People Ask Us To Be Honest About How We Feel Toward Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Withdraw A Job Application?
“I have an older brother who does not work, by choice.
Literally the most educated, smartest man I’ve ever known. He’s just lazy.
It’s literally been years and he’s been neckbearding in our parent’s basement while I’m working hard at school. I took out loans and when I graduate I’m expected to pay them back, hence why I need the job on top of having to pay for other living expenses.
My brother has never paid a penny for his education. My parents in their own name took out loans for him. Lately, my dad’s been getting on his butt about getting a job. My brother’s been brushing him off.
I was given a tip to apply to this really lucrative graduate program.
It’s not in my field whatsoever but it’s paid training (really well-paid) and I put in an application. I told my mom about it and she asked for the link to the program. I sent it without giving it a second thought.
And I got an interview! Now when I told my mom about it she asked me to withdraw my application so that I can give my brother a chance to apply.
I said what? He’s had literal years to apply.
This is my opportunity, even if it’s not in my field. There’s no guarantee that I’m going to get it anyway, but I want to at least try. I need a job and I don’t ever want to be financially dependent on my family.
I want a life of my own, and I feel like their asking me to withdraw my application from consideration is sabotaging my future for the sake of their golden child.
I’ve always been put on the back burner for the sake of my brother and they feel that it’s his opportunity to have since it’s his field.
But (1) I have no idea if he applied and (2) I don’t think he’d be allowed to apply because it’s a new-grad program and he has not been a new grad in years. I don’t plan to withdraw my application but everyone in my family is telling me I’m being selfish.
I’ve been banned from Thanksgiving and I came home yesterday to find my mom converting my room into an office for my brother. My aunts have been bombarding me with texts telling me I’m not being considerate of family. My friends are mostly on my side (one said she sees my parent’s point of view) but I don’t know.
Family friends I see out in public won’t even look at me anymore. Over an interview! It’s mad. AITJ for not giving my brother this opportunity?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I’m sorry your parents are asking you to hold yourself back because your brother won’t even try.
This is absolutely ridiculous of them, especially since as you say, your brother hasn’t even, and possibly doesn’t even qualify to apply. I think you should view this as a real honest eye opener at how your parents value you.
You already had an inkling when they paid for his education, not yours, but now you know, that truly, they want him to succeed INSTEAD of you. And as punishment for not falling on your sword so your brother can step over you, they’re taking away your bedroom?
It’s time to go low contact with all of your family who are doing this to you. Block your aunts, remove toxic people from your life, and smash this job interview.
Do not EVER under any circumstances ever share details that they could use to sabotage you.
If your family is this crazy they could easily contact this grad scheme and ruin your chances.” AdrenalineAnxiety
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Keep your interview, and make your own life! And get as soon as possible out of your family’s home and out of their life.
You are not obligated to give your chances to your brother. Your parents are trying to guilt you into giving it up to your brother. The rest of your family and your family friends probably do not know the real truth, having been told lies about you for years now.
You have the right to make your own life successful. You take responsibility for your own future. Don’t stop doing that. It is extremely difficult to step away from family, even though they hurt you every day. They are your family and you hope that someday they will see the truth about you, and see how hard you have been working.
Choose yourself, make yourself happy, and find people that love you for who you are!” Majestic-Moon-1986
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But I really want to help you out here.
I think you should say you canceled the interview so your brother could get his dream job.
That shuts everyone up. But don’t actually cancel the interview, go to it anyway and just don’t tell anyone.
If you don’t get the job, no next steps are needed! And then you can ask your brother and family literally every time you see him how did his interview go and did he get the job YOU GAVE UP FOR HIM.
It will be fun.
If you do get the job, then you keep quiet about it for a little while, then you tell your family that the program reached out to you and said they had NO good candidates so asked you to reconsider and come in for an interview.
Either way, you end up pursuing what you want, free from family issues, and you get a nice side of petty no matter how it works out. I love this for you.
And, no, you are not a jerk for not giving up an interview for your brother who hasn’t even applied and isn’t qualified for the program.
Your family is trying to redirect your brother’s problems to you, so don’t let them.” mfruitfly
19. AITJ For Admiring My Sister's Relationship?
“I’m Sam (18 F). My sister got married a little while ago. My family made her a book with little things they wanted to write about my sister/her husband or their relationship.
I wrote ‘you two have always been the first thought when I thought of love! And although you two had some fights, you got through them in a healthy way! Although I act disgusted as a joke when you 2 kiss (note I did this since I was 6, they have been together since and it kinda stuck as a joke), it just always warms my heart to see your true love’.
They both cried when they read it with happy tears. Although after this a few people in my family came to me and said that my parents used to love each other very much. Not as much as to hate, but more as a fun fact which for me felt even weirder.
My parents are divorced. They have been since I was 7, but their relationship went downhill before I was born because my father got a mid-life crisis. The only things I remember of my parents’ relationship are bad because, for the last years of their relationship, it was bad.
I’m aware they were happily married for over 20 years before I was born, but I was not there then so I saw nothing of it. A cousin of mine said I was a jerk for saying my sister’s relationship was healthy and thus concluding my parents’ relationship wasn’t.
I did not mention my parents once nor did I try to imply such a thing, but even if I had, it would have been true, my father was a jerk and had an affair while my sister and her husband are literally on the couch playing with their three-year-old and looking at each other lovingly.
So am I the jerk for saying my sister’s relationship is my view of true love?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you told the truth.
Your parents might have been in love at some point and had a healthy relationship.
And hope so, to have your sister and you. However, it wasn’t them who showed you by example what a loving healthy relationship is.
They can’t be mad you don’t recognize something that had happened when you weren’t at the age to see it or not even born.
Edit: by the way, saying something nice doesn’t mean implying something bad about someone else. They need to chill. Glad your sister is happy, and you to know a loving relationship is possible despite your own parents’ relationship.” The_real_Psu
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ
This all depends if you were trying to lift your sister’s relationship rather than pull down your parents. It seems to me that the latter was, if not first at least part of the idea when writing your note.
You do know little about your parents’ relationship and what went wrong. You may have ideas but really the truth will be with them.
Just imagine if your parents said that your sister was the perfect child and we are thankful we had one daughter like her.
This may be totally true but it is hurtful and nasty.” TheVoiceofOlaf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I never got that mentality that saying something nice about someone is negating nice things about other people. As it is, you’ve never seen the happy relationship that happened before you were born so how could that be your example of love?
Plus your parents’ relationship wasn’t completely healthy if he had an affair and it ended in a bad way.
I’m glad your sister and her husband found each other.
Also, that idea for a gift was so sweet, and your message was amazing.
Just ignore the stupid comments about it.” Conscious-Evening-69
18. AITJ For Making My Fiancé Pay For The Hospital Bill?
“I (f26) and my fiance (m28) have been together for 3 years. Finances are split til after marriage. We have equally paying jobs.
He doesn’t pay when we eat out, he doesn’t pay for any fixes in our rental apartment, and also doesn’t help with furniture and stuff.
I tried to have conversations about how I’m always supposed to foot the bill for almost everything. His excuse is that he’s been saving for a new apartment (been saving up for 2 years now). But he still has half of his salary which he uses on himself and buys gadgets and gaming stuff.
When I try to argue about it he’d say it’s his money after all and remind me of how he’s saving up to buy an apartment for us.
Days ago, he called me and asked that I take him to the hospital to treat his ankle.
It’s been hurting him for weeks but only now has he decided to get it checked. I drove him there since he was in pain, but was surprised when he told me to pay the bill. I asked why not him and he brought up the new apartment he’s been saving for again.
I had it, especially after he threatened to not add my name to the new apartment’s title if I refuse to help him out. I snapped and told him to pay for himself and stop using my funds with the apartment excuse then I left.
He had to pay but was furious saying I’d let him down in his time of struggle. Also said that my attitude isn’t partner material. I told him I felt like he was using the new apartment to spend my money but he said I had no empathy or sense of responsibility to support and help him out when he… is doing me a huge favor and buying me an entire freaking apartment!
He’s calling me selfish and negative. I don’t know. I feel guilty for doing this and now he’s avoiding me entirely.”
Another User Comments:
“You said it yourself. He’s been refusing to pay for every other expense and can’t even be generous enough to pay for one of his own bills.
Yes, he’s saving up money for an apartment, and yes it might slow the process down a bit, but that doesn’t mean he has to rely on you every time for money. An apartment can wait. It’s his own injury and if he can’t take responsibility for paying with his own funds, then that’s his own issue.
