People Fear The Consequences In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
28. AITJ For Suggesting My Friend Should Shave To Improve Her Life?
“My (29f) friend, let’s call her Emily (32f) is an amazing person – she’s fun, adventurous, intelligent, super active, a fantastic cook, outgoing, and just a great girl to be around.
A few years ago she decided not to shave anymore (legs, armpits, female areas) out of protest to the patriarchy, resulting in her having very long dark hair everywhere.
A few days ago, we were having a beer and she told me how sad her social life was, that she kept meeting guys and having very fun outings but never got a callback, or when she tried asking for a second or third outing, got rejected in a very generic manner.
Now after telling her “You’re so gorgeous and wonderful, the right man will come don’t worry” multiple times, I decided to go out on a limb and said something along the lines of “I know this is a very superficial thing to say, but do you think it might help a little if you would shave?“
She was very taken aback and told me she was disappointed I would suggest she change her appearance for men and that I was the reason so many women were suppressed. I immediately apologized but the evening was pretty much ruined. I texted her the next day apologizing again for hurting her but she hasn’t replied.
I did not want to hurt her but I also don’t quite see how my comment was that bad so I am not sure how to phrase my apology. So decided to take it here and ask people here how big of a jerk I am.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ not shaving is a value statement. She is looking for a life partner that has the same values. By telling her to shave you are telling her to change her values just to get a man. Instead of saying “Don’t worry you will find the right man”, why not say “these wrong men should be screened out rather than be with one of them who doesn’t value the same things you do.
Now that would be miserable compromising your values”. Being single is not the end of the world. Typos were corrected and grammar was improved for clarity Edit to add: Not shaving is a value statement for OP’s friend as per OP her friend stopped shaving to stand up to the patriarchy.
Not shaving is not a value statement for all those that do not shave.” Effective_Pie1312
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I think you’re going to get some angry responses because a lot of people in this subreddit assume everyone posting is a man so of course you’re going to be accused of supporting the patriarchy.
I think you’re probably right that some of the guys she has gone out with are put off by her body hair. However, she likely doesn’t want the kind of guy who would see body hair as a dealbreaker. She also didn’t ask for your advice.
It sounds like she was just venting. Let your friends vent and just listen. You don’t have to offer advice. You can just offer support.” huged1k
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You just suggested the reason she may be having problems with socializing. You are also probably correct.
Of course, she is free to do whatever she wants with her body and they may not meet others preferences, which means they may not want to go out with her. This may mean they miss out on a great person for superficial reasons but that is a choice they are free to make.” Tyberious_
27. AITJ For Not Cooking The Way My Partner Wants?
“I (29F) have been seeing my partner (27M) (let’s call him John) for a few months now but we’ve known each other for a very long time.
John’s been friends with my brother since middle school. In that time I have cooked food for my brother and his friends multiple times.
So John cannot cook anything that isn’t a microwave meal or instant ramen, and likes fast food and eats it all the time.
I like fast food but don’t enjoy it every day. Because of this, whenever we go for outings we mostly go out or I cook the food.
Recently John has been staying at my place temporarily because of some issues with his apartment. He mostly eats out, and always comes home having had dinner already.
I mostly cook for myself, and John just has one or two bites.
He always has a million instructions on how I should cook though, and I initially followed them, but I just don’t enjoy that style of food. So I stopped listening to him and cooked food the way I wanted since he would always have at most 2 bites even if I did make the food exactly how he wanted.
Yesterday we got into a huge fight about how I’ve stopped listening to him. I told him that his staying with me has just increased the amount of things I have to do around the house, and he refuses to help because he’s a guest, the least I could get was food the way I like it.
He thinks I’m being inconsiderate and rude.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I’d seriously reconsider the relationship. You have bigger problems than how you cook your food. Nothing like a little forced togetherness to show you who someone is. Do you honestly think he’s going to be any better when he no longer considers himself a “guest”?
Most decent people would go the other way and would be helpful out of sheer gratitude that they had a place to land. He is screaming who he is…entitled, bossy, and expecting the little woman to take care of everything for him. Believe him.
And send him back to his apartment (are you sure there are issues there.).” Chalker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ A Guest is an invited friend or family visiting from out of town. A significant other staying for a select amount of time is like a trial run for moving in together in the future.
A good guest would clean up after themselves and offer to help out as they bring additional demands on their host. With the way he has been behaving, and his unwillingness to help out when you are helping him. His insistence that you follow his demands instead of expressing his needs and helping to contribute to them speaks volumes about his expectations of you.
Is this what you want in the future? Is this the type of person you want to potentially have a long-term relationship with? Is this how you envision your life with this person? If the answer to any of those questions is No. Then you have a lot of think serious thinking you need to do, followed by a serious conversation that needs to be had with your partner about his behavior.
I would be seriously considering ending this romantic relationship as the implied power dynamic that your significant other expects seems highly problematic at best, toxic at worst.” SysError404
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is there a cultural norm that I’m not aware of that allows guests to demand a certain way for their hosts to prepare meals that they aren’t going to eat anyway?
Dump him. That behavior will only escalate the longer you’re with him. He’s a terrible partner and a worse houseguest.” NurtureDaddy
26. AITJ For De-Cluttering The Family Cabin My Partner Inherited?
“My partner’s (both in the mid-30s, we share a home) parents gave my partner the beloved family cabin. They had the opportunity to buy a smaller cabin nearby from a friend and as it is mostly just the mother using it, a smaller place made sense.
They didn’t want to get rid of the original, mostly due to sentimental value as the mother loves it. The only discussion about the cabin was, “Would you want it?”; “Yes.”; “OK, we’ll take the value out of any inheritance with your siblings.” There was some legal/tax stuff of course, but no other discussions.
I understand the cabin was a gift to my partner, I am not on the title, but as we spend time there together, I wanted to de-clutter (with the partner’s unequivocal OK). Specifically, I got a new couch as the original was from the 90s; got new tablecloths; got rid of a lot of random furniture covering; and boxed up all the knick-knacks just lying about.
I’m talking dozens of random plastic bits that no one knows the origins of, a bowling pin(?), broken ping pong handles, toy parts, so many coasters, so many mugs holding more random bits. I didn’t touch any hung photos or other furniture.
His mother comes by and notices the changes.
She’s upset. I tell her I kept everything so she can take it, but she just goes on to say that it’s supposed to be at the old cabin. She told me that we needed to ask permission.
WITJ for de-cluttering the beloved family cabin my partner now owns?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like she wants the joy of having the larger, family cabin without the burden of the upkeep. You kept everything, so if it’s the items she has the issue with, she can have them. As long as your partner, who now owns the cabin, is ok with your changes, the ex-owner (your MIL) doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
That would be kind of like the people who we bought our house from 10 years ago, knocking on our door and saying they don’t like what we did with the garden, and it needs to be changed back. Not going to happen!” Minute_Educator9794
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were supposed to cherish and store their junk forever. Mentally they never stopped thinking of it as “their” cabin and junk. This is a really common phenomenon among Boomers and leaves them deeply upset and hurt that their children don’t want their material possessions and “treasures”.
Not wanting their junk is viewed as a rejection of both them and their values. Millennials meanwhile have little interest in their parents’ clutter and dumping their parent’s junk is the reason that the antique market has collapsed since the 90s. There’s been a ton of news articles on it.” MonkeyPawWishes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it is going to continue to be a problem. My dh bought the family home -4th generation owner. And everything was a fight, a lecture, a meltdown, and drama. Everything. I replaced a paper towel holder from 1970 or so and the darn thing wouldn’t hold paper towels.
Cue freakout. I had to lay flooring over old Lino because “it saw so much history” wanting to install windows that opened because the entire house was picture windows that didn’t open. I was destroying the look of the house. Painted the bathroom? I completely freak out.
Ripped out the 35-year-old carpet and refinished the hardwood floors? That carpet was still good and I was wasteful my MIL repeatedly told me they bought good things and she had quality taste and I’d never find anything like it anymore… They left a full attic and almost a full basement.
Refused to take it, but were adamant I couldn’t sell it, donate it, or give it away because “it belongs in the house” After 10 years of this nonsense I bought my own house. If your partner won’t back you up, this may be a constant.
Good luck.” Phoenix_rise-
25. AITJ For Not Letting My Grounded Daughter Go To A Party For Her Academic Achievement?
“So my daughter, Emmy (15F) is currently grounded after she and another girl stole one of the golf carts from school and crashed it into a pond while intoxicated about a month ago. The other girl is still in the hospital. So now you have at least some context for the proceeding.
