People Brief Us On Their “Am I The Jerk?” Situations
21. AITJ For Isolating My Nephew After He Stole From The Other Kids?
“Last Saturday my (34M) son (7M) had a sleepover with some of his friends and cousins, they did the normal sleepover activities like playing video games, playing with toys, watching movies etc. On the last night, I was walking up the stairs and saw my nephew in my son’s room alone putting something in his bag.
After he left the room I went in and opened the bag to find my son and the other guests’ toys in his bag. I found their legos, Beyblades, trains, games, action figures, and more in his bag stuffed in his clothes, I was furious.
Now this is one of the points where I might be a jerk but I brought the bag downstairs and dumped it out in front of all the kids, they all started to notice their things and started to look at my nephew.
He started crying and I asked him “Why are you stealing you literally have a good chunk of this stuff at your house, did you take anything else?” He was still crying when he started to show me the places he hid the toys he was trying to steal. He hid them under the couch, bed, behind the toilet, and under the table.
I told him that I was calling his parents (my sister 29F and brother-in-law 32M) to come pick him up and he started crying even harder, I called my brother-in-law and he couldn’t pick him up because he was at work so then I called my sister who was out in another city with friends so she couldn’t pick him up.
Now here’s the second point where I could be a jerk, I got an idea in my head on how I could deal with this, I pulled him aside and told him “Your parents can’t pick you up so you have to stay but you won’t be spending the rest of the night with everyone else, you will sleep by yourself in the guestroom.”
He started to cry even more but I told him this is what happens when you steal, I put him in the guest room and told him he wasn’t allowed to leave until the morning (the room has a bathroom and he had already eaten so there was really no reason for him to leave).
His parents came to pick him up in the morning and all was well until a few hours after everyone else had left I got a call from my sister furious at what I had done.
My nephew told her what I did and she was angry at the fact I “made him feel like a criminal” and that she understood what he did was wrong but I took it too far.
She then told me that he had stolen from others in the past but had been trying to fix this problem, I told her that maybe what I did was more effective than whatever they have been doing. We argued for a bit until she hung up the phone on me.
She has now told everyone in our family about this and I have had people tell me that what I did was too cruel and others tell me what I did was right. On one hand, I feel like what I did was right because why should he have still been allowed to be a part of the party after doing what he did and the other is telling me that I shouldn’t have punished someone else’s kids and that maybe I might have caused some sort of trauma by him being split off from everyone else but I don’t know, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Tough one. I think NTJ, but I also think you could have handled it better. To begin with, your sister and BIL are double jerks. First, you don’t send your kid to a sleepover when nobody can pick them up.
What if he gets sick? What if you get sick? Second, you don’t send a budding kleptomaniac to a kids’ party without giving the adult in charge a heads-up. That’s absolutely asking for trouble. What I think you could have handled better is that I think you had a very knee-jerk “shame the kid out of it” response that is probably not helping with whatever is making the kid steal that much.
That’s “mental disorder” levels of theft in my (amateur) assessment. On the other hand, once you’d done that you couldn’t leave him with a pack of angry seven-year-olds, so the separate room was probably wise. But did you go sit with him and check he was okay?
Make sure he understood why you punished him, and what he had done wrong? You’re a parent, you know this stuff.” Doctor-Liz
Another User Comments:
“The variety and number of items the child stole is very interesting to me, including the fact that in addition to using his bag, he had hidden stolen items throughout the house.
If this isn’t a cry for attention, I don’t know what is. Sounds like he practically needed an extra suitcase to leave with all his loot. Consequences–since the parents felt unable to come pick him up, and all the stolen goods were returned to rightful owners, a thoughtful approach might have been for the group of 7-year-old friends and peers to consider among themselves what the penalty should be for the behavior.
Perhaps they had useful ideas to consider. Peer group influence is very powerful in shaping behaviors for young people, and in this case, his friends are the people he offended against. Just a thought. OP was presented with a thorny issue, no backup from the boy’s parents, I’m not willing to say he’s the jerk for grappling with this as was done.
NTJ.” abcwva
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your sister knew her kid had a habit of stealing, she shouldn’t have let him sleep over in the first place. Neither parent could pick him up and letting him continue with the sleepover would be reinforcing his bad behavior.
You did the best you could all things considered and you treated him like a criminal because he acted like one. If your sister keeps giving you crap, tell her putting him in the guest room for the rest of the night is better than him sleeping in a jail cell, which is where he’ll end up if he continues to be a thief.” ManicPanicPeach
20. AITJ For Defending My Career To My In-Laws By Revealing My Husband's Salary?
“My husband and I are doing okay financially, we make enough to not worry about rent and necessities, we are saving a decent amount, and have scope for growth in our careers.
I make a little more than 1/3 of our combined income. We are both in our late 30s and we have two 6-year-old boys. I have never liked my husband’s family (most of them anyway) because they have a lot of old-fashioned opinions and don’t really approve of me.
We don’t have a lot of contact so it’s okay though.
My husband’s cousin’s wedding is this week and they are getting married in our city, so he offered for his parents and aunt and uncle to stay with us.
(bride and groom are renting a place.) It is a bit of a squeeze but it is working. They have been here for two days now and on the first day I heard them having a whole discussion on how it’s so sad that our children won’t get to have a “proper” childhood with a mom at home, like my husband and his cousin got.
While they were in the living room and I was in the kitchen and they knew I could hear.
I was stewing but I don’t really like confrontation so I didn’t say anything. Later I asked my husband if he could please tell them to shut up with the snide comments about me.
He said that’s just their opinion and it’s not really hurting me, if I’m bothered I should learn to stick up for myself – and that he can’t always do it for me. This sort of struck a nerve because it’s true that I usually ask him to do small things like telling the drive-thru person if our order is wrong because it just makes me feel weird and guilty.
But somehow it feels like more of his responsibility because it’s his family involved here?
Anyways so today my FIL made one more pointed comment during dinner and I said your son makes xxx. We live in a big city and the rent is xxx.
We literally cannot live on his salary so I don’t know why you think I should be home all day. They were pretty quiet after that. Now my husband is really angry with me because I put him down in front of his family who are all richer than us and will look down on him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. Your husband and in-laws, however… Common sense dictates that if your family has a problem with your spouse, you have their back. Still, I think you handled things perfectly given the fact that your husband is a textbook jerk and doesn’t defend you when he should.
He doesn’t get to be mad for the way you chose to do what he said, you just took his advice. Also, is he a teenager? Why is he so pressed about his family knowing such trivial things as your rent and general income?
If he didn’t want you to say those things, he should have had your back I guess.” Enforcer1971
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband and his family sure are. He didn’t want to handle it and seemed perfectly content for them to drag you into your own home and tell you to deal with it or handle it yourself.
He’s currently experiencing FAFO. He deserves to feel as uncomfortable around his family as he’s been okay with you feeling all of these years. And as far as the SAHM thing, even if it were affordable for most people (which isn’t the case), it’s not the best choice for everyone.
I’m a SAHM and my sister isn’t. Both of us have great kids. Some people are better moms because they work and there’s nothing wrong with that. And most people have to either work or sacrifice a lot (like my family has) in order to make that work.
If hubby didn’t want them to know the truth then he should’ve shut them down. And if they have that much money they can find a hotel instead of leaching off of you guys and insulting you in your own home.
Apparently, money doesn’t buy class in this instance.” PsychologicalGain757
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “If you don’t like the way I stick up for myself then you should have done it.” Hey OP’s husband YES IT’S YOUR JOB TO SHEILD YOUR WIFE FROM YOUR FAMILY AT ALL TIMES otherwise it’s a job you don’t deserve.
OP this is the kind of man you want your boys to grow up into? Ones who let people talk nonsense about their wives? They’ll be on the fast track for divorce 100% guaranteed if you don’t shut this nonsense down.
So no it’s not okay because you only see his family sometimes if he categorically fails every time you do.” BriefHorror
19. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister's Dog At My Wedding?
“My (30F) wedding is coming up in three months. I’ve been planning it for over a year, and everything is almost set. My fiancé (32M) and I are both really excited. We’re having a fairly traditional wedding at a nice venue with about 150 guests.
My sister, “Emma” (28F), has a 3-year-old Golden Retriever named “Buddy” whom she absolutely adores. Emma has always been very close to Buddy, and he goes almost everywhere with her. I love Buddy, too, but I’m not as obsessed with him as Emma is.
