People Bother Us For Answers To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Showing The Kids The Polar Express?
“I (F29) babysat my nieces and nephew (M4, F6, and F7) the day before Christmas Eve so that my brother and his wife could go to a nice dinner.
They left around 6 pm, so all I had to do was watch a movie with the kids, and then put them to bed. I decided to watch The Polar Express with them. All went well, they were very excited about the movie, but I figured that was just kids being excited.
Fast forward to Christmas. I got a frantic call from my brother, yelling at me for showing the kids that movie. I didn’t know this, but apparently, there is a set of train tracks that run behind their house (about 200 yards back) and on Christmas Eve, my nieces had snuck out of bed and walked out to them to ‘wait for the polar express’.
My brother put them to bed around 10, and found them at 6 am unwrapping presents under the tree. He realized they’d been outside because their coats/boots were strewn about the hallway, and their faces were pink from having been out in the cold.
They don’t know how long the kids were out there (the doctor estimated about 1.5 hours) and took them to the ER because my younger niece’s lips were blue and she was stumbling, where they found out that my younger niece had (thankfully mild) hypothermia.
My brother is beyond angry at me. He says I’m irresponsible and an awful babysitter, and that I should’ve explained to them that the Polar Express isn’t real. The girls could’ve gotten seriously injured or killed, and he completely blames me.
He refused to bring the kids to my parents’ house for Christmas, which really upset my parents. He’s refusing to speak to me and says he’s never going to let me see the kids again since I’m irresponsible and could’ve gotten them killed.
I feel really awful about it, but at the same time, I really don’t think it’s my fault. They recently moved to this house, and I’ve never visited before Christmas Eve since I live in the city and they’re about two hours away.
So I’ve never seen the house in daylight and had no idea there were train tracks near it. It never occurred to me to say that the movie wasn’t real, all the kids still believe in Santa, so I didn’t think there was any harm in showing them a Christmas movie.
I’ve gotten mixed reactions from people. My husband says it’s not my fault, and it’s completely on them, as does my father and sister, but my brother and my mom think I’m the worst person in the world.
I feel really awful, and don’t know what to do. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your brother blames you because he doesn’t want to accept that he’s responsible. His kids snuck out of the house while he and his wife were responsible for them.
That’s on them.
Parents are responsible for teaching their children about the dangers of leaving the house unsupervised, and for train track safety. Parents are responsible for making sure their children know the difference between fact and fiction. Parents are responsible for communicating restrictions to babysitters.
You played an age-appropriate Christmas movie. That’s your only part in this. This is not your fault.” Lemon6Starburst
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – they’re the parents here, and the kids snuck out on THEIR watch. Your brother is desperately looking for anyone to blame but himself.
It shouldn’t have been on you to talk about movies not being real, it should have been on him to teach his children to never go outside a) in the dark b) without an adult c) without parental permission d) all of the above.
Not to mention teaching them to go nowhere near TRAIN TRACKS, for heaven’s sake.
I guess try to cut your brother some slack for the horrifying time they just had during the holidays… But he owes you a major apology as soon as he gets his head on straight.
As does your mother.” TipTopC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His 4,6 and 7-year-olds managed to get out of the house and STAY outside for 1.5 hours without mom and dad knowing!? It doesn’t matter why or where they were going. The fact that a situation could exist when their 3 small kids could and would go outside alone and stay there undetected for 1.5 hours is insanity.
That’s 100% a failure on your brother’s part and sounds like he’s deflecting onto you to avoid facing the reality that his kids could’ve been seriously injured due to him and his wife not properly securing their house.” shuckaladon
18. AITJ For Wanting To Cut Off My Cousin After She Lied About Being Pregnant?
“My cousin (19F) and I (20F) planned on coming to my grandma’s house together since we both live in different cities and haven’t seen each other in a while.
I arrived on a Thursday and she came on a Wednesday, everything was normal and fine. We decided to go to a bar (it’s legal to drink where I’m at) and had a few drinks with her friend and her friend’s cousin.
We were listening to music laughing and just generally having a nice time.
After a while, we all got pretty wasted and she started talking to us about a guy that she’s been dealing with and how much he’s hurt her feelings because of his general lack of interest in a relationship, this then escalated to her telling us that she was pregnant and had taken a test the day prior.
We all freaked out since she was so young but we were willing to be there for her in every way possible, even though my cousin and I aren’t particularly the closest.
The next day after we sobered up a bit we went to my grandma’s house finally, and all throughout the time we were there all she did was break down in tears because she claimed to be so frustrated and upset, she essentially spent the whole Christmas upset and I consoled her throughout it all, she would complain about how pregnancy is bloating her and making her emotional and crying about having to terminate her pregnancy to not disappoint her parents.
She also asked me to wear her uncomfortable shoes for her, since she’s pregnant and everything hurts and I obliged. She also ended up telling the guy she was pregnant and he was worried and frantic because she was ignoring him and he couldn’t get ahold of her.
On Christmas day she kept breaking down in tears talking about how hard it’s been for her and I of course empathized and we also built a little bit of a bond.
So on Sunday night, I ask her ‘how far along do you think you are?’ And she answers with ‘I don’t know’ and I tell her she should try her hardest to find out as soon as possible.
She then starts freaking out and getting anxious since the guy was frantically texting her and I tell her she should just answer and work it out with the father. She then turns to me and says ‘there’s nothing to work out because this is a prank.
I lied and took it too far’. I at first didn’t believe her since she lied so well and I confronted her and asked her how could she ever do something like that. She answered with ‘Don’t be so dramatic it was just a prank.’ But I honestly, after this, can’t bring myself to speak to such a manipulative person because of her ability to so casually lie, fabricate tears and all that just for attention is scary and I never plan on speaking to her again.
She claimed I was being cold and if I wanna stay mad and be cruel that’s fine and she won’t chase after me, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but please do not delete her messages, if possible make her confess everything via text and keep it.
Then cut this person out of your life, she took advantage of your goodwill. She is going to lie to the whole family to make them see you as the bad guy in this situation.
‘She claimed I was being cold and if I wanna stay mad and be cruel that’s fine and she won’t chase after me.’
If she says something like this again just tell her, ‘you know what is cruel and cold? Lying for days just to manipulate the feelings of people who really were worried about you’. Tell her this situation has shown you her true character and you learned how good she is at lying and how little she cares about you.” Average-Joe78
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not a prank in any shape or form. It’s purely emotional and empathetic manipulation and it’s a telling sign about what lengths this cousin would go to in the pursuit of satisfying her hunger for attention.
Extract her from your life and never look back. Terrifying!
I would also ask you to keep a hold of any written communication in case she decided to continue on this path and cast some blame on you in the future.
People like this are not to be trusted.” designatedbiscuit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Run in the opposite direction from her if you ever see her again. Block her on everything and keep anyone who may talk to her on an info diet.
Based on what you have described she seems like the type to steal someone else’s personal stories as their own (and possibly their identities.)
Also, anyone who can lie so convincingly is just dangerous to be around because if they decide to lie about you you may not recover from it.
She feels no remorse. She’s truly dangerous. Lies can ruin lives.
I’m not being dramatic. If she lies about being assaulted or if she lies about the inappropriate behavior of someone at her work; it could cost someone their livelihood or freedom.
Believable liars are dangerous.
Furthermore, she said she ‘took it too far.’ What happens the next time she takes it too far? Or what would she be willing to do to keep the lie going?” Foreverforgettable
17. AITJ For Not Watching My Half-Sister After Babysitting Was Sprung On Me?
“I (21F) have a younger half-sister (4F). My mom had me really young and when I was 16, she got remarried and had another baby.
Throughout my childhood, my mom (40F) was not good to me or my sister. She was a heavy drinker who neglected us severely and let her first husband (not our dad) hurt us. We have a ton of issues but I had to move back in with her after flunking out of college.
Last night, she wanted me to babysit her toddler because she and her husband (46M) had a dinner reservation. She asked me to do this days ago, but I told her I wouldn’t because I had other things to do.
Despite my saying no, she still left me alone with the kid.
While I was in the basement ignoring the kid because I did not agree to babysit, she apparently took every single thing out of the drawers in my mom’s bathroom and spilled a soda on the kitchen floor, then slipped in it and hit her head.
I came back upstairs hours later to find my mom angrily scrubbing the floors. Immediately, her husband got angry at me for not watching his kid and letting her get hurt. I got defensive and told them I didn’t agree to it and she wasn’t my responsibility.
If I had been the one to spill soda and make a mess, I would have been in a world of trouble as a kid, but apparently, my mom is a whole new woman now. She’s trying to do this ‘gentle parenting’ thing but honestly, I’m just waiting for her to revert back to how she was with us.
