People Beg For Us To Weigh In On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Thinking My Coworker's Gift Is Unacceptable?
“For Christmas, I (F44) added my adoptive son (M22) to my wireless plan to help him save money. He just came to live with us temporarily right before Christmas so he can get on his feet as things weren’t working out with his biological family and the young man had nearly nothing.
I’ve been a long-term customer of my wireless carrier so this year I was offered a very good deal on his line and a bonus of a new Samsung watch to go with his phone. This young man grew up with nothing and my biological sons (17 & 22) are very well provided for so I thought it would make him feel more at home to have the same nice things.
I even ordered him an embroidered stocking with his name on it to match all of ours so he would feel fully included.
We don’t have a lot of money but my partner and I both felt that this young man needed a little more this year.
My partner (M49) went with me to the wireless store and, when I was done, he joked about me not getting him a watch. (We are always joking around mockingly as if we are spoiled children with funny voices and faces and all.
We joke around a lot.) The watch and the wireless plan cost me next to nothing but the gesture was priceless to my adoptive son and made him cry happy tears.
The day after Christmas my partner went back to work and told his co-worker (F24) that he was bummed because he didn’t get a watch too.
Apparently, she jumped right up and left work. She returned about 15 minutes later with a brand-new Samsung watch for him. (Value: $500) He came home from work all excited telling me about what she had done and can’t understand why I’m unhappy about not only her gift (one of many she gave him this year) but especially about his accepting it.
I see the entire situation as inappropriate but he sees nothing wrong with it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Very weird that a coworker buys him such an expensive gift and immediately jumps up to do it? The co-worker definitely has other intentions than being friendly.
Your husband should have refused the gift because it’s expensive and inappropriate, especially considering her age. Besides that, it kind of ruins your son’s present because it was so special because only he got something extra and now this is not the case anymore.” urdreammyreality
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. While it’s okay to be jealous and it largely can’t be helped, that doesn’t mean you get a say in the good fortunes of others. Your husband hasn’t done anything wrong by fostering friendships in his life and accepting gifts.
If you dig deep enough and see things from another perspective you might realize that some of these same traits are what brought you together in the first place. It’s not like you can fall in love with someone for who they are and then expect them to only be that for you alone.
You can go ahead and question his intentions if he’s buying other women gifts. But all you can do about the opposite is deal with your own jealousy about it. Figure out what makes you insecure, and what you can do to fix that.” GregoryGoose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t see how your partner doesn’t see this as a big red flag. My guess is there is more going on here than her innocently giving him a gift. My guess is there is also more to it than him not wanting to give it back.
Also, let’s just say he is fully innocent in all of this… which is that age gap… she could easily turn things around later down the road and say she felt she had no choice… that he has been manipulating her… HR isn’t going to believe he didn’t know it wasn’t appropriate at his age to be accepting such an expensive gift from a young female coworker.” Motor_Link_9005
19. AITJ For Making My Neighbor Move Her Car Out Of My Spot At 1 AM?
“So, I live in a building where we have assigned parking spots. They give you a sticker with a number on it (I’m #80) and you park in the spot with that number. Pretty simple. So, I always have guaranteed parking, unless they’re doing some sort of maintenance on the lot.
A bit ago they were redoing the surrounding streets and had to have all the people who live in the area and don’t have a parking permit for a space move to other areas, which is obviously inconvenient in a congested urban area, but in theory, has no effect on me.
I came home late one night at about 1am from a friend’s house and there was a car in my spot. Now, the building has a giant sign-up to let people know the lot is under contract with a tow company.
I was about to call but noticed the car had a note in the window. Something like, ‘DON’T HAVE TOWED! CALL XXX-XXX-XXXX!’
I called and a few minutes later one of my neighbors who would also have an assigned spot, came out.
He politely explained that there were no spots on the street, so he offered his partner mine. Which means he parked in his space and then was gentlemanly enough to offer something of someone else’s to her.
I let him know it is my spot, so he’d have to move.
We had a brief argument about the late hour and how hard it would be for her to find a spot on the street. Not seeing how either of them having trouble finding parking on the street was a me-problem I insisted he moves, and he went to get the keys and got out of my spot.
I ran into him in the hallway a few days later, at which point he looked at me and said, ‘SCREW YOU!’ I don’t think we’re going to be friends.
Am I the jerk for asking him to get out of my spot even if it was 1 am and all of the surrounding roads were under construction?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If you can, I would (referring to him by his phone number since you don’t know his parking spot nor his unit number) file a complaint with the building manager or HOA that you fear for your safety since this guy is obviously boiling upset with you yelling ‘SCREW YOU’ at you four days after he stole your reserved parking spot and then argued with you when you politely asked him to move at his request instead of towing it as was the rule.
You are under no obligation to return home at a waking hour to alleviate a thief’s pain. Besides, he could have picked his partner up knowing there were no parking spaces.
He may have prior complaints, and this may be what they need to kick him out of the community.
At the very least, it could help his next victim in the future.” NoBarsHere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just like you said, they had no problem letting YOU suffer through finding street parking at 1 am but all of a sudden it’s an inconvenience for them.
He’s being a petty jerk, and you were justified. He’s lucky you noticed the note and didn’t just have it towed. Stupid games win stupid prizes. If the same car is parked in your spot again, just have it towed. If the neighbor says screw you and harasses you more, involve the office.” Neither_Ask_2374
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It would have been easier for him to find a parking spot on the street earlier. By letting her park in your spot, he made his problem worse than it needed to be. But that’s not your problem.
The ‘DON’T HAVE TOWED’ note was clear evidence that he knew what he was doing was wrong. He could have offered you $20 or $50 to let them leave the car there. Instead, he hoped you would be non-confrontational enough to let them get away with it.” throw05282021
18. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend Live With Me?
“A friend of mine and her partner (30s) has asked to move in with me. I have a moderately large 3-bedroom 2-bathroom house by myself that I own.
They have been living rent-free in her partner’s parents’ second house for over 3 years.
She and her partner don’t pay a dime for utilities or upkeep. It even came furnished.
Recently the MIL advised they needed to move out, which they feel is unfair cause the house will sit empty. They believe MIL is just doing this out of spite due to not liking friend.
The friend just got laid off and the MIL is sticking to that they need to move out. Her partner doesn’t make much like 40k a year and they have nothing saved. The rent prices in our area are $1800+ a month.
I asked what they’ve been doing for the last 3 years with no bills. They have been partying and traveling. She’s been unemployed for a couple of weeks but still buying fancy new dresses for NYE, eating out, and going thrifting.
I declined to let them live with me for many reasons. I’ve never had roommates, I’ve only known her for a couple of months, their current home is packed with stuff and very messy and they’re clearly irresponsible with money.
I am very clean, like my alone time, and live a minimalist lifestyle. A lot of stuff in my home would be suffocating.
Our mutual friend I met her through is mad at me for not sympathizing with her situation and being more willing to help out.
They can move in with this friend as she has the room and they both have similar cleaning and hoarding habits. My friend and her partner think I’m being harsh. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a former landlord, the first thing you look at in potential tenants is the type of tenants they have been in the past. These two are DEADBEATS.
They will move into your home, and continue sponging off of you. And good luck in getting them out, once you agree to allow them to live there. Legally, you may have to go to court in order to evict such people.
Trust me on this one… they are professional squatters. Perfectly content in living at the expense of others.
Say NO, and do NOT let them cross over your door entrance.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – no one gets to have an opinion other than you.
You get to evaluate if you can do anyone a favor. I would NOT allow them to move in either, based on your description. They are extremely selfish people who guilt nice people into doing things they need.
Your mutual friend doesn’t get to have an opinion on this.
The idea that she thinks she does means she’s not really a friend either.
It’s time to realize that you’ve been played. They probably only made friends with you to make this deal happen. It’s a good thing that you have managed to stop this when you did, or they would have destroyed your life.” OkSeat4312
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT let these freeloaders move in with you. 3 years rent-free and haven’t saved a thing. They are also basically strangers to you. Friends of a friend. You will have a hard time after 30 days (residence laws court eviction process) to get them out and they will destroy your home.
Unemployed and still spending frivolously. ABSOLUTELY NO if your friend is so worried about them she can take them. DO NOT even let them in your house. If hanging out always meet them somewhere else besides your place.” midnight-queen612
17. AITJ For Giving My Partner's Present To My Sister?
“I (23F) love my partner (24M) and have been together for about two years. He has always been really supportive, and our relationship is great, so when it came time for Christmas, I wanted to get him something really special.
He has been complaining about his laptop for a while and has expressed the desire to upgrade to a newer model. I decided I would surprise him with a brand-new laptop for Christmas.
I wanted to get him the best laptop I could, so for the weeks leading up to Christmas, when he’d complain about his laptop, I’d take these opportunities to casually ask him which laptop he liked, what he wanted in a new laptop, and so on.