Emmy recently received an honor from our state government for academic achievement in Latin. Her friends decided to plan a party for her to celebrate and she asked if I (38F) would let her go out this one night and I said no. She’s upset but she’s grounded, you don’t get to just ignore your punishment because your friends are throwing you a party.
I should also mention her punishment is *only* that she can’t leave the house except to go to and from school. She still has her phone, her computer, her switch, her TV, etc.
Later that night, discussing it with my fiancé he said I was being a bit harsh on Emmy and that she’s done her time and I should let her go out with her friends.
I didn’t budge, it’s not a graduation or funeral. It’s a party for something she can work for again next year. She’s a sophomore, she still has two years before she graduates. That’s two more years she’ll have to go out with friends after she’s learned that actions have consequences.
She’s not even thought to apologize to the other girl’s family or visit the hospital. As far as I’m concerned she’s not learned her lesson yet.
But at the same time, it’s just one night and it’s for an academic achievement that she worked hard for.
So idk, am I being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ-finally some good parenting, momma. I have no idea why my fiancé thinks he even has a say. Is he her father? You have some things to make up for seeing as she steals and drinks at 15.
You didn’t deny her an academic award. She still got that. Her friends (and your daughter) are trying to manipulate you. I’m glad you’re not falling for it. Of COURSE, they’re going to plan a party to congratulate her for this award-it’s the only way to get wild again under the nose of the parents.” OkSeat4312
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If it was an official event thrown by the school then maybe she should go. A party organized by her friends is the exact type of thing that being grounded stops you from going to. She broke the rules, and in a pretty serious way, she needs to learn that that has consequences, even if you do a separate good thing it doesn’t cancel out the effects of the rule-breaking” Capital-Effort2597
Another U.ser Comments:
” NTJ, she can still be stripped of the award. She can still be charged with multiple crimes and have to serve time in a juvenile detention center. If they prove she was the one driving, she might not get her driver’s license for some time.
It could have been two funerals. If they got the booze from your home, you can be liable for the other girl’s injuries. Do you know where she got the booze? Was it from your fiancé as he seems to blow this off?” Crazybutnotlazy1983
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take My Sister's Dog When She Moves?
“I’ll try to keep this brief. My (25M) younger sister (22F) has a golden retriever, I’ll call him Lucky, who she got four years ago when she moved out of our parent’s house.
I always thought it was dumb for her to have a dog when she was so young and her life wasn’t figured out and she was working as a barista, but that’s neither here nor there. I’m more of a cat person but Lucky is sweet and I would occasionally dog sit for her, she would bring him to family gatherings, he sorta feels like part of the family now, etc.
But, after a 2-year long distance relationship my sister is now engaged to a guy who lives halfway across the country, and she’s planning to move in with him after the wedding next year. His apartment building where he lives long term doesn’t allow dogs, and so she’s planning on leaving Lucky behind and wants me to take him.
I like the dog but I live in a cramped apartment with my partner and neither of us wants to take on that responsibility. I feel like it’s on her to figure it out with her fiancee, but she’s been guilt-tripping me about wanting to keep Lucky “in the family” and saying I’m being heartless, etc.
I don’t think it’s crazy for me to not want her to offload the responsibility that she chose onto me, especially because in general her whole life she’s been the less responsible one and this is a perfect example of that. I love animals but this just feels so beyond the pale, I don’t think I’m being a jerk, but am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds very selfish and self-centered. She also doesn’t sound like she loves the dog as much as she claims. You don’t walk away from your dog – you find a place to live that accepts dogs. I feel so bad for the dog.
It’s horrible for the dog, they love unconditionally and bond with people it’s very hard on them when they are abandoned by their primary owners. She doesn’t deserve to have pets. I understand you don’t want to take the dog, and there is nothing wrong with that decision.
She is causing this poor sweet dog serious grief. Shame on her.” photoguynj1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister has some nerve guilt tripping you when this is entirely on her. She’s the one who got a dog when she wasn’t at a stable place in life.
She is the one choosing to move away and move into a place that doesn’t allow dogs. She could move to a different apartment, one that is dog-friendly. She’s the one who decided against that and decided to give her dog away instead.
If she doesn’t care about keeping the dog in her family, why should you? It’s her darn dog. Don’t take him. The only reason she wants you to is so she can feel better about her decision to abandon her dog—to tell herself that she’s not abandoning him, since he’s still “with family.” lyr4527
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At all. The responsibility of a dog, especially one that’s only two years old, and a big dog at that, is not on you. You didn’t get a dog. That‘s at least a 10-year commitment. When you want to go somewhere, you’re the one who has to find a dog sitter.
Or kennel them, pay the vet bills, etc. The responsibility is on them and they are laying their guilt on you. If they love Lucky that much, they’ll find something for him, and if not, that is not on you. Your sister shouldn’t have taken him to begin with.” Taco-Hunt-7687
23. AITJ For Not Allowing My Brother's Family To Stay At My House Due To Past Damage?
“I (32 m) have a brother (27m) whom we’ll call James. James has a partner (30f) named Kristy, and they have two sons together.
These are my nephews, Alan (4) and Peter (10 months). A little over a year ago, James and Kristy came up to visit with Alan, who was then 3. This is the setup for the story.
During their last visit, Alan behaved like a typical toddler. High energy, getting into things, being loud, ordinary toddler stuff.
James and Kristy have not been the strictest on discipline, so he doesn’t know the boundaries of other people’s stuff. I have a lot of very nice and expensive items, some of which got broken during the last visit. I was able to replace them with no problem, but I don’t want to risk them getting broken again.
Not to mention, I like my peace for the most part. I don’t mind some noise now and again, but I’m not used to having the constant noise of young children.
Anyway, I got a call from James saying they’re coming up to visit for about a week soon.
He asked if they and the kids could stay with me at my house again. I told him no, and I offered to pay for them to stay in a nearby hotel for the week. James got upset, and I heard Kristy ask in the background why not, as they knew I had the space.
I lied and said that I was expecting another company to come stay for a while. But the truth is, I just don’t want a repeat of last year.
Am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“You should just be honest. The fact is you haven’t baby-proofed your home and aren’t interested in doing so.
A lot of things were broken last time so you are more than happy to cover the cost of a hotel until he grows up a little more. It’s not the child’s discipline necessarily and I would avoid that topic. Kids will break things and you would rather accommodate them in a hotel to keep it easy for everyone.” PurpleAriadne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How entitled can they be, to completely ignore/forget the fact that they allowed their son to trash your house the last time they were there? Did they pay to replace the things their kid broke? I’m guessing no – that you paid to replace them.
I suggest that you call and tell them the truth – otherwise, they’re going to just keep asking in the future.” Anonymoosehead123
Another User Comments:
“Y T J for lying about the reason. You should have addressed the damage caused by their kid straight away when they broke the items. You can’t invent an imaginary house guest for years to come every time they want to visit.
Communicate. NTJ for not wanting to host your brother’s unsupervised wrecking toddler in your house.” DoIwantToKnow6417
22. AITJ For Refusing To Go On Vacation With My Parents Anymore?
“My (15M) parents have been going on vacation with me and their friends twice a year for as long as I can remember. When I was younger I had to go with them because nobody could look after me so they had no choice but to take me, I don’t know what the reason is now since I’m old enough to be left home alone but whatever.
I don’t want to sound ungrateful but the vacations are my least favourite parts of the year. They leave me at the hotel and they go out and get inebriated every night, come back to the hotel room, tell me how awful I am and then we’d go home.
It was worse when I was younger because I couldn’t look after myself and I was really scared of being in the hotel room alone at night at least now I can make myself food or go for a walk or something.
Every time they drink they get angry which just ends in them screaming at me and I’m just so done with it.
I told them a few days ago that I’m not going on vacation with them since they were talking about going to Italy in a few months. They got really upset and said something about me ruining a tradition. And that I should be grateful they want to take me anywhere.
I’ve pretty much just stayed in my room since then because I don’t want them to get angry at me again. I feel like I’m being ungrateful I just hate going on vacation with them so much but I don’t know if I’m just overreacting.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re acting on some fantasy in their heads by making it a “family” vacation, but then not treating you right when they get there. I doubt this is the only problem with them. Consider that they may be less than honest or helpful in other ways – don’t take their word as gospel truth.
Good luck.” NapalmAxolotl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you can’t win: you go on vacation and get yelled at, or you stay behind and get yelled at as well. You might as well stay at home and enjoy a couple of weeks of peace.
After all, a tradition of getting yelled at by a pair of inebriated individuals is not one worth repeating.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“What tradition? The tradition of leaving you in a hotel room alone? The tradition of them going out to get inebriated and then coming back to yell at you for no reason?
