People Try Not To Care About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Being Upset My Wife Sold Our Concert Tickets Without My Consent?
“Around a year ago, my wife and I planned a trip for later this year to go see the Eras tour in another state.
I initially was hesitant because of the cost but I came around because I wanted to share this experience with my wife. She’s a huge fan and I’ve started to become one myself, so much so I’m excited about our trip.
Then this Sunday, her best friend out of the blue texted her saying she “loves the new Swift album” and “wishes she could go to the tour with her”… My wife pretty much instantly says her friend can have my ticket.
Of course, when she tells me, I am not happy. I want to go with her to share this experience. I’ve practically turned into a full-blown Swiftie – I bought my wife copies of every album with Taylor-themed 3D printed stands, multiple signed vinyls of the new album, all kinds of merch, custom gifts with Taylor lyrics printed all over them… I’ve tried to be the perfect Swiftie husband.
So yeah, I’m pretty mad at the fact she just wanted to push me aside for somebody who didn’t give AF about Swift two weeks ago.
So we come to the agreement that isn’t gonna work… Well, now my wife has the idea of selling our 2-floor tix for 3 less expensive tickets.
Ok – not ideal but whatever. Well, you don’t get paid for selling tickets till after the event. Now my wife expects me to cover $7000 until she “might” find someone to buy our tickets. I’m not poor but I’m also not in a position to just loan out seven grand with only a potential chance of repayment.
So I told her I was not comfortable doing that, and put our tickets up for sale first to make sure we recoup our money before committing to buying new tickets. She isn’t comfortable doing that. So guess we are at an impasse then right?
Her friend will need to find a ticket…
Well, this morning I woke to a bunch of “don’t be mad” messages from my wife… She took 7k out of my HELOC to buy these tickets and now is trying to sell ours. So I’m pretty mad about that because at the very least I’m stuck paying hundreds in fees and interest even if she recoups the money spent.
She says she might even make a few thousand profit which I guess would be ok.
But I can’t shake the fact she at first had no problem offering my ticket to her friend without even asking me. I’m kinda mad her friend isn’t talking some sense into my wife as well.
Am I wrong here? Am I being unreasonable?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s insane. Why couldn’t her friend just get her ticket? You could still all drive there together and stay in the same hotel. And just because your wife says ‘don’t be mad’ doesn’t mean you can’t be mad.
I sure would be if my spouse took me for granted like that. Tell her this 7k is on her and she needs to pay you back whether she sells the tickets or not.” Yikes44
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. It seems like you made a huge effort to share this experience and make her happy and she made a huge effort to make her friend happy.
And you are giving up great tickets. Additionally, you are going to another state which could have been a great getaway with your wife and now you are probably going to be treated as a third wheel. Is the friend at least getting her own hotel room?” hikergirl26
Another User Comments:
“What?? NTJ. First, for being upset that she straight-up offered your ticket to her friend without talking to you about it. That was a jerk move. Second, for taking $7k of YOUR money to try and resolve the situation. That is insane.
I assume you talk about finances, and hopefully have some sort of agreement on how to decide how funds are spent. If not that’s fine, but taking $7k out of your home equity account is something that would give me pause on your wife’s financial responsibility, and ability to respect you as a person.” bullbar
21. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Move In After She Spent Her Tuition Money Traveling?
“So I (52M) and my wife (50F) have 3 children (24F, 22F, 17M). So to add some context, my wife and I are well off and I’ve always quite enjoyed music and creating music. And while I’m not a major artist or anything, I do some performances here and there.
To my joy, my son has shown some interest and a good level of talent. It has even inspired me to try some different instruments.
So my rule with my children is that I will not pay for anything past university and from there they have to fend for themselves.
Only in special cases will I support them (like if one of them chose to become a pilot then 9/11 happens). So my middle child has forever been pushing about not going to university and pursuing something else. I didn’t go to university so I had no problem with this but she’s never been specific on what this something else is.
But she’s been asking that I give her the money I would’ve spent on her tuition so she can pursue something else. I was very against this but after a long time of her pleading, with big help from my wife and a decent plan of what she would be doing, I relented and let her be.
She decided to move a few states over and try to make something of herself.
So she just had a child and everyone was very happy for her. She’s not yet married to the father but they are together and he is active in the child’s life.
However, recently she phoned my wife and I and asked if we would be willing to let them live with us for a few months. I was shocked because from what she has been telling us everything with her business had been going well. Then she explained that she had spend ⅔ of the money traveling for a while and had struggled to get the ball rolling with the rest. My wife wants us to let them stay with us but I don’t.
I told my daughter I’d give her $5000 but that was it. My wife wasn’t too happy with this. She told me that we should be caring for her in her time of need. She said that $5000 isn’t nearly as much as I’ve spent on instruments for myself and my son and we have to be fair.
I don’t know what to make of this. I am not angry that her business didn’t work out. That’s life. I am mad that she decided to spend ⅔ of the traveling, said nothing about this, and then made everything out to be fine. I knew she traveled a bit but not this much.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So your daughter decided to squander your money and then come asking you for more help. Nope, you’re NTJ but you need to speak to your wife. Your daughter is living with the consequences of her choices: spending her university money carelessly, having a baby she can’t afford, and partnering with a guy who also cannot support their family.
You’re not a jerk for expecting someone to be an adult and pay for themselves when that person is making adult decisions with their money and other decisions. ” saintandvillian
Another User Comments:
“I think that giving her a reasonable amount of help is fine but you don’t have to let them live with you and it’s not at all wrong to tell them that they have put themselves in this situation so now they have to figure out how to make it work.
I always knew that once I had a family if I had to work at McDonald’s in the day and Burger King at night to support them then that’s what I would have to do. Thankfully it did not work out that way for me but that’s because I tried to make good decisions that I knew would let me support my family.
The music equipment has nothing to do with any of this. You have worked for and earned your money and you have every right to enjoy the benefits of that.” 30yrs2l8
Another User Comments:
“I assume you’re saying she blew 2/3 of the tuition costs on travel?
If so, absolutely NTJ. That was her poor decision. Frankly, doubt I’d have just have given her the money free and clear like that in the first place. With living costs going nuts and my kids mid/late teens, I’ve told both of my kids they can live with us as long as they’re working towards something.
I’ll have food in the house and all the normal costs of living. Vehicles, gas, etc is on them. As long as they’re working on education, propping up a business, saving for a home, I got ya. I will not be moving partners/kids in, I will not be covering the costs for them to be mooches, it has to be in support of their progression.” Heavy-Quail-7295
20. AITJ For Not Giving My Mother's Heirloom Jewelry To My Brother's Fiancée?
“My (53F) mother passed away 10 years ago and I inherited a few select items of jewelry from her. Those are things she cherished and wore often. I have been wearing her watch for the past 10 years, my childless sister (50F) holds a golden bracelet that she loves and there are three items left that me and my sister have been planning to give to my three daughters (20/18/18) to commemorate 10 years since her passing and because my daughters would finally be old enough to be trusted with such valuable items. They always knew this and were close to their grandma.
There is also no quarrel about who gets what. Enter my brother (48m) and his fiancée (38f) of two years.
My brother is demanding one of the pieces for his future wife to wear. He claims we never involved him in any discussion as to what should happen to the pieces (which is technically true) and we can’t just claim those to ourselves just because we are women.
He says it’s very common for heirloom jewelry to be given to the daughter-in-law and he and his fiancée even cited Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton as examples which frankly I find a bit weird. Legally there is no case to be made, my mother left those items to me and me solely.
I politely declined their request explaining that I couldn’t let one of my daughters go without and that they were very close to their grandma while his fiancée did not know her. His fiancée is distraught and claims we don’t see her as family.
My father wants me to keep the items and give one to my brother to give to his future wife so that all of my mom’s kids eventually get one item and I can do as I see fit with the rest. My sister kindly has offered up her bracelet so my daughters will not go without.
I am torn. I don’t want to antagonize my brother and my sister-in-law but I find my three daughters’ claim so much more valid. They have been looking forward to this for years. And I don’t want my sister to sacrifice her bracelet.
If there were more pieces I would not hesitate to give something to her. It’s not a matter of money, each piece is worth less than 1000$ and all of us are financially stable.
I have offered other things out of my mom’s estate like tableware and they claim its not the same.
I am also taking into account that my brother was married to his first wife 10 years ago and despite having been close to my mother she got no jewellery either but was left with two of my mother’s watercolor drawings. I feel like my mother left those pieces to me to eventually pass them on to her granddaughters.
