People Need To Calm Down After Telling Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Wanting To Move To A Bigger City For My Career Without My Husband?
“I 22(F) just graduated from college, and my (24M) husband no longer wants to move with me to a bigger city to find a job in my field.
This has been my plan since before I started college and before my husband and I started seeing each other. He has always known that, in order to find work in my field, I would need to move to a bigger city, and that this is my dream for my life.
We’ve talked about it many times, but now that I have my degree and I’m ready to go, he refuses to go because he “doesn’t think I can handle it” and he doesn’t want to uproot his life for something I can’t handle anyway.
So, a friend of mine who graduated last year has a sublet in the city where I want to live for a few months. I want to take it and use the time to find work and set up my life in the city so I prove to both of us that I can do it before he has to move there, but he doesn’t think this is a good idea.
There are no jobs in my field where we live, so I either choose to stay with him where we are and stay with the temp job I have that’s nowhere close to my field, or I take off to the city on my own and hope that he moves with me after he sees that I can do it.
WIBTJ if I took the sublet and went on my own to establish myself?”
Another User Comments:
“Of course you are NTJ. This has been the plan for years. You have the sublet, too. You absolutely need to go.
Your husband sounds like a real jerk, tearing you down and saying you can’t handle it. Sounds like projection to me — he’s the one who is scared to go and afraid he’ll fail. Is he worried and threatened that you’ll be more successful than he is?
Doesn’t want you to earn more than him, or have a more prestigious or interesting job? Do not let him hold you back in a dead-end temp job. I’m sorry you are married to someone who doesn’t keep his word, and isn’t happy for your opportunities, fails to support you with even a bit of enthusiasm, and predicts you will fail.
Don’t stay in a relationship where your partner doesn’t believe you are smart, capable, and resourceful. You definitely need to move away and build a new life.” NoxWild
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ here, and I’m sorry your husband is putting you in this position.
You were very clear about your plans and worked hard for your degree. His “I don’t think you can handle it” is hurtful and unsupportive. I would take the sublet and think of this as a challenge to prove to him you CAN handle it.
If your relationship doesn’t survive it, perhaps it wasn’t meant to be, and if it does survive, it will be because you stuck to your dreams, goals, and taught him to respect your choices, not just his own.
Best of luck!” BellaSquared
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, and I’ve gotta say, I’m pretty appalled by your husband’s attitude towards you. My husband and I met when I was just starting law school and he was nearly finished with grad school.
He wanted to be a math professor, but the job market sucked. So he applied for jobs and got a 1-year visiting position. The next year, he didn’t get any long-term offers, but his 1-year position offered him a second year.
The next year, he didn’t get an offer. Our choices were either he doesn’t make enough to support us with me still in school, so I’d have to take out an extra $12k in student loans or he gives up on his dream and goes into an industry position.
There was no way I could see that his dream would be worth so little. Worst case scenario, my student loans take an extra 2-3 years to pay off. To me, that’s a no-brainer, because his success and happiness are worth more than a bit more debt.
He’s now 1 year from being a full-tenured professor. He always attributes him working his dream job to me not giving up on him. I just helped a little, he’d have never gotten where he is without the passion and skill and knowledge he has.
I just reminded him of that when he was ready to give up.” KaliTheBlaze
21. AITJ For Not Making My Daughter Help Care For The New Dog She Didn't Want?
“I (49M) am a single dad of four. J (18f), M (15F), D (15F), and L (13M).
A while ago all my kids except D started begging me for a dog.
I figured they were old enough by now to properly care for one so I explained to them the responsibilities they would have to take on to have a dog and again, all except D agreed. She came to me later and told me she really had no desire for a dog because she didn’t want the responsibility or the work of training, picking up dog poop, or the messes, etc. which is understandable.
I thought it was kind of weird for a kid her age not to want a puppy but then again she’s never been an animal person.
Long story short I bought them a Newfie puppy (we don’t pick it up from the breeder for 3 more days) but told them all that D wouldn’t have to shoulder any of the cleaning or anything like that and they all got mad and said I was “favoring her” and that she would still get all the benefits of having a cute dog but without all the work.
I take all my kids’ feelings into account but that includes D’s feelings and I feel like it’s unfair to make her put a bunch of work into a puppy she never wanted in the first place.
I tried to explain this to them but I think they’re upset. Maybe I should try to understand this from a different perspective. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She doesn’t want the dog. It’s the other kids’ dog.
They wouldn’t expect her to clean their rooms, would they? If her siblings make a mess, would she be expected to clean it? Yeah, she’ll get to experience having a dog, but she didn’t ask for it. Maybe reevaluate in a couple of months.
If she likes the dog, then part of loving a pet is taking care of it. You are very much NTJ for taking your children’s feelings into account. Maybe explain this way of thinking to your other kids?
If they are aware of your methodology, they may understand it isn’t favoritism. I know my mother and brothers always HATED taking care of the pets my father would bring home as surprises. He got the animals and then expected the rest of the family to take care of them.
Good on you for not pushing that sort of experience on your entire family.” BearlyAcceptable
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, forget whatever perceived “benefits” your daughter might get from the dog and consider all of the negatives she has to now live with because of something everyone else wanted. She will be subject to its noise and messes no matter what.
She is potentially losing her peace over a decision she opposed. They’re already teaming up against her, do you think that dynamic will disappear? She is in a lose-lose situation. Your other children are just trying to lessen their load while still getting what they want.
Your daughter is already losing quality of life in exchange for your other children’s desire for a pet, without receiving anything. If anything, getting this dog is favoritism of the other 3 children.” duplicitist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We had a similar situation when I grew up; my mom, my sister, and I wanted a dog but my brother did not.
The first dog we adopted was an older dog, and although my brother didn’t hate her or anything, their relationship was more like being roommates than family if that makes sense. While this dog was alive my brother treated her kindly and was available to help with things going on short walks or helping to take her to the vet in case of emergency.
Other than that he did not contribute to taking care of the dog, nor did he get any of the benefits of the relationship with the dog. After this first dog passed away we adopted another dog, this second dog and my brother have gotten incredibly close and it is the most adorable thing ever.
Because of this closer relationship, it is more natural for my brother to contribute to the chores that are connected to the dog, and to watch her when my mom and sister are away. So if D happens to really bond with this dog it would be reasonable to expect her to do more, but she would likely be more inclined to do so anyway if that is the case.
If she does not bond with the dog, asking her to pick up after it is unreasonable. The ones that want the puppy and will have a relationship with it, should be the ones to take care of it!” Inner_Cauliflower_84
20. AITJ For Making My Family Pay Collateral To Use My Property?
“I (28f) have worked my rear off since I was 14 to not end up like my family.
They are all a bunch of ungrateful people. If you do anything for them, you cannot expect gratitude or even common courtesy.
I have gone LC with all of them. My partner, hopefully fiancee soon, has said that I should give them another chance.
Fine. I let my brother and his family stay at my home in Florida. They trashed it and left.
That was it. From that moment forward anything my family asked of me I have agreed to as long as they put up collateral.
Want to stay at my home? No problem, however, there will be a $2,000 deposit payable in cash to ensure my home looks the same when you leave as when you show up.
Want me to watch your brats while you go on vacation?
No problem, $3,000 to put for any damages they do because you raised them wrong, and to pay for my time if you are “unavoidably detained” for a few extra days in Spain that you forgot to tell me you booked.
My car is perfect for your travel while you are in Florida? Sure you can borrow it. Just leave me $1,000 for a tank of gas and a full detailing if you choose to not follow my “no food in the car” rule.
My family thinks I’m being a jerk and my partner thinks I am showing a lack of trust. I think I’m being reasonable.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t seem like it’s about money exactly, although money is the physical exchange.
It’s about accountability, respect, and reciprocity. If they use your time, property, or vehicles and completely disregard personal responsibility then it is totally fair for you to try to compensate for damages upfront. It seems that everything you listed really boiled down to their complete lack of responsibility.
The collateral is just necessary for you to fix whatever problems come up from trying to help them.” Downtown-Antelope402
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You know your family better than your partner. Either she will come to see it or it might actually start to cause some problems in your relationship.
You should probably have a conversation with her about it. As for your family, I would consider saying no rather than putting stipulations on it. I get what you’re trying to do but it seems like you might need to get away from them.
