People Want Us To Consider Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Banning My Partner's Sister From Looking After My Son?
“In February my partner (24, male) and I (24, female) finally welcomed our first son into the world after 5 previous miscarriages and a very difficult pregnancy and birth where we thought we had lost him several times.
Due to this and things that happened in my own childhood I am very protective and haven’t really let him out of my sight apart from when my partner is home and one time when I left him for half an hour with my partner’s mum while I got a shower.
I’m constantly being asked if people can look after him or take him out for a while but I can’t bring myself to allow it yet and I know this has been annoying a few people.
On Saturday while I was asleep, my partner’s sister (32 female) asked my partner if she could take our little boy for a walk with her friends, that she’d have him back before I even woke up and that she just wants to give me a break, he agreed and left me a note letting me know what he had done and left for work.
When I woke up I tried calling my partner’s sister but her phone was off, I called my partner and he said she should be back by now but he’s safe and he’s sure they would be back soon.
I waited and waited but one hour became two and I still hadn’t heard from her and neither had he, when I went on Snapchat I saw that she was having drinks with friends and in the background of one of the videos you could hear my son crying at the top of his lungs, she was clearly intoxicated before midday while looking after my baby who at this point hadn’t had a bottle in over 3 hours and she didn’t have any formula with her, to make matters worse she drove him home intoxicated and when she did finally come home she just said she lost track of time and didn’t realize I had called or texted her.
I am furious and have told my partner that his sister is not to take our son out again on her own, he sort of agreed but said he thinks it’s a bit of an overreaction as he did come home safe (he also came home very hungry and damp from where he’d not had a change since she took him out of his cot that morning.)
She is upset that I have said she can’t take him out again and has told my partner I need to stop being so overprotective.
I need opinions I don’t think I’m being unfair, I would never take someone’s child out and not be contactable let alone disappear for hours, take the child with me to drinks with my friends and not look after the child properly while they are in my care!
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You are not overreacting. Your partner needs to understand this because he could let her come in behind your back. Your baby could have choked, fallen from somewhere, or died in a car crash when she was driving intoxicated. That’s not considering he was hungry, wet, dirty diaper, etc.
You are not being overprotective. She is reckless.
You have to get your partner to get this. I don’t know. Tell someone about this so they get some sense into him.” Coco_Dirichlet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, anything could have happened to your son at whatever place your SIL was in, he could have been abducted or have been slipped something.
And your SIL chose to drive home intoxicated – endangering herself, your son, and everyone else on that road.
Show your partner these posts and the comments calling him crazy. If you do decide to show him imma leave a little comment for him.
Sir, your son was left alone in a corner for hours, lonely and scared out of his mind not knowing where mommy and daddy were.
He’s a baby – he’s perfectly defenseless and the perfect little victim for anyone out there that is looking for trouble. Your son was left in his dirty soiled diaper for hours because your sister found her friends and booze more important than keeping her brother’s infant safe.
Then the icing on the cake – your sister then decided to drive your son while intoxicated, and we have no idea if he was even buckled into his car seat properly enough to save him if your sister hit someone or ran a red light.
Your sister didn’t make some small boo-boo; she made a series of choices that could have ended with your son plastered all over missing child posters, or he would have been somewhere on the highway, or worse – there are some genuine sickos out there and your sister pretty much waved your son around as live bait because she wasn’t paying attention and prioritized herself.
Wake the heck up and see your wife’s LOGICAL and very REAL concerns. NTJ OP, never let that woman near your baby again.” dinkydish
22. AITJ For Making My Man Look Bad By Cleaning?
“I (22f) live with my partner Adam (24m). I do the majority of the cooking and cleaning.
I’m fine with that but due to family issues, there are times when I need to go back to my family home to watch my baby brother which may take days or weeks. Adam came from a background of not having to clean or cook.
Before when I came back the place was messy. A few months ago family members and guests made comments about how he is when I’m gone. He normally just wears the same thing till there are food stains and eats out of cans or buys frozen pizzas if I’m not there.
I guess a few of them have also told him this isn’t how grown men should live and that has made him extremely self-conscious.
After he became eager to clean but he messes up a lot due to late-minute rush jobs, not knowing the right products to use, or not knowing how to do the chore.
Before I tried to show him how to do things right but he would always snap saying ‘not everyone is like you and has home training. People are allowed to do things differently than you.’ I eventually stopped saying something because I honestly felt bad for even commenting.
Recently I was gone for 3 weeks. When I came back the place was sort of a mess but I could tell he tried to clean up. My stepdad laughed and told him to do better thinking it was just a complete mess. After he said that and left Adam completely immersed himself in his game and blocked out the outside world.
I just shrugged it off and started cooking and cleaning. I had to redo some stuff he did because it was still messy, and I soaked the dishes while I threw random vegetables, spices, and a frozen turkey leg into a slow cooker. I was pretty much done with everything within an hour and a half (minus the food).
My stepdad ended up coming back after I cleaned and said ‘see what happens when you have a good woman in your life?’ and made more comments. After he left though Adam had a complete meltdown. He said, ‘I made him look bad and I’m nothing but a show-off and someone like me wouldn’t understand how difficult it is for someone with autism who grew up poor with terrible parents to do anything and I could’ve defended him.’ After I ugly cried and ran to the bedroom apologizing.
When I asked my mom she just said ‘I’m not wrong for cleaning my own house but I should try to make him feel better since he is feeling so insecure about his ability to do chores.'”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘Due to last-minute rush jobs.’ Yeah if you wait until the last minute to do most tasks, you are going to do a crappy job.
It sounds like he likes the idea of cleaning, but not actually executing the task.
When my mom died 7 years ago, my 66-year-old father began cooking for the first time in his life, and has really grown in his skills, and ended up making larger portions and bringing food to my family and my sibling’s family.
All thanks to YouTube.
In a world of YouTube and scheduling/reminder apps, domestic chore ignorance is really no longer a valid excuse. We have videos to show you how to cook, clean, do laundry, iron, and more. We have apps you can set with daily reminders of your chores and tasks.
At this point, saying you grew up and never learned so as an adult you are unable to do it, is either lazy or weaponized incompetence.” EdwardRoivas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s one thing for him to be self-conscious, but it’s another thing if he refuses help and doesn’t acknowledge that you do a better job than he does.
You guys are somewhat young, so I can chalk some of that to immaturity. But, if he was serious about learning how to cook and clean he would utilize your knowledge to learn and improve. Not refuse and criticize.” Drogan1088
21. AITJ For Not Inviting My Only Sibling To My Gender Reveal Party?
“I am a 26-year-old woman, educated with an established career, financially independent, and in a 2-3 yr relationship with a 33yr old man whom with I share my 2 stepsons, 3 dogs, a new home of 6 months, and in 5 months a little boy or girl of our own.
My 22-year-old brother has always been skeptical of every relationship of mine especially after my father passed 7 yrs ago. Our relationship has always been at an arms-length distance and doesn’t help that non-communication runs in the family. Needless to say, my relationship in particular has been the hardest for him to accept despite being the most healthy positive one I’ve ever been in – fully in love, continuing to grow independently and together towards our goals with the acceptance from those surrounded.
While our sibling relationship was already rocky, I wanted to be the one to tell him that I’m pregnant. However, my mother in excitement told him first but maybe it was for the best that she did it instead of me. In my mother’s mind, she expected him to be filled with the same joy even aftershock but it was the exact opposite.
Since then, he has snubbed me in public around other friends and family, avoids talking to me, and will ignore me as if I’m not there even in the same room or at family gatherings. Here lately, he has even snapped at other family members for bringing anything up to him in avoidance of not talking about my pregnancy and his feelings.
Well, finally he let it out… of course in the most juvenile way he sent me a text message. He went on to say what an embarrassment I am to our family name, our father would be so disappointed in me and that I no longer have a brother.
Despite my anger and sadness and disappointment in the message altogether, I decided to reply very Switzerland and say that I am understanding of the way he feels and wish he would move forward in an effort to salvage any hope for the near future.
In all the mistakes he has made, I would have never and have not said anything like that remotely close to him.
Despite it all, I tend to be a pushover and forgive easily, especially after already losing someone so very close. My partner is protective but is supportive of my decisions even if he has to bite his tongue.
We want my brother to be in our life and experience these special moments as this will be his firstborn niece or nephew. But if we cannot have a discussion beforehand or start to move in a positive direction, I just can’t see me inviting him to my gender reveal or any other event let alone him even showing up.