The main problem he had with his laptop was the speed. So, I thought it would be fitting to get him the same model that he had (MacBook Pro), just the latest version.
Now, I’m not a tech person. I don’t know the first thing about RAM, SSD, etc. I just assumed a $1300 laptop would be more than enough for his needs.
So I bought the laptop, without doing any more research into it.
Christmas day came and I gave my partner the laptop. He was so excited until he saw the specs. When he saw that the laptop had 8GB of RAM, he was really, really disappointed because he ‘couldn’t get his work done on such a slow machine’.
He was adamant that he needed something with more RAM.
This turned into a full-blown argument. I tried to explain to him that I had done my best and spent a lot of money on the laptop, so he should appreciate it, but he wasn’t having it.
He said he would rather return the laptop and get the one he wanted.
At this point, I was really hurt and upset. I had gone out of my way to get him a really nice present, and I felt like he didn’t appreciate it at all.
Yes, I could return it, and get him the one he wanted, but I had already spent a lot of money. The fact that he wasn’t even willing to give it a chance made me really frustrated.
So long story short, I decided to re-gift the laptop to my sister (19F).
She’s a college student, and I know she could really use a laptop like this. I know it may sound selfish, but I didn’t think it was fair that he didn’t appreciate my gift, and I wanted to make sure the laptop went to someone that would actually appreciate it.
My partner is, to put it bluntly, mad. He ‘does not understand why I wouldn’t just return it and get him the one he wanted’ and ‘cannot believe I would do something so selfish when I know how much he needs a new laptop’.
I feel kind of bad, but at the same time, this wasn’t cheap for me, and a little appreciation would have been nice.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your partner sounds like he was appreciative of your gift, but he needed a machine that can do what he needs it to.
That’s the risk of getting a laptop or something similar (cars etc.) without the involvement of the person you’re buying it for. The correct action would have been to return the laptop and allow him to put the money towards a machine that fits his needs.
Not to mention, once you gift something – it doesn’t belong to you anymore. It was his laptop and you took it to gift to your sister.” 0biterdicta
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. You seem to be placing more importance on your own need to feel validated in your gift-giving, rather than wanting to make sure your gift will actually be useful and appreciated.
I can understand why you would feel hurt and disappointed that your gift didn’t have the intended effect, especially after putting a lot of money into it, but… the gift was intended to fill a specific need in your partner’s life, and it doesn’t meet that need. He shouldn’t have to try to make do with inadequate equipment just because you spent a lot of money on it without doing further research.
Since you knew you didn’t have a lot of knowledge about what specifically he would need, a better idea may have been a gift card or money to put towards a laptop that he could pick out himself based on what he knows he needs and will use it for.
Giving the laptop to your sister isn’t the answer here.” CatsBooksandTea30
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It sounds like your partner WAS appreciative, but understandably disappointed when he realized the laptop wouldn’t meet his needs. Instead of accepting that he actually knows which specs his work requires, you decided to argue with him that he was wrong about what he needs.
You, who admittedly ‘doesn’t know the first thing about RAM, SSD, etc.’ and who bought the laptop ‘without doing any more research into it.’ You could have easily saved the day by returning the laptop and letting him use the return value toward a laptop that meets his needs, but it sounds like you just let your ego get in the way.” irate_anatid
16. AITJ For Not Coming To The Family New Year's Eve Party?
“Last week I hosted Christmas for my family. I (33M) have a 2-year with my wife. Every year it’s at my sister, my parents, or my house and it rotates every year. One of us hosts Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years.
In the last year my sister, who is vocally child-free, got a dog. I love my sister, but we are very much opposites. When I had my kid it changed our relationship a bit. She tolerates (her words) my son.
She has never watched him, and I’ve also never asked. My son is present at all family functions, this annoys my sister.
My sister has turned into your classic dog mom. The world revolves around the dog type. I do not own dogs and really don’t want to be around them.
I don’t want them in my house. Well my sister wanted to bring her dog to Christmas, and I said no. It’s well-trained and overall okay for a dog, I just didn’t want it at my house, or even in my yard.
She complied and left it alone but was not happy about it and let me know that several times.
The day before New Year’s Eve, she told me kids weren’t welcome at her house. I was taken aback by this and asked why.
She just said booze would be present (we all drink and family friends also come to this party), and just said it wouldn’t be appropriate for a 2-year-old to be present. My wife and I had planned to only stay till 10 anyway and then would go home because of our kid.
We reconsidered and opted to not go at all and respected my sister’s wishes by keeping the kid at home. I let her know a half hour before the party started.
My wife and I treated it like any other night, we didn’t even stay up till midnight.
By Eleven, I noticed missed calls from her and didn’t answer. I Fell asleep while texts started coming in. Calling me a jerk. Calling me a dog hater. Saying it was rude I didn’t come to the party. Said it was nonsense that she got my kid a Christmas present but didn’t get her dog anything.
The list went on, she was clearly wasted. I tried to call her, but she didn’t answer and got a text, ‘I’m not answering jerk’. So AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She gave you the option to go and you decided not to.
Sounds like she was trying to get back at you for not allowing her dog at your house.
I’m ‘child-free’ with my partner and while we kind of give each other looks at the grocery store when there’s a screaming kid, we would never go out of our way to antagonize our family with children.
We get to be the fun party aunts who give awesome presents without the responsibility of actually raising a child. We also call our cats our ‘kids’ but we also know that it’s not in any way a replacement or anywhere CLOSE to an actual child.
Your sister has a lot of issues that I don’t think you’re equipped to handle. puts on my armchair psychology glasses something tells me she might be jealous of the fact that you get the attention of parents having a young child, and she tried to get that same kind of attention by getting a dog, and is now super mad that people don’t treat her dog like a human child.” Leah-theRed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son is a member of the family… a legit member of the family. So, she needs to do more than ‘tolerate’ him. She needs to respect that he is your child. If she decided to make her party child-free, you had every reason to decline to attend because you aren’t child-free and it might have been difficult to get a sitter.
Or maybe you didn’t feel like going out, which is okay, too.
While you don’t care for dogs, there are many who consider dogs a member of their family. I know we feel that way. I suspect your sister might be feeling upset that you discount the attachment and love they feel for their dog, and how they view him as their ‘baby’.
But, that doesn’t mean a person should bring their dog over to attend family gatherings unless it’s okay with the host. Many dogs behave differently when they are away from home.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Dogs are not children.
We are a huge dog family and spoil our dogs like crazy people. However, we do not expect others to treat our dogs like humans.
Most childfree people comprehend that not wanting children of your own doesn’t give you the right to fail to understand that children are fully human.
They don’t need to birth children, raise children, invite them to their houses, or give them special status when interacting with them – but childfree people do need to recognize they are no more human and have no more right to exist than a child does.
Perhaps most relevant here: being completely honest with yourself, when you received a call on December 30 to tell you your children weren’t welcome, you knew you didn’t have a prayer of finding a qualified babysitter still available on New Year’s Eve – so it was a little bit petty not to say you weren’t coming until half an hour before the party – but if your sister is being emotionally honest, she knew (or should easily have been able to comprehend) that telling you the day before New Year’s that children weren’t welcome was the functional equivalent of uninviting you because you would never find a sitter.” User
15. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother Get His Full Inheritance?
“My brother Ben (35) is spoilt. Mum favored him over us girls. He always got what he wanted, or he threw tantrums, even at my sister’s funeral (she was 16. Ben was 14, and I was 11).
My dad has 2 brothers and 1 sister. When my uncle was 22, he came out as gay.
My grandparents (GPs) were shocked but they loved and accepted him for who he was. My Dad married my Mum and with my uncle, did lots together. To us, he was the fun uncle. My aunt and other uncle married their partners but they were always critical of my other uncle because of his life choices.
My GPs held the family together but in 2016, they both died within 9 months of each other. My aunt and uncle disowned my gay uncle. He was upset but he and my Dad have always been close, so we became his only family.
In 2019, my uncle was diagnosed with lung cancer. He rewrote his will and asked my brother to be executor because Dad wasn’t coping with him being sick. Ben accepted as he believed that my uncle would split everything between him and me.
My uncle died in May 2021. My Dad, my uncle’s partner, and I were with him. I called and messaged my brother repeatedly, but he didn’t answer or come to say goodbye. At the funeral, Dad was a mess but my brother was giddy.
A couple of weeks after my brother pestered my Dad to find the will later, we looked in my uncle’s safe. Dad unlocked it and Ben grabbed the paperwork. Soon after, he swiped everything off my uncle’s desk, swore, yelled, and stormed out.
Later I found the will and my uncle had split his estate 4 ways. 1/4 each to my brother, myself, my uncle’s partner, and cancer research. Ben was angry because he only got 1/4. He contested the will. He claimed that he only accepted the job of an executor because he was promised 1/2.
