People Try To Avoid Responsibility In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Refusing To Clean My Partner's Dog's Cage?
“My partner and I have been living together for a year. We have 3 dogs (2 out of 3 are mine and I take sole responsibility and care for them).
I also do a majority of the chores around the house. His only major chore (other than the dog) is taking out the trash, of which he requests that I have it tied up and by the door so it’s easier for him to get it.
I wasn’t too crazy about the idea of getting a 3rd dog, but he kept saying how he’d always wanted his dog and how much he wanted a relationship like I have with my dogs, so I caved. We got his dog back in December.
Before we got his dog, I sat down and had a serious conversation with him about responsibilities. I told him that this was HIS dog and he was responsible for it the same way I’m responsible for my dogs. He agreed, albeit with a bit of an attitude, but I didn’t mind it too much.
I work from home 4 days a week, but have 2 jobs so I am usually quite busy. He works around 20 minutes away from our home but is home on Thursdays and Fridays all day. Because I am home more often than him, I agreed to take all 3 dogs out on their daily walks until he gets home from work (12 pm, 3 pm, and 5 pm just for his dog).
He is supposed to be responsible for her walk before bedtime. If the dog is not taken out before bed, sometimes she will have an accident in the cage. I used to clean this up a lot since he gets a bit squeamish with dog crap, but it got to the point where, if she has an accident, he expects me to help.
This was never something I fully agreed to; I just felt bad for sitting around and watching him clean it up.
Recently, I’ve tried to put my foot down about cleaning out the cage. He doesn’t always feel like taking her out when he gets home from work, so sometimes she’ll have accidents.
A few nights ago, she had an accident in the cage that I noticed first. I mentioned it to him before I took my dogs out. After I came home, I noticed her soiled blanket was thrown lazily next to her cage. There was still some mess on the inside that was visible.
I didn’t want to nag him, so I didn’t bring it up, hoping he left the blanket there because he was going to come back for it later. That night, I brought him a new blanket for her and let him know, as nicely as I could, that he needed to make sure her cage was clean before he put the blanket in or it would stink.
He said the cage was clean and put the new blanket in. I could still see the dog crap in the cage but I didn’t want to start an argument, and I knew if I kept pushing, it would lead to one, so I kept my mouth shut and went to bed.
The next morning, I mentioned it again, and he got upset and said why I didn’t just clean it if I knew it was still dirty. I said because it was his responsibility and the poop was very clearly still on the cage, and that if he didn’t just half-heartedly clean it in the first place, he would’ve seen it too.
So that’s where we’re at.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but quit dancing around it, stop cleaning up after the dog, and tell him loud and clear that he needs to completely clean the cage to ensure it and the blankets are free of dog excrement, pee, poop, vomit whatever it is..
his dog, his responsibility. If he can’t handle it then he needs to rehome it to someone who can. Beating around the bush and placating him like a child isn’t doing the dog or your relationship any good.” many_hobbies_gal
“NTJ he wants a dog and not the responsibility.
You already do everything in the house, time to take all three dogs and get out of a relationship with an immature teenager you are his maid but get no respect like a mother would. Take the trash out, him and everything that he has.
Don’t let him take the dog as you know he will drop it off at a kill shelter.” parlay_pass_rum
Another User Comments:
“Both jerks. You both are jerks: you for allowing a dog to suffer in its waste to prove a point that your partner has no intention of absorbing, and your partner for animal neglect.
You’re BOTH neglectful and abusive to this poor animal. Neither of you should be a pet owner. How do you just shrug your shoulders and allow that poor dog to suffer in its waste and say, “Well, that’s his problem to deal with,” and go about your evening?!
It’s unconscionable. And, if your partner is a member of the US Armed Forces, he could be reported and face animal neglect and cruelty charges under the UCMJ Article 134.” AffectionateYoung300
18. AITJ For Not Covering All Of My Friend's Expenses During Our Group Trip?
“A somewhat mild situation, if uncomfortable, where we managed to avoid escalating but it got me thinking about who the jerk is. The background is we occasionally rent a villa with a group of friends for an extended weekend.
One of our friends usually organizes it and does most of the housework while there – mostly trouble delegating as he feels he’ll do it best, especially cooking. He’s always had habitually unstable income which might have worsened recently, so he was wondering if he would come and finally declined. I then had an idea that, as he usually does more than the rest, and we’d drive the same route anyway, I could pick him up with my car and split his accommodation between the rest of us.
I also said something like “You’d eat at home anyways” meaning he could only cover his food and drinks as we buy groceries and cook instead of dining out. I asked the others and they agreed.
3 days of fun later we’ve packed our bags and are getting in the car.
I did a weighted average formula in a spreadsheet to calculate the cost for everyone and everything was covered. As my friend had bought some of the groceries he asked if I’d pay him back the money and I said sure, my calculations say you’re owed a small amount as you had spent more than the average.
That’s the point when he visibly got upset, claimed I’d said that he’d pay nothing for the entire trip, and demanded I give him everything he’s expensed. He also said that he’s spent money on gas for shopping and brought some items from home, though honestly, we all did and have every time.
I told him that this was not how I’d calculated things as the point was to cover his additional expenses, not give him a freebie where he leaves better off than he came, and it’s not even possible now as I had settled the bill with everyone else and wasn’t going to give him that money out of my pocket.
I didn’t want to get in a fight considering we had 3 hours of driving ahead of us so I shut up and we spent them in awkward silence, minimal small talk, and a hasty goodbye.
Now to be fair, this all probably would come off biased just because I’m the one telling it.
He’s not a bad guy and does indeed take care of us every time for which we’re very grateful, and no one was against covering for him this once. If he’s had the impression the whole time that he’s not going to pay even for food then he might have brought more stuff, probably didn’t take much of the leftovers compared to the “paying” friends, etc. So it’s uncomfortable for me as well as it’s mostly a miscommunication but at the end of the day, I feel like I got a “bite the hand that feeds you” instead of even one “thank you”, and I don’t want to sour things so let me know AITJ.”
Another User Comments:
“He said he couldn’t afford to go and did the right thing in pulling out this year. That was probably pretty hard. I bet he thought his friends were god-level when they offered to cover the trip this year and he must be in a pretty tight situation to make a bit of a scene when asked to contribute even a little for the food.
I reckon he’s properly embarrassed at the moment. I can’t find it in me to call you the jerk but I think it’s your fault for doing a good turn badly.” Famous_Specialist_44
Another User Comments:
“YTJ He told you he could not afford to go.
You offered to cover the costs and are now going back to your word. He would not have had to buy food if he was at home as he probably had food in his fridge/ freezer. He is embarrassed by what you say is a misunderstanding.
Take the hit, sounds like he does a lot for your friendship group.” vickibxx
17. AITJ For Leaving My Teenage Daughter On The Bus To Teach Her A Lesson?
“I (41 female) have a 15-year-old daughter, let’s call her Beth, with my husband. On the weekends/ after work during the week, we primarily use public transportation.
Most of the time Beth rides with us on the bus she refuses to sit next to us (in normal teenage fashion) and prefers to sit as far away from us as possible.
She also has a bad habit of putting earphones in and zoning out, not paying attention to our bus stop so my husband and I have to squeeze through the packed bus and get her attention so she gets off the bus with us. We’ve had talks with her about how dangerous it is to be completely unaware of your surroundings, especially on a public bus but she refuses to pay attention to the bus stops or sit closer to us so we can easily get her attention.
Additionally, she has been asking us for more freedom. She wants to spend a paycheck on her bus pass, which we are seriously considering for certain bus routes at certain times but we are hesitant because she doesn’t pay attention which could easily become a problem.
That brings us to Saturday, when we got on the bus Beth chose to sit in the very back while I sat at the front. The bus was unusually empty that day and I got an idea. The next bus stop was the stop in front of our house and I exited the bus but Beth did not (she wasn’t paying any attention) immediately after I booked it down the road to the next stop (the bus terminal) and met the bus there.
I was prepared to board again to get her but she exited.