Would she have subscribed to the „each child or each daughter plus daughter-in-law has to get a piece of jewelry “ logic she would have left something to my brother or his then-wife in the first place. My daughters told me they would accept any decision I make but I feel it would be highly unfair to burden them with any involvement in the decision making.
The choice is mine to make and I have to live with the consequences. According to my father, they are debating to uninvite me from the wedding over this. I stand by my decision but it’s hard.. I was always on good terms with my brother and cordial with his fiancée..
so AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Refusing To Make A Custom Doll For My Older Niece After Making One For My Younger Niece?
“I (26, F) have no kids. But my oldest brother has two daughters. The oldest is now 7, younger just turned 5. I love both of them a lot, but I’m not blind. As someone who grew up with siblings, it’s very clear that the oldest daughter (ON) is a golden child.
She gets whatever she wants, no matter how expensive, and is always showered with praise for her pageants and singing. My younger niece (YN) is very shy, but she is still very sweet and enjoys things like reading and animals. Recently, my YN has been feeling bad about herself.
I asked why, and she told me it was because she didn’t like her hair color. She’s got auburn curls. She was sad because everyone always said how pretty ON’s hair was, which was a very light blonde and straight. It got so bad that she’d tried to cut it off, which her mom had just laughed off as a childhood mishap.
When I was over at my brother’s house, I noticed that the two were playing with dolls. ON had a very nice Barbie doll, while YN had what looked like a short, cheap Walmart knockoff. I asked why, and Mom said it was because she couldn’t find a doll with red hair.
This made me upset because 1. The doll’s hair is bright red, which is not her hair color, and 2. It was of extremely different quality. I said nothing, but when it was YN’s birthday, I acted. For months I researched doll-making and restoring. I took a Barbie and replaced her hair with some that matched hers and painted the eyes.
I then hand sewed several custom outfits, and gave each a blue whale theme (her favorite animal). As a cosplayer, this wasn’t that hard.
On her birthday, YN was ecstatic. But her sister was not. I didn’t pay attention to her, instead focusing on making sure YN liked her gifts.
But only a few days later, her parents called me, telling me that I needed to make ON a doll as well. I said I’d get her one on her next birthday. They said no, she needed it immediately because she’d been upset that her sister’s doll was customized unlike her store-bought ones, and was mad that YN wouldn’t share.
I told them again that it was a project, and I’d make her one next year. They both accused me of not caring about ON’s feelings. I got mad, saying that neither of them cared about being fair when YN was playing with a troll doll that was supposed to ‘look like her’.
This was a gift meant to make YN feel special, and I wasn’t going to cheapen it because ON was pouting. I hung up, but started to wonder: AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ….more kids should have aunts like you, OP. It warmed my heart as a now adult who often was overlooked in childhood when it came to my perfect blond cousin to see you notice this and act.
You made YN feel special, as she deserves to feel. It is not like you will ever do anything like that for ON but time and place. ON needs to learn life does not turn on her axis when she wants something. ON could use a lesson in not being the center of attention.
Anyways you are a beautiful person.” Hopeful-Material4123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is an incredibly sweet thing for you to do for your niece! Good on you for stepping up for your niece when her parents are not. I’m glad she has an adult in her life that sees her.
Up to you whether you decide to make one for ON, but I might not. You could always turn it into a special thing that you do for and maybe eventually with your YN if she’s interested!” freerange_chicken
Another User Comments:
“My parents were like your SIL, that being said you might want to make a second doll and outfits for YN to be kept at your house.
Because if my item was coveted by a sibling one of two things happened. I was forced to share the item and the item was never returned because was still sharing the item. Or an item was accidentally broken or destroyed when a sibling was sharing.
Happened multiple times hearing the background of ON just a possibility.” Slightlysanemomof5
18. AITJ For Snapping At My Stepsister After Years Of Her Bullying?
“I, (16M) am currently being raised by my stepfather. My mum passed away some time ago and I never knew my dad. My stepdad has raised me on his own since I was 11. I have a stepsister, Holly, (19F). Holly is currently taking a gap year since she didn’t get into any of the ‘good’ colleges last year.
My mum married my stepdad when I was 6, and I called him dad since I was 8, which was around the same time Holly started hating my guts. I’m not kidding. My stepdad had to take my mum to hospital once and left Holly to babysit.
She locked me out of the house, in the rain. Paul, my stepdad grounded her for that and talked about why it was not okay to lock a 9-year-old out in the rain.
Over the years Holly has progressively gotten worse, and I just try and stay out of her way.
Meanwhile, Paul has been awesome. He takes me on bike rides, he teaches me English (so any mistakes are on him).
I and Holly don’t get along well. She just generally acts like a spoilt brat, I’m not sure why. And has made more than her fair share of ableist comments on me.
Paul doesn’t show that he favors me, and tries to treat us both equally, but Holly makes it pretty difficult. She breaks stuff in the house, even Paul’s glasses the other day.
Yesterday, Paul was out of the house, and I had the day off, cause I’m doing my GCSEs (study leave) Holly decided to come outside my door and begin her usual spiel on how no one loves me, my dad probably left because of me, blah bla bla usual stuff for Holly.
But then she started talking about Paul and I was already stressed, she started talking about how he only keeps me around out of guilt because of my mum, and I wasn’t even his real kid, etc and I was already stressed so I snapped, that he probably prefer if I was, and she wasn’t.
She started screaming about what a jerk I was, and couldn’t I see that she was already insecure about that, and called Paul. I shut the door and continued with my work. I had a History exam this morning.
Paul came to my room last night and did that adult thing, where you sit down on the edge of the bed and look down, all sad-faced. He asked for my side of the story, which I told him and he said he’d talk to Holly.
I just came back, and I’m hiding in my room until Paul comes home. I just need to know if I’m the jerk, for my conversation tonight.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Was it a nice thing to say? No. Is it the truth? I hope not.
But it sounds like your stepsister has major psychological issues. No doubt some of it is unresolved trauma. Given the way she’s treated you, I’m surprised you hadn’t said something worse. I think she does this because she has a low opinion of herself, and takes it out on you to try to make her feel better.
None of this excuses her behavior, but could be a reason. Hopefully, she’ll get some therapy and not turn into Christoph Waltz in Spectre.” Usual_Acanthisitta_8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How come when Holly does it so many times nobody is saying anything? But when you snap back, it’s mean because you know she has “insecurities ” She’s bullying you and she needed to be put in her place.
Don’t let her rude snide remarks get you down.” catsbestfriend
Another User Comments:
“I mean yes but also no. You have to get into her shoes to understand her and to talk to her and find common ground if you want to ever give Paul peace of mind in his own house.
YTJ for feeding her insecurities knowing what her greatest insecurity is. It’s like whatever your greatest fear is while facing it, and then Paul yelling confirmation that you should be afraid. She’s insecure, she is jealous of you, and she must feel like you are this perfect child that everyone adores, a replacement child if you will.
5-8 is a precious age to adults and she probably noticed they babied you more than her right when she was about to hit puberty and the emotions were flying high which probably fed the flames at first. Possibly feeling that your mom replaced hers as well.
Missing her own mother might be in that mix. At the same time, it’s quite understandable that you blew up, it’s stress on stress but also don’t make it a habit. Find ways to mitigate the stress that is healthy for you.
She is hovering over adult age at 19, she’s so used to lashing out at you as a child and using you as the punching bag for her feelings about her insecurities and her feelings of loss. You are NTJ with that side of the coin.
The best thing to do is say you’re sorry for hurting her feelings but also, stand your ground and articulate the issue as well as stand up for yourself, that you can’t be her punching bag for her insecure feelings and whatever else she’s going through, that you are there if she ever wants to talk about her feelings.
Say that you will do your best to understand her, When you say that, you must try to do just that because you are stuck with her for a long while in this world now. If she says something like you can’t relate. Just say how would you know until you try?
Just keep trying to relate, keep trying to break that thick wall she’s been building for Paul and your peace of mind.” AlaskanIceCream
17. AITJ For Not Inviting My Transphobic Aunt-In-Law To My Wedding And Adopting My Cousin?
“My (35M) and my fiance (32F) are getting married in October. We have agreed my parents, her dad, my brother, my uncle, and my cousin will be at the wedding, we are having a small wedding with only a few non-family members. My uncle, (58M), has three kids, and I will call them M (15M), T(21M), and B(21F).