You’re not obliged to provide anything. I could somewhat understand if he got slightly mad but avoiding you entirely seems WAY of an overreaction from him. He’s also blaming you and refusing to see your side of the argument even though your point is entirely plausible.
And he has been spending half of his salary on unnecessary products and then relies on you for expenses because he’s ‘saving’. He doesn’t seem like a reliable partner and I would think twice about your relationship.” BlazerTheKid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, there’s no apartment fund, in my opinion. He’s using you as an ATM for shared things while hoarding his money claiming he’s doing you a favor by one day buying an apartment. There are so many red flags waving that marinara is getting everywhere.
He’s not a partner nor should he be anything other than an ex. You live together therefore you should be sharing the expenses even if you have separate finances. See the writing on the wall & ditch him before you’re broke & stuck.
You’re free now & it’s a lesson learned that you deserve better & you’ll know what to avoid in the future as long as you leave before he ties you to him or completely bleeds you dry.” DearOP_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This guy sounds incredibly manipulative.
Judging by his current attitude with finances, I’d wager that apartment would end up all in his name rather than a joint asset leaving you at his mercy again. ‘But this is my apartment’.
The real question is if he has actually saved anything at all.
If you want to continue this relationship I’d be asking to see bank statements and numbers and comparing how much you’re spending compared to how much he is supposedly saving.
Any kind of resistance and suggesting you don’t trust him is your cue to leave.” Vox_Casei
17. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Family Visit Me If They Won't Accept Me For Who I Am?
“I (23F) left my home state a little over a year ago and moved over a thousand miles away.
My family wasn’t happy to see me go, and they tried to talk me out of it, but they were never angry until I came out shortly after moving via a social media post. I received a lot of messages from my family, ranging from ignorant to outright hateful, and I had to block many extended family members to lessen the amount of hateful and rude comments/PMs I was receiving.
My parents (50s/M&F), while not the worst, insisted it was a phase and that I was just ‘trying new things and I would be back to normal after the moving hysteria wore off’ whatever that’s supposed to mean.
Anyways, because of all the tension and because I was trying to get settled, I didn’t attend Thanksgiving or Christmas with my family last year and I haven’t had any of them up to visit. Things have relatively died down over the past year, though, and my parents and grandparents have been putting in to visit, and my mom and maternal grandmother have been asking if I’m coming for the holidays.
This is when the problems started back up again. When my mom asked again this past weekend about my visiting for Christmas, I mentioned I probably wouldn’t make it, because I made plans to spend that time with my partner Alice (25F) and her family.
Mom got kind of quiet for a minute, then asked why ‘a friend’ matters more than my family. I said ‘she isn’t a friend, she’s my partner. We’re together. And I told her I’d spend Christmas with her and her family, and I plan to honor that.’ She says it’s a shame I’m going to miss out on family time after ‘everything that happened last year’ and then tries asking if I’ll at least come back for Thanksgiving.
I tell her maybe, that I’d have to talk to Alice about it. Mom asks why, and I tell her that Alice would likely come with me. She tells me not to bring Alice, and when I ask why, she just says ‘you know why.’
At this point, I’m beyond frustrated and ready to hang up, and my mom puts in about visiting, saying she and dad have missed me and want to come up and see my place, but they don’t want to be there if Alice is going to be.
That was the last straw, honestly, and I told my mom that none of them are welcome in my home and that I’m never coming back to see them. I hang up, and after some hateful guilt-tripping messages, end up blocking my mom’s number.
I’ve had to also block my father and some remaining relatives on my phone and social media, but they’re still finding ways around it. I’m starting to wonder if I went too far.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
No. A threshold condition for allowing people in your life is that they recognize you as fully human.
Your parents (and broader family) are homophobic – they do not credit you with full humanity because you love a woman. They may allow you to visit them, but not with your partner. That’s not OK in any way.
Cutting such people out of your life (or, alternatively, minimizing their presence) is entirely reasonable.
Getting angry with them for their ridiculous beliefs is understandable.
Sounds like you need to put these folks in an extended time out.” Boeing367-80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Don’t think for 1 second that any ‘visit’ they would make would be about anything other than trying to ‘save’ you – AKA trying to force their perspective on you and make you be who THEY want instead of accepting who you ARE.
Toxic is toxic, whether it’s b***d or not. Live your life on your terms, not theirs. If they can’t accept it, then they fail as parents. It really, really sucks that you have to cut them out, but they have shown you over and over who they are.
Or, if you’re willing to try to make it work, you can insist on not speaking to them until they start attending therapy to learn how to realize you are your own person, and if they wish to be part of your life, they need to accept it.
DO NOT give in to them though, it will only teach them that if they force themselves onto you hard enough, they’ll get their way. And it will never stop.” Spiff426
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, allow me to translate.
When she says ‘we miss you and we really want to see you, just not with your partner’.
They actually mean ‘we’d like to pretend you’re not actually gay, and we’ve spent the past year telling family you’ll be straight by the time they see you again’.
They told you that you are only welcome in their lives under the condition that you aren’t ‘being gay’ around them and that’s a horrible way to think of your own daughter/granddaughter/niece/sister etc.
You not really pushing to come back after a year away tells me you’re considerably happier now, you should continue to do what makes you happy, screw the bigots.” TheBeardedSatanist
16. AITJ For Telling My Stepsiblings I Only Help People I Care About?
“My dad and his wife blended their families 7 years ago. I (16m) and my brother (13m) come from our parents’ marriage. Our mom passed away 9 years ago. Beth (15f), Luke (14m), and Laura (12f) come from dad’s wife’s first marriage.
My dad and his wife also have Katie (5f) together.
I have a pretty complicated history with a learning disability. I was diagnosed before my mom passed away and always struggled with school, reading, and writing. I use tech to help me write stuff like this.
I can speak fine. But actually reading or writing anything, including numbers, is terrifying to me. It’s something that has meant I need a lot of extra help in school. My mom used to read stuff like menus out to me.
My brother actually started doing it when he got better at reading too. It’s something I can’t hide and it’s super embarrassing.
It’s something my stepsiblings have made fun of since forever. Beth made a really hurtful comment the first time she realized and her mom corrected her.
But since she and her siblings were not happy with their mom meeting my dad, and since I would do things differently (like I never did homework at home) they would tease me and taunt me behind their mom’s back.
I spoke up a few times and it got corrected pretty hard. Eventually, it got to the point where I no longer saw the point of saying anything. Around that time it got to the point where I would tell my friends to pretend my stepsiblings weren’t part of my family or my life because I didn’t want them to be.
I got my license over the summer and got permission to drive my dad’s car. I’ve been bringing my brother places sometimes and suddenly my stepsiblings have been trying to be nice to me. I ignore them. I say no to bringing them places.
A few days ago Beth wanted to go to this dance practice related to the dance classes she does. Her mom couldn’t take her because she was sick, and my dad wasn’t around. My dad’s car was at home though.
So she asked me to bring her. I said no. She followed me around begging and I kept saying no. Luke and Laura joined in and they said we’re family and family should do things for each other, and that I never help them out.
I told them I only help people I care about and it doesn’t include them.
Their mom overheard and once my dad got home they told me what I said was really unfair and cruel. They took away my ability to drive the car.
Dad wanted me to apologize and say I didn’t mean it. But I did. I can see they all think I’m wrong about that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Write it all down in chronological order, similar to what you wrote above but fill in the gaps with the detail of how many years and what has been said to you and how frequently since you last complained to them.
Put it all down in detail how and where it is said when they are not around.
Write down that you have witnesses – friends who heard, your brother and they can go speak to them to corroborate. Give both your father and stepmother a copy.
Write down that you are sad that they failed you and let it happen under their own roof. And that it was their duty to check in on the person they knew had been bullied not you to go to them.
Tell them it’s been traumatic for you and that is why you said what you said.
If all you get is an apology it still doesn’t mean you drive them. All it means is that there is a lot of work to be done on their side to build a relationship with you without getting anything in return until there is respect and trust. Or maybe it means accepting that you cannot have a relationship.
But don’t add all that to the letter – first you put your story down.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
No one took your side when you were being bullied.
YES, it was bullying you were experiencing.
You do not have to do anyone a favor if you do not want to.
Period.
You do not have to justify saying no. Just say no.
If anyone questions your reasoning, say ‘I don’t remember them ever treating me like a brother, and I do not feel the need to treat them as such now.’
Accept the ‘punishment’, and don’t care about the revoking of privilege. I say this because it is unlikely your parent and step-parent will take your side and return the privilege, and it will just make you feel worse expecting support from people that will not give it to you.
Protect your pride, protect your peace of mind. I’d suggest being stubborn because they’d like to treat you as a doormat from what it seems like.
