People Can't Be Coherent In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Not Going To My Sister's Seance To Contact My Dead Brother?
“I, 26M, lost my brother, 32M, a month ago due to a car crash. We were close until he made weird advances to my wife, e.g., showing my wife his “parts” and putting his arm around her at family gatherings.
She expressed concerns about his odd behaviour to my parents countless times, but they dismissed it. A few months ago, he came over to my wife’s and my house to help fix a leaking pipe that has been bothering us for ages.
During this time, I left to get groceries and came back to my wife, telling me he made advances, but she declined and kicked him out.
I know this feels weird, but because of what he did, I’m not super heartbroken about his death. My sister, on the other hand, 19F, was devastated. They always joked about how they were twins because of their birthdays lining up almost exactly. Here’s where I may be the jerk.
My sister recently messaged me. She asked me if I could help her with something, and I agreed because family is family.
When I went over to her place, all the lights were off with candles everywhere like a weird ritual. I knew she was getting into witchcraft, but this is not what I imagined I would be getting into.
I asked her what this was all for; she said we were gonna contact our recently dead brother. I’m all for grieving and people grieve differently, but I had to go to work. I told her, and she blew up on me. She was saying how I never cared about our brother and how this was important to her.
But I left anyway because I don’t want to talk to my brother.
Now, my parents are getting involved, saying I’m selfish, but my aunt is on my side, saying I’m not in the wrong for leaving. Now, my sister keeps sending me and my wife calls and messages, saying she’s gonna hex us and calling my wife names.
This is all super stressful for me and my wife, and it seems to be taking a toll on her. Just a few months ago, we found out she was pregnant with our first child. But with my brother dying and my crazy sister, my wife seems to be upset and awkward.
She won’t tell me what’s wrong, even when I try to help. Now, with everything going on, we are too scared to tell the family, and with my wife being awkward, I don’t know if I did something wrong. I wish I was joking about all this.
It sounds crazy, but am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“OMG, op, you are really NTJ. Your parents and sister are choosing really unhealthy ways to cope with their grief, and I think keeping some distance from them, especially your sister, is warranted. It sounds like your whole family has/had boundary issues—as in not respecting them.
It’s good you are protecting your wife; just let her know you’re there if she wants to talk when she’s ready. I’d also consider a little grief counseling to get this mess your brother left behind sorted.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother was a menace to your wife, and you had to process losing him in that manner along with his death close together.
You are not in a place, and likely never will be, to want to try communicating with him from beyond the grave. Also, even if you and your brother had a perfectly healthy relationship, you would still be NTJ because you unknowingly walked into a freaking seance.
Like, come on.” _Witch_Dagger_
Another User Comments:
“First, the witchcraft/seance things would totally turn several people off. Her threatening you (even if it is bs) is NOT acceptable, and I would consider filing harassment charges on her or getting a restraining order or something.
I assume that your sister is not aware of your brother making passes at your wife; you might inform her of that. Pregnancy hormones are real, and with all this stuff going on, your wife is allowed to be upset and awkward. NTJ. Do everything you can to calm your wife and protect her, right now.” Aggravating-Pain9249
23. AITJ For Calling Out My Brother In Law For Prioritizing Fun Over FIL Care?
“I (31F) and my husband (32M) recently took in my father-in-law after a medical emergency. During his recovery, he has required full-time care, which has taken quite a toll on my husband and me as we both work full time. Don’t get me wrong, we are more than willing to do it; it’s just been a lot of extra work and planning to make sure he is getting the care he needs.
My husband has a brother (31M) who lives in our town. We have asked for some help on the weekends with small things like, “Can you come watch Dad while we go grocery shopping?” Things like that, always for a short period of time. Now, BIL wants to be able to run off with friends every weekend, and when we ask for help, he has said things like, “So I just never get to do anything ever again?” We tried to mitigate the situation by making a schedule so he could still have his weekend getaways with friends.
We had asked him to come over on a Saturday, and he just didn’t show up. Apparently, he went camping even though we had asked him the previous week to please come over for an hour while we went grocery shopping. This happened several times, resulting in him not seeing his father in almost two months.
Now, leading to why I might be the jerk, in my frustration I called him and left a voicemail telling him how inconsiderate he is for not helping out at all. It boiled down to the fact that he needed to grow up and please help us out for 1-2 hours a week so that we could go out and get household necessities to take care of not only his father but ourselves.
(To put this in context, when my husband and I go to work, my 82-year-old grandmother comes to sit with FIL so she can call us if something happens, and when BIL didn’t show up, my brother (28M) has come over and stayed with him so we could go shopping.) Well, this turned into a discussion about how I was such a mean person and how dare I ask him to help out when he had so much going on.
For weeks before the voicemail, I had asked my husband to please try and get BIL to help out, and he had kept telling me it’s not worth it. I finally had enough and left the voicemail. Now, my family and my MIL are saying I shouldn’t have said anything about it and just sucked it up that BIL won’t be helping.
So tell me AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you are TA for asking him to help, and it sounds like you’ve tried to do that in constructive ways; but, just out of interest, have you tried asking him for money, rather than time, to help get some paid help in for your FIL?
You sound heroic, but you’re putting yourself under huge pressure expecting to provide full-time care yourselves, and unless lots of people are fully committed to supporting an effort like that, it may not be very sustainable.” wanderleywagon5678
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But you cannot expect or depend on family members to help in situations like this.
Their help has to be freely given, as in the case with BIL, or it will never work. Frustrating for you, but not unsurprising. I decided to move in with my mother after the death of my father. Mom lived on a ranch and was exhausted caring for my father who had dementia.
I lived with her the last 9 1/2 years of her life, which included the 18 months after her stroke. My siblings had their own lives, families, & jobs. They would show up periodically and help when they could. But most of my mom’s care fell to me.
If your or your FIL’s finances can afford it or you have insurance, the thing that saved me was hiring an elder care professional. They stopped by 5x a week in the morning to get my mom up, gave her breakfast and medications. Then, once a week, they were there for house cleaning and washing clothes.
I took over Mom’s care for lunch through Mom’s bedtime around 10:30 pm. Most of Mom’s care was shared with the professional & me. I was able to run errands on the days they were there for cleaning. My siblings came on weekends, but often would cut their visits short once they realized I had not left on their visits.
Situations like yours (and mine) are not easy to navigate for a family. Personally, I learned that my siblings’ limited involvement was frustrating. No easy answers—just realize you want to help FIL and can only do the best you can. Good luck!” sunset-tx-armadillo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Without proper support, you are running the risk of caregiver burnout—where you are running yourself into the ground to keep your ailing family member as safe and comfortable as possible. Without a proper support system, both you and your loved one (FIL in this case) could slip through the crack.
Quite frankly, I’m shocked that your brother, who technically has no relation to your FIL, is helping more than your BIL, who is also in town. Quite frankly, it’s selfish of him to prioritize his fun weekends over a sick family member. Very telling of himself.
If he refuses to help with spending time with his dad, then ask for financial support, as he can’t contribute anything else. Or run the errands for you if he really can’t be bothered to spend time with his dad. A little bit of a sidebar, but if you need additional support, there are several home care services that would provide some respite for you if you are financially able.
They could also aid in running errands, maintaining the house, as well as caring for your loved one. Otherwise, looking at grocery deliveries or pre-packing so your trips are shorter is another alternative if you jerk BIL refuses every aspect of caring.” Mother_Art3124
22. AITJ For Not Enforcing My Sister's Last-Minute Punishment For Noah?
“I (28F) have a sister (40F), who has a 14-year-old son, Noah. My sister also has two other sons (19 and 16), who have special needs that require a lot of medical attention. As a result, much of her and her husband’s time and energy go towards them and not Noah.
Noah and I have always been extremely close, and he’s more like my little brother than my nephew. Even now, my fiancé and I bring him with us almost everywhere (concerts, games, restaurants, etc). We even brought him with us to Mexico this summer with his parents’ enthusiastic blessings (“That would be great.
It would take him off of our hands for a few weeks”). I frequently keep him overnight if his brothers have appointments that require both parents to be gone.
When I have Noah, I don’t enforce all of the same rules my sister does.
Bedtime only gets enforced on school nights, and I only monitor his screentime to make sure everything is appropriate, not for the amount of time he spends on it. My sister knows this, and she has never voiced any issue and continues to leave Noah with me.
This Friday, I had Noah again. All my sister told me before she left was that he had a football game that night. So, we went to his game and out to dinner, and then he spent the rest of the night playing video games with my fiancé.