NTJ. Good parents don’t leave their kids in a hotel room alone at night and they certainly don’t verbally mistreat them. Please know that the way they treat you is mistreatment. Hopefully, you can get therapy for that at some point.” MonOubliette
21. AITJ For Forgetting My Partner's Marathon Date And Booking An International Trip?
“My partner told me in the late springtime (April/May) that he had signed up for a marathon in October. I cannot remember if he told me the date or just signed up because my texts on my phone were deleted. Because the date was far out I did not remember to write it in my calendar.
I have been trying since 2019 to schedule an international trip with my friend. Due to circumstances, I had to cancel it several times. I also got a new job so I had to cancel a trip for this reason. My job is extremely stressful and it isn’t easy to take time off.
It is my life’s dream to go to this destination. So, when scheduling this trip, my main focus was when is the best time to book this based on my work schedule. I had foolishly forgotten about my partner’s marathon which I feel awful for.
I looked into seeing if I could reschedule my trip but it would be too challenging and also affect my friend.
I have apologized many times, giving him full right to be passive-aggressive towards me. I also bought him gifts for the marathon to show my support and continue to apologize.
AITJ for forgetting this? Would it be fair for him to end the relationship over this? Now that I have made this mistake I plan to be much more diligent and make sure I mark dates down but I know what’s done is done and he is upset.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Based on you saying you have been only seeing each other for 8 months. You found out about his marathon very new into your relationship (6 months ago). Pretty early on to remember any dates that far out, and you’re not running it, not like you need to attend.
You do not need his permission or approval on any trip you want to take, nor his approval on the dates. You did not need to discuss it first, simply inform him you are taking a trip with your friend. This is a red flag to me.
Is he controlling in other things, expecting you to explain yourself if you go out without him or anything? Be careful, be safe, and if he ends the relationship with you over this, you deserve better, because it would be quite childish and selfish of him.” Adorable-Escape-4837
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you say it yourself, you forgot and feel awful about it. If he ends the relationship with you over this, he wasn’t worth it in the first place, in my opinion, but of course, you need to make up for it, if you being there for his marathon was so important to him.
Things happen, and we move on. If he however continues to be passive-aggressive, you better book another trip and end the relationship with him instead. Something like this isn’t the world, and ok, he gets to be upset for a bit, but honestly, not for too long.
It already is a bit childish, but since you said he was tainted by his ex, ok, understandable. Just, you know, your wishes matter, too, not only his.” Hyploditus
Another User Comments:
“You would be a jerk if you knowingly booked the trip even though he told you he wanted you to be there on this date.
Here it sounds like you were forgetful (or some might say careless)in a way that is nate in this case and hurt his feelings. It’s reasonable for him to feel hurt but that doesn’t make you a bad person, or a jerk especially if you make a point to learn from this and try to put important dates in your calendar next time.” SpaceyJones
20. AITJ For Wanting To Kick My Sister Off My Streaming Services?
“I (28F) want to kick my sister (34F) and her family off my streaming services.
I have paid for Netflix, Hulu, HBOMax, Amazon Prime (50/50 split with my parents) and Discovery+ for years. I have always shared my account info with family because I’m paying for it anyway, so why not?
Last year my sister upgraded MY Netflix account to the most expensive package because my nieces were getting kicked off because too many screens were being utilized. It made me mad and I confronted her and she said she would pay the cost of the upgrade every month.
She never did despite me asking her several times. I just gave up and considered it as a gift to my nieces.
Now I find out that her husband canceled their cable because they will just use the streaming services. That I pay for. It made me a little annoyed but at the same time, I know that I will use these services anyway so what’s the harm in sharing?
Then I found out that they have AppleTV, Paramount Plus, and Disney Plus and they never offered to share those services with me. When I asked my sister for the password to AppleTV, she said she couldn’t because it was her husband’s account…
So he can cancel his cable to mooch off my streaming but I can’t use his?
I’m furious. I want to kick them off but I know that it will start a big fight and I don’t like confrontation. I also don’t want my nieces to think I don’t want to share with them as they are innocent in this.
Would I be a jerk if I kicked them off?”
Another User Comments:
“No way? Did she spend your money without so much as asking permission to make changes to your account? Change the email address associated with your accounts and change the passwords too. I wouldn’t even announce that I was making the changes.
When they get no services, they will figure their stuff out. Wow. That’s just a brassy jerk of them to let you assume responsibility and never return the favor. My sister-in-law gave my logins to a friend of hers who was low on funds and had few outlets.
And when I figured out why I couldn’t access services through my devices – I just signed everybody out and kept it moving. When my sister-in-law called I told her I couldn’t help her and her friend. My kids use the services when they are away at school.” AndSoItGoes24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, stand up for yourself and stop letting them take advantage of you, her husband is using your Netflix, why wouldn’t he give you his Disney+ account? I’d have downgraded the subscription and kicked her out the moment she failed to pay for what she said she’d pay for and told her “We don’t have room for all the accounts, it’s either the nieces or you” MaleficentTravel3336.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The explanation — as if you need to provide one — is simple. All the streaming services are cracking down on users who do not live at the same address. It’s time for you to get ahead of that to avoid any extra charges and/or fines that may accrue.
Alternatively, you could cancel everything as a deep clean for your subscription to so many online services; Netflix, Hulu, HBOMax, Amazon Prime, and Discovery+ (really? that many?) Then, after a reasonable break, you could ask your sister to share their services with you.” Individual_Ad_9213
19. AITJ For Defending My Sons When A Stranger Implied I Must Be Disappointed They're Not Girls?
“Weird question but I have 4 sons. They are 14, 12, 8, and 4. The older two are biological and the younger two were adopted after a birth complication made us infertile.
I was at the park over the weekend with my younger two boys. I got to chatting with another couple and mentioned that I had 4 boys. She said something like, “Oh, you poor thing. I wanted a girl too but he (pointing to her husband) didn’t want to have a 3rd.” I told her that I didn’t try for a girl and that if I wanted a girl we could have put that in our adoption paperwork but we didn’t have a gender preference.
I had no strong desire for a girl and love having sons so she has no reason to feel sorry for me. It rubbed me the wrong way that she said “Poor thing.” Like my boys aren’t good enough for me and she said it right in front of them.
They already have to field questions about being adopted. They shouldn’t have to feel bad about their gender too, you know?
Anyway, the lady got upset, told me I was being rude for no reason, and walked away. I spoke to my sister-in-law about it and she also felt I didn’t handle it correctly.
She has 3 girls and 1 boy and said it is just a normal thing people comment on. She said people will tell her that her son is going to be feminine because he only has sisters and she just shrugs it off so I should have done the same.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m one of 4 girls and people always used to say to my dad “did you want a boy to play with?” right in front of us, they even say it to me when I mention I am one of 4 girls.
It always stung a little why wouldn’t he want 4 daughters?!? We are great! And it still drives him mad he used to slam that one right down and make the person feel stupid for saying something stupid – which made me feel better and confident.
He is a proud girl dad and used to always finish by telling people how he must have been a saint in a past life to have been blessed with all girls. You did the right thing and your boys deserve to know that they’re wanted and not a consolation prize!” Clean_Permit_3791
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that was weird and presumptuous of her. It feels like she’s relying on a gendered stereotype that says that girls are easier kids to care for because they’ll take on some of your household labor or work around your needs, whereas boys can do whatever they want and there’s no solution for it.
The reality is that kids of all ages can learn to take on chores and help their parents, AND children of all ages should be allowed to have a childhood and be boisterous. Some nonsense and I’m glad you made sure your kids knew you wouldn’t have wanted them any other way.” Aftran_942
Another User Comments:
“When are you having a baby? When are you having a 2nd? Will you go for a third now you have 2 of the same? Do you think you should have a 4th as they aren’t getting enough attention? Do you have the money for all these children?
Oh gosh, I bet you wish you’d stopped at 2. No matter what the circumstances, a woman’s reproduction (or family situation) is open season for comments. I have no idea why, but people project what they think is right/ideal onto others and ask questions that they wouldn’t ask if it was about any other private thing.
NTJ” Heraonolympia123
18. AITJ For Being Upset That My Neighbor Consistently Parks Too Close To My Car?
“I live in a residential tract home neighborhood. I park in front of my home. The neighbor isn’t next door, he’s two houses down and has 5 cars parked on his extended paved driveway, plus 3 parked off the curb in front of his home.
He still has extra cars beyond this. So, what he does is park in front of my car, which is still fully in front of my home. Fine. Sometimes, he’ll park two cars in front of me. Fine. This goes a bit into my neighbor’s section, but not much.
I was being courteous and parking a bit more “back” than I usually do, because he seems to cram two cars in front of mine to avoid parking in front of my neighbor’s home (but has no issue parking in front of mine). I was cool with it until he started parking his car in front of me, but this time reversing into mine and left only a foot of space when it was completely unnecessary.