He believed he should get 1/2 and the other 1/2 should be split 3 ways. It went to court in October 2022. I testified, and when asked if my brother should get 1/2 of the estate because of ‘all the work’ he had to do, I said no. I said my dad and I had done more than my brother to help my uncle simplify his affairs prior to his death and that my uncle was a deliberate man, and we should respect his wishes.
Ben was livid but still thought he would win. He didn’t. Early December I was notified that Ben got 1/4 minus costs, and the rest of us got 1/4 each.
He went nuts demanding I compensate him because I cost him ‘his’ money.
My mother blew up my phone with ‘How could I do this to her baby’ and relatives are telling me I did the wrong thing. Mum banned me from Christmas (my parents divorced when I was 16) because of my ‘poor behavior’ and told everyone I refused to come after what I did.
Ben had a New Year’s Eve party and my SIL sent me a message saying ‘sorry’ with a picture of my photo on Ben’s dartboard and a sign telling his guests to throw darts at me and to message my number and tell me I’m a jerk.
I only got 2 messages from his friends, so I don’t think I am but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just another story of a family member that feels entitled to another family member’s money. We are not guaranteed and we do not automatically get money from loved ones when they die.
Why do people think it’s OK to a*sume you’re going to get something? Your brother contested the will he lost. He needs to get over it from what you posted he did absolutely nothing for his uncle. He didn’t even come to his deathbed when he was dying, so what exactly does he think he did more than you and your dad that he deserves more?
He’s a spoiled brat thanks to your mother I would be glad that my mother didn’t invite me to stuff so I wouldn’t have to be around his spoiled a*s. Enjoy your money and spend it wisely.” Winter_Dragonfly_452
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You didn’t ‘rob’ your brother of anything. The money was your Uncle’s to distribute how he wished and his wishes were honored as they should be. You already know that legally you are in the clear.
You are also morally good as well. Good riddance to bad rubbish honestly. It hurts to have strife in our families. It hurts more to continue to subject yourself to mistreatment from ‘family’. Block harassing hate messages and keep your peace and well-being.
So sorry for your losses and stand strong in your truth!” Sheisawholesituation
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sorry for the loss of your uncle.
Sounds like your mother did your brother absolutely no favors by making him her golden child as now he seems to have a sense of entitlement that exceeds any common sense he might have had.
As to your brother, his friends, and his mother please keep whatever messages or texts you receive from them. If they are related to his poor choice to be greedy then don’t respond. If they call your phone and start on the same topic say you won’t discuss it and hang up.
Please backup and keep those texts, etc harassing you to give him your portion, the incredibly immature and ludicrous New Year’s Eve party with your face in the target but more so acknowledging he requested friends harass you, etc.
Then if he or any of his friends harass you even once in January or going forward please take everything and discuss with an attorney to see what if any options you might have.” 3Heathens_Mom
14. AITJ For Telling My Sister Her Partner Makes Our Family Uncomfortable?
“My (22F) sister (21) has been in a relationship for 9 months now and it’s been very awkward when her partner shows up unexpectedly.
We live with our younger sister (17) and dad so we aren’t used to having anyone outside of our circle around, especially not someone we don’t know very well.
Tonight I finally told my sister that my dad and younger sister feel uncomfortable with her partner randomly showing up at times without a heads up.
Our younger sister works the night shift at Olive Garden and has recently working doubles since schools have been out. The two of them also share a room so it’s uncomfortable for her to come home to our sister and her partner just laying around while she would like to get some rest, watch tv, etc. My dad feels uncomfortable because he doesn’t ask much from us for rent wise so he feels like the least my sister could do is give him a heads up on when her partner is going to be at our house.
Obviously, he has the whole protective dad vibe as well.
After putting all this info out in the open my sister felt like everyone was being dramatic so she asked my dad herself and he finally admitted that he felt the same way.
She got upset and started crying saying that she won’t invite her partner over anymore. Now my dad is upset that I brought up the convo but honestly, I’m glad I did because I’m tired of hearing my younger sister and dad complain about the situation behind her back.
This is also a guy that my sister sees herself marrying one day. We should be able to clear up something so simple before things get even more serious with the two. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are definitely NTJ, I’m not sure how much detail you went into when you talked to your sister, but I think you should explain why you feel uncomfortable and set boundaries.
None of you should have to feel uneasy in your own home, but I do understand how your sister feels. It would probably be upsetting if your family were uncomfortable around your partner. As you said, I think you could clear it up if you just had a chat.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said what had to be said but you were not emotional or in any way disrespectful. Your sister’s reaction was pretty immature, it seems like you’re only asking for a little bit of forewarning. Your sister is completely within her right to express discomfort about someone she doesn’t know in her utmost personal space.
If your sister doesn’t understand and can’t figure out a compromise that works for everyone, then let her have her tantrum and not invite him anymore. Win-win.” Possible_Tiger_5125
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Basic courtesy and guest protocol says that housemates are informed when a guest is coming over.
ESPECIALLY when you’re talking about shared living quarters like her shared bedroom.
It sounds like it’s not so much being uncomfortable around him, but the (lack of) scheduling/notice that you all have an issue with.
This is an easily solved issue, but I would get your dad to address it from here on out as she’s paying his rent and it affects your youngest sister.
He needs to approach this as both landlord and parent.” MadWitchLibrarian
13. AITJ For Not Being Sorry?
“I and my partner started going out on Friday and we decided to tell our friends at the New Year’s Eve party yesterday.
I’m really happy to be with him and I felt like this was going to be a start of a great year. Our friends were very excited and happy that we got together except for our friend Rachel (who is 25).
At the party, Rachel acted really sour toward me. I noticed she didn’t act the same toward my partner. She would try to hover around him and make physical contact while pretending I didn’t exist.
A couple of friends noticed this and asked me if we were fighting or what happened. I didn’t know what was happening until later Rachel asked if we could talk privately.
The reason she was acting sour was that Rachel had a crush on him 6 years ago. I recall this but I didn’t think it was serious back then because Rachel crushes on a new guy every year and already had a crush on every guy in our group at one point.
Rachel insisted she doesn’t have a crush on my partner anymore and is now crushing on another guy but she’s still mad that I started going out with him without consulting her first. She suggested that I reconsider going out with him because I breached her trust and backstabbed her and this would make up for things.
I was taken aback by what she asked me and told her I wouldn’t reconsider going out with him for her.
Rachel asked me if I even feel sorry for her because the man she crushed on never reciprocated her feelings and only had eyes for someone else.
She pointed out how sad it is that she knew she never had a chance in the first place because he fell for another person even though she met him first.
I thought Rachel’s request was ridiculous so I told her that I didn’t feel sorry and that is life.
If she never tried to ask him out it wasn’t my fault. This annoyed Rachel even more.
Now I’m wondering if I was too harsh by saying that I didn’t feel sorry for her and not considering her feelings. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Rachel is being extremely selfish here. With the number of crushes you say she had and the fact that her crush on your current partner is so long ago, it should be irrelevant.
She’s just jealous because you seem happy with your relationship status and she’s unhappy with hers.
A very small amount of sympathy for her overall situation might be in order, but not for any type of rights or first dibs on your current partner. That part is just ridiculous and she needs to grow up.” Jordan-Peterson_Fan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is hung up on the fact she had a crush on this guy six years ago. I guess I can see if your tone was harsh it might not have helped the conversation be productive, but ultimately, this is really mostly your friend’s problem.
Do you like this friend? If not, perhaps a slow fade is best. If you do want to keep this friendship, I might text her something like ‘Hey Rachel, I don’t like how our conversation went last night, if I came off as uncaring it’s because I was actually pretty shocked you were upset – I honestly didn’t even remember you used to have a crush on my partner so many years ago.
Hopefully, it goes without saying that I want you to be happy, but at the same time I stand by my position that I don’t need to ask you for permission, given how long ago your feelings for him were.’ Or something along those lines – i.e. you can show you have empathy for her (she mainly just sounds really lonely) all while not giving an inch to her unreasonable demand.” 2ndgenerationcatlady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
No way. Regardless of whether or not Rachel still has the crush, your life is yours and hers is hers. And no one is responsible for anyone else’s feelings. Besides, no one is anyone’s property to go around asking for permission or asking what to do with their private life.
By the way, it is horrible to hover around a person you know has a significant other, and seek to have physical contact with them… Let alone so blatantly that his partner and other people notice.” Mrs_Naive_
12. WIBTJ If I Tell My Uncle To Change His Baby's Name?
“Uncle Mike tragically died 25 years ago at work in our family company.
It was an accident. Uncle Mike was 30 years old. It was so hard and the family is still mourning. We didn’t speak about him much but there is a constant feeling that someone is supposed to be here but he isn’t.
I was five when Uncle Mike died. I liked him so much. He was smiling all the time, he was funny… In some way, he was like my second dad. I have few memories and feel like something is missing from my life.
After all that time I’m still sad. Sometimes it is good but around his birthday, holidays… It’s sometimes really terrible.
