEO asked the board if it was a conflict if he took an offer of a family holiday accommodation in a foreign country as a gift from the same shareholder.
We all said not a good idea.
This agitated the CEO to start saying we were “ganging up on him” and that the offer was made to him and his wife weeks ago (just before or after the incident where the investor claimed the loan was to control the CEO).
The fact that the offer was made then and only came to light now seems crazy.
Now the SIL is also joining in and saying that I’m misguided that it’s none of my business and that I have ulterior motives and a penance for drama.
We are a startup with a dozen shareholders and valued at 5+ million.
AITJ for saying this is not good behavior? And that it could be seen as a conflict of interest by other shareholders. I’m starting to think I might be being a bad brother and feel terrible that my brother thinks I’m bullying him”
Another User Comments:
“It’s a conflict of interest. You need to include policies, such as restrictions on gifts to a dinner at an event, and gifts up to $50 twice a year. Not just for your brother but for all employees. I would honestly advocate getting this investor out since his objective is to control the CEO.
You’re lucky he was stupid enough to get tipsy and share that. It’s either that or get a CEO who takes business seriously.” Clean_Factor9673
Another User Comments:
“Your brother is being unethical, and he knows it, hence the accusations of “ganging up”. Mate, when everyone is telling you you’re wrong, that probably means you’re wrong!!
And the investor was just telling the truth about controlling your brother through gifts. Tipsiness lowers inhibitions. It doesn’t create new feelings, motivations, or facts, just exposes them. NTJ, and stick to your guns for the sake of your business. And get this all written as official policy, if not already done!
Sloppy for a business not to have this.” starkcattiness4433
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It could be seen as a conflict of interest because it is a conflict of interest. Your brother refused to disclose his interest-free loan, and you found out. Then, once the subject of conflict is raised, he asks about the lavish trip, while knowing that the board had agreed to keep the shareholder at arm’s length and were keeping an eye on him.
He still had a crack. It’s not a stretch to start wondering how expensive your brother’s relationship with this shareholder is, what else your brother isn’t telling you, and how expensive this relationship is going to be in the end. SIL is also a jerk for chiming in and trying to emotionally manipulate you into second-guessing your business decisions. Sorry, but your brother is a jerk who’s been bought by another jerk.” Some_kunst
16. AITJ For Choosing A Planned Trip Over My Partner's Niece's Birthday Party?
“Me (F24) and my partner (M28) have been together for almost 7 years now. This is his best friend, who’s like a brother to him, a kid. I don’t feel 100% comfortable when I’m around his friend.
They don’t go out of their way to talk to me when I’m around them. And I don’t necessarily think he’s the greatest friend to my partner either. I know that I’m going to be left alone for most of the party too because my partner always leaves me when I’m around them.
It’s like I don’t exist when I’m there.
Me and my friends planned a weekend trip to go to Six Flags New Jersey. I spaced out that it was the same weekend as my partner’s niece’s first birthday party. When I realized this, I offered to cancel my plans but he told me that he wouldn’t be upset if I went to New Jersey.
So, I continued with the plans. A week before I was supposed to go, I reminded him that I wasn’t going to be there that weekend because I was going away. He proceeded to get upset and asked me not to go. When I reminded him that he told me I could go, he told me that he was just testing me to see what I would do.
He said, “I thought you would change your mind after I told you that. This trip is more important to you than my niece’s birthday.” So I offered to cancel my plans again because I felt guilty. But he snapped and told me to not even go to the party.
Now I don’t know what to do. Either way in this situation, I’m going to end up not enjoying myself 100%. I don’t get why he’s so upset. It’s not like she’s going to remember her first birthday. And he constantly skips out on my family events all the time.
I’m kind of tired of always accommodating to him and him not doing the same.”
Another User Comments:
“Nope, this is toxic. He did not properly communicate with you and expected you to read his mind. You offered to go to the party TWICE because you are a decent person and are aware that this is important to him and regardless of your discomfort, he would want you there.
However, he rejected your offer to cancel your pre-existing plans meaning that whatever emotions he is feeling are completely on him. Talk to him about it, if he is still upset or denies it or makes an excuse or whatever, I am going to tell you right now OP this is not behavior that is going to change.
If this is the first time this has happened, fine excuse it and work through it. But, I doubt it is and I doubt it will be.” urabananaaa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One, it’s okay to miss a birthday party for someone as distant as your partner’s friend’s daughter.
Two, it’s okay to avoid socializing with people who ignore you. And three, he said it was fine. “Testing” you (which I don’t think he was doing, I think he changed his mind or his friend changed it for him) is a huge jerk move.
So there’s no reason you should feel bad about skipping this party. Or dumping this guy.” OkeyDokey654
15. AITJ For Expecting My Adult Children To Babysit On Our Family Vacation?
“Next month, my family and I are going on a 10-night vacation to the Caribbean.
There are 10 of us altogether. Myself, my eldest son (25) and his partner, my eldest daughter (21) and her partner, my three youngest kids (14M, 13F, 10M), my partner and her daughter (5).
I’m paying for all the main expenses of the trip (minus the flights for my son, his partner, and my daughter’s partner).
Recently, we were discussing the itinerary of the vacation. I’ve told the kids that half the nights would be family nights, but two nights of the vacation my adult kids and their partners can go and do their own thing.
