People Can't Help But Bring Up Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Asking To Live With My Grandma Because Of My Stepmom's Behavior?
“I (15F) am asking my grandma if I can live with her because I can’t stand my stepmom. I haven’t deliberately said that my mom needs to choose but I think it’s pretty obvious.
I think she should break up with her because my stepmom is manipulative and rude and immature. My mom is afraid of ending things with her because she is dependent on my mom and we are so close to her family. I really am done with my stepmom and can’t do it anymore.
So I told my mom and she said (in the heat of the moment) “maybe you can live with your dad.” I don’t want to live with my dad so I asked my grandma. I’m sick of pretending and I was talking to my grandma and she said maybe.
I told my mom and she got mad and asked “why would you bring that up now?” Even though it’s in private. I want to live with my mom. I want her to not be in a horrible mood whenever my stepmom comes home.
I want to not share my space with my stepmom.”
Another User Comments:
“This honestly feels like such a flashback to when I was your age. My mom was with a woman who was terrible to both of us. You are 100% NTJ. The jerk is your stepmother for treating you terribly and this last part may be hard to hear, but so is your mother for allowing the abuse to happen.
Just know this won’t be your life forever and when you’re an adult you will be able to be free of them.” Zedonya
Another User Comments:
“INFO. Been reading the chat in the comments and you keep on saying that you know your mother feels trapped. Also, you have a father but do not want to live with him.
So I have some questions:
1) How long ago and why did your parents split?
2) How old were you and how was the divorce explained to you?
3) How is the custody split between the time you spend with your mother and the time you spend with your father?
4) When has your now stepmom come into the picture, and how?
5) How did you feel about the fact that your mother revealed she now preferred to be with a woman?
6) How did you and your stepmom begin your relationship, if there ever was one, and how has it changed along the way?
7) Why don’t you want to be with your father, and are clinging to your mother so hard?
8) Do you feel protective of your mother?
9) Why do you believe you know how your mother feels towards your stepmom, and state she feels trapped because the other depends on her?
10) What have you tried to do to improve things and the relationship between you and your stepmom?
11) You spoke about your stepmom’s nieces and nephews, but not her own children… Does she have some? And how often do those kids go to your house, as well as how old are they?
I understand this seems like a big questionnaire, however, you have been very dismissive of the real hard facts and are only talking about your feelings and ideas. In order for us to help you as you deserve, facts are required.” Foundnemonowwhat
Another User Comments:
“INFO – Why do you not want to live with your dad? Do you not split time between your parents already? Can you give clarification on the “manipulative and rude and immature” comment what are some specifics and what is your interaction like with the stepmom?
I notice you use the term stepmom as well, but do you mean divorce since generally, people do not refer to their parents’ SOs until they are married? On the surface, it looks like you just don’t like the stepmom… I can also understand why your mom would say no to living with your grandmother, if my kid asked me that I’d say no because you are not their responsibility it’s the mom/dad’s.” icollectt
21. AITJ For Not Allowing My Brother's Dog In My House?
“We don’t have pets. Never had them, never wanted them. If you have them, that is great – but we don’t want pet hair, dander, or poo/urine in or around our house, in our car, on our clothes – basically, anywhere.
My brother, who rarely shows up, came over the other day with family in tow and their dog.
We heard it yapping before they rang the doorbell. Opened the door, greeted them, and told them “Sorry, we don’t allow dogs in the house or in the yard.” Fast forward 5 minutes, and he’s still arguing about how we’re ungrateful, dog haters, family haters, etc. We finally had enough and just shut the door and told them to come back later when they dropped the attitude and the dog wasn’t with them.
Fast forward 15 minutes and his partner’s mom calls telling us how we’ve been a jerk to them, etc. My partner won’t have it either and said “It is OUR house, OUR rules”.
So now that entire side of the family is up in arms against us and we don’t really care, as we are leaving for a 2-week vacation tomorrow.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a big pet person but I can respect the idea behind your rule. I’m the same way with little kids, they’re not welcome in my home. I don’t like kids, my home is very much not kid-safe, and I don’t want drool/vomit/dirty diapers in here.
Both of us have pretty reasonable and easy-to-follow rules, leave pets/kids at home when you visit, not difficult. If you want to visit someone in their own space, you need to respect their boundaries and what they’re comfortable with. If someone doesn’t like that, you can meet up somewhere else” -ElizabethRose-
Another User Comments:
“If I’m gonna visit someone with my dog, I’m gonna call ahead and ask before lugging the dog with us. While I think some of your worries are over the top, you’re allowed to enforce this in your own home.
Not ever allowing your brother to drop by, and leave the dog in the yard, may be annoying, but again, it’s your place. 100% NTJ for not allowing dogs in the house. A one-time pass to the yard may have been a compromise, but again, he should’ve checked with you first.” togocann49
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your home, your rules. That’s one of the nice things about being an adult and paying your own way. To your brother – if you are unable to discern the distinction between hating dogs and not wanting them in my house, that’s on you, but it’s not my problem, however, it is my house and this is not a negotiation.
Your refusal to accept that says way more about you than any of this does about me.” chuckinhoutex
20. AITJ For Moving Out And Yelling At My Mom Who Wants Me To Stay And Babysit My Brother?
“I (29M) recently found the girl of my dreams (26F). I want to spend every second of my life with her. Before this, I lived right next to my mom’s house. But after I met my now partner Anna (not her real name), I’m planning to move close to her, which is around 3 miles from my mom’s house.
My mom has been absolutely livid about this and she has been telling me about how “she needs me to be here” even though my dad is right there with her, and she is telling me that I need to babysit my (13M) brother Josh (not real name).
I’m currently packing and just last night my mom and I had an argument in the middle of their kitchen and I screamed at her to leave me alone and let me do what I want. And she got even more angry, so I called her an insane, entitled woman.
And left, slamming the door behind me. My mom has been texting/calling me non-stop now. So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a good move for yourself and your mother. It is not normal for a woman to be so enmeshed in her child’s life once they are as far into adulthood as you are.
She has a husband, she has another child. It would probably be a good move to block her for a while as you transition to this new life. Prepare your partner for possible phone/social media/(hopefully not) personal attacks. Tell Anna to lock down her social media.” ChinSpin_1986
Another User Comments:
“I hope your partner is great and stable. Grab love with both hands. Your mom’s pull could be strong and loaded with some manipulation. It is your birthright to have a family of your own. Hopefully, you don’t have to burn your bridges to do so.
Your mom has her family. Your turn.” OpenToIdeas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her wanting a convenient babysitter does not trump you living your own life. You will only be 3 miles away. Wow, she is unbelievable. You can easily come for babysitting and a 13yo does not need much babysitting anyway.
I wonder how telling it is that your brother is 16 years younger, did she wait until you were old enough to be dumped with the babysitting to have another child? Good for you for standing up for your boundaries, you will likely need to do more of that as your life progresses.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Refusing To Pierce My Toddler Daughter's Ears As Per Family Tradition?
“I have a 22-month-old daughter and am pregnant with my third.
In my family it’s a tradition to get our daughter’s ear pierced as soon as they turn 1, I refused saying she was too young, and now my parents are trying to force me to pierce her ears for her second birthday.
I don’t think it is ethical until they are old enough to make their own mind up, the minimum age I will get them pierced at is at 4 years old.
My parents are still saying it won’t harm her and it’s a tradition, and she will want them when she is older anyway.
I think I may be the jerk because it’s tradition and the majority of girls have hers pierced, and it’s easier when they are younger, as she may be scared to do it when she’s older
AITJ for not wanting to get my daughter’s ears pierced.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because it has always been done (tradition) does not mean that it should continue. You have thought this through. You have also recognized that this is your CHILD’s body and she should have a say in what happens to it.
She might NOT want her ears pierced. However, please be careful with leaving her with your parents. Otherwise, she is going to come back from a visit with them one day (maybe soon) and her ears will be pierced. Just think of how upset you are going to be.
They will have not only not respected your child’s boundaries but will have also not respected you and your decision.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Hey, OP, I’m your worst-case scenario. I didn’t get my ears pierced as a small child (not culturally acceptable in my family) and I am afraid of needles.
I never got it done as a teenager because of my fear, and it was only last year at 31 years old I finally did it. Want to know how it’s impacted my life? Literally not at all. I was never made fun of, my mother would occasionally lament that she had nice jewelry I could never wear but she never pushed me.