When my sister picked him up today, she asked what we did. When I told her, she blew up on me and told me that he was grounded from video games. I told her that she never told me that, and she reminded me that she had told me three weeks ago.
She then told me that I spoil him and that I’m the reason he has no respect for her. She also said it’s not fair he gets to do all of these things that her older sons don’t.
I got angry and told her I only spoil him because she doesn’t give him any attention.
I also said it’s not my job to enforce her punishments. In all candor, I probably would have kept him from video games, but I was just done with her.
She called me a jerk, told me I would never see Noah again, and left. My parents are split on the issue.
My mom says she shouldn’t keep Noah from me but agrees that I need to be better at enforcing her rules. My dad took my side and said that as his aunt, it’s not my job to be his mother. So, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – So your sister expected you to magically remember a punishment she likely briefly mentioned THREE WEEKS ago? If it was THAT big of a deal, she should’ve told you when she dropped him off. >She said it’s not fair he gets to do all these things that his other siblings cannot.
So, it’s his fault that he’s able bodied and his siblings are disabled? He should minimize and not fully enjoy his own life because of something completely out of his control? That’s absolutely insane. He clearly has no respect for his mom/parents because it’s very obvious that he’s severely lacking their attention, time, effort, and love.
I feel absolutely awful for Noah.” Rainbow62993
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, while I can understand she is under a lot of stress… I’d like to point out that he is the youngest by a bare minimum of 2 years… I’m going to make a large leap and assume she knew about her first two children’s needs by the time they thought of having a third child.
Maybe she should have thought first before bringing a third child into the world, who she clearly has no time for. He’s lucky to have you. Also, 3 weeks prior? Honestly, I probably would have assumed he was off punishment by then. It’s her job as a mom to reinforce by saying, “Hey, he is still grounded from video games.” She is punishing him because he is able bodied and that’s messed up.” nackle09
21. AITJ For Coming Out To My Dad On Mother's Day And Facing His Homophobic Remarks?
“I (21M) found out that I wasn’t straight midway through high school and have come out to most of my friends and most members of my immediate family, barring my Father (53M). This is because my Dad in the past has said many… questionable things about LGBT people, so I decided against telling him.
That was until this year’s Mother’s Day, where I felt weirdly confident.
After all of the celebrations were over and gifts were given out, I pulled my Dad aside to go on a “walk” down a normally empty street late in the day. I then told him that I wasn’t straight and that I’ve known since high school.
His first response was, “Oh, so you’re a [f slur].” He DID tell me that he would support me no matter what and that it “wasn’t a big deal,” but immediately after he said it would be a “shame that I would never understand the joys of having my own Children” (a big deal, as I do want kids at some point), he called me confused when I told him I liked men and women, refused to stop calling me a few bad names on our walk back, threatened to out me to my other family members (as an apparent joke, though I didn’t know that), and said, “Well, I don’t think so,” when I told him what he was saying was deeply offensive.
The instant I arrived at home, I tried to leave (I lived in an apartment at this time and had a ride back).
My Dad stopped me, noticing that I was upset, and asked, “Why are you angry?” He was clearly upset himself. I told him that I was frustrated about many of the things he had said to me during our walk.
He then tried to gaslight me into believing that certain things he had said never happened, specifically the “Never understand the joy of having your own kid” comment, before I quickly left.
About a week after this conversation with my Dad, when I was back at his house, he took me aside and said again that he would always support me.
But when I asked whether he believed what he said during our walk, my Father only said, “Forget about the walk,” without really apologizing for anything. He then sort of blamed me for what he said, since I asked to speak with him when he was a little buzzed. Later, when I talked to my Mom about this, she sided with my Dad, saying he only had the best intentions and that I really shouldn’t have spoken with him after he’s had a few drinks.
I’m still pretty livid over these comments and the non-apologies for them, and I feel like I’m losing my mind. AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your dad is a homophobic jerk who is not taking responsibility for what he said. Your mom is a jerk for enabling him.
Happy coming out day, I wish it had gone better for you, but I hope your life is better for being true to yourself!” Altairjones
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Well done and congratulations for coming out. You will eventually have to decide how much of a relationship you want to have with people who may never support you, your relationships, and your future family.
Remember that you don’t have to have one, and it is not your job to educate them, unless you want to. Good luck and be happy :)” Ma-Hu
Another User Comments:
“Your dad is overtly homophobic, and your mom at the very least condones it.
He does not support you. When I read the title of your post, I was expecting to say yes, you are the jerk because it sounded like you coopted someone else’s celebration. But that doesn’t seem to be an issue for anyone, and there’s no excuse for his behavior.” Internal_Progress404
20. AITJ For Skipping The Reunion Because Of My Toxic Sister?
“I (17F) was manipulated and severely trauma dumped on for a long time by my sister (22F).
I was about 10/11 when it started. She’s the cause for a lot of my mental health issues and pretty much destroyed a huge part of my childhood because of what she did to me.
Essentially, she tried to turn me against my family (specifically my mother and stepfather), trauma dumped on me about all the things she hated in her life, always put her POS partner before me when I tried to spend time with her, started a family fight, then ran away, and so much more.
She was diagnosed with BPD, and because of that, all of a sudden, everyone except me, my brother, and my stepdad thought she was exempt from all she’d ever done to me or anyone else, despite making no effort to change from being such a POS.
Even my therapist thought I should forgive her despite my constant anxiety and anger whenever she’s around. I don’t want to, and my life is so much better without her around.
Here’s where I think I may be the jerk. This past week I’ve been at work (I worked at an overnight kids summer camp and have to sleep there because I live too far away to commute every day), and while I was at work, my mom, brother, and sister went to visit my grandparents, which is fine.
While there, my sister found out about the upcoming family reunion that she hadn’t known about.
On Labour Day weekend, we’re supposed to have a big family reunion at my grandparents because they’re selling their place and it’ll be the last time there. Some family from the USA is even coming, specifically my mom’s aunt, who she’s excited to see and wants me to meet cause she’s also a lesbian like me.
It would mean a lot to me to meet her, seeing as I don’t have many other queer relatives.
The issue? My mom invited my sister to come that weekend. When she told me this, I almost blew up. She knows very well how I feel about my sister and still told her she could come.
I told my mom that if my sister goes that weekend, I will be staying home. She thinks I’m being unreasonable and that I should just go no matter what because family I’ve never gotten to meet will be there, but I’m adamant in my stance.
I feel kinda guilty cause I know it’ll mean a lot to my mom if I went, but I also don’t want to be anywhere near my monster of a sister. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – but I don’t think it’s fair to expect your mother to choose between her children, aka invite you but not your sister.
The family reunion is not for you alone or your mom or your sister… it’s for THE FAMILY which you all belong to. You will always get to decide where and how you want to spend your time and energy, but you don’t get to decide this for others.” KenKenIAm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and the idea of how bad it could be is very valid. But if you have relatives from out of town and someone you want to talk to, just don’t let her take anything else from you. Ignore her like she doesn’t exist. Don’t bring drama, she can latch onto, and have your escape planned, separate transportation in case it does go south.” aggressively-so-so
19. AITJ For Refusing Rides To A New Friend With Limited Driving?
“I (31F) live in the downtown area of a major US city. I moved here a year ago and since then have made a couple of friends. The closest friend I’ve made out there, C (28F), lives in a suburb 20 mins north of the city.
She also moved there a year ago. She introduced me to a friend she made named K (29F). K is super cool and nice, and we’ve all hung out as a group a few times this year (I mainly hang out with C one on one since our schedules align more closely).
C invited K and I to hang out this weekend. We’re going to meet at C’s place, and she’s going to drive us to the event. Here’s where I’m wondering if I’m the jerk:
K lives in a downtown neighborhood 10 mins away from me. She drives, but it’s very limited; I’m talking back and forth to work and maybe some places during the day, but usually her husband drives her around, and if she’s going to be somewhere past dark her husband drives as well.
She doesn’t feel comfortable driving at night, which I understand, and sometimes gets vertigo, so normally her husband drops her off and picks her up for plans, especially if they’re going to go past dark. However, lately she’s asked me.
I don’t want to do it.
Growing up, there was a girl in my friend group, T (31F), who didn’t and still doesn’t drive. She can. She has a license; she’s just too scared. So, our entire lives since we could all drive we’ve taken turns giving her rides to hang out.
It wasn’t a HUGE deal because she lived close by, but it was still annoying, and we all enabled it by giving her rides. This stopped once she moved 20 mins away last year.
K and I are more like acquaintances and friends than super close friends, simply because we don’t hang out that often due to work schedules and stuff.
