People Wonder If They Are The Bad Guy In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
25. AITJ For Telling My Husband's Family About Our Pregnancy Before My Own Mother?
“My husband is 26(M) and I am 25(F) and we recently found out that we are pregnant and decided to wait till 11 weeks to tell friends and family.
During this we chose to tell my husband’s family first as it was the day before my birthday and we’re able to use the excuse of a birthday brunch to get everyone together. The brunch went wonderful and it was a great experience finally telling family.
The following day was my actual birthday and we decided to announce to my family with a birthday present. The day went off perfectly and my family was so beyond excited. Until I made a comment about my husband’s family’s reaction from earlier. This led to my mother leaving the party early and to go upstairs to her bedroom (the party was at my parents’ house) where she then complained to my sister about not being the first mother to know.
I later learned of this issue as my mother had a conversation with me about being hurt by my actions as she felt it was important for her to know first since she had trouble conceiving for years. She ended up crying and telling me she didn’t want to upset me, but that she wanted to tell me her feelings so that she didn’t have any negativity towards the rest of my pregnancy.
I apologized and held her hand and consoled her for 30 mins before moving on to the gender reveal party which I asked her to help me plan.
I guess my question now is whether or not I should be upset at my mother. I feel as though she took something that was such an important moment for my husband and I and made it all about herself.
I also feel as though she does not respect my husband’s family, as she has always had an issue with my MIL. This incident has left a very bitter taste in my mouth. On one note I am glad that my mother feels better and was able to get her feelings off her chest. On the other side I am upset at how her betterment was at the expense of my own feelings and I now feel that I will constantly have to put my mother first in my pregnancy.”
Another User Comments:
“Yikes. Way to make your pregnancy announcement about her. My guess it’s that it’s not the first time she gets mad at not being the center of attention. NTJ. This was your announcement, and you didn’t tell her second maliciously to hurt her.
It was just the logical order.” IrrelevantManatee
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here- It is what it is. My friends (the ones who have a living mom) told their mom prior to making any family announcement about being pregnant but I don’t think there’s one right way to announce to family something that important.
I don’t think your mom is putting or being asked to put her feelings first over your pregnancy. I think that’s overthinking the moment.” Sea-Tea-4130
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you should not have apologized. Your mother is entitled to her feelings, but her expectation of being the first to be told is hers to manage.
It would have been the perfect time to say “mom, I am married and my husband has a family too. You will not automatically be the first to know things because sometimes logistics will not work out that way. I hope you can understand that and find a way to manage your expectations.”” Treehousehunter
24. AITJ For Confronting My Friend About His Controlling Behavior Towards His Partner?
“I (21 F) had a friend group of people I met in university since two years ago. We hung out a lot and I developed a bond with all of them.
One of these “friends”, let’s call him Jay, 5 months ago got into a relationship. Since his partner, let’s call her Tina, is in the same university she started hanging out with us often.
I started noticing some things about his behavior towards her that I didn’t like.
He would make some sneaky backhanded “compliments” about her, statements that belittled her intelligence and competence and he would sabotage her hanging out with her other friends like insisting that the place they were about to go was “dangerous” or “lousy” and that she should stay at home instead.
Jay would act nice and friendly to us but he reserved all his mean side to Tina. These behaviors were small and rare at the start and gradually got worse and more frequent as the weeks went by.
This culminated when one time I overheard Jay talking on the phone with Tina and telling her that, quote, “You shouldn’t have stopped to take a coffee with your partner because you were supposed to be home”.
That was my last straw and I decided to confront him.
I told Jay that his behavior was unacceptable, that he was controlling, and that his partner didn’t deserve to be treated like that. He talked to me in a tone that I never heard from him and told me “to mind my business”.
I told Jay that him mistreating a girl WAS my business and he yelled at me and we continued to yell at each other until I said that I had enough and I didn’t want to have anything to do with him.
My other uni friends told me that I should have minded my business and that he could do whatever he wanted in his relationship and since I didn’t want to apologize to Jay they cut me off.
His partner told me that she knew he was treating her badly but it was because recently he was “nervous” and stated that she loved him (this is the saddest part imo). My other friends (my closest ones) and my mom told me that I was right to call him out like that.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You noticed concerning behavior towards Tina and intervened out of genuine concern. It’s commendable that you stood up against Jay’s controlling actions. Your confrontation wasn’t unwarranted; it was a necessary step to address his mistreatment of Tina. Your loyalty to your friend does not mean turning a blind eye to harmful behavior.
Your other friends may not grasp the severity of the situation, but prioritizing Tina’s well-being was the right thing to do, even if it led to losing some friendships. Supporting Tina and standing up against mistreatment outweighs any social discomfort.” Private-Artistic237
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in any way shape or form.
All you did was call him out on his BS and the only reason an argument occurred was because he turned it into an argument. It seems like it may be a blessing in disguise as your “friends” seem like people you don’t want in your life due to the way they accept people with bad behavior.
Sounds like if you were ever in trouble with a guy mistreating you they would just mind their own business and let him mistreat you.” RandomSupDevGuy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Like not at all. You did the right thing, though maybe the tone could have been less confrontational. Controllers need to be called out for what they are, end of story.
The reason I say a different tone could have been better is that by being confrontational, you’re pretty much guaranteeing a defensive reaction with no change of mind or behavior. Still, in terms of intent, you’re 100% not the jerk. The friends who say to mind your own business and that he has a right to be controlling and mistreating also need to be called out.
And you need better friends. Believe me, you’re losing nothing by them disappearing from your life.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
23. AITJ For Buying A Purple Prom Dress Like My Friend's?
“I am an 18F going to prom with 17M and our friend group 18F, 18F, and 18M. So there are 3 girls and two boys. The backstory is that I met a guy (17F) and this friend group at a church event and became super close with them.
I am currently going to a school in which I am the only senior (small sports academy with <100 students). I knew I wouldn’t have the chance to probably go to Prom and I was so heartbroken. But, the 17M I am going with now was proposed to me about two to three weeks ago.
Although extremely excited and grateful for the opportunity to go, now the hunt for a prom dress started and the real issues have begun.
One of the 18F in our group demands that we all wear different colors about a week ago. I at first was okay with this as I thought there would probably be no clash with colors until I learned the same girl had bought a purple dress (which I was looking for too).
I was at first upset but looked for another color to avoid any drama. But after looking for weeks with a smaller budget (200-300 dollars) and a bad selection, I thought I was at a loss until I found a dress today. It’s a purple dress (not the same shade or style but it’s purple).
I loved it on me and I felt so beautiful. I felt like a princess.
I texted 18F asking if this was okay since the dresses were drastically pretty different style-wise and shade-wise but still purple. After that text ensued a huge argument in which I was told “This has happened to me before” (a prior event where her BFF at the time wore the same dress to HOCO) and “We are going to clash”.
I offered to not be in any group photos after she said “She doesn’t care but she won’t do a group photo because it would make us blend” but that wasn’t helpful.
I ended up buying the dress because I felt like I was being walked all over but maybe I was wrong.
I feel so sick to my stomach right now and feel regret for buying the dress I love. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one “owns a color” and you are not in the wrong. It’s a whole different shade and style, even if it wasn’t either of those things it would still be okay because no one owns a dress style or shade.
If they are real friends they will realize that.” ChickenPale907
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In the grand scheme of things, this won’t matter an iota. If your friend wants to throw a tantrum or make a big deal out of the two of you wearing different shades of purple, then that’s her choice.
If she wants it to color (pun intended) her entire Prom experience, that’s also her choice. This will not destroy her life. Wear what you feel beautiful in, and have fun!” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ oh to be a teen and think this is a real problem!!
seriously though, she’s being a child about throwing a tantrum, she does not get to decide who wears what or what shade or anything and she’s trying to be a bully about it. it’s not the same style or shade and she does not own any color.
wear what makes you feel pretty and let her ruin her night by being upset by herself instead of enjoying a night y’all only get once this is your first taste of setting boundaries, do not let other people dictate what you can/can’t do except your boss at work when you go out and get a job but that’s different.
people WILL absolutely 100000% take advantage of you if you let them, don’t let them, your priority in life should always be you (until you get married and have kids but again, entirely different situation).” Etenial
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Sister's Wedding Due To Our Strained Relationship?
“Earlier this month I realized that I have been acting very reactively to my family.
I’ve been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder so I make sure I try to really think about appropriate responses and reactions but despite my best efforts lately I’ve definitely been slipping.
A couple of weeks ago, I texted my mum and sister on the family group chat asking for some space because there were instances, intentional or not, that left me feeling hurt and abandoned by them.
I tried to communicate that this space was for me to think about whether this is how I actually felt or if it was my BPD brain. I reassured them that I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. I communicated that I knew how much they did for me and I wanted to do right by them.