There’s no reason to do this when he doesn’t park a second car in front of the house, as there’s plenty of space with no one parked in front of him (the neighbors don’t need to park any additional cars off the curb).
He always does it when I’m not there and in the morning I have to put my car in reverse to get around him.
At first, I thought this was a once-off thing, but he’s taken to do it consistently.
I’m not sure if I’m the jerk here and not being the chill neighbor.
I also have to deal with the ramifications if I say anything.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If there is plenty of parking available on the road, then parking less than a foot from someone else is jerk behavior. But perhaps he just thinks he’s being neat or something.
It’s worth asking him, in a low-key, non-confrontational way, if there’s a reason for him parking so close to your car. It’s possible he just thinks he’s being tidy, and didn’t think that it would make things awkward for you. No jerks here” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“The thing is, I get that this is starting to feel like an encroachment. But, you only own your house – not accessways on the street. No one has a section of the street in front of their house unless they live on a private road.
So, NTJ for this getting on your nerves. But, all I think you can do about that is ask him to stop wedging you in the spot because it makes it very difficult for you to get your car back out.” AndSoItGoes24
Another User Comments:
“I’d say NTJ, as long as when you bring it up to him just ask nicely if he can leave a few feet of space if you guys act neighborly it shouldn’t be a huge deal. It’s not like you’re trying to get him to stop parking there altogether” mainbattledanker
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Care For The Big Dog My Partner Adopted?
“Six months postpartum, third kid. New town, unfamiliar area. Partner adopted this Husky/German mix last week, less than two years 65lbs, and a bony giant. I don’t know his life story but he seems very sweet, not even bad on the leash but this is a really big dog in my opinion.
I had a German/Chow growing up and he was strong and fast but this dog is a horse. He does not like being crated and has scratched up his face trying to get out at night.
So this dog who can probably run one hundred miles a day is ostensibly here to get me out of the house more and running ten miles a day again.
I am nursing and doing life on say 1500 calories per diem average. I am awake a lot at night.
He is already mad and projecting that he is the only one who will walk this dog that he decided to get my older kids are currently afraid to go near because the dog thinks he is a cuddly puppy and wasn’t trained.
That I should be down to walk him in this suburb because that was enough for our mature yellow lab before he passed, and I’m being ridiculous by assuming this dog is different/wants to run faster than I can currently physically handle.
AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and did I read this correctly? “…is ostensibly here to get me out of the house more and running ten miles a day again” Did your partner get this dog for you so you could lose weight? Is this something he thinks you need to do or is it something you have voiced you wanted to do?
Maybe I’m reading into that but if that is the only reason he got the dog then he’s a jerk. Dogs need families to take care of them, not just to inspire exercise. I’ve just fostered a beautiful Belgian Malinois who had previously been adopted as an “emotional support animal” for a very nice but very messed up young man who couldn’t meet any of her needs though she was meeting all of his.
Poor thing was very neglected. If your family cannot meet this dog’s needs you should consider rehoming to a family who is up to the task. Huskies a are very needy breed and will not do well being crated all the time because no one has time or energy to walk/play/love them.
No shame in rehoming either. I would have kept my foster but I knew we were not the right fit for her. She is very happy with her forever family.” IamIrene
Another User Comments:
“I’d want to have a mini meltdown and cry my eyes out.
(And I am not the crying kind. Just no to a new baby, two older children, and a dog bigger than the refrigerator at the same time. Frankly, I would pack my kids and go to a hotel for the weekend before I tried to negotiate a sentient being gift that I never asked for and don’t want to be responsible for.
Kids love a dog they’re scared of. So much fun. Omg. I wish you could film all this and show the video to your husband because he seems to be the only one who can’t see the problems this has created. NTJ. And tell him you don’t want this dog.
A dog is as dependent as a newborn when it hasn’t been trained and has no primary caregiver.” AndSoItGoes24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is one of the worst kind of adopters this dog could encounter. He made a unilateral decision to adopt a living, breathing creature and also that you would be the one to take care of it.
He’s setting that poor pup up to fail and making sure it can’t be adopted by owners who are more prepared to love and support it in the meantime. Also, who brings home a surprise dog for their wife to take care of when she’s already dealing with a newborn and two other children?!?
That dude is a total moron.” Thingamajiggles
but when he does that plus take care of a house including laundry, cleaning, buying groceries prepping and cooking for the family, he can then make a decision to adopt a dog that is way stronger than you. Is he out of his flipping mind? Dirs he mot teakize your body is still recovering from your pregnancy and delivery and until he has experienced it tell him he is best to keep his mouth shut because he is an ignorant bore because he knows nothing about what he speaks. This is a hill to die on. Yell him he can either devote his time and energy to care for his dog or because a husky breed needs a high energy environment, or you will rehome the dog because his other choice is to rehome himself and the dog as you are already taking care of 3 kids and you don't need 2 more. Check yourself and the kids into a hotel flr a couple of days to catch your breath. Tell him if he wants tte dog ge can true care of it plus he needs to pick up the slack because you are but
1 person and right now you are operating on an empty tank
16. AITJ For Wanting To Use My College Fund To Pay Off My In-Laws' Debt?
“I (27F) have been married to my spouse (29M) for five years, we’ve been together since we were teenagers and we have two kids (10M and 5F). Our son had an unplanned pregnancy, and my family was understandably extremely unhappy with me. My parents didn’t want me to have the baby and wanted me to stop seeing my partner because they didn’t like him or his family (they’re kind of known around our town for being troublemakers).
I left home because of this and my partner lived with his dad for almost five years until we were able to move out independently.
My parents are somewhat financially comfortable (much more so than my husband’s family), and they started a college fund when I was born.
It’s not an enormous amount but I’m very grateful for it, as I didn’t go to college I’ve only ever touched it in emergencies.
My father-in-law recently told my husband that they are in a significant amount of credit card debt and are struggling. I’ve always felt like we owed them for letting us live with them for almost five years – he never charged us rent or complained about anything.
My MIL did a LOT of the childcare when our son was little which allowed us to get going with our jobs when we were younger which is the only reason we have been able to build the life we have now.
I want to give them the amount they owe out of my college fund (it’s around 2/3rds of it) – I feel like it’s the least we can do.
WIBTJ for using my parent’s money this way?”
Another User Comments:
“It would be a poor choice to liquidate a good portion of your savings to pay off their credit card debt. Partly because once the money is spent, it’s gone. And partly because people who run up large consumer debt and then have that debt paid off with no effort on their part are FAR more likely just run up debts again.
I highly recommend that you and your husband offer to help his parents plan to pay off this debt. This plan should be something that involves making lasting changes for the future. You and your husband could offer to help from your monthly budget, so long as his parents are working to pay down their debt.
(Look up the Avalanche and Snowball Methods of debt repayment on the r/personalfinance wiki. My husband and I repaid tens of thousands of dollars of debt with the Avalanche Method.)” Teresa’s
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but with a caveat. You said they were known around town for being troublemakers.
Was it the parents and what kind of trouble was it? The second thing is that loaning or even gifting the money can change your relationship. People who are bad with money need to be educated out of those habits so that they don’t they can be stable without your help.
They can’t be cavalier about money and think you’ll bail them out. Another poster made the excellent point that this could go sideways. If they know you’ve got significant funds, then that can create a whole new dynamic between you and them.
Make sure they understand that this is a one-time deal and you haven’t become the bank for the whole rest of the family.” Fragrant-Tomatillo19
Another User Comments:
“You wouldn’t be a jerk per se, but it would be very poorly judged, and as much as your heart is in the right place think about your kids and their future financial needs.
Can you feasibly set up an adequate college fund for the two of them without that money? You’ll also take a major tax hit on this too. You’d be better off contributing to a monthly repayment plan for your in-laws than giving away a huge lump sum.
They’d also need to be able to sustain a debt-free life in the future.” ComradeAnnaNicole
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Sell Back A Harley I Bought Cheaply From A Grieving Widow?
“I bought a 2016 Harley from a lady earlier this year. She was too small to ride it (it was her husband’s but he passed away) and I offered to buy it before but gave her no obligation on her needing to sell it. A few weeks after the class she contacted me and told me the bike was for sale because she needed the funds.
I bought it under book value and loved the bike but am also want to switch over to a sports bike. I wasn’t planning on selling the Harley to begin with, because I liked this bike.
A few months after I bought it she messaged me out of the blue kinda saying she regretted it and wants to buy it back.