For a while anyway.” bluedragonflames
Another User Comments:
“This sounds like a creative, win-win way to meet people where they are and find a system that works. Instead of trying to live a fantasy life where your family is trustworthy for free, or where just talking to them will help, or a harsher reality where they never get access to your stuff or you don’t get them in your life, you found a compromise that works for everyone.
Nice! Your family gets to stay in your and your partner’s life and you get them in yours. They get free stuff and they respect your boundaries. Congrats on finding a very adult solution.” Jolly-Scientist1479
19. AITJ For Calling Out My Family's Wedding Etiquette On Instagram?
“My (29F) nephew Chris (26) is getting married in August to Lauren. The wedding venue allows 50 guests but our immediate family (my mom, sisters, and all the grandkids) is a small group so it was assumed everyone was invited.
This past weekend, I threw my mom a retirement party. I posted elsewhere about this incident but long story short, my sister Vivian (45F) was supposed to help with decorations, but proceeded to tell me she couldn’t help put them up but she has time to bring them over so I can do it.
I ended up buying my own decorations so I could get it done without waiting for her.
During this retirement party, Vivian refused to speak to me, look at me, nothing. During the middle of the party, Vivian begins handing out invites to Chris and Lauren’s wedding.
She did not give me or our other sister Kate (43F) one. I didn’t want to say anything in front of my mom on her special day so I kept my mouth shut. Then I overhear Kate and Vivian talking.
Vivian told Kate that she would be next up on the invite list if someone couldn’t come. I was then told that Lauren was having a bridal shower the next day and that I was invited to that but not the wedding.
I’d like to add that Vivian and I talked every day until this point. I helped throw her daughter’s bridal shower, I met up with her often, there was no reason for me to be left out at this point.
The jerk part:
Not my finest hour but in a hurt state, I took to Instagram, made a private story where only Vivian, my niece Ava, Chris and Lauren, and my other nephew could see it. I posted: “it’s very rude to pass out wedding invites when you know not everyone will be invited” and another one saying “it’s tacky and inappropriate to invite people to a bridal shower when they aren’t invited to the wedding.
Learn some etiquette.”
I woke up the next morning to my phone being blown up, rightfully so. They stated that it was not right for me to post on Instagram. I immediately apologized and admitted my wrong.
Ava texted me and started berating me.
I explained my feelings and was told that “this is Lauren and Chris’ wedding, they can do whatever they want” and I tried explaining that while that is true, at what cost? Feelings were hurt and it sucks.
My sister Vivian began texting my mom and said that she is coming after me, that I am evil and she can’t wait to watch me burn, that she is going to find my partner and make up lies about me to get him to dump me, expose my childhood trauma, etc. Ava must have spoken with her mother because she began texting me all this too, along with “you ruined Christmas forever now because no one likes you and it’s better when you aren’t around”.
When I told my mom what was being said, she confronted Vivian and Vivian told her I was a liar and that Ava never said that. I provided receipts and nothing has been said since.
My mom is distraught with the drama.
I know that I basically started it but was I that much of a jerk to get threatened and told no one likes me?
AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Y’all need to properly communicate with one another.
Giving someone the silent treatment is what 10-year-olds do. And passing out invites in front of others when excluding some people is not nice. Making passive-aggressive Instagram posts however is also how teenagers articulate. Your feelings were hurt and that’s understandable.
But you need to communicate your feelings directly, not like this.” Scarlet_Lycoris
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is rude and tacky. You send the invitations individually and you don’t invite someone to the bridal shower if you’re not inviting them to the wedding.
It’s poor etiquette. You posted on a private story with just them, so it’s not like the public knew, but you could’ve just reached out to your sister and cousin. Also, so strange that your sister is the one handing out the invitations when really your nephew and his fiance should handle distributing them.” chaenukyun
Another User Comments:
“ESH because you don’t communicate well in your family. Your sister should have told you that 50 guests doesn’t mean that family comes first. The couple may want to invite friends and don’t have budget for more people.
And it’s their wedding, they can choose who they want. I would be angry if I was part of their life but… Your reaction is so childish! Why didn’t you talk to your sister immediately? Why didn’t you call your nephew to ask why he doesn’t want you?
Guess what? That attitude is not a good way to get an invitation! And that’s the best way to get rejected from ALL family events! Adults talk. Your nephew is 3 years younger than you, you should be very very close, are you?
Do you see a reason for your nephew to not want you at his wedding? I don’t ask for an answer here, I mean you should know what your relationship is, and why you’re not in the 50.
But it seems that none of you are really good at talking.” Lyzab77
18. AITJ For Letting My Best Friend Get Kicked Out Of My Engagement Party?
“My fiancé’s family planned an engagement party for us last weekend. During it, I noticed there was a commotion involving my best friend but when I went to see what was going on, my fiancé’s grandmother and sister intercepted me because they wanted to introduce me to some of their relatives who I hadn’t met yet.
I didn’t want to be rude so I made polite conversation. By the time I was able to excuse myself, the commotion was over and I couldn’t find my best friend anywhere.
I only found out what happened the day after when my best friend called me furious.
She wanted to know why I had let her get humiliated and kicked out. She kept saying my fiancé was a jerk and so was his friend.
She eventually calmed down enough to explain what happened which was that her former sugar daddy was there with his spouse and that when the spouse noticed her it started the whole fight.
My fiancé and his friend noticed the commotion before I did and tried to defuse the situation. When that didn’t work, they had my friend kicked out.
I initially apologized to her but I found out from my fiancé later on that she started the fight, not the spouse.
When I confronted my best friend, she said my fiancé was a liar and a number of other things. I told her she couldn’t do this on my wedding day because they were likely going to be there then too.
She started telling me she wouldn’t do anything as long as they didn’t. I was feeling frustrated so I told her it would be better if she didn’t come if she couldn’t control herself.
Now she’s refusing to talk to me because she feels I picked a random man and his spouse over her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“”Now she’s refusing to talk to me because she feels I picked a random man and his spouse over her.” You kinda did, and you kinda didn’t.
If she’s your best friend, don’t you want her at your wedding? If you’re willing to let her go so quickly, maybe she’s not the friend you lead on. Because if she is really your best friend, it is weird for you to choose to disinvite her rather than having a talk with the other random guest. But on the other hand, you didn’t just choose a “random man” over her.
You chose to believe your fiance’s version of the events over hers. So long as the fiance was actually there and saw what happened, you have every reason to believe him. I don’t know what to vote. I guess I could wait for the info on whether your fiance actually witnessed the altercation or just believed the sugar daddy.
Meh. Everyone sucks here.” Perdendosi
Another User Comments:
“Who do you think started the fight? Honestly? You’ve heard two versions. Why do you believe your fiance over your best friend? I presume you’ve known her even longer. It does seem like you are picking the man (who is he, how important is he to you and your fiance?) over your best friend.
You were the jerk when you told your best friend that it would be better if she doesn’t go to your wedding. That’s really hurtful. You need to apologize to her for what you said (not for letting her get kicked out since you weren’t right there and couldn’t do anything about it).
You will most likely regret not having your best friend at your wedding. I think you should figure out a way for her to be there.” nothingclever4now
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I don’t know their mess but if your friend isn’t one to be messy I really doubt she started it.
I have been and known tons of SBs and the marking of a good one is the ability to be discreet. Even if she ended up in a circle of conversation that included the husband and spouse what is she going to do, “hey Harry why are you here?
Remember that weekend you sent me to Rome and the hotel looked like this?” You are picking a random man’s version of events spoken through your fiance rather than your “best friend” And is your best friend not in your wedding party to the point where you can casually disinvite her?
I get you not wanting drama but how about the man and spouse considering just because she is no longer his SB doesn’t mean he doesn’t have others or a new one now. For all you know there will be 5 more the spouse and him will spot on your wedding day.” ContributionNo2778
17. AITJ For Thinking My Sister Is Overreacting About Our Older Sister Babysitting Her Newborn?
“My (23M) sister (26F) has a newborn baby. She is the 1st of the 3 of us, her, me, and our sister (29F) to have a kid. Naturally, my parents (53F and 54M) are really excited about being grandparents.
Things have gotten sticky because my oldest sister lives with my parents. And my sister with the newborn baby said my mom and dad can only babysit as long as my oldest sister is never alone with her baby.
Plus she won’t let my oldest sister babysit.