I told my mom all that, and she got mad at me for not doing anything to help her out around the house or with the kid. Personally, I don’t think the baby should be my responsibility. The way my mom sees it though, I’m a loser with no ambition or goals who does nothing all day.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are being just as bad as your mom! I get you hate your mom and her partner for how they treated you and that you didn’t want to babysit but that is not an excuse to neglect your sister.
Gosh, dude, remember they mistreated your sister too not just you so WHY are you blaming and hating HER for how your mom and her partner behave?
You shouldn’t blame someone else for how your wrongdoer behaves. Your mom and her partner CHOSE to treat you and your sister like crap, not your sister herself!
What’s next? You are gonna use your sister as a scapegoat for how YOU behaved and handled the situation. Your sister didn’t ask to be the family scapegoat YOU chose her to be YOUR scapegoat. Have fun having your sister resent you if you keep blaming her for the things that weren’t even her fault and your mom’s past behavior is one of them.” No-Effective6332
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – your mom for ignoring that you weren’t going to babysit obviously, but once you were in the house alone with a 4-year-old your options were to watch the child or call another relative/babysitter or, in the absolute extreme CPS.
You’re VERY lucky all that happened was a mess.
All that said, do you pay rent/do chores/anything around the house? Asking to watch a child for a few hours isn’t unreasonable, especially if you’re living rent-free.
If you really don’t want to be put in this situation again, you need to move out as soon as possible.
In the meantime, if you’re truly set on not babysitting, be prepared for your mom to do this again, and warn her that you’ll call the authorities next time.
It’s a pretty crappy thing to do, but better than having a dead 4-year-old because none of the adults in her life are willing to look after her.” Stellaknight
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It would be trashy if you were a minor with no choice but to live with your mother and she expected you to babysit.
But you don’t have to live there at all, you’re an adult. Should they have left the child there after you said you wouldn’t watch her? No. However, this is where you cross the line:
‘If I had been the one to spill soda and make a mess, I would have been in a world of trouble as a kid, but apparently, my mom is a whole new woman now.
She’s trying to do this ‘gentle parenting’ thing but honestly, I’m just waiting for her to revert back to how she was with us.’
You feel that you were mistreated so you want to make sure the cycle continues?
Your mother isn’t allowed to change? I guess you’re going to stay a bitter failure who lives with her mom since the status quo was established when you were 4 years old and can’t change.” snarkprovider
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You knew they’d left the child with you, and instead of demanding they come back, going and giving her to them, getting someone else to look after her, calling the police, or doing anything to make sure she was with a responsible adult – you ignored her and let her get hurt.
Yes, you’re still a jerk. The fact you hate your mother doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to let your little sister get hurt through your neglect. If you hate how your mother treated you, do better instead of copying her.” StripedBadger
16. AITJ For Being Mad At My Cousin For Pushing My Head Into The Cake?
“I usually celebrate my birthday with my parents and siblings but this year my mom suggested we throw a party since my cousins came to visit our state.
I don’t really like being the center of attention, but I agreed anyway since I won’t get to see them again for a long time. It was the day of the party and everything was going well until I was done blowing the candles out.
My little cousin decided to take the candles out, I thought it was just so the cake can be cut, but instead, she pushed my head against the cake. Everyone in my family knows I’m a little sensitive and get mad easily.
So, I got mad and yelled at her because it was all in my hair and it ruined my makeup. She started crying because I was being harsh. Her mom told me that she was just a little kid (she’s 15) having fun and that I took it too seriously.
My parents tried to calm things down but my aunt left and told my mom she wouldn’t come to our house until I got my act together.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think doing the face in the cake thing can be funny especially if you know the person will take the joke well but how they react is totally on you.
If they get mad and retaliate you gotta own that. That’s the price you pay for doing a prank.
Sounds like they knew you might not take it well and you can’t be expected to. It’s your Birthday and you shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable and can react how you want.” Funny-Web-6659
Another User Comments:
“It’s one thing if they knew you were cool with it, but to assume you would be and then expect you not to have a negative response as a result of their doing is rude. Trying to be funny or have fun shouldn’t be at the expense of your comfort and happiness in the process, it’s not just about them, it’s about everyone as a whole, especially the person that gets embarrassed or pranked enjoying it too.
If they don’t, then respect that.
Perhaps, yelling and making the girl cry wasn’t necessarily the best response either, but it’s also natural for people to be in the heat of a moment. Perhaps to make amends you can apologize for yelling, but then emphasize the importance that you don’t want it to happen again and that it is a discomfort of yours.
If they start trying to judge that and degrade it (a.k.a telling you to lighten up), then just don’t interact. They should value how it really makes you feel.
People have boundaries that need to be respected and there is nothing rude about standing up for it even if it ‘takes the fun out of it’.
Even more so if the boundary is disrespected. They took the fun out of it for you in a couple of ways as well. If they get all personal and name calling just let it go and you don’t have to be involved. Healthy relationships revolve around understanding and respecting the other individual being, doesn’t matter if it is family or not.
Sorry this happened! You are not the jerk.” PsychoticBookworm24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s fifteen, not five. She was not just having fun. She was being a bully. She wasn’t the center of attention, so she made sure the person who was the center of attention got ridiculed.
You’re not the one who needs to get their act together. One day, your cousin is going to pull that crap and she’s not going to like the results.
Good thing you won’t be seeing them for a while. Good riddance to both of them.” EYJacksonGilbert
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister At My Wedding?
“My sister and I are 5 years apart and I am currently 20 almost 21. My sister and I have never really gotten along even when we were younger. Now don’t get me wrong, siblings are supposed to get on each other’s nerves every once in a while, but I truly believe my sister is a psychopath.
It all started when I was in early middle school and she was in elementary. My parents were, unfortunately, going through a divorce and my mother had some mental problems that took a toll on all of us. She, unfortunately, decided to shut me out but gave my sister all of the attention she wanted because she is ‘her baby’.
My dad however saw this and did everything he could to make sure I knew I was loved. So as you can see my sister became very entitled because of this.
Just about a year later my parents are divorced and they split custody with us.
My mom and I’s relationship was getting better because she was finally getting the help she needed but unfortunately the damage was done. My sister was always yelling at my mother whenever she didn’t want to do something or was constantly stealing or breaking both of our belongings.
My mother didn’t know how to handle this and always treated my sister like a friend instead of a parent. It got so bad to the point that every morning she would scream and slam her door because she didn’t want to go to school or something, making all of us late.
I almost got suspended for how many times she made me late! I don’t know how it escalated from there but she somehow decided to take all of her issues out on me.
One day I was at my dad’s and my best friend came over to hang out and we kept smelling this foul smell in my room but had no idea what it was.
Finally, it got so bad to the point it would make you gag just stepping into the room. My best friend and I finally discovered that someone had peed into my little garbage can in my room, (it had a lid and was in the corner of my room).
We were clearly disgusted and absolutely astonished at who could do something like this. I mean it’s not like we didn’t have a decent bathroom.
That was just the beginning though. I could stay here and write all the terrible things she has done but we would be here for a while.
Just to give you an insight: she has pooped in my cat’s litter box, and ruined my belongings whether she peed on them or just destroyed them. Or one of my paintings she repainted and wrote ‘I am watching you’.
The list goes on…
To present day I have moved out of state to live with my fiance and I am scared to tell my family that she isn’t invited to our wedding. My sister has tormented me for years and yet my family tells me that I have to******* up and says that, ‘she’s your sister’ or ‘you’ll only have each other after we’re gone’.
I just cannot begin to tell you how much I resent her, after all the family takes her side to this day. I don’t know I’m just scared to tell my family and them not wanting to come to my wedding.
What should I do? AITJ?
UPDATE: I’m just trying to be the better person and gave my sister a nice Christmas gift so that the youngest sibling doesn’t see the imbalance between us. I have decided to face my parents and tell them she isn’t welcome to our wedding.
Perhaps one day, things will change but my fiance and have agreed we both don’t want her there and we plan to have a smaller wedding because of this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Don’t invite her. And be very clear with anyone who tries to convince you to invite her that they are condoning her behavior and that they are welcome not to attend if they decide what you’re doing is so egregious.
You say you’re scared they won’t want to come, but these are people who have let your sister treat you like this. If they decide not to come, remember it’s not about you. If they can defend your sister’s actions, they’re the problem, not you.
You deserve to have a day that is about you and your fiancé, a day where you aren’t on edge, wondering if she’s going to do something.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“Your sister sounds seriously disturbed. Peeing and defecating in/on your belongings?
That’s… not normal. Your parents should be addressing her issues, not pressuring you to ignore them.
As for your wedding, I’m kind of surprised you’d want any of her apologists there. I suspect they know more about her mental issues than they’ve shared with you.
