People Question Their Actions in Bewildering 'Am I The Jerk?' Situations
25. AITJ For Asking My Boyfriend To Stop Telling People He Introduced Me To Star Wars?
“My partner and I have been together for about 9 months. He is very into movies, I am more of a book girly, but I appreciate good movies too. At the beginning of our relationship, I had never seen Star Wars, and since he has been into it since he was a kid he insisted on showing it to me since he knew I like sci-fi books.
I agreed, and I fell in love with it.
Later on, we started going to all kinds of exhibitions, conventions, and events (sometimes even cosplaying) and of course, we met a lot of other Star Wars fans. He of course MUST tell everyone that he was the one who introduced me to it (which was fine with me because it’s true).
After a while, though, I started to notice that people acted differently toward me after he said that. Especially the guys, sometimes they would stop talking to me and start exchanging opinions about the movies only with him, or they would start making jokes like “She’s wifey material, she watched it for you even though she didn’t like it,” or they would start bragging about how they grew up with that saga and so on.
I didn’t mind it at first, but by the fifth time it happened, I talked to my partner about it, hoping to find some comfort. I also asked him if he could please stop telling everyone because I have noticed that people address me differently.
His response was “You’re crazy, nobody does that.” I replied, “Obviously you don’t know what it means to be a woman and never be taken seriously.” Now he’s upset and says my paranoia and crankiness spoil the fun. I would like to know if I am a jerk and if other girlies had the same experiences as me growing up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but just know that even if he didn’t tell them he introduced you to Star Wars, some men weirdly have a gatekeeping system on it against women. I’ve been a fan of Star Wars since I was 4 which was how old I was when I saw it.
I always wanted to be Han Solo, but it seems like every time I meet a group of male fans there is always a guy or a few that take it as an extreme affront that a girl dares like something they do and they will start quizzing me on SW trivia to try and “catch” me in some lack of knowledge that makes it so I’m not a “real” fan because I didn’t know the name of the weird obscure creature located on some planet that was never actually in the movies but was discussed in the books.
Honestly, it’s sometimes exhausting being around fans of something you love when you’re a woman because your gender automatically makes you a liar or you just like it because your partner likes it.” CatahoulaBubble
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Fun? What fun? How is your partner using your shared interest as a flex around insufferable fans “fun”? Oh, wait, he means *his* fun. Yes, this behavior is similar to a backhanded compliment.
He’s managing to put you “in your place”, stroke his ego, and do it while not saying anything “bad”. He bolsters his self-esteem while undermining yours. The responses are just a confirmation that you’re correct: this is not him being proud of your relationship, this is not him showing that he’s happy with you being part of the fandom.
He isn’t going to see an issue because he’s not having an issue. If he genuinely was just mirroring bad behavior or making a mistake, he would have listened, apologized, and made the change without all this baloney.” lean-cat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You sound like a nice person (bookworm and Star Wars fan!).
Your partner not so much. Not only doesn’t he take you seriously, he doesn’t mind people making sexist jokes in your presence (the “wifey” thing). You are right that he doesn’t know and probably doesn’t care what it means to be a woman in general and in nerdy spaces.
I’m over forty and into lots of nerdy stuff (Star Wars among them) and I had to deal with my share of male gatekeeping. The difference is that my nerdy husband doesn’t participate and calls it out. That’s by no means a high bar and your partner managed to crawl under it.
Unless your partner gets enlightened I would seriously reconsider the relationship. You deserve someone who wants to be with you because of who you are, not just to have a trophy to brag about at cons.” spinni81
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit My Sister's Kids During My Holidays?
“My sister has three kids, and she turns 30 this year. She also has a husband who has a pretty high-paying job.
I work full time as a teacher (in a very poor behavior high school) therefore my holidays always fall when my sister’s kids are also on holiday, now don’t get me wrong I love those kids and they are quite often around my house or I am taking them somewhere fun.
However… she recently decided she wanted to go back to work as the youngest starts kindy this year…. and instead of not working during the holidays (she definitely could afford this) she takes shifts and constantly asks if I can babysit for the whole day as she knows I am off work.
I am 27 and I don’t want kids, and I am loving this time of my life where I earn my own money, and do what I want and when I want. It is also MY holiday so I just want to chill and not deal with children.
I just feel like I have to constantly lie about having plans and then I feel so guilty that I am a bad aunty for not wanting them round all the time. I just feel like it is going to come between us soon as she expects that I should babysit as I am the aunty but I never signed up for this and she was the one who decided to have the kids.
I like seeing the kids on my terms and would drop everything in an emergency for them. She often makes snarky remarks about how someone else’s grandma or aunty has their kids every week or how she does it all on her own…. (she has a husband).
She also only asked me one day before so I am not prepared mentally to say yes. I am the only one on both sides of the family without kids so I feel I am an easy target for babysitting. They are just full on and I like my peace at my house…..”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but, stop feeling guilty. Not your monkeys, not your circus. You need to sit down and figure out what you’re willing to do and not do and then have a conversation with her. Tell her you love her kids, but you didn’t sign up to be a regular babysitter and she needs to find one who isn’t you.
Figure out how often you want to take the kids and that you’re happy to take them suddenly but you need her to be okay with you if you can’t. That you’re afraid to hurt her feelings and you want to have that close relationship with her and the kids, but you need to feel independent and able to live your own life.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ why should be responsible for your sister’s choice? She wanted kids, now she can take care of them. You did not want a kid so no. She can ask someone who already has kids it will be more logical. It’s not because you don’t have kids that you don’t have a life.
You don’t owe her anything and she is not a single mother she can pay a nanny or ask her husband.” Catwomaninred
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve got three choices here. Roll over and sacrifice your limited off time to watch your sister’s kids for free.
Charge her to watch the kids. Say $1000 + $200 activity fee per kid per day with a minimum prepay in 5 days. Lastly, say “No. I’m not available to watch your kids for you at those times.” And then say no more. Your only response is “No.” You deserve to have your own life and that doesn’t have to include dealing with any of your siblings’ children unless you want to.” stringrandom
23. AITJ For Telling My Wife That My Shy Mom Doesn't Have To Verbally Express Love To Her?
“My mom is a very shy person in nature. And after the death of my dad, she has become even more shy. My 4 brothers and 2 sisters and I understand this. She is not only shy with outsiders but also with her own family and friends.
But she is very kind. She rarely speaks but she constantly sends over care packages such as homemade soap and cookie kits etc and things she thinks that we will like like books or figurines etc.
Now because she is so shy she doesn’t like to hang out with our spouses by herself because she feels awkward without us.
All my other sibling’s spouses get it and they don’t mind. Because again she does make sure to buy things she knows they will like and show love in different ways. But since she is shy, she is not openly affectionate even with us.
Now my wife has always been a bubbly person and she craves words of affirmation. But she is convinced that my mom hates her because my mom hasn’t said I love you to her. I don’t want to push my mom into speaking when she doesn’t want to.
I have told my wife multiple times that my mom does like her. The reason I say this is because my mom did have some reservations. After all, I’m 23 and my wife is 35 but she overcame that.
My wife wants to hear my mom say that she loves her.
But I’m not going to force my mom to because I don’t want to dictate anything to my mom cuz she doesn’t treat my wife differently from any other spouse. She always sends care packages every month with things she knows my wife likes.
So in my mind, this is enough on my mom’s part. But my wife doesn’t agree and no matter how many times I explain it she doesn’t get it.
Yesterday I told her that my mom doesn’t have to love her. That she treats her with kindness and respect and that should be enough for my wife.
My wife thinks I’m a jerk and isn’t talking to me at all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife sounds exhausting. I’m happy you took your mom’s side in this because forcing a shy person to come out of their comfort zone is a big no-no for me.
Your mom looks like a sweet, caring person, and that’s all that counts.” 000-Hotaru_Tomoe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom’s love language sounds like it resonates with showing you *how* she feels not telling you which is much more sincere. Given the age gap in your relationship, it’s incredibly insecure of your spouse to insist that unless she hears the words *’I love you’* she’ll never be sure where she stands with her MIL and why she needs to desperately hear that is for her to sort out.
However, you may want to remind her that all the other DILs have accepted her way of showing her love for everyone and unless she starts to embrace the ebb and flow of her way of being, she’s doing nothing more than creating a wedge between all of you and making herself look immature while being the elder partner in your relationship.” roxywalker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your whole situation is a mess. Your wife’s need for unreasonable affirmation from your mom coupled with the age gap is trouble. You simply do not have enough life experience to be an equal partner in this relationship. She’s going to blindside you with things you never saw coming.