Me and M are the closest. He’s a little terror, but I’m glad he’s in my family. He recently came out to our family as transgender (female to Male, I think that’s the right term), and no one was very surprised. He was always a tomboy, and overall, never a ‘girlie’.
B is also trans (Male to female) and recently came out as well, but again, we weren’t very surprised. B and T are twins and were like two peas in a pod. When M was born, he joined their little group. The three of them have always been very close, and B and M came out to T first.
M is going to be a flower boy, and he’s going to wear a suit. T is going to be one of my groomsmen, and B is going to be a bridesmaid. The three of them are all matching, a detail we all find sweet.
But anyway, my uncle has a wife (58F) who is not the mother of any of the kids. They’ve been married for two years and were in a relationship seven years before.
My aunt-in-law will not play any part in our wedding, and will not even be there.
She constantly dead names B and M and is overall a jerk to M. She is also rude toward me my fiance, and most of our family. We have no idea what my uncle sees in her.
I’m going to have my cousin at my wedding, no matter what.
Aunt In-law is mad she won’t be there, but she knows exactly why. She took M shopping for the wedding and refused to let him get a suit, buying him a dress instead. M came to me and my fiance crying at the engagement party (a few days after they went shopping) because Aunt in law wouldn’t let him wear a suit, and demanded he wear a dress.
It has been a few months since the party, and we have everything planned out. My aunt-in-law will arrive, but she won’t be allowed in, my Best Man, who is my brother, will get M, T, and B into their outfits. Aunt-in-law is throwing a fit over this, blowing up my fiance and mine’s phones, as well as my mom’s.
Am I The Jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Usually, I would say that not inviting the spouse of someone who you have invited is a jerk move. But not in this case. Your step-aunt is actively emotionally abusing your cousins and disrespecting your wishes for your wedding.
Enjoy booting her from the festivities knowing that you are doing only good. By the way, don’t let your uncle off the hook with a simple “we don’t know what he sees in her” thing. He’s letting this woman hurt his kids. That’s super not okay.” Footnotegirl1
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. you must stand up for your cousins on this since their father isn’t willing to. people who don’t respect your family have no place in a wedding—which is, ideally, a celebration of your family (in the sense of people you choose to have in your life).” wintyr27
16. AITJ For Wanting My Neighbors To Respect My Driveway Space?
“I moved to this house a few years ago. Townhouse condo. The driveways aren’t shared. We have our side they have theirs. There is no boundary in the middle. One parking. No street parking there are signs up.
I have been having some trouble with my neighbors.
The one to the left his friends are always walking on my grass or blocking my ability to get in or out of my driveway. Also using my driveway. I talked to him and he’s been good to leave us alone.
Now my other neighbor we used to get on very well.
Recently we’ve been having issues with the driveway being shared.
Issues.
Neighbors friends family and others have parked in our driveway or blocked it.
I have mentioned if they need to use it let us know because we usually park in the garage or we are out.
In my head, I thought they would ask but a few times one of the people there would park. Once blocking my spouse in the garage and made her late for work.
I have asked that they don’t use the driveway or block us.
They are extending what little grass they have on their side.
I spoke to the contractors today and just asked them not to block or use the driveway.
I sent a message to my neighbor just saying hey please tell your workers not to impede our ability to get access to our driveway.
My spouse said to delete it.
And let it be. So I deleted it.
The neighbor sent a bunch of messages saying how she never had problems with the neighbors before and how things have changed between us and I’m always on their case. Also, I’m not allowed to talk to her contractors.
I see it as hey it’s my driveway please don’t use it or block it without a heads up.
I feel like they have been entitled for so long with the previous neighbors. I just want to be left alone at this point.
Son used the driveway to clean his car
Son used the driveway to park during lunch when he came home
Her friends have parked there before.
A large truck parked more to our side limited my ability to get in and out of my car
I used to shovel their snow and stopped due to all the tension
We used to bring Mother’s Day gifts and gifts for the mom.
I feel so tired of this. Also feel like blocking her number and her kids so I don’t have to deal with this. They have access to me any time.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Two suggestions: Paint a line down the middle so there is a boundary marking. Get a sign that says “Assigned Parking Only. Do Not Block the Driveway. Violators will be towed.” Be prepared to follow through on the threat. I would notify them once the sign is there, and one time after that the next time someone parks there, and if they don’t move the vehicle, have it towed. PS: please check your city regulations regarding towing from private property.
In most cases having a sign will be enough, but make sure that you’re following the law where you live.” User
Another User Comments:
“Houses without clear boundaries and a decent fence are a nuisance. Falling out with neighbors is a nightmare. Whatever you decide to do be explicit with your neighbor and then stick to it. You could talk and confirm they can’t ever use your side, paint a line, build a fence, or buy a secondhand personnel carrier and park it on your half so they couldn’t use the space.
It’s your space so do what you want….unless you have a HOA in which case your life will become even more difficult. You haven’t done anything yet so no judgment possible or NTJ Good luck.” Famous_Specialist_44
Another User Comments:
“Shared driveways are a nightmare.
I’ve seen an instance where rich lawyers ended up doing donuts on each other’s yards over shared driveway disputes. Even if a current neighbor is cool, that doesn’t mean their families or subsequent neighbors will be respectful. With a shared driveway, unless there is some mutual agreement otherwise, the driveway is only for entering and exiting.
It shouldn’t be used in a way that blocks others from coming in or going out. If your neighbors have a special need for, say, contractors to block it, they should discuss it with you first to get your permission and work out a mutually acceptable plan.
You are NTA. Maybe a past neighbor didn’t mind their blocking the driveway, but that does not obligate you to let them ignore your needs.” ThatguyIncognito
15. AITJ For Asking My Grandma To Inform My Mom About Inviting My Dad To Her Party?
“So some backstory. My parents were married for 26 years, got divorced in 2016, and both are happily remarried. They grew up in a small town where both of their families still live. However, since remarrying my mom has moved 3 hours away with her new husband. She still goes back to her hometown a lot because as mentioned, her mom and siblings all still live there so we have a lot of family gatherings there.
Well my maternal’s 80th bday is coming up and she wants a big party with our whole family and all her friends, most of the town essentially. Well, my grandma decided to text and invite my dad/mom ex ex-husband, and his new wife, to her bday party.
She did not ask my mom if this was okay, or tell her that she invited him. I only found out that she texted to invite him because he told my sister.
I find this very weird. It puts me, my 2 sisters, my mom, and her new husband all in an awkward situation.
I don’t know if my dad will end up going or not. I wouldn’t be surprised if he does because he can’t read social cues and doesn’t think it’s a weird space for him to be in since he knows a lot of the people going but I’m like?
It’s weird.
So today I texted my grandma and asked if she had asked my mom / told her she was going to invite him. Text thread below:
Me- Hey gma! My dad said you texted him and invited him and [dad’s wife] to your bday party.
I was just wondering if you’d mentioned this to my mom / ran it by her. I appreciate you being kind to him but I feel like it puts mom and [mom’s husband] in a weird situation, and me and my sisters as well.
Gma- I don’t know how to respond to this as I reached out as a friend on my own and didn’t realize that there was any feeling of weirdness or awkwardness in doing this.
It did not cross my mind to ask your mom as I was thinking of friends that were a part of my 80 years and I guess what is done is done…
Me- Okay! I’m just sure she’s not expecting him to be there so would you give her a heads up so she’s aware he was invited?
Gma- Sure…
She is not happy with me even asking her if she brought it up to my mom before inviting him. Am I the jerk for calling my grandma out for being sneaky? Should I just not have mentioned it at all? Should I have just told my mom that she invited him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You communicated openly and respectfully. It would’ve been best for your mom to be informed by your grandma so it may potentially avoid any hard feelings or drama at the party. Well done looking out for both of your parents!” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Who your grandmother invites to *her* big party is her decision. As you said, your parents were married for 26 years. That’s a big chunk of time that he was in their lives and so as there was no mention of any animosity, it would be silly for your mother to not expect him to be invited. Mind your own business and let grown adults manage their own lives (and mistakes, if this was one).” Brother-Cane
Another User Comments:
“Your post doesn’t say how old you are, but I’m going to guess young. It boils down to not being any of your business. Your grandma’s party, she can invite whomever she wants. Your parents are both grown adults and if they can’t be in the same space civilly for a couple of hours then they need to grow up as well.