I’ve fixed a few issues on it and have almost paid off the bike and was going to buy another down the road, but a deal came across where I can do a straight trade for a new bike I’ve dreamed of getting. Anyways AITJ I want to trade it off for more and rather not sell it back to her.
I bought it for like half its value and she set the price I didn’t dare bargain because it booked a lot higher than I bought it for. I’m stuck and feel like a jerk but I have the title now and I just want a new bike without baggage on feeling the need to return something I purchased, not borrowed.”
Another User Comments:
“Let me back the question up to when the bike was purchased: Were you a jerk for taking advantage of a grieving widow by buying a Harley at half-book value? (Your call. You were there and saw how distressed she was and how that affected her judgment.
You decide if you were the jerk at the purchase time.) If you weren’t the jerk back then, you aren’t the jerk for selling it to someone other than the widow. If you were the jerk back then, you continue in that state by not selling it back to her.” fuzzy_mic
Another User Comments:
“If it were me, I’d probably offer it back at the price I paid, plus repairs/upgrades I’d made. That way I wasn’t losing funds on that front. You can argue that you’re losing funds on the value of the trade and that’s fair.
But I’d rather sleep well at night. Does it make you a jerk? I’d go No jerks here probably. She was grieving. Of course, she wasn’t thinking clearly. But I don’t think you intentionally took advantage because in your mind you were thinking well she needs funds and she’s too small to utilize this bike.
Would you be the jerk to not sell it back to her? Eh, that depends on perspective. As someone who’s lost people I love, I get what grief can do and how it can cloud your judgment. So I’m more sympathetic to her.
Ultimately I’d go with what’s going to make you sleep good at night and feel best about yourself.” taylor914
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This one is tricky, you’re caught between emotional value and practicality. No one can blame you for wanting to take the trade deal. And her wanting to buy it when she can’t ride it seems like strictly an emotional thing.
Making the trade deal for the bike of your dreams seems like the correct practical and financial decision. At the end of the day, you’re the official owner of the bike. So you get to decide what to do with it.” ThisIsTheCaptain
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Grandparents To Help Me Move Into My College Dorm?
“I (17F) am moving into college next month and my grandparents from South America are staying with us for the summer. My mom keeps telling me that my grandparents are going to help me move into my college dorm. I love my grandparents but I think that they’re just gonna be a pain to bring.
First of all, my dorm hall has no AC and I will be moving in the middle of August, my grandma has asthma and they will have a heatstroke in there. Second of all, I’m going to be living in a suite with 5 other girls, so that means 5 other families will be there at the same time moving their kids in the same small dorm.
Third, I’m not gonna have as much space to put my stuff in our car if we have 2 extra people coming. My mom says that my grandma wants to come and organize my clothes.
My mom tends to speak for people, my grandma has been here for over a month and never said anything about my dorm or her wanting to come help me move in.
I told my mom countless times that I don’t need anyone to come just to organize my clothes because I can do that myself. Also, my grandpa doesn’t do anything and will just sit there and complain. Every time I tell my mom that they shouldn’t go she gets mad at me and says something like “Well too bad they’re going”.
Today I told her that I’m going to tell my grandparents myself that it would be best if they didn’t go and she said I would be a jerk for that. WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You have some good options here. You could let your family know you care about them and let them come.
Don’t do this option if you think you are going to resent them being there You can tell them that part of going to college is becoming independent and it’s important to you that this part is done alone You could have an alternative where you have them visit you when you’re settled in.
You could as an alternative have them help you get ready to leave and go out to a restaurant What other options can you think of? No jerks here, you’re just figuring out how to be respectful and have healthy boundaries.” Aitatempidiot5000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Based on what you are saying, it really would be a bad idea. How far is the trip? Would it be possible for parents to bring them down shortly after you get settled? That way your dorm will be ready and you will have a couple of days to do a little exploring.
When they come down again you can show your parents *and* grandparents some of the sights. That would probably be more enjoyable for everybody.” Revo63
13. AITJ For Calling My Messy Roommate A Man Child And Disgusting?
“I’m a 19-year-old male and I’m on active duty, still living in the barracks. My roommate is 23 years old and never cleans up after himself, he leaves the bathroom a mess, never does his dishes, and leaves food and milk in the fridge for weeks on end until the smell is too much for me to handle and I throw it all away for him and leaves trash all over the common room.
When we first got to the duty station that we’re at right now, I would drive him to morning formations, and almost every single time he would show up late to my car, getting both of us yelled at when we finally arrived. Eventually, I just left him to walk and have tried to just let him live his own life, and me live mine.
Yesterday, we ran out of toilet paper, (which I bought and he agreed to buy next time and we would go back and forth with payments for necessities like that) so instead of getting toilet paper, he bought paper towels. And that just threw me over the limit.
I told him he acts like a man-child and is disgusting and he just tried giving excuses saying he’s been too busy. All he does is play video games. I have no problem with how someone spends their free time, but you should still clean up after yourself and take care of things you need to take care of.
Am I the jerk for calling him a man-child and that he was disgusting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He seems like someone who is used to having everything done for him and doesn’t take responsibility for his mess. At University I lived with 2 guys (in a flat of 4) who had disgusting habits never cleaned up after themselves and had no consideration for the other people they lived with.
We ended up getting evicted because neither of them had paid rent in months and I was completely unaware. And a friend completely cleaned out all the communal areas and even though I was so upset, all my stuff was gone 2 days before the landlord asked us to leave by.
They stayed anyway and complained when the landlord turned up and asked what the heck they were still doing there and both of their rooms were completely trashed. I understand where you are coming from. People like that are hard to like.” BarkingMad14
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Buy your necessities such as toilet paper, and lock them up. Do not loan him anything, tell him every single time that you aren’t his momma, he’s a grown-up adult and needs to be responsible for his own basic needs. Eventually, he will at least learn to buy his toilet paper.
As for the mess, that’s not going to change, there is nothing you can do to make him neat and to clean up after himself. But since he’s going to file complaints about you being “abusive” the first time you refuse to loan him something he wants, it’s not like you’ll have to worry about the mess for long!
And file a complaint about his messiness and be sure to accuse him of using your stuff, BTW, just so you have something on paper first.” Echo-Azure
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Some people in their early years didn’t have a responsible parent who showed them basic hygiene, basic common courtesy, how to respect others and themselves, or how to know basic human decency, responsibility & self-worth.
Knowing this… and how hard it is to forge someone into something they are not… you need to find a way to not live with that person. My best wishes!” meylina
12. AITJ For Being Upset Over My Husband's Sexist Joke?
“I am a married woman with a husband who sometimes makes jokes that bother me.
He says it’s just a joke and that I shouldn’t take it seriously, but I think he’s being disrespectful.
Last weekend, we went to a family gathering at his parents’ house. During a private conversation, he made a joke that upset me. He said I should stay in the kitchen with the other women and make lunch for him and the men in the family because that was my role.
He laughed at his joke and expected me to laugh too, but I didn’t find it funny at all.
I got angry and told him he was being sexist and that I wasn’t his maid. He said I was overreacting and that it was just an innocent joke.
He said I had no sense of humor and that I should relax.
I walked away from him and went to the living room. His sister (my sister-in-law) noticed that I was upset and asked me what had happened. I told her the truth, and she was furious.
She said her brother was an idiot and that she was going to talk to him. She told the other women in the family what he had said, and they were all outraged. They all went to talk to him and criticized him for the sexist joke.
He felt embarrassed and tried to justify himself, but no one accepted it.
When we got back home, he sulked and said that I and the women in the family took his joke too seriously. He said it was just a joke, and I shouldn’t have said anything.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your husband’s jokes are insulting and degrading to women. Good for you telling his sister and the others. Your husband needed to know how women felt about comments like that. Being embarrassed was a good consequence of his behavior. If he doesn’t like the consequences then he should keep his mouth shut.” Independent-Work5275
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it seems likely he will make jokes like this again, and he may be a perfect candidate for the strategy of asking him to explain why the joke is funny. “I don’t get it”. “Why is that funny?” Get him to deconstruct the joke, and explain why hurting someone he loves is funny.” kgfPatsfan2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it doesn’t matter that it’s a joke if your husband keeps repeating it and repeating after you told him several times that it bothers you ( I’m assuming). You have to tell him the “joke” isn’t funny if he repeats it so much it comes off as him truly meaning it but hiding behind the “it’s just a joke” thing.
And even if that isn’t his intention he should at the very least be understanding that it bothers you and not do it again, and say sorry. It’s sad how many people haven’t learned to empathize and apologize. Instead, they try to validate themselves and him telling you you’re overreacting.