I also told them that they would be babysitting two of the nights as well, so my partner and I could spend some time together away from the kids.
There is specifically a day of the vacation I plan for the older kids to watch their siblings all day/night because I have plans for me and my partner.
My daughter wasn’t very happy when I mentioned this. She accused me of being manipulative because I didn’t mention the babysitting request until now. I didn’t think to mention it sooner because I didn’t think it would be an issue and thought it would probably be expected.
My daughter says she doesn’t mind babysitting but doesn’t like feeling like she’s been forced into it because I paid for her vacation.
She also brought up our last family vacation out of the country back in 2019 (it was just me and the five kids) and claims she spent most of the vacation looking after her little siblings, and is just worried the same thing will happen again.
I won’t lie, she was very helpful during that last vacation as I was a single parent with 3 little kids.
I told her things are different now, so it won’t be like that last vacation.
Am I being a jerk? To me, it seems fair that the older kids get some time to spend away with their partners and we get the same.
Especially as I am bankrolling their vacation.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Okay hear me out, while it’s reasonable for them to babysit for a little bit… you didn’t communicate this expectation before booking the trip and you went ahead and planned your night out without officially securing childcare.
I say this also assuming your kids may have been inclined to give you time to yourself.. but they’re adults and deserve the respect of discussing before they decide to attend this trip.” Remarkable_Tomato529
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and a sneaky, disingenuous one at that.
News flash: nobody wants to be forced to look after your and your partner’s kids on their vacation. Even you are trying to get out of doing it, and you’re the one responsible for creating all these offspring.” John_Wilson_did_it
14. AITJ For Publicly Calling Out My Lazy Nephew-In-Law At Family Gatherings?
“We go for a two-week family gathering with my wife’s family every summer.
There are 13 of us – we will have maybe two shared meals a day, so maybe 25 meals over the two weeks. These meals for 13 take a good deal of work to prepare and clean up afterward. Everybody chips in except her brother’s eldest son, who is 14, and just rather lazy.
Never lifts a finger to help. Nice enough guy, just a bit spoiled and indulged by his parents.
So on meals where I do the principal cleanup, I’ve started asking him if he would like to help me do the dishes – at first, he would politely decline – almost shocked that anybody would ask him to do anything.
But now he gets rather annoyed by my asking him and it’s become kind of like a joke between us. I don’t even say anything, I just ask “Is this the night?” The rest of the family says nothing – they laugh a bit.
Like it’s the unspoken thing nobody mentions. It is now to the point where I’m asking him if is it okay with him that nobody expects him to lift a finger. Like does he have a special pass here – is he some sort of Royalty, what?
So my wife is scolding me that I’m being rude here. I feel after 20 years – I’m now part of the family – and as such I’m calling out what occurs to me as really weird – should it bother him to have his laziness pointed out, he always has the option of pitching in.
His father always chuckles when I tease his son about his unwillingness to pitch in and help the group.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone Sucks Here. Your 14-year-old nephew is lazy but he’s not your child to parent. If you have a problem with him address it with his parents.
No one is taking anything you say seriously so whatever you’re trying to achieve isn’t working. If all else fails stop cleaning up and take a page out of your nephew’s book. If someone complains tell them when little Jimmy helps, you’ll help but until then, “you’re not feeling it”.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. I too cannot stand it when someone is consistently not doing their fair share in a group situation. When my wonderful ten-year-old nephew is at my house, he is expected to help out and if he doesn’t, he hears about it.
I see it as part of my role as his aunt to help him understand what will be expected of him in the larger world, so the rules are made very clear to everyone ahead of time. Also, at his house, his mom does way more than her fair share of the cooking and cleanup than his dad, and I will *not* have that nonsense replicated under my roof.
(And of course, he is not expected to do an adult-level quantity of work. Just to show a good faith effort to help out. He’s embraced his role as plate-clearer, for instance.) So, I do think that teasing your nephew and prompting him to help is entirely warranted, but your status as in-law does complicate the situation.
Particularly given that your wife is annoyed with you, it’s probably time to back off. You’ve made your position known and the ball is in his court now. It’s frustrating that this kid’s parents aren’t correcting his bad manners, but ultimately there isn’t a lot you can do about that without turning family gatherings unpleasant.
I also think your wife should be having a private conversation about this with her sibling. Fourteen is plenty old enough to help and they’re not doing this kid any favors by letting him think otherwise.” ghostofcosette
Another User Comments:
“You’re The Jerk. You’re not wrong in wanting him to help out.
Everyone should contribute their fair share. You started nicely by giving him opportunities to contribute without putting pressure on him. However, the insistence you have at bringing it up is where you end up being the jerk. Jokes are funny when everyone is laughing, and it seems like your nephew isn’t laughing.
You’re not asking for help at this point, you’re bothering him and making it publicly known that you don’t like the fact he’s not helping. He will start to resent you for it because he’s a teenager and it will bother him while he’s developing ways to handle them and he may not do it properly.
If you have an issue with your nephew’s laziness you can either talk with his parents about it, (it seems they are the cause of this) or have a talk with him yourself – **but leave it at that**. He’s a teen, he’ll push against you if he feels he has no agency.” ducksmcquackers
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's Husband At My Wedding?
“To give a little bit of back story my parents got divorced almost 17 years ago. Their divorce was anything but amicable. To understand why you must first understand that my mom decided she was going to start a new relationship right after her divorce with her new man who we will call “Greg”.