This time of my life is not about him. While I want him included, my emotional well-being is more important as I prioritize my baby and growing family. As of now, he is not on the list.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is being extremely judgmental and selfish.
You’re going to be a mom. Is this really the kind of man you want around your kids? If he can say those things to you because you’re having a child out of wedlock, imagine what he’ll say to the actual child? Your brother sounds extremely toxic.
Your partner sounds like a nice person who wants to support you, but honestly, it’s time to set some boundaries.” ArwenandEowyn
20. AITJ For Being Upset My Friend Didn't Get Me Food?
“I’ve been friends with my friend (L) for about 3 years and we’ve finally been able to meet up on the daily this year now that the on-campus boarding school is finally open. I found a job this year so I feel comfortable spending money here and there on small foods and trinkets.
A couple of months ago, L and I made plans to get each other gifts for the new year so I began saving up to buy them something. We were at the mall when their bank had some sort of issue so they couldn’t buy a video game; it was a bit pricier than I expected but I got the game they wanted as an early new year’s present.
Now cut to the past 3 months(?), I began ordering food for myself whenever there was something I couldn’t eat at the dining center. L always asked if they could have some of what I had gotten, I would say sure, and they would end up eating half of what I had gotten.
This isn’t the major issue since I didn’t want them to go without a meal for the day since they also don’t eat anything if there’s something not directly available.
But about 2 days ago, L and I went to the dining center together for dinner and the meal being served was something I couldn’t eat and something they didn’t like.
L said that they would go to a nearby food place to get something and I asked if they could pick something up for me while they were there since I was tight with cash until my next paycheck. They said, ‘no, why would I do that’, and when I pointed out that I had shared all my meals when they had asked for some, L said that I didn’t have to do that and could have said no. The food place itself isn’t expensive (tops $10 for an entire meal) and it was upsetting since they get either new shoes or new clothing every weekend online so there wasn’t much of a financial constraint on their end.
As for the new year’s present (a $20 watch since the old one I had before broke), they still haven’t gotten it as they say just ‘haven’t gotten around to it’. I don’t want to sound as if I’m expecting a favor in return for everything, but it feels like I’m just saying yes to the things they want.
Am I being unreasonable/reading too much into it? I don’t know what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you want to keep this friendship (and this is a question worth asking yourself because L does not sound like a very good friend) you should just insist on keeping your finances, food, and anything else separate.
If L won’t get you any food, they definitely should not be taking any of yours from now on. It is easier to pay your own way – and they can do the same. If they truly don’t appreciate what you do for them, they shouldn’t miss it when it stops.
When you have a disappointing friend you want to keep, just put in the proportionate effort to them. It helps you avoid feeling resentful when the other person clearly can’t be bothered putting themselves out for you.” nmerald
That's not a friend, that's a leech and should be dropped.
19. AITJ For Not Telling My Partner About Our Friend's Affair?
“About 9 months ago a new person joined our friend group – ‘Brandon’ (M, 30ish).
It’s a small-ish town and he seemed nice enough, the group mostly played video games and got dinners. We’re all in our late 20s to early 30s. The ‘group’ in question is me (NB, 27), my partner (m, 30), ‘Connie’ (F, 26), and three other male friends, all 27-31.
All of the guys except Brandon grew up as friends since high school.
None of us knew ‘Brandon’ that well, but he was decently involved in the community and seemed a decent dude. Everything was fine until he started an affair with Connie, despite having a monogamous wife and kids.
(Unrelated, maybe relevant, partner and I are non-monogamous.) At some point Brandon messaged us all individually to let us know, saying it was a big secret and he wanted someone to talk to. A few weeks later, there was a pregnancy scare that ended up being a catalyst for Brandon’s life spiraling out.
This was all a pretty traumatic experience for the group as a whole and my partner and I were pretty shaken up by it. There were lots of other dramatic bits I’ve left out to keep things short, but Brandon basically went off the rails.
Tonight my partner brought up that he was still upset I hadn’t mentioned that I knew Brandon and Connie had been together for a few weeks before the pregnancy scare. To be clear, when he confided in both of us about the scare we both messaged each other asking if Brandon had mentioned anything, again implying we were keeping confidences.
We’re pretty good at talking openly so I listened and I validated that I could understand why he would feel like we share almost everything, but at the end of the day I felt like a friend had asked to confide in me and because he wasn’t affected by Brandon’s bad choices, it wasn’t my place to share them.
Apparently, I’m the jerk for not sharing what felt like gossip. Granted, Brandon ended up spiraling out completely and doesn’t speak to any of us anymore, so there are a lot of feelings involved, but I don’t feel like I was hiding something by not sharing a friend’s relationship drama.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I can understand why your partner was upset.
If you can show some empathy, hopefully, your partner will understand.
If you are 10 toes down – I did nothing wrong – your partner will continue being upset.
My advice is to tell your partner that, yes, we do share a lot, but I was in between a rock and a hard place and Brandon specifically asked me not to say anything.
What was I supposed to do? I didn’t want to lie about it and come off as a gossip …. Maybe I should have told him before he revealed his secret that I don’t keep anything from my partner and then it would be on him to tell me the secret or not.
I don’t know. Everything kind of happened so fast and I believed I was doing the right thing.
Something like that?” Better-Resident-9674
18. AITJ For Letting An Intoxicated Guest Sleep In My Bed?
“At 22, my mom does not permit guys to spend the night in my room. It’s a crazy rule for some, but it’s just us two and we found our rules/boundaries that work.
I’m not sleeping with my partner or anyone else I’ve ever gone out with so I never fight it. It’s honestly cool with me.
She has a friend whose son graduated college and is doing a little solo traveling. He’s visiting our city for a couple of weeks, and my mom offered him our place so he could save on a hotel.
We don’t have extra rooms, but it’s a free place to stay and mom likes to make sure people are taken care of. She’s old-school hospitable, so we bought him an air mattress/new sheets/blankets.
When he arrived, I introduced him to my friends and partner to show him around.
On his third night, he came home really intoxicated after clubbing and I let him sleep on my bed, while I took the couch.
He spent most of that night over the toilet while I rubbed his back. I ended up sleeping on my floor, instead of the couch.
The next afternoon, he posted that he’s never drinking again and my partner recognized the background as my bedroom. Crap hit the fan. My partner was not okay with this because 1. I let a guy sleep in my bed. 2. He thinks the guy posted it on purpose.
3. He respects our house rule of guys not sleeping in my room, but it went out the door for our guest.
I think we did nothing wrong. It’s not like we were in the same bed. I was knocked out on my floor from being on throw-up duty.
He doesn’t register as a ‘guy’ to me or my mom so there are no intimate or romantic connotations. I was simply taking care of someone, I couldn’t make him sleep on an air mattress sick as he was. It won’t happen in the future because it bothers my partner, but am I a jerk for letting it happen the first time?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because ‘apparently’ there’s a rule that your partner has to follow but your ‘guest’ didn’t. And in fact, even you didn’t abide by that rule. It’s hypocrisy.
If your partner has respected that rule and you’ve been adamant that you can’t break it then this shows him you can and will, when you want to justify it.
I’d be mad if I were him. Looks like you’re taking him for a mug!
You’re expecting him to believe your version of events and still be ok with another guy in your bedroom let alone your sacrosanct bed that he is not allowed to spend time in with you?!
Nope, you’re the jerk.” echo260116
Another User Comments:
“NTJ regarding letting him sleep on your bed. That being said, that’s not actually the problem your partner is having with this situation.
Ask yourself: Would you be comfortable with your partner taking care of a girl who was intoxicated, rubbing her back, and then letting her take his bed that you’d never slept in while he took the floor next to her?” Carolitorus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but do try to talk things over with your partner to make things clear. The rule didn’t apply this time because he’s not a romantic interest, and you weren’t even in the room to begin with, you moved to your floor after helping him because he kept puking.
It’s your mom’s guest so of course, she has no trouble with him sleeping in your room vs someone you’re seeing.” throaway_indecisive
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s completely normal to not want someone of the opposite gender sleeping in your significant other’s bed, even outside of the hypocrisy of allowing what in your partner’s eyes is likely a random guy to sleep in your bed while telling him that he can’t.
Also not sure why you felt the guest couldn’t sleep on an air mattress while intoxicated – there’s no benefit of a real mattress vs. an air mattress.” honey-smile
17. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Mother-In-Law?
“My wife and I (both 31F) have been together for almost 11 years. We welcomed our first child earlier this year.
He is my MIL’s first grandchild.