I made the decision on my own eventually and I do not regret not doing it sooner. NTJ. It’s not a big deal.” user118
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As for the tradition, it’s just an ear piercing. But this is YOUR child, you get the final say of whether you abide by this tradition.
And you’re right. She’s too young to understand piercings, too young to care for them, too young to choose to get them. The only reason to pierce her ears right now is for your own benefit. This is wrong. Yeah, piercings are painful but the pain doesn’t last long.
However, one important factor: as she grows, her ears will grow. She’ll likely need to get her ears repierced when she’s a teen because the piercings will likely be in an odd spot when her ears reach their adult size and shape. Sounds silly to pierce her ears now when, as I said, only the adults in her life benefit.
I’ve heard that “traditions are just peer pressure from our dead ancestors.” Your family is pressuring you. Over a piercing. That’s silly. You, however, are NOT silly for refusing. This is your daughter and her body. She needs to choose to get the piercing, and you as her mother need to protect her right to choose.
NTJ.” penpapercats
18. AITJ For Not Going To Bed At The Same Time As My Partner Due To Our Different Work Schedules?
“My partner works 8-6 pm for her schedules and goes to bed at 9:30-10 pm. I work 4/5-10 sometimes 10:30 pm. Get home and eat food and I don’t want to head straight to bed after eating a full-on dinner meal.
So I stay up till 12-1 sometimes 2 after getting off and head to bed. She’s getting mad at me for not going straight to bed when I get home and I’m trying to explain to her I need time to kind of detox myself from the busy night of work and can’t just go straight to bed, especially after eating.
She said that I always have an excuse and doesn’t listen to me when I try to communicate that I get home when she’s already passing out and has had 3-4 hours herself to relax before going to bed. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if it’s way past my “bedtime” when I’m getting home, I always need time to unwind and can never go directly to bed. Sounds like you need to unwind too and I hope you find a way to explain that to her. It’s also not good to go to bed right after eating.
If you’re waking her up and she has trouble getting back to sleep and that’s why she’s mad, then you need two beds! You both work two different shifts so it only makes sense you have two different sleep schedules. Have a talk with her and find out why it is a problem for her that you go to bed when you do.
Maybe you both can find some balance.” bluemonker0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t get why every comment so far wants you, and only you, to make changes and compromises. She has every opportunity to do so as well. She can take a nap for one or two hours after she gets home and take 30-60 minutes at night to spend time with you before going to bed. That is no more unreasonable than you taking a similar time to snuggle with her in bed before getting up to be awake for a few more hours.
I agree with another commenter that relationships need to be flexible, but that means that BOTH parties need to be flexible, and it seems like your partner wants you to be the only one making changes. Why can’t she get ready for bed, put on her PJs, and then snuggle with you on the couch for a while before going to bed?
That’s absolutely no more of an effort or a more problematic impact on rhythm than you snuggling with her in bed for an equal amount of time and then getting up again. Or maybe alternate those two? It’s extremely unfair of her to want you to make all the effort.
That’s not how it works, and her schedule and rhythm aren’t any more important than yours.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mate, I feel you 100% I work night shifts 21:30-7:30 while my partner works normal hours. Often I just need to relax and do my thing doing five of these a week.
My partner gets pretty annoyed sometimes that I don’t want to come in the door and cuddle in bed after finishing a busy night shift. With a bit of communication and just explaining that I need some me time as well as to feel like I have a life outside of ‘work, sleep then repeat’ we made a compromise and found a balance.
What I do try to remember though is it’s a good thing your partner wants time with you, plenty of people go home to an empty or worse an unloving environment. A gratitude attitude helps me sometimes haha. Find a balance with her but don’t feel bad for how you feel, completely understandable.” twerkingiswerking
17. AITJ For Eating All My Food At A Chinese Restaurant?
“My friend and I (neither of us is Chinese) were out eating dim sum at a Chinese restaurant the other day.
We were almost finished eating and he said to me, “Apparently in Chinese culture, it’s rude to finish everything that’s served and clear the plates, as it indicates that you weren’t fed enough. Let’s just leave this last dumpling on the plate.”
I reply to him with “What the heck?
I can still eat, I’m paying my money for it, I’m eating it.”
After a little back and forth, I just toss the dumpling in my mouth to end the argument. He was upset that I did that and told me that I was so rude.
AITJ for being culturally insensitive?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ did he mix up some other culture instead? In East Asian cultures leaving food behind is actually pretty rude and considered wasteful – but that’s mainly for in a home and like doing it in front of someone’s mom (it’s a face-saving thing).
In restaurants, people are sloppy all the time and either take leftovers home or just quietly accept whatever judgments are silently given (the Look – if you know you know) but no one really cares at the end of the day except maybe the people with you who really hate getting The Look.” mignyau
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I made this mistake when I was visiting Russia and stayed with a Russian family for one night as a teenager. I ate everything on my plate and they offered more. I was super hungry so I accepted and finished the second serving.
The family looked at me funny and offered even more of course. At this point I refused. Later I learned that in Russia it’s polite to leave a little food on your plate which is the complete opposite of my culture. I don’t think I was a jerk that time in Russia, I just didn’t know and I was completely respectful.
The food was great and I let them know. Had I known I would’ve followed this rule but I was young and didn’t get it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are right about “you paid for it, you eat it” and also, anything you leave at the restaurant is going to the trash so it is wasteful and terrible manners if you leave food on the table that you could have finished or taken home with you.
I think it’s a very specific use case for the ‘leave the last serving’ to apply. Asian meals are usually served family style and you take what you want to eat on your own plate. It is considered rude to not finish the food on your plate since the leftovers will be going to the trash and you are expected to either know how much you can eat or take smaller servings.
Anything left in the serving bowls is saved for leftovers. The debate comes in when you are visiting someone else’s home (family/friends/acquaintances) for a meal and it is considered “good” manners to not be the last person to finish the food in the shared bowl.
It will, more than likely, be filled up by the host again but if that was the last serving cooked then it makes you come across as gluttonous and makes the host feel under-prepared. This would also not apply if it was something like a potluck.
Then the age of everyone at the table also comes into picture because it’s considered rude for the younger folks or the kids of the table to take the last serving because it’s not considered good manners if the elders wanted some of it.
It is also then a matter of whether it’s the host family’s kid or the visiting party. The nuances can go on so the short version became “leave the last serving”. I am Asian and grew up with similar teachings (have also been reprimanded for taking the last serving a few times lol) however these are slowly getting deprecated.” diynoob18
16. AITJ For Yelling At My Parents After They Confiscated My Phone Due To My Grades?
“I (16M) got my phone taken away for having “bad grades” by my parents. For context, I’m a pretty sporty/athletic kid who well let’s just say isn’t going to Harvard anytime soon. I get roughly Bs and As but not many As.
I think my grades are fine and I don’t see a reason why it would be taken away. Also, my phone is an iPhone 12, which I had saved years for which I got earlier this year.
So the day report cards came home, I went to my room and heard a knock on the door then my parents barging in.
They said, “Your grades haven’t met our standards, we will be taking your phone until they improve.” Now obviously I wasn’t happy about this and asked why, but they just didn’t respond. That’s when I snapped and said “I paid for this phone, you don’t get to take it away.” However, now I’m grounded and can’t go out with friends, I’m starting to think I’m the jerk and overreacted.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“They shouldn’t take the phone, but if they are paying for your service that is their option. Also, NTJ, since Bs are good. Did you know this would be a consequence? Parents are jerks if punishment/consequence is not established or discussed prior.
But yelling at your parents will rarely get you your way. It tends to put us on the defensive (sad but true). My advice is to sit down, discuss with them how you feel this is unfair & present options like you can remove service if I don’t get a 3.0 or whatever.
When you take emotion out of negotiations it gives you the edge. Be mature, calm, and best of luck.” KillerCupcakeMomma
Another User Comments:
“I just have a question. You say you bought your phone (good for you!) but are you paying for the service too?
Or did you buy your phone but your parents are paying for the service? I would say NTJ, regardless of the answer to that question. I don’t know what your parents’ standards are and I understand some have higher standards but if you bought your phone, they don’t have a right to take it away.