Well, Greg happens to be my dad’s best friend and current brother-in-law, otherwise known as my uncle. He was married to my dad’s sister, my aunt for well over 20 odd years… So my uncle and mom are now in a relationship and my family is in shambles and divided in such an uncomfortable way.
My dad not only lost his wife but he lost his best friend, and now his sister is dealing with the demise of her marriage as well.
I’ve never been comfortable with their relationship considering I grew up with Greg as my uncle, and he has not shifted to the role of “step-dad” to which this is something I could never call him.
I’ve never after all these years been okay with what he and my mom did to our family. Fast forward to a couple of years back my mom and Greg decided to get married. This made me sick because now my cousins would become my brothers/sisters through this marriage.
This was a large pill for me and my siblings to swallow. But we did it for our mother.
Now, I am here planning my wedding, and the only thing I can think is how do I tell my mom I don’t want the man who my Mom is married to that I don’t want him to be there on MY Special day.
I want my real Dad and mom there without the man who helped ruin a family. So I don’t know if anyone has any advice on how to approach this scenario, but I’m open to suggestions. I can’t ask my family because they say I should be over it already, So I’m turning to the amazing people on the internet!
Also, for those wondering my mom and dad get along fine, but my dad is not okay with Greg on any level.”
Another User Comments:
“I have the unique perspective of having an aunt as my stepmother, and even worse she was my mom’s sister.
I understand the family dynamics better than most. While they had divorced and my dad was on marriage 3, I didn’t want him involved in my wedding. Didn’t want my mom’s husband there either. So my dad didn’t come and didn’t tell me until 2 hours before game time.
My mom was there, my aunt was not. So, you don’t have to have anyone there you don’t want, but the ones you want may not show up as well. Honestly, I was okay with it. You’ll need to figure out if you will be okay with how your big day goes.
NTJ. Hope your day goes well and congratulations!” WhatanAsh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand how you feel, but this all happened a long time ago and not inviting Gregg might result in your mother also not attending the wedding. So you will have to decide if you are ok with that.
I understand wanting your mom and dad there, but they are not together and you are trying to recreate something that is simply not reality. It seems like the whole mess with the divorce was very traumatic, and maybe it would help to talk to a professional so you can let go of some of that trauma.” Slayerofdrums
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – kudos to you for respecting your father and by extension, your aunt. That’s the right thing to do. It’s your wedding and you do whatever you need to for it to be something to remember (in a good way). If your mother doesn’t accept that, it’s probably a good idea to not have her come either.
Unfortunate, but it’s her choice just as much as it is yours.” Legal-Lingonberry577
12. AITJ For Introducing My Sibling/Cousin As Just A Cousin At Work?
“So me and a relative have started to work together at my job cause I recommended her and she needed a job.
Our family tree is a little weird because her mom and my mom are sisters, but we have the same dad. It was always confusing growing up because we didn’t know if it was easier to say, cousin or sibling. So our father always told us we were siblings no matter what, but my aunt was so anti-social. We have mostly drifted apart cause our father remarried and my mom also remarried eventually.
Neither of us grew up or got raised by our father we stuck with our moms, but we always kinda considered ourselves brother/sister.
Anyway, I’ve been introducing her as my cousin at my job because it’s the easiest way to avoid the confusing stuff.
Saying that we’re siblings would always bring up more questions. Honestly, I hate talking about it because it’s kinda embarrassing. But I’ve noticed when I introduced her as my cousin to my coworkers they kinda seemed offended or something and I feel like I hurt their feelings.
AITJ for wanting to claim them as a cousin instead of a sibling cause we aren’t even that close?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re good! Your family tree is confusing, so calling your relative a cousin at work is fine to avoid awkward explanations. But if someone seems curious, you can just say your family is a bit complicated and you’re like siblings.
The most important thing is to talk to your relative about how THEY want to be introduced, so everyone’s happy.” walaaHo
11. AITJ For Keeping The Hair Dryer I Own In My Room?
“I (23f) let my roommates use my hair dryer ever since I moved in. They all use it regularly.
It broke by accident a few months ago. You could argue about whose fault it was. Let’s just say two out of my three roommates are both at fault. I don’t care who’s to blame, accidents happen. All of my roommates chipped in to replace it (it wasn’t an expensive model).
For a few months now I have been unhappy about how one of them (let’s call her Mary) has been using it. For example, taking it to her room, and leaving it there, so it’s not in the bathroom when I or other people need it.
(She locks her room when she leaves the house so it’s not even like I could retrieve it). I have told her a few times, over months, to please put it back when she is done, but nothing changes.
So since I had to leave the house with wet hair a few times now it kinda defeats the purpose of owning a hair dryer.
So I have decided to keep it in my room from now on so I have it when I need it and my roommates are free to come to me to ask for it with the expectation that they return it within a reasonable time frame (which I know the other two do anyways) Mary doesn’t think it is fair, since she paid a share of it when replacing it then, but she’s also the one who’s partly at fault for it breaking it.
I think it is still my hair dryer, that’s my understanding of replacing something you broke but she seems to think I am the jerk for claiming something she spent money on. (Mind you her share was only a few euros since we split it through all of us (4)
So am I unreasonably for thinking the hair dryer still belongs to me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Doesn’t matter that she chipped in to replace the dryer, she still broke your dryer. That doesn’t mean she has ownership of the new one. It would be like if you wrecked her car and you paid to fix the damage.
