People Put Our Judgment To The Test With Their Bizarre "Am I The Jerk" Stories
22. AITJ For Getting Married The Same Year As My Brother's Wedding?
“My brother (M 28) and I (M 25) have been pretty close throughout our childhood and have always gotten along, other than typical arguments here and there.
However, the past few years have been a bit more tense and seemed to have started since he began going out with his now-fiancé. It’s always felt like she’s had a chip on her shoulder towards me and my fiancé. I’ve never been a fan of her because of her selfish and entitled outlook on life (along with many more reasons), but I’m nothing but friendly to her and my brother when we meet at my parents’ house.
He proposed to her about a year ago after they had been together for about 2 years, and I proposed to my fiancé 6 months later after we had been together for about 6 years. My fiancé’s mother had passed away suddenly earlier that year, and as much as I’d loved her to see us engaged, I knew our engagement would cheer up my fiancé and her family a bit.
My brother had asked if we had a time frame on when we were getting married, but we hadn’t planned anything yet. My brother then informs everyone that they plan on throwing a grand destination wedding 2 years following his engagement.
About a year after our engagement, my fiancé and I decided that we wanted to avoid the financial burden and inevitable drama of a wedding, so we’d elope and celebrate individually with family and friends.
We decided we’d elope on our anniversary the following year, about 5 months before my brother’s wedding. Since we were going to elope we didn’t think it would conflict with my brother’s wedding plans (we apparently thought wrong).
When my brother found out about our plan he was furious.
He told me that they put a lot of time and funds into planning their wedding, and they deserve to have their ‘own year’. I expressed that we could wait to tell people we’ve eloped until after his wedding if it was an issue, but he was insistent about us not getting married in the same year # as him.
This was unlike my brother and it sounded like he was regurgitating the delusion of his partner. My parents initially sided with him but eased off of me once I explained that if the roles were reversed I’d love to be married the same year as my brother.
My brother recently told me he wasn’t going to have me in his wedding party, and can’t continue our relationship if we eloped the same year as his wedding, but we don’t want to miss the opportunity to celebrate our marriage with our grandparents before they become too sick.
AITJ if we follow through with our elopement the same year as his wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“The best way to handle this is not to get upset but to use the ‘5 whys’. Why do you not want me to get married in the same year – wait for his answer and then ask another question.
The point is to get to the root of his issue. If you are as close as you say, hopefully, he will realize he’s being silly. If not, and he gets annoyed with you then you haven’t lost the high ground.
You do not need to negotiate with him or appease him in any way.
What you plan to do is perfectly reasonable to anyone who is objective and thinking rationally. Also, have a lovely wedding and I wish you happiness in your life together.” Plenty_Iron_3740
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! He’s already putting pressure on people to attend his ‘grand destination wedding’ but also wants everyone to stop living their own lives too because of it?
Stop it. He gets a wedding DAY. It’s not a month, week, season, or year. One single day. If he doesn’t want you in or at his wedding because of it, I hope he has fun telling those who do attend the reason why you’re not there.
What’s next? You can’t have kids in the same year? Buy a house? Are you supposed to live forever in his shadow waiting for the go-ahead to live?” Adorable-Reaction887
21. AITJ For Not Allowing My Mom To Move Into My Spare Bedroom?
“My partner (29 M) and I (30 F) moved in together last year and live in a 2-bed 1-bath apartment. We are planning on possibly moving across the country towards the end of next year (2024) and are actively paying down our student loans to increase our savings to one day have a down payment for a house.
We are considering getting married in the future.
My mom (57 F) was laid off from her job this week. Her rent has been slowly increasing as well and she asked if she could move into our spare bedroom while she finds a new job and a new place to live.
I didn’t outright tell her no, but I also did not say yes either. Here is the rub – my mom suffers from anxiety, OCD, and PTSD. She has problems that make it difficult for otherwise healthy people to be around her, let alone live with her.
Things need to be her way or she gets anxious. She can be controlling and sometimes manipulative and doesn’t care about anyone else except for me (I’m an only child) and her mother. She has mentioned to me in the past that she will be sad on my wedding day.
The reason I don’t want her staying in our spare bedroom is that 5 years ago she went through the same thing – didn’t have a job, couldn’t afford rent, and didn’t want to live with her mother so she came to stay with me until she got her bearings.
For the next 3 years, I financially and emotionally supported my mom. I was 25 then and my world shrunk because of her OCD. I suffered from depression but kept this a secret from her. She was and still is EXTREMELY attached to me. She’s told me multiple times that wherever I go she will move to be close to me.
The only reason I moved out was to attend grad school across the country. When I graduated, I moved back but this time I moved in with my partner instead of my mom. She’s been talking about us living together again to ‘save funds’ for a long time now.
She keeps saying that we need to be there for family, but I don’t think she realizes how much of myself I’ve sacrificed for her since she divorced my dad when I was in high school. I’ve managed to find apartments for her/us, complete job applications for her, give in to her wishes and asks, lie about my life so that I don’t trigger her OCD, and put funds aside in case I need to financially support her because she doesn’t have retirement or any savings of her own.
She says I’m the only family she has but honestly, I don’t feel like I have much of a family at all.
My partner is supportive of me and what I want. I just don’t know if I’m being selfish for not wanting my mom to move in with me again, especially now that she lost her job and doesn’t have savings to afford her current place.
I don’t want to sink into another depression and also lose my partner in the process, but I also feel immense guilt for not taking her in and in general have a hard time saying no to her. Would I be the jerk if I didn’t let her move in with me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have given your mom MUCH more than a child owes a parent, by completing job applications, letting her live with you, and simply being there for her when no one else will. Now you are trying to build your own life and she is showing up with needs again.
It’s going to be hard but you have to tell her no. You’re putting yourself second and her first over and over again, and that isn’t good for your relationship or your mental health. I might recommend reading a book for adult children of emotionally unavailable parents.
My dad has a similar personality, and it’s been challenging to say no, so I get it, but you have to put your foot down. I’m curious where your partner really clocks in on this.” motleythedog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If needed, check over your rent lease, because it might very well say you aren’t allowed to move others in, etc. If it doesn’t, say it does.
She doesn’t need to know the actual truth, but then you aren’t being the bad guy, it’s the landlord that is. (Obviously don’t give her your landlord’s contact information or anything). Is your mother clinically diagnosed with OCD, PTSD, and anxiety? Or does she just say she has them?
My guess is that they at least partially exist as a means to manipulate and control you and push you down the guilt road.
What it sounds like she’s done is a role reversal, where you’ve become the mother and she’s become the child. Cut the chord.
If you really feel like you need to do something, likely as baby steps to creating a healthy boundary, then start by sending her in the direction of services that help people find jobs. Lots of organizations out there, so do a quick Google for some and send them her way.
They usually help people redo their resumes, as well as apply for jobs, practice interview skills, etc. They might also have contacts to help her find a more affordable place.” Strict_Oven7228
Self-care is extremely important, remember that.
20. AITJ For Going To My Parents' Whenever My In-Laws Come To Visit?
“My husband cannot control his family. Or at least he refuses to. When his parents visit and give us crap for ‘forcing’ our kids to do chores he gives in and the house slowly becomes a mess that I have been left to clean up.
When his siblings visit we are expected to clean up after them. I never agreed to this so now I leave.
I lock my office up and go to my parents’ house. I meet up with his family at restaurants or other public places.
His parents have learned now that when they visit they have to clean up after the kids or get them or my husband to do it.
They tried saying that I was abusive for refusing to do housework while they visited. So I posted a picture of my home before they came and one I took during their last visit. I asked them why the house was so messy and dirty and did they have anything to do with it.
They said it wasn’t their mess. I replied that the house was clean before they showed up. Once they started getting dogpiled for messing up my house they threw the kids under the bus. They said my kids were uncontrollable and it was their mess.
I pointed out that there was no mess until they came so obviously my kids were able to clean up after themselves when there weren’t people telling them not to.
My husband’s siblings have cancelled plans to visit because they know I won’t be there to clean up after them or cook so they will have to cook or spend funds on takeout and restaurants.
Great outcome in my opinion.
My husband says that I’m being unfair putting all the work of cleaning up on him. I said he has two children to help him as well as ADULT guests who should be able to not make a mess. I also told him he could just pay for a cleaning service out of his discretionary funds if he wanted to let his family run rampant and not clean up after them.
He said that I was being mean by not contributing and making him spend his funds. I asked how much he normally spends on cleaning the house. The answer is nothing since the four of us keep the house clean and tidy when we are on our own.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Actually, your way of handling this is brilliant. The rules should clearly be that all adults pick up after themselves as a matter of course. They are humans, not monkeys at a zoo. All children are in training to learn how to pick up after themselves, and of course, the training doesn’t stop just because the grandparents or the cousins come to visit.
It has to do with a certain grade of civilization. Non-civilized people may not want to pick up after themselves, but other people may choose not to associate with them on any level.” FragrantEconomist386
Another User Comments:
“You’re not being mean, you’re setting the boundaries he is unable to.