You’re likely making this into an issue where there wasn’t one to start with. Your dad was a member of your grandma’s family for 26 years (or more including seeing each other). You divorce the person, not the family.” hdb325
14. AITJ For Confronting My Parents About Prioritizing Trips Over Personal Gifts?
” I (older teen genderfluid) was raised by my mom (56) and dad (52).
Growing up, funds were tight, not necessarily struggling, but certainly not upper middle class. As a kid, I knew that my parents were older, and being the only young child at family gatherings, I’d end up talking with the adults 99% of the time.
The issue arose a couple of months ago when I started thinking about how as a kid my parents would take me on big trips that would cost lots of funds but I wouldn’t always get any presents that I liked on my birthday.
Anytime I would ask for any sort of electronic device or nice clothes as my friends had, I would be told that they didn’t want to spend funds on such things and that I should be appreciative that they were taking me on trips that I would remember for years rather than spending it on items I would grow out of.
Unfortunately, because of this, I was outcasted in my social circle. I was bullied relentlessly for being weird and realized that it likely wouldn’t have been as bad if I had been able to relate to the things my peers enjoyed, rather than things adults enjoyed.
I brought this up to her recently, and she snapped, saying that if I hated my childhood that much, she must just be the worst mother in the world. I tried to explain that that’s not at all what I meant and I simply was confused as to why we were able to spend so much funds (thousands of dollars) on trips but I was never able to get anything she deemed was not worth the funds.
I tried to explain that it felt more like trips for her and her parents rather than a gift for me and that my birthday or Christmas was just an excuse to go on them.
She said I should be grateful that I have all these memories.
I told her that I do have fond memories of being on these trips, but they were never experiences I could share with people my age, only my immediate family. She said that I don’t even talk to her friends from that time anymore, so what does it even matter?
I’m really worried I came off as selfish and bratty, but I just wish I could have had a more typical childhood, considering I was already struggling. I apologized and left her alone about it but I would love to have some input from people not directly involved in the situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It affects your social needs. Is it related to why you don’t talk to your friends anymore? I would put No jerks here but she went on the defensive and didn’t grasp what you were trying to say.” lmmontes
13. AITJ For Considering Leaving My Sister's Wedding Early Due To My Young Kids?
“My sister is getting married in September. Her fiancé is a great fella, I love him and her and am pretty stoked they are getting married. I’m going to be officiating the ceremony.
Big thanks to American Marriage Ministries.
One of the first things my sister told me after they got engaged was that her nephews and niece needed to be at the wedding. This was about a year ago at this point. I’m a Dad to my 2-year-old son and 3-month-old daughter who will be 6 months old at the wedding.
I thought this was a super cute idea however, I have kids and know how unpredictable little people are. She doesn’t have kids yet so I and my wife separately kind of gave her the lowdown on possible issues with including such young kids in the wedding.
She gets it and has no issues with the calamities that may ensue.
Here is the issue. When my kids are at her wedding there is a possibility that we may not be able to stay for the whole wedding reception. We are certainly going to try to stay for as long as possible but a toddler having a tantrum because they are tired is no fun for anyone to be around.
I try to be pretty mindful of my children’s impact on the people around them out of respect for other people, but it’s not always easy sorry general public.
The fact that we may leave early has my sister right sideways. She cannot believe that I would even consider leaving early and thinks it’s going to ruin the day.
Her opinion is that we should get a babysitter to come to the wedding venue to pick up our children and take them away after dinner. We have told her that this isn’t super practical. For the non-parents out there, little people ride in car seats.
Installing car seats is a terrible experience and I can’t imagine trying to do that in the parking lot of a wedding venue. The wedding venue is about 15 miles from where we live, feels a little far for a sitter to drive anyway.
Some other information is that my wife’s family is not reliable and my wife and I do not trust her family to watch the kids or come get them from the venue.
Any babysitter option would be outside of the family. I think I would be the jerk if she had made the wedding child-free and we refused to cooperate. In my opinion, though she was the one who wanted the kids there so there they will be.
So WIBTJ for ruining my sister’s wedding by leaving early?”
Another User Comments:
“The next time your toddler has a meltdown get out your phone and make a video. Then send her the video and tell her that THIS is what may happen if you don’t have a backup plan to leave the wedding if the kids get fussy.
FYI I was at a wedding about ten years ago where a three-year-old having a tantrum pulled the ENTIRE designer wedding cake off the table and onto the floor. In my honest opinion, if you leaving early with tired cranky children is enough to “ruin” sister’s wedding it wasn’t much of a wedding to begin with.” celticmusebooks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s great that she wants to include your kids, but the other guests might not appreciate a cranky disruptive baby or a 3-year-old throwing a tantrum. She probably wouldn’t like that either. On the other hand, they could be perfect angels the day of her wedding.” Lurker-78
Another User Comments:
“NTAJ not every guest or family member is going to stay until the very end of the reception especially with how late weddings tend to go. Maybe your sister is thinking you leaving early could mean missing special moments like first dance or speeches?
I’d try talking to her again and looking over any timeline they have. if she’s up you might not be there every moment of the dance party it’d be a little silly. Wedding planning is stressful so hopefully this is just matter of overthinking things ” No-Accountant3744
12. AITJ For Trying To Influence My Daughter's Friendships?
“People involved here:
– Me, 40M
– Velma, my wife, 39F
– Alice, our daughter, 10F
– Amy, daughter’s friend, 10F
– Gia, daughter’s other friend, 10F
Amy is my daughter’s best friend. They’re pretty much inseparable at school and spend a decent amount of time together outside of school.
I like Amy, okay, but there’s always some small drama going on with the two of them. They tend to argue more than Alice and her other friends and long-term I don’t see the friendship lasting. They’re just different in a lot of fundamental ways.
That said, I’ve never tried to discourage Alice and Amy’s friendship. I’ve always been willing to have Amy over at our house and try to set up playdates and stuff if Alice asks.
Gia is another of Alice’s friends. They don’t hang out as much at school because Gia has a group of girls she tends to hang out with on the playground and Alice prefers to spend time with other kids one on one.
Gia and Alice get along super well when they do hang out though. There’s never any drama, they always have fun together, and they have a lot of similar interests. For what it’s worth, Velma and I get along better with Gia’s parents than we do Amy’s parents too.
Velma and I split the job pretty evenly when it comes to contacting friends’ parents and setting up playdates and stuff. For several months when I was handling it, I’ve been doing some social engineering to try and encourage the friendship between Alice and Gia.
If Alice specifically asks “Hey can Amy come over for a sleepover?” I’ll reach out to Amy’s parents and try to set it up. But if Alice just says “Hey, can I have a friend over this weekend?” then I’ll reach out to Gia’s parents first every time.
Or I’ll just reach out to Gia’s parents independently and ask if they want to get the kids together and then ask my daughter if she wants to hang out with Gia and Alice usually says yes. I get the impression that Gia’s mom in particular is kind of doing the same thing and is also happy to encourage the friendship between the two girls.
Velma noticed recently and she thinks it isn’t okay. We ended up in a mild argument about it. Velma thinks we need to completely leave Alice’s friendships alone and just let her hang out with whoever she wants to hang out with. I don’t see anything wrong with encouraging Gia and Alice’s friendship.
I’m not forcing anything, Gia and Alice became friends by themselves and if Alice doesn’t want to hang out with Gia right now I let it be. I’m also not discouraging Alice’s friendship with Amy at all. I agree that would be wrong.
I’m interested in an unbiased opinion.
Am I the jerk for socially engineering my daughter’s friendships?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – If Velma noticed, then it’s not as subtle as you think. Time to start backing off and not trying to steer your daughter’s friendship choices. She needs to make those choices & decisions by herself.
It’s part of social development. Didn’t we all have friends growing up that our parents didn’t fully “approve” of? What you’re trying to do is remove that freedom and those experiences from her. Also… Your daughter is 10. She’s not a toddler. Puberty is a stone’s throw away.
Good luck even attempting what you’re doing in 12-18 months. If she gets even a slight sniff of you meddling in her personal life, she will go 180 degrees against what you are trying to do.” I_Will_in_Me_Hole
Another User Comments:
“I think on the surface it’s not an issue but something about it does feel off.
You kind of are being a little deceitful in the sense that when Alice isn’t hyper-specific, you take the reins rather than following up with who she might like to spend time with. Not to mention setting up playdates ahead of Alice’s input. I don’t think it’s complete jerk behaviour but your daughter is 10, not 4.
