People Burn Bridges In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Planning A Disney Trip Without My Difficult Stepdaughter?
“I (41F) and my husband (41M) have four children. I have one child from a previous relationship, he has two, and we have one together.
We have always treated the children as equally as possible, though, with extended family, they don’t always go on the same trips if we don’t go.
Ex: his parents take his children on vacations and my child doesn’t want to go without me. This has never been an issue. But when we plan trips, we always take everyone.
The problem is that my stepdaughter (16 f) doesn’t really like anything that anyone else does.
Or she will like it until someone else does. Ex: she really wanted to go on a winter trip to Colorado for skiing. None of the other children were that excited, but seeing as it’s hard to find things she likes, we went. She was excited until the other kids started enjoying it too, then she wanted to leave.
This is pretty much what happens when we go on trips to the zoo, museums, anything. And if other people are already happy about it, she immediately hates the idea.
We thought maybe she just wanted time with each parent alone. So we did that with both her mom and dad.
She still complained the whole time. Her counselor said maybe she wants activities with both parents to show they get along. They did that but if they show any enjoyment at all, she hates whatever they are doing. We’ve done girl days with her mom and me and she hates it.
We have found the less enthusiastic we are, the more she wants to do it.
This applies to meals too. If someone else likes something, she finds ways to criticize it. It’s like she can’t let anyone else enjoy anything. She also likes things more if no one else wants to do them.
This also happens when she goes with her aunt and cousins. Her sister is not like this at all. We’ve asked her if she has any insight (their mother has too) and she comes up with nothing other than, “She’s just a mean girl” and shrugs.
We let her choose other day trips and told her she could bring her friend, but it’s the same. If she sees someone like something she chose, she complains and says it was her idea like no one else can enjoy it.
So this year, we had been talking about Disney for a while.
My nephew has cancer and has always wanted to go with us because he has no siblings and not many friends because he’s missed a lot of school. My stepdaughter said it was stupid as soon as everyone else wanted to go. Her father said he would have a lot of work to catch up on when he got back.
He does seasonal work and has to take the work while he can. The kids agreed that they wanted to go and he wanted us to, so I made the plans and we decided to go back another year with all of us.
I made the reservations for myself, sister, nephew, and 3 of our children, deciding Stepdaughter could stay back with dad since she didn’t want to go anyway.
My husband says I’m the jerk for not planning for her to come too but I don’t want her ruining the trip with complaints with my nephew there. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The internet is gonna hate this, but hormonal contrarian teens should not be able to hold their families hostage like she has.
Y’all have treated her like a small child with a terminal diagnosis, and that’s not doing her any favors. She needs boundaries and a mental health professional. It wouldn’t hurt for all of her parents (bio & step) to be in therapy, too (family & solo).
As for this not being “fair”, it isn’t fair to make your other kids put up with her nonsense. It isn’t fair to make her go on a vacation she’ll abhor. Your husband is wrong.” iseeisayibe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it sounds like she is struggling to find her individuality.
I wasn’t this extreme but I definitely thought if I liked things people weren’t keen on or didn’t know about that I was unique and it was special. I didn’t want to like the same things as everyone else either. I’m glad to say I grew out of it when I wanted to enjoy things with others and share experiences.
You’re doing a great job trying to help her figure it out, splitting time and activities with all parents. I think not bringing her is the perfect solution for everyone, you deserve to enjoy any vacation but especially such a pricey one I wouldn’t risk an upset.
My advice for when she starts grumping at places is to straight up ignore her. Keep having your fun and let her learn to join.” AdmirableSwing3138
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve made every effort to include your stepdaughter in activities and find things she enjoys, but her behavior has made it difficult to plan a trip that everyone can enjoy together.
Since she expressed no interest in going to Disney and has a history of reacting negatively when others enjoy things, it makes sense that you planned this trip without her to ensure a positive experience for everyone, especially your nephew who deserves an enjoyable trip.
And… she’ll be with her dad, so it’s not like she’s being left alone or without family. Best of luck!” norablisss
21. AITJ For Requiring Pics Of A Hen House Before Rehoming My Chicks?
“Our chickens weren’t sitting this year, so we decided to incubate some. We ended up with 15 chicks from incubating.
Our chickens decided to sit super late (one had already sat this year but lost her babies, the others showed no interest in sitting) and now we have 7 more babies. So we’re giving away the incubated chicks, all except Mr. Fuzzy Buns, Sunshine, and Spot.
I’ve had a bunch of people reach out wanting them, but I’m requiring pictures of their hen house/area. I’ve had a bunch of people tell me it’s none of my business, once I give them away, I have no right to ask anything about them, etc. I just want to make sure they’re going to a good home.
They’re silkies, so I highly doubt someone will eat them, but if that’s their plan they just have to tell me that and I don’t need pics of the hen house. If you really want to eat gross black meat, go ahead.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Usually, when people rehome animals they charge a rehoming fee or ask to see if they have a good area for them. Why? Cause we all want to know if they will go to a good home. If someone can’t afford an animal then they can’t afford a place for them, if someone can’t provide you with a comfortable place for animals then they most likely don’t have one.
Hopefully, someone who has a good hen house will come along and adopt one of your chicks.” ApprehensivePause258
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your business AFTER you give them away. BEFORE you give them away it’s 100% your business. They’re YOUR chickens, you have the right to ask for or require anything from them.
You might not find anyone willing to meet your requirements (say a fistful of diamonds and a firstborn child per chick). But if they aren’t willing to pay the price (in this case proof of proper housing and ability to care for them) they don’t get to purchase.
End of story. Simple. Easy. If they tell you it’s not your business, you tell them it’s not gonna be their chicken.” Moist_Dingus
Another User Comments:
“I’ve had silkies that I had to rehome. I absolutely vet potential adopters before I give them away.
You’re talking about a breed that needs to have a good shelter if you want them to thrive. If the people are talking to are that anal about not showing you pics of their chicken accommodations, fine, but you’re well within your rights to not give them free animals when they won’t cooperate.
NTJ.” genus-corvidae
20. AITJ For Using My Ex-Wife's Toilet Without Asking?
“I (29m) went to my ex-wife’s (28f) house to pick up our son (7m). While I was there, I really needed to poop, so I decided that it couldn’t hurt to use her toilet before I left. She was in the other room.
I did my business, flushed, washed my hands, and even sprayed a little air freshener. But when I walked out, my ex-wife was just staring at me. I waved to her and walked over to my son. Then she started yelling.
“I didn’t agree to that stupid custody agreement so that you could come to my house and take a dump whenever you wanted!”
I just let her yell because trying to argue wouldn’t do anything. After she stopped yelling at me, I took my son and left. I thought this whole situation was ridiculous, but I’m concerned that my ex-wife might be right. When I returned later after an otherwise nice afternoon with my son, (went to see a movie and went bowling) my ex-wife refused to talk to me, making me feel like this is a whole lot worse than I thought it was.
Am I the jerk for using my ex-wife’s toilet without her permission?
I talked to a few buddies about this tonight and they all seemed to agree that my wife was in the wrong (most of their wives and partners also agreed with them). Here’s some further context: my wife opened the door for me while on the phone, gave me the “one-second” hand signal, and walked into a different room.
She then walked up the stairs, leaving me with my son. This means I couldn’t really have asked her about the bathroom, as she was trying to settle taxes or something on the phone. Also, I really did have to go, and my wife is also notorious for yelling at me when I show up even a little late for custody exchanges.
This means I was very nervous about showing up on time and that I did not want to “stop at a gas station.””
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Have you tried to apologize for upsetting her and letting her know why you did that? She may be assuming the worst which is why she got so upset, like you were purposely trying to be rude.
Even if that wasn’t your intention, some people out there would do it on purpose as a power move, unfortunately, and divorce is so stressful on everyone so she probably came to that assumption because of everything negative that has happened.
Even though it was an accident in terms of making her upset, it may be a good idea to try to smooth things over for both the vibes between you two and more importantly your son.
You could even give her a small gift basket of TP and soap/air freshener with a letter explaining if you don’t feel comfortable talking to her. I know it seems a tad overboard, but her being so reactive seems to be defensive behavior and her understanding your intents may help the both of you.
I am sure once she realizes what the situation was (it became an emergency bathroom moment, you didn’t want to make her wait, going somewhere else and inconvenience her, she was on the phone so you didn’t want to interrupt), she may cool down and apologize for her actions too, especially if she sees you making an effort to diffuse and communicate.