A few years ago, Uncle John got wasted and confessed to me he is responsible for Uncle M’s death. He send him to do the job during he died. I didn’t blame him.
No one ever blamed him, because it was an accident. We all know it was an accident. Accidents just happen. He blames himself.
A few days ago, after years and years of health issues, infertility struggles, and a few miscarriages Uncle John’s wife gave birth to a healthy beautiful baby boy.
It’s like a miracle and we all are so happy for them.
But… They named the baby M… Like uncle.
I felt like the worst person in the world and a total jerk because I hated it. It’s my uncle’s name.
The baby is not M! The baby is a constant reminder that Uncle Mike is not here and I don’t wanna meet the baby. I cried about it so much.
Yesterday my mum called. The whole family is so sad and mad because of the name.
We all think it’s awkward. Grandpa doesn’t speak. My dad is so sad. Uncle Paul is mad. The old wound is open again. Only Grandma is happy because Uncle John asked her about the name. Of course, she said it was OK.
She would never tell him no. But Uncle John didn’t ask Grandpa or his brothers (my dad and Uncle Paul) how they feel about it. Grandpa would say no.
I’m scared Grandma will later realize what this really means and the baby will be the reminder of her late son and she will be so sad and didn’t handle it.
I’m scared the baby will feel excluded because we will not able to look at him and don’t think about his uncle. It will be of course unconsciously. But still. I don’t wanna hurt the baby.
So can we ask Uncle John to think about changing his baby’s name or we will be jerks?
They could give the name Mike as a middle name…”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Naming a child after a deceased loved one can be a way to honor the deceased person. If your uncle places expectations on his child to be like his deceased brother/the child’s deceased uncle, then that would be a jerk move that you can address at the time.
But there is nothing wrong with naming his child in honor of his brother.
Right now, you haven’t met the baby and it all feels like hypothetical. You will hopefully soon meet the baby and realize that they are their own person.
The baby will only feel excluded if you and your family members actually exclude them, so don’t do that.
I am sorry for your loss. I can see how this would open up old wounds. And, at the same time, it is the parents’ choice what to name their child.
That is not something you have a say over.” jogam
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ.
I doubt a day goes by that your grandma doesn’t think about her son who died. Having a grandchild named in honor of that isn’t going to make her feel any worse.
I do think your family has some major issues with this trauma. Not to minimize anyone’s grief, but if you were 5 years old, this shouldn’t be such a major thing in your life. Your uncles grew up with your uncle, but you really barely remember him.
What has happened is your family is feeding a continuous cycle of trauma. It’s like you are all feeding off of this in a super unhealthy way.
My mom died in a very traumatic way when I was 20. I guarantee I have way more memories and a relationship with her than you did with your uncle.
But I went to therapy. And while I think of my mom every day, her death doesn’t continuously control my life.
You all probably need some therapy.” Ellejaek
Another User Comments:
“(Gentle) YTJ
So are your family. If it was only a couple of years ago and your uncle was a child when they died, I would understand everyone’s reaction.
But it is a very long time now since they died. It sounds like something has gone wrong with the grieving process if this has created such a strong reaction in your family.
It is extremely common to name a child after a family member (alive or dead), if you have ever looked into your family tree you would see this.
If it would help why not try a nickname for the baby?” Potential_Honey_955
11. AITJ For Telling A Mom To Place Her Child On Her Partner's Lap?
“I’m a pretty well-traveled person, I fly a lot and have had a lot of inconvenient travel experiences but this one takes the cake.
I was flying across the US (approximately 5-hour flight) but I had to change my flight, not super last minute but a couple of days before, so I didn’t get the most ideal seat (but at least it wasn’t a middle seat).
I ended up sitting next to a couple (with a lap infant) with what I would guess is a 1-year-old, who was (thankfully) quiet, but incredibly squirmy and active. She kept touching me and tapping my shoulder and face when all I was trying to do was sit in peace.
I get that controlling babies is hard, but the kid was in the middle seat, and the person sitting there, her partner had the aisle seat.
After a certain point, I’d had enough. I asked her to please keep her child from violating my personal space and if that wasn’t possible from the middle seat, could she please have her child sit on her partner’s lap?
She responded with the words I can’t post here and called the flight attendant about it, who actually ended up finding me a new seat instead. At baggage claim, she and her partner were mad at me but I seriously don’t understand what I did wrong there.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They chose to fly with a child they knew they couldn’t control (because of the child’s age) and refused to stop it from bothering a complete stranger. Then, when you asked that they do something they flipped out.
So many parents think they’re entitled to whatever they want because they have a kid, but they aren’t. I push back against that nonsense all the time and I suggest everyone else do it too. Unless there were fertility issues, having a baby is not an accomplishment and you don’t deserve special treatment because of it.” ScifiGirl1986
Another User Comments:
“Soft ‘everyone sucks here’. To be honest, if you actually used that wording, I would have personally found you pompous and annoying. Not enough to chew you out but I’d definitely have rolled my eyes. Maybe you could have said ‘You know she’s super cute but I would prefer it if she didn’t touch me all the time, do you think you can keep her away from me please?’.
Although it sounds like these people would have chosen to take it the wrong way anyway. But talking about a baby ‘violating your personal space’ isn’t going to get people on your side.” Longearedlooby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, although I hope you were mostly calm/ nice about it.
The reason to keep the baby in the middle instead of in the aisle is that the carts and people walking by can hit the baby, pinch fingers, etc. So you’re right, but they were in a tough spot and probably steeped to their eyeballs in cortisol from the stress of traveling with a baby.
There was no need for anyone to be rude about the situation and it sounds like the flight attendant solved the problem appropriately. They were super out of line for approaching you after the flight. And they should have been embarrassed about the baby constantly touching you, even if they felt they couldn’t control it.
That said, their crazy behavior was probably due to extreme stress. It really makes you crazy. So they’re wrong, but try to cut them just a little slack. A little forgiveness and understanding, even though they’re wrong. They’re probably literally chemically a little bit crazy because of the situation.
Source: mom of an incredibly, incredibly busy 1-year-old who has flown before and struggled and did her best to not bother people, but probably failed and was deeply humiliated the whole time. I broke down and cried when the flight was done and hovered on the border of a panic attack the whole flight.” Eska2020
10. AITJ For Not Following HOA Rules?
“My family moved into a neighborhood when I was 7 years old.
It was an HOA neighborhood at the time. In 2010 the neighborhood got together and found out that fully 90% of the owners had no interest in having an HOA. They only maintained a small strip of land at the front of the neighborhood, which had allowed the ‘community center’ (basically a 300 sq/ft pavilion built in the early 90s) to fall over and become a hazard.
I’m not completely sure about the process the neighborhood went through, but the HOA was dissolved at the end of 2010 and individual volunteers took over maintenance of the two areas.
Fast forward to 2018. I was moving back into the area to take care of my mother and found a house for sale in the neighborhood.
The price was good, I bought it, and nothing was mentioned about covenants or regulations or anything. One of my hobbies is vehicles. I collect, refurbish, and build/modify classic and imported vehicles. One of the reasons I bought the house was the 4 cars’ worth of garage space.
My surviving grandparent passed away the same year and I ended up with one and a half garages worth of family heirlooms and the like stored at my place. This meant that 3 cars ended up in the driveway.
The driveway is large, at least 4 cars across, and about 8-10 long, with most of that space between my house and detached garage.
I have 7 vehicles in the driveway. Within a month I started receiving notices from the county that there were complaints about my property. Nothing actionable by the county, the vehicles are in good repair, running, and registered. I’m just having to deal with the county inspector coming out every month and looking over the vehicles and whatever else people want to nitpick about my property.
The inspector told me straight up that it was the former HOA members, and that the old covenant said that there could only be one vehicle in the driveway. AITJ for starting harassment proceedings against everyone complaining?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… HOAs are the devil, and I’m glad this one is gone. I think underneath all of this, that is, the people who are complaining are a certain type of temperament that likes everything to be homogeneous. That’s what HOAs are usually about.
If a nail sticks out, somebody wants to grab a hammer. Your property may be the only one that has seven cars in the driveway. Look around the neighborhood and see if this is the truth.
You might want to think about selling one or two or clearing out the garage space that has all the stuff in it since it sounds like the beginning of a hoarding situation.
Yes, you certainly do have the right to keep your property however you like, especially with no HOA, but it might help to be aware of how you are the exception here, and understand why some people are getting upset about it.” PandoraClove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They are not only harassing you, but they’re also costing the community by calling an inspector out when not necessary.
The HOA doesn’t exist, there are no grounds for their harassment.
Might be time to gather up the owners again and reiterate the HOA is gone.
What with how other HOA horror stories have gone, those few folks might’ve to browbeat other newer residents into thinking the HOA is back and paying fraudulent fees.” bunyanthem
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If the HOA is dissolved, then the rules dissolve with it.
Those old HOA members have no power.