We also don’t text or speak outside of plans (no beef—we just don’t text often). And even though she’s only 10 mins away, that’s still an extra 20 mins of driving back and forth out of my way. The past few times she’s asked me I’ve managed to get out of it due to not attending plans, being busy, etc., but it looks like I’m going to have to stop beating around the bush and tell her.
I just don’t want to end up with the expectation that I now have to give another friend a ride to group hangouts like I did basically from 17 to 30 for my other friend, T. I’m like, if her husband is able to pick her up and drop her off, why doesn’t she ask him?
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Talk to each other. Maybe her husband is willing and available, but she figured if you are going anyway, it would be better for the planet to only take one car. Maybe they would alternate driving with you so it wouldn’t always be you handling it.
She’s a different person than your old friend. She might have different reasons for asking for rides. She might no,t but why not ask before deciding? No jerks here yet.” latents
18. AITJ For Returning My Key When His "Our Car" Became Exclusively His?
“As a back story, we just bought a car, or so I thought. He even handed me “my key” and keeps referring to it as “our car.” In our house we split the bills evenly or pretty close to it. He makes twice what I do in a month and I only ask him for help if I truly need it.
As far as our bigger bills, he pays for rent, half of electric, internet, and half of food. I pay for the car insurance, the other half of food, half of the electric, the kids’ clothes, school supplies, shoes, and all household items. Then we both pay for our extras.
To be honest, he pays a little more than I do a month, but neither of us spends more than half of our monthly income. So that is pretty fair, and it took us almost 10 years to get there, but we are happy with this.
This is what happened tonight! While he was doing dishes, he turned around and asked me, “Hey babe, you aren’t the kind of person to have someone in my car, are you?” I told him, “No, I’m not even really in that car.
But if I was already out in your car and a friend of mine wanted to ride in my car, then yeah, I would have a friend in the car.” He then says to me, “No. Not even a friend. I don’t want anyone in my car.” So then I say to him, “Well then, you can’t have anyone in the car either.” He then says, “Yes, I can because it’s my car.” I then tell him, “Ok.
That’s fine. It’s your car. I don’t want a key to your car. I don’t need to drive your car around anywhere or have any reason to be in your car at all.
I’m glad I know now how you feel about the car, and you can have it.” I then got my key and gave it back to him.
He then went on to give me more examples as to why it’s his car. How he has to foot the bill and pay rent, and how I act like everything he gets is mine too. How he put his credit on the line, not me.
He doesn’t understand why I’m upset. I told him, “If you don’t know why I’m upset, then that’s a huge problem.” I have been working OT the past 3 Saturdays to help pay for “his car”!! I told him that he would have never kept telling me it was “our car” if this was how he felt!
He thinks I am in the wrong and I think he is in the wrong…. So, who do you feel is the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t the best way to be going into a marriage. Shared partnership, shared assets, shared finances. My wife is a SAHM, so I pay for everything.
Our vehicles are OURS. We don’t argue about who is using what vehicle and how. I use the van sometimes, and occasionally, she’ll use the car. I trust her to treat everything properly.” Peg_Leg_Vet
Another User Comments:
“Um, NTJ. It sounds like he needs to take a step back.
Sounds a little… Fishy. What’s the issue now? Why is it a problem now? What happened to bring this about? He needs to understand that in marriage, what’s yours is his and his is yours. That’s part of the vows you take. However, if he really feels like that, stop paying for the car.
It’s his car. It’s his responsibility.” BestCranberry25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What can he possibly think you’ve done wrong? It sounds like your fiancé is actually not happy with the way you split the bills, but he let it build up until his feelings came out as something weirdly specific.
And honestly, that doesn’t sound reasonable given the financial situation you described, but I guess if you’re happy with it. Anyway, don’t go ahead with the marriage until you’ve straightened out how you’re going to handle money. Does he know that his car debt becomes your car debt when you get married?” MrsWeasley9
17. AITJ For Keeping A Cat I Thought Was A Stray Even Though My Neighbor Claimed Him?
“I’ve found myself in a bit of a rock and a hard place these past few weeks, genuinely feeling upset about my actions. I (26f) noticed a thin cat hanging around my apartment a while back, looking malnourished and thin.
It’s not odd for strays to be around; I live near a small group of feral-semi feral cats. I chose to start feeding it and gradually built up a bond. I ended up naming the cat Ollie.
As time went on, Ollie became a member of my family.
I took him to the vet and got him microchipped. I worked hard to provide him with a safe home, feeling that I was giving him a second chance at life and providing him with a happier life than the one he’s spent on the streets.
Recently, one of my neighbors, who I’ll refer to as Laura, noticed Ollie through my bedroom window and claimed him as her cat. Given how Ollie was originally, I couldn’t bring myself to hand him over to a woman I assumed had neglected him and left him in such a poor condition in the first place.
I have since realized that the cat could have been out for a while and gotten into this state over time. However, I’m still unsure about risking his safety.
I tried to discuss the situation with Laura, but all she did was insist on the return of the cat, ignoring my concerns for his original poor condition and disregarding the time and money I put into him.
I can acknowledge that I should have made more of an effort to see if Ollie had owners. While I assumed he had been a stray, the least I could have done was put up posters or check social media. I neglected to do so, and I should have taken more steps to ensure Ollie was not someone’s pet, especially since I have pets of my own and know how hurtful it would be if they were taken from me.
Additionally, I feel sad knowing that children are involved. Laura claims Ollie was part of their family, and her kids miss him. I care deeply about Ollie’s well-being and want the best for him, but I can’t help but feel for the children who are now losing their furry best friend.
Today I’m asking for judgment: Am I the jerk for keeping a family’s cat under the belief that he was neglected?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s your cat. It’s microchipped and cared for all in your name. Has she even provided one shred of evidence that it’s hers?
A vet bill, a picture of the kids with the cat? Even if she did, she still neglected it and I would not give the cat to her.” ticky_tacky_wacky
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for taking in a potentially homeless animal. But before you consider whether to give this cat to the woman, has she given you proof he’s her cat?
Pictures, vet bills, and a lease saying a cat lives in her home (My own lease specifies I have 1 cat, my last apt lease specified no pets.)” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if it truly is Laura’s cat, your intentions are good. You put the cat’s welfare first. That said, 1) if it truly is a feral cat, Ollie might struggle to integrate into your home; 2) if it’s not actually feral, it might actually belong to Laura.
I would put the onus on Laura to prove ownership. Surely she has photos with this cat and her kids if it’s hers, even without adoption papers etc. Make her prove Ollie is her cat before handing her over. And then make sure if you do hand Ollie over (as you should if it’s Laura’s cat) you document the condition of Ollie as you see it, perhaps making an initial complaint with your local animal control about the cat’s condition.” [deleted]
16. AITJ For Requesting The Customer's Phone Number Instead Of Knocking On Doors?
“I work for my dad as an electrician. Today we had a service call to a house in an area that I’m unfamiliar with.
It wasn’t a dangerous neighborhood or anything, but I’ve simply never been there. I got to the address, but I was concerned: what if it’s not the correct address and I ring the doorbell, and they think I’m soliciting? I called my dad and said, “Hey, I’m here.
Can you send me the phone number so I can call the customer?” I like to be professional; I don’t like walking up to doors and hoping I’m at the right house.
Usually, I call and say, “Hey, I just parked in front of your house.
Would you like to come out and show me what needs to be repaired before I step onto the property?” I called my dad and said, “Hey, I just got here. I’m not sure if I’m at the right house. Can you send me his phone number?” He starts berating me with things like, “Just look at the side of his house and see if it matches the picture of the customer’s house” (the picture was a zoomed-in photo that looked like most of the houses on the block).
He said, “No problem, I will send you the phone number.” Ten minutes went by and I never received anything, so I called him and asked, “Did you send me the phone number?” He said, “What are you talking about? He’s outside talking to you.” He was nowhere in sight.
Then he hastily hung up on me, and minutes later the customer appeared.
I finished the job and came back to the office. I came in, and my dad just proceeded to yell at me and tell me, “You need to get things done on your own.
Why are you so stupid?” Then, instead of admitting that he forgot to send the phone number, he proceeded to tell me that he’s too busy to go out of his way to send phone numbers. I argued, “Then why did you offer?” He said, “You know, I don’t have time for this blah blah blah.
You should’ve called the office.”
I told him, “When I called you, why didn’t you just say, ‘Hey, I’m busy, call the office?'” He became more furious. Then, obviously, we had a shouting match. Now, as I type this, he is sitting next door, loudly complaining about how stupid I am to the girl who works in the office.