My sister got really angry with me, and weaponized my relationship with my partner and my want to regulate against me. She texted saying how much she’s done for me and doesn’t understand why I would need space. I agreed with her saying, I didn’t want to hurt anyone.
She ended up getting angrier with me and uninvited me to her wedding.
Now my sister and I have not had the best relationship. She’s done some things to me growing up that have resulted in me being unable to trust, not being able to be comfortable in normal, consensual relationships and just overall be an anxious, angry and sad person.
I try not to hold it against her, she was a kid too, but it gets difficult. I am trying to sort out the feelings through therapy.
My sister has apologized through text, and I have also communicated boundaries through text. I don’t forgive her though.
Life is easier without her and I don’t feel a loss when not talking to her. My mum and my grandma want me to attend the wedding and be the bigger person. They want me to just move on, when I can’t. I can’t even figure out what I feel.
I don’t want to attend the wedding, not because I’m being malicious but because I don’t want to be sad and pretend everything is okay. I’m tired of being the bigger person.”
Another User Comments:
“Ask your therapist to break down the nonsense behind: be the bigger person, family helps family, boys will be boys, that’s just how they are, and the other manipulative tag lines people throw out there when they want to ignore how bad people are treating you and go along to get along for the sake of peace or to make someone look like a good person/family.
Your sister is weaponizing your mental health against you for her benefit and your mom and grandma are reinforcing it. If you truly want to go to the wedding go, if you don’t please don’t. NTJ.” Winter_Raisin_591
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have BPD and have suffered for years until finally getting therapy.
Sounds like you’re going through a split. (BPD sufferers know what this is.) You do what is best for YOU. This is an illness that can barely be treated… And even harder to live with. Also… Your sister got really upset on a nuclear level.
If you don’t feel her loss in your life… There’s a reason for it.” GoreGoddezz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If going to the wedding will hurt you, don’t go. You don’t have to sacrifice your mental well-being for this especially if your relationship with your sister isn’t good because of her attitude towards you.
You can forgive her if you want to, but forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting or getting close again.” Laymyhead
21. AITJ For Calling The Sheriff On My Neighbors Over Street Parking?
“So, I (23f) live in a neighborhood where the parking is street parking aka public parking. I grew up never dealing with that, it just wasn’t a thing where I’m from.
So, when my neighbors started complaining (a year ago) about parking in certain places I was really confused. The car would be moved routinely and at the time when the complaints started, I worked nights.
My neighborhood is a bit sketchy and I would just park wherever was available and closest to home. I would sometimes park beside our driveway / in front of our neighbor’s house which consisted of being in front of both of our mailboxes.
I ended up getting a ticket specifically for blocking their mailbox which I’m pretty sure they called in.
They’ve left a note on my car saying “Are you not embarrassed, do you not understand, don’t know how to respect not to park here”. They’ve come out to ask me while I’m in my car to move so they can put trash can bins out on days that weren’t pick-up dates.
These neighbors don’t use the space. They just want to save the space to have it empty, they used to put out their bins and would leave them there for days till someone else in our neighborhood called it in.
Yesterday, I parked where I always do but this time I parked in front of the mailboxes so I was a bit in the middle of the available area rather than the edge to avoid possible tickets.
My neighbors ended up blocking me in. They parked both their cars like a cm away from both ends of me. I initially called to get them towed but they said they needed to be issued a ticket first which would give them 24 hrs to move & to call 911.
which I called the sheriff’s number because it was what I was given to me. He ended up not issuing a ticket & instead talked to us both separately. I feel a bit stupid, I honestly regret my decision but at the moment it felt reasonable lol.
I feel like a bit of a jerk for being a bit too extreme. Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your neighbors sound like a couple of tools. I’d get a dash cam that runs when parked and then you can prove they are messing with you if something happens in the future.
Otherwise don’t park where you legally aren’t allowed and they can kick rocks.” Bunta93
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Calling dibs on-street parking is stupid and illegal. You can’t prevent people from parking in front of your house. You don’t own the street. Also, I would imagine you have laws about how soon you can put your trash out.
I know where I live we do. I would call whatever non-emergency # you have and report them for putting trash cans out on the street on non-trash pickup days.” QuietObserver75
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but honestly neighbors like this are not worth fighting. Just don’t park there anymore, let them have their space, and find somewhere else.
If they did this to you then did it to everyone else and are not liked by the rest of the neighborhood. They tend to be mentally unstable so picking fights over something relatively dumb is not wise. I had a neighbor like that, who would complain about parking in front of his house, sometimes claiming that I parked “wrong” and didn’t leave space for other cars to park.
Note I NEVER got this complaint from my other neighbors in the 8 years I lived in that neighborhood. Last I heard, he ended up selling his house and is no longer there. The trash took itself out.” hoenndex
20. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Daughter's Quince Date For A Distant Relative's Funeral?
“I (45 F), my husband (47 M), and our daughter (14 F) have been dreaming and planning her quince ever since she was 13 years old, and she is set to have it in late April 2024. My daughter had been talking about her quince ever since she went to her cousin’s a few years back, and it had become my goal to make sure it was everything she wanted it to be since I didn’t get to have a quince growing up.
A week ago, a very distant cousin of my mother passed away, and even though my mother barely talked to the woman and I have never met her throughout my life, she wants the whole family to stop everything and mourn. My mother, her other cousin (the relative’s sister), and the relative’s daughter had some family members over to discuss preparations and funeral arrangements.
My mother insisted I join her even though I don’t know most of her cousin’s siblings. However, the daughter and I had gone to middle school together, and she was not the nicest person.
The little meeting discussed caskets, flowers, food, etc. The deceased’s sister had shared the date with us, and it did not work as it was on the same date as my daughter’s quince and I had told them all that this would interfere with my daughter’s quince.
My mother was more interested in pleasing her family than me, so she suggested we change the quince to a few days after the mourning period. I am not able to do that since we have already paid down for a venue that is very sought-after in the area, and spring is the venue’s most booked season; it would be impossible to pick another date.
I had left in a rage, and the next day, my mother called very upset as she felt embarrassed by my “outburst” and I needed to fix it, or she would not attend her granddaughter’s quince. I told her that I didn’t care if she showed up or not; the one she had to deal with and answer to at the end of the day was her grandchild, and she was not the only grandparent in her life; she also had her Abuela and Abuelo on her dad’s side to take my mother’s place.
Five days before the quince, I have yet to contact her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Moving a quince is like asking someone to move their wedding date. They can have the funeral on another day. The fact your mother would miss her granddaughter’s quince for some distant relative’s funeral is ridiculous.” Historical-Composer2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “…she would not attend her granddaughter’s quince.”. So? It’s not like she’ll have time to attend after her theatrics”mourning ” someone she barely knew is done. Doesn’t she know proper etiquette is to stay in the sackcloth and ashes until midnight the day of the funeral?” ApprehensiveBook4214
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Funerals are for the living, not the dead. “Mourn” however you see fit. I use quotations as you didn’t know the woman so what is there to mourn other than having room in your heart to feel compassion for those who are in true mourning?
Celebrate your daughter, it’s something you can never give back.” mrswilson2012
19. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Extra When The Group's Bar Tab Fell Short?
“I went out with a large group of friends to a sports bar this weekend. We didn’t think to ask for separate checks until we were a couple of drinks in and by that point, we didn’t want to be a bother and agreed we’d sort it out at the end.
At that point, I started writing down my drinks/food in the notes app on my phone so I could keep track of what I owed.
As the night went on, some of our group got pretty inebriated. One of our friends, Jane, nearly got thrown out of the place so we were quickly settling up the tab.
Another friend, Courtney, said she’d pay for it and we’d all give her what we owed. I quickly tallied up what I did and gave her the cash, along with some for the tip. After everyone had either Venmo’d or given her cash, the tab was still short.
Courtney showed that the bill was still short. Finally, she did the math and said “Okay, everyone sends me $20 and we’ll be fine”. Which, if we were splitting the bill evenly along would’ve been the right amount. But we had all agreed to pay for our stuff.
I said I already paid my portion and I wasn’t going to pay more and everyone needed to go over the tab again and make sure they had covered their respective drinks and food. Courtney said we needed to be quick because we were close to being kicked out due to Jane.
I said I’d take Jane outside but I wasn’t giving more money.
I did just that and called for our Uber. Not long after, everyone else came out. Courtney was upset because our waitress got fed up with how rowdy some of our group was and told her to figure this out later because they needed to go.
She said that by me refusing to pay the tab, I “messed everything up”. I didn’t want to discuss it further. I left with Jane and another friend in an Uber.
The next morning, I was told they still split the tab, just among the rest of them.