I hope things can somehow improve for you both.” marbletaroroll
Another User Comments:
“YTJ YTJ YTJ. She’s right, the custody agreement does not “allow” you to use HER bathroom in HER house when you pick up your son. Just ask, dude. If she says no, stop at a gas station or fast food place to relieve yourself.
Also, I looked through some of the other comments. You’re also a sarcastic jerk, and you get upset at other people telling you you shouldn’t have relieved yourself in someone else’s home where you are very much unwelcome inside. Literally, every other response is sarcastic, if not attacking whoever posted. Why post on here if you refuse to accept that you’re a jerk?
Overall, YTJ in this situation, but you seem like a jerk in general anyway.” anonchica69
Another User Comments:
“She screamed and yelled in front of your child because you were caught short. How many times have you done this before? How many times have you picked up your son?
If the answer is once and numerous times. Then she is just for the drama and all the people here acting like this better hope they never get caught short around people like you! Her reaction is extreme, to say the least clearly you are not co-parenting well from her actions maybe you should suggest she deliver your child to you and collect him to avoid you being near her house.” Electrical_Promise89
19. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Change Her Wardrobe To Please My Conservative Family?
“I come from a very conservative Mennonite family. Tank tops, sleeveless dresses, and jeans are all frowned upon when worn by women due to standards of modesty. My mom grew up very conservatively and looks down upon all of said items.
My partner and I have been together for 10 months, and recently I asked her to change her wardrobe, as it was causing my mother to hassle me endlessly about how I was destroying my family, and what I was doing was wrong and it would ruin my relationship, etc.
The biggest issue is my partner’s choice of clothes, as she wears shorts/jeans/sleeveless items of clothing. I asked her to change her wardrobe, which was refused because “I was asking her to trade her happiness for my mom’s.” AITJ for asking her to change her wardrobe to avoid all of this?”
Another User Comments:
“If you agree with your mom about your religious expectations for women’s clothing, you probably shouldn’t stay with your partner as you seem to be incompatible on this value. If you don’t agree with your mom, you should say so and support your partner.
It’s not the one who is quietly minding their own business and just being themselves, living their life that should bend over backward to “keep the peace”. The person who has an issue needs to stop disrupting the peace in the first place.” SummitJunkie7
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, partially for what you’re asking your partner to do, and partially for your use of the word “mildly” in an attempt to make yourself look more reasonable than you are. You were raised with religious standards that simply don’t apply to your partner. Whether or not you do, it seems your mother still holds tight to these standards.
What you seem to view as a “mild” thing is STILL 100% without question undoubtedly inexcusably and jerkishly an attempt to get your partner to adhere to religious standards that she does not ascribe to. You have four options here. 1. Stand up to your mother and defend your partner.
2. Cut contact with your mother altogether. 3. Break up with your partner/find someone of your mother’s religion. 4. Keep being a jerk to your partner. Which will you choose?” ChanceApollo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This problem is between you and your mother. Quit trying to bully your partner to appease your mother.
If you are unable to stand up to your mother, date whatever girl she picks out for you. Or wait to date until you can handle your mother’s criticism with a fully adult response like “Mom, stop interfering in my relationships. It’s rude, inappropriate, and unhelpful.
It’s also judgemental and reeks of the sin of pride. Focus on your own walk with God. I won’t discuss this with you again.”” MeanestGoose
18. AITJ For Visiting My Hospitalized Son Without His Father's Knowledge?
“While I was still pregnant, I agreed to let my ex raise our son and have no interference in his life. It wasn’t what I wanted, but I didn’t have a lot of options back then.
My former sister-in-law contacted me to tell me he was in the hospital and was very unwell.
She helped organize a time for me to visit when her brother wouldn’t be around so I could see him. I went to see him three times, and on the third time, my ex walked in during my visit.
He was absolutely livid when he saw me and said some cruel things to me.
He wanted me to leave and got angry at his sister when she tried to defend me and tell him what he was doing was wrong. I agreed to leave because I could see he was stressed out and I didn’t want to make an already horrible situation worse for him.
He wants to talk to me soon so I was wondering if I was the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I don’t know what your “options” were or were not and frankly, I don’t care. You state that you would not interfere, which I take to mean you don’t even have visitation rights.
You don’t get to abandon your child, and then see him when it’s convenient for you. On top of that, the child was sick enough to be hospitalized. Way to go, Mom, confusing and upsetting a sick child. Sister was the jerk too for setting this up.
I can only guess what your ex will say to you, and you deserve every word.” Odd_Transition222
Another User Comments:
“Needs more INFO. If your ex felt you were, and could still be, a danger to him and/or your child and took legal means to protect both of them then please respect that boundary.
If you feel like you were pressured to give up your child due to an imbalance of power like age, abuse, wealth, etc., then while I don’t blame you for seeing him please talk to a lawyer about your options. If there’s another situation or it’s more complicated, then talk to a lawyer and establish these boundaries through the courts.
If you still have parental rights then your son at the very least knows your name.” EmpressJainaSolo
Another User Comments:
“Tons more context is needed here because I’m trying to figure out why you need permission to visit your child, what else is there?
Why is he so angry? Because last time I checked you don’t need permission to visit your child or your relative of any kind in the hospital it’s just what people do.
I scrolled down I’m not exactly sure what the circumstances were that led your son to not know that you are his mother but he is three years old and I understand where his dad‘s anger is coming from that’s not the first time he should know about his mother.
Even if you never say anything to him even if you are visiting him as a friend of his aunt, I can see why it makes him angry. There is still more context needed here like have you tried to be involved in other parts of his life but yeah I get it.” ZOE_XCII
17. AITJ For Accidentally Hurting My Roommate's Feelings Who Has Unrequited Love For Me?
“I (22M) live with my roommate (24M, bi), whom I’ve known for three years. He admitted he still has feelings for me and feels resentful. This isn’t the first time—he confessed two years ago, and I turned him down.
Although our friendship was initially strained, we rebuilt it, and this year decided to be roommates from September to May. Since then nothing hinting at his feelings came up. In Feb I started seeing my partner (21F), and he seemed supportive. I was in another state for an internship when I met her, so we’re now in a long-distance relationship.
The issues began two weeks ago when my partner visited. On the first night, we were intimate, and he overheard us. The next night, he unexpectedly left for his hometown, canceling brunch plans with us. He said it was last minute to see a friend he hadn’t seen in a long time.
He ended up staying for over a week, which was unusual, especially since he had planned to drop me off at the airport. I figured he might be struggling (he recently quit a job he disliked and has been job hunting without success), so I supported his decision.
After I returned from a week-long conference, my roommate told me he’s questioning our friendship. He said his feelings for me resurfaced and hearing me with my partner was difficult. He also mentioned that he feels we’ve drifted apart, saying I’ve changed and that all I do is focus on work.
He expressed resentment over my new job offer, my fitness (I run and have lost weight), and my relationship, feeling that I make more time for my partner than for him or our friends. He even said that if we met today, we wouldn’t be friends, adding that he’s always been there for me, yet I can’t do the same.
He’s now set boundaries: my partner can’t stay over, I can’t discuss her or my work around him, and we’re no longer sharing certain items like some utilities and food. If our friendship doesn’t improve he’ll move out (he would still pay his rent) and we will cut each other off.
For context, I’m now in a master’s program, working part-time, and interviewing for full-time roles despite already having an offer, as I’m concerned about the economy. I know I’m busy, and both my friends and partner have suggested I find more balance.
Despite my workload, I make time for him and others when I can, getting lunch or dinner. I am always working on something or working out. Even when my partner was visiting I spent most time with her still working, she is not clingy and never has demanded my attention away from my friends.
She even would ask how my roommate is doing. The feelings issue never came up when I saw other people before my current partner. We were never physically close, I never led him on, I made it clear I only saw him as a friend.
I assumed his recent behavior was due to struggles with his job situation and mental health, not me. If I knew he still had feelings I would not have roomed with him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m sorry to say this but this man is not (and possibly has never been) your friend.
He was just waiting around thinking you might want to get with him one day. Friends don’t make demands like that, it’s extremely unfair of him to ask you not to talk about the major positives in your life. As for your other friends, you said yourself that you are making an effort to see them and keep them in your life and that’s good!