We were both raised in very religious households. We’ve been clear on our plans to not raise him the same way. We will talk to him about different religions and beliefs and if he chooses to follow one, we will fully support him.
My wife and I felt like disappointments for not following in our parents’ footsteps. This is not a feeling we want him to experience. Plus we are just not religious.
My MIL has been so dismissive of our feelings about this. She says it’s all nonsense and she will not allow it.
She insists on picking him up on Sundays to take him to church as it is her right as grandmother and she can’t let us waste our son’s life.
This morning she called to let us know she was on her way. She bought him some Easter books and wanted to zoom church with him.
Obviously, we are aware that it doesn’t really matter as he can’t understand, but it’s about the fact that she won’t respect our wishes.
We said it wasn’t a good time as my parents (who don’t celebrate Easter) are over and we’re helping them with some paperwork.
She said it would only be a few hours and I could help my parents in another room. It was unfair that my parents got to see him on Easter and not her. My wife said fine she could see him but no books or zoom.
My MIL started to throw a fit and said we can’t possibly keep this up.
My wife was on the verge of tears and put her speaker so I could hear. After a few mins of my MIL blowing up on us, my mom said as grandparents they have to respect our boundaries.
My MIL told her to butt out and that she was a lousy Christian for allowing this. My mom was hurt and I got upset as it was uncalled for to blow up on my mom.
I went off on her. Saying some things I probably shouldn’t.
Such as calling her a lousy parent for forcing her beliefs and allowing other awful things to happen. I told her to go home as she was no longer welcome. And she wouldn’t be seeing us or our son for a while. When she did it would be limited/supervised visits.
Not only for religious reasons but because we don’t think she would respect ANY boundary we set. She cussed me out and hung up.
She called about an hour ago crying saying we’re making her feel useless and that she has a responsibility.
Especially in this situation as we are ‘unfit parents’. I again went off on her and let her know I would be blocking her on both of our phones for a few days and if she had an emergency she could text via messenger. Otherwise do not contact us.
Her sister called us shortly after and said I was the jerk for saying the things I did and blocking her. My MIL is handicapped and could need our help at any moment. She said it won’t harm us or our son to let her teach him about God and to just deal with it.
I don’t think we’re the jerks because we have given her plenty of time and opportunities and she keeps ignoring what we say.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Setting boundaries with others and raising your children as you wish to raise them provided it’s not abusive is always your right as a parent.
You and your wife are parenting. She gets to enjoy her grandchildren NOT raise them. Once she tries to raise them then she is stepping over a major boundary. Also … this is a morbid thought but I hope y’all have prepared your wills as I think parents should that if for some tragic reason both of you were to die before your child reached 18 that you have someone in place you’d be comfortable raising your child.
Bc if you don’t then the courts will decide without your input and that would keep me up at night if I didn’t have something legal written out in a will. Just something you, unfortunately, need to think about when you have a dependent.
Morbid but always good to have your wishes clear just in case. In this case, you def wanna make sure. Good luck. What a mess.” TinyBlonde15
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is my worst nightmare. My husband and I are going to have our first baby any day now.
It will be his mother’s first grandbaby and we are having a girl. She has already said multiple times how she always wanted a daughter.
She’s definitely a toxic in-law but over the years we’ve been able to set some boundaries and manage some things.
I’m more anxious about her visit after the baby is born than I am about child labor. I’m so worried she won’t respect our boundaries.
My husband and I were also raised super religious and neither of us is super religious. He defines himself as agnostic.
I’m very spiritual but don’t strictly follow any religion.
We plan to do the same as you and your wife. We plan to teach our child about religion and we will likely allow our child to go to church on major holidays but we don’t want our kids to be indoctrinated or lied to or taught to be judgemental like was so common for the both of us growing up in the church.
We already know this is likely to be an issue. My in-laws are the most vocal about it and they say things like ‘it’s so important your child is raised to love Christ.’ But so far it’s just those comments and it’s just to us.
I’m really hoping they will respect our boundaries with religion.
I already don’t trust my MIL to be alone with my child because she’s emotionally and mentally manipulative with everyone and I don’t want her manipulating my child.” Anajade1818
16. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Roommate For Not Cleaning Up After Himself?
“I’m 20M and my flatmate David (22M) moved in on February 8th. David never cleaned but we thought he was tired from moving in, so my partner Mei (20F) and I cleaned up after him for the first week.
But nothing changed. We kept asking him to clean up but he rarely did. At this time we were cooking him dinner as well, so we were quite offended.
In the third week, we had a serious sit-down with David. We told him that we didn’t think it was fair that we had to clean up after him, and we were also concerned that his messy habits would make us lose our tenancy.
In response he said ‘You know I have bipolar, right?’ and compared us to his previous flatmate who was ‘strict about dishes’ and ‘abusive’.
Neither of us questioned David’s BPD at the time, and it ended on the note that he would make more of an effort to clean up.
John moved in and we all questioned David’s BPD self-diagnosis due to his consistently lethargic and gloomy energy state, and his perpetual laziness. Somehow, I found myself doing everything for him – washing and drying his dishes, cooking dinner, vacuuming, cleaning up his rubbish, taking his moldy towels and washing out of the laundry sink, and many other grueling chores.
I would do his grocery shopping and top up his bus card too. Typing this now, I’m not sure how or why I did all of these things.
In early March we had our inspection and our landlord was not pleased. She said we were consistent for a year and the house had never been this messy.
In the end, she said the new tenant(s) needed to change their behavior or leave.
When we brought all this up to David – the BPD and his cleaning habits – he started crying. Around a week after this conversation happened his parents came over and his mum talked to me and Mei in private.
She apologized for his behavior. We mentioned his BPD because it was his main reason for not cleaning. David’s mum said no doctor had ever suggested that David has Bipolar Disorder, but on one occasion, he had an outburst when Subway was closed, so a General Practitioner suggested Borderline Personality Disorder.
I wish I was joking.
We’re in April now. David left last Friday to go to his parent’s house out of town. He also left his week-old dishes, a bag of rubbish with maggots inside, a box of recycling, rubbish everywhere, rotting fridge food, and old clothes in the laundry sink.
His trip lasts 2 weeks.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time to have David leave. He isn’t going to change and him turning it into ‘treat me like a human’… When your text isn’t mean says he is more victim complex than BPD.
Your landlord already put you on warning.
I suggest for his rubbish/mess… Big solid garbage bags.. dump everything together in them and into his bed. And tell him that’s where all his dirty stuff goes from now on.
He won’t change. I just finished kicking someone out this weekend… We have to rip out carpets and replace doors because they couldn’t be bothered to take their responsibilities seriously….
Did I care that I stuffed dirty pee and p**********d stuff in with their ‘fresh laundry’ as I packed it up and dumped it on the curb for them to haul? Not a little bit.
Because people like David don’t care or respect others.” wpgjudi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, by a long shot. Tell your landlord to move forward with evicting the new tenant… your words and warnings have been ignored & that you don’t think they’re gonna change.
He may be depressed & self-medicating, but that is not your problem & it doesn’t seem like he’s on the road to change & self-growth.
Even his own mother didn’t cover his behind when faced with his pathetic excuses.
Kick him to the curb with no guilt attached.” Plus-Guarantee425
15. AITJ For Not Replying To My Best Friend?
“I (24f) have been best friends with M (24f) for 14 years now. We have literally grown up together. She hasn’t always been the best friend I wish she would be, like she always puts the guy she’s seeing above literally everyone, me, her kids, her family, etc. She ignored me for 4 years just because her current ‘fiancé’ (27M) doesn’t like me.
Just recently started talking to me again in 2020 and things have been going great.
Well, I found out I was pregnant in June 2021 and because the guy was abusive after I told him I left him and M stepped up and went to all my doctor’s appointments and ultrasounds and was even in the room for my birth.
Well, she is convinced that I need to get a DNA test done to confirm who the father is just in case my son wants to meet him one day. Well, we were going back and forth about 3 weeks ago about it and she just suddenly stopped replying to me.
No reply for weeks.
Then today she messages me telling me sorry and she didn’t want me to be mad at her for her opinions. I explained that it was my choice and I wanted to have no connection to the father because I don’t want my child to go through that.
And she just said I understand but it’s not my choice. I informed her my current partner (29m) is more than willing to step up and take the role of dad so the baby doesn’t have to go without a dad. But she ignores that and continues to tell me that I’m making a mistake and no one can replace a child’s real dad.
