People Are Selfish In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Telling My Roommate To Control Her Kids And Respect My Home?
“A few months ago I allowed a mom and her 3 children to move into my home.
So far I have had a cabinet broken, my food eaten by her children on multiple occasions. She brought home a stray dog without asking. She allows her kids to run through the house with mud on their feet. She also is vegan, and comments on everything I eat if it is not vegan.
She also allows her children to push their beliefs on others as well.
Yesterday, I went to mop my kitchen floor and was told that her son peed in it. Clearly, I was annoyed, so I just walked away. She then was angry that I was annoyed and with obvious frustration went and poured it out herself.
Which is what you should’ve done anyway. After that, (we have a time schedule on when the kids should be quiet for me to work.) I had to repeatedly ask her to get the kids to quiet down to no response. When I finally did get a response it was a blame-shifting response.
And I finally snapped and told her to call someone to pick them up.
She told me I should control my emotions, so then I returned that she should control her children. I’m aware that’s not the best response but keep in mind I have spent weeks ignoring the subtle put-downs, and manipulations.
I opened my house to her and have not received much respect. She gossips about me to her children and her partner and I’m left in my room to avoid the bullying from her children. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!! She needs to go.
She has overstayed her welcome. I hate when people take advantage of other’s generosity. She obviously has no problem walking all over you and bullying you in YOUR own home. So I wouldn’t have a problem with showing her the door. If she, her partner, or kids aren’t going to respect you and your belongings, they need to get packing!!
Good luck. I hope things work out for you.” Meeshell_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m sorry this is happening. Here’s a little thought if your jurisdiction does consider her a tenant: Eviction often takes a couple of months. A lot of users know this and try to milk that time, to keep a roof over their heads.
If she’s never been evicted before, you might want to remind her that it’s really, really hard to find housing with an eviction on her record. It’s in her best interest to get out before that happens. Good luck.” MarkedHeart
Another User Comments:
“Why on earth did you do this to yourself?
Get her out! I am so embarrassed when my children act out at other people’s houses, and I put it to an end REAL quick. Three kids. Were you intoxicated when you agreed to this? I have two and another on the way and I can not imagine a child-free person welcoming me into their home to live that wasn’t family.
It’s just a lot and they are MY kids. You poor thing. You are NTJ but you are being a jerk to yourself.” halestorm713
20. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Freeloading Friend And Her Newborn?
“My mum (50F) and I (25F) live together and both have home offices as I WFH full time and mum part-time.
Last year, my BFF Lily (26F) and her partner Sean (32M) found out they were expecting and Lily’s family was unhappy and subsequently kicked her out of her childhood home.
I offered her my spare room until she got back on her feet and she accepted. She gave birth in Jan and went back to work in April and splits childcare between her aunt (who she pays to watch the baby 3 days a week) and me and my mum (2 days, free of cost).
Recently Lily came home early from work (while my mum was out) to ask if I could convert my mum’s home office into a baby room since my mum “hardly uses it anyway” and “the baby is getting bigger.” I told her it would be impractical since they were only there temporarily and I could see it upset her but she didn’t say anything.
A few days later, Lily had some things delivered to my home and (unbeknownst to me) kept them all in my mum’s office. I texted her and asked that she remove them but she ignored me. When she came home, she had Sean with her and he essentially told me I was being unfair since Lily was willing to pay extra for the other room.
I was caught off guard since she doesn’t pay at all, which he seemed surprised by and Lily started saying it would be financially difficult for her to get a place now on her budget and proposed that I watch the baby full time so she didn’t have to pay her aunt and could save.
I obviously said no because I work pretty sporadic hours and asked if she’d really found NOTHING from the places she’d said she’d looked at. Sean seemed surprised that she’d been looking at all.
We ended up having an argument where she said I was “a spoiled brat who had everything handed to her” and I said it was “a bad idea to keep the baby knowing she wouldn’t be able to provide for it”.
We were both in tears by the end but Lily has started making snide comments and giving me the cold shoulder. She refuses to acknowledge me except by text message and our mutual friends have begun to do the same. She barely lets me play with the baby anymore too.
I feel very uncomfortable in my own home and I hardly come out of my bedroom or office and my mum has begun to worry about me skipping meals. She thinks I need to ask Lily to leave but I know it would cause an even bigger rift between us and I don’t know if we would ever recover from it.
Added to essentially rendering her and her infant homeless. I need to know if this is a jerk move and I should just******* up regardless of how I feel.
So, would I be the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it’s time to ask Lily to leave.
The arrangement was only supposed to be temporary, as you agreed, and instead of moving out she’s imposing on you and demanding more, more, more. You don’t have a moral duty to give Lily whatever she’s willing to pay for. Tell her to save the extra money, find herself some subsidized daycare, and start looking for subsidized housing.
If Sean starts to tell you what to do in your own home, tell him that it’s his turn to provide housing and child care for his own child. You don’t mention whether Lily is paying rent in any way, and Sean clearly is not contributing to child care.