She was angry, saying that I had abandoned her on the bus and that she was terrified when she looked up and didn’t see me there. I apologized for scaring her but explained how dangerous it is to not pay any attention to what’s going on around you.
I told my husband at home and he agreed that it was a justified lesson to teach. When Beth went to her grandparent’s house (my parents) and told them and a few of my sisters about the incident they called me a jerk.
Beth wants her city bus pass but when we ride with her we have issues getting her to pay attention and stick with us.
I left her on the bus at the second to last stop of a bus route that I knew was guaranteed to stop at the terminal and booked it there, she was not alone for more than 4 minutes on a bus that had very few people on it and I was pretty confident she would get off at the stop (as it’s our usual) This was a last resort after I and my husband have had several talks about being safe in public and being responsible.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is she developmentally on track? Then I don’t understand the argument of leaving your “young daughter on the public bus” In the daytime, for 4 minutes! Do you live in a dystopian nightmare? Your family needs to back off. If she wants to start traveling alone, running and complaining to her grandparents for about four minutes isn’t convincing me.
So, the way I see it, either you live in such a dangerous place, that she isn’t safe alone. You have such a fragile 15-year-old that being alone for FOUR minutes is too much. She’s being a drama queen, because she ignored your repeated warnings, scared herself, and ran to others to whine.
So no bus pass until she proves she can handle it, by paying attention to her surroundings. And your family needs to back off.” Hob-Nob1974
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the lesson. I don’t see why you don’t want to get her a bus pass though.
Seems this would teach her the responsibility you want to teach her. She’s 15 – old enough to ride a bus by herself. And she’ll have to learn to pay attention to stops. If she misses a stop then it’s not a problem (unless there’s a fare zone issue) since she’ll have a bus pass that can get her to the right stop.” squigs
Another User Comments:
“I realize the times are different from what they were 30 years ago when we were teenagers riding the bus alone…. however, at the age of 15, she should be more conscious of her surroundings. If what she’s looking for is a little more freedom, she should be proving she’s ready for it.
Also, I wouldn’t have met her at the next stop. I would have just gone home. She needs to learn and this wasn’t a horrible way to teach her. If she was that worried about being alone, she should have been paying more attention. NTJ” Beck_irl
16. AITJ For Being Upset That My Dad And Brother Left My Graduation Early?
“For context, my parents are divorced and my mother and I are estranged. My dad recently (3 years ago) started seeing a new woman who has four children. Her daughters were not very welcoming to me but eventually started to be nice. My dad and I used to be close but throughout uni and him and her seeing each other we have drifted apart.
My graduation was a big deal to me because I graduated with two bachelor’s degrees and finished in three years. My dad’s partner’s daughter was also graduating this weekend with her associates but decided not to go to her ceremony (we are the same age and friendly I thought) I will call her Sally for the sake of the story.
I was getting ready for graduation and knew that my dad and brother did not want to sit through the whole ceremony (which only lasted 1.5 hours total). I asked how I was supposed to get home and he replied to me I should Uber and I replied and said or you guys could just stay.
He said they were planning on leaving to change their clothes and they would pick me up after graduation. My partner was the only one who stayed and I was so thankful for him but couldn’t help but burst into tears. I later learned that they had left to “change their clothes” but were at the bar with Sally’s partner’s family.
After the ceremony, I had to walk over to the football stadium parking lot and wait for 25 min for him to come pick me up. I got in the car and was upset my older brother (27) asked why I was upset I tearfully said “I’m sad that you left my graduation” he turned around and scoffed. In the car, it was me, my dad, my dad’s partner, my partner, and my brother I told them all I was just sad because I wanted to walk up the stairs after graduation and see everyone and feel celebrated and my dad looked at me in the rearview mirror and said to me “sorry I am not good enough for you”.
I broke down and said nothing else they just dropped me and my partner off at my house while they went to the store.
We had planned before to have a party at my college house with my roommate’s family (she is my best friend), but they came back from the store and said nothing to me about what had happened. Rather they continued like nothing happened and lowkey excluded me and my partner.
No one came to check on me and no one told me to my face they were so proud of me.
I am very confused because that is not how my dad is. He is really bad about sharing his emotions but I know that.
He is the same man who used to come to all of my sports games in high school straight from work. He used to get me a card and flowers when I was in the talent show. Now I have no photos with my family from graduation, my family didn’t give me a gift or a card.
This is not normal because my older brother got very nice graduation gifts for high school and college. I spent the rest of the day with my roommate’s family who all brought me cards.
Has anyone had a similar experience?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s not your mom and she’s not your stepmom.
She came into your dad’s life when you were an adult so in that instance I wouldn’t think of telling her Happy Mother’s Day. She has kids that can do that. I think you need to have a serious, one-on-one talk with your dad to lay out everything that’s happened and how it makes you feel.
If he’s not normally like this, then maybe your relationship can be salvaged if he cares that he hurt you and is willing to work to be better. Congrats on your graduation. It’s a huge accomplishment!” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they made it clear that you don’t matter to them and that they won’t celebrate your accomplishments.
So why would you wish this rando a happy Mother’s Day? It was not happy and she is not your mother, it’s not like she was even pretending to care about you.” BigNathaniel69
Another User Comments:
“Your post doesn’t mention the Mother’s Day part from your title at all. Are you saying you didn’t wish her a Happy Mother’s Day on Sunday and she and your dad got angry at you? This doesn’t seem like an AITJ, though I understand your need to vent.
What your brother and father did was awful and not normal. Sadly men de-prioritizing kids from a previous relationship when they start a new one is not uncommon. Is there no extended family? Are you estranged from your mom’s whole as well? Why didn’t they attend?
Congrats on graduating!” GhostParty21
15. AITJ For Going Out On My Partner's Designated Night For An Annual Event?
“My partner and I have had an agreement on me getting Wednesdays and Fridays as my chance to socialize, and he gets Thursdays and Saturdays. It’s not like we religiously always use our nights out, it’s just the time slot we have set aside for us to have a chance to go out if we want to.
I usually work evenings and don’t get off work at a “normal” time on my possible nights out, as I work 6 to 10 pm, and typically when I can arrive at a local bar, most “day job” people are leaving to head home for the night.
Despite this agreement on when we can go out, I only had one night option to make the year-end party work for the local organization I’m a part of, as I work Wednesday and Friday this week. A dozen other people agreed Thursday was the only night of the week that worked for them to gather at the restaurant.
So that’s what I decided had to work for me as well.
It was the year-end party so it was a time to socialize beyond meeting business with people in the group, which felt refreshing, and is a ONCE YEAR annual party thing, and I feel like I shouldn’t be made to feel bad about using “his” night out when there were extenuating circumstances.
I can understand having designated times to go out, but this is what worked for gathering with people this time.
After the last few weeks we had, with a sick kid who was in the hospital and is thankfully home again, I just wanted a night to hang out with people.
I’m a stay-at-home mom by day and usually don’t get a chance to just be myself around other adults. It’s not often I can even go out when day job people are usually out. On my designated nights out, I’m off work so late the crowd is different by the time I can even go out.
So after our group ate, I decided to play pool with one of the group members, because it’s something I enjoy doing and finally had someone to play with that wasn’t a random dude at the bar.
I was still home before I would’ve been if I had gone to work.
When he asked how my night went, I told him I won the games of the pool I played and had some cool combo shots and it felt good. But he didn’t seem to care. I think he was under the impression I would’ve spoken more on “meeting business” since I told him last night was for the organization I’m in; but this wasn’t a meeting, it was a celebration of the community work our group has been doing and a chance to relax and unwind together in light of the good work our group has done the past year, and I shared what I was most excited about.
Instead of being happy for me that I was able to socialize and feel like a normal adult, he got flustered and said “Oh so if I have something to do on your night out I can just do that.” Which I wouldn’t mind if there were something he wanted to do.
There have been times I haven’t been able to do what I wanted because he had other things planned. Such is life.