Personally I can’t with people like that.” miaumisina
11. AITJ For Telling My Dad's Partner To Back Off And Refusing His Wedding Payment?
“I (f23) have just recently started planning my wedding. For context, I moved out when I was 17 after my dad and mum had split up. I haven’t had a relationship with my mum for different reasons.
My dad has been with his partner (s) for the last 3/4 years.
A year ago I got engaged, we had told everyone that we had no intentions of getting married straight away due to financial reasons and we wanted to save. My dad said he would cover the wedding.
Since then, my dad’s partner has started dictating that my auntie can’t come as she isn’t friends with her anymore and making constant remarks about how she doesn’t want other people coming as it would make my auntie feel comfortable at my wedding.
There have also been points that she’s made as if she is my mum, trying to organize to go for dinner with my in-laws, wanting to make her child (no relation to me) a flower girl and who I have as a bridesmaid.
My dad has also started making remarks every time I see him about how expensive the wedding is and jokes with a tone like ‘you’re robbing me’ etc. The cost of the wedding hasn’t changed since we priced it.
It’s starting to ruin my wedding planning and making me nervous about the actual wedding to the point I don’t want my dad to pay for it anymore and would happily cover the cost. AITJ for telling my dad’s partner to back off and telling him not to pay for it anymore”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Take back control and pay for it yourself. All you have to do is say, ‘Dad, I appreciate your offer to pay for our wedding. It was very kind. However, having reviewed our plans, we don’t need the money and would like you to keep it.
We will be paying for the wedding ourselves.” If he insists, just let him know that he can provide a monetary contribution to your honeymoon or future home if he wishes, but that is entirely at his discretion. Don’t get into the things his wife is trying to manipulate or the “jokes” he keeps making.
There is no good ending if you go down that path.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think you need to have a frank discussion with your dad. It might just be that he doesn’t realize how the jokes are coming off. You are definitely within your rights to tell your dad’s partner that you will be making the decisions on your wedding and that’ that sort of thing.
It’s not immediately clear that the dad is intending to be malicious with his comments. I’d see how he responds to a discussion about it before deciding to reject his funding.” Lianarias
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cancel it all, elope/courthouse, and then have a nice party that you and hubby pay for, invite who you want, and don’t invite troublesome folks.
Spend your wedding savings on a great trip or a down payment for a home. ‘A wedding is one day…a marriage is (hopefully) for the rest of your life. Invest in memories Of a great trip to somewhere you never thought you’d travel to or a home for yourselves.” disney_nerd_mom
10. AITJ For Refusing To Get A Haircut Despite My Mom's Insistence?
“So basically I (14) have been told by my mom that I have to get a haircut. Now whenever I get them, they’re not very good so I grow to have trust issues towards any barber. Mostly because they can’t do my hair how I like — I’ve tried many and I have the same issue.
So my mom said after I turned 13 she wouldn’t force me to get a haircut. And now she’s been telling me it’s too long, I look like a girl, when am I getting a haircut? So I told her I didn’t want one. So she backed off for a bit, and now she’s constantly nagging me about it.
Today she got pressed about it too. I told her how someone said I looked dirty because my hair was tangled, and she used it as an excuse to bug me about a haircut. I told her I like my hair this way, and she said I have to get a haircut.
So I brought up what she said and she said she didn’t say that. Then I said well it’s my body I should be able to make the decisions about it. And she said until I’m 18 it’s her decision. And she just kept bugging me and I started to yell because I got annoyed. I told her again it was not her whose hair was gonna get ruined and then has to go to school with a messed up haircut.
Then she yelled at me that she wasn’t hungry anymore (we were eating dinner) threw out her half-eaten pizza and stomped up to her room. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mum has just found out you are not a compliant little boy anymore and that you have personal boundaries.
A bit of advice, if the Barbers are all rubbish, take a picture of the style you want for a hairdresser. It will cost a bit more, but you are more likely to get what you want.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“As a parent, this seems like such a stupid thing to be concerned about.
When my boys were 14 I was worried about real things. Bullying. Teen pregnancy. Substances, drinking. The absolute last thing I stressed about was the length of their hair, as long as it didn’t smell. Your mom is on a weird power trip here. It’s hard to know why she’s being passive-aggressive about it by giving silent treatment.
NTJ, OP, for refusing a haircut.” PurplePassiflor1234
9. AITJ For Stepping Down As My Best Friend's Maid Of Honour Due To Her Bridezilla Demands?
“I’ve been best friends with Sarah for as long as I can remember. We’ve been through thick and thin together, and I’ve always been her biggest supporter. However, recently, our friendship has hit a rough patch.
A few months ago, Sarah got engaged to her long-term partner, Mark.
She was over the moon, and I was genuinely happy for her. She asked me to be her maid of honor, a role I was initially thrilled to accept.
However, as the wedding planning progressed, it became clear that Sarah was changing. She started turning into a bridezilla, making unreasonable demands, and expecting me to drop everything for her wedding.
For example:
1. She wanted me to plan and fund an extravagant hen’s night that was way beyond my budget.
2. She insisted that I wear an expensive dress for the wedding that I couldn’t afford.
3. She expected me to handle all the DIY decorations for the wedding, even though I had no experience in it.
Our friendship deteriorated under the strain of wedding planning, and we had several heated arguments. Finally, I decided that I couldn’t continue being her maid of honor, and I told her my reasons.
Sarah was devastated, and she accused me of abandoning her during one of the most important moments of her life.
She said I was being selfish and that I should have stuck by her no matter what. Now, I’m torn between feeling guilty for letting her down and feeling like I needed to prioritize my well-being.
AITJ for not wanting to attend my best friend’s wedding as her maid of honor?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve never understood people that do that crap. It’s great if you, your parents, or whomever can afford your big extravagant wedding, but not everyone that you want to be a part of it can. When I was a broke college student, I was a groomsman at a wedding.
I did NOT have the money to rent a tux, especially the special tuxes that he chose. My buddy paid for most of it, and I was right up there with him, supporting him. I would still fight a bear to protect him, but that doesn’t change the fact that I was surviving on Kraft mac ‘n cheese and cans of pineapple chunks.
People get way too inconsiderate when it comes to weddings and we seriously need to normalize shutting that stuff down.” PNGL88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So, if asked would I be surprised to find out that throughout your relationship she often asked you to cover meals, tickets for her to events, etc?
It would seem odd for this behavior to start out from nowhere and she seems comfortable deciding to spend your money for you on her so I’d be not even slightly surprised if she was always like this just on a much smaller scale but much more often.
Simply telling her that you paying out of pocket for her perfectly planned party is never going to happen when not only can you not afford it, but it’s completely unreasonable to ask in the first place. You aren’t abandoning her, she’s abandoned your friendship and started treating you like a bank with unlimited funds.
She’s being selfish and she’s messing up the friendship, not you.” User
8. AITJ For Threatening To Ban My Aunt For Criticizing My Parent's Alzheimer's Care?
“I (45f) am the daughter of a wonderful parent, who, unfortunately, is facing the final chapter. My parent needs full-time care, as they suffer from Alzheimer’s. My aunt recently came to visit her sibling and had an attitude the entire time she was here.
When I finally pressed for an answer to “what’s wrong are you okay?” She went off on me about how my parent shouldn’t have to live in this place. She told me I am selfish for not having my parent at home with me and was very critical of the care my parent is getting.
The facility is very highly rated. I vetted several recommendations through a social worker before I chose this one. Is it perfect? No. Nothing is. But they are safe, which is the main worry with an Alzheimer’s patient.
Also, my parent is combative. My aunt doesn’t see it, but it is true.
My aunt lives across the country and only makes it out here a few times a year.
I have a full-time job and two teenagers at home. I cannot care for my parent full-time. I just can’t. I feel bad enough about this without her piling on the guilt trip.
I am the sole power of attorney. I told my aunt I could have her banned if she didn’t keep her opinions to herself, and of course that only made her even madder. She does not get how hard this is. My grandparents died in a car crash and she never had to deal with this horrible disease and these difficult decisions.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, and what’s most worrisome is your aunt may be upsetting your parent when she visits, giving her caretakers grief, etc. That will do nothing to make your parent’s life easier or better. And her comments criticizing you for not caring for your parent at home were disgraceful and uncalled for.
You have nothing to apologize to anyone for, your aunt least of all. I do believe it’s relevant that your aunt never had to do this for her parents, but even lack of similar experience in no way makes her callous lack of understanding and empathy excusable.
By all means, ban her. Harsh as it is to say this, your parent probably won’t realize the difference.” Libba_Loo
Another User Comments:
“I have a friend whose mom had Alzheimer’s and he was constantly worried that she would again turn on the stove and walk away, forgetting it, or go for a walk and wander away, all kinds of things she did.