Unless you are that baby’s daddy, you are taking on way too much. Put the burden of raising the child back where it belongs: on the parents of the baby.” FeedbackCreative8334
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry to say, but Lily is not your friend anymore.
She doesn’t see you as a friend, she sees you as someone she can take advantage of to get what she wants – a free place to stay and free babysitting. She will never move out and find her own place unless you make her.
Anything you ask of her (rent, contributing to bills, etc) will be met with a blow-up about how you’re treating her unfairly and that you’re spoiled and don’t understand/care about her struggle. She doesn’t care about you, your mom, or how her actions affect the two of you.
You need to let go and move on.” DerpDevilDD
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ for giving her a move-out date. She is using her kid to pressure you into basically supporting her. It’s not your fault or responsibility that she had a child with someone who apparently is more interested in his own comfort than taking care of his child.
And she apparently has other options, she just doesn’t like them. If you don’t nip this in the bud quickly, she will not only overtake your apartment, but she will just leave her child with you with no discussion and expect you to sit for free.
She’s the one causing the rift with entitled demands. You can either step up to the plate now and address this or wait until things eventually get intolerable.” Bird_Brain4101112
19. AITJ For Not Allowing My Baby's Father In The Delivery Room?
“I had my first baby 5 days ago. The father left me when he found out I was pregnant. He didn’t want to be involved at first. Towards the end of the pregnancy, he changed his mind and wanted to be active in his son’s life.
I was/am concerned that he’s going to change his mind again and let our son down. But I have to give him the chance.
When I went into labor, he was called and he turned up. But I didn’t want him in there with me.
I specifically said I only want my sister who is like my best friend. He got annoyed about it but was told by staff to wait out. He was able to see our son afterward of course. But he was angry he didn’t get to see the delivery.
I reminded him he didn’t even want to be a part of his life not long ago. That he and I are not even friends anymore. So I didn’t feel comfortable with him there. He and members of his family are still kicking up a fuss about it.
My family is on my side and says he’s never been good to me and it’s my right. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!!! Giving birth is a very vulnerable state and can be dangerous for both mother and baby. ALL attention needs to be on the birth and the mother needs to feel as comfortable and safe as possible.
Having your ex in there with you would have been added stress you didn’t need. Depending on his behavior, it could even have been dangerous to your health and well-being and the baby’s health. He should be thankful you even allowed him to see the baby on the same day after the way he acted.” VixenNoire
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Giving birth is the mother’s medical procedure and is the only person required to be there. Birth is not a spectator’s sport and the only people permitted in the delivery room, are those who make the mother feel calm and comfortable, so as not to hinder or complicate the birth.
Only people who the birthing mother feels are needed for her are welcomed. Your ex just got a dose of reality that his opinions aren’t relevant to the medical community and didn’t like it. If they continue to harass you over your rights send out a formal cease and desist and follow up with consequences.
He and his family will find out if they try to become abusive when things don’t go their way, they can get into trouble if they pursue it further with you. Ensure you have formal custody and that the dad is made to provide for his child enforced by the courts.” gemma156
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Heck, I didn’t even tell my son’s baby daddy that I was in labor. I left him around 11 weeks pregnant because of his ridiculous antics. Yelling at me cause his butt got mad at me for morning sickness at night so he decided to go to a bar.
Lol he got a DUI and was mad I didn’t hear my phone when he called. I was stone-cold passed out. He had only talked to me once throughout the pregnancy since I ended our relationship and asked me if he could choose my son’s name.
I offered yes if he came to the next appointment, giving him the date/time/location. Needless to say, he didn’t show. There is no reason to have someone there that makes you feel uncomfortable. You need to feel safe in the delivery room and at the hospital. You are recovering from pushing a freaking watermelon out of you.
He and his family can shove it.” EquivalentChip7463
18. AITJ For Refusing To Continue Babysitting My Nephew For Less Pay?
“For the past couple of weeks before we got into this huge fight I (27f) had been helping my little sister (23) with my nephew who is almost 2. Three days out of the week I would pick up the car seat from her in the morning (20 minutes out of the way) and I would pick him up in the afternoon and watch him until my sister came to get him.
She was giving me 60$ a week which barely covered my gas but I was still willing to do it.
So I start getting crazy busy with school, work, and taking care of my house. I was slacking in school and missing days of work to help her.
I was trying to figure out how to tell my sister I can’t really handle all this extra responsibility anymore but before I get a chance she tells me she can only afford to pay me 40$ a week now. I say I’m sorry but I can’t do that we will have to figure something else out.
Next thing you know she’s calling me and screaming at me and calling me a bunch of names so I said “I’m not the one who decided to have a baby” and I hung up on her and she sent me some disrespectful texts then proceeded to block me on everything.
My mom is saying that we are both wrong and that’s my sister so I have to help her (real easy to say that from another state though) and that my sister has helped me “a lot” except I paid my sister anytime I needed her help with something.
I also want to note she goes out drinking almost every weekend and has her nails and toes done every 2 weeks.
