People Bring Us In On Their Worst “Am I The Jerk?” Moments
21. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner's Nieces Take My Cherished Childhood Stuffed Toy?
“My (22F) partner’s mom came over with two of my partner’s nieces (6 and 3F). We were welcoming and nice and let the two girls nap in my room when they got tired.
They had found my childhood stuffie, which is a husky I had named Emma and took everywhere for 15 years.
Emma is also wearing my favorite shirt from when I was two, because I wanted to keep it close. They took a huge liking to her and asked if they could take Emma back home with them because I clearly didn’t need it.
I told them no, and explained how much I loved her and how much she meant to me.
I told them that I had a great aunt who I loved, but she’d passed away long ago and she had gotten me Emma when I was a baby, so I didn’t want to let go. I (slightly embarrassedly) told them I actually still slept while cuddling her.
I told them the story of the shirt, but they wouldn’t budge.
They began screaming because I wasn’t letting them have the husky. My partner’s mom heard what was going on and immediately sided with the girls, because ‘I am too old for a stuffed toy’ and ‘shouldn’t really care’.
She called me a jerk and told me that I’m pathetic for ‘loving to make innocent children cry’ and that ‘I just love the feeling of power I have over them’, before leaving, with the promise of coming back to get the husky when I couldn’t do anything about it.
My partner and her dad are siding with me, but my partner’s siblings, mom, and aunts are all with the two girls. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ugh, the entitlement. I’d get a ring camera and/or a camera fixed on that stuffy’s location in your place, just to have evidence if indeed they take it.
Perhaps even get an Airtag inside it, somehow! Nothing builds character like being told you can’t have everything in life, but your partner’s mom getting slapped with evidence of theft would surely run a close second.” drdish2020
Another User Comments:
“Hide the stuffy in a safe place, and tell the adults to pound sand.
They aren’t allowed to take your property. If they come back, take the stuffy and leave for the time they are there… or don’t let them in. I’m 40. I have a 33-year-old stuffy that I still cuddle with. It was and is my security item.
It’s mine. Your husky has sentimental meaning to you. My stuffy is the same. NTJ.” OceanStsr
Another User Comments:
“I’m so perplexed. When did it become normal to demand someone else’s property and then harass them when they say no? The entitlement is insane to me.
I have a cat beanie baby that I’ve had since I was a small child. My mother gave it to me and I took it everywhere. It’s currently still with me, sitting on top of my vanity mirror next to my side of the bed. I would never give her away to anyone.
And if someone tried to call me names and degrade me for it, I can’t say I would handle it anywhere as nice as you have. Those girls are going to grow up just as awful as their aunt. Don’t buy them anything, OP.” Serenith_Youkai
20. AITJ For Not Funding My Sister's Dream Wedding?
“My (F30) sister Lisa (F26) and I grew up in a modest family. Our parents had a very small sum to contribute to college tuition and no money saved up for our weddings. They are still working because they can’t afford to retire.
I went to college on scholarship and hold a pretty good job.
I had my wedding last year, it was intimate but very nice (a bit expensive) that I and my husband paid for.
My sister is engaged and wants a nice wedding like mine. Except she never went to college, holds a job as an assistant in a shop at the mall and her fiance is in construction.
They can’t afford a wedding like mine.
She asked my parents for help but they can’t. They are still paying off the mortgage on their home. She asked me and I gave 3k as a wedding gift yesterday which she may use for the wedding.
She called asking when I was gonna send the balance amount and when I said this was it, she was mad at me telling me how it wasn’t enough for her dream dress even. How she needed way more to have a nice wedding like mine.
I told her this was the gift I was willing to give her. She said it wasn’t fair since I had money. I do, but everything I have is earmarked for my needs. I told her as much. She called me a cheap jerk and hung up.
My parents called me disappointed I wasn’t helping my sister out more since this was all she had in her life. I told them a wedding wasn’t a necessity and she should hold one that she can afford, not rely on me.
They are mad at me now as well, and apparently thinking of taking another loan on the house to finance her wedding.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly, spending a lot of money on a wedding when you don’t have the means is financially irresponsible. You aren’t obligated to help your sister, but even if you wanted to, it would make more sense to contribute to a downpayment for a house or something useful in the long run.” jelly_wishes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and you’re fully correct. ‘Hold the one she can afford’. Her endless demands probably make you regret the generous $3K you gave her. If you all agreed to give her the wedding she wants, she’d probably bankrupt both you and your parents.
People with the ‘queen for a day’ mindset tend to forget that the emphasis is supposed to be on the marriage, not the one-day party.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
““My parents called me disappointed I wasn’t helping my sister out more since this was all she had in her life.” It’s their responsibility to prepare their children for the reality of adult life.
Your success in life from your hard work is what they should encourage your sister to emulate. Instead, they’re agreeing with her and saying she should have the same wedding – which prompts me to say that they should put their money where their mouth is and do whatever they need to do to pay for her wedding.
They should be the ones to finance your sister and her delusional behavior – take out a 2nd mortgage and get extra jobs. That said, why isn’t she, the bride-to-be, working extra jobs to pay for this?! It sounds like everyone else decided that you would be paying for this without your knowledge or consent.
YWNBTJ” Listen_2learn
19. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Support My Sister's Family?
“I’m a married M32 without kids. My sister is an unmarried F28 with 3 kids. I am the godfather of her oldest son 6. My sister is a stay-at-home mom who never really worked and who always seemed to find someone to take care of her.
At first, our parents, who had to help her out a lot because “she really didn’t have it easy with all her health stuff” – she has allergies – and then her partner (father of the 3 kids). Finances with them are always tight since the guy doesn’t earn a lot and my sister has a good habit of spending cash on clothes she really can’t afford.
Now, out of the blue, she asked me to have a serious talk with her. Long story short, she confronted me about not helping them out financially since “you don’t have any kids, and it takes a village to raise children. Also, you are the godfather of M6, and by agreeing to that you should feel at least some responsibility to take care of him”.
I was mildly shocked at that and told her that this is again her not owning up to her own life choices and wanting others to take care of whatever mess she got herself into. I gift generous presents to all 3 kids, I watch them sometimes for days just so their parents can have some time off and her comments hurt me deeply.
Especially because she said that “Mom and Dad agree with me and are a little disappointed you won’t help me out financially”. I refused all of it, got angry, and told her to leave. Now she calls me childish, resentful, and selfish for putting myself above the children of the family.
In her opinion, it’s all because I am still jealous of her being the favorite child and getting along better with our parents.
Is that the case? Am I the bitter jerk who doesn’t want to help because I am upset she always got away with things and still does?
In all honesty, that is a point that still bugs me … do I now let that out at her children with not helping?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents agree with your sister because she is their responsibility and want to drop her on you while she is not your responsibility at all.
You can help your sister financially if you want to but sounds like she feels entitled to your money because you made good life choices and have good financial behavior while she is bad with money and made many bad choices but has no accountability and just blames everyone who does better than her, especially if that someone is a relative.
If you start helping her financially she still will be unhappy because you never will help her enough and by enough she will always believe that you owe her your whole salary and all your free time, do not give in and maybe even cut down some of your current help so she learns that actions have consequences.” forgeris
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is out of her mind. And I would speak directly to your parents about what they may or may not think about you offering financial assistance and offer to step down as godparent if it comes with these unusual financial strings.
Hopefully, your parents will either stay out of it or back you. Your sister needs to get a job and learn how to budget. If your partner doesn’t earn enough, you can’t be a SAHM or spendthrift. You’re already generous with gifts and time.
She should be careful not to test your goodwill too much. Your parents may have plans to favor her in the will if she is the golden child. If so, they should be the ones thinking about how to finance the financially needy person they’ve created.” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was your sister’s choice to have three children, it was her choice to be a SAHP, and it’s her choice to spend money she can’t afford on her lifestyle (you mention clothes). It’s your sister’s responsibility to pay for those expenses, not yours.
Since your sister isn’t appreciative of the support (babysitting) that you’ve been giving her, I recommend you stop babysitting for her or do her any other favors. I would also caution you against giving the kids gifts that are so expensive that your sister might return or sell them to keep the money for herself.