Life gets busy as we get older sometimes you just won’t have as much time to spend with your friends as you would like, but as long as you are making an effort any friends worth having should understand. I would honestly just let the roommate go, he doesn’t sound like someone worth fighting to keep in your life.
Keep making an effort with your other friends and make sure not to overwork yourself! You’ve got this OP.” HospitalOk9779
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The hours a week you put into a relationship will always be more than the hours a week you put into a friendship.
That’s the simple reality of it. Of course you’re going to put fewer hours into your friendship with him because it’s a friendship with him and not a relationship. He needs to understand that and deal with it. By the way, to add another layer to it, you describe him as 24M, bi, but don’t say anything about your own orientation.
Is he deluding himself into thinking you’ll fall for him, or into thinking you’ll fall for any man?” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I see two things happening here: 1) He confessed his feelings, and you turned him down. He stuck himself in the friend zone, hoping that one day your feelings would change.
You having a partner now is a slap in the face to him, but it’s his own fault. 2) You are moving forward with your life, and your interests are diverging. There is nothing wrong with that. He said that if you met now, you wouldn’t be friends?
That also happens. I had friends in college that I no longer talk to. We grew apart. It happens. This friendship is dying, and you need to move on. First of all, because your interests are diverging, and second because you can’t be responsible for his feelings.” mynewthrowaway99
16. AITJ For Moving Out After Roommate Hinted They Might Leave?
“I got a text from one of my roommates a few days ago (3 of us) and it was as follows:
Roommate: Hey I’m gonna be honest I might move back home either by the end of this year or the end of the next semester.
It’s been really hard and this week was the breaking point for me. But I honestly still don’t know but I just want to keep you informed because you live here and it would impact you as well
OP: Alrighty thanks for letting me know.
I hope everything works out though. You do what you feel is best for you, don’t worry about anyone else right now. Put yourself first.
After I got this message I went out to tour apartments and figure out where to live. I found one yesterday and submitted the documents needed to move in.
I won’t get an official confirmation for another week, but I decided to let my roommate know my plans.
Later today I got a response from them saying how their text was purely hypothetical and was just ranting and that they weren’t at all serious.
I proceeded to tell them I had no way of knowing that it was hypothetical and that they seemed very serious. Then we argued for eight hours essentially. Starting with them being upset that I was even leaving in the first place. I had told them I planned to be out by November 22nd, but they wanted me to still pay them and their partner (roommate 3) for December rent.
I replied with if I’m still there then I will, if I’m not I won’t. I’m not on the lease at our current place, only the two are, so if anybody tips off management, we’re all in trouble. There was drama with our friend group as well which led to the roommate’s initial message.
My roommate continued to try and belittle me because I am a pushover essentially, but I wasn’t having it today, so their tone changed into trying to guilt trip me into staying, saying how they can’t afford it with them and their partner and yadda yadda.
Begging me to stay even though they were the ones who put me in that same spot a few days ago, without any hint that they weren’t serious about their first message. I talked about the whole situation with my good friends and they say I’m not in the wrong, but I come here asking AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So, the facts are that you’re renting a room in an apartment without a lease (presumably, from your “we’re all in trouble” if management finds out the statement, an under-the-table sublet) and have decided to move out. Of course you’re NTJ for that!
Appropriate notice is great, but you don’t even have a lease! Pay for the time you’re there, move out, and clean up after yourself. You’re taking your own good advice: take care of yourself. Your roommate is only a jerk for the whining and guilt-tripping.
All the other drama is really irrelevant.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Technically. Given the roommate’s message, looking for a new place to live is a reasonable thing to do. Giving 30 days’ notice is also a reasonable expectation on the roommates side (even though you didn’t mention that).
The fact that it was a message from your roommate that precipitated you looking for a new place to live puts you in the clear on a technicality, and the gaslighting and guilt-tripping is sketch, doesn’t mean that they still don’t deserve ample notice, even if you aren’t on the lease.
You have to look out for yourself but do unto others. If the roles were reversed, what would you expect?” Forward-Dingo1431
Another User Comments:
“I have to be honest, reading your friend’s message just sounds like they’re just ranting; but they also sound really all over the place and I think that either your friend or you should have set a deadline: “okay, thanks for letting me know this is how you feel.
I’m going to need at least one month’s notice before we all leave this place so I can find a place for myself, so can we agree that if you decide to move you’ll give me that time?” It just seems like you two were not communicating properly and had different expectations, so similarly you went ahead and found somewhere else without communicating and they hadn’t even told you for sure they were moving.
So for this reason I’m gonna say ESH.” PlasticLab3306
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Bed With My Younger Brother During Family Visits?
“I (22F) moved recently to another country and I share an apartment with my dad.
It’s a two-bedroom and I took the master bedroom because my dad isn’t there as often as I am and I have more things than him that wouldn’t fit in his room. He’s fine with it because he lives there only 1/4 of the time and I live there full time.
Also, I can’t move out because they won’t allow it and see it as me abandoning him.
My mom and little brother visit us often. They visited for a month recently and my little brother insisted on taking my room. My mom slept with my dad and I was asked to share a bed with him.
I don’t want to, obviously. What 22-year-old wants to share a bed with her 14-year-old brother for a month? He moves a lot in his sleep and I can’t sleep peacefully. I slept on the sofa for the entire month and I got called difficult, selfish, etc the whole time.
Now, my family wants to visit again in a few months and obviously, I asked about the sleeping arrangements (got called annoying for even asking). I asked if my mom and I could share my bed and my brother sleeps in my dad’s room with him.
My brother refuses to. He wants to sleep in my room because it’s bigger, which I don’t understand and it upsets me that my mother will force me to allow it. I don’t have my own choices even though I live far from home.
Am I the jerk? They’re coming for only a week but I still don’t want to sleep in the same bed with my brother. I don’t understand why he can’t sleep with my dad… my dad would also have to move to my room.
I also will be working, taking classes, and going to the gym regularly when they’re there so it’s difficult for me. I struggled a lot the month they were there because I barely got any sleep.
I feel like other parents would have boundaries and have younger siblings respect their older siblings’ space.
I think the only way they would respect my space is if I got married. Everyone in my family gangs up on me and makes it out as if I’m the problem so I’m genuinely confused.”
Another User Comments:
“I think cultural background is important for some of these commenters just telling you to move out.
On one hand yes. You could move out. Or at least you could use the “it’s my room, my privacy. If I can’t have my privacy I will stay elsewhere while you are here.” Your mum’s a jerk since a teenager is perfectly capable of sleeping on the couch.
Or even better. On the floor. Or better yet. Say okay. Don’t try to fall asleep, pretend to sleep. Snore… elbow brother. Snore, steal all the blankets, and roll. Snore, slap your arm across his head. Snore. Lick his face and mumble in your sleep… Terrorize him.
Then wake up and “not remember” any of it. NTJ. But you know your family, their background, and your lifestyle way more than us…” Sassypants2306
Another User Comments:
“INFO: who is paying for this apartment? If it’s not you, then the biggest issue is your mother being weird about you sleeping on the couch instead of sharing a bed with a teenage boy, which is just – nope.
Stand your ground, sleep on the couch/airbed in your room, or stand your ground and keep your room and make your brother sleep on the couch/airbed in your room. If it is at least 50% you paying, then either ‘as above’, or stand up to your parents and tell them that of course they both have your dad’s room, and your brother gets the couch/airbed in your room, you are keeping your bed, and if they won’t accept this, then as soon as the lease is up, you’re moving out with the 50% rent and paying for your own place with that, which they are welcome to visit, and sleep wherever you provide for them, as it’s your home.” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“It is very inappropriate to sleep with a sibling once they are older. Do they still see your brother as being a 6-year-old? This whole thing sounds very strange. I am assuming that your father has business in the town where you go to college.
He sees your mother and brother more than he sees you, so I am assuming your mother is coming to see you. I think the obvious thing to do is to alternate sleeping on the couch. I think your parents see your brother as the golden child and will do whatever he wants.
This whole thing is creepy at this point.” Lower_Instruction371
14. AITJ For Asking My Disrespectful Parents To Move Out Of Our Home?
“My parents live with me, my husband, and our 4-year-old son in our home, and have done so for 2 years now.