A few weeks ago, Emma asked me if she could bring Buddy to the wedding. She said he would be well-behaved and that it would make her feel more comfortable since she has some social anxiety. She even offered to keep him outside or in a designated area if that would help.
I thought about it, but ultimately, I decided it wouldn’t be a good idea. Our venue isn’t pet-friendly, and I don’t want to deal with the logistics of having a dog at the wedding. There are also a few guests with dog allergies, and I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable or excluded.
When I told Emma this, she got really upset. She said I was being unreasonable and that it wouldn’t be a big deal to have Buddy there. She even accused me of not caring about her feelings or her anxiety.
I tried to explain my reasons, but she was too angry to listen and said she wouldn’t come to the wedding if Buddy wasn’t allowed.
Now my parents are involved. They think I should make an exception for Emma because she’s family and weddings are about bringing people together.
They said I’m being too rigid and should reconsider, especially since Emma is threatening not to come.
I’m really torn. On one hand, I want my sister at my wedding, and I don’t want to cause a family rift. On the other hand, I don’t think I’m asking for anything unreasonable by saying no to bringing a dog to a wedding venue.
AITJ for sticking to my decision?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…if the dog messes up the wedding venue, it will be on you and your husband. That is one thing. The other thing is weddings are actually about celebrating the bride and groom…not guilting them with demands and conditions.
What your sister is doing is unfair. Your parents backing the behavior is exactly why she thinks this is ok. I am sorry your sister is manipulating you about a day that you no doubt spent lots of time and money and energy planning.
And you deserve to enjoy it. YOU won’t be causing a rift. It’s time Emma either grows up or sees herself out. She is acting like a toddler. I hope you have the best wedding and that you stick to your guns.” Hopeful-Material4123
Another User Comments:
“Forget that, NTJ I love my dog and she’s incredibly important to me, but I’m also aware it’s not appropriate for her to attend a wedding. What an absolutely ridiculous request to even have made, yet alone get upset with the answer.
Call her bluff. She doesn’t attend the wedding, that’s on her. People will ask why and you can tell them “she didn’t come because the dog wasn’t allowed to” and they will draw their own conclusions.
Your parents are equally foolish to pretend this is a reasonable request, or that her tantrum should be accommodated.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m sure there are places she’s been without her dog. If she could even suggest that he stay outside then it means that she doesn’t need him right there with her.
Turn it back on her and your parents: If she’d rather choose her dog over her sister then she really shouldn’t be at the wedding. This is about everyone and not just her needs. You aren’t risking the health of other guests for her convenience.
If she’s anxious then she can just stick close to your parents.” BeeJackson
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be My Mom's Primary Support During Her Divorce?
“Starting with some background, my parents are getting divorced. I’m 28, I can handle my own feelings on the matter.
The problem is that I moved back in with my parents to pay off loans. So now I’m in the middle of it despite wanting to be literally anywhere else. I love my parents but I have always been closer to my dad.
Living with my mom has put a ton of strain on our relationship. The worst parts of my personality come from her and being around her is like looking in a warped mirror that only shows the bad in myself.
She also gossips and is generally a negative person due to low self-esteem and probably depression.
Onto the reason for the post. My dad initiated the divorce and my mom is taking everything extremely hard. I’ll be honest I’ve been pretty apathetic about the whole thing, I’ve taken a place of avoidance to protect my own mental health.
I’ve asked them to not involve me in any way. My parents kinda respect that but at the same time, it’s pretty much the thing the world revolves around right now. I can’t avoid it. Initially, I stayed with a cousin for a bit, but I didn’t want to wear out my welcome and came home.
My mom is frequently very sad, but I just can’t listen to her badmouth my dad (who’s been extremely supportive of me in other areas of my life). I could barely have normal conversations with her prior to the divorce.
Now she only talks about the divorce. Our relationship was already strained and while I love my mom it’s easier to love her when I’m not living with her. I care about her but AITJ to tell her that I can’t be her primary support system?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have parents who are divorced too and I know what it’s like to deal with them talking bad about the other. You are not in the wrong for wanting to avoid that to protect your mental health.
It’s not your job to be your mom’s therapist. She is grown enough to go find a professional if she needs that.” ellie_williams_owns
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I had to have a similar conversation with my mom when my parents were divorcing (and after).
“Mom, do you remember when I was younger and you would tell me to stay out of grown folks’ business? I love you but I do not want to hear about or be involved in conversations where you talk about Dad.
Both of you are my parents and I want to remain respectful of that relationship. I understand that he has caused you pain, and while I want to support you through whatever, I cannot be there for you regarding this issue but I’m always available for a hug.”” EJ_1004
Another User Comments:
“My dad often called me to complain about my (objectively horrible, mentally ill) mom. I still told him “It’s wildly inappropriate to call me to complain about my mother and ask me to take sides. You married her.
You stayed married to her. Talk to your friends, talk to a therapist, but don’t dump this on me.”” CandyGutterdandy
17. AITJ For Ignoring My Brother's Calls Asking For Money During My Vacation?
“My brother is usually selfish, he does not go out of his way for anyone unless our mother forces him. He also has a habit of not picking up calls and calls back a day after when it’s convenient for him.
My friends and I have been planning a vacation for my best friend’s birthday for the past two months and luckily we’ve gone this week. Now before we left on Monday, he called me to inform me he and his friends are heading on a road trip but he’s broke, if I can send him some money.
I’m on a budget and sending him money would have disrupted all our activities. I told him I’m also pretty low but I will call him if I am able to squeeze and spare some cash. They went yesterday.
Today he has been calling all day and I have been ignoring his calls because honestly I cannot spare a cent and I had clearly said I’d call him so I do not plan on picking up his calls at all for the duration of my vacation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is understandable that you don’t want to pick up a call but it is unlikely that it will stop him from making constant phone calls. Send him a text and state that you have been saving for your vacation for two months.
As he requested, you looked at your available funds and all of the money that you have saved will be needed for the expenses of your trip. It is unfortunate that his vacation is at the same time as yours but you do not have any extra money available.” Late_Confidence8101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to learn how to say no and mean it. People will be annoyed by you rejecting them but they will accept that and respect you more than if you just ignore their calls.
I was never harassed by anyone because when I say no everyone knows that the best thing is to not ask me again as the only thing that will change is my respect towards them.” forgeris
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your money is your money and you’re not here to subsidize your brother’s life.
He’s not even asking you for rent money or help paying bills, he just wants to go on a fun road trip! Don’t give him a cent, but hey, if his friends want him on this road trip so badly, they won’t mind paying his way, right?
That said, learn to stand up for yourself, OP. Don’t say “maybe” when you already want to say no, it’s probably what encouraged him to call all day, hoping he can wear you down. The next time he calls, answer the phone and tell him “I checked my finances and I can’t spare anything, sorry.” You don’t owe him an explanation, really, but if you want to do your best to keep things civil, something like the above is good.
If your brother gets mad or blames you because he can’t go on the road trip without cash, tough luck for him. You saved your money to have fun with your friends. He didn’t. Don’t ruin your well-earned vacation to bail him out, because he doesn’t sound like someone who’d appreciate it.” Independent_Mix_9615
16. AITJ For Setting My Wedding Date Before My Brother's Undefined Date?
“My brother, Alan, got engaged about a year ago, they still have not set a date or even decided on much of anything.
I proposed to my partner last month. My brother is older than me.
The situation: my brother, soon-to-be SIL, and mom are very upset with me because my partner and I have just set our wedding date. My brother had mentioned the potential of Fall 2025 but nothing was set at all.
My partner and I found a great venue and set our date for Spring of 2025.
We don’t want a lengthy engagement so we will have roughly a year to plan. We have also been saving for a house for a couple of years, and are on track to meet our goal in late 2025.
I should also mention that my partner would much prefer to be married before we buy a house.
To us, spring sounded great! It’s near our anniversary, it’s a whole season apart from the fall wedding my brother wants, and it satisfies our want to be married before buying a house later that year.
When I told my brother, he seemed ok, but soon I got a flurry of texts from family accusing me and my partner of stealing my brother’s thunder and breaking etiquette.
My feeling is that they have had a year of being engaged to set a date, and they haven’t, so why do I have to hold up our plans?
