People Beg Us To Examine Their Captivating "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Not Getting Chili For My Significant Other?
“I have ADHD and I often forget things and get easily distracted. This isn’t an excuse for the issue below, but just to add more context.
So yesterday my significant other was feeling really sick and she asked me to go get her chili and a bagel from Tim Hortons.
I went to one not too far away from us and they didn’t have any chili so I went to another one by our mall.
As I was waiting in line someone approached me and he said he recognized me from my housing complex. I recognized him too and we got to talking.
As we were talking I was asking the cashier for the bagel and chili soup. They told me they didn’t have any soup and I just opted to get both bagels.
The guy and I walked back to our neighborhood and he was telling me how his dad died over the holidays and he was feeling really sad and still grieving his death.
So we took the long way back and I was trying to cheer him up.
Eventually, we went our separate ways and I told my SO the story above. I told her how sad his story made me feel but I was glad to help him get it off his chest as I felt he needed someone to talk to.
That’s when my SO noticed there wasn’t any chili and I told her how I went to 2 places and they didn’t have it. She got mad and told me I should have called her to tell her and that if I had she would have told me to go pick up a can from somewhere.
I apologized and told her I was just distracted as I was talking with this guy and she told me how upset it makes her feel that I prioritized a stranger over her when she is feeling sick.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Yeah even I’m forgetful, but I’m not gonna go back home with just bagels, the whole point of you going out was to get something warm.
Even just going out of your way before leaving, asking ‘Hey, by the way, if there isn’t any chili you want anything else?’ shows a lot even though it’s minimal effort. You getting caught up with the friendly stranger still didn’t change the fact that you could call your SO and ask for substitutes.
This isn’t anything you ‘forgot’ but more so you showing little to no initiative. Some girls treasure that like it’s gold brother.” VeN0m333
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, think about this for a moment: Imagine if you were sick and you asked her to go get you something.
What would she have done? If you had generally good parents, what would they have done? What’s the difference between what you did and what you would have wanted someone else to do for you? You literally did prioritize a stranger over something you already told her you would do, and she was expecting.
She’s perfectly justified in being upset. I say that as someone with significant memory issues who forgets things instantly and gets distracted really easily.
It’s good you acknowledge it’s not an excuse but you’re still treating it like one. Take responsibility for your actions and decisions.
By the way, the situation was not ‘abandon a friend/person who could use help or abandon my partner who is waiting for me.’ You treated it like it was, but it wasn’t.
A text or call to your partner would have let her know what was going on and set expectations, as well as given her a choice in what to do about the chili soup.
Asking the friend if they want to talk after you run the food home so it gets to your SO fresh/hot was also a potential option.” notrightmeowthx
20. AITJ For Letting My Niece Wear A White Dress At My Nephew's Wedding?
“My nephew got married a couple of months ago.
It was a semi-casual wedding at the park. I am my sister’s kids’ guardian. She has 3 girls (10, 5, 3) and 2 boys (8 and 6).
I wanted the kids to look nice for the wedding so we went shopping. The boys both got new jeans and a nice shirt. The girls each picked out a dress.
My youngest niece got a unicorn dress and wore fairy wings, and my 5-year-old got a dress with the princesses and wore a big pink tiara. The 10-year-old picked out a simple white dress with pink and yellow flowers.
I honestly thought my nephew or his wife would have an issue with the fairy wings or tiara but his wife hated that my 10-year-old was wearing white.
She wasn’t in a puffy white ballgown, it was a little sundress with pink and yellow flowers. They told me to change her clothes. I had a tee shirt and shorts in the car but she loved that dress and there was really nothing wrong with it.
They’ve distanced themselves from us but we saw them at Christmas. They got a present for all of the kids, except for the 10-year-old. She’s such a shy kid, she didn’t say anything but I could tell it broke her heart. I confronted my nephew and his wife about it and they said they gave presents to everyone that behaved appropriately at the wedding.
I reminded them that she’s 10 and she just wanted to wear a pretty dress, that did not resemble a wedding dress at all, to a wedding. I called them jerks for punishing a 10-year-old for what she wore to a wedding but they’re still saying it’s our (my/her) fault and they still can’t believe I let her wear white to a wedding.
AITJ for letting her wear a white dress to the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is not a white dress. This insanity that a dress with a speck of white on it qualifies as a ‘white dress’ and cannot be worn to a wedding has got to stop.
The etiquette rule is based on the idea that guests should not try to outshine the bride. Most brides in the US wear all-white dresses. Therefore, guests should not wear all-white dresses. A floral dress with a white background is not a white dress. It is a dress of many colors.
The wife is crazy to be jealous of a 10-year-old girl wearing a colorful dress to her wedding. And to punish her months later with no gift is a level of nuts that I think deserves a few visits to a therapist to figure out why she is holding a grudge this long and this hard over absolutely nothing.” krankykitty
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay $18 For A Home-Cooked Meal?
“So yesterday I got a text from my friend, let’s call him John. He was like ‘Hey, can you send me $18 for the pizza’. To which I responded ‘When did we order pizza?’ John responds with ‘The pizzas I cooked at boardgames night’.
Now to preface this 1.
He offered to make pizza and host board games, which he decided to do on his own accord, and 2. Did not ask anyone for money for doing so beforehand or say it would cost $$.
So after a bit of conversation back at forth (since I’ve never had anyone ask me for money for a home-cooked meal)… he said he was asking for money since I asked him for money for fish and chips.
Now the fish and chips were not home cooked and it has ALWAYS been the case that we pay for ourselves at a restaurant or fast food/take out. And I would expect to give him money if it was the other way round.
I mentioned this to him and he said he sees it differently quoting ‘a meal for a meal’.
I then asked if he had requested $18 from any of our other friends. He said no. So I said ‘This is unfair and he’s changing how we usually handle these sorts of situations and specifically targeting me for some reason…’
And he said it was because the other friends would bring drinks etc and share it with him, which I do not.
To which I responded, ‘Well I don’t drink and also I’ve NEVER charged you for a home-cooked meal.’ Then some angry messages were sent my way and we have not spoken.
I can send him $18, it’s not about the money… It’s just how he has handled the situation, is singling me out, and especially charging me after the fact (which has never happened before and is not normal behavior).
AITJ for not giving my friend $18 for a home-cooked pizza?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s rude of him to not discuss with you beforehand that he intended to charge you for the meal he was cooking. Normally if you are hosting a gathering it’s understood that the bulk of the cost is going to be on the host and you shouldn’t charge your guests unless it was previously discussed and understood that everyone would contribute to the cost of ingredients or the cost of ordering in.
That being said, everyone I have ever known understands that it’s common courtesy to bring along something to a gathering, usually snacks, drinks, or dessert. It sounds like your friend often hosts gatherings and you never bring anything to share with the group. So, as far as I’m concerned, everyone sucks here.” WaywardMarauder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s really tacky to ask someone to pay for a home-cooked meal. It’s even worse that he’s asking you to pay $18 for some home-cooked pizza (did you eat like 3 whole pizzas?). I get the feeling that $18 is pretty close to what he owed you for the fish and chips.
If it is this also makes him really petty. If you don’t ask to be reimbursed upfront it’s a natural assumption that the host is paying for the meal. It would have been polite for you to bring something to the party but shouldn’t be mandatory.
This just all sounds like your ‘friend’ has been butt hurt for quite a while about you asking him to pay you back for the food you fronted at the restaurant.” mikeesq22
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I’m a little torn because it’s normal etiquette to bring a bottle of wine, snacks, or something for the host even if you don’t partake.
His point is valid. This is especially true if he hosts more than you.
Your point is valid that he is shaking you down after the fact is unreasonable but you don’t seem to know if it’s that he’s right on the money, feels taken advantage of, or whatever else.
So I kinda feel like you guys just need to talk it out like adults and figure out how this relationship will work going forward because he’s right if he feels taken advantage of when he is always hosting you, always feeding you and you’re always splitting, never treating without ever hosting.
So in his shoes, I’d either stop inviting you, ask you for money, or ask you to start contributing to these events. $18 also seems excessive only for pizza as he shouldn’t be counting drinks since you don’t partake.” lions2lambs
18. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Pay For The Dress She Ruined?
“I (22/F) went to a wedding and I asked my friend if she could lend me a dress and we decided to switch: she borrows one from me and I borrow one from her.
My mom dislikes me borrowing clothes from people, but I really liked my friend’s dress and I didn’t have any to wear.