You should also consider telling your parents about this conversation. This helps you control the narrative in case your sister tries to paint you as a bad guy. It also lets your parents know that what they’re doing to support your sister isn’t working. You might gently recommend that your parents ask to see Sister’s and her SO’s credit card and bank statements before giving them any more money. Because they may need financial counseling more than cash.
Additionally, warn your parents against giving your sister so much money that they jeopardize their retirement. Tell them that you love them and your sister and your siblings, but you don’t want your sister to wreck the entire family with her choices.” teresajs
18. AITJ For Making My Daughter's Stepmother Delete A Video Of Her From Social Media?
“I’m against children being exposed on social media, I don’t post many photos myself. My ex-husband isn’t a big fan either, but there must be one photo or another.
My daughter’s stepmother, I’ll call her Ally, she’s an influencer from my city, I won’t say numbers but she has +500k followers with content focusing on cooking + fitness.
We both have a good relationship and so do Ally and my daughter. She doesn’t usually post many photos with my daughter.
A few days ago, I saw Ally’s reels and it was her and my daughter in a video like “Cooking with my stepdaughter”.
It’s a cute video with a lot of positive comments, but there were some negative comments about my daughter’s body (she’s chubby). It had more than 2 million views.
I called the father and asked if he knew about the video, he confirmed and said it was something silly that they had come up with and he agreed.
I said that I didn’t feel comfortable knowing that there was a video with more than 2 million views with my daughter without my knowing and my consent.
The discussion went nowhere and eventually, I called Ally and asked her to remove the video.
She asked if I was serious and when I confirmed, she said it was something my daughter had asked her to do together and her father knew that, besides being something silly and they didn’t need my permission to do everything with my daughter.
I replied that my 5-year-old daughter has no idea about social media and that’s why the parents decide on this and I agree that they didn’t need my authorization for everything, but for my daughter to be exposed to thousands of followers with bad comments, I do have a voice and I don’t want this video public.
After this discussion, she sent me a screenshot that she had deleted with a message. “Done, only you to find a video of a stepmother and stepdaughter problematic because you are too neurotic with social media.”
My ex texted me after a while saying that I was being dramatic about all this because of a stupid video and I was exhausting.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it’s perfectly fine for you to ask them to delete a public video of your underage child that is obviously reaching a rather large audience. I’m sure nothing would have come of it but there are many risks when putting a child online.
I would say that it may have been beneficial for you to have pre-emptively discussed whether you were okay with your child being on social media prior to this with your ex, especially when he started engaging in a relationship with a social media influencer, this topic was bound to come up eventually.
But hindsight is 20/20.” Catcon95
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The internet is full of jerks and at some point in her life, she’s going to find the video and the comments. And until she understands what the media presence means (especially if your town isn’t big) you need to protect her.
Including from her father.” athebv
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The limiting social media exposure of your minor child was something both parents agreed to. So now the stepmother is making money (she is an influencer) by posting a video of your child. You are not against them having private videos, you are not against photos, but you are against exposing your child online and erasing your child’s right to privacy.
There is nothing wrong with that. “Look, I don’t want some creep creeping on our daughter who they would never have even known about until the video. She has a right to privacy and it’s our job as her parents to enforce it.”” EquivalentTwo1
17. AITJ For Not Telling My Estranged Mother About My In-Laws' Wealth Before Adopting My Sister?
“I (34F) have a difficult relationship with my mother, she had me when she was 17 and was dependent on various substances when I was growing up. She’d leave me with whoever would watch me for days on end and I’d end up mostly raising myself.
I left home at 16 and couch-surfed with various friends until I was able to get my own place. At 25 I met my now husband and we got married three years later.
His family is the polar opposite of mine and are incredible, so loving, and warm, I honestly consider his parents mine and call them Mum and Dad.
They also happen to be quite well off but that isn’t something I care about, I mention it because it matters to the story.
Last year my mother reached out to me after a decade of not speaking to her wanting to reconnect and introduce me to my little sister who was 2 years old, I was confused as I hadn’t even known she’d been pregnant, but it seems she’d been a change of life baby.
I thought maybe she’d turned over a new leaf and if not I wanted to make sure the kid was ok. At first, it seemed like things had changed and she was trying, this illusion lasted for the first few visits over six months then she broke down, told me she couldn’t do this, and asked me to take my sister.
My husband and I had a long talk about it, we’d been struggling with fertility and had been considering adoption anyway. We told her if we were doing this we were doing it right, and we had his family’s lawyer ensure it was a legal adoption and airtight which took several months, My in-laws adore her and consider her their granddaughter.
They’ve even set up a trust fund for her.
We have allowed my mother one supervised visit per month so she’s not totally cut off from my sister but it was during these visits things went badly as she saw how she was dressed and the toys she had, and realized they were expensive.
She began to rip into us for hiding the fact we have money and how if we’d just given her money she’d have not given us my sister as she could have taken care of her better.
I told her while we have some money it was mostly my husband’s parents’ money not ours so she had no right to know about it, also that I wouldn’t have given her money anyway as I didn’t trust her.
She broke down calling me a selfish jerk who’d never considered how hard things were for her.
I now feel some guilt, my husband has told me if I want to feel better he’ll give her money but that seems like a bad idea as she’d likely use it badly or blow through it and then expect more.
Despite this, though I do feel bad, maybe I should have tried to help her more now my luck is better, or maybe I should have been honest with her. AITJ for keeping this from her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And now just stop it.
You are dealing with an addict. Whose reaction isn’t my daughter is safe and being raised in a healthy environment. But is saying you could have given me money and helped me. She realized she misplayed her hand with you. She reached out to you to pawn off her responsibilities to her child.
Not to reconnect. She was going to do it if you had money or not. She got off the gravy train too early and regrets it. Focus on your family and happiness. She’ll bleed you dry! I’m sorry and hope I’m wrong.
But I’ve seen and lived this.” Ariesinnc3017
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Doing the math – your mom had a second baby at age 49, and she’s now 53. She’s more than old enough to have figured out how to support herself. Let her continue to take care of herself, and focus on your daughter.
If you do feel worried about your mom’s future you could set aside money in an account (don’t tell her you’re doing this) for when she’s elderly and may be unable to support herself any longer. That would be the time to consider helping her.” Ok_Remote_1036
Another User Comments:
“I think there is a bigger elephant in the room besides mom and money. Since she is mad now and using the I could have raised her if you had given me money, this is what she will tell your daughter when you allow her to visit.
She will be spiteful and say snide remarks about you and how you stole her from her “real” mommy. Just from what you have said, this seems like exactly what she’ll do. So, you may want to cut off her visitation with your daughter. Her regret is not that she could’ve raised her if you gave her money.
Her regret is that she didn’t get money before you adopted your baby. That’s what addicts do because it’s always about money to them. Nothing is more valuable than their next hit. Your daughter was in the way of that, and before she knew about the money, your daughter took money that your mom could be using for substances.
Your mom should never be around your daughter until she is sober for 1 year, simultaneously doing therapy and then meeting with you and only you during that year so you can judge for yourself if she is healthy enough to be around your daughter. None of this is about money.
It’s about the best interest of your daughter.” ckm22055
16. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Husband For Eating My Leftover Pizza?
“Yesterday I (27f) got upset because I had pizza left over for myself in the fridge that my husband (32m) ate after he said he didn’t want any when I went and got it.
We argued while I passive-aggressively cooked myself another meal.
For context, we’ve been having a lot of issues, one being “dinners”.
I did and still do a lot of the cooking and grocery shopping for us. In the past, I’ve asked why he can’t shop, cook for us more, help me cook, or at least do the dishes when I cook.
He says that he doesn’t care about eating dinner and would like to eat less because he’s obese, so I should cook for myself and not expect him to cook or dishwash.
I want to clarify that he is not obese because of my cooking.
I cook well-balanced healthy dinners. He gets pizza or fast food almost every day and has a sweet tooth. Of course, at first I wanted to help him be more healthy, so I started cooking for myself and getting groceries just for myself.
But then he started eating my snacks, the dinners I cooked, and my leftovers.
He’d get hungry because he didn’t have dinner (you don’t say??) and would eat a box of Cheez-Its late at night. I get sensitive when he doesn’t leave any snacks or food left for me, but he says it’s bad that I complain about him eating food that’s available because “we can literally just get more”.
I’m pretty generous with sharing self-designated food, all I ask is that he leaves me some and asks me ahead of time. He does neither.