In my mind, this felt like a time that should have been able to make a compromise. But instead, it feels like I’m a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t do this all the time. It makes sense to have a vague schedule so that y’all know when you can make plans, but for him to take it that literally is a little ridiculous. It’s not like you’re doing this every week – this was an annual thing.
You’re not normally infringing on “his nights” and you’re willing to compromise on “his nights.” He’s being silly.” freerange_chicken
Another User Comments:
“If your designated nights out can’t be used to go out because of your work schedule, you don’t have your nights out.
They pretend, to appearance of equality. That he wasn’t happy that you finally got to go out and have social time like he gets to weekly is something you should talk about. NTJ.” Bright-Alarm5161
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – seems poor communication on both sides … Perhaps there is something recently he wanted to do and rejected because it was on one of your ‘nights’ so he’s taking it a bit personally now.
Sounds like you just need to rework/discuss this arrangement maybe change it a bit.” Superb-Forever9619
14. AITJ For My Behavior During A Girl's Weekend Trip?
“In July 2022, a friend ‘Nancy’ wanted to take her mom ‘Ruby’ to SLC, Utah for a Girl’s Weekend to celebrate her birthday. We all made agreements to split the cost 5 ways for the hotel stay, gas, and food.
Not our spending money we wanted to buy or eat there.
Now, I do want to point out I was 280 lbs, I have struggled walking and standing on my feet for a long time. I am a pre-diabetic and wore compression socks. I knew there were plenty of seats wherever we went, and I made sure that I had fun.
Nancy, Ruby, Barb, Kathy, and I (OP) left on a Friday, got to SLC, went to Top Golf, ate, and went to bed. Saturday we went to IKEA shopping, In N’ Out Burger at noon, then the mall. Afterward, we went back to the hotel to take a dip in the pool and get ready to go to Cheesecake Factory, but we didn’t eat until 9:30-10 pm.
When it got to dinner time, I was hungry. (again Pre-D, 8 hours of no food). After eating, I went straight to bed and heard Nancy, Barb, and Kathy talking about me, which I didn’t care about.
Sunday comes, and they want to go shopping again before going home.
I was tired and ready to go home, but I kept my mouth shut and stayed with Ruby. After a few more hours, we were finally heading back home.
A MONTH LATER!
Barb asks me to meet them at a restaurant. I got there, got us a table, and waited for them.
Nancy, Barb, and Kathy all came in together, and started eating and chatting… soon Barb sitting beside me, said that they loved me, but we needed to talk about what happened on the trip. This was an INTERVENTION ON ME!
They brought up everything I did ‘wrong’ on the trip:
I AM a BTS ARMY. They told me that I needed to stop talking about BTS. (Okay, so I’m not allowed to talk about my favorite group, but YOU can talk about YOUR favorites?)
I whined and complained about my feet hurting. (duh, overweight)
I never told them I was going ahead of them or where I was going (I went around the corner to sit down, so I really wasn’t far ahead of the group or checking stuff out, but always went back to them).
I was to leave my phone in the hotel room while Nancy, Ruby, Barb, Kathy, and I went to the pool.
(it’s my phone).
I didn’t tell Nancy, Barb, or Kathy that I went to sit in the waiting area for dinner. (I did tell Nancy).
And on our way home, it was a childless vacation, I shouldn’t have messaged or talked to my son while I was away and on the way back.
(Seriously? He was staying with his dad and we were picking him up on the way home.)
During this, I COULDN’T LEAVE! I was in the corner and I WASN’T ALLOWED to SPEAK! (I tried!) No ‘thank you for coming’. No ‘thank you for staying with mom’.
Not even ‘GOOD JOB on walking over 5 miles’.
After it was done, I bit my tongue, went home, and blew up with my true BFFs at everything, and they couldn’t believe what Nancy, Barb, and Kathy did.
I knew what I had to do.
I paid Nancy back for the golf, gas, hotel, and food with a receipt, and I started avoiding them. and I ended the friendship.
So, AITJ for everything I did wrong on the trip?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. If you’re hungry, as an adult, it’s your responsibility to eat.
You can’t just be like eh yeah I was hungry because I didn’t eat for 8 hours. You can discuss your interests but there is a point when you’re going on ad nauseam where you need to read the room and realize that you’re boring/annoying your companions.
You can express if you’re in pain but one has to wonder if that’s all you said the entire time. Which very much ruins the mood for everyone else. Quite frankly in the moment, outside of you having an emergency, I’m not sure what you expected them to do since the pain is linked to your weight.
It’s also not their job to congratulate you on walking 5 miles. You did wander off without telling them where you were going. Doesn’t matter if it was around the corner, if they don’t know and can’t see you for all they know you’ve left the building!
You didn’t pay them back for the trip until after this conversation! Which means at least a month has passed! When were you planning on paying your share?? The phone thing is weird yeah. I don’t know how much were you on your phone.
Did they maybe want you to be more present? They’re jerks for expecting you not to talk to your kid at all.” Rough-Lingonberry12
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. What you should get out of the intervention is that they’re telling you that to a large extent, you weren’t that much fun on the trip and made things a little difficult for them.
You complained a lot, didn’t stay with the group, didn’t communicate well, and weren’t fully present because you broke the childless pact on the way back when they had to listen to you have a verbal conversation with your son on a childless trip. I don’t think this necessitated a group intervention but do try to gain some constructive insight from what they said.
Further, you did not attempt to pay your fair share until confronted with an intervention. Not honorable or cool. I’m surprised that wasn’t brought up during the intervention.” ShowMeTheFunny22
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk, sorry but you do kinda sound like a chore to be around.
The worst part is when you describe yourself as BTS ARMY. I was under the impression this was a group of girls in their 20s/30s, maybe 40s but no one should be describing themselves as part of a boy band “army” after the age of 16.
If you are under 16 I apologize. If they staged this whole intervention and made this awkward situation then I can only assume they care about you and want to address these concerns with you in the hopes you make an effort to better yourself going forward.” oceanco1122
13. AITJ For Wanting To Leave My Adoptive Home After Continuous Harsh Treatment?
“To preface any of this I have been wanting to leave since I graduated, but false promises, fear of failure, and feeling trapped have held me back from actually taking this step. I am relatively well behaved, however, I do find myself in bad situations from time to time.
I F(19) was adopted by my family when I was 14 years old and lived full-time with them starting at age 8/9. I used to have a really good relationship with my mother until I came out as gay to her. Ever since she has never been able to fully accept me.
I am fully aware that she loves me, she just doesn’t like me. Through the years I have maintained good grades throughout high school and was even class president. My mom has always been extreme and fairly hard on me, but I never got in much real trouble.
When I was 17, my senior year of high school I threw a party at my house, it blew up, and ended up having 200+ teenagers inside my home. It was genuinely an accident that blew out of control. I took fault for it, I know now I could’ve handled it much better.
Due to this, she tested me, and I tested positive for substances. She was LIVID. She was set on the fact that I was a user who would turn out just like my (biological) mom and dad. She’s always been very painful with her words and was especially painful this time.
My mom handled it by grounding me from school for a week (I stayed up and sat with her every second of the day), taking my car away for months, my phone away for about 2 months, I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere for months, rarely even school-related events.
Anyway I didn’t have any other problems senior year and graduated with honors and spoke at my graduation.
Fast forward a few years I’m now going into my third year of college. She has not changed how she talks about me, still treats me like I’m 16 and is just mean to me.
Recently I made another BIG mess up. I won’t go into too much detail but I got a minor in possession and possession of paraphernalia ticket. I was planning on keeping it from her because I thought I could hire an attorney myself and get it handled, but after research and having fear set in I reached out for help from my mom.
She was the angriest I’ve ever seen her. She’s back on calling me a user, I’m not better than my biological mom, forcing me to volunteer at her Catholic Church, selling my car, telling me I won’t be going anywhere until I graduate because “she just needs me to get through school” no one can come over even my partner of 2+ years.
And even getting rid of my cat which she knows means the world to me. I know I royally screwed up but she is making my life unbearable. My mom stands by her word so I know what she will do is actually what she says.