Now the entire time they have been here they have constantly been negative, criticizing, and complaining; trying to get involved in our finances; judging us for what we buy and for even spending our own money; absolute no respect for our belongings; trying to take over parenting our son; bullying our son by belittling his feelings and mocking/shaming him when he’s upset; giving unsolicited advice and when we don’t accept it they give the silent treatment; and complaining to people about us behind our back.
We brought all of this up and told them their behavior was not okay.. and to please stop treating us both like children, we’re nearly 40; please stop telling us what to do if we want your advice we’ll ask, and please don’t treat our son that way or undermine our parenting, just because our way of parenting is different to yours doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
This didn’t go down well and my dad didn’t speak to us for 3 weeks, then the behaviour just continued.
It became a toxic environment and was really affecting my and my husband’s mental health, let alone our son’s mental health and behavior.
Our son is also anaphylactic to dairy and we have a rule that our home is completely dairy-free.
Our home is his safe place where we can all relax and not worry. My parents agreed to this rule as a condition of living with us.
We tried our hardest to make it work but our last straw was finding dairy food items in their room.
We brought it up and told them it was blatant disrespect for us, our home, and most importantly our son’s safety and they used every excuse possible to justify their actions. So we asked them to move out.
Our child’s safety is a priority and our mental health was suffering.
They were just ignoring every single boundary we asked them to respect so it was time for them to go.
But now they’re acting like we’re the bad guys and telling everyone that will listen that we’re the bad guys.
So AITJ for putting our son and our family ahead of them and their need for accommodation?
Or are they for treating us like garbage and trying to walk all over us?”
Another User Comments:
“Two years???! You and your husband have an extreme amount of patience and/or people-pleasing. It sounds like their disrespect for everything was from the beginning, and your boundaries were consistently ignored. NTJ – it’s well past the time you should have requested that they find other accommodations, their actions and lack thereof have consequences and they should have been forced to face that reality long ago.” BefuddledPolydactyls
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Here’s the thing to hold onto: it doesn’t matter who they tell. It doesn’t matter if they all think you’re the bad guys. Anyone who believes that isn’t someone who cares about you or your son and therefore they are not worth your time.
Let them take out a full-page ad in the national press if they want. They knowingly endangered your son’s life! They made you so miserable when they could have easily just been normal. You do not want your son to grow up thinking that if people treat you like garbage, you just have to take it.
You don’t want him to grow up thinking that other people’s opinion of him is more important than his comfort and safety.” Attirey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t owe them a place in your home. Frankly, I feel you would be the jerk if you allowed them to continue living with you.
They’re likely doing untold psychological damage to your son. You are responsible for protecting your son, who is a child and cannot protect himself. You are not responsible for your parents, who are adults and have made whatever decisions led them to expect to live with you.
Stop worrying about what they’re doing or saying. You made the correct, responsible, adult choice. Do not back down.” jessfalcon
13. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Entitled Brother At The Last Minute?
“I 32F & brother 31m have always had a tumultuous relationship. He’s very entitled (my parents used to give in to him as a child because he’d throw things & smash the house up). He’d often take your things if you wronged him & you’d be forced to apologise or if you said no he’ll keep on and on until you cave.
Last Friday he messaged asking for a favour, could I drive him to the station tomorrow? I said I’m busy. He said it was fine but was there space to park his car at mine? Yes, but he’d need to collect the car by Wednesday.
I wouldn’t be able to give him a lift to my house to pick it up due to work & personal commitments. He ignored this and kept saying about me picking him up, why couldn’t I do Wednesday? Told him I was busy.
He then tells me how he never asks for anything.
How he’s done so much for me. I said it wasn’t my fault he can’t get a bus and it wasn’t my fault I can’t just drop things for him.
He said how selfish I was, how he’d done everything for me but every time he asked for a favour I threw it back at him and he said how selfish I was (plus several choice names and swearing).
I said expecting people to drop things for you with zero notice was the definition of selfish.
He called my family telling them how selfish I am and how he does everything. As he’s organising Christmas this year I’m banned from that too.
Fast forward an hour and I get a message ‘if I have any love and respect for him I’ll meet him this week’.
I’ve said I’ll meet publicly to discuss and he’s kicking off saying if I won’t come to his home it’s a problem and how could I suggest public what do I think he’s going to do. I’ll only meet in public, he’s ignoring me until I agree and telling everyone how awful I am.
My family have sided with him but my friends and partner think I’ve done the right thing saying no and only agreeing to meet in a public space. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He disinvited you to Christmas? Big deal. Now you get a narcissist-free holiday.
Go somewhere nice and enjoy yourself. You say he’s been doing this your whole life. He has been like this because people give in to him. So stop giving in, and ignore him. Refuse to engage. Do NOT meet with him. NTJ.” fiestafan73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is a manipulator and controlling cut the ties and feel the release of a ton of pressure. Cut anyone that doesn’t agree with you. No one has to take abuse to be ‘family’. Find comfort in your friend/ partner and eventually your family will come around.
Your brother’s manipulation will switch to someone else and they will eventually get to the same place you are now and so on. Just cut the ties.” Pinky77_imo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His reaction to you being unable to do that favour was ridiculous.
He should apologize to you – not demand that you settle things with him on his terms. It might be best for you to simply block him, so he can’t reach you with his complaints – and tell your family that it’s between you and him and you won’t listen to any comments from them.
And plan another Christmas apart from your brother and your family.” SavingsRhubarb8746
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Niece's Wedding Due To My Toxic Sister?
“The relationship with my sister is toxic.
She has been selfish and cruel most of my life to me and my siblings/parents. She enjoys making comments about people’s appearance and the choices they make in their lives. She has previously called me fat (when I weighed less than her), that I wouldn’t make anything of myself by attending a state school (I have a good-paying job).
My family seems to be intimidated by her and whenever she is around they seek her attention even though they know she will give them a gut punch. I avoid her and don’t engage with her.
Her daughter (which I am sure means, my sister) has invited my siblings to the wedding.
I don’t want to attend because I don’t think I will enjoy myself and my sister has a tendency to be cruel and/or show off at events. My siblings are giving me a hard time and state I should go for my niece.
That I should keep quiet and just congratulate my sister and move on. But my niece and I don’t have a relationship. I just found out she lived in the next town for over 2 years and never tried to contact me. I sent a gift for her bridal shower and she didn’t acknowledge it.
So I don’t think she would care one way or another if I came to the wedding. Am I the jerk if I don’t attend?”
Another User Comments:
“Why on earth should you attend this unpleasant wedding? If your niece wanted a relationship with you, she would have contacted you after she moved close by two years ago.
If your sister wanted a relationship with you, she wouldn’t say such monstrous things to you. And she seems to really top herself with vicious comments at weddings. Forget about it. As I’m sure it has been pointed out, an invitation isn’t a royal command.
So sorry, but you’re busy doing something wonderful on the same day. Done. NTJ.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have a relationship with your niece and your sister sounds insufferable. Just RSVP no. That’s all that’s needed. Personally, I do think you made a small mistake discussing it with your siblings.
You have said they try to placate her, so they aren’t going to stand up to her or support you on this. When dealing with your sister, just keep to a polite “no, thank you”. If you are questioned, say you have plans already, and leave it at that.
You don’t owe explanations to anyone for decisions you make for your own wellbeing.” Jazzlike-Bird-3192
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – would I be the jerk if I assumed the only reason the niece and sister want you to come is so they can get a wedding gift?
Because from the way this is written, it sounds likely.. especially if there’s no relationship there. I wouldn’t bother inviting a family member that my mother was beefing with either, even if I got along with that person, simply because I wouldn’t want them being uncomfortable in the presence of my petty mother.” garbagebag69_
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move Cities For My Husband's New Job?
“I (F34) told my husband I don’t want to move to another city and quit my 2 jobs, at least not right away. Reason: I love my jobs, my family is here. My husband (33) finally got a job, but it’s 2 hours away from our home, he’s afraid we will drift away if we only see each other every weekend/second weekend, because he will live there.
I’m used to my bio dad working offshore and not being home for weeks and months at a time. So I don’t see a problem. Yes, it will suck, but it will hopefully not last forever.
But I don’t want to move to an unknown city where I know no one, been there and done that.
It’s hard to make friends my age! Haha! I’m positive because I actually think this will boost our relationship and make us feel how we were when we fell in love with each other.
The problem is also we will live close to his sister and fam, and I don’t want that (also a juicy story for another time).