Am I the jerk for not helping my sister and trying to live my life?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have gone above and beyond the scope of what you could do (when you did it) and yet your sister feels entitled and has the audacity to yell at you because you can’t help her anymore.
You have been more than generous and kind and for her not to see that, then that’s on her. It’s obvious that you have goals that you wish to accomplish and helping your sister would greatly interfere with that. You do you.” GlitzBlitz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is acting as if she is entitled to your assistance, and she doesn’t care what impact her demands have on your schedule or finances You do not owe her babysitting and DoorDash services, even if she were willing to pay you a fair wage.
If you haven’t done so already, calmly explain that continuing this schedule is not possible because it is wreaking havoc on your grades and your job. Perhaps you could offer to help her for 1-2 more weeks to give her an opportunity to find another babysitter, but that is entirely up to you.
Although you see evidence of disposable income, I recommend not mentioning that as it will almost certainly escalate the conflict.” -SnowQueen-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had this, I was 14, my sister was 22 and had a baby I had to babysit every night and even my mum made me do it.
In the morning he’d cry when I got up for school and she’d lie in bed shouting at him to shut up. I used to soothe him before going to school and at weekends get him up and sort him out. My first partner at 17 even dumped me cause he said it’s like being with a single mum.
My mum always made excuses for her. So I kinda get how you feel and you’re definitely not the jerk. It’s her kid, you’re busy and have things to do it’s not your responsibility.” Dreamcloud3
17. AITJ For Confronting My Mom About Adding Drinks To My Tab Without Asking?
“The other night some friends and family went out to a bar and hung out, my mom and I arrived together so I bought a first round and opened a tab. Throughout the night I bought everyone at least one drink, casually like saying “who wants another” as I got one for myself.
Eventually, my brother and friends hopped up and asked if anyone wants another round, everyone responded positively with their drink order. As he walks away, my mom chimes in “OP has a tab open!” I shot her a look and said “oh” reactively.
With the friends and brother leaving it left my mom, my brother, my partner, and me alone at our table.
My mom said “my bad” and I said “I was just surprised you offered up my tab.” She said she didn’t realize we weren’t sharing a tab. I responded explaining how I thought it was poor bar etiquette to offer up a card that wasn’t your own.
She got mad, and stormed after my brother to cancel her drink and leave the bar entirely.
I just got the opportunity to apologize, but money is tight and I didn’t understand adding to someone’s bill without asking. She said I publicly chastised her and reiterated how she thought it was a “shared” bill, yet she never offered to pay towards it.
Am I the jerk for telling her it wasn’t cool to tell people to add 6 drinks to my tab without asking me?
Side note: My brother and partner agree it was weird to offer my tab. Also, my partner and I have been together years so I didn’t call her out in front of anyone but family.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This is a really strange situation to me that may be a cultural difference I’m not understanding, but in my experience, pretty much everyone goes and puts their card down at the bar to open their own “tab” for the evening and then closes out individually at the end of the night.
Yeah, couples or families may share tabs for special events when it is understood someone is footing the bill for everything, but if it’s just a normal hangout, everyone should be opening their own tabs (and in general, it’s typically good manners to buy drinks for people who bought you a drink, as silly as that concept sounds from a logistical perspective).
It would be one thing if your mom didn’t understand how tabs work because she doesn’t go to bars, misunderstood and thought you’d offered to pay, or thought that it would be settled with Venmo/etc, but it’s still strange to just throw out using your tab without confirming that first. Even if I were to go to an event where someone is paying the bar tab, I usually confirm with the host that I’m doing the right thing (assuming it’s not a catered event with an open bar).
So after reading that, I’m also going to say, I don’t drink and I have never been a drinker due to stomach issues with booze, yet I know all of that etiquette.” DeepValleyDrive
Another User Comments:
“”Wasn’t cool to tell people to add 6 drinks to my tab without asking me.” And god knows how many others after mom made it publicly known that your tab was shared by all.
Possibly also causing people to order more or more expensive drinks than they would have otherwise. I’ve been a bartender in many different bars, over many years, I would never ever let anyone order on someone else’s tab unless the tab owner personally tells me they can.
I’ve been to countless bars on countless nights, with countless different people (family, close friends, random friends, colleagues, you name it). I’d be upset if someone offered up my bar tab and would not go out drinking with them ever again NTJ.” SillyChicklet
Another User Comments:
“One thing I’ve learned in the past is if you order a round for everyone (and you anticipated to only order one round for them) close out your tab right afterward. If you want drinks for yourself after that, pay for each one individually.
I’ve ordered a round for people in the past and without my knowledge, 2 people kept adding more to my tab and racked it up over $50 more than I anticipated. Granted they were just crappy friends and not everyone would do this, but it helps to just close it out to avoid anyone having the ability to add to your bill.
There are many people who look at kind gestures and want to see how far they can push it for themselves. Mine was only a little over $50 and it really annoyed me. 6 more drinks on your tab??? In this economy??? That’s rude, tacky, and insane to push onto someone else, especially without asking.