Right now it doesn’t matter because the baby is a newborn and she is on maternity leave for the next 18 months but when the baby is older or my sister has gone back to work my mom and dad want to babysit their grandchild.
In my opinion, my sister is overreacting majorly. She says I need to butt out because our sister’s proven she isn’t to be trusted. I think she’s being majorly unreasonable. And she is really hurting my oldest sister by laying down this rule.
The whole reason for this is something that happened a couple of years ago. My oldest sister said she was sick. I don’t remember all the details but she made a thing of being something called a Zebra Warrior and said she had diseases in her heart, her cells, and her joints.
She ran into trouble when she took money from people and she was making up having the diseases. The therapist and the judge made her see she’s got a mental problem where she lies about being sick for attention online and in real life.
Look, I was mad at her too because I believed she was really sick. But not only was it because of a mental condition but she’s supposed to go to a therapist. She slips sometimes but at least now we know.
She never hurt anyone or herself and she isn’t crazy or dangerous like my sister thinks. If I had a baby I’d have no problem with her babysitting. I know new moms are overprotective but this is too far in my opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You aren’t the one with a brand-new baby to worry about. Your sister might loosen the restrictions when the baby is older and your sister proves that she can handle it, but this sounds extremely reasonable to me.
Think of it this way: if anything happened, even a minor accident, it would do irreparable damage to the relationship between your sisters. Your sister who just gave birth is protecting not only her child but also her relationship with her sister by not putting them all in that situation.” Classic_Special7045
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If your older sister is having delusions and psychosis, then she needs a psychiatrist, not just a therapist. If she ‘slips sometimes’ then there is no telling when this will occur, and could involve delusions associated with your other sister’s baby.
Your sister’s child is not safe around your older sister unless and until she has a proper diagnosis, treatment, and medical clearance. I do not say this as an ableist. I say this as someone married to a man with successfully treated bipolar disorder and a married daughter also with managed bipolar.
We have a plan in place for looking after any grandchildren that eventually come along, informed by how my husband and daughter need to safely manage their sleep and mental health, and by their medical teams who support them.
If your older sister doesn’t have these things, your other sister is perfectly within her rights to protect the safety of her child. YTJ.” leopard_eater
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You said she hasn’t hurt anyone.
Yet. You forgot yet. Or maybe so far. She is so focused on creating illnesses that don’t exist either because she believes they exist or she wants attention. Either way, she’s under supervision because she’s been deemed unstable/untrustworthy to manage herself.
What happens if she begins to believe the baby is “sick”? What if she does something “helpful” that hurts the baby? What if she does the things she does for the attention and realizes how much attention a sick baby would get and “makes” the baby sick?
The truth is, it’s not a huge leap from where she has been so you can’t tell your sister there’s no chance of that happening. You need to recognize your sister has an infant. A defenseless infant who has no way to advocate for themself.
A baby can’t make your sister stop something. A baby can’t tell an adult they’ve been mistreated. To leave someone alone with your infant requires absolute trust. Your sister clearly doesn’t have absolute trust and based on the history, that’s not unreasonable.
You don’t get to judge her concern and her reaction.” angel2hi
16. AITJ For Reporting My Ex To The Police For Stealing My IPad?
“My ex and I split up at the end of September last year after around 9 months together. He was living with me. When he left he took an iPad that I let him use (even though I said not to) for a couple of months, he said he’d pay me for it as it is on contract that I pay.
He has paid 2 payments since September and every time I contact him he ignores me. I asked him to return the iPad to me multiple times but I just get ignored.
He’s now blocked me on all social media so I’m unable to contact him.
I’m stuck paying for this iPad until 2025 so I really want it back so I can sell it. I reported it as stolen to the police and now they are handling it but one part of me feels bad as I don’t like to cause drama etc but the other part feels I’m being walked all over.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You reported stolen property as stolen, everything else is just adjectives. FYI. Police will likely say it’s a civil matter. Go ahead and get ahead of it by looking up your local small claims court process.
One of the steps is always to send a demand letter. Use the court template and type everything. Then pay to have it sent by certified mail. You would be surprised at how fast most people move when they receive something official-looking via mail you have to sign for.
You may get it back for 30 minutes of work the $6 for postage. You won’t even have to actually file it in court. Also, contact Apple that your device has been mislocated and they will lock it for you (will have to provide proof of ownership).
Between these two things, he will figure giving it back the easier choice.” Tical79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “causing” drama is taking an iPad, agreeing to pay for it, not paying for it, and ignoring messages about paying for it.
There are big differences between (a) causing a problem versus (b) resolving a problem. Resolving a problem is not the same as causing drama. You need/want this drama to end, so you moved to resolve it. Ex-partner was perpetrating the drama (and theft).
Nothing -nothing- about any of this makes you the jerk here.” No-Expert5800
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was yours, he stole it and therefore he committed a crime. It’s a great thing that he made those payments because you can use that to show a court official that he knew he had an obligation to pay for it.
His history of being your partner is not legally binding and by making any payments he has shown that he realizes it was not a gift as he might otherwise claim. Send a demand letter and save all records in a safe place with backups somewhere else.” LatterTowel9403
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Lend My Work Equipment To My Brother?
“My (F21) brother (M18) and I have a good relationship. Not like the hugging type but we can say we are buddies. However, it all breaks when it comes to “lending” stuff.
For context, I work part-time as a trainee in a pretty cool company with excellent benefits for trainees.
And of course I need instruments in order to do my job, so far they have given me an iPad, an iPhone, a computer, an electronics kit, and a toolbox.
So whenever we receive something from the mailbox, the two of us check what the other receives.
When my electronics kit arrived I realized it came with a cool multimeter, I already had one and my bro didn’t so when he asked me if he could take it I said yes, didn’t see a problem but told him to be careful.
3 days later he asked me to lend him my resistors, LEDs, and my iPad so he could do his HW. I knew he can easily draw circuits with the iPad and doesn’t have resistors so I let him.
And fast forward to this week, he has taken almost all my stuff.
I offered him the option of buying him an electronics kit and even helping by paying half of the cost for an iPad or tablet for school.
But he refused to give me my stuff back since he wasn’t finished using them and it will only take him another month.
I told him that I needed it now since I need them to work, and he called me an egocentric jerk for not helping him knowing he doesn’t have a job and can’t afford to buy that.
I immediately packed my things and took them to my room. He was livid and left the house. My mom sided with him, called me pitiful and immature for doing that. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I want to highlight what was said by several other commenters.
Unless there is an arrangement with your employer that you have not mentioned, the instruments your brother is “borrowing” are not owned by you – they are owned by your employer and given to you for your use.
(As an example – I can be FIRED for allowing anyone other than myself access to my work laptop). If you were to leave your training tomorrow, your employer would have the very reasonable expectation that all equipment be returned to them and the consequences if you fail to do so can be unpleasant.
Don’t loan your work equipment to anyone for any reason.” pusheenKittyPillow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all a student doesn’t need professional grade stuff to do the schoolwork; they purposely allow students to use cheaper materials and products (typically designed for students to be cheap).
Schools won’t ban professional equipment, but it’s not necessary. Your brother absolutely has cheaper options that he could buy and could have bought at the start of his classes; professors give students a list of all the things they need to do their homework.
Not to mention, you offered to pay for or partially help pay for the equipment he needs for schoolwork. He just wants your stuff it looks like.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“OP NTJ! Actually when a job provides material, they expect the employees to return said material if they ever leave a job, specifically laptops and iPads, so actually it’s your employer’s property and it should not be shared with other people!
If your employer found out about this you could get fired over sharing their property because it may have sensible information on there… Be careful! And the fact that your mom does not understand this is crazy! I have never heard of a company giving away that much expensive stuff and not expecting employees to return said material once they no longer work there…” MagicUnicorn37
14. AITJ For Changing The Wifi Password Until My Husband Learns To Use A VPN?
“I work from home now so safe to say my wifi is basically my lifeblood.
I connect via ethernet cable and sign into my company’s VPN. My husband also has his own computer and does his thing but does NOT work from home. Suffice it to say getting my wifi cut off would be disastrous and wildly inconvenient.
A week ago I got a letter from our wifi company (our account is in my name only). It was a warning that someone had been seeding a torrent off my IP address for insert inappropriate content title here.