Does that mean you have ownership of her car now and can take it whenever you want?” Creative-Sun6739
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your hair dryer. Since you’ve said hair dryers aren’t expensive, tell your roommates to buy their own. This is something people use every day and it’s a pain in the neck to be hunting it down. I don’t even share a hair dryer with my family.” Long jumping-Lab-1916
Another User Comments:
“If Mary using it, contributed to its breaking, then this is only fair she helps to reimburse OP for a new hairdryer. (Wear and tear from multiple uses. It’s bound to break eventually). The new hairdryer was purchased as a replacement for the one broken.
Not as a joint ownership for all to use. Mary keeping it locked in her room is way out of line. Mary thinks it’s unfair of OP to keep her property in her room because Mary thinks she has a right to use what she helped pay for.
Tough cookie Mary.” Ratchet_gurl24
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiancé's Niece As The Flower Girl At Our Child-Free Wedding?
“I, 26F, am engaged to my fiancé (who we will call Matt), 27M who I’ve been seeing for 5 years.
We are getting married next March, and are very excited. We’ve come across our first disagreement about our wedding.
Matt and I have had many conversations about wanting a child-free wedding. It’s not the first time it’s come up and something we’ve talked about for a while.
We’ve even talked about our grandparents being the flower girls and ring bearers.
About a year ago, Matt’s older sister (who we will call Rachel) adopted a baby. She’s been a joy to the whole family after she and her husband struggled with infertility.
A few days ago, as we were making the wedding FAQ, we got to the part of writing that it’s a child-free wedding. Matt said, “do you think we need to clarify that this doesn’t include the flower girl?” I was pretty surprised and asked what he meant.
He went on to explain that Rachel’s daughter would be old enough to be a flower girl by then so he went ahead and asked his sister.
I was honestly shocked he asked his sister this without even running it by me. He said it was after a few glasses of wine at family dinner when I was out of town so he didn’t ask me but thought I wouldn’t care.
I told him that we can’t make exceptions for one child in his family after I’ve told my older cousins about the child-free wedding and that they can’t bring their kids (ranging from 1-9). He said it was different because it was his only niece, not a cousin’s kid.
I rebutted by saying as an only child, my cousins acted as siblings and this was a decision we had made together.
We went back and forth until we realized we were going in circles between him saying he couldn’t take it back now, and me saying we didn’t account for all the kids we had in our wedding towards the venue (leading to cuts in our wedding invites if we include all children).
He implied that I was being a jerk for not letting his niece be a part of the wedding and we went to bed. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He needs to be an adult and tell his sister that you both agreed to a child-free wedding and that he was wrong to make this offer without your input.
Period. It’s pretty messed up for the other parents who can’t bring their kids or may not be able to come because of childcare issues. How old will this child be at the time of the wedding? I know people esp. parents think flower girls who cry or refuse to walk are just so cute but I don’t.
I had a child-free wedding it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made about my wedding.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Child child-free wedding means child child-free wedding. You don’t NEED a flower girl, ring bearer, heck even bridesmaids and groomsmen aren’t things that a wedding NEEDS to be a wedding.
Any facet of the wedding ceremony and who’s in attendance is something that needs to be agreed on as a single unit, and the dude was overstepping by making the choice singlehandedly about not ONLY the existence of a flower girl, but specifically who it would be.” neoprene
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Child-free is child-free. Tell him there are no exceptions. I had a similar problem when planning for our wedding. We only had a small budget and decided to invite immediate family. Everything was fine until MIL complained that I had more siblings than my SO and they should be able to invite cousins to make up the numbers.
They wouldn’t listen, so we eloped instead and no one got invited.” No_Protection661
9. AITJ For Spray Painting My Neighbor's Dog To Prove It's Invading My Property?
“I (24f) live with my two roommates (23f, 24m) in a small three-bedroom townhouse.
All the houses on my street share walls, forming a row of connected homes. My next-door neighbor (60f) recently got a good dog, and it’s clear she has no interest in training or disciplining it properly.
About two months ago, my roommate found dog poop and a chewed-up toy in our backyard.
I was baffled as to how the dog got in but informed my neighbor. She apologized half-heartedly, and I thought that would be the end of it. The very next day, more dog poop appeared.
For a month, I consistently told my neighbor she needed to keep her dog on her side of the fence because it was almost daily I found dog poop, or some kind of torn-up paper, toy, etcetera.
I spent hours trying to find where the dog was getting in, to no success. Finally, I sent one last warning to my neighbor, stating that if I saw her dog in my backyard again, I would spray-paint it.
It’s now obvious this isn’t an accident.
Every time I’ve brought it up, my neighbor dismissively claims she’s “working on it,” but I’ve never once seen her walk the dog or even leave her house. While I understand she’s elderly, adopting a dog you can’t properly care for is simply irresponsible and cruel, and I shouldn’t have to deal with it.
The other day, I found poop in my yard for the third time that week. My roommates and I decided to follow through on our warning. We bought some pink pet-safe!! Spray dye. Yesterday, I finally caught the dog on my lawn. As I distracted it with treats, my roommate sprayed a pink line down its back.
