People Get Boastful In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
25. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Estranged Sister With Her Custody Battle?
“My (37f) sister (30f) is in the process of divorcing her husband of three years. The divorce has taken a messy turn and they are battling for custody of their toddler.
My sister and I haven’t spoken in nearly 6 years. She accused me of some very serious things when I was a drinker.
I am now in long-term sobriety, but at the time I told her I didn’t do it and she refused to believe me. She tried to have me arrested but the apartment complex’s video surveillance showed it was someone she didn’t know who had stolen her identity from a place she used to work.
She never apologized to me for accusing me of this and she had told everyone and anyone who would listen that I had done it. However, when she realized it wasn’t me she still didn’t backtrack or tell anyone otherwise.
Fast forward to now. I have been sober for a few years and my partner’s sister is one of the top-rated family law lawyers in our area.
The lawyer my sister currently has is terrible and she lost custody of her daughter today. My mother called and said my sister called my SIL but she won’t take her case because she doesn’t feel comfortable knowing how it would make me feel (or not knowing.) My mom wanted me to call SIL and tell her that my sister needed help and to please take her case.
I told her no and that it was not my responsibility to help her. I’ve never met my niece because my sister refuses to be around me even still. She got upset and said I’m the jerk because I should be willing to help despite our past. For me, it feels like it’s not the past at all and still very much the present.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You do not have a relationship with your sister. While you can empathize with everything she is going through, it’s not your problem. Also, if she thought nothing of tarnishing what was left of your reputation years ago, she isn’t exactly in a position to demand your aid now.
You don’t even know her child. Wish her well and send her on her way.” MercyForNone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Your sister is though….a major jerk. She owes you a very big and sincere apology for falsely accusing you of identity theft. Also, for telling others that you stole her identity and not retracting her accusations once you were vindicated via video evidence.
She cut you out of her life completely, including not allowing you to meet her child, but now is demanding a massive favor from your partner because she lost her custody case. Talk about entitled. You nor your partner have done anything wrong here. If your mother is so worried, then she can hire your sister a better lawyer.
You don’t get a pass on basic civility because you’re family.” Consistent-Leopard71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Congrats on your sobriety. Your sister has severed her relationship with you. It has been years. Why would you put in a good word for her? Your sister is still actively shunning you.
You haven’t met her kid. Your mother is wrong. Also, your SIL is not the only good family law lawyer around. Why pick your SIL? If she lost custody and your SIL was her attorney, somehow it would be your fault. I am assuming that your sister uses her married name.
Your SIL wouldn’t have known she was your sister. Did your sister try to use your connection with your SIL to get a discount or some other favor? I think your SIL sounds great. I also think that she dodged a bullet and your sister would be a horrible client.” JinxyMagee
24. AITJ For Leaving My Phone Out With Private Texts To Catch My Nosy Co-Teacher?
“I (35f) am a teacher at an alternative school where each class has two teachers.
My co-teacher (34f) is very in-your-face, in-your-business, and doesn’t understand boundaries very well. She is always looking over my shoulder, she will straight up yank my laptop away from me and look at what I’m typing, if my phone goes off she goes “Oooh who is that?!” and things of that nature.
I’ve gently tried to explain to her that I don’t want her touching my stuff like that, but she’ll say stuff like “Oh, well I’m an open book, it’s no big deal!” When I’ve explained less gently to her, she borderline cries and gets into an anxiety loop where she accuses me of being mean and/or mad at her.
I’m currently in a long-distance relationship and my partner and I rely a lot on messaging to keep our relationship fun. He’s in a different time zone, so the things I send him at night won’t get responses until the next morning sometimes. Today I noticed he was sending me (text) responses to photos I had taken last night about what they made him want to do with me.
I want to point out quickly that there were no kids in the room at this time, and even if one had wandered in, they were too short to see my phone and too young to read. I decided to leave my phone on a tall standing desk by my laptop while going to get a cup of coffee, knowing my co-teacher would probably look at it.
When I got back, my co-teacher told me in a very serious voice that I needed to be careful about what I was doing at work because she saw my inappropriate texts. I told her she wouldn’t have seen them if she hadn’t been looking for them, and she said that wasn’t the point, that she felt uncomfortable but wouldn’t go to HR about it “because the children wouldn’t be able to handle a change in teachers.”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But YOU can go to HR and say “She’s going through my private phone and laptop constantly. I have asked her to stop but she continues doing it. I need it to stop.” And don’t message on school time.
That will get you in trouble. It doesn’t matter that the kids can’t read your texts it is inappropriate. So right now you both have dirt on each other… you are messaging at work, and she’s going through your stuff. Stick a password on your phone and laptop, and next time she asks just raise an eyebrow and say ”It’s personal”.
And it won’t matter if she reports you because by then you will have stopped messaging at work and it will all be clean and professional. If he’s texting you (and you aren’t responding) during work hours then your phone should be on silent and put away…” Particular-Try5584
Another User Comments:
“Fellow teacher here. Everyone’s a jerk here. Your colleague was absolutely in the wrong for always being so snoopy, but I mean, seriously. Leaving inappropriate messages out in the open, at a school, for your co-teacher to find, is just not right.
Like, if I did that, I know for a complete fact that I’d get in major trouble, if not fired. ETA it’s even worse to find out OP works at a preschool. Goodness.” swishy strawberry
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I understand your frustration about your nosy coworker but in my opinion, that’s not relevant to the situation.
For the separate issues from your coworker, you should have already reported her. In regards to your messages being visible in public: tell your partner to not respond during work hours. Or, phones have this cool new feature where you can hide all the actual words from a text when they show up on your home screen.
You should set that. You also deliberately left it out where someone could see when you knew you were being messaged.” ginger_ryn
23. AITJ For Refusing To Wash My Nephew's Soiled Blanket Due To My Germophobia?
“My(20F) nephew (my sister’s(28F) kid) had an accident last night (which rarely happens). I love him, but my limit is touching other people’s body fluids and other nasty things.
She asked me while we were out eating dinner, and I said no. She asked me about 20 times and even suggested that I get latex gloves and put the blanket in a bag, then put it in the wash.
I still said no; there were plenty of other people to ask.
So she gets someone to put it in a bag and she put it in the wash. She mumbles under her breath, saying she’s gonna have to start saying “no” to people because they want to see her struggle.
It goes on for 15 minutes until I tell her to be quiet because she’s saying the same stuff over & over.
Her: No, I won’t be quiet!
Me: You keep mumbling; if you have something to say, just say it.
Her: I already said everything I needed to say!
She then proceeds to call me selfish. Which is ironic because I’ve been the exact opposite. While she’s busy doing her adult things, she has me looking after her kid to where I can’t take care of myself (feeding him, helping w/ homework, putting him to bed, getting him ready for school, taking and picking him up from school).
This has been going on for 10 months (8 months consistently).
Me: We could’ve gone out another day if you had things to do. No one is forcing you to do things for me or others.
Then my other sister hops in and takes my sister’s side.
I’m not a confrontational person (makes my heart beat fast and I sweat) so I’m normally very passive and talk very calmly because of it (I’m also a germophobe if you couldn’t tell) but my family is very opinionated and authoritative towards the younger members so it’s tough.
They said I was being smart and a jerk but I don’t think I was.
I wasn’t babysitting him. She found the covers like that on her own time and decided not to wash them. We were out eating dinner, and she asked me if I could put the blankets in the wash when we got home.
I said no, but she kept asking. And then the argument happened.
My sister knows I’m a germophobe, and I’ve always told her. Something similar also happened in the past. My nephew threw up in front of us, and she tried to push it onto me but got upset because I said I wouldn’t do it.
But she insists that if she does things for people all the time, they should do the same in return: no complaints, no hesitance, no anything, just obedience.
Some people are saying ESH & that I could’ve just grabbed the covers like my sister asked. But for 1.
it’s not my responsibility; I don’t use the blanket, nor do I sleep in that area. Her son has been my responsibility for almost a year, and I’m not about to be putting up with any more of it. 2. I’m simply setting my boundaries, respectfully, and she’s disregarding that.
People need to understand that no means no. Don’t beg people to do things for you after they already told you their answer; it’s not gonna change.
I’ve always mentioned to my sister, that if you have important things to do, put your needs before others because if not, it’s gonna be a lot to handle.