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, how long have they already been engaged? Honestly, I’m just curious about that because not even setting a season or time-line i.e. within a year or two makes it feel like a wishy-washy engagement anyway, and maybe the anger at the lack of commitment on his part is being redirected at you because you are committing solidly?” Savvy790
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is absolutely no scenario in which it makes sense that you should have waited for your brother and his fiancée to set a date before doing so yourself. They’ve already taken a year.
You don’t want a long engagement. Your partner wants to be married before you buy a house. How long is your life supposed to be on hold? Just beyond ridiculous for anyone to be upset about it.” minrenken
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, just because you and your brother share DNA doesn’t mean you HAVE to plan your life around them. You do that at your convenience, which is not an option when it comes to your MARRIAGE. Get married and be happy.
You are entitled to as much thunder as they are. Plus, how is someone so entitled as to think that if they are getting married in a year, others can’t. It’s literally months apart! Anyways, have a happy married life!!!!” yamram_
15. AITJ For Snapping At My Wealthy Sister-In-Law Who Looks Down On Me?
“My brother Nicky (25m) is married to Liza (24f). They were at my parents’ house on Sunday for dinner and Liza really annoyed the heck out of me, something that isn’t new, and I said something in anger and I might be the jerk for it maybe.
So Liza has a wealthy family. They paid for her and her siblings’ college expenses 100%. They paid for Nicky and Liza’s house. They paid for their wedding. They’re paying for one of their sons’ weddings this summer. They can afford all that.
Liza has always been very… open, if trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, about it. She never hid the fact she came from money and was never shy about saying her parents pay for so much for her and her siblings.
Liza doesn’t understand that we’re not all that lucky. I’m 19f, work full time and I still live with my parents. We couldn’t afford college. I didn’t get the grades for a scholarship. Struggled enough through school that getting into massive debt for college when I could end up flunking seemed like a bad move for me.
So I focus on working and I applied for a couple of training programs close to my parents’ house so I could try and do better without risking debt for nothing.
Liza looks down on me so hard for living with my parents still and for not going to college.
Sunday she talked about how all her siblings attended college, how three of them are still in college, living there and doing just fine. How they’ll be able to buy houses right out of college. How even she and my brother could do it.
My parents said politely that not everyone can do all that. But then she talked about being 19 and not in college or living on my own and how I should really try so much harder. I snapped at that moment and I told her we can’t all have rich parents who can afford to pay our way through college, for our weddings, and for our houses.
I told her my parents didn’t have that kind of money and neither did I, so we were doing our best in this terrible economy.
Liza told me I’m just lazy and making excuses and she stormed out. Nicky left a while after and he was pretty quiet.
Liza used his phone to send me 30 texts three days later demanding I apologize and tearing me a new one for not doing it without being told and I know it was her because she texts in a very specific way.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Liza had no right to judge you or to voice her opinion about what you are doing with your life. It sounds like her negative comments are untrue – she accused you of being lazy but you are working full time and seeking out opportunities to better yourself.
College is not for everyone and as you said it could lead to significant debt. It is not uncommon for 19-year-olds to be living with their parents in this economy. She clearly has a very entitled perspective – not many people can afford to buy houses straight out of college!
Unless you haven’t included things that you said in your response, I don’t see that you said anything that you need to apologize for. You simply told her that neither you nor your parents had the funds to make college or moving out happen.
She was the one that made nasty comments to you so if anyone should apologize it would be Liza.” Late_Confidence8101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In fact, she is the one who owes you an apology for how she treats you.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who take their fortune for granted. Kudos to you for realizing college may not be for you at this time or ever and trying to figure out your path. Here is the apology I would send “I am sorry.
Sorry that you have been handed so much for free that you have no understanding of how the majority of the people in this world have to work to get by. I hope you will do your best to rectify this.”” hikergirl26
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Your sister-in-law is living in a delusional dreamland. Her parents may have bought her all kinds of material things, but they sure never taught her manners or self-reliance. You’re going to have to work for everything you have, and you will end up being a lot more appreciative of everything you have and a lot more realistic as well as less judgmental of everyone else.
Guess which one of you is the one most of us would prefer to have as a friend.” Dittoheadforever
14. AITJ For Calling Out My Father In Front Of His Mom?
“I (18F) have been dealing with my father’s heavy drinking for years. It’s caused me a lot of pain and trauma. My dad gets intoxicated every day and gives my mom a hard time, I can’t help but feel angry about the life my mom is living because of my dad.
He doesn’t have a steady job, and the little amount he does earn is wasted on booze. Mom is always paying for everything, she works day and night to earn as much as she can to provide for me and my brother all because my dad is too lazy to look for a steady job with an average income.
It has gotten so bad that this situation is now up in everyone’s business, my aunt once took me out to lunch just to talk to me about this situation, she told me how she feels extremely helpless for my mom.
We talked for over 2 hours and I had to stop myself from breaking down in front of her.
Everyone in my family is aware of this situation but they always tiptoe around the issue to avoid confrontation. I think none of them really care enough to try to salvage the situation.
I myself have tried talking to my dad, cried in front of him to stop drinking, and get a proper job to help Mom out. I tried to make him understand that he has a wife and two kids whose lives he’s actively ruining with his lifestyle.
But my pleas always fall on deaf ears. I genuinely think I might slip into depression due to the financial stress and my dad’s existence, I can’t even imagine what my mom might be going through.
Recently, on a Sunday we were all eating lunch and watching a show that we all like on the TV.
(The only people in the room were me, my brother, my parents and my grandmother.)
My father barged in, took the remote from me, put on something he liked, and started watching.
I told him that we were watching that show and that he can watch his in 10 minutes as ours was nearing its end.
He started arguing and slurring his words as he was intoxicated and that was it, I don’t know why but I lost my cool. I put my food aside and started shouting at him, it felt like a dam had burst. I told him how he failed as a father and a husband, I told him that he’s ruining my life and how I wished I had a better father.
I started to cry while screaming at him. I screamed at him for a good 15 minutes, I wanted my words to hurt. Everyone in the room was silent, my mom was crying but to my surprise, my dad was STILL WATCHING THE SHOW.
When I was done shouting, he simply told me to move aside so that he could peacefully watch his show.
After the painful realization that he didn’t care about his family, we simply left the room to go eat somewhere else.
This happened five days ago and my dad has just gone silent. I don’t know why I was hoping for him to come around and apologize. Since then, my grandmother has not been talking to me and she gives me dirty looks when we’re in the same room.
I can’t help but think, was I the jerk for calling him out in front of his mom, or was it justified given the circumstances?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your fault, it’s solely on your father.
Your grandmother is just as bad if she is blaming you. Your grandmother is feeding into his behavior which only enables him more. I’ve been in the same spot. Unfortunately, you can’t try to change your dad. He has to want to do that on his own.
The only thing you can do is work on learning to manage the trauma your dad caused for you. I recommend seeing a therapist. I had to turn my focus and energy onto myself to ensure that I didn’t let the cycle of heavy drinking continue.
I hope you can do the same. Hang in there OP!” LandKayak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I hope the situation gets better for you in the future. It seems like you and your brother are having to parent yourselves, each other, AND your father, which is sadly common in families with addicted parents.
A harsh calling out is never pleasant for anyone involved, but sometimes it might be the straw that breaks the camel’s back and makes him seek or ask for help to fight off his heavy drinking. If it doesn’t, though, it’s NOT your fault.
Christ, you’re barely an adult yourself, none of this is your responsibility. I’m so sorry and I wish I could hug you right now.” Glittter_c0re
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes the best helping hand you can give in life is a really firm and hard kick in the rear.
It sounds to me like you did everything else (begging, pleading, taking the gentle approach, talking, etc.) first and finally resorted to losing your cool and calling a spade a spade in front of people who just avoided the issue to keep the peace.
Kinda like me when I got sober, I wasn’t going to stop drinking for anything until my sister told my mom I’d always be a worthless, useless, miserable drinker when she thought I’d be too hammered to remember it. Thanks to her I’ve been sober for almost ten years just out of spite.
I’m really sorry you’re having to fight with a wall on this one, but I think you did well in standing your ground, calling out a very obvious problem everyone else is having difficulty addressing, and you’re doing what you can to be the person to set the change in motion.