This morning, my doorbell rang incessantly. I answered to find my neighbor, red-faced and irate, with her now pink-streaked dog. She accused me of being cruel and claimed this was animal cruelty. She then dared to say it was unfair because she’s old and “can’t stop” the dog from running into my yard.
Now I’m torn. Am I the jerk for following through on my warning after months of this neighbor’s neglect and disregard for my property?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. The neighbor is a jerk for not picking up after her dog, and for lying about it.
You’re a jerk for involving the innocent dog in your retribution. (I guess technically it got treats and probably doesn’t care about the pink dye, but still.) For future reference, there are “Please don’t curb your dog here” and similar signs that you could post on your lawn, along with “No trespassing” signs.
Yes it’s better to talk to your neighbors, but the signage goes a long way to eliminate any “He said/she said” if this ends up in front of the police or a judge.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here obviously your neighbor is a jerk for not controlling her dog, but why the heck are you punishing the dog for the neglect of its owner?
If a parent lets their baby throw Cheerios on the ground do you spray paint the baby? Grow up and don’t use spray paint on animals to make your point man” nuggets256
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Pet safe or not, that probably scared the poop out of the dog.
It’s not okay to punish the dog for the neighbor’s behavior. It’s a dog who has had no training and has no idea what they are doing is wrong. Would I be livid in your situation? 100% yes, but what you did was jerk behavior.” Aushii
8. AITJ For Calling My Brother's Partner My Sister?
“I have 2 siblings, 1 brother George who is 23, and 1 sister Kate who is 28 (not their real names).
I am 14f. Because Kate moved out of the UK, I don’t talk to her much. But she is nice enough to me and we have an alright relationship. I am closer to my brother because we spend more time together. But I love both of them equally.
My brother has a partner Anna (22) who he has been seeing for almost 2 years. Me and Anna get along super well, we like the same things and she is always very nice to me and hanging out with me. She brings me out for meals and shopping and is just really nice.
And she says she considers me her little sister because she’s always wanted one.
So I was excited because though I have a Kate as my sister I only see Kate once every six months so we never got to do any sister stuff together.
In comparison, I see Anna at least twice a week and she’s always around.
Kate is back home for a while and we have all been having fun bonding together. However, one time when Anna and I were just talking I made a passing comment like “You’re such an annoying sister” to Anna as a joke.
And that’s when I realized that Kate looked annoyed.
After Anna went home, Kate scolded me and said that I shouldn’t toss around family terms so lightly. This sparked a huge fight 1) because George said that I should be allowed to call whoever I want sister and 2) he was angry that she didn’t consider Anna a part of our family.
I also got mad and Kate called me insensitive and said that I should have a long think over who’s my sister and who’s not. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ-If George marries Anna she would be your SISTER-in-law! It’s great that you have such a nice bond with Anna and feel like she is a sister to you.
Kate’s just jealous and probably regrets that she hasn’t been able to bond with you like that.” DJsspinontheworld
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you were being affectionate to someone close to you in your life. I have a sister but I don’t mind that she calls her friends sisters.
At the end of the day, she should just be happy you have people who care for you enough that you feels they’re family” Pokemongostan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have close friends who I refer to as my sisters because THAT’S what they are to me.
If that’s the level of love you feel for Anna, then you have every right to refer to her as whatever you want to refer to her as. That said, maybe Kate is feeling insecure about where you guys stand in your relationship as sisters?” MyPath2Follow
7. AITJ For Defending My "Childish" Hobbies To My Partner's Uncle?
“I’ve been with my partner for around 2 and a half years. I get on well with her family and they all meet up at least twice a year to go for a meal and a drink and catch up.
It’s all casual and I quite enjoy going.
We had one of the catch-ups last weekend and things were going well then her uncle asked what I’d been up to when I mentioned I’d taken a few day’s annual leave. I told him I spent a lot of it just relaxing since I had just finished two exams through work.
He asked how I like to relax and I told him I enjoy reading, watching TV, playing video games, and going for walks. He asked what I read and said I enjoyed comic books and mysteries. He said my hobbies were quite childish and that he thought I’d be doing something more mature.
I asked what exactly was wrong with the hobbies I had and he just repeated they were childish and that I should grow up and do more adult things as video games and comics are for children. I asked again what exactly was wrong with doing things I enjoy and he just said I could spend my time more productively.
I just told him that he should try being less judgemental that people are allowed to do whatever hobbies they enjoy and that it’s insane to think that being an adult means just stopping things you enjoy doing.
He just said again I was childish and then went and told my partner and her parents that I was being rude to him and that he wanted an apology.
My partner asked what happened and I told her.
She said maybe I should just apologize but I refused. He came over and asked for an apology but I just pointed out the irony of him calling me childish when he’s the one running to other people when someone doesn’t agree with him.
My partner said I shouldn’t have said that and should have just apologized instead.
AITJ for “being rude” to my partner’s family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The uncle was rude and maybe relying on you being polite and not biting back – good for you!
Don’t be too hard on your partner as she is probably trying to be a peacekeeper and likely being moaned at by her family. I would probably just avoid Uncle going forward.” Fudgesicle73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…but you did not need to keep the discussion going.
After the 1st time, definitely the second, “Well Uncle, I guess we can agree to disagree on what works for me as relaxation.” And then either walk away, bring up another subject, or just not respond to his taunts.” Worth-Season3645
6. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Grandma Who Always Blames Me For Things I Didn't Do?