Also when your parent and step-parent ask you for favors, practice non-cooperation. Respect and support go both ways.
No one can expect something out of a child just because. Love and support are earned from their children by their parents.” demonicexgf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You say your father is aware of how your step-siblings treat you, so I wouldn’t bother to have another drawn-out conversation about it.
Just repeat the same sentence: I will not engage with anyone who is cruel to me. Anytime they mention it, look them in the eye and say it again. And again. They can’t ignore it when it’s put out there without any fuss.
And to be honest, your father allowing this to happen to you and punishing you for standing up for yourself is another form of mistreatment. Tell him that. Tell him that in two years, you will be able to leave, and your stepsiblings will have no part in your life from then on.
Whether or not HE does is based on the way he treats you from now on. His feelings are NOT more important than yours. He can want a blended family, but if he’s allowing his child to be bullied and mistreated to pretend he’s got just that, then he’s a bad parent.
No excuses or exceptions: that’s just a fact. He needs to open his eyes to it or lose you forever.” Accomplished-Cheek59
15. AITJ For Saying My Dad Is A Bad Father?
“My (14f) mum passed away about 8 months ago. She got very sick a few years ago and eventually, her body couldn’t handle it anymore. She and my dad had been divorced since I was 5. After the funeral, I moved in with my dad (40m), stepmom ‘Jane’ (39f), and two step-sisters ‘Alex’ and ‘Sofi’, (12f and 13f).
To be frank, we’ve never gotten along. Jane has tried to replace my mother numerous times, even refusing to let me go back to my mum’s house one weekend because I wouldn’t call her ‘mum’.
She’s always been like this, forcing me to hang out with my stepsisters, take family photos, call them family, do family game night, and so on.
Ever since my mum passed away, she’s gotten worse. Recently, Jane’s started to refer to me as ‘her daughter’ at family functions. None of my mum’s side of the family likes her.
Last night, Jane had friends over. I came home at around 7 because I had practice after school.
My dad told me to come and say hello to everyone, even though I didn’t want to but I did it to make him happy. When I walked into the living room, Jane jumped up and gave me a huge hug, which got awkward really fast. She turned around and said to her friends, ‘This is (my name), mine and (dad’s name)’s first daughter.’
I stopped her and said, ‘No, you’re my stepmom, not my mum.’ Everyone went silent and my dad told me I needed to come with him. He took me to my room, (which I share with my stepsisters) and asked me what I was doing.
I said that Jane wasn’t my mother, so I wouldn’t refer to her as such. He started yelling at me about being ‘ungrateful’, ‘spoiled’, and ‘a selfish brat’ for not accepting that this was my new family now.
I started crying and yelled that he was a bad father and that this was HIS new family, they would never be mine.
I guess Jane heard our yelling because she ran into the room and told me that she was my mum and the ‘other woman’ didn’t matter anymore because she was gone.
I’m staying with my grandparents (mum’s side) because Jane kicked me out, and I’m starting to feel guilty for not being more open.
AITJ?
EDIT: I’m staying at my grandparents’ house permanently. My dad came over and tried to apologize but I said I wasn’t ready to speak with him yet since he picked his new wife over his daughter. Apparently, he and Jane are now getting a divorce.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother may have passed, but she’s still your mom and it’s wildly inappropriate not only of your step-mother to refer to you as ‘her daughter’ without clearing that with you first but even more so of your father to have such little regard and respect for your feelings that he would go off on you for correcting her.
It might be for the best if you speak with your grandparents to see if they’re willing to take over as your guardians for the time being because it sounds like your father might not be mentally or emotionally mature enough to be doing so at this time.” ShadowCoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your dad and his new family on the other hand are major ones. Yes he took you in which was nice but then for your STEPmom to tell people you’re her daughter all the time is messed up, your dad should be defending you but he’s not so calling him a bad father is warranted.
Your Grandparents (mum’s side) sound awesome, I’d stay with them for the time being and focus on school and whatever else you want to do – live life and be happy, forget about jerks like your dad’s new fam (not saying dad here for now as he is b***d relative).
You’re 14 and it’s not even been a year yet you need time to mourn your mum not have a stupid idiot like Jane trying to one-up her.” Next-Temperature3244
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your dad’s family is trying to erase your mom.
Honestly, I would stay with your mom’s family and ask that your dad and just your dad visit you. What your stepmother is doing is really not healthy. Ask your grandparents to apply for guardianship, any death benefits that are meant to support you, and any items of your mother’s you were meant to inherit.
Also child support from your father. Keep any messages especially if you have texts etc where your stepmom says you have been kicked out, your grandparents will need them, and get them to retrieve all your important documents from your dad.” HexStarlight
14. AITJ For Injuring Myself To Prove A Point?
“A couple of weeks ago I took a fall and injured my arm.
I will admit I have been known for exaggerating things in the past, so my mom didn’t believe me. After a few days, I decided to let it go and move on. Self-medicating and all that.
Anyway, life moved on as normal. Last week, on day eight of pain, my mom told me I had to clean my room; pretty understandable, but my room is also used as the storage room so I was told to move the boxes around as my grandpa was coming to stay and didn’t want him to trip on anything (he sleeps in my bed).
The boxes are heavy and it really hurt. I asked her to help, and she said no, so I pushed through. Didn’t do much because it hurt.
I devised a plan; if I continued to lift until my grandpa got there it would probably hurt more and he’d actually react to it.
It was a bad idea. I lifted one of the heavier boxes and felt something pull in my arm and it was white hot pain. Thankfully he got in literally minutes later. I don’t think my mom would have believed me if he didn’t.
He ended up taking me to the hospital where they told me my arm was broken; they think it was just fractured and then I sort of forced it into a worse break by lifting things.
My grandpa ended up taking me back to his instead, which is pretty cool.
My mom feels guilty and has blamed me for not being more ‘truthful’ in the past. If I hadn’t lied previously, she would have believed me and all that.
Grandpa disagrees with her, and I did tell him what I’d planned – he said it was the wrong thing to do, and I shouldn’t plan things purely to get other people in trouble – which is what I’d done.
I hoped if it was bad enough my grandpa would blame my mom for it and she’d feel bad.
I mean, it worked. I obviously don’t like the broken arm side of it, but I guess it’s karma for intentionally trying to get my own way.
So, AITJ? I know I’m in the wrong – you know, a boy who cried wolf and all that. But I still feel like I’m being treated unfairly. I’m grounded for my troubles and had to apologize to my mom.
She hasn’t apologized to me, which I think is unfair.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For your information, medically, broken, and fractured mean the same thing! You could have a piece of bone coming out through the skin and it would still be a fracture.
There’s no saying for certain whether lifting boxes made it worse, or whether it just hurt from the irritation of having to do work.
Your mum might not be the jerk for not believing you if you’ve lied before, but grounding you?
And not apologizing? What did she expect to happen? She asked you to move boxes, you moved boxes. If she’d asked you to move boxes and you hadn’t moved them, she would still be mad and your arm would still be broken, but you wouldn’t have a cast. What were you supposed to do?
Definitely, she’s the jerk after all that.” kanicro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom needs to listen to you.
I mean, you’re old enough that saying to you ‘look. I am happy to take you to the doctor if you’re in this much pain.
But I want to be clear – if you are faking or exaggerating, the consequence is X if you don’t tell me now. I don’t want to pay X amount in doctor bills (assuming you’re from the US) and spend X hours in emerge.’ And then if you come clean not be upset and just thank you for your honesty.
Way better.
You may want to talk to your mom – ‘I’m sorry for getting hurt worse. When you didn’t believe me, I felt X and X. I thought the only way you’d take me seriously is if I got grandpa on my side.
It really hurts me that you don’t trust me when I am in pain. I didn’t mean to cause it to break.’
And then, the hardest part for you will be to stay calm and cool and listen to your mom.
You may also have to say ‘mom you’re getting really upset. Can we talk about this again later?’ And shut it down if she’s not listening to you. You could also ask your grandpa to help mediate as well.
She’s your mother and she owes you b****y medical care when you’re hurt/injured.” punnymama
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Bed?
“I’m a divorced mother of three (only one at home) and was seeing people but not going out with anyone seriously.
I started going out with a friend of almost 3 decades who had been widowed for five years and moved back into the area after his wife’s passing. He recently asked me to move in with him and I have slowly begun doing that.
However, his kid uses his bedroom as theirs. That happened before me and so I don’t expect it to go away any time soon without serious intervention (btw, the kid is 17 years old). I’ll wake up on a weekend, fix coffee, and start moving around, only to walk by the bedroom and see a teen in what is supposed to be my bed. I’ll come home after work and find a teen in what is supposed to be my bed. Keep in mind, this isn’t a kid lying on top of the bedding; this is a kid wrapped up in the blankets and sheets in various states of undress.