I went to the wedding, the dress was perfect and all good. After the wedding I went on a trip to the beach and left the dress in the dirty clothes, I was planning to wash it on its own when I came back.
When I returned, my mom had washed my clothes, when I saw the dress washed with the other colored clothes I wanted to fight with her but I was trying to cope with my impulsive and angry behaviors, so I said nothing and let it be.
Today, when I saw the dress it was stained, probably cause it couldn’t be in the sun to dry, I showed it to my mom in despair and she was a little concerned but dry with ME because I borrowed the dress (she knew the dress was borrowed when she washed it with the other clothes).
I was angry and my friend said that I had to buy another one. When I saw the price, I told my mom to pay. She was angry with me, saying that it was not her responsibility and we had a fight.
Am I the jerk for charging her to repair the dress?
NOTE: I’m used to washing my own clothes, but she tends to not wash them. I always ask her to not touch or clean my stuff because I can deal with it myself. It’s not the first time she has ruined some of my clothes/things trying to wash or clean.
It’s something for me that she doesn’t respect the boundaries that I set and that I don’t want her touching my things whatsoever.
I know she tries to be helpful and it’s the way that she demonstrates love but it bothers me and I’m tending to lock my room so she can’t be in it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mum wasn’t respecting the boundaries you have expressed to her and went against your request for her not to wash your stuff. Trying to be helpful doesn’t make it ok. Good on you for standing your ground and respecting yourself and holding her accountable for disregarding your boundaries.” Jam-7900
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and she owes you the money to replace the dress.
‘I know she tries to be helpful and it’s the way that she demonstrates love.’
No. Actually being helpful would be showing love. Repeatedly forcing you to accept ‘help’ that you have repeatedly requested she not do, and damaging your things more than once by trying to force you to accept her doing however she pleases with your property is not love.
It’s trying to force you to allow her to control your behavior. Needing to use locks to protect your belongings is definitely not love unless she has a mental condition where she is incapable of remembering that you asked her not to ‘help’ you.” latents
17. AITJ For Siding With My Brother Against Our Sister?
“I (25F) am home for the holidays, so I’m seeing my sister Ella (18) and brother Finn (17) for the first time in months. To put it simply, Ella tortures Finn. Finn can’t open his mouth around her without her getting angry. She makes fun of his hair (he wears it long), his clothes, his hobbies, and his friends.
For example, I mentioned I was thinking of taking on extra work, and Finn said that’s a good idea because my rent has gone up. Ella responded ‘Since when do you have a finance degree’ even if, frankly, he was right. He tripped up the stairs last night, and she told him to stop pretending to be wasted (he was drinking with his friends downstairs).
Ella seems to think it’s all a joke, but it upsets Finn. Finn asked if we wanted to watch a movie tonight and suggested one he likes, Ella responded ‘Not everything is about you’. Finn wore a t-shirt of a band he likes, and Ella complained he doesn’t even listen to them.
And on and on it went.
Yesterday, we went to a little coffee place. The usual ‘joke’ arguments happened all the way there. The trouble started when Finn accidentally knocked the table, and Ella exploded, saying ‘There’s hot drinks on this table, would you be careful’ and then yelling some more when Finn said it was an accident.
I tried to defuse it and told Ella to stop, she replied ‘You need to learn to take a joke’. When I told her she was taking it too far, Ella kept on complaining. She gave us the silent treatment, even when Finn asked about her plans, and when she gave a blunt answer, turned to me and said ‘Sorry did I take that too far again?’ I told her yes, and she started yelling at us again about how we gang up on her (we don’t).
Here’s the issue; during the commotion, Finn made a remark about Ella’s friends (I didn’t hear this, but Ella was very upset and Finn admitted he said it). Last year, some really bad things went down between Ella and her friends that really upset her, so he touched a nerve.
Knowingly or unknowingly.
And I was sympathetic, as from what I saw happened, it was BAD bad and it messed her up. And Finn apologized. But, I was on Finn’s side, because Ella had ripped into him non-stop. So Ella was yelling at Finn, and our mum was telling the both of them to make up, I stepped in remembering all the crap Ella pulled, and said ‘Ella shouldn’t dish it if she can’t take it’.
And yes, it was harsh and I shouldn’t have said it. But I felt like someone needed to put Ella in her place because all she did until then was whine about me ‘babying’ Finn and Finn’s inability to ‘take a joke’. Ella stormed off crying.
My mum told me it wasn’t my place to tell her as I’m only seeing part of what’s going on, apparently they’ve been at each other since she got back. And maybe that’s true but all I see, even before I moved out, was her antagonizing him and him giving her more grace than she deserved.
Now, Ella is not talking to me. My mum is insisting I stay out of it and we all make up for Christmas.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She wants to rail at him for however long and then get mad when he snaps?
I agree if she’s gonna dish it out, she should be able to take it. Especially if she’s been on a campaign against him. She can’t go and degrade him, and then get mad when he brings up a sensitive subject about friends. But no you didn’t do wrong by telling her.
The parents suck for not stopping it. Your sister learned a lesson. Do unto others.” corax_lives
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents have created the problem. They aren’t doing anything about the incessant sniping that goes one or both ways. They are blaming Finn because, after DAYS of said sniping, he said something that upset Ella because of something that happened. Nope.
Ella needed a reality check. She can’t keep doing it to him and she’s definitely not gonna have any friends if she does it to them. Finn needed the reality check too that no matter how upset you are, if you lash out then you can very much hurt feelings if you don’t think about what you say.
I would be telling mom that everyone can make up when Ella is held to the same standard of behavior that everyone else is.” effinnxrighttt
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be The One To Tell My Sister She's Not Invited To Christmas At Mom's?
“I (37M) was asked to call my older sister (40F) to get her to not go to our mother’s house for Christmas with her 2 children because it would complicate her and my younger sister’s (35F) plans.
When I asked why they didn’t want her there I was given the excuse that there wasn’t enough room and that they didn’t know if a mutual friend of theirs would still be going there later to house-sit if she came. They had camping plans for after Christmas.
Firstly, we have had the entire family there, and more, and managed to fit everybody in quite comfortably. Secondly, this could have been avoided if they had just asked my sister what her plans actually were and called the friend to ensure they were still house-sitting.
Instead, they decided that it would be better if they got me to talk her out of going. They suggested I ask my sister, out of the blue, that she should come to Christmas with me and my in-laws.
I asked them very directly if they wanted my sister there for Christmas and they all said no.
I refused their requests and pointed out to them that I would in no way be part of a scheme to manipulate my sister into not going just to alleviate their ‘complications’. I told my mother that she should call her own daughter and tell her she and her children are not welcome to spend Christmas day with them.
This caused a huge fight between us resulting in us no longer speaking.
I told my older sister everything that had happened as I didn’t think it was fair to her to not know what was going on. Plus I would have hated if she did show up and was treated poorly.
I have since heard that my mother and sister are now saying that they did nothing wrong in this situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They had an issue with her coming? It’s the host’s responsibility to manage the guest list – not try and scapegoat someone else into doing it.
Your mother is (in theory) a grown woman who can talk with her own words. Unless there are issues relating to her ability to communicate, there is no excuse or reason you have to do your mother’s dirty work. It’s one thing if there was a language barrier, or if your mother was mute and your sister didn’t believe in text-based communication, but I highly doubt that’s the case here.
I’d invite your sister to your place and have a grand ol’ time without them. Never too late to start new traditions! Old traditions are just peer pressure from dead people, anyways.” Andravisia
Another User Comments:
“Your mother and younger sister’s behavior is what I would expect from a 10-year-old.
Congratulations on having the maturity to escape that dynamic. I feel that there must be a lot of missing context from your post to explain why they were hosting a family gathering for a family that they apparently don’t really like, but as written their actions were clearly inappropriate.
An adult should do their own dirty work. At least you came out of this with both of them not talking with you. I believe that is a win for you. I hope that you and your older sis enjoy your Christmas however you choose to celebrate it, NTJ.” theoldman-1313
15. AITJ For Telling My Sister's Husband To Get His Mom Under Control?
“My (m 28) sister and BIL just had their first child a few days ago. It wasn’t a funny happy day because of my sister’s MIL.
The whole pregnancy hadn’t been a good time because she had to be the center of attention. She was always saying ‘My baby’ and at the gender reveal, she was front and center hollering IT’S A BOY! While jumping up and down and waving her arms in front of everyone.
You could tell it really bothered my sister.