If his mommy and daddy still make his decisions in the home he has with his family, and he refuses to have a shiny spine or do the work himself, that’s on him. Moreover, you offered a maid! But it’s not about cleaning, it’s about his family having the power and control to exert over YOU.
If not, then why is there opposition?
NTJ – but this isn’t an in-law problem, it’s a ’husband unable to set boundaries and is willing to inconvenience you to appease his family’s apparently sexist values’ problem.” gurlwithdragontat2
19. AITJ For Cutting Off My Support For An Employee After He Called Me A Fat Idiot?
“I’m (46 m) a manager at a national hotel chain. Over the past two years, I’ve developed a friendship with one of my employees, ‘Bob’ (45 m). I’ve supported his promotion to department head and have been involved in his personal life, offering financial advice, and teaching him about credit.
Knowing the challenges of living in a hotel with a newborn, I’ve often brought dinner for Bob and his partner and given him money, presenting it as tips from guests, especially when he needed it for essentials like formula.
Bob is not shy about asking for loans, and he’s always paid me back.
Recently, his van broke down, and he’s been using my car for necessary errands. Today, while working a late shift due to snow and a staff shortage, I had a grocery order to pick up. The store is 3.7 miles from the property, and I asked Bob to collect it using my car.
He agreed.
Shortly after, while on the phone with my grandmother, I received a notification from Bob. It read, ‘Hey that Fat Idiot downstairs put in a pickup order from the store so I have to go get it at 4:30.’ By the time I opened the message, it showed ‘Bob unsent a message.’ I called Bob, telling him not to worry about my groceries and that I’d seen his message before he unsent it.
He claimed it was a joke.
When he came to clock out he again tried again to tell me it was a joke, that he had meant to send it to his ‘old lady’ and that ‘we joke around all the time’. I told him to stop acting like a stupid jerk and be a man about it.
It was an accident it was sent, but what was typed showed how Bob viewed me as a person and his supposed friend. Although he may see me as a fat idiot who he needed to be friends with, I was well versed at thinning my own herd when it came to people who were full of crap and I did not keep anyone in my life that was not 100.
He then asked when he needed to go to the store or a doctor’s appointment for the baby, and I told him that he would need to be a big boy and figure that out himself. I don’t invite people into my boat who like to drill holes.
AITJ for cutting off my support for Bob and his family after his disrespectful message, even though he claims it was a joke?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This one broke my heart. You really were the most genuine friend a person could ask for to him and this guy couldn’t help but talk trash behind your back.
Good on you for having a 0 tolerance policy for fake friends.” DerekNeedsReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It wasn’t a joke. At least not a funny one. He clearly didn’t mean for you to see it as he tried to unsend it. You bent over backward for this man & this is how he repays you?
When someone does for another as you have done for him, the only thing you expect in return is respect & he couldn’t even be bothered to do that.” NOTTHATKAREN1
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get A Second Job?
“My partner, who we’ll call Abby (27), and I (M 29) have been together for around 18 months now. She lives with her family, so she comes and stays at my apartment with me a couple of weekends a month. Our relationship has been great and we’ve bonded over our shared interest in gaming, filmmaking, and geeky hobbies.
Recently we had trouble.
I work full-time. Abby doesn’t work. She has anxiety and is on the spectrum so has a hard time finding/keeping a job. I have had the same diagnosis since childhood and I’ve been through the same thing. I don’t judge her and know that she’s working very hard in therapy and trust that she’ll find her way.
The last time she came to see me we talked about moving in together. She mentioned that she wants a two-bedroom apartment rather than a one-bedroom because I have a large collection of memorabilia in my room and a large desk for my PC. I understand that and know that not everyone wants a bedroom with geeky stuff, so I started looking at two-bedroom apartments.
This is where the trouble starts – I live in a small (700 sqft), but comfortable apartment in a nice complex in a safe area of a town that has some very dangerous areas. A two-bedroom in a similar area is outside of my budget. I am a phlebotomist in a hospital. I love my job but a two-bedroom apartment would stretch my budget paper thin and leave me with very little left over after expenses.
So I explained that a two-bedroom is outside of what I can afford on my own, but I had ideas and wanted to know her input. My first is that she try working something part-time – even just 15-20 hours a week at most doing remote work would help, but she was offended I would suggest something she can’t do.
I asked if she’s looked into disability. I explained there is nothing wrong with someone who can’t work because of a disability getting disability payments. She thought I was saying she can’t take care of herself.
My last idea was to stay in a one-bedroom.
I mentioned that we could find one we like and redecorate together so that we’re both happy. She rejected it stating that it MUST be a two-bedroom. I didn’t have any other ideas.
I asked her if she had any ideas and her suggestion was that I get another job.
This idea is one I dislike – I spent years leading up to my current job in the service industry doing 60-70 hour weeks to get by. I had no life, and it nearly drove me back into a very dark place I had worked hard to get out of.
Now I make enough to be comfortable, have savings, and enjoy my time off. I’m not giving that up after working hard for it.
She was upset that I didn’t see having her around as ‘worth working harder for’ and ended our visit early.
Her friends say I’m being unfair expecting a disabled person to support me.
I feel like my responses were absolutely reasonable and that it is unreasonable of her to expect me to work multiple jobs so that we can live outside our means. I can’t see any other way we can afford a two-bedroom with only my income.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s unreasonable to expect you to get yet another job while she does… nothing? There must be some kind of part-time job that would suit her, or like you’ve mentioned, she could apply for disability. I feel like it’s likely if you DID get another job, you’d be working so much and so exhausted that it would gobble up your time together and likely affect your mood as well, and she’d probably then complain about that.
You should be partners with the person you are in a relationship with (unless you agreed to some other arrangement) and for her to be willingly entirely dependent on you with no effort on her part to contribute is quite a large red flag.
To give her the benefit of the doubt, is it possible that she doesn’t know enough or have much experience with romantic relationships alongside possibly having been told that she ‘should find a man/husband to take care of her’.
That’s what’s fueling her current mindset.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“You are supposed to be her partner, not her parent. You are doing great and it’s selfish and immature for her to ask you to work more when she isn’t doing that for herself.
She has to know she can live independently with or without any necessary support, independent of you before she takes on the responsibility of being an equal partner, who contributes equally. This is her choice and she can do this at her own pace but it is absolutely NOT fair to put your own mental health or job at risk because she has her own issues to deal with.
You won’t be doing her (or you)any favors by taking on more stress and time working. Maybe it’s better to just enjoy your relationship right now and leave it at that. Personally, I’d find another girl to date who would never dream of asking this of you.
It’s over the top unreasonable.” Antelope_31
17. AITJ For Telling Mom To Stop Forcing Her Eldest Son On Us?
“I (28 M) am the youngest of 3, though if you asked my mother, she’d say 4. Prior to my eldest brother Christopher’s birth, my parents had another baby that was born still.
His name was James. My parents consistently talked about him. He was included in family portraits (where one of us held the only picture we had of him), Christmas cards, etc. He was mentioned at every single big event.
My brothers and I have tried to tell our parents we are uncomfortable with the picture, as it’s morbid to us.
As well as we don’t want it included all the time. My mom always insists and tells us that James is family. She also gets upset if I refer to Christopher as my eldest brother or if one of us says we have 2 brothers.
We’ve tried to explain we were born after James and don’t have the attachment she does. This has led to several arguments. And usually, it isn’t worth it, so we just give in and say fine, she can bring the photo and talk about James there.
Christopher is getting married. After talking with his fiancé, Lily, they both said the picture could not come. They said they’ll include James in the program alongside Lily’s grandmother who passed as a sort of ‘guests we are thinking of on this special day’.
But there will be no detailed essay that our mom usually includes on the holiday cards to memorialize James. She got very upset by both things and called them insensitive. They are sticking to their guns.
My mom was venting to me and I told her I agreed with Christopher and Lily.
I said that James wasn’t here. We have no connection to him. And she can’t keep shoehorning him in. She can’t expect us to make everything about him. That obviously she won’t ever be over James’ death, but it’s time to stop making him front and center.
I also added that none of us view James as our brother. She began to cry and left.
My dad is angry with me beyond belief, as are some other family members. My brothers are on my side but I need some unbiased perspective. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents needed therapy to deal with this about 30 years ago. Of course, losing James was very hard for them, a stillbirth is very sad, but this kind of enduring clinging to that is not normal or healthy. If they wanted to do something to remember him on his birthday, okay, maybe, but not on every occasion, not when none of your siblings ever knew him.
Keep sticking up for Christopher and Lily because their wedding is their day and it’s supposed to be happy: it does not need an outsized and awkwardly sad reminder of a lost baby.