I’ve spoken to my partner about it and all he says is, ‘Well, you weren’t in it, so…’
I’ve allowed my children to sleep in my bed past childhood, but we have boundaries and they DEFINITELY would not come to my room over their own.
AITJ for considering moving back to my own house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Move back to your place.
You don’t need a near-adult getting into your bed the minute you turn your back. You also don’t need a partner who enables this.
It sounds like the kid has issues, possibly over the loss of their mother. Therapy, maybe grief therapy, could be helpful for them. You could point this out to your SO.
But if your SO refuses to recognize his kid’s behavior as a problem, it might be near-impossible for you to do anything about it.” Paevatar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Move back. this is a disaster waiting to happen. That is not a child, that is a teenage boy.
Has he always slept in his dad’s bed, before you weren’t around? If so, there are definitely some co-dependency issues.
That alone will become a bigger problem down the line if your partner doesn’t address it. And that he dismisses your discomfort about it is concerning as well.
If this is a new development, then there are a number of reasons for his behavior, and all of them are linked to you, and none bode well.
He could be trying to reassert his relationship with his dad and cut you out. Or he could be linking some behaviors to you that may be extremely inappropriate for a number of reasons.
Either way, if your partner doesn’t deal with it, it’s time to get out.” FilledWithStardust
You need to move back to your place, NOW. This is not normal. Your partner seems to believe this is okay.
You need a new partner. Dump this dude.
12. AITJ For Asking A Little Girl To Return My Daughter's Dress?
“I took my two-year-old to a play cafe. She wanted to wear her sparkly fairy dress, but as soon as we got there she wanted to try on something from the costume box. I took off her dress (she had base layers underneath) and put it on the chair at the table where we were sitting.
We went off to play and then went back to our table to eat. After a few minutes, my daughter starts bawling and pointing at another little girl – a bit older, maybe four – who is wearing her dress.
She must have gone up to our table and taken it. No big deal, kids are always rummaging through other people’s bags. Her mom was having coffee and chatting with another mom, so obviously hadn’t noticed her take it and then just assumed it was from the dress-up box.
I tried to calm my daughter down for 10 minutes, explaining that it was nice to share our things and that the little girl would be upset if we asked for it back, and I tried distracting her with other things, but two-year-olds are stubborn, and all she wanted was to wear her dress.
She was having such a meltdown that my only choices were to either take her home – in which case, I’d have had to ask for the dress back before we left – or to speak to the mom.
I found a princess dress from the dress-up box and approached the two moms, explained the situation – that it was my daughter’s dress from home and it had been on the chair, apologized, saying I should have hidden it in our bag, and said would you mind if we did a swap for this princess dress.
I said, please take your time, I don’t want to upset your daughter, so I’ll carry on trying to distract mine. The other little girl obviously wasn’t happy about having to take it off, but after about 10 minutes of wrangling, the mom got it off and put it back on our table without saying anything.
Then she proceeded to glare at me for the rest of the session. By that point, our two daughters were playing together and her daughter had completely forgotten about the dress, but this mom completely refused to engage with me and seemed really mad.
AITJ? I actually don’t really care what random moms think of me, but I also don’t want to raise a spoilt child. I just don’t know what else I could have done differently (besides having better hidden the dress, which I’ll remember for next time).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the dress belonged to you. You had every right to ask for it back and you offered another dress as a replacement. Don’t waste another second on that other woman’s poor attitude and parenting.
Just one thing though: ‘explaining that it was nice to share our things and the little girl would be upset if we asked for it back, and I tried distracting her with other things’.
It’s good to instill in children that they need to share. However, it’s just as important to teach them that they can have special items that they don’t have to share. If your daughter wants her belongings back then get them back.
It’s not your responsibility to manage other people’s children.
Also, that other child stole that dress. Don’t reward thieves. You should’ve got that dress back immediately. Boo-hoo if the other kid and parent don’t like it. It might teach them not to take stuff that doesn’t belong to them.” DinosaurDomination
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not asking for it back immediately! When a stranger takes your property without permission, that’s not sharing, it’s stealing! You didn’t put it in with the dresses available, it would’ve been obvious to any adult that it wasn’t up for grabs (unless all other kids arrive without clothes and there are no privately owned clothes in the area), and there is no way a toddler dressed herself in a princess dress alone.” JuliaX1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – not quite the same, but when I take my kid swimming, we bring a float for her (it’s one of those flotation backpacks where you can use the float on its own). Half the time, she doesn’t use it so we leave it on the side of the pool.
Now the pool also has floats/toys/pool noodles for everyone to use, so sometimes somebody mistakenly takes ours to use – but I wouldn’t ask for it back unless we needed to leave the pool, or if my daughter wanted to use the float.
Your daughter wanted her dress back – it was hers – you asked for it back.” Marzipan_civil
11. WIBTJ If I Buy A Lockable Wallet?
“This morning my husband got up earlier than me and left the house. I noticed he had left his wallet on the counter. When he returned home with grocery bags he made no mention of borrowing my card.
It was only when I commented that his wallet was on the counter an hour later that he volunteered that he used mine (meaning he decided to go into my bag and take my card without asking me first). For context, we usually pay for things 50/50 and in the past, I have let him borrow my card with the condition he lets me know he’s doing it and that he returns it to my wallet.
I do not use his card or touch his things without asking. If I want him to contribute, I’ll ask him to transfer me funds.
I am mad that when I told him that wasn’t cool and he should have asked me first, he rolled his eyes, sighed, and said sorry like I was complaining about something minor like him leaving the toilet seat up instead of going through my wallet and spending my money.
The apology felt insincere and like my frustration wasn’t taken seriously. He is now mad at me because I ‘won’t let it go’ and I should be grateful that he went out and got groceries. By not letting it go, he means that I called his apology insincere and that it really didn’t seem like he was sorry about it, more irritated by the fact that I was calling him out on his behavior.
He stormed off when I continued to try to get him to see why his tone and body language all matter when making an apology (and his shows annoyance and frustration). I think he feels that since he’s said the word sorry everything is now fine and it’s my problem for still feeling upset.
It’s hard for me to not feel frustrated since it seems like he feels he did nothing wrong.
If he had asked me beforehand or volunteered that he had borrowed the card when he came home, I wouldn’t have minded. For me, this became a bigger issue because he made no mention of it until I did and then acted irritated that I even brought it up.
He promised to never use my credit card without asking but he’s said that before and here we are.
So, would I be the jerk if I bought a lockable wallet to make sure this doesn’t happen again?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But a lockable wallet is more like a band-aid to this problem. Taking your credit card without your permission is a pretty serious boundary violation. Since you weren’t awake yet, he could’ve just used his own card and asked you to give him cash or Venmo him the 50%.
I feel like that’s what most people would do.
So you won’t be the jerk for using a lockable wallet, but it’s not gonna fix the problem of your husband not respecting your boundaries.” UncleGrimm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But he is, he went behind your back and used your credit card knowing that he didn’t have permission and that you would not be happy if he did use it without said permission. There are red flags flying here and I hope you see them.
It’s the beginning of a very large problem. You need to protect yourself now though, so yes, either buy a wallet that you can lock or hide your purse in a new location… but also, I would change your PINs and remove any tap purchase abilities on the cards.
You should also remove your wallet from your purse at night and put it in your bedside drawer or hide it from him. If he goes looking for it and can’t find it, he will be forced to either ask like a normal person or use his own money.
It seems like he is using you a little here seeing as you both are splitting everything right down the middle. I would be concerned that there are other times he has borrowed your cards and you haven’t caught him, and you didn’t notice.” skeletorro95
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s really plain and simple, he is not entitled to decide what’s permissible for your money. He’s decided it’s not a big deal. The reason people sneak around and don’t say anything in situations like this is that they know they are wrong.
The fact you are thinking about buying a locking wallet instead of thinking your spouse would respect a boundary suggests there might be problems in paradise.” kradaan
10. AITJ For Not Letting My Niece Play In My Room?
“I (16F) get very sick on my periods. I’m talking like fainting, severe bleeding, and cramps that make me unable to move.
Today, I was absent from school due to fainting this morning and my mother worried that it may happen again.
My niece (4F) loves playing in my room and jumping on my bed. I often let her do this but today, I felt very unwell. My mum woke me up so that she could come in and bounce on my bed. She also threw the medication I take (sitting on the bedside table) onto the floor so she can put her drink down there.