But after that, she continued to tell me about how her life hasn’t been going very well either. She doesn’t wanna be with her fiancé anymore and she’s just super unhappy with her life… and honestly, I just never even opened the message.
If she didn’t care enough to finish our conversation until 3 weeks later, then she can message someone else and complain to them about her life. I will always love her and I wish she would see my point of view. Her oldest daughter’s dad isn’t in the picture and she calls her fiancé dad.
So what’s that difference. AITJ for not replying?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s okay if you stop talking to her. Sometimes friends grow apart and they just get to a point where they see life differently and that’s okay. Who knows, maybe one day you guys will continue the friendship as if nothing happened. You don’t need to do anything that you don’t feel comfortable with.
I agree that perhaps one day your child will want to meet his/her dad, but hey worry about that when it comes. For now, you have to keep the baby and yourself safe.” Potential-Thought253
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she’s bringing you down and not being at least understanding, then it’s your right to distance yourself.
Also, it’s very wrong of her to say that only a biological parent is acceptable. So many families do not follow this and they are all the better for it. Good for you that your current partner is willing to step up. Word of advice though, it may not be good to keep from your child that your partner is not his biological parent.
It could lead to a bigger problem when they’re older as it will undoubtedly come out at some point.” MentalIce6
14. AITJ For Forbidding My Dad To Work On My House?
“I (26f) closed on a house in August 2021 but it needed more work done than I initially realized, so much that I haven’t even been able to officially move in yet.
My dad (61) has insisted that he would do as much work as he possibly could to help save me money. While I sincerely appreciate his offer, he is medically frail and declining.
Aside from having basically every part of his body operated on or replaced at some point in his life, he also suffers from a bleeding disorder.
While I don’t have a lot of money, I just got a new carpet laid along with furniture and appliances bought. He’s already bled on my chair twice, a blanket once, and got some on my W/D. I keep telling him I will hire someone despite not really having the money, due to him constantly injuring himself, and staining everything.
He is also constantly exhausted and it’s taking so much longer than a contractor/handyman would take. I just want it done so that I can move in, and for him to not further injure himself. My dad is on disability due to the declining health issues mentioned above, and others that haven’t been mentioned. He has been on disability and unable to work for 5+ years.
He is ‘old-fashioned’ and is always looking for something to do. Being on disability and not having a job, I understand looking for something to help keep him occupied, so, my question is, WIBTJ for telling him his services are no longer needed?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and totally understandable based on his health issues. I would also not want my dad to help if he was in the same place as yours. But I also understand your dad wanting to help. I’m sure he wants to help his daughter as much as he can, and I’m sure having all the health issues can be hard on him.
He might see this as an opportunity to help his daughter and feel useful. Maybe supervising the work wouldn’t be too bad. That way you don’t have to worry about being around the home if needed, etc. And your dad can still feel like he is being useful and helping you out.
Or you can also get his input on people you hire or quotes you get, etc. That way he feels he is helping you out.” sgz8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let him be useful by doing the less dangerous projects & go hire the other stuff that absolutely needs to be done before move-in & just tell him you love him & worry for him & need to get moved in.
Nonessential projects can be done down the road. Dad is probably hurting himself trying to hurry, God bless him. Take control & look at your finances & make it happen.” peoplearejerks69
13. AITJ For Not Changing My Plans For My Friend's Peace Of Mind?
“I(17f) have a best friend (17nb), let’s call them Alex. We’ve known each other since middle school.
Though our social circles are respective, their friends are really cool and we get along well. When we were younger, we were in a long-term relationship. It ended amicably, and we’ve had a good number of discussions about boundaries and such. They are my best friend in the whole world, but we just aren’t meant for each other.
Their current partner (17f) of about a year, let’s call her Anne, is a great friend of mine. She’s really sweet, and though she definitely has her flaws she seems to be working hard to work through them. I want to preface this entire post with the fact that I love Anne, and I don’t blame her for any part of this conflict.
Since we’re graduating soon, Alex asked me a few months ago if I wanted to be their roommate. We’re going to the same community college, and we toured it together recently, along with a few apartments. We found a building that we really liked and their mom helped us apply.
The leasing manager took a liking to us, so we got a spot reserved almost immediately. We were really excited. Now here’s where the problem comes in: Anne doesn’t want us to be roommates. I completely understand where she’s coming from, and when she first brought that up Alex and I asked around to see if someone else wanted to room with us too, but that never worked out.
We discussed a matching service, but Alex and I agreed that the idea kind of made us uncomfortable. Anne doesn’t want to room with us, she wants to move out of state to go to a different community college and live with family. I don’t understand this because she’s mentioned that she dislikes this part of her family, but I’m happy that she gets to do what she wants.
Alex spoke to Anne about it multiple times, and she seemed to understand that they weren’t going to change their mind. She told Alex that she understood and trusts them, and asked if she could help us move in the summer. But the other day, we were sitting in her car outside of my house and she started asking about the move.
She asked a bunch of questions about rent, groceries, living compatibility, really anything that could be a problem. I explained our plan for each question, and at some point, she bursts into tears. She asks why I can’t move in with someone else and yells that I’m making her life so much harder.
She asks me to get out of her car, and the second I close the door she drives off. I feel terrible for making her upset. It’s a really stressful time for all of us, and I’m adding fuel to the flame. But at the same time, she keeps talking about how excited she is to leave and never come back, and how she’s only keeping in contact with a few of us when she’s gone.
AITJ for sticking with the plan to move in with Alex?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s so great that you’re understanding of how Anne feels in this situation, and I can too considering that you and Alex went out before. However, you’ve done an excellent job reassuring her that you and Alex are nothing more than friends.
Also, Alex asked you to move in with them, not the other way around.
Plus, LDRs can be very hard, and with the mindset that Anne has, I don’t know how well the relationship will work out as sad as that is to say.” djgrier
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hate to say it, but if she doesn’t want to go to the same school as Alex & she doesn’t want to room with you, that relationship was doomed anyway. Long-distance relationships don’t work. She is just using you to blame before it even happens, cause she knows what’s coming.
You & Alex do you. Her insecurities are not your problem. She needs to go with you two or choose her own path & take the consequences, whatever they might be.” peoplearejerks69
12. AITJ For Refusing To Cook Anymore?
“I had to move back home with my dad due to getting sick and having to leave my job.
I am going back to school and completing my degree through student loans, grants, and savings to pay for expenses. I am looking for a new job as well in the meantime but have had no luck so far beyond a few interviews.
It has not been great, we do not have a good relationship and do not really spend any time together, and we never really got along when I was a kid either.
I mostly stay in my room working on classes while he sets up his office in the kitchen. I pay rent every month and purchase groceries, clean, and contribute to chores.
Neither of us cooks, so for most of the time we’ve lived together, he gets takeout like Wendy’s every night for himself, while I would get by on cheap simple pasta with jarred sauce and frozen stovetop meals.
I taught myself how to cook all kinds of things through YouTube and began preparing healthy meals and was happy to share with my dad to have something to bond over. I enjoy my own food more than take-out and am saving money by cooking everything myself.
The problem is that whenever I cook, my dad criticizes something about it. Too much salt, too much seasoning, doesn’t like veggies/cheese/pasta/tomatoes/mushrooms, etc. He is never happy with anything I cook, despite getting take-out with all the things he claims to hate.
I’ve accommodated his requests the best I could, but whenever I’d suggest something new like risotto, stir-fry, or curry, he would scowl and say it’s too weird for him or come up with some reason on why he doesn’t want to try it, then he gets mad when I say I’m cooking chicken and veggies again.
I told him that I was upset with how he constantly criticizes me and my cooking and how he’s putting me in an impossible situation and he started interrupting and talking over me and said I was making a big deal out of nothing. I told him that’s not how I see it.
He says that he mostly says nice things about my food, so I dropped it.
Last night I stayed up making chocolate cookies for Easter, which I was very proud of and think they turned out great. He eats one and says ‘it’s not terrible, the texture is good’, and it just killed my mood, I was done.
I told him at this point that he can go back to eating take-out, and ordered a cheeseburger for easter dinner and ate by myself. He just said ‘Whatever’, walked away, then went to complain to my sister on the phone about how much of a brat I was being on Easter.
Am I a jerk for how I handled this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You began cooking for yourself and your dad invited himself to a seat at the table. You graciously offered to share the food, that you were originally making for yourself, and he has the nerve to criticize and nit-pick until you decide to give up on cooking at all.
You don’t owe him anything beyond the rent, chores, etc. that you already agreed to. Cooking meals for him and letting him use you as an emotional punching bag wasn’t part of the deal.