No one is forcing her to do these things for others.
Then, with me being a germophobe, I don’t even like touching my body fluids. I don’t even like to sweat like that’s so nasty. I literally will use 3 paper towels and fold them into a square just to pick up a dead bug.
An unknown dried-up sticky substance: I’m not touching it. But ya expect me to touch a blanket with pee on it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ presumably you’re giving her free child care? Just think about that for a minute. Maybe write out together the terms of this service you’re providing.
She seems to think this free childcare includes things you’re not offering. They might avoid misunderstandings in the future.” Wodan11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It feels like there are some missing details here but the way I see it: your sister doesn’t like stripping a wet bed any more than you do.
The problem is: it’s her kid who wet the bed. Unless you were babysitting and left the child sleeping on a wet bed, then you have no responsibility for doing a chore your sister ordered you to do.” NanaLeonie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your child, it’s not your direct responsibility to deal with their spoiled blanket.
That said, your sister has shown that she doesn’t appreciate or respect you. Refuse to do any child care going forward. If she tries to play tricks like leaving the child in the house with you, tell her that you won’t babysit and you’ll call the cops if she doesn’t watch her kid or arrange other care.” asecretnarwhal
22. AITJ For Refusing To Cook For My Unappreciative Brother?
“I (25F) live in a very traditional household, with my 2 siblings (32M and 29M) and my mother. My mom usually handles all the household chores even though she has a job.
I sometimes help, but I’ve never handled everything by myself. When my mom leaves the country for a few months, she distributes the chores among us. I get assigned to cook and broom while my brothers handle dishes and mopping.
However, my older brother (32M) has always been critical of my cooking.
He often gets outside food and complains that I don’t cook enough or that my cooking isn’t good. He frequently tells others that he has to take care of meals himself, even when I’ve cooked. On calls, he never mentions what I’ve cooked, only what he bought from outside.
Every time my mom returns, he complains to her that I don’t cook, even though I do. This has happened multiple times, even when I was balancing full-time school and part-time work. He expects perfect meals like mom makes, regardless of my busy schedule or if I have a flight to catch.
When it’s his turn to do the dishes, he sometimes delays for days, and I end up doing them out of frustration, or my other brother does it.
Now, my mom is leaving again for around two months. I’ve already told her that my brother doesn’t appreciate my cooking, and complains about me not cooking, and I don’t want to cook for him this time.
Despite previous conversations about this issue, he continues to behave the same way.
To add, my other brother (29M) doesn’t have any problems with me and even helps out with chores.
My mom is angry at me for refusing to cook for my older brother and insists I do it again.
I don’t have a problem with cooking in general, but I’m tired of dealing with my older brother’s behavior and the same negative outcome. AITJ for not wanting to go through this again?”
Another User Comments:
“Don’t cook every day and don’t cook at all for your older brother.
You can all survive on simpler meals, soups/sandwiches, and such while the mother is away. There is no reason why you should have all the responsibility for feeding them when their chores are, let’s be honest, minimal. Have groceries delivered and buy things that can be eaten without being cooked, or easily heated up in a pan/microwave.
NTJ Stop taking on the mother’s role 100% when she is gone. Your brothers are adults.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ! Each of you should prepare his/her meals and do your cleanup. Do your laundry, dishes, etc… Act like adults! Think about moving out.
It is about time! All of you are too old to be living with your mother, having her do everything for you!” Stunning-Campaign973
21. AITJ For Telling My Fiancé He Stole My Best Friend's Proposal Idea?
“My partner (26M) and I (24F) have been in a relationship for 2 years and just got engaged last week. The engagement itself was wonderful, but I couldn’t help but notice how similar it was to a conversation I had with my best friend (23F) of over a decade, a conversation that happened many years ago, in which she detailed exactly what she would do “if she proposed to me”, and it was very specific to my general likes and interests.
And I mean, specific! At the time I told her that sounds perfect and to hold onto that for later. It’s pretty clear to me that he did approach her, and she let him know about this plan.
So, after the day itself, I told my new fiancé that it was cute that he asked her how I wanted to be proposed to, but I joked that he stole her entire, very detailed plan, so it was more her proposal than his.
He went quiet and then got angry, then it all came out.
He said that he always felt the second place to my best friend, that I was only marrying him to satisfy my family, that I had been lying about my preferences, and that I was probably having an affair with my friend.
I was shocked. He’s never expressed this to me before. He’s complained in the past that I spend too much time with her, so I accommodated his needs as best as I could without losing my best friend, but I had no idea he thought I’m having an affair.
I tried to reassure him but I thought it would be better to leave and told him that we would talk about it later. We haven’t been in contact, and though I haven’t told my best friend about this, others in my life think that he was completely valid for blowing up and I need to do all I can to fix this relationship.
Was I a jerk for making that joke?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He did something sweet and tried to give you a good experience you would like. He asked your friends to make sure it was a memorable experience, and you threw it in his face.
“It was more her proposal than his” – what a stupid thing to say to someone who just proposed to you. You accused him of “stealing” the idea. That has a negative connotation. It’s a pretty bad thing to accuse him of. Don’t make the same mistake with your next partner if they propose too.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I would find it very odd if my “best friend” shared with me, in detail how she would propose to me. How and why does that even come up? That conversation would make me think that there were feelings deeper than friendship.
Your fiance has some potentially justified insecurities about your relationship with your best friend. You and your fiance need to sit down and have a calm conversation about your relationship.” Consistent-Leopard71
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why would you even say a thing like that? He did exactly what you said was perfect.
He wanted it to be nice. It took him planning and effort, and you just said this was my bestie’s idea. He told you he felt second place to her, and you need to reflect on your behaviors. Do you want him as your partner or her?
I like chilling with my friends, but we have lunch maybe once a month. My partner gets my attention first and always. Are you even that into him? Do you sit on your phone with her while you are supposed to be spending time with him?
I feel like if anyone knew what you said they would think the same thing YTJ.” No_Mathematician2482
20. AITJ For Asking To Be Dropped Off Closer To The Apartment While My Sister-In-Law Struggled With Parking?
“My wife and I have been spending some time with her family at her sister’s apartment.
We’ve done some excursions during the day and have been getting back at night when her parking garage is getting full. My sister-in-law has been driving and she struggles to park in these spaces. I will acknowledge that the spaces are tight, but it’s still doable.
She was meandering around through the 1st-floor garage getting frustrated after attempting to park at a spot only to low-key panic and pull out in search of a better one.
Finally, (the second night in a row), she gets frazzled and asks us to get out of the car because it’s too much pressure to try to park with everyone in the car.
At this point, we’re in the back of the garage and she lives towards the front, maybe 50 to 75 yards away. She gives us directions for getting back and just as someone is about to open the door, I inquire if we can be dropped off closer to her apartment.
She explains the directions again and gestures to the mail room door that we have to take to get to the first floor. “Yeah but then we have to walk back that way to get to your apartment”, I say. She gets really mad and says, “Okay, fine!”, and starts driving fast through the parking lot to the door closest to her apartment.
She begins mocking me for wanting “door-to-door service.” I didn’t argue or say anything else. We also had bags in the car so we grabbed all our stuff and walked up to the apartment.
I figured if you’re going to kick people out of the car prematurely, you may as well bring them close to the destination.
Especially since it was the result of her discomfort parking her car. But maybe I’m just a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ She was dealing with extreme anxiety, she told you that, and instead of kindly exiting the car and walking a short distance you decided to complain about her not dropping you off closer to the door.
You clearly state that walking wasn’t an issue, so… why? Why not just get out and allow her to park her car without the stress of having an audience and without exacerbating the situation by insisting you be dropped off closer to the door?
It would’ve been fine to ask BEFORE you get to the garage NEXT time if she could drop you by the entrance, asking while she was in a panic wasn’t okay. Arguing with everyone telling you why it was wrong compounds the jerk-ishness.” Acrobatic_Hippo_9593
Another User Comments:
“YTJ It is not a long walk. You did not say that anyone in the car had a disability that made walking difficult or that conditions were unsafe somehow so there is no reason you needed to be dropped off closer. If you had stayed in the car and she parked then you would all have been walking from wherever she parked anyway.
The driver was frustrated and frazzled which you knew. It would have been gracious to just get out as requested and ease her mind so she could take care of her parking.” Bluemonogi
Another User Comments:
“I’m not going to try to find out whether or not you were rude when you spoke, or whether you tried to pressure her when she was parking.