She was also trying to kick me off my bed so she could have it to herself.
I’m aware that she’s 4 and doesn’t know any better but today I was just not feeling up to it. My mum was sitting in the room with us and I ended up asking her to take her out.
My mother tried to convince me to let her stay and ended it by saying ‘you’re lucky I let you stay off school, I could have sent you in’. When I told her to take my niece out of my room, she started shouting at me.
She was calling me a bad aunt, a witch, telling me to shut up and saying ‘she only wanted to play’.
After she was taken out, my niece began to scream and cry. She was banging on the door to be let in again and play and my mother was bad-mouthing me to her when she knows I can hear it.
I feel really guilty and my mother has been calling me a jerk, as well as my sister, who has been texting me paragraphs on how I shouldn’t be mean to her daughter.
My older cousin (who also experiences the same things as I do) has told me that I’m not in the wrong.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I’m incredibly upset at just the thought of having a child bouncing on your bed while you’re suffering menstrual cramps. Oww.
Your mother is absolutely wrong. She should not have allowed the child in your room, especially after you asked that she be removed.
Why does she seem to care more about your niece’s fun than about your well-being? And why can’t she watch the niece herself instead of dumping the kid on you?
The bed bouncing needs to stop completely before your mattress gets ruined. If the child doesn’t like that, too bad.
Your mother also should not allow the child in your bedroom at any time when you are not there, or don’t want her in the room…
I hope you are seeing a good gynecologist about your menstrual pain. It can be horrendous.
Wishing you the best.” Paevatar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Throwing your medicine and trying to kick you out of your own bed suggests that there’s a severe lack of parenting going on here. Sick or not, I wouldn’t let the little monster in my room until she can act right.
Beds are not for jumping, she’s going to get hurt or you’re going to have a broken bed. Let the adults in your house deal with her, you should be allowed your own space to not share with a feral-acting child.” adlittle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because your sister and mother are raising your niece to be a brat, does not obligate you to tolerate her bad behavior. Instead of texting you or giving you a hard time, they should be redirecting your niece and training her to show self-control.
They are setting her up for failure.” Suchafatfatcat
9. AITJ For Telling My Stepdad And His Family That They're Not Going To Heaven?
“I (16M) am from Europe and in high school and live in the dorms. This year I got a new roommate that soon became my significant other. Such is life. My mom and dad are divorced. They both remarried.
My dad knows I’m gay. He caught me with another boy. My mom and stepdad don’t know yet. So, I’m currently off school and with my mom till Sunday. Yesterday my stepdad had his family over. It was nice until they started to ask me if I had a girl.
I told them, no, but they didn’t stop. Asking questions like which girl I like, how teenage love is the best, etc. This went on for 1 hour and I had enough. I told them I’m seeing a boy and agreed that teenage love is the best because I’m living it right now.
It all went quiet and then my stepdad’s mother commented how this is wrong, that I’m a sinner. Then all others joined in and told me how God didn’t intend this for me and am going against him and not going to heaven.
I was upset at this point. I snapped and told them that God made me exactly how he wanted. And me being gay is him also testing their true kindness and acceptance. They failed the test and that means they are not going to heaven.
I annoyed them so much that they all started screaming at me so I grabbed my stuff and went to my dad’s place, 15 mins away.
My mom texted and told me that my behavior was unacceptable, that I insulted my whole stepdad’s family and I had to apologize.
My dad told me I did nothing wrong. I feel bad because I know my mom is being given trouble right now so I’m thinking of maybe apologizing. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and don’t let your mom bully you into being bullied for her own marriage.
It’s reprehensible and sad that she’s not standing up for you or having your back in front of your SD and his family. I suggest going low contact and letting her know that until they apologize to you or are accepting you won’t be having her in your life.
Glad your dad has your back.” RLuna911
Another User Comments:
“Your mother did not protect you in a vulnerable moment. She wants you to apologize to people who mistreated you. That is not what a good parent does. A good parent protects their child, they do not defend the child’s attacker.
She is sad, but bad parents can be sad, too.
OP, you need to talk to someone who can help guide you through this. Seeing your mother for her birthday is just rewarding her for bad behavior. You can love your mother without liking her.
NTJ.” ScarletteMayWest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At the end of the day, you are a child and they are adults. As a parent, you are meant to love your children no matter what (that is my feeling/opinion anyway). What they said to you was just downright wrong.
I understand why you feel bad, as most people would, but humans can only take so much. I don’t feel you really owe anyone an apology, however, I might give one but ONLY if they apologize first.” CJsMom2000
This kind of behavior from a parent makes me sick. "You think I'm going to jerk, I think you're going to jerk... I guess I'll see you there." Would have been my final say of the conversation.
Tell mom if she can't accept you, her son, as you are, that you will be going no contact. I'm sorry your mom is so nearsighted. Hopefully she will come around.
8. AITJ For Not Financially Helping My Pregnant Sister?
“My older sister has wanted a child with her fiancé for a long time and after some difficulties which I won’t divulge (potential trigger), she has finally gotten pregnant.
My sister and fiancé are not financially stable, with no savings, have two dogs, currently waiting for social housing as opposed to their current expensive rental property, and to the best of my knowledge have some considerable debt.
Since then, I have had both my sister and mother ask me to ‘chip in’ and help buy a pram for her.
And in this isolated case of them asking, I am happy to contribute. However, my concern is that if I don’t agree or offer to contribute further, I will be vilified by my family and guilt-tripped.
The reason I think/expect this is because, unfortunately, my relationship with my sister is strained at best, and unfortunately she is very much under the thumb of my narcissistic and manipulative mother with whom I also have a very strained relationship.
So you could say my sister is very ‘team mum’.
My mum has also used my sister (through triangulation) to guilt me in the past so you can probably imagine why this is a concern for me, should they start demanding I help out financially.
Not to mention that we’re in a cost of living crisis, and energy crisis, on top of me having to buy many family members Christmas gifts (a minimum £30 spend was the agreement we all made) and my partner and I trying to save up for a house deposit.
So AITJ for thinking that I shouldn’t owe my sister financial support based on the fact that I’m family and based on her decision to have a child in this current economic climate and her financial situation? My moral compass is really wavering on what’s okay and what isn’t.”
Another User Comments:
“It’s not your job to pay for your sister’s child.
Tell your sister she is now having a child she can’t afford. Don’t expect me to pay for it.
Once you start paying for things for the child you will be expected to keep paying.
They are both expecting you and your partner to pay for a child that is not yours.
Tell your mum and sister when you have kids are they going to pay for your child? I bet the answer is no.
Also, tell your mum it’s not the aunt’s job to pay for stuff if anything it’s hers as the grandmother.
NTJ, save your funds for your house deposit and put yourself and your partner first.” CandThonestpartners
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you do not owe her a thing.
Just a thought, if you are financially able, maybe quietly set up a trust for your future niece or nephew so they might have a small amount of money they can have access to for university in the future. One that they can access through an outside person and can only be used by them for specific things.
A gift for when they are 18 or older. In the U.S. we have Roth Iras specifically designed for school. It sounds like they may need help in the future and it is a wonderful gift. I would not tell anyone until they are old enough to access it so the family doesn’t try to create drama.” M00N13BUG
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Please don’t give money to ‘chip in’. Giving money establishes a precedent that you might give more again in the future for a ‘good reason’, which makes it far more likely that you’ll get hit up for help again and again (‘baby needs diapers’, etc…).
And you have absolutely no control over how your money is actually spent. Yes, they might spend it to buy a pram… Or they could spend your money on fast food (or the equivalent wastefulness).
Wait until the baby has been born.
Then, give your sister a baby gift of your choosing, and a value of your choosing. Given your sister’s precarious financial situation, she’s going to need basic necessities (diapers, sleepers, formula if she isn’t exclusively BF, etc…) pretty badly.” teresajs
Stuff happens sometimes and people need help, and I'm of the mind that I'll do what I can for them without sacrificing my own family. But I won't be an enabler for proven poor decisions that have been explained before and they are well aware of.
Chip in for the pram if you want, and then don't get a gift and if anyone asks "oh I was under the impression that the pram was a combined gift from us, otherwise I would have used that money on a gift". Or just buy a gift and don't chip in. Regardless, say no if they start asking for money afterwards. If you really want to look out for the baby, then buy a bunch of diapers/wipes and give those. If sister says baby needs formula, buy some yourself and take it to them. I've had experience with these same types of people, my own BIL and his wife, who consistently make really s****y decisions with their money and have been known to say they need cash to buy their kids xyz, then just turn around and use it to buy cigarettes or give to her terrible leech of a mother. So collectively my MIL and us all decided that we'll always be there to support those kids who have no control, but we'll do that by buying things for them directly. That's it. Surprise surprise, they hardly ever ask any of us for anything anymore.