The day my nephew was born, my sister said that she only wanted our mom and her husband in the room with her during the birth. His mom came unglued saying if she couldn’t be in there then our mom couldn’t be either.
My sister’s ***** pressure was dangerous the whole day because of her. The handful of us in the waiting room basically had to keep her corralled the whole time. Any time there were any updates, she would make sure to be the first in line to hear it.
We were all tired of her by the time the baby came. I get that she was excited to be a grandma but we all thought she needed to tone it down a big notch.
She had to be first in the room and literally butted me out of the way to see him when they brought him back from cleaning him up and when the nurse asked who wanted to hold him first (asking my sis or BIL) she butted in ME!
And tried to take him from the nurse. Someone had to grab her and tell her to calm down. You could hear my sister’s monitors beeping fast. I’d personally had enough and pulled BIL aside and said that he needed to get his mom under control because we were about to go off on her.
He didn’t take that well and we all ended up being kicked out of the room and of course, his mom was throwing a tantrum because of it. I just went home. Now BIL is mad at me and saying I am the one that is stressing my sister out.
I don’t know what to do in this situation. He can plainly see what his mom is doing and can see how angry his wife is but he does nothing but get mad when someone else says something. AITJ for being the one to speak up?
Was it the wrong time to do so?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But the thing is in a hospital, the staff has the power to remove and keep unwanted visitors away. The only people with real power here were your sister and BIL, and it was their job to tell the nurse your sister’s MIL can’t be in here.
I’m surprised your sister didn’t ask for it unless she feels like she can’t because of an overattached husband.
Your sister’s MIL is a major, screaming, over-attached grandmazilla jerk, and frankly, your BIL is a jerk too… yeah, if she’s upsetting your sister that much, 100% he should be doing or saying something.
But given his mom’s behavior, I wouldn’t be surprised if either he’s worried about standing up to her, or they’re so enmeshed he doesn’t see an issue.” Brave-Act2816
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but obviously, it made things worse. In a normal dynamic, BIL would have appreciated the backup.
But it is both BIL and his mom that are the issue. This is not good for your sis.
The writing is on the wall, the MIL is going to get your sis out of their hair as soon as possible. By fair means or foul.
SHE TRIED TO HOLD THE BABY BEFORE EITHER OF THE PARENTS. That’s not excited, that is freaking nutso.
To support your sis, you will likely need to******* up and be a pushover, or there is a possibility no one from your family will have access.
Not just you, all of you. And sis is going to need a LOT of support because her spouse looks like all he wants to do is please his mommy.
I would be super concerned about the coming month and would walk on eggshells to have at least your mom supporting her post-partum.
Even if it meant sucking up to devil MIL herself just so your mom could be reliable in contact.” maybeRaeMaybeNot
14. AITJ For Wanting To Run Away And Start A New Life With My Fiancee?
“My fiancee Annie’s life has revolved around her mother (42) since she was born. My MIL is a very sweet woman who also happens to have a very serious genetic disability, and has had an extremely difficult life as a result. Annie has been denied a lot of opportunities for independence because of this.
My GMIL, MIL’s mother, has sort of pushed her into the role of an emotional support dog for her mom. She wasn’t able to have friends over because they would be too stressful for her mother. She couldn’t go to see friends either though, or be in any clubs or after-school activities because her mother would throw a tantrum if she was away from her for too long.
GMIL always drummed it into Annie’s head that due to the extremely tragic circumstances surrounding her birth, she owes her mother everything she wants in order to make up for it.
I met Annie while I was in college, online, and we hit it off.
We ended up on the phone for hours at a time, and when I graduated, I took a job in her area to be with her. GMIL never liked me and tried for a long time to convince Annie that I was evil, and wanted to rip their family apart, and honestly, yeah, I do.
I want to build a life with Annie. She’s an amazing, wonderful woman who deserves to be able to have her own life, and I was recently able to convince her to marry me and run away together. We’re going across the country after Christmas, and I’ve never felt brighter or lighter.
Annie is the best person I know. We both want a big family and a house in the woods, and we have all these plans that are just the kind of life I never thought I’d get, and she never thought she’d get either.
My GMIL found out.
She saw Annie’s discord messages, and she confronted us both yesterday. She says that without Annie’s help, she won’t be able to manage MIL, and she’ll end up in a care facility. She also said that without Annie around, MIL would have nothing to live for, and brought up how Annie was conceived. Annie was crying, and apologizing, and I basically told GMIL that Annie didn’t do anything wrong, and we were going no matter what.
GMIL said I’m a ‘villainous interloper’ who can’t understand their family’s values. She’s right that MIL will break down without Annie. When she visited me for a week last year, she had to go back after four days because MIL had a complete breakdown and ended up in the hospital.
AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“Reading between the lines here it sounds like MIL has the mental capacity of a small child and Annie was the result of an assault. GMIL clearly handled everything wrong, and Annie and GMIL should have both had therapy so they would know how to deal with all of this.
Running away isn’t going to make everything better. Annie needs more help than that.
The best place for MIL is a care facility that will help her through the transition, and Annie needs therapy to deal with years of trauma. Her life has revolved around this and you can’t run away from that, the feelings don’t just go away because of space.
She will likely have misplaced guilt about it, which is normal even when she shouldn’t feel guilty. This can’t be fixed just by moving.” AngelaMoore44
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here because it doesn’t sound like Annie is making these decisions about what she wants her life to be, more that you’re giving her an escape route from a bad situation and she’s along for the ride.
And while GMIL sounds like an abusive and awful person, it doesn’t sound like Annie is ready to confront her, especially at the level of confrontation that you’re escalating to.
While ‘let’s run away together’ is romantic in theory, it’s not practical nor is it kind.
It sounds like MIL isn’t abusive but is actually essentially at the mercy of GMIL herself. The responsible, helpful, and loving thing would be to contact local resources (in my community, it’s called Senior and Disabled Services) and explain the situation, including the abusive behavior of GMIL, and ask how MIL can receive care and protection.
If you actually helped Annie create a care plan for her mother, she could move forward in her life with a clear conscience and you’d both be justified in flipping GMIL the bird on your way out of town. As it is, you’re making Annie choose between you and a lifetime obligation that she can’t just mentally and emotionally drop on a dime because she met you.
Please show patience with Annie and care for her mother. No, this should not have been Annie’s duty, but there is a better path forward.” oregonchick
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Friend To Bring Her Kids To Our Christmas Dinner?
“Every year I (f 31) host a Christmas dinner for a small group of friends to all get together and celebrate. We are all in our early 30s and the majority of us don’t have children.
Of those that do, 1 has organized someone to take care of their child and the other is a newborn who won’t be leaving his mother’s arms.
The event has always been at my house, a smallish apartment. I have invited 16 people this year, and have organized tables, cutlery, dinnerware, and space accordingly.
It will be a tight fit however is easily doable with some rearranging. I have exactly 16 dinner sets as these were purchased weeks ago for the event.
6 days prior to the event a friend messaged me saying she couldn’t find a sitter for her 2 children (6 & 3) and therefore she and her partner won’t be able to attend unless they bring the children.
I said ‘That’s a shame’ and left it at that.
4 days prior to the event she messages again, stating that we should move the event to a different location so there is space for her to bring the children. I said no, the event is organized and has been planned for over a month, moving it to this date would be unsuitable.
She then says again ‘Well myself and partner won’t be able to come unless we can bring the girls’. I was busy so didn’t reply immediately and she messaged again ‘So can I bring them?’ And I said I would let her know.
As mentioned, the apartment itself is quite small, so fitting an extra 2 guests at the tables won’t be possible.
I could possibly give them seats outside on a small deck that I have, however, I haven’t met these children and don’t know if that would even be suitable.
I have discussed with 2 other guests who have said children of this age change the dynamic of the event substantially, and they aren’t the age where they can entertain themselves, add to this my house is not at all child-friendly.
They would have to bring their own plates, cutlery, cups, etc.
I don’t want to cause a problem in the friend group, and next year when a few of the group children are older I will make the event more child-friendly, however AITJ for not changing my event substantially with 4 days’ notice?”
Another User Comments:
“Your friend knows you don’t want the children there, but continues to ask if they can attend. You don’t want the children to come, but you don’t want to say no.
What do you think we can do for you, other than encourage you to use your words?
You are the host. You are responsible for the guest list. It would be wrong to add the children because it would change the event’s atmosphere for everyone else. The longer you wait to say no, the more hope your friend has, and the more hurt she’ll be when you say no. The worst thing you can do is to delay the inevitable.