Any complaint they make to the police would be unactionable, so long as there are no broader non-HOA laws broken.
Any fees they would attempt to impose wouldn’t be worth the cost of the paper.
It’s unenforceable.
If they tried to sue, they’d be laughed out of court by a competent judge.
Any of this, though, and you could press charges for harassment. If they touch or tow your vehicles, it’s theft.” ktigaris
9. WIBTJ If I Sue My Daughter-In-Law?
“Our son and DIL (26 years old) have been together for 2 years and live together. We’ve always thought she’s a very nice girl and she seems to make my son happy, so no problem from us.
Our son has his own law firm that he’s currently trying to get started. We’re very proud of him, and we’re fortunate enough to help him with a start-up loan. DIL works a retail job, that she’s very happy with.
Some time ago husband and I were over at their apartment and we decided to order some food. My husband and I wanted to pay, and since DIL was ordering from her phone we gave her our card so she could draw the money from our account.
We thought it goes without saying this was to draw an amount once, for the lunch. However, DIL apparently put our card into her Apple Pay, and have been using it since.
We didn’t notice for some months but recently saw withdrawals we didn’t recognize.
We had our accountant look into it, and he discovered that 1) DIL has been using our card on her phone and that 2) she’s spent around 17K. We were quite shocked and called her up and asked why she’s been using our card.
She got very defensive, tries to deny it, and eventually said she was entitled to it, and why do we care since we haven’t noticed her use for over 4 months? We told her she needed to pay us back immediately or we’d report her actions for theft.
She apparently doesn’t have the money to pay us back. We’ve gone to our son and he’s offered to pay us back even though he actually cannot afford to. This isn’t about the money for us, but more about the fact that she’s stolen a huge amount of money.
While we are comfortable and it took us time to notice, we still recognize the seriousness of stealing 17.000 USD. Our son has completely dismissed her behavior and excused it as her being stressed. She’s taken no responsibility, and we’re honestly wanting to go forward with the police report to teach her the consequences of her actions.
Would we be the jerks for doing this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The problem and solution, to me at least, are very clear:
Your DIL is dishonest, untrustworthy, and completely lacks judgment and a sense of right & wrong. She has stolen from you without remorse or acknowledgment of wrongdoing.
If you let this theft and her subsequent behavior slide, you’re doing a great disservice to your son who, at the moment and for whatever reason, appears to be under her influence.
If you let this slide, you will be hurting your son in the long term far more than you would in the short term.
How? Because she – someone dishonest, untrustworthy, lacking judgment and a sense of right and wrong – might marry him, she might have his children, she may lay further claim to his finances and his life. And she WILL be his downfall.
And potentially that of the family he goes on to have.
Act now before it’s too late OP. Save your son.
File criminal charges.
Will it tarnish her record, upset your son, and lead to him potentially cutting you off temporarily?
Maybe. But you will be making a very clear point about where you stand – where the LAW stands – and, at that point, you can fight (through therapists or mutual friends) to make him see the light and hopefully leave her.
By filing criminal (vs civil) charges you will also potentially recoup some of your credit card loss which to sends a clear point across.
Good luck OP. This is not a good situation to be in but the path ahead is clear.
Pursue it with courage and the conviction that you’re doing the right thing. File that police report. Do it, not for the money or for you, but for your son.” limebybird
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if she really put into Apple Pay and that’s how she’s charged this much – there’s an authorization step needed by your bank to do so.
If you did authorize this card into Apple Pay that’s on you. That’s literally the whole point of Apple Pay – basically to eliminate this type of fraud. If she was using your card number, different thing. But if your card was in her Apple Pay you had authorized it and you will not win.
A verbal agreement for one-time use will not over right the legal agreement to add the card to her Apple Pay.” arabrab12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…
First, I would definitely report this to the police. People should not get away with theft, no matter the amount and no matter who they are.
Second, what really bothers me about this is your son basically shrugging it off. That’s the most shocking thing about this whole situation.
For now, this is only the first such event, but if your DIL shows zero remorse and your son takes her side, then it’s very likely that something similar (not the exact same thing but another situation where your DIL does something illegal/entitled/disrespectful/selfish) will happen in the future.
Are you always going to back off and let her do what she does just to save your relationship with your son? I don’t see any reason why the DIL would ever change her attitude if she gets away with something like this, but eventually, this is going to have to stop, no?
Unless you plan to do nothing about it forever.” Key-Replacement4117
8. AITJ For Creating A Scene During Christmas?
“My (19) family values education very highly. Nothing wrong with that and so do I, but they go overboard sometimes.
I got accepted to two very well-known schools, but declined both of them and am instead going to my state school.
The coursework is lighter and I won’t have to move out of state. I’ve been dealing with some health issues and it’s easier/more comfortable for me here. I’m kind of sad about it to be honest, but it’s not all bad because I’m still doing the major I want.
My parents absolutely weren’t happy with my decision. Mom came around, but Dad thinks no one turns down an offer like that and I could’ve at least tried instead of making excuses.
Okay now to the issue at hand, during Christmas and all the family caught up.
One of my cousins got into a really good school, which is great but they don’t spare a chance to brag about it. After some conversation about how proud they are of my cousin, my aunt said something like OP tried her best too but it’s a shame, and she’s sure I could do well eventually.
Dad then said I have to make do with what I chose and my aunt and uncle said some other stuff.
I yelled at them to stop talking like I’m not there, and I’m not an idiot. It got kind of awkward, no one said anything but everything continued as normal a bit later.
Afterward, my dad said I created a scene at Christmas, no one was saying anything negative and I’m acting selfish. He’s embarrassed and said I let him down in front of everyone. Mom told me she understands why I got upset, but I should’ve just let it be.
They messaged a few times but I didn’t reply because I’m still kind of mad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You applied to several schools and gained acceptance to more than one, which you and your parents should be VERY proud of!
Choosing the school you wish to attend is a personal choice that only the student can make! As long as a school is accredited and offers the course studies you are interested in, that is all that matters! And good for your cousin!
That doesn’t mean he or she can be compared to you or the path you’ve chosen, in any way! They could end up dropping out, while you go on to grad school and get multiple degrees under your belt.
Refuse to play their silly games.
Have confidence that you are competing with no one. You are working on being the best person that YOU can be.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Studies have shown that students who can get accepted to more selective universities are about as successful in the future if they attend lesser-ranked universities.
In fact, you may be more competitive for opportunities for research and internships at a less competitive university and may get more attention from professors.
Your state school is more likely to be more affordable for your family, allowing you to graduate with little or no debt burden.
And if your parents have the financial ability, you might ask them to use the ‘savings’ to help fund living expenses for summer internships in expensive cities and/or a study abroad, opportunities which your cousins might not take advantage of.
Additionally, taking care of your physical and mental health will increase your odds of success. And having a better course load will allow you to join clubs, make friends, and pursue other interests.
You did nothing wrong in standing up for yourself.
People who compare themselves and their kids by the college they attend may disappoint with the long-term results.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t make a scene. They made a scene by condescending right to your face, and they’re upset that you called them out on it, so they’re trying to make it into a problem with you rather than with them.
Your family sound unhealthily adversarial, to be honest. Like they can’t imagine that a boat could be for any purpose except transporting you faster than everyone else. And so you, trying to find a healthy work-life balance feels… off to them.
Why aren’t you paddling so hard? Don’t you know we need to keep up or be left behind? Etc etc. And if they were to admit that maybe you have a point… The questions they would have to ask themselves.
So instead they hold on to that way of being, even though it’s clearly making them all miserable people.” SquirrelShiny
7. AITJ For Using My Sister-In-Law's Favorite Baby Name On My Daughter?
“So I’ve wanted to be a mom literally as far back as I can remember. This is relevant because when I was really little there was a girl’s name I heard from a movie and I fell in love with it, continuing to be in love with it for the next 20+ years and deciding even at that time I wanted to use it for one of my kids.
There were a lot of names I cycled through within that time frame or transitioned from liking to ‘meh’, but this one always stayed at the top and remained ‘the name’ I thought of when envisioning a daughter.
Fast forward to my brother getting married, and one day he and my SIL are discussing their final baby name choices.
Surprise surprise, their TOP pick for a girl is the same name as the name I’ve loved all my life.
I wasn’t happy about this, not because I felt like I ‘owned’ the name, but because my SIL is… not an easy person, and I knew instantaneously that she would make a giant stink about me also wanting to use that name.
So at the time to keep the peace, I didn’t say anything.
Well, they ended up having a boy first. In the time before their next pregnancy, I married and ended up having a girl about 6 months before they were due with their daughter, and I named my new daughter the name I’d picked out for so long.
Long story short, SIL called me absolutely livid saying I stole the name from them after hearing it ‘for the first time’ from that discussion, that she’s always wanted that name and already had baby’s accessories, blankets, etc. monogrammed with it, and I just used it out of spite because I don’t like her.