You’re NTJ, and your mom needs to learn how to handle any type of criticism or accountability.” ZestyMoonlight
16. AITJ For Wanting To Experience A Sober Event With My Partner?
“I (21F) have been seeing my partner (23M) for almost 2 years, we met freshman year of college and are now entering our senior year.
My partner has had a history of substance abuse (he got a DUI last year and is now on deferred prosecution so he’s on probation for 5 years).
He is legally not allowed to ingest any substance of any kind, if he gets caught he will go to jail and potentially never be allowed to become a citizen. He’s been completely sober for about 6 months.
For the entire duration of our relationship (until he got sober) he was intoxicated. We don’t have a single memory together that doesn’t involve substances or booze.
I’m a social drinker, but with him being sober and us never “going out” or doing anything, it’s a rare occurrence for me to drink. I never smoke or do any sort of substance. Nothing against it, it’s just not for me.
There’s a rave he wants to go to in August, he’s never been to one and is really interested in going. Neither of us is a fan of EDM but I’ve never been to a rave either. I think it could be fun to experience something new so he suggested we go together.
We started planning the trip, outfits, and started saving money to be able to go. Then he brings up how he’s going to be on substances the entire time we’re there. I asked why and said I wanted to experience something new and fun with him, without the interference of substances and booze for once.
He got offended and told me there’s no point in going to a rave sober and that if he can’t do substances he just won’t go.
I tried explaining that it’s entirely possible to have fun sober and going to a rave shouldn’t be an excuse to do substances.
The substances he wants to take are cheap, spending hundreds of dollars to go to a rave with the sole purpose of doing substances seems like a waste to me.
He flipped out and told me he doesn’t want to go anymore, he doesn’t want to go with me, and I ruined everything.
All I did was ask him to make a memory with me and be fully present for it, for the past 2 years I can’t think of a single “fun” thing we’ve done that he was sober for and it makes me really sad.
My partner genuinely thinks it’s impossible to have fun without being under the influence of something, and won’t even try to do something that could possibly be fun if he has to be sober for it.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to plan a memory sober. However, I don’t know if a rave would be the place I’d want to start that road since substances and booze are rampant there. I agree it is possible to still go to one and enjoy, since I for one enjoy EDM anytime, sober or with a drink in me.
If he is constantly getting intoxicated to the point where it is affecting his work/personal life, you might need to sit down and have a serious talk with him. Treatment if it’s really bad. The facts that he doesn’t want to go with you because you don’t want him to drink/do substances and that “you ruined things” supposedly are big indications of a problem.” UltimatelyCoolDude
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but like many others have said, you are in a relationship with an addict. I also think it’s kinda crazy to go to a rave and not do substances, but if I was actively on probation and literally not allowed to do substances I wouldn’t have even entertained the idea.
Seeing the edits you’ve made to the post I’m just going to be honest with you, I think you really need to think about long term what this relationship is going to look like to you. If he is willing to sacrifice sobriety/stability/probation for a rave, it will only continue to escalate.
I also find you just conceding to going to the rave and giving him substance permission so he doesn’t resent you to be a CRAZY red flag. Why would you want a relationship like that??? By letting this go you are setting the bar for every other time to give him what he wants (even when it’s not in his best interest).” shmuckalert
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A rave is a bad idea for someone trying to be sober. Take this from someone who spent ten years of their life with someone who needed to be in an altered state to enjoy themselves: this isn’t healthy. You can’t build a house on quicksand and you can’t build a life with someone who struggles with addiction and doesn’t see it as a problem.
He will drag you down. He will rob you of opportunities to have the experiences you’re longing for, he may even put your life in danger. Addicts can be very good at hiding when they are under the influence. Then you get in the car with them and all of a sudden you’re going 75 miles an hour down the road with an intoxicated guy behind the wheel, or you wake up to a house full of smoke because they left a pan on the stove and fell asleep.
Maybe one day he’ll have himself pulled together and in a good place and things will work out for the two of you. Right now it’s a slow-motion sad story just getting rolling. Get off the train. You don’t have to go this way with him.” Loud-Foundation4567
15. AITJ For Confronting My Biological Mother About Not Letting Me Be Adopted?
“I (30 female) have always had a close friendship with my biological mother (68).
She’s always been there in ways that someone would be there for her best friend. However, not in ways that a mother should be for her child.
Backstory: I was placed in foster care at age 4, because of the toxic environment with my parents, to say the least. I lived with my aunt and uncle (who are both now deceased) until I was 18.
My mother always chose other things over my sister and me, never making us a priority.
Anyway, a few weeks ago, it was brought to my attention that my aunt and uncle wanted to adopt my sister and me but were unable to because my mother refused to sign over her parental rights.
Upon finding this out, I confronted my mom and told her that it was clear that she “never wanted to be a mother. So I don’t understand why you didn’t just put us up for adoption.” I said I wish she had because at least then we’d have been a part of a family and had parents who loved us and wanted us.