But I was told that I made things difficult and “it’s just $20”. I was also told I made a stressful time more so by “picking a fight” when we needed to get out of there.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this is why I always insist on my check. I don’t drink. My friends do.
Several times they order multiple drinks over $10 each. I get one iced tea for $3.00 and they want to split the check evenly. Yes, it works out well for them but I would be overcharged. Next time ask for your check when placing your first order.
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Everyone paid what they believed they owed. When the bill came out $160 short and no one knew who was responsible for underpaying, splitting the remainder evenly was the only equitable solution. It’s not the bar’s responsibility to cover the difference.
Since you and your group didn’t plan better (asking for separate checks or designating one responsible person to keep track of what each person in the group ordered), **all of you** share equal responsibility for the error. It’s a bar. People having too many or simply losing track of what they ordered was a predictable outcome.
What did you expect Courtney to do, get CCTV footage from the bar to figure out who wasn’t reporting their total correctly?” pyrex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “Courtney was upset because our waitress got fed up with how rowdy some of our group was and told her to figure this out later because they needed to go.” ..
this is the waitress’s fault – if she wants to be paid, she needs to take the time to collect the money from everybody. It was Courtney’s fault she paid without that. YOU did nothing wrong, and you paid for YOUR drinks, just as agreed.” Excellent-Count4009
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Time And Money To Visit My Brother's Newborn?
“My brother dislikes my parents and moved an 8-hour flight away to a rural place on the other side of the county.
He’s a teacher in a rural school and gets nearly 16 weeks of paid leave per year and expects me to spend $2000 on flights and $2000-$3000 on accommodation to see his newborn. My issue is that I don’t get much time off. In a year I’m lucky to get maybe 4 weeks off MAX but we rarely get to take it in one chunk, it’s more like a week off here, and maybe 2 weeks off there.
I’m also in a relationship and my partner lives in another country as he’s taking care of his mum. This is probably going to be the case for a few more years as his sister is studying abroad. Because of this I usually travel to his country and stay with him a few weeks a year.
I’m a jerk because I don’t want to take time off work and spend money I don’t have to see my brother’s newborn who isn’t even going to remember me. I’ve pointed out that he’s more than welcome to come to see the whole family here and he’d have free accommodation at my sister’s or we could meet halfway somewhere nice for a vacation, but I’m not willing to travel to the middle of nowhere just to see a baby and pay an insane amount to do so.
It’s not only the cost but it means I won’t get to see my partner if I’m using the time to travel to see my brother instead.
It’s gotten to the point where I’ve stopped talking to him because every time he calls he’s rude and brings up that I’ve made no effort to see his child and it’s all my fault.
I’m planning on seeing my partner in a few months and I know if he finds out from family, he’ll lay into me it’s making me feel guilty but at the same time I’m an adult and I have my own life and he hasn’t made any effort on his end.
I mean, he’s even said I’d have to pay for my accommodation to see him.
I feel horrible since I’m now not answering his calls or telling him my travel plans but I feel like it’s the only way since he won’t even try to meet me halfway, literally.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but you need to take control of the narrative. Next time he calls, answer. If you haven’t already, state without apology, “I am unable to make such a large financial commitment, not to mention that I do not have enough time off from work to make this journey.
You are welcome to visit me/us with your family, but I understand if that’s not possible for you.” After this, don’t engage in that conversation. If he brings it upstate “We have already discussed this, and I’m unable to change my mind on this, if you don’t feel you can talk to me without getting angry or being rude, we should end the call.” Don’t apologize, don’t elaborate.
He knows exactly why you can’t do what he wants. He is being selfish.” siskins
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. If you don’t want to or cannot afford the travel to meet your new niece or nephew right away that’s reasonable and your brother needs to accept that.
But also it’s unreasonable to expect someone to put a newborn, or even a toddler, on a plane and travel a long distance. That’s not good for the baby or anyone else. So you need to accept your brother isn’t going to be coming to visit you any time soon.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Does your country not have internet? Do you not have smartphones? A video call is a way to see the baby and not spend a fortune/lose vacation days. In any case, you are right, the baby does not care about you yet.
LOL Your brother has a lot of time off and can make the effort to visit in a couple of years when the child is easier to travel with.” hadMcDofordinner
17. AITJ For Not Asking My Partner How She Was Feeling When I Didn't Know She Was Up All Night?
“Before going to sleep last night everything was fine with my partner however upon waking up this morning she hadn’t said anything to me all morning before leaving for work. Upon texting to see if she is ok this is the chain of messages exchanged:
ME: Is everything alright?
Partner: Erm not really
ME: What’s up?
Partner: Just feel rubbish, had no sleep and you didn’t even ask if I was ok
Not worth arguing over just expected you to check up on me this morning considering you were aware I was up half the night
ME: Sorry that you feel rubbish, I had no awareness that you had no sleep last night.
Partner: Well I kept waking you up every time I got up
But still, you know I’m full of cold and didn’t ask how I was but never mind
ME: I’m sorry that you are unwell but I was not woken up at any point last night
Partner: OK but still could’ve asked this morning regardless
ME: I’m quite confused we’ve gone to bed and everything is fine but we’ve woken up and you have been completely off not saying anything and then I should have known you were up in the night when I was asleep I get that you are ill and I am sympathetic and I want you to feel better but I have no idea that you haven’t had any sleep or anything you haven’t said anything to me?
Partner: Well because I would expect the first thing you say to be how are you feeling today? Considering I went to bed with a cold
And then I would’ve spoken to you and been fine
When I got up in the night your eyes were open so I assumed that meant you were awake but maybe you don’t remember it.
But regardless if your partner has a cold is the first thing you do not check on them?
Mum has texted me first thing the last 3 days asking how I feel today and I expect the same from you. I’m sorry if you think I’m expecting too much but I don’t think I am
I wasn’t aware at any point in the night that she was up as I am a very heavy sleeper but I knew she has a common cold. Am I in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds exhausting. Just reading this made me tired. You can’t read her mind so she shouldn’t expect you to do so.
I have no clue how old you both are but of the back of the fact you sleep together and probably live together, at least 18-21-ish. She’s behaving like a 10yo.” Heavy-Educator8398
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but welcome to cohabitating with another person. It’s not always easy, and you’re going to take some heat when you shouldn’t.
Just talk with her about how it made you feel, whatever you do don’t get defensive and keep the conversation on topic, don’t play the blame game. Just let her know how the situation played out for you and how it made you feel.
Hear what she has to say as well, and see if you can jointly find a way to address situations like this. My 2 cents.” Timely-Detective753
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m tired just reading this. You don’t read minds. Glad her mom knows she has a cold and is checking in but it doesn’t sound like you were aware anything was off and since you don’t read minds or live in her body then it’s up to her to inform you if something is going on with her so that you can then help her if need be.” Hot_Box_4574
16. AITJ For Wanting Less Frequent Visits From My Overbearing In-Laws?
“My wife (36) and I (29) have 1-year-old twin boys and my in-laws have been very involved since day 1. They lived at my house for 3 months last year helping out and stayed over every weekend last summer.
And now are over every weekend (just one day at least). And at least 2-3 video calls a week with the boys as well as almost nightly phone calls with my wife about the boys. AND a shared photo album app where we upload pictures of the boys and they all comment on them.
And if they miss a week, you know for certain they’ll be over the next weekend.
My in-laws also don’t listen to us when it comes to handling our kids. We have certain ways we want to feed/raise/play with them and they do not listen to us when we tell them to stop doing this or don’t do that.
“I’m the grandma I get to do whatever I want and it always is with good intentions and that’s all that matters”. So when they’re over, it’s not exactly a stress-free environment.
So when they recently did not come over on a weekend because my wife said that she didn’t want them over I thought maybe we could work towards maybe less time with them coming over.
The last time we went more than one weekend not seeing them was when they were away this past October. Otherwise, it’s been just about every weekend or every other weekend since late 2022.
I told my wife that I am feeling overwhelmed, uncomfortable, and suffocated by how often her parents are over and I wish we could cut down on their visits to maybe once a month or at least not so rigidly scheduled. She did not like that and got mad at me.
She said that her parents are not going to be around forever and it’s important for the boys to have a relationship with their grandparents. I clarified to her that it’s not that I don’t want her parents in my children’s life.
I just want some “alone” time with my wife & kids and maybe see my side of the family.
My wife is very close with her family. If I’m being honest, I think a little too close. But I don’t think I’m being unreasonable.
AITJ for asking for less frequent visits from grandparents (down to maybe once a month).”
Another User Comments:
“You and your wife should be setting the ‘available for visit’ times – but since your inlaws STAYED at your home for 3 months when the children were born…that’s going to be difficult.