He paid for a nurse while he was working, but that meant he had to go food shopping and leave her alone, and he never could socialize. She came down with pneumonia and now she’s in a nursing home, plays cards with others, socializes, and she’s much happier.
You can’t keep your mom at your home, you have to work and have teenagers to drive to their activities. If your aunt feels so strongly about it, why isn’t she volunteering to have your mom there, she’s probably retired. I’m sure this was an extremely difficult decision (like it was for my friend), please don’t feel you did the wrong thing, and you are NTJ for telling your aunt to stop with the comments.” HorseygirlWH
Another User Comments:
“I work in care like that and from personal experience as long as you’ve chosen a good place you’ve done the best you can for your parents. NTJ Family takes things too personally–Alzheimers slowly killed the individual as you know them, they become someone else, and strangers in healthcare don’t have all the baggage family does.
They can accept them as they are instead of being personally hurt when “mom” doesn’t remember them or refuses to take a shower. Like that stuff hurts when you know them! Professionals are more skilled in deflection and finding ways to get the residents (as they currently are, not who they used to be) taken care of in the best way available to them.
They have 24/7 care which family can never provide either, and the good facilities genuinely care about their residents and do what they can to make sure they are content and happy. Or at least safe on bad days when the resident can’t achieve either. I empathize with her frustration, but it’s the best situation in a scenario with no “winning” solutions.” cloistered_around
7. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Daughter's School Because She's Lazy?
“My daughter is 19 now and she doesn’t have anything going for herself. I told her multiple times to get a job and to start doing things around the house since she’s not working. I keep telling her that because she is lazy. She has no motivation for herself and she barely gets out of her room.
She can’t even drive and I have been frustrated with this. She has been gaining a lot of weight recently too. I even tell her to work out because I noticed and she ignores me. Now she tells me she wants to go to school.
I told her no that I was not paying for her school because of how lazy she was and it would all go to waste. Then tells me how she’s depressed which I’m confused about because I provide for everything and she doesn’t even try to do anything around the house.
She cleans but it’s half-hearted.
Told her how disappointed I was and that she needed to get her life together. She went upstairs and cried, called her mom and now she wants to move in with her mom to work, and now I get the bad end from her mother.
Her mom told me that I should stop being like that towards our daughter.
I told my daughter that she should join the military for free schooling if she wants it, that way it can straighten her up and she can be something in life.
Both of them are now mad at me but I don’t think I did anything wrong considering I do so much to provide.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are calling your daughter lazy, fat, and not motivated and that she doesn’t have anything going for herself and are somehow confused about how can she be depressed “because I provide for everything”.
You don’t provide emotional support or parenting. You do provide emotional harassment and bullying.” stealing
Another User Comments:
“Just when I thought I couldn’t find a more jerk parent on this sub, THIS one comes along. Dude, you’ve belittled, badgered, harassed, and insulted your daughter 5 ways to Sunday, and you still think you’re right?
And then, when you find out she has depression YOU decide that she shouldn’t go on meds because of side effects? Medication is between her and her doctor, not you. Let your daughter go move in with her mother – she’ll be better off without you in her life.
In case there’s any question, YTJ.” toosheeptheorist
Another User Comments:
“It’s your choice whether or not to pay for school, that doesn’t make you a jerk. What makes YTJ your 19-year-old daughter not only tells you she is suffering from depression but is exhibiting many of the symptoms and you don’t care?
She isolates, is gaining weight, has a lack of motivation and/or interest in any activities, and is lethargic. Ding, ding, ding, those are signs of depression.” Aggravating-Film-221
6. AITJ For Asking My Partner's Son To Sleep In His Own Bed?
“I met my partner’s son (13m) two months ago. He’s a great kid and treats my kids (F10 and M11) nicely, which I’m grateful for. It’s my ex-husband’s week with the kids, so I’m staying at my partner’s place. I found out they have a tradition of watching a horror movie a night in October until Halloween.
His son lies in bed with him but will go to his room when it’s over. Well, last night, they both fell asleep before the movie was over, so I turned it off and tried to fall asleep. It felt weird having a teenager in the bed with us, so I shook my partner awake and asked him to tell his son to go back to his room.
He told me he understood and woke up his son, who wasn’t as understanding. He begged to stay but lost the battle and went to his room. I felt like I had messed up whenever he didn’t say “I love you” back to his dad.
I understand he was upset, but I don’t feel comfortable sharing a bed with a teenager.
This morning, he wouldn’t talk to me. I assumed my partner told him why he was kicked out, so now he’s annoyed at me. My partner and I took off today, so we both went to drop him off at school, and like last night, he didn’t respond to his dad saying, “I love you.” he just said bye quietly and got out of the car.
Like I said, I felt uncomfortable, but was I right to do it? He’s a teenager and probably doesn’t snuggle with his dad often like that, so I’m afraid I ruined a moment. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Hmmm… I dunno if you’re necessarily a jerk, but it’s not even your place dude, if you were uncomfortable you could have gotten up and slept on the couch.
I think you should just let them sleep. No jerks here but I do think you were in the wrong.” BigBigBigTree
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s reasonable not to want a 13-year-old boy in bed with you for MANY reasons. But beyond that, OP’s partner agreed his son shouldn’t sleep in the bed with them, and the tradition, according to OP, is NOT that his son sleeps in the bed with him, it’s just that they watch the movie in the bed. OP was on board with continuing the tradition.
I’m shocked at the YTJ responses. Both the adults agreed he should go to bed, and children don’t get to make the rules in a household. Children who call all the shots grow up to be entitled adults. That’s pretty much parenting 101.” anti_hero_123
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here he’s being a kid, dad’s being a dad *and* a partner, and you’re being uncomfortable with sleeping in the same bed as a teen. I don’t see anybody wrong here. He’s engaging in a bit of teenage angst about it.
You probably didn’t ruin the relationship with kiddo, he probably realized some natural changes are taking place and doesn’t like it. big feelings” HankThrill69420
5. AITJ For Distancing Myself From My Friends After One Mom Insulted Me?
“Last year I developed a strong group of friends who were the moms of my daughter’s sports team. We all got along great, would stay at the same hotels for away games, go to movies together, and even go for dinner just the moms.
I had become really close with one of the moms and thought she was becoming one of my best friends. We talked all the time.
At one of the last practices of the year last year I had made a comment about being in etiquette classes in high school as it was part of the local pageant (along with Toastmasters and Self Defense) and she said “I don’t know if I should laugh or cry at how pathetic your life was” I told her that the pageant was one of my fondest memories, that I was still friends with many of the girls 30 years later, and the courses I had taken through it gave me so much in life.
Since then I have kept my distance from everyone. I’m not ignoring anyone if they speak to me, but I’m no longer sitting with the other moms.
One of the moms has asked me to reach out to the woman who was rude to me and make up with her.
I refuse. She knows that she hurt me and she decided not to apologize. A few moms are upset that I won’t reach out to her but I don’t think I did anything wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“Well, it isn’t good for you to alienate all your other friends because one person is unkind.
I have a strong group of friends like this. One of them used to be my best friend, but has undergone a personality change and I can no longer stand her company. She can be so rude, flies off the handle for no reason. She’s on medication and in therapy but it ain’t working.
I finally had enough of her verbal assaults a couple of months ago. However, she is in my friend group and sometimes I still have to see her. But I’m not giving up my friends for her sake. I need my friends, they keep me grounded, and they are so interesting and fun.
Don’t give up your other friends for the sake of one rotten potato.” Patient_Meaning_2751
4. AITJ For Wanting My Partner's Overstaying Mother To Leave Our Apartment?
“Me (F27) and my partner (M28) have been together for 6 years and have been living together for about 1.5 years. His parents live about 5 hours away from us. Our apartment is pretty small so when his mom said she wanted to visit I offered to stay at my parent’s house, which is close by, for a few days so that she wouldn’t have to stay alone at a hotel.
She has been here for 3 weeks and I don’t know when and if she’s planning to leave. When she first said she’d be here for a few days. I packed enough for a week but now I’m constantly going back and forth between our apartment and my parent’s house.
I work long hours so it has been exhausting always driving around to get anything. Other than that, I haven’t had alone time with my partner in 3 weeks and I miss him very much. We’ve tried to catch up after work for dinner just the two of us twice but his mother insists on coming with us and we’ve ended up going to dinner all together both times.
I expressed my feelings to my partner and he said he agreed but he didn’t want to ask her to leave because it would make her feel unwanted in her own son’s house. I feel bad for thinking like that, however, I am so tired of all this and I don’t know what to do about it.
AITJ for wanting her to leave? Should I do or say anything about it or just wait and see? Any advice on how to approach this is welcome.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – as a couple, you need to set a boundary with his mother.