Maybe you and all your brothers need to stage some kind of intervention with your parents (after the wedding, perhaps) and talk to them about getting a therapist. You love them and care about their pain, but they can’t keep forcing this in every Christmas, every wedding, the eventual births of grandchildren, etc. ” Icy_Blueness1206
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A stillbirth has to be unimaginably painful, and your parents obviously have deep grief. But what they’ve done with that grief – for 30 years – is interfering with their relationships with their LIVING CHILDREN. This is not ok. It’s not healthy for them or for you.
It is not normal to make children hold a photo of a deceased baby in family photos. It’s not normal to send photos of a deceased baby with Christmas cards. Someone should have intervened with your parents years ago, but at the very least now that y’all are having to confront the issue, it’s time to get them some help.” smokymtnsorceress
16. AITJ For Not Inviting My "Aunt" To My Wedding?
“I (30 F) was at my grandmother’s house for a family pre-Thanksgiving get-together tonight. My grandma is actually my stepdad’s mom, but she, my late grandpa, and my stepdad’s sister & nephews have always treated me like family since my mom & stepdad have been together since I was 3.
My stepdad’s brother (50s M) and his wife who we’ll call Bonnie (50s F) have always been weird to me. When I was little, I called her Aunt Bonnie and she responded, ‘I’m not your aunt.’
When they got married, all of the little kids in the family were invited except me (I was the oldest child at that time).
They bought me Christmas presents until I was 18 but, to this day, still buy presents for my cousins & sister (who are all adults). And, for some reason, Bonnie won’t be my friend on social media. I added her years ago and she denied me.
After my grandpa died last year I added her again (thinking we bonded over that week) and she denied me again. She’s friends with members of my mom’s family, but not with me. I was always a well-behaved kid so I honestly don’t know what her issue is.
My mom just says, ‘She’s weird.’
Not gonna lie, it stings a bit, but I try not to let it get to me. Recently, I got engaged to my long-term partner. At dinner tonight, the topic of my wedding came up, and how I plan to get married in October.
Bonnie mentioned how her family friend is getting married on October (date) so to not schedule mine that day. I said, ‘Oh that’s fine, I’m only having my family at my wedding anyway.’ She looked really taken aback.
My other aunt (stepdad’s sister) said, ‘I would have thought we were your family.’
And, of course, I felt bad because she has always been so kind to me, so I immediately said, ‘Oh, you are. She just won’t even add me on social media.’
My cousin, sensing the tension, changed the subject but it was definitely awkward, and Bonnie, her husband, and kids left soon after.
My mom said I was highly inappropriate and that this was going to upset Grandma (who is deaf and didn’t hear anything that happened). I said that I wasn’t planning on inviting Bonnie & her husband to my wedding and she was going to find out eventually so why lie to them?
I mean, why would I pay $90 a plate for someone who couldn’t care less about me? Mom wants me to reach out and apologize but I am not really that sorry.
So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope, you are not the jerk. Bonnie made the rules for how she treated you of which you were hurt by her treatment.
Now she wants to come to your engagement/wedding. If your mom is pressuring you then advise her that Bonnie made it clear to you when you were younger that she wasn’t your aunt and she laid the ground rules for the relationship we never formed.
Bonnie didn’t invite you to her wedding whilst inviting other kids, stopped getting you Christmas presents while continuing with the other kids, and basically has gone out of her way to exclude you. Perhaps reach out to the other aunt and advise she has treated you as family and you didn’t intend to offend her.
Then clarify why you didn’t intend on inviting Bonnie as Bonnie had made it clear how she felt about you.” IamMaggieMoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Talk to your mother with your stepfather present and explain exactly why you will not be inviting them to your wedding.
Enumerate the slights and tell them that after all her pettiness, you have no intention of having her there. And then to tell you that you shouldn’t schedule YOUR wedding at the same time as her friend’s daughter? What was that about?
Your mother calls her weird, does your stepfather know about any of this?
He’s the one who should be talking to his brother to let him know why they won’t be welcome at your wedding. And don’t let anyone try to tell you that ‘family’ is more important because she and her husband have made it clear through the years that they don’t consider you family.
She’s now reaping what she sowed.” kol_al
15. AITJ For Immediately Coming To The Dinner Table When My Mother-In-Law Called Me?
“My parents-in-law and brother-in-law came to visit and stay for a month with my husband (27 M) and me (28 F) after I had my baby.
For context if it makes any difference, I’m German, husband and his family are Italian.
The baby was 3 months old at the time and I breastfed her.
Usually, I’d just nurse on the couch in the living room but because company was staying, I’d go to my bedroom. After I nursed her, she’d fall asleep and take a nap and I’d have some free time. Since my husband’s family was visiting, I tried to plan her naps around our mealtime to spend time with his family uninterrupted.
My mother-in-law has this thing that when food is on the table, you be there pronto. Sometimes I’d be late coming to a meal because babies can be unpredictable and she wouldn’t fall asleep right away or nursed longer than normal. To this, my mother-in-law would barge into my room and announce food was ready, all impatient.
This startled the baby and made the process last much longer than it should have. The result was that I had to eat much later than everyone else, alone, and the food was cold. It left me fuming. More work to do with the baby and I’m secluded.
This happened several times. I asked my husband to talk to her and explain I can’t always come on time. He talked to her but she still did all this anyway. So I simply decided to stop being late to the dinners.
The next time she barged into my room and announced food was ready, I came without hesitation.
I came to the table exactly as I was. No shirt, half a bra, baby hanging on my chest. (nothing was seen as the baby’s head covered up everything anyway but still)
Ensue uproar. Goes something like this: MIL exclaimed what I was doing at the table like this.
I was indecent, there were men at the table. I should be ashamed. I yelled back what does she keep calling me to the table for if I’m not yet ready? I had no reason to be in my room alone with my baby while everyone else was out having a great time together.
Brother and FIL were trying not to get in on the argument. My husband ushered me back to my room and scolded me, taking his mother’s side. He meant he got I’m frustrated but this action didn’t help anything. But… After that MIL didn’t bother me again while I was busy with the baby.
So what if I came to some meals a little after everyone had started eating? The roof didn’t cave in!
Anyway, everyone lived happily ever after. The end.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Barging into your room was a jerk behavior. They should actually cater dinner to ‘the baby’s schedule’.
That’s what we did. It’s a no-brainer. Nobody eats until the postpartum mom is ready to eat. You told them to stop, and they expected you to come instantly, so you came while feeding the baby. I don’t see a problem with breastfeeding in front of family.
If the family prefers a mother to use a cover, use a cover to make everyone equally comfortable. But this is a different case, of you playing into their game. Your husband shouldn’t have taken his mother’s side. She was in the wrong.” Schafer_Isaac
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are my hero. Your house, your baby, your chest. If your jerk MIL has a problem with any of these things she can stay at a hotel. Your husband is a jerk. What kind of man would be okay with his family eating a hot meal while his wife ate cold food because she was feeding his child?
Everyone should have and could have waited for you. Going forward they would need to stay at a hotel.” Banana_Puddin11
14. AITJ For Refusing To Come Home For Christmas?
“I (25 F) have been with my partner (Rita – 27 F) for 10 months. I’ve always known I was bi, but for a long time, I used to go out with people casually.
So in a sense, this is my first serious and healthy relationship, and the only time I fell head over heels in love with someone.
I live in a different state than all of my other family members and my job is very demanding so I don’t really get to see them much throughout the year.
I would like to introduce Rita to my family, and since my mom hosts us all for Christmas, I thought maybe that would be a good time. Also, while I did sometimes talk to my family about my previous partners, I never brought anyone home.
So for me, to feel like this is a huge deal.
I even asked Rita to keep her schedule clear for a few days at that time (which is extremely hard for her because she’s a medical resident and she rarely gets to be off for that long).
When I told my parents that I would like to do that, they said Christmas was for family members only, and that my brother (Charlie – 35 M) and his wife (Emily – 32 F) are finally expecting a baby after several failures over years, and that he told my parents multiple times that he would like the entire attention to be on them, not me, for once.
I argued that I literally had no other time available for me or Rita to travel and that I was serious about her and she may end up being family sooner than they think. My parents didn’t agree. So I called Charlie and asked her about this nonsense.
He went on a 15-minute rant saying he felt he was invisible when I came around and would like to share this huge moment in his life and I would be a huge jerk bringing a girl home for the first time ever and overshadowing him.
It escalated into an argument, and I hung up saying I was too tired to have this conversation now and we’d talk later. So I called my mother and said I wouldn’t be coming home for Christmas if Rita wasn’t coming because I didn’t want to leave her alone for the holidays.
My mother told me I was being petty because Rita couldn’t care less about this (she is Jewish).
I said I was giving my brother all the spotlight in the world. I got several messages from Charles after this saying it would create even more drama.
Am I being a petty jerk like they all say I am?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I have to ask if your brother’s feelings have any validity. Unfortunately, parents often have children that they favor more than the other intentionally and unintentionally and this makes things more complicated in the sibling relationships as adults.