We get off the phone and I proceed to hear from my brother later on in the day telling me SIL has been fuming around the house talking madly and demanding he convinces me to change the name while she’s still a newborn because SIL ‘had it first’.
AITJ for ‘stealing’ her favorite baby name?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as no one owns a name, but I do see where your SIL is coming from. You easily could’ve just mentioned ‘Oh, I’ve liked that name as well since I was a kid,’ and if that sparked a disagreement, well, at least they would’ve known.
Like, ‘Hey I know you like that name, but I’ve been planning on using it for my daughter, and I will be naming her that.’
Instead, it’s as if you heard SIL mention a name, then completely out of nowhere, give your child the name she’s been thinking of.
As I said, no one owns a name, and it’s very possible to have two children in the family with the same name (I have two cousins named Isabelle that were born two months apart). But when pregnancy hormones are involved, an anthill looks like a mountain and nothing is okay.
I really recommend sitting down and trying to clear the air, if possible. The hurt feeling will possibly remain for a long time, but it’s worth a shot to try.” onedreamaday1
Another User Comments:
“Might not be popular but I think YTJ, slightly.
No one owns a name, no, but you knew she liked it, she never knew this was a name you had in your mind. I would be mad at you if you named your child the name I was gonna give my daughter whom I was already 6 months pregnant with, without telling me.
Had you told me before, ‘Hey I knew you love this name, but I’ve had this as a name for my daughter for 20 years and I just wanna let you know we’re gonna give her that name’ I’d be bummed, sure, but not mad.
You could’ve told her, so yeah YTJ, slightly. What she might’ve done if you told her before doesn’t count here, because even tho we might think she would be difficult we just can’t be sure. If she had been difficult about it after you told her yeah then she would be the jerk but that’s not the case here.” Awkward_Kind89
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You both liked the same name, and no one ‘owns’ it until there is an actual child, and even then, another kid in the family can have the same name. I can totally see where people are jerks when they do actually take the name knowing someone else wants it (like one person is pregnant and says we are naming our baby X, and then another person, further along, takes the name that they only got after hearing the other person).
In this case, if it is early enough, may I suggest fully lying? I would just tell your brother and anyone else dragged into this – I don’t fully remember this conversation with SIL (if it was an in-person convo) but I had this baby name picked out for many years before SIL was even around, so I can’t imagine if that conversation even happened, it would change my mind about what I would name a daughter.
I find with people who act like this, being dismissive is the best course of action. The conversation wasn’t even important enough for you to remember it, it’s not big deal, this is your daughter’s name now, you can’t imagine anyone actually kicking up a fuss about something as simple as a NAME, and of course, NO ONE would expect you to remember a conversation from years ago, let alone expect you to change the name of your child AFTER she was born.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You loved this name so much you didn’t find time in 20+ years to bring it up to your family… not even when you actually knew that your BIL + his partner was very likely going to use that name if they had a girl?
There was a clear opportunity to have this conversation BEFORE babies were on the way. You should have taken it. It would have been unpleasant, but you could have at least ironed it out – potentially come up with a compromise, or a different series of spellings, or someone using it as a middle name.
Or been at this impasse you have now, but at least your intentions and longstanding love of this name would be known.
Obviously, SIL jumped the gun by getting baby monograms over everything (maybe it’s me, but I don’t think you should really truly name a baby until you see him/her for the first time?), and your brother is nuts to think you’re going to change your child’s LEGAL NAME.” Independent-Length54
6. AITJ For Scolding My Nephew For Neglecting The Service Dog?
“My (Evie, 28) fiancé (Daniel, 32) has a service dog (Maddie, 6 1/2) for his epilepsy, he has seizures that thanks to medication have gotten better and are almost on a schedule (2-week gaps). He’s had this service dog for 6 years now, a lab named Maddie.
We take her everywhere as he is caused by stress, so can be caused by a stressful situation too.
Because of his health, his family never took him to a theme park, so I brought it up. However we didn’t want to leave Maddie behind, and you obviously can’t take a dog on the rides.
He has a Nephew (Nathan, 19) who’s had it rough this year & as a late Xmas gift, we asked Nathan to come with 2 conditions – 1, I will pay for tickets, hotel, and gas, etc. but he must have his own play money for food and gifts.
2, we all take turns going on rides so that someone is with Maddie at all times. Nathan the Nephew agreed.
We have been here for 3 hours, and Daniel (my fiancé) & myself wanted to get on a ride. Well, we did but when we got off we found strangers holding Maddie & asking about what to do with her.
Daniel and I got Maddie back, and people lectured us for ‘leaving a poor dog tied up who only wants to work.’
We didn’t, my nephew had tied her to a fence that keeps you away from the ride.
We walked around, & couldn’t find nephew… Called him, but his phone was off.
I was livid, & Daniel started showing episode signs because he was stressed out. We searched for 30 minutes before I left Daniel & Maddie with a worker & looked by myself.
I found my nephew getting off a ride, when I called out to him he ran off.
Once I caught him I flipped. Nathan’s excuse was, ‘Omg I’m a kid. I wanna have fun. I deserve a break too. I never got this, I never did.
I didn’t get a dad, and my Mom never did anything. I wanna be a kid. Daniel’s like a dad. He gave me this opportunity…’ I couldn’t hear the rest because his sobs slurred it too much. But he doesn’t have a father and never did as the father left before he was born.
I tried talking it out with him, but he kept telling me it wasn’t his fault and crying. I reminded him that I was giving this opportunity, not Daniel.
To elaborate we did all switch who watched Maddie. Since Nathan was young I had already taken his turn a few times so that the boys could have fun.
But he LEFT MADDIE. Again a service dog. Not only life-altering but expensive.
I told Nathan that if he didn’t watch Maddie I would drive him home, & drop him off. He flipped. He cried & ran off again.
I didn’t go after him and returned to Daniel to find out from a worker they moved him and he had a seizure in a back area.
He loves his nephew and was worried.
Am I the idiot for not letting him be a kid? He seemed really upset. He has had a hard life, and is under a lot of pressure at home with watching younger siblings.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He’s not ‘just a kid’, he’s a 19-year-old who is now technically an adult. He’s well old enough to know what he did was wrong, VERY wrong, as anyone could have walked off with Maddie. Not only that but due to his immature and irresponsible actions, Daniel had a seizure, in a very public setting.
It’s not like you were making him watch Maddie for every ride. He agreed to the deal you made and because he’s selfish and uncaring, just did what he wanted. Then he turned on the waterworks to guilt you, which I’m wondering how often he did this with his mom to get out of trouble (my friend’s 17yo son does this a lot but she doesn’t buy it any longer).” Caspian4136
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Do not leave the dog or a loved one in his care. He is not emotionally or socially developed to be trusted. He did not stay on task and created a plan to get his needs met.
Your fiancée is a father figure yet the 19-year-old put the dog in harm’s way which caused him to have a seizure. He’s acting on impulse while articulating he can’t help it cause he didn’t have things. Until he proves otherwise his personal interests and needs will override any commitment he makes.
This can lead to dangerous outcomes given he is no longer a minor. Best to you.” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Many people have terrible home lives; that doesn’t give them a pass to act like a self-centered jerk at 19.
I don’t even believe he was actually crying. In my opinion, he just wanted to do what he wanted, and when he saw you were angry and he was actually going to be held responsible for going back on his agreement, he poured on the waterworks and gave you a sob story.
I literally had to go back to check on his age, because he behaved like a small child. He’s 19. He should have stood by his agreement. The dog matters too. It was very unsafe to leave it alone. It could have been hurt or stolen, and this dog is medically necessary.
To give the benefit of the doubt to your nephew, his actions could be a result of his poor upbringing and home life. Don’t back down though. Tell him how glad you were that he got to experience some of an amusement park, but explain how his actions impacted everyone, and why this is wrong, and what he should do in the future.
I’d try to stay as neutral as possible. The crying is his own issue. I hope he sees a good therapist because he has a lot to work out.” DogsAreTheBest36
5. AITJ For Being Mad At My Brother-In-Law For Posting Pictures Of Me And My Daughter?
“Last night I (33F) went to an extended family New Year’s Eve party with my daughter. I had a great time and we took some family pictures which was fine but I did ask that if they’re posted that I and my daughter be cropped out of frame.
I’ve been on the internet since I was 10 and I don’t want my daughter to be the same way, she’s 8 now so I have a little more time until I need to worry about her wanting social media. I myself don’t post pictures of her anymore, I used to post all the time on social media, I had myspace back in the day but looking back it wasn’t fun, I was bullied, had a lot of self-esteem issues, and don’t want my daughter to be subject to the same thing as I did.
I checked my social media feed this morning and my BIL had posted a picture of the family, with me and my daughter at the end very much not cropped out, he even mentioned that she’s a January baby and gave her her present during the party.