I would politely, yet firmly state she was welcomed over for a few days. She is now overstaying her welcome. Offer some solutions for her if you feel inclined to do so. She should not be allowed to interrupt your life to this extent. If this issue continues it will inevitably ruin your relationship.
Remember, boundaries are valid to set, even if someone gets upset. Put yourself and your relationship first.” beaniebuni
Another User Comments:
“NTJ And you should be unwanted in your own home, instead? I’m not understanding why you had to leave for her to stay.
Is she staying in the same bed as him? She needs a hotel. If he can’t put that boundary down, I’d be reconsidering the relationship. Does your partner have a history of letting his mother run his life? That’s not something that will magically get better.
Move back into your apartment, and stop accommodating this woman.” Baelari
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s your home you share with your partner. You are well within your rights to ask for it back. You’ve been generous and having someone stay for 3 weeks is a long time (even for family).
It’s not about your partner’s mum feeling unwanted, it’s about you having your own space and time to yourself and with your partner. Your partner is more scared of his mum than you. Tell her that if he doesn’t tell her, you will.
Be calm and just be like, when do you think you’re moving home? You’ve been here three weeks and that’s longer than I was expecting.” Blackstone4444
3. AITJ For Feeling Uncomfortable With My Partner's Close Friendship With His Female Best Friend?
“I (22f) met my partner (22m) in high school, I was on the cheer team and so was his best friend who we’ll call “X”, and we get along. We’ve (my partner and I) been together for a year and I’ve started to notice some unusual displays of affection between them like linking their pinkies so they don’t hold hands, making tiktoks for each other, they have IG highlight stories of each other, they dedicate songs, they have nicknames and a lot of other things that make me feel weird.
I haven’t said anything about it because I like to believe they really love each other in a siblings kind of love, they even call each other “bro” and “sis” and she’s nice to me, not like fake nice, she’s a very nice person and I know she genuinely likes me and even appreciates me.
But today something happened that seemed to reach my limit and made me explode because of how much I’ve been holding in my thoughts.
We’ve been matching profile pictures since we officially started being together, and he told me he was going to match a Halloween profile picture with her.
I got mad but held it in, tried to make peace with the idea, but then he told me it was going to be the social media app and I got really angry, told him everything about their relationship made me uncomfortable but this for some reason was the last drop.
Right now I’ve decided to step aside and not talk to him while I go about my day, but I really wanna cry and feel awful, like a toxic crazy partner. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – There are certain things that are romantic and not something a friend who considers you a “sister” would do.
Ask yourself, if you had a guy best friend and a partner, would be doing the same things he is doing with her? Linking pinkies, matching pop, and some of the other stuff you mentioned is a lot more romantic than friendly and if they can’t keep it respectful for your sake, then I recommend you remove yourself from the situation and let them sort their feelings out.” Electrical_Style_760
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Girl, you’re the side piece. Where are your song dedications? Your TikToks? Are y’all “linking pinkies” and making up nicknames? Didn’t think so. Does he do that with the boys? I’d bet my bottom dollar not. How many actual adult siblings do you know who behave this way with each other?
He’s disrespecting you and your relationship with this bestie. That doesn’t mean opposite-gender friendships can’t happen or be healthy but this dude has no boundaries. Like it or not folks, if you want a secure and happy relationship, once you’re together, the cuddles and couplely stuff you’ve been doing with your bestie need to end.
Probably shouldn’t be having your bestie ever fill in as a pseudo-partner in the first place.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You should have voiced your insecurities with him as soon as they came up. And honestly you just sound jealous of their close friendship.
I have a very similar friendship with a girl I’ve known for 15 years and we do stuff like that all the time and have never thought of each other romantically. So just talk to him about your insecurities instead of being a toxic jerk by ignoring him.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Telling My Co-Worker He Has Bad Body Odor?
“So I have this coworker, Anthony (fake name), he’s a good guy and does his work. He doesn’t work in my store, but sometimes we need an extra body to cover lunches and things if we’re down a person.
He and I have kinda become defacto friends because we’re both younger than the other employees by a decent margin. So when he’s at my store it’s fun to talk to him and kinda hang out, but we don’t make any attempt to talk outside of work or when he’s at another store.
The problem is that he smells really bad and it lingers where he stands. We spend most of the day at our 3 computers and they’re close together so I can always smell him. It’s a strong body odor that everyone has commented on. None of us have said anything directly to him.
My manager has had talks with Anthony about other things and he will be sure to mention hygiene because there are some other concerns with it, but those aren’t my business and don’t affect me. I also know from another person from his store that his manager has mentioned it to him, but he hasn’t changed.
He’s an athletic guy and we’ve talked about our daily routines. He says he showers every morning. I was thinking of saying something next week when I work with him. My fiance said he didn’t think it was my place to have that conversation especially since others have already had that conversation with Anthony.
I thought maybe hearing it from a “friend” would be different.
So WIBTJ If I told my coworker that he smells bad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would recommend (if you want to give him any suggestions) that he looks into deodorant or body wash with charcoal. I have a friend who bought the Ballsy brand wash and deodorant for her husband & sons because of the guy stench related to exercise and hormones (in the teens).
It doesn’t have an overpowering scent and it works great at getting rid of BO. If using the body wash, just be aware that the charcoal will darken any washcloths” grannypicks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It may not be due to shower frequency or not wearing deodorant, BO can come about from just not properly scrubbing with body wash in the groin and armpits, and them just thinking that getting wet has done the job.
You can quite easily get olfactory fatigue and not tell at all. Deodorant will not fix that, trust me. I’m just saying that it might be worth mentioning that to them if you have the conversation, because a lot of the suggestions are suggesting “just wearing deodorant” or “showering”, but some people aren’t raised to know about properly scrubbing, or maybe don’t realize.” calgrump
1. AITJ For Advising My Friend To Hire A Different Lawyer Instead Of My Wife?
“My (34 M) wife Alison (32 F) is a lawyer. She’s reasonably good at what she does, but speaking frankly, she doesn’t have a lot of experience successfully handling a variety of cases.
My friend Jake (34 M) wanted to sue a couple of people for both defaming him and leveling false accusations against him.
He doesn’t have a lot of funds and chooses Alison as his lawyer as she doesn’t charge a lot. When I learned about what he had done, I remembered that she had recently lost half of the cases of that nature.
If he went to court, he would be risking himself, especially considering that the opposing party was really rich and could afford the best lawyers.
I asked Alison whether it wouldn’t be better to refer him to someone else, but she brushed away the idea.
She stated that experience comes from taking on cases and that she was determined to do so. However, I was worried. The people he wanted to fight against were very influential, and Alison really might not be up to the mark.
I contacted him to let him know that I am speaking in his best interests and that I’d highly suggest he get another lawyer.
I offered to help him with the fees too. It resulted in him choosing another attorney, and my wife lost the client.
When she found out, she went on a tirade. She accused me of back-stabbing her, that I am just jealous that she’s a lawyer, and called me a “flipping traitor.” I didn’t argue, because I did feel bad about what I had done, it’s just I didn’t want my friend to lose the case.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Well, you sure went about it in the wrong way. However, as an attorney, if she TRULY is not competent to take on this matter, ethics would call for her to turn it down. So. In this instance, hard to say.
This reader does find your thinking that she “doesn’t have a lot of experience successfully handling a variety of cases” to be vague, overbroad, and suspect. What does that even mean? Maybe her clients in other cases had crappy facts. You do realize that some people simply have a losing case either based on the facts or the law.
Maybe her clients lost because they SHOULD HAVE lost. You have not indicated how you are qualified to judge her skill set. As her partner, I can understand why she feels undermined.” Still-Register-89
Another User Comments:
“So she recently lost half of the cases of this nature, meaning she won the other half?
Interesting how you phrased this fact. Focusing on the losses and not the wins. So she has won cases of this nature, but she still isn’t good enough for your moronic friend who wants to bring most likely a hopeless case. No matter the lawyer, defamation cases are hard and the win/loss ratio isn’t always a reflection of the lawyer’s abilities.
Lawyers aren’t magicians, and can’t pull rabbits out of hats. Regardless of the losses it sounds like those cases still put food on your table. YTJ” koolasakukumba
Another User Comments:
“It’s hard to make a judgment here. You’re NTJ for thinking of your friend’s best interest. However, for undermining your wife’s ability and rubbing salt to the injury by offering to pay for another lawyer?
You’re surely being a jerk. If the other party is that powerful, not only is your friend wasting funds but you as well. But again, if it’s mostly a lost cause, you saved your wife from losing another case and ruining your friendship because one way or another, your wife as his attorney will be blamed.” anonymous
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