You are YTJ because you knew she was overwhelmed and that’s why she told you to go down and she could do it alone, you said it the first time and she maintained that she was supposed to go down at that moment, but you weren’t satisfied, she insisted again.
You sensed her discomfort and pressed the issue twice so you wouldn’t be “uncomfortable” walking. It wasn’t a communication problem as you said in the comments because it was very clear that you knew what was happening and she was also clear, but you decided to insist and that makes you YTJ.” ability
19. AITJ For Wanting To Cancel My D&D Game Due To A Difficult Player?
“I’m the Dungeon Master of my friend group’s Dungeons and Dragons game. We’ve played together for about 7 years and I’ve run the games for 6 of those 7. About 3 months ago one player and I started arguing because I didn’t let him burn the house in the game down.
We quit playing for three months because I was tired of dealing with him. I offered to let anyone else run the game but no one stepped up. Recently I was ready to start running a game again.
We did a one-off last week. The player who we will call ‘Adam’ got upset because this time I didn’t use the explosion in the cave they were in to open a hole to the surface like he thought I should.
After a long time of arguing, I finally told him that the book I was pulling from said the ceiling caved in and didn’t open a hole to the surface and that I’d rather go by the book than whatever he wanted to have happen.
I was then told that I’m not good with out-of-the-box players and that I need to go with what the players want not what the book says.
We are preparing for our next game. This one will take several months to play. Three of my six players requested a western so I agreed to adapt the book module to give things a western feel.
Now ‘Adam’ is unhappy I am changing the book because he doesn’t feel Westerns and fantasy should mix. I am upset because he was the one telling me to make the game my own and not go by what the book said, but now he’s already causing me to stress out.
I cannot remove him from the game because we play at his house and he is married to another player who will also quit if he doesn’t play.
Would I be the jerk if I just canceled the game completely and told them I’m not interested in running games anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“I hate when players argue the DM to death! The DM is in charge of the game, if he says something can’t be done, don’t argue until he gives in. Accept that he has a reason for what he’s saying!
He’s been working on the game in his free time to make it fun for everyone, but one person can ruin it all. A little bit of arguing can be ok, but there’s a line. If Adam wants things his way, he needs to DM something.
As a player, he has to listen to the DM.” Wonderful-Athlete802
Another User Comments:
“As someone who was in a similar situation, an annoying disruptive player trying to backseat being the baggage that was brought along by another player, I empathize greatly. NTJ dropped the game.
Being a DM is an amount of work they can’t even understand because dnd deliberately makes most of its rules dm facing to trick players into thinking it’s an easy game to learn and to play while the dm has to pick up most of the slack.
Doing that while also having to appease someone who is never going to be happy is not fun. Tell them that you can’t run anymore. Let them know that it was getting too stressful and that it was more work than you could handle, and say you couldn’t figure out how to please everyone and it was putting too much on your plate trying to.
Don’t single out the guy, they will know who it is, and it sounds like if you do point out his behavior specifically then he will raise a stink and try to get you excluded from all friend-related things.” Boutros_The_Orc
Another User Comments:
“You have a backseat GM in your party. Shut it down. Nobody likes to play with that guy. Nobody likes to run a campaign for that guy. Warn others that he sucks if you hear anything about him joining. Find another place to play with the rest of the players and a couple of others if you need people to round out the party.
Nerds will always find other nerds (said as a nerd playing in multiple campaigns in different systems right now). Your idea sounds cool. Don’t let this guy ruin it. NTJ” Arctostaphylos7729
18. AITJ For Defending My Family Against My Resentful Cousin's Accusations?
“Several years ago I reconnected with a cousin who I haven’t seen in a long time through social media. Their parents divorced when they were young. Their father is my uncle. They divorced due to their mom stealing his social security number and racking up a ton of debt with the man she was having an affair with.
Shortly after the divorce she took the kids and moved and my uncle only had them during the summers. It took many years for his financial situation to recover because he did not report her to the police for fear of her possibly being incarcerated and not seeing the kids grow up.
Since moving away my cousins from that marriage have mostly been isolated from my uncle’s side of the family.
I was talking to my cousin yesterday about something difficult that happened within our family and they said they feel nothing because of the divorce. They then said they have a bunch of anger towards their father (my uncle) due to the divorce.
Fair enough but then they went on to insult our family even though we haven’t had contact with them in a long time and have been trying to build a relationship with them since locating her on social media. They then insulted our family’s culture.
I told them that the divorce was not my fault and I would prefer to not hear about it if they were going to talk about it in that manner. I also said I could understand if they have resentment towards their father but that they shouldn’t extend it to the whole family and insult them without even getting to know them.
I also called them out for bringing it up now during a difficult time when they had all this time to speak about it up until now. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You took the high road and defended your family without bringing up the history of her mother’s actions and how it created her situation.
Her viewpoint is likely due to some falsehoods her mother told her so that if anyone from your family did tell her the facts about the divorce she wouldn’t believe them. As excited as you were to reconnect if she is this bitter and determined to be ugly, you should just let this relationship fade back into a no-contact situation.” becoming_maxine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but taking an empathetic point of view, does the cousin know the reason for the divorce? If the mom has been isolating them then she may have spun a different story. Maybe she told them they divorced because his family didn’t approve, was mean to her, or had cultural differences.
Not that she was a deceitful thief Just something to think about.” SuperWomanUSA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were correct in your approach. She will either stop bringing it up or stop contact. Don’t be bothered either way. However, if she contacts you and brings it up, hit her with the TRUTH – money, affair, no police, and all.
Anyone that would do what her mother did, surely has lied to her kids.” LouisV25
17. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Cancel His Plans And Visit My Hometown With Me?
“My partner and I (30M and 30F) have been in a relationship for almost 2 years and I’ve been planning a trip back to my hometown to visit extended family. It’s been years since I last visited (due to work commitments) and the place holds a lot of significance for me as 1.
I was born and grew up there 2. My extended family lives there 3. I have a lot of happy childhood memories there. My partner knows those 3 facts about me.
However, when I raised the idea to my partner, he was extremely unsupportive in my opinion. He said I could go of course but he has no interest. I tried to tell him some fun facts about my hometown and he said he just really doesn’t have any interest and he would rather use his leave to go snowboarding with his friends.
Last year, I went on a snowboarding trip with his friends. I want him to cancel his plans and go on this trip with me as 1. He should be able to tell it’s important to me 2. I’ve been supportive of his travel ideas 3. His response was quite self-centered 4.
Not only is it important to me, but it’s quite an honor for me to be inviting him. I didn’t invite my ex to meet my extended family and I knew he would have wanted to.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I suspect you two are viewing your trips differently.
You are using your trip to further your relationship and your partner is using his trip to unwind. Perhaps you’d both be better off with some communication about what your trip means to you, a serious why is important here, and, then, actually listening to each other.
Listening does not mean caving in and switching trips! Also… Just because you joined him on his trip last year doesn’t mean he is required to do the same for you this year. Part of a successful relationship is maintaining your own identity apart from each other and being okay doing separate things.” arizonaraynebows
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re fine to invite him, he’s fine to decline. Throwing a fit because he’s not doing what you want makes you the jerk. He gets one break from work a year and, understandably, he might not want to use it for something as exhausting as meeting your entire extended family.
It’s no more selfish of him to want to do something he’ll enjoy than it is for you to expect that he automatically forego anything else to go meet a bunch of cousins you rarely even see because he should be honored by the privilege.” TurbulentTurtle2000
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but only slightly. The way you’ve worded your post comes off as a bit entitled and self-centered. Your partner isn’t required to go with you, but I understand why you want him to. Calling him selfish in this scenario is a bit much.
He’s allowed to use his time in a way he likes, especially since he can only do one thing. Perhaps you should have a conversation about him meeting your family at some point in the future at a time that’s convenient for him when it wouldn’t be taking up his only time on leave.” gci3e
16. AITJ For Confronting My Mother About Her Disrespectful Behavior?
“I(23f) left home as soon as I graduated from high school (17) to live with my mother’s sister to continue college… Then at 20, I left to live on my own. I had a job(albeit a poor-paying one) so my parents asked me to come back home to continue my studies this year(said they wouldn’t mind taking care of me) and though it’s not uncommon for a woman my age to still live and depend on her parents from where I am, it made me uncomfortable but I wanted a better chance at life so I accepted.