If they do not respect your boundaries for YOUR children…you and your wife need to set some limits. Can’t do that if your wife is more interested in pleasing her parents than in creating a more comfortable family environment with you.” omeomi24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You and your wife need to agree. With a counselor if needed. You feel suffocated by the lack of privacy and time to bond with your immediate family. You need your wife to spend more time bonding with you. You want space in your schedule to spend time with your side of the family.
This is all very reasonable.” Holiday_Trainer_2657
15. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Niece During My Planned Vacation?
“I (31F) have been with my partner Nolan, (32M) for 4 years. We have a 2-year-old daughter Maria, and live together. He has a brother Dario(21), who also has a 2-year-old daughter, Rene with his partner Kelly(20). Recently they came to me to ask if I would be willing to babysit their daughter for a week during the school holidays as their normal babysitter (Rene’s maternal grandma) is going on holiday and they don’t have the funds for a babysitter.
I told them I didn’t feel comfortable looking after Rene as I had never babysat her before and only ever spent time with her at family gatherings, etc. They tried to convince me by telling me I had the time and it would be good for the girls to spend more time with one another.
I still said no. I am planning on going away for two weeks including the week they want me to babysit to visit my sister in a city 4hours away. They said I could take her with me. I still said no, I will be staying at my sister’s house and although it has the space I am not inconveniencing her by bringing a child she doesn’t know to her house.
She also WFH so I would be going to other family members and friends I haven’t seen in a year the first 3 days we are there since she will be working those days.
Having my daughter to travel with will be exhausting enough, I do not have the energy for another child.
They have been blowing up my phone and included MIL in the argument. She is taking their side as Dario is her golden child and Rene is her favorite grandchild.
I got fed up and said maybe MIL should take some personal vacation days to babysit her grandchild instead of forcing me to do it.
They tried to get Dario’s aunts and uncles involved but they are all on my side as I am closer to them and told them exactly why I didn’t want to babysit. I am now being called a jerk who doesn’t think of anyone else by MIL, BIL, and his partner.
I don’t think I am a jerk. I am very strong-minded and refuse to be forced into anything. But am I wrong? Should I help them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Part of choosing to have kids is understanding that when plans conflict, you’re going to be the one taking your kid even if it doesn’t suit your plans.
You won’t be home, so you’re not available to babysit. They need to either find someone else, take days off themselves, or find the money to pay for childcare because she’s their child and not yours.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are.
Once you said ‘no’ to their request, that should have been the end of it. It is already hard to take care of your own 2-year-old, much less a 2nd 2-year-old who you don’t know. And they want you to take their daughter to a stranger’s house for an extended period?
It sounds like MIL; BIL and his partner don’t have opinions that should matter to you, but what does Dario say? He should be the one fielding all the comments at this point. You’re not related to MIL or BIL, Dario is. He should have your back and tell them to back off.
By the way, you probably learned that “No” is a complete sentence. You gave all kinds of reasons why you couldn’t do the babysitting. In the future, when someone asks something – don’t give them the reason, just say “no”. It stops others from trying to convince you to do things their way.
When you provide reasons for your “no”, it just tells them where to concentrate their arguments. It’s much harder to fight a firm “no”.” G0t2ThinkAboutIt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So their solution for their babysitter going on vacation is to inconvenience you, who is also going on vacation, by taking a child who isn’t yours to meet people she has no connection to?
By their logic, why not have her grandma take the kid on her trip? Honestly, your partner’s brother and his partner are kind of irresponsible with their thinking. Who just says, “Take my child with you to a bunch of strangers’ houses for a week?” HolyUnicornBatman
14. AITJ For Wanting To Skip Family Vacation To Prioritize Our Dogs?
“I (F, European) married into an American family and have had a series of cultural clashes and issues with his family. Now, I’m at a breaking point over an upcoming family vacation.
My husband and I have two dogs that we adore and see as family.
My in-laws, however, have made it clear they don’t want our dogs at any family events, yet they ask us to spend the night. For a very expensive upcoming beach trip, we found a pet-friendly apartment and suggested bringing our dogs along, but my sister-in-law outright refused. She then doubled down, suggesting we should consider taking our dogs to the pound because they’re “just a pain.” She even stated that, from her perspective, pets are disposable if they conflict with your quality of life.
By the way, she does have a dog, which left me horrified.
I’m shocked and hurt by her view. Boarding our dogs is an addition to this already expensive vacation, and I don’t see the point in spending a significant amount of money to be in the company of people who are so uncompromising.
I told my husband that instead of dealing with this ongoing drama if we have to board the dogs and take off work, we should spend our money on a relaxing, all-inclusive resort where we can truly decompress. He agrees with me.
To add to the background, his family’s behavior has been consistently off-putting.
They referred to me as my husband’s “roommate” long after we got married just because we married fast, his mother charged him interest on a small loan for a car when we were broke (3k – they are well off), which is unthinkable where I come from, and they often share opinions of him that honestly kill me (for example if he is sick they never believe him although he is super hard working).
I’ve tried to bridge the gap and push for a good relationship, but these incidents keep piling up and I am fed up.
Sometimes they do redeem themselves but it’s honestly a constant struggle.
Given all this, my husband and I are considering skipping the family vacation and spending the money elsewhere.
AITJ for wanting to avoid a situation that’s become increasingly uncomfortable and for putting our dogs and our peace of mind first?”
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like they would be insufferable on this vacation, and they are insufferable in general. I would be giving it a miss.
Just to address the cultural shock aspects… as an American As far as the dog thing goes tho. Thats insane. That is NOT part of American culture by any stretch of the imagination. If there is a dog nation, it is us. So that whole thing is just them being heartless jerks.
They calling you your husband’s roommate.. that’s just them being jerks again. The loan with interest for the car…. eh. While they seem just horrible people in general, that sort of thing may be an American thing. At least I don’t necessarily see it as bad, in and of itself.
I mean if they are charging like 10% interest or something, that’s ridiculous, but … eh.. it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever heard of. So maybe that is an American outlook. NTJ. Find a place that’s dog friendly and go there and enjoy your vacation” SoImaRedditUserNow
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You for expecting other people to vacation with your dogs. I have two dogs and I love them to bits but I don’t expect every other person to want them around. When you adopted them, you took on the responsibility and sacrifice of dog ownership.
Part of that is getting accommodations for your dogs when you go out of town. Either factor that in and pay for it, or don’t go on the trip. Your husband’s family are jerks for calling you his roommate and suggesting you abandon your dogs.
I don’t blame you for not wanting to vacation with them.” UnhingedLawyer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but not sure US/Europe culture clash just that your SiL is not a good person (at least in terms of empathy for other people). I am UK and had the same discussion with my sister.
Some see pets as equivalent to handbags, throw-away and interchangeable. The only person who matters here is your husband. He agrees with you. Go and have a nice dog-friendly holiday. The bit that bothers me is not that people have differing views on animals but that I am meant to take an interest in their lives but they insult and wish harm to a very important part of mine.” Timely_Egg_6827
13. AITJ For Not Letting My Parents Drive My Kids Around Due To Trust Issues?
“I have a 4-year-old and an 8-month-old. In the beginning, they were allowed to take my oldest places. It wasn’t very far and they told me where they were going. When he was around 2-3, my husband and I found out that my parents had taken him on a shopping trip an hour and a half away from us and didn’t say a single word about it.
My husband and I were both upset. I explained to my mom that we can’t drop our child off and they run off with him like that. She was shocked that we were upset and said “She didn’t see a problem with it and she was a good driver so we just trusted her”.
I decided to give them a second chance and I ended up finding out that my mom had planned to take him to the zoo 2 hours away and not tell me. I didn’t drop him off that day and he stayed home with us. Ever since then, I won’t let my parents or anyone else drive our kids around.
My anxiety has gotten bad recently (which makes me think that I’m the jerk, I’m always blaming myself) but I also lost a significant amount of trust in my parents. My mom called me tonight out of the blue because she wanted to know what she did in the past that made us not want them to drive the kids around.
I explained the situation and she started crying. She was making me feel extremely guilty. She kept saying to put me in her shoes because when I have grandkids, I’ll want to take them places too and that “this is just how it’s supposed to be”.
Our relationship isn’t the greatest anyway, I grew up being mentally and emotionally mistreated by my parents. I’m still dealing with trauma from all of that. So am I the jerk and just need to******* up or do I have valid reasons for not letting them take my kids places?
I will also add that we visit them once a week for dinner, plus see them a couple of weekends a month and they also come to my husband’s softball games and my son’s ball games. So they are seeing us several times a week so I’m confused as to why that’s not enough for them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- they wanted to drive your child/children far away without informing you where they were taking them. They wanted to drive your children for a long period without asking you. That’s not OK. You explained it to them once and then they tried to circumvent you and you’ve explained it to them a second time.