“Ok, so I (18F) have lived in a joint family my whole life. My grandparents, my parents and me and my brother. I’m the youngest in the house and a girl so I’m always working around the house.
One thing that has happened time and often is that my grandma will blame me for something that is not even my fault.
If someone left a used cup on the counter in the kitchen, I’d get scolded because it was me. Like seriously? I don’t get her logic. It happens so often that it discourages me from even doing chores because I’m the one who gets scolded saying I didn’t do anything.
This morning, the same thing happened. As I went to the kitchen to make tea, my grandmother started yelling at me saying how much of a disgrace I am as a girl (I know, sexist much) that I didn’t even bring the dirty dishes upstairs after eating yesterday.
Mind you, I never went downstairs to eat, I just took a plate downstairs yesterday to feed my dog, and that too, I brought up later to clean. I had no idea what dirty dishes she meant until I saw them on the sink. It was not me but she would just not listen.
Later my father came upstairs and told her that it was him who used the dishes and not me. Even then she refused to acknowledge her mistake and said “It is something you often do so I assume it was you ” .. MIND YOU, I NEVER DO THAT.
I am the one who collects and washes all the dishes that my brother/father/grandfather scatter around the house.
This time, I couldn’t just control my anger and I lashed out at my grandma. I told her that I hated it when she did that every time and blamed me without any proof.
I yelled at her before coming downstairs. My parents are not happy with me being so “disrespectful” to my grandma. AITJ ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like some acting out is in order. Something similar to malicious compliance. Instead of doing what you are told (because you already are), do what you are accused of not doing.
Go on strike. Leave the dirty dishes out. Tell the family that if you are going to be falsely belittled and no one is going to support you to make it stop, then you are going to at least enjoy the benefits of what you are accused of.
Being lazy and leaving messes.” Scenarios
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it sounds like grandma was brought up in an abusive/sexist home and rather than protect you from that, she is making you her victim. Do your brothers have to clean up the house too?
Guessing no. Do you want to get married and have the same mistreatment from your husband? Possibly have a daughter and let them mistreat her the same way? I think you don’t. NTJ – break the chain and don’t let this continue to any more generations.” heather20202024
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is it just me or are you constantly being unfairly accused of things that are not your fault? It looks like your grandmother has a habit of thinking the worst about you without any evidence. I’d be sickened by that myself.
It’s not ok to be blamed for something you didn’t do. It is so unfair when you are blamed just because you are the youngest and a girl. Your reaction was the result of long-accumulated frustration from being treated unfairly. Although maybe yelling wasn’t the best way to handle it (but I’m not judging, and I would have done even worse myself.
Maybe you should try talking to your parents calmly and explaining your position to them. Let them hear how you are affected by these constant reproaches and that you can’t go on like this.” Freedom_red15
5. AITJ For Being Upset After Being Kicked Out Of Our Friends' Chat Room?
“Our friend started this chat room on social media years ago as a way for all of our childhood friends to keep in touch with each other since we only saw each other not that often and mainly on special occasions. It’s were about 15 of us in there.
The same friend who started this chat room years ago passed away last year but we kept the chat room open and even named it after him. Let’s call him Blue to avoid confusion.
About a few weeks ago I heard that one of our friends “Jake” was secretly messaging the girls that some of the other friends were seeing or involved with that they mentioned in the chat.
A day later my friend “Tim” threw Jake out of the chat and me and a few other people. I asked why was I getting removed and Tim said “Because he only wants to discuss his business with friends that sees more often and not friends he barely sees”.
I said, “But Blue made this chat to keep everyone connected, there’s no way he would’ve done this if he was still alive”. He responded, “We are still friends when we see each other and it’s no love lost or anything”.
I wind up expressing my anger towards him about it.
I later apologized but was still low-key upset he kicked me out especially being I didn’t do anything, I never told his business and got kicked out cause of what someone else did. My friend Blue would never have wanted this to happen if he was here.
My friend “Tommy” tried to get me back in chat but only to instigate a fight between me and Tim. I know this because Tim showed me screenshots of Tommy laughing and instigating showing me that Tommy only wanted me back in chat to cause a fight between me and Tim because he knew I was upset about getting thrown out the room”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d be pretty upset myself if I got kicked out, considering Blue wanted to keep unity between everyone. Tim’s arguments personally seem unfair and just plain stupid to me (since you weren’t involved in the drama with Jake). Tommy acted low by trying to use the situation to fuel conflict instead of resolving things.
Your frustration is completely justified, and, unfortunately, the band broke up this way. I’ve been in a similar situation myself, and I know what it’s like to lose friends.” Freedom_red15
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If “Tim” wanted a chat room for only the people he normally hangs out with, he could just make one.
There’s no need to take over this one and kick people out. However, are you sure you’re missing out on anything? Between secret messages, kicking people out, and deliberate instigation of arguments, this sounds like a lot of petty BS, to me. Maybe you should just start a new chat room with only the people who are worth your time.” Content-Army2384
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is the jerk here in my opinion. Also, are you sure you’re not missing any bit of context like any hidden beefs or something you might have done to him secretly that you think he doesn’t know but he does? Either way if Blue made the group chat, how are random people able to kick other people out, do you have the contact info of the other people, just make a new group chat too” IOwn1Spoon.