Ok here is the thing… I became a glorified maid lol I have to clean, cook, take care of my nephew, and open the shop(my mother has a little shop) I share these chores with my(17f) baby sister but she’s rebellious as all teens are so I have to do most of it sometimes… I wouldn’t mind if my parents weren’t constantly yelling and belittling us… I don’t know why they would do that to my sister but I do know they’re already tired of having me around.
Anyway, today Mother came to my room because I overslept (was past 7) and threw water at me! Start yelling at me about being lazy etc I was angry, of course! I was shocked about the water so I asked her to never do that again but she got really angry and told me she would do whatever she wanted in her house and especially to her kids… my brother(25) lives with us so I replied that she wouldn’t have done that to him and… but she then tells me that ‘no, I wouldn’t because at least *brother’s name* works his own money!’ and that shut me up.
I know I’m old and don’t even have a partner or earn much if not any income… I’ve been trying to look for a better job for months now. I’m now a burden for them (one they’re ashamed of.. my father said it clearly) was I wrong to get into a fight with my mother knowing they’re already doing A LOT for me?”
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like mom will never respect you as long as you live there. Throwing water on someone for oversleeping is such a major overreaction that respect is obviously out the window. Move out as soon as you can. Let her miss you.
I bet the minute you get serious about moving out the ‘burden’ talk will change, especially when they’re forced to admit the ways you do help them. NTJ.” Fleurtheleast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are in a tough situation, not having a good job that would allow you to move out because that’s what you need to do.
I wish it could be easier for you. You don’t say if you are still in school, but I hope you are. With rents as high as they are these days, financially you might be stuck with your situation for the time being. Are your parents struggling, financially, too?
It sounds like everyone (except maybe your brother) is stressed out in that household; your parents yelling at you and your sis, expecting perfection from you in all ways, always. (Throwing water on someone to wake them up is so awful) I have to wonder if maybe Mom’s little shop isn’t pulling in the money so much.
You are right to be upset about this. Your parents asked you to come home and then turned the situation upside down on you. You should not have to hear that they are ashamed of you, because it’s not your fault that all this is happening and you sound as if you’re doing the best you can.
I’m so sorry your parents are treating you this way and I hope you can find a way to get out of there soon. Is it possible for you to take your younger sister with you? Is she about to be 18? Maybe between the two of you, you could afford to rent a small place to get both of you away from the toxic stew in your parent’s house.” TabbieAbbie
Another User Comments:
“It doesn’t matter your age her actions are unacceptable. You’re NTJ your mother should have a lot more human decency. That being said I was also not allowed to sleep in. In my opinion, 7-8 am is not sleeping in at your age.
That’s a normal time to get up. Don’t beat yourself up. What time did they expect you to do that? It’s hard to detach from caring what your parents say, but they sound toxic, and creating a healthy space and moving out after you find a roommate/ different job sounds like the best bet.
Good luck” Glittering_Art7981
15. AITJ For Wanting To Drop Out Of My Best Friend's Wedding Due To High Costs?
“I (23F) am attending my best friend’s (23M) wedding next month. I’m going to be a bridesmaid to his wife (20F) since I’m a female. My husband (24M) is in attendance as a guest.
I essentially have to spend $650 on her bachelorette party. I spent $100 on my dress and I’m going to have to spend $1.5k-$2k for my husband and I to travel and stay. Not to mention I’m also helping out the bride with some custom decor/items she wants (I have a few professional machines to do so).
I was added to this group chat with the bridesmaids (no bride). I have no idea who any of these people are, I’m also the least close to the bride in the group (my friend and I served in the military together). Myself and the bride are great friends but we aren’t super close.
Everyone in the group chat got on a document together and we made a list to sign up for items to be in charge of getting for the bachelorette party. I signed up for the custom shirts, custom cowboy hats, and a lot of other party decor.
A week after we signed up, it was decided by 2 girls that you have to cover the cost of whatever you chose to get. Which is BS because some girls are bringing cups and plates. Some others are spending around $200. I’m spending $650.
So I screenshotted the custom shirt total (it was $300 and the only thing we’re custom ordering elsewhere) and my Venmo.
Sent those into the chat, and asked everyone to cover their shirt ($30 ea). One girl paid. The next girl told me her charcuterie board was $130. Another told me I should be glad this isn’t a destination event (but it is for me!). The rest didn’t respond.
I don’t want to start drama. The bride and I have a good relationship but I don’t know what telling her about this would do. So I’m thinking of calling my buddy and dropping out, considering the $300 lost as a present for the bride, and attending the wedding normally so no more money, time, or effort is wasted. And at this point, I don’t know if I want to go at all.
So WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re the jerk for not being able/willing to spend the money. The situation seems disorganized and more than intentionally unfair. If you want to drop out, drop out. But you could probably try and talk to the maid of honor or even the bride and see if someone can take on a bit of leadership and make things a little more fair/affordable.” AJSCRPT
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’d say in the group chat that you signed up for items before it was known that you would be paying for them for all of it yourself, and this wedding is already costing you probably $2k due to travel costs and contributions for you and your husband, this is simply not financially feasible and you have to unfortunately back out of the bachelorette party.
Reasonable adults will understand.” Stranger0nReddit
14. AITJ For Asking My Ex-Partner To Pay His Share Of Past Bills After Breakup?
“My partner (39M) recently ended our relationship. We met working abroad and lived together there for a year. I have an apartment in London that I had people living in until we decided to return home for a while.
The apartment is affordable but more than I would need if I was living on my own.
I got a short-term but stressful job and agreed to cover all the bills for the two of us while he took some time off to rest and study and we agreed that when I needed time off he would do the same. I paid for all the bills for 9 months and although things have been difficult for us we agreed I would quit my job in April and he would start working and covering the bills.
I said I was worried financially and couldn’t afford my bills if he didn’t support me and he promised he would.
At the beginning of May, he ended our relationship. We still love each other and want to be there for each other but he wants no contact for a while.
He is doing a temporary training placement abroad and asked me to pack up his things and move him out. I asked him to back pay his half of the bills for the past 9 months (he can afford this from savings) but he got very angry and confused as to why I would ask him for this.
He said as we’ve broken up now we don’t have any financial responsibility for each other and he shouldn’t have to help me out as we’re not together.
I feel hurt but also now really worried financially. I’m trying to understand things from his perspective but I’m struggling.
I care about him and want the best for him but he thinks I’m being unreasonable for asking for this I never would have paid for everything if I thought at the month that he was supposed to do the same for me he would up and leave.
What should I do? I would love to get people’s opinions on what is fair.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ For asking. We “still love each other and want to be there for each other but he wants no contact for a while.” I’m sorry but on the facts, this guy doesn’t love you.
He’s played you. “He is doing a temporary training placement abroad and asked me to pack up his things and move him out.” Based on the fact he says he doesn’t have any financial responsibility towards you, now you’ve broken up you don’t have any responsibility to move him out either.
I’d hire a waste management company, have them dump his stuff at the nearest tip & block him on everything. I hope your future holds better.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is a mooch and I hope you are wise enough to now know that him telling you he’s going NC for the time being but that he “loves you and still wants you both to be there for each other” means that he wants to keep you as a placeholder in his back pocket for the next time he wants to take a year-long vacation on your dime.
I doubt you’ll see a cent from him, but take this as an expensive lesson that you’ll hopefully only have to learn this one time. Don’t take on the financial burden of anyone else and be their sole supporter or provider. Each partner should be able to contribute equally to the relationship.
He completely took advantage of you. Don’t fall for his scam a second time, and instead, make the temporary NC arrangement a permanent one.” User
Another User Comments:
“This man doesn’t love you. A loving man would’ve said “I’m sorry things don’t work out and I feel terrible about mooching off of you over the past months, so let me know what I owe you for that and I’ll happily pay my fair share” before you would’ve had to bring up the subject.
NTJ But I wouldn’t put any more energy into this. This man will do anything not to pay, as he has proven already. And don’t pack his stuff. Tell him you don’t owe him anything and you don’t work for free.
He can come and get it in the next two weeks or it’s gone.” DJfromNL
13. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Priority Seat On The Bus Despite My Invisible Disabilities?