You’re not being unreasonable. I also have a feeling this would not have been a problem if they had spoken with you about it from the beginning and gotten your permission. It is not normal to take someone’s children hours away, no matter where you’re going without clearing it with the parents!
You are not being overly harsh by saying no I cannot trust you to tell me where you’re gonna take my children and for how long the drive is going to be so I cannot trust you to be alone with my kids for right now.” CrSkin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why is it hard for them to say “OP, I’m planning on taking the child to XYZ at (specific location).” I don’t think that’s difficult. Either they lie to you about what they’re doing, or they don’t tell you what the plan is.
I also think it’s a safety issue. Unless you have shared location with your parents via iPhone, what happens if there’s an emergency and you don’t know where they are? And before commenters come for me, yes – there were multiple instances in my childhood that I/my grandparents needed to be contacted for/rushed home for and time was of the essence.
Thankfully my parents knew where we were those days, and my family could coordinate in time.” Nearby_Bake_3350
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I disagree with the people who are saying that you are overreacting, or being crazy for making an issue out of this. As somebody else already said, the issue wasn’t that your mother wants to take your children places, and it’s not really about her or anybody else’s driving.
It’s about your mother not being honest about where she’s taking your children, who are at an age where they couldn’t even necessarily reach out to you if something happens. I think it’s especially important to remember that these are people who repeatedly broke your trust when you were a child.
So there’s not a big well of trust to draw from when they’re taking care of your children. I’m not sure if there’s any middle ground to find here, where you and your mom could compromise or try and build the trust back because fundamentally it involves allowing her to be responsible for your child.
I would encourage you to consider whether you need a ban on all people driving your children anywhere forever, or if there is a middle ground that I haven’t thought of. Regardless, NTJ, and good luck.” magicmavenhart
12. AITJ For Constantly Asking My Mom About My Study Money That She's Been Holding For Me?
“It started about 2/3 years ago when I was just 18, eager to study abroad. My dad had saved about 20k for me (my parents divorced when I was three).
When I turned 18, my dad lost his job and needed government support, but feared they’d see my bank balance. (As we lived together, even though we both had no income he was afraid they’d maybe expect me to first use my study funds) We withdrew everything and, as we were planning to move to different countries (traveling is big in our family), it seemed chaotic but necessary.
We left the money with my mom and stepdad; they were supposed to send me funds as needed for my studies.
This setup worked initially; I always had great contact with my mom—visited often, called, and messaged. About 1.5/2 years ago, I settled in Germany, found a nice apartment, and got stable.
I asked my mom to send the rest of the funds (around 7/8k left after school expenses) as a backup. She said she’d handle it. Months passed with no change, though we stayed in touch. I asked again; she kept promising but nothing happened.
Contact lessened around November; she’d promised to send funds and even birthday gifts, but nothing came. Last December was my birthday, and she promised me a gift. Never got it. Nor did I get anything for the previous birthday. It was always “I’ll send it.”
As things went silent, a huge, unexpected electricity bill hit me this February. Desperate, I reached out for the funds urgently. She promised immediate action; a day ended with “It’s sent.” I waited a week, nothing. Calls and messages went unanswered until mid-March when she said she was sick from stopping a medication.
I suggested she rest and perhaps let my stepdad handle the transfer, but no follow-up came.
From then on, I sporadically checked on her health and gently nudged her about the funds (thankfully, the electric company agreed to a payment plan). She’s active on social media, changing her WhatsApp photo and posting for my sister, but rarely responds to me.
Today, she briefly replied, “I’m at school right now,” then silence.
I don’t get it. Am I the jerk? I’ve been patient, maintained good relations, and empathized with every excuse. Yet, after 2 years and significant financial stress, not getting even a quick update feels too much.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I guess that she or her husband (stepdad) probably spent a bunch of the funds on things for themselves or to get rid of their debts or medical needs and just keep skipping out on you because they don’t want to admit that they wrongfully spent the funds that were meant for you.” itspieflavor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And the funds are either gone, or she’ll eventually hand it to you all in a huff and expect you to be grateful that she withheld it from you. Went through something very similar with my mother – she hid funds that my grandmother set up for me for *years* even when I lost everything in a hurricane and was sleeping on a friend’s couch for a year because it had *her name on it in case of my death.* Literally if I had *died* she would have gotten to claim the funds.
Live your life, don’t rely on her, and you are 100% not a jerk for wanting what is yours.” HappyKnittens
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At this point, you should consider the funds long gone. You need to quit playing your mom’s game and tell her that you know she’s taken your funds and tell her about herself for doing it.
Post it to every single one of her social media posts so other people can see the type of woman she is. She deserves to know that you’re struggling financially while she’s taking your funds and dodging your request for repayment. Make sure every person in your family knows she took your funds and knows that she’s left you destitute.” saintandvillian
11. AITJ For Refusing To Make Pizza For My Family's Party Without Prior Notice?
“I (M 20) have attended culinary school and have been working in professional kitchens since I was 18.
Even though I’m an adult since I’m the youngest child in my family and one of the youngest relatives in general, a lot of the time it’s difficult for me to get my relatives to take me seriously or keep me in the loop about things.
I attended my sister’s graduation earlier today and right after I carpooled home with my mom. It wasn’t until we were in the car, driving to my mom’s house for the graduation party that I was told that I was supposed to make pizza for everyone at the party.
I’ve made pizza for my family before, not because anybody asked me to, purely just because I wanted to.
The thing that is frustrating me more than anything is multiple people knew about this ahead of time but they decided to tell the person that’s responsible for making them last minute.
On top of the fact that my family is massive. There’s most likely going to end up being 14 or 15 people at this party. If you aren’t that into cooking, you might not understand how much of a grueling process making pizza from scratch is.
Between making the dough, and sauce, and cooking them. It is a process that I need to be let know of multiple days ahead of time so I can get everything ready.
I told them that I was sick of being kept out of the loop and not treated like an adult by everyone in my family and yet everyone still relies on me constantly to cook for everyone every time there’s a family event.
I told them that I would not be making pizza today and that if anyone wanted anything from me I wouldn’t do it unless I was completely kept in the loop of what was going on and told about things multiple days ahead of time.
I feel bad for my sister because she was very excited to try my homemade pizza but I had to explain to her why it wasn’t going to happen and told her that I could make one for her later in the week as an extra graduation present.
My parents think I’m just being petty and just not making them because I am just being lazy. I don’t think I’m the jerk here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would tell them that if they help you make one from scratch and they still feel you are wrong then you will apologize.
I would tell everyone that just because you went to culinary school doesn’t mean you are their chef. If you want to cook then you will volunteer or if asked in person at least a week in advance you will tell them yes or no. They will not always get a yes.” Adventurous-travel1
Another User Comments:
“Oh no. NTJ! It takes hours to make pizza from scratch. And even if you buy premade dough from Trader Joe’s, that means cooking about 10 pizzas which have to be served hot. That still takes a while since you probably can’t do more than 1 at a time.
Also, your house probably doesn’t have ingredients for 10+ pizzas sitting around. So are you supposed to go shopping too? That’s insane. It makes way more sense to order carry-out pizza. And if they want you to cook anything in advance, they need to plan it with you ahead of time.” asecretnarwhal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only was it rude, it wasn’t feasible. I’ve helped make from scratch pizza for a crowd. It’s a commitment. The dough takes hours (it’s yeast dough, there’s only so much you can do to speed it up), a good sauce takes a goodly chunk of time, the toppings are labor-intensive to set up, and a domestic oven can only bake one or two at a time.” 5CatsNoWaiting
10. AITJ For Refusing To Use Bee-Killing Spray At My BBQ?
“I’m planning a BBQ for an upcoming holiday, and recently sent the invites. A friend who has been to my house asked if they could bring their partner.
I said that was fine. It’s important to know that I am an avid gardener and have a vegetable garden along with a pollinator garden in my yard.
Then they said that their partner is very allergic to bee stings (like carries an EpiPen allergic).
I said that was understandable, and we can just eat indoors. I can accommodate the party size inside, and if the weather is nice, I can just keep the windows and doors open (all have screens) to bring the outdoors in.
The response was “well, I don’t want to disrupt your plans too much, and it would be nice to be out on your patio.
{My partner} has a repellant spray they can bring to keep the bees away from your patio while we do the BBQ.” I asked them to send me the specs of the spray, and if it isn’t harmful, that might be a solution.
It’s a pyrethrin spray.
Yes, it does have some repellent qualities, but mostly, it just kills most insects, and is extremely harmful to bees. I said that I would not be spraying that in my yard and sent information that it is harmful to bees and other helpful insects.