He initially said, “He’s angry because I told him, ‘I’m not knocking on random doors.'” I didn’t think it was a big deal, but he turned it into that.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You sometimes have to knock on a door to get a customer.
I do it every day, and sometimes it’s the wrong house, but then they tell you, ‘This is… the number you’re looking for is…’ Your dad shouldn’t treat you that way or be telling other employees anything about you.” LaG1122
Another User Comments:
“ESH – You should be checking your work orders for addresses, names, and phone numbers. Make sure you have them before you leave. Your dad needs to be more understanding, though, too, that he said he would get you the information and then didn’t send it.
This is why it’s not always good to work with family.” Lunar-Eclipse0204
Another User Comments:
“Can you get a job with some other firm? This is mistreatment pure and simple. You made a simple request and instead of helping you, he deliberately created an entire battle over nothing.
NTJ. Keep in mind, just because they’re parents doesn’t mean they like you.” RealbadtheBandit
15. AITJ For Keeping My Sister's Confession From My Dad?
“So I (14f) have 2 older siblings, I’m going to call them Lisa and Jack.
Lisa is married with one kid, and Jack is in a relationship with his partner. He is the older one. So Jack and Lisa are my half siblings. My dad was married to another woman before my mother, and they had a pretty messy divorce.
So growing up, my dad was the best dad ever. He worked as a police officer and wasn’t always home, but he tried his best.
But I never really saw my siblings much. When I was younger, they often came to visit me, and I loved them very much (especially my big sister, I looked up to her a lot), but a few years ago everything changed. My siblings never reached out to me or tried to contact me or my dad anymore.
We only got invited to her wedding because my aunt called my dad and told him to call her. We found out that she’s pregnant because of the family group chat. All of that really hurt me a lot. And 3 years ago, my sister and brother started forgetting my birthday.
That hurt me so much that I cried the whole day after I realized they wouldn’t even call or text me. After that, I kinda gave up on them, but I kept in contact with my sister a bit to see how my family is doing.
Now I always suspected that it had something to do with my father.
A few weeks ago, I decided to contact my sister again and meet her just to see how she’s doing. And we did end up talking about the whole thing. She told me that she didn’t contact me because of (surprise, surprise) my dad.
She didn’t know if he would want us to stay in contact, and that she isn’t texting him because when she was younger, he didn’t really have time for them or call and ask how they were. The funny thing is, my dad said the same thing about her: that she never really texted first or put effort into their relationship.
I love both my dad and my sister, and I don’t think either of them is lying. I decided not to tell my dad what she said because I know he is a bit mad at her and hurt by the whole situation, but won’t admit it.
Even though I feel a bit bad for not telling him, I decided not to because my sister trusted me with this, but I don’t know what to do now or if I’m wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, but your dad is. You admit it yourself, he barely gives any time for you, let alone your siblings.
Think of the constant heartbreak they endured growing up feeling ignored by their dad. Wondering why he didn’t care about them. It’s not surprising after all that they eventually reached a point where they stopped trying. It was probably better for their mental health to stop setting themselves up for disappointment.
It’s not the responsibility of the child to maintain a relationship with their parent.” LethargicActionHero
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad needs to fix things with your siblings first, whatever the disconnect is there. It’s still wrong of them to stop talking to you or even acknowledging your birthday (seriously what the heck??), and her reasoning doesn’t make much sense to me.
It sucks that you have to suffer because the grown-ups apparently can’t communicate.” WrestleBox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Never reveal to others what was said in confidence, unless it is something illegal or if life or health is at stake. You could, however, talk to your sister again, asking if you could tell your father what she said or if perhaps she could tell him herself, as I gather you see a chance for reconciliation.
Perhaps add how happy it would make you to see the family communicating and being friendly towards each other again.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Supporting The Waitress Over A Sold-Out Wine Special?
“I (33M) was out on a double outing with friends of my partner who are a couple, Sarah (28F) and Mark (31M), at a restaurant/bar. I know Sarah and Mark, but they’re not my friends personally.
This place has pretty cheap drinks and daily drink specials. The day we went, they had 4 drink specials. 3 of us ordered the same drink special and Sarah asked for their wine special. The waitress said they sold out of that wine special. Sarah got upset and said she’d have to think about her order now.
The waitress left and eventually came back with our 3 drinks and asked if we were ready to order. Sarah was snippy and asked what other wines they have, since they’re sold out of the special. The waitress said they have everything else, just that 1 wine sold out due to demand from the special. Sarah got upset with the waitress again and started to ask her why that was her problem—they sold out.
If they have a special, they should honour it. The waitress was polite and said she’d speak with the manager and see if there’s something they can do.
While the waitress left, I said to Sarah to just order what we all got; it’s good, what’s the big deal?
Sarah got snippy and said she wanted that wine. I asked why, like, is it her favorite or something. She said she doesn’t know, but she wants it because it’s their daily special. I rolled my eyes and just let it go.
The waitress came back and said there’s nothing they can do; it’s sold out and there are 3 other drink specials for the day, she can choose from, or any other wine they serve.
Now Mark chimed in, asking if they could get another wine for the same price as the special. The waitress said no. Now Sarah and Mark both went off, saying that’s unfair, there should be a replacement since they sold out. The waitress just held to “there’s nothing I can do.” They kept badgering the waitress, so I finally chimed in, saying “it’s just a dollar off, just order something else, I’ll pay for it.”
Sarah got really mad and just said she’s fine and doesn’t want anything. Sarah and Mark ended up leaving earlier because they said they had other plans to go to later. I gave the waitress a large tip for her aggravation. Later, I found out through my partner that Sarah thinks I’m a jerk for siding with the waitress and “getting involved.” My partner agreed Sarah was being a lot, but now Sarah and Mark don’t want to go to our plans this weekend over it.
Was I a jerk for getting involved?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sarah and Mark sound insufferable. I would forgive them if they had learned the wine on special was sold out and asked once if they could then have a dollar off on a different wine, and accepted the no graciously.
But to first insist that somehow the waitress should be magically able to make a wine appear that they literally don’t have any of, and then to get completely butt hurt that they can’t have a dollar off and badger the waitress about it is ridiculous.
They should be ashamed of their behavior.” poeadam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Sarah was being an entitled brat. She decided that was the molehill she was willing to die on. Honestly, it sounds like you got out of plans that would have turned into another hassle.
Your partner is on your side, so it’s pretty clear Sarah is the problem and chances are your partner has felt the same way about that relationship for a long time.” TheJOEisAWESOME
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sarah doesn’t need to act rude to the waitress.
If they’re out of a certain wine, that’s not on the waitress. The wine was just popular to get. Mark is just as rude because he could’ve helped the waitress out by calming Sarah down. Both sound entitled.” RaineMist
13. AITJ For Postponing My Mom's Trip To Cater To My Husband's Needs?
“Last week, my husband [42M] told me [37F] that I haven’t been fulfilling his emotional needs to the degree that he needs. I absolutely adore my husband and I know he loves me at least as much as I love him, so I was very upset with myself for not realizing this sooner and for not expressing my love in the abundance that he needs to feel as happy as he can be.
I’ve been really deliberate in expressing affection to him more than before ever since he told me, and he’s been much happier this week as a result. The most potent form of affection to him is spending lots of one-on-one quality time together, so I’ve been especially mindful to give him that more than I had been (though I’ve shown him more affection in other ways too).
Here’s the rub: My mom [67F], sister [34F], and I were planning on taking a trip together the last week of August. My dad died three years ago, and for the past year my mom has really been wanting to have a little trip where it would just be the three of us, without my husband or my sister’s wife.
We have not booked anything yet (it would just be a road trip, so we only would need to book a hotel at our final destination, and maybe at a stop along the way, although we’d probably not do that and just find a motel), nor have we put in for time off work yet (that being me and my sister; our mom is retired).
Yesterday, the three of us called each other to confirm plans, and I asked if we could go in late September instead of late August. I gave them the gist of why that was, and while my sister was okay with it, my mom was upset.
I asked her if it would be okay for my husband to come with us if she still wanted to go in August, but she said no; she really wanted it to just be the three of us. I stepped away from the phone to ask my husband how he honestly felt, and he said that he would fully support me still going in August, but deep down, he would prefer if the trip was in September, though he emphasized that it was up to me.