7. AITJ For Telling My Partner What Her Chicken Nuggets Are Made Of?
“I (M26) have been with my partner (F24) for almost a year. I have been a vegetarian for two years, while my partner doesn’t eat many things, because she finds them disgusting.
Just the smell of certain things (often vegetables, to my detriment) can make her throw up. I haven’t talked to her much about vegetarianism because I know she’s not a big fan of it, which is fine.
Until the last time we were at McDonald’s together.
She ate a lot of her meals there because she likes almost all of them. She’s more into sugary things and fast food.
I bought a veggie burger and fries while she treated herself to a twenty-pack of chicken nuggets.
The afternoon was going well overall until she suddenly started making fun of me. She laughed about how it would be weird to eat here as a vegetarian and that I must hate the veggie burger and only eat it because there is nothing else for me.
I was slightly irritated by this because she has never said anything about the subject before and because of this, I stamped the statement as a joke.
Throughout the meal, she made odd comments until suddenly she said in a mocking tone, ‘At least I don’t eat grass.’ I laughed at that and amusedly responded with, ‘But at least I don’t eat shredded chicks.’ She then stared at me in shock and then looked at her food and asked me what I meant.
Confused, I explained to her that chicken nuggets from fast food restaurants are usually just chicks that have been thrown into the shredder. Upon my explanation, she choked briefly and I was about to ask her if everything was okay until she suddenly threw up on the table.
The staff rushed to her but she had already started crying and ashamedly sank into the bench she was sitting on. I tried to de-escalate the situation and told her I didn’t mean it, whereupon she stormed out of the Mcdonald’s.
I apologized to the staff for the trouble and hurried after her. Unfortunately for me, she was already gone with our car, so I called a cab.
We live in a rather remote house (I inherited this house from my grandmother and suggested my partner move in with me as I often only had the opportunity to visit her on weekends.) I waited for her to open the door, which she did only after the cab driver drove away.
Then she didn’t even look me in the eyes before she went back into the bedroom. I ran after her and saw that she was packing a bag, whereupon I asked her what she was up to. She burst into tears again and reproached me for saying something like that when I knew what it would do to her and that I would know what it meant to her.
I did not answer because she was already crying and let the matter take its course. Before she went out the door she told me that she was going to spend some time with her mother. It has been four hours since this happened and I don’t know who to talk to about it.
I am desperate. So, AITJ?
UPDATE: My partner doesn’t have a disability and if she did it wouldn’t be anything to insult her about.
The chicken nuggets might not be made from shredded chicks. I wanted to explain to my partner that I didn’t mean it, and she wasn’t listening.
Admittedly, I chose my words on purpose, but I had no idea she would react so strongly.
Yesterday my partner’s mother contacted me. We talked about the situation and she was conflicted. Of course, she defended my partner and told me that I had to be particularly careful about what I said, especially when eating.
On the other hand, she also found it unfair that, as a vegetarian, she always drags me to restaurants that contain meat. Shortly thereafter, my partner called me herself. Apparently, she did a lot of research on McDonald’s production and was angry that I lied to her.
Nevertheless, she wants to question her own diet more in the future. I apologized for not thinking of her at the time. She and her mother talked and she apologized to me for laughing at me.
Overall, the whole situation was a bit childish.
My partner and I want to meet up again today and talk about it face-to-face. I suggested speaking at Mcdonald’s as a joke. She then hung up on me and texted me that I’m a jerk, that she loves me, and that we’ll meet at my place.
So… I guess no more Mcdonald’s for us.
She plans to see a doctor next week about her vomiting. I’ll accompany her.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and you clearly know nothing at all about food preparation factories. Sure, a lot of the meats are mechanically separated, and maybe it’s not the best quality meats for some things, but dude, they don’t shred chicks at all.
There’s no meat on a chick to even bother with shredding it. In this example, Mcdonald’s is 100% chicken breast meat in their nuggets, regardless of HOW it’s processed. Get your facts straight before you start spouting nonsense. You ruined her meal, and possibly everyone else’s in the restaurant when she vomited. I respect your vegetarian choice.
More bacon for me. But you are the jerk.” mohagthemoocow
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. For one thing, chicken nuggets are not made of baby chicks. (But she must have known that they were made from dead chickens and, at 24, should have known that the process was not likely to be pretty.) And you know that she’s prone to vomit easily.
But what was she doing making fun of your dietary choices in the first place? Her behavior was rude and unacceptable. Was she really irritated about something else?
She says she needs to spend some time at her mother’s, so the only reasonable thing you can do is to let her spend some time with her mother.
Get some sleep. See if she wants to talk tomorrow.” AfterSevenYears
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your info might be wrong, but you weren’t doing anything malicious or trying to hurt her. Live chicks do get conveyer belted into meat shredders.
McDonald’s nuggets may not use them, but I’m sure some companies do. You should’ve been more accurate with your info about the McDonald’s nuggets, but you weren’t trying to hurt her. She was even actively making fun of you and your diet and going a bit too far with it.
Her reaction of forcefully vomiting, ditching you there when you only have one car between you, making you take a cab, and locking you out of your own house is way over the top. If someone locked me out of my own home, I’d kick them to the curb that instant.
Although I’ve been forced out of my home as a kid more than once, so maybe I’m coming from a position of not wanting to be housing insecure again lol.
Her behavior is throwing off too many red flags for me.
The whole vomiting thing especially, I, unfortunately, know someone who does stuff like that when she once again ignores the ingredients on the restaurant menu and eats something she doesn’t like to eat, then forces herself to throw up when she realizes halfway through the dish.
Most people who know that lady think she’s crazy for that and some other disturbing behavior. What your partner did kinda reminds me of that, and in my opinion, I wouldn’t want to stay in a relationship with her personally if that’s how she behaves.
What she did was uncalled for and over the top. She is not wrong for being upset, she’s wrong for the excessive drama after the fact. No sane person has the time or energy for dealing with that nonsense.
LOL.” zakiducky
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
First off, if you don’t know how something is made, do not speak of it. What you said was deliberate to provoke her. The fact is the whole chicken is not tossed into a grinder, but the breast meat is separated from the body, and the meat parts are shredded and made into ground chicken meat (and other stuff also happens, not going to write it all).
Now I know the young male chicks will be tossed alive into a grinder, but this is not to make chicken nuggets for McDonald’s.
So you are a jerk for purposely being mean to her. But also she is a jerk for saying the things that she did.
We should all just simply respect that we all make different choices when it comes to food.” PepsiMax0807
6. WIBTJ If I Stop My Daughter From Visiting Her Dad?
“My ex is the fun parent. He came back into our lives 4 years ago when our daughter Lucy turned 10 and all the hard work was over.
Lucy loves him of course. We each have her 2 weeks a month and every time she is with me she is constantly trying to go back to her dad.
Every time she is there she comes back with new stuff and clothes and constantly talks about the new thing she did with her dad like ‘dad taught me how to play chess – you never do this’ or ‘dad and I played baseball – you don’t play with me’.
The other night she told me she is going to have a sleepover at her friend’s home and turned out she was lying to me and going to her dad’s instead and when I brought her back home she was yelling at me the entire time and saying she hates me and I should just let her live with her dad.
I’m very tired and we never had a formal agreement so I still have full custody. I was thinking I should just stop her from going to her dad’s home but my mom thinks I’ll be the jerk if I do this.”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ
Your daughter, if I’m reading this right, is 14. Her childhood isn’t going to get easier, it’s just going to be hard in a different way.
I get the feeling that your ex is not just the ‘fun parent’ but the one who is in a better position to do things that she needs and her feedback (because that’s what this is) is her hoping you would put her first in a way that she feels you are.
Your daughter wants to spend time with you and for whatever reason, she doesn’t feel she gets it in the way that she does with her Dad. Removing that connection is only going to backfire.” BlackCatLuna
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ
Your daughter is making up for lost time and also will naturally favor ‘Disneyland Dad’. He may be making up for lost time as well, feeling guilty for missing out on so many years of her life. If you try to restrict visits now, you will be even more vilified. Instead, work with your ex to agree on a co-parenting plan.
If your relationship is strained and he can’t be reasoned with, grab some books on parenting after divorce, see a therapist, and try to do the right things to provide a solid foundation for your daughter. As long as her dad isn’t engaging in anything truly horrible don’t try and drive a wedge between them.” tlf555
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You’re just going to cause her to resent and hate you so much if you keep trying to get in the way of her spending time with her dad. And maybe if he spends more time with her, he’ll have to take on more of the responsibilities that he’s always shied away from.