“I’m a seventeen-year-old girl. I am deaf-blind, I am not as badly deaf so I can be called hard of hearing. My hearing aids connect to my phone so that helps me navigate transportation. You cannot see them under my hair. I carry my cane with me in my bag as it is foldable.
But I do not have it out with me when I am on trains or buses. I also have braces which are called a f os. They help me with a physical issue I have. I do not use a wheelchair cane or crutches so it is not clear whether I may be disabled. They are on my feet and ankles which are not visible when I wear pants.
I was wearing pants today.
I went out today and so I took public transportation. I was on the bus for a time and sat down in priority seating. I sit in the seat because I have a bad time navigating the bus and train.
At some time a woman came up to me. I did not notice her there until she talked very loud. She asked me to move and I said I was allowed to sit there. She told me after that I have to move for people.
She tells me her friend needs to sit. Her friend had a walking cane. It was said that her friend was disabled so the seat was for her. I did not explain about my issues. But I refused to move from my seat. The woman got the bus driver and had him tell me to move.
He told me that I would have to leave the bus if I did not move. So I finally moved to another seat. It would be very hard and worse if I am kicked off the bus in a place I am not familiar with.
Looking back I feel I should have moved faster. A walking cane probably means a worse problem. Am I the jerk for sitting in priority seating and refusing to move?”
Another User Comments:
“You have multiple disabilities including mobility ones. NTJ in any way. If possible, contact the bus company, inform them of the route you took and time of day, and that you were asked to move from a seat you had every right to be sitting in.
This is a nightmare for companies as, at least in the US, they can be rightfully sued for this. It is NOT your fault they don’t have enough priority seats for disabled people but threatening one to be kicked off the bus when they have as much of a right to sit there as someone else.
Better yet, next time they ask this of you, make a scene. When they threaten to kick you off, demand the cops to show up. Do try to explain beforehand that you are disabled and have the same right to sit there and if they keep insisting, make a bigger scene.
No reason you can’t profit from this between lawsuits and PR.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are entitled to priority seating because you were unable to stand for long periods. I know awkward but would have shown a brace. Been in a similar where an older lady wanted the priority seat as she always sat there.
She raced off to get the guard. When came he ordered me to move and asked for my name and badge number so I could raise a concern about his choosing to prioritize one disabled customer over another and putting my employment at risk. (I fall easily and if fall, I sustain a period of work – EDS/arthritis).
I generally just explain that I know the policy, that I am still sitting there so eligible and I don’t need to share my medical history with them. Ps. Walking cane means instability but braces are a bigger issue. You need permanent assistance.” Timely_Egg_6827
12. AITJ For Setting Up A 'Just In Case' Fund For My Daughter?
“My daughter has been married to her husband for 3 years and they recently had their first child. The entire time they’ve been married, she’s been a housewife and now she’s a stay-at-home mom with no plans to return to work.
I think that’s fine and have been supportive. I also know she and her husband both have sizeable life insurance policies so if god forbid, one passes away, they’ll be okay.
However, she also signed a prenup. Which again, I think is smart. But according to my daughter, she’d get a very small settlement.
And even with child support, there’s a good chance she’d have to return to work. And after being out of the workforce for a bit, who knows if that’ll be a challenge. My main worry is my niece fell into this scenario and even with child support, she struggled.
So, my husband (her father) and I set up a “just in case” account. If she and her husband separate, she’ll have money to fall back on just in case. If they remain married past the time my husband and I pass away, it’ll just be added to what she’ll inherit.
I didn’t intend on telling her about it unless it happened but my husband pointed out that if she was ever in a situation where she wanted to leave but worried she financially couldn’t, it’d be good for her to know she has a Plan B.
So, we told her and she was a little surprised. She said she appreciated it but felt we were “rooting against her”. I said we love her husband and hope they have a long, healthy marriage. We have always been supportive. But this is similar to the prenup.
Just in case. A last resort.
Well, she told her husband and he’s angry at us as well, saying that we don’t trust him. I said it’s looking out for our daughter and is no different from the prenup. I added that just as he’ll always want to protect his daughter, we’ll always want to protect ours.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I love when you tell someone “I have some money just in case you ever need it” and they immediately get offended because your action threatens their marriage. I would ask them – if your marriage is so fragile that my money can influence it then maybe you don’t have anything at all.
People see what they want to see and such situations reveal perfectly what mindset they have – victim or not. Victims immediately will find something to be offended about and you can’t do anything about it. If someone has a good and strong marriage no amount of people telling them that they are not gonna last long would influence them in any way, but if you believe otherwise then…” forgeries
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My parents did that for me when my daughter was born. And my dad pulled me aside on her second birthday and offered to pay for my divorce lawyer. Which was the kick I needed to finish putting ducks in a row.
Ten years later my life is immeasurably better for it. I had to dip into the fund this year for the first time. For a major home repair.” CodexAnima
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He had her sign a prenup to protect himself…she should be able to protect herself as well.
… Time to rephrase this …It’s her inheritance money… You put some aside in her name so that she can have easier/immediate access in case of an emergency with her husband… whatever the circumstances may be……to help her and the kids. And just like you protect your interests….we are giving her her own to protect.
Any life insurance policy takes a while to process and be paid out.. especially if anything is contested by the holder or by other surviving relatives. This will help her out and she needed to know about it in case we aren’t available or dead.” Help24-7
11. AITJ For Refusing To Book Flights Unless They Pay Upfront?
“My BIL used to ask me to book flights for him and his wife.
I used to pay using my CC for several instances. He would pay me though but not the exact amount (lesser amount). I just kept silent about it thinking that he’s my husband’s older brother though. But this goes on every time they would ask me to book a flight ticket and for some reason, I got annoyed thinking that I am being taken for granted especially lately that things and budget are quite hard.
This past day, his wife asked me if I could book a ticket for her niece. I agreed though saying that my current cc cannot be used because it’s maxed out (purchased a laptop so I could start working again after a failed overseas application).
And that I could use their debit card to pay so I could book the ticket. She then just referred me to talk to my BIL.
I had a chat with my BIL explaining that I needed any of their bank details to pay for the airline ticket since my CC had been maxed out.
I am just not fond of his reply saying that if booking wastes my time, better not to book the ticket or if I can do something or find any solution since he has the money to pay for the ticket. Though I have my debit card that can cover the amount, I hesitated to use it because I didn’t want to spend the money for their convenience.
They already asked me to book for a ticket and it is still my problem how I could pay the booked ticket (I am already working and still have full time working at home as a wife and a mum and they don’t even know my struggles to keep my self from insanity).
Her wife kept on messaging me about the ticket and that they would just send me the money. I stood firm on my decision not to pay for the ticket unless they provided the money for the ticket. Am I a jerk for doing this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is learned helplessness. They can book the tickets themselves. Even without a credit card, many airlines accept debit cards, prepaid cards, or credit (at the counter or through a travel agent), PayPal, money orders, or traveler’s checks…….You get the idea. There are plenty of ways to pay that don’t involve you. Even if you are their only option they can send you the money first. There’s no reason you should be out of pocket doing them a favor. They’ve been taking advantage and saving at your expense.” ApprehensiveBook4214
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Let them book their ticket, they are regularly exploiting you, stop that. They are adults, they can book their tickets, and there is no reason for you to do it. “I stood firm on my decision not to pay the ticket unless they provided the money for the ticket.” ..
this is the only reasonable solution.” Excellent-Count4009
10. AITJ For Refusing To Get Rid Of My Pets For My Roommate's Partner's Cat?
“I(22f) live with two roommates. Jenna(24f) who is my original roommate and Stacy(24f) who is Jenna’s partner and moved in a month ago. I have three pets but two are considered pets in my landlord’s eyes and on the lease only two pets are allowed. I have a lizard, a bunny, and a small-sized dog.
Jenna knew this before moving in with me and never had an issue with it up until her partner moved in.
It became clear that Stacy wanted me to get rid of either my bunny or my dog so that she could move her childhood cat (17 years old) in with us.
Her cat is staying with a family member who is threatening to get rid of the cat if Stacy doesn’t take the cat. I’ve told them no and that Stacy needs to find other arrangements because no way am I getting rid of my bunny or dog.
Jenna was genuinely angry and called me selfish.