I’d suggest looking really hard for a new place to live as soon as possible.
Your dad sounds incredibly toxic and the sooner you remove yourself from that environment the better.” meriyana
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it’s definitely a ‘him’ problem and not a ‘you’ problem. If you truly enjoy cooking for yourself, keep doing that! Maybe make a ‘generous’ portion with a little left over.
He can eat it or toss it. Don’t OFFER him anything. I don’t know why he feels compelled to verbally take your cooking apart, but it fulfills some sort of need in him, like being in control. Saying something positive about your cooking might somehow convey that he needs you to do this, and take care of him, which might make him feel old… I’m reaching here obviously, but I think it might be something like that.
So leave the topic of food off the table, so to speak. Let him keep getting fast food if he wants it. He is not your responsibility.” PandoraClove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would stop treating him like your father and start treating him like a roommate immediately.
Don’t lift a single fingertip to clean a mess you didn’t make, don’t let him so much as lick the spoon you use to cook with, etc. You just focus on making your rent on time because he WILL use that to control you.
Your dad expects you to cook because he doesn’t see you as his equal — frankly, he might never and that’s an uphill battle that is probably not worth fighting.
Just shift your expectations and let your behavior signal the difference. I’d also recommend getting a mini-fridge for your room and keeping your leftovers in there. I’ll bet he’d steal your food after criticizing it but not on our watch. He can starve or clog his arteries.” SatanicSunflower
11. AITJ For Arguing With My Ex Best Friend?
“So this started during late February and she ‘confronted’ me about me talking crap about her, which I was never talking crap about her because she was supposed to be my best friend. Around that time she started talking to this guy I used to like, she made out with him, and then she added me in a group chat to brag about it.
I didn’t care but it still hurt a little.
Now at the beginning of March, she apologizes and asks to be my friend, I didn’t trust her, and I didn’t like her at all, my gut feeling told me that she was being fake.
I honestly didn’t like her at all during that ‘friendship’, I wished that she wasn’t there at school for weeks and I hated it when she spoke to me or when her presence was there. I knew she was being fake and I was thinking about dropping her weeks before.
But then my ex-crush started talking to my friend because my friend told him that she was talking crap about him behind his back. (which was true anyway.) He sent her screenshots of her talking crap about me. I wasn’t surprised but at least I had a reason to drop her now.
I saved them and confronted her about it and she told me that she was being fake to me and that we were never really friends. I told her I expected it anyways. I thought it was over, but she’s creepily obsessive and never moves on.
Last night, I got added to this group chat where she and her friend would body shame me and my friend, who we’ll call H. H would be on the call with them but I didn’t join because it was 1 am. He said they called us ‘Obese’ and ‘Fat’ also she would take pictures of me without my consent that I had no idea of and sent them to the group chat.
I left the group chat but got added and I told her to leave me alone and other stuff. She claims that I body-shamed her first which I did not, she is really skinny like 70 pounds, and I weigh more than 120lbs. She claimed H and I ‘skinny shamed’ her.
H weighs around 200lbs, she called us fatties and other body-shaming things. She and her friend compared him to ‘fat’ figures and made fun of him.
I have guilt, although I know I did nothing of the sort I still feel a pant of guilt and I don’t know why.
So, AITJ for arguing with my ex-best friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t see any instance where you argued with her at all. She’s a bully. She’s reaching out, she’s adding you, she’s talking about you. She sounds incredibly pathetic and boring.
Don’t feel guilt for dropping her.
I do recommend if people tell you she’s talking about you though, or they try to get you to talk about her, etc. Don’t do it. Don’t engage with them, don’t talk about her, and especially don’t text anyone anything about her. One way or another it will get back to her and then she’s just gonna use that to try to antagonize you and hurt you more.
Some phrases you can use if people try to engage you regarding her behavior behind your back:
‘Yeah, I know she’s talking crap about me. I know what she’s saying. No, I don’t care to hear it again. I’m not mad, I know it’s not true.
Please stop talking to me about her, she doesn’t like me and nothing I say or do will change that. I’d prefer to just let her be and go about my life.’
Just shut it all down, don’t add fuel to the fire.
If she continues to harass you though tell your parents, or a teacher, guidance counselors, etc. Don’t sit back and let her bully you.” Ezada
10. AITJ For Being Intimate With My Partner While My Roommate's Brother Was In The Apartment?
“My roommate (F23) told me (F24) that I disrespected her after she heard me hooking up with my s/o (M23) through the shared wall in our apartment.
Some background… My roommate and I have never had issues bringing overnight guests back to our apartment.
She is long-distance with her s/o, but when he visits, he can stay any night he would like. I have never heard them hooking up or any noise emanate from their room. I don’t typically have guests, but I just started a new relationship.
My significant other has only stayed the night at my place once and we did hook up. My roommate was home, but she never complained to me that I made any noise doin’ the deed. She also had encouraged me to invite him over and was generally excited for me to have a guy overnight.
On this occasion, however, her younger brother was staying on our living room couch. I knew her family was in town for the weekend but she originally told me they were all staying at a hotel nearby, NOT at our apartment.
So that night, I was out at the bar when I got a text from my roommate asking me to come home quietly because her younger brother (M16) was crashing at our apartment.
This was around 11:30 pm and I was definitely not even close to sober. I told her I would try to ‘be stealthy’ coming back into the apartment. I invited my s/o to my apartment around the same time and I also told him to be quiet while walking by the living room couch to get to my bedroom.
I woke up in the morning to an angry text from my roommate telling me that she overheard us hooking up. She was extremely upset with me. The details of the event were certainly hazy on my end after drinking way too many frozen margaritas, but my s/o (who was sober) told me he didn’t think we were being unusually loud.
I do remember laughing and chatting with him afterward which may have also contributed to more noise.
When I talked to my roommate, she said she was unable to sleep for the entire night out of fear and concern that her brother would hear something.
She said that I disrespected her and she would never do the same thing to me if I had a sibling over, whether they were younger or older. She also told me that she lost respect for me and my s/o and that as an ‘adult’ I shouldn’t be making these kinds of mistakes.
I can understand that the situation was uncomfortable but I’m not sure her level of anger is warranted. She made it seem like I traumatized her younger brother and that I was somehow endangering him. Her brother never complained about the situation or said he overheard anything.
Obviously, no one is going to ask him if he did. I told her that in the future I would ask her before inviting guests over, even though this was never our standard. But tbh, I don’t think I’ll ever have my s/o over again especially because he’s aware of the situation and is also now uncomfortable.
So AITJ or can we blame the paper-thin walls?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I blame your roommate.
She didn’t give you a heads-up and even if she had her brother is 16, not 6. Her discomfort is not his discomfort.
The overwhelming majority of kids his age would not be shocked or traumatized by such sounds.
It is your home too. So long as your S/O has an invitation there is no reason why he shouldn’t be made welcome to your mutual heart’s content.
It sounds like you have already been plenty conciliatory to your roommate’s sensibilities. At this point she should get over herself.” brasscup
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m guessing this is the US because the legal age of consent in the UK is 16 so why the younger brother would need shielding in such a way seems overbearing more than anything.
What you do in the privacy of your room is entirely up to you.
You and your s/o shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home so if anyone is the jerk here it is your unnecessarily overprotective roommate.
You should establish boundaries and assert that you plan to hook up in your apartment going forward, to not would reward what sounds like controlling and manipulative behavior on your roommate’s part.
If that’s a problem for your roommate in the presence of her younger brother, perhaps she should have the younger brother stay in a hotel as originally planned.” Redeemer_89
9. AITJ For Telling Some Neighbor Kids To Get Off My Porch?
“For context, I live on the ground level of a condo building. Right outside my door, is a large grassy area, you have to either cross over my porch or my neighbor’s to get to the lawn.
I’m used to my porch being a high foot traffic area for people walking to/from the lawn.
Three kids (approximate ages are kindergarten to maybe 5th-grade) who live on the third story of my building were out playing in the grass with some sort of toys.
Looked like maybe small planes or drones, something that could hover, and needed to be charged. At some point, they start congregating on my porch (my ring doorbell alerted me to this).
I took a peek at the camera to find the older kids throwing mulch, and a very large rock at my chairs (to seemingly kill a bug) I have stacked on my patio, then plugging in their toy to a wall outlet to charge (still on my porch).
Because they were throwing things at my property, I went outside and asked them to please leave, remove the large rock they threw, and to not use my outlet. They grabbed their things (which they left on my chairs), left the rock for me to deal with, and ran off.