I hope something positive comes out of it and I hope the others in your family can follow your lead.” ImANuckleChut
13. AITJ For Not Inviting My Sister To Family Gatherings Because She Doesn't Interact With The Kids?
“I 41M am the oldest of five. My sister, Vera (31F) is the third child. Our parents are long gone.
Now, my sister was always the quiet one, she never interacted with us much as a child, instead, she spent most time in her room, reading. She barely spoke and when she did, she had different conversation topics. She was gifted, I get it, but we were kids and got bored when she talked so we just didn’t get along.
Fast forward, Vera now works optimizing administrative processes for big companies. She’s very authoritative, strategic, and overconfident. Even her partner would not take a business or financial decision without consulting her first because he’s convinced she’s the holy grail of management.
I get it, she’s good at what she does, has a big salary, and has good connections, but she’s just a bit much.
One point here is that Vera is the only sibling who has no kids and apparently her partner got a vasectomy a few months ago.
Good for him.
The thing is, when we gather at our childhood home all my siblings bring along their kids, kids are kids, they are loud and like to play. They are sensitive too.
Vera doesn’t seem to understand this, she greets the kids from a distance, never hugs them and if one of them comes to her she will keep them at arm’s length, will be polite but way too serious and somehow cold with them.
Neither my siblings nor I like this, or the way she will refuse to do “uppies” with the toddlers or just refuse to play along with the older kids who want to ask questions, or just talk like kids do.
Let alone watch the kids even for 15 minutes (wouldn’t ask more from her).
Anyway, her behavior got worse after the last family gathering. She brought along her laptop because she had some work to do, and one of the kids dropped it accidentally, damaging the screen.
She went totally ballistic and demanded my youngest sister (who is a single mom living on welfare at the moment) pay the repair. After some reasoning, she dropped the subject, but then, she proceeded to stay even further away from the kids.
Hence, I spoke to my siblings and concluded it was best if we didn’t invite her over for the next gathering, which was this weekend. I knew she would see the photos on Instagram, but I so hoped she would see how her attitude had isolated her and would learn a lesson.
Boy, I was wrong. She sent me a short, dead cold message asking why she wasn’t invited, I told her the reason and told her we expected her to behave like a member of the family if she wanted to be treated like family.
She responded “Okay” and proceeded to block us everywhere. Not only her, but her partner did too. Apparently, she also blocked other members of our family who proceeded to send angry messages to me and my siblings about it.
AITJ?
I just wanted to keep the kids in a friendly environment and expected her to be an adult.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t like her and you seem upset that she didn’t react as you wanted when you didn’t invite her.
“I so hoped she would see how her attitude had isolated her and would learn a lesson.” Didn’t you think of having a conversation with her?
“She greets the kids from a distance, never hugs them and if one of them comes to her she will keep them at arm’s length, will be polite but way too serious and somehow cold with them.” She hasn’t done anything wrong here, she’s just different from you.
“Let alone will watch the kids even for 15 minutes.” Why would she need to if they’re all playing together and their parents are present?
“She brought along her laptop because she had some work to do, and one of the kids dropped it accidentally, damaging the screen.” Why would the child have the laptop in the first place?
“Just wanted to keep the kids in a friendly environment and expected her to be an adult.” She is an adult. You wanted her to conform to your expectations. You don’t say anything about how you miss her company, it’s all about how you expect her to behave around children.
Not everyone is like you but it doesn’t make them bad people.” diminishingpatience
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is coming from an aunt with 16 nieces and nephews of her own: You and your remaining siblings need to get over yourselves and stop being so darn snotty.
Your sister is under no obligation to have a relationship with the kids or deal with them if she doesn’t want to. Just like she doesn’t have to watch them, regardless of how long it might be. For the simple fact that they aren’t her kids.
So if she says no, then leave it at that and stop making a production out of it. As for the laptop, the kid had no business messing with it in the first place. Since it was broken though, then your youngest sister, as the parent, is obligated to pay for it.
Doesn’t matter what her financial issues are. Her kid caused the issue, so it’s her responsibility to make up for it. When it comes to blocking everyone, I don’t blame your sister one bit. The majority of your family sounds like an entitled bunch of snobs.
Not the sort of people that anyone with common sense would want to waste their time with. Which is why if anyone needs to learn a lesson, it would be all of you. Mainly on how to act like decent human beings and respect how other people feel.” Old_Inevitable8553
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. she learned at a young age that the topics she is interested in and talks about bore you, so she stopped talking to you about them. Now you’re offended that she doesn’t speak. She doesn’t like kids much but she still comes to your children-filled parties and is polite to the kids, but for you, that’s not enough.
Would it be great if your sister was a clone of you and had all the same interests and behaviors and opinions as you? Probably for you yes. But she’s not. She’s a different person. who despite all your disinterest and obvious condescension has done her best to be around you.
and this is how you choose to treat her. You asked our opinion so stop arguing and start thinking.” bubblesthehorse
12. AITJ For Refusing To Move Into A Duplex With My Sister?
“So I (23 F) just moved into my own apartment last year to get away from difficult family. My sister (26 F) has been trying to convince me to live in a duplex with her because:
A. Our dad is paying for the down payment.
B. The rent there would be cheaper than mine currently is.
Now I know I’ve got issues with communicating, and I can be really really stubborn sometimes. But I have told her numerous times that I don’t want to live in the duplex.
I love my apartment and I just don’t want to live beside her. And I don’t want to live near my family in general.
The first couple of times she brought it up I just kinda changed the subject and didn’t say anything, only told my dad once that I’d think about it (mainly because saying no to him stresses me out).
But for the last couple months, I’ve been telling her every time she brings it up that I’m not comfortable moving in with her and she just keeps calling me a “Debby Downer.” And telling me how great it’ll be and saying how I WILL be moving into it.
I just kinda snapped after talking to her about it today and posted on Snapchat about it and she has messaged me five times now telling me “My life must be so hard. Having a family that loves and wants the best for me.” And just saying I’m playing victim.
My friend has suggested I get the authorities involved but I don’t really know if I should. I can’t tell if I’m being dramatic over this or not. So, AITJ?””
Another User Comments:
“Your family can’t make you move on with your sister.
And going by your description of your sister, she sounds like the type to steamroll you if given half a chance. I wouldn’t risk it, and you like where you live now. Keep saying “no” and when they, (any of your family), continue harping about how you should move in with your sister, bla bla bla…get up and move yourself right on out the door and leave, (or hang up, or drop the texting, or whatever).
You aren’t a minor. You can make your own decisions. It’s time they realized that even if you have to leave for them to maybe-eventually-catch on. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“OP, I have children, boys close in age, and when they were in the 7 to 12 range, they could drive me crazy pushing for something even when I had clearly said, “No”.
Finally, it got to where I would say, “No” then, “Ask me again” when they did, I responded, “No” then “Ask me again”. They caught on pretty fast and were frustrated. I said that the answer was “No” and whining and bugging me about it wasn’t going to change my response no matter how many times they ask.
So next time your sister asks you to move, tell her, “No” and mean it.” Key_Plastic_3372
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Sister we’ve already discussed this. I haven’t changed my mind. I won’t change my mind. I’m taking this topic off the table for discussion.
If you bring it up again I’ll leave/hang up.” Stick to it. If needed get a therapist to help you with enforcing boundaries. You say in a comment if you block her your family will harass you into talking to her.
That’s why I recommend a therapist. People who want to ignore your boundaries get worse when you first enforce them so you have to stay strong and expand to others as needed. There is an option to get something like Google Voice.
Then you forward her calls there. You only check them if/when you want to. I’m baffled as to why your friend said to contact the authorities. Exactly what for? ‘My sister keeps going on about the same thing’ doesn’t constitute harassment where I live.
Unfortunately being a pushy jerk isn’t illegal.” ApprehensiveBook4214
11. AITJ For Insisting On Choosing The Bedroom I Want After Doing Most Of The House Hunting?
“My 2 housemates (let’s call them Susan and Debby) and I move into another property next week. We have lived in a larger house this year and of five tenants, myself and Susan were the only people to look for houses, book viewings, and go to them.
Because of this, everyone agreed it would be fair for myself and Susan to have first pick of bedrooms. This was not an issue and Debby actually initiated that conversation with the group.
Fast forward to now. We have a 3-bed property to move into and when we approached the conversation of bedrooms last night it all went downhill.
During the hunting process, Susan and I were the only ones to actually book any viewings and also the only ones to go.