I guarantee you’ll be back here in 2 years asking us if you should go no contact with a family member because your wife is upset. If I were you I’d run.” NicolasPapagiorgio
22. AITJ For Banning My Nephew From Family Events Until His Behavior Improves?
“I treat my family to dinners out and other events fairly often. My sister Charlotte recently moved closer to me and our parents. Before then I only saw her and my nephew Leo for holidays. I invited Charlotte to a family dinner out and it was an absolute disaster because of Leo.
Charlotte called me while she was driving to the restaurant. I could hear Leo yelling in the background. Charlotte asked Leo to wait a few minutes until she was done calling me and then she would give Leo her phone. She wasn’t doing anything to discipline Leo.
My nephew’s behavior was no better inside the restaurant. Leo is 8 and yet he was acting like some kind of 2-year-old. He was jumping up and down the booths, yelling to get Charlotte’s attention. He threw bread at another patron’s service dog.
My dad took away the bread after Leo ignored the first warning and Leo threw a tantrum.
People were staring at us and I would have been too. Leo’s behavior was completely unacceptable! While all of this was happening, Charlotte just said things like “Oh, Leo, you can play on my phone” and wasn’t doing anything to discipline my nephew.
While we were outside leaving and Leo was with his grandparents out of earshot, I told Charlotte that this could never happen again. I told Charlotte that she needs to get Leo under control and until she does, he is not welcome at any events in public that I host for the family.
Charlotte said I was a horrible person for excluding a child and to think about how I would have felt as an 8-year-old to know I wasn’t welcome at family gatherings. If Charlotte doesn’t want to hurt Leo’s feelings then she can not mention the family events I host or do something to discipline Leo.
Our parents understandably asked to not get involved in our disagreement. Friends are divided because some are saying Leo shouldn’t even be in restaurants until Charlotte gets him under control and others claim what I described Leo doing was normal kid behavior. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were right to ban him. Even when I was 7 and had undiagnosed (and therefore unmedicated) ADHD, I was better behaved in restaurants. Your friends who said, “Leo shouldn’t even be in restaurants until Charlotte gets him under control,” are completely right.” AnakinSkywalkerisfav
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your sister is being a jerk to her son though. He needs appropriate guidance on how to behave. He may be neurodivergent and or be struggling because he missed out on socialization milestones. As a mental health professional, I and colleagues are seeing that the full effects of that on young people is only just beginning to manifest, let alone be fully understood.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Leo might be neurodivergent and honestly, she does him no help and a lot of harm by not getting him services and socialization plans. If that’s the case, it’s not Leo’s fault he’s like that, but it’s her fault for depriving him of the help he needs.
And, to be honest, if he is neurodivergent she’s doing bad things by taking him places where he will get so overstimulated and overwhelmed. You’d be helping his nervous system by at least not dragging him to places that are going to overload his senses.
If that’s not the case and he’s just a brat who’s never been disciplined, then she’s also doing him no favors and you don’t have to put up with her bad parenting. That’s also not Leo’s fault.” dragonfeet1
21. AITJ For Being Upset My Wife Forgot My Birthday?
“Today is my (34M) birthday. It’s not the best birthday because most places are closed, nobody wants to hang out since we are all crabby after the holidays and going back to work, and I’ve just never celebrated my birthday properly.
I grew up in an abusive environment and it was the worst during the holidays so I honestly don’t know what a “normal” birthday is like. I’ve never really celebrated it until I got married, didn’t even do that when we were seeing each other.
I didn’t even tell her until she finally asked me when my birthday was.
So my wife (34F) and I usually keep it quiet and small, just the two of us. She gets me a nice card and a gift. And we prepare a meal together (and maybe order a cake).
This year was different though. She had forgotten to get me a birthday card until the 31st, she had to go get it last minute. She didn’t get me anything because she asked me and I said I didn’t know what I wanted this year.
So she thought I didn’t want anything. She also told me I was away too long these last 2 months (I was away for work) so she didn’t have a chance to figure it out. Though, she got her parents and friends a nice gift, even though they live far away as well.
I asked if we could just get a cake. She said she planned it, but the place wasn’t open today so she didn’t get anything. This was confusing because if she had planned it, she would’ve known the place wasn’t open today, I said fine, I’ll go get something on my own.
She offered to drive me there so she did, but decided to snap at me in the parking lot because the parking lot was a bit insane (with traffic and tight parking spots).
So I told her that she should apologize. Then she proceeds to tell me I’m 34 and birthdays aren’t special. I got quite mad at this so I didn’t say a word, came home and we argued a bunch.
AITJ for getting upset over my wife forgetting everything for my birthday?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Happy birthday, OP! We all have one day a year when we deserve to feel special. The least your wife could do is bake you a cake, or even pick one up from a grocery store if the bakery is closed. Do you get your wife a card or gift on her birthday?
Some people don’t celebrate birthdays, but if you do and she doesn’t reciprocate, that seems like a miss on her part. Happy birthday from a fellow.” zzz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First off Happy Birthday. The very least I expect from my wife on my birthday is a card.
You are married to her, she should know what sort of thing you like so even a small gift should not be an issue. I don’t expect cakes and parties, but I do expect to at least be remembered by my wife. After all, I never forget her birthday.
This smacks of poor planning, it has nothing to do with having to be away for work. People with birthdays around Xmas & New Year, always seem to get forgotten.” Successful_Bath1200
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she became the jerk the second she snapped at you that you’re a grown adult so your birthday isn’t special. To a guy who was never shown love on his birthday growing up.
As a response to you requesting an apology for being rude to you…*on* your birthday. She messed up here, hard. It makes sense that you’re upset with her. Happy birthday, and I’m sorry it wasn’t as you hoped.” shiny-baby-cheetah
20. AITJ For Uninviting My Sister From My Wedding Due To Her Habit Of Stealing The Spotlight?
“My sister, 26, has been on and off out of the hospital. I am going to call my sister Anna.
Anna got cancer when she was 15 and was able to beat it. Ever since she has been having growths and anytime one appears we are worried about the cancer coming back.
My issue is that she always makes these announcements that she needs to go to the doctor again at the worst times.
In the beginning, I thought it was just bad timing but it has happened so many times when I hit a milestone. My graduations, my birthdays, my engagement party. Anytime she makes an announcement she needs to go back to the hospital my whole family will flock to her.
I have had my birthday dinner turn into my relatives flocking to her for the whole night.
I had a dinner party to announce my wedding date for my relatives. It was going so great and it was a fun time until Anna told Mom she needed to go back to the hospital. Soon everyone forgot about the reason for the dinner party and it was quiet.
My aunt even stepped in to pray for Anna. Another event was taken over. I went into low contact with her after that.
She was invited to the wedding and it is in two weeks. I learned today she is in an on-and-off wheelchair from my mom/Anna.
She will need to take it just in case for the wedding. I asked if the rest of the family was informed and she told me no. I told both of them they needed to inform them. They told me they don’t want to worry them and won’t do that.
I had enough and told them you need to tell me before my wedding. Again a no. I then informed them Anna was not invited.
This started a huge argument about how I’m a jerk and my point is that I am sick of her stealing the spotlight.
That’s what will happen if she rolls in with a wheelchair.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. But on that stuff. Send out a mass blast to the whole wedding list that your sister isn’t doing well again, that you’re concerned she might not be able to make the wedding, and even if she can she’ll likely be in a wheelchair.
But you know she loves you and she wouldn’t want her illness to disrupt your special day. And for bonus points, hold a moment of silent prayer for her health during your reception speeches. Lean into that stuff.” L0rdB0unty
Another User Comments:
“I’ve grown up with a sister just like this!!
She is in her 60s and still awaits “return test results” or “calls from doctors” every holiday. Every holiday, birthday, and graduation has been focused on her illnesses. I predict your sister will roll up in that wheelchair! My mother was aware, but “poor sister had to live with an illness” and I should just ignore it.
I would do as others suggest…send a forewarning. Unfortunately, if it were my sister, she would pull a medical emergency if her tactic to get attention did not work. Wishing you the best.” Ok-Locksmith891
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I cannot fathom anyone giving you a YTJ – they’re focusing on one part of the story and even then it’s not important.