She is at that age where she should have input on her playdates and who she is hanging out with. And as an aside, my childhood best friend and I almost always had some drama but that was because there was an emotional safety there to be little jerks to each other.
I’ve been the MOH at her wedding and her children are my godkids. Girls can fight like crazy with each other but they can simultaneously love each other like no other. I’m gonna say NTJ for now, but it’s time to stop manipulating your kid.” coastalkid92
Another User Comments:
“Eh, you’re NTJ but you’re better off modeling critical thinking for your daughter. “Hey, I noticed you seem to get along well with Gia. Maybe we should invite her over more?” “I noticed a lot of the time when you hang out with Amy, you guys seem to fight.
What’s going on?” “When you think about your friendship with Amy, is it mostly good? It’s normal to fight sometimes, but friendships are supposed to add good things to your life overall.” “I’ve noticed when you try to tell Amy how you feel, she tends to change the subject rather than have a discussion.” Just make observations about what you’re seeing to draw her attention to patterns, let her know you support her whatever she wants, and recognize that friendships are complicated and she may be getting more than you think out of her friendship with Amy. If you socially engineer it, she may benefit but she doesn’t learn anything.
You’re throwing away a prime opportunity to build skills and equip her to be able to navigate friendships for the rest of her life.” RainahReddit
11. AITJ For Pulling My Son And Myself From My Brother's Wedding Due To Broken Promises And Lack Of Consideration?
“Myself F(34) told my brother (33) and wife-to-be (33) myself and my son (12) “page boy”. We are not attending their wedding in January. Their wedding is in June.
From the time they were engaged 5 years ago, they wanted my son to be involved, which was okay. On planning the wedding, my brother had promised my son that he was bringing him to get his hair cut.
My son has ASD, ADHD, and other issues, so this was to get him used to his new haircut, and he was let down. I told my brother this, and he thought it wasn’t a big deal.
Then a promise was made to have transportation to the venue, which is in the middle of nowhere again.
This was taken from the time the venue was chosen as I don’t drive and wasn’t given a plus one, which I was fine with. I was told, on my son’s birthday, sorry I can’t take you, but I’ll take kiddo on the day, making it near enough impossible for me to make it there myself.
As mentioned, my son has issues, so I asked if there was a room I could book at the venue. I was told ohh we forgot to tell you after the ceremony that the kids at the wedding party are not allowed to attend the party afterward and need to go home.
I again just asked if it was possible to get a room in case of a meltdown and how we could go home on a bank holiday.
They said just get a taxi and bus or get a friend to collect your son. There is no room available.
Between all this, my son wasn’t measured for a suit when the rest of the groomsmen/brother’s was and then I found out too, he wasn’t given a little memory trinket when the flower girls/other pageboy and bridesmaids and groomsmen, where when they were properly asked wouldn’t have cared much, but it was feeling more and more he was being looked over.
When I asked if I could drop a gift recently, I was blanked by my brother and was met with a text from his future wife saying we weren’t welcome, and that it would be too upsetting for my brother to receive anything from us.
It was a sentimental gift celebrating our mother who wouldn’t be there.
And something for her to put in her flowers (a pearl from my mam’s necklace she had worn at her wedding) if she wanted it.
But I was told no. I assumed it was both of them on that decision, but it turns out it was just her that doesn’t want us down my brother isn’t aware she texted me.
From the point of no information, the breaking of promises, and the lack of care for my kiddo, and it’s essentially a child-free wedding AITJ for pulling my kiddo and myself from the wedding”
Another User Comments:
“Have you been able to speak to your brother about any of this?
I would find a way to talk to my brother without his story. But I am very close to my brother and it doesn’t seem like you are that close to yours. But I’d still try. I’d want to be sure he knew that I wanted to be there and have my son be in their wedding but she didn’t want us there so we won’t be coming.” -and-the-P
10. AITJ For Insisting My Roommate Pay More For The Master Bedroom?
“I (19f) am moving into a duplex with three girls. We will call them, Fawn, Stella, and Izzy (all 19f) at the start of August. We have already signed the lease and paid the deposit.
It’s a 4 bedroom 3 bathroom house and our rent is 2200 a month.
Originally we had planned to all pay 550 a month and then split utilities equally. But as we started figuring out which two would share a bathroom and who would get the master, we realized we would have to adjust the costs.
Izzy and Stella have known each other for years and decided they would share a bathroom. This left it between me and Fawn (who has also been my best friend since middle school) to decide who gets the master and how to divide the rent stuff.
She suggested that we have the person who has the master pay the internet but I don’t think that is fair to the other two that share a bathroom. I suggested a 580, 560, 530, and 530 split to make things fair all while we split the internet and utilities evenly between us four.
Fawn keeps bringing up that she wants the master to have more closet space and more room to have a desk to work at but does not want to pay a higher price. I also want the master, not for any specific reason other than wanting a bigger room.
I’m willing to let her have the master’s as long as she is willing to pay the higher rent.
One thing Fawn mentioned was that she doesn’t think Stella and Izzy should get a lower rent when they picked their rooms first, but it’s not like she wanted to share a bathroom so I don’t see the point in that argument.
I am willing to pay the higher rent for the bigger room, and I refuse to pay the same amount for her to have a bigger room, walk-in closet, and en-suite bathroom. That doesn’t seem fair to me. She keeps thinking that it’ll be more fair to keep the rent equal and then divide the utilities in some weird way and I don’t know how to get her to understand that it doesn’t work like that.
If anything it will make the monthly payments more unequal and less predictable.
With both plans the person with the master will be paying more it’s just a matter of where the money is coming from.
I don’t want to take something she wants and I don’t want this to drive a wedge between us.
But I don’t know how to make her understand. Looking for outside opinions. AITJ for not letting her have the master bedroom without paying extra rent.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your Setup is the standard way. It’s also easiest If one party moves out and a new roommate moves in.
The only reason someone should be paying more for the utilities is if they use a lot more. (Eg has a home bakery Business, thus runs the oven all the time and has a 2nd fridge) That being said you guys should have had this discussion beforehand.
I guess all 4 of you didn’t think this through. Even if the other two have no opinion you guys should vote. Majority wins.” vine viper
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You should be paying by square footage., including the en-suite bathroom. What someone wants to use the space for is irrelevant, and so is how long anybody has known each other.
My prediction is that Fawn is going to continue to be the troublesome PITA roommate throughout the tenancy, and living with her is going to drive a wedge between you no matter how the rooms are divided up.” limits
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You guys need to come to an agreement that everyone is okay with.
You said it yourself, either way, the person with the bigger room pays more. I think it would be easiest for one single person to be in charge of something like the Internet rather than having everyone send a partial payment every single month. You are both being stubborn.
You are also misleading the reader a bit because you are saying that she wants the master without paying more, but she is willing to pay more, she just wants that “more” to come from other bills. You all need to figure it out.” holliday_doc_1995
9. AITJ For Not Apologizing To My SIL After Pointing Out The Unfair Division Of Family Assets?
“I (f40) have a brother (43) and a sister (46). When I was about 23 my parents received their severance packages. At the time, I was a university student in another city, while my elder sister lived in another country.
My brother was still living with my parents. My father used his package to build another house on the ground floor (half the size of the family home which is 120m2). He also built a smaller unit (50m2) to use as a place where he could do his handicraft projects.
My mother suggested my brother move into the new flat which he did. Also, at that time he started a business with my mother’s severance package which failed. So all these funds went only to him, and the use of the house for 20 years until now and the smaller one (50m2) that he uses as an office.
When I finished university I returned home and I have been living with my parents since. At present, we are trying to divide the family’s assets which include some land. My brother at first, asked for the big house because he is married now with a child.
My elder sister pointed out that neither she nor I have a house yet. They argue that my elder sister doesn’t need a house here because she lives in another country permanently (but she might return someday), and I don’t have a family, so their need is greater.
Some fields can be given to my sister and me to even the difference somehow. Still, my sister is angry and I am angry.
We had some talks and my sister stated that whoever needs a big house he can build one for himself. There are ways that two smaller houses can be built for my sister and I to have a small house also.
My sister-in-law said that she didn’t understand why my sister was so angry and I said that she was angry because my brother was the only one that benefited from the (quite large) insurance packages of my parents. Then her response was, that if it is so, then we will move out and she acted offended. Keep in mind that for the past 20 years, they haven’t paid any utility bills (covered by my parents).