I’m not saying this is the case or accusing anyone but I will say that your brother’s feelings of wanting to be seen more could be fine if that’s the case.
Regardless this is no doing of your own and it sounds like this is a new sudden rule they just through out there so you not wanting to go without your partner is also very valid.
You aren’t being petty, you want to spend time with your partner for the holidays and this will be your first holiday season together as a couple.” OopsMyBad21
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ. You’ve been with your partner for 10 months, which is fantastic, but it’s (in my opinion) not long enough to INSIST she comes to Christmas.
Especially since your family hasn’t even met her yet (not even over video call? Come on.) Do you expect her to just sit there doing nothing while everyone else opens presents? Inviting someone to a family event that you are not hosting needs to be done a certain way.
You need to ASK the host well in advance whether it would be okay to invite someone. Then, you need to be okay with their answer.
Also, it sounds like your brother has a chip on his shoulder as far as you’re concerned. Whether his complaints about feeling invisible have any validity, I don’t know, but clearly, he has always felt upstaged by you.
And he has important news to share, so I understand why he’d feel like you’d overshadow him if you brought a partner home for the first time. Obviously, you don’t have to go to Christmas if you don’t want to, but this is a stupid reason, and you’re being dramatic.” Queen_Sized_Beauty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Both you AND Rita would have a miserable time if just you went. Just go have fun with Rita. Plus, as a bonus, that way all of the attention will be on your brother’s family! However, Rita will never forget how your family treated her, and future get-togethers will be much more tense than they would’ve been.
And your mom calling you petty is definitely like the pot calling the kettle black. That said, your brother’s comment about wanting their attention does imply you were likely the golden child that your parents doted on – maybe as their little princess? He’s 10 years older, so he may have seen and felt like you took his parent’s time and attention away from him.
Especially if he had to babysit you sometimes. Not your fault or your problem, but it would explain your brother’s ridiculous demands.” AppropriateScience71
13. AITJ For Calling Out My Brother For Saying That Christianity Is A Cult?
“Me (20 F) and my brother (21 M) were watching a film with my friend (20 F) who is Christian.
He wanted us to watch this film because Keanu Reeves is in it and he says he’s the best actor.
Everything was fine until one part of the movie that had a Christian character. My brother said ‘Christianity is such a cult.’ and my friend looked uncomfortable but my brother didn’t care when I told him he was being rude and he just laughed and said my friend is stupid for being in a cult.
My friend seemed depressed after this and said she was going home because it was late and she had to work early. This annoyed my brother because he wanted us to watch the whole film (it was like 3 hours long). My friend said sorry but that she was tired and my brother said she has no taste in films or anything else because her head is ‘too filled with culty nonsense.’ My friend didn’t say anything, she just looked kinda tearful and left without saying goodbye to me either (I texted her after to make sure she was OK and she said she was OK just tired).
After my friend left my brother just laughed about it and said my friend was too sensitive. This annoyed me so I said, ‘You’re really rude, and by the way, I don’t think Keanu Reeves is a good actor because he only uses one facial expression.’ This made my brother so angry he stormed off and I could hear him smashing things in his room.
Since this happened he hasn’t talked to me, apart from sending messages with clips of different Keanu Reeves films and quotes about how religion is stupid. Also, his friend messaged me saying I’m an idiot and I owe my brother an apology. I haven’t replied to my brother or his friend because I don’t know what to say, but I also feel guilty and horrible because my brother is so upset
I don’t think Keanu Reeves is a good actor and I never will, but I don’t hate him. I don’t understand why my brother is so mad about this or why he can’t accept that I have different opinions. Also, I’m not religious but I thought what my brother said was rude to my friend.
My friend has always been nice and never pushed her beliefs on him, but he acts like he is better than her because he’s an atheist and says there’s proof there’s no higher being, but I don’t personally agree because I’ve had spiritual experiences before, but I respect his belief.
My mom said me and my friend were being rude about the film and that’s why my brother was rude. But we didn’t say anything rude, we were just bored during the film so weren’t as excited as he wanted. We didn’t talk through the film or anything.
My mom says my brother was just trying to do something nice by getting us to watch a film together and says I need to apologize or she will make me stay at my dad’s, my dad lives far so driving to work will be a nightmare (2-hour journey from dads to work).
AITJ for getting mad at my brother and having a different opinion?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but as a Christian, calling Christianity a cult was the least offensive thing he said. He called your friend stupid. He said she had a bad taste in movies when she decided she wanted to leave.
Your mom’s viewpoint is twisted. Someone doesn’t get to be rude to you because you don’t like a movie. However, firing back that you don’t like Keanu Reeves isn’t really an effective defense of yourself. Next time he starts to be rude, tell him you’re not going to deal with his rudeness and then walk away.
Don’t engage. Google the term grey rock.” Wooster182
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a casual catholic, I’ll gladly hear criticism about my religion because frequently I think it’s deserved and without criticism, there will be no improvement. That being said, just saying ‘your religion is a cult’ is not constructive criticism and she didn’t even ask for it.
It’s not like she did something to prompt this response. He was just being hateful to have it for no reason as she was literally just sitting there. Like I said, actual constructive criticism is good, and if she asked for it he could’ve told her some and they could’ve had a nice discussion but don’t just randomly spout something like this when nothing prompted it to her.
And besides that cult thing, he was extremely rude to her in general. The best is to keep your friend away from her. Also your mom sounds like that ‘my baby boy didn’t do anything wrong’ type.” blahblahlucas
However, there are plenty of nice individuals who believe in gods but have managed to pick out the worthwhile aspects of their chosen myth systems and skip the culty bits: your friend may well be one of these. Your brother sounds like a spoilt, bullying douchcanoe, though. Don't apologise, laugh at him - laugh at him having such a childish tanty over people not liking a film he liked...
12. AITJ For Assuming My Significant Other's Family Won't Prepare Vegetarian Options For Me?
“I grew up as a vegetarian. I have both vegetarian parents and basically, since a young age, I don’t expect much whenever I eat out.
Because of that I always bring my own snacks with me or I usually eat before going out. I’ve been to so many events like weddings and such where there’s nothing for me to eat. I also get worried about food preparation. I’ve accidentally eaten mac and cheese that was made in chicken broth, so you never know sometimes.
It’s okay to me cause I don’t expect people to accommodate me, I’m just used to bringing my own food or eating beforehand.
I started seeing someone a while ago. He’s super nice and sweet and it’s been getting serious when we are thinking about the future.
This is where maybe I am the jerk and I should’ve just sucked it up. Basically, I was meeting his family and it was going to be a dinner party. I told him that I was worried about food options since he always told me his family is heavy on meat but he told me it’ll be okay.
I did ask him if he had let them know I have dietary restrictions but he kinda gave me a vague answer so I wasn’t super confident. So I ended up eating a small meal before the party just in case and my significant other got so mad at me and we ended up fighting the whole way there.
He said that it was disrespectful and I shouldn’t assume that his family won’t have food options for me.
Anyway, we ended up at the dinner and there ended up being only salad and bread for me to eat anyway. They also had dessert for me to have but the mood was kinda off in general.
I’m still super upset about the whole ordeal. On one hand, maybe I should’ve just sucked it since I’m used to not expecting.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re behaving like a responsible adult by not putting YOUR restrictions onto others. You make sure you’re covered in case options there aren’t plentiful for you.
And what do you know?! Your SO didn’t make sure there was enough food for you, and had you not eaten a preparatory meal it would’ve been salad, bread, and a dessert for you! Your SO would have grounds to be upset and feel disrespected if he had MADE sure there would be a full meal available for you and had correctly communicated with you when you asked. He didn’t so he doesn’t have a leg to stand on.” Aggressive-Bed3269
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a trick lots of people employ because we don’t want to go hungry. It’s not disrespectful to feed yourself unbeknownst to a dinner party host before you arrive. It’s just self-protection. (Who hasn’t been to the dinner party of someone who is not a great cook?) It seems we all have at some point, and you know you better eat something before you leave your own home, so you can enjoy socializing without worry over the potato salad with raisins and cranberries as your only option.
Your SO is being goofy, in my opinion. If you have dietary restrictions it’s always best to be prepared and be polite.” AndSoItGoes24
Now there certainly are individuals whose dietary restrictions involve huge amounts of attention-seeking, but you sound sensible about your choices, and polite with it. Maybe rethink this relationship?
11. AITJ For Letting My Nephew Stay With Me?
“My nephew, Harvey, turned 18 in October. About a week after his birthday, I received a message from my 18-year-old son, who is currently away at college, about how over the summer he had suggested to Harvey that once he turns 18 he should ask me about moving into our house and his now vacated bedroom.
I live in a 5-bedroom house owned by my eldest son. As my kids have moved out and rooms have emptied, I’ve had various friends and family live with me. My 14-year-old son is the only one of my kids left still living at home full-time.
Two of my nieces live with me, with one of them being Harvey’s 21-year-old sister, Vanessa (and her 3-year-old son).