I wasn’t mean, I didn’t even address them sternly, just asked them to go play elsewhere and not throw things.
About 10mins later, their dad comes to my door, fists balled, and jaw clenched, without even a ‘hello’ he aggressively asks if I yelled at his kids.
I explained what happened, he berated me that the outlet belongs to the HOA, I told him I didn’t know (it’s well within my porch, not the outer wall) but explained again and showed where his kids threw mulch and the large rock.
Regardless of the outlet being used, they were throwing things at my property. He told me not to yell at them, I restated I didn’t and said I could replay the video if he wanted. He just huffed and walked away…
I understand I may be wrong about the outlet ownership (I’ve reached out to HOA to confirm), but I don’t think that means I should be subject to random people/kids on my property to use it whenever they please.
It’s within arms reach of my door, not the outer property. Nor do I think that I was out of line asking them to leave.
My husband heard both me asking the kids to leave and this guy coming over, and agreed I wasn’t harsh with the kids but thinks maybe I could have apologized to the dad.
He even thinks we need to go make peace. I don’t feel like I need to, frankly the fact that he came looking like he wanted to fight, was alarming. I’m not a parent and now wondering if I just shouldn’t have spoken to the kids at all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s clear from the dad’s behavior where the kids get their disrespectful attitude. I’m assuming your husband wants you to ‘make nice’ so you aren’t the enemies of this aggressive guy (who huffed off when he found you had video evidence).
I can’t imagine the poor design that obligates neighbors to trespass to access community space. The HOA needs to address this. Heaven forbid one of these Angels trips on your porch while accessing community space, as bully daddy WILL sue you. I’d prohibit the use of my space, for everyone’s safety, and look for a community solution.” Zorkanian
8. AITJ For Ruining My Husband's Birthday?
“My (31F) husband Ben (30M) and I have been together for 7 years. Every year, on his birthday, I do Yes Day (I don’t care about mine), whatever he asks me (within reason and respect), I do it and it’s just for one day. It’s a tradition of ours and Ben loves it, as he had a complicated childhood/adolescence that his grandparents were crazy and believed that birthdays were a way to get funds out of people (yes, at that level).
Ben lived with them until he was 16, so he never actually celebrated his birthday.
We had our first child less than 2 weeks ago and my delivery was a cesarean. Although we have studied, practiced, etc, it has been extremely difficult as we are first-time parents.
I’m in too much pain to sit up and bend over, so our daughter stays on his side of the bed (every other day, sometimes in a row) so he can pick her up when she wakes up.
Saturday was his birthday. At dawn, our daughter started crying and I asked him to take her and he did, but while I was breastfeeding I saw him taking the crib to my side and when I asked, he gave his naughty smile and said ‘Yes day’.
I confess that I hadn’t even remembered that, but I just said to go back to his side, as this request was unreasonable, considering we had about 5 more hours in the morning.
I felt he got annoyed, but he did as I asked.
He’s been cooking these days, because like I said a lot of pain (I’m very sensitive to it).
At breakfast, he asked me to do something and I accepted, it was nothing impossible.
The part that started to tick me off started. Had to change diapers, Yes day. Change clothes, Yes Day. Bathe, Yes day. I was already annoyed when he asked me to change the diaper again (in his turn), I said he has hands and feet for that.
He said, ‘baby, c’mon, please, Yes day’. And I replied with ‘Yes day doesn’t exempt you from being a father for a day with a newborn and leaving your wife alone to take care of the daughter you and I made.’
He got angry and went for a walk for a few hours.
And he even didn’t want to leave the room, but he helped with some things with our daughter. He didn’t even want to order food delivery for dinner.
I’m feeling a little bad because even though he doesn’t say it, it’s pretty clear that I ruined his birthday for him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made his birthday special for him in good faith for a long time, getting nothing special on your birthday in return going by your post, and he effectively weaponized it.
He shot himself in the foot, and what could have been a day that he shows some understanding of what you’ve gone through and either negate the yes day or ask for a later yes day, has now soured the idea of it for future birthdays.
C-sections are no joke. Breastfeeding is no joke. None of it is fun, it’s hard work, especially when you’re trying to establish the feeding and build the connection, not to mention repair major organs and muscles that were sliced open to birth his child.
Either he’s an idiot for thinking this was a good idea or entirely selfish.” MemesRmylovelanguage
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While I understand the sentiment of yes day (usually a fun birthday idea), I think it was more about what your bodily limitations were able to handle. You just had literal layers of skin, organs, muscle, and fat cut wide open and a literal human being removed from your insides.
Do I think that you ruined his day by asking him to change a diaper or two? Absolutely not. He took his yes day and ran far with it. But I would explain to him that maybe a make-up yes day would have been a better suggestion when you’re feeling more up to celebrating to the best of your abilities.
First and foremost you guys are a team and should act as such. Having a birthday does not excuse one from treating your partner like a servant.” knuckanoos
7. AITJ For Sitting At The Table At My Aunt's Wedding?
“I (16m) attended my Aunt’s small wedding celebration which was held on Christmas day. My aunt, who I’ll call Aunt Kate, was recently married to a man who seems to fit her perfectly.
The first time I met him, he was very kind, humorous, and enjoyable to be around. He even offered my sibling a job with him as he needed one. My view of him was that he was really nice, I eventually learned from my sibling that he’s not.
My Uncle-in-law has always shown a certain disdain towards the rest of my family with exception of my aunt, the one he married, and my sibling. His sense of humor consists of very serious and straight-faced sarcastic comments. The type of comments you find hilarious at first, then when you hear what he actually thinks, you realize it wasn’t a joke but rather a rude insult.
He would make these comments to everyone, especially my parents. I saw through these comments because my sibling told me how he actually felt about my parents.
My Aunt Kate and her husband aren’t very well off but have a very beautiful home, with a nice kitchen might I say, and decorate extensively for every holiday.
For this past Christmas, we had planned to host a white elephant event, though my family had to pull out as we didn’t have the money. Due to this, they canceled the white elephant thing. My Aunt and Uncle then decided to have their wedding celebration on Christmas day, as a way to bring together the family more (the original plan before the white elephant thing got canceled was to have dinner on Christmas Eve, then come back the next day to exchange the gifts).
On the day of the dinner, we showed up and hung out for a bit with the family while the food was being finished. I baked a lemon pound cake with syrup glaze, and banana pudding, and others brought food. My Uncle had his work family and boss show up, as he has worked in the same place for a long time.
Before we ate, we all sat down and watched as they said their vows. It was very emotional and heartfelt, with lots of crying, videos, and cheers.
We all got ready to eat, the food was uncovered and set out. Everybody scrambled to get into the dining room which connects to the kitchen.
I asked my Aunt Kate where I and the rest of my family (mom, dad, and 2 siblings) would be sitting. My Uncle chimed in with a comment saying that we would sit on the couch which was adjacent to the table (Note that they had combined two long tables to accommodate everyone).
My Aunt didn’t reply as she got busy with something else. After a minute, I asked her again and she said to just pick a seat.
Recently, while talking to my sibling, I learned that my Uncle didn’t like me at all, and only wanted to be ‘indifferent’ in our interactions.
I asked him why he felt this way and he said the biggest reason was that he didn’t want my family at the dinner table at his wedding and he felt that I had whined to my Aunt about it. I learned that he would much rather have his coworkers sit at the table.
I felt this was very weird and rude to my family, even though he has shown in the past that he didn’t care for most of my family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said that there was room for everybody at the table. Your aunt told you to pick a seat.
Your uncle sounds like a piece of work.
I hope this doesn’t happen for your aunt’s sake, but there is a good chance that the family will end up going low contact with them because the uncle is so obnoxious.
There is another possibility – does your brother have a history of stirring things up?
From what you’ve said about your uncle’s sarcasm, I would say this is less likely in the circumstances but still possible.” Aggressive-Fudge5759
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re NTJ. That’s when I’m sorry that your aunt found love with a manipulator. We had one of those as well and of course, they were married to everybody’s favorite aunt, and initially, we thought we hit the jackpot.
He came off as funny and intelligent and kind and the perfect match for all of her good qualities. It didn’t become clear until about three years in that he was just an incredibly narcissistic duplicitous person who was very hurtful.
You sound like a lovely person.
Do not let other people’s opinions or beliefs about you influence your own beliefs about yourself. Don’t let his behavior alter your relationship with your Aunt.” Jovon35
6. WIBTJ For Taking Away The Living Room Roku?
“I (21 F) live with my partner and roommates R and E. While I can admit I’m not the cleanest, my partner and I have devised a system that has kept our apartment clean on our end.