I’m not mad he was downloading inappropriate content, I’m mad he did it on our wifi without at least a VPN. The letter basically stated if it continued they would cancel our service. I didn’t make a fuss, I just went in and changed our wifi password.
When my husband got home I handed him the letter and calmly told him that I changed the wifi password and I’d give it to him when he learned how to use a VPN and or to keep his torrents from seeding back.
Well, now I’m a jerk. He doesn’t want to pay for a VPN service. He can’t play his games or anything but I’m not willing to risk lowering my job performance by losing my wifi, so until I see he’s got a VPN no wifi password.
My best friend thinks the situation is quite amusing but my husband is obviously upset. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Your reasoning is sound. Your need clearly trumps his want. But I’d be a little worried about his use of torrents.
This may sound paranoid, but bugs can get into routers too. If you’re using that for work stuff, he is exposing your company. Honestly, this is going to be a huge fight, but I think he should get his own internet if he’s going to be doing that.” epostiler
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Assuming you guys share finances, he’s paying for this WIFI so he has just as much of a right to use it as you. Getting in trouble with your ISP is bad (not exactly sure why the ISP cares if he downloads inappropriate content but whatever), on that level you’re right to be angry, but it sounds like you didn’t even try to just talk about this with him like an adult, you just jumped straight to this stunt where you treat him like a parent treats a teenager they’re grounding.” Roadshell
Another User Comments:
“My first thought is that you should’ve spoken to your husband about VPNs, why they are important, and how to use them. A simple conversation post-incident could easily resolve the issue. Changing the Wifi password and saying “figure this out” before you get it back is on the hostile side.
If this is how you deal with issues, then it might be reasonable for him to have strong reactions to other things in the future. And that isn’t healthy for anyone. YTJ.” RunningwithGnomes
13. AITJ For Keeping My Lattice Despite Strata Council's Complaints?
“I (30F) live in a condo building. I have for about a year and a half.
About a year ago I got a letter from my strata council asking to remove my lattice. I sent an email back with a list of every bylaw that related to balconies in any way and explained how each bylaw is either not relevant to me, or explicitly states I have the right to similar structures on my balcony.
I then asked “can you please let me know which bylaw my lattice is breaking?” Later, I ran into a council member and I asked him about it. He said “your lattice is protected by the bylaws. I know.
I helped write them.”
He is now gone.
9 months later I got another letter: “Please remove your lattice as it is breaking the bylaws.” But this time they included a bylaw: “nothing may be stored on the balcony except patio furniture and plants”.
So I thought I understood. I had sweet peas on my lattice in the summer, and they died over the winter so it was empty. My lattice didn’t currently have plants on it, that must be the problem.
So I sent an email back “My lattice is a structure for plants, which are protected by that bylaw. Would you like me to grow winter vines to appease the bylaw? Or was there a mistake in which bylaw you chose?” I got no reply.
I asked my property management company “I’m confused about this letter, is there a way I can make an appeal? I don’t think this bylaw applies to me.” I got a hearing to speak to the Strata Council.
At the hearing, they said “our goal is to make all the units look identical from the outside.” I said “ok, but is that written down anywhere? I thought that objectives the members agree with should be in the bylaws?
I didn’t get that impression when I read the bylaws and I don’t agree with your interpretation.” Then we sat in silence for three solid minutes until the property management company representative said “would the strata council like to reply to that?” And they said “no thank you”.
I started getting fines.
I took the case to an external organization that helps solve civil disagreements in my city. This was the last straw for the strata council. The stonewalling turned to abuse. I received a 3-page document that called me names several times, claimed that every time I asked how to appease the bylaws I was just manipulatively trying to get around them.
I apologized for my part in the conflict and expressed that I care about their goals and hope we can reach a compromise. I was told that all of my neighbors beside me hate me because I’m affecting their property values and all the people across from me hate me because they have to look at my embarrassing lattice.
Context: There are 3 people on my strata council and one occasionally votes against giving me these fines and letters. Also, everyone who has sold since my lattice went up has been getting over asking price. Because of this, I’m questioning if the new buyers’ market actually cares about having neighbors with decorations on their balconies.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. HOA and condo boards are full of people with absolutely nothing better to do with their lives. I remember my uncle and aunt got a letter from their association complaining about not properly registering their guests.
They responded “with a family as large as ours it’s hard to keep track but don’t worry, they’re all very nice people.” They never heard another word.” laude_nam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Overall I’m not against HOAs or rules for a community because you can choose to live in a community like that and follow the rules or you can choose to live somewhere else.
But it sounds like your HOA changed the rules and/or didn’t actually follow them, and a lattice is really not that big of a deal. I think you have some nasty, nit-picky control freaks on your HOA board.” SnailyWhale
Another User Comments:
“They want it down, so reasonable or not, the path of least resistance is to remove the lattice. Beyond that, this might be a legal issue. But you fought it, got your hearing, and it didn’t get you anywhere.
So it’s probably time to accept that. I don’t know if the rules were poorly written or whatever. I can tell you this would not be okay in any apartment or condo that I know of. At least not a decent one.
I’m all for self-expression and generally hate when things look cookie-cutter and all the same. But if my neighbor had a lattice similar to yours, I’d personally want it down. The bylaws exist so that the units, from the outside, all are kept free of clutter and other items, so that the place looks good.
They told you their goal is to make the units look the same from the outside. Rules are not just for other people. They’re for you too, OP. YTJ.” Total-Being-4278
12. AITJ For Being Angry At My Partner For Going To Work During A Power Outage?
“Last night my state was hit by record-high winds and an extreme thunderstorm.
We have been left without power and have roof damage that’s created a good-sized leak in our home. We only have one car in our household (23F, 37M, 3F.) No reports yet when power might be on, but there are over 30,000 without power and some extreme damage to power lines.
My partner did not need to go to work today. He essentially is the one who trains new staff in a warehouse. That training is very flexible and he even said himself it could be done on Friday and just extend the day by about an hour.
Upon time for his trainees to show up, nobody was there. An hour later a little less than half the class came and no others. He has decided to train those who came today and extend Friday – I genuinely believe he’s staying because his work has AC.
So my daughter and I are in our home, without power, without a car, and no family nearby who could help in case of emergency. On his way to work, he had to take several detours due to power lines and other debris being on the roads.
I’m absolutely furious with him to the point I could cry. He absolutely did not need to work today. We were not prepared for this at all. No battery-powered fans, low on water, majority of foods are frozen or fridge items, and most non-perishables need to be cooked. He has a history of being selfish, but I didn’t expect him to straight up abandon us in a serious situation like this.
He messaged me about staying at work in his AC and when the inspector (not repairmen) can come out. I told him to go away and ignored the inspector part. He messaged about the inspector part one more time and I’m just ignoring him.
The room with the leak is his hobby room. I couldn’t care less about it.
AITJ for being so angry at him?
Partner is salary and would not be reprimanded for pushing off today’s training until Friday.”
Another User Comments:
“Omg NTJ. Apart from anything else, it sounds like it was irresponsible of him to even commute today. I totally get why you’re distraught. See if your family can arrange for water and essentials to be delivered. Save your phone battery for emergencies.
And it could be weeks before you see an inspector, if the damage is that bad, the insurance people will be flat out. Hopefully, you have emergency services to help put a tarp on the roof. Good luck, hunker down with your little one, and play ‘indoor camping.'” _iamtinks
Another User Comments:
“At first I thought, “unless he’s an electrician, what’s he gonna add by staying home, might as well get an income” until the edit. He’s on salary, so he’s getting paid regardless and it’s 100 degrees out.
He obviously went to work to avoid sitting in the heat all day and didn’t give his family any consideration. He could’ve stayed home and taken everybody somewhere where you could at least get out of the heat.
NTJ.” MellRox013
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re being a jerk. It was a major disaster and you’re probably still in shock. As you said your family was completely unprepared. Your husband expressed his job was flexible and should have stayed home considering the severity.
However, I think you could have expressed how you feel in a non-aggressive manner. If anything he could be more accustomed to things like this and doesn’t realize you may not be. So I don’t think either of you is the jerk.
I think you just need to express how this natural disaster has affected you and what you need from him. There’s a middle ground to be reached, it’ll just take an understanding conversation to get to it.” Reddit User
11. AITJ For Not Letting My Smoker Uncle Into My New House?
“My uncle is a heavy smoker and always smells like an ashtray.