By the way for anyone wondering why I hadn’t left sooner: I was promised a new car if I didn’t go away for college (never got it and turned down acceptance to my dream school for it), I paid for my car but it’s in her name and calls it hers so I have been saving up for a vehicle, and sadly fear I won’t be able to make it.”
Another User Comments:
“I feel like a full in-depth answer probably isn’t what you need right now, but you’re not the jerk. Please. Please do not back out on this. You need to leave. You are going to hear that this is mistreatment in a LOT of these comments, and it is.
I was in a similar relationship with my parents and I am telling you right now you need to get out while you have the courage to. I am SO proud of you for getting to the point where you’re needing this final push. This is it though.
This is the push. Leave. You’ve got this. You will be fine.” NightmareTorment
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m just gonna say it. This sounds like straight-up severe mistreatment. Did you make mistakes? Yes. Did you own up? Yes. Did you get punished? OVERLY SO! You need to get as far away from this woman as possible and cut all contact.
You say she loves you, but from what you described, nothing could be from the truth.” Radman1889
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That is full-blown mental and emotional mistreatment afflict upon you. Get out fast before she finds out you’re gone. Once you leave, go NC on her.
Don’t forget your documents such as birth certificate, bank account, passport or whatever you have to take with you. Please don’t back out…just GO and don’t look back.” MischievousBish
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For My Older Sister's Ice Cream?
“I am 16 (F) and my sister is 17. Recently, I wanted to go to an ice cream shop to get something sweet.
My mom and sister were in the car with me. (My mom was driving) I asked her if we could stop and I could get something. She said, “As long as you pay with your money and you buy your sister something too.” (We have a coupon so we could buy one get one half off and one is only a couple of dollars.) I told her I didn’t want to buy my sister anything since she has her own money and can pay for it herself.
It started a big argument about me only needing to spend a couple of dollars on her and it isn’t that big of a deal. (For more context, I have just recently gotten a job, and I’ve only had it for about 3 weeks.
I just turned 16 about 3 months ago, and when I could get a job I was really busy with sports and school, so I waited until summer.)
She continued on about how I have a job and I’m not losing any money since I’ll get more and how I don’t have to pay any bills.
I got really mad and started talking about how my sister could easily pay for herself. While I do have more money than my sister, she has more than enough to pay for herself for an ice cream trip. It makes me even more mad that she is a year older than me and could’ve easily gotten a job in the meantime and made money but no, people treated her like a baby so that’s how she’s acting.
She turns 18 this year and she has no interest in a job or getting her license.
This is annoying for me because I am heavily pressured to get my license so I can take her to school and practices and wherever else she wants to go.
My mom is even trying to convince her to take a gap year and go to the same college as me so she doesn’t have to be alone. My mom decided to ramble on about it on Father’s Day at my grandparent’s house and now my family all disagrees with what I did and told me I should have just paid for her.
I have gotten into numerous arguments with my family about what I should have done. I think as a younger sibling, I shouldn’t have so much pressure to treat my sister like my kid. And this isn’t even the first time this has happened. I’ve had to pay for my sister nearly every time I want to go to a store or to get food just because I can responsibly save my money and she burns through hers the first second she gets.
While everyone in my family says I have a hole in my pocket and I’m irresponsible. I just don’t get it. I can’t stand this obvious favoritism. I understand that a couple of dollars isn’t that much. But it adds up if every time I want to do something I have to spend on her as well.
And for her being older than me, I don’t see why people treat her like she’s the younger child. I’ve even thought about actually quitting my job and not getting my license just to prove a point. I doubt they would treat me the same as her if I did so.
But I am curious, am I just overreacting, or do I have a right to be mad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t an isolated event as you pointed out, in the past you have paid for her multiple times even when you didn’t want to.
And I’m assuming she hasn’t ever/rarely done that for you. You have a right to say no to paying for her and frankly, *necessary* that you set these boundaries now. Otherwise, your family will just keep your sister stay dependent on you, and your sister will also get too comfortable living off everything you do.
Cut these monetary ties as soon as possible” SugarDaydreamer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are definitely not overreacting. Here’s the thing, you can’t change them but you can change your own behavior. I’d start grey rocking (google the technique – it’s amazing and a lifelong skill) and stop asking if you can buy something that you know your mom will say that you have to get that thing for your sister too.
If other family members comment on you not buying your sister things (like in your example), just thank them for their input. Stop arguing with any of these people and focus on yourself. Get great grades so that you can get out of this situation as soon as possible.
Buy a lock box to keep your money in so that no one has access to it but you.” LowBalance4404
Another User Comments:
“It’s great you’ve got a job. Get your license as soon as possible. Go enjoy your college life. You are on track to have a happy and successful life.
Try viewing all of this business with your sister as just a moment in time. I suspect you will go on to do great things, and your sister will never move out of your parent’s house. They have infantilized her and are enabling her to carry on as she is.
The reality is, you ought to feel sorry for her. Because one day in the not-so-distant future she will wake up and realize she has no job, no house of her own, and has to rely on your parents for everything. And your parents will have invested in the child they deserve.
You’ve got this. Good luck for the future.” Express-Relation-763
11. AITJ For Refusing To Give My 16-Year-Old Son Permission To Get A Tattoo While On A Trip To The USA?
“I have 4 kids (20M, 18F, 16M and 16F twins). My wife and I both have tattoos as do our eldest two, which they got when they turned 18.
16F got a bad stick and poke tattoo from a friend at a party when she was 13, which she was long ago reprimanded for and my wife and I have agreed with her that if it still hasn’t faded when she is 18 we will go halves with her on a coverup because to be honest it is quite a big tattoo in a relatively prominent place and it is shaky and patchy and not that well done and we don’t want her to have to walk around with that in adulthood.
Since his sister got the stick and poke, 16M has been desperate for a tattoo and when his two older siblings got tattoos as well (20M now has over 10) that was the cherry on the cake for him. He would always whine about being the only person in the house without tattoos.
To the point where he threatened to have one of his friends do a stick and poke on him. We explained to him about the infection risk and he hasn’t done it but he still complains.
We live in the UK where you have to be 18+ to get a tattoo.
I have told him that he is welcome to get whatever tattoos he wants when he is over 18 and I will fully support his decision.
16M is going on a trip to the USA with his friends in the summer. He has informed me that in America you are allowed to get tattoos 12+ (though I have no idea how enforced that is) with parental permission.
He has asked both me and his mother to write him a note stating that we give permission for him to get a tattoo. He says he will pay for the tattoo with his own money and won’t get it in a prominent place but we just need to give him permission.
I told him no because I don’t approve of 16 y/o being able to get tattoos and, had I been allowed tattoos at 16, I would have got things I definitely would regret now. He was very upset and said I favoured his sister (16F) over him because I allowed her to get a tattoo (I did not allow it).
My wife took me aside when the kids had gone to bed and told me she thinks I am in the wrong for not writing our son a note and if I don’t she will, though she’d rather I come round to her way of thinking and not be grumpy about it.
She says she understands why I am against it but that our son is in the right to be jealous because he’s the only one without a tattoo. She says that she thinks I am being a bit of a jerk to our son by unequivocally saying no. She says it is his mistake to make if he gets something regrettable and saying no is going to make him do his own tattoo in a less safe environment (which I don’t believe because he is a good, responsible kid).
Personally, I believe the laws are there for a reason but my wife and I are usually on the same page about parenting decisions and she has never called me a jerk or said this firmly that she thinks I am in the wrong before, usually it is a discussion.
So I thought I’d ask the internet, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and the laws vary from state to state. I don’t know where your kid is going, but if it’s New York, California, or Texas, parental consent isn’t enough. In Florida, the guardian has to be physically present, and a note isn’t enough.
Those are the typical tourist destinations, but maybe your kid is going somewhere that will accept a random note. I’m skeptical, though, that any reputable place would tattoo a sixteen-year-old whose only form of consent was a note.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“I think in the US the minimum age is 18.