Because of this, we agreed on what room we wanted (same as the year before) and all was fine.
Debby seems to think she deserves to have a say in rooms because even though she didn’t book or come to a viewing, she tried to look for houses and sent a few screenshots into the group chat. I just cannot understand how she thinks she’s done as much as us when she made no effort to be there for viewings etc.
For context, Debby is a great friend but not such a great housemate. She doesn’t clean ever or help out around the house and never acknowledges or appreciates when anyone does clean communal areas.
When the 3 of us tried to discuss last night, Debby got upset, started crying, and stormed off.
She then ignored us for 7 hours and when we tried to speak again she got angry and stormed off.
Part of me thinks we should just try to keep the peace and pull straws but I don’t think that’s fair given Debby’s input to finding the next house and maintenance on this one.
Is this something I can stand my ground on or am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s weird that she offered to pick rooms last and then changed her mind and cried about it. Is the room that she got really that bad in comparison to the other two??
I mean I get that you might prefer one room to another, but if the room that she got is objectively somewhere where neither you nor your roommate would want to live in then YTJ. If not then she’s the jerk, if she didn’t involve herself in the decision-making of the house you picked and agreed to pick rooms last then I don’t understand why she’s making a big deal out of it.” H***********5
Another User Comments:
“INFO: are you splitting the rent evenly? Because if so, you are the jerk. Debby is a loser for crying and not offering to pay more for a bigger room. This is basically an example of nobody knowing how to properly come to an agreement based on logical reasons.
The way that rooms should work is that roommates bid on the nicest room. Whoever is willing to pay the most for the nicest room gets it. You just treat it like an auction. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Takes 15 minutes.
That way, everyone agrees on a fair price. It’s really easy. I did this every year in college, and usually somebody else would offer $100 more a month for the bigger room and we were all fine with that because we saved money.
You should not be splitting rent evenly if the rooms are different sizes. Also: It does not matter at all who looked at them or the viewings. That should not be a relevant part of the conversation at all. It’s not that hard to do, it only takes a few hours.
A bigger bedroom can be worth more than that amount of work. First come first serve is just a really silly way to distribute rental payments and spaces.” FindAriadne
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Debby is giving off vibes that she’s going to be difficult to live with.
How are you going to handle what each person pays? How are you going to handle things like cleaning duties? Are all the bedroom spaces of equal size or are they disproportionate and would someone with the best accommodations pay more?
What about bathroom sizes? How will food be handled? If you don’t have agreement by all the roomies up front this is doomed to fail.” ptazdba
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Entire Family To Stay In Our Small Apartment?
“My partner and I have lived together for a number of years in a 1 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment. The bedroom is on the 2nd level and has a window-like opening down over the living space, so it is never fully closed off or quiet.
I’m American and he’s from a Spanish-speaking culture. I love his family and we get along well.
My partner said his sister wanted to visit with her 8-month-old baby and stay with us because that is how his family operates.
Honestly that in itself made me nervous — my apartment is small and gets very hot (85 degrees inside isn’t abnormal even with AC) and is not baby-proofed, plus she’d have to travel with a crib or playpen and squeeze it somewhere around our blow up mattress (which also has a small leak).
But, I said okay because my dad just stayed with us recently and I think it’s fair despite my concerns with crying all night.
Then he mentioned his mom wants to come. Oof, now I’m feeling nervous but I kind of made her cancel a previous trip because she was only going to give about 12 hours’ notice so I feel obligated to say yes and I really do want to see her, she’s lovely.
Last night my partner mentioned in passing that his sister’s husband is also coming. This makes 3 people plus a baby all crammed into my living room and I don’t think we even have 3 extra pillows, no microwave to heat up baby formula, laundry is a nightmare because we use a laundromat and 3 people can’t use one leaky air mattress.
I think I had a minor panic attack because the thought of this many people in my apartment with no quiet place to go sounds overwhelming plus I want to be a good host, though my partner says his family doesn’t care in the slightest.
My partner and I get along wonderfully, can have honest conversations, and this issue pops up maybe once a year, though never with this many people and a baby. Due to cultural differences, it’s truly hard to explain that I’m not trying to be a jerk when I suggest that he goes to visit them instead, but I really don’t see how they (and we) could possibly be comfortable here for 3-4 days.
I couldn’t join him if he travels to visit them because I have a work trip on the last day of their potential stay. Apparently, they’ve already made plans to do and see things while they’re in my city.
AITJ and how can I explain myself better?”
Another User Comments:
“Ask your partner how he would feel not being able to move into his own home because it’s too cramped. Pair that with the heat, it will get very uncomfortable, very fast. Tell him it’s not a good environment for a baby, too many hazards on top of the cramped space and no privacy.
I get wanting to have family over, but there just isn’t space. It’s not like you’re saying you don’t want them to come, you clearly do, it’s just a matter of comfort. NO ONE would be comfortable with everyone piled in there.
You may have to just bite the bullet and let them find out for themselves what a bad idea it is! NTJ, I get it.” notentirely_fearless
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and frankly I would be incredibly frustrated with my partner over his poor communication.
If he had initially said, “3 adults and an infant want to stay with us,” I’m sure you would have said no because that’s an unreasonable amount of people in a space that small and hot (not to mention that this includes baby!!).
Instead, your partner got your approval for 1 person (plus baby) and then tacked on more people one at a time. Was this a tactic on his part? You said yes to his sister so now he can add on his mom?
And did he simply forget to mention the sister’s husband coming? Because he absolutely knew from the beginning that at least 2 adults would be coming. Without knowing more about your partner, this sounds like he’s either being sneaky/manipulative on purpose to get his whole family to stay when initially it would just have been his sister, or he’s incredibly obtuse and inconsiderate for not thinking about how this situation would affect you.
Either way, it’s a problem. His family should get an Airbnb nearby, or if they really do all come to stay, then you would be well within your rights to get a hotel room for yourself so that you at least have space.” TallLoss2
Another User Comments:
“My BIL and SIL have a normal 3 bed, 2 bath house. Every Thanksgiving, her sister, her three sons, their wives, and six kids ALL STAY at their house (they’re the only ones living in the old hometown). They all have to be picked up and returned to the airport two hours away at different times.
Nobody rents a car, so they have to be chauffeured around. They might order pizza once over the long weekend, otherwise they wait for someone to cook for them. There are lines for the bathrooms and zero privacy. When they leave, they’re exhausted. I always ask why they do it and they just say, “I don’t know.” This sounds just as bad.” sheburn118
9. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Friend's Birthday At A Restaurant Due To Financial Constraints?
“A friend of mine is having her birthday on Saturday.
She initially confirmed the date with me and told me we would do something in a park. But then she changed her mind and said she wanted to do something at a restaurant. I told her I couldn’t go because I couldn’t afford it and we would celebrate another time.
She said I could still come and just not eat. Saying it’s fine because a couple of other people are doing the same thing. I told her I don’t feel comfortable with that (I don’t want to be in a restaurant at a table with everyone else eating and I’m not) and she’s saying she doesn’t understand me because other people are doing it.
I just ignored her message because we were just going back and forth. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“As my mum used to say: you’re not the other people! Sitting in a restaurant and not eating and watching other people eat is very strange and awkward.
What I don’t understand is why doesn’t she pay for her guests? In Germany, that’s what you do when you celebrate in a restaurant, anything else would be considered very rude. At parties at home, everyone asks you what to bring so that you don’t have so much work.
NTJ!” Mini_Godzilla
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: firstly I don’t know why but every time it’s someone’s birthday they usually pay? Is that just my culture..? Anyway, she’s probably upset because she values your friendship and wants you there to celebrate with her but financial hardships are one of life’s biggest stressors and she’s got to recognize this.
If she is telling the truth about others doing the same as you then you should go! Not the best situation but you are going for her and no one is going to be judging you.” penguinsrise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I went to a restaurant birthday party, invited by the birthday gal herself. I was short on funds but knew that I would have to contribute for part of her meal and then mine because that’s how this goes.
So, about 15 people came, including one who showed up, ordered three drinks in quick succession, ordered two appetizers, ate communal appetizers and her “meal appetizers”, and ate two slices of the pizza her neighbor ordered (which was not a pizza for everyone situation), then got a text and left, no money for her own meal. No doubt emboldened by this, two other “friends” did the same before the birthday cake showed up.