Growing up, all of our cars and our home had the lingering smell of smoke even if he didn’t smoke inside them, because the smell is so strong on him that he carries it wherever he goes. When I bought my house a few months ago, I told my mom never to bring her brother over because I won’t let my house take on that smoke smell.
My mom was upset, but she got over it. Yesterday she came by with some equipment my dad said I could borrow. When I opened the door for her my uncle was there and wanted to come in to use the bathroom.
I said he couldn’t come in but there was a gas station up the road.
My mom got mad and said she raised me better and gas stations are gross. I shrugged and said so is smoking. My uncle got mad and started trying to argue, so I held out my hand for the equipment, hoping to end the conversation quickly.
My mom said I couldn’t have the equipment unless I let my uncle in. I said my dad already said I can use the equipment. She said my dad could drop it off then.
I just shut the door and walked away.
They drove off. My dad said I was in the wrong for trying to make a point, and now I need to drive to their place to pick up the equipment. I wasn’t trying to make a point though.
I just hate that smell.”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, as an ex-smoker you’re NTJ. Smokers can’t inherently smell how bad it is, but it’s literally everywhere, so they act real jerky about it. It took me 2 years to finally get any remnants of the smell away from my clothes and from my skin, I didn’t even smoke for longer than 4 years and now I can’t stand the smell of it either!
Makes me feel nauseated. He’s the jerk for putting everyone in that position, no one is forcing him to do anything that he can’t stop. Addiction isn’t an excuse for putting other people in a bad position, just remember that and hold your ground!!!!” DoeShoes0829
Another User Comments:
“Initially I thought “what’s the big deal about letting him in for 3 minutes to use the bathroom?” and it all seemed a little extreme. However, after reading it again along with some of your comments, I think your uncle and mom were likely setting you up.
If that’s true then NTJ. Basically, I don’t think your mom ever got over being upset about your rule, and neither did he. I think it’s possible she decided to bring your uncle along for the ride when she was dropping off something she knew you wanted, thinking you wouldn’t have the guts to refuse to let him in if he were at your door with her.
She even withheld the equipment as a way to force the issue. So now both your mother and uncle know he’s not welcome in your home. But yeah, you are going to have to pick up the equipment yourself.” Used_Mark_7911
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and don’t listen to those saying you are. He didn’t need to use the loo, just like he didn’t need to get out of the car. I’m agreeing with some of the others who say it sounds like your mom orchestrated this.
I’d like to think if he had a medical problem that meant he has to pee as soon as he feels the need, you’d have let him in. My grandad was similar, he smoked like a chimney and my mom hates the smell.
Having grown up with it, she just wanted to now live without the permanent smell. So when her parents came to visit, he’d be told no smoking indoors. He’d stand in the garden and complain and moan the entire time.
Then one day he just lit up inside, we didn’t have an ashtray and Mom went mental. So he then tells my mom that if our house was actually nice and like a stately home he would do as she says.
That was the last time my grandparents ever visited us. Don’t let the others make you feel guilty, it’s your house. Both your mom and uncle knew the rules and it’s on them.” Dry-Depth-4693
10. AITJ For Giving My Niece A Thoughtful Gift Instead Of An Expensive One?
“My sister has a 6-month-old who lives 2 states away. They came down last month while I was away on business so I didn’t see them. My other 2 sisters got her gifts at that time.
Fast forward to this week and they are coming back down on Sunday. My mom was adamant I get her something so I did. I didn’t want to get something generic, something that looked like it had no thought put into it.
I got her something that showed it came from me.
I got her a stuffed tauntaun that makes noise when you squeeze it. Something that I think she would find cute.
Cut to last night when my mom calls me asking me what I got her and it’s not good enough.
She goes on about how my sisters got her bigger and more expensive things. (I’m the only one who has more expenses like a mortgage plus I just had a hospital bill). Then she goes on about how I have to not leave the kid’s side and how I have to spend more money.
I try explaining that my gift had thought put into it and was cute. Sure it wasn’t as pricey as my sisters’, but still. Then she goes on, again, to say stuff like. “Don’t be stupid, nothing I’m saying is above a 3rd-grade level.
Go get her something else.”
She hangs up. I message her later saying no. That I put thought into my gift and it’s what I’m doing.
This isn’t the 1st time she is like this I have plenty of stories of how she compares me to my sisters.
I just think she isn’t worth being angry at me because I remind her of my father who divorced her 15 years ago.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People don’t have kids just to get gifts, or I would rather hope they don’t!
A personal gift is way better than something expensive for the sake of it – you put the thought and effort into it. Your mother can’t tell you what to do, that is just ridiculous. There is no competition, or there shouldn’t be, over who gave the best and most expensive gift. It is a lovely gesture that comes from the heart and your own will.
What you do with your money is totally up to you! No need to even explain your extra expenses!” Kyaesa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, a stuffed tauntaun is an awesome gift! Second, the kid is 6 months old, they don’t care how much the gift costs.
Third, the only person who is in a position to complain is your sister, not your mother. If your sister has a complaint, she can go directly to you. Otherwise, your mother can keep her nose out of it.
Finally, your mother is a horribly materialistic person. The value of a gift is in the thought you put into it, not how much it costs. Basically, this is a situation that your mother has absolutely no reason or right to be getting involved in.
If she is spending her time worrying about things like this, then she really needs a hobby.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“Did your sister like the gift? Assuming yes, it’s fine. Because really gifts at that age are 90% for the mom or dad.
Baby gifts aren’t a money competition. They might be an emotional competition – but not a who can spend the most money. NTJ unless your sister absolutely hates Star Wars and this was really all about you. That’s not okay in baby presents.
You wait until they’re older- introduce them to the things that you like because you are the cool aunt/uncle and they’ll decide on their own that the thing is cool. Simple math.” rak1882
9. AITJ For Kicking Out A Couple Over Their Condescending Comments?
“I (27F) had a small get-together on my birthday with some friends. My partner (30M) recently reconnected with an old college friend of his and I decided to invite him and his partner along, as my partner was very happy to get back in touch with the dude.
I personally knew everyone else except this guy (we’ll call him James) and his partner (we’ll call her Amy).
We met late afternoon, and everything went great, except for the fact that I was getting weird vibes from Amy.
She was making certain comments that made me feel uncomfortable in regard to James about how she pushes him around and how happy she is that she has such an obedient partner (she even called him her personal dishwasher at a certain point).
Now I’m not one to intervene in the people’s intimate lives, I just didn’t really like her all that much at this point.
Later during the night we were just hanging out and talking, and I went outside the room for a few minutes.
One of our friends asked my partner if we would go hiking with them the next day, and he replied with “No, I don’t think I’m up for the task as I’m going to get a gastroscopy next week” – for a bit of background, he has some stomach issues and needs to figure out what is causing them.
At this point, Amy began laughing and pointed out that if he has stomach issues, he shouldn’t be drinking beer and how this is very bad for him and he should stop, and that she knows this because she’s studying to become a vet.
My partner told me about what happened when he came to get me, and I went to confront her. I got overprotective as I believe it was his first beer in months, and he was just trying to have a good time and didn’t need anyone to laugh and point fingers at something he shouldn’t be doing.
Even more so, not someone who we just met a few hours ago, and to do it so condescendingly.
She didn’t want to admit that she was wrong doing that so I ended up asking her and her partner to leave, as I wanted to have a chill evening and not have a stranger telling us, and insisting on, what is good for us and what isn’t.
Info: my partner didn’t confront her as he didn’t know how she would react, and he didn’t want to cause an unnecessary scene on my birthday.
So, AITJ for basically kicking this couple out of our home over this?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s your place, you get to make the rules. I guess… it’s unclear if the two of you live together, or what. I’ll assume so. OP states, “not have a stranger telling us”. So is the issue what she said, or that you two didn’t mesh?
Would this boundary about diet apply to your friends? That said, other choices were available to you. Discussing with your partner first, and deciding a course of action together, seems appropriate. You could have left it at shutting her down with “that’s not your concern, nor open to discussion.
Next subject?” If your partner agreed with asking them to leave, that’s okay, too. But, again, together. And it sounds like your partner was doing his best to make your event as pleasant as possible. That’s a good thing.