It may not just be that he’s fun, but that he’s very PRESENT. But it’s easier to be present the more limited your time is with your child. She missed many years with him and I’m sure there was a ton of joy in all that hard work you did the first 10 years.
I would encourage you to give her more time with her dad while making special plans with her for just the two of you sprinkled into his added time. Let her see that you can be present and fun too AS WELL AS respectful of her feelings.” jammy913
5. AITJ For Telling A Fresh Grad He Wouldn't Get An Interview?
“I’m a nurse and am applying for a higher-level position within my specialty. I was talking with some of my colleagues including 2 new graduates about nursing and what they wanted to do next as the new grads are almost finished with the program.
I spoke about my own recent experience of applying for a higher position and how nervous I was about interviewing.
One of the new grads asked me about the position and I told him the requirements one of which being that you must have expert knowledge and experience in oncology.
He said he was going to apply then. This is where I’m likely the jerk. I laughed thinking he was joking, he had just been spoken to by the unit manager for giving wrong information to patients and has only been in oncology for a month (new grads rotate through different wards/specialties).
I told him, he wouldn’t even get an interview and that the application process was hard so don’t waste your time.
I realized then from his face he was being serious and apologized for laughing but that he shouldn’t apply as his application would not make it through screening.
If he was interested in oncology he could and should apply for the second-year program and I could help him with what courses/extra duties he should take to help if this was the direction he wanted his career to go.
One of the other senior nurses chimed in here and reiterated that he didn’t meet the essential criteria.
He called me a witch and said he would still apply and that I should just keep my mouth shut, that I shouldn’t tell anyone what they could apply for, and was just scared I would lose to him.
He did end up applying but as expected did not get an interview. One of the other staff members in the room at the time told me I should have just kept my mouth shut and let him make his own mistakes.
I realize laughing was wrong and I did apologize for that but is it seriously wrong to tell someone in a field you are familiar with that they won’t be a candidate for the job?
EDIT – While he didn’t specifically ask for my advice this was an informal talk with new grads and a few junior staff (about to finish uni or other courses) about applying for jobs.
I and 2 other senior staff had been answering questions and giving more general advice on how and when to apply and what jobs to apply for in regards to specific career goals eg transition programs for those interested in ICU or ED. Also how our organization in particular requires you to apply and what they looked for in resumes etc one of the senior staff members is directly involved in that process and was the other staff member who told him he wouldn’t be considered. I say this so you don’t all think I’m a complete jerk knocking him back out of nowhere not my usual behavior.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Through life, it’s not hard to try when you can, to apply to things that might be out of reach, because sometimes you can never truly know whether it’s a yes or a no – sure, some things need in-depth skills and knowledge, some things don’t, etc, but if you go through life without knowing failure and rejection then one does not grow and learn.
His life, his choices, he can try whenever he sees fit. Your laughing at him only made him want to apply even more.
Even though you apologized, it doesn’t take away from the fact that you sounded condescending to a youngling who’s new in the field.” outstanding_move_ko
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, you apologized when you realized he was serious then repeated what you just apologized for. You could have told him the criteria without repeating them again. Some people might value the experience of applying (not me, sounds like hard work, but some might!).
That said it was a tiny thing and likely motivated out of a desire to help him so he didn’t do unnecessary work, and he absolutely overreacted and was completely rude to you. In any normal conversation, the other person would have thanked you for the heads-up.
He sounds arrogant to think a) he is experienced in a job he has been doing as a trainee for only a month, and b) that he has the right to step on and be rude to anyone who doesn’t say what he wants to hear.
My guess is he’s not going to make it in that profession.
I only say everyone sucks here as we are judging you specifically on that moment of you saying it, and in an ideal world you wouldn’t have laughed or repeated it after apologizing, but in a normal everyday world your colleague would not have been so rude, and unprofessional for so minor a comment.” JWJulie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, ‘I’m sorry that I embarrassed you by laughing at you, now here’s a five-minute monologue about why your statement was so ridiculous and made me laugh at you.’
Maybe you are right and his application wouldn’t make the grade – so?
Let him figure it out himself, as he did by going through the application process.
If he had asked you for advice about how to achieve the goal, then you could have given him your little speech about what he needs to do to meet the criteria.
Incidentally, this sounds like a horrible workplace where the more qualified people are shooting down the new grads, rather than helping them find their path.” User
4. AITJ For Refusing To Accept The Gifts My Ex Sent Our Baby?
“My ex broke up with me after we found out I was pregnant because he didn’t want children, ever, and I wanted to keep our baby.
I don’t know what caused it but when I was around 6 months he wanted to get back together and he started sending me gift after gift to try to convince me to speak to him. I was still angry so I sent them back but he would resend them.
Eventually, I was so fed up that I stopped opening the gifts and started to send them to his parents instead of to him.
When he came to see our baby he asked me why I never put him in the clothes he bought for him and why none of the toys he bought for him were there.
I told him he never bought our son anything which turned to us arguing over whether he had or not.
He’s angry at me and so are his parents, who up until now were on my side, as they all think I should’ve been checking before sending the gifts to his parents.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with NTJ, you obviously just thought the gifts (like all previous ones) were for you. Can’t imagine how much of a roller coaster this has been for you but you’re obviously facilitating contact with baby and dad now, and he’s had a change of heart that can only benefit your child.
I’d advise just letting all involved know that you didn’t intentionally send baby gifts back (thinking about it now they shouldn’t really have been gifts or wrapped, as baby items from parents are a necessity usually not a gift) to clear the air a bit, this is a life long commitment that you’re all involved in so it’s best to try and make it as easy as possible.” Ophelialoves
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. He screwed up obviously. He ditched you at the worst of times but it is quite common for new parents to get cold feet, especially if the child was unplanned. He came back, realized his mistake, and tried to reconcile with you through gifts for you and the child.
Though understandably you didn’t want to try again he obviously wants to be involved in the child’s life now so the pettiness really should be put aside for the sake of your child together and lying, saying he didn’t get anything for the baby isn’t going to help you in the long run, especially if he takes it to court.
I think you two need to sit down and have a reasonable conversation about the way to move forward with this. It will be far better for your baby to grow up with parents who can get along than ones who are going to be fighting over small things like this.” Never_mind_377
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From what I understand he started by sending gifts meant for you and didn’t listen when you told him you were not consenting to these gifts and didn’t want them. You were clear to him and he kept doing it.
That is reason enough for me to put you in the NTJ category. He is crossing your boundaries. Just because he kept sending you gifts doesn’t mean you had the obligation to open them, even more after being clear you didn’t want them.
Then when it comes to gifts for your kid, I don’t see why he couldn’t have brought them to you in person instead of sending them along with gifts for you that you didn’t want and stopped opening. Buying things for his child is different than buying you personal gifts and he should have made this difference if he didn’t want the stuff to get mixed.” Comprehensive_Fly350
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – your ex sucks for leaving you and your unborn baby, then expecting he can send you gifts to convince you to get back with him. His parents suck because they knew very well what was happening, sided with you the entire time, and then suddenly turned the blame on you for not opening the gifts (which they could’ve done as well, they could’ve asked him about them too).
You also didn’t handle the situation well, at the end of the day he still is the father of your child and he did change his mind before the baby was born. You held on to that pain he caused you and therefore put your own needs before your child’s needs.
You could’ve opened the gifts and donated them, instead of involving his parents.” OkayToDecay
3. AITJ For Not Putting My Adoptive Son In My Will?
“My (59M) brother and his wife, unfortunately, passed away from a car accident when their son (Tris) was 7 years old. Tris was very young and all of our relatives refused to take him in including my parents.
I decided to adopt him and take care of him till he gets stable in his career. I have an only child the same age as Tris.
We paid for Tris’s education till he passed out of university and got a stable job but the problem arose when Tris got to know about my will.
It only had my daughter’s name and he got mad telling us that we never treated him as their child and he was just an outsider which is definitely not true. I have always treated him and my daughter equally, they both got an equal amount of gifts.
I always used to take both of them on trips. But as for my will, only my daughter will get everything from it.
Tris has gone no contact with us.
INFO: yes Tris inherited his parent’s money but it was not much because they passed away young.
As for my will, my purpose to adopt Tris was to provide him proper education and help him build his career and make him stable in his life which would not have happened if I would have not taken him in.