My question is: Isn’t there a big unfairness in treatment and why can’t my parents seem to understand this? NTJ? Am I the jerk for not apologizing to my SIL for what I said, as per my father’s request? She is threatening to move out with my brother and their kid.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. It sounds like you and both your siblings are somewhat entitled. Understand that your parent’s money is exactly that. Theirs. However, they decide to split up the assets they built is for them to decide. It doesn’t sound like you and your sister are being left with nothing, and while your brother has received more financial assistance than you and your sister, your parent’s assets were theirs to bestow or not.
By the way, your post is worded, I’m guessing that you might live in a culture that expects females to be provided for by their husbands at some point, however wrong that may be. Additionally, it seems you moved back with your parents after university.
Did you not pursue a career of your own? Have you and your sister not been able to build your wealth in almost 20 years? Ideally, your parent’s assets would be equitable to you and your siblings at their deaths but understand that there’s no requirement for it to be.
Your parents are jerks also because they are placing more value on your brother simply because he is male with a family. It costs everyone money and assets to live, not just men. So they are being misogynistic towards their daughters when it’s been hard financially for everyone lately.
That’s not being a loving parent if you ask me.” moew4974
Another User Comments:
“Your parents should make a will. That’s generally how families divide inherited assets. It shouldn’t be you and your siblings fighting over what your parents own, with a side order of long term grudges and resentments.
NTJ for wanting fairness.” tinyd71
8. AITJ For Not Telling My Mom About My Dad's Death?
“I (13M) feel like I should probably give some context before I start otherwise this post is just gonna sound weird. My parents divorced 4 years ago and they hated each other for the whole 4 years they’ve barely spoken, they can’t be in the same room without fighting.
My dad also has a partner who he’s been with for 2 years. My mom and I like never spoke because they also hated each other my mom thought that my dad was unfaithful to her with his current partner I don’t know if that’s true but I don’t care.
Anyways yeah so my dad passed away just over a week ago so yeah that happened. I didn’t tell my mom because I didn’t know what to say and I didn’t know how she was gonna react. My dad’s partner didn’t tell her earlier because she probably assumed I already told her.
She picked me up the day before the funeral because I was gonna stay over so it’ll be easier for me to get to the funeral. Anyways yeah so she came inside and like asked my mom how I was dealing with all this or something like that and my mom freaked out because she didn’t know that he died. She asked me what the heck was wrong with me and we got into an argument.
I tried to explain that I didn’t know how to tell her and that I didn’t want to upset them. She told me that she wished I was never born and she said all that other generic parent stuff like being disappointed and whatever. I didn’t say anything until she started bad-mouthing my dad I told her to shut the heck up.
As I was leaving she said some stuff about me liking my dad’s partner more than her, which isn’t true I don’t like dad’s partner but her partner has just died so I should probably be there for her. My mom also told me to stay at Dad’s place since I hate her.
It’s been 3 days since then and I don’t know man I probably should’ve told her but I just knew that she’d find a way to bad mouth him and I don’t know man I just didn’t wanna deal with that but also it’s so annoying being with dad’s partner because she keeps talking about how it was such a tragedy and how he was so great and whatever.
Like why do we have to talk about him so much can’t we just move on now that the funerals over and not think about him again? Anyways sorry for the long post I didn’t wanna miss out on any info sorry if I did miss anything out though I’ve never done one of these before”
Another User Comments:
“This is so messed up, wow. You deserve a mom who hugs you when she finds out your dad died, not someone who berates and criticizes you and makes it about her. Her response is inexcusable, and no, you are NTJ. There is almost nothing harder than losing a parent, particularly at your age, and however, you need to process that–including taking your time to be ready to talk about it–is ok.
Given your mom’s response, I think it’s pretty clear why you were reluctant to open up to her.” curious_jess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a kid. That being said your mom acted like a jerk and dad’s partner is a jerk as well.
You are 13. Why is your dad’s partner making arrangements to pick you up and take you to a funeral and have you spend the night with her? And all without informing your mom that your dad has passed away? That does not negate your mom’s reaction as well which was beyond ridiculous and she needs to come and pick you up immediately with an apology but the partner is not innocent.
YOU were not responsible for telling your mom. That is the job of the adults in your life.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m sorry about your dad. I’m sorry about the women in your life. They are the adults, and they are the ones who should know how to communicate this kind of news to each other for goodness sake.
Not your responsibility to manage the emotional fallout. I hope you have a support network around you. If not, turn to your friends. It’s probably a good idea to let them know what your preference is (“I don’t want to talk about my dad right now!” is enough.
I guess that most kids your age don’t know how to approach the subject, so they ignore it altogether.) Hang in there, dude” owenamador
7. AITJ For Telling My Grandma Not To Enter My Home Without Permission?
“AITJ for telling my grandma (76F) that it is not appropriate to enter my fiancé (24M) and I’s (23F) home without permission?
I moved into my first apartment by myself 1 and 1/2 years ago mostly due to privacy issues with my parents, my fiancé moving in with me this past October. At my parents’ house, it was accustomed for my grandparents (my mom’s dad and stepmom) to come into and out of of house as they pleased as they lived next door and frequently did their laundry at our house.
So it wasn’t out of the ordinary to see mail on the kitchen table that they’re brought in or have them just come right in to deliver a card. In my new place, I value my privacy so I keep it locked up and I don’t invite people to be over when I am not home.
I make it clear to call me before coming over.
This brings us to a couple of weeks ago, my fiancé and I shared a birthday. A big thing in my family(as most) is giving cards for special events. The big day came and went and we carried on into the next week.
That Wednesday we had all day plans and were gone from our house all day long. When we got home a card was on the table addressed to myself. I asked my fiancé if he had put it there or knew where it had come from.
When he said he didn’t I connected the dots pretty quickly and realized my grandmother brought it over and got it into our place while we were not home. I waited until my anger subsided and messaged her to see how the card had gotten onto our kitchen table.
She said the door was “not shut tight” so she “walked in and said hi to all the cats, left the card, and then left. “ I very clearly remember locking the door before we had gone out for the day and our door does not come open if it is locked.
I had watched the ring camera and knew what she said was not entirely true. I stated she had to ask to come into our house and that we’d like our privacy respected. She says she “did not mean to offend” us but I don’t know.
There’s a good chance she has seen me use my spare key so I am thinking that is how she got in. She never asked to come over or in, and never called to let me know she had been by. She has pushed what should be general boundaries my whole life and I am tired of people making excuses for her behavior so finally I ask Reddit, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is exactly why you have your place. >She has pushed what should be general boundaries my whole life and I am tired of people making excuses for her behavior It’s time for you to make it clear to her.
If other people are happy to have her wandering in and out of their homes, they can let her do just that.” diminishingpatience
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for telling grandma not to enter. You are the jerk for having a key “hidden” outside for anybody in the world to use.
At this point, you have no idea how many people have a copy of your key. You need to change your locks, and your spare key should be given to somebody you trust not to abuse it. Don’t try silly things like hiding places or lockboxes.
Hiding places don’t stop a determined (or observant,) adversary, and lockboxes/keysafes have such low protective value that they might as well be cardboard boxes. It’s even worse than cardboard: most of the bypass attacks on key safes are non-destructive, so there’s no indicator they’ve been compromised.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“You’re lucky you came home to find your TV still there if the spare key is so easy to find. Mine is hidden very well not under the pot next to the door, or under the mat where anyone can find it NTJ for not wanting folks to let themselves in she could have left the card under the mat if mailing it is too much trouble, weirdly, they don’t find driving to your house a problem but sticking a stamp on and mailing it is a burden.” SnooCheesecakes2723
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Homeless Brother's Partner Over While I'm Not Home?
“My brother “John” (30s M) is staying with me for two weeks as he’s currently without a place to live.
He left his job a while ago and was just evicted from his apartment for nonpayment. I agreed to let him stay with me, but only temporarily as I don’t own my home. His significant other “Jane” (25 f) is staying with her friend right now as she is also without a place to live (she was staying with him at his place but wasn’t on the lease.)
Neither have attempted to find work/housing, and it’s put a huge burden on my family (hers is not in the picture). We buy them food, drive them around every day, and John just games all day in the bedroom I gave up to accommodate him.
It’s nearly doubled my electric bill. He has no funds to cover that bill, rent or groceries, so our agreement is that he can stay with me for two weeks as long as he takes care of my dog when I work and keeps the place clean.
I’ve had a camera in my place for a while. I’ve been checking the alerts to make sure he’s taking the dog out, and there were a couple days where he only took her two or three times. She peed on my carpet those days, and he didn’t clean either mess.