Your wedding day is supposed to be about you. If the reasoning was anything else outside of your sister demanding attention, you’d be in the wrong. If any of your family has an issue with her not going they should be uninvited as well.
Be surrounded by those who both love and support you on your special day.” Iamfruitloop
19. AITJ For Expecting My Work-From-Home Husband To Help More During His Work Hours?
“As a stay-at-home mom (33F) to our 6-month-old baby and energetic 5-year-old, my days are a non-stop whirlwind of diapers, playdates, and household chores. Meanwhile, my husband (33M), a software engineer, has been working from home for the past three years.
But here’s the thing: his work habits are a bit… unusual, and I’m starting to feel overwhelmed.
During the day, I often see him pacing around the house, deeply engrossed in his thoughts, sometimes even muttering to himself. When he’s not pacing, he’s in his office, shooting hoops with this mini basketball net.
But it’s not the relaxed, fun break you’d imagine. He looks tense, almost as if he’s forcing himself to take these breaks, not enjoying them.
Yesterday, after a particularly tough day (the baby was extra clingy and the 5-year-old had a meltdown over a lost toy), I reached my limit.
I asked my husband if he could pitch in more during his workday. “Maybe hold the baby while I make lunch, or play with our eldest so I can catch a break,” I suggested, pointing out that his breaks could be opportunities to lend a hand.
His response threw me off. He explained that his job isn’t like a typical 9-5 gig. Those moments of pacing and playing basketball are him working through software problems in his head. He insisted that even though he’s physically present, he’s still on the clock, mentally working out bugs or feature designs.
I get that his job is demanding and mentally taxing, but I can’t shake off the feeling of frustration. Here I am, juggling two kids and a home, while he’s right there, seemingly available yet mentally elsewhere.
We ended up having a bit of an argument where I expressed how exhausting my days are, and he reiterated his need for mental focus during work hours.
He does help out in the evenings and weekends, but weekdays are pretty much all on me. So, AITJ expects him to contribute more during his work hours, despite understanding the mental demands of his job? I’m trying to be empathetic, but with a baby that needs constant care and a 5-year-old who’s a bundle of energy, I feel like I’m barely keeping my head above water.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He may be home but he is WORKING. You said yourself that when he’s shooting hoops or pacing he looks stressed out. “Here I am, juggling two kids and a home, while he’s right there seemingly available yet mentally elsewhere.” Girl, he’s working!
Plus this is what SAHM’s do. They take care of the kids and the house. He helps in the evenings and weekends when he is not working. If this was a man writing about his WFH wife not doing chores during work hours Reddit would rip him a new jerk.
So again YTJ.” Banana_Puddin11
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I worked as a software engineer and he’s completely right. Software engineering is very cerebral, and very much about thinking through problems, and so he’s doing things that may be engaging the sensorimotor parts of his brain, but they are relatively low-thought tasks that don’t require the same kind of conscious attention that taking care of a child would require.
And if he does need a break, he needs a mental break to rest the parts of his brain that have been thinking very hard, and again, taking care of a child as you are well aware is not a mental break.” blanketstatement5
Another User Comments:
“Software Dev here. YTJ on this one. I had almost the same argument when I first started working from home. I also pace around a lot, get on my phone, etc., and many times I would hear snarky things like “Do you have any work?” or constantly ask for things because I’m “free.” I feel ya on the house chores and children but this job requires a lot of thinking.
Not always, but many times. Sometimes I’m working through an implementation or bug that requires 1-2 hours of just thinking of solutions, brainstorming, etc. before I even begin typing code, let alone *working* code. Sure, there are times when things are slow that I can help on my downtime, but I need to make it clear at all times that this isn’t the norm and me being home/being on my phone doesn’t mean I have nothing to do.” TheLatinGerman
18. AITJ For Kicking My Partner Out After She Disrespected My Sister?
“Yesterday my partner came over to my house and was supposed to sleep over.
A little after she got here she told me she was cold and asked for a hoodie.
Now, all of my clothes are in my sister’s room since almost all of our clothes look the same (most of my sister’s clothes are oversized and from the male section since that’s her style) and our mom kept getting confused about what clothes are who’s.
So we just got a big closet for my sister’s room (hers is bigger which is why it’s in her room) and took my closet out of my room so I could have more space.
I went to my sister’s room and saw that the door was closed (we’re not allowed to close the door unless we’re changing or needing quiet to study) so I knocked but before she could answer me my partner just barged in.
Luckily my sister was just studying but both of us were in shock.
My partner didn’t even notice my sister and my discomfort and just opened the closet and started looking for a hoodie that she would like.
My sister sarcastically told her “Sure, you can go through my closet after barging in”
My partner snapped at her with a curse or two and an “it’s not just your closet”
I have no idea where all of this came from, my partner is usually very gentle and this is the first time I heard her curse, but I was not going to sit there while she insulted my sister.
I took her by the hand and dragged her out of my sister’s room, I got her bag and took her out of my house and waited with her in silence until her friend who lived close to me came to pick her up.
We haven’t talked since, I tried to text and call her to say sorry for overreacting and try to talk to her about why she treated my sister like that but she hasn’t answered me.
I feel really bad about how I reacted but I’m also mad about how she treated my sister, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner was out of line and disrespectful to your sister on several levels. You were 100% right in escorting her out. If this means the end of the relationship, which I assume you are now fearing, then so be it. A girl like this will only get worse, not better, as time goes on.
She has shown you who she is, and you need to take heed of that. You have good values; find a girl who also shares your good values.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner was out of line. She owes your sister an apology.
Having a conversation with your partner before making her leave would have been ideal, but I appreciate that you were taken by surprise and had a knee-jerk reaction. Besides, I’m sure your partner is old enough to know that it’s incredibly rude to barge into someone else’s room, to mistreat her boyfriend’s sister, and to disrespect someone else’s home.” eppydeservedbetter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- what is this behavior? Is she weirdly jealous of your sister trying to claim her territory or something by being rude to her? I think you acted exactly the right way, until texting her to apologize. Leave her at the curb where you left her, she is garbage.
I would dare any partner of my brothers to try and talk to me or treat me that way. The outstanding nerve of her” [deleted]
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend's Fiancé Use My Car For Their Wedding?
“One of my best friends got engaged a year and a half ago. Now I’ll be completely honest, I have never been a big fan of her partner.
He’s very much a douchy ex frat bro. But she is the sweetest person ever. Ever since before their engagement, her partner has been bugging me about using my car for their wedding. I have a fairly expensive and rare older car, that I completely restored myself.
The only problem is that he can’t drive manually.
As a favor to her, I agreed that they could use it for photos, the drive up, etc and to leave it parked in front of the wedding venue under one condition. If he wanted to be the one to drive her up in it, he needed to learn to drive the manual, it’s a somewhat difficult car to drive.
I’ve been bugging him for almost a year, offering time to teach him. He constantly blew me off and said he was too busy. Well, guess who’s wedding is in a few weeks? He told his fiancee that I had never offered to show him, which she knows is a lie, but I decided to bite my tongue and offer him a solution.
I gave him an ultimatum, stating either I could drive her if needed, or my partner could drive her up to the wedding venue and reception, (We’re both in the wedding party) but those were the only two real options he had at this point.
He flipped out and told me to screw myself, so I figured that was that. Last weekend I pulled some of the cars apart to do some work on it and had it posted on Instagram I guess he saw it and lost it on his fiancee because he realized the car wouldn’t be available now.
He’s demanding I rent them another car (haha no) or put everything back together (which, to be honest, I probably could but I don’t want to if I just have to take it apart again after the wedding.)
So, AITJ for refusing to let him use the car now?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His problem. He was too lazy to take you up on your kind offer & learn to drive a manual. It’s not rocket science. Then you offered to drive it for them. He’s also prepared to lie to his fiancee as well as treat her badly.
He’s a prime jerk all around.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a rather classic case of FAFO. There’s no way you should let some idiot who can’t be bothered to learn how to drive a manual drive your vintage and rare car.
Doofus would probably damage the transmission because it sounds like he’s one of those guys who thinks, “How hard can it be” to drive a stick? Well played, though.” Chalker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – my dad found a brand new manual Subaru at the dealership in 2018, he was so excited about it because in the past he’d had to order manuals (USA) was signing the paperwork, and the guy that was supposed to be bringing it up from the backlot crashed it into a concrete picnic table because he didn’t know how to drive a manual. Needless to say, my dad ended up waiting a few months to be able to get another brand-new manual from the dealership… he taught my siblings and me to drive a manual because in his mind it’s an important skill to have… living in Italy now, I have to agree because my car is a manual. I have the definition of a beater, but it’s a good car and I wouldn’t let anyone who doesn’t know how to drive a manual drive it… Looks like her fiance FAFO … and I hope she doesn’t marry him” SpaceDragonBarbarian
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Fiancé's Best Friend's Wedding Because His Ex Will Be There?