She said it was unfair how I was the only one who had pets and was taking up the pet limit. which was funny because Jenna genuinely had zero issue with it and if she felt that way then she should’ve never moved in with me.
She knew I had three pets before she moved in. I told them both I didn’t give a darn. I don’t like cats and I don’t like nor know Stacy so why exactly would or should I get rid of my pets for her?
They said that they could just hide the cat but I said I would speak to the landlord if they did.
I’ve seen too many people get evicted because their roommate broke the lease contract. Not just that but this is a 17-year-old cat who will be moving to a different place with three different animals. Animals they’ve likely never interacted with In their life. That seems very problematic to me right there.
Stacy also doesn’t have a job so she can’t get her place, pay for someone to care for the cat, or put the cat in boarding school. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were there first. You had the pets and Stacy knew about the situation when she moved in. If Stacy needs to bring the cat into her home, then she has two choices. She can either find her place (and you should be generous about allowing her and potentially your existing roommate to leave), or she and Jenna can work with you to find you a new place (and as a sweetener, they should pay you money or cover at least some of the costs of your move-out). ” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had an agreement with your roommate at, the end of the discussion. They cannot ask you to just get rid of one of your pets all of a sudden when they know about the situation beforehand. They just don’t want to find a place on their own out of being lazy or maybe there’s the money factor, but in any way, they can’t just change the original agreement or demand you to get rid of your pets.
Now, is the landlord aware of your three pets and just doesn’t consider the lizard as a pet or are you hiding it from it? You could be in danger of getting evicted anyway. On an unrelated note, is the partner an official tenant? Is the apartment meant for 3 people?
Living with a couple can be uncomfortable for many different reasons, again, sounds like they just chose the most comfortable option and they expect you to accommodate them or kick you out. Depending on the contract they could say it’s one pet per person.” Dizzy-Potato3557
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – they are out of bounds. You were living happily there, and Stacy knew the situation before she moved in. Why do they think you love your dog or bunny less than they love their cat? Or that you love one more than the other?
Or that you should give up a pet you love so that a cat on death’s door can move in . . .when it passes away, they’ll think they should get another cat, not that your pet should return. Stacy should have been looking for a different situation before she moved in.
She should have sorted HER situation out before moving in. They are trying to make Stacy’s problem your problem – don’t let them. Tell them “no” and that the topic is no longer up for discussion. They must make other arrangements that don’t include moving in a cat because neither the bunny nor the dog are leaving.
Don’t discuss it or try to reason with them, they are only going to try to make things go their way and you can’t change their minds. And you shouldn’t change yours.” MercuryRising92
9. AITJ For Wanting To Take My Son To His Friend's Funeral Against His Dad's Wishes?
“I 26F co-parent my son James 5M with my ex Eli 26M. I am a single parent and have a bad relationship with Eli after he ghosted me when I was 7 months pregnant despite saying he was going to be involved in James’ life. I struggled when James was younger and had to drop out of college and go back to finish my degree after Eli left.
Eli reached out late last year to make amends and wanted to be present in James’ life. I refused and told him he could ask for custody through the courts as I wouldn’t let him see James in case he left again.
Since then we have maintained a custody agreement where James stays with Eli on alternate weekends and he backpaid and currently pays child support.
Outside of picking up and dropping James, I don’t talk to Eli. I have a civil relationship with him in front of James and don’t badmouth him in front of my son.
James’ friend at school Sean 5M has passed from cancer and James is devastated. Sean’s family have invited me, James, and Eli to the funeral and James is aware of the funeral as his classmates have spoken about it.
I want James to attend for closure and think it’s important for him to attend, but Eli thinks James is too young and some of his other classmates aren’t attending. Sean and James were close though and Sean’s mom is a good friend of mine, so I wanted to show my support.
The funeral falls on a weekday, during my time with James, and as Eli’s only reason is he is too young, I want to take him. Eli has only recently become involved and was not around to see James and Sean together enough for him to see their relationship.
Our co-parenting relationship is awful though and taking James to the funeral would make it way worse.”
Another User Comments:
“Take him. Western culture is pathological about death. Especially about “exposing” children to death. Death is a part of life, and it’s ok and healthy for a child to be upset about it, and to participate in the rituals we have to honor and commemorate the people we love when they die.
You are the custodial parent. You are the one who has the talks with your son, and who helps him work through big feelings. You get to make this call.” jvc1011
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And take him to the funeral. Explain to him that it’s normal to be upset and that if he needs to leave, he can, but that you’re going to go and say goodbye.
If it’s possible, it might be easier to go to the wake as well/instead, if the family is having one. We had a family loss recently, and I took my kids to all of the related events – wake, funeral, internment – and it helped my kids process what had happened, and to come to terms with death as a thing that happens and not a thing to be frightened of or that is shameful or taboo to talk about. And in the last few years, I’ve noticed that, among my friend’s families, the kids who were brought to funerals of loved ones had an easier time processing the loss than those who were sheltered from them.” CalliopeUrias
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Unfortunately, whether Eli thinks he’s too young or not, he’s already dealing with the grief of death because his friend will no longer be in his life. Talk to your son about what he wants to do, explain what the funeral is, and how it works, and let him choose whether or not he wants to attend.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, get him into counseling. It has to be hard having your dad randomly pop back into your life, followed by having your best friend die of cancer. He needs professional assistance to deal with his grief and emotions, not a dispute between mom and dad about whether or not he’s too young to process death.” Zealousideal-Divide6
8. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Celebrate My Career Achievement?
“For the last two and a half years I have had exams through my job to become chartered in my field.
This has been stressful but I finally finished last month. When my partner graduated university last year I took her out to a restaurant I knew she liked and then for drinks after. I also got her some flowers, a card, a bottle of wine and some chocolates as a surprise to congratulate her on graduating.
After getting my final result and confirming I had passed I went and told my partner that I was finally qualified. She said well done and that she was proud of me but nothing else. I thought she might have a surprise or something planned for later so I didn’t say anything straight away.
Since it was the middle of the week I thought I’d wait until the weekend to see if she does anything.
The weekend came and nothing was planned. I jokingly asked where she was taking me for me finally qualifying then. She said we could go for drinks if I wanted but that I’d have to pay for my own.
She could see I was disappointed and asked what was wrong I pointed out everything I did for her graduation and then she couldn’t do a single thing for me for mine.
I pointed out it didn’t even need to be expensive, just a card, some wine, etc or my favorite food/drink would have been enough but she couldn’t even do that.
She said I was being unfair and that she shouldn’t be expected to have to do it but I just pointed out that you should want to do something nice when the person you’re with is celebrating something.
She just accused me of guilt-tripping her but I just said I was only telling her how I was feeling.
AITJ for expecting a celebration/surprise for me graduating?”
Another User Comments:
“Some have implied that YTJ or ESH, but I find it telling that when you were disappointed your partner didn’t do something to celebrate your achievement, she, “said I was being unfair” & that she accused you of guilt tripping you.
You might have expected her to read your mind at first, but once you explained how you felt, she responded inappropriately. Anyone but a jerk would have at least apologized & tried to make amends. Instead, she did what she did. Not only NTJ, but I’d rethink your relationship with this woman.
Her failure to acknowledge your achievement is not a good thing.” FunnyAnchor123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she doesn’t care that much about you or your accomplishments and you should consider ending things now before wasting more time to keep being disappointed. And ignore the ignorants saying you’re the jerk for expecting something and that you need to communicate with her better or tell her you wanted to celebrate, that’s just idiotic.
If someone cares about you they will want to celebrate your wins and accomplishments without you having to tell them you want to celebrate, according to those users you have to put in all the effort for everything in the relationship while your partner gets to enjoy the benefits of you doing things for her while never reciprocating.
Dumb” combattype86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her not planning anything makes her a slight jerk, but telling you that you should pay for the drinks makes her a full-on jerk. I would seriously be reconsidering the relationship if this is typical behavior for her (using you/taking from you not giving back or being considerate of your needs).
As you said, it didn’t need to be anything fancy or expensive, but barely acknowledging a huge accomplishment that took you multiple years and countless hours of work to achieve is just plain selfish. It’s also a sign that she doesn’t care about you as much as you deserve, as we celebrate the accomplishments of people we care about.” Fun_Access_3295
7. AITJ For Having A Meltdown After My Mom Ripped Off My Glasses On Her Birthday?
“So this happened years ago but the memory recently surfaced and I’ve been thinking about it.