It’s been almost a month since, and, though we’re on speaking terms (barely), I’m still mad about the whole thing. However, a part of me feels like a jerk for talking to my mom that way. So, am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mom didn’t raise you, or care for you. She then refused to give up her “rights” to you, to the very people who DID raise you and care for you. Your “mom” isn’t your mom. You can stop giving her that honorary title .. or at least stop with this notion that it means something.
You’re fine to say what you said to “Janet” (I don’t know your bio mother’s name) because Janet selfishly ‘held on’ to you legally while completely letting you go emotionally, financially, etc. You probably need to rethink your relationship with this woman. She will give you the sob story of how “I could never just GIVE UP my daughter”..
but she did. People like that hold on to their legal rights at the expense of their children mostly because of “how it will look” to others if they legally let you go. It’s purely selfish NTJ.” Pleasant-Try9103
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a mother’s job to give her children the best life possible.
Your mother acted selfishly (and in my opinion: cruelly) by subjecting you & your sister to the terrifying situation of foster care instead of a permanent safe, stable home of relatives in the first place. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Feeling abandoned is hard enough… being a child and never having the comfort of knowing you would never have to feel that way again by being adopted by your aunt and uncle, makes your mother monstrous to me.” Banksy_333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your bio mom was selfish in how this was handled. I’m not sure if this helps you, but consider this to manage your upset. Broken people cannot give you what you want or need in a relationship. They can only give you what they are able to.
They are broken. Your bio mom is unable to give you what you need or want. Ever. Not at birth. Not as a kid. Not now. She will perhaps stop disappointing you when you realize and accept that there are limits to what she can give you.
Accept the broken or decide that you cannot and keep your distance for your own mental health. Do not let her limits as a broken person destroy you.” This_Cauliflower1986
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Fund My Daughter's Music Career Aspirations?
“My daughter just graduated high school and she has always wanted to be a musician. She has never played any musical instrument in her life and she has an obsession with Lindsey Stirling. I told my daughter to go to school so she can get a major in something that’s going to get her a good job and pay her enough to live on her own.
She can be whatever she wants and I’m always supportive of her following her dreams but she has to be realistic. I told her that even if she was the best violinist in the world, there is no guarantee of success, she will have to compete with other musicians for a spot in an orchestra band, she will have to produce something that’s worth a darn to publish on a record label.
Even then no guarantee that she will make enough money to pay her bills. Music seems too competitive for little reward. It’s not a stable career choice and very few musicians make a decent income from it. It makes no sense to pursue that as a career unless you have a stable and well-paying job to go along with it.
I told her that unless she chooses a major that is in demand and has a high enough salary, I will not pay for her tuition and she will be expected to pay rent while she is in our home. I told her that I will not waste the money I have saved for her since her birth so she can graduate with a useless major and still have to work at McDonald’s as this is not a good investment and I’m better off paying for her younger sister’s tuition as she wants to be a lawyer.
She can buy her own violin and practice with it but she needs to major in a stable career, especially with a recession on the horizon. I want my children to grow up better off than I am so they aren’t struggling to make ends meet like the rest of the country.
My daughter called me selfish and said that I’m not being supportive of her dreams and she doesn’t want to be stuck doing something she won’t be happy with.
I thought I was being supportive of her because like I said. I want nothing more than to make sure my kids grow up to be successful adults so they can survive in a world that’s already messing them over.
I want them to grow up without having to worry about when their next meal might be.
A part of me agrees with her that I am being selfish, but a part of me wants to make sure she will survive out in this world.
I don’t want to make my daughter sad. I just want to place her on a path where she will be able to eat and have a roof over her head.”
Another User Comments:
“I am confused. If it is her dream to be a musician, why has she never played an instrument before?
She is already years behind her competition. It may sound harsh, but I wouldn’t pay tuition for a music degree if she has not been musically inclined up until now. If her dreams are that important, why not a major in finance with a minor in music?
That way if she has any talent (and we don’t know that yet), she will not have closed any doors. So, I am going to admit, this is a harsh reality, but I don’t think you are the jerk.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Arts Major here: she’s young and doesn’t have any foresight, but there’s no guarantee any college degree will make her successful.
Why don’t you offer this compromise: Community college to start. She’ll need to complete all the same basics while getting enough electives to understand how difficult it is to suddenly want to be a musician. It’s far cheaper for you and still forward movement for her while supporting her passion.
And if that passion changes she’ll still have her basics out of the way before moving on to a four-year degree. A person can do a lot of growing up in two years. And who knows, maybe she’ll surprise you. NTJ (advice assuming you’re in the US).” thoughshebelittle
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Why has she never had music lessons/“played any musical instrument in her life”? Did she ask for them? Here in the UK, you have to have qualifications in music (A Levels/Graded exams/diplomas) and usually have to have played in an orchestra/sung in a good choir to be able to do a degree in music.
Nobody who’d never picked up an instrument would be able to study it at university. Is that not the case where you are? I think she needs to be realistic and at least try violin before she decides what to major in; she might be naturally brilliant at it or she might be terrible, in which case she needs to major in something else.