“I (27) have been with my fiancé (31M) for 3 years. He has a best friend who is getting married and having a destination wedding in Mexico in 2024.
His best friend is still very close to my fiancé’s ex-partner. They hang out all the time. Normally I don’t see a problem with that.
I have never had a problem with a partner’s ex. But this girl is different. When my fiancé and I first started seeing each other, I started getting some random crazy text messages from Google Voice numbers about my fiancé and how he would never truly love me and just weird messages that were trying to make me feel weird.
I could never prove they were her but idk who else they would be.
My fiancés’s best friend’s soon-to-be wife has called me by the ex-partner’s name multiple times and my fiancé doesn’t correct her or stand up for me and it’s been super uncomfortable.
My fiancé’s sister has gotten inebriated and talked about the ex gf like she was the coolest girl in the world.
My fiancés’s best friend got inebriated and brought her up at our engagement party in front of all my family and friends.
Whenever we are around the best friend and his soon-to-be wife they talk about her, bring her up, and just make things kinda uncomfortable for me.
I just feel like I’m constantly compared to this girl and will have to forever hear about her and I just don’t want to.
I’ve expressed my feelings to my fiancé and he tries to tell me he’s sorry and he should have shut this down from his family and friends in the past. But it never changes…
I know this ex gf will be at the best friend’s wedding and I truly just don’t wish to be around her, see her, or have anything to do with her.
I don’t feel like spending thousands of dollars to go to Mexico to be around her lol. My fiancé seems hurt that I don’t want to go cause he will be going as groomsman. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ (to yourself). You’re giving the ex a lot of power over you.
You have the ring. Scoreboard. You won. Assuming you trust your fiance, it’s game over. Go take a victory lap in Mexico by showing up and not giving her a single thought. She only has power over you if you let her.” ryjack3232
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- if you have endured what you describe, and your fiancé has acknowledged it AND said he should have addressed it earlier but didn’t, then it should come as no surprise to him that you don’t want to go. I hope he can respect that instead of guilting you.
Continue to communicate clearly and set boundaries you feel are appropriate. I won’t give you relationship advice except to say, for yourself, continue to be aware and critical of what you are observing, and don’t let anyone tell you it is in your head.
All the best.” cato1978
Another User Comments:
“I think you should go because it sounds like the wedding couple will push the ex and your fiancé together if you are not present. I get it. You are not happy that everyone in the family and friends of your fiancé seem to like his ex.
But you have the ring, she doesn’t. Be gracious, and courteous. But remind everyone that he choose YOU and not her. Go and have a wonderful time with your fiancé.” Aggravating-Pain9249
15. AITJ For Not Visiting My Long-Distance Friend Despite My Busy Schedule?
“One of my best friends just came down hard on me for not making more of an effort to visit him.
We’ve been friends for 6 years, but we moved away from each other 4 years ago. We talk on the phone about every other week to catch up, and we have a lively group chat with a third mutual friend who has been active daily for the past 6 years.
I enjoy his friendship most of the time.
He’s been pressuring me to come visit this month while our mutual friend is visiting him, and I said I would try to make it out to him in the OR (I’m on the East Coast).
He has visited me 3 times in the 4 years we’ve lived on opposite coasts, but I’ve never visited him. Today I told him (with 3 weeks’ notice) that I wouldn’t be able to visit like I had hoped due to schedule constraints and cost.
I have 50% custody of my two young kids on the East Coast, and on the weeks that I don’t have custody, I live with my husband in CA. So I am back and forth between coasts a lot, which is tiring and expensive. I have not been on a vacation since my husband started working in CA.
I only get to see my husband 12 days a month, and I can’t get comfortable sacrificing 2 of those days to go visit a friend right now.
When I tried to explain to him why I just couldn’t swing the visit with him, he said I was neglecting our friendship, deprioritizing him unfairly, and failing to set healthy boundaries with my husband by not insisting that my husband quit his job in CA and come home.
I would LOVE it if my husband worked close to home, but I haven’t been able to convince him to do that, and I don’t want to pull any dramatics to force him to. I would also LOVE to visit all my friends more, and it sucks that I feel like I can’t.
AITJ for not trying harder to figure out a way to visit him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your last paragraph makes me think you might want to pull away from this person. They are acting super needy and borderline gaslighting you to make you think this is your fault for not visiting them just because they don’t have the same constraints in life that allow them to visit you.
Them telling you to force your husband to quit his job so you can visit them is a massive red flag. Part of growing up can be growing apart. This person sounds dramatic and exhausting.” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your life constraints are legitimate and if the trip isn’t feasible cost-wise, then it just can’t happen.
While I think your friend could be more gracious in taking the bad news, I don’t fault them for being upset. Sometimes friendship isn’t always convenient. There’s never enough time for everybody so sometimes you just have to make the time and something’s gotta give.
It’s clear this friend values your friendship and has put in the work and does not feel the same efforts on your end. Don’t make the trip now, but if you get the opportunity in a few months and value this friendship, I would prioritize seeing them for a weekend.” ItsDiddyKong
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I would have said No jerks here but you were stringing him along. You’re going to CA every month, if you wanted to spend 2 days with him, you would. You knew you weren’t willing to sacrifice any of the days with your kid or with your husband.
Doesn’t sound like you made any effort to “try”. It also sounds like you’re not on the same page with your husband is this sustainable? Do you work?” Usrname52
14. AITJ For Switching Seats To Protect My Sensitive Friend From Our Loud Friend?
“Me and a loud friend who I’ll call (loud friend), have many mutual friends. We just went to a get-together yesterday and A sat beside a friend with very sensitive hearing and usually withdraws from everyone who I will call (sensitive friend).
(loud friend) is screaming, talking loudly, and whining which all makes (sensitive friend) flinch a lot, and when I realized (sensitive friend) was holding their ears shut and curling up into a ball it made me feel bad. I walked up to them and whispered “Would you like to switch seats with me?
Or maybe would you like me to sit in between you two?”. (sensitive friend) looked up desperately and nodded as she muttered “Yes please” and scooted away enough for me to sit by (sensitive friend). (loud friend) doesn’t look so happy, they start to complain and whine more and try to pull me away which starts to make me uncomfortable.
Finally after persisting not many times, (loud friend) stops.
A few minutes later (sensitive friend) starts to loosen up and seems more comfortable just by not being beside (loud friend), I bite into my chocolate bar and realize it’s dark chocolate then run to go sit it out as the bitter taste taints my mouth.
When I come back I see (sensitive friend) in the same ball and is beside (loud friend). I stomp over to (loud friend) and tell her to move, she instantly starts whining and grabbing onto (sensitive friend) and tugging her which makes her more uncomfortable.
(loud friend) starts to curse me out and scream slurs at me until she lets go of (sensitive friend) and moves away, and doesn’t talk to me the rest of the get-together, and (sensitive friend) can’t stop thanking me. This wasn’t the first time (loud friend) has acted this way, just a few days ago she threw a tantrum because, for a gift exchange, we didn’t give her a $300 something gift.
So am I the jerk, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow. NTJ. As someone with sensitive hearing that causes sensory overload and panic attacks, you sound like a guardian angel. There is nothing wrong with being loud and chatty, many people are but the problem arises when for some reason she takes this as an attack on her person.
Given you stated she’s been difficult before I would recommend either talking to her privately or discussing future solutions with the sensitive friend.” Prudent_Ad_7402
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I wonder if you could subtly alert a loud friend that she’s being loud?
Sometimes people don’t realize it…although admittedly LF sounds a bit oblivious. Asking just because my whole family is the “loud friend” — half of them can’t hear very well so all conversations are held at half-shouting volume. The kids do it, too, and those of us with better hearing found that if we remind them gently that they don’t need to shout at us, they quiet down.
It took a little time, but now I can tap on my niece’s hand and point to my ear and she immediately lowers her volume — she just gets carried away and loud!” matchy_blacks
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend My Entire Vacation With My Husband's Family?
“My husband and I were planning a vacation for us and our 2 kids.