But they’re still welcome to come and we can eat indoors with no risk of bee stings (the risk is low anyway since I mostly get bumbles and they’re very docile…I have never been stung in my yard/garden, even though I come in close contact with the bees regularly!).
They ended up declining the invite, and apparently told some mutuals that I was being difficult about making the yard safe for the partner I’ve never met to attend. I’ve tried to explain to them that I’m not willing to kill the pollinators that make my yard WORK, and that I offered to move the meal indoors, but I’ve gotten mixed responses.
Half the group says I’m fine and I shouldn’t bug bomb my yard for one person, and the other half says my neighbors are probably spraying those pesticides (and they might be right), so what harm is one application in my yard going to do.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your garden serves a specific purpose, and means a lot to you. Asking you to destroy that purpose by spraying a ton of bug spray around your patio is just a selfish thing to even request. You offered a great solution of having the party indoors.
They can’t refuse your accommodations and then get mad about it. Either your other mates are not getting the whole story, or they don’t really care too much about your feelings here. Your neighbors spraying pesticide may kill bugs around the edges of your property (though even that’s only if they spray right at their boundary fence) but it doesn’t harm your garden, and is entirely different from you spraying pesticide in your garden.
Have a great BBQ, and don’t think too much on this issue, you didn’t create it” Superherowho
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You offered a totally workable solution which they chose to decline. Whatever spray your neighbors are using doesn’t justify them to force you to use the same.
Having a pollinator garden is a big service to the environment as well as a lovely thing. Besides which, your home & your yard = your rules.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is being disrespectful by refusing to accept your very reasonable answer and trying to pressure you via the friend group. Your other friends should be wary of encouraging this behavior before they start being on the receiving end. I’m assuming the friend is still in thrall of a new partner or something.
The reaction is bizarre and desperate. Can they not be a complete person without their partner there? Will their partner shrivel in the darkness of the inside dining area? Far from not trying to disrupt your plans too much, friend is making your BBQ all about them and partner.” Squiggles567
9. AITJ For Wanting To Move North For A Better Quality Of Life?
“I (34m) talked to my wife (33f) about moving north from our current town.
We currently live in southern England, on the coast. We have 2 children M (13) and F (10).
They currently share a room as we have a 2 bedroom flat, rented, for £900 a month. The flat has no outside space or parking.
I recently started a new job, completed my probation, and got a pay rise to £28k per annum. My wife doesn’t work and we get some benefits worth around £1100 a month on top of my wages.
The kids can’t share forever. I want to move to a 3 bedroom.
But the prices in the area for those are £1400/£1600. Even with my wages, we would need a guarantor for the remaining and we would be barely scraping by after food and car costs.
My work has a secondary office up north, outside Sheffield. I looked up the price for a 3 bed up there, with a garden, driveway, and close to local schools, and found a lovely one for £750 a month.
I know work wouldn’t care which office I worked from. Even remote.
We can’t afford to live in our home town. So I spoke to my wife about it. She shot the idea down straight away. Her reason is her ‘support network’ as she does have anxiety issues.
She does choir practice, has a few friends, and all our family live close by. She doesn’t want to leave and I understand that. But the quality of life for our kids and ourselves will be better, a bigger house with more space, an outside area for the summer, a drive for the car, extra money for holidays, etc.
When we moved to where we are now she hated it as she was further from her mom. By 30 minutes. We only see her mom once a month if that. The drive is around 4 hours each way from where I want to move. A lot but doable on a weekend each month if we want to.
The last words my wife said on the subject before I went to do the weekly food shop, was if you want to go with the kids, go!
AITJ for wanting to move? AITJ for thinking about what she said at the end seriously?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are being realistic and want something better for your family, your wife is being unreasonable and selfish. If she does not want to move but you still want the space I would offer her to get a job to bring in more money to be able to afford a larger home in the area or not work and move to a more reasonably priced area.” S*******o
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife doesn’t work. She has plenty of time to visit her mother and friends on her own even for a couple of days at a time if she wants. If you’re moving to a reasonable-sized town/ area she’ll be able to get in her hobbies, make new friends etc. If the kids are OK with moving schools, etc, she should consider it.
On paper, it definitely sounds like a benefit for the entire family and will improve your lifestyle and home life.” dart1126
8. AITJ For Starting To Declutter Our House Early Before Selling?
“I will be 65 in October. My husband will be 65 in July 2025. We have a two-story home for 3 people (husband, 95 y/o Mom, and me).
My son and daughter have their own apartments and store some of their stuff here, not much and I don’t mind. I explained to my husband, son, and daughter at least three months ago that in preparation for our putting the house on the market June 2025ish I was going to start systematically going through the basement, attic and closets to organize and declutter.
My husband and I agree on downsizing and that this house is too much to maintain physically and financially as we get older and will be on fixed incomes in the future. On a side note, I have lived here ten years since my divorce from my first husband, and the house is one I received from the settlement -still need to maintain, pay taxes, and utilities).
I also work full time and I am the major breadwinner. Ideally, I would like to move out of state depending on everyone’s health and if not downsize in the state we now live in now. Well, I started with the basement yesterday as promised and everyone knew in advance.
It took 4 hours with a friend (not bad) and we had a yard sale, sold online, and threw out piles. Most of the stuff was my husband’s and son’s so I put their stuff neatly in boxes for them to individually go through to decide what they want to keep, donate, etc. at their convenience.
Next month I will move on to the attic and work my way around the house to declutter in prep for going on the market and to help make moving a little easier.
Well, everyone/meaning my husband and kids is “annoyed” with me for starting to declutter and organize now saying “if we/you are moving next year, that’s when you do this, it makes no sense that you are doing this now.” AITJ for starting to declutter and start organizing stuff now in preparation for putting the house on the market summer 2025?
I feel it will help streamline the sale and moving process while reducing some stress – AITJ? I am getting quite the cold shoulder(s) and I am trying to process this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Why on earth should it matter to them when you decide to declutter?
The clutter would just lay there for another year, unused. The less headache and stress you have around the sale and moving process the better. You are good to go missy! PS- I decluttered my small apartment 1 week prior to moving. I was exhausted by the end of it.
Starting one year before for a large house is well within reason.” kimura-gisele-wife
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I did this five years ago and it took longer than a few months. I would add that my idea of decluttered was not the real estate agent’s idea of decluttering so I rented a storage space to move off-season stuff while the house was being shown.
They wanted closets, the attic and basement to look roomy. You are approaching this correctly but it’s a longer haul than you know right now.” readery
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom is 83 and decided about 8 years ago to start the decluttering process. It’s never too early and it’s best when you can take your time.
Ignore the cold shoulder and tell people to come get their stuff by XX date or it’s in the trash. They are worried about their own inconvenience and not yours. I 100% supported my mom in this process. She would call me and ask me if I wanted this one thing from when I was 8 and I finally told her…if it’s still there after all of these years, it’s yours to do with what you please.
Throw it away, sell it, donate it. And let me come help.” LowBalance4404
7. AITJ For Demanding Money From My Sister For Ruining My Watch?
“I (15M) had my birthday last year July and my uncle gave me a watch as a birthday present. I didn’t really have a use for it though I already carried my phone everywhere, but I looked forward to wearing it for stuff like formal events or church, I liked this watch.
One day my sister (14F) had some after-school project and she wanted to borrow the watch to keep track of the time. The thing is, the watch was still fairly new and I had only worn it like three times ever, but I let her borrow the watch for that day and everything went well.
During around September (last year), I noticed that my watch had gone missing and wasn’t in the usual place I kept it. We were writing exams at the time and I wanted to use it to keep track of time, but I just assumed I misplaced it ’cause I do that a lot and kinda forgot about it.
Fast forward to today, and as I went to greet my sister in the morning I noticed my sister was wearing my watch. I questioned her and things quickly escalated. She said that she needed it for school and I argued she never even asked me and I barely even got to use it.
She gave it back to me and it looked all brown and worn, and it was even scratched. I told them she owed me 20 bucks (just over 1 US dollar) because she couldn’t just take and ruin my birthday present without me even knowing. My mum told me I thought I gave the watch to her and my sister admitted to lying that I knew about this and that the watch was hers now.
However, I admit I should’ve investigated more when I noticed it went missing.
This afternoon, my sister and I were arguing about whether she owed me the money, and my mum took my side and said that I’m lucky I didn’t ask her to buy a whole new watch, it cost over 500 bucks (26-27 ish US dollars).
That just got me thinking about my decision because it was kinda impulsive and out of anger, and that’s why I think I’m the jerk, for telling my sister she owes me money because of my negligence.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “But I let her borrow the watch for that day” That was the clear, defined extent of your permission.