To quote Nancy Reagan, ‘Just say no.'” Literally_Taken
Another User Comments:]
“NTJ. Even if everyone at the party had kids, it’s perfectly fine to have an adults-only event. Kids definitely change the dynamic. This event sounds more enjoyable without children. They don’t have to be included in everything.
In fact, there may be some parents there who are specifically looking forward to an evening with just adults.
Sometimes when you have kids, you have to miss events like this. It’s a bummer, but that’s part of the deal. Your friend needs to work on getting a reliable babysitter.
Everyone shouldn’t have to rearrange their evening in order to accommodate their friend’s children, even though I’m sure they’re lovely.
Maybe in a few years when more people have kids, you’ll want to include them. Maybe not. Either option is OK.” carneylansford
12. AITJ For Giving My Cousin A $250 Wedding Gift?
“My husband and I were married this past summer. It was a family-only event – the only friends invited were the maid of honor and best man. We wanted it small! In total, there were a bit over 60 guests.
Only one of my parent’s siblings has children, my uncle with 6 to be precise.
We joke that he made up for none of my aunts having kids. I’m an only child. Only 1 of my cousins is close to me and I strongly wanted him and his partner (who I’m also close to) in attendance. When I brought that up to my mom she insisted that if I invite him I also need to invite his siblings for fairness.
That wasn’t the plan initially but whatever, an extra 5 guests. Invites went out and we received RSVPs yes from all… including 4 SOs of the cousins. Annoying since we didn’t invite our own friends to keep the numbers down but I didn’t want drama and just accepted it.
The wedding was magical and went off without a hitch! My uncle’s table was the only one not to participate in anything but hey, their prerogative. We opened the gifts the next day and received a check for $1,000 from ‘the (their name) family.’ A generous amount for sure but a group gift that wasn’t even individually signed. Again, fine, all gifts are appreciated. The cousin I’m actually close to snuck us a card with their own gift.
Since then 3 of my cousins have gotten engaged. The first was on short notice, planned in a matter of months. It was last weekend and my husband and I were invited to the cocktail hour but not ceremony or dinner. Yet again, fine. It was only a 2 hour drive so easy enough to pop over and then head home the same day.
We said hi to everyone but left early since it was mostly their friends with very few people we knew. Our gift was $250.
Yesterday I was shocked to see my newlywed cousin was calling. I figured she was doing the give-a-call instead of a formal thank-you note thing… nope, it was to berate me for being a selfish jerk and only gifting her a fraction of what ‘she’ gave me.
I was confused because the gift we received was technically from 7 couples, her name wasn’t even on the card. I tried to explain this since we really don’t have the money to be gifting $1,000 for multiple weddings. She hung up on me. Since then she has sent me multiple articles about manners and how you are meant to match the wedding gift you were given.
I asked my parents how much they gave and found that they had given $1,000 as a gift from our family, specifically naming my husband and me on the card. So I’m a little frustrated – if a ‘family’ gift is appropriate then the $250 we gave is a bonus and the amount was matched.
I didn’t want to start anything so I haven’t pointed this out to my cousin. However, I’m still getting texts from her and her siblings about how greedy I am. We have been uninvited from the next cousin’s wedding because they don’t want to ‘waste money on trash like us that don’t reciprocate.’ Are we really jerks here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they’re trying to take advantage of you and your family by trying to get 2k when they only put minimal effort. I would reach your uncle pretending you’re confused. Like ‘Sorry, uncle, but my mom gave your kid 1k plus I gave 250.
They’re now all writing to me I should have given 1k too because they did. But the truth is I only received 1k from you as ‘the family,’ which is exactly what my mom did. Did I miss their 1k cards? Did they maybe give it to someone at the venue?
Please let me know, I’m afraid their cards have been stolen because they’re literally talking as if they’ve given me 1k each!'” Chocolatecandybar_
Another User Comments:
“If the cousin you are close with is not bashing you like their siblings, I would be petty and start saving my money now to give them $1000 for their eventual wedding.
Is the uncle aware of his children’s shenanigans? I would be asking him why his children think a group gift from him and his children is okay to give you, but one from your parents and you are not acceptable. If you ask be puzzled and inquisitive, not accusatory.
Unless he is known to have jerk tendencies, then don’t bother. NTJ.” Andreiisnthere
11. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Back Into My House?
“I (female 26) am the oldest of 8. I’ve always been the one who stepped up to help take care of the family and grew up faster than my siblings (the typical oldest sibling thing).
I am the only one of my siblings who pretty much works, moved out on my own, and has children. My siblings depend on me for a lot – money, advice, rides, you name it. I help as much as I can because they are my family and I love them.
My little sister (24) has been living with me on and off for about 4 years now. She has never helped with bills, only maybe a few groceries here and there. When I moved into my first apartment she moved in after leaving college. I already had my own problems due to issues with property management.
The property management threatened to evict me due to her not being on my lease, smoking on the property, and too much company. Although I was already annoyed my lease was about to end so until then I had to make a choice either her or us.
I told her she had to go and we ended up in a big argument. No one apologized or talked about it. A few weeks went by and the next thing I knew my sister was back living with me.
Before my lease ended I tried to find another place in time and ran out of options.
I asked my sister if could she put the place in her name since she lived with me anyway to keep us from going back to my grandmother’s house. She told me no so me and my kids moved back to my grandmother’s house. After 6 months I moved into my new place.
Fast forward 3 years, she’s been living with me 3 years in my new place. When I moved here I established some ground rules (so I thought) so she didn’t disturb my peace like she did at the other apartment. Just last year she wrecked my new Jeep.
This year she had another wreck in my new car. All accidents she received insurance money from and she did nothing with the money. She also has a dog that I now take care of because she refuses to care for it. I had a talk with her several times about having no regard for my house rules, and not helping with bills or household duties each time she says she’s going to do better.
A few weeks ago my sister moved in with her cousin who has 6 kids. They are the type of people who live a party lifestyle and she can do whatever she wants. She helps her cousin with her kids, cleans, etc. My sister has been talking about me to other family members saying I kicked her out and brags about how she helps her cousin.
I texted my sister letting her know I never want to see her again, and she can never come back due to the way she talked about me, took advantage of me, and made me feel with her lies. I gave her dog to our brother and I packed her remaining things and told her she had 24 hrs to come get her stuff.
I’ve gotten texts and calls from other family members saying I was wrong and it’s not her job to help me with my kids or bills and I should let her live her life because she’s my sister, not my child. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not letting her back, but YTJ for everything leading up to it. Your sister is a nightmare to live with because she’s never had to suffer any consequences. She violated your rules and your tenancy agreement and nothing happened. She seems to have just magically appeared in your new place (similar to having magically appeared back in your old place) and stuck around for three years doing whatever she felt like, again with no consequences other than your complaints.
You appear determined to not let her move back again, but what if she again magically appears? Another three years?
I suggest therapy! You badly need to grow a backbone. There’s no way a person with a backbone would have put up with all this.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not her job to help you with your kids, but it’s not your job to maintain, pay the bills, or provide for a 24-year-old grown adult and her dog. It’s not unreasonable to ask her to pay towards rent/utilities/groceries cause she lives there and uses them.
Family is probably getting worried that she will turn up on the doorstep looking for another place to mooch once she’s outstayed her welcome with your cousin. It’s not your duty to house her cause she’s your sister, not your child… Also, the whole ‘little sister’ thing is practically irrelevant, there’s a 2-year age gap.
It’s hardly like she’s a teen.” Adorable-Reaction887
10. AITJ For Walking Out After I Was Told The Real Reason Why I Can't Si
“I (24M) walked out in the middle of my dad/step-family’s Thanksgiving last week.
I was not raised religious, but my father married into an extremely Mormon family when I was about 14. My stepmom isn’t actively LDS anymore, but she still is very close with her family. I’m not close to any of them, but I’ll still attend family gatherings and act civil because it makes my dad happy.
This year, I stormed out in the middle of dinner and nobody has spoken to me since.
These family gatherings are extremely overwhelming for me. When I say they’re extremely Mormon, I mean EXTREMELY Mormon. My step-grandfather was a bishop for many years and already has 6 great-grandkids at the age of 75.
Every year it seems like there are 3 or 4 new babies. All of my cousins married before the age of 20. I have been sitting at the kid’s table with said cousins for a while but this year I noticed something different.