And I don’t think a note would be sufficient. But overall NTJ. I think waiting a little longer to get a tat is a wise decision. Tastes and ideas can change a lot at that age. There’s an argument that can be made that it’s his body and he should be allowed to choose, but he’s still a minor.
Giving it a bit more time can potentially save him the expense of laser removal or rework.” Living-Assumption272
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it was a thing back then, I would be burdened with a U2 tattoo from when I was 19. If it was a thing 3 years earlier, probably Skyhooks or Split Enz.
Still not cool, but better than U2. You are right to protect him from a potential U2 tattoo. Let him make his own mistakes when he doesn’t have to ask you. But, for laughs, ask him what tattoo he is planning on getting. Don’t make a big thing of it, just curious.
Write it down. I bet $100 it’s not the same as the one he gets in 2 years.” kimba-the-tabby-lion
10. AITJ For Going To My Grandmother's Funeral Despite My Partner's Financial Concerns?
“My grandma recently passed away.
I hadn’t been able to see her for the last ten years mainly because financially I couldn’t do it and I had a lot going on that kept me in the States on top of that there was a lot of family conflict that got in the way of seeing her especially.
But before all this, I spent time with her during my childhood when I would visit my dad’s home country during the summer breaks. I have very nice memories of all the kind things she would do for us.
Over the last couple of years we’ve had moments where she would get sick and we would fear she would pass but she’d always recover.
She got sick again, this time with typhoid fever. It looked pretty serious so I discussed with my partner what we would do. At first, we both agreed that I wouldn’t go because I would have to take both kids.
The reason is that my almost two-year-old is still breastfeeding and if I take her I would also have to take my son.
Anyways, on the days leading to her death things were getting worse for her and I truly felt like I needed to go and plan the services and burial for her with my dad if things came to that. So I told my partner that I felt in my heart and soul that I needed to go with my family to help my dad with my grandmother, to which he said ok to let him know what I decide and that if I did decide to go to make it a direct flight to and from.
So on the day that I got the news that she passed I finally decided that I would go with the kids.
I told my partner and he said okay, he told me he wanted me to get direct flights so I did.
When I’m packing to leave he gives me a call and tells me that he’s upset about my monetary decisions.
We need to have a serious talk about our finances. I was already in shock because of my grandmother’s passing and then he landed this on me. This confused me even more because he didn’t give me money to pay for the trip…. he didn’t give me money to spend over there… no money for the funeral. Nothing at all.
I have my savings intact, I have spending money, basically, I have my own money I work full time and we even pay 50-50 on the bills.
Anyway… that left me feeling worse than I was already feeling and then the whole time I was there I would try to send him pictures of the kids and I would try to video call him and he just wouldn’t answer.
I come back and he’s still mad at me. I finally ask him “Is everything ok?” And he said, “I just feel like I have no control or no say on what goes on in this house. You can just leave with the kids and spend all your money because you have money but I feel like it’s just me thinking about the family and what goes on with the family.
You do your own thing and I do mine and that’s just how it’ll be.” to which I responded “In summary…my grandmother died.” To which he responded, “You weren’t even close”…..
So AITJ for going to my grandmother’s funeral with the kids?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sit down with him and see if there is anything else big going on in his life. Like whilst this is a giant red flag for someone who is starting to go down the red pill route (requiring complete control of finances, etc.). He could also just be struggling with his work/job/kids (PPD can rarely affect men as well).
So there might be something deeper going on. If he refuses to talk there is not much you can do. And I would remind him that even though you and your grandmother “aren’t” even close there are other family members who are there who were struggling and needed support.
The trip did not put a dent in the financials of both parties and most importantly he agreed. But if he does not see the point or does not want to seek help (couples counseling, etc) then tell him you are not sure you can live like that.
Note: This is only if he said to go not after repeated asking but when you initially said it was important. If it was something you asked him repeatedly until he said yes then there might be other problems going on.” Azsura12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… He is the jerk. wow… you spoke with him about every little detail and he agreed. He asked you to do certain things and you did and then he dropped this on you? That cannot be the only reason that he’s upset. do you make more than him?
Did he want to go on the trip? I’m not sure of his agenda, but something’s fishy here…” cmla22
9. AITJ For Wanting To Move Away From My Verbally Abusive Father?
“My family consists of me 22f, sister 29f, mom, and dad. For most of my life, my dad worked in another country, so we lived apart, except for holidays.
When my sister went off to college, we moved to where he was working. Everything seemed fine until my sister left for further studies and work, my dad’s anger issues became more severe, and my mom and I have been living on the edge, never knowing when he would explode.
Today’s my birthday. I woke up early, got dressed, brushed my teeth, and went to the dining hall for “family” breakfast because mum insisted on it (my sister is back home after 2 years as well so) only to be welcomed by my dad asking my mum “oh what is that on her back, just look at it.
How disgusting does that look?” It was about my back-rolls.
I’m a pretty big woman, I understand. I have PCOD, which makes it hard for me to lose weight. I’ve been in the gym for months trying to make it better and taking insulin resistance meds (possible chance of hereditary diabetes contributed to the PCOD) and hormone supplements birth control etc. It never helps, my dad knows that.
Still, he finds a way to comment on my body almost every single day. I’ve gotten so used to it that I either ignore it or go silent after the comment. Some of them are even vulgar at times, but there’s not much I can do because he hits me with the phrase “It’s for your good.
You don’t know the consequences you’ll have to suffer in the future because of this.”
But today was when I drew the line.
I get one day in the year to call mine. One day where I ask for peace in the place I want to call home.
One day where I didn’t want any advice or nasty comments and just needed human treatment. To not be talked to like I’m unwanted or useless. Ugly and worthless. And he managed to make me feel all that within mere seconds. Not even a thought passed by his head that told him “Oh it’s your daughter’s birthday, go wish her, make her happy.”
I broke down. Not in front of him though, that would make me a drama queen, right? So I ran out of the house. As a typical daughter in a typical Indian household, I’m not “moving out” till I marry someone. As a kid in college who’s at home for the holidays, where am I supposed to run off to?
But immediately after, my dad made my sister cry too.
My sister waited for 2 years to make enough money to travel 20 hours just to see them once even while struggling at work in a random foreign land with her husband. All he could do was call his kids worthless after everything we’ve done to meet his expectations.
He wanted my sister to be a dentist so she did. For me to be like her, I’m studying law. What more does he need? My sister has never cried because of the screaming my dad does. It’s always her who stops my crying or calms us both down then.
This time she sobbed so much and I have never felt more helpless in my entire life.
I dream of being financially independent so I can leave, but I don’t want to leave my mom alone with him. So tired and fed up with life.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ go live your life. Your mom is also an adult who, unless he’s forcibly keeping her at home in which case call the police, can leave him if she wants to. Maybe you can set a good example for her of how to do that by ignoring the idea that you have to have a man in your life to make it valid.
Work, save money, live on your own.” Hot_Box_4574
8. AITJ For Cancelling The Credit Card My Estranged Father Opened In My Name Without Consent?
“I (18F) have a pretty bad relationship with my dad (46M). My parents have been separated since 2020, however, since 2014-2015 their relationship was rocky due to him leaving us to go and work in another city (without even letting us know) when my mum was pregnant with my younger brother which was hard for all of us.
In 2020 he suddenly asked for a divorce out of nowhere claiming that my mum was “too dominant”. After their divorce, I didn’t go over to his house as I hated him for the pain he caused our family. In their agreement, my dad agreed to not have custody over us if he was allowed to pay less child support so I rarely visited him and cut our contact short.
Fast forward to 2022 and my dad invites me over to his house and tells me that he has a partner. I didn’t care as I didn’t go over to his place much anyway so it wouldn’t change anything for me. Later I learned from my aunt (mum’s sister) that he was getting married to her and that the woman was from the town my dad left us to work at.
It was obvious that the main reason for divorce wasn’t that my mum was a dominant person and my dad was just being unfaithful to her. For months I acted like I didn’t know the news about the marriage so my dad could tell me.
He finally told me he would get married in like five months, turns out that was also a lie as he got married two days after speaking to me. I was tired of his lies so I cut all contact with him.