I told my mom that I really wanted to push the trip back, and she told me I was being a bit of an ass for asking, but said she would think about it. Honestly, I feel bad about either choice at this point. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – It’s only one weekend, and your mum has been asking for the past year. Also, you’ve been putting in effort to spend more one-on-one time with your husband already, and you can continue to do so when you’re back. Your mum is at that age where you should cherish any memories you can make with her.” PandaFrankOpinions
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The imbalance in how much you are attending to your husband’s feelings and ignoring your mum’s. You’ve been making an effort with your husband; this trip was planned a while ago. Your husband is a grown man; just go and give your mum an ounce of the effort you’re giving your husband.” mynameliam
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re suddenly changing plans that have been in progress for a year, for a trip that’s deeply meaningful to your mother, without a clear reason. Are you only planning to spend quality time with your husband in August? Why can’t you go on the trip as planned, and then continue to spend quality time together when you return?
Surely that’s a long-term goal, not something that has to be achieved specifically in August 2023.” IntrovertedBookMan
12. AITJ For Renting Out My House During Taylor Swift Weekend Instead Of Helping A Friend?
“I recently created an Airbnb in the basement of my house in a busy city and it’s going really well. I’ve just cleared off some debt and am now saving for an emergency fund, and this extra income is helping a lot. I have a good job (professional), but people assume I make more than I do because of my job title.
Also, my city is very expensive and I have a half million dollar mortgage – so I am trying desperately to save cash for an emergency fund and then tackle the mortgage. Taylor Swift is coming to my city and people are freaking out.
I’ve decided to list for rent not just the basement but my entire house on Airbnb for the weekends she is here, because I will make about 4000 or more for two weekend,s and that’s a lot of money.
I have an old friend (we were friendly as tweens but then I moved away) who I talk with from time to time on social media, but we are not close like we used to be; she’s wanting to come to the city with her kid for the concert and asked if I would go – while I liked the idea of spending time with her, I wasn’t about to drop hundreds or thousands of dollars on tickets for an artist I’m not really that into, so I said “no”.
Shortly thereafter, she sent a message saying she’d registered for some code to get tickets for x weekend and to “be prepared to host us”.
I wrote back saying that I had planned to rent the whole house on Airbnb the weekend of the concert and that I was heading to a friend’s house outside the city but that she was welcome to join me there for free.
She then asked, “Well, if I stay there outside the city, how will I get to the concert?” to which I said she could have use of my car for free. She then said, “Well, where would I park the car at the concert?” (Maybe she wanted me to drive her?)
Then she said she was upset that I wasn’t helping a friend out for a few nights, and that she was going to have to spend a lot of money on the tickets and the flight,s and that “I guess money trumps helping a friend out”.
I repeated that I had offered her accommodation (though not ideally located) for free and a car for free and that I felt this was a generous offer and compromise. I told her that I had financial goals and could not pass up the opportunity to make 2000 or more (for one weekend).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So, your good old friend from your tween years looked you up to bunk with you while she and her daughter came to town to attend a concert. You’ve been more generous than I would have been to try to accommodate her demands.
I’d say she needs to figure out her own accommodations and be done with it. Hard to believe someone could be that entitled.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems she just invited herself to your house; she didn’t even ask if you could maybe host them.
You gave her enough nice options to help her out, which would make her save a lot of money on accommodation, but her refusing and nitpicking about parking really shows she wasn’t interested in reconnecting with you, just freeloading and taking advantage of you.” Dweia01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She invited herself to your house. Even with her doing that, you still were nice enough to offer her a place to stay and a car. Good for you for standing up for yourself and for thinking of renting the whole house and taking advantage of the concert!!!” Sensitive_Orchid9773
11. AITJ For Being Upset That My Friend Lied About Losing Weight For Our Hiking Trip?
“I got engaged last year to my wonderful fiancee, and we are planning on getting married soon.
I also have my bachelor party coming up in 2 weeks, and we are planning on going to a hiking destination. With that in mind, I set a goal in mind to lose weight (also because my doctor said I needed to) to be able to fully enjoy this.
Now one of my closest friends is very heavily overweight, and we have been trying to get him to lose weight as well because of his health. Over a year ago we compromised with each other that we both would do our best to lose weight, so that by the time my bachelor party came along we would do this hiking thing that I REALLY want to do.
However, not only did he not lose weight, he actually put on quite a bit, to the point where I don’t know if he will physically be able to do this hiking trip with us. Of course he will still come, but he might miss out on many of the activities we are doing because he might not be able to do them.
The worst of it all is that up until about 3 months, he had told me that he was well on track to lose weight, but it was not until a couple of weeks ago when I saw him for the first time since last year, that I saw that he was very much heavier than before.
One thing led to another and we had an argument over it, where he simply said he has not really done anything to try and lose the weight, and he has just been pigging out.
Now, I am FULLY aware of how hard it is to lose weight (I dropped 70 pounds in a year) so I don’t want to invalidate that, but he very much is making it seem like he didn’t even try or want help.
And now, two weeks before our trip, he is asking if we could change things so he can be involved. This makes me upset because we both had plenty of time to get in shape, but he just seemed to refuse to do so.
More than anything, I just want him to be healthy so he can live a full long life, but right now, I can’t help but feel upset about this whole thing, especially that he hid it.
Perhaps I am in the wrong here, but Idk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, as other commenters said…..You can only control what you do with your own body. Your friend didn’t want to lose weight, and he knew how much this hike meant to you.
He will either hike with you, or join you in other activities. While I agree with you that he could have made an effort, it’s not your place to berate him FOR his lack of it.” NotFunny3458
Another User Comments:
“ESH Maybe your phrasing is a bit off because regardless it’s a bit wrong to get mad at someone for not losing weight.
As you stated, it can definitely be difficult and everyone’s journey is different. However, he is a jerk for lying about it to you for so long, and then requesting for plans to be changed last minute. Since he knew how important this was to you, he should have been at least a little bit honest and should also support you doing the bachelor activities you want regardless of whether or not he’s now able to do them.” Sensitive_Topic_2508
Another User Comments:
“ESH You for thinking you have a right to have some sense of control over your friend’s weight, and him for wanting the plans to change to accommodate him on your bachelor trip. You’ve been looking forward to it and put in work to be able to do it.
So you shouldn’t have to change plans for a friend that put no effort into making your dreams come true. But, you also have no right to try to force your friend and shame him for his weight gain. It’s his choice what he does with his body..” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Not Picking Up My Cousin Who Skipped My Graduation?
“I (F24) just graduated from university back in late May.
My cousin L (M22) also goes to my university. He and I are very close, and I consider him to be like my younger brother. We’d hang out a lot. But everything changed when L got a partner. I was happy for him because he had a nasty breakup a year ago that had affected him, and his partner is really nice and seemed to care about him.
L and I started hanging out less, which was fine because he was now in a relationship. He would take over a week to respond to my text messages or not respond at all, so we stopped hanging out for a few months. He would only hit me up if he needed to go somewhere because he didn’t have a car.
He would need to go to the store or the barbershop. I would take him every time because I had been doing that the entire time already.
Now to my graduation. I asked L in the beginning of the spring semester if he would be coming to my graduation.
He said, of course, he’d be there. I asked him again in April, and he said yes. I called him a few days before my graduation to see if he wanted to hang out with my family that day, and he told me he actually went home for the semester.
I offered to pick him up the day before my graduation and let him stay at my apartment, but he said he would get a ride.
He never showed up to my graduation. I didn’t hear from him the entire day, even after I texted him.
I checked his location, and he was at his partner’s house hours away. I was beyond hurt that someone I considered my brother didn’t even contact me to say that he couldn’t come, nor did he tell me congratulations. I called him the next day, and I got nothing.
Two weeks ago, he finally contacted me after months to ask if I could pick him up from the airport because it was an emergency. I laughed in his face and snapped. He said he and his partner had an emergency, but he never specified what.
I told him his partner could pick him up, and he said he was desperate. He gave a half apology, but only after I brought up the graduation. I never responded to him. My uncle heard about this and yelled at me for not forgiving him.
Maybe I should have picked him up from the airport because he was desperate? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Freak that. He is just using you for rides, as evident by him not even acknowledging bailing on your graduation until he “NEEDED” you. He’s not treating you like a friend or close family; he’s treating you like a free chauffeur.
Good for you for standing up for yourself and saying no. If he needed a ride so bad, there are so many ride services he could have paid for.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk at all. Your cousin only talks to you when he needs something, and then he’s gonna call his dad on you.
I don’t know; you either just gotta tell him how you feel and that you want an apology, or just cut him off because anything else isn’t gonna end well for you guys.” Illustrious-Ad6209
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to vote YTJ. I’m sorry that your relationship with someone you care about is changing.