All of these friends were not mutuals, but the remaining 12 had to pay their own tabs, their share of the stiffed tabs (you going to make the birthday girl pay? Probably not), and their share of the birthday gal’s meal. It was not a super expensive restaurant.
I ordered a burger (16) and an iced tea ($4) and (because my friend never drinks booze) I planned on spending about $60, but ended up spending $120. Because that’s how these things go. Don’t attend. You take on unknown obligations when you attend a restaurant birthday party.” Ok_Strawberry_197
8. AITJ For Telling My Constantly Complaining Partner To Fix His Problems?
“My (24F) partner (24M) is back home for the summer during college. He’s working at a temporary job before he comes back. We text, he calls me after work, things felt fine.
…Kind of. See, it’s like every time he’s talked to me, it’s a complaint about something. I’m graduating before him, complains that he feels behind in school. He doesn’t like his temporary job, complains that everyone there is annoying and he doesn’t want to work there.
Family frustrates him, complains that he has to interact with them while he’s home. Some of these complaints are valid, and I’m not trying to put him down for expressing his feelings It’s just getting to be too much for me and it tires me out.
I woke up this morning to almost nothing but complaints.
Eventually I told him, “I don’t understand why you won’t just come back to school and take the classes you need so you can graduate with everyone else.
You complain about everything going on right now, it just seems like the best solution.” He got short with me, then came back and said he needed a break from me and he would tell me when he felt ready to text again.
AITJ for saying what I did?”
Another User Comments:
“Don’t you see? He is entitled to endless complaints. You aren’t entitled to even have the one you made and for that you deserve to be effectively broken up with unless he decides to change his mind….
Seriously? This isn’t the type of person to be in a relationship with. When he’s “ready to text again” let him find out he’s blocked. On everything. Then let him complain to other people about you.” Scenarioing
Another User Comments:
“From someone who has been married to a complainer for 26 years, you are NTJ. I get enough good from my husband to look over the constant complaints. I do listen to his complaints and if it is the normal ones it goes in one ear and out the other but if it’s different I really listen to find out what is going on and see what we can do together to make it better.
But when enough is enough I let him know that as well. If his complaining is just part of who he is you have to decide what is worse, the complaints or being without him. If the amount of complaints is new then you need to sit down together and see if you can get down to what is really going on with him.
Good luck to you.” Odd_Temperature_3248
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve known chronic complainers and they are a pain to deal with. Nothing will ever satisfy them because their lives are based on complaining. And there are those who don’t listen to themselves; knew a guy who always complained about his SO, they break up, he says how much he misses her.
I say that surprises me, he was always complaining about her. He expressed surprise. I told him I’d never met the SO, all I knew about her were things he’d said, and he’d never said one positive thing about her.
He was shocked! So he didn’t even realize the extent of his complaining. Take this break to consider whether you might need a longer break from this guy.” stroppo
7. AITJ For Charging My Brother For My Professional Services?
“I (27M) have a business that offers services such as window washing, gutter cleaning, pressure washing, moss removal, house washing, etc. I am my only employee and I genuinely like the work and I’ve been extremely busy lately taking multiple jobs per day.
I am a professional with experience through a larger company, and I typically charge around 20-30% less than the market rate for the kind of work I do through my business.
My brother (32M) needed his gutters cleaned and a lot of moss removed from his roof.
He tried doing it himself but his roof is so steep it requires rope work so he asked me to do it. I gave him a quote that he agreed to so I put him on my schedule (it was about 50% less than I would normally charge).
I also let him know that when we remove moss we typically only scrub 85-90% off so as to not damage the roof. Then we would put moss treatment when it gets rainy again. This is an industry-standard.
So I do the work and when he gets the invoice he is a little grumpy about it saying something along the lines of “C’mon, you’re really going to charge me for this?” All after I just spent a couple of hours busting my butt on his roof as there was a lot more moss than I remembered.
Then a few hours later he messaged me that he is really unhappy with the work because I didn’t remove 100% of the moss. Again, I work to industry standards so as not to damage the roof. And I explained this to him.
So then he says “darn I could have done this myself and saved a couple hundred bucks”. The past week or two have been very tense between us. Any time I ask for any sort of help he says something along the lines of “I’m going to have to charge you for that”.
I’ve spent countless hours helping him at his house doing things like laying floors and helping in the yard. But this is my business and I don’t work for free.
So AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“And now you know to not do any more favors for him.
Needs help putting up drywall/painting/laying tile… or whatever? Sorry, you are busy. Even if he finally pays you-still “no” to the favors. He insulted your work and gave you the runaround. He can hire someone else next time – someone that DNGAF who he is and isn’t gonna give him a discount.
Let him try to withhold payment from them, lol. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you can afford it don’t charge him. “Hey bro, I wasn’t aware that you were having any financial difficulties. If I had known from the start we could have worked something else out.
We can wipe the slate clean on this one.” And never help him or do business with him again. OR “Hey brother, your attitude as of late has caused me a great deal of emotional distress. When I initially quoted you x amount you agreed, as soon as the work was done the price was no longer okay.
If I had been aware you wanted free/cheaper work I would have suggested some alternate options. I don’t want to fight about this anymore and I’ve decided to (drop it, ask one more time, send this to collections, etc).
I won’t be asking you for any favors so don’t worry about that, and I’m going to ask you to do the same. At the end of the day, I am running a business and you taught me a valuable lesson about mixing business and family.”” EJ_1004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you learned a cheap lesson. There’s the value of your time and expertise. That’s the 50% that you gave for free. But you did it during work time. With your indemnity insurance, wear and tear on your kit, etc. This does have a material cost and that’s why you asked for 50% of what the job is worth.
It’s not like you went over on the weekend and did it for a beer and a burger. I didn’t realize this when I started out and got used and left out of pocket. You know your value. You could write off now to keep the piece but be mindful when you give mate rates in the future.
Your brother sounds a bit of a jerk.” sfw-user
6. AITJ For Comparing My Immigrant Parents To Other Parents?
“My parents are immigrants and always compare me to my friends, family, their friends’ kids, and random successful kids they see online.
This all started because my dad saw me playing a game after I was done with my homework and gave me a lecture on how I shouldn’t be playing games but should be studying.
He started complaining about my grades and truthfully, I don’t know what my parents are complaining about because I’m a straight-A student.
I literally got 100% in a class but they don’t care because it’s not math.
My parents act like I’m going to become homeless because I’m not getting 100% in every single class when I have above 90% in every class I take.
He started comparing me to some student he read in the paper who actually did get 100% in every class and I got so frustrated.
I told them that compared to my friends’ parents, they can’t speak or read English so I have to do everything for them, including tagging along to every store to buy things for them.
All my friends have parents to help them with school if they are stuck yet my parents never completed elementary school. Because of their ignorance, they refused to take me to a dentist until a few months ago because I was in so much pain.
Then they even argued with the dentist on treatment.
I told them how hard it is to be their translator because they always interrupt the other person while speaking to talk to me while I’m trying to listen and then translate.
How every representative blows up at me because of their behavior and tells me to shut my parents up. None of my friends have to deal with that.
I feel like they dumped the responsibility on me to kind of raise myself.
I had to figure everything out on my own and teach my parents that I needed glasses, needed regular dental care, developed good study habits on my own, and arrived at school on time because they always made me late and my teachers blamed me.
I ended up telling my parents that they don’t get to lecture me on my grades because they dropped out and know nothing about the school system.
My mom told me that I was too harsh and said I needed to apologize to my dad because he was really hurt by what I said but I feel like I told the truth.
I know that other kids would never say that to their own parents but they always compare me to my peers to point out all my flaws (like my height and acne lol) when I honestly believe that they’re lucky to have me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re treating them how they’ve been treating you. If it makes them feel bad then good! Maybe it’s working. They should feel bad for how they’ve treated you and how they’ve been so hypocritical. But that’s also maybe why they’re so hard on you (not giving excuses for their behavior, especially since it’s bad across the board in your day-to-day life).
But they might be extremely frightened by you not getting an education and they desperately want that for you. But they do need to back off.” BigNathaniel69
Another User Comments:
“When I was a child at school, they brought a gifted kid from a nearby school and paraded him to shame us for being so dumb.
I still remember looking at the kid, who seemed nice enough, and feeling sorry for him. Talk about setting up a child to be hated. This kind of comparison is poisonous in both directions. Of course your parents think they are pushing you to do better.