We’ll be gone for 8 days in the summer. We’ve saved for this trip for years and were super excited.
This place is about 3 hours away from my husband’s family. They invited us to spend some days with them. However, from the start, I said I wanted alone time with just the 4 of us.
With the kids getting older, we don’t get a lot of time with them. We don’t have the money to travel often. I suggested 3 to 4 days with his family, then we’d go to the actual vacation spot. I also set the boundary we’d stay in a hotel.
They all seemed to agree.
Then out of nowhere, my husband’s family decided to go to our vacation spot for the full 8 days. That’s when the hints began that we all get a house to rent. I said no. I love my husband’s family but it’d just be too much and I wanted time just us.
We don’t need to be around each other 24/7. After that, my SIL started making plans for all 8 days that included us.
I put my foot down to my husband and said no. We could spend 4 days with his family, maybe 5. But I wanted just a few just us.
We never get to go on vacation. And his family visits once or twice a year so it’s not like we don’t see them.
My husband says I’ve hurt his family’s feelings. When I spoke to my SIL she said I should understand why it hurts I won’t spend the entire time with them.
I asked how they’d feel if they planned a trip and we tried to change the plan. She said the family does this stuff for each other.
Now, I’m already dreading the trip and wonder if I’m being over dramatic and should just give in to avoid drama.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SIL is allowed to be hurt, but that doesn’t mean you have to spend 8 days in a house with her. Just because someone experiences an emotion, that doesn’t mean everyone in their lives has to accommodate it.
You will be frustrated and sad if you don’t get a few days with just your family, but your in-laws don’t care about that. Your feelings are not resonating with them, so why should their feelings dictate your vacation? “We are all looking forward to spending some time with you during our vacation.
We will be staying in our accommodations and spending Monday through Thursday as a family. I understand you’re disappointed that we aren’t staying in a shared house, but I hope you can set that aside so that our time together is pleasant.” FlyingDutchLady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s always a jerk move to hijack someone else’s vacation and then change all the plans around. If you wanted to spend the whole time with them, you would have either (a) planned your vacation around visiting them–where they live would be the destination, or (b) invited them to join you from the start.
This is no different than someone who invites themselves to a party, etc., it’s just plain rude and not what “family does.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband should be backing you up here. If you’ve saved for a long time, and made these plans for just your immediate family, it’s **RUDE** for his family to invite themselves by booking a parallel trip.
You had already compromised by saying you would spend half the time with his family. The fact that he is taking their side over this sucks. I’m sorry that your trip has been ruined.” solidly_garbage
12. AITJ For Not Wanting My Future Sister-In-Law As A Bridesmaid And Not Inviting Her Boyfriend?
“I (27F) am planning my dream day with my fiancé (30M).
We are paying for everything ourselves – in laws have not offered to help with the costs, which we are fine with. My fiancé has a sister (22F) who I’ll refer to as FSIL. When the date was set for the wedding, future FIL said that he would be very upset if FSIL isn’t included in the retinue.
Context here is that fiancé and I have decided to have only 2 people each in our retinues, which are our closest friends. No family, as we are desi, and have huge families. We already explained this to my future in laws. My fiancé has then received 3 calls from his mom and dad demanding that my FSIL be a part of my retinue.
They have not asked me personally after the first time we discussed it and my fiancé explained to them that we are not including family in the retinue. They chose to communicate this all to my fiancé. A few notes: I am not close to my FSIL.
Never have been in the 4 years fiancé & I have been together. FSIL is giving the toast at our reception. Fiancé & I live 600km away from our families (parents & siblings) so it wouldn’t make sense for her to be flying up and down between us for bridal events.
My MOH & bridesmaid are my lifelong friends and have committed to making all the bridal events happen as my bridesmaid also lives in my hometown 600km away. I have never had a great relationship with my future in laws.
They are also insisting we invite FSIL’s partner.
They have been together for 6 months and it is FSIL’s first relationship. Context here is that I was not allowed to meet part of their family in the 3+ years we’ve been together & engaged as future MIL stated I was not part of their family.
We are cutting out close family & friends from this wedding due to limited numbers (100 guests total). Also, the partner does not speak to fiancé or me.
So, AITJ for not wanting my FSIL to be a bridesmaid and not inviting her partner?”
Another User Comments:
“No NTJ by a mile, is it her wedding or yours? YOURS, so stand your ground on this. The in-laws can just live with their disappointment over it AND LEARN that you WILL set boundaries and expect them to be met. This establishes your healthy distance from the in-laws from the get-go and gives your marriage some breathing space between those who would very much like to have more influence over it.
Do what you gotta do here and continue to say no when it matters.” _TheyCallMeMother_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ is such a huge way. Its been said already but it needs repeating – Your Wedding Your Rules. end of story. “Future in laws have called my parents to request a family meeting as we are “children” and need guidance on the wedding” What they mean is “She’s not doing what WE want” and oh boy does THAT needs stomping on real quick.
I assume your parents are not accepting the meeting invite? and if possible ask them to reply something along the lines of “We are very happy with how these two adults are handling and managing everything to do with the wedding and we respect all their choices” You could compromise and let the FSIL bring her +1, but remember the saying “Give an inch….
etc etc” I take it your fiancé is 100% in your corner in all this? Because it is something that he needs to get on top of and shut down his parents’ expectations regarding the wedding.” Glint_Bladesong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Let Me list the ways: 1.
This is your wedding. You and fiance get to make all decisions. 2. You are paying for this. Not them. (Not that it would give them a say) 3. Your FMIL seems to have made you feel like not a family member in multiple ways. Why would you want FSIL in your wedding party, when you don’t even know them.
4. Again, this is YOUR WEDDING. Final. Honestly never understood why people spend a fortune getting married. But I wish you guys the best. IMO I would elope.” mags7683
11. AITJ For Not Liking The Same Media As My Boyfriend?
“I (22f) don’t like to watch a ton of media and I’m quite selective on what I do watch, but my partner (23m) is the opposite and watches everything.
Recently he’s been trying to get me to watch Dragon Ball and I sat through one of the movies with him, now I watched a little bit of z when I was younger and knew it wasn’t my type of show. I told him this after we had finished the movie and he asked me why so I explained I wasn’t a big fan of the tropes and he got upset and said that I just hate what he likes.
Recently we were chatting with some of his friends over Discord and he brought it up in front of them saying things like “Yeah I need someone to watch this with because my partner hates it” and “She hates everything that I like” It made me embarrassed to have it brought up in front of everyone so I defended myself and he privately texted me that he didn’t know how to talk to me without me getting upset and that it was just back and forward finger pointing.
I guess I just don’t understand I do try to watch some of what he likes. I don’t enjoy superhero movies but we go and watch every one that comes out. I played his favorite game with him for about 2-3 years but he would get upset if I said I wanted to play I game I liked instead (even if I said I’d play it alone) and when he did join he would say the game is bad and he doesn’t know how I play a game like this.
Then he would proceed to complain that it’s the only game I want to play and when I would bring up that he doesn’t have to play it with me he would say that he loves me so he will. One day I pushed back on his complaining and he went quiet and texted me that he was upset that he couldn’t just complain freely without someone combating him.
Am I doing something to cause conflict?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ everyone has different likes and dislikes. Your partner sucks for embarrassing you in front of his friends like that. It sounds like you’re with someone who’s still emotionally 12. Not for liking Dragon Ball or superhero movies but throwing a hissy fit for you not enjoying the same things he does.
It’s embarrassing really” s*********4
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re not doing anything wrong. It sounds like you made a decent effort to try out his interests. Ultimately, it sounds like you 2 are a bit incompatible. Your partner’s responses to all of this are very childish and should raise a lot of concerns for you.
While we all would like our significant other to be interested in what we are interested in, it’s not reasonable to expect it in every instance. It’s also not reasonable to act like a toddler over it. Were I you, I’d rethink the relationship. NTJ.” seregil42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – *so* not the jerk *but he would get upset if I said I wanted to play I game I liked instead* Red flag. Big one, along with some of those other comments he made. You are not clones of one another.
Each can – and *should* – have their interests. I’m sitting here, typing at my PC, as my Spouse sits at their desk across the room, gaming and watching YouTube on theirs. It’s good to be supportive of one another; sometimes sharing even if the interests aren’t mutually absorbing; but he does not get to control or criticize your interests.