I love and adore this man, he’s the love of my life, but I’m afraid I’ll be miserable and hate my life if I move. I’m super close to my family, especially my granny and mom, who I see every other day. I own an apartment and my life is here.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A 2-hour drive is just down the road, he could come back one evening midweek if he’s worried he’ll miss you! I’m about to work a nearly 3-hour drive away and come back for weekends, it’s not the drama he seems to think.
The worry is that there’s more to this as he has “finally got a job”, implying you’ve been carrying the financial burden…. definitely don’t sell your place! Wanting to stay where your work and friends & family are isn’t unreasonable. And why did he apply for a job so far away if it’s an issue for him- didn’t you guys discuss it?!
Why not see how things go for 6 months – by which time he’ll have some experience to maybe get a job back in your town if he doesn’t like being away midweek.” Outside-Zucchini-636
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think the reasonable thing to do is for you to be the one traveling to him.
Hear me out; the issue for you is that you don’t know this place, don’t know the people, and don’t know what it will be like. Alternatively, he knows where you guys live now. He should apply for jobs local to you, and you in turn should get to know the new area.
There’s no time limit here. You might grow to love it and decide you want to go eventually, or you might decide no I definitely don’t like it. That’s where him actively applying for comparable positions near you comes in as a reasonable compromise. I understand his worries.
While growing up as you did prepared you for time apart, not everyone adapts well to being apart from loved ones for an extended time. I think it is unreasonable to expect you to make all the sacrifices, though, and he needs to give you time to make a decision.” justlemmeread
Another User Comments:
“I’m in a somewhat similar situation right now. I recently got a job 1.5 hours away from where I live, so I’m staying separately from my husband. My dad also lived away from us for the job, sometimes for months at a time. I miss my husband so much.
I drive home on Friday after work and drive back Sunday night, and stepping into that empty house, no pets scrabbling around, no husband, is so sad. I keep expecting him to walk through the door, to lie down next to me, to bug me when I’m just trying to crap in peace lol, but he doesn’t.
Because he’s 100 miles away. He’s not watching his sports ball downstairs while I watch my K-drama upstairs. I’m alone. It did make me realize that I’d become complacent in our relationship. We’ve been together a while so we’re very comfortable with each other, very settled, the storm of emotions from when we got together is now calm seas.
It’s easy to forget just how much you love someone when you’re surrounded by that love all the time.
It takes work to stay connected. We try to text throughout the day, even if it’s just GIFs. And we talk every afternoon after work, and then again at bedtime.
I hope it’s enough. Strategize with your husband for ways to stay connected, and stick with them. Continue making the effort even when it’s inconvenient to your new schedule. Your husband is scared, he’s never contemplated living away from you. You guys can do it, you can make it, but it is a lot harder to be part of each other’s lives when your lives are separate.
NTJ, but try to be understanding of your husband’s hesitancy. And be aware that your SiL might start to talk behind your back about how you “left” your husband, and “who knows what OP is up to at night…”” ArtemisStrange
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share A Room With My Step-Brother As Teenagers?
“I (15F) and my stepbrother Chris (17M) have always been close, ever since my dad married his mom and he moved in when I was 10. But recently we moved and our new place has 3 rooms. But my dad has insisted he and my stepmom have separate rooms and that me and Chris would share( even though they sleep in the same room).
I told him that I didn’t mind sharing a room when we were younger, but we are teenagers and need our own space. My stepbrother agrees with me but our parents insist that it isn’t a big deal and that we should get over it.
He and I have shared a room since he moved in and recently it has gotten awkward, we share a bathroom, bed, and living space. It didn’t bother me when we were younger, but we’ve had a few accidents when I walk into the room when he gets out of the shower, I haven’t seen anything besides him in a towel luckily, but my parents refused to put a lock on my room because “y’all are teenagers and it’s inappropriate” (even more reason for us to have separate rooms).
Again, this wasn’t weird when we were kids but we are teenagers now and it’s getting uncomfortable for both of us.
We moved in a few days ago, and on the first day, they tried to push the sharing-a-room project in which I refused which resulted in an argument and my dad storming out.
My stepbrother is really sweet and has accepted sleeping on the couch until we figure it out. I feel terrible about this and the fact he’s suffering because of our parents’ stupidity. My parents keep insisting it is my fault and that I should just deal with it.
I’m seriously thinking about it, it wouldn’t be that bad we’d just have to set some ground rules to avoid any more awkward encounters. I really need to know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father and stepmother should be sharing one bedroom, and you and your stepbrother need separate bedrooms. That is the way any sane person would see it, and any court of law would see it.
Your stepbrother sounds very nice, as do you. But you two should not be put in the same bedroom, or made to share a bed (!), if I read your post correctly. That’s very inappropriate and may lead to more than just awkwardness. If your parents aren’t listening, you should both enlist the support of your other non-custodial parent and urge the intervention of the courts to examine this situation right away.
I’m guessing your father or stepmother are having issues in their marriage with one another, and feel the need for space. This is not your fault nor your stepbrother’s fault. Please contact the child protective services directly if your other parents are not able to act on your behalf.
It’s not being disloyal, it’s protecting yourselves. They won’t do anything drastic, but will strongly advise, and start a record of visits and the reason, and will check back in. That may be all you need to get the adults to see reason.
Good luck.” Euphoric_Travel2541
Another User Comments:
“I would talk to counselors at school that your dad and stepmother are making you share a room with your stepbrother while the adults are having their own rooms. Tell the counselor that you feel uncomfortable having to share a bed with your stepbrother and have told your dad but he doesn’t care and neither does your stepmother.
That should start an investigation. You can make sure to tell friends of your dad and stepmother that they are forcing you to share a room and bed with your stepbrother, and they don’t care how uncomfortable you guys are. Maybe they will change their plans when friends are disgusted by their actions.” needabook55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is just weird and inappropriate that they insist on this. In some states/local areas, it may actually be against the local regulations (I know in California, CPS can get involved if children of different genders are sharing a room past the age of about 5).
In any event, them insisting on separate bedrooms for themselves at the expense of your comfort (and frankly, your safety) is wildly unacceptable. You don’t say where your mother is in all of this, and I’m so sorry if she’s either deceased or has no involvement, but if your parents are divorced and split custody, your dad should be aware that at least in the US, this situation would be almost certainly be grounds to have his custody reduced or overnight custody revoked altogether, as this would likely be considered an unsafe arrangement (not saying your stepbrother would try anything, he sounds nice enough, but the courts can’t assume that).” AcceptableValue6027
9. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Artwork In An Online Magazine?
“In a small town, I (29, artist) recently finished a series of paintings that I’d poured my heart into over the past year. They reflect my journey through a tough period in my life and carry a lot of personal meaning. I was excited to display them at a local gallery, hoping to connect with others through my work.
A few days before the opening, my friend, Quinn (30, art enthusiast), asked if I’d be willing to let them showcase my work in their new online magazine that focuses on local artists. While I appreciated the offer, I hesitated because I wanted my pieces to be presented in a specific way—through the gallery setting, where I could engage with the audience directly.
Quinn pressed, emphasizing that it would be a great opportunity to reach a wider audience and gain recognition. I felt torn; on one hand, I wanted to support my friend and get my work out there, but on the other hand, I didn’t want my art to be diluted by a medium I wasn’t comfortable with.
I decided to politely decline, explaining my reasons. I thought it was respectful to maintain the integrity of my art and the vision I had for it. However, Quinn became frustrated and accused me of being selfish. They said I was missing out on a chance that many artists would kill for.
This confrontation left me feeling guilty, especially since I value our friendship.
After the gallery opening, where I received positive feedback and made some meaningful connections, Quinn reached out again. They suggested that I should reconsider my stance, claiming that I was shutting doors for myself out of fear.
I stood firm in my decision, but now I’m left wondering if I was wrong to prioritize my artistic vision over what could potentially be a valuable opportunity.
So, AITJ for refusing to share my artwork for an online feature?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Feelings can often get hurt when personal and professional spheres clash, but you have a vision for your art and you didn’t want to compromise it. I think that’s admirable, in a way. There are ways you could have left the door open for the future.
Maybe when your work is out of the gallery, it would be more appropriate for it to make the rounds in a medium you’re less excited about. Maybe it even takes hold there in a way you didn’t expect! But all that is up to you.