I called him and demanded he takes the post down and reposts it without mention of my daughter and with us, both cropped out. He got angry and started calling me selfish, delusional and a jerk for trying to police what he posts.
He knows I don’t want my daughter online and that I rarely post about myself online and told me he didn’t hear my request last night and thought it’d be ok. I’d never been ok, I don’t like my own mother posting about my daughter but he thought I’d let him?
My family is at an impasse, BIL’s side is siding with him and mine is siding with me. I want my daughter to know her uncle growing up and I don’t know what to do.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“While you are NTJ and understanding about your wishes you do not get to dictate what BIL does or does not put on his social media.
You can ask if he would take them down, but you do not get to tell him to take them down. If you don’t want pictures that may inadvertently be posted, don’t take them. Once someone takes a picture with their device, it’s their property.
That’s just the way it is.
It probably would have gone better for you if you weren’t combative out the gate and making demands you have no right to make, you can only ask.” Long_Squash1762
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Yeah going against the grain, but listen… In an age of epic social media… Like almost everyone is on some type of it right… Why did you even pose for the picture? Why did you get in the picture in the 1st place?
Several people besides BIL are, I’m sure on social media. He is just the one who actually posted it. But it could have potentially have been posted by any number of people. So why did you and have your daughter pose for the picture to begin with?
If you do not want to be posted, then simply don’t pose for the picture. Exit stage left and let it be that. I have been on both sides of this situation but I have never not once accosted another family member or friend to take XYZ of me down regardless.
If you don’t want you or her to be posted, just stay out of the pic next time. Or if you wanted a pic just for you with the fam, take that pic with your own phone and camera and stay out of everyone else’s pic.
Their edited version can go on social media without you. I don’t think you can blame him for posting when you had your daughter and yourself posed for the pic.
Regardless of what they all said that they would crop you out and blah.
Not all people, especially males are that savvy. But by posing for those pix you chose to take the decision out of your hands and put it in another’s. You have no control over what anyone else would do, you can only control what you do.
And you can control yall getting in the pic in the 1st place.
When it comes to your daughter… I feel this is hard because there is no right or wrong but… But there will prob come a day when she wants to be on social media esp because it is what she is being denied and her friends are all on it and blah.
And the only way you can prevent it is by denying and or then monitoring. But then she might take this as you being overbearing and controlling or whatever. Who knows what may happen in the future or how she will feel?
I’m just saying be prepared for the pushback from a tween or teen and mayhap a resentful legal adult (18) who has learned to sneak, conceal, and lie from an early age because she was denied. ~From that teen who was denied, and the mother of a 23-year-old.” Busy_Obligation_9711
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Posting pictures of children on the internet requires the parents’ permission. Your BIL not only posted when you told him not to but gave some personal information. Let him know, in writing, that if the post isn’t down in 24 hours, you’ll report to social media admins and have it taken down, requesting that his account be suspended.
I understand that you want your child to know her uncle growing up, but her uncle has crossed a serious line and, unless stopped, will likely continue to do so. Stop him. If he cuts off contact over this, you’re probably better off without him.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“I actually think everyone sucks here. If OP doesn’t want the picture posted then don’t be in the pic, to begin with. Instead of placing expectations on others, be proactive. Policing other people’s social media posts because they don’t comply with your desires (potentially unknowingly in this case) is being a bit of a jerk.
On the other hand, BIL could also have taken a different line of response especially if it was a simple situation of him not hearing her. While he may not agree with OP’s reasons, he could show a higher level of care and respect when notified.” Kyl0theHutt
4. AITJ For Not Being Too Excited About My Sister's Pregnancy Announcement?
“I (F 18) have a sister (F 38) who we will call ‘Kay’ for privacy reasons. Kay has 4 children with her husband (3f, 8f, 2f,11f). K is a stay-at-home mom, and her husband works in air conditioning. K and her husband came over with their kids on his time off to tell us something.
She said that they are pregnant with their fifth child. My mom was overjoyed. And I wasn’t really paying attention. I was focusing on the TV. Then my sister says, ‘So what do you think about the news’.
I said, ‘Cool awesome’.
Then my sister says, ‘Just cool, you don’t seem that excited for me?’ and I said ‘Well what do you want me to do? jump up and down and scream my head off. I can see if this was like your first child that you were expecting, like a first-time mother moment, you got four kids and on your fifth pregnancy by this time you get used to it.
Was this baby really hard to conceive, like was it hard to like to get pregnant? and Kay said, ‘No it just happened, I took the test a week ago’ and I said, ‘ok then, so at a certain point after finding number 3 people reaction is not going to be that enthusiastic as if was you were expecting with your first’.
Kay said ‘I thought you will be happy for me’ and I was like I am but it’s not that expecting for me since you have been pregnant before. She got mad and left with her husband and kids and did not stay for dinner.
My mom thinks I should apologize to Kay for not being excited about her pregnancy announcing. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everything you said was true, and it is weird that people think bringing a bunch of children into the world is something to be congratulated on.
With four children already with only one income, I am really questioning the finances of the couple and if they have thought about their children’s futures. And does the oldest have the responsibility to take care of the younger ones of if they are pawned off by family to ‘get some time’ to themselves, which is code for having another child?
And if each child gets enough attention.” Narxiso
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister got pregnant the 5th time and no major complication occurred on that till now.
So ‘cool awesome’ would be an appropriate response provided you smiled and said it to her face directly instead of facing the TV.
Watching TV when any announcements were made in a family might not be the best policy.
Expecting you to jump up and down and get all excited might be too much of an expectation, especially after the 3rd one.” Real-Assumption
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You acknowledged what she said and attempted to feign enthusiasm, but your sister wasn’t satisfied. Instead of just accepting your response, she criticized you for not being over-the-top happy about her announcement. She is the one who turned this non-issue into an issue.
It’s her pregnancy and she needs to realize that other people aren’t going to feel as excited about it as she is, especially when it’s the fifth pregnancy. A person has to wonder if she’s actually developed some kind of addiction to the attention she gets from being pregnant.
Why else would she be dismayed when she didn’t get the expected gush of enthusiasm?
By now, from your point of view, being pregnant is just her normal state of being and nothing to get super excited about. It’s hard to sustain enthusiasm over events that go on over such a long time period.
She’s already spent 36 months, or approximately three years, being pregnant. It’s become an old hat to you by now. She needs to get over it and just enjoy being pregnant for its own sake and not expect others to react any particular way.” Crazy_Banshee_333
3. AITJ For Making A Big Deal Over Meatballs?
“I had a few people over yesterday. Wasn’t really a party, but I had some appetizers a few pizzas, and snacks.
My friend Maggie said she couldn’t come but would stop over beforehand because she and her partner Jack had plans.
I’m sorta eh about Jack. Sometimes he’s a cool guy and sometimes he’s an immature tool.
So, they came over and Maggie asked what smelled so good. I said probably the wings or jelly meatballs in the crockpots.
Jack said, ‘Oh I love Jelly meatballs’.
I told them they could have some if they wanted. Maggie said no thanks they were going to eat later but Jack said he’d have ‘a few’.
I told him where it was and to help himself. I had paper plates, bowls, and plastic forks and knives out so I figured he could figure it out.
Maggie and I stayed in the living room, talking. Then I mentioned that Jack had been gone a long time. It was probably 10 minutes. I wasn’t sure if he just didn’t think he could eat in the living room or what.
So Maggie went to check on him.
When they came back Jack’s bowl was HEAPING. I expected him to take a couple, he probably had 15-20. I was annoyed but oh well.
When they left I went to check on things and there were considerably fewer meatballs.
He probably was eating them in the kitchen while we were talking. I had used a bag of 60 meatballs because I had 7 people coming over and other food. I didn’t account for Maggie and Jack when I estimated food, because they were just ‘stopping by’ but I didn’t think it would hurt for them to have some.
Well, today Maggie text me that it was nice to get together yesterday and she wished they could have stayed longer.
I was irritated because this isn’t the first time Jack has done stuff like this. So I said, ‘yea it was good to see you.
Might wanna tell Jack what some means’.
Maggie asked what I meant and when I said that I expected him to have a couple, not 20. She said, ‘Well you offered, you shouldn’t offer if you don’t want people to take what they want.
He was hungry’.
I said, ‘yea but most people don’t pig out on meatballs’.
She said ‘Well they’re one of his favorites. You shouldn’t host and make food for people if you’re going to be stingy and control how much they can have.
You’re making a big deal about nothing Whatever happy new year’.
On one hand, sure I shouldn’t have offered if I didn’t intend to share. I had no problem with them having food, but why would I expect someone to eat that much?
AITJ for saying something?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
It’s certainly tacky of Jack to crush the meatballs at a party like that, but it’s also bad form for you to make a big deal about it.
He and Maggie were guests in your home and you offered the spread to them to enjoy.