Vanessa moved in with me a few months after graduating high school after she became pregnant with her son.
Around 5 years ago, Harvey and Vanessa’s mom married their stepdad.
They have 3 step-siblings (17/19/22) who they do not get on with and they have an awful relationship with their stepfather.
Their mom is incredibly strict. She’s one of those parents who got into a lot of trouble as a t************g adult and now takes it out on her kids and always expects the worst from them.
This leads to her being super controlling and giving them very little freedom. Even at 17 she never let Harvey sleepover at my house and in one incident last year where he was still in my house after 10 pm during my son’s birthday party, she barged into my house and basically dragged him out.
My brother (their dad) is on the opposite end of the spectrum and is basically a deadbeat. He went to prison in 2009 and only got out in 2020. He’s been struggling since then to form a good relationship with his kids, although it has been improving with Vanessa.
I now somewhat regret saying yes after Harvey asked me if he could move in because it has created a lot of drama for the both of us. When he told his mom he was moving out she told him he couldn’t and they got into a massive argument, but he did end up leaving.
Since then, his mom has been spreading to other parents in town that I kidnapped her son and trying to spread misinformation about my parenting and ‘neglect’. She’s been telling people I allow my kids to drink and do illegal stuff, encourage them to sleep around, and barely feed them.
She’s trying to use it as an excuse about why both her kids now want to live with me.
It’s been hard for Harvey too and his mom has been causing a lot of drama at his school.
Several parents from the boy’s school, even the ones that don’t believe the rumors she’s trying to spread about me, think I’m in the wrong.
I got into a heated debate with one who essentially told me I was a jerk for getting in between a parent trying to raise their son. Am I in the wrong for letting him move in before he graduates high school? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Document document document. That mother is so controlling. You are a hero for getting Harvey out of there. You need to try and get a paper trail of all of the crap his mother is pulling. Harvey is an adult now, so there’s not much she can do, but at the same time, you don’t want to take any chances.
I’d recommend having Harvey go to your local police station and explain the situation. Have him tell them that he is voluntarily staying at your house and that if his mother tries to say that you kidnapped him, she’s lying. Have him go alone, and make sure it happens before his mother tries to file any sort of police report.
If she starts trying to show up at your house, get a restraining order. Good luck friend” Genderfluid_smolbean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t really understand this house of charity you have going on, but good on you for offering young people a safe space.
As the young adult is now 18 he can make certain decisions for himself, including where he lives. Assumes certain right-of-age laws. As long as he is able to maintain school and any other requirements then it’s his choice. I don’t think I would engage with the rumors and whatever other nonsense beyond sending a certified letter demanding the cessation of spreading falsehoods about you immediately and that you have already suffered due to them, setting the stage for legal action.
Again, assumes certain laws are in place depending on where you live. Honestly, you don’t have a relationship worth maintaining with this woman, so, light the fuse.” BrianZoh
10. AITJ For Not Giving Up Our Table For A Woman And Her Old Mother?
“I took my kids out to the mall the other day. My husband took the car to work so my brother dropped us off and my husband was going to pick us up.
We were there for a couple of hours and the kids had loads of fun. But they’re 5 and 3 and were exhausted by the time my husband had to pick us up. I was also extremely tired. I ordered them some fries and then we sat at one of the tables at the food court.
After a bit, I gave my oldest my phone to watch something while my younger one was napping in my arms. My husband was stuck in traffic so he was going to be late by an hour so yeah.
When we first sat down, the food court was pretty empty but it filled up fast. A young woman and her mother approached us and asked if we were done with the table.
I apologized and said no. The younger lady got annoyed and said we clearly weren’t eating anything and that I’d been sitting at the table doing nothing for 20 minutes now. I apologized and said she could ask someone else. She then started to guilt trip me about her mother being old and tired and how my kids and I are still young so we should be able to give up our table.
I said I’m sorry but there’s nothing you could say to make me move, please ask someone else.
She then got closer and started yelling about how disrespectful and rude I was towards her sick mother. It was very loud and other people started looking.
My oldest got scared and my younger one who was napping woke up upset. I immediately asked her to be quiet as she was scaring my kids. She rolled her eyes at me and said my kids are in public and aren’t entitled to quiet.
I just said you and your mother aren’t entitled to a table either.
She got mad and said it was entirely different but a security guard approached us. We explained what happened and he told her that she was causing a scene and she left after calling me rude and entitled. The security guard then told me that I should’ve just given up the table but it’s none of his business and walked away.
My husband said I did good but his coworker that was with him privately told me I couldn’t have been that tired and that I’m in public and should have some awareness. He said older people need to sit down more than little kids do and definitely more than I do.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yeah, you could have given up your table, but as a mom of 2 and 4-year-olds, I totally get wanting to stay seated after hours at the mall. Especially while holding the little one while they slept. Maybe if the other lady had had a better attitude, you’d have offered to share the table so her mother could also sit, but she came off super rude and entitled, so you owe her nothing.
Not to mention the fact that she was scaring your kids. I’d have gone all mama bear on her and would have behaved just as you did.” Commentthrowaway6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, by the coworker’s logic, the elderly shouldn’t have been in public knowing they were gonna get tired. No one regardless of circumstances is required to remove themselves from a seat they are occupying for your comfort.
The last wanted to be pushy and saw a mother alone with two children as the perfect opportunity. She made a fool of herself by picking on someone over a seat she wasn’t entitled to. It would have been very simple and mature to accept the no and move on.” blackwillow-99
9. AITJ For Considering Bringing My Mom With Me To My Friend's Wedding Location?
“I (28 F) am friends with Ruth (30 F).
We have been friends for 8 years. We met in med school and became closer during the global crisis after we stayed in the same city for post-med school training (residency) until I left to finish residency in another state/city closer to family a few years ago.
She’s having a destination wedding in the Dominican Republic (DR) at an all-inclusive resort.
I am chronically single and Ruth has been engaged for 2 years. I am attending as a guest, NOT a bridal party, and received my RSVP last month. I had mentioned the wedding to my mother at the time who expressed the desire to also come with me.
At that moment, I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable asking Ruth for a plus one (the RSVP was for me only) since it was Ruth’s wedding, but my mom said she only wanted to go to the resort and would do her own thing the day of the wedding (ie spa, entertainment), as we’d have time to do stuff on other days.
She said she’d pay for the trip, which was appreciated but I would have no problem paying for just myself or both of us. Because of my busy schedule as a general surgery resident and limited vacation time, it seemed like a reasonable compromise. My mom also said that she might change her mind about going and to let her know when I was planning to finalize tickets/lodging, which I was planning to do in the next few weeks (December 2023).
Last week Ruth reached out to see if I’d booked my room and if I’d be interested in staying with one of her single girl friends. I told her that I was planning to book everything in the next few weeks as I was waiting to confirm if my mom still wanted to go to the resort, but that she would not be attending the wedding festivities.
Ruth then said that I should have asked her if I could bring my mom to her wedding. I reiterated that my mom would not be attending any of the wedding festivities, just the resort. She said that I should have run it by her because she wouldn’t have wanted to feel obligated to invite my mom to the wedding festivities on the spot during the wedding.
To be honest, I can see where she’s coming from, and I told her that nothing was set in stone. I then agreed with her that I should have told her about it from the beginning. She was very upset about this, and I apologized profusely as I simply didn’t think about it from her perspective.
Ultimately, I said that I was happy to go by myself (hotel included).
A few days later she told me that she didn’t feel valued as a friend and un-invited me to her wedding, effectively ending our friendship. I’m saddened that it came to this, and I do agree that I should have simply asked ahead of time.
I think we’re both jerks, but her response was a bit severe. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ‘friend’ is the big jerk here. She had no right to insist on being informed of your mom going to the resort at the same time as her wedding!
Did your ‘friend’ email the resort to demand that they have to turn away any guests that weren’t invited to her wedding, as well? Your mom wasn’t going to the wedding festivities. She was simply going to enjoy the resort by herself and then spend some time with you.
I hope you don’t have to work with that demanding woman. And I hope she’s a better doctor than she is a friend.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That was a massive overreaction on Ruth’s part. Makes me think she planned on putting the other guests with you all along and was just waiting for her to RSVP.
Her anger was being caught out not informing you of her plan, so she projected her guilt on you by accusing you of doing the same. And made up everything else to pile on. I don’t know if anything is non-refundable. I hope not. But either way, you and your mom should have a great vacation.
Too bad Ruth isn’t a real friend. Make sure you get a refund on her gift.” FuzzyMom2005
But some people have this view that single people, particularly single women, are there to be put upon for the benefit of others: she was planning to shove the only other single woman in a shared room with you, for instance, whether you liked it or not...
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Come To My Daughter's Christmas Eve Party At Her New House?