Our roommates have constantly not cleaned the common spaces and have instead complained about our stuff being dirty when my partner and I are both full-time students and work. They have put semi-dirty pans away, which I have had to clean, put wet dishes on top of dry dishes, which causes dishes to pile up since the rack is always full, and complain about the slightest mess on the stove even though all they cook is boxed Mac and cheese.
When E and R and their partners make a mess, it’s never a problem to them but once a pan can’t be cleaned immediately by us, it is.
Over the past few months, R and E have made the common space very uncomfortable to be in, so I’ve been avoiding them and staying in my room (not to mention they both have their partners over all the time and take up the whole space).
To start, R one day took everything that was ours during a stress cleaning spree and barricaded my door with it so I could hardly walk in (it ranged from sticky notes to pens and other petty items). E has blamed their mental health on my partner’s plant light being the reason they were depressed since they couldn’t stand to be in the common area, causing my partner to feel pressured into taking down their plant stand which they care about a lot.
Today, my partner started folding clothes in the living room before going to Easter brunch. I went to my family’s house and R apparently came home a lot earlier than expected. My partner came home and saw that all the clothes had been moved to our room and R was in their room, which upset my partner since there was no communication on R’s end and they didn’t see a reason why they needed to have done that if they weren’t out there.
This was my partner’s breaking point and they took every art project they were working on and threw it away in tears in order to officially get everything misc. that was ours out since it was clear we weren’t welcome. I am upset since it seems like the past few weeks have only been getting worse.
We have a Roku that belongs to my partner and me in the living room that E and R use a lot with my streaming services. WIBTJ if I took it into our room since they clearly don’t want our stuff out there anyway?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if things are exactly as you relay here. They are being passive-aggressive about your living arrangements and cherry-picking what they have a problem with when it comes to the common areas. I would suggest moving ASAP to a place with just you and your partner, where you can live as you please.” CylintStep
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Hang Out With My Mom?
“When I turned 18 I moved out, and my mom and stepdad moved to LA. For 9 years, we’d see each other maybe 2-3 times a year for holidays or occasional visits.
My stepdad recently retired and they moved 20 minutes from me and said they did so because they wanted to be closer to me.
I am just getting my feet on the ground career-wise and am in a serious relationship. I have a solid group of friends and my time is pretty much accounted for. I am always working overtime for my job because of the nature of my career.
Before they moved here I would tell them how tired and overwhelmed I was. They knew I was busy.
I was nervous when they said they were moving here. I asked them if they planned to join meet-up groups or do any activities so they could meet friends.
Nope.
My mom has mentioned hanging out with me and my friends (absolutely not).
Some background – in my childhood, my mom had her moments of being kind and loving. She enrolled me in sports and nurtured my love for music. However, she was very mean to my sister and me.
She would yell frequently and we felt afraid of her. We still probably do, because when she drinks, she’s unpredictable. It’s as if, if you say one thing that goes against what she thinks, get ready for her mean, belittling, and uncomfortable response.
My sister has gone no contact with my mom and my mom sees me as her Golden child. I’m so busy though, that I can’t see my mom every couple of weeks. Maybe once a month or once every two months but even that feels like a lot at times because of my mom’s unpredictable attitude.
I’m 27 – barely have just gained independence, and I feel like my mom, who wasn’t very kind to me growing up, wants to interrupt my life in a way that I don’t know I have the space for. I walk on eggshells around her and I resent that.
I also resent that when they retire, their inclination is to insert themselves into my life, which they know I just barely got under control and in a happy space. I do feel guilty for feeling this way, but I also believe I’m simply protecting myself and my happiness.
I love my mom so much and do like spending time with her, but I thrived with more space.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
When people retire without any plans for how to fill their days, they often feel like they don’t have a life–but that doesn’t mean they’re entitled to take yours!
They chose to move away from the friends they had and then they chose to leave people they’d become friends with to move to a new place near you. You aren’t responsible for filling the void in their social life or for helping them pass the time they used to spend working.
No parent, even perfect ones, are ‘owed’ large amounts of their adult children’s time–and your mother was definitely not perfect and indeed continues to be hard to take. See her only when and how you want to see her and leave when she turns mean.
Good luck!” nappingthedream
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, you have completely valid reasons to not want to see your mum both on a logistic and personal level.
If you don’t want to go no contact with them I suggest trying to lean on how busy you are but set up a schedule that is also low risk like a lunch together on the first Sunday of every month or something like that, where it can be as short or long as you want it (and be able to escape fairly easily), and have it be in a public space where you might feel more comfortable as she would be less likely to react badly to things or yell at you but in the end, you are very much NTJ and shouldn’t feel guilty for not wanting to see her.” BronteSaysHI
4. WIBTJ For Going Through My Aunt's Phone To Find Out Where My Dog Is?
“I’m a 16-year-old female. 9 months ago, my second baby brother was born and came to live with us.
Being that we had 3 dogs, 2 cats, and now 2 babies in the house, my aunts were reasonably stressed out, and my Aunt B told me that if I didn’t start taking care of my dog Paco they were gonna give him away. This was unreasonable because I already took care of him as if he was a child, and all she had to do was buy food (I didn’t have a job at the time).
However, I understood that it might have been too much stress to have him around with the babies. So they started getting rid of the dogs one by one, starting with Paco. Even though he was my dog, I wasn’t told about this, I just came home and he was gone.
I still miss him so much, but I would have been content if I could have just said goodbye. They said they gave him to a sweet couple who lives on a farm, and he would get to run as much as he wanted. I was very upset but I just said nothing so as to not make anyone mad.
Fast forward to about a week ago, my Aunt B tells me we’re getting Paco back because a customer who came in while she was working at the liquor store told her he called the shelter to come get a German Shepherd from this apartment they’d been trapped in for days.
She said she was going to call the shelters around our town and see where he is so we can get him back. I asked her about it the next day but she looked like she got caught in a lie (my other aunt was right there and hadn’t even heard of this) and told me dismissively that she couldn’t find him.
For a little context, my aunt is narcissistic and tends to lie to me to manipulate how I feel towards her and make herself seem perfect I guess. To make things worse, we had a Yorkie we also gave away but they gave her back and she’s now skin and bones.
My Aunt B acted like she was fine and insisted who we gave her to are good people and would never do anything like that. I know that she stays in contact with Pacos’ new owner and I just want to make sure he’s okay.
I’m tempted to check her texts with the owner, but it seems morally grey.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You need to stop bringing pets into this situation. It isn’t good for them. Tell your aunts you don’t want any more pets and then focus hard on school so you can get out when you are 18.
I don’t think you should pursue Paco. You are not in a position to help him and your aunts may make your life much worse if they catch you snooping.
You need to put yourself first so you can get up and out of this situation.
You have a rough start in life. I wish you the best.” CalamityClambake
3. AITJ For Being Upset With My Partner For Backing Out Of Our Moving Plans?
“My (19F) partner (20M) and I have been seeing each other since high school. We will be attending the same university and he lives with 2 roommates.
I was suddenly cut off from my parents because of my career choices and I had to put a stop to my education. I’m just starting to attend college with the help of my grandparents.
Before I knew I could study again, my partner and I already made plans about moving in together.
He always seemed excited and contributed to our plans. He was showing me apartments, giving me split-up plans for the house, and telling me how we could split the chores. I told him that I only needed a year (five months ago) to set up a good emergency fund in case something happened because I thought I had to keep working.
When my grandparents found out what was happening, they cut my mom off and set her part of the inheritance as a college fund for me. So suddenly I have money for school, a place, and a car. I thought this would make my partner happy since it meant we could move in sooner.
When I told him about it he was really dry, like ‘Oh, that’s so good for you’, ‘how much do you want to spend on rent?’, ‘you have to find a safe place, I want you to be safe’. I thought it was weird, but since he was never upfront about not living with me anymore, I thought I was thinking too much into it.
Recently I found the perfect place, relatively close to our university (I could drive us there in 10-15 min), with a reasonable rent split in two and not too big. I sent him a text about it and he took his sweet time answering. He then told me that ‘he wasn’t sure about moving just yet.’ I was taken aback so I called him to ask what he was talking about and he told me that he was afraid to tell me sooner and that ‘he didn’t want to disappoint me’, but that he wasn’t moving in just yet, that he liked how it felt living ‘alone’ and that he didn’t want that compromise just yet.