NTJ. If she was off-putting, she suffered the consequences, and she could learn from this.” iowaiseast
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your partner brought up his health issue, and though it’s really not polite to give people unsolicited advice, especially about their health, many people aren’t that savvy and often do exactly that, especially when the other person brings it up first. You didn’t like her other comments, and you didn’t like that she commented on your partner’s health, though you didn’t actually witness that.
It sounds like she just rubbed you the wrong way for some reason. But that’s not a reason to kick someone out of your house. She was a guest, and I really don’t think she said anything that warranted that level of reaction.
You didn’t give any indication that she was creating any drama in the house. The drama started when you confronted her. I think you overreacted.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Look, the story as you tell it would lead anyone to say that you are NTJ.
HOWEVER, as you were not there when the comment was made, how can you be sure that she said it in a judgmental way? If that comment rubbed your partner the wrong way, he could have put on his big boy pants and said something, but perhaps he didn’t because it did not go down exactly as he said and he just overreacted because he felt judged. I really do not think it was something to kick her out over, but it is your house.
Did your partner agree with how far you took this?” kimariesingsMD
8. AITJ For Not Giving My Youngest Son The Difference Of His Siblings' Wedding Costs For His Down Payment?
“I am a 57-year-old male who has three kids. 30 male, 27 female, and 25 male. My wife and I have paid for each of my two oldest’s weddings which covered dress, suit, and bridal parties. If they wanted to make a destination wedding, we covered guests who couldn’t afford it in the honeymoon.
Now there was not a budget placed on them. My oldest’s wedding total was around 85k, my middle kid’s was around 120k. Now my youngest is getting married. He and his soon-to-be wife don’t believe in big weddings and the total is around 20k.
Now my kids didn’t know how much each other’s wedding cost as I didn’t share and I guess they didn’t see the need to bring it up.
So the problem came up this past weekend. My soon-to-be daughter-in-law was talking to my middle daughter and my oldest son’s wife about their weddings and I guess the totals came up.
Now my youngest son and his fiance are demanding I write them a check for the difference for a down payment on a condo or house. I refused and stated I was only paying for their wedding and now they are threatening to disinvite me.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I get that it’s your money, your choice, and FDIL is unreasonable in demanding the exact difference. But how can you not understand how vastly unfair this would seem to your youngest?
You’ve pointed out he had the same tuition help, the same trust fund, but it’s okay with you that he gets so much less from you around his wedding? I just can’t grasp your reaction to his small wedding either.
It seems you have a “sucks to be you” attitude since they chose a small wedding. Do you have some kind of unresolved issue with your youngest that would make you treat him this way? Why would you not want to be more fair?
Soft YTJ because I could never imagine treating my children so differently.” LissR89
Another User Comments:
“In my opinion, YTJ. You are teaching your kids exactly the wrong lessons. Extravagantly wild conspicuous consumption? Yay! Party on! Sensible thought and planning for the future?
Frowns, well, I’m not paying for THAT foolishness! If you want to raise wastrels, you’re sure going about it excellently well. If anything, before your youngest asked, you should have taken him aside, told him how much you admired his and his fiancée’s sensible wedding planning and freely offered them a check for the difference between their wedding’s cost and the average of their sibs’ weddings.
That’s what would have been right and fair. But you – you decided to cheap out and dump on your only sensible, not greedy kid. Kudos.” CissaLJ
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I don’t think your son and DIL should be punished for having a smaller wedding, but they aren’t owed anything either.
And threatening to uninvite you from a wedding you are paying for is nasty, entitled behavior. One factor I haven’t heard mentioned is the current state of the economy and housing market. Have you asked your son why he has opted for a smaller wedding?
With the current state of the world, he and his fiance may feel that it’s irresponsible to spend 100k on a wedding. If the siblings’ weddings were a few years ago, things were substantially different then. Either way, while I don’t think your treatment of the situation is strictly “fair”, acting like spoiled children throwing a tantrum isn’t really the way to handle the situation.
You are pretty much screwed here now because you’ve already drawn a hard line. If you relent and give them the money you are encouraging future bad behavior. And if you don’t give them the money, in addition to being uninvited to the wedding, your future relationship with your son and DIL, along with any potential grandchildren, could be compromised.” Individual_Map4805
7. AITJ For Wanting To Return The Dog My Husband Adopted Against Our Agreement?
“My husband and I have been talking about adopting a dog for a couple of months and we agreed to a limit on the size and breed. I am partially disabled so I cannot handle anything larger than about 40lbs and I do not want a pit bull.
We browsed through shelter pics online until we saw a very cute puppy. She was listed as medium-sized and 19lbs at 5 months old. We submitted an adoption application to the shelter and within a day we had a time to go see the puppy.
She was currently with a foster owner, so we couldn’t just drop by the shelter. Unfortunately, I was unable to go with my husband to see the puppy. He went alone and I assumed that if anything was wrong, he would not bring her home.
He brought her home and it was quite obvious that she was not medium size – she was very big. I was not sure what breed, but when she was taken to the vet the next day, they told us they think it could be part pit bull part German Shepherd based on her appearance.
She was also not 19lbs like her online pic said, she was 28lbs and the vet thinks she will end up being at least 70lbs.
I am mad at my husband for bringing this dog home when it was obviously not what we were looking for.
I am already having a tough time with her due to my disability and her lack of training. My youngest child (4F) is also afraid of the dog because it is almost as big as her.
I want to return the dog because it is too big.
It also gives me and my youngest child anxiety. However, my husband and oldest child (8F) like the dog and he thinks I will get used to it over time. I feel super guilty when I think about giving her back because she is a sweet dog (she just jumps and nibbles/nips a bit) and I’m afraid she won’t get adopted again.
She is already 5 months and spent her whole life with the foster who already had 13 other dogs so there was no way this one was getting very much attention, but I am unable to handle a large dog like her.
WIBTJ to give the dog back to the shelter against my husband’s wishes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – We adopted a lab/pit mix at 3 months old. Dog was about 20 pounds when we adopted him and grew quickly.
Overall, he’s a good dog, but he pulls and jumps at times. That can be very hard to handle as the dog is more than 80 pounds. A dog like mine is not for everyone. I don’t know why your husband thought adopting that dog was a good idea.
It is NOT going to be a match for your family, and forcing a fit is just jerk behavior all around.” sallen779
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But. A 19-pound mixed breed dog very well could have exceeded 40 pounds.
I suggest, with your specifications in mind, that you do research on purebred dogs and find one that matches your home well, particularly since you have children. Mixed breed puppies are a crapshoot and nearly impossible to predict their adult size.
Also, it’s very possible that the pup has no bully breed in her at all. In fact, if I was going to be worried about a breed in the alleged mix, I’d be worried about the German shepherd.
High energy, high drive, super smart…prone to aggression/destruction when bored so needs to be engaged and trained early on. With you having children, the dog’s temperament is very important as well. Certain breeds (and mixes) do better with children.
A golden retriever, for example, will generally be better with kids than a chihuahua.” chaosandpuppies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and for future reference, you should be wary of pit bulls/bully breeds you might come across in everyday life.
They are fighting breeds that are bred to maul other dogs. They are bred to be “game” meaning that they will attack suddenly and ferociously without the usual warning signs other breeds display before an attack, it also means they won’t let go/respond to pain like other breeds when they’re in attack mode.
This is a breed trait, just like herding dogs herd and pointers point and retrievers retrieve – bully breeds maul other animals, including humans. Get a dog from a responsible breeder. Research breeds your family would be comfortable with.
People who buy dogs from responsible breeders are not responsible for the dog overpopulation crisis, irresponsible owners and bully breeders are at fault there. Ever wonder why every shelter is filled to the brim with bully breeds? Because they make poor pets and often attack other pets or humans no matter how well they are raised. Also, they are overbred by backyard breeders and dog fighters.
Have you ever heard of a keeshound? They’re very cute medium-sized dogs that make great family pets. There are lots of other breeds as well that would be great for your family. Good luck!” CosmicButtholes
6. AITJ For Losing My Temper When My Fiancé Left Our Kids With A Stranger At An Event?
“I’m a paramedic and I work long shifts.
My fiancé has a 12-year-old son and we have a 2-year-old daughter together. There’s a local bar on the waterway that throws concerts on Sundays, it’s a family-friendly event. He took our 2 kids there today to listen to some music.
Well, I find out one of our inebriated friends needed a ride home so he decided to give him the ride. Instead of loading up the kids, he left them there with another friend to watch them. I do not know this friend well and I am VERY particular about who watches my child.