“I (65 f) and my husband (67 m) have two daughters our eldest (36 f) is neurotypical and our younger one (33 f) has high needs nonverbal autism. She’s in a group home and requires 2:1 aides at all times, we bring her home every Christmas but she cannot handle ‘outsiders’ in our home so we cannot have the assistance of aides (just as she doesn’t like us in our group home because we don’t ‘belong’ there).
She is like a toddler in an adult body, is incredibly strong, and requires constant supervision.
I have a bad back (ruptured disc) so I do this every Christmas against the advice of my doctor, this level of care isn’t even something I’m supposed to be doing but I do it because she expects Christmas just as it’s always been and has no way of understanding not being able to come home so I push through it even though it causes me horrible pain for days.
My elder daughter just bought her first house and wanted to be able to host Christmas, I felt horrible but told her (even though she was prepared to include her sister) that I could not properly supervise her in her house and she could not handle the disruption to her routine, and expects Christmas just as its always been, but that we definitely plan on seeing her new house just after the holidays.
She proposed Christmas Eve instead but that’s not possible because I have to get the house ready for her sister plus the extra travel to her house (she’s over an hour away that travel hurts my back badly and I have to preserve what little energy I have for her sister for Christmas and thought she would understand).
She’s upset and thinks ‘If I can tough out my back for her sister I can do it for her too’.
I just can’t do both so close together I need to space it out.
I appreciate she’s had to make a lot of sacrifices her whole life but her sister literally cannot understand, she can.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“A gentle YTJ because I think you’re focusing on this because the bigger issue is too painful. The bigger issue is that your routine for your disabled daughter is on the edge of being impossible. It’s already emotionally and physically painful and requires a large amount of sacrifice from everyone, but it’s almost to the point where no matter how much you are willing to sacrifice you will not be able to do it.
Because you know that day is coming soon you are clinging to the fact that you can still, barely, do this for your daughter. It costs you everything – your health, your relationship with your other daughter – but you can do it.
Everyone around you sees the writing on the wall.
They want to start moving forward for the good of everyone, including your disabled daughter. You aren’t there yet.
I hope you know that changing your tradition doesn’t make you a bad mother. It wouldn’t be failing your youngest. I can’t imagine what you are going through.
I’m sure you’re wrestling with the idea that you won’t be around forever. I’m sure acknowledging that your Christmas tradition isn’t sustainable is too close to acknowledging that your daughter won’t always have you to care for her. However, the sooner you start setting up routines and traditions for your younger daughter that can be continued with or without you the more time you can help her with that transition.
Taking care of your health will also allow more time with everyone, including her. I hope you are talking to a therapist who specializes in these situations to help navigate all this. I hope you see that you are more than a caregiver and that it’s okay to not only love both daughters but to show them both that love.
I hope you find peace.” EmpressJainaSolo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Physically, your medical professional advises against it due to your health. Your younger daughter requires a 2:1 aide ratio, which is not insignificant. Your older daughter has just moved into a new house and is immediately shut down.
‘Sorry sweetie, just like every other day in your life, you come second so we’re going to have to push you aside’. You only have so many more instances of getting to do that before she stops calling. You said you do this because the youngest doesn’t understand but the oldest does.
Here’s the thing. The youngest also doesn’t understand that everything revolves around her, that you’re deliberately exacerbating your health issues to care for her, or that her sister is, as usual, getting whatever measly leftover scraps of affection she can. The youngest doesn’t get that but I promise it’s painfully obvious to your oldest. I get why you feel like what you’re doing is the best thing but keep going and you’ll only have one daughter who wants anything to do with you.” ceciliabee
7. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner's Parents See My Baby?
“I (22 f) and my partner of 4 years Jay (24 m) recently had a baby, he is now 5 weeks old very sweet!
When we announced the pregnancy everyone was happy for us, except my mother-in-law. When we told her she cried and she said she wasn’t ready to be grandma yet.
My pregnancy wasn’t the greatest, he was 3 weeks early. The day after delivery my dad and his partner visited the hospital. My dad held him for like 5 min after asking and when they were about to leave my mother-in-law came rushing through the door.
She ran toward my partner who was holding our son, she basically ripped him from his arms and took off. All 4 of us were in shock as we couldn’t believe what just happened. Since we didn’t want to make a scene we let her hold him until we decided it was time to leave because we were all exhausted. She left. Still in shock, I told my partner to please have a talk with her in a few days to tell her how inappropriate that was and to please ask when she wanted to hold the baby.
He did.
A few days later we were finally able to go home. My parents-in-law visited us shortly after. Our son was asleep. When he woke up and started crying my partner went to the bedroom. His mum rushed after him and tried to grab him again to which my partner said that he was going to change the diaper and she couldn’t have him right now.
A few minutes later she left our apartment crying. My partner tried texting and calling but she didn’t answer.
About two weeks later she texted him saying she missed my partner like nothing happened.
On Christmas, we were invited to her house for breakfast. We had a great time (or so I thought) until his mum disappeared. My partner said she left the house crying again.
I honestly had no clue why… the baby was asleep the whole time and when he had a tummy ache I was holding him for 5 min until he fell back asleep.
After an hour of her being gone, we decided to leave. We said goodbye to my father-in-law and my partner said ‘If she is ready to talk it out she knows my number’ to which he replied ‘She isn’t going to call’.
My partner asked him what he meant by that and he just answered we know what we did and we should think about our behavior. I intervened and asked him what the problem was and what we did wrong and he just screamed in my face how horrible we were treating them, that we were withholding their grandson from them, and that he specifically was not allowed near the baby, he also called me a horrible mother and person for standing in between my partner’s family and our little family, which I never did.
I told him that I was not going to let him scream at me like this so we left.
After this, my partner and I had a talk. I told him I was over this and I’m not having toxic people like them in my child’s life to which he completely agreed.
My parents however think that I’m being cruel.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she is throwing tantrum after tantrum, not on being told ‘No’, but on being told ‘ask first’ and ‘wait a minute’. That’s astoundingly entitled of her and it’s high time she learns that just because she wants something ‘NOW’ doesn’t mean she has a right to it.
I don’t know what your FIL means about him not being allowed near the baby or you getting between them and their son, but you should probably let your partner deal with his family. If they keep blaming you, that’s not for you to solve or worry about.
Perhaps put them on ‘time out’. They need consequences to nip their manipulation in the bud.” SneakyRaid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She isn’t acting out just because she can’t be grabby-granny, she’s also reacting to her ‘losing control’ She’s previously been able to press your partner’s buttons with ease because she installed them.
Now co-parenting with you is helping him to grow a shiny new spine, & preventing MiL from recreating her parenting style as a grandparent. She can’t and won’t discuss the situation because she can’t and won’t admit what she really wants. She wants to crush the ‘rebellion’ before it gets stronger.” chippy-alley
6. AITJ For Wanting My Aunt To Pay For My Dog's Surgery?
“I (20 f) am a college student with a service dog, Dixie. I have had Dixie since she was born and have spent the last two years raising her to be my service dog, spending thousands of dollars and countless hours.
Over the holidays, I brought Dixie with me to see family.
My aunt (51 f) loves dogs and Dixie is super sweet, so my aunt was glued to her.
On the third day of visiting, my aunt asked to take Dixie for a walk. I was fine with it, but I couldn’t go with them because I was helping in the kitchen.
So my aunt and Dixie go on their walk and I continue with my work. I was also grateful that someone else was willing to take her because Dixie is a high-energy dog (Australian shepherd) and only gets tired after about three miles.
Something to know about Dixie is that ever since she was a puppy, she has had a habit of holding things in her mouth when she is excited. Generally, this is one of her toys, but if she doesn’t have a toy around, she’ll grab whatever is closest. I know this is a habit of hers, so when we go outside, she always brings her raccoon when she is off duty.
She did on this walk as well. However, my aunt took it away from her as they were leaving and left it by the front door. I don’t see this aunt very often, but I did tell her that Dixie takes the raccoon everywhere.
On their walk, Dixie picked up a sizeable rock to hold in her mouth.
My aunt tried to take this away as well, and Dixie resisted. In trying to keep the rock, she accidentally swallowed it. My aunt came back right away, and I took Dixie to the nearest emergency vet, over three hours away. (It was past 8 pm at this point and all the vets in between were closed for the night.) Dixie ended up needing surgery to remove the rock and repair the damage to her throat, but she is expected to recover well.
As I was waiting, I called my family to tell them that Dixie was in surgery. My family all expressed their sympathy and my aunt apologized for letting this happen. Once I was done on the phone, I texted my aunt asking for her to pay the vet bill, which ended up coming to almost $2000.
She called me a jerk for asking her and not accepting her apology. While I do accept her apology, and I know accidents happen, this is a big expense that is more of a burden on me than her. My aunt is a multimillionaire who just spent ten times that on a lavish tropical vacation.