Now, if you bought it and they still pay for the service, it would be more understandable if you kept your phone but they suspended the service on it since that is what they are paying for. Unfortunately, you are a teenager and for some reason as a 16-year-old, you don’t have many rights.
Maybe persuade them to give the phone back since you did buy it yourself but they can just call in and suspend service. With an iPhone, you can still pretty much do everything on WIFI so who cares.” biancasann
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can go to Harvard with A’s and B’s and a well-rounded background and a good essay but that’s beside the point.
Legally you don’t have property at 16. I learned that the hard way when my parents took my phone and called the cops on me when I was a kid. I bought the phone and paid the bill. I think it was even in my name since it was with Boost back when it like first came out.
When the cops came I specifically asked about pressing charges for theft since it’s my phone but since they were my guardians they told me I had no standing since it’s technically their property. Unless I was emancipated. But either way, you are just a teen being a teen with really unhealthy standards.
The best student I ever went to school with was a kid named Dale who refused to get anything higher than a C. Kid calculated how many questions on a test he had to answer. Got everything right and was incredibly smart. Just didn’t want to put unnecessary effort in.
I was an A student who to this day still deals with perfectionism and burnout. I wish I learned more from Dale and just cruised through school.” ContributionNo2778
15. AITJ For Not Tipping After The Waitress Spilled Hot Coffee On My Mom?
“The waitress spills hot coffee on my mom’s nice pants. She apologizes and hands Mom a soaked dirty towel to mop it up (which is basically useless). We go on with the meal. At the end, we put down $30 for the bill which is $29 something.
The waitress asks if we want the change, and Mom is polite but honest that we are not going to tip after how things went. The waitress gets huffy, then goes table to table shaming us to random customers for not tipping, ostensibly leaving out the coffee part.
Am I (are we) the jerk?
Context, for whatever you wanna make of it: this is supposedly the top breakfast restaurant in town; the town is pretty white; we are black, only black people in the restaurant.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she spilled the coffee.
It doesn’t matter if it was a mistake or not she spilled a hot beverage onto your mom. If your mom got bad burns she could sue the establishment and the waitress. She went round badmouthing you and your mom to strangers, that’s rude and bad customer service.
The tipping bit depends, in the UK we only tip if we think the service was good and deserves a tip. In the US it’s more expected and considered rude if you don’t definitely complain to management about it.” Faolan67
Another User Comments:
“I’m not from the US so I would undoubtedly say NTJ – in the UK you only tip when you believe the service or food was exceptional, and in this instance, it wasn’t.
However, I realize that tipping culture in the US is different and it’s the norm to do so regardless of service.” cactus192726
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but telling her you’re not tipping was a little aggressive. Like usually when service is bad, people just tip less (or don’t tip at all) and just leave.
Like you could have just said no we don’t need change and left instead of telling her she’s not getting a tip. She’s obviously the jerk how she reacted and for not doing more to help with the clean up, but you didn’t need to go out of your way to tell her you aren’t tipping.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Wanting To Take In A Stray Cat That Keeps Coming To My House?
“Last month my partner and I decided to carve pumpkins outside my house and while we were getting the pumpkins from the car, we saw a cat across the street.
Like any sane person, I started making kissing noises at it and it actually ran over to us! It was super sweet, purring, doing biscuits and actually chilled with us for an hour or two while we carved pumpkins. We went to the store to get a few things and to get some dinner and when we came back the cat was still on my porch.
Almost every day it came back for more love and some treats. My city has a neighborhood social media group so I posted a pic of it to see if anyone was missing it with no luck. A few days later we took it to the vet and found out she’s a girl!
She also didn’t have a microchip or a collar. The next day I bought her a collar and ordered an outdoor heated cat house because I can’t bring her inside (I still live with my mom but I’m trying to move out soon).
The next morning when I went to leave for work, she greeted me and I noticed her cute Halloween collar was gone and replaced with a blue one (no tags).
I was devastated as I had gotten quite attached to her. Still, she came back every day and would even wait outside my house for me to get home from work. About a week later I took the collar off to see if whoever put it on would replace it and they didn’t so about another week later, I put a new one on her.
The next day it was replaced again. My partner removed that collar and it hasn’t been replaced since.
I finally set up the cat house and now she spends a lot of time in it and has become more clingy than ever. She’s been constantly meowing for me and trying to get in the house.
We take her for car rides to get her out of the cold and she loves laying in our laps and looking at all the lights being put up.
Last night it snowed for the first time and she wasn’t waiting outside for me when I came home or when I went to work this morning.
I thought maybe her “owners” had finally taken her in but when I got home around 4 today she was in her little house. It was still snowing and now 32° out. She’s been nonstop meowing and trying to get in. It’s breaking my heart and I’m ready to just hurry up and move out so I can take her.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I think you should make at least one more attempt to find her owner before taking her in. Post again on the social media page. See if there is a Nextdoor group in your neighborhood. Hang some FOUND CAT posters. Give it 5 days.
Then she’s yours. NTJ if you make 1 more genuine attempt to find owners.” Aware_Welcome_8866
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I live in an area where we all have indoor/outdoor cats. They specifically replaced the collar. Even if they haven’t replaced it this time, maybe they assumed the cat keeps taking it off or got stuck.
Also, I have had cats that I try to bring inside and they run out at the first chance because they just prefer it. Now we do force them inside when it’s cold or rainy but again, normal in our neighborhood and we almost all have outside shelters too.
It’s normal for us to all have our cats going to each other’s houses. I often go outside to see a neighbor cat or two picking at some food, even though I know for a fact they are fed and well taken care of. Totally different if you see them being straight-up neglected but yeah YTJ.” pumpk1n-p13
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It ain’t your cat, sorry. My parents had this situation about 20 years ago. A cat from a few houses down completely adopted them. Over the course of a few years, it got to the point where everyone really considered it to be their cat.
Everyone except the real owners’ kids, it turned out. Because, when my parents moved, they took the cat with them. It never even occurred to them not to, since they didn’t think the cat EVER went back to its old home anymore. Well, it only took a few days before the owners showed up at the new house, begging for the cat to be returned. Their two school-aged daughters were heartbroken and thought their beloved cat had died or been taken.
My parents, being the kind and generous people they are, quickly agreed to return the cat, but were surprised because they didn’t think the cat had been back to the old house for years. They explained how it always slept every night at the foot of their daughter’s bed, and had a favorite chair in the living room, etc…
Apparently, the cat had simply been double-dipping on food and love the whole time, spending its days curled up on my dad’s lap as he worked at his home office, then running off at night to hop into bed with it’s favorite little girl. I miss that cat, but it brings me a lot of peace imagining how much joy he brought that little girl.” Reddit User
13. AITJ For Not Putting My Group Members' Names On Our Assignment When They Didn't Contribute?
“I am a high school senior. For first period I have English 4, we all had to do a group assignment and it was a group discussion and after the discussion, we had to answer the 5-6 questions the teacher gave us.
After 15 minutes, (after the teacher handed us the assignment) the group did not do anything, not even touch the paper.
There are two guys and one girl. The two guys were on their phone playing video games while the girl was just scrolling on social media. So I decided to take responsibility by taking the paper and doing the work. Mind you, I tried to make them contribute by asking them questions, but they weren’t answering me.
After 20 minutes, I finished the questions and had the paper near me, I put my name and claimed to be finished, but the group expected me to put their names as well when they did not help me at all. They left the work to me but expected me to put their names on it since we are a group.
Today, I walked into class and it seems like they’re all ignoring me, apparently one of the guys told me that it was my fault that they didn’t contribute and that all I did is hog the paper, but the paper was in front of the guys for 15 minutes.
I keep thinking, but I don’t know, Am I really the jerk???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Former HS teacher here. You should have informed the teacher at the end of the period or when you turned in the paper. Explain the situation and leave it to the teacher to resolve.
It’s not your job to motivate your classmates. It’s also not the teacher’s job to motivate them, especially when they’re Seniors or even Juniors. The teacher’s job is to assign a grade based on the work submitted. Sit elsewhere or ask to be moved if there are assigned seats.
Ask to not be put in a group with those same students again. Beyond that, there’s nothing else you can or should do.” One-Warthog3063
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because they are not happy doesn’t mean you are in the wrong. They are not happy because they bet on you doing all the work and then being weak enough to put their names on the paper.
They lost the bet and are now paying the price. Just tell them straight up that they chose to ignore your questions and watch you do all the work. What did they expect to happen? They tried it on. It didn’t work. They know it.