NTJ. If you choose to invite them, I suggest you tell them the invite is for them only, sister is not invited, and any attempt to circumvent this decision will be met with a disinvitation, no contact, and security at the door.” justwaitingforgodot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If your parents would create drama on the day itself over your sister not being invited, I’d elope. LOL. Seriously. You, the groom, and your best friends, the four of you head off to somewhere fantastic.
Or ask them separately, ‘dad/mom, if I don’t invite sister, would you still go?’ If at least one of them says yes, have a smaller, more intimate wedding with that parent walking you down the aisle and invite the small group of extended fam you absolutely want to be there.
It’s your milestone, make it about you and your soon-to-be husband, not her/them, including the prep months leading to it. Congrats!
And your sister needs therapy.” peregrine_throw
14. AITJ For Telling My SIL To Either Take Off Her Shoes Or Leave?
“2 years ago I bought an apartment, and I have been renovating it over these last 2 years. This is the important bit to learn about the layout: once you get in you are faced with a square piece of flooring (think a Japanese genkan), then you go up a step to get into the apartment proper.
I made it specifically because everyone here wears their shoes inside unless there is a carpet.
On the left side, there is a wall, and on the right, there is a shoe cabinet that separates the entrance from where my dining table is.
Facing the door, entrance, and dining table is my living room. So anyone sitting in the living room can see exactly what is happening at the entrance.
I invited my family (dad, mom, brother, SIL, and other brother) to celebrate finally having my apartment how I want it.
They traveled by high-speed train from a different city (a 2-hour ride).
My SIL and I don’t get along, and not because I hate her. I was actually the one that convinced my parents to let my brother marry her, I even gave them some money to help with the wedding.
But when I bought my apartment she started hating me. Apparently, she thought I should have loaned my funds to my brother since they – as a family – needed to buy a house more than I did (they currently live with my parents while they finish their schooling).
Anyway, my parents and younger brother arrived first since they got the first cab, I offered them slippers, and they took off their shoes with no fuss and sat down. When my other brother and SIL arrived, she refused to remove her shoes at the entrance (keep in mind she will have to remove them not even 10 steps in any way), I remained polite, told her that my house is shoes free, and assured her that the slippers are completely new.
She remained stubborn. My brother also tried to convince her but she wouldn’t budge.
So I put my foot down, I told her she either takes off her shoes or stays at the entrance, she turned towards my parents for help, but my mom just said: it’s her house honey, just follow her rules.
She didn’t like that, and in a fit of anger left the house. My brother went after her.
They called us a few minutes later to say that they were going back to their city (the plan was for them to stay for the whole weekend), and my brother told me that he wished I was happy with myself.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Her attempted power play blew up in her face when you refused to back down. She sounds like a nightmare honestly. Wants your money, doesn’t respect you or the rules in your home. I think her leaving was a perfect outcome.
Nobody needs that kind of nonsense in their lives. Hope she makes your brother happy but honestly, she just sounds like a miserable human being.” Short-Classroom2559
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Glad your mother supported you. Your brother is probably miserable being married to SIL and is transferring that misery onto you.
It’s too bad that he’s too immature or too stupid to understand where his resentment should be properly directed.
Hold your head up and don’t let your bro drag you into any argument. Everyone saw how SIL behaved and how you did.
No one will forget it.” Kthaeh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She was a rude guest, and I’m glad your parents respected your rules. Your brother was good to leave with her as she is his wife, but he should have made an apology.
The only other concessions may have been to provide your brother with a towel and ask him to carry his spouse from room to room all weekend, placing the towel between her shoes and the floor and agreeing to pay for your housecleaning afterward at your discretion.
I hope you were able to carry on, not give them a second thought once she decided to decline your invitation, and have a wonderful time without them.” GladysKravitz21
13. WIBTJ If I Don't Let My Neighbors Pet Or Feed My Animals Anymore?
“My dog is a very kind and loving, well-trained german shepherd.
However, she gets hyper and overexcited easily. She is 2.5 years old, and training is mostly about teaching her to stay calm. No barking, circling, or jumping up to people is allowed for her. Mainly because it’s very annoying behavior and so she would not accidentally injure or scare someone.
She is behaving very well and is kind to everyone. However, anytime my neighbor’s family gets out the door and she is in the yard by herself, they go to the driveway fence and get her all hyped up. They feed her and have her jump up against the metal fence, making a lot of noise.
It annoys me a lot. At this point, I am worried if I don’t stop this my dog might start barking out of excitement if she sees them. My lovely dog never barks and I would like to keep it that way…
They also feed and pet my horses, which doesn’t affect their training, but I am also worried as horses are very sensitive to food, healthwise.
It has come to a point where my neighbors come knocking at my door, asking to pet and play with my animals.
I don’t like unexpected visits so I always decline. The other day I kindly asked them to stop making noise at the fence. They said they didn’t do such a thing but would pay attention. It was a friendly conversation.
But it keeps happening… Just now I had to stop cleaning and get my dog inside, getting a wet floor dirty again, so there would not be all this annoying noise outside and to prevent my dog from getting all hyped up again.
Calling her inside when the neighbors are at the fence and they still don’t get the message.
WIBTJ if I told them to stop it? Without being friendly anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – limiting it to a couple of carrots over the fence if the horses are out is fine, the neighbors expecting you to allow visits to the barn, etc is not.
There are horror stories in the UK where strangers have decided they have the right to feed animals – resulting in horses dying from colic, choking, severe laminitis, etc (there have been the remains of roast dinners including chicken bones thrown into fields).
There is also the issue of the animals seeing people and chasing them to demand food – so if someone decided to climb into the field and got trampled by a horse looking for carrots who would be to blame?
Safer for your dog to also not be given treats – she could be given something that will upset her, she could jump up for food and catch someone with a claw – and then you would be blamed for having a dangerous dog.” AggravatingSand8896
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Talk to the parents and explain why but I would suggest you also let them have something. Such as letting them pat the horses. Just tell them no food because it can make them aggressive and they could bite so you want to break them of the habit of expecting food.
Tell them if they see you out with the dog, walking it, they can come to pat it but otherwise please leave it alone and please don’t disturb you.
You are lucky to have neighbors that love animals so you don’t want to come across rudely.” exotics
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People should never feed or interact with animals that they don’t know or without permission. I’m surprised that you have been allowing this to happen because a lot of horse people are super protective of their horses.
People don’t realize that many animals have sensitive tummies and restrictive diets. Working dogs require a lot of training so their interacting with your German Shepherd can regress her training. It’s your responsibility to protect your animals and tell them to stop because if something does happen to your animals or to the people who interact with them it’s on you.” Cream_my_pants
12. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Watch The Kid While I Bake?
“Sometime around Halloween every year, I turn into a massive people-pleaser, especially when it comes to cooking/baking. I was originally going for seven kinds of traditional Norwegian Christmas cookies this year in honor of my grandma, instead of just doing the few that my mom likes.
I’ve only gotten five kinds done, largely because my husband keeps telling me that I don’t have to bake so many cookies for my ungrateful family, that his family doesn’t expect me to bake any cookies unless I want to, and now he won’t even try the ones I’ve already baked because he doesn’t like sweets and thinks I’m wasting my time.
I even ordered a krumkake iron (which finally came, we’ve been snowed in for over a week now). I’m seriously considering not even trying to use it. I’m just dreading being told that I ‘don’t have to do this’, when yes, I do want to do this.
I want to make the seven kinds of cookies for my grandma since she hasn’t even been able to stand long enough to bake for several years now, my mom hates all her favorite cookies with a passion and won’t bake them (is cardamom really that nasty?), my gran is going downhill (bedridden), and I don’t dare hope she will make it another year that way.
I just don’t want to try to balance handling hot pans and hotter irons and frying oil and cooling racks with a toddler running around in the kitchen incessantly touching everything… or a toddler throwing hours of screaming fits in the Baby Corral every time I pick up the rolling pin.
I just want my husband to chill out on trying to do projects when it’s below freezing and go have fun with the kiddo while I get to do my happy little seasonal people-pleasing thing for a couple more days.
Same thing with my dad, who ostensibly comes up to watch our daughter, but is getting more and more needy and childlike himself and seems to find something to go sulk about whenever I actually need him to watch the kid.
I just feel like I’m failing everyone here, and hiring an outside babysitter is not an option for a variety of reasons.
Am I the jerk for asking my husband and my father to just watch the kid while I try to uphold this tradition one more time for my grandma, knowing that this might actually be her last Christmas?
Am I the jerk for even being upset about this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but way over-stressing yourself. If your dad arrived early to help watch your child, then he and your hubby should be capable of watching the child.