4. AITJ For Not Giving Up The Left-Handed Desk To A Classmate?
“I am left-handed. In my school, desks are very small, and if I use a right-handed desk, it makes it very hard and painful for me to write.
There’s a specific class in which the desks are always in different places, and I never know where the left-handed desk will be (there’s only one).
So I always arrive earlier than everybody to make sure I get that desk (no one else is left-handed there).
In that class, there’s a group of friends who always sit together (three of them). One day, I had to do something before going to class and I got there a little later than usual. Thankfully, the left-handed desk was free, but beside it, sat two of those people from the friend group.
I sat there at the left-handed desk, beside them. When the third friend arrived, she approached me very angrily, saying I was sitting “in her place”, and that she needed to sit there to be close to her friends.
I was a bit startled by her anger but I explained that I needed the left-handed desk.
I offered for us to move the desks around, so I could take my desk somewhere else and she could take another desk there and sit beside her friends.
She said that moving desks would be “too much work” and that I needed to just leave “her place”.
I said again that I needed that desk, and if she wanted to be close to her friends, the only way would be for us to move the desks around. She still refused that offer, saying I needed to leave, but I said no. I need that desk to be able to write.
So she gave up and just sat somewhere else, far from her friends. Now she and her friends say I’m a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If she loved her friends enough and was a kinder person then the desks could have been moved. Or her friends could have asked others to change seats.
She didn’t want to make the effort and they made it uncomfortable for you.” BeeJackson
Another User Comments:
“My mother and two of my sisters are lefties. I am not. I once took over the single left-handed desk in the college classroom because my sisters spat and I never once did it again.
It is super hard for a right-handed person to take notes on a left-handed desk, so it sounds like the entitled one was more worried about hanging out with her friends than taking notes in class. NTJ” JaneTheCane
3. AITJ For Wanting More Attention From My Parents Despite My Brother's Severe Disabilities?
“I (17F) am the younger sister of my brother (21M), who has severe disabilities. My brother’s needs are extensive, requiring round-the-clock care and attention from my parents (45M and 43F). Because of this, I’ve often felt like the “glass kid” — the one who’s expected to quietly manage on her own without causing any extra burden.
Growing up, I learned to be self-sufficient. I did my homework alone, cooked my meals, and rarely asked for help. While I understand why my parents had to focus so much on my brother, it hasn’t stopped the growing sense of neglect. The final straw came last month when I starred in a school play and neither of my parents could make it.
They promised they’d come, but then there was an emergency with my brother. I ended up performing in front of an empty seat where they were supposed to be.
Feeling frustrated, I decided to bring it up during a rare family dinner. I told my parents how I felt invisible and wished they could find a way to be there for me sometimes too.
My mom burst into tears, and my dad looked furious. He told me I was being selfish and that I should be more grateful for the sacrifices they make. My brother, who can’t speak, watched the whole exchange silently, and I couldn’t help but feel like the worst person in the world.
In the days following, my parents barely spoke to me. I could tell they were hurt, and I started to question if I was wrong to even bring it up. I talked to my best friend about it, and she thinks I’m justified in wanting more attention, but my grandparents and extended family have weighed in, saying I need to be more understanding and mature given the circumstances.
Despite feeling guilty, I can’t shake the feeling of loneliness and the desire for a bit more parental attention. I know my brother’s needs are immense and non-negotiable, but does that mean my feelings don’t matter at all?
So, AITJ for wanting my parents to notice me more and be part of my life, even if it means they have to stretch themselves even thinner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Don’t apologize. Don’t take it back. Your parents need to hear it. Your grandparents and other relatives aren’t living your life. I doubt they understand just how much you are already being mature and understanding about; besides, you shouldn’t be expected to be 100% self-sacrificing.
That’s too much. You need and deserve some attention from your parents. The bottom line is the only chance you have to get any attention to your worries and concerns is if you talk about them. Otherwise, you will be the opposite of the squeaky wheel — you will be the silent wheel in the background who never gets glanced at because it isn’t demanding any attention, while there are plenty of things that always are.
There is never going to be a time where if you wait silently long enough your parents will have an epiphany that they are neglecting you. You can’t make them give you any more attention, but you can give them a wake-up call. It’s up to them whether they give it any heed, but you are certainly not in the wrong for refusing to be a silent, ignored wheel in the background every single day indefinitely.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are angry because they know you’re right. They’re sad because they know they don’t do enough for you. And they’re lashing out because it’s easier for them to blame you than to blame themselves. I do not doubt that a big part of the way your parents see themselves is as “good parents” because they do so much for your brother.
It’s not your fault they won’t face the reality that they are not good parents to *you*. Don’t let their behavior trick you into thinking you’re a jerk. Just because you don’t need the same kind of attention as your brother doesn’t mean you don’t deserve their attention.
Just because you want your parents to support you doesn’t make you selfish.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“I think that you are justified in wanting more attention. You are a teenager, and you are their kid too. While your brother has special needs, they should not forget that you are an equally valuable child with needs and care and proper nurturing.
You talked to them about it, and they reacted poorly. Obviously, yes you need to understand, but it seems to me that you have been quite fair. I would try talking to them again and explaining that you understand their situation and your brother’s situation but you can’t help your feelings and you don’t *want* to feel this way.