Yesterday I complained that not only did my leftovers disappear, but now I have to cook for myself AND for the person who ate it and who doesn’t pitch in.
He says that I had a valid argument; that he should cook more. But apparently, that argument has been watered down by me selfishly complaining that he ate my pizza because “Again, we can literally get more pizza”. I said the arguments are related — you should cook more OR not eat my pizza when you don’t cook.
Am I wrong to give him grief about eating my pizza or food in general? In this context, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My guy is in denial about how much he’s eating. He’s trying to do the “if it wasn’t a planned meal it doesn’t count” thing.
He won’t eat what was actually intended to be his dinner, but he’ll inhale anything that he considers a “snack” or “leftovers” because that’s not really a meal. I’ve seen people with drinking problems do the same thing. The same sort of negotiations with themselves about what “counts” as drinking.
If they didn’t buy it themselves? Doesn’t count. If it’s not hard liquor? Doesn’t count. If it’s “leftover” from a party? Doesn’t count. And if you complain about how much they’re consuming? “Sure, maybe I should cut back, but the fact that you’re nagging me about it makes me want to ignore you.” He’s not going to be reasoned with.
Whatever is going on in his head is an emotional issue, not a logic issue.” DiTrastevere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this is not about the pizza this is about the lack of respect your husband has for you. “We” only works when you both go and do the thing.
When he says we it is you. You can go and use your time and energy to get more of the thing you would have had if I hadn’t eaten it. Counseling or a lock box in the fridge and snack drawer.” youareinmybubble
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But this isn’t so much about the pizza as it is about his continued disrespect. He does not pitch in for dinners, claims he shouldn’t eat because of his weight which can actually stall weight loss as your body thinks it’s being starved and hold onto fat cells to maintain.
But he isn’t contributing to the household and just expects you to be ok with it. It sounds like he makes excuses as to why he can’t, or shouldn’t or won’t do something. Have you brought up couples counseling? Or if he refuses individual therapy for yourself to figure out if you want to stay in this relationship?” RocketteP
15. AITJ For Telling My Niece Her Hair Smells Due To Her New Beauty Routine?
“I (27F) have a much older brother who has my niece Laya (18F).
He and his wife live in my neighborhood so I see Laya a lot, as she’s living at home while going to college.
Laya is the type of girl to try out a lot of beauty hacks and fads. She’s done fake freckles, Douyin makeup, hair glossing, and more.
However, recently she’s been on a natural/holistic kick. Part of it is training her hair to produce less oil, which entails her washing her hair only once a week.
Let me tell you, her hair is so stinky and greasy. It literally looks wet with grease!
I know some hair types don’t need to be washed regularly, but she has the same hair as me. Thin, fine, and very straight.
Recently, I was going on a coffee run and took Laya with me. Her hair smelled so bad I literally had to crack the window, and I was worried about the smell seeping into my seats.
When we were waiting in the drive-thru, I gently asked her if I could tell her something sensitive. She said sure, so I told her that her new hair routine wasn’t working out and was making her hair nasty. I reminded her that I think she’s beautiful and I love how adventurous she is with trying trends, but I’d want someone to let me know if my hair was smelly.
Laya took it well, and she said she’d ask her best friend Ava if she’d smelled any funk coming from her. Ava is a very blunt girl, so I’m sure she’ll tell Laya the same thing. We drank our coffee, I dropped Laya home, and everything was normal.
However, my SIL Ashley somehow got wind of the conversation, and she sent me a nasty text. She accused me of “tearing down Laya’s confidence” and “shaming her natural body functions.” I haven’t replied to the message yet – just got it yesterday – and I will probably talk to my brother before I answer.
But I think it’s better to tell someone about an issue so they can address it, and I only talked to Laya because I love her and don’t want her to be embarrassed by someone at school, etc.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you didn’t just bluntly tell her she stinks.
You asked first, in private, and gently told her what you think. Hopefully, you know your niece well enough to know that she actually took it well and didn’t just pretend. Your SIL may be lashing out because Laya asked her first and she lied instead of telling the truth.” Astropheanix
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were respectful, tactful, and kind. I wish someone had told me in high school to brush my hair. (I firmly believed I was acing the whole effortless messy curls look while my head looked like a rat king’s nest). Then I wish someone had told me to lay off the dry shampoo in college.
But nooooo I decided half a can of dry shampoo and powder white roots was the way to go.” p************d
Another User Comments:
“Some natural body functions are gross. That’s okay. They’re natural. We don’t shame people for getting a period or stinking after they spend a day sweating.
But we do say something if someone hasn’t bathed for a week or is bleeding all over the bus seat, especially when we’re the grown-ups and the other adults in their lives are failing them. I know she’s 18, but I remember being 18 and I did NOT feel like an adult.
Plus, noseblindness is a thing that can happen to anyone. NTJ, you did a good job approaching it by framing it as a fault of her new routine. Instead of “hey you’re gross lately,” it’s cool to mention that the routine either isn’t working or isn’t going to be worth putting up with the stank in the long run (assuming she thinks she has to be smelly for a while so the oil production goes down in the future.) I know nothing about hair so I couldn’t tell you if that’s true, but some people are a whole olive grove and need to constantly keep on top of that oil.
My husband got that gene and his head could probably lubricate a car. It’s NBD. Gotta find what works for you. This does not work for her.” Schrodingers_Dude
14. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Pick Up Slack At Home After I Started Working Full-time?
“My husband (38M) and I (36F) have been married for 10 years and have 3 kids (12, 8, & 6). I was a SAHM from the time our first was born until last fall when our youngest started kindergarten.
My mom was a SAHM for me and my siblings and I wanted to give my kids that same level of care and love. I have since reentered the workforce and am trying to make up for lost time in terms of my desired career path.
I have a good job at a reputable company. I was hired for an entry-level position last fall but have already been promoted twice. I’ll admit some of that is due to high turnover in some positions, but I have also been busting my butt and it’s been paying off.
However, there have been some drawbacks. I have been working a lot which obviously means I’m not home as much. My husband works full-time too for a business his family owns and operates, so his schedule is much more flexible than mine. As a result, he has been taking on a lot more of the childcare and household duties.
Since my most recent promotion, I have been working roughly 50-55 hours every week. That’s been going on for about 6 weeks now. This is mostly because I am trying to learn this new position on the fly and because I find the work exciting and rewarding.
I really do enjoy it. It’s like I’ve rediscovered a part of me that I had forgotten after being a SAHM all those years.
My husband has been griping about me working so much. He’s not a good cook and the kids complain that he doesn’t make dinner the same way I used to.
He has essentially been trying to stick to the status quo that we established when I was a SAHM in regards to chores. Which was I basically do all the inside house stuff and he takes care of all the outdoor stuff. Of course, there is some crossover but that was how we usually divided things.
But now, since I’m not home as often, a lot of things I usually do aren’t being done in as timely a manner or being done differently by my husband.
He thinks I’m working too much, I’m neglecting the kids, I’m neglecting him, I’m neglecting chores, etc. I reminded him that this is a big change that we are all going to have to adjust to.
He said that the only one in the family gaining anything from this change is me. He then asked if I was being asked to work so much or if I was doing that on my own. When I told him I was doing that on my own he flipped out.
He told me I am being taken advantage of at work and that I’m being naive to think otherwise. When I reminded him that I had already been promoted twice he told me that’s great, but what is the cost of that in other areas of our life.
I told him he’s being a jerk for diminishing my accomplishments and he told me I have been out of the workforce for so long I don’t know when I’m being taken advantage of.
I told him that not everyone gets to work a cushy family job and that he’s going to need to pick up the slack at home until everyone adjusts to our new normal.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “He thinks I’m working too much, I’m neglecting the kids, I’m neglecting him, I’m neglecting chores.” You have both got into a pattern and after years of doing it, I’m sure that the new dynamic is very jarring for him. “He said that the only one in the family gaining anything from this change is me.” This is the thing that bothers me most. Who doesn’t want to see their partner do well?
You do well and you should both prosper. “He told me I have been out of the workforce for so long I don’t know when I’m being taken advantage of.” Yes because when you’re a SAHM you lose all of your brain cells??????? Sincerely think he has some sour grapes that his whole world has been turned upside down in this new landscape and he just doesn’t know how to cope.