Seriously, your dad helped raise you and you survived, and your child has reached the toddler stage, so your hubby must have some idea of what he’s doing. Be happy with the cookies you’ve baked to this point. Surprise your grandma with the other cookies at the end of January or for Valentine’s Day.
She’ll love that because they will be totally unexpected at those times and it will take some of the pressure off of you now.” Legitimate-Moose-816
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but the issue isn’t the kids. It’s the communication. You didn’t have an open dialogue with your partner about why the cookies are happening or what you need him to do, and he’s not being receptive.
Your father sounds like he’s set in his ways when it comes to wanting attention, not having emotional vindication, etc. This sounds like it’s something that’s weighing on you too, which is contributing to the aggravation.
It’s reasonable to be upset.
You’re stressed, and baking is hard enough without an imposed emotional goal. You might need to step back from this for a moment to let your emotions happen, pass, and reassess.” thaodckite
Another User Comments:
“Something about this story hits me hard and makes me feel super sad for you in this.
I think it’s because it sounds like this is something of a recurring thing with your husband, and my ex-husband used to do the same thing every year with my gardening. Never mind the fact I did it with my ailing dad because it made him happy and we may not get to do it for much longer.
You are NTJ. Sometimes people make me sad. It’s like one day and your dad at least is there to watch the kiddo, you’d think he could do this one thing to make you happy. For your grandma.” TheMeaningOfYourName
11. AITJ For Saying My Mom Is A Gossip?
“My (33F) husband (34M) and I have been struggling to conceive for 6 years.
We finally saved up enough for IVF and our first transfer has been successful so far. I’m 5 weeks along.
My mom (63) lives with us as she is about to retire and she couldn’t afford rent anymore. I was iffy about sharing the news with her because she is known to be a gossip and never keeps a secret.
I was so sure that she would because I’m her daughter and she knew how much we struggled. I was wrong. She told my aunt (her sister) who is known as the family gossip (by her own daughters) and I know for a fact that she will tell the whole family on mom’s side, which I don’t even consider family.
We don’t talk due to toxicity that I don’t stand for.
Due to obvious pregnancy hormones, plus injections of hormones (IVF) I am having a hard time controlling my emotions. I yelled at her that she is untrustworthy and that she was a gossip.
That I was tired of it and would not be sharing anything with her anymore. She called me overdramatic and said sorry I’m not perfect like you. I said I’m not perfect but at least I know better than to share news that’s not mine to share.
She said she would not be joining us for Christmas, to have fun with my family, meaning my in-laws which she has some issue with me calling them my family. I’ve been with my husband for 18 years. We are high school sweethearts.
And they are amazing in-laws.
Another instance, when we found out my husband was the one that was infertile, she told my grandpa and a bunch of other relatives, when I asked her to not spread my business out to the world.
Tomorrow is Christmas and I am hosting, we’re not planning on telling anyone till New Year’s (his family has been very supportive and I want to share our news with them). But mom is saying she won’t come out of her room and we are not speaking.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Let this grown and mature adult pull all of her toys out of her pram and have her tantrum. Just let her. And if you’re hormonal and sassy enough, paint it like that when somebody asks where she is: ‘tantruming in her room because I told her she was the untrustworthy gossip she is’.
Oh, and that gender reveal? She’s not invited. The ultrasound pictures? No, not for her to see. Playing around with name-picking? Not her game. ‘Mom, if I was ready to announce the name/gender/anything to the world, I would post it on Social Media.
I trust people there to keep a secret more than I trust you.”
And stand firm, because I see that next toddler tantrum coming.
Oh, and congratulations! I hope everything will go smoothly!” redsoxx1996
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – you stated that your mom is known to be a gossip and never keeps a secret.
Yet, you keep sharing secrets with her and then getting mad at her for sharing.
Mark Twain said, ‘two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead.’ I think that’s something you should remember.
If you aren’t ready for the world to hear your news, then you should wait before sharing with a known gossip.
Lesson learned I guess. It sucks you can’t share secrets with your mom though.
Congrats on your news! That’s very exciting!” NotBettySpaghetti
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother needs to find someone else to mooch off of. Either that, or she needs to keep working as long as she can.
I know you weren’t going to tell your in-laws until New Year’s, but I think you need to let them know now. Someone is bound to mention it (either your mother or someone else she or your aunt told).
I’m sure you’ve bought your mother some Christmas gifts.
I’d return them and buy her packing boxes instead. Let her open them privately in her room since she doesn’t want to come out. Give her a Christmas card telling her you’re giving the gift of 60 days (instead of only 30) to find somewhere else to go.” Legitimate-Moose-816
10. AITJ For Using My Brother To Shut My Parents Up?
“I am a nurse practitioner and I am the primary care provider for a lot of the low-risk maternity cases at the practice where I work. I also work hand in hand with the doctors and midwives to create a healthy maternity, birth, and postpartum situation.
My fiancee is completing her residency. We live together and have for a few years now. We aren’t in any hurry to get married. We originally had plans to do so a couple of years ago but then we got really busy for two years.
It is driving my very religious parents crazy that their youngest son is living in sin. I don’t really care. I’m an adult and I do what I want. We are getting married in June.
So we are visiting my parents for Christmas.
The way it came together this year everyone is at my parents’ house. So that’s my folks, my three siblings, me and my fiancee, and seven grandchildren. So seventeen people.
At dinner, my mom starts going on about how she is so glad that we are finally getting married and that she won’t be embarrassed at church anymore.
And my dad says how proud he is of his three older kids who all either waited to get married before moving in together or got married right away after moving in together. My fiancee was getting embarrassed and I was getting mad over this stupid argument we have had too many times.
And a family dinner was the last straw.
I have asked them repeatedly to just accept that they cannot control how I live my life. I refuse to stay with them when I visit even if I come alone. Hotels are just easier.
So I started talking about a premature baby I had been reading about. It was almost three months premature and weighed about 1.6 pounds. It was super strong and healthy for being born so little and the NICU had high hopes for the baby doing well.
My mom and dad both got deer in the headlights looks on their faces. Too bad. Should not have messed around with my fiancee’s feelings.
So I asked about my oldest brother. He was born almost four months premature. Is there a chance that we could check out the family album where we keep all the records of family births and stuff?
I already know my brother was over 9 pounds and almost 23″ long when he was born. My grandmother told me all about it the first time my parents tried to shame me.
The subject gets changed very fast. After supper, my parents told me that I should not try to embarrass them with private things that are not my concern.
I told them that if I heard anything about my living arrangements ever again for the rest of my life I would make sure to keep bringing up the FACT that my mom was in her second trimester when they got married.
My parents are mad at me for telling them how to behave in their own home. But my fiancee is happy that they seem to be off the subject for good.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your story is sad.
I imagine that your parents felt tremendous — even crippling — shame when they discovered your mother was pregnant. They probably felt some shame before learning of the pregnancy, and that just multiplied many times over. What a trashy way to start a marriage and family.
And now they want you to experience the same sense of shame. What a terrible thing to wish on one’s child!
But I can sort of get it, too. I think a lot about the changes that were made to how medical interns and residents work.
Older docs often objected to putting restrictions on how many hours doctors in training could work because ‘I had to do it when I started, so they should prove to go through the same misery to prove themselves that I did.’ So I suspect there is some part of your parents that feels it isn’t fair that you and your fiancée get to live together (and SLEEP together) without enduring the terrible shame they experienced. Your lack of shame is probably a slap in the face to them.
And they may not quite be able to label their feelings about it accurately, so they fall back on religious clichés.” Coollogin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That was handled perfectly. Even if your grandmother was more religious than they are, she had that bit of intel up her sleeve for just such an occasion.
If your parents are so religious, maybe they need to go back and read their Bible (assuming they’re Christian, which I get the feeling they are). John 8:7 contains the famous quote, ‘He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.’ It’s often quoted as ‘He who is without sin, cast the first stone.’
Another version you often hear is ‘People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.’
Basically, it states that you shouldn’t go pointing out others’ faults when you have some of your own.
Religious people hate it when you use their own text and beliefs against them.
The next time they harp on you about ‘living in sin’, you should keep John 8 in your pocket.” PatrickRsGhost
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Turn up the heat next time they try something like that, look them dead in the eyes, and ask them if they think they’re better than God.
When they say no, say that it’s kinda funny because the bible says that only God is able to judge others, and doing so means you put yourself at the same level as God, Make sure to hammer home that that really ought to stop that if they want to go to heaven.
Bonus points if you bring Ephesians ‘Be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving to one another’ into the conversation.
Christians are often too quick to weaponize their religion against other people without ever considering that it can absolutely be weaponized against themselves as well.” SCREAMING-TAMPON
9. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law To Mind Her Own Business When It Comes To My Daughter?