I noticed that all the cousins my age got to sit at the adult’s table after they returned from their mission or got married. I am the oldest of the cousins but have not been invited. I was stuck sitting with a group of 10-15-year-olds I only saw once a year.
I don’t do well with kids and was pretty much forced to babysit them. After a few minutes of tolerating baby talk, I went to move my plate to the adult’s table, I was told that there wasn’t room. I jokingly asked if I needed to get married to sit at the adult table.
My step-grandmother then told me that marriage is how women become real adults so usually yes.
This comment blew me away for a few reasons. Misogyny aside, I came out to them as transgender a few months ago and have been on testosterone to the point where I am obviously not a woman to anyone with eyes.
My dad took it poorly at first but has been making an effort to try harder and accept me. It’s really hard for both of us but I appreciate that he’s trying so I try to meet him halfway (ie going to Thanksgiving). The Mormon family has taken it extremely poorly.
They have made no effort to learn more about me and respect who I am. They’ve never liked that I’m the opposite of a good LDS girl. They photoshop all my piercings and tattoos out of family photos. They used to be polite to me, but this comment from step-grandma was extremely intentional and pointed. I put my plate in the sink and left without saying a word.
I called my dad later in the evening to apologize for leaving without saying goodbye and he declined my call. I tried again and he declined it again. I have not heard from anyone in the family since Thursday. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not one bit.
Considering how TBM (true-believing Mormon) this family is, they will likely never accept you. I’m a little surprised that your father and stepmother are not standing up for you at all with the comments and the airbrushing, but you should probably not consider them a good support system in the future.
Is there much family on your father’s side that you can spend time with?” C_Majuscula
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is not your tribe my dude. You will find your people, unfortunately, it sounds like they won’t be in your father’s family. Extreme religious people and LGBTQ+ people are not natural allies, and sadly sometimes the people who are supposed to love you the most will let you down using their religion to hide behind when they are just nasty bigots.
I have been cut off from the religious faction of my family too. Apparently, my relationship with another woman made me an ‘abomination’. Best of luck on your journey. I hope it goes smoothly for you.” SomeoneInspireMe
9. AITJ For Refusing My Mother-In-Law's Suggested Traditional Birth Treatment?
“Last month while pregnant, I went to my 39-week checkup. The doctor had been concerned because the baby was not in the right position for birth.
So I was told that they were going to do an ‘external cephalic version’ (ECV), which is when the doctor uses her hands on the belly to cause pressure for the baby to move into the right position. While doing this, I was being monitored by their computer, and the baby’s heart was also being monitored. It was very uncomfortable but I knew the doctor was being safe.
Ultimately, it did not work, so they scheduled a c-section for the following week but told me that if the baby had moved to the right position by then, they would induce me for a normal birth.
On the day of the ECV, I told my extended family including my MIL.
She is from Mexico and likes to do traditional home remedies and treatments for her ailments. One of the traditions she has is visiting a ‘sobador’. Which is like a masseuse who claims to fix many problems using herbal oils and chiropractic techniques. Well, she suggested that I go to this woman to turn the baby, and that way I could avoid the c-section.
I told her many times that day that I wouldn’t trust someone to work on my belly without monitoring my baby’s heart. I thought she understood that I was against this idea, but the following morning she knocked at my door and she had the sobadora lady with her.
I tried to be nice to them and tried to explain how I wasn’t comfortable letting her touch me, but they kept insisting. It got to the point that I was so angry that I yelled at both of them to leave because the sobadora was not a doctor and she was not qualified to do any treatment on me.
They left, but my MIL called me an ungrateful snob.
The following week my baby had still not moved, so I did end up getting a c-section. But my baby is healthy and I am grateful to the doctors who helped deliver her to me safely.
But now it’s been a couple of weeks since my argument with my MIL, and even though she loves the baby, she is very short with me and she told me I should apologize for how rude I was to her. I don’t want to apologize because I feel she was the one who was out of line.
My husband was always supportive of my decision and was backing me up, but somehow, my MIL still doesn’t get that she was inappropriate in what she was asking me to do. My sisters-in-law both said that I should have given it a chance since it could have helped me avoid the c-section and that I acted like a jerk to the sobadora by saying she wasn’t a doctor.
So AITJ for the way I refused the traditional treatment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had every right to say no. You said no politely enough times that you needed to use a more emphatic response. What else would they have wanted you to do to get rid of them ‘more politely’ when they refused to leave?
Politely and quietly call the police and request that they get physically dragged out and arrested?
There is a time and a place for traditional medicine. However, when there is such a significant possibility of harm to your unborn child that the doctor was monitoring the baby’s heartbeat when he performed this procedure, there is no chance I would have allowed this unknown person to practice on me and my child in your situation.
I assume your MIL meant well. However, she is absolutely wrong.
She refused to respect your boundaries, demanded that you allow her to risk harming you and your baby regardless of what you chose, and is throwing a rudeness tantrum because you defied her when you had every right and an obligation to do so.
Her judgment is so far gone right now that I would not allow unsupervised contact with your child. I hope someone can explain this to her so that she understands.” latents
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you made your boundary clear and they kept on running right over it.
Good for you for making an informed choice and standing your ground!
As an aside – as a nurse, I tend to lean towards the ‘monitored and taking precautions is the safest/best choice’ school of thought. ECVs are generally uncomfortable at best and, while generally considered very safe, if you don’t know what you’re doing or don’t have both baby & pregnant person closely monitored, can definitely be dangerous.
Wholeheartedly support your choice to not let your MIL’s practitioner manipulate your body or your baby, for a variety of reasons! (We’ll save my soapbox about the need for providers to be widely trained once more in safe breech birth practices for another time!) Congratulations!
Strong work bringing your baby earthside – birth in all its forms is hard work and you did so so good! Wishing you smooth feeds, plentiful sleep, and many happy snuggles.” Academic_Smell
8. AITJ For Not Knowing My Friend's Son Is Allergic To My Deodorant?
“I (25M) had recently ordered a new scent from my favorite men’s soap company.
I thought nothing of it and a week had passed and it had arrived the morning of Thanksgiving. I was super excited because now I could use one of their new scents to smell good on Thanksgiving day. I hopped in the shower and used it and I smelled really good.
3 hours later most of my family started to arrive and soon so did my friend and his son Nathan. Before they all arrived I had used one of the deodorants that came with it and left it out in the open, A fatal mistake. I started to chat with my friend and Nathan had run off and I thought nothing of it.
Later I had to use the restroom so I excused myself. When I returned to the table, Nathan was lying next to the stick holding his stomach on the floor. Nathan had started to cry and I looked at the stick and it had a bite mark on it.
Everyone was around Nathan so I pushed through the crowd of people and asked Nathan if he had eaten some of it and he nodded in approval. Nathan then started to seize and 911 was called. They arrived and his friend explained that his son had eaten a part of the deodorant and felt horrible and started to seize.
My friend and his son had gone to the hospital.
Today they updated me that Nathan was fatally allergic to an ingredient in the deodorant and is currently in a coma and it is unknown when he will wake up. My friend has blocked me on all platforms, is refusing to speak to me, and is blasting me on social media saying that I caused all this and was reckless and irresponsible for leaving the deodorant out knowing that his son is fatally allergic, I had no idea that his son was allergic to anything.
Now everyone thinks that I’m a cruel monster so I’m wondering, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Since you had no idea Nathan has any allergies, NTJ. It’s actually not easy to child-proof a home; even if you hadn’t forgotten to put away the deodorant, the poor child could’ve probably gotten into something else dangerous because he was unsupervised and not (yet?) taught not to eat unknown things.
Your friend’s reaction is understandable, though. While not fair to you, it’s easier to air that you were careless around his son than to admit that he himself was negligent. His mind may clear up later on, but at the moment he’s probably in a state of suspended panic.” KatKaleen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re not the parent, you’re not responsible for the child being left unattended to be able to eat something they shouldn’t have eaten. You cannot be responsible for not removing an allergen when you weren’t aware it was an allergen, again this is down to the parent to enforce until the kid is old enough to learn.
Either Nathan is old enough that he should know what makes him react, I’ve had 3-year-olds rattle off all their allergies perfectly due to having it drilled in by parents from day 1. or Nathan is still very young, in which case the parent should have been watching them.