You know it.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP, there were times when I was in school still (I’m not quite 23 yet, dang that makes me feel older than I am lol) that I was in your position. Where I was put into groups for an assignment and did most if not all of the work.
And the best advice I can give is similar to what one former teacher commented, let the teacher know, and let them handle it from there. However, in that same respect, I can understand not knowing how to go about saying something either. And in that same flip of a coin though, your fellow classmates you “worked on the project with” have no right to be upset or offended when they didn’t contribute.
Especially since you asked the other 3 students multiple times about different things and questions on the assignment. That concept is genuinely laughable to me. And I thoroughly admit this isn’t very adult of me to say about high schoolers, but I’d say this about adults too.
Especially having asked them multiple times and still getting ignored, but expecting their names to be put down honestly makes them look like clowns.” Fantastic_Mammoth797
12. AITJ For Being Upset At My Best Friend For Gaslighting Me Over An Open Hotel Door?
“I 40f have been best friends with 46m for 7 years. This past weekend I vended at a board game convention that my bestie helped me get into because I didn’t have enough to cover the cost. He paid for half saying that he’d be spending that much to attend the convention anyway.
We had both been very excited about this event since we hadn’t spent an extended amount of time with each other in years.
I get to the show Wednesday afternoon and unload my stuff. Bestie gets to the show after 6. We play 2 games with his other friends.
After we go have dinner and then head back. I was super tired and sore after setting up so I wanted to rest. I went to bed and he came in around 2 am.
The next day I felt much better and when the booths closed we went to get food and then back for games.
I mentioned a party game I was interested in playing the night before so he said we should do that. We couldn’t find anyone else to play with and I could see he was getting bored. He said he’d like to go play something else more difficult that I might not like.
I told him that was fine I could watch or go to bed.
The next day, Friday he was leaving for a meeting 7 hours away and wouldn’t be back until the next day. This is kinda normal for him.
Saturday I text him late in the evening to see if he’s coming back.
He’s at an Aggie game 4 hours away. He gets in around 2 am.
The next morning I hear him leave around 6 am. Little bit later I have to pee. On the way to the bathroom, I notice the hotel door is not closed all the way.
Freaks me out a bit because this isn’t a very safe town.
Later that afternoon bestie comes into the booth to talk. I tell him that I’m upset. I say “when you left this morning you left the door open. I know it was an accident but it really bothered me.” He tells me “it didn’t happen” while chuckling.
But he continues to say it didn’t happen two more times. I asked, “so what am I just lying?” He doesn’t answer. I’m too upset to talk more about it. I load the car and go home.
Today I send him a message saying how much I appreciated his help but I felt like I still had the right to be upset with what happened Sunday.
I reminded him it wasn’t the act itself because it was a mistake. The problem was the gaslighting. And how I gave him plenty of opportunities to fix things if it was just a bad joke. He responds with an apology about leaving the door open.
Then about how we’ve grown apart and things don’t feel natural anymore. I restate that I wasn’t mad about the door just the gaslighting. Then remind him he wasn’t there for half the event and if he felt that way he didn’t have to continue being my friend.
He said that if I believe he gaslit me then we no longer were friends. He says I’m creating this drama and it’s not necessary. I don’t feel like I handled this badly. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had every right to be upset and he should have taken it very seriously and apologized for causing you to feel unsafe!
I mean, having a locked and secured room while staying in a hotel is very important! The thought of someone strange seeing a door left ajar and possibly entering the room is terrifying! His “it didn’t happen” reaction wasn’t funny or witty. He needs to grow up and take ownership for his mistake.
And now he’s behaving like a spoiled brat! It’s sad that he is letting one incident result in the loss of someone he once called his best friend. Friends don’t treat each other that way. Maybe he has a different understanding of “best friends” than you do.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“I understand you are upset, and that is valid. I will also state, that I have been in hotels, 3-4 stars, where they will close, or appear to close, but not all the way. He believes he closed the door, which I am sure he did, however, the door did not ‘fully close’.
Which is why he states ‘it didn’t happen’. He is not trying to gaslight you. Words matter here. When you state ‘the door was open’, this paints a picture there was a visible gap, from an inch to fully open. Better would have been ‘By the way, the door did not fully close when you left, we need to give a tug to ensure it closes’.
Not accusatory, just stating a fact.” Whosker72
Another User Comments:
“For starters, he could have thought he closed the door. Words matter. Before accusing someone or just “coming at them”, plan what you are going to say instead of letting your mind and feelings run away with you.
Maybe next time say “Today when I woke up I noticed the door was not all the way shut, which you probably thought it was, can you double-check it next time? Thanks”. There is no accusing in that sentence. For all I know the guy could also be gaslighting you.
But if you have a problem that you need to address go about it in a safe manner and not in a hostile or attacking way. He definitely should have just apologized. He is right though, you are not dropping it and making it bigger.
I am in no way saying your safety is not important. The door open is very dangerous. But if he really thinks he shut the door and you are coming up at him upset and in an attacking way without dropping it basically accusing him of lying and not caring about your safety, you look crazy to him.
Maybe call him up and rearrange your words if you think this is a misunderstanding. You know him and his patterns in his personality. If gaslighting and not accepting his actions is a thing normally then there is not a misunderstanding. But if these things are not normally his personality you should probably apologize for handling it the way you did.” Ferret0376390
11. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Partner For Cancelling Last Minute On Helping Me With Work?
“My partner (of 5 years) was supposed to help with work today, I am a small business owner of a lifestyle/home decor company. We are launching a new product and I initially hired a videographer to do the video, but the video he made was not good nor what I was looking for so last minute I decided to do the video myself.
I needed another person to help me with the filming (as the video could not be filmed on a tripod, tried wasn’t happy with the result) the filming would have not taken more than 30-45min. I asked him yesterday morning if he was available to help me the next day, telling him that I need to film it tomorrow and it has to be during the day because of the light.
He told me he was free tomorrow and will help me.
Fast forward to today, I wait for him to wake up and I ask him what time works best for him to go and shoot the video, and he tells me that he won’t have time today as he just agreed to meet a friend for lunch and afterward he made plans to play basketball with friends and told me we can do it tomorrow instead.
Safe to say I got really angry at him, as he canceled on me last minute, leaving me in a stupid position where I had to figure out a way to film the video very last minute.
We got into a huge argument. He claims that I am overreacting and blowing things out of proportion.
While I think what he did is rude and unfair, as he made plans with me prior to making plans with his friends, plus it was work-related stuff that he canceled on, and he could have just simply moved the meeting with his friend for an hour later or rescheduled it for later that day or the next day.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave him an offer to assist and he said he would. It’s kind of bad for him to back out and leave you without a camera person. Whether he’s getting paid for it or not is beside the point he agreed to help you.
And yeah it sucks when somebody commits to doing something and then backs out because of some kind of a scheduling conflict like he had which really doesn’t even sound like it’s a scheduling conflict more than it does. He committed to doing something and now is just pulling out and there doesn’t seem to be a clear reason why at least not that’s stated.” AnonAnontheAnony
Another User Comments:
“INFO – how unusual was this? Or to reframe: how normal is it for you to ask for his help in something, he agrees to help, and then last minute cancels for plans that were made after the agreement? Specifically that, and not times he forgot he had other prior plans, or that uncontrollable stuff came up (car broke down, got injured, something serious at work he has to attend, etc.) – how normal is this specific thing?
Is it rare? Is this common? Then, two related questions for contextualizing the INFO being requested here. Does he ever ask you for help with stuff as a thing? If he does, how often do you carry through on that commitment? Helping us strangers on AITJ understand your situation better by way of directly comparable data on each side can help a lot.” WellPricklyMyCactus
Another User Comments:
“Everybody’s a jerk here. Yes, he canceled on you last minute, but you also asked for his help at the very last minute. You did not plan this whole thing very well at all. You knew this was coming up, and you knew that you didn’t like the work of the videographer, so you should’ve postponed the launch and found another professional. Asking him the day before is pretty unprofessional, and you weren’t paying him anyway.
He also should not have planned lunch or basketball after he committed to doing something for you. So everyone’s a jerk. But in the future, your job is your responsibility. Honestly, though, with how last-minute you were, I’m not that surprised that he didn’t think it was that serious.