Now you know he loves jelly meatballs and you can either make extras when he comes or not invite them.” PJfanRI
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You absolutely should have spoken up. Neither Jack nor Maggie can plausibly claim that when you said ‘have some’ they sincerely thought that eating a third of the pot of meatballs would be okay with you.
Sounds like he ate 1,500 to 2,000 calories worth of meatballs and sauce. That’s a whole Hungry Man Dinner’s worth of food. That’s not what you eat when stopping by a friend’s party briefly when you allegedly have plans of your own to ‘eat later.’
Maggie knows Jack is a jerk. She’s not being honest with you. Maybe she wanted him to eat a bunch so that them doing whatever they did later would be less expensive. At the very least, she’s covering for him.” throw05282021
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. (You and Jack). It’s super rude to offer food to guests and then ridicule your guests about how much they ate. It’s also rude to take more than a reasonable share, which it sounds like Jack did.
Although, you didn’t say you ran out so was this actually a problem, or did you just want to vent your frustrations about Jack? If it’s the latter, there was undoubtedly a more mature way for you to communicate that.
Also – people ‘stopping by’ do often partake in eating food.” Mysterious_Megalodon
2. AITJ For Making My Mom Look Like A Bad Mother?
“Today, my mum was hosting a small new year’s day lunch at our house (I (25F) still live in my childhood home). This lunch was planned well in advance and so was the menu.
Important background info is that I recently had surgery, that prohibits me from eating specific foods.
My mum knows this, and we even visited the doctor and got advice on what we could make for me to eat instead. We agreed on what we were going to make, and that was it (or so I thought).
Yesterday, I was preparing dinner, and my mum asked what I was having tomorrow, and I reminded her of what we had agreed. She replied that she can’t make that food only for me specifically, she’d have to make enough for everyone, which would be too much effort, and unnecessary since we were already having 5 other main dishes.
I reminded her that I cannot eat any of the dishes so it ISN’T unnecessary and that we could just make enough for me (realistically it would take 15-20 minutes to make a single serving and we already had all the ingredients on hand, we just had to thaw them).
I reminded her our ‘guests’ were literally my brothers, grandpa, and my brother’s in-laws which are literally family. I offered to make them myself but she dismissed me, said she was going to ‘figure it out’, and left the room.
Today, I was in the kitchen making breakfast, when she comes in and asked me what I was going to have for lunch. I looked at her and asked what she was talking about. She said that she hadn’t prepared anything that I can have, nor did she thaw out any chicken or fish for me.
I’m really struggling with food right now (and not being able to eat any of my favorite foods), and having all those smells in the kitchen, knowing I had nothing to eat for our new year family lunch (it’s a yearly tradition) really triggered me.
I started crying and left the room, and she just rolled her eyes at me.
My brother and SIL tried to console me, and we tried to look for places we could order some takeout, but nothing was open. I ended up boiling two eggs and tried to sit at the table while everyone was eating.
My grandfather (didn’t know about the situation), and asked me ‘Why are you just eating eggs? That’s not a proper lunch for new years!’. That triggered me again, and I replied that I didn’t want to just eat eggs, but my mum didn’t care enough to make sure I had something I could eat.
Apparently, 20 minutes of effort were too much, but going to 4 different supermarkets to find a specific brand of ingredient was not.
When they left, I asked my mum why she didn’t prepare something for me, or at least let me know so I could prepare something for myself.
She just went off on me saying that I embarrassed her in front of our in-laws and that I should be ashamed for making people think that she’s a bad mother.
My brothers, SIL, and my friends are all on my side, but now she’s crying and saying I ruined new year’s for her, and I can’t help but feel guilty.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom KNOWS you can only have certain foods due to surgery. She agreed with you first, and then all of a sudden backed out on the promise to make those meals. Then when you stepped up and said you’ll make it yourself, (which you SHOULDN’T HAVE TO, SHE’S PLANNING THE PARTY) She dismisses you.
And only makes things she, again, KNOWS you can’t eat. That’s very trashy of her. You didn’t ‘make a scene’ you just pointed out that she’s wrong. Doesn’t sound like a good mother at all. I’m so sorry.” Lauren34567
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you’re a 25-year-old adult, unless that surgery also affected your hands and or brain (and if it does then definitely NTJ) then make your own special food! I’m sorry but I can’t empathize with a grown woman who wants to turn into a child because mommy won’t stop doing the multiple things she is already trying to do for multiple other family members to make you special food.
That’s why she kept asking YOU what YOU were going to eat, and telling you that she was already overwhelmed with all the other cooking she was trying to do and asked you to help her out and take care of your special food!
You yourself said it was only 20 mins of effort, but you demanded that effort be on your mom’s back on top of everything else she was trying to already take care of for the family.” Traditional_Check705
Another User Comments:
“NTJ (slightly edged out ‘no jerks here’)
OP’s mum neglecting to make lunch for OP could have either been because she really does not care about OP or it was an honest mistake and she forgot.
OP did nothing wrong because OP offered to make the food herself.
And I also start crying when I’m hungry and there’s no food.
Without knowing more I’d say have empathy for the mum for forgetting (my guess is that she forgot), but then again, the mum also did not apologize to OP; and on top of that, is more concerned about getting embarrassed in front of her family.
So I guess, the mum is the slight jerk in the situation.” sildarmillion
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You’re 25 years old, I get it surgery is tough but you can cook. You’re not entitled to have Mom cook you a completely separate meal. It seems like you already knew she wasn’t going to cook that meal so you should’ve gone ahead & cooked it yourself.
Your response to Grandpa was childish. Again, you’re 25 years old.
Being that mom was putting on the lunch & knew you couldn’t eat anything, she should’ve made some sort of accommodation esp if she didn’t want questions being asked.” bubblyflooff
1. AITJ For Defending My Cat Against My Mother-In-Law?
“My (F24) partner (M25) and I recently moved out and got an apartment together. It’s been great and we even adopted an adorable kitten who’s so sweet and cute, however, I do admit that his personality can be too much to handle sometimes.
He’s very affectionate and cuddly and loves to always be in people’s company, he’s also very vocal and curious so he’s always walking around looking for a new adventure. My partner’s parents (F55 and M60) came to visit for the first time last week and I made dinner etc.
They know we have a cat and they were ok with it, however, when they were over my cat kept trying to hang out with them and rubbing against their legs, etc and my Mother in law aggressively pushed my cat away and then said that she was gonna go lock him in the bathroom to teach him a lesson.
I immediately told her that she was acting like a child and that she needs to calm down and it was just a cat whose being friendly and he wasn’t trying to annoy her, she said she wasn’t staying if the cat was going to be running around, so I said then go.
It’s my cat’s house and she’s the visitor so I have no obligation to lock him in the bathroom because she wants to act like a toddler. Even if I were to put him in a separate room with his food water litter etc, it wouldn’t work because he wouldn’t stop meowing as I think he has separation anxiety.
They ended up leaving and now my partner is mad at me and saying that my reaction was uncalled for. Am I the jerk for defending my cat?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I agree that you are right to love your cat.
However, human company trumps cats in situations that cause no real harm to the cat. You must accept that not everyone loves our pets as we pet owners do. You could have shut the cat away with some food, litter, and toys for the duration of your guest’s visit.
Two or three hours of no cat on the scene wouldn’t have irreparably damaged the cat.
Also, consider that you’d be sparing your cat being exposed to a person who doesn’t like cats as much as you do.” j4ckb1ng
Another User Comments:
“I’ve gotta go with ‘everyone sucks here”, though I’m tempted to say YTJ. Your MIL was rude, but you cannot expect everyone to want your cat to be all over them. Some people might be seriously allergic (hi, it’s me), others uncomfortable around animals, or just don’t want to end up coated in cat hair.
It sounds like her response was largely a result of your lack of response. She pushed the cat away and made it clear she didn’t want it rubbing against her, redirect your cat. Her bathroom comment was rude, but you should have taken initiative before that.
In my opinion, this is similar to someone who fails to train their small dog regarding personal space. Your dog/cat is probably adorable but not everyone is going to want a dog jumping on their shins or a cat repeatedly rubbing against them.
I would absolutely lose my mind if someone came to my home and made a crack about locking my dog in the bathroom, but I also would never let my dog jump on/lick/crowd someone who didn’t want them to.” CP81818
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Part of being a good pet owner is knowing not everyone can/wants to be around our pets. It doesn’t hurt them to temporarily put them in a separate room for a little while. If anything you should be working on your pet’s separation anxiety by having time apart sometimes so it becomes normalized for your pet.
Your MIL wasn’t very kind about pushing your pet away but you could have resolved this whole issue before it started by being more considerate.” vitryolic
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your partner’s mother should have requested you keep the kitten away from her which is very reasonable.
She most certainly shouldn’t have said what she did. However, you should have found a way to keep the kitten away from her. You need to accept not everyone wants pets begging for attention all the time. I really don’t see you and your partner staying together if you refuse to keep the cat under control when people visit.” Ghostwalker1622