Having a daughter who’s just finished the equivalent of a double major though, I’d say what someone studies at university HAS to be their choice, otherwise they won’t be as interested or have the motivation to study hard. As parents, all we can do is guide, and help them if they ask for advice; we can’t manipulate them into studying a certain subject or at a certain place – this is their life, not ours.” mrs_spanner
13. AITJ For Giving My Brother An Ultimatum About His College Studies?
“I (33f) am an immigrant nurse here in New Zealand. Ever since I started working here in NZ I have supported my family back in my home country by sending them 50% of my take-home pay. My parents have both retired from teaching and although they can support themselves with their pension, I still have to help them because my dad needs medication for his diabetes, and my younger brother’s still in college.
To be clear, I don’t mind helping my family. In our culture, children help their families financially even after moving out. It’s a form of repayment for the parents’ sacrifices for their children.
My only problem is my brother, let’s call him Kyle.
Kyle has been in college for 8 years. He picked nursing first then shifted to engineering after two years. It was fine by me as I didn’t want him to pursue something that he didn’t like. But he again changed his mind and shifted to economics.
Yesterday he video-called me and said he thinks he’s going to fail his major subject and he’s planning on shifting to political science. I really lost it. I thought it doesn’t make any sense. How can he keep on losing interest and shifting into a course that is completely different from the previous one?
I told Kyle I can’t take it anymore. I have worked like a dog for 10 years but I still don’t have any savings, I drive a 20-year-old car and rent a small room from a Filipino family who buys me food sometimes because I am barely making it.
I told Kyle he cannot shift to political science and if he insists then he better pay for his tuition himself. I said I am done enabling him. He called me a jerk for forcing him to study a field that he doesn’t like.
He got our parents involved and my mom begged me to give Kyle one last chance, she said my brother needs my help and they can’t afford his tuition if I stop supporting him.
I really think I am right but I don’t want to burden my parents with my fight with Kyle.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you need to cut the cord and let your brother sink or swim. He’s been in college for 8 years with no graduation in sight. You shouldn’t have to suffer because of his lack of ambition, also stop sending that much of your hard-earned money.
You need to save some money in case of an emergency, also you deserve to properly eat not suffer because of your lazy brother.” Natural-Ingenuity-98
Another User Comments:
“Have you told them that sometimes you can’t afford to buy food because of the money you send home?
Do they understand how expensive NZ (Auckland? Wellington?) is to live in? And that what might sound like a pretty good income where they are is just getting by in NZ? Eight years is much more than enough time to support someone still studying for a bachelor’s degree.
Keep supporting your parents, but the ~26-year-old brother needs to take responsibility for himself now.” ShadowKraftwerk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ of course your parents are going to try to take his side – they aren’t the ones who will sacrifice even more and they know on some level that your brother is a bum.
Without a college degree and a clear career to put him into he will probably loaf around endlessly. They are just clinging to an increasingly bleak hope that he’ll actually finish and shape up. But you are smart enough to know it ain’t going to happen.
What job is going to go after with a polo eco major? There are plenty of fields that hire from that area of study but does he even have a goal he working towards? Probably not. He is more likely to be trying to stretch his paid-for time at school.
I’d make sure he is even continuing to attend. My immigrant father lived off of bananas and slices of cheap white bread to send money back for his little brother’s schooling so his parents wouldn’t take out another loan. Turned out he was just partying with the money and had dropped out his first year.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For Stopping A Teen From Lifting Weights And Considering Quitting My Volunteer Position?
“I’m the strength and conditioning coach at a local high school. It’s a volunteer position, but my wife and I love helping the community. (She trains many of the female athletes)
During the summer, the local high school opens the school weight room in the morning for students who want to train for the upcoming year.
I was asked by the coaches to help with the training because I’m not a complete idiot when it comes to picking up stuff.
Here’s how it works, when a student comes in for summer lifting, their paperwork is checked by a teacher then I do intake.
I’m not allowed to look at their enrollment or physical since I’m not actually a teacher. That’s fine, saves me paperwork. After they see a teacher, they come to me and I set them on a program after some simple questions. (injuries, sports position, blah blah blah, it doesn’t really matter)
Anyways, four days ago, a kid walked in and looked like he was under the influence. He saw the teacher and then came over to me. His eyes were tiny slits and he absolutely reeked. He’s 14 years old. I asked him a few questions and only got giggles and “yeah” as the responses.
After about 30 seconds I can tell this kid is going to get hurt if he lifts, so I tell him he can’t lift today and to come back tomorrow. He says, “okay” then leaves like nothing happened.
An hour later, the school gets an angry call from the mother asking why her son isn’t allowed in the weight room.
A secretary came to the weight room and asked for details. The teacher in charge took my side even though he should have stopped the kid from even getting past him, whatever.
The secretary went back, called the mom, and said that a volunteer (me) stopped the kid because he was under the influence.
The mom absolutely lost her mind. She immediately called bigger people than I’ve ever met and demanded I get removed and that I shouldn’t be there at all.