L flaked on you, and that wasn’t cool. But the thing about adult family relationships like this is that they change as you grow older. Speaking from experience, they tend to be fluid; sometimes you’ll drift together and sometimes you drift apart, but the best part is that even if you haven’t seen each other in a year, you’ll reconnect almost immediately and it will be like you were never apart.
Except… you sort of dropped a nuclear bomb on that, and I don’t think your relationship with him will ever be the same because you refused to help him in (what I assume to be) a legitimate emergency. And on top of that, you chose the moment when he was actively worried about his safety to confront him about his flakiness.
Did one flaky incident really justify you hanging him out to dry when he needed you the most? It comes across as less “justified” and more “petty and vindictive”.” Faerylanterns
9. AITJ For Waiting On My Dad’s Price For His Car?
“I have had my dad’s vehicle for several years now and have asked him on several occasions how much he wanted me to pay him for it, but he always told me that we would look at that later.
I pay him every month for the insurance and license plate, and I also pay the maintenance on it. His birthday is coming up soon, and my stepmother messaged me asking if I was going to come up for his birthday. I said I had the day off and was already planning to come up and visit during his birthday.
She then asked if I was interested in buying my father’s vehicle and said how it would be the greatest gift to give him. I told her that I would be happy to buy it, but he never gave me a price and, therefore, I never paid for it since I don’t know how much he wants to sell it for (in this case, I feel like he doesn’t want to sell it to me).
She told me to look up the car model and all on the Internet to find out the price the vehicle is worth, tell him how much I’m going to pay “since it would make him so happy,” and to borrow money from the bank so I can pay it off.
I told her that I can look, but I would rather have my dad’s opinion on the pricing of his vehicle first. She then proceeded to tell me how I can tell him that I am ready to pay for the car and give him a price for it according to how much it’s currently being sold for on certain sites.
I told her that I could, but I would rather wait for his opinion. She said that I have to insist on buying it because “he’s worried that I can’t financially afford it.”
I thanked her for informing me of this and that I will talk about it with him.
I am not going to offer this as a birthday gift to my dad, I do not plan on bringing it up during his birthday, and I plan to show this conversation to him after his birthday. I am willing to pay it if he wants to, but I feel like it’s not a gift to offer to him and she has no reason to force me into this since it’s something between him and me.
She’s never really liked me, so I am assuming that she’s not happy over me getting his vehicle. Is it a good idea to show him the conversation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your stepmother’s not entirely wrong; the best way to buy the vehicle from your dad is for you to suggest a fair price as an offer.
The fact that you haven’t done this before is probably a combination of you being young and not knowing any better and subconsciously taking advantage of having a free car. It shouldn’t be solely on him to set a price—there are two people in the transaction—and assessing the car’s value would take like 30 minutes maximum with Internet resources.
He’s most likely embarrassed to ask for the car’s actual value from you since you’re his child. Stepmother is probably hinting that they could use the money, and this is a way of you supporting your family without it becoming embarrassing for anyone.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as a father myself, I would not expect payment for the car, especially if the payment would in any way be a hardship for my child. You have brought up payment many times, and he has pushed it off. I say it is all right to continue bringing up paying for the car, but take him at his word if he says he is not concerned about it.
If you bring up your conversation with your stepmom, I would broach it carefully; just ask if he is really not concerned about you paying for it because she brought it up.” jonjohn23456
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I agree with you it wouldn’t be a birthday ‘gift’—but because it’s merely what you owe him!
So YTJ because you’ve been playing coy all these years. If you can afford to pay him what you owe, just do it. You’re pretending that making him name a price first is somehow respectful, but it’s clearly just a stalling tactic on your part.
At this point, your dad is probably embarrassed for you (though I think it was not your stepmom’s business to try to salvage this situation for either of you). It would be best if you take the initiative to make it right.” MonicaHuang
8. AITJ For Almost Creating A Family Scandal Over My Mom's Unrealistic Demands?
“So I (15 f) have had problems with my mom (49 f) since the day I was born. I wouldn’t say that she loves me so much, but she was always strict on me and my brother (17 m). She is that type of mom that doesn’t like anything and nothing we do is ever good enough for her.
She has mostly ignored me until I got in 8th grade, just because she was constantly fixated on my brother and all. This all started happening in September this year, as I started 8th grade, because I got a big exam I had to study for so I could get to a good high school.
She started stressing me out and everything, and constantly reminded me I have to study or I will be a nobody in life. So I studied all I could and ended up having the total of 8,15/10 at the exam, which is a very good grade.
All my family was proud of me except for my mom, who said, as I quote, ” she could have done better”. I was a little mad about it, but I let it go. But 2 days ago was the last straw. 2 days ago was the day I found out what high school I got into, and I was very stressed thinking it wouldn’t be at my mother’s expectations, but it happened to be the second best high school in town.
As all the family members called me to congratulate me, she didn’t think it was right because of some profile issues she had and thought I was studying in another category. She started saying I gotta study more and be better so I could change schools to a better one and all this thing.
I was mad and hung up the phone on her while telling my aunt what she had said to me (I am 7 h away from home for babysitting my nephew 3 weeks), and she got so mad she called my mom a lot of different names and got into a huge fight for making me stressed out and emotional, but my mom didn’t care at all until she spoke to my general teacher to clarify the category problem until she realized I was put in the right place.
And she had annoyed by that time literally the whole family (my aunt was just the only one to react to her), and she started saying she was proud of me and all that crap. I was mad at her but didn’t say anything until she started saying I shouldn’t have created a scandal over small things and that I should have just believed her.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and as a mum I would like to say how proud I am of you. You worked so hard and it really paid off. You’re going to have a great time in school and go off to do amazing things.
Now eat some food, drink some water and take a coat with you if you’re going out xoxo” Glowie2k2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I grew up with a mother like this and it took me a long time to not feel like I was constantly failing compared to everyone else.
I suggest looking into therapy when you leave home if you can find cheap/free therapy for students. Also, be aware that it can be tempting to go completely off the rails when you have some freedom at last but that if you have your own goals in life (not your mother’s) and focus on those, you’ll be ok.
Sounds like you work really hard, so well done!” MmeMerteuil
7. AITJ For Not Borrowing Money To Attend My SIL's Destination Wedding?
“My SIL is getting married for the second time, this time it’s a destination wedding that costs approx $4500 a couple (we have 3 kids, but it would only be us going and my family would be the ones to babysit). We were there for the first wedding; my wife was in the bridal party and we participated in all the traditions, but the marriage fell apart 5 years ago.
To put it bluntly, we can’t afford to go. We have a $40k HELOC that we make regular payments to, but simply due to the cost of living right now, we have had to put some credit card balances on it. She also went back to school for a year or so, and we used the line of credit to fund that.
It has gone up and down over the last couple of years we have had it, but it isn’t going down at any exponential rate.
What I refuse to do is borrow $4500 to go to this wedding, but my wife doesn’t see it this way.
I’m being made out to be the villain by her and her family because I think I’m making the right decision financially. She has always been a very emotional decision maker, a “do now and worry about it later” kind of deal. Yes, we have room on the line of credit to borrow more; I just feel that it’s irresponsible, and it’s just going to make it even harder to pay off.
Add to this, her sister is upset at her that she isn’t going and feels that because we were told a year ago, we should have been able to figure it out. My wife did make the mistake of instinctually telling her, “Yes, we would be going,” when this all came out before actually sitting down and figuring out if we can.
Now, what makes this whole thing more complicated is that my parents usually, once a year, take the extended family on vacation. They pay for 95% of the vacation, only leaving us to pay for gas to get there. The total cost is maybe $500, something that we usually can save for.
My wife feels like I’m prioritizing my family and that we shouldn’t be going on any vacation at all, even if almost all expenses are paid. In my opinion, she would rather sacrifice a chance for us with our kids and their grandparents to go away simply to make it “fair”.
AITJ for not borrowing the money to go to this second wedding?
AITJ for not canceling all vacations even if they are paid for, because we can’t afford to go to the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your finances are strained to the point where you have to take out a loan to attend, you shouldn’t go.
Yes, family is important, but you’re very clearly not in a position to spend that kind of money to travel right now, and if they can’t understand that, they can either help subsidize your costs to a point where you can go, or they can ask themselves why they needed to schedule a destination wedding where it costs two people $4,500 to attend.” JNF919
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You went to the first. Enough already. Tell your wife to stop it. If you go to the wedding, she drops out of college. Don’t let her bully you. If she is so desperate to go, have her family fund 95% for her to go alone.