I have some small sympathy for him but his approach sucks.” ReviewOk929
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I think you two just need to sit down and be on the same page. – he absolutely can struggle with this new role and of course the kids may not make this transition easy as they’re used to you.
You absolutely can give your career some priority and focus on its advancement. He absolutely can feel that you are working too much and neglecting other things. I suggest couples therapy.” jrm1102
Another User Comments:
“I would say ESH. Yeah, he’s being a jerk to you about your new job, but it sounds like you’re diminishing his work (which supported your entire family for over a decade) as well.
Calling it a “cushy family job” implies that you think he doesn’t deserve it, and that he doesn’t work as hard as you. Since you’re back at work, and probably at least doubled the family’s income, why don’t you hire a housekeeper?
Seems like a simple solution, no?” ThePhilV
13. AITJ For Not Forcing My Son To Eat Blueberries He Doesn't Like?
“Today my wife gave our 11-year-old son some blueberries. My son said that he’d rather not eat them because he doesn’t really like blueberries. My wife replied “but these are really good” so my son hesitantly tried one blueberry and replied “Thanks, but I still don’t like them and would rather not eat the rest”.
I thought that was the end of it and went to the store to get groceries for dinner.
When I came back my son was crying at the table because he was forced to eat the remaining three blueberries. I asked my wife “why is he crying?” and she explained that he had to eat the blueberries because it is healthy.
Thinking it was just about eating a piece of fruit I told my son that he didn’t have to eat the blueberries but he did have to eat another piece of fruit instead like an apple or three strawberries or something similar. My son immediately agreed, spat out the blueberries (in the garbage can), and started eating an apple.
My wife said I overruled her authority and that my son will never learn to eat healthy. My reply was that it is not ok to force a child (or any other person) to eat something they don’t like (especially after they tasted it). How would she feel if I forced her to eat something she didn’t like?
Why is it ok for her to not eat certain foods but not for our son? He likes enough vegetables and fruit in order to get a balanced diet so I think we should meet him halfway and not focus on forcing him to eat stuff we know he doesn’t like (and he is not really a fussy eater so we have plenty of healthy stuff to choose from).
The situation escalated and at one point my son even said “I’ll just eat the blueberries”, in an attempt to de-escalate our argument (after which he took three blueberries from the fridge and swallowed them almost whole just to get it over with). Sadly for him, it didn’t really work because we were already too far into the argument (although I did thank him afterward for trying and apologized for not being able to let it slide).
Am I the jerk because I didn’t force my son to eat the blueberries and allowed him to take another piece of fruit he does like?”
Another User Comments:
“Congrats to your wife for working so hard to mess up your child’s relationship with food, and also starting an argument right in front of him so he would feel wretched and guilty over something that wasn’t his fault.
For goodness sake, he even tried the blueberries. He’s allowed to not like things, as any human being is. NTJ, keep an eye on how she treats him going forward, especially when it comes to food. This incident is likely to have him doing things he doesn’t want to do to reduce friction at home.
And the next time she starts up with you in front of him? Take it elsewhere. He doesn’t need to see or hear that stuff.” dryadduinath
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being able to control your own eating and not eat when you are full or not hungry or you don’t like it is an important skill.
Your wife is teaching your son to ignore his own body. That’s a bad idea. There is no rational reason why a different kind of fruit should not have been enough. It’s one thing to teach healthy eating and portion control. But forcing him to eat foods he hates could teach him that healthy eating means discomfort.
And could have very unpleasant outcomes. Your wife needs to learn what healthy eating is. And that includes stopping when you are full or don’t want anymore.” WickedJigglyPuff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My dad insisted on making fish three times per week for years after I stopped being able to swallow it without gagging.
Because fish is healthy! You used to like it! Okay, but my throat would close up and my diaphragm would involuntarily spasm when I put fish in my mouth and tried to chew. How many times and how much is enough for you to listen to your son when he says he doesn’t like something?
What does that teach him about mindlessly respecting authority and ignoring his own mind and body? Nothing good.” OutlandishMiss
12. AITJ For Encouraging My Daughter's Punk Outlook Instead Of Her Mother's Career-Oriented Dream?
“I am a father to a 22-year-old daughter; we lost her mom to a DUI in 2018. Her mom was very career-oriented and always pushed her to go to college and have a high-paying job, she also bought all of her clothes and made sure she looked presentable.
After her mom died, her grades began plummeting out of control to where she risked not passing most of her classes. I had tried filling that role to give her that push, but it only made her more distant and stubborn.
She grew very resentful and depressed to where I feared I’d lose her too.
It was a very emotionally turbulent period, but she eventually opened up and revealed that she felt lost because she spent her whole life following her mom’s expectations, and now that she was gone she didn’t feel like she had any direction or identity of her own to go forward.
After that my main priority shifted towards helping her discover herself and find autonomy, and part of that included going to the mall and giving her the freedom to choose whatever she wanted to wear. She gravitated towards more outlandish styles than anything her mom had ever chosen for her: fishnet, leather, plaid skirts, belts, etc., and started experimenting with vibrant hair color and styling it into a mohawk.
I figured it was a phase, but she really found herself in this identity and nowadays makes a lot of her own designs and gets excited to send me pictures of herself when she makes a new fashion that she wants to share with me.
This change put her in a much better place emotionally, but her grades never returned to what they once were. She got rejected by the colleges she had applied for and that’s around when the global health crisis hit, so she opted out of pursuing college.
I said she could stay with me for as long as she needed, and she’s still here to this day.
The conflict: her maternal grandmother called me the other day. I guess someone had posted a photo at a protest on social media that my daughter could be seen in, and that set her off on me.
She claimed that I betrayed the memory of her daughter and that her grandkid should have been graduating college this year and moving out on her own with a good man. That because she now looks like a delinquent, she’s ruined any chance of having a stable life, a respectable job, or a good husband.
That she’s been set up for failure, doesn’t surround herself with people who will push her to grow, and will be stuck living with me. That I should have taken charge instead of letting her make these decisions for herself when she was so young, vulnerable, and confused.
Her words have been eating away at me and left me questioning if there’s merit. I do have doubts and worry about her being well off and having enough security for the future, and she has missed opportunities because of how she presents herself, but I am still proud of who she has become.
AITJ for encouraging and enabling her punk outlook rather than working to set her on the more lucrative path her mother had always dreamed for her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re doing the best you can with the hand you’ve been dealt. I would encourage your daughter to be more independent – from your post, I cannot tell if she is working.
But holding her to an expectation of being who she was before a tragedy is a really high and unreasonable standard. Your daughter is still very young and has years ahead of her to build a career and valuable skills, and I would encourage her to do so according to her independent self, not her maternal grandmother’s expectations.
Your concern should just be her health and success; not staying beholden to the past. I am hopeful her mother would have a lot more grace for who her daughter is now and the strength she had getting through a painful time than her maternal grandmother.” Dull-Surprise-559
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only things you need to ask yourself are these: Is your daughter happy? Is your daughter a good person? Does your daughter have the basic life skills to find a job and support herself? If you can answer yes to all three, then you absolutely did a great job as a parent.
If you can’t answer all three as yes, then sit down with your daughter and help her figure out how to make your answer a yes. Maybe it’s job training. Maybe it’s volunteer work to see what field interests her. Maybe it’s counseling to figure out what would make her happy.
You can guide her without pushing. But honestly, it’s not about what you or your late wife wanted for her career-wise…it’s what you wanted for her as a human being. And regardless of how ambitious your wife was, I’m pretty sure at the end of the day she’d want her child to be happy and loved.” HappyTrifler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ of course. It’s awful that your wife is not around to share your parenting of your marvelous daughter, but you have done exactly the right thing in helping her to follow her own path and also keeping a good relationship with her.
Your MIL is exhibiting a classic case of drive-by parenting. I suspect that she did not care to help you and your daughter on your journey of healing over the last six years; by not sharing in that journey, she lost any right to comment on the destination.
It may well be that your late wife would not have approved of your daughter’s choices, let’s be honest. But one thing about being dead is that you don’t get to vote. And it may also be that she would have found a way to accommodate herself to the reality that you are raising a human being and not a parental aspiration.
In short, well done for what you have done, and feel free to tell your mother-in-law to take her insecurities to people who care about them.” curiousbelgian
11. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Parents Take A Graduation Picture After They Missed My Ceremony?