Their kid, their responsibility! Seems like the friend is just trying to scapegoat you for their parental negligence.” Urbanyeti0
7. AITJ For Threatening To Kick My Mother And Half-Sister Out Of My House?
“When I was 18 (M), the marriage of my parents dissolved due to my mother’s disloyalty, and the discovery, that my half-sister (2 years old at the time) was not fathered by my dad.
However, we lived in a no-fault divorce state at the time, which meant that my father was dragged into the jurisdictional chaos of family court and lost his livelihood. My mom was a stay-at-home wife with no income and conveniently enough she did not remember my half-sister’s biological father, so to add insult to injury my father was ordered to pay child support and spousal support (for a whole 5 years).
My father was financially devastated after months. So to rebuild his life, he left the United States, back to Asia where my grandparents came from, which does not enforce child support or spousal support obligations ordered by US courts.
The situation has now changed, because the fact my mom had no job skills, and she could not continue her lavish lifestyle which my father provided in the marriage and after the divorce.
She was relying on social benefits and had to work in low-income retail jobs.
I was on the other hand cared for and continued my trade school, living with my uncle. My dad kept financially supporting me while dwindling the money through my uncle.
7 years later now, I have my own place where I live (rental), and currently allow my mother and half-sister to live with me because she fell ill last year which damaged her lungs and heart permanently, so she does not have any income besides social benefits anymore and can’t work.
She is bitter and miserable, also she has not accepted her fault and blames her situation on everyone else but herself. Of course, I am still in contact with my father and visit him on my vacation, he remarried a Vietnamese woman 4 years ago, and they have a baby boy, of course I have a couple of pictures that I have hung around my house, simply due to the fact I like my stepmom and my baby brother, she is always hospitable towards me and my baby brother is just the cutest baby you can imagine.
My mom, as she is, is not only insulting her but also my father, the breaking point for me was yesterday, as I came back home from work and saw all the pictures on MY WALLS in the trash bin. We had a serious yelling match (for a lack of better word), where I told her she would land on the street if she ever said any bad word about my father, and the only reason why I allowed her to stay was not for her, but for my half-sister.
I am still angry about her behavior and tried to write without being insulting, I think I need opinions from outside which don’t have a clouded judgment like I do at the moment or my family members I am still in contact with.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is very disrespectful, but you already know that don’t you? Your loyalty to her comfort and safety is commendable, but be ready to follow through on your threat and be clear on where you think the blame lies for her current situation.
Get a huge poster-size photo of your dad’s new family and put it up next to a huge photo-sized picture of your half-sister, pointedly removing any photos of her, to make it clear who you value and who you think has no value. Then tell her if she wants to be represented on any walls you pay for, she will have to work on her self-development and character.” Such-Perspective-758
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your house, your rules. But… I would say this to you… notice how you refer to your new baby brother as ‘baby brother’ but your sister as your ‘half-sister.’ If you want a good relationship with your sis in the future, you might wanna think about not pointing out she is your half-sister every time, especially since you don’t do that with your brother.
It may hurt her feelings. And we all know this isn’t her fault at all. But that is a separate thing altogether. Just wanted to point it out in case you hadn’t noticed.” BerryAverage
6. AITJ For Not Having My Brother's Baby's Room Set Up Prior To Their Arrival?
“My brother (36) and his wife (34) and I (34) are all visiting my mom’s house for Thanksgiving and being the new parents of their 1 year and 3 months old first baby they are quite protective in my opinion (for your information, I don’t have any kids).
Recently they had all these stringent requests such as having a baby gate but it needs to be the drill-in, not the pressure ones (even though the stairway has a door with a lock on it so stairs are not accessible), blackout shades for the room the crib is in, and even agreed to let my mom sleep on the couch so that they could be closer to the baby and in exchange my mom would sleep on the couch for the duration of the stay.
Fast forward to today. The blackout shades take 5 minutes to set up and while I had agreed to do it 3 months ago I told them it made no sense to do it so far in advance since we prefer sunlight in the room and we could set it up instantly when they arrive.
Unfortunately, I exited work late and in combination with traffic I arrived exactly 45 minutes after they had arrived.
They were furious.
They swore to never come back again if we delayed the baby’s sleep by 45 minutes to an hour. They claim that the baby ‘is going to suffer because I am unreliable’ and the shades had not been set up before they arrived. They are now deciding to leave first thing in the morning.
Keep in mind this is a simple setup, a literal bath rod, and blackout shades and then putting that in the window. Everything was purchased it just had to go on the window.
Some background info: they drove about 7 hours with traffic so I get they were tired and exhausted and the baby was probably crying so they were on edge.
Also, we promised to have it ready but it was not done in time.
Also, I’m kind of ticked off because of the following: 1) my brother’s dog was having an allergic reaction so I fronted my brother the money ($400) no questions asked and no repayment requested 2) I just recently traveled to Boston to scope out apartments and neighborhoods on their behalf since they are moving there soon but live too far to travel and they have a baby ($2000) 3) my mom supported him and his wife prior to them having a baby and let them both live rent free for an extended period of time in her house to help them save money.
I feel they are entitled and spoiled and should not be acting this way.
I’m also upset because my SIL was telling my mom how it was unfair how everything wasn’t set up prior to their arrival even though we said it would be.
I think it’s unreasonable because moving the crib up a set of stairs is impossible for my mom as she’s older and everything could have been resolved with putting up blackout shades in 5 minutes where the crib currently is and everything else in the morning.
Does 1-hour difference in sleep schedule truly make a child/baby suffer?”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, yeah, you agreed to do it ahead of time. Stuff happens and gets in the way and you don’t even live there. Not that your mom should have done it – nor should she be sleeping on a couch.
Your brother and SIL sound awful. Who is putting their one-year-old in a room with blackout curtains? Unless there’s an actual medical problem (sensory, light sensitivity, etc diagnosed by a medical professional) not necessary.
You do describe them as parentzillas. I see why. They could have put up the curtains – one person holds the baby, and the other puts up the curtains.
And even if the baby is an hour beyond nap time, they’ll survive. May not be fun for a few hours, but babies are more resilient than people think. They adapt.
I do have kids and grandkids. If any of my children behaved the way your brother/SIL had, they could go ahead and leave.
Bye. I think you made a mistake – that does NOT make you the jerk. Brother and SIL on the other hand, are massive jerks. It’s not all about them and the toddler no matter what they think. Good luck.” QueenOfMutania
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
They drove 7 hours? So this kid took a nap in the car. Without blackout blinds. If they travel and expect to stay in another place, there will be things that aren’t perfect for this toddler. It’s a good idea for them to get experience with managing the kid’s schedule in non-perfect conditions.
Sure you could have put the blinds up the night before they arrived. But I’m shocked by the number of entitled demands they had for a short visit. They wouldn’t be welcome back in my house.” anewlifeandhealth
5. AITJ For Wanting My Daughter's Father To Stop Pretending We're A Family?
“I (33F) am a single mother to a six-year-old girl.
I’ve raised my daughter all on my own. She was born from a one-night stand with a now former friend (37M). We never got together and he refused to be involved in my pregnancy or my daughter’s first 4 years of life.
I was stressed out emotionally because it was a big change, but I never asked for child support or forced him to be involved. I have enough income to send my daughter to a private school. I’m perfectly fine on my own.
The issue started when he reappeared from wherever he went and decided he wanted visitation.
He’s not on my daughter’s birth certificate. Father is listed as ‘unknown’. He wanted to have that amended. I said no, and that if he wants, the best he’ll get is to meet her in outings with myself or my daughter’s godparents. He agreed, but he’s been constantly pressuring getting parental rights.
The court already gave him a big fat no, unless he pays 4 years of child support which with his income goes somewhere around 230k USD. He hasn’t paid a cent.
My daughter doesn’t even call him dad. Or recognize him as a dad. She calls him ‘mister’.
I keep it very clean. I never bad-talked him, never made up stories. When she asked about her father I used to say it was just the two of us. Even during court, the assigned CPS agent testified that my daughter had no affection or clear relationship with her biological father.
Now the main issue happens in a PTA meeting. He would say things like ‘My family thinks’ or ‘What is best for my family’. I didn’t agree with him and I voiced by saying ‘My daughter’ has different needs and those are priorities. He was clearly angry.
After the meeting, there was a moment for teachers and parents to mingle and just talk about how the kids were doing. One of the teachers approached me to apologize, saying she didn’t know that ‘my husband and I’ didn’t like a project she was doing with the kids.
I told her I had no husband and my daughter loved the project and wanted to be part of it. The teacher then told me that my former friend was going around talking like he’s my husband and he ‘represents the family’.