“My husband and I spent Christmas with his whole family at his parents’ house. We had a great time except for one thing.
My oldest SIL.
She’s the oldest in my husband’s family and apparently, she’s the most outspoken.
She sat down next to me while I was taking a small break with my daughter in another room and started going in on how her name is not a real name, how Indie is made up and will leave her without good options as an adult, how juvenile it sounds and all other kinds of insults.
I asked her if she could not bring it up because my husband and I were happy with her name and we trusted we chose a good name for her. She did not let up and I wasn’t ready to move on yet so I ended up telling her to mind her own business and how my daughter’s name was nothing to do with her.
She started yelling loud enough for the rest of the family to overhear. My husband came in and asked what was going on and when he figured it out he told her to leave me alone. The rest of the family all said there were better things to talk about over Christmas and told SIL she should be doing something else.
SIL stayed mad the rest of the day and after we got home, she told me everyone hates the name we chose, nobody else wants to say anything though. I responded that I already knew and appreciated them not voicing it to us.
My husband saw she was texting me and told her to grow up and focus on her own kids. She said to both of us that I was too rude to her and acted like she wasn’t our daughter’s aunt, which I never said.
But I feel bad that the blow-up happened because of what I said.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you believe a name is stupid, every parent has the right to name their own children anything they want. And a lot of names are odd before they become mainstream.
It isn’t SIL’s business and especially not after a child is born and already named.
Indie does not seem as odd as all the crazy spellings that go against the rules of grammar, but that is also the parents’ right.” egk10isee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. SIL kept escalating and you tried to shut her down. She had plenty of opportunities to drop it with dignity rather than get scolded by you, which seems to be the reason she’s calling you the jerk.
In fact, she’s so adamant about not dropping it that she’s continuing to harass you the next day! You’ll still be the jerk when you hang up on her.
As for the name: I kind of love that everyone else hasn’t said anything despite maybe not liking it (if that is, in fact, true).
We all simply have our own preferences, and it would be a sign of their love and respect for you that they keep their difference of opinion to themselves.” pjeans
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! How can people feel so entitled?
Your SIL is the definition of entitlement. It is not her baby. It is yours. Your husband and you love the name you gave to YOUR baby. Period.
Who cares if she does not love it? You put up with her long enough, and she has the audacity to be offended and tries to blame you.
Your SIL is trying to put herself in the victim’s shoes whereas she is the aggressor.
Definitely NTJ, but be careful with her in the future. That is not someone to be trusted, not even for a small conversation.” Bouhyabouhya
8. AITJ For Yelling At My Stepmom For Selling My Couch?
“My dad had an affair and my mom walked in on him and my stepmother sleeping together when she came home early from work. They then divorced and less than a year later my dad married the woman he was having an affair with.
It took me a very long time to forgive my father and an even longer time to accept my stepmother since it was harder when they were not family.
We are friendly but nothing more. I go over there about once a week to see my father and hang out with the two of them and their dog.
My stepbrother (28m) lives with them and uses two out of three bedrooms. He used the spare as his gaming room and the other one as his bedroom. My father and stepmother have the master bedroom.
In my stepbrother’s game room is only his gaming set up and about half the room is empty.
I live in a one-bedroom with my husband and we have two couches. One three-seater and a love seat. Since the apartment is on the smaller side we asked my stepbrother if he could keep the love seat in his gaming room to use and store for us until we bought a house.
He agreed and said he was wanting a couch in there anyways and we can take it back when we move into a bigger space or house. My father and stepmother are both aware of the agreement and are okay with it.
I went over there last week and as soon as my stepbrother saw me his eyes went wide and he excused himself to his bedroom. This isn’t uncommon but the way he did it was weird. I went to use the restroom and his gaming room door was open and I could see right in there (while on the way to the bathroom, I didn’t go out of my way to look) and my couch was gone.
I went and immediately questioned my father and stepmother. My dad looked super comfortable and my stepmother told me she sold it on an online marketplace because she didn’t like it and bought my stepbrother a nicer loveseat to have.
Apparently, she did this as a surprise to my stepbrother and no one knew. She was all excited and thought I would be happy since I wasn’t using it.
Now this couch wasn’t super expensive or fancy. But it was in great shape and had sentimental value since it was in my family’s living room growing up which is why I wanted to keep it so badly.
It was rarely used but is in a lot of my childhood memories.
I looked her in the face and asked if she remembered that they were supposed to be keeping it for me until we buy a house in late 2023.
She said she did but it was old so she figured it would give me and my husband an excuse to buy newer and nicer couches.
I lost it and said some things like how they threw away my couch like they did my family and she was a jerk.
I left and haven’t spoken to them since. She has texted and apologized to me and offered for my dad to buy me a new set but I don’t want it.
But after I didn’t accept her apology she started calling me a jerk ruining the surprise she had for her son.
She wants me to apologize for being rude. So AITJ?
I brought it over about four weeks ago and planned on keeping it there until august of 2023 when we plan to buy a house. So it would have been less than a year.
Everyone was also aware I wanted to keep it for my first house since I have sentimental memories with it and wanted that in my house when I have kids.
Update: I spoke to her today and demanded the contact info of the buyer.
She claimed she didn’t have it saying she deleted the messages and the listing. After me not letting up she finally gave me the info. I reached out to them.
My father is on my side and offered to go get the couch back and offered to pay the buyer double or triple if they refuse for what they paid (which was $50).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s gaslighting you. You asked for permission and let step brother use it for gaming until 8/2023 and everyone knew and agreed. Then stepmom decided that she knows better than you and your silly sentimental furniture so she sold it and tried to convince you that she’ll buy you a new one because she is so altruistic.
Now suddenly YOU owe HER an apology for HER selling YOUR furniture THEY agreed to keep for you.
I mean, why not buy her precious son a new one AFTER you took back the loveseat? Why not call you and tell you that she knows they agreed but that she really wanted to buy him a new gaming chair and offer you to take it back?
There were so many more available options than just selling your stuff and then telling you you’re wrong for being upset about it.” Jovon35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m also calling nonsense on the whole ‘you ruined the surprise she had for her son’ thing based on how you described your stepbrother’s reaction to your arrival and the empty couch-shaped space in his gaming room.
Your stepbrother knew your couch was gone. He knew it was important to you. He knew there was trouble brewing and wisely retreated to the relative shelter of his bedroom. All of which to me says your stepmonster sold your couch with cruel intent and malice aforethought.
If I had to guess, your Dad must have said something to her at some point about the couch and how it evoked some pleasant memory (that of course involved your mother instead of her). From that moment onward, the couch’s days would have been numbered. Hypothetically speaking anyways.” Eyes_and_teeth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she had pure intentions she would have called you and asked you to find other accommodations for your couch so she could ‘surprise’ her son. She did this on purpose to hurt you.
Why did she all of a sudden want to get her son a chair for that room AFTER he had gotten your couch on loan?
AFTER he already had something to use in that room. She waited until getting him a chair was UNNECESSARY and then acted like a chair for her son was vital and needed. AND THEN tried to say she was doing you a favor.
Gross.
She’s a piece of work. I wouldn’t let this blow over if I were you. Good luck.” Dramatic_Squirrel_82
7. AITJ For Accidentally Exposing My Mom's Fake Account?
“My (33f) mother (68) uses a fake name with no photos on social media. She uses the account to follow me because I live abroad and have some cooking/baking accounts. She’s of the mentality that women shouldn’t upload photos and if they do they should be ultra-modest. We’re Middle Eastern and Muslim, but she’s very socially conservative and can’t seem to comprehend the fact that younger generations have changed.
I have a cousin (28f) who is a newcomer influencer in my home country. She’s a beautiful young lady and I’m so proud of her for creating a decent source of income for herself. My mother disagrees and thinks she’s exposing herself to harm’s way and the ‘life of sin and danger’.
My cousin lost both parents at a young age and her family, including my mother, hardly stepped in to provide any kind of support. I’ve been abroad for over a decade and still helped my cousin out mentally and financially and we have a good relationship.
My mother added my cousin on her fake account and claimed to be a 40 yr old woman who knows me and follows my work (I’m a journalist). I didn’t know any of this and thought my cousin was aware of my mother’s account.
Last week my cousin asked me if I knew this woman and I told her it was my mom using a fake name. My cousin laughed and asked why she made up a whole character to talk to her. I didn’t understand but I dropped it.
Well, my mom is calling me a jerk for exposing and embarrassing her. I asked her why she hid her identity and she said ‘I wanted to create a safe account and befriend your cousin so she can talk to me because she has no one.
She’s on a path of destruction and needs guidance so I pretended to be a woman closer to her age who can comfort her’. I told my mom that it’s ridiculous she thinks someone like my cousin who is social media savvy would open up to a complete stranger that is asking intrusive questions.