“I (16M) graduated last Friday. After the ceremony ended I couldn’t find my parents anywhere. I was looking around for them and then I decided to check my phone. My mom sent me a text a while ago letting me know that my sister went into labor and she and my dad were at the hospital. This upset me because I thought my parents were there but realizing that they weren’t just made me sad.
I saw everyone else with their family taking pictures and stuff and I was just standing there awkwardly not knowing what to do. My mom told me that they would be back ASAP to come and get me.
They did not. I waited for a good 20 minutes watching everyone else leave.
I decided to just walk home because I got tired of waiting. I walked 3 miles before my parents drove by and made a U-turn to come and pick me up. They were mad when they saw me walking. They told me that it was disrespectful of me to leave without telling them and accused me of putting myself in danger.
I told them that it wasn’t a lot of people left at the ceremony and I didn’t want to wait anymore. I also told them that they knew it was important for them to be there and they completely bailed on me. They told me that they were sorry and kept trying to justify why they left. I told them that it didn’t make sense for them to leave when my sister’s husband was there with her and if they really wanted to abandon me they could have at least had one of them stay with me but they left me with no one to watch me and ruined what was supposed to be a good day for me.
My sister didn’t even give birth that day she gave birth like 18 hours later which upset me more. The problem is my parents are upset with me because they wanted to take another picture of me with my cap and gown on but I refused. The one they took of me in the car I wasn’t smiling and my parents wanted a redo because of it.
I told them no. I said that they already had a picture of me and that it’s all they are gonna get. I told them that there are pictures of me on my school’s social media page and they can screenshot it from there or can leave it alone.
If they choose to attend my college graduation they can maybe see me in another cap and gown. But until then, I don’t see why I have to put it on just for them when they chose to miss it.
They feel as if I’m punishing them by not allowing them to take a picture of me.
I just feel like if they wanted a picture they should’ve been there. Other than that they can use the ones on social media, the one in the car, or none at all.”
Another User Comments:
“Tbh … I think NTJ. It would be different if your sister was alone or in distress but she wasn’t.
It also sounds like it was her first which notoriously takes hours and hours – if she was safe and had her husband with her, they could have waited a couple of hours with you and then all gone together – or, like you said, one of them stayed. Is she the golden child?” heather20202024
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was a big moment for you, so of course it’s normal for you to respond with disappointment when your parents aren’t there. Your sister had her husband with her, and it seems quite unlikely that both your parents would be in the delivery room with her on top of that.
I completely understand that they want to be there for the birth, but they surely knew they still had hours to go before the baby would actually be born once they saw your sister at the hospital. It usually isn’t like in the movies where it’s a process that takes a few minutes.
As parents, they know that. Having one parent stay with your sister while the other attends your graduation is a completely valid compromise. After the ceremony, this parent could then drive back to the hospital with you. If you don’t want them to take those pictures, then that’s that.
The moment has already passed and they weren’t there for it. Photos are to capture memories, and the one they took in the car did exactly that. You shouldn’t have to pretend like it’s a happy memory when, for you, it’s not.” Trikger
Another User Comments:
“I say NTJ. They went on stage and smiled with the assumption that their parents were cheering for them in the crowd. They went up to show off a big milestone with that mentality, which I’m assuming they had beforehand because the parents said that they would be there for them.
Imagine how devastated one would be to find out that their parent never made it to the ceremony to begin with after trying to find them to celebrate the achievement. This is a 16-year-old boy who is asked to be an adult and suck things up when not even a grown adult would be able to handle such a disappointing performance of familial support.” Belladonna_hemlock
10. AITJ For Suspending My Stepdaughter's Phone Service Without Telling My Wife?
“Stepdaughter has been involved in the Junior and Senior tag. Some kids recklessly drove in front of our house close to midnight last night. My stepdaughter happened to be outside supposedly walking the dog (even though she never does that willingly). Some boys run into our yard to tag her then get back in their car and drive off.
My wife and I have no clue what’s going on. When we asked our stepdaughter, she lies saying she didn’t know who they were or what they were doing.
The neighbors ended up calling the police because they heard screaming, plus the car squealing off, and were concerned. The police show up at our house and my stepdaughter tells the truth about the prank.
I’m furious. My wife is delicate in her discipline. Previously when I’ve made suggestions i.e. no phone or not allowing her to do something she really wants to do, she always makes an excuse to not punish her. I have stopped giving input.
I decided to suspend her cell phone service since she lied about the incident and caused such a scene. I didn’t tell my wife. My wife is now furious with me for suspending the phone line.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You do not unilaterally make decisions for your wife’s daughter without her consent and backing.
You have overstepped. Could you have discussed a punishment for lying? Yes. Many parents want their children to have a cell phone for emergencies at a minimum. You have overstepped here in so many ways. The lying? Not acceptable The prank? Harmless fun that adults would do well to remember the shenanigans they got themselves into.
The lack of teamwork in parenting? Appalling.” Dry-Reception-2388
Another User Comments:
“Ok, she told the cops the truth. I don’t see why she should be punished for that. She lied to you about knowing the kids. What difference did it make to you? It didn’t make the neighbors call the cops.
As for the punishment…how is taking away her phone going to teach her to…what, exactly? Not be a teenager? Realize in the moment that admitting to something innocuous that you are yelling about is not going to help? She already knows that whether she admits it or not, you will be mad.
She was in the yard, kids drove by, stopped, yelled, and left. What is so terrible about that? What difference does admitting she knows them make? No wonder your wife doesn’t accept your discipline input.” Neenknits
Another User Comments:
“So to summarize: 1. Someone drove dangerously 2.
Someone ran to your yard and tagged your stepdaughter 3. You ask her (no mention of what was asked), she lies she doesn’t know them or what they were going (doing). No mention of what the truth is here. (How does she know them? What part, if any, she has in their actions?) 4.
Neighbors called the police 5. The police came to your house to investigate what happened. The stepdaughter tells them the truth (no mention of what she told them exactly) and they leave with no action (none that you describe at least). Per your description, the only thing she was responsible for was lying about knowing them.
That’s a pretty inconsequential lie (what is different if she knows them?) and that punishment is way overreacting for a simple lie. YTJ.” Broad_Respond_2205
9. AITJ For Selling Inherited Jewelry Without My Sister's Final Consent To Support My Unexpected Twins?
“I 29F jointly inherited my mom’s jewelry collection with my sister Lily 36F. The collection is worth a fair amount as it started with a great great relative and includes a lot of jewelry. The jewelry is sentimental to the two of us, more so to Lily as she was closer to our mom whereas I will wear the occasional piece and it is all stored at Lily’s house.
I recently found out that my husband and I are expecting twins. The surprise pregnancy was something we could budget for one baby, and two is much harder. I reached out a few weeks back to Lily to say that I wanted to sell something from the jewelry collection, and we could split the profit.
I told her I didn’t mind what we sold, outside of a few pieces, and she refused. I told her I really needed the money, and she could buy it off me, split the collection equally, and then I can do what I want, or allow me to sell one piece.
Lily said she couldn’t pick and choose what to keep or afford to buy me out so eventually agreed on selling a ring. She gave it to me to sell, and my husband and I went around to get the ring appraised at different jewelers and informed Lily a few days later that I had received a quote for x amount and I was going to sell it.
Lily called me to say she had changed her mind and she didn’t agree to any of it being sold, but I told her that was unfair as I really needed the money and she had previously agreed. I sold the ring and sent Lily her half.
She is upset with me and blew up my phone with angry messages.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and I doubt she would do anything but selling it without both owners’ permission was illegal. You need to separate the jewelry and decide who owns what so this doesn’t happen again.
Or since you don’t care about the jewelry and she does, give her an amount to pay you so she owns all of it.” Huge_Security7835
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – it doesn’t matter whether you need the money. She gave permission but rescinded it prior to the sale.