So to the situation: Years ago was my mother’s birthday and when my grandpa was preparing to take photos of us (he is a photographer), my mother came to me and asked if I could take my glasses off for the photos and I refused because I look better with them and not being able to see is something that I don’t like.
The reason she gave me for not wanting me to wear glasses was because the flash of the camera would reflect on the lens (the lenses were anti-reflex and she knew because she bought them like that).
For context, I have myopia and at the time it was already severe enough for me to not see very well without my glasses to the point the doctor recommended I use them all the time and my mother for some reason didn’t like me wearing glasses (that was the real reason by the way).
When my grandpa was counting down to take a shot with the camera almost at the end of it she ripped my glasses off my face I felt my face going in the same direction as my glasses, I had a meltdown not only because she did that but also because she refused to give them back.
Imagine having your ability to see correctly taken away for petty reasons that was what I was feeling.
At the end of the birthday and for more or less a week after she was saying I was a horrible child for having a meltdown on her birthday and that I ruined it.
The part that conflicts with me is that she took off my glasses from my face and refused to give them back leading me to have a meltdown I feel since it was her birthday I could have been a bit more flexible and the meltdown was over the top, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Where I come from that’s classified as assault and can be criminally charged. All the more so because of your disability. If you needed a wheelchair, but your mom decided to dump you out of the chair because she thought it was an eyesore, would you be asking who the jerk is?
I don’t think so.” SquallkLeon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I also wear glasses full-time and I can’t imagine someone wanting me to take them off just because they “don’t look nice”. She’s taking away your disability support and, like other commenters have mentioned, if you had a physical disability that required a wheelchair or a crutch which she took away because of such a stupid reason then you definitely wouldn’t be asking if she was in the wrong.
I’m so sorry that happened to you and she needs help.” IcyPop5028
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is a total jerk. You wear glasses because you can’t see for goodness sake. Her concern is what the picture is going to look like. She has no concern for the fact that you can’t see.
To rip them off your face like that was a total jerk move. You had every right to have a “meltdown” over that. I would’ve flipped out too. She ruined her birthday. You didn’t do anything wrong.” NOTTHATKAREN1
6. AITJ For Skipping My Brother's Wedding To Care For My Newborn And Exhausted Wife?
“So for context, I (36m) am married to my beautiful wife, Lottie (28f), we’ve been together for 8 years married for 3. And then there’s my brother, Nate (25m), and my parents (Both 55). Well recently was Nate’s wedding (it was Friday). I was supposed to be a groomsman but I didn’t go and stayed at home with my wife.
Here’s why.
During wedding planning, my precious Lottie found out she was pregnant with our first baby! Of course, we were over the moon but kept it on the down low to not take attention from Nate and his Wife. Well a few weeks ago our precious little girl was born, and though she’s a little doll, we suspect she has colic.
She’s been crying nonstop. I was still going to go to the wedding but when the day came Lottie was very stressed and couldn’t get our little girl to sleep or do anything really, she wouldn’t sleep, eat, or stop crying until her little face was red. Lottie was exhausted, you could tell.
So I decided to stay and try to take care of my daughter while I tried to let Lottie sleep. I called Nate to let him know that I just couldn’t make it and he flipped out at me, yelling, screaming, and calling me every name under the sun, therefore I hung up.
Well a few minutes after that my parents were blowing up my phone calling me a jerk for bailing. When I tried explaining why, my mother told me “Who cares *my name*?! It’s the wife’s job to take care of the kids, not the men!” (Which is not true at all.) After I still wouldn’t budge my parents told my family leading to some family members blowing up my phone some more.
When Lottie found out she was apologizing over and over but I don’t think my Lottie should feel bad for needing a break. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Bailing last minute on the day of the wedding was rude. Knowing that your baby has been colicky, I feel like you could have addressed this issue with better planning, even without family in the area you could have asked a friend to help or hired a “mother’s helper” for the evening.
Your mom’s comment about it not being your job to help with the baby was sexist.” photosbeersandteach
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I am all for you supporting your wife. That is great. And if you were merely a guest at the wedding I would have no problem with you skipping.
But you were actually in the wedding party. You waited until the day of the wedding and bailed on your brother. He had no time to make any adjustments. That was wrong and rude on your part. Colic is a difficult thing to deal with in an infant.
However many, many babies have colic and parents learn how to deal with it. It is an expected part of parenting. I get you didn’t want your wife to be alone. She could have coped, I am sure but it is much easier if there are 2 adults.
Does she not have any friends or family nearby that could have come over for a couple of hours? Unless your daughter was born prematurely and unexpectedly, you had plenty of time to arrange for someone to help her while you kept a rather serious commitment to your brother that I assume you made in good faith.
You probably could have skipped the reception, just going to the ceremony and pictures, and would not have been gone that long.” introspectively
5. AITJ For Venting About My Loud Roommate And His Partner Overhearing?
“I’m a 19-year-old college student and this conflict has to do with my roommate (19M) and his partner (19F?) whom he recently started seeing.
For context, our apartment has 2 bedrooms, so we just share the kitchen and bathroom areas.
The conflict itself took place yesterday when I was exhausted after commuting to and from my 7-hour internship. In total, I spent 8.5 hours between the train and work and wanted nothing more than to just relax when I got back to my room.
I ended up chilling on my computer until 12:30 and fell asleep around 1 AM. My roommate still wasn’t back as his door was wide open and the room dark, so I figured he was out at some Halloween college party. No big deal, I figured he’d be courteous and quiet when arriving back home.
Well, I was completely wrong because I woke up at 5 AM to extremely loud laughs coming from his room. To top it off, I had my earplugs in and white noise on, meaning they must’ve been pretty darn loud to wake me up. I ended up stepping out of my room and checking the common area, only to see my roommate’s door halfway open and hear him having a loud conversation with his partner.
I texted him, politely requesting him to quiet down, as I was too sleepy to confront them. He left me on “Read” and I ended up falling asleep.
The next morning, my best friend called me after I woke up and I started venting about my loud roommate and his annoying partner since this wasn’t the first time they had done this.
I said:
“She’s annoying as anything and she’s over 24/7, why can’t they both just leave?”
and at that moment, I heard movement from the common area of our apartment and realized my door was partly open and they heard everything I said. My roommate has since apologized but has been pretty cold and avoiding eye contact with me since.
AITJ for saying that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They were being obnoxiously loud at a time when you were trying to sleep. You said this wasn’t a one-off event. I think him having his partner overall time when she doesn’t live there is kinda of disrespectful.
It’s your space too. His response was to leave you on read when you asked that they quiet down. He doesn’t seem very considerate of your feelings. You were frustrated and venting to your best friend. I think it’s his fault for the way you blew up.” TheKarolinaReaper
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Though your next action is to have an honest conversation. Walk up to him in the common area, greet him, and ask to speak about something. When you sit down simply hold eye contact for about 3-5 seconds before speaking. Tell him you’re sorry he overheard words that were supposed to stay between you and a friend but it was only your thoughts and feelings.
Then talk about the stuff that frustrated you originally and ask how he would like to set boundaries and expectations from this point forward. You do that and it goes well, you’ll be the best of buds.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it was rude and you were understandably upset.
Like others have said, talking to them about it before/instead of venting to a friend would’ve been a better way to go. Also, I realize you meant you aren’t sure what her age is, but the placement of the question mark makes it sound like you aren’t sure the partner is female, which I just find hilarious.” ImpKing_DownUnder
4. AITJ For Not Selling My Engagement Ring To My Ex's Brother?
“For some background context, my ex and I split up about 9 months ago. We had been engaged for 2.5 years at the time of our split. We decided not to go through with the wedding for several reasons but ultimately it was a relatively amicable separation.
My ex and I did decide at that time that I would keep the ring and I have since decided to turn it into a custom pendant for a necklace to honor the memories I had from our 6 years together. His younger brother recently reached out to me after not speaking to me since we went our separate ways.
In his message, he got straight to the point and said that he wanted to propose to his partner in the coming months and was hoping I could sell my ring to him for cheap. In his message, he also shared some odd details with me that are not details I know to be true.
He claims that the diamond in my ring is one that his mom found on the sidewalk years ago and claims my ex proposed to me with it because it was free. To my knowledge, however, my ex bought the ring used. I recall after the proposal asking my ex how much he spent on it because he was a recent grad and I was still in post-secondary and I wanted to make sure he hadn’t spent too much money on it.