The football head coach told me this morning that the kid’s excuse was that his father was smoking while driving to the high school and the kid didn’t do it, but that’s why he smelled so bad.
He also said I can’t be on-site again until this all blows over, but I can still do the programming through texts and emails. I’m at the point where I just want to walk away from all of it and say good luck to the teams.
So, two questions. AITJ for not just letting the kid lift and keep an eye on him? And, WIBTJ if I just stop volunteering entirely at the high school and find better ways to use my time?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were trying to keep the kid from injuring himself.
Both of his parents might as well be absent, for all the help they are being to bring this teen up. Whether the kid was actually using, himself, or not, is not the point; the point is you were trying to do the right thing.
The teacher who saw him first should have been the one who sent him back, not you, but that person (the teacher) didn’t do his job well and the kid got through to you. The mother acted like an entitled jerk in calling and ranting about you; she should have been more concerned that her child was on something, not in making sure you got into trouble.
It’s hard to believe his dad could have caused that level in the kid, without the kid also partaking, but even so, what was he thinking? Driving while on substances? Being on substances? With his kid in the car? The dad wasn’t thinking at all.
Certainly, he wasn’t thinking of the welfare of his son. The people in charge of the program let you down in the face of entitled rage from the mother, and I wouldn’t give them the time of day in the future. I’m sure you can find somewhere to use your time and talents that won’t be so unforgiving and hard to please.
You did the right thing; you should let them find someone else and you can go and do the right thing elsewhere.” LonelyOwl68
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “…coach told me this morning that the kid’s excuse was that his father was smoking while driving to the high school and the kid didn’t do it, but that’s why he smelled so bad.” I wouldn’t have let him either.
You aren’t there to babysit him. Can you imagine what their reaction would’ve been if he’d actually hurt himself? NTJ for choosing not to keep volunteering there either. And the mom’s freaking out over you not letting him train but totally ok with Dad driving him around under the influence (if that’s what happened).” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but as a volunteer (that’s so awesome that you do that, by the way. My lifelong love of lifting started in my high school weight room, so thank you on behalf of all the kids and parents, you never know how much you’ll inspire them as you get them going) …as I was saying, as a volunteer in that situation, I would have told the kid to wait a minute and not get started, then gone back to that teacher and told them the situation and that you absolutely feel it’s unsafe for them regardless of how they came to be in that state, and that you couldn’t possibly and ethically train them that day and let them handle it.
Let them tell the kid to leave, definitely calling a parent to come get them and explaining to the parent, as they should have. It sucks they were too eager to get back to candy crush to care enough that they passed the buck onto you.
You never should have been put in the position to have to make that decision. Volunteers should only ever have to do the function they’re put in place to do, and any decision-making involving kids beyond that and the subsequent actions must be handled by a faculty member.
You did the right thing but next time, if there is a next time, pass it back or onto a faculty member.” Elegant_Wafer_1372
11. AITJ For Suggesting A Pregnant Coworker Consider A Different Specialty Due To Radiation Concerns?
“I (29m) am currently doing my residency in radiation therapy. A coworker of mine (27f) recently found out she was pregnant and due to radiation protection laws here in Germany has been unable to do most of the work she’d normally be doing, she’s pretty much stuck doing paperwork.
This doesn’t really matter to me, her not being able to work to the fullest extent hasn’t impacted me at all, I don’t have to pick up extra work because of it or anything like that. She, however, is very annoyed by this and has complained a lot to me and others about not being able to do anything and feeling like she isn’t learning what she’s supposed to.
Last Friday she happened to be complaining about the situation again, specifically mentioning how “she doesn’t know what she wants to do” and how “this pregnancy is going to cost her a year of work minimum.” The way she phrased it sounded to me like she was looking for a “fix” to her problem so I asked: “Have you considered going into a different specialty?
You’d still be able to work while pregnant if you weren’t working with radioactivity.” This offended her and she asked if I deemed her incompetent or felt that “Radiation therapy was a man’s profession.” That wasn’t my intention at all, but when I tried to explain that I just suggested it because she seemed unhappy at the prospect of her not being able to work throughout the entirety of her pregnancy, she just seemed to get angrier so I dropped it because I didn’t want to argue more.
I’m still thinking about how to move forward, I thought to apologize, but I’m not sure if I should because I don’t even know what to apologize for. I feel like it would just sound like saying “I’m sorry you felt offended.””
Another User Comments:
“Heyo so I worked for 6 years in radiotherapy here in Aus. The pregnant RT’s just go into planning for the duration of their pregnancy. Context for those not in the industry, there’s a super low risk of radiation exposure but never none, and no one wants to risk a fragile fetus, r*************s both deliver (line patient up and tell machine to go) and plan (work out where the radiation will go within the body/how to avoid hitting important noncancerous body parts).
Does Germany not have r*************s who do planning as well? I know in the UK they don’t rotate — they are either planning or treatment, not both, but all our staff in Aus and NZ do roughly 6 months on treatment, 6 months on planning. As for how to deal with it.