If you cannot convince her, you go to court for it to force the sale or a split of the jewelry. What you don’t do is unilaterally sell something you do not own 100%. That makes you a thief. It’s not yours to sell.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“If you need to pawn antiques you probably can’t afford to have children right now. But that’s a different issue. Here you admitted she was closer to mom and the jewelry was inherited to you both. I can understand your side, she gave an okay and backtracked, but seller’s remorse is a thing and she probably realized the sentimental value outweighed the monetary.” Wrong-Sink7767
8. AITJ For Not Giving My 18-Year-Old Daughter Full Access To Her College Fund?
“For context when I found out I was pregnant my whole family was extremely happy and my mom and her husband (dad 2) and my dad made a retirement fund for 18 years with the intention of paying for my baby’s college education, they gave me full control of this investment portfolio and my husband and I made contributions to it with every paycheck.
The investment fund grew more than any of us could imagine, it’s enough to pay for her college if she doesn’t get a scholarship, and after that, it still leaves a very big sum of money that would allow her to have a head start in life.
My daughter just turned 18 (the legal adult age in my country) and she has known about this investment fund since she was 14, so now that she’s 18 she’s asking to have the fund transferred in her name, but I said no.
My reasoning is she’s still a teenager who would find herself with way more money than a teenager should have, I offered to compromise and pay for her education with the fund (as that was the intention) and in case she needed any money from it or wanted to use any money from it we can discuss it and use the money if we see fit.
She called me a jerk and accused me of wanting to use her money on other stuff (I don’t need that money I earn pretty well or enough to live comfortably), but in my eyes, I don’t want to give a teenager a full trust fund because I’m scared she will spend it all and not have any money left for after college, again it is a very big amount.
My husband, my mom, and my dad are on my side, but there are some other family members (mil and sil) who are calling and telling me I’m a jerk for stealing money from my daughter instead of just giving it to her.
I didn’t think that I was the jerk until my mil and sil told me and now I’m starting to think I was one because the money was for her to use.”
Another User Comments:
“Legal age of adulthood was set at 18 only to allow the government to send kids to war and religious leaders to force young girls into marriage. There’s no magic that happens at 18 that suddenly turns a teenager into a responsible adult. Skeletal, muscular, and brain maturity takes at least 25 to happen, maybe even later.
I completely agree that she shouldn’t get all the money transferred to her name right now. As a matter of fact, her eagerness to want all of her money right now points towards careless expenses only. Someone serious about their career at this age wouldn’t want the headache of a lot of money, they’d want the money properly used. Definitely NTJ.” primordial_chaos_007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That money was saved with the intention of paying for her college. It was not saved as a gift for her to throw away when she turns 18. After she has graduated from college and shown she is responsible enough to control it wisely, then transfer it.
Maybe do a weekly allowance (of a low amount for spending cash and food), but just handing it over would be reckless (especially with her current attitude). The in-laws didn’t contribute so shouldn’t even offer their opinion on the matter.” lilies117
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I am doing the same thing for my own child.
He will not just be given tens of thousands of pounds to waste. When my son is wanting to go to Uni the money will be used for that. If he doesn’t wish to go to school the money will be held for a few extra years to see if he changes his mind.
Then if after a few years he doesn’t want to go to uni but maybe wants to buy a property or something like that he can then have the money as it will be an investment. With the understanding there will be no money for school if he changes his mind later.
On no planet am I saving his entire life’s savings for him to waste it as a young adult living it large. I am saving this money for him yes but it isn’t and won’t be his to just waste. I am 33 and have just returned to Uni, I maybe am taking student loans so I know he can go to school anytime in his life but when he’s young I’d like him to avoid student loans if possible.
That’s just mine and his father’s take on the whole thing.” CrankyArtichoke
7. AITJ For Telling My Dad's Wife She's Not My Baby's Grandma?
“My (F24) partner (M26) and I are finally pregnant after trying for a few months (yay). Naturally, we told our families about our great news, expecting a happy response. My parents are divorced and my mother has been remarried for over 17 years.
So we first told my mother (future grandma to our baby) and she was so happy and excited about it.
When we told my dad, whom I don’t have a great relationship with, and his wife since 5 years back, his wife Ingrid directly assumed she would be our baby’s grandma.
I politely said that she would not be a grandma, because that space is already filled by my mother and my partner’s mother. Ingrid did not take this well and she said that we should be so lucky to have HER as a grandma to our kid and that she hopes we will regret our decision.
I might have gotten a bit triggered by this and told her that she barely knows me, and has not really tried to make an effort to know me and therefore she certainly would not in any way be a grandma to our kid. She stormed out of the house and I have not talked to her since this.
I don’t get it because my mother’s husband (who I grew up with and have lived with most of my life) did not at any time assume he would be called grandpa because in his own words “I’m not your dad, so why would I be your baby’s grandpa?” AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have a relationship with her, so she isn’t entitled to a relationship with the kid. My grandparents remarried, but I don’t really see their spouses as my grandparents. Also, someone can have more than two sets of grandparents. Families don’t have a members cap.” Brom_01
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You’re all being weird here. She is your child’s step-grandma. There are no arbitrary limits on how many family members you have, so this is not a ‘decision’. Now, you may try to strengthen the relationship with the other grandmas, that’s totally up to you, but your child may know this person their entire life, so they will have a very different experience.” Lintree
Another User Comments:
“Bonus grandma here. (In the family for 25 years.) I see both sides. 18 years ago, I didn’t EXPECT, but I was thrilled to be asked, what name I wanted as a grandma name. Our grandson had 6 ‘grandmas’ at birth because his great-great-grandmother was still alive.
Anyway, I chose a nickname that meant something in my own family, but didn’t push any boundaries in my partner’s family. Now every kiddo calls me by that name, including my grandkids’ cousins. I also adore my ‘kids’ to whom I am a bonus mom.
But… more importantly in your situation, I did the work. I showed up. I changed diapers, I go to sports events and concerts—because I enjoy all of it, but also because that’s what a grandma does. So… your kid might benefit from another ‘grandparent’, but it’s not a prize for your dad’s SO, it’s an earned privilege.
IMHO.” saintsgma
6. AITJ For Threatening To Change My Last Name If My Dad Marries His Mistress?
“In June my mom moved out of their shared home because my dad is a narcissist and had gotten worse with me and my siblings as we got older. Between us moving and Christmas he asks if I would be okay with him seeing someone and I wouldn’t mind of course.
4 months later we have our first Christmas apart. One day while my siblings and I (me, my sister 11, my younger brother 8, and sister 6) were at his house, he stayed out very late. I was incredibly worried and couldn’t sleep. Turns out he was just at his “friend’s”.
After this, I tried to get him to tell me about his partner but he refused, which drove me absolutely crazy. So out of my better judgment while he was gone to the store I did a little snooping just to see what her name was.
I find EVERYTHING and I mean everything, notes she’s written him from before and most likely from when my mom and he were together of her saying “I’ve always loved you”.
I find a paper from a jewelry shop from December 30th with his name on it and the name of a ring.
I want to mention something very crucial he’s never paid my mom a cent of child support this entire time, he hasn’t bought us birthday presents, or paid my mom back (she was paying for his insurance until after I found this out) and he doesn’t buy groceries because it’s too expensive.
The ring he bought for her cost over 3000 dollars.
In March he proposed to her which I know because he wears a ring on his ring finger from her and a note from her in March saying she can’t wait to spend forever with him and “till death do us part.” I told this all to my mom and she KNOWS HER.
She’d been working with my dad for over a year before my parents split. The fiancée knew about my mom and my dad but she still decided to have a relationship with my dad secretly before they split up. So obviously I hate this woman’s guts.
And I’m extremely upset at my dad.
I decided it was not smart to tell him that I know about everything yet. I wanted to see if he was ever going to let me or my brother know (who lives in his house full time and is 27) that he was getting married. He doesn’t tell us absolutely anything for months until I check again and see a note from the fiancée asking what date their wedding should be in October.
He was planning on getting married to his mistress, without letting anyone know especially my brother whose living situation might change very soon because of it?
This made me so so angry, anytime I was ever at his house all I could think about was how little he cared for me and my siblings and my hatred for my whole situation just boiled over and I fully just cracked and told him if he gets married to his partner I’m going to change my last name and that I would never go to their wedding.
His response was “you just don’t want me to be happy” and that “I need to stop being cruel to him.” He insists I’m just being mean to him.”
Another User Comments:
“Whatever. Do as you please, he is doing as he pleases.
Don’t give him an ultimatum. Just do it. Why would you care what he does with his life? Just move on from him in yours. Let all of this petty drama go and be happy away from him. You aren’t punishing him, he could really care less.