I saw red. I walked to him and very loudly told him we needed to talk in private.
In the parking lot, I told him we were not a family and that he either would respect I am the only one that can make decisions on my daughter’s education or he won’t be involved. He went on about being her biological father, then I reminded him he had not paid a cent for the pregnancy, my daughter’s needs, or even the private school my daughter is in.
He hasn’t tried to see my daughter since, which she doesn’t mind at all. I asked her. I do feel a bit bad about what I said. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I do want to say though that you really ought to have a word with the main office and your daughter’s teacher about this though.
Make sure it’s very clear that he has no legal relationship with her, and that he is not permitted to access her records, pull her out of school, or make changes to anything like emergency contacts.
If he’s going around representing himself as the head of your household that indicates future problems. I’d also document that he’s doing that at her school and who has witnessed it, just in case.
I’m a step-parent to a child with a deadbeat bio parent and it makes for a lot of things to consider on the ‘Just in case’ basis for her safety.” imfamousoz
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. but not for the reasons you think. This man comes back after all this time to insert himself into your lives and you let him.
Look at all the things you’ve listed he refused or failed to do. And still, you have him involved.
A PTA meeting is a very important thing for the future of your child. He should only be allowed to attend if he is involved in her life as a parent.
Which you’ve clearly stated he is not. So why are you letting him? You ARE the jerk for allowing this man, who is only a sperm donor, not a father in any meaning of the word, to be involved in a meeting that is very important to the future of your daughter.
Now be a parent and do what is in the best interest of your daughter and stop entertaining this idiot.” evil-mouse
Another User Comments:
“What?! The nerve of this guy. NTJ. Do not let him see your daughter until he comes up with a payment plan to take care of his daughter and pays it consistently for x months on time without argument.
Then and only then is he allowed supervised visits in a center for supervision with her. After that when he proves he’s not a deadbeat he can go back to court and get some form of custody. He doesn’t get to go to PTA meetings until he pays half of her school fees.
Whilst it is nice you want to try and give your daughter a relationship with her father he needs to earn it. He doesn’t get to waltz in and demand to be head of a family he has not actively played a part in. I’d contact the school and say direction in schooling comes from you only.” ChancePool8953
4. AITJ For Agreeing To Walk My Daughter Down The Aisle?
“I lost my first husband when our children Calla (24f) and Hawthorn (26m) were 6 and 8 years old. I remarried 4 years later.
I met my husband a year after losing my late husband, we were friends for several months, went out for some, stronger feelings developed and I introduced him to the kids to see how they would get along, we halted for a year while my kids and I did some therapy because their reaction to my husband was strongly negative, because they didn’t want to replace their dad.
But once therapy was ongoing they were doing better.
From there things moved faster but the kids were on board for things to move on. They were clear, however, that my husband was not going to be filling the role of a dad in their lives.
My husband said he was fine with that as long as he was respected and they could work toward being a caring family.
Calla and I were always close but she was a real daddy’s girl. Losing her dad was extremely tough for her. She did form a nice relationship with my husband but it comes nowhere close to the bond she had with her dad.
From the age of 12, she and I became much closer. I think my parenting style as well as my willingness to talk about her dad even after I remarried made me someone she felt she could be open with. She was 15 when she told me if she ever got married she would want me to walk her down the aisle and for us to do a mother/daughter dance instead of a father/daughter one.
I told her we could dance to the song her dad used to sing to her. She said she loved the idea. Even though she seemed to mean it, I always assumed things would change when she got older. I figured she would choose to walk alone, with her brother as a representation of her dad and their close relationship as well as for the societal expectation for a man to do it, or with her husband.
But when she got engaged three weeks ago she asked me right away. She brought up our past conversation and told me she wanted exactly that. I told her I would be honored. We cried tears of joy together. I told her that her dad would be so proud.
My husband took the news in a way I did not expect. His first question was whether I suggested she ask us both to do it and I told him no. Then he asked if she ever considered asking him and I said I could not answer that for her.
He asked me if I thought of him when I said yes. He asked whether I gave any thought to all he has done for Calla, for both kids, and the fact he’s still not looked upon as a fatherly figure all these years later.
I told him I did not think of him when asked because I was overjoyed. He told me I should have given him a lot more consideration and I should have tried to compromise with my daughter.
I thought he would change his stance but now three weeks on, he feels I was wrong.
He told me he felt he deserved more from all of us, but especially me. He said I am his wife. I should be working on making sure he is respected and honored for his contribution to the kids’ lives. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This is what she wants on her wedding day and what she’s planned and fantasized about since she was 15 years old. This is HER day, not his. There’s no disrespect towards him as He. Is. Not. Her. Father. Full stop.
She’s gone most of her life without her dad, but I guarantee she’s thought of him just about every day, as I’ve thought of mine every day since I lost mine.
It’s not that she doesn’t care about her stepdad, but to her, she probably feels it’d be disrespectful to her father’s memory.
Plus you said they reacted very negatively towards him, to the point where you took a break for a year to work it out in therapy.
Just because she seemed okay with him, she’s made it clear she’s never looked at him as a father figure. He needs to learn to accept that.” Caspian4136
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband went into your marriage knowing that your children were adamant he would not replace their father.
And it sounds like he did a pretty good job of understanding that, until now. I’m sure he has contributed to your daughter’s life in many positive ways. So it’s not surprising that even though he knew he could not be a replacement for her father, he’s still a bit hurt/disappointed that now she’s getting married he’s kinda a nobody in her big day.
But it is HER big day and the decision of who she does what with on that day lies with her. It’s wonderful that you have a relationship with your daughter that is strong enough that she would ask you to fulfill these roles and you are right to feel proud of that too.
I hope that there will at least be some recognition of the role your husband played in your daughter’s life, either in the speeches on the day or a private moment between them beforehand.” Capturedbk1
3. AITJ For Calling The Electric Company To Shut Off The Electricity In My Apartment?
“18 months ago I moved into my best friend’s apartment because she was struggling to pay rent.
Having a pretty good income I paid the majority of the bills including all of the electricity, heating, internet, food costs, and half of the rent. I was paying roughly 1800 per month while she was paying $500 per month. 10 months ago my roommate’s mother moved in with us and the financials didn’t change.
I was still paying half of the rent, all of the electricity, heating, food for 3 people, and internet. Her mother paid NOTHING.
My roommate met a guy about a month ago (from the other side of the country) and this week they had planned on him coming to stay with us for 2 weeks.
I was NOT happy about it. It was clear he didn’t like me when we chatted on the phone. I digressed and said whatever.
24 hours before he was set to arrive her mother started an argument with me, (her mother is irrational and rude) after a bit of attempting to appease her, and it not working she told me ‘If you have a problem, you can leave’ and I said ‘When do you want me to leave’ and she said ‘Right now’ so I packed a bag and left. 2 hours later THE POLICE SHOWED UP TO MY PARENTS’ HOUSE to speak to me about the happenings of the night.
Her mom claimed that I made her ‘Feel scared’ and demanded a police officer escort me to retrieve my belongings from the apartment.
The police told me I don’t need them there to retrieve my stuff and that if they try to block me from getting my stuff to call them.
Last night I brought a buddy and a truck and in an hour and a half, we moved all my belongings out from the apartment.
Today I called the electric company to have them cancel my electric as I no longer live there. The electric company let me know that they would be shutting off the power to the apartment tomorrow and reminded me that if the pipes weren’t full of antifreeze they might burst.
AITJ for not giving my roommates a heads up that they will be shutting off the power?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At their request, you’ve moved your things, and any utilities provided in your name are a normal part of your things. No notice from you to the former roommate is necessary, or advisable.
Your former roommate knows how to turn on utilities in their own name; they took care of their own business before you came along; they’ll do so again.” Mysterious_Pea_5008
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’ve been paying more than your share of the expenses and the mom was super irrational and unreasonable in making you get out of the home with no notice.
Luckily you had some place you could go. I suggest you record the activities when you pick up your belongings so that the mom can’t make claims that you are being threatening.
If you are on the lease, you better get a hold of the apartment complex and let them know that you need off the lease so that you aren’t held accountable for the rent and any damage that they do after you leave.” MasterGas9570
2. AITJ For Acting Like My Nephew's Mother?
“I (21F) told my sister (22F) that I act more like a mother than she does to her son (3M). My sister fell pregnant back in 2019. I’ve been with her every step of her pregnancy until he was born in 2020.