“She said that she needed it for school and I argued she never even asked me ” She took/kept using it without permission, which is stealing. She then scratched it up & ruined it. I think you’ve been kinda lenient in not asking for the full replacement cost. Nothing to feel guilty about here.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You let her borrow it for one day, and she used it for longer without asking. And, even if she did, she damaged it while it was in her possession, which means she would owe you something anyway. And it doesn’t matter if “she needed it for school” or not – it wasn’t hers to take.
You are justified in asking her to buy you a brand-new watch. There is no negligence on your part here – your sister chose to take your watch without your permission. This is 100% on her.” bamf1701
6. AITJ For Insisting My Ex-Partner Treats Both My Kids Equally During His Visits?
“I (34F) am a single mother to two children, (10F) and (6M), they have different fathers with my daughter being the child of my late husband who died when she was two years old, I fully admit that I was not ready for a new relationship when I met the father of my son and it’s what led to our relationship falling apart though we tried to make it work.
My Ex-Partner (37M) and I have been separated for two years, it was rough in the early days of our separation but for the most part, things are fine now except for an issue I’ve had recently. Lately, on every visit my ex-partner will bring our son treats; be it a Mcdonald’s Happy Meal, some crisps, juice, a pastry, basically anything junk food related as a treat because I’m usually quite strict about the children getting those regularly.
This wouldn’t be an issue except for the fact it’s only our son who gets these treats and my daughter has to see the man who was a major part of her life for so long all but ignore her now.
I’ve spoken to my ex-partner and made it clear that unless he brings treats for my daughter too he can’t bring any treats for our son into the house.
What he does when he takes him out is between them but this isn’t fair to do in front of her, I also made it clear I don’t expect him to spend his own money on her as at the end of the day she isn’t his child, but just to text me before he arrives to let me know what he’s bringing so I can send him money to get her the same, I don’t care that she’d think they’re from him I just hate her feeling ignored.
He thinks I’m being ridiculous and should just buy her treats myself if I want to do that, that she isn’t entitled to get the same things as our son and this would only hurt our son. That isn’t the point and I feel like he’s missing it.
I don’t think I’m in the wrong here, all he has to do is pretend to be the one giving it to her and it feels cruel to me that he won’t even go along with that. Maybe I’m too focused on my daughter to see the bigger picture and I’m being unreasonable.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I think if it is small things like sweets or chocolate, and it’s not a special occasion, and you are willing to pay for it, and it’s only about stuff that comes into your house, then NTJ. I know everyone will probably be all, he doesn’t owe your daughter anything.
But they are still kids, and they don’t have nuance and adult relationships, they just seem like one kid getting treats and they don’t. Of course, it will make them feel bad, and of course, they don’t have the emotional maturity to understand. It just seems mean to bring stuff for one child and not another. If I was visiting someone and I was going to get a small treat for a child who I knew was there, and when I was on my way I found out another child was at the house, I’d get two treats, because I’d feel like a jerk if I gave something to one child and not another, for no reason.” CheerilyTerrified
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It doesn’t matter if she biologically isn’t his child, it’s an awful thing to do to children. This isn’t a large present or a birthday gift, they’re small treats and if he brings for one child in the household he should bring for the other.
Or at the very least do that outside of the home when he has your son/is out spending time with his son. It’s odd behavior considering he would have at one point been a fatherlike figure to her and a rude thing to do in general. If he has manners, he would bring for both and his refusal to accept your money to bring for your daughter makes me think he’s doing this for his ego or to show he can surprise “his kid.” It’s very selfish behavior on his part and you tried to provide a solution.
He’s so immature for doing this to a child.” chaenukyun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you’ve been entirely reasonable, offering to pay for comparable for her. He’s a total jerk with some issues, to be consistently mean to a little girl like this. Glad to see you’ve gained some wisdom from all this, and hope you’re just taking a break from the whole serious relationship thing for a good long while.
Honestly, sometimes it’s just more trouble than it’s worth, and your ex is a case in point.” cadaloz1
In the meantime, have a stash of treats for your daughter and give them to her when this man shows up with treats for your son, and reassure both your children that they are loved equally (his behaviour is bad for both kids).
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Buy My Daughter's Expensive Dance Dress?
“I (38M) have a 14YO daughter but am no longer with her mom (34). We have not been together in 9+ years and have 50/50 custody. Since my daughter has been in middle school, I have spoken with both her mother and her about wanting to be involved when it comes to school dances, and it would be nice if the parent who will have her the night of the dance was the one who got the dress and helped her get ready.
But for every dance, her mom got her dress and then insisted because she got the dress she was the one to get her ready – interrupting the time my daughter was scheduled to be with me. She has even gone as far as to refuse to let my daughter come over the weekend for a dance, even if it is my time.
My daughter is now coming up on her last middle school dance. Again, she is scheduled to be at my house for this, but again her mom took her shopping without talking to me about it. The dress she “fell in love with” fits the Under the Sea theme, but is $400, which I think is too much for a middle school formal. I expressed this to her mother, explaining once shoes are made and other things are factored in she will be spending well over $500 and it seems excessive for the occasion and sets unreasonable expectations.
Her response was to say I never want to pay for anything and it’s worth every penny and I have no business giving her a hard time about wanting to make our daughter happy. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Good grief. NTJ. Your choice on how far you want to escalate this, because you have several options, but you’re NTJ on all of them.
Path of less resistance: 50/50 split as a treat for your daughter for her last middle school dance. (Nicest for your daughter.) De-escalate: decide how much you would have budgeted for the dress and offer to contribute that much. Fair’s fair: she took her shopping, she doesn’t want to tell her no, she can pay for it.
(Makes you kind of a jerk, but far less than your ex.) W*f?: “Hey, it wasn’t cool that you took her shopping. That wasn’t our agreement, and you know I contribute to our daughter’s expenses. What the heck?” Thermonuclear option: I don’t think she gets to deny you custody, does she?
Like, is that even legal? It would make a huge fight and probably burn lots of the relationship to the ground, but it wouldn’t be bad to at least know where you stand.” MoonlitStones
Another User Comments:
“Separate issues here. NTJ on the dance wardrobe budget – you and your ex should agree on that and present a united front.
And what you’re contributing isn’t a decisive factor – as you said, it’s a parenting decision about expectations, the value of money, etc. Ideally a joint decision. Seems like you also may be separately annoyed that ex is taking over all the dance prep stuff even when it’s your time.
If this is what your daughter wants, best to let it go and just trade out the time.” Justsaying0000
Another User Comments:
“I’m not sure what judgment to make. I’m leaning toward E-S-H, just because y’all need to limit the conflict for your daughter’s sake. However, in the future, why not just take your daughter shopping for a dress before your ex does? The dates of these dances are published well in advance. If not, you could call the school and find out.
If your Ex normally buys the dress 2 months in advance, go dress shopping 3 months in advance. Make a day of it. Go to the city center or a nearby city and look at several dress shops and have lunch. If you are both fighting over who orders the dress from Amazon, what is the point?
” ShiloX35
4. AITJ For Considering Wearing My Aunt's Funeral Dress To Her Daughter's Baby Shower?
“I (26F) lost my aunt a month ago after a short but brutal illness. It’s been a devastating time for our family- my aunt was a formidable, gutsy woman, and it still doesn’t entirely feel real that she’s gone. These past few weeks have been about looking after ourselves and my cousins and uncle (her children and husband) as they go through this period of turmoil.
One of her children, my cousin Michelle (30sF), is pregnant with her first child- she’s the one I feel most sorry for during this time, as she is about five weeks away from giving birth and now her mother will not be there to watch her start this new journey.
She’s tough, but she was very close to her mom, and after having a sudden miscarriage of what was supposed to be her first baby last March, she’s had one of the worst years of her life. Still, she wants to celebrate her daughter coming into the world and so her sister and my other aunts have planned a baby shower.
It’s tomorrow, and I am currently baking some treats for it.
The thing is, I’ve put on a lot of weight due to the years of stress and I’ve been slow to lose it. I’m a little ashamed of my body and the fact that I don’t have many formal clothes to wear right now— money is tight and I have been trying to lose some pounds.
For my aunt’s funeral, I bought a simple black dress to wear since nothing else I had that fit would have been modest enough. It’s cute and can easily double as a summer dress so I have been planning to wear it elsewhere at some point.
A month later, it is still the only formal outfit I have that would be appropriate for an event like this, but I am so worried about going to my cousin’s baby shower in the dress I wore to her mother’s funeral. I know it’s just a dress and truth be told, I was wearing something over it during the services and did not spend much time with Michelle, so I doubt if she noticed what I was wearing back then.
But would I be sending a bad message if I did wear it? WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But don’t do it. Like honestly don’t wear the funeral dress to the daughter of the deceased’s baby shower. If she figures it out everything could go south real quick and you’ll forever be that cousin.