The other day I turned 18. We planned to open a debit card in my name for him to send money to. (Where I live people who turn 18 don’t typically get jobs if they are attending uni and our parents support us through university so it wasn’t a weird request.) We wanted the card to be in my name as I did not want him to be able to track my history which I knew he would attempt to do as he did similar things in the past. My brother (who keeps in touch with him) told me that my dad opened a supplementary card for me without even asking.
I was honestly very upset as it had been a year since we had last talked.
So today my mum told my dad to pay half of my school expenses (it is in their agreement) and my dad started asking to see the receipts and told her he would only pay if I created an account in my name so he can send the money to.
I was already going out so I went to the bank to create it myself. While I was there I applied for a card and saw the credit card he had opened for me under my ID. Here is where I might be a jerk.
I didn’t want him to know anything about me, so I asked the banker if I could cancel the card. When I got home from the bank my mum showed me texts from my dad threatening my mum to “fix this” and to not mess with him.
I know my dad gets scared when mad so I don’t know if I put my mum in a dangerous position. I don’t think he can do much anyway as it was cancelled by me but I still can’t stop wondering if I am the jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is a federal crime for your father to open a credit card in your name. It is, depending on jurisdiction, definitely fraud, probably identity theft, and potentially forgery. He’s lucky you didn’t report him to the cops. My advice would be to reach out to all three credit bureaus (Experian, Transunion, and Equifax) and have them put a flag on your account so that if anyone tries to open an account in your name (including your father) it will be flagged and stopped unless you are physically present.
This process doesn’t cost anything and will only take a few minutes.” Its_Big_Fungus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What he did was a fraud, it was criminal. I’d consider asking your mother if she would help you get a lawyer to draft a cease and desist letter to him letting him know if he ever opens a card in your name again or any other fraud regarding you that you would seek to press charges.
Include in there that he may not contact your mother or anyone else to harass them about you or about his fraud.” ACorania
7. AITJ For Not Checking On My Friend's Condo After He Refused To Rent It To Me At A Discount?
“I’m staying at the unused condo of friend A for about half ($250) the going rental rate ($500). I take care of the place and get a discount, he gets a hassle free tenant.
Recently the neighbor situation became a problem but friend B came home from overseas (work situation) and we had a mini reunion sort of with A and a bunch of others. B has an unused condo near A, better location and amenities, and the going rate is about $800.
Thing is, it’s been sitting empty since he left because he can’t find a tenant he can trust. Because of that, he had to come home to renovate it because of issues with being empty (smoke alarm going off for no reason, termites, a window that broke and let rain and all the elements inside and no one noticed for months) and fixed it up for a significant amount.
I offered to move to his place for the same deal I had with A (with permission from A of course), half the going rate ($400). He said sure, we can check out the place the next day, and discuss it.
I went on an ocular of the condo and I liked it enough to say I could move in ASAP.
B however wanted me to pay $950 as he just spent a lot renovating it, and felt I was taking advantage of him with my offer of $400. While I liked his place, I didn’t like it enough to be paying 4x of what I was currently paying and declined, telling him if he had no intention of giving it at $400, he could have spared me the trouble and I was a little annoyed he’d wasted my Saturday (I had had plans prior).
He argued that he was sure I would change my mind once I saw the place since he made it really nice and easily worth the $950.
Because I lived close by however, he asked me if he could leave a set of keys with me and if he could coordinate with me to show prospective tenants around (his sister has another set but she lives about 2 hours away).
I said yes, but with a minimum 1 week notice because I needed to fit it into my schedule and I couldn’t do it at the drop of a hat.
He went back overseas later that day and just a day after, called me at 1am.
I checked my messages and he was asking me to check out his condo because the smoke alarm had gone off again. I was up at 1am, feeling annoyed, sleepy and petty, so I told him he wouldn’t be having this issue if I was staying at his place, to go bother his sister instead, put my phone on silent and went back to sleep.
He called like another 20x because apparently the smoke alarm wouldn’t stop. I woke up around 10am to see a lot of angry messages.
Apparently he tried his sister after I wouldn’t pick up, who went to the unit first thing in the morning. When she arrived around 8am, the unit had suffered significant water damage because the sprinklers had gone off around 5am or so and soaked everything.
Apparently building maintenance could’ve gotten in and fixed it before the sprinklers had gone off if I’d just taken 10mins to drive over to let them in.
Now he’s telling everyone I let his unit burn on purpose because he wouldn’t give me a discount on rent.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you get alerts that your smoke alarm is going off continuously, you should call the fire department. Not play phone tree with your contacts till the morning.” ohgodthetoilets
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Continue Being Emotional Support For My Friend's Acquaintance?
“2 years ago my best friend asked me if I could help a friend of hers with some relationship problems and family law issues. I agreed as I’m happy to help anyone who needs anything and if I can offer advice I don’t have an issue.
I used to work in a legal aid office so have a bit of knowledge but am not a lawyer.
This 27-year-old female has called me every day for the past 2 years – she has a 2-year-old son. Initially, I spoke to her for about 2 hours a day and gave her information, and signposted her to people and places.
I soon figured out she didn’t follow my advice and ended up getting deeper into problems with the ex and the family law courts. She did the opposite of what I advised or what her lawyer said. For a whole year and a half, I spoke to her almost every day but then it started to get a bit overwhelming for me.
I could not talk to her hashing the same things over and over again. She’d call early in the morning or late at night and expect to be listened to. If she had an argument or pick up or drop off went bad she expected me to pick up so she could talk through her feelings.
Regardless of me being at work or home or even if I was out. Most often she would be angry upset and mad at the ex or whoever. For the past 6 months, I have just communicated by text and the odd 15-minute phone call. She has now spoken to my best friend and said that I’m not being supportive enough to her and my best friend is annoyed with me.
At the time I thought this girl she referred to was a close friend but since then I have found out they are not very close and only mutual friends. So I don’t get why my best friend is that upset with me. I spoke to the girl and said I’m going through some issues of my own (which I am)
I need time to get over this and need to keep some time for myself and my family. She is now saying that I knew she didn’t have any other female friends and that I shouldn’t have encouraged her to talk to me because now she needs to find someone else and start at the beginning again.
She made it sound like I was her shrink and I was making her start therapy or something. I have previously encouraged her to reach out for mental health support but she said she didn’t need it. She has parents and siblings who in my opinion have supported her so much and she often says horrible things about them which I think is unfair.
She called me yesterday and I didn’t pick up, it was like 5 am and it broke my sleep and I was annoyed as I couldn’t get back to sleep again. My best friend thinks I should carry on being supportive but right now I just haven’t got it in me anymore.
I work full time, have a family, look after my elderly parents, and have other social responsibilities and I just don’t have the mental capacity to spend hour after hour almost every day talking to her. I know I am wrong for not picking up but what else can I do.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH Your friend is a jerk for dumping this woman on you and getting mad at you after 2 years of support. The woman is a jerk for taking so much of your time and thinking she is entitled to it. And YTJ for not stopping this 1 year and 364 days ago.
Helping her was great but no one should be as accommodating as you were. Stick up for yourself. You need to tell her you cannot assist her anymore and if your friend gives you a hard time tell her that it is her turn to support her.
You are not giving her legal advice, you are her shrink.” hikergirl26
Another User Comments:
“Why are you trying to justify you finally doing what you should have done a year ago? You have a block function on the phone. Use it. Send her a text telling her you’ll be blocking her due to her demands, and then block her.
Your best friend isn’t the one doing the heavy lifting. She’s a leech, and you do not have to continue giving her blood. NTJ.” Fredsundertheblanket
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell this person to call your mutual friend if she needs someone to talk to, but you no longer have the time to listen to her.
By all means, block her and turn your phone off at night in case she calls you on another phone. Your friend is being unrealistic to think you should spend so much time trying to help someone you didn’t even know until she started pestering you every day.