She said well many ppl form friendships online. I said why not just be her aunt instead of trying to be her friend? My mom said she had a real account a while back but my cousin blocked her because she kept asking her if she had a partner, and she’ll be more comfortable talking about her personal life with a younger stranger than her aunt.
I told my mom that’s basically catfishing and super creepy.
Even if her intentions were good in wanting to offer guidance, she overstepped. That she was never there when my cousin was orphaned but feels entitled to project her righteousness onto a young woman making a name for herself.
Mom got very upset and isn’t talking to me. I think she needed to be called out but my dad and brother think I was too harsh.
By influencer, I mean my cousin does ads for products and restaurants, cafes, etc. She’s in full dress code but doesn’t wear hijab.
It’s not like she’s showing any skin though I would still support her if she did!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The problem with religious zealots is that their belief is so strong some of them will abandon all etiquette and decorum if they think your eternal soul is on the line.
I believe in a higher power but you have to win hearts by saying your piece and letting people make their own decisions. It’s not your job to enable your mom to harass your cousin if she’s made her point and been disagreed with already.” hunglikelephant
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I’m a non-Muslim man, so I don’t know whether my perspective will be adequate, we function in different contexts.
From my point of view, your mother is manipulative and calls for loyalty or alliance using values and religion.
But when she says ‘safe account’, it’s safe only for herself. She made it to avoid any consequences from the past (your cousin was smart enough to distance herself, and your mother tries to overcome being blocked) or future ones.
When she shows that she cares about that woman, she really cares if her moral guidance is finally accepted in any form.
For me, it’s a lesson on patriarchy, and how much it needs female enforcers/gatekeepers.
I think it is so important that your cousin has you as a sincere ally and supporter.
Keep it up for her! She might face big challenges, so many groups radicalize these days. But it’s not her fault or of the path she chose, it’s the fault of the system that your mother represents, supports, and enforces on others.” mayhnavea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is a liar. By pretending to be a fictional person who knows you, your mom tried to force you into lying, too. She should have asked you first if you would be willing to go along with her.
Since she didn’t, she had no right to expect you to do anything other than tell your cousin the truth.” throw05282021
6. AITJ For Correcting My Mother-In-Law For Calling My Daughter By The Wrong Last Name?
“My wife (28F) and I (27M) have been together for 12 years, married for 5 years. We have a 3-year-old daughter who will be 4 soon.
When my wife was pregnant, we agreed if the baby was to be born a girl, she would take my last name.
If it was a boy, it would be her last name. Of course, she ended up taking my last name. This is important to the dilemma that happened this morning.
My wife’s family runs a few restaurants that happened to be named after their last names.
When my wife was pregnant, my MIL was very persistent about the baby having the family name. We argued about it but we eventually came to terms.
Ever since this, my MIL throws shade every now and then. Calling my daughter Ms.’Her last name’ and asking me when I’m going to change her last name to hers.
On my daughter’s birthday gifts, she will purposely write the wrong last name.
It gets on my nerves heavily but I try to keep it to myself. I ask my wife why her mother does this and she claims she wanted the family name to carry on.
This morning they came over for breakfast and decided to give my daughter early Christmas presents. I noticed they again wrote the wrong last name and were calling her by the wrong last name.
I corrected my MIL and told her she was using the wrong last name.
She kept using it so I simply said, I feel slightly disrespected right now in my own home.
My MIL’s demeanor changed and she said she felt it was disrespectful I didn’t give my daughter my wife’s last name. I got very upset and told her she should leave.
My wife jumped in and told me to stop. That’s not a big deal.
I walked away. My wife has been upset all morning saying I should apologize so it’s not awkward tomorrow during dinner.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your MIL is the jerk for purposefully using the incorrect last name despite you and your wife deciding otherwise. Your wife is the jerk for enabling her mom’s behavior.
I cannot stand it when people allow and enable their family to disrespect their partner.
This is not just about a last name, your MIL genuinely believes that your feelings don’t matter and does not care that you feel disrespected when she does this. She fails to understand that your daughter is YOURS and she does not get to decide what her granddaughter is called. Your wife needs to put on her big girl pants otherwise your MIL will continue believing that her behavior is acceptable because she gets away with it.
It doesn’t have to be a big deal either, I’d tell mom, ‘mom, we both decided she will have his last name, and your jabs at calling her by mine sound a little petty and are making us uncomfortable. We both ask that you stop.’ Best of luck, OP!” Cream_my_pants
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as your MIL is a jerk but also why are they so hung up on ‘family names’ being carried on and why is the solution giving children of different genders different last names?
If you have another girl what last name will she get?
The family name? Your name.
If neither you nor your spouse has taken each other’s name that’s fine but then the obvious solution is a hyphen like if you’re Smith and she’s Jones the children would be Jones-Smith or Smith-Jones or whatever.
Multiple children having different last names will just lead to confusion down the road for said children, and I would assume different treatment from your in-laws and setting up your children for a lifetime of therapy.
Have a solid conversation about this with your wife, and agree on one last name for all children, because they are humans who don’t need to be brought into this nonsense and have it follow them around for life.” Ok_Butterfly_3174
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it’s not even close.
Your MIL is purposely choosing to ignore you and her daughter’s mutual decision to give your daughter her father’s last name.
Your daughter is YOUR daughter and if her grandma can’t even respect the parents’ decisions regarding her then she can get lost. I would have probably done this earlier.
Also, your wife siding with her mom is worrying. You should talk with her about this because to me it doesn’t sound like she is fully okay with your daughter’s last name being yours and is letting her MIL do the fighting for her.” OWLleopard123
5. AITJ For Refusing To Give Christmas Leftovers To My BIL's Caretakers?
“My wife (38f) and I (43m) are hosting Christmas for the first time in our new home. Ever since I met my wife, we have always done Christmas at her mom’s house. My wife’s brother (33m) has a psychiatric disability and has 24/7 caretakers.
He’s been hit and miss for Christmas and we don’t know if he’s coming til the morning of.
Every year it’s tradition to have a prime rib dinner with the family, and my MIL always buys a 6-7lb prime rib which gets devoured, so my wife and I never get to take any leftovers home.
This year, since my wife and I are hosting, we decided to buy an 8lb prime rib so that we had enough to feed 5 people (my wife and me, MIL and her husband, and BIL), along with having enough for leftovers.
We made the usual side dishes and made just enough for everyone, but made extra mashed potatoes because I got a new ricer for Christmas that I was way too excited to use (this info is irrelevant, just wanted to brag about my awesome ricer).
After dinner, my BIL breaks out 2 dinner plates from his backpack and starts dishing up the rest of the leftovers. Stunned I asked him, ‘whatcha doin bud?’ To which he replies ‘packing up leftovers for ___ and ___’ (his caretakers).
I look at my wife, she looked dumbfounded. I look at my MIL and she quickly responds with, ‘don’t worry, he does this every year’. My wife and I had no idea this was a normal arrangement, or were informed ahead of time to make extra.
I stopped BIL and told him that the leftovers were for my wife and me, we didn’t make enough to send him home with leftovers. BIL got upset and threw (literally) the leftover prime rib back onto the cutting board that he had loaded onto the plate (which was all of it), pouted to his mom, and then stomped off to the car for the rest of the evening.
MIL + husband left about 20 minutes later skipping opening presents to take BIL back to his apartment. My wife ended up getting an earful a few hours later from her mom saying that we were rude to not feed his caretakers and that they were expecting Christmas leftovers like years before.
I fired back (she was on speaker) and told her it’s not our responsibility to feed his caretakers when we were given no heads up beforehand. Had they mentioned something, we’d have gladly bought a larger prime rib and made extra food to send home with BIL, but since nobody said anything to us, we had no idea this was ‘a thing’ in the first place.
MIL called my wife and me selfish jerks and hung up the phone.
AITJ for not sending our leftovers home with BIL for his caretakers?
UPDATE: my wife and I decided that it was a leftover night. We planned on taking the leftover prime rib, warming it up in gravy, and then smothering the herb-infused mashed potatoes I made.
Wife opened the fridge, grabbed the prime rib, then went for the mashed potatoes and gravy, only to realize it wasn’t in the fridge. She hollers over at me and asks if I ate them, I tell her nope.
Long story short: she texted her mom and asked if they took the mashed potatoes and gravy and she said yep. Her reasoning ‘just make more, you guys kept the prime rib so we took the mashed potatoes and gravy’.
I don’t care that they took the mashed potatoes and gravy, but the fact they didn’t ask or say anything, is super frustrating.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
MIL is the jerk for not making you aware of this arrangement in advance and maybe offering to chip in to cover the extra cost since this is an expensive cut of meat.