My only babysitters are my mother and my brother and my sister-in-law. I do have major anxiety but it sent me over the edge knowing he left the kids there, with someone I barely know, around a bunch of people drinking, surrounded by water.
I lost my cool on him, told him it was very irresponsible and I don’t want anyone else watching them, and if he needed to give someone a ride he should have loaded the kids up and taken them with him.
AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“It’s a family-friendly event and they’ve been left with (presumably) trusted adults. I personally would have no problem with this. Were these other people trusted, and not inebriated or otherwise incapable of watching the kids?
I don’t know and couldn’t know in your position, but I would trust my partners’ judgment in that situation. If the only people you allow to watch the children are your brother and SIL I would say you’ve probably got some anxiety about this that you need to work through.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It does not matter if it was a smart decision to leave the kids or not. It does not matter if your babysitting rules are normal or too strict. Your fiancé knows you don’t want them left with other people.
You guys have an understanding that it’s not going to happen. This wasn’t an emergency where he couldn’t bring the kids with him. Even if it was a completely safe situation he broke your agreement and your trust and told you that if the things you two agreed on aren’t something he agrees with (or simply not convenient in the moment) then he will just do whatever he wants.
Maybe you could have approached how it upset you better (I don’t know we weren’t there) but you’re NTJ for being upset about it.” Alvius_Pudge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP you should update your story and add all of the info that you’ve put in the comments because those make a huge difference.
I feel that it is fair to be upset when your fiance leaves your children with somebody that you don’t know even if they know them. Especially because in the situation that you described multiple people were drinking, it was a crowded venue near open water, the friend that he left your children with was also watching her extremely intoxicated partner and we have no idea if she was drinking or not.
It takes 2 seconds for a 2-year-old to slip away and it does not sound like this was a safe environment for him to be in in the first place. Just because something is ‘family friendly’ does not inherently mean it is all ages friendly.
This does not sound like a safe environment for a 2-year-old. Not to mention the fact that your partner is supposed to be sober! That is a term that you two agreed to when you got back together and him breaking it is enough of a reason for you to be mad especially since he was supposed to be watching your children and he was driving.” rjorton
5. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Partner's Number To My Overprotective Mother?
“I (19F) just moved out of my college dorm today for the summer. I have a partner (19F) who I’ll call X who I’ll be rooming with next year, and I am also a type 1 diabetic.
I take great care of myself while I’m on my own but I struggle with my mother (45F) (who I’ll call M) not trusting me to be responsible for my own health despite having lived alone on campus for a year now.
Apart from that, M is a fairly overprotective parent and has a hard time letting me be independent, still treating me like a child and constantly texting me while I’m on campus.
As my parents were helping me move out today, M asked if I wouldn’t mind giving her X’s phone number in case my blood sugar drops and I don’t hear the “low sugar alert” alarm on my phone (I use a Dexcom G6 CGM), so she can call X and have her wake me up.
I’ve only slept through a low alarm once when I forgot to turn off silent mode, so I was instantly a bit weirded out and felt this was a breach of privacy and another instance of M not trusting me on my own.
I told her I didn’t really feel comfortable giving her X’s information, especially when I haven’t even discussed it with her, and M instantly got defensive and angry.
I stand by my case as of now and plan to discuss it further with M in private, but I’m concerned I may be dismissing a legitimate concern she has.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say NTJ because you deserve your right to privacy and she shouldn’t make you feel like a baby. But I do think it’s a good idea for your partner/roommate to have your mother’s contact in case something ever happens to you, related to diabetes or not.
I lived in dorms for my freshman year and my roomie had my mom’s number too. She never texted her and my mother never texted her either. Have a talk with your partner and ask her if this is something she’s comfortable with, just to give your mom the peace of mind that you’re safe.
You can make an agreement where contact between them is related only for health purposes, and tell your partner to avoid anything else. I understand that you don’t want to be babied, but she is your mom and you’re living away from her and she worries about you.
She doesn’t want anything bad to happen to you, especially when she’s not there to handle it personally. I think it’s better safe than sorry, it could save your life one day, even if the situation isn’t about your diabetes.” hylianriceig
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re an independent adult with a managed medical condition. Your mother is overbearing. It’s time for that assertive discussion where you assure her you’re able to care for your medical needs and want your space as an adult respected while expressing an understanding that her concern is loving and genuine.
This is an opportunity to draw a firm boundary as an adult. I had a similarly overbearing father who was a wee protective but it took him a while to accept I was an adult in charge of my own medical care.
Some parents need a hand to recognize their child is an adult. There are things I don’t tell him now because he does overworry but I don’t hide everything. It’s about finding the right balance.” nikkesen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are an adult and you have to, at some point, be responsible for yourself. If you and your partner have been together for a while, she can check up on you and install the app on her phone.
Your mom has to realize that she can’t protect you from everything your whole life. What is she going to do? Swing by every night to make sure you’re alive and breathing? No, you’re an adult.
If you can’t manage to keep yourself alive at this point, that’s kinda on you. I say that as someone who lives with a diabetic. He is responsible for himself. Yes, we are here to support, but ultimately we can’t force-feed him and we can’t pretend he isn’t a capable adult human being.” [deleted]
4. AITJ For Considering Cancelling My Stepdaughter's Baby Shower After Being Excluded From Her Wedding?
“My stepdaughter, 22 is pregnant with her first baby, a boy. She and her now husband just got married 2 days ago. This is the issue. These 2 have been a lot.
House hopping, couch surfing, and on state aid, mainly because this guy will not get a job beyond gig services (doordash, etc). We (her dad and I) have had to give them money and groceries numerous times, up to the point where we eventually had to tell them we couldn’t support 2 households.
We saw on social media 2 days ago, they got married. Apparently, his mom put stuff together. Her dad got no messages, calls, or anything. She had no one in her family there. Just his.
Now. Here’s where I may be the jerk.
It’s been expected that I have a baby shower for her. I had everything planned and purchased. But, I feel like, if even her dad isn’t good enough to even be told his child was getting married, then my money is not good enough for this party.
My husband, my family, and my mother-in-law are telling me to just cancel it. WIBTJ if I canceled the shower?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ – It sucks when someone is expected from you (and not just like being a parent when you signed up for it when you had kids) but in cases like this where it’s on you to throw a baby shower and then not even be invited to the wedding.
However, I would ask about maybe? Cause it’s odd as heck that he is the only one who had his family members there and she didn’t. Me personally? I am very close with my family and I would never get married without them there and if it was even suggested?
I’d leave the person so fast. Like was it something that she didn’t want family of hers there or he only wanted his family there? It’s just weird to me.” singyoulikeasong
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ, but it may not be the wisest thing to do.
It sounds like the husband may be trying to separate the daughter from any support system, which could be a sign of an abusive relationship. If that’s the case, then canceling the shower could be furthering the husband’s control over the daughter.
After all, you know she’s not telling you why she got married without telling you, it’s quite possible that wasn’t her choice. The wisest thing to do is to keep the line of communication & support open when you aren’t sure of the cause of the pulling back from a child in a relationship.
Hope she’s okay.” Ornery-Wasabi-473
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Shut down being her ATM. Just stop. You and your husband have tried to help, but you are apparently wasting your time, money, and efforts. She doesn’t care about either of you or his family beyond your being her ATM because that is how she was raised by her mom.
That damage has been done, and you cannot overcome it. You and your husband need to decide now what your response is going to be when she shows up on your doorstep with her baby in one hand and her other hand held out for money, crying that the baby needs food, diapers, etc. What will be your response when she has two or more in tow?
My recommendation is that her dad be the one to tell her that she is an adult making adult decisions. She has to live with the consequences. If she wants anything, she can contact her mom’s family.
If the baby needs anything, she can contact the mom’s family. Don’t contact her again. I know that this is not the outcome he foresaw when she herself was a baby, but it is what it is.
He does not like the person she is. Do I understand how wrenching this decision will be? Oh, yes.
My son and one of his friends have been going through something similar for years and finally had to stop all contact with their children.
Some ex-DILs are vindictive and weaponize the children against their fathers. Neither man has seen his children in a couple of years, but both exes are still filing nuisance lawsuits. You write that you are not estranged from her.