That’s flat-out mistreatment.” LoveChins2024
10. AITJ For Demanding Respect And Privacy From My Step-Dad?
“I (19M) live with my Mom (39), Stepdad (36M), and my 2 younger brothers (15M, 3M). My mom and Dad split up during a difficult time which took a hard hit on me as I was close to my dad.
Three months later she started seeing my stepdad whom we’ll call Steve, I liked Steve at first as we had a lot in common and he has done a lot for me but over the past few months, I’ve started to dislike him.
He talks about respect a lot and he expects me and my brother to respect him because of what he does.
We had moved house recently and I was excited as it was the first time I had my room which I had always shared with my brother, I had asked both my mom and Steve to knock on my door if they were coming into my room which I don’t believe is a hard ask.
My mom has always done this but Steve never does, he always swings my door open and I always ask him to knock, a few days ago I asked again to which he replied “When you get your own house you can have privacy”, this bugged so I responded with “you’re a grown man, knocking a door shouldn’t be hard for you” this set him off and he started raising his voice saying “I’m the reason you have a house over your head, I don’t see your dad paying any bills”, I then told him to not speak about my dad like that as he had nothing to do with this, I told him that for a guy who expects respect off everyone, he’s the most disrespectful person I’ve ever known and that he should earn my respect, too which I replied he hasn’t earned yet and he never will.
He told me to leave which I did.
I’m currently staying with my dad and have gotten phone calls and messages from the other side of my family telling me to go back to their house and apologize to Steve, but I don’t feel like I have to.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What he is doing by stating he is the reason you have a house over your head is controlling. You’ll indeed get more privacy when you live alone, but having respect for someone should circumvent that. This is just a start he will escalate his control over the family.
Try to keep in touch with your mom and siblings as much as you can.” Chalklet3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He said your dad wasn’t paying for you to live. Now it seems like Dad is. Win-win. Steve is a jerk for trying to superimpose himself into your life as an authoritative dad figure when you’re already 19.
He has his insecurities to work through.” Dontdoxmethanks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You have one room in the entire house which is your space. Yes, it is their house but if you’re 19, you need some sort of privacy. As for the comment about your dad, your stepdad seems very insecure and was bang out of order for belittling your dad in front of you.
I don’t think you need to apologize, and maybe you should stay with your dad if this is how your stepdad regularly acts. I would also have a chat with your mum because she needs to call him out on talking badly about your dad in front of you, so it isn’t repeated with your brothers.” cozybunny4
9. AITJ For Wanting To Cut Off Contact With My Mother After Learning She Didn't Pay Child Support?
“I am the youngest of 3 brothers I am 26 and my brothers are 28 and 32. My parents got divorced when I was 18 months old, I initially lived with my mom for about 3 months before she couldn’t afford to take care of me, so for most of my life my father and Grandmother raised me.
(My father moved back in with his mother after the divorce to get some help raising my two brothers.)
During the 3 months I was with my mom she requested that my father increase child support twice just to cover her never-ending spending habits.
The main reason my parents got divorced is because my mom was a compulsive shopper and constantly wanted new clothes despite having a backlog of new clothes she hadn’t worn yet.
After the 3 months, I stayed at my mother’s apartment, I was raised by my Dad and Gran for the rest of my life, the only contribution my mother gave in terms of monetary support was taking us boys on extravagant holidays with her new partner.
She never contributed any child support and now my father won’t have a pension to rely on when he retires because he had to spend all his money to raise 3 boys.
I only learned in my 20s the truth behind why my parents got divorced and how my mother paid no child support to my father, despite that being something they agreed to in their divorce.
Now I hardly talk to my mom and am planning on blocking her on all socials. I haven’t told my mother “I love you” in about 2 years because the truth is I don’t love who she is, I love her for giving birth to me and that is it.
I have learned my mother is a horrible person.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But this is at least somewhat your father’s fault, he chose not to pursue CS through the courts. CS money is for kids, not for parents. He should have used the court to make her pay.
He’s not the victim you may think, if he chose to let her get away with it.” derpicorn69
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, you are within your rights, but there is often more than one side to a story. Things also aren’t always black and white.
People can change, behavior can be caused by many things, etc. In your shoes, I would probably want to explain what is going on to Mom to give her a chance to put forward her side of the story. You might find more peace that way.” Squiggles567
8. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Use Headphones During My Work Meeting?
“I (23F) just graduated from college, and am working my first “adult” job. I’m in (paid) training right now, which I have the opportunity to do remotely. Once the training is over I will receive a placement in one of our partner firms, but that placement could be in two different cities, and my placement will depend on the needs of the firms.
Because both of those cities are expensive, and, because I’m unsure which one I will end up in, my parents offered to let me keep staying with them and work remotely so that I can save money and avoid moving unnecessarily. I’m super grateful for this, and I try to help out as much as I can around the house and to minimize the impact of my being here.
My “office” is closed off from the rest of my house, but it shares a wall with the den, which can be a bit irksome as that is where my mother spends a lot of time. She loves to listen to music out loud, very loud, which I usually ignore since not my house, but today I had an important meeting with one of the firms, and the music would have been audible in the “office”.
I asked her if she would mind putting in some headphones, and she got really mad at me. She said she didn’t like my tone, and that I was being super disrespectful. I was a bit confused and asked how I could have asked more respectfully.
She blew up and said something along the lines of me living under her roof and not being allowed to tell her what to do. I said I agreed with that, but that also I would have been happy to accept a no and that would have been that.
So was I wrong to ask her to use headphones while I was in my meeting? I know I’m under her roof so I’m under her rules, but I’m not sure how I could have avoided this situation short of just ignoring the music like I normally do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not sure how I could have avoided this situation short of just ignoring the music like I normally do. Maybe next time you have an important meeting, reserve a room in a co-working space?” StAlvis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
you’re not wrong to ask. But, if you’re a guest living rent-free – it might be a good idea to find other accommodations so you don’t ask the homeowners to tip-toe around you. A suggestion is going to a library and reserving a room (they often have free provisions for working rooms), getting a coworking space, going to a quiet coffee shop, doing the meeting from your car, etc.” ladystetson
7. AITJ For Not Attending My Sister's Wedding Due To My Illness And Financial Situation?
“I’ve been ill for a few years now, apart from other things, including cancer and heart problems, I had a stroke.
My face droops on one side, my left side has been left so weak I can’t walk properly and my balance is so awful I regularly fall. Although I struggle to afford enough food to feel satisfied now, I have gained weight, probably due to a combination of meds and inactivity.
I have lost quite a lot of hair too. I’m on disability benefits now. It’s difficult to manage on such a low income, and the thought of anyone I know seeing me in this state is humiliating.
My sister is getting married and the wedding is 200 miles away.
So my attendance would involve buying new clothes (all my clothes are literal rags even with holes in them), getting my hair somehow improved professionally (as I said it’s falling out, it’s also severely greying and in a horrible state), traveling there, (I don’t drive and would need a train ticket, expensive and difficult for me to get around in my condition), pay for a hotel overnight, as well as buying a wedding present.
I can’t afford it and nobody in my family is willing to help me financially. I’m in such dire straits that I have my last few remaining possessions listed on Gumtree but there are no takers.
There is also the fact that I don’t want to be seen in this state.
Most of the people there I haven’t seen in years. The last time they saw me I was fit, healthy, slim, and gainfully employed. Now I’m overweight, greying and balding, droopy face, can’t walk properly, am on benefits, and look in an absolute state. I don’t want them seeing me and I don’t want to be in any photos.
For these reasons, I told my mother I would not attend and she was furious. Mainly because it looks bad to other people if I’m not there. But being on an extremely low income herself she can’t pay my expenses and she doesn’t care if I’m embarrassed by being seen like this.
So AITJ if I don’t go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Send your regrets and a small gift, such as a heartfelt letter about how happy you are that your sister found her love and life partner. Explain that you don’t want the major changes you have gone through to take any of the attention from her and her new spouse.
It’s HER day, and you don’t want old friends to see you and show their concern. You want everyone who is there to have a good time, and not wonder what is going on with you. If your mom wants you to go so badly, and SHE can barely afford to go, then she needs to talk to your sister to reinforce the fact that you aren’t in any sort of state to make it at this time.” naginata
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your mom certainly is though. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please look up UK charities for the disabled. I just did and there are many, but don’t want to post links. You may get some much-needed relief.
You may also want to reach out to local churches. They may also have ways to help you in addition to the charity organizations. I send you hugs from the US.” Ocean_ismyheart
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so sorry you are struggling with so much.