Time for her to take over. (She no doubt referred her to you to get her off her back)” Maximum-Swan-1009
5. AITJ For Cancelling On My Friend's Sports Event Due To Exhaustion And Miscommunication?
“2 weeks prior, I was invited to come to an event that my friend organized in her town – a sports day (2 hours away).
At that time I asked her, what was to be expected for the day. Her answer – it’s a sports day. What sports are we playing? Anything you want. How many people are going? About 65. I said I’ll go. It seemed to me by her vague answers that we were going to a park and playing sports with her community members.
I couldn’t get many details out of her, she was not forthcoming with information, and any questions I asked I got vague answers. I let it go.
A week before the event, I had a terrible week, about 1-2 hours of sleep each night before the day (I work 2 jobs, many hours) a hectic week.
I thought, out of 65 people will they miss one person? I didn’t think I could stay awake long enough to drive 2 hours or be a part of a sports day all day. So I sent a message and apologized for my last-minute cancellation and I explained why.
She was upset and then informed me that t-shirts had been made, a host had been hired, and one person missing from a team would cause a huge problem. So, I said, I probably couldn’t wake up at 8 am to drive, but I could come later in the afternoon if that was ok – no answer.
Before finishing work and going to bed at 5 am there was still no answer. I did legit think for a second of just staying awake until 8 am because if I fell asleep then, I doubt I’d wake up to my alarm, but I finally texted and said I think I shouldn’t come since it now seems she is upset with me and I haven’t heard back.
I cannot stress how exhausted I felt, I was running on fumes, I fully admitted that I sucked for canceling and I was sorry. I had no idea there had been more planning of the event, if I had known, I would have said NO right off the bat to not include me.
I expressed this to her as well. I fully understand I am the jerk here for canceling late, but I was canceling, I think for legit reasons but of course, you be the judge! And I was unaware of the extent of the event details.
Regardless, I’ve learned that my job does not allow me to say yes to events, and for now I should just say no until I have more of a work/life balance. I wanted to be there for her event but, I just could not do it this time.
This was my first time canceling on her.
Also, we had a mutual friend that I had a falling out with who lives in that town, and she said she disinvited him from the event for me so that I could go. I hadn’t asked her to do this and the friend and I had said our peace and I was not against seeing him again and being cordial. She knows this.
So she was also upset that he was not going.
She responded the next day telling me I was rude and selfish. She said I should have planned my week accordingly to attend and she knows my work schedule doesn’t allow for that – it’s often last-minute tight deadlines.
I haven’t responded, I figured it’s better I don’t send texts during sports day, let her enjoy the day and we could talk later.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I mean no offense to your friend but are all 65 people going to show up? That is a lot of people to where you would be the only one to not be able to go.
Plans change and that sucks sometimes and I feel you had a legitimate reason not to go. Sleep is important especially if one is to be driving for 2 hours.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like communication is not in her wheelhouse. She should have been more forthright with the details.
Suspect she doesn’t take others much into consideration and goes about doing things that affect others in the way she would prefer rather than how they would prefer. Also… just guessing… she spends a great deal of time being disappointed because others don’t meet her expectations.
NTJ” User
4. AITJ For Wanting To Sell The Viola My Parents Forced On Me?
“I (23F) have played violin since I was 9, my mother chose this instrument for me and I hated doing music lessons and the exams.
When I was 14 my mom and music teacher decided they wanted me to start playing Viola, I politely declined and thought that was that. Fast forward to the end-of-year concert and my music teacher conveniently “needed” someone to play the viola for the concert so he started training me to play it.
For those who don’t know, the violin and viola are similar in how they are played they just use two different “clefs” and so the viola is in a lower key than the violin. I ended up learning how to play the viola in a matter of a few days due to the similarities and my mom and music teacher were thrilled.
I thought that this was a one-time thing, but after the concert, my music teacher lent me his viola, and then out of nowhere my mom announced that I was going to start doing exams on the viola as well as my violin. There was no prior discussion to this, my mom made the decision she wanted me to play viola professionally and so now I had to study it and do exams and I wasn’t allowed a say in anything.
Over the next year, I completed three viola, violin, and piano exams and my mom was delighted with how far I was progressing. I, on the other hand, was truly miserable. Flash forward to my sixteenth birthday. My parents had been hinting heavily that they had bought me something I wanted and I was so excited. I still didn’t have my phone at the age of fifteen and I thought my parents had finally bought me the phone I’d been begging for (I had been bullied mercilessly by other kids for being 15, almost 16 and not having my phone)
I woke up on the morning of my 16th birthday and I opened my first few presents, which I honestly don’t remember, they were small things like sweets and stationery. Finally, my parents told me that my big sweet 16 presents are waiting in my dad’s office and I should go get them.
I run to the office and look at the desk but can’t see a present. My dad eventually comes cause I’m taking a while and points at the large box on the floor. I grab the box and go back to the living room and as I open this box I am greeted with… a Viola
My mom had been telling my dad that I had been begging for my own Viola (I hadn’t) and so he had splurged and bought me a nice brand-name viola with a big case. On top of this, they bought me special strings for the viola priced at $1,200 EACH I acted like I was happy but I was so disappointed. I hated playing viola, it wasn’t my choice and I had been wanting to drop it since I began.
I eventually stopped doing lessons and performing when I was 18 and have barely touched my viola since
Now I’m 23 and I moved in with my partner. We have hardly any space in our flat and the viola case is so big and bulky and honestly very ugly.
We’re also strapped for money at the moment
WIBTJ if I sold the viola to free up some space and to get that little bit of extra money for groceries this month?”
Another User Comments:
“Lose it I will never understand forced music lessons and why parents think they are so important.
From ages 12 to 18 I was forced to take piano lessons, practically at gunpoint I like to joke. I hated it. Hated with a passion. I got quite good. Good. Not concert-pianist level, but good. And I hated every minute of it. My mother kept saying “Oh you hate it now but you’ll love it later on and you’ ‘ll have this gift for the rest of your life.” Nope.
I have not touched a piano in 27 years. I will never touch one again. I could play Chopin’s Polonaise Opus 40 no. 1 in A major at 18 in my sleep, and today I probably could not play chopsticks. I do not miss it one teeny tiny bit.
It was not for me. NTJ.” CalendarDad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: it’s yours, you can do with it as you wish. You should probably let your dad know the reality behind the situation, however (and make sure you get a good price for it). It’s a shame that so many people with talent in something get the love of it snuffed out by overbearing parents who want to live vicariously through their children.
This happens in arts, sports, and academics.” BaltimoreBadger23
3. AITJ For Asking My Unreliable Co-Worker To Show Up To Work More Often?
“I (24)F am a shift leader at a Coffee shop, I work part-time in the mornings as an opener from 5:45 or 6 to 11 am 4 to 5 days a week. I want to start by saying this HAS been brought to the GM’s attention which I received backlash for *later in the post
To start I want to say both I and this other person (F 20s) we’ll call Lisa, have known each other, and went to high school together and never got along even then. (I’m at work with me because it’s your job It’s fine We don’t have to be friends)
Here are some reasons for her not coming in:
Some of the reasons including:
Not able to get a ride (she shares a car)
No one to look after her child (Which I get)
Doctor Visits (no note or even asking for it off)
And various other reasons.
I recently had a conversation with my GM the morning of a Confrontation. (and backlash) I had had several employees ask me why Lisa could call in, be late, and not show up at all with no repercussions. After about 3 employees asked me for advice and what to do I told them I would talk to The GM myself.
Fast forward to the next day:
It’s me and the GM only (since 2 people called out *you’ll see a trend here* He would talk to Lisa, So several hours later. I was messaged privately by Lisa on our Group App the following is what I was texted.
*Lisa
I was told how you were constantly talking about me this morning and I would very much appreciate it if you kept my name out of your mouth while I’m not around because I’m not one to play with.. me being late has nothing to do with you, you’re not the manager.