If it was such a big deal, you should have had more advanced plans. He treated it like it wasn’t a big deal because you also treated it like it wasn’t a big deal. He really followed your lead on this. I know you say that you reached out to a videographer three weeks ago, but most businesses would be operating on a timescale of months, not weeks.
Also…..is this an MLM?” FindAriadne
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Shake Hands With An Elderly Church Member?
“Where I (26M) currently go to church, there’s this elderly man, I’ll call W (probably in his 80s, or older). He sits in the foyer because I think presumably, he finds it difficult to walk to the auditorium, and he has a clear view of the entrance door when he sits.
To cut to the chase, W is the kind to always call peoples’ names excitedly and wants to shake hands, and he has a habit of grabbing one’s hand with both of his when people do shake hands with him. And sometimes, he’ll pull them in for a hug.
He tends to call me “Brother OP.” I guess it’s an elderly church thing among men to call people “Brother”.
He makes me uncomfortable, as I do not feel he respects my boundaries. I am not one to shake hands at all, and I usually wait for people to offer it to me, and meeting people does make me a bit uncomfortable, but no one else really pulls me in for a hug (except for him) unless I’m really good friends with the person.
It just takes a long while for me to get used to a person.
In W’s case, I’ve tried to just give fist bumps, but he insists I shake his hand. I’ve had to fake sickness and coughing just to avoid it, which he accepts (with visible disappointment).
If I don’t fake sickness he’ll keep on insisting I shake his hand to the point of annoyance.
I did talk to my younger brother about it (since he also puts up with him and is also a bit uncomfortable with hugging or people like W), and he told me that I should just let it go because W is old, and he’s probably lonely, etc. I always just thought that since I’m my own person, I have my own autonomy and it’s my choice to hug or shake hands, etc. And no one has a right to me doing that, regardless of age.
I’m really close to saying, “Well if you don’t want a fist bump for me, then bye. Have a good day”. Then leaving. Or simply leaving and ignoring him. Or try to see if I can more firmly state, “Fist Bump Only” towards him.
So WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. But it’s both a generational thing and likely just a mental health thing. I doubt he sits in the foyer just because he can’t make it to the auditorium. He probably sits there because he gets social interaction. Your brother is right – he seems lonely.
You aren’t a jerk for wanting your boundaries to be enforced, but it does make you callous. Unless you have a health condition (including mental health reasons) denying what sounds like a nice older man a handshake in the last days of his life is pretty cold.
A little kindness goes a long way, and there is some irony that this is occurring in a church.” Mobile_Following_198
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A handshake is not an intimate act. It is an almost universally accepted greeting worldwide for strangers and friends alike.
It is the norm in business, communities, and among friends. If you can’t get used to shaking hands, you are the problem. This sweet old man deserves the respect of a handshake, not a rude brush-off and a scolding about your precious boundaries. Be a grownup.
Shake hands with an elder. Show respect and comply with a very ordinary social norm. If you can’t do that, you need to see a therapist for your social anxiety or disorder. But do not take it out on this elderly man, who is a better guy than you are.” Euphoric_Travel2541
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The old man seems sweet, and lonely and just wants to converse with people on a holy day. If there’s one place that should always feel warm and welcoming, it’s a church (of any kind). INFO: have you tried politely telling him you’re uncomfortable with physical contact?
Just giving him a smile and happily saying “it’s so good to see you! I’m actually uncomfortable with hugs and handshakes, let’s do fist bumps/high fives from now on. Always happy to hear your voice!”
The only thing that’s leaning you slightly towards being a jerk is your mindset here.
You come across a bit like being kind to the elder is an inconvenience, and that communication on your feelings wasn’t even on the table for you (jumping to faking illnesses and rudely shutting the man down instead of just talking about it). There is a difference generationally with friendly expectations for sure, and you’re not wrong to not want physical contact.
But I think you might be taking too much personal offense to the man’s acts of kindness. He simply just may not know it makes you uncomfortable and is genuinely happy to see you. If there’s anything the world needs more of, it’s people being kind and friendly to each other.” _eilistraee
9. AITJ For Not Giving My Friend A Ride Home On Her Birthday Due To Parking Issues?
“I (F) live in one of the biggest major cities in the US. Parking is already a pain but where I live finding parking is PAINSTAKING. Essentially if you have a car here your life has to operate around the parking situation.
If you’re driving on the weekdays, you have to be in and out to beat the 9-5ers for parking. And forget about even using your car on the weekends or you’ll be circling the block for hours. Okay, important context done.
My friend B invited a group of us out for her birthday dinner.
One person drove, a few people used ride-sharing apps (including her), and I just walked to the restaurant because it was close enough to where I live. It was a fun time and the person who drove had to leave early, taking one of the people who used ride-sharing apps since they lived close to each other.
That kind of ended the night so we were all figuring out how to get home. The last three people decided to use a ride-sharing app together with multiple stops and invited B to come with. But she didn’t feel comfortable being the last person alone on the ride (since she lived the farthest) and had also spent quite a bit on birthday festivities so didn’t want to spend more money that evening, even if the cost of the ride was split.
So she turned to me because she knew I lived so close and asked if I could drop her off at hers. It was already half past 10 pm at that point so I knew I wouldn’t find parking anywhere near me when I got back.
My exact reply was “I’m sorry, if I move my car I won’t have parking when I get back but I’m happy to pitch in or cover a ride back completely to yours.”
B wasn’t very happy and said she didn’t want to be in a car alone with a random when she’s been drinking, and I’m not thinking about her safety and acting selfishly towards the birthday person.
I think those are all valid points but I really couldn’t express how dire the parking situation was around me.
She ended up feeling comfortable enough to use a ride-sharing app home as long as I tracked her ride, and I ended up covering it completely.
But she hasn’t responded to me since. So AITJ should I have just given her a ride since it was her birthday after all??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a hard one to be honest. I understand her perspective. But as a female, I ALWAYS ensure I have a ride and everything is worked out before I drink.
I wouldn’t even walk to my car after dark at Uni by myself after I was followed once. The guy assaulted a girl the next week. So I understand your friend’s fear. Maybe this will teach her to be prepared next time. Sad that we even have to think this way.
You did pay for the ride and tracked her, so you did your best in the situation.” Tally0987654321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t a tough one at all! She used a ride-sharing app for the get-together so she was comfortable being alone in a car with a stranger.
She chose to drink and put herself in a position where she wouldn’t feel comfortable taking a ride home. She chose to spend all that money on her birthday festivities. This is all on her. Your response to her asking for a ride should’ve been, “I’m sorry my car’s not available”.
Period. If anything, I think she took advantage of you by guilting you into paying for her ride. She doesn’t sound like much of a friend.” KezarLake
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My girls were always told they were responsible for their own safety. If they go out at night further than a walk from home, they should plan ahead about the journey home and always save enough cash for cab fare.
OP’s friend was ridiculous because she knew the situation before the end of the night but just expected someone to run to her rescue. OP had no advance warning, so she could easily have been over the drink-drive limit for driving anywhere.” Gnarly_314
8. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Estranged Mother's 70th Birthday Party?
“My family wants me to fly out of state to attend my mother’s 70th birthday.
We have been estranged since 2022 when she called me a “piece of trash” for having lunch with my sisters when we were in NY celebrating my son’s high school graduation with our family.
Since we live 2000 miles away we rarely get home. My mother was angry that she had to babysit my sister’s kids (although she volunteered) instead of having lunch with us.
We have only spoken briefly and infrequently since then.
Last year my dad turned 70. I was in Canada and near home so I drove to his birthday party. My dad and I have had a tenuous relationship (he married my mom when I was 6 – my bio dad died when I was 2) but he has made a lot of effort to fix our relationship.
I was happy to celebrate him.
While I was there I did speak to my mom who agreed to some of the requests I made (better communication, effort on her behalf to show interest in me and my family, etc) – this was Nov 2023 and she did not contact me again until March 2024 – she said “it was a good day to move forward.” I agreed – said I was happy to hear it – and then she never contacted me again.
I turned 50 this summer and my sisters flew out to surprise me. My mother did not come as we were not on speaking terms AND it was at a bar with drinks, generally wild behavior. I was not upset AT ALL that she didn’t come – I didn’t want her there – but she then proceeded to completely ignore my birthday.