Then you and the kids spend time with your parents, and that will be even Steven.” AlarmingDelay3709
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why not compromise and have your wife go to the wedding without you? That should cut down at least 50% of the cost down to 2250.
If you already have a lot of debt, adding 2250 isn’t going to make a material difference. Then you and your kids can go on vacation with your family since all expenses are paid. Then it is a win for everyone. She gets to visit family & see her sister get married. You have saved $2250 in expenses by not going, and then she should have no issue with you & kids going with your family.” Gladtobealive2020
6. AITJ For Only Refunding Partial Donations From My Friend's Husband?
“I (25F) accept donations from mostly anonymous individuals as a way to supplement my job for tuition expenses. For the past couple of months I’ve been accepting them from the same person in decent amounts. This person had a generic profile picture for the entirety of our interactions with each other.
Then, a few days ago, they decided to update their profile picture and unfortunately I recognized it almost immediately as my friend since high school’s (24f) husband (25m). (The name hadn’t clicked beforehand because he was using his surname as his first name and his middle name as his last name.
However, the addition of the pfp made it all come together because we had gone to high school with him as well.) I was still fairly anonymous as I used a pseudonym and a drawn icon for my profile picture.
Despite the interactions not being romantic in nature whatsoever, I felt a nagging obligation to inform my friend of these interactions due to the fact that this friend had confided in me continuously about their money struggles and bewilderment at why things had been so difficult for an extended period of time.
Therefore, I called my friend to explain. When she answered the phone call, I initiated a money transfer to her Cash App for the most recent amounts that her husband had sent me and began to explain. (I couldn’t send more than the most recent amounts due to the fact that the rest had already gone towards my bills.)
Immediately after I finished explaining what was happening, my friend asked in an accusatory and slightly irate tone “Is this everything he sent you?!” I, unfortunately, am too honest for my own good and additionally had never lied to her beforehand, so I explained that it was only the most recent amounts and why I could not send every last penny he sent me back to her.
She quickly flew off the handle, yelling at me in tears saying things along the lines of “You know how much we’re freaking struggling and this is all you’re going to send back?! I thought we were friends.”
I simply kept reiterating that it was not feasible nor possible for me to send everything back and in my irritated state, told her: “You should be lucky that I sent you what I did.
I didn’t have to give you ANYTHING back but did so BECAUSE we’re friends and I know it’s been stressful and a struggle for y’all.” Eventually we ended at an impasse and now she’s still upset at me and refuses to mend anything unless I send everything back.
So, AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s likely just taking her anger out on you and misdirecting it to you, when she should really be furious at her husband. It might be helpful for her if you count up how much he has sent you because this is likely why they’re having financial struggles in the first place, and she may be able to demand some of that back from her husband if they get divorced. But you unfortunately can’t do refunds for every donation he ever made to you, that’s not realistic of her to ask of you, as you didn’t know it was him, and as soon as you did, you returned what you could to her.
But the guilt is ultimately her husband’s, not yours. You didn’t make him send you money and cause their financial issues, he chose to.” EnergyThat1518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ maybe she should be angry at her husband, not you. You had to figure out it was him, you didn’t know, and when you did, you sent back everything you could.” Artistic_Tough5005
5. AITJ For Eating My Dad's Leftovers And Yelling When He Woke Me Up?
“I, 27F, currently am a digital nomad. I visit my parents between my trips, as I rented out my place when I started traveling because I wanted to spend more time with family and save money.
My dad works a hybrid schedule and goes to the office two days a week, and my mom and I work remotely. Yesterday my dad had to go into the office. He usually packs a lunch for himself, but brought it home yesterday because his boss had taken him and his colleagues out for a team lunch.
He had leftover steak, curry, and a salad. I saw the Tupperwares in the fridge after he got home and was really excited because the steak had been delicious, and I’d let him take the leftovers even though I’d been eyeing them because he didn’t have time to make anything else the night before.
When he said he hadn’t eaten it because of the team lunch, I assumed it was up for grabs again, and I ate the steak, curry, and salad, and washed the containers.
My dad leaves around 7 am for work. My job doesn’t start until 10, so usually I sleep until around 9.
This morning, he woke me up, frantic on his way out the door, asking if I’d seen his lunch anywhere. I was groggy and yelled at him for waking me up so early, and said I’d eaten it because he brought it back, but he should have checked yesterday, and it was rude to wake me up so early.
He was upset and ended up being late because he had to pack another lunch. My mom got mad at me and told me I was extremely unfair to yell at him, and that it was inconsiderate for me to eat his lunch, especially since we could make ourselves food at any time working remotely, but my dad had to get up early and couldn’t just have a meal any time, and shouldn’t have to spend money at a restaurant just because of my selfishness at eating the lunch he’d packed himself.
I tried to explain that it was rude to wake me up so early, and that the lunch had been available since he had brought it back home and not eaten it at work, and he never said he was planning to bring it to work today instead.
I assumed he would make himself a new lunch instead of two-day-old leftovers. She told me I was entitled and needed to apologize to my dad for eating his lunch and yelling, and that it was perfectly reasonable to wake me up and ask me if I’d seen it after he couldn’t find it in the fridge.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ multiple times. 1 for eating his lunch; 2 for the statement “I let him take the leftovers” when you said it was his meal to start with; 3 for assuming the lunch was “up for grabs”; 4 for saying ANYTHING other than “I’m sorry”; 5 for yelling at him instead of apologizing; 6 for making him late for work; 7 for trying to make excuses with your mom instead of owning your mistake; 8 for coming on here looking for a reason not to apologize.
Your mom is right, this whole post is freaked and reeks of entitlement.” Poozor
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you ASSUMED he wasn’t gonna eat the food just because he didn’t end up eating it the same day and then proceeded to yell at him?
The man that’s letting you stay in his house and eat his food already? You should’ve been an adult and communicated and checked with him before eating the leftovers. Major YTJ for yelling at him just because he woke you up to ask a question considering you stole his lunch under the impression that it was “up for grabs”.
Learn to communicate and not throw tantrums.” spicyblood3993
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You ate his lunch – mistakes happen – but when they do, don’t yell at the person you accidentally wronged. Also, it’s not rude to wake you up early. You ate his lunch – that’s rude.
I understand you were tired and didn’t want to be woken up early, but courtesy is not that hard. It seems you have money for your travels. I think you could have, albeit “groggily”: 1) apologized profusely, as from your post he seemed upset, 2) offered to pay for a new take-out lunch or reimburse him for one at the end of the day.” toomany_questions
4. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Family's ATM And Mule?
“I (33 F) been the mule and ATM of my family since I was 20. My parents are divorced, so when my dad moved out, all the heavy lifting was my job. When my little sister needed someone to pick her up from a party, it was my job.
It didn’t matter if I was busy with something; I had to just stop whatever I was doing and solve the issue.
It got worse when I started to work. On top of all the labor around the house, my mom started to ask for money or, if I wasn’t around, she would just take it.
I have to add that I have ADHD, so there were times when doing some chores was really difficult or simply impossible, but I was expected to do them anyway or I was lazy.
A few years back, I started a small business (none of my parents or my sister helped me at all), so on top of my office job, I work on my business the rest of the time and usually on the weekends I got events.
I’m happy to work this hard for my business, but when your family is constantly asking for money that they don’t pay at all (the current debt is around 40k), money that is costing me my life, and on top of that they think I’m lazy, it hurts like heck.
Today I was finishing with the event I was on, and since I don’t have a car I had to take an Uber, but it was way too much money. I have to pay rent next week and my mom just took $1000 for an emergency, so I couldn’t spare the money.
I was going to call my parents for a lift, but my dad told me earlier that he was busy with his wife and the last time I called my mom she said that she was tired and she didn’t want to go and pick me up.
So I decided to walk back (I was carrying a small dolly with 4 boxes) at 11 PM. I managed to do it, but the boxes fell down at some point and I’m not sure if something is broken. My back hurts, and by the last bit I was crying.
My sister just texted me asking for money, so I told her no. She keeps saying that it is an emergency and that she will pay me back this week, but I’m too tired and hurt. She’s mad, and I probably will receive a call tomorrow from my mom telling me that I should help my sister because she is family.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop giving money to them. Start asking them for money – I need money to get to work, etc. Get a new bank account at a different bank and do not tell anyone. Get your pay changed to the new accounts ASAP.