Also imagine the stress on the day, just low-key. The fact you are posting this, deep down, you know it’s not worth it. Like can you do a shirt/blouse and jeans??? If you have a little neck scarf, that is with a plain, ironed T-shirt.
Just wear the shoes you would’ve with the dress and graphic eyeliner, it’ll look chic. There are many ways to smarten up a pair of jeans.” Front_Amoeba_2368
Another User Comments:
“In general a funeral outfit at a baby shower has iffy optics but wearing a dress YOU JUST wore to a funeral to the baby shower of the daughter of the aunt whose funeral it was?
Go get a cheap, cute, dress. Call a relative and see if they can float you $40, do whatever you have to. I do not feel good in my body, and I truly feel for you, but this baby shower is not about you. Your cousin lost a pregnancy, lost her mom a year later, and now is at her most vulnerable and most in need of support on Her Day.
YWBTJ if you wore that dress.” DeadGodJess
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I couldn’t tell you what a single person wore to my dad’s funeral. I don’t even remember what I wore. Just accessorize it appropriately for a baby shower so it looks different at a glance.
If you feel you can’t make it look different enough, then I probably would wear a different outfit even if it’s more casual or from a thrift store.” Right_Count
3. AITJ For Wanting To Move To Colorado Despite Ex-Wife's Wish To Stay In New Mexico?
“My ex-wife and I separated almost a year ago and we have two kids. The major reason for the separation is that she decided she wanted an open relationship with someone she met and I was not interested.
Almost two years ago she decided she wanted to become a firefighter (she was a stay-at-home mom at the time).
I was supportive and we got her into programs to help her prep for an academy. At the time I did bring up that because I am on active duty in the military (I have an office job and work Monday-Friday with a very flexible schedule) we should consider what would happen with the kids if I had to PCS (the only likely option would have been for me to take them due to the schedule of firefighters).
While she was prepping for the academy she met someone at the gym that she wanted to have an open relationship with, I declined having any interest in doing something like that, and from there our marriage deteriorated and we ended up separating. Fast forward to now she failed out of the academy but wants to either get back into it or get her paramedic license and keeps saying she wants to get 5 years of experience in New Mexico before she moves anywhere.
However, I also know she will never want to move because she has found friends here within the fire community that she calls family (she also has her parents and siblings in Colorado).
I am set to PCS next summer and there is a good chance that I could end up getting Colorado.
I have been in the military for 6 years now but am considering getting out after my next assignment if I get Colorado because I would like to raise my kids in one spot versus moving around forever. My ex-wife thinks I should get out now and stay in New Mexico forever and raise our two kids here.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk here. I wanted to go with no jerks here because everyone has the right to live where they want, but each of you is trying to control the future of the other, so you two are not great. I get that there are kids (don’t know their age), but you two are divorced, it’s time to live your life and let the other live his own.
As for custody, if you can’t find a middle ground when the time comes then the court will do it. And asking what the kids want could be a good idea too. They are already stuck between you two so don’t ignore them.” Far_Dependent_8975
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk but y’all need to have this hashed out with your lawyers because you don’t have control over where you’ll be sent, from what I read here. You also can’t dictate where she lives but you should have this information sorted in your custody agreement already since you have kids.” Hot_Box_4574
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. “However, I also know she will never want to move” .. which is fine. She does not have to move. In a situation like that, custody courts will forbid you to move the kids without her permission. “My ex-wife thinks I should get out now and stay in New Mexico forever and raise our two kids here.” ..
that’s one option. The other one is: You move to Colorado without your kids. “the only likely option would have been for me to take them due to the schedule of firefighters” .. she will manage. If you move somewhere else, she will be a single mom, but she will get child support.
so: she holds all the aces – If you move, you will move without your kids.” Excellent-Count4009
2. AITJ For Not Taking Down A Graduation Selfie After Classmate's Partner Got Mad?
“I (18F) had my high school graduation 3 days ago. After the ceremony we all stay at the venue to have dinner and take pictures together. Last year I came out as a lesbian to basically everyone at school.
This year, there are 7 people in my chemistry class and one of them (17M) hates doing experiments. He sits right behind me so I would always help him out. From the first experiment we did in September, it started a running joke of calling the other our lab partner for life.
So after graduation we took a selfie together, where we are just standing and smiling at the camera. We aren’t even touching shoulders.
One day and a half after graduation, I posted our selfie and captioned it “lab partners for life” and tagged him in it, and he liked the story and replied “fr”.
An hour later, he asked me to take it down because his partner was mad. I told him to tell her that I’m gay and he said it wouldn’t matter to her and asked me to just take it down. This whole time, I was getting ready for my sister’s wedding with the other women in the family so I asked them for advice and everyone said I shouldn’t delete it if I don’t want to.
I told him I’m sorry but it’s my graduation too and I don’t want to take it down, but I won’t include it in my feed posts and I’ll be happy to talk to her and try to sort it out. He asked me to crop him out of it but I got caught up with the wedding and now the story has expired, but I think he’s mad at me.
For added context, I didn’t even know that he was seeing anyone until he asked me to take the story down, and I don’t know who his partner is. If he had asked me not to share the picture when we took it or at any point in the day and a half before I posted it, I wouldn’t have posted it in the first place.
But the story has been up for an hour and he had already reacted well to it. He has also been posted and tagged in small group pictures on the feed of another classmate (19F). So AITJ for not taking down my story?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You should respect his wishes to be removed from your story. Imagine if he posted a picture of you and you asked him to take it down and he refused…. You would feel violated and your reasoning behind wanting your pic down shouldn’t matter.” SimpleeLie
Another User Comments:
“”If he had asked me not to share the picture when we took it or at any point in the day and a half before I posted it, I wouldn’t have posted it in the first place.” People change their minds. Consent granted once is not perpetual consent.
It makes no sense to me that you would respect if he asked initially, but don’t respect his request because it came later.” ThisOneForMee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like it only became a problem when his partner had a problem with it. He was fine with it being posted originally, you ended up being too busy to take it down before it expired, and it’s now expired anyway.” jackignatiusfox
1. AITJ For Insisting On Inheriting My Great-Grandmother's Gold Instead Of My Step-Sister?
“My(17m) Grandfather passed away three weeks ago but it was not a surprise by any means. Since my Father is an only child(49m), inheritance was not much of an issue except for the ancestral jewelry. In our culture, Gold has a lot of sentimental value.
It is usually passed down from a mother to a daughter or a grandmother to a granddaughter. (The literal word for such inheritances in my culture is female’s treasure.)
Unfortunately, My great-grandmother did not have a daughter or a granddaughter or a great-granddaughter and thus, after her demise, the gold was passed down to my grandfather.
Now my stepmother (47f) believes that the gold should be passed down to her daughter Anne(21f). My father is a people pleaser and is one of the purest souls that have ever come to be. He has made sure to make Anne feel included in our family and tried to be her father.
But Anne is a jerk. She is rude, obnoxious, and a pain in the backside. She never gave my father the love and respect that he deserves.
My Grandparents tried to include her a few times but due to her immensely delightful nature, started to ignore her.
They hated her for treating my father the way she did.
I had a talk with my father about this and he reprimanded me saying that Anne is my sister. I said that the jewelry now belongs to him after which will be passed down to me or I will be well within my rights to file a case due to it being ancestral property.
Here is why I might be the jerk:- He then told all of this to his wife and Anne and they were enraged. They attacked me together with their logicless points and at one time told me that I had no right to the jewelry since “men can’t inherit Jewellery.” I then told them that by that logic, I would have a complete right over Anne’s maternal grandparents’ assets since “Girls can’t inherit property.”
I was called a sexist and greedy pig and they duly stormed off my dorm. Now my extended family told me that they are busy speaking Ill of me to our family and friends.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know how right you are legally speaking, I would consult with a lawyer.
Now morally speaking I fully agree with you. And it’s not because Anne is a good or a bad person. I’d have the same opinion even if she were a delight. NTJ” Fit-Profession-1628
Another User Comments:
“This is stressful. Your father seems sweet and understanding.
Ask him what he would want to happen to the jewelry if you had a daughter. And ask him what he thinks his grandmother would have wanted if you had a daughter. Frame it in a way that makes it seem like you’re trying to respect your family’s wishes.
It’s not about greed (well, it is for your step-family) it’s about family.” real-nia
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. you’re right that it now belongs to your father and if he chooses to pass it on to his stepdaughter he can. The fact that you came along threatening your father over it with legal action proves you’re a jerk.
If your grandparents wanted you to have it they should have willed it to you or gifted it to you before they passed. If they didn’t then that means they did not care enough. You are making a cultural claim which by your admission you do not have as it is passed to daughters and you don’t seem to have a legal claim.
So instead you just come off as either greedy or petty.” Ignantsage
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