Tiger parents often produce children who do awesomely in exams and fail in life. Cannot accept setbacks, are paranoid about failure. Unreliable and jumpy. You seem like a well-adjusted young person. NTJ for trying to save your sanity!” SergemstrovigusNova
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are holding you to standards they do not hold themselves to. They are hypocrites. Honestly, every time they try to make comments about your acne, use it against them. “Your friend doesn’t have acne like you” “well x’s dad doesn’t have a huge gut like you.” Additionally, it’s important to set boundaries.
It sounds like your parents are the paragon of learned helplessness. My family are immigrants too, I’ve seen so many parents fall into this “oh my kids will take care of me forever” mentality. It’s gross. You’ve become your parent’s parent.
That’s unacceptable.” No_Decision8337
5. AITJ For Refusing To Cook Healthy Meals For My Siblings?
“I (15F) have lately been in charge of watching my siblings all day during the week in the summer (7M and 10F). That mostly just entails letting them watch TV all day and making sure they don’t drown or accidentally burn down the house, nothing crazy.
However, I do have to make breakfast and lunch.
I’ve been making basic meals like butter noodles, macaroni and cheese, ham and cheese sandwiches, etc for lunch. My parents have started complaining about how we need to eat healthier and that I’m “looking a bit chubby these days”.
They told me I needed to be making healthier meals for myself and my siblings and not just “taking the easy way out” with fast, basic meals like box macaroni.
I refused, and they got really mad. Both my siblings are picky eaters and wouldn’t eat healthy food anyway, and it’s not like our parents feed us healthy food for dinner either.
Our parents make us very similar food to the stuff I make, or they bring home fast food.
It’s a lot of extra work to cook healthier meals that my picky siblings would eat and I really just don’t want to deal with the hassle.
AITJ?
Extra info: I’m not being paid for babysitting them all day, nor do our parents bring home healthy meals for dinner.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your parents sure are. It is not your responsibility to ensure your siblings are eating healthy food.
That job belongs solely to your parents. They have chosen to buy the foods you are making. Their food choices throughout your and your siblings’ youngest years are responsible for your preferences in food now. They “took the easy way out” and now they’re blaming you, meanwhile you’re still a kid.
Yes, you have the ability to safely use most things in a kitchen and you’re of typical “babysitter” age but 15 is not an adult. You aren’t the one buying the food, you aren’t a parent and your parents are the jerks here.” Bubbly_ladybug
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Feeding kids is a responsibility, feeding siblings is not. If your parents insist so much on nutrition but refuse to cook for you guys, ask them to buy you guys supplements like vitamin tablets or something.
While it’s not your responsibility to make sure you guys get fed healthy, it’s still a fact none of what you ate would provide enough nutrition for you growing kids.” OnigiriRiceball-_-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since you are in charge of this, be sure to make a list of foods for your parents to buy.
Make sure it’s mostly healthy sandwich fixings, healthy soups, and healthy fruits, super easy for you to “make” and paper plates and cups as well so that you are not washing dishes. LOL, you should really ask to be paid, even if you say it’s not all that difficult, it’s still YOUR summer being used up with no compensation.
If they don’t pay, stop feeding/watching your siblings. If you have any family who you can ask to help you get your summer back, do so. Go stay with a grandparent, for example.” hadMcDofordinner
4. AITJ For Not Being Ready To Adopt Another Dog After Losing Our Pet?
“We (50M, 48F) had our pup for 10 years and lost him about a year ago. Some family members and friends are occasionally saying “You should get another dog, it’s been long enough” and my response is, “We’re not quite ready yet”.
Even calls saying that a friend’s dog just had a litter and they’re going to give us “a deal”…still not ready yet. We miss the companionship but there’s a strong feeling that we are “replacing” the lost pet. (If you’ve been there, you know.)
AITJ for continuing to decline friends and family for a new puppy?
I really don’t get it when people just show up with a puppy shortly after a family pet is lost.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100%. You get a darn pet when you’re darned good and ready and not a second before!
Your wife is literally the only person whose opinion matters outside of your own on this. If she’s ready and you’re not, you need to figure that out. If you’re both on the same page then who gives a singly solitary care what someone else thinks about when you get a dog?
All dogs are great dogs but there are just a few that are magical. They get you. And those… you take some time for those. And let’s be real here, it’s not like it’s hard to come by a dog when you’re ready.
There are LOTS of options and lots of dogs. The deals you’re “passing up” are a dime a dozen. You’d be able to go to a Cabela’s this weekend and pick a lab, husky, and at least one other sporting dog this weekend alone.
Nah, you do you. Get a new pup when you’re ready. And just know that you’re not “replacing” a pet. You’re bringing another one into your life. Just do that when you have room in your life.” Demented-Alpaca
Another User Comments:
“People mourn in different ways and for different lengths of time and that’s ok!!! I have a friend who will, when a cat dies, get one within DAYS. Like, barely-have-time-to-change-litterbox timing. I don’t judge her for that. Meanwhile, my cat died 15 years ago… no new cat.
I agree OP, I don’t get the pushy people who constantly tell you ‘it’s time’ when you tell them you had a pet and they are gone. I hear that a lot and from absolute strangers to boot. The only person(s) whose opinion counts in this matter are the ones who will be scooping the poop.
NTJ.” busyshrew
Another User Comments:
“Big NTJ! Pets are family members and grieving them takes time. If you lose a significant other it would be extremely weird for someone to immediately be like “here I have a new partner for you!” The only people in charge of deciding if or when to get a new animal are the two of you, no one else’s opinion matters.
They’re probably just trying to be helpful, I don’t think they’re jerks either.” BookBish_3729
3. AITJ For Canceling My Fiancé's Surprise Bachelor Party?
“So my fiance (25M) and I (26F) and getting married in 5 days. For context, we are having a DIY wedding with about 80 guests who are coming to our backyard. I’m 6 months pregnant.
We don’t have a “wedding party” although my fiance asked his brother to be his unofficial best man, but it’s just a sentiment and doesn’t come with any real role.
We decided early on that we weren’t interested in having bachelor or bachelorette parties because we don’t really believe in the significance behind them of “celebrating your freedom.” We told the unofficial best man and maid of honor we weren’t interested in and not to worry about it.
Last night my fiancé’s mom said something about one of my fiance’s friends (let’s call him Tom) “planning” something for Thursday. We get married on Saturday and have a rehearsal dinner on Friday. Tom is not the best man and no conversation about him being a best man has ever occurred.
My fiance texted Tom, saying he heard something about a plan for Thursday and wanted to know what was up. Immediately Tom FaceTimed us and he sheepishly admitted he was planning a bachelor party. He went into some details about the plan (mostly getting tipsy) and said that my friends had planned something for me.
The gist of it was basically that he planned a party and invited everyone but me and my closest female friends.
I was so shocked at the lengths he had gone to coordinate this behind our backs (including picking people up from an airport that’s 2 hours away, contacting dozens of our friends he had either met briefly or didn’t know at all, and also finding my mom on social media to get someone to plan something for me) I didn’t know how to respond.
My fiance didn’t know what to say either and looked at me like it was my decision to call this off or not. I said something along the lines of “Omg no, we don’t want bachelor parties I’m not interested in this.” I felt very put on the spot but also bad for clearly ruining weeks of planning.
On one hand, it seems sweet that Tom went so out of his way to plan and coordinate this event, but on the other hand, it seems like a huge overstep to do it without any input from us. I also think he knows us well enough to know that if we were asked we would say we aren’t interested, and that’s why it was planned in secret.
If we hadn’t heard something beforehand it would have been a complete ambush right before our wedding. I can’t explain how much panic I would have felt if Tom showed up unannounced on Thursday to take my fiance away on a secret bachelor party night….
It would have ruined the entire night and probably the next day, even if my friends had planned something for me. (Again, I’m pregnant. Whatever they had planned for me wasn’t a wild night, whereas knowing Tom, his was).
So AITJ here? My fiance agrees with me that the whole thing is ridiculous but if I had said ok I think he would have gone along with the plan just to be polite.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it sounds like some people are flying in for this party.
You can tell Tom that you and your friends will be joining the party and that anything not in good taste or predicated on tipsy partying should be canceled, but out of respect for guests who are flying in, you hope you can all enjoy a nice evening together.