As a college student, this would wipe out my savings and I need the money to pay my tuition for the upcoming semester. She is now downstairs complaining about my entitlement to my entire family, and most of them agree with her. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – BUT with a hint of ‘everyone sucks here’. If someone asks to borrow your tools and breaks one, they should repair or replace it. Your service dog is a vital tool, and she was careless. HOWEVER, your dog sounds like she needs a bit more training in dropping things on command if you ever want her to be walked by someone else.
Your aunt was trying to do you a favor, and it doesn’t sound like you made expectations around her particular quirk clear enough before letting someone else take her out. So you aren’t the jerk for asking, especially since you’re a student on a limited income and this would be a smaller burden on your aunt than you, but you might share some jerk designation for: not being more specific in how your dog behaves on walks and ensuring someone looking after her was prepared, not accepting some of the cost and responsibility due to the above points, and how you approached the subject with your aunt afterward.
(We weren’t there, so have no way of knowing how this conversation went. Only you’ll know if you may have approached this poorly.)” vee_unit
Another User Comments:
“You raised her to be your service dog? That’s not usually how it works. She sounds poorly trained to be a service dog.
Most of them would be kicked out of service dog school for the behavior you mentioned. If you trained her since she was a puppy, then she was not really working for you as a service dog for quite some time. Exactly what service did you need and how did you do without her while she was in training?
How are you getting along now that she’s out of commission? Sorry, but I don’t believe she is really a service dog.
It’s people like you who make it hard for people like the blind to have service dogs. YTJ for having a poorly trained ‘service dog’.” Aggressive-Coconut0
5. AITJ For Trying To Stop And Recover My Child Support?
“I didn’t know my son was not actually mine until he was about 5 years old and had a medical issue.
The results of tests made me suspicious so I had a DNA test done which was when I found out he wasn’t mine. I divorced my ex but because we were married when he was born and the time I had to challenge the paternity had passed, I was on the hook for child support.
I was a broken man afterward and withdrew from all of my friends and family.
After a couple of years, I started meeting people again and eventually found out the ex was in a relationship with the affair partner and living with him. This broke me again so I went back to my isolation.
Another year passed and I slowly came back out. It took some time before I could talk about my past but when I was able to, my brothers lit a fire under me. I found out through friends that the ex moved in with the father of the boy almost immediately after our divorce was finalized and they have been together ever since.
My brothers pushed me to talk to their attorney friend which I eventually did. He’s a business attorney but listened to my history and then gave me his opinion. He then recommended me to his friend in a family law firm.
In short, I paid almost 4 years of child support and according to my attorney, I have a good chance of stopping the child support payments and recovering at least some or possibly almost all of it because there is social media evidence that the boy was living with his biological father during that time.
The attorney said that we can nail down the exact date they lived together during discovery then we’ll have a better picture of how much we can ask for. After talking with my family, I decided to file a lawsuit to stop and recover my child support payments.
I got immediate flack from my friends, ex, and her family. I don’t care what the ex and her family have to say but my friends who I’ve known since childhood (they know my ex through me) are saying that they support me in stopping the payments but I’m going too far in trying to get almost $50,000 back.
They said it was spent on the boy and I should view it as a donation to a good cause.
I know I’m angry and bitter but am I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he’s not your bio kid and therefore not your responsibility.
What your ex did to you was callous and indefensible. I’m actually shocked your friends can’t see that you deserve to get your funds back, cause you got completely taken advantage of.
Moving forward, you need to block out what they’re saying and surround yourself with a good support system as you go through the process of getting your funds back.
Your ex messed up and has to live with the consequences of her actions. In this case, it means paying back the funds that she has no right to.” AdmirableBit9142
Another User Comments:
“NTJ morally. The boy’s parents have the duty to support him if you have been estranged for that long, although you acted as the boy’s dad for five years.
But please, have your case nailed and supported by a professional lawyer, as taking back the funds already lawfully collected, from a child who is legally your child and whose paternity has never been lawfully revoked is very difficult. From the point of view of the law, that kid might as well be yours, so make yourself sure that your case is solid before doing something drastic.” [deleted]
4. AITJ For Going Off At My Uncle For Belittling Me?
“I am a female software engineering student. I switched to software this year and have little experience but am working really hard to keep up with others since they are all more experienced than me.
I am home for the weekend. my uncle is over for dinner at our house.
He is asking me about my school. I tell him about how I switched to software and how I am currently looking for an internship this summer but it has been hard since I’m new to programming and don’t have that much experience.
He has the audacity to go on and say stuff like ‘Why would you choose software engineering?
Most people in there have been coding since they were 10 and are way more experienced than you… there is NO WAY you’ll be successful even trying your best. I mean… only like 5% truly make it. It’s basically impossible for you. Why didn’t you choose something easier that you actually have a chance at succeeding in?
I don’t mean to discourage you, I’m just being realistic. You know me… I don’t like to sugarcoat and I’m telling you now you can’t do it’. After having a brief conversation with him about this where he just goes ON and ON about how I can’t do well.
I get frustrated and without saying anything else I leave the room and go to my room upstairs.
At this point I was FUMING, I could feel my b***d boiling but the only thing I could really do was sit there and cry. So there I was in my room bawling my eyes out because I didn’t know what else to do.
Then, I heard the conversation he was having with my parents downstairs and he said verbatim ‘She’s an entitled whiny jerk’… ‘Her brother is better than her’… ‘She won’t be successful like her brother’… etc etc. literally AWFUL things. Now, if you know anything about me, you know that my academics/career means EVERYTHING to me.
I’ve worked incredibly hard to get to where I am and have the grades that I do. Also, the topic of comparing success between my brother and me is a touchy subject for me.
So at this point, I was so angry in my room listening to him say this.
Worst of all my parents were listening and didn’t defend me at all. I got so angry listening to this, that I opened my door and yelled ‘SHUT UP’, then my uncle came upstairs and started yelling at me saying ‘You are entitled and spoiled and act like the world revolves around you.
You will never amount to anything and I’m saying this because it’s what you need to hear’. He and I were in a screaming match for a bit. In front of his wife and kids, I said ‘GET OUT, I don’t wanna hear whatever it is you have to say.
You’re a jerk. Who are you to tell me what I am capable of’ and instead of defending me, my parents said ‘You won’t talk to him like that. That is your uncle, that is incredibly disrespectful’. I was so angry I packed my stuff up and I got in an Uber and went back to my university town that night.
I’ve been crying the entire night. What do you guys think?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow, I can’t believe someone who knows you personally and watched the little kid grow up would you call you a jerk. That’s awful and messed up. I’m also so impressed you screamed at him.
Seriously. I could never have done that. I would have been mad and upset and so confused, but you communicated how you felt. I also think it’s great you cried – because you know how you feel and you express it honestly to yourself. Good on you.
Your parents let that guy go on like that? Sheesh. A bit spineless.
Good on you for standing up for yourself plus leaving. Only 1% of the population is rich – does that mean the rest of us 99% give up on life? I don’t really believe the 5% stat your uncle spit out, he probably made it up.
Who really cares anyway? You back yourself and that’s what will make you successful in the way you want to measure it. NTJ” indiajuliettkilo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your uncle’s disrespectful and hurtful comments about your chosen career path, along with your parents’ lack of support, created a toxic environment.
While yelling and using derogatory language in front of his children may not have been the ideal response, it’s understandable given the emotional distress caused. Your feelings of frustration and hurt are valid, and seeking distance from the situation was a reasonable decision. It’s important that your parents step up and fulfill their role as parents by supporting you and setting boundaries with your uncle.
Having a discussion with them about this can be helpful in resolving the issue.” Marigold1245
3. AITJ For Being Mad At My Partner For Only Paying For Half Of Our Takeout Pizza?
“My partner and I rarely go out to eat because he is very disciplined when it comes to counting macros and trying to eat clean which I respect because it keeps me in check. The last time we ate out was over a month ago and I told him it was my treat and paid a total of $70ish with tip.
He comes over to my house on our days off to spend the night and stays for three days. I always grocery shop before he comes over to make sure I have enough groceries for us and I always get what he likes or I’ll ask him if there is anything specific he wants me to get, etc. I’m sure as you all know groceries have gotten pretty expensive but I’ve never asked him to give me grocery funds EVER.
Well, last night after a long day of work, he suggested a rest day and we decided on pizza. I went to pick up the pizza myself after ordering it and never asked him to pay or to give me his card or anything, so when I came back home, he offered to pay for it and send me funds.
I genuinely said, ‘Don’t worry about it, it’s ok’ and he offered again so I said well okay if you are offering. He sent me the funds via Zelle and I went to take a quick shower and didn’t see he only sent me half of the amount I told him.
I came out of the shower and he could tell I was upset and when he asked what was wrong? I proceeded to tell him how I felt like if he offered to pay, he should have just paid the whole thing and not just his half because I was going to take care of it and paid the whole thing from the get-go until he kept offering to pay.
Also, I reminded him how the last time we ate out I paid the whole thing and he has been coming over and spending the night for over a year now, I’m always stocking groceries up for him before he comes over, and never once had him pay me for them or expected him to.