Perhaps you aren’t, but she only communicates with you to see what she can get out of you. The only good news in all of this is that she is an adult and he no longer has any legal responsibilities for her.” OldestCrone
3. AITJ For Letting My MIL Ruin Her Own Batch Of Cookies?
“My MIL and I have failed to get along. She seems to think she’s God’s gift to mankind, she never apologizes when she does something wrong, and everything is a competition. I personally don’t prefer her cooking because she uses low-fat substitutes for everything, even stuff you probably shouldn’t (like cheesecake).
Anyway, I make really good cookies. I enjoy baking, and everyone I know likes what I make a lot. MIL and her partner came over, and he tried to convince me to make some chocolate chip cookies to take home.
MIL said she could make them way better than I could. I said ok go for it. I don’t care to compete with her. So she goes into my kitchen and whips up a batch of cookies for her partner.
I was watching her do it, and she did some stuff that I personally wouldn’t have done. She only used cold ingredients, she overused the mixer for a long time, and she didn’t chill the dough after mixing.
The cookies came out pretty bad. She also burnt them slightly. Her partner and my husband were both visibly disappointed. I want to say now that I didn’t gloat. When she asked everyone how they turned out I said they were alright.
Her partner frowned and my husband said mine are better lol. She was angry and asked what I would’ve done differently. I explained the above. She then ranted to me about how I shouldn’t have let her ruin them and blamed it on how my oven and mixer are different than hers.
Guys, I’ve used her stuff before. It’s not the oven or mixer.
AITJ for letting my mil ruin cookies?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is why I don’t give out my recipes. Not only have I worked hard to perfect them, but I also guarantee the person asking for them is not going to use the high-quality ingredients or have the skills that I have (no shade, I’m just really good at what I do), especially if that person is my mother.
I feel compelled to add that the one time I gave my mother a recipe for lazy lasagna, which calls for only shredded cheese, frozen ravioli, and jarred sauce, she turned it into an ungodly abomination with her substitutions.
We had to chip through the charred top of it.” Every-Conversation89
Another User Comments:
“OP, you are NTJ and you should like a pretty down-to-earth person to me. Your MIL must be stewing over her cookies. She sounds pathetic wanting to compete against people and thinking she is god’s gift to mankind Again NTJ.
Can you pretty please share that cookie recipe of yours with me? I bake every now and then and let people judge me on it rather than claiming it to be good (plus I am just a beginner who has loads to learn).” KangarooOk2190
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I mentioned a caramel recipe I had that my husband’s co-workers raved about (sob! Panini) and my mother demanded I send it to her, so I did. I had sent some to my sister and she also liked it, so I guess Mother was feeling curious.
Weeks later she called me and told me that my recipe was horrible and that her sister’s caramel recipe was so much better because mine came out burnt. Then I talked to my sister and BIL. Turns out Mother decided to substitute the ingredients in the recipe and did not use a candy thermometer…BIL said it was inedible.
Of course, Mother would not admit any of that to me. So glad I live on the opposite side of the country.” ScarletteMayWest
2. AITJ For Wanting To Hyphenate My Last Name After Marriage?
“My significant other (30M) and I (28F) have been together for six years and are about to tie the knot in the summer. Though we both live in the UK, we come from fairly different backgrounds: while he was born and raised here and is as British as they come, I grew up in a Mediterranean country where women don’t take their husbands’ last names after marriage and moved to the UK to study at 18.
I briefly considered changing my last name after marriage and tried to sound it out, and it just felt wrong. My name is who I am; it has ties to my roots, and my family can be traced all the way back to the 1600s, which is really cool!
Losing that feels like losing a piece of myself. So I decided to find some middle ground and hyphenate – think Firstname Mylastname-Husbandslastname. It actually has a pretty nice ring to it, too!
My significant other is really happy with it – being familiar with my culture, he wasn’t expecting me to take his name at all.
His mother, however, had the nerve to complain about it and is apparently DISAPPOINTED that I’ll be keeping my name. My significant other shut that down and told her it’s my decision only, but she took it personally, like by hyphenating I am stating that I don’t want to be part of her family.
She’s extremely pushy and refuses to respect boundaries, so I expect she’ll keep this up and make it all about her until my name is finalized.
Perhaps I’m not thinking hyphenating is a big deal because of my culture, but I refuse to give up my last name to appease my mother-in-law.
AITJ for standing my ground?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re under no obligation to take his name as your own, let alone compromise and hyphenate it. The fact that you want to, because it’s your way of showing your love to your husband, is admirable, as is his humility in appreciating your choice and defending your decision.
Mother-in-law needs to get off her high horse before she gets trampled by it. P.S. – I think you’ve got a keeper there. Best wishes!” BeautifulButterflyx
Another User Comments:
“Quite apart from this being your decision, and there really not being a wrong option: hyphenating literally adds his name to your own, and symbolically adds his heritage and family to your own.
If that isn’t good enough for your mother-in-law, if she can’t accept anything less than you erasing your own name, heritage, and family ties, then she is very much the jerk here. You are NTJ. Take your cue from your significant other.
Sounds like he is quite adept at handling his mother’s unreasonable demands.” Signal-Television510
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it is perfectly common to keep using your own surname after marriage in the UK too. Some people find it awkward if they have kids though.
I kept my surname because like you, I did not marry until 30. I felt established as a person in my own right and couldn’t imagine changing my name. My husband would have liked me to change I think but never pushed it because any modern man can see that it would be an unreasonable expectation.
Stick to your guns and everybody will have forgotten about this in a year. Surnames are never used around family anyway.” Background_Abies_426
1. AITJ For Disturbing My Neighbor With Late Night Drives To Soothe My Baby?
“I’m a 29-year-old woman who recently got custody of my cousin’s son who is 17 weeks old. My cousin passed away for reasons I won’t get into on here as it’s upsetting, he couldn’t go to his father’s side of the family though and our side of the family is small so he ended up with me.
I’m having a hard time getting him to settle at night, I don’t know much about kids and I’m really trying. He probably misses my cousin too so that isn’t helping matters. The one thing I’ve found that helps is taking him on a drive, I’m trying not to rely on it too much but most of the time I end up throwing the towel in and taking him on a drive which means we’re often out at wacky hours normally between 1 am and 2 am.
I live in a rather quiet neighbourhood and my neighbour has complained to me about this saying it is disturbing her and waking her up when she hears my car driving out and driving back and also the times I have a screaming baby with me.
I’ve apologised and explained that I’m struggling to get him to sleep and trying to adjust and driving is one of the only ways I can get him to settle and that hopefully he’ll soon be settled and not need this.
My neighbour doesn’t care though and has told me if this continues she’s going to call the police for me making so much noise, it’s not like I’m revving my engine but our little area is very quiet especially at night so if someone is a light sleeper I could see how it’d disturb them but I honestly don’t see what I can do about this differently.
I don’t want to disturb my neighbours or be a jerk with this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ !!!!!! Your neighbour is some piece of work. She is guilting you, guilt her back. When you see her, cry about how your cousin just died, the baby is orphaned, you are at your wit’s end, you are grieving, the baby is crying, does she have any advice for you?
Just unload everything you can on her and beg her for help (not that you want her help, you want her to feel so guilty she avoids you instead of you feeling bad when you see her.) Do this every time you see her.
Tell her thanks so much for caring, just word vomit everything you can think of without ever letting her get a word in edgewise. Bonus points for a frazzled: “OMG, I forgot diapers!!! I have to feed the baby right now, could you run to the store and pick me up a dozen newborn disposable diapers?
Thanks SO much!” (While you turn away and go inside.) She will stop bothering you.” sezit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your neighbour is a clown. People need to drive at all hours of the night. What if you worked nights?
What if you had a medical emergency and had to go to the hospital? The police can’t and won’t do a thing for someone driving a car down the street. On the other hand, filing malicious police reports and wasting the cops’ time is liable to get them in trouble.
So I’d recommend they call the cops on you as much and as frequently as they wish and the problem will take care of itself.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your neighbour is definitely one. You are taking on a huge responsibility with this child (which is awesome because he could have ended up in the system), doing the best you can with little to no preparation, so to call the police on a sleepy baby who is grumpy is a bad thing to do and a waste of resources.
I doubt they would do anything unless it was 24-7 crying. It’s nice of you to be concerned about disturbing others, but I don’t see anything you are doing that is jerk-ish. Just out of curiosity, have any of your other neighbours complained?” ccandy73
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!