That will teach him to go behind people’s backs in the future while not causing people who spent money to fly in for this to have to cancel their plans for something that wasn’t their fault (I’m sure they had no idea you guys didn’t want these parties when Tom invited them).” NorthernLitUp
Another User Comments:
“If I’m being honest, I suspect that your fiance really did want to go but he was afraid of upsetting you. Your general tone gives the impression that you have a strong personality, and perhaps he’s resigned himself to the idea that it’s easier to agree with you.
So, with that said, NTJ. You didn’t say no out of malice or anything like that, but instead because you saw it as interfering with what was going on. If I’m right, then it was on your fiance to speak up for himself rather than looking to you for a decision.” BrewertonFats
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it sounds like you’re mixing I with we. The fact that he looked at you rather than shutting it down indicates he wanted the party. “But if I had said ok, he would’ve gone along with the plan.” It’s a shotgun wedding.
No way Tom got all those people’s numbers without some help from the wedding party. Read your post again, did you even ask your fiancé what he wanted?” ChiquitaBananaKush
2. AITJ For Agreeing With My Parents About My Partner's Mom's Partner Speeding?
“I am 17 male and currently live with both of my parents.
My significant other is also 17 and lives with her mom as her parents have split. Her mom had a new partner that we’ll call Joe, who I believe I get along with even though I do at times consider some things he says too strange.
Just yesterday my partner asked me if I would like to go with her, her mom, and Joe to her grandparents to see their new property. I said yes of course I’ll ask my parents as it would be 30ish minutes away along an interstate and I ask my parents to go places.
In the middle of asking the new partner Joe and her mom show up at her door ready to get me without me telling my partner whether they said yes or no, which at the time was a yes with some rules, but it had been a no. This is my parents’ first time meeting Joe, and they said he seemed nice and didn’t have a problem with him.
Joe is the designated driver as we are all in our truck, and on the interstate to go to where we needed to the speed limit was 70 or 75 I’m not exactly sure as it changes throughout.
The issue is that Joe at one point went 98 miles per hour to see if he could go as fast as a Corvette speeding down the interstate at a much higher speed. Were we safe, yes, and Joe is a good driver.
But on my return home my parents said he seems nice and we have 0 problems with him, we just believe that going 28 miles per hour or basically 100 mph on the interstate was reckless and we don’t want anything bad to happen to me because they worry about my safety.
I told my partner what they said, and she seemed upset and mad at them stating that they speed too. Yes they speed, I speed, she speeds, but speeding is a vast vacuum I don’t know how to explain. There’s a difference between them going 80 in a 70 or 75 rather than going 100 mph.
I tried to explain to her that it’s not that they don’t like him or are trying to find reasons to not like him or something like that which they said themselves, they just believed that that was reckless.
My partner’s response was that my parents think they’re so high and better than everyone else and that they can speed and do whatever they want but no one else can.
At that point I was trying to explain their thought process, and that it wouldn’t have been an issue if he was going 80 or 85 not 100. But at that point, she had her belief of it so there was no convincing, but she seemed upset at me for acting weird which I assume was for agreeing with my parents.
To put in context for her point of view she believes my mom does not like her, and that this was an attack or diss to make it so I can’t see her which I don’t believe it to be at all.
So, AITJ for siding with my parents by thinking 98 mph is not a good first impression?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People underestimate how scary speeding actually is. Not to mention how easy it is to get into a car accident because of the unpredictability of other drivers.
My sister’s very toxic ex-partner always did the exact same thing. He always sped and claimed to be a “very skilled driver” but every car accident I’ve ever been in is when he’s driving. I agree that it’s not a good first impression.
If you feel unsafe, it should be enough to slow down.” Far-Preference-4924
Another User Comments:
“Speeding is always an iffy one for me. Having never been in his car before, I probably would have been a little nervous and concerned about him going 100mph on the interstate.
But with certain people, I’m completely fine with them going any speed they want because I know their ability. Basically, I feel safer in a certain person’s car going 100+ than I do in some others going 60. If at any point you felt uneasy with Joe going 100mph then absolutely NTJ.
I sometimes speed myself, but I will never speed when my passenger feels uncomfortable.” Joy_3DMakes
Another User Comments:
“I would not be happy at all if someone drove my kids at 100mph, the partner sounds like a moron. Let’s be clear, a serious crash at 30-40mph (say hitting a tree) can result in death or life-changing injury.
Survival chances at 70mph are very low. Driving a car at any speed is about balancing risk. Some guys have a really dumb, macho attitude to driving at speed, believing the risk is all about skill. It’s not. Driving at 100mph in a straight line is easy, the risk comes from having reduced reaction time to the things you can’t control e.g. unpredictable other drivers, mechanical issues, road surface issues.
Take it from someone involved in a serious freeway pileup at a mere 50-60mph, caused by the reckless driving of others. Totally NTJ but you would be the jerk if you get in his car again.” PenaltyAdditional968
1. AITJ For Disinviting My Unstable, Jobless Sister From Visiting Me During The Olympics?
“I (F49) live near Paris and my sister (F47) lives in Canada. Well over a year ago, she suggested coming here for the Olympics. She pushed for it and I said sure even though I couldn’t care less about the Olympics.
She bought tickets.
Since then, she has been out of work after being fired or laid off several times, holding each of her jobs over the past decade for maybe a year max, with limited income, and is constantly complaining that she has no money.
She was recently blowing cash in Costa Rica for a friend’s destination wedding and travels a lot running up a line of credit and expecting that in the worst-case scenario, my Boomer mother will bail her out.
She’s insanely mercurial and unstable.
Drinks every day but doesn’t think she has a problem. Totally unpredictable. Jekyll/Hyde. I never know who I’m going to get when I speak with her on the phone. And it’s always me making the effort to call and ending up talking to someone who’s so negative that it’s insufferable.
She snaps at me, is super negative, and is generally extremely unpleasant to talk to.
She refuses to just get any kind of job to have some kind of money coming in because she thinks she’s “too senior” for anything but management.
She works in recruiting and the job market is horrible. She refuses to retrain. She sits at home all day pretending to do “business development” with no viable business or revenue. She spends her day talking to her therapist or doing yoga or getting Botox or massage or her hair extensions redone.
The other day, I called to ask how she was. Answer: “Working and making no money, as usual.” We talked for a couple of minutes and she was so negative that it was very uncomfortable. Again. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore.
Something in me just snapped.
I hung up. I sent her an email telling her to sell the Olympics tickets for cash to live on and get a credit for her booked flight. I said I don’t want to be around someone that unstable for 2 full weeks in my apartment and that she should forget the trip and stay in Canada and focus on finding work.
She wrote back apologizing and saying that she just had some money come in. I told her to use it to pay down her massive debt.
My mom called crying begging me. I told her to stop indulging my sister and that I’ll talk to her in August. Apparently, my sister has since talked about doing something drastic.
I’ve gone no contact with both until sometime in August, well after the Olympics have ended. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“While you portray your sister as aggravating, and we will assume she is, she didn’t attack or betray you. Nor did she commit any misdeeds.
So your reaction was really harsh. You said she could come and you already knew how she was. You could have “snapped” but laid down the law on how her visit needed to go. If she didn’t obey overall, then you could kick her to the curb for life.
You would have been fine had you turned her down to begin with. Now that had let her come and her behavior was the same as it always was and you were never disrespected, then sorry… YTJ.” Scenarioing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If someone can’t be civil on the phone there is no reason to host them for 2 weeks. She’s going to have to start brushing up on her manners if she ever wants to be a house guest again. Why is your mom doing her bidding?
Doing something drastic? Please. Stop getting wrapped up in their drama. You may need to go no contact with them both, permanently.” B*************0
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I personally feel people are too quick to suggest cutting off family. Also this idea of “self-care” has gone too far to where people encourage this kind of selfishness in the name of “protecting your peace.” Would it REALLY affect your life that drastically to spend 2 weeks with your sister who you probably don’t see too often?
Does it affect your life AT ALL that she has debt, other than her complaining about it? I just can’t imagine behaving the way you have as a middle-aged woman. Have a civilized conversation about what you expect from her when she comes to visit you.
If she doesn’t respect the boundaries, then I understand doing something a bit more drastic. You just sound like a huge drama queen right now.” throwRA-jaloma
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