He completely shut down and said, ‘Screw you’ and went to sleep and ruined the rest of the night we had together.
For context, we both make good funds at work with me making a little more than him but I have more expenses overall.
We still haven’t made amends, but I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong here. So am I the jerk for getting upset with him for not paying the full amount for the pizza order?”
Another User Comments:
“Is this really about the half of the pizza or the fact that you’ve been feeding him for over a year without him offering to chip in, or that his personal choices seem to dictate both of your diets, or that he suggested the pizza, but didn’t go get it or offer to pay for it until you got back?
Or that he’s the kind of person to shut down, say ‘Screw you,’ and then go straight to bed (in your house!) to the airing of your concerns?
Look, NTJ for communicating your concerns. You’re in a relationship and should be able to address what’s bothering you and what concerns me is that his reaction to this situation will probably make you think twice before addressing his seriously selfish behavior next time.
From my personally-limited perspective based on what you’ve written, you’re in a one-sided relationship where he dictates what you’re both going to do, but you do all the work. You deserve far better.” SunshineShoulders87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds from everything you provided that he’s been unreasonable and it needed to be said out loud.
If he was crazy poor, that would suck but at least add up. If he spaced, and apologized/came up with a plan, etc it would suck that he was previously thoughtless but course-corrected and heading the right way. To be able to afford it, but just mooch all over, then be a jerk when it’s brought up is too much bad at every turn.
You did nothing wrong, at all. He has some serious reflection, owning and apologizing, and making it up to you to do. If you let him walk all over you here, and won’t fix all of this, it will only get worse and expand to more thoughtlessness, taking full advantage, and verbal mistreatment.
Good luck” OctoWings13
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Call A Woman My "Utah Mom"?
“I grew up in a different state entirely, and my neighbor’s sister (we’ll call her Robin) would occasionally visit from Utah. Robin pretty much took me under her wing and loved and doted on me. She occasionally gave me small gifts.
My parents thought it was suspicious, and it may have been, but she never had a son (had seven daughters) and I was a young kid desperate for this kind of attention (to put it briefly my parents were monsters who cared only how much money I was worth to them and did the bare minimum so no one would call CPS).
Decades later, I ended up moving to Utah (as I was in a long-distance relationship with my now wife and she lived in Utah). Together, my wife and I have met up with Robin twice over the last 7 years. After marrying my wife, I came out as non-binary and Robin straight up said that she can’t have me and my wife over as her husband is very non-supporting and it would go badly, but she supports me (despite never managing to get my name or pronouns right).
Still to this day, Robin calls herself my ‘Utah mom.’ The problem is, I’m married, have a mother-in-law (Julie) that I love dearly, and see often. Julie is more like a mother to me than anyone ever has been. I cannot express how grateful I am to her, how much I love her, and how wonderful she is in my life.
To put it in perspective: When I came out as non-binary, she demanded I bring down the custom Easter Basket and Christmas stocking she had given me when we got married. Terrified, that I had lost Julie I did what she wanted anyway, and wouldn’t you know it, she presented me with new ones that she had made that had my new name on them.
I make Mother’s Day posts about her that are long-winded in comparison to my own mother. Unfortunately, Robin still keeps calling herself my ‘Utah mom’ and Julie is hurt by this. I have explained over and over again to Robin that it’s inappropriate, and that it’s hurting Julie and her response is it’s not actually harmful and Julie can get over it.
Today being Thanksgiving Robin posted on social media, saying how even though I can’t make it to Thanksgiving dinner (something I wasn’t even invited to) she’ll always be my ‘Utah mom.’ Julie saw it before I did, and asked if she had done something recently to upset me.
I told her no.
I commented on Robin’s post and said verbatim: ‘As I have said in the past, I need you to stop calling yourself my ‘Utah mom.’ I have a mother in Utah and that is my Mother-In-Law. You haven’t even had me over for any occasion or even met up with me in 5 years.
Enough is enough. If you do not stop, I will have to just end our friendship.’
Since then I’ve been getting non-stop texts and messages from Robin’s daughters saying that I was rude. Some even called me a jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – The woman calling herself your ‘Utah Mom’ is delusional but she is not in your life apart from a few posts on social media.
She’s not going to stop and you can’t control that. But I don’t understand why Julie is getting so upset about the posting. She’s won the competition if there even is one – she gets the glowing posts from you on social media and she gets your love and respect in the real world.
And she isn’t your ‘Utah Mom’ either – she is your mother-in-law and a very important part of your life.
I think you need to stop letting crazy live in your heads rent-free. This woman won’t stop because she doesn’t really care about you. She wants to look good for helping a neglected child and be connected. Her words shouldn’t be taken seriously – more with compassion as everyone with real knowledge knows the truth.
Utah is a big state – do the social circles of these two women collide at all? If they do, you might want to put up a once-off post about the situation explaining how you know Robin and how you’ve drifted apart.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“I think Julie being upset over someone else saying ‘Utah mom’ is actually the bigger problem. The way you word this you’re more worried about her being upset than being directly upset about it. You can have multiple moms or mother figures.
I had a ‘work mom’ for awhile-was a fun joke but also acknowledged she looked out for me just starting out.
My mom isn’t so insecure as to be mad at that. And in this case, you’re not even actively involved, it’s past.
If Julie cannot trust you when you say Robin is doing that unprompted and really isn’t reflective of your relationship anymore, that’s a trust issue between you and Julie imo.
Robin being stuck in the past is unfortunate but truly Julie should trust you. Also, seriously, it’s okay to have multiple ‘moms’ even if it was an active relationship” [deleted]
1. AITJ For Finishing My Wife's Sandwich?
“A while back I went to a small family gathering with my wife. It was my family mind you and only 3 or 4 members.
We all went to grab food at a small boutique sandwich shop that was known for making some really good simple food but not quite your average sandwich. My wife and I each ordered a sandwich with similar-sounding names and slightly different ingredients.
We return home, and I start passing out the sandwiches while my wife is using the bathroom.
They all have similar wrappings and such and look VERY similar to each other, so as you can guess, I accidentally take my wife’s sandwich and start eating it thinking it was the one I ordered.
I’m telling everyone how good it is when she returns to find that I just finished hers, and the one I ordered is the only one left.
Naturally, she blows up at me and makes a big scene about me eating her sandwich. At first, I felt terrible (and still do, mind you) I apologized sincerely, and even offered to go get her another one.
But then for the rest of the ENTIRE day, not only my wife, but my entire family is raging and jumping down my throat about what an awful person I am, really to the extreme, like I ruined the entire vacation for everyone.
Eventually, I had enough, and I blew up. I went off on them all about how I had made a simple human mistake and tried to apologize for it, and now they are acting like overgrown CHILDREN throwing a tantrum and crying because they didn’t get the EXACT sandwich they wanted!
It showed just how spoiled and entitled they had all become because it was such a disaster they didn’t get exactly what they wanted, how and when they wanted it, and I told them all to get lost and grow up and stop crying over a stupid sandwich.
Long story little less long, they all still are mad at me and treat me like a bad guy.
So, like I said I can see both sides, I get it’s frustrating.
But AITJ for being careless and not paying attention? Or are they the bigger jerks for overreacting and throwing a huge fit over something (I think) that is so small?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for eating an entire sandwich while your wife was in the bathroom. You know what each other ordered, why didn’t you actually LOOK at the sandwiches to make sure it was what you ordered? If you weren’t sure, why didn’t you wait for your wife to make sure?
This all could’ve been avoided by taking an extra five seconds to look – which by the explosion on everyone’s part sounds like this isn’t the first time you’ve ruined something for someone because you couldn’t be bothered to pay attention.” Jmfroggie
Another User Comments:
“You might be the jerk. In addressing this situation, it’s essential to step back and examine the underlying dynamics beyond the incident of the sandwich. While the mistake of eating your wife’s sandwich may seem minor, it’s critical to acknowledge the broader context and the emotional responses it triggered. Your action, though accidental, symbolizes a lack of attention to detail, which can be perceived as neglect or disrespect, especially in a family setting where expectations and sensitivities are heightened. It’s not merely about the sandwich; it’s about the perception of care and consideration.
When such incidents occur, they often act as catalysts, unearthing deeper, unspoken frustrations or grievances. Your reaction to the prolonged upset of your family members, though understandable, might have escalated the situation. It’s crucial in such scenarios to maintain composure and seek to understand the underlying issues rather than just the surface-level conflict.
The fact that your family continued to express their disappointment suggests there could be more to their feelings than just the incident at hand. In this context, it might be beneficial to engage in a calm, reflective conversation with your wife and family members.
Acknowledge the mistake, but also express your feelings about the disproportionate reaction.
It’s important to navigate such discussions with empathy and an openness to understand their perspectives. This incident presents an opportunity for deeper understanding and improvement in family dynamics, moving beyond the simplicity of the sandwich incident to the complexities of relationships and communication.” AllAIlOl