If you didn’t want that door open and you didn’t, then there was nothing wrong with being decisive with your friend and telling them how you feel. NTJ.” themakeshfitman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your work should only be used/displayed in ways you’re comfortable with.
You don’t owe anyone your art. Tell them: “Quinn I’ve thought it over and will stick with my decision to decline. You’re coming across as pushy and rude which is off-putting. I mention this because I’m sure it will make other artists decline if you treat them the same way.
Go ahead and give this offer to one of the many other artists who would kill for this opportunity. Just make sure to be polite and patient while they decide.” For what it’s worth, if ‘no’ isn’t an acceptable answer it’s not a request, it’s a demand.
This isn’t selfish and you shouldn’t feel guilty for saying no.” ApprehensiveBook4214
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your art, it’s your personal feelings involved. It’s your choice to accept or decline. It sounds like he’s the one being selfish. Yes, it is an opportunity that could prove fruitful.
Is there no way his site could host your art and have a section about what it means and why you painted it? As a compromise. Plenty of artists will have a blurb about the art they’ve done, that I’ve seen. And I genuinely enjoy getting my own interpretation and then reading about theirs and seeing how perspectives align or differ.
On the other hand, not having context could get people’s interest to come and see your art in a gallery where you talk about it. There’s no guarantee everyone could or would attend like that, but it’s possible and something to consider.
However, if you’re not comfortable with any of it then that’s okay.
You’re allowed to not be comfortable and you’re allowed to choose how you want your art expressed. As a fellow creative, I fully get it. Are there other pieces either of you would be willing to use instead, if you have them? I think you deciding on whether the story behind the pieces or the potential opportunity is more important here.
If you can reach a compromise you both are happy with, that would be lovely. If you can’t, you’re still NTJ or selfish to preserve the integrity of your art. Crossing my fingers that you guys can communicate through this. I hope it all goes well, OP!” Legolaslegs
8. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Twin Sister's Caregiver?
‘”I (16M) have a twin sister (16F), let’s refer to her as Lara. Lara and I have splitting personalities, but for the most part, we used to get along until high school. Since Lara was an outgoing person, she barely studied if at all, she was obsessed with TikTok and stuff.
Now I am not as outgoing as her, I mean I still go out with friends but only during the holidays and we do activities like basketball but yeah you get the gist. Due to her dismal academic performance, compared to mine, I am always made to tutor her by my mom.
My dad knows about this but he’s busy with work all the time and traveling for different meetings, so he isn’t really involved in this situation. My mom is a SAHM.
Now I don’t mind teaching her, except that every time I try to teach her, she always manages to throw a fit or a tantrum and I get blamed if she does badly in a test. So I gave up.
Next, she managed to fracture herself, at a friend’s house, apparently, she slipped and missed the landing (don’t remember too much … happened 3-4 weeks ago) and ended up in a cast, it should take approximately 2 months for her to recover, according to the doctor and for the cast to be removed. They taught her how to use crutches at the hospital, but admittedly she wasn’t the best with it.
Our house is 2 stories tall, and there is a staircase to go up to our bedrooms. She wants me to carry her all the time. Now this isn’t an issue for me, I am 5’11 she’s 5’7, and am much heavier than her, except I am not free all the time nor does she want to make the effort to use her crutches.
For the past 1-2 weeks I relented and had to do as she told or else she threatened to complain to our mom … who’s busy in her own social life and gets fed up when we complain to her, except she takes out all the blame on me.
The last straw was when she called for me to take her down the stairs to drink water, while I was on a call with a friend, finishing a group project that was due the next day. I had enough and after the call, I went to her room and told her I am not her darn caregiver all the time and she needs to do stuff herself.
Guess what she did? Called for Mom and I got into trouble again. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Crutches suck. I gave up by the end of day 1 and just hopped everywhere. My mum, when on them in a townhouse, went up and down the stairs on her bum and hopped everywhere at home as well (kept the crutches by the front door for outside use and work).
Your mum needs to remember the caregiver part of her job as a SAHM because while at 16 you two don’t need her like you did as a kid (making her more of a stay-at-home wife these days) your sister clearly needs her help if she refuses to be independent and since she won’t study.
Don’t cut your father any slack either because while he is traveling for work, that doesn’t give him an excuse to abdicate ALL parenting responsibilities to your mother who has then given them to you. He needs to step up and talk to his wife, but in order to do that, you need to talk to him and tell him what has been going on.
You are NTJ sweetie.” Environmental_Art591
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!!! Dude, I just got foot surgery and can’t walk for 6 weeks. Crutching up and down the stairs is NOT HARD, you just have to go slow. She is being a lazy, selfish brat, and you have every right to help her at your own pace and on your own time.
If she’s that demanding?? I’d stop helping her too until she showed some respect. Your mom is consistently heavily favoring your sister, and she needs to check her behavior or she’ll lose her son in the long run. Maybe it’s time you have a heart-to-heart with her.
You guys are 16. You’re almost adults. If she’s throwing tantrums at 16, then I’d be embarrassed to be her parent. To be honest, you should be helping her when you can when she absolutely needs it, but the carrying up and down the stairs just so she can get water?
Unacceptable. Taking advantage of you. I’m mad for you. NTJ NTJ NTJ.” According_Owl7655
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and your sister is being a complete fool to herself. It is known that people have to learn to move and get around after receiving medical treatment.
It really is very much a case of “use it or lose it”. She may love being pampered and having you at her beck and call but she won’t love it when she finds she can’t then move eventually when she wants to. Muscle atrophies alarmingly quickly if you don’t use it.
Physiotherapists MAKE people get out of their hospital beds and walk remarkably fast after all sorts of procedures because it’s important for the patient to make them move that limb even if it’s painful to do so and very stiff. I had a hip replacement this year.
They have to go deep into your body to literally slice the damaged ball head of the femur off and replace it with the prosthetic one. I can assure you that they expected us to be up, walking (& peeing) within 24 hours of that operation.
That wasn’t the NHS being ‘mean’ but following the best medical practice for the patient.
Suggest your mum talk to a physiotherapist and ask her (a qualified adult) what she professionally thinks about your sister insisting on you carrying her and your sister not bothering to try and master her crutches, no matter how difficult she finds it.
You’re entitled not to be expected to carry her everywhere. There are also protocols about helping patients and people are NOT carried by anyone at all. Even those as strong and physically as capable as Arnold Schwarzenegger. You are one misstep or one awkward wriggle from your sister away from possible back damage and you really don’t want to go there.” cynical_old_mare
7. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Reconsider Attending My Wedding Due To Her Struggles With Singleness?
“A week before my wedding, a close friend messaged me, sharing that since she broke up with her partner, she as a single person, has been struggling with seeing me and my fiancé together.
She mentioned feeling like being single is a failure, and that seeing the love between us is hard to process. She wrote:
“I’ve been struggling with being single, especially since moving to a new home and starting at a new job and it’s affecting my daily life.
Seeing you and your fiancé together is very hard for me. While I’m happy for you, my body reacts poorly. Could you, when we’re all together, maybe tone down the physical displays of affection? It would help me feel less confronted with it.”
A little background story: In our friend group, physical closeness has always been normal and accepted. My fiancé and I aren’t overly affectionate in front of our friends or engage in intense displays. Light physical affection, however, is common for everyone in the group.
There’s another couple in the group who often sit close, hug, or put an arm around each other. When this friend had a partner, she also openly showed affection toward him and with other friends. Hugging, sitting close, or sharing a blanket during a movie has always been part of the group’s dynamic.
That’s why I didn’t expect this request, especially from her.
I responded saying I’m so sorry she’s struggling with this. And I appreciate that she reached out. But that I’d like some time to think it over and discuss it with my fiancé.
I suggested it was better to talk about it on the phone rather than texting.
She replied, saying she preferred not to discuss it by phone as it was too emotional. After talking it over with my fiancé, I replied:
“I empathize with how difficult this must be for you.
The situation at work and coming home to an empty place sounds challenging. However, I want to be honest that what you’re asking is significant. We don’t see our interactions as overly affectionate or intense. At recent gatherings, we both felt we weren’t especially “couple-y.” I spent much of the night helping in the kitchen, and my fiancé was outside with friends.
Your request also brings up a boundary for us. We had an experience where we felt pressured to censor our relationship around others and it took a toll on us. Since then we’ve decided we would never let anyone dictate our relationship. Given that our wedding is a day entirely about celebrating our relationship, I also want to be open about my concern.