As soon as he came home from the hospital she wanted nothing to do with him, I had to take the parent role, I fed, changed clothes, and put him to sleep. We both live together with our mum. (I’m her full-time carer)
After nine months of me caring for him while she lounged around and relaxed she finally wanted her son.
He had a routine that had been working amazingly but she upped and changed that therefore having a cranky baby, she started getting mad at me because he never wanted her, only me.
I think it is important to point out that at home she never interacted with him, it was only when we were out in public that she did, she had to push his stroller, she had to get his car seat out, etc. If I was seen with the baby she had to step in saying ‘I want MY son back’.
Fast forward to this year, for his third birthday, I bought him a three-wheeled scooter, toys, and clothes. She yelled at me that it wasn’t my place to buy him expensive things. I’m not usually one to gloat about money due to barely having enough to function for myself but for occasions like those I splurge out.
She said that I made her look like a fool and a bad mum because she didn’t spend as much. But now he’s a toddler he understands I’m his aunt and addresses me as auntie and knows she’s his mother. But I’m still doing everything for him, apart from things the public sees.
I cook his meals, bathe him, play with him, and more. But she takes him to preschool and picks him up.
Recently these past months she’s been pulling him away from me and not in a good way, in a way where if I go to give him a hug or a kiss on the head she’ll pick him up, or pull him away or even tell me to leave him alone, she’ll tell me to stop winding him up when I’m playing with him and he’s laughing and I’m so hurt and confused. Today I had a major argument with her where she kept telling me ‘he’s MY SON’ and my responses were ‘I raised him for you for three years’ ‘I’ve done everything for him’ ‘I’m more of a mother to that boy than you have been.’ She called me a jerk and stormed off, grabbed my nephew, and hid him from me.
I know I shouldn’t have said what I said but after three years I had to have a breaking point at some point. Am I really a jerk here?
(She suffered post-natal depression which went away after three months, she chose not to interact with the munchkin for the rest of the time.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But unfortunately, this won’t help you. You have been his mother these last years and even though he calls your sister mom, it’s just a title. He sees you as his caregiver. Sadly though, legally you are not his mom. Your sister is and if she says back off, you should.
Explain to your nephew that you love him and you will always be there for him, but that his mommy wants to spend more time with him alone. So Auntie will listen to Mommy and give them that because you know Mommy really loves him so much.
And then step away.
Don’t be in the room with them at regular times and go out and when you are with them redirect him to your sister: Mommy will do x or y for you. Let the cards fall as they will, document everything (hidden camera?), and build your case if intervention by CPS is needed.” EntertainmentOk6284
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. As long as you keep stepping into her role and jobs behind the scenes, she’ll never step up, and she may not feel like she even has a space to mother him because you always take over. I think it’s great that you stepped up for both of them, but we are only getting your side of the story.
Your perception or opinion of her feelings does not equal her actual feelings.
From what you’ve described she has been saying to you, it sounds like she probably feels like you ‘took’ her motherhood from her when she was vulnerable and dealing with depression.
Post-partum depression can last for years, and she may have said she was fine to the doctors and they cleared her, but that doesn’t mean she was actually fine.
She’s now trying to set boundaries and be the mom, and it sounds like you won’t let her or respect them. You’ve made it clear to us all that you have no confidence in her ability to be a mom, and I bet she feels that from not only you but herself.
Maybe back off and try to encourage her instead of hinder her and see if she steps up. Not saying you shouldn’t interact with your nephew or document things or step in if he’s in danger, but still start by giving her space and encouragement to actually be the mom.” jdh859
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Postpartum depression is real and you’re acting like she wanted to have that condition. She didn’t. Now that she’s starting to come out of it, she’s starting to parent her child. It seems like you don’t like that, and your comments are cutting.
The two of you should not be arguing over the child. Give her space to parent as much as she can. Stop buying very expensive things if you have barely enough to function for yourself. And she needs to take full responsibility for her child and seek help for any lingering signs of depression.” chocolate_chip_kirsy
1. AITJ For Telling My Stepsister No One Wants Her To Host Christmas Anymore?
“I (f 21) live with my mom and stepdad. My stepdad has one daughter, ‘Tia’ (f 30s).
Tia is married and has 9 kids with her husband.
They also have over 7 cats. They live in a 4-bedroom house but as you can imagine it’s still pretty cramped.
I haven’t spent loads of time with Tia, as she was already an adult when our parents got married. My mom and the rest of my immediate bio family really dislike Tia and her husband.
I’ve visited Tia’s home quite a few times over the years and it’s always looked like an absolute mess. The house always stinks of cat urine and you can’t even see the floor where there’s just stuff everywhere. The kids themselves don’t seem neglected before anyone asks, they always look clean, it’s just the actual house.
Tia’s husband is also always working on DIY home projects that never get finished which also just adds to the clutter and trash everywhere…
In my family, we normally rotate around who’s hosting the Christmas get-together. Tia last hosted it in 2019. It caused an argument between my mom and stepdad behind closed doors because my mom said if Tia hosted again, she would not be going.
As usual, the house was a mess. Tia’s husband served everyone including all the kids of the family seriously undercooked chicken (it was still cold in the middle). My mom pointed this out and they threw it in the trash, luckily no one had eaten it.
They had no gifts for anyone, not even my stepdad who spent over $600 on their kids. I know gifts aren’t absolutely necessary but this just felt a bit rude… They then unexpectedly asked everyone to leave after we had been there for 2 hours as Tia’s mom and maternal grandparents were coming over.
This year, Tia has volunteered to host again and invited us. My mom does not want to go and said we should just stay home this Christmas. This time my stepdad actually agreed so we’re gonna stay home. My older bio siblings also do not want to visit Tia again for Christmas and all told her they aren’t going and said they have other plans.
Tia was pleasant about it over text but on social media, she made passive-aggressive posts about how her fake family doesn’t want to visit her on Christmas.
I may be a jerk because I was growing tired of seeing these posts. I ran into Tia last week at the store and she mentioned it to me, saying that she’s hurt by everyone not visiting.
I told her very bluntly we weren’t visiting her because no one wanted her to host, she and her husband happily accepted gifts from everyone but got nothing for anyone, tried to feed us raw chicken and their house was a mess. Tia and I started arguing, and she said that we should’ve communicated to her like adults rather than just not visit her but I feel like some things are just common sense.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“In a healthy family, you would be able to tell Tia why you don’t want to go to her house for Christmas, and she would either accept that or change her behavior. It sounds like Tia can’t handle that sort of honesty, no matter how gently delivered and well-meaning, which is why nobody said anything to her about her urine-soaked frozen chicken two-hour extravaganza, and she’s dry begging for sympathy on social media.
NTJ, enjoy your stress-free fully cooked Christmas meal this year.” crumpledspoon’
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here: You are young. It shows. Someone opened their hearts and homes to host and were criticized pretty heavily by family. You will 100% make cooking mistakes at large gatherings as well someday as you learn.
It happens. Let that one go. Houses are messy when 9 kids are running around. And it’s harder than you think to afford 9 kids. If they aren’t getting gifts, it’s likely because they honestly can’t afford them. It’s a crappy position to be in and I hope you are never in it.
Yes, it was weird to kick everyone out after two hours but not bad enough for the treatment she is getting.
This lady would probably have jumped at the opportunity not to host. I would have kindly told her someone else would be hosting because she has a lot going on and that way she can also host her own family that day.
It didn’t need to be some big hurtful thing from a 21-year-old who likely hasn’t hosted, hasn’t raised kids or kept a house, and hasn’t had to bear the full expense of Christmas as a parent yet.
There is a lot more at play here than ‘common sense’.
It sounds like your mother is a pretty critical person. I wish you a lot of luck in the future.” Direct_Temporary_526
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Assuming when other members host, she and her family are invited, I would have maybe taken a more tactful approach of simply stating ‘Well last time you asked us to leave after 2 hours, I know you got a family to juggle and Christmas is also a lot with the kids, we usually rotate but it seems like it may just make sense to do a lowkey Christmas every once in a while.’
No one with 9 kids should be trying to host anything.
Obviously, no one who has had 9 kids is going to be sane, even if they were before the 9 kids, and definitely aren’t now. I can see her ‘wanting’ to play host, even though realistically she can’t.
There are just some people you have to try and tip-toe around a bit, a mother of 9 doesn’t need a dose of reality. She needs 6-9 less kids.” tristanjones