Stop leaving cash in your room. Any cash gets put into the new account before you go home – some ATMs take deposits. Get your important documents together and plan to move out.” MumSquared
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but your family sounds terrible and I’m sorry they don’t think about you the way they should.
You give time, money and effort to them whenever they need it, but they can’t even do a small favor like picking you up? Hopefully this is a wake-up call for you – stop being a doormat, lay down some boundaries, and take care of you.
You deserve the love and kindness that you give to others, invest time and effort into people who want what’s best for you and reciprocate that kind of affection. Maybe one day they’ll realize how they treated you and make things right, but until then, don’t feel bad about saying NO. It’s a full sentence I hear.” sunnydays0306
3. AITJ For Telling My Friend Her Partner Stepped Out On Her?
“So my friend F (w26) and her partner K (m27) have been together for 7 years. I’ve known K half my life, because he’s a childhood friend of my husband L (m27). My husband and are I high school sweethearts, and K actually introduced us. K and my husband L are still best friends.
He even was his best man.
Now onto the dilemma: F and K have been having problems in the past few months. F is very successful and went self-employed last year. While K has a good job in accounting, he makes nowhere near as much as F, and it feels like he has been a bit resentful because of it.
F is now in a financial position that she wants to invest her money, so she was looking into buying a house. K doesn’t have enough savings for a shared downpayment. At the same time, he doesn’t want F to buy something on her own, since he thinks it’s unfair and emasculating (Note: F doesn’t want to get married or have kids, so legally, the house would never be his).
They have been fighting for some time now, and on the weekend, we all went out clubbing with some old friends to celebrate one person from the group getting her doctorate. Me and F went home earlier, while most of the men stayed a bit longer.
When my husband came home in the middle of the night, he told me that K had been missing for a while, along with one girl from the group (who we didn’t know beforehand, as she was a college friend of the one celebrating). When confronted, he admitted to “fooling around with her”.
Of course, the men all tore into him and were livid, and they all went home. Last night I got a call from F crying that K broke up with her. He was feeling too guilty and said “she deserved better than him.” He did NOT, however, tell her about his fooling around; he just said he felt they should break up.
I am now torn. I think she has a right to know the reason for the breakup, especially so she doesn’t think it is because of something she did. My husband L is begging me not to tell her, as it could ruin the lifelong friendship he has with K.
I don’t want to go against my husband’s wishes, but at the same time it feels wrong to comfort her when I know the reason why he did it. My husband says he will “talk some sense into him”, but I have my doubts.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here she deserves to know, and you don’t know how this is gonna go down – he feels all guilty now, but in 2 weeks, who’s to say he ain’t back on her doorstep, begging for her back. If it were me, I would want to know and I would be mad if I found out my friends all knew but didn’t tell me – I have literally ended a friendship because they covered for an ex like this.
You could start by asking if she wants to know some crap about her ex or if you should leave well enough alone. Give her the option if you want, but I think you need to let her know there’s more to him than she knows” pinkey_sue
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for wanting to tell her, still I wouldn’t do it if I was in your shoes. It’s understandable you want to make it easier for your friend F, but at the same time it’s almost never a good idea to get involved in other people’s relationships, especially if you’re using confidential information that will cause other people problems. K seems very immature and insecure, and your friend surely dodged a bullet here.
Support her the best you can but don’t throw your husband under the bus.” frubi86
2. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner Ride My Shoulders At A Concert?
“My (26M) partner (25F) is breaking up with me for not letting her go on my shoulders at a concert. Concerts have never been my thing, nor have I been able to handle intense heat, nor have I been able to move in large crowds.
She fully knows this, but wanted me to go with her to an all-day concert (10 am-10 pm) in Phoenix during the summer. Perhaps it was a bad decision of mine, but I said I would go with her even though it’s not my thing.
I also did not like any of the bands playing at all and had none of them on my Apple Music playlist.
I was trying to be a good trooper, but around 2-3 pm, when it was 110 out, I just couldn’t take it anymore and wanted to go sit down away from the crowds.
Mind you, when the bands were playing, I legit was shoulder to shoulder in a sea of sweaty people listening to extremely loud music I do not like. I said she could stay and find me later, but she was extremely upset at me.
I sat there at a place near the entrance till like 6 pm when we got some food from the food truck.
I suggested that she can go listen to music till she’s done, and I’ll go across the street to an arcade until she’s ready to go home. She was absolutely livid with that suggestion and told me that I was abandoning her and a bad partner.
I opted to try to tough it out. It was maybe 8 pm now and her favorite band of the night was playing. My back and feet are killing me, and I’m unhappy. She begs me to put her up on my shoulders because ‘she’s always dreamed of doing that,’ even though I’ve legit never heard that before.
She begs and pleads and says it’s all she’s ever wanted and stuff, but then I say, “No, I’m in too much pain,” and she storms off into the crowd where I can’t find her.
I go back to near the entrance, where I can sit down, and wait till 10 when she was done.
She said she left early and was also mad at me for that, but other than that, she was just mad and quiet the whole ride home.
Seems like that was the last straw, that I’m too bad of a partner, and she’s breaking up with me after 3 years.
Part of me thinks I should’ve just toughened it out even more and put her on my shoulders, but the other part of me thinks it really highlights the red flags I was ignoring. What do you guys think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And you’re better off without her.
Literally, she is immature and rude. You are not her servant. You already sacrificed a 12 hr day to go do something you don’t enjoy, but she seems to think she can use you like a robot and dismissed your hurting feet…” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t even want to be there in the first place, and she clearly didn’t care. Also, getting up on someone’s shoulders at a concert is 100% a jerk move, because none of the people behind them can see. So not only are you NTJ, you kept her from ruining other people’s good time.” srp524
Another User Comments:
“She’s a selfish child. I live in Arizona. It’s miserable being outside in the summer, let alone being in a crowd for 12 hours. And, just because her “dream” was sitting on her partner’s shoulders (she’s not 5), she had no right to expect you to do it.
She clearly didn’t care about how poorly you were feeling. You deserve better.” MySophie777
1. AITJ For Not Babysitting My Mother-In-Law's Children?
“I’m 21f and this happens in Argentina (sorry for the bad English, I try).
The story is long but it brings reward. I came from a broken home, with an abusive mother who wouldn’t let me go to school to take care of my sisters (this is important). A school friend heard my story and together with his family they helped me get out of there when I was about 18 years old.
(2020).
Tomas (24m actually) had his own house and his family lived near it (FIL 47, MIL 26, BIL 7, BIL 6, SIL 1). They encouraged me to finish high school, welcomed me as part of his family, and inevitably Tomas and I fell in love.
A year after living with him, they integrated me completely into his family dynamics.
I have to clarify that both of MIL’s young sons are autistic and his daughter currently requires special care for a tracheostomy procedure. While Tomas was searching for a new job and I was finishing high school, MIL offered us to babysit for them, since we were the only ones who could take care of the three kids together.
At first, everything was going well. Then she began to ask for things like washing clothes or cooking for when they return, and when 2021 arrived, we were practically every day at his house from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. taking care of the kids.
The problem in question is that Tomas got a good new job in an office, and I started to study nursing, and we no longer have time to go to his house to take care of his children.
When we explained this to my mother-in-law, she exploded, saying that we were not going to see her children again, that we would be nothing without them, and she said that “she was wrong to have brought me”. FIL said that he was very disappointed in us.
It’s the first time in a long time that I stay at home instead of going to my in-laws… But I’m at peace, Tomas is at peace, and it’s been a while since we had time for the two of us alone. The only thing that hurts him is that we won’t see his brothers and sister for a while, but from what he just told me, it’s not the first time he’s been deprived of them.
Now my mother-in-law posts on social media phrases about karma and how “you don’t have to pick up dogs from the street,” and I start to feel bad for ruining my partner’s relationship with his father/stepmother, but my friends say that they take advantage of my past and my hobby/habit of taking care of children at extreme hours.
AITJ for not taking care of my mother-in-law’s children?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Don’t worry. They’ll be back. Work on your degree, support your husband in his job. When your MIL and FIL reach out again for help, which will happen soon, set clear boundaries about how much time you can help.
If you even want to help. NTJ” ComputerCrafty4781
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and she will get over it. People like this are users, which means that they will be back. Unfortunately, in my experience with these exact same types of people, it’s best to just act like it doesn’t bother you.
They want to use things against you and when you stop giving them the ammunition against you, your life becomes easier. In my opinion, I would go LC or NC with them, but I completely understand keeping an arms-length relationship for the kids. Remember, people don’t have the right to know information about your life.
You can be in their life and they still know nothing” Icy_Dimension97