You are engaging with him for nothing, there is going to be no big win in this for you. Let them be blissfully happy in the secret and hidden life together. Let him and them go, only if you want to be a real adult.” Lucky_Log2212
Another User Comments:
“INFO: how do you know he was being unfaithful? Because you said you saw notes and assumed some were most likely from when your parents were still married. How did you get clarification? And why did you feel the need to tell your mom all about the new fiancée when they’re divorced and seemingly hate each other?
And by “a little snooping” to find her name, what did you mean? Because you found a lot of stuff which sounds like you had to have gone through quite a lot of your dad’s personal items.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re a jerk, but you need to quit with the snooping and stop expecting him to do the right thing.
He’s proven he won’t. So believe him. All you’re doing is spending a ton of time riling yourself up and fuming with anger while he couldn’t care less. You’re only hurting yourself on your mission to hurt him. Quit it.
Be the better person. Not for him, but for YOU.” anxiouslucy
5. AITJ For Implementing A "No Children Under 10" Rule At Our Vow Renewal Ceremony?
“I (40F) and my husband (41M) have been married 20 years, and our children (twins F and M) are 14 this year.
We decided to get our vows renewed, as we got married at 20 and are now 20 years into marriage, we have spent half our lives together and the milestone lining up with our ages is cute.
We did not have the most grand wedding as we were both college students at the time, and as such have decided to host a more upscale party (not a wedding, we are renting a nice venue and getting a great caterer).
It’s more for the symbolic value than re-doing our wedding.
We’ve invited a lot of our family, including my sister (35F) and my husband’s brother (33M) – they both have young children with their partners (sister’s is currently 6, brother-in-law’s is 4.) and we have asked them to not bring them to the event.
We set this rule as there will be drinking, music, and the venue has quite a few areas that are restricted, and we don’t think it would be good to have children under ten there with all of us. (we plan on having 23 guests, as those are all that have RSVP’d)
My sister was upset, as the venue has a large garden and an indoor aviary and butterfly raising facility, and her daughter loves butterflies. My BIL was also a bit upset, but more towards finding a babysitter (even though the event is 3 months out as of now).
Well, my sister and BIL have seemed to form a group and, upon learning that our cousin, who has a 10yo, will be bringing the 10yo, they have gotten quite angry and aggressive with us, asking us to let them come with their kids or they won’t show up.
My mother is very lax and has on multiple occasions told my sister she’s being unreasonable, but my sister thinks “no children under 10” rule should include the 10-year-old, and has begun saying she thinks we dislike her daughter.
My husband is quite averse to confrontation and has told me he doesn’t care if his brother comes or not.
Meanwhile, our kids are also not helping the situation. My daughter, in trying to be helpful, told my sister she would make a scrapbook of photos from the venue for her daughter, which only aggravated my sister further. My son, in also trying to help, offered to stay home and watch both of the kids, which made my BIL start piping up about how my son shouldn’t have to stay home because we can’t change our rule.
I do want my sister and my BIL to be there, but I also think they’re being ridiculous. I have even offered to pay for babysitting and have gotten turned down. I think they’re too far seated in their commitment to getting us to break down the rule than they are to accept a peace offering.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t agree with those that say you’re in the wrong here. A 10-year-old can be trusted to not try to sneak into restricted areas, can find their own way to the bathroom, and not throw a fit at the drop of a hat (hopefully!).
Also, I’m assuming this is an evening event, since there will be drinking and dancing. That makes me think that it’ll last long after bedtime for such young children. They’ll get cranky and overstimulated, and with such a small guest count, their behavior will be hard to ignore.
And if your niece is interested in the aviary, she’ll probably get upset if she’s not allowed to hang out there all night. I also bet that your sister and BIL will expect everyone else to help watch their kids so they can enjoy themselves at the expense of others.
NTJ.” HoosierBeaver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your event. You want it kid-free, that is your choice. They don’t want to come, that’s their choice. If they want their kids to see butterflies, they can go bothered at another time or find another place to go with their kids.
But I don’t get this “You do as I say or I won’t come! Waaaaa!!!!” If you can’t or won’t find a babysitter, you decline gracefully. This is not your sister’s event. It’s yours. You want her there, sure, but why let her take over?
Do not fall for the “do it for family”, “just make an exception for me”, “do it to keep the peace”. NOT THEIR EVENT!” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A 4-year-old and a six-year-old require consent supervision. Four-year-olds are prone to tantrums, bathroom accidents, and early bedtimes.
Including young kids means a couple of adults will need to mind the kids at all times and not be fully present at the festivities, but instead focused on childminding. In the end, it’s OP’s party and she can have whatever stipulations she wants. She even offered to get a sitter.
It’s not unreasonable for her to not want a potential crying fit if the kid gets unruly during the ceremony or wants chicken nuggets during the party.” F******************6
4. AITJ For Going Behind The Bride's Back To Choose My Best Man Outfit?
“I, 23M have this friend, Joseph, 26M, who I met in a group home. I had a pretty rough childhood and he took care of me in the home, which can be not so great if you’re one of the youngest. Anyway.
We became close pretty much immediately and as we grew up we became best mates. I recently graduated, and he was there, I helped him get a job, etc.
His future wife Amy doesn’t like me. I have no idea why, it’s not even a mutual feeling.
I brought it up to Joseph once but he dismissed it saying she has no reason to dislike me. I know, that’s part of why I’m confused.
Anyway, Joseph is getting married, I’m his best man which Amy is unhappy about. This is probably the time to mention that Joseph is South Asian and Amy is White so they’re having a mix of cultures at the wedding.
As a member of the groom’s half, I’ve got to wear something South Asian. So I picked out this red kurta set. Amy didn’t like it because she thought red would look too bridal.
I’m a guy so I was confused but desi brides do traditionally wear red (she’s wearing white though) so fair enough.
I then picked out a blue one, and she said the blue was too bright, I then picked a green one, she said it didn’t go with the theme. I was starting to get the feeling she was doing this on purpose (since she suggested no alternatives) and just wanted to keep me out of the wedding.
So instead of asking her about it, for the next one I just went straight to Joseph for approval, he okayed it pretty much instantly, a cream kurta that matched some of the others on his side.
Amy saw me in it for the first time yesterday and started screaming.
I couldn’t make out much of what she was saying since it was a lot of borderline screeching, but roughly I think she thought it was too similar to white. She called me a lot of swears, which I will not repeat, and a jerk for going behind her back.
But it’s Joseph’s wedding too. It’s not like I just chose it on my own.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but at some point, you’re going to have to tell her, “Amy. I need to know what you find to be an acceptable choice. I’ve tried several options and you’ve told me no to each one.
This is getting ridiculous.” Be the adult in the situation. It might also be worthwhile to ask her directly what her problem is with you. Perhaps not until after the wedding, though.” seregil42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Amy was being obstructionist and what she’s really mad about is that her power was taken away from her by no other than her own oblivious fiance.
Sorry to bring an omen of negativity into this but don’t be surprised if, once they’re married, you rarely or never see your friend again. You may have won the battle, but you may still lose the war. Depends on how much of a spine your friend has and/or how long he can keep burying his head in the sand about Amy’s feelings towards you.” NomNom83WasTaken
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is Joseph’s responsibility to sort out. You’re the best man, not a bridesmaid. If Amy has an issue with your outfit she should take it up with Joseph. Not to mention the fact that she probably doesn’t know much about desi weddings.
She has a problem with you wearing red? That’s actually concerning. I’m not sure if you’re South Asian or if it’s just Joseph but look up a picture of desi weddings, if Joseph has other desi guests Amy needs to be prepared or at least have some information on them.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Leaving My Cousin's Wedding After Being Accused Of Lying About My Natural Curls?
“My (24 female) cousin (26 male) married his wife (25 female). One of the only rules/dress code for the wedding was for those with curly hair to come with it natural. My cousin’s wife, let’s call her Sam, is a worker for a hair brand that focuses on mainly enhancing natural curls.
She’s gotten into the brand over time and often wears her hair curly, and wants everyone else to not make the same mistake she did by straightening it and ruining her curls for a period of time.
My cousin and I didn’t grow up around each other and have recently reconnected. Whenever I saw him, I’d straighten my hair or have it already straightened by convenience, so when I showed up to the wedding with my naturally curly hair his wife went ballistic.