He reassured me that he bought it second hand and because of that he was able to get a good deal on it. His brother said that he isn’t able to afford a ring and that’s why he’s reaching out to me to see if I will sell mine to him.
The whole message felt like it was an aim to make me feel guilty for still having the ring after our split. AITJ for not giving my ex’s brother the ring?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Just because it no longer means everything, doesn’t mean it now means nothing.
Tell him no. It’s an almost offensive request, especially how he went about it with the weird, inaccurate details/flat-out lies. I went through this with an ex-engagement ring and it can be very hard to decide what to do with the ring/gems. I stuttered around, unsure what to do, but finally sold it to my mom for 25¢ on the dollar (I tried repeatedly to give it to her for free, but it was a very expensive, super rare cut of diamond so I finally just named a ridiculously low price).
Twenty years later, it still makes me very happy to see it worked into her wedding ring. I hope that your pendant makes you just as happy.” CheckIntelligent7828
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re never gonna be the jerk for not selling or giving someone something of yours that they randomly ask for.
You could recommend that he look for a used ring at a pawn shop or whatever since he doesn’t care that the ring is brand new. Honestly, it feels like he’s just trying to make this purchase with as little effort as possible, but it’s not on you to make sure that happens.” foofoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people lack the most basic common sense and social etiquette. Regardless if the story he spun is true, the ring is yours as previously decided by your ex and yourself. Your ex-BIL has no claim to it. If the ring held some familiar sentiment to your ex’s family he should not have agreed to part with it 9 months ago.
My guess is he is trying to get a deal by bullying you into selling it to him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he spun the story to his fiancée as this being a family ring to avoid spending money.” Good_Ad6336
3. AITJ For Telling My Younger Sister Not To Attend Our Brother's Wedding?
“I 32 female had a conversation with my brother (34) about the details of his wedding.
He proceeded to tell me that I needed to inform our younger sister (26) not to attend his wedding. Quick background story about them two: growing up, they were super close but when my sister was in her late teens, she had a little bit of a rebellious phase which my brother didn’t like because he’s very conservative.
He then stopped talking to her since then and asked me to tell her not to come to his wedding because he didn’t want his in-laws to see the type of sister he had. He also threatened that he would make a big scene and kick her out in front of everyone!
Now, I took a few days to think about what he asked me to do and I even asked our other older sister for advice we agreed that since he didn’t want her to be there, we didn’t want our little sister to be embarrassed in front of family and friends!
The issue is when I told my sister (who was very disappointed of course but she accepted that) my parents had a go at me and stopped talking to me and were telling everyone that I am the one who broke the family. They kept saying this for years until I had enough and told them that I was only the messenger and I didn’t want my younger sister to be publicly offended and that if they were fair they should have had a chat with my brother instead of making me the bad guy!
I was abroad at the time of the wedding and could have attended but I chose not to and told them I couldn’t have time off work. So AITJ and also am I the one who broke our family ties?!”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone here is a jerk, except the younger sister.
What a mess of a family. Your brother should have done his judgmental dirty work directly, instead of getting you to do it. You should never have done it. Your parents never should have yelled at you but should have yelled at your brother. Frankly, that poor younger sister should have shown up and made sure she was seen.
I bet your brother would not have had the guts to do what he threatened – he sounds like a bully – the kind that folds when they are stood up to. Too bad you didn’t bother to do that for your sister.” TempyIsMyName
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But why on earth would you let your parents blame you for years without correcting them? You’re not the bad guy in this story. **Your brother is the one who “broke” the family NOT you** He broke the family twice – once by going no contact with his sister and a second time by banning her from the wedding because he’s ashamed of her (or, rather, ashamed of who she used to be).” AppropriateScience71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother asked you to deliver a message that he didn’t want to deliver, and you did, and your parents are mad at you (not your brother)? If anyone’s the jerk in this scenario it’s your brother, but even then I think he has the right to who he does and doesn’t allow to his wedding.
Your parents are entitled. Let your brother hold the wedding he wants to hold and invite who he wants. You’re a good sister for breaking the news for him, as I’m sure he didn’t want this drama with all the other stuff he’s dealing with planning a wedding.” TigerKirby215
2. AITJ For Not Buying A Sofa From The First Salesperson We Spoke To?
“A few months ago, my partner and I started sofa shopping and went to check out a very popular and expensive brand, known for their recliners.
We spoke to a salesman, we’ll call him Richard, who was nice enough and seemed to know his stuff.
We were split between two models and went home to discuss. We went back to the store a few weeks later to sit on the two again to make sure we liked the one we were leaning towards, but they didn’t have that one in the store anymore.
Richard told us of another store about 20 minutes away that now had the floor model, so off we went.
We spoke to a saleswoman, “Ashley”. Ashley tried to sell us on different models, even after we explained the features we liked on the one we went to see.
We then asked to see fabric options, but she only showed us two choices (out of hundreds) because they were the “cheap” ones. She also couldn’t answer a few other simple questions.
We went home, and I emailed Richard 4 yes-or-no questions I wanted to clarify, planning to go back into the store a week or two later to make our purchase.
Richard emailed back saying “Please call me to discuss”
I don’t like being on the phone if I can avoid it. My questions were simple (what is the lead time, is this model fabric discontinued, are there more options available that we can see in store and will your store have the same sale the other store will have in a few weeks), and he did not answer them.
I didn’t reply to him.
My partner and I decided to go to a third store in our area and ended up making the purchase there.
Richard emailed me the following week saying “I noticed you placed the order at our other store. I wish I would have had a chance to get you a better deal”
AITJ for not buying it from him or not calling him back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was a salesman on commission for 6 and a half years before my current job. Sometimes, this situation just happens. You, as the customer, do not owe the salesman loyalty, whether they’re on commission or not.
I used to get hit with this a couple of times a month because the store I worked at for about two years was about 100 yards into a municipality with higher taxes (about 8.5% higher than other areas) and we’d get people who would go through the whole process, get to the register and then they’d realize they were in the higher-tax zone and walk…then they’d go up the road to buy the same stuff from our other location.
IMO, Richard was unprofessional. A) why would he give you his email if he was just going to tell you to call? B) he was out of line emailing you like that after you went to the third store; that “I could have gotten you a deal” after the fact is BS.
I know that line; if he could have offered you a deal, he would have told you on day one. Guess Richard needs to learn to take the L.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not calling him back. While those questions are “yes/no” to you, they often aren’t.
Lead times range from fabric to fabric and frequently, specific furniture also has other options than just fabric like arms, legs, etc. He also might have given you a discount.” LowBalance4404
1. AITJ For Giving My Sister My Best Friend's Movie Ticket After She Saw It With Someone Else?
“Me (24 f) and my friend (26f) have been friends since our sophomore year of high school. A new movie recently came out and we both wanted to see it for the first time together. We were going to see it with my youngest sister and my mom this weekend.
We were so excited up to the point where any time that we talked, we talked about seeing this movie. My mom had offered to purchase the tickets for me, my friend, and my sister because 1), they weren’t pricey and 2), she wanted to see the movie as well.
Me and my friend had everything planned out for the day that we were going to see the movie. And I was genuinely excited. Up until she posted a photo of her going to see a said movie on opening night with one of her other friends.
Now, yes, she can have other friends. That’s not the problem. The problem was the fact that she had been going on and on about how excited she was to be seeing this movie for the first time with me, and then she went and saw it with another person the first chance that she got.
Let me preface that this isn’t the only time that she’s done this either.
So I decided that I was going to take her ticket and let my other sister have it. I mainly did because my friend had already seen the movie but also because I am always the second option.
If my friend is going out with a group of her friends and one of them can’t make it, she’ll use me to fill that person in. I’m never the first person she goes to either. I just got fed up with it I guess.
So, AITJ for giving my sister my best friend’s movie ticket because she already saw it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ that’s rude. You say she is your best friend but she isn’t your best friend, that’s obvious. You should direct your social bandwidth to more fruitful endeavors like meeting new people.
You’re young, there’s better friends out there. Socialize with coworkers. Meet people at the gym. Join special interest groups. Go to festivals with your sister. Anything other than relying on her to be a friend.” BlobulousPesto829