I’m sorry you feel it would be humiliating to see people now on top of everything else – that takes away a possible source of support and joy… But it is completely understandable, as so few people realize that they are only temporarily able-bodied, and are inclined to judge ” ObjectivePiccolo4027
6. AITJ For Expecting My Fiancée To Contribute Financially Or Do More Housework?
“Me and my partner are going to get married soon and the topic of finances/housework was brought up. I mentioned that the choice is completely up to her and she can choose to help out with paying bills or not. But if she chooses not to help out, then she should not expect me to do half the chores around the house.
She says that her money is her money and my money is our money. So what does she want to do with her money you may ask? Spend it all on herself. Despite that, she wants me to come back home from work and still help her out with the housework.
I explained to her that if we both go to work for 8 hrs, and there’s an hour drive there and back from work(2 hrs) then I’ve put in 10 hrs of work into this relationship since I’m paying 100% of the bills. Whereas even if she puts in 8 hrs of work, and 2 hrs of travelling time, she has put in 0 hrs of work into the relationship since that’s all money she’s making to spend on herself.
And I also said that if there’s a lot of chores that need to be done, let’s say 4 hrs of chores total, now If you want to split that up, that’s 2 hrs of housework for me and 2 hrs for her. Meaning ive put in 12 hrs of work into the relationship, whereas she’s only put in 2.
I just want to put a disclaimer that we were talking about daily chores as in cooking, and cleaning, and other stuff. I still don’t mind doing the traditionally manly chores like throwing out the trash, fixing things, building things, etc.
It just seems very selfish to me that she wants to spend all of her money on herself and expects me to spend all of mine on the bills and her, then she wants me to do other daily housework too.
I’ve also given her the choice for her to help out financially and then I can do 50% of the housework so she has that option, but she isn’t satisfied and wants the best of both worlds. So anyways, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here.
Holy smokes, that’s a lot to unpack. First thought – don’t get married unless you’ve got the money and the work sorted between you first. Things like these will pile up and eventually break your marriage. Why doesn’t she want to contribute to the shared expenses?
Why do you believe that the way to the perfect marriage is to treat it like a mathematical equation? Sounds like you are walking through a relationship minefield and I wish you the best of luck.” TheDragon991
Another User Comments:
“NTJ so many red flags here that I wouldn’t even consider a potential marriage.
Relationships are a two-way street in addition to being a lot of give and take. Sounds like this woman simply wants to sit on her backside and look pretty while you are gone 10 hrs a day and come home to do the household chores. This is sad.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Think twice before you marry someone who is not capable of making good financial agreements with you. It would be normal if she contributes financially proportionately, and if she contributes more to household tasks since she has more time for them.
The contribution to the relationship should be equal. If one contributes more financially, the other should contribute more in another way. Your partner sounds selfish.” SpiritualCompote47
If she refuses to put money towards bills, you need to split. She's a gold digger.
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad At My Surgery After He Shared My Medical Information?
“I (24F) am getting surgery to remove several large cysts from my ovaries in a couple of weeks. I’ve been having intense pelvic and intestinal pain for a long time now, and I got an ultrasound done a few months ago to see what was wrong.
The scan revealed three cysts in my ovaries, one even measuring 9cm or about the size of a softball or grapefruit. My gynecologist recommended I get them removed and recommended a very good ovarian surgeon. Cysts can usually be left alone, but mine are so large that there’s a risk of twisting my ovaries which could lead to me losing them.
Upon learning about this, my dad (61M) reached out to a colleague of a colleague of his who is a specialist on ovarian cysts in order to get a second opinion. He did this without my knowledge or permission, and gave this stranger information about my situation.
My father told a strange man about my private area without asking me beforehand. He also gave this doctor my personal contact information.
I was furious and had to explain to my father why it’s a bad thing to tell strangers about his child’s private organs without asking them beforehand.
He defended himself and claimed he just wanted a second opinion and questioned the trustworthiness of my gynecologist and the surgeon she recommended. I understand that he was looking out for me, but he still violated my boundaries and a very personal and sensitive part of my body.
It also made me feel like he didn’t value my ability to make a decision about my own body as an adult. The idea of losing my ability to have my own children before I become old enough to decide if I want any scares me half to death.
He just can’t understand that.
The date for the surgery is fast approaching, and my dad is planning to come to the hospital with me and my mom (62F). However, I don’t want him there. I just want my mom with me. I haven’t mentioned this to him or my mom yet.
Am I the jerk for not wanting him there after what he did?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! That is 100% a boundary violation for sharing this sensitive medical info with a stranger without asking you if it was okay. You are an adult and who you want your medical info going to is completely your own decision.
Your dad is an awful person for sharing this info and breaking your trust on not keeping your medical issues between family. It’s absolutely okay if you don’t want him there for your surgery. Your surgery should be completely about what you want and feel and if him not being there is what you want then your dad needs to accept that.” LukeHeart
Another User Comments:
“soft YTJ Why? because, your father showed that he is your dad and not someone who just exists in your life, your well-being as his child is a priority and he did all within his power to make sure you get proper treatment..
he cares for You. Would you think the same if it was your mother that did that? It can be seen that you are not a parent yet.” iDydaL
Another User Comments:
“YTJ he’s caring for you and if he has an acquaintance who’s a specialist it’s only natural and caring if he asks for a second opinion.
He would be a bad parent if he doesn’t… And it’s not like he showed pictures of you to his friends he talked about a medical condition! Also it’s ok if you don’t want him in the operating room, but not is the hospital would be a really big jerk move.” BinDerWeihnachtmann
4. AITJ For Leaving The Room After My Boyfriend Dismissed My Migraine Pain?
“I (26 F) have been experiencing severe migraine for the past 3 days.
My partner (29 M) has been sweet and caring throughout the days, giving me massages, minding his volume and generally avoiding any stimuli that could worsen my migraine
He is an investor and works with charts and numbers all day. I am neurodivergent and have a hard time looking at numbers or even comprehending them if someone is narrating a phone number too fast. Practically, my brain shuts down if I’m bombarded with numbers.
We have been together for almost 3 years, and he is aware of this discomfort of mine. On the third morning of my migraine, my partner and I were working side by side on the bed, him with his stock market trading, and me catching up on some emails.
I shut my laptop due to the pain and snuggled into him for comfort. He has no issues with snuggles, or in general touch while he’s working. He loves sharing his stock market updates with me throughout the day, his profits and losses. And I love listening to him and his details.
I support him and share my insights with him if any. If it gets too much with numbers, I usually ask him to pause and he understands.
Two minutes into the snuggles, he turned his phone screen into my face with numbers, bright charts, and phone brightness all pinching my headache.
I told him, please don’t show this to me, my head is hurting a lot and he responded in an irritated tone saying “When does your head not ache.”
It hurt me a lot since he was aware of the immense pain I was in and still chose to lose his patience and mock me.
As I pointed this out to him, he quickly said, “Oh I was joking, why are you acting so extreme.” It hurt me even further because now not only was he dismissive of my pain but also of my reaction to his actions.
I needed some space so I decided to get out of the bedroom into the hall despite him begging me to stay.
AITJ for reacting this way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a chronic/prolonged illness and not every relationship or person is equipped to handle that. Observationally you sound like you may be in a more delicate mental/emotional state, which would amplify situations like this.
It’s hard to tell if in a moment of irritation, he said something harsh or if he’s becoming more generally dismissive but it sounds like he’s been mostly caring and understanding. You can decide to give him the benefit of the doubt if you want but NTJ for feeling this way.” Independent-Length54
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like he used to be more understanding when you’ve been in headache mode. It remains to be seen if this was a regrettable error on his part or what he now considers to be acceptable behavior. I consider it an act of cruelty to deliberately make someone’s pain worse.
If he’s comfortable with that behavior, I wouldn’t be comfortable with him.” JazzyKnowsBest13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is the jerk, not for turning the screen into your face (he could’ve temporarily forgotten about your migraine), but for his response afterward. The correct response would’ve been something along the lines of “Darn, I’m sorry, I forgot.” Instead, he lashed out and tried to blame it on you.
Don’t ever let that slide.” pob1341
3. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Room With My Stepsister Unless She Shares Her Car With Me?
“So, my dad has been married to my stepmom for 10 years. My stepsister and I are both 16f. Even though my dad has been married to her mom for 10 years, my stepsister and I don’t really know each other.