Didn’t send a card, a text, make a call, or a gift – just no acknowledgment whatsoever that I even turned 50.
Now, she is turning 70 in a few weeks. I told my sisters early on while they were planning that I would not attend unless our mom invited me directly and apologized for her behavior.
I never heard anything from my mom. Now my dad is sending me texts offering to pay for me to fly home to celebrate her birthday. My sisters are heavily pressuring me to “be the bigger person” and come or “Mom may never forgive you.”
This has been a lifelong pattern for us. I am the perpetual scapegoat and black sheep of our family. I quite honestly don’t think I should have to go so she can “save face” because she’s embarrassed people will know I came for my Dad but not for her.
I told my family as much and offered to send my kids (15 and 20) in my place. I am also already very busy the weekend they planned this – I have 3 parties of my own where I live with my friends – and I’m hosting one of them.
I honestly feel like they are asking me to once again “forgive” her for terrible behavior and I feel like if I do show I’m destroying the boundaries I’ve set and opening myself up again for her to treat me terribly. I’ve done so much therapy to move past this and don’t want to set myself back.
Plus – I am ALWAYS the bigger person – time and time again – and her behavior never changes.
Am I the jerk for not giving into my family and flying in for my mother’s bday?”
Another User Comments:
“Be the bigger person = completely ignore all the junk that has been thrown at you and pretend that you weren’t hurt, or insulted and have a genuine (or whole bucket of) grievance(s).
If you don’t want to go then don’t – you’ll spend two days traveling to spend a few hours annoyed, biting your tongue and thinking you’d have been better off swimming through a lake full of gators (it would be safer, after all).
NTJ.” East_Parking8340
Another User Comments:
“OP, your mother doesn’t give a flying eff about you and, apparently, never has. I’m guessing that your presence at this shindig is for Instagram moments to portray what never was. To put it more bluntly, even though she has never cared for you, your egg donor doesn’t want others to know.
It isn’t your job to whitewash your family history into a fairy tale that never was. So, go if you want to see other family members. Be civil and distant to the egg donor. And, whether you go or not, NTJ.” WildBlue2525Potato
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Op, if you don’t want to go, don’t go. It could be argued that you ARE being the bigger person by being honest about the situation and clear about what needs to happen to fix it, while she, the smaller person, just ignores you.
Tell your sisters you just can’t be there, and even tell a fib about having to work (or something) so they’ll stop trying to guilt you. It won’t matter if they believe you or not. Also, if you DO want to go for non-mom reasons (like to see the other family, make dates with your friends… then take your dad’s money and go.
Be polite to your mom but keep yourself to yourself with her.” WantToBelieveInMagic
7. AITJ For Not Paying For My Friend's Chewed Ugg Slippers When Her Dog Destroyed My Belongings?
“I moved in with my friend and we both have dogs. My dog was crated for short periods of time when out and her dog in this time caused havoc in the house, chewing on walls, flooring, getting stuff out of cupboards and off the sides.
During this time quite a few of my belongings got destroyed. At the time she had offered the money but didn’t seem very willing and told me to stop leaving stuff in his reach – which was difficult as he was getting stuff out of cupboards!
She never gave me the money and I never asked as I was made to feel like it was my fault and didn’t want to beg for it.
Fast forward to now, she leaves her Ugg slippers out and my dog nibbles the end of one – not unwearable and not unfixable, also bear in mind she has told me she wants new ones as hers look like they’ve survived a war.
I apologized and offered some money not expecting her to want some considering the above.
However now she has messaged asking me to transfer money for the Uggs – I’m stuck because obviously I feel bad and don’t want things to be awkward but considering she never paid for my stuff that got destroyed and told me not to leave out I’m less inclined to pay.
I’m happy to give a small amount but when I’ve spoken to other friends they’ve told me not to until she gives me the money for my items that got ruined – which is clearly never going to happen. If it was a brand new pair that she had no intentions of replacing I would be more inclined but it just feels like she almost left them out to get chewed so she didn’t have to pay for them.
AITJ for not giving her the money?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You both need to train your dogs how to behave. Their destroying stuff isn’t their fault. Your respective dogs are bored. They aren’t getting enough exercise. They aren’t being given more appropriate dog toys to chew.
Sure you should both be responsible for the damage your dogs cause. But more important you are both responsible for the life your dogs lead. You both need to do better.” Waste_Worker6122
Another User Comments:
“You never asked her to pay for stuff as you said yourself… YTJ grow a spine… just because you didn’t ask for money doesn’t mean you don’t have to pay up when she asks.
And teach your dogs not to chew on stuff… as a dog owner it’s your responsibility to teach your dog if you’re unable or unwilling to do so you either pay up when your dog destroys things and the person wants it replaced or you should just not have a dog as you obviously aren’t responsible enough for one.” Due-Passenger7093
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you didn’t want to give her money you shouldn’t have offered it. If you wanted money for your belongings, you should have followed up about it. You both need to train your dogs better, and she doesn’t sound great but in this particular situation, refusing to pay once you’ve already offered would very clearly make you the jerk.
You can of course have a conversation with her about the money she owes you, but given how long it’s been, expect her to have some strong feelings about it.” smokein2thedark
6. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Use The Bathroom Before My Partner's Shower?
“It is 6 am my partner (45M) and I (33F) are chatting in the kitchen as they have recently come home from a 12-hour night shift in manufacturing. My partner was telling me their plan to shower and get to bed quickly this morning. As we are talking my daughter (7) wakes up and heads to the bathroom with the shower.
We have a half bath in the basement away from the bedrooms.
I say nothing to her. My partner comments that it is nonsense that I allowed her to do that. I state that she will only be a moment. She ends up taking less than 5 minutes, likely close to 3 tops.
She goes back to bed and he hops in the shower. While in the shower my partner reminds me we have talked about this before and they shouldn’t have to bring it up.
He believes that she should not be using the bathroom he needs to get ready for bed (or work) at any point during the time he will be in and out of it.
I have been told I am inconsiderate for allowing her to get away with this behavior.
So, AITJ for believing a quick trip to the bathroom is reasonable?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, NTJ. But, the man clearly has no idea what it’s like to live with a kid.
This issue isn’t that deep, kiddo’s not taking 20 minutes, sounds like they’re doing the quick morning pee routine, again it’s a nonissue. Is this an isolated issue that he just can’t get passed, or is he this nit-picky with more things to do with your kiddo?
Are you positive this is the ‘stepdad’ energy you want around your kid?” Gileswasright
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not calling out his behavior and defending your daughter a year ago! It also sounds like you didn’t call it out again so he’s still thinking you’re in agreement.
My husband got back from a 12-hour night shift this morning, we also have a bathroom downstairs away from the bedrooms. Our daughter had to go to the toilet just as he was starting to get ready for bed. Do you know what he said?
NOTHING! Because a sleepy little kid should be able to go to the toilet without having to check the time and day to figure out if someone MIGHT use the bathroom. If he did say something, guess who’d be using the other bathroom – not my daughter that’s for sure!
Next thing he’ll be angry because she’s wetting the bed rather than deal with the toilet anxiety he gives her.” Bright_Aid6048
Another User Comments:
“You have a lot of issues with your partner. You are not crazy, he’s a jerk. There’s a reason why he can’t find a woman closer to his own age because no woman his age would put up with his nonsense.
You state in another post that you got together while navigating divorce and child custody. Woman, you need to not be in a relationship until you figure out your worth. And trust me you’re worth more than your current partner is willing to give you.
You should figure out WHO you are and what you want and deserve in a partner and Don’t SETTLE FOR LESS. Can’t believe he said you need to do something about your daughter’s behavior. Your daughter is a CHILD and the only behavior she was exhibiting was doing something so normal as a bodily function and he has a tantrum about it?
Do better and protect your child.” GardenSafe8519
5. AITJ For Demanding Information About My Biological Father From My Mom?
“I 33M have never been given any information about my biological father. My mom knows who he is but will not give that information to anyone. My grandparents on her side have long since passed. The only information she will give me is that he died back in his early twenties.
I don’t have his name. I don’t have any information on his family. I don’t know for sure that he didn’t have other kids. According to my mom, he didn’t, but since I can’t get any info about him, I don’t know that for sure.
She says that any potential genetic defects are pretty much covered by her family.
This has been an argument for my whole life. She absolutely refuses to give anyone any information about him. All she will say is that she has kept this information from everyone for over 30 years and that should tell me that she has a good reason.