I invited Jane over twice for dinner last week but said no to having company while I’m gone. The two weeks he has here are all my lease allows, and I don’t want to get into trouble if my landlord notices people coming and going while I’m not home.
John said fine but was clearly irritated by it.
Today, I got an alert and checked the camera – Jane was at my apartment while I was at work.
I got home and they were heading out the door together as soon as I walked in.
They said hi, but they were avoiding looking at me and left quickly. She was only there for about an hour, but it made me angry that she’d been there at all without me there, especially after John and I agreed no company.
Would I be the jerk if I said I wasn’t comfortable with her being here while I’m gone, and say she isn’t welcome back at all since John hasn’t really kept his end of our agreement?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- he needs to learn boundaries, and if he isn’t actively looking for a job or a place to stay, then he is taking advantage of you. You need to stand your ground and let him know that he needs to get his act together or you should threaten to kick him out.
That is so messed up. I am so sorry.” Prestigious_Coconut2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You need to kick him to the curb. The longer he stays the harder it will be to get rid of him. If he is not making any effort to find a job or housing then he’s a freeloader.
Get rid of him. I have helped out many a family member and had many of them living with me over the years. I never charged them rent because they were not a tenant, they were a guest and I didn’t want them to get confused and think they had any rights there, and they needed to save funds so they could find another place.
My home is my haven. I don’t care who gets upset about it. You are in my home as a guest so you can either follow the rules or get out. Don’t feel bad about it. This is their problem not yours. It is your home and you can make up any rule you want and if they want to stay there they need to abide by it.
Beggars can’t be choosers.” Whatevawillbee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Hon, your brother isn’t taking any action to improve his situation – why? because his situation is free bed, board, and gaming. Keep the 2-week timeframe. Put it in writing. Kick him out. And watch the exit so he doesn’t help himself to your possessions.
Brother’s situation is of his own doing. Let him fix it. Or not. He’s an adult.” opine704
5. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Parking Habits To Please My Controlling Mother?
“My mother and I (female, 28) have had many conflicts in the past since I was a child, as she often acts abusive, controlling, and manipulative.
A few years ago, my grandparents passed away, which is why my mother and her brother inherited their house.
They wanted someone from the family to move into the first-floor apartment. As my fiancé and I were looking for a larger apartment with a garden at the time, we decided to give it a try despite some apprehension.
We have now been living in the apartment for 1.5 years as tenants, have redesigned the garden, and occasionally help with things around the house or on the property.
It has often happened that my mother only likes to see the things that she thinks we don’t do enough of. She tends to forget that we redesigned the entire garden in consultation with her and her siblings.
In addition, my parents moved in across the street last summer and the whole situation was exacerbated by the constant presence of my parents, and my mother in particular.
Due to the ongoing conflicts, we are already looking for other apartments on the side. However, we are also planning our wedding, which is taking up a lot of our time.
Two weeks ago, my mother asked us to help her reinstall the privacy screen (a wooden gate that has been there for at least 20 years) between our garden and the two parking spaces belonging to our property.
This is always removed during the winter as my parents keep their motorhome there for the winter. We spent a whole Sunday helping with this.
The motorhome is currently parked right next to our parking spaces, which is why the view into the street is very limited. I therefore always park in reverse and can pull out safely in the morning.
A few days ago, my mother texted me saying that I shouldn’t reverse park anymore, otherwise, the privacy screen would get dirty from the exhaust fumes. I explained to her why I parked backward. She then first argued and after I declined said that a wooden board should be leaned in front of the privacy screen and the garage.
Today she said she expected us to get a board.
Maybe it’s childish, but I’m tired of her nagging and I don’t see any improvement in the appearance of the garage by putting a wooden board in front of the dark brown garage and privacy screen, which disturbs my assumption that she just wants to exercise control again.
They haven’t moved the motorhome either.
Am I the jerk for being stubborn and continuing to park the car backward and not getting aboard?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your mother is being passive-aggressive and ridiculous. You rent the parking space so she can’t demand whether you park forwards or backward.
So if she wants a board somewhere between the car and the privacy fence, then give directions to the nearest Home Depot and she can go crazy herself. You’re done.” Mustng1966
4. AITJ For Not Consoling My Mom During Her Fight With My Dad On Mother's Day?
“My mom(38F) has had rough fights with my father(36M) on Mother’s Day. They got married young and also raised me(14F).
This isn’t the first time they fought. Ever since I was young they always yelled and screamed at each other. The only time they were getting along was when other people visited. My relationship with my parents always seemed a bit strained. I was raised mostly by nannies and often had to see them leave for work.
But my mom did try to make some time for me, but it was mostly teaching me chores or criticizing my actions. Telling me that I should properly learn to cook and clean because that’s what a “lady’s” job is supposed to be. My father, on the other hand, pays no mind and just lets me do whatever I want and buys me what I need so I’m content with the relationship we have.
But the problem arose when my mom and father had a fight on Mother’s Day. My mom argued that he doesn’t know what she likes and doesn’t plan occasions properly while my father said she doesn’t tell him anything and often makes him guess what she actually wants.
The bickering went back and forth and my mom started crying while my father walked out of the restaurant while I was sitting at the table watching my mom cry. It was pure chaos and I didn’t know how to respond. Some workers then consoled my mom but I practically didn’t feel anything seeing her cry which made me feel guilty.
When it calmed down my dad picked us up and drove us home. The tension in the car was so thick I couldn’t breathe. My mom was sobbing and my father was quiet. When we got home, father dropped us off and went to work.
When he left, Mom suddenly started putting her frustrations out on me telling me that “I didn’t care” and loved my father more, which was true but to be honest I felt no love towards both my parents. When she was done she mumbled about something along of not wanting me, which of course made me feel hurt but I was still her daughter nonetheless and only child.
I went silent and went up to my room where I now spend most of my time.
I tried seeking advice from my friends through texting but they just told me I’m heartless for not standing up for mom and consoling her and that I should apologize.
I understand their words but I don’t think I can apologize to my mom knowing I did nothing wrong because it was mostly between my mom and father so am I the AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom can’t expect you to have feelings for her when she’s done so little for you.
This is the time when you have that bitter conversation and you explain to her why you didn’t do anything for her when she was crying. If she wants affection, she should learn how to give it.” Attitude_Inside
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You should never have to think you are “not being the daughter your mother needed”.
No child, including you, is supposed to be something a parent needs – that is just completely backward. Parents are supposed to raise their kids to help them find who they are supposed to be, kids are not objects that parents should be needy about.
So get those thoughts out of your head. I’m sorry you are in a bad spot – you have unlucky parents – and I’m guessing you are too young to do much about it. The problems between your parents have nothing to do with you.
They might make it seem like you are somehow part of the problem, or that you should do better as a kid, but that is just a lie. Their problems are between them and would exist whether you were ever around or not. It is easier for either of them to blame you or make you feel bad because they don’t want to face the truth, which is that their relational problems (or any other problems) are really their own fault.
In this instance, you got it right when you wrote “Mom suddenly started putting her frustrations out on me”. That is exactly what happened because she wanted to feel better so she tried to emotionally manipulate you. She wanted you to join in her misery.
You might feel sorry for her (or you might not since she never really bonded with you) and if you choose you can tell her you’re sorry she is going through a tough time, but you are not her crutch and you have nothing to apologize for since you did nothing wrong.
You are not your mom’s emotional support pet. Hope other parts of growing up are going better.” Random-OldGuy
3. AITJ For Wanting To Acknowledge My Mom On My Wife's First Mother’s Day?
“I am genuinely curious about what I experienced this past Mother’s Day and whether or not I am in the wrong.
Some facts:
1. My Wife just gave birth recently to our first child.
(The wife’s mom stayed with us for 14 days after the birth to help, given we had a C-section)
2. My parents live 10 miles away. We’ve had them over ~3 times since birth compared to the 14 consecutive days of my MIL.
3. Wife expressed not wanting to socialize or mingle on her first Mother’s Day (i.e.; doesn’t want to see my Mom or Dad).
My gut reaction is this is a bit selfish in that it’s Mother’s Day (for all mothers) and I would like to at LEAST give a hug to my Mom who lives 10 miles away. My wife feels that because it’s her first Mother’s Day it’s perfectly acceptable to enforce this sort of demand on me.