Her dad works for some big international company and she lived in Asia from when she was 3 until she was 9, then in Europe until she was 13, then lived in South America until September.
Now they’re in the US until the summer then they’re going back to Asia.
They’re staying a few minutes away from my dad and stepmom and she’s been spending weekends with us. Now that she’s here on weekends, my dad and stepmom put another bed in my room and said I have to share until they move again.
She goes to this 75k-a-year international school by my school and drives a brand-new Tesla. I go to public school and take the bus. I told her she should drive me to school because her school is next to mine and the bus sucks. She said no. I told her to be a good sister and help me out and she said she’s not my sister.
Since she won’t help me out and says she’s not my sister, I won’t be sharing a room with her. I left her stuff outside the room and took the spare keys so they couldn’t let her in and I told her I’ll share my room when she shares her car.
Now her dad won’t let her come here and says her mom has to go to their house to see her. They also might go back to Asia early because the whole point of them staying here for a year was for her to get to know her mom (she visits for a couple of weeks a year but it’s different) and that’s not going to happen if she doesn’t have a room at the house.
They’re saying they get why I did it but I need to deal with her until she goes back to Asia. AITJ for telling her I’ll share my room when she shares her car?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you flat out told her she should drive you to school.
That’s not asking. That’s not being polite (you also used the “we’re sisters” line only when it was convenient for you but had no real sincerity since you can’t handle a negative factor of being siblings like sharing a room). So, I could understand her response.
As an aside, It’s weird how your parents are letting you run their house. The only one who gets a bad hand dealt here is your stepmom. If you waited a few weeks and asked her, or brought it up with your stepmom, and had a conversation about it then I’d say differently.
The reality of it all is it’s not your house and your parents can put your step-sister in your room if they want. It’s not abusive, it’s not evil, it’s just an inconvenience for a little while, and that’s it.” TheSciFiGuy80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and frankly I am appalled by the amount of YTJ.
You are being forced to share your privacy with a stranger. Said stranger is living the rich life while you take the bus to go to public school. Taking you to school if said school is close doesn’t seem like a big deal but it sounds like she doesn’t want your povo a*s to touch her Tesla leather.
It sucks for your stepmom but I think her daughter was looking for a way to go back to her usual and you gave her one, that she took. Gladly.” Ryuloulou
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If I’m correct… she’s only staying with you on the weekends.
School is every day but on the weekends. So she has to be your driver just to stay in a room where she’ll only be there for 10% of the week. Honestly, this entire post reeks of jealousy. She’s rich and has been to 3 different countries while your family doesn’t even have 3 bedrooms. Maybe if you share the room with her and attempt to build a relationship she would drive you, but demanding rides from a girl you admit you don’t know is weird, and obvious you are trying to take advantage of her.” FluffyPal
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get having to share a room sucks, and it’s a pain to share with someone you barely know, but you don’t get to take out your frustrations on a girl who had less of a choice in this than you did.
Boo hoo, her dad put her in private school and got her a fancy car while you live the same life as the average teenager. She’s had her entire life uprooted and you’re treating her like garbage and then throwing the “we’re sisters” card? No, honey.
If you want to get any form of input, talk to your dad and stepmom. Do you want a ride to school in that fancy car? Ask nicely and accept a no if that’s her choice. You are not entitled to her car, or to interfering with her time with her mother.
This could have been a good chance to make a friend at LEAST, but you chose to act like a toddler and demand the new girl share her cool toy then threw a tantrum when she said no.” Shadowe666
2. AITJ For Not Inviting One Friend From My Close Group To My Wedding?
“So I (30m) am getting married later this year and am having a very small, personal wedding with close friends and family (40 people, max). We’ve booked a 3-day, 2-night stay at a manor house in the English countryside that everyone will be staying in together.
It’s gonna be a mini holiday for everyone with a small ceremony in the middle day and I can’t wait.
My closest friends are my uni mates. There’s a group of 6 of us (me included) and we spent pretty much all our time together for all 3 years of uni when I was 18-21.
We still met up for the years after, but I’ve lived overseas since I was 25, and last year was the first time I’d seen them all in 4 years.
Everyone’s doing well except 1 guy. He’s a bit of a train wreck. He never was the brightest spark but he just seems to have gotten worse and worse since I last saw him… or I’ve grown up, I can’t tell.
He’s still into his bad habits all day, every day. He’s been fired from 5 jobs in 4 years and brags about it. He’s become a massive conspiracy theorist (flat earther smh). Can’t form a sentence without swearing, and always comes off angry. Has terrible hygiene. He’s lost his license for crashing whilst unsafe driving.
He couldn’t afford to chip in for food (just some BBQ stuff). He would say out-of-place stuff when we were talking, stopping the conversation dead. The list goes on and on.
After spending a weekend with him last year, I found myself questioning why I associated with him at all, to be honest. He hasn’t done anything wrong, but I just don’t want him around my family and to have them think that’s the company I keep.
So WIBTJ if I invite the other 4 and exclude him? If I do, how do I tell the other guys who still see him occasionally? Should I say something to him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This guy isn’t your friend anymore. Your wedding isn’t a venue for friend groups, it’s a celebration with friends and family.
People you plan to have/keep in your life. If your mates ask you why he isn’t invited, just be blunt. He’s not your friend anymore and you don’t want him to be. He’s unpleasant, and a jerk, and you don’t want to subject the other guests to his terrible behavior.” demi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to ensure your wedding is peaceful and fun for all involved, but I think you need to have a talk to your friend group about this. This is one of those situations where it can escalate past where it should and if people feel caught off guard it gets worse.
If you are worried your one friend will cause mayhem at your wedding, get too tipsy, say crude things, etc., I think it’s completely fine to decide to not include him here. As you’ve said, you’ve probably grown past all this and your time celebrating should be between your loved ones who you trust. It’ll be a hard convo, but it needs to happen.
Best of luck!” its_batgirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can simply make sure you tell the others in the friend group that this person is not invited, so they can hopefully be sure not to say anything about your wedding in his presence.” peterthedj
1. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Limit Her Mom's Visits?
“I (21 F) have recently started renting a house with my friend (22 F). This is my third year renting, and her first time leaving home, where she lived in a small apartment with her mom, where she didn’t have wifi or modern TV or most modern technology.
We have been living in the house for a month, and my roommate’s mom has been coming over almost every night. Sometimes she will stay for an hour; sometimes six. She helps herself to use all of our things such as our Wifi, our smart TV, our air fryer, all our dishes, and leaving them in a mess for us to clean, etc. She has also been frequently bringing her friends, and sometimes even his friends.
My roommate never tells me if they are coming over and I often come home from work to find them in my living room. What’s even more frustrating for me is I’d say about eighty percent of the things we have are mine too; things I gathered over the first two years I was renting, but I barely find time to use them as her mom and her friend are using them at times when I would want to myself.
I get trapped in a conversation with her mom when I don’t feel like talking to anyone and just want to chill every night I come home and they’re there. I work long shifts, 10-12 hour days, and it is very frustrating when I have been looking forward to chilling and watching TV but my roommate’s mom and her friend have their feet up on the coffee table watching TV with a plate full of food they cooked in the air fryer.
Sometimes my roommate isn’t even with them and is just in her room.
AITJ if I ask my roommate if she came over less? I’m not sure how to ask her without seeming insensitive; she and her mom are very close as it has just been them most of their lives.
I have been thinking about asking her if they could just come over once or twice a week and spend the other nights at their place. Is that reasonable?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your place too. Of course, her mom should generally be welcomed but no one should come into your home, use your stuff, leave a mess, bring their friends, and disrespect your place.
I would have this talk sooner vs later. The longer it goes on the more likelihood that something negative will transpire and make this whole thing worse.” Live_Studio_7658
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. If your roommate cannot agree to a fair arrangement of the shared spaces, I would put everything in your room until she agrees to do so.
Even if the TV, air fryer, etc, are piled in the corner, I wouldn’t allow your roommate access to it if she can’t set proper boundaries. This will likely bother her enough to agree to a fair arrangement” Novel-Confidence2449
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Even though they’re related to your roommate, they’re still strangers to you. You’re technically having strangers in your house. You have to discuss this with your roommate (politely, of course; otherwise you would sound like a jerk) and start setting clear-cut boundaries.
If she refuses to listen, then it’s time for you to find a new roommate.” DiligentPenguin_7115