If it’s already painful for you to see us together, the wedding might be even more difficult. I’d be happy to talk more if you’re open to it, but I think it’s best to address this before the wedding next week.”
I tried to be sensitive and understanding, but I also felt uncomfortable with the request. She also hasn’t made this same request of other couples in her life. AITJ for asking my friend to reconsider attending our wedding and refusing to tone down affection with my fiancé?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is making everything about herself and is asking you to change how you interact with your soon-to-be husband to make her feel less insecure. That’s selfish and controlling. Since she’s single right now, she wants you to act like you are, too.
That’s awful. If she’s going to be miserable at your wedding, you were not wrong to mention to her that maybe she should consider if attending is going to be harmful to her mental health. Even then, the fact that you have to spend time dealing with her issues when you have a major life event coming up shortly is unfair.
She expects you to prioritize her when she has no right to in this case. It sounds like she’s trying to find some way to ruin things for you because you have something that she no longer does, and she’s jealous. Is there a dynamic in your friendship where you’ve done, or been asked to do, other things to placate her?
Or when she’s unhappy about something in her life, she tries to make others suffer with her? I’m asking because these types of things usually don’t happen in a vacuum. Oh, and when she says she’s happy for you, I promise you that she isn’t.
I have a friend like this, I know how these people operate.” HandBananasRevenge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This ‘friend’ needs to learn how to function in the world without controlling others and mind her own business. Next, you won’t be allowed to celebrate your husband’s birthday, your anniversary or even get pregnant because this ‘friend’ can’t handle it.
This ‘friend’ sounds exhausting and like someone you’ve probably outgrown. It’s ok to let this ‘friendship’ just fade away.” Mirvb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your response was entirely reasonable. You aren’t background music in her life. You are people equal to her living your own lives.
She might not want to hear the happy music of your life right now and would prefer The Smiths as her soundtrack for a while, but she isn’t the main character of everyone’s lives — only her own. Really, if your friend were a considerate person, she would not have put herself first by requesting that you and your fiance change your acceptable and normal affectionate behavior, especially right before your wedding (when you are literally about to enter the honeymoon phase of your relationship).
Obviously, it will make you both feel uncomfortable at all social gatherings she attends, and knowing her not liking to see you be affectionate with each other is going to make it awkward to have her at the wedding (you should not have to worry about your levels of affection with your new husband on your wedding day).
She is being incredibly self-centered. She could have just endured it, realizing that life doesn’t revolve around her and other couples are just living their lives — and you in particular are at a very special stage in your relationship and deserve to have your happiness unsullied. Alternatively, she could have gracefully bowed out of certain social events until she started feeling better.
If she weren’t only focused on herself, she would have worried if her saying anything, or having a noticeably unhappy attitude seeing you together as a couple, might cast a shadow over the time leading up to your wedding, and perhaps the wedding day itself.” kurokomainu
6. AITJ For Not Telling My Brother I Slept With His Partner Before They Met?
“I (16f) have an older brother (20m) who lives in a different state. Recently he has moved back to the state that I and the rest of the family live in. I came out to him pretty early on and told him that I like girls and he has always been supportive, and a few weeks ago I got invited to a party by some friends and met this really awesome girl Mya (18f) who was in her first year of college.
We ended up sleeping together and I haven’t heard anything from her since. Until my brother told me that he was getting pretty serious with a girl and he wanted to introduce her to me. I was happy for my brother but a little hurt that he hadn’t told me he was talking to someone.
Anyways, we went out to brunch and he introduces me to Mya. I was shocked obviously but I wasn’t going to tell my brother at a brunch with my family that I had been intimate with his partner. (Just a note my brother and I are like carbon copies of each other.
We look like twins except he’s got about 4 inches on me and his hair is slightly shorter. So she has a type lol) Well, we finished brunch and parted ways. Here’s where I might be the jerk, after brunch I didn’t tell my brother what happened. It didn’t take long for the truth to come out though because she confessed about a week after the brunch.
Now my brother is super mad at me and is calling me a jerk and I just want to know if I am.
I just didn’t want to ruin this for him because he has a lot of trouble with being in relationships. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It was a rough situation to be in, but you should have told your brother. Imagine how you would feel if you were with someone and found out the same way. You would feel humiliated and upset. He can only really lash out at you, as I imagine she is out of the picture now.
You do need to apologize to your brother and promise that you were trying to spare his hurt feelings. Then promise to never keep anything from him again. Good relationships have good communication. You didn’t do anything wrong until you kept it from him.
No, not at the brunch, but right after for sure.” OhmsWay-71
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but only barely, and I can’t imagine any 16-year-old handling this situation the absolute best because it’s so far out of your experience it’s not even fair to judge you.
Yes, you had good intentions to spare his feelings, but you should have told him in private and as soon as possible. Apologise, give him your reasons, tell him it won’t happen again, and that you’ll give him space until he’s ready to talk. This isn’t a world-ending betrayal, you most likely will get back to your normal relationship given an apology and some time.
He’s probably dealing with some icky feelings about it (as are you and Mya most likely) so don’t try to be too forceful with reconnecting, you’ll get there!” RobsonSweets
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you betrayed your brother in one of the most intimate ways someone may be betrayed, you helped his partner be disloyal to him.
Unknowingly sure, but how is he supposed to believe you now? Also for everyone saying “there is no evidence of disloyalty.” Maybe I’m old-fashioned but “getting serious” with someone takes more than a month in my opinion and you usually wouldn’t introduce a partner to family unless several months had passed. So, again.
YTJ for letting her control the narrative, and he’s rightfully mad at you as he has no reason to believe you didn’t knowingly be disloyal with his partner because when you had the chance to tell him, you shut up because it was “embarrassing.”” Fntsyking655
5. AITJ For Not Cooking Enough Dinner For My Wife?
“My wife had a nail appointment after work, so I picked up the kids from daycare tonight.
When I got home around 5:30 pm, my older daughter had already made herself one box of Mac & Cheese.
The plan for dinner was Mac & Cheese and hotdogs anyway, so I cooked a package of hotdogs and waited to see if I needed to cook more Mac & Cheese.
All of us ate, and there was half a hotdog and a couple of bites of Mac & Cheese left when we were done.
Before I could clean up my wife called to say she was on her way home. I told her that we just finished eating and that the food was gone, and asked what she wanted to eat. She said she would cook something for herself when she got home.
I asked if she was sure, and she said yes.
When she got home she was very upset with me because I didn’t cook enough for everyone. I offered to cook more Mac & cheese and hotdogs, but she said no, and continued telling me that I was socially inept and that I didn’t understand and I should have made more food.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So many people calling your wife the jerk, but I am her. Not literally. It’s not one of those posts. I would have done the exact same thing. If I ask my husband to sort out supper while I’m out, I would assume he would include me in said supper.
It’s not even like you were slaving away at the stove for hours. Your daughter made box mac n cheese, and you heated up hot dogs. Like, throw in an extra hot dog, dude. Or better yet, get the kids sorted and make your wife and you an adult meal. I understand she’s being passive-aggressive by not just telling you when she was on the way that yes, supper for her would be nice, but it’s crazy to me that she needs to say that.
So YTJ.” Reese_krispies
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. OP was in charge of cooking for the family, which includes OP’s wife, and yet he didn’t. And when faced with the shortcoming instead of saying, “great, there will be dinner waiting for you when you get home,” OP said, “we ate everything, do you want me to make you more?” For OP: Why did you put that on your wife to decide?
She expected you to provide dinner and instead, you provided an opportunity for her to exert emotional labor in the form of telling you what to do (which, of course, let you off the hook because if she has to tell you to do something, it’s easier to do it herself).” jellybeanjaq
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand…you were aware that the plan for dinner was mac and cheese and hot dogs. Your child didn’t think to make enough food, or the meal that was decided upon. Cause kids don’t think like that, that’s why there are adults around.
Then you phone it in not by making an appropriate amount of food for the family but just by adding some hot dogs. Then don’t even bother to save her some. Once you remembered she too wanted dinner, instead of just making the food, you asked her if she wanted food?
As if there was a chance she didn’t want to eat dinner. and now you’re surprised that she got upset you were too lazy to bother cooking dinner as planned?” Suziannie
4. AITJ For Wanting To Complain About A Contractor Urinating On My Fence?
“I (27 F) am home today with my 2-year-old son while people replace some siding on my house. Normally this isn’t an issue, I usually greet the people that come and work on my house but this morning I was unable to because I was changing my son.