It just doesn’t make any logical sense to me. I just want to know more about where I come from. I also want to know if there’s anything I should be looking out for in my medical history. So AITJ for demanding the information?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are the one person this information should not be kept from. My mother kept my father’s identity a secret from her family, but as soon as I asked for information, she provided it. Frankly, your mother’s refusal makes me suspicious of what she has told you.” JeathroTheHutt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But do be aware that she may have very good reasons for not wanting to say anything. You can always consider a DNA test, though there are massive privacy concerns about your data then being sold.” InAppropriate-meal
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to withhold judgment since we don’t know why your mom is withholding information.
We don’t know what she went through with your bio dad and maybe doesn’t want to relive it. While you are an adult and can potentially understand and work through any and all issues that come from knowing your bio dad, your mom isn’t there.
I would encourage her to get counseling and maybe that would help her come to terms with your bio dad. This honestly reminds me of the episode of Mom where Anna Faris’s in-show daughter keeps asking about her bio dad and Anna Faris doesn’t want to say anything.
The grandma of the show mentions how abusive bio dad was and they take the daughter to the gravesite where they say bio dad died of a substance misuse. Only for Anna Faris to say to the grandma that wasn’t him and she was protecting her daughter from her abusive bio dad.” midzy91
4. AITJ For Inviting My Partner To Stay Over Thanksgiving After My Father Uninvited Him?
“My (28F) family is having Thanksgiving in my city since both I and a distant relative (let’s call her Lucy, 80F) and her kids live here (our extended family is very small, so even distant relatives are close). We’re doing it at a restaurant.
My partner of two years (28M) lives about an hour from me and across the country from his parents.
He’s going to be too busy with work to go all the way to his parents’ house and back, so I asked if he could have dinner with us. (If it’s relevant, my parents have met him a number of times, so he’s not a stranger).
I asked my parents first (making clear that I totally understood if they only wanted family at this dinner so they wouldn’t feel bad about saying no), and they said they were fine with it if Lucy was. I then asked Lucy, and she said she was happy to include him.
She made a strange comment about my father probably only wanting family present, but I assured her that I’d already asked him and he was fine with it. I told my partner that he could come.
A few days later, Lucy texted me saying that my father (63M) told her that he didn’t want any non-family present (no other partners are coming) and that he’d never heard anything about my partner coming.
This was, of course, a lie on his part. I texted back that I respect the decision, and it was probably just a misunderstanding. In fact, though, there’s no way it was a misunderstanding. I think my father changed his mind (or maybe he thought Lucy was going to say no anyway and panicked when she said yes), but instead of just talking to me about it, he went behind my back.
This is the sort of thing he does.
Obviously, my partner is the real victim in this, because I had to uninvite him, and that of course hurt his feelings. I told him that if he wanted to, he could of course still come stay at my place over the holiday (my parents are staying in a hotel, not with me) so he wouldn’t have to be alone, although I would understand if he didn’t want to be anywhere near.
He said he’d still come. We agreed that deep down we both kind of want my parents to find out that he’s here so my father will feel bad for uninviting him from dinner, but we’re definitely not going to make a big deal about it.
I talked to an older friend about this whole situation, and she said he shouldn’t come, and that I shouldn’t try to guilt my parents.
Will we be the jerks if he does come? I know ultimately it’s up to him–he was the one who was hurt–but I’m just trying to get some clarity here.”
Another User Comments:
“Does your family not talk to each other? Why do you walk on eggshells with your father? Everyone’s a jerk here. You are 28 years old. Your partner is going to be alone on a major holiday. I’d tell my dad that I’ll pay for his meal, but my partner will be there.
If they say no, eat somewhere else with your partner. I find it cold and uncaring to leave him in a hotel room alone because he isn’t blood-related. How would your partner’s family treat you if your positions were reversed?” Recent_Data_305
Another User Comments:
“With how the question is worded, YTJ. What you should do is call your dad, and verify with him that he told Lucy, who isn’t a close relative, that he doesn’t want your partner there. When he confirms, you say okay, well I am going to have to cancel on your dinner now since I already invited my partner for Thanksgiving, so he and I will do something different for dinner.
Hope you see you and the family while you are in the city. At this point, your dad will either backtrack and invite your partner (still wouldn’t attend) or he will see what his backward behavior has brought around. Do not abandon your partner during Thanksgiving.” needabook55
Another User Comments:
“If I were your partner, not ONLY would I be extremely hurt that 1. Your family seems to unexplainably hate me for no reason (you can say they don’t but that’s still splitting hairs at best) and 2. Instead of standing up and immediately defending me, or at the very least offering to have dinner with me, you stood by your family’s decision and “oh yeah totally if you want I’ll let you pay for the hotel and give you some pity attention outside the MAIN EVENT OF THE HOLIDAY.” Like bruh.
But I’d honestly be questioning the ENTIRE relationship. I’m getting older and need a partner who I can build a life with, do I really want to commit to such a cold selfish family, with a woman who won’t even defend me from them? Yes YTJ unquestionably.
Personally, I would HIGHLY suggest if you want your relationship to last, that you draw a line in the sand. If you don’t have the balls to directly stand up and demand he be allowed then at least announce instead of spending dinner with them, you will now be spending with your partner since it is clear he isn’t welcome (tbh if you add that last bit, that’s the best choice.
But at least uninvite yourself even without a reason explained).” Cackalacky_Crazy
3. AITJ For Leaving My Partner's House Because He Wouldn't Let Me Change His Dirty Bedsheets?
“Last night I (41 F) had planned to stay the night at my partner’s place (39), who lives about an hour away from me.
We went out to watch a band play, had a good time, and grabbed some food on the way back. My partner knows that I’m particular about the bed, and I almost always change his bedsheets when I come over because he rarely changes them.
Well last night, when I was going to change the bed, he wouldn’t let me. He had a dirty, ripped-up fitted sheet that wasn’t even stretched over the entire mattress leaving half of it bare, and the side that was covered was full of big holes revealing the dirty mattress underneath.
I told him there was no way I was sleeping in a bed like that and asked him to let me fix it. It would have taken me 3 minutes, and he didn’t have to do anything. He said the bed was fine; turned out the lights and hopped in.
I continued to beg him to let me put fresh sheets on and threatened to drive home but he said I was being ridiculous. I asked if I could get a blanket to lie on the couch and he threw a dirty stained mattress cover at me and said “use this”.
So I left and drove all the way home, at 2 am.
We had planned to go to his family’s the next morning, but I told him as I was leaving that I wasn’t driving all the way back.
The next morning he was calling me asking why I wasn’t at his family’s as planned. I told him I wasn’t driving all the way back after having to drive home last night.
He said I was rude for not going to his family’s and is now mad at me.”
Another User Comments:
“Any partner who cares about their partner’s comfort would make a decent effort to provide them with a clean bed to sleep on.
That this man expects you to sleep on a dirty mattress, with sheets that are dirty and torn, speaks quite plainly as to the level of effort he is willing to go to in order for you to be comfortable; and add to that, he is actively preventing you from making yourself comfortable even though it would cost him nothing more than a few minutes and absolutely no effort from him.
think about that. NTJ.” Candid-Sense-7523
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. EVERYTHING about that would have me ending the relationship ASAP. He’s 39 and sleeps like that. I’ve seen prison cells (on 60 days in) that were WAYYY cleaner than what you described and then how he threw stuff at you.
Nope.. NOPE.. NOOOOPPE. Bye dirty man. If that’s how he keeps the place he sleeps..what does everywhere else look like? What does his fridge look like? Or the toilet/shower? Is he Oscar from Sesame Street?” Obvious_Huckleberry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But please LEAVE THIS FILTHY MAN.
He is 39 and sleeps on a mattress he’s half-covered with a ripped fitted sheet? On top of that, he does not allow you to make the bed fresh and expect you to sleep in his dingy nest? On top of this, he threw you a filthy mattress cover to use as a blanket when you wanted to sleep on the couch.
Lady, there is no man that is that good that I would stick around in his filth. Do you see a future with someone who is filthy like this? Do you see a future with someone who does not want to see his own flaws?
Do you see a future with someone who will not consider your very normal expectations for hygiene and who doesn’t even properly accommodate you sleeping on the sofa? Throw this whole man back! PS: Also, he KNEW you were going to stay the night yet he did not make the bed let alone with fresh sheets?!