I don’t even work with you so me being late has nothing at all to do with you .. I have things going on in my life .. and also you said I don’t know how to make drinks. Girl be so fr … I always make my drinks good, the day you ordered drinks I didn’t even make your drinks so if you don’t know the facts then don’t speak about it
I responded with
*Me
I understand. Have a good day
I instantly knew something was wrong. I had just asked the GM to just talk and ask her to be at work more frequently ( give a warning when shesshe coming and if she’s not working or had something going on why was it handled like this??
) I instantly called my GM and asked him why it was handled in such a manner.
*Me
Hey, Lisa just sent me a kinda threatening message!! What happened?! I just asked you to speak to her because of what I’ve been informed!!!
*GM
Well, I did what you said, I did what you wanted and suggested. If you’re gonna play with fire- well yeah.
Me being flabbergasted/appalled I was speechless.
*Me
But I spoke to you in in confidence about that GM, why was my name even brought up?!
*GM
Well, I took your suggestion, maybe don’t step on people’s toes and do stuff like this-
I was still shocked and silent.
Seriously???
*GM
Well is there anything else you need??
*Me
*Verge of tears because I don’t know if I did something wrong genuinely* No- I guess not? Have a good day.
So- am I the jerk? For Asking her to come in and work?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your GM is a spineless wimp. Lisa has an attendance problem and they condone it while making others adhere to it. I’ve had co-workers like Lisa before, either they keep up their shenanigans until they drive all the other “good” employees off because they’re sick of covering for her, or you have a manager who understands that the word manager is both a noun and a verb.
I’d document Lisa’s threats along with your conversation with the GM and submit it to the HR department. Then I’d start looking for a new job. I’d cite a hostile and toxic work environment as the reason why you’re leaving.” BadBandit1970
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are now in a hostile work environment, where a coworker DID threaten you and the GM blamed you for it.
I don’t know the dynamics before this or how you show up. But that threat is documented and your GM should be taking it seriously. It may be true that this shouldn’t have been your concern; I don’t know who is on what shift who you manage, etc. I don’t know if you wanted to get her in trouble or if you earnestly wanted better attendance for better work conditions overall.
But it should be a safe space to bring those concerns to your GM and they have the job of helping everyone do better. That said, once a threat is made by her to you, your GM needs to take action. The question now: what does HR say about threats?
Are you afraid for your safety if you pursue it? And who is above this GM? Also, can you find another job with the same hours who has better communication and protocols?” PepperLamp
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Estranged Brother To My Wedding?
“I come from a large family and have a lot of siblings.
One of my brothers and I do not have a real relationship. It hasn’t been good for about seven years, and in that entire time, we have spent maybe three hours total talking. We barely text, call, or check-in. When we do see each other at family functions, it is awkward and we avoid one other.
The reason why we have a bad relationship is a whole other post, so to keep that short, he wanted me to cover for him when he was unfaithful to his wife (which I did not do). I do love my brother, but I do not like him.
I do not want him involved in my life; he doesn’t add anything positive to it.
Recently, my fiancé and I have been talking about planning our wedding within the next year or so. We have been working on saving to get our ideal venue, and we were talking about people we could cut out so that our necessary people could be guaranteed a seat (the venue caps at 100 people, and between the two of us, we have like 160 people).
My brother happened to be someone I don’t want to invite, and my fiancé is fully supportive of that. My brother is notorious for trying to embarrass people (especially us girls), and he did just that at two of my sisters’ weddings.
I informed both of my parents about that decision, and they supported me as well.
My mother said while she would love for us all to get along, she understands we all have our relationships and dynamics. My father said he fully understands my stance and will not work to sway me the other way. That made me feel much better knowing I had their support, and they said they wouldn’t say anything about it to anyone since that’s my information to share if I choose to.
I then called one of my other brothers I am close with and asked for his opinion on the best way to approach this with the sibling I’m not inviting. I reached out to him specifically because he knows him the best and how he reacts.
I don’t want to send out invites and have him ask where he is, and I also don’t want someone else to be the one to break the news to him. That would be a jerk move in my eyes. I told him I plan to have my fiancé there with me, or someone else so that I have some comforting presence there.
He told me that he thinks the whole thing is a bad idea.
He thinks I should still send him an invite and leave it to him to show up or not. If I don’t want him there, then I should have that conversation with just him and not have anyone else there.
He also mentioned he thinks I need to think it through some more because our other siblings who would go to the wedding would now be put in a really weird position with him; he would feel like everyone turned against him, or that he was left out, or that his other siblings shouldn’t have gone because he isn’t invited.
I am starting to second-guess myself and am worried I really might be a jerk if I don’t invite him. WIBTJ if I don’t invite my brother I don’t have a relationship with to my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ “My brother is notorious for trying to embarrass people (especially us girls), and he did just that at two of my sisters’ weddings.” ..
you have two choices: * Not inviting him * Having him do that to YOU at your wedding. Pretty easy choice, don’t you think? And: Don’t be ALONE when you tell him. Better tell him over the phone (maybe record it?), or over a letter – he will not react well.” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Especially since in another comment, the OP said one of her sisters told her years ago she wouldn’t go to her wedding because of differences in their religions. That takes the wind out of your brother’s argument completely, if your sister is still serious about her choice.
On a separate note, I’m glad OP’s parents are supportive of excluding this unpleasant brother from her wedding.” GizemKadin
1. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Sister After She Provoked My Child And Insulted My Parenting?
“Let’s call her A.
Last week, I went to pick up my kids from my mom’s after work. My sister A was there and looked upset. I asked her what’s wrong she told me nothing and that she was on her way out with her child (N 2 year old).
I went to the kitchen to grab a bit and offered her some hoping she would tell me what she is upset about while we eat. She refused. I sat down to eat and she told me that some of the kids’ breath smelled and that she would never come back to our mom’s.
I asked her how did she smell the kids’ breath and if she or they were in each other’s faces. She didn’t answer the question but she made a face.
While still eating I noticed my 5-year-old refusing to share a toy he had brought from home with her child.
I told him sharing is caring and that he should share. My sister started laughing while looking at my visibly upset 5 years old. I told her this is not acceptable.
She left shortly after with her child. I asked our mother what was wrong with A.
Mom told me A came to drop her son off so she could go nap. Mom told her she couldn’t because she had enough kids at the moment and her son and my child don’t get along well. I shared with mom what A had said about the kids, mom’s response was that since A is pregnant and can’t stand certain smells she could have just left or went downstairs.
Nothing about how the comment made not being okay.
I left shortly. But the comment A made didn’t sit right with me. This isn’t the first time A has made comments about other people’s kids including strangers kids at the playground and stuff.
I texted A later that night telling her I am not okay with the comment she made and that she is allowed to provoke my child. To me it seemed like she was trying to provoke my child for not sharing with her so she can get a reaction out of him.
She has done this a handful of times before and I have told her not to but the behavior still continues. She always does it when I am disciplining him.
She blew off. A called my child a bully for not wanting to share with her child and for not wanting to play with him.
She basically called me a bad parent for having a child who didn’t want to share and told me to do better. Used lots of profanity. Called me delusional and narcissistic, etc. I was taken aback and hurt by what was said. I told her I would never forgive her.
She told me she doesn’t need my forgiveness.
Today I got a call from our oldest sister B. A called her and told her I said I was not going to forgive her for “disciplining my son”, this is a lie. B said I should discipline my son so that he doesn’t end up embarrassing me in public.
And that I should give A a break because she is pregnant. And that I should apologize to A. She didn’t ask me for my side of the story. Nothing. I said okay to everything B said, not because I agree but because I was hurt and didn’t know what to say.
I don’t plan on ever apologizing to A. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But you stood up for yourself so well with A, don’t stop now with B. You should have told her what really happened. With regards to A, keep her away from your kid.
She has a history of bullying them and making them feel like crap, as well as undermining your parenting. If you don’t protect your child from people like that, who will? It doesn’t matter if she’s “family”, she’s being awful to your kid.” salukiqueen
Another User Comments:
“You are a jerk for making your kid share his toys. Are you sharing your car, your phone, and your house the same way you demand your kid shares THEIR property? As for your sister: You are MUCH worse to your kids than she is.
So YTJ.” Excellent-Count4009
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