Favoritism was never done btw. The kids always got along pretty well from the start but it was the money I was saving for my daughter from way before.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You didn’t adopt him as much as you took him in and gave him some stability in his life, even though he wasn’t your son, and did your best. You may have adopted him as a legal matter, but this wasn’t an adoption where you wanted another child.
You did the right thing by him.
He’s angry. For a lot of reasons. His parents passed away – that on its own sucks. He got stuck with a new family without a choice. Of course, you love your natural daughter differently and maybe even ‘more,’ because you’ve known her longer, and you’ve watched her grow up from infancy.
Of course, you feel more attached to her, and everyone saying that you’re a jerk for feeling that way is flat-out wrong.
With that said, you are entitled to do with your estate whatever you want. But you might want to reconsider a bit, just to be a little more understanding of him.” whiporee123
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk. You adopted him legally only cause you didn’t have options. Also considering your native language isn’t English it’s much more likely that the foster care system or adoption system is pretty bad in your country which’s common in most countries.
If relatives don’t take him in, then the kid is thrown into an orphanage where he wouldn’t have been adopted since he was old or thrown onto the streets which’s a darn common occurrence.
Also, even if the system is alright in his country, it’s more likely the kid would’ve suffered considering most of the foster stories.
You gave him a stable life, paid through college which most people wouldn’t have since he’s your nephew not your own. Just because you have legally adopted him out of obligation doesn’t make you obligated to include him in the will.
It’s sad for the boy but it’s the reality… Sure he can cut you off but he’s ungrateful that you looked after him when he had no one, and he’s ungrateful to be even asking to be included in the will considering YOU paid for all his expenses.
You didn’t adopt him wanting another child, you adopted coz he lost his parents and nobody wanted to take him in. You have full right to will it entirely to your daughter…” S1234567890S
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one gets to dictate who you list as a beneficiary in your will.
That decision is yours and yours alone.
Now on to the bigger issue. Taking people on trips and gifting the same gifts does not equate to love. It’s a very nice gesture, one I wish I had (LOL), however, that is not love.
From what you stated, he doesn’t feel loved and has never felt that you saw him as your own and that is the bigger and more important issue here.
In all honesty, you probably saw him as your nephew who lost his parents, and you as well lost a sibling.
That’s hard. Maybe he only saw you as an uncle, but you most likely did take the role of parent and protector in his life. He lost everything he knew at seven, I can’t imagine.
Honestly, the thought of people being upset they don’t get to benefit from someone’s death makes me sick.
In the end, it’s your decision and you stepped in and up and took care of your nephew. That was very kind.
Good luck to all involved.” Thart85
2. WIBTJ If I Sue A Child For Her College Fund?
“Three years ago, my partner and I became the guardians of my sister’s daughter Rose (then 19), who has significant intellectual and physical disabilities.
We always wondered why she didn’t have… really any of the level of equipment she should have or access to the therapies she was more than eligible for when they were getting Supplemental Security Income for her. It was discovered through her father’s criminal trial that he was stashing all the SSI payments he was getting for Rose into accounts meant for his other two daughters, Dahlia (then 22) and Lily (then 15).
Due to the way that he was doing it, the most that can be done to recuperate this for Rose is for someone acting on Rose’s behalf (ie. us) to sue for the funds in the accounts. We didn’t want to rush to legal action.
We tried talking to Dahlia. She was adamant that she wouldn’t give Rose a dime and claimed ‘her and Lily’s’ money came from other family members, that we just saw an opportunity to be greedy, and she would not be letting us ‘take her and Lily’s money away’ on a ‘waste.” We started consulting with lawyers after that.
Lily’s grandmother called us soon after. She doesn’t speak English that well, but she was clearly in a panic. She begged us to not take Lily’s college fund. She said that Lily works very hard in school and ‘deserves a chance’ just like Dahlia had, but more than that, that Dahlia is dangerous and that this is her only chance to keep Lily and herself distant from Dahlia’s influence now that she’s 18 and the grandmother has had to go in a nursing home.
By the time we were done, we were both crying. I felt horrible.
Lily would be applying to colleges now. She’s ignorant of all of this because both Dahlia and the grandmother admit they worked hard for her to know as little as possible.
If we do this and win, she will be forced to drop out of college and go straight to living with Dahlia, something nobody wants. It would crash her future.
I’m starting to doubt if this is the right thing to do.
My partner reminded me that even though it is sad for Lily, this is not their money to be doing this with. Just because Dahlia got to use it doesn’t mean that should just continue. This is Rose’s money. Not only is it illegal what they’re doing, but Rose was also forced to suffer for years with substandard care.
Rose deserves to get that money back. He’s right on that, but I’m just not sure. If Dahlia did use it for her college, how much could actually even be in there to fight for? Maybe enough to pay for Lily’s college, but after all the legal fees were taken out, would there even be that much to help Rose?
It might be better to just leave it at this point. My partner is accusing me of giving up after one sob story and holding a stranger over our niece. I’m not. I’m just not sure. It would be ruining Lily’s life and may not even help Rose in the end.
Is this really the right thing to do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, Rose has been deprived of essentials for a period of time. Having that money be given to her able body sisters. The right thing to do is return what is rightfully for Rose and give her the support she will need in the future.
To profit off of your disabled sister even if it is for college is disgusting. Rose will need assistance going forward and having what was stolen from her would greatly benefit her. Lily has vast options in life to explore in financing college.” Voidg
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But this is a really tough situation and I honestly feel for Lily, she is the only person that would suffer consequences from this lawsuit, especially since she has no idea of the situation. It doesn’t look like Dahlia or the father would suffer any of the consequences of this.
The father is definitely the jerk, but hearing of Lily’s situation it sounds like she was planning to escape this family, and that hinged on going to college. Is there any way you would consider reaching out to her and offering support on alternative ways for going to college, how to manage loans, or maybe arranging for her to move out?
Although I do completely understand that she’s in no way related to you, so either way it’s not your responsibility.
Your daughter definitely deserves the care and treatment services that were wrongfully withheld from her, but it sounds like the actual people who benefited from this won’t actually suffer any consequences as Dahlia has already graduated.
I don’t know. I feel like people might bash me for this, but having used college as an escape myself (don’t have any money/funds) it sounds like Lily might be looking to do the same. It’s possible without money, but it does sound like she’s very isolated, especially now with her grandmother in a nursing home.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it would be a huge legal challenge to get those funds.
Yes, the money ‘belonged’ to Rose but while she was in her father’s care, he was free to use the money for her benefit.
He presumably did that by caring for her, providing her with food, shelter, etc. You would have to prove that he misused the funds and would only be able to potentially claim amounts over and above what he actually did spend on her.
Your legal case would be against him, not the other girls, and again, you’d have to prove that the funds they have were actually directly tied to the SSI payments. If it’s true that other family members also contributed to the accounts then that would complicate things even more.
There are likely issues with a Statute of Limitations for your jurisdiction.
There is very little chance that you’d be able to win back anything that was already spent on Dahlia’s education.” Perfect_Sir4820
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Design A Dress For My Ex's Significant Other?
“My ex’s sister is getting married next year and she asked me to design the dresses for the majority of her family and some friends. She originally asked me if I could design one for my ex’s SO as she didn’t want to exclude her but I told her I couldn’t do it as we don’t get along.
My ex’s SO is upset that she’s being excluded and reached out to ask me if I could reconsider. I told her no and she told my ex, who owns 50% of my business because she thinks he can force me to do it.
He asked me if I would and I told him no too. He said I was making things difficult for him and his SO has implied they’ll make his sister work with a different designer since he’s the one paying for the dresses.
My ex’s sister really doesn’t want to use a different designer so she’s asking me to just make her a dress but I told her I definitely wouldn’t do it now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“”I agreed to design a dress for your sister.
That agreement has absolutely nothing to do with you, regardless of your stake in my business. I have also determined that I will not design a dress for my ex’s partner. That does have to do with you, but your stake in the business does not mean that you can force me to change my mind.
If you want the ‘business’ to design for her, feel free to do the designing yourself.
Personally, I think it’s extremely selfish of both you and your partner to prioritize her potential dress over your sister’s literal wedding dress, but I suppose I don’t get a vote since I am not seeing you anymore.
But if you do want to restrict your sister in that horribly selfish way, that’s between you and your sister.”
NTJ.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“As an individual, you are not the jerk. You don’t get along and you don’t like her, ok.
As a business owner, you are slightly the jerk, because you should be able to put things aside for the sake of your business. I mean, it depends on what exactly she did to you in the past, but it didn’t sound like you would have to deal with her too much other than probably a couple of fittings.
If they decide to go elsewhere and if you want to lose out on what sounds like a big order over pettiness, that’s on you.” photoskills13