Imagine if you live with him, the standards will be EVEN LOWER.” almalauha
2. AITJ For Not Inviting My Narcissistic Mother To My Final Wedding Dress Fitting?
“I am a 25F planning my wedding for next year. I am very early in the process but have started going dress shopping. For context, I haven’t always had the best relationship with my mom, she tends to be a bit narcissistic and negative towards everything but I’ve learned to get used to it since I was raised by her.
Backstory, I have never felt very “feminine” and usually tend to portray a tomboy vibe. While growing up she would always make comments about my weight or appearance, or even one time while prom dress shopping I said I wanted to feel beautiful in my dress and she said “Well you aren’t beautiful, you’re cute, but you’ll never be “beautiful”.
So moral of the story, the first two times I went dress shopping for my wedding gown I took her with me because I wanted validation from her. And I wanted her to think I looked beautiful (I know it’s dumb to do but it’s a trauma thing and I realize it’s a me issue).
Anyway.. during each of those dress fittings, she wouldn’t say anything necessarily bad or negative but she just overall seemed disinterested or somehow made it about her.. at one point I even broke down crying in the middle of the store because of her lack of presence.
I was very hurt by her lack of interest or maternal warmth so I decided that the next time I went I would try on some dresses without her to just see if I was less anxious or stressed. I happened to find a dress I loved and bought it that day!
It was a much better time overall as well and I enjoyed it! But part of me felt slightly guilty for not including her but mainly upset that she wasn’t offering the emotional support or maternal comfort that I would have hoped to get from my mother, but I got over it.
Until my dad called…
He then told me about how hurt and bothered she is that I didn’t even tell her I was going let alone invite her. And she is embarrassed because her friends are asking for details and she wasn’t made aware of any of them because she wasn’t included in the last dress fitting.
He wants me to apologize to her because I hurt her feelings but she won’t even answer my calls and very briefly will respond to a text with a one-word answer.
I’m seeing her in person tomorrow but I can’t tell if I am the jerk for not including her in a special moment for her also?
Or am I justified in my initial thoughts and actions?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mother is hurt and bothered? She basically took a dump on your first two rounds of dress buying with her horrendous attitude and has made you feel bad about yourself your whole life.
I wouldn’t even mention it unless she demands an apology, at which point I would tell her as soon as she gives one to you. I get basing your self-image on your parents. I really do. But dear, you need to learn yourself for who you are, not the garbage your mother is reflecting back at you with her funhouse mirror.
You deserve that. And if she cannot be kinder, be kind to yourself by going LC with her and any of her flying monkeys she sends at you. NTJ. Have a beautiful wedding.” fiestafan73
Another User Comments:
“If you’re waiting for “maternal warmth” – STOP.
Your mother doesn’t have it to give to you. You’ll never get validation from her. You’re vying for mommy’s approval. Honey, get therapy. If she didn’t approve of you as a youngster, she never will. You’re 25. Look forwards – or backwards.
Your dad wants you to apologize so he won’t have to listen to her rant. If you want to throw him a bone, you could say, “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, but as soon as I saw this dress – I knew it was mine.” She will still complain, but as you mentioned, she does that whether she is with you or not.
Learn this now – you are the only person who needs to be happy with your life and your decisions. I wish she’d be the mom you want, but that’s not how it works. I’m sorry. NTJ.” Recent_Data_305
Another User Comments:
“Oh God, I feel for you! NTJ! I had a similar experience with my own mum wedding dress shopping. My godmother owns a bridal store and I popped in one day to say we’d be making an appointment soon to try dresses, I happened to have a photo of something I liked and showed her.
She got excited and said “we have it in stock! Do you want to try it now?!” Well, of course I did! It ended up being “the one” (although I must have tried another 40 or more after it in different places). My godmother genuinely said “please don’t tell your mum you tried it without her here, she’ll kill me.” At a later date while still trying to one-up that first dress, my best friend took me shopping, we found a competitor so I asked her to send a picture to my parents.
Good lord, you’d think I peed in my mother’s cornflakes. How very dare I! In an effort to convince me against choosing it, I was told it ‘wasn’t that flattering’ and ‘sort of makes you look pregnant’. Part of me wishes I’d picked it just to tick her off, but that’s because I’ve become much more petty since having more therapy.
Added extra, she also managed to make my hen do about her, AND my final dress fitting. Although at the latter my best friend actually told her to stop being rude, and if she couldn’t be quiet to leave. I love my best mate!” Fun-Needleworker9590
1. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Prioritize Our Tradition Over His New Friend's Trip?
“My husband (35M) and I (32F) have a very small but meaningful tradition we started the first year we got married. It’s nothing major, but it’s important to me. Every November, on the weekend before Thanksgiving, we take a day trip to this lakeside town about an hour away.
We spend the day walking, talking, and picking out a new ornament for our Christmas tree, something that’s meaningful to our year. It’s just one day, but it’s one of those things that makes the holiday season special for us.
My husband recently became great friends with a guy from his gym.
They hit it off quickly, and I think it’s great because my husband doesn’t make new friends easily. He seems like a genuinely nice person and shares a lot of his interests, like hiking and gaming, and I know it’s refreshing for my husband to have someone he clicks with so well.
Here’s the issue: My husband’s friend invited him to go on a weekend trip for the exact same weekend as our tradition. My husband seemed hesitant to bring it up at first, but eventually, he asked if I’d be okay with us rescheduling our tradition to another weekend so he could go on this weekend with his friend.
I was caught off guard, and I told him that it kind of hurt my feelings that he’d even consider moving it. He told me it’s not a big deal for us to just go another weekend, and he’s right in the sense that it doesn’t really affect anything logistically.
But this trip has always felt like “our thing”. It’s not that I don’t want him to have fun or make new friends, but I kind of feel like he’s minimizing something that’s special to us, or at least special to *me*.
When I told him that, he looked surprised and then frustrated, saying I was overreacting.
He ended up agreeing to keep the weekend for our tradition, but I could tell he was disappointed, and I feel guilty for that. Part of me wonders if I’m being stubborn about a little ritual that maybe only I care about as much as I do.
So, AITJ for asking him to prioritize our tradition over his new friend?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re necessarily a jerk, but I do wonder why it feels so bad to move it? Like it seems like you are in a position where you can have the wonderful thing that you want, and you can support him in having something that he wants.
It’s not your anniversary, you both have the power to choose when this happens. He wasn’t asking you to cancel the tradition. He just wanted to have both. If it were me personally, I don’t think that I would be quite as upset about it, and I think that I would probably be happy to move it, given what you said about him having trouble making friends.
Are you invited on this weekend away? Typically, in my relationships, I try not to treat situations as “either-or” whenever “both” is possible. Often, in relationships, you really are forced to choose between two things that cannot coexist, both of which you want. In those moments, you have to make sacrifices.
And when you make sacrifices, it’s helpful to look back on all the wonderful times. So make as many wonderful times as possible, and, be as generous as you in those moments where it doesn’t hurt anybody. It helps you build up a bank of Goodwill.” FindAriadne
Another User Comments:
“I understand that everyone thinks she should be okay with moving it, but as someone who loves traditions as well, OP explains this is really special to her and they’ve been married for 6 years. This isn’t something new for them and I know I would personally feel not prioritized and put on the back burner if they chose THAT SPECIFIC WEEKEND.
I saw in a comment from OP that they just planned the trip for January. This weekend wasn’t set in stone for the trip, but OP’s tradition has always been that weekend. So I really understand why she is upset. Yes, they can move the weekend, but I think it’s the principle of the matter of he seemed to not care about her feelings when it’s been this one way for YEARS.” Isa_The_Great_
Another User Comments:
“I understand feeling hurt, but can’t your day trip just be on a different weekend? Why not the weekend after Thanksgiving? It seems like the activities themselves are the important part – and the exact day they take place on shouldn’t be that big of a deal. We have several similar annual traditions in my family, and the date they happen changes every year, but that doesn’t matter, what matters is that we do them at some point in the season.
You have to be a little more flexible sometimes – things come up!” Lizwings
Make sure your parents know that this is not happening, and any attempt to do it behind your back will result in legal action: the topic is closed. (They have NO legal right to do this against your will, you are the child's parents.)