It was basically equivalent to adding two guests to dinner without telling you.
While I get that her sentiment is generous to people who are providing 24/7 care for her son, a person doesn’t get to be generous at another person’s expense.” tlf555
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the issue here isn’t sending food home for the caregivers, it’s the fact that they didn’t have the decency to let you know ahead of time that this was their routine. BIL of course didn’t know you hadn’t been told, he just went about like he always had.
I think the real jerks are the parents for not telling you to make extras beyond what you had already made. Though, if it were me, even though I had been looking forward to leftovers, I probably would have let your BIL take them home anyway and then had it out with my in-laws afterward.” snchills
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You had no obligation to feed her brother’s caretakers, and certainly not without warning.
What makes this even worse is BIL’s reaction to a correction to essentially stealing someone’s food – slamming the food and destroying it, pouting, and then going to sit in the car essentially ruining the evening for not getting his way, AND MIL berating you and your wife.
I bet BIL has gotten a LOT of allowances in the family and your wife has been expected to just accept it or she’s selfish.” Kettlewise
4. AITJ For Transferring My Mom's Stuff To The Living Room?
“My mother is a borderline hoarder. The living room, dining room, closets, kitchen, etc, are FILLED with random objects, papers, and other things, that she does not need. When I first moved away for college, my older brother texted me stating that she had moved a lot of stuff into my room.
Then 3 months later I can home for winter break and there were bags filled with random stuff in my room. So, then I take the bags and drop them in the living room and other places (right next to all the other random papers and trash).
She even filled my laundry basket up with random stuff, which I had to empty so I could have somewhere to put my dirty clothes.
Then she proceeds to get mad at me for moving her stuff out of my room because ‘she was going to go through it.’ I said you haven’t touched any of this stuff in 3 months, you obviously do not need any of it.
Then she got very mad.
A LOT of the stuff is random sentimental things that need to be thrown out or put in a cabinet.
A LOT of it is also random papers.
It just makes me angry that my room is the ONLY PLACE in the whole apartment that is clean, and when I leave, she invades that too.”
Another User Comments:
“If this is an apartment, and the landlord finds out, she could be evicted. Hoarding can provide opportunities for pests to move in, then spread to neighboring apartments. Also, depending on the amount of ‘stuff’ there could be the potential for overloading the floors and/or other damage.
The health department could also end up getting involved. It sounds like your mother needs help, and soon. Talk to her doctor and let them know what’s going on and they might be able to provide help and/or resources for her.
Depending on how long this has been going on it may be difficult to treat. Good luck. NTJ but ‘no jerks here’—your mother has a mental illness.” RetiredBSN
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you best accept that your mother is a full-on hoarder, not ‘borderline.’ The literal space that has been yours is going to permanently disappear because she will fill it with junk.
Accept the fact that you will no longer have a space in her home, and plan accordingly for future breaks between semesters.
You can visit, but don’t plan to stay with her because this is only going to lead to fights and hurt feelings on both sides.
When you’re feeling calm, you could also talk to her about seeking help for her disorder, but do NOT count on her seeking that help, because that’s unlikely. She doesn’t see it as a problem, only those around her see it that way.” Kthaeh
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. There are many reasons why someone becomes a hoarder a lot of times it can be related to mental health. It’s really hard for people with this problem to fix it and break their habits.
It’s not fair for her to invade your space if she knows you’re coming back from college but I also don’t know if she can think rationally about this stuff. I think your mom may need to seek professional help to figure out what the root of the problem is.” kjaxz8
Another User Comments:
“She’s not borderline, she is full-blown hoarding. She will continue to behave as she is until she gets the mental health treatment she needs. As long as your room is not occupied by you full time she will continue to fill it and get angry when you move something.
And heaven forbid you actually toss something out. There used to be a show on tv called hoarders. It showed what your mom is like and what can happen if they get and accept the help they need. Good luck to you.
NTJ.” sheba71smokey32
3. AITJ For Secretly Moving Away From My Dad?
“My family (31M, 31F, 7F, 3F) is ready to move further north and out of the state to get out of the same old routine and exponentially growing suburban area that we’re in now, to go out to the country with acreage and less noise, more outdoor activity in a cooler environment.
We live 5 minutes from my dad whom we haven’t seen in 6 months. I try to make plans and he’s busy and doesn’t make an effort to see his grandchildren, before the last visit, it was months. We didn’t see him for almost a year once.
After my youngest daughter was born, he didn’t come to see her until she was 4 months old. He’s not a loner, goes out and does stuff, and has his new wife’s family over all the time (not my stepmom, they got married a few years after I did, my mom and he divorced when I was 7, and he took custody of my brother and me, I’m still close with my mom).
I’m thinking about just leaving and not telling him about it. The last test is to see if he cares or not. The whole thing really bothers my wife.
I spent 2 years in Italy while enlisted in the military, during that time (I was still single with no family) he and my long-term stepmom (I was 7 years old when they were married, 20 in Italy, so 13 years as a parent figure) got a divorce without telling me.
Also, they tossed most of my stuff, and my long-distance partner (now wife, who lived in the same city as my dad) had to go over and salvage what she could that I still had left there when they emptied the house that I lived in from 2003 – 2011.
I’ve tried sitting down with him and talking on the phone and texting him about the status of our relationship, but he just blows it off as ‘there’s nothing wrong, we’re completely fine! Love ya!’ which is more frustrating than anything.
I will likely end up talking with him next week, not 100% committed yet, and it will probably end up with me being angry and upset or maybe he’ll underreact and treat it like no big deal. Which would also be upsetting.
EDIT: Made a decision and acted on it; My dad reached out on Christmas Eve asking if they (he and his wife) could come over Christmas Day to see us and bring gifts. He came over and I decided to tell him we were moving.
He took it well, as I suspected he would, and also told me that they have been thinking about moving out of the house and traveling around the continent in their camper. So if we’re moving up north, they would be more likely to see us sometimes.
I’m happy with the outcome and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – he’s not that bothered (he’s not obliged to be, by the way, especially about your kids – maybe he just really didn’t like being a parent and doesn’t want more time around kids), you’re not going to be hurting him, just let go of the angst and think of him as some dude you speak to occasionally.
No one has to be joined at the hip to their family if that’s not their bag, you’re beating yourself up with a mythical ‘should be’. Forget him and be nicer to yourself.” Ebechops
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are an adult and can make your own decisions about how you want to live your life.
It’s disappointing to say in the least that your father hasn’t made much of an effort to spend any time with his grandchildren.
Perhaps it is a good idea if you tell him that you are moving far away because it might make him realize that he hasn’t been involved with his grandchildren much and he might change for the better but if he doesn’t respond how you hope at least then you will know whether it’s worth having any sort of relationship with him.
Most importantly, it will ensure that he doesn’t have any excuses to justify why he can’t spend time with his grandchildren.
In any case, I wish you and your family all the best.” noidea1995
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
‘The last test to see if he cares or not.’
Your plan is a passive-aggressive test and you are going to be disappointed when he fails your test and it’s not going to make you feel any better about cutting him out of your life.
Let him know now that you are planning to move, then tell him that you are disappointed that he never made any effort while you’ve lived close by and that it saddens you a little to know that he prefers his new family over his grandchildren.” kol_al
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You want something from your dad he isn’t able to give. He’s pretty self-involved. Make your decision based on what works for you, your wife, and your kids. He’s not going to change, he won’t have some big epiphany, and frankly, you need to let go of that illusion.
Welcome to being the head of your own family and learning from past parenting examples. You’re doing fine without him.” PinkSquiffel
2. AITJ For Ruining My Daughter's Christmas?
“Today my (30F) daughter (15F) threw a massive tantrum over the gifts she had received for Christmas. As you can tell by the age I had my daughter very young, my parents didn’t kick me out but offered very little support.
As my daughter grew up I tried to give her the best life possible, I made sure she had almost everything from her list.
Today when my daughter and I were opening presents she got angry over the fact that I had gotten her a blue iPad 10 instead of the pink one.
She threw the iPad in my lap and stormed to her room screaming how I was the worst mother in the world and that I ruined Christmas. She didn’t even finish opening the rest of the presents.
In return for her outburst about the present, I grabbed the rest and took them to my car.
My 15-year-old then came running out to my car and asked me what I was doing. I told her I was giving the presents to people who would actually enjoy them. At that point my daughter started balling her eyes out saying I’m the worst mom ever, I got into my car and drove to a friend and gave her children the gifts.
But now I have been getting messages and calls from family members saying I am a jerk. So, AITJ for ‘ruining my 15-year-old’s Christmas’?
EDIT/UPDATE: Her father hasn’t been in the picture since I was pregnant, also she always was appreciative of her gifts no matter what they were.