I called him a jerk because I could’ve spent all of this time searching for a place for just me instead of going for bigger and more expensive places.
He has been calling and texting but I’m just so mad, my sis said that I was acting like a jerk because I’m kind of forcing him to move but it’s not that, it’s that he was so dismissive of me when I spent a good chunk of my money and time planning for both of us.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But then neither is he… hear me out. We can all change our minds about a situation at another time. So whilst he may have been keen initially, he isn’t now. And yes he asked you to wait and pay a higher rent but you agreed back then.
If you couldn’t afford it then, you could have asked him to help out or move anyway. But note he doesn’t owe you anything because he’s not responsible for you, you are. You guys could have moved in together and then split?!
It’s the risk we take when doing things. Sometimes they don’t work out.
Another way to reframe this is… thank goodness he told you before you moved in together, and then decided living together wasn’t so great for either of you. Now you both can be independent and happy in your respective spaces.
Enjoy your own mess-free space.” echo260116
Another User Comments:
“If I were in your place, I’d feel betrayed. While he had the right to make his own choice, he did not have the right to string you along after he’d changed his mind.
He says he was motivated by fear, and I believe him. Even after your (deservedly) strong reaction, his lack of remorse is disturbing.
Here’s my take: Your partner should always treat you with respect. This is especially important on the big things. He doesn’t hold you in high enough regard to prioritize your needs.
He’s just not mature enough for the relationship you want. This partner is not the right man for a long-term relationship with you.” Literally_Taken
2. AITJ For Leaving My Friend With Social Anxiety Alone In A Class?
“I (18F) have a group of 5 friends that have been hanging out since the start of the school year. Now that we move up a grade, the school decided to mix up all the classes and every one of us ended up in different classes, except for me and ‘Jane’, we were put in the same class.
About Jane, she is a VERY VERY introverted person and she told us she got diagnosed with social anxiety before. Actually, we aren’t surprised since she doesn’t really talk to any of our classmates aside from people in our group and she always has bad panic attacks when we have to do public speaking.
We understood it and we tried to help her with it. Also, she is very shy with strangers and very afraid to start a conversation with new people.
It is good that she is comfortable with us, however, some of the friends in our clique including me think she is too dependent on us, which makes us uncomfortable.
E.g., She couldn’t even ask in our class group chat if someone brought an extra calculator to lend her for the exam since she forgot hers, and one of us had to do that for her. She can’t initiate a conversation by herself, and even when she can, she can’t even continue it and most of our conversations are just us talking and her nodding.
Jane is also very ‘clingy’ to us, as in she would follow us around whenever we have school events where there are a lot of strangers in our school participating.
Anyway, to the main story, I was a little taken aback when I saw her name on my class list. I know she is a good person, but it doesn’t change the fact that she is very needy and clingy.
I know that now everyone in our clique is separated except for the two of us, she would depend on me more. I also want to have a new social circle where I can meet and befriend other people, and I don’t want to stick to her anymore.
This does not mean I want to cut ties with her though. So when the application to transfer class was open, I immediately fill up the form for it. And 4 days before the new school year starts, I received the news that I have been transferred to a new class successfully.
I know that leaving Jane alone in a class full of strangers is a cruel thing to do, especially when she has social anxiety. But I would like to focus on myself more so I decided to take the chance and stop babysitting Jane. Jane will have to start a conversation and make friends on her own now even if it will be difficult for her.
When I presented this news to her, I actually hid the fact that I applied for the transfer, and told Jane that the school changed my class without any reason. I’m glad Jane and other friends in the group fell for this and seems like none of them are suspicious of me because I don’t want to say my feelings straight to her since it definitely will hit her hard.
I don’t think Jane will be able to make friends in her new class because of how introverted she is, but I trust that she can at least have decent relationships with her classmates so that she can work with them on projects and wouldn’t be picked on.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone with anxiety issues, it’s not other people’s responsibility to care for us (past normal human interactions, etc). You shouldn’t feel bad, Jane has to deal with her own issues at some point. And who knows, she may meet some people she likes in the new class.
Even if she did get picked on that’s not your fault at all. It’s never a bad thing to prioritize your own feelings, especially when you’re not doing anything cruel.
It’s nice that you’re concerned about your friend, but you may be underestimating them.
It’s kinda sad you believe she can’t make friends for herself, maybe the situation has just never presented itself. Bc as someone who is shy it’s much easier to just stick to ppl you know instead of branching out. (not judging you tho, I don’t know the people you’re talking abt, you def know a lot better than I do ).
You’re not a jerk for lying either, it’s justifiable and I would probably do the same. Sometimes sparing the feelings of others is the kinder option.” Horizon_Zero96
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s definitely not your responsibility to make her feel less anxious.
I used to be shy myself, never initiated conversations, hated meeting new people, experienced some degree of social anxiety, and also never left my friends’ side at social gatherings.
Thankfully, I learned to grow out of it and now I don’t mind different social situations.
It took being in a LOT of uncomfortable situations where I couldn’t depend on my friends for me to be able to get to that point. I think what you’re doing could help her in the long run, giving her a space to feel uncomfortable and her being forced to navigate that on her own.” leschatons
1. AITJ For Parking Too Close To My Neighbor's Car?
“About a year ago, I (23f) moved into my current apartment where each unit comes with one underground parking stall; mine is located between two other vehicles. Yesterday, I saw a note on my window titled: ‘This is not an acceptable parking job.’ Below is what my neighbor (stall to the left) wrote:
‘When I was first assigned Stall #X years ago, I wasn’t thrilled. It’s not the most ideal spot, being next to a concrete wall and all. So, I would forward-park into the stall, with my old mid-size sedan, and leave barely enough room on my driver’s side so I wasn’t parked too far over to the right.
You know, so the person in Stall #X (my stall) could open their driver’s door open.
I practiced backing into my spot because I thought it would be a considerate thing to do for my neighbor. Park the passenger’s side of my car against the wall and leave ample room for both of our drivers’ sides.
But my attempts at generosity are met with…this ‘attempt’ at centering yourself between the lines. Your driver’s side front tire is literally touching the line, and you’ve got like 2 feet on the other side.
I’m sure you were not being purposefully inconsiderate, but people like you truly make me lose a little bit of faith in humanity every day.
I don’t understand how I myself can be so neurotically self-aware of the impact of my parking job on others, whereas you clearly don’t give a darn.
So, you’ve broken my spirit. I no longer care about giving you ample space. If you continue to park like this, I will continue to park dead-center in my spot, regardless of how much room it leaves you.
As you can see by the picture below, it’s clearly your fault.
I’m hoping this letter will suffice, and that you’ll start to take the extra ten seconds out of your busy day to pay attention to where you’re aligning your vehicle.
I’d also be happy to chat about this further any time.’
Included in this letter was a photo of my car with the parking lines highlighted to emphasize how close I parked next to this person. Granted, my parking was subpar at best and I was touching the inside of my parking line.
However, the extreme passive-aggressiveness of this letter seems unwarranted to me. In the year I’ve lived here, this person has never once reached out to me about my parking habits. Since reading this letter, I’ve parked my car outside as this person has made me extremely uncomfortable.
It also makes me uneasy that this person had time to take a photo of my car, upload it to their computer, photoshop highlights around the parking lines, write an entire page about how my parking has ‘broken their spirit’, print it, and place it on my car.
As a single, young female who lives alone, I’ve never felt 100% safe going anywhere by myself, so I take the tone and delivery of this letter seriously.
I can absolutely see why parking close to this person was inconsiderate, but their response seemed too aggressive.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ on two counts.
The first count is for being a bad/inconsiderate parker for about a year.
The second count is thinking that writing a letter expressing disappointment is aggressive. In fact, I think this was one of the least aggressive ways they could have brought up the issue.
Would you have preferred your neighbor to hunt down your apartment number and knock on your door while yelling at you to fix your parking or else?
Accept your jerk behavior and learn to park.” LurkingInquisition
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you are living in a publicly shared location, but you aren’t being considerate of the people around you.
And your excuse is something like ‘I didn’t know’ or ‘that wasn’t my intention’ which in my opinion is worse. It means that you are so self-absorbed that you can’t think about how your actions affect those around you. At least if you did it on purpose you were thinking about others and chose to be a jerk willfully.
It’s silly that they had to write such a long letter over the situation, instead of trying something simpler to begin with, but stop trying to play the soft scared woman victim. There was no threat in that letter, nothing aggressive or angry, just someone who was trying to be polite that you never thought about.” Thisisthatguy99