I didn’t know exactly what to do leading up to Mother’s Day, but I then became aware that my Mother made a cake and had a card for my wife for her first Mother’s Day. My wife asks me what I think and I respond that maybe they can drop it off, per my dad’s idea, given the gesture of her making a cake and a card, and that she is my mother; would be nice to hug her.
My wife is extremely upset that I shared that idea and believes I am in the wrong for not honoring her request to not see my mom on Mother’s Day. Furthermore, she says she believes that my mom only made the cake or card so she can see me and our child.
She insists that I failed to prioritize her by wanting to share Mother’s Day with my Mom, even with a small gesture like a hug.
Am I the jerk for 1. wanting to acknowledge my mom who’s 10 miles away on Mother’s Day and 2.
Proactively not honoring her request to not see my mom and 3. massively disagreeing that Mother’s Day from now on doesn’t include my Mom?
For more context, I ALWAYS support seeing her family and never complain, or suggest it’s too much. When they visit they stay over and I never complain.
I feel like I am not being treated equally. Her mom stayed with us for 14 days after the birth which I graciously supported, given she had a C-section. There is no way on Earth my wife would ever let my mom stay with us for 14 days if I had surgery; this all just feels like she constantly tries to push my parents away.
For her to suggest that my Mom only made a cake and card to see me and the child is a horrific thing to suggest, in my opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your gut reaction is NOT selfish. No one is going to tell me I can’t hug my mom on Mother’s Day.
You can go spend an hour or so with your mom on Mother’s Day and it wouldn’t hurt your wife. Your wife is the one being selfish, IMO. It’s FINE if she wants limited contact for her first Mother Day, but she has no right to demand you not see your mom.” MyPath2Follow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but the amount her mom has been there versus your parents over the last two weeks is not relevant. Her body just went through a lot and still does, it’s natural that she would feel more comfortable around her parents and would want to limit other visitors.
What puts her into jerk territory is not wanting you to quickly go visit your own mom.” photosbeersandteach
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You are correct about Mother’s Day but you need to drop the constant comparison about the 14 days. You are showing your jerk side on that and sincerely need to stop talking about it.
She JUST gave birth. She and she alone dictate who she is comfortable with helping her right after. Get over it. You do not win that contest.” LadyLeftist
2. AITJ For Recording Work Calls To Aid My Memory?
“My job would be best described as “on-call short-distance delivery driver”. I spend most of my time at work behind the wheel carrying out delivery requests that I receive via phone calls from my coworkers. I get around 60 requests on a busy day, most of the time I have multiple requests with different pickup and dropoff points queued up and I need to shuffle them around to make my route as efficient as possible and avoid backtracking.
As you can imagine it’d be helpful to have some notes to keep track of all that but since I receive most of my calls as I’m driving I can’t whip out a notepad and start scribbling stuff down. Instead of that I installed a call recorder app on my phone and set it to record all calls coming from the numbers my coworkers use to contact me.
Some of the numbers are company phones, some are their private numbers for god knows what reason some of them are very stubborn about not using the company ones. That way I can quickly refresh my memory during the short stops I get as I pick up or drop off the shipments.
I don’t need to keep the recordings around for more than 1 day but I set the auto delete function for 3 days just in case. Recently one of my coworkers started mixing up pickup points a lot resulting in me showing up, and wasting time waiting for the shipment only to find out it’s not there.
I wouldn’t mind it if it wasn’t for the fact that he refused to acknowledge his mistake every single time and blamed me for mixing it up. Such a situation occurred 2 times yesterday and when it happened for the 3rd time today I decided I was fed up with his nonsense and pulled the call recording on him.
He immediately got very upset saying recording phone calls is extremely creepy, especially considering he called me from his private phone number (as he always does – he’s one of the stubborn ones I mentioned earlier).
I tried to explain to him how difficult it would be to keep track of my tasks without that but he shrugged it off, and told me to stop doing it anyway as it’s illegal (which is false, the country I live in allows recording any phone call you participate in without informing the other party) and train my memory more.
I do understand recording private conversations can come off as creepy but I do it only with work calls for purely practical reasons, I don’t see an issue with that. So am I the jerk? Would you consider what I do creepy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and not even creepy, he’s just upset that you called him out and had proof. But maybe in the future just let people know that that’s what you do, if they’re not making stupid mistakes they shouldn’t care and if they do have a problem with it, they can text you and wait until you stop to read it, which will only make their job harder” Late_Abbreviations49
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, You are recording for your job. In fact, with how you describe your job I’m surprised recording isn’t automatic. He’s just mad that he made a mistake and there is proof of it so he wants to make you feel like you were actually in the wrong.
Don’t listen to him and keep recording, forget memory training. I consistently check certain information when I am at work multiple times despite remembering the information the first time. There are things you just can’t afford to mess up so if you have to double-check or record that’s what you do” Catcon95
Another User Comments:
“Yes, it is creepy to record someone without their knowledge or permission. That doing so may be legal in your jurisdiction doesn’t make it any less creepy. That you are recording work calls doesn’t make it any less creepy. I would be furious if I found out that someone was recording me without my knowledge.
YTJ” pudah_et
1. AITJ For Demanding My Parents Replace The Collectible Lego They Gave Away?
“I’m moving to another city for work. Since I’m an adult and not a college kid I hired movers.
My parents insisted on coming down to help me pack up. I live in their basement suite.
It was cheap and they let me have my privacy. They brought my brother and my nephew. The four of them were as helpful as a bag of used horse balloons. Especially my nephew.
My parents decided to keep him busy by giving him one of my Lego sets to play with.
I collect them. What I usually do is buy two of the same ones. I build one, put it up for display, and leave the other one in the box to trade or sell.
He took it upstairs to stay out of the way then he took it home.
All I noticed was that he was out from underfoot.
The next day I saw the box in the garbage. I didn’t assume. I knew the answer already but I didn’t assume. I went upstairs to talk to them. I asked where the Lego box came from.
They said they gave it to Travis to keep him busy. I told them that they needed to replace it. They said I was being childish for caring so much about a toy. I said they could replace it or I would file an insurance claim and that would probably require a police report.
My dad got angry. He pulled out $70 and told me I was a jerk for making a fuss over a toy. I asked him if that was a down payment. He said that is what he spent on the last Lego gift he got me for Christmas and that is what those helmets cost.
I showed him the box. I told him to keep his money. He just had to give me a sealed box like the one he stole.
He said he didn’t steal anything. He took the box and went to the Lego store nearby.
When he came back he was apologetic.
He said he would get it back from my nephew. I said I wanted a sealed box with the Tie Fighter helmet. I even went on eBay to help him find one cheaper than he had found by himself at the collectibles store the guy at the Lego store sent him to.
With shipping it would only be $300. He ordered it. He isn’t happy about it.
My mom is upset that I’m expecting that much money for a toy. My dad is upset that I didn’t explain before he went and made a fool of himself at the store.
I’m upset that they stole from me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are judgmental and inconsiderate. (1) They stole something of yours and gave it to your nephew without asking you first. (2) When you asked them about it, they belittled you for even having it in the first place.
(3) They didn’t even think they needed to replace the stolen item and probably wouldn’t have even told you about it if you hadn’t asked. Their opinion of whether Lego products are for kids is irrelevant because the fact is that they are a collectible item that people pay a lot of money for.
All of it could have been avoided if they had just asked you first, or, even better if they had bothered to have things in their home to entertain their grandson* in the first place instead of just taking your stuff. They probably hoped since you have so many boxes of Lego sets you would never notice it was missing.
Edit: grandson, not nephew. Oops” karifur
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You handled this beautifully. You held your ground and created a situation in which your dad had to figure out for himself how badly he messed up. His irritation now is his embarrassment at having screwed up.
It’s okay to let him learn that lesson. I’m sure he’ll never make this mistake again. Ignore his posturing.” CPSue
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Yeah dude, you’re the jerk. Don’t get me wrong: your parents made a mistake and were oblivious about the whole thing as most parents tend to be.
And as a fellow Lego lover, I get that this is a very bad situation for you. But the way you handled it, makes you the clear jerk. Immediately escalating, mentioning police reports and insurance claims, … That’s what jerks do. Your dad got defensive and maybe didn’t respond great either, but judging from how you seemed to have started that conversation, no wonder he did.
He just wanted to come to help his kid, however useless you describe him to be. Ánd he was apologetic the moment he realized the truth of the situation. Because he is not a jerk. So yeah, you are in your right to ask for compensation.
But you handled it like a jerk.” B0dde