Also, I didn’t know she wanted a specific color, she just asked for the new iPad.
Earlier today I sat down with my daughter and asked about why she was upset. She told me it wasn’t even about the Ipad, she was upset because some random people had been bullying her about me and how I was a teen mom.
This was happening in school and online. I sat and talked with her more, about how we could fix it, and if there was anything she could always come to me. I had saved one gift from the ones I gave away, it was the Ipad.
She thanked me and said it was all she needed.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your daughter was acting like entitlement personified. Jerk points for her. You’ve tried to give her everything she ever wanted and raised her to become entitlement personified. Jerk points for you.
You get extra jerk points for the escalation. If you’d hidden the presents to deal with later and carried on with the day, that’s one thing. But loading the car and driving away, having her run out and confront you and bawl and scream and cry was unnecessary.
You’ve both got work to do. Good luck.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here? Possibly. This situation will blow up now and in the future again. Because you can’t change someone over the course of one day. You are the jerk because you did give the gifts away WHEN you were emotional and angry.
N E V E R make decisions in such a state. You could store them at a friend’s house or the car until the situation calmed down. Your daughter is obviously a jerk as well, spoiled and entitled. And you should work on that with her, but step by step.
Going to extremes, especially now that she is a teenager – that will backfire.” MindIfISlytherinIn
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – your daughter is either spoiled OR if this is out of character for her, then there’s something deeper going on with her that you need to figure out and help her with.
I’m gonna be honest… your daughter threw a tantrum (inappropriate at her age), and you retaliated… with a tantrum and a power play. It’s not great.
Giving away all her gifts was not the move. She needs perspective, but by giving away all the new things she probably just feels like she can’t trust you now.
That’s going to make turning around her behavior harder. (Yes, I know they were gifts, and no one is entitled to lots of gifts… but the gifts were given, done deal, so they were hers. Taking back gifts or giving away someone else’s property is generally frowned upon for a reason.) In general, I probably would have packed up the iPad and not brought it back out until a conversation was had and a consequence was discussed/implemented.
I’ve overreacted with my kids too. We’re not perfect, but we gotta be better than our parents were and admit when we make mistakes. Don’t let your daughter off the hook, but apologize for how you handled things.
Then talk to her about why her behavior was wrong. Ask her why she thought her reaction to the iPad was appropriate – hopefully, she knows that what she did wasn’t appropriate, but if she really doesn’t you gotta talk to her about it.
But, from one mom to another, you’re doing your best. This isn’t the worst thing in the world, and it’s not too late to turn your kid’s behavior around. Teens are often melodramatic and unpredictable from an adult perspective.
If a teen never has outbursts at home, it’s bc home isn’t a safe space. So while this isn’t ideal behavior from her, at least take comfort in the fact that she felt safe enough to have an outburst rather than swallow it down and not express anything to you at all.
Hopefully, in the future, she can learn to express herself in kinder & more mature ways.” Ana_Rampage
1. AITJ For Answering My Mom Honestly?
“My dad walked out on us when I was really little, so it’s been just my mom and me since. Since then she has told me ‘it’s you and me against the world’ and makes sure I feel loved. She’s always taught me to be independent and capable because you can’t depend on other people (referring to her ex-husband/my dad).
We have quite a bit of family and friends nearby so we never needed anyone else.
But a few months ago it seemed like she was going against everything she taught me about relationships bc she went out with this new guy ‘Chad’ who looks like an overgrown stupid man-child jock who peaked in high school and is super boring as a person.
Her friend set her up with Chad and they went out for about 7 months before she introduced him to me. He thought I needed a dad and our family is not whole. He and I have absolutely nothing in common, and we don’t need him in our family.
My grandmother always said, ‘If it ain’t broke, why fix it?’ This is how I feel about our family: we are not broke and we definitely don’t need fixing.
So last week, Mom came into my room needing to talk.
Her exact words were: ‘I want to know how you feel about Chad. Be honest since you haven’t told me anything related to your feelings about this.’ I told her the truth: I don’t like him and never did.
I didn’t say anything because I figured he’d be gone in less than a month after she introduced me to him. She just nodded along, listened, and thanked me for being honest with her. She told me the next day she ended things with Chad and I couldn’t be happier.
She is back to her old self too.
We’re staying at Grandma’s big house during Christmas weekend and shortly after we got there, my aunt, mom’s sister, who was already there, said she urgently needed to talk to me privately.
She brought me into the guest room she was staying in and hissed, ‘I hope you’re happy, you broke up your mom’s relationship.’ She kept berating me over breaking up their family when Chad was the one who was trying to break up ours.
According to her, I’m apparently a selfish brat who couldn’t keep her mouth shut and go along with it. I find her arguments ridiculous since Mom doesn’t need my permission to see people, and she wouldn’t have asked me directly how I felt about this Chad character if she didn’t want my honest opinion.
I’m not her boss. So am I the jerk for being honest with my mom?
Edit: If he wasn’t boring and looked stupid, would I care if he went out with mom? If he was cool and a nice person and made an effort to at least try to get along with me, I wouldn’t have as much of a problem with him.
Maybe it would take me some time to get used to it, but I’d at least try.
He’s a real estate rat whose ideas are from the 1800s and thinks my mom is too soft on me and is trying to manipulate her.
I met him about two months ago for the first time and he seemed okay at first but everything I’m interested in he finds stupid and boring and vice versa. He asked my mom why she lets me run around in all black and dyed hair, like why is that his business?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here for the subject question. She asked your opinion and you gave it.
At the same time, your view of things is unhealthily distorted.
You don’t have any firm reasons for why you dislike Chad, only that he’s an interloper and is ‘messing up the family’.
This makes me think that you will reject any man your mom would consider.
I know you enjoy it being you and your mom against the world, but having a child is not the same as having a partner. Having a partner does not make her love you any less, and having you won’t make her any less lonely for a partner.
You cannot replace that for her.
She is ready to move on, but she may not do it without your blessing. Did he make her happy? Did he make her smile? Did he make her life better? Or were you too caught up in hating his intrusion to notice?
I get that it hurts to see your mom break the status quo, but this may be the healthiest thing she’s done in a while. Maintaining the ‘you and me against the world’ attitude is rarely healthy for anyone. Being capable of independence is good, but being able to let others into your life is also good.
The key is learning who the good ones are.” EwokCafe
Another User Comments:
“Gently, YTJ
Here’s the thing, it may in fact, be true that Chad was not a good fit for your mom, that there were legitimate issues or grievances, or reasons that you didn’t like him.
That being said, the way it comes across in your post is not that you had any actual or legitimate issue with Chad, but that you would have had an issue with literally anyone your mom went out with. It seems like you just don’t want your mom to have a partner, and you don’t want your family to change in any way.
I know that your mom has drilled into you the idea that ‘it’s you and her against the world, and you don’t need anyone else’, but… You need to understand that your mom might have been so forceful about that over the years because she was trying to be reassuring to you and trying to avoid her own loneliness or vulnerability.
It’s true that your mom didn’t need a partner in order to raise you or live her life, but it could also be true that she wants a partner.
As much as I understand your resentment, frustration, etc. I think that you need to make more of an effort to see your mom as an individual person, and not just your mom.
You need to understand that she’s a grown woman who might want to find someone to spend her life with in a romantic sense, and that doesn’t have anything to do with you not being enough for your mom or her being dissatisfied with her life with you.” car55tar5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She asked your opinion because it was important to her, if she completely disagreed I don’t think she would have broken up with him, I think she just would have spoken to him about how to get along with you.
Chad sounds like a piece of work.
Just make sure that in the future, you are giving these guys a chance. As long as he’s not trying to force his way into being your father or is a horrid person, then he’s not doing anything wrong.
They aren’t here to make your family whole or fix it, they are just a potential new member. Remember you do not have to find them entertaining, most grown men don’t have much in common with a kid. You just have to not have moral conflict and he has to treat you and your mother well.
Your family isn’t broken, but adding someone new isn’t a bad thing either. So open your mind to the idea of a step-father or else you are going to become a jerk to your poor mother.” BabyCake2004
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It is hard to fault you for honestly answering a question you were asked. But your attitude towards your mom seeing people rubs me the wrong way. You may think it’s you and your mom against the world (which is something your mom may have told a child to reassure her) and if it aint broken don’t fix it.
But do you look at things from your mom’s side? Has it occurred to you that she may be lonely all these years? Maybe it’s broken on her end? Read between the lines!
A better answer from you would have been ‘I want you to be happy and if he makes you happy that is all I care about, even if he’s not my favorite person’.
What are the odds the man she sees would be your favorite person? How many opportunities does she get to have a romantic partner? And she threw it all away for you. She put you ahead of herself again. I hope you are happy.” nowandlater