She said that only people with naturally curly hair were supposed to keep their hair curled. She claims I’ve never had curly hair and I just curled up for the wedding.
I tried to tell her in the calmest way possible that was simply not true and I would rarely wear my hair naturally.
But followed the rules for the wedding. She said I was trying to ruin her wedding because no one would believe she had naturally curly hair.
My cousin and I had become very close over time so as a present I bought them a very nice TV for their new house they just bought.
I ended up getting kicked out of the wedding for not following the “dress code” and on my way out I grabbed my TV and left. Once my cousin figured out it was the TV he and his wife had been wanting, he tried to convince her to let me back in.
She quickly apologized and said she believed me, I came back in mistakenly, and halfway through the night one of her bridesmaids poured water on my head to see if my hair would straighten and when it didn’t and my $400 dress was sopping wet, I picked up my TV and left. My cousin and his wife have been calling me nonstop telling me I shouldn’t have left abruptly and took back the wedding gift. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You get called a liar for following an asinine wedding rule. They wanted you back for the gift. You were harassed, assaulted, and had your dress wet so they could try to prove you were lying. In no way, shape, or form are you a jerk.
NTJ.” GothPenguin
Another User Comments:
“So they: 1. Make a stupid rule 2. Yell at you for following stupid rule because it “shouldn’t apply to you” 3. Don’t believe you when you say it does, in fact, apply to you 4. Realize you took back the expensive present you got them (because she yelled at you) 5.
Says they “believe” you to get in your good graces again 6. Has one of their friends pour water on you (and your expensive dress) to “prove you’re lying” 7. And, finally, get upset you took said expensive gift back (again) after committing assault. Someone tell me where OP went wrong because I’m not seeing it.
NTJ.” Cosmic_Voidess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ by a comfortable margin. Hmmmm… What an odd thing to say – why on earth would you having curled your hair, if you had, make people think her hair isn’t really curly? I mean it’s not like they don’t know people with straight hair can curl it… And she’s SUPER into this brand….
I think she does protest too much and she does not in fact have naturally curly hair. I think she thought you knew and were shadily calling her out.” Ebechops
2. AITJ For Not Changing My Son's Schedule To Bond With His Newfound Sister?
“My husband of 4 years learned only a few months ago that he had a daughter he never knew about.
The mother of his daughter was an ex he was with 8 years ago for a few months. She moved out of state and he never saw her again. She never mentioned being pregnant. But she was and her family had been taking care of my stepdaughter for almost 2 years because my husband’s ex had started engaging in harmful activities and drinking heavily so she was not fit to parent.
They attempted to help her but when they realized it was a lost cause they decided to notify my husband.
A DNA test was carried out which confirmed he is the father of his daughter. She’s 7.
It came as a surprise but wasn’t something we struggled to accept.
It was mostly strange because we were all strangers and my stepdaughter didn’t know my husband or he didn’t know her. So some time was taken to make sure they knew each other before she moved in with us. I’m also pregnant so a lot of changes have been going on.
I have done my best to keep things as normal as possible for my 15-year-old son. So nothing much has changed for him but this bothers my husband’s parents. My son always spent a lot of time with friends and my in-laws feel this is wrong now that he has a sister to get to know and a brother or sister on the way.
They feel like I should be changing his schedule so he’s home more and carve out plenty of time for them to bond because they hardly ever interact.
My husband said doing that could make him resent her when some things have already changed. He also pointed out that they won’t have much in common given the age gap and the fact they’re opposite sexes.
My in-laws said it’s on me as my son’s mom and only parent to make sure he gives my stepdaughter a real chance and gives her a chance to be a sister instead of a stepsister and by keeping his schedule as it is, I am not encouraging that.
When I told them I didn’t want to bring even more changes to his life right now and wouldn’t change anything they accused me of not caring about the consequences and not being a good mom or stepmom.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You sound like you care a LOT about the consequences.
I see where your in-laws are coming from, but they are over the line. The truth is, even if your 15yo and the 7yo grew up in the same house, they might not be very close. That’s a big age gap and the 15yo understandably has different needs and preferences.
If they are naturally disposed to feel sibling-y towards one another, that will happen on its own. If you and your husband are being kind to her, I doubt 7yo will be longing for her half-brother’s company. You didn’t create this situation and you can’t force a situation where everyone feels like they grew up together.” CuriousJackfruit6609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your in-laws have no business giving advice about your son. Period. It would be good if the two kids would interact to some extent to get to know each other. Perhaps family days where you do something like go to an aquarium or a theme park, etc. You and your husband are doing great IMO – and if your 15 yr old is accepting the new daughter…that’s a big step right there.” omeomi24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they bond as siblings at all, it has to happen naturally without being forced. The last thing you want to do is teach him to resent his younger step and half-siblings because they disrupt his routine and now he is facing pressure to bond/provide childcare.
He is 15. He wouldn’t be super close to a full sibling that was 9, and 15 years, younger. It’s disruptive enough to him and to your new stepdaughter already. Let them breathe and hold on to whatever normalcy they can. I hope you have enough space so both the older children (and after a year or two, the baby) have their own rooms.” candycoatedcoward
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To College Despite My Parents' Expectations?
“I (20F) have always dreamt of college/university from when I was young, or at least that’s what my parents believe. They shaped this dream primarily because I grew up watching all those 90s and 2000s movies that glamorized the college experience, not because I have any genuine passion for higher education or something.
My parents, especially my father who never had the chance to go to college when he was my age, have been carefully planning my academic future since before I can remember.
For years, I’ve overheard my parents boasting to their friends about how “El is definitely going to college” and detailing the prestigious programs they were certain I’d enroll in.
Here’s the kicker: I never expressed any interest in those plans. Heck, I never even confirmed I wanted to go to college at all! I’ve always been undecided, but instead of being honest, I just smiled and nodded, hoping the conversation would move on. The pressure has been immense, but I’ve kept my thoughts and feelings hidden, terrified of disappointing them or coming off as some unappreciative daughter.
Now, I’m drowning in my own head. My parents have invested so much time, effort, and money into preparing for my college education. Like I can see the pride in their eyes when they talk about my “bright future,” and it breaks my heart. But as of last night, after a deep conversation with friends who are feeling the same pressure, I decided that I need to come clean.
I want to sit my parents down and tell them that I’m not ready for college, that I need more time to figure out what I truly want in life. But there’s this voice in my head screaming, “You’re an ungrateful brat!” Tbh the guilt is eating me alive.
WIBTJ for telling them I do not want to follow through with their carefully laid out plans for my future? WIBTJ to confess that I need more time, even if it means not following their exact roadmap?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but have you thought about what you do want to do with your life?
Obviously, you need to do something. That doesn’t necessarily have to be college, but do you have a plan for a career? That way you can tell them what you do want to do. If you just say ‘I don’t want to go, I don’t know what I want to do’ I could imagine they may freak out.
I have no idea what college/university is like in the US, but I know in the U.K. it’s VERY different from school and all the subjects you hate, you get to drop and take what you’re interested in. Have you considered maybe doing some college-level classes somewhere to see if you like it without fully committing, if that’s a thing?” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for lying to them for years. You need to make a plan. ASAP. Even if it isn’t for the rest of your life, you NEED to make a plan for your next 10 years let’s say. You need some kind of job training (college, trade school, etc) and you need to plan for your own financial self-sufficiency.
Listen dude. I am 30. I started college at 17. It isn’t for everyone. But a college degree in some fields is a ticket for financial self-sufficiency and THAT’S what they crave for you. For you to be able to take care of yourself. You need to work on that plan ASAP dude.
They are going to freak out when you tell them. (because of the lying) AND because they thought you were crossed off their worry list. It sucks and it’s unfair that we ask teenagers to make such major choices so early. But that’s the ball game/rat race/bull.” hypotheticalkazoos
Another User Comments:
“College is not for everyone. If you are academically challenged or just not interested in higher learning, that is okay. However, what do you have an interest in? Trades, the arts, military??? I would say though that a college degree really does widen you as a person.
However, there are other viable routes. I do not have a judgment for you as it sounds like you really love and want to please your parents but realize it is not the path for you at this time. Maybe discuss taking a gap year.” Jealous_Radish_2728