After I was done changing him, my son was curious about the noise and started looking out the window. Normally I have no problem with this, he loves watching people work. But as I looked out the window, one of the contractors went up to my fence and took a leak.
While he was not “exposed”, I was still super uncomfortable and upset. I picked up my son and led him away from the window. I don’t know if this kind of thing is common. So I was just wondering if I’d be the jerk if I made a complaint, I don’t want the guy to lose his job over this but at the same time, I thought it was grossly unprofessional.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!! They’d been there less than half an hour! I have an office job where I have access to multiple restrooms, and I don’t even need to take a bathroom break until like an hour in! Now, if he had asked and you refused your bathroom and didn’t have a port-a-potty or something?
Then yes, you’d be a jerk. But he showed up, barely worked, and peed on your stuff. Ew. Ew Ew Ew Ew Ew. Eeeewwww. Ew.” NotTwitchy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I work office side for a building firm and I would 100% sack any employee who peed on a client’s fence.
Firstly it’s my responsibility to ensure my builders have the right facilities on site and a lot of the time this means hiring a porta-loo or on bigger jobs a full welfare unit. Secondly, it’s unhygienic for the rest of the men who are working in the area and for the people who live there.
In London if I am caught leaking on a wall after a night on the drink or anytime I can and will be fined and in the worst case could be arrested for public exposure.” nick_shannon
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, to tack on to everyone else talking about this being normal for people who work outside.
Even if you offer them to use your bathroom they’re still going to feel bad coming into your house in their work clothes and work boots to use your restroom. And it is a pain in the butt to take off the boots to go to the bathroom and then put them back on and go back out.
It’s weird that he peed on your fence, are you sure he wasn’t just peeing next to the fence? As someone who grew up in a family that did a lot of construction work, even us girls would go squat behind a bush.” Wrong-Atmosphere9714
3. AITJ For Not Inviting My Mom's Bigoted Partner To My Graduation?
“I (18m) am graduating high school next week and get six tickets to give to people for them to get in.
My plan was to give one to my mom, two to my dad and stepmom (who are flying up from several states to see this), one to my brother, and one to his significant other who’s an important person in my life, and one to a friend who graduated from a different high school.
This was my plan until I told my mom about it. She wants me to give one of my tickets to her partner instead. I do not like her partner. I’ve heard him say many different racist, sexist, and overall bigoted things that make him not pleasant to be around.
When I told her that he isn’t getting a ticket she started getting mad saying “I wasn’t taking her feelings into consideration” and that since she raised me she should get to use one of my tickets for her partner. I told her that it’s my graduation and that I should be able to invite the people I want to be there.
She’s been upset with me since having this conversation and thinks I’m being inconsiderate.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She raised you, um.. it was her choice to have you and her duty to raise you to adulthood. She’s being inconsiderate making you bring someone you don’t like for her.
She can be there for you without him in the picture and if this is because your dad is bringing his wife, she needs to be an adult and get over it. YOU did the work at the end of the day. YOU are the one graduating.
It is YOUR day. She is making it about her and you will not get this day back. If he comes and spouts off some bigoted nonsense, that is not only going to be embarrassing for her but for you as well. As someone who has invited people for the sake of keeping the peace and having the day ruined to the point it took me almost a decade to look at the pictures from it and still haven’t seen all of them, I regret going against my instincts and appeasing people who I know wouldn’t do the same thing if the shoe was on the other foot.
When people show you who they are, believe them and you know that her partner is a bigoted, sexist, racist and doesn’t deserve to be there.” PhoenixRosehere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not about her, it’s about who YOU want to see you walk across that stage and there is limited seating for a reason.
Your mother raising you has nothing to do with YOUR graduation and don’t let her make you think it is. If she feels so strongly, tell her she can give her ticket to the partner or just not go and the ticket can go to someone else.
Don’t let her manipulate you into doing anything for someone you don’t like and don’t respect just because she raised you, those things DO NOT correlate. Now is the time to start setting up boundaries so let her know now that her partner has none and takes no priority in your life and YOU are not obligated to do anything for him, that’s HER partner.
Not your father, and not her husband. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR GRADUATION OP!!!!!!! I’M HAPPY FOR YOU!” Inevitable_Bee6081
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this won’t be popular, but you might want to give her partner a ticket. I don’t know how long they’ve been together, or what your mom and dad’s relationship looks like, but I’d hate your day to be overshadowed by family drama.
Not inviting the partner might create family drama. When you move out and generally after graduation you can decide what kind of relationship to have with your mother and the partner, but consider if avoiding this conflict is worth it.” lucille-marie
2. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Mom For Eating My Only Favorite Dessert?
“I (17F) dislike almost every dessert, I don’t enjoy sweet things at all except for one.
Chocolate soufflé. After returning from a trip I got 8 chocolate soufflés, mind you I cannot find them anywhere else, and in the few times I have they were horrendous.
Today, I got one from the fridge to enjoy it and as I was eating it my mom (48F) grabbed it out of my hands.
Me: Give that back.
Mom: No, let me try it.
That was the small convo before she devoured all of it 1/3 of what was left. I was and still am upset. I yelled at her asking why she did that and she said “Oh because you weren’t eating it, besides it wasn’t that good.” I was livid.
I can’t comprehend why she’d steal it out of my freaking hands and eat it when she doesn’t even like it (yes she’s tried it before and didn’t like it then either). I know I am acting like a toddler but this is the only dessert I enjoy and I get it once every year.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to be upset! This is your mom, she obviously knows you don’t eat other desserts and this is your yearly treat. And even if it had been something you could get more of easily (which it is not) it’s incredibly rude to grab something out of someone else’s hands!
Your mother is the one that sounds childish.” VixenNoire
Another User Comments:
“NTJ buying the dessert occasionally is something you really enjoy and get a lot of pleasure from and your mum knows that. She grabs it and eats it because she knows it will cause you a great deal of hurt and upset and dismay and she gets off on that.
I know, having a narcissist for a mother and experiencing events just like this in my life living with my mother before I got out at 19. Leave as soon as you are able, or eat your dessert away from the house.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Pretty messed up what your mom did but there are better ways to handle this. For what it’s worth, I once stole a pickle off my wife’s plate (she loves them more than almost any other food) before we were married and years later she told me she was seriously considering dumping me for doing it.” [deleted]
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner Use My Car For His New Job?
“My partner got a job offer in a different county. His work would be at least 45 minutes on the highway, plus getting from job to job. I got my first actually brand-new car last year. I pay for 100% of everything car-related except the gas is split.
This would leave my 6-month-old son and me without a car for 9 -10 hours in a rural area.
I told him I didn’t want him putting that much wear and mileage on my car and we would figure something out (like find a beater or rideshare).
Now he thinks I am responsible for him not being able to take the job.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So you’re supposed to be the jerk for him not taking a job that requires him to have a car while he doesn’t currently have one.
The only jerk here is your partner who will leave you and your child stranded. To be honest he never had any intention of taking that job and he knows it. It’s more than likely just an excuse to stay unemployed a little longer, as I’m guessing you’re paying for him.
NTJ but he is.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner applied for a job already assuming that he could just take your car and freedom from you and your young son. You have been reasonable and he then gets angry. That comes from entitlement and not anything malicious you have done.
You even offered to help find another solution. What he should have done was, when he was about to apply for the job said ‘hey hon, I am thinking about this job but there is this car thing…’ and you have a conversation then.
Not when it is too late and he has pushed you into a corner.” Cultural-Mobile-9199
Another User Comments:
“ESH. It sounds like you two live together, have a child together, and share some expenses and responsibilities. You should have concern over how your car is treated, the wear and mileage; but why doesn’t he have a car?
Was this a decision he made? You made together? Were you intending to share the car but for a local job instead? Also, if this a good job, and it pays enough to make up for the wear and tear, is it that bad? You share a child with this man, I’m assuming he’s going to work to help provide for your family?
And since you pay for the car, I’m assuming you may need it for work as well? A lot of additional information would be needed for the best assessment. But at the end of the day, rideshare and getting him his own car sound like reasonable solutions to this problem, since you no longer wish to share your car, which is your right.” Comfortable_Cut_8751