Find a solution and a compromise together.” urabananaaa
2. AITJ For Still Going On My Planned Trip After My Wife Got Pregnant Earlier Than Expected?
“Me and a group of three friends are all SCUBA divers and have wanted to do a three-week Mediterranean tour for a few years.
Last year we made plans to travel to the Mediterranean in September 2023 and go diving, but my wife was having a stressful time at work with job interviews at the time and asked for us to postpone it to this year so I could be around to support her.
I said that I would, but that since we were planning to try for a baby this year (2024), I would prefer if we waited after the trip to go off contraception so that (1) my wife could come on the trip and/or (2) I wouldn’t have to miss out AGAIN to stay home and support her.
My wife said that she didn’t want to come on the trip anyway and that she wouldn’t mind if I went even if she was pregnant so long as I wouldn’t miss the birth. I agreed to this, and I and my friends booked the trip for September 2024 my wife went off contraception in May so that even if she did become pregnant, the due date wouldn’t be until after the trip.
Surprisingly, she fell pregnant quickly. She has tested positive, and some calculations regarding the likely date of conception show that she is ALREADY approximately 4 weeks pregnant, which means that she will be approximately 3 months pregnant when we go on the trip.
She is now asking me to cancel so I can be home to support her.
However, I think that’s unfair since I initially said we shouldn’t try for a baby until after the trip and it was her idea to start trying to conceive before the trip. It’s just 3 weeks away and I’m sure she will be fine.
She said that the situation has changed since she is now pregnant and it would be unfair of me to hold her to her word and it would be unfair of me to go away on a holiday and leave her behind.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ … she said what she said and that’s fair to uphold it. However, I will say this, no woman can ever judge just how vulnerable you feel when pregnant until you’re pregnant. While I agree she should stick to her word, she gave you that word not knowing how she’d feel during this time.
It knocks you for six, I was super surprised at how needy and vulnerable I felt when I’ve never been like that before! I needed my husband. I hope that helps explain things a little.” heather20202024
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to remind her: “ Hey, I mentioned not wanting to miss this trip.
You assured me that it would be ok to go as long as I didn’t miss the birth. I won’t be able to for a few years if I miss this window because caring for a young baby/toddler requires hobbies to take a back seat.
I’m going on the trip as we agreed together I could.” PracticalPrimrose
Another User Comments:
“As you’ve stated in other comments she’ll be 3 months (1st trimester) which is usually the most worrying. She has a good family/friend support network (besides yourself), there is no real reason for her to stop you from going except she doesn’t want you to.
You’ve also stated that you’ve already given up so much of your life for her & you are not prepared to keep giving things up. You do realise that if you do go she will throw this in your face for the rest of your marriage.
The time you abandoned her & your baby to go scuba. You need to sit down & point out everything you’ve said here & ask her how fair she is being to you. You’re between a rock & a hard place. Is this the hill you’re prepared to die on (your marriage probably will)?
You have 3 months to sort it or leave it. Either way, one of you isn’t going to be happy & that’s not a good marriage.” Green-Dragon-14
1. AITJ For Unintentionally Leading On My Female Friend While In A Relationship?
“I (M) am currently very happy in a relationship (5+ years now). I have had a female friend for almost as long which as far as I was aware was nothing more than a friendship. I found out recently that this girl has been into me for possibly a couple of months but never showed anything out of respect for me and my partner.
Nothing has ever crossed my mind that they were into me.
Fast forward to today, we spoke and I let her know that I appreciate her coming forward and being open with how she felt however I didn’t want her to feel like something could ever be there as I am happy in my current relationship.
This upset her a lot as she genuinely believed there was a connection there but was always too shy to come forward about it. For context she had not always felt this way, it has only been over the last couple of months that she has started to feel this way.
I can tell she is hurt and for some reason, I feel awful. Someone I have had such a good friendship with for quite some time now could be gone just like that.
I spoke to my partner about it to be open and honest about the whole situation as I feel she must be aware of it.
It came as quite a shock to her and now she is uneasy and upset with me. I believe this is down the the uncertainty of what she thinks was going on behind her back (not that anything ever did)
For some reason, I feel like a jerk for leading this girl on without being aware I was doing it – even though I believe I’ve done the right thing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your feelings and your partner’s are both natural. Even though you didn’t hurt this girl, she still ended up hurt because she fixated on you (again, NOT any fault of yours) so you feel some misplaced guilt. Your partner probably feels some uncertainty/shock, knowing that this other girl wanted to take her place, so she’s processing her own emotions over it all.
Hopefully, you two can talk through it and come out of it stronger.” anonymom135
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Intent goes a long way, and just being friends with someone is not “leading them on.” Like…. what did you DO that made her feel any sort of way?
Did she specify any list of things that YOU did to cause it? Or did she just spontaneously start feeling things because of having just had time and exposure to you during a normal and unproblematic friendship? You cannot control how others feel or how they react to you, so unless you purposefully targeted her to try to boil the kettle, her feelings are 100% on her.
Additionally, while she started “not saying anything out of respect for your relationship,” the fact remains that she eventually threw that out the window to put you on the spot as if to make you choose between a healthy 5-year relationship or reciprocating a 2-month schoolgirl style crush.
If she’s upset at being rejected… well she did it to herself when she thought a new fling might draw you away from stability and peace.” neoprene