You say “sorry, I think there was some miscommunication the other day. You are an incredibly competent RT and I would never question that. I was just trying to help you think of solutions to being away from actively treating patients for your pregnancy.” NTJ.” Zorgas
Another User Comments:
“As an old person, I can honestly say that most people are not looking for answers/solutions. People complain because they want to be heard and they want validation. 1. Never offer a solution unless someone asks you specifically for your ideas. 2. When offering a solution (see point 1 above), always phrase it in the first person (e.g. If I were facing that problem I would …) 3.
Never under any circumstances ever offer a solution to a problem that you could never experience. For example, as a man who could never be pregnant any “solution” you offer will come across as misogynistic. Offering unsolicited advice would make you the jerk, but since you thought she was asking advice … no jerks here (More of a faux pas on your part.
It took me many years and oh so very many of my own faux pas to learn “being helpful” and offering advice is seldom actually helpful). Good luck sir.” t_a_degen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “She, however, is very annoyed by this and has complained a lot to me and others about not being able to do anything and feeling like she isn’t learning what she’s supposed to.
At some point people are going to offer her solutions, nobody appreciates having to hear someone complain about something constantly. You’re her coworker, not her best friend, and you can only really be sympathetic to someone’s issues for so long before it gets tiring to hear them.
While she absolutely isn’t learning what she’s supposed to, that’s… not really your problem, honestly. It kind of sounds like she just wants a reason to be mad, the leap in logic she took to accuse you of ‘thinking radiation is a man’s profession’ is, frankly, ridiculous.” GenjisWife
10. AITJ For Telling My Friend The Cashier Is Just Being Nice Because It's Her Job?
“So there’s a new cashier at a local grocery store, and she’s admittedly good-looking and nice. I (m23) was shopping there with my (m24) friend a while ago and ever since then, he’s been ecstatic about going there.
He’s obviously into her, and he’s going on and on about how she’s into him too.
The thing is, she’s just being nice to him. She’s nice to me too. It’s her job, right?
My friend has been saying things like, he’s learning her schedule and that she always makes his day.
He also wants to ask for her number. I tell him that the only reason she’s being nice to him is because it’s her job. He’s a customer. She’s nice to everyone. He needs to get over his obsession. He got really upset, called me a jerk, said I’m jealous, etc.
And so, I work at an adult shop, right? We get a looot of weird customers. I’ve experienced harassment at work and even more so has my female coworkers. So I know what it feels like, and I’ve seen real stalker behavior. We can’t have our girls closing alone because some people wait outside just to be creeps.
I tell this to my friend to explain my reasoning. He needs to respect this girl’s workplace.
He still doesn’t get it. Says he’d never be one of those and that he knows she’s into him too and I’m trying to steal her by being a “nice guy”.
He basically stopped talking to me just because I told him to be respectful. I mean SURE, she could very well be into him. But let her take the lead then.
Am I a jerk for saying all that? I really don’t think I am, but a couple of our friends said it’s none of my business and I should let him figure it out himself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Just because I told him to be respectful. I mean SURE, she could very well be into him. But let her take the lead then.” This advice really needs to be handed out to people at puberty. Customer service people are in an awkward spot — their jobs can depend on being friendly, which puts them in a no-win situation when that friendliness attracts unwanted advances.
(Never worked as a cashier, but it’s arguably even worse with jobs when tips are involved.) Much as I would like to say your friend is not necessarily a jerk for misinterpreting signals, that he went straight to accusing you of trying to steal her strongly suggests he’s being a possessive, misinterpreting jerk.
Or, maybe we are both wrong and she actually is giving him signals. In which case, your advice is still gold, and completely inoffensive.” JudgeJudAITA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I worked retail for years. I’ve watched both female and male coworkers get hit on, I’ve been hit on, myself and a few others have been grabbed, and you want to talk about stalkers?
Yes, we are all nice to you, yes we are paid to do that (kind of), and yes we can get reprimanded or fired if we’re not (depending on how “not nice” we are in most places anyway). So yes, your friend needs to calm down and stop stalking her.
If she’s interested she may or may not let him know. However, it’s almost never cool to hit on someone at their place of employment while they work. You know when it is cool? In the movies.” Gizmoripley87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if he’s like learning her schedule clearly he’s delusional. I’ve seen this behavior and it’s good to educate.
I had a married friend in a terrible marriage; his wife turned really awful after they got married. Used intimacy to try to control him, thought she could sit on her butt looking at her phone while he did all the childcare, etc. Anyway, he got in this sad desperate place and every time we’d go get beers in the afternoon he always wanted to go to someplace where a quasi-hot bartender read her clientele and flirted a bit while these dudes there thinking they’d hook up with her one day.
I saw right through it and even got annoyed and crappy with her when she interrupted us (it was funny you can tell she was used to royal treatment). Anyway, that crap is real sad and your friend needs to learn how to actually meet women and tell the difference.” tipareth1978
9. AITJ For Telling My Friend Her Outfits Weren't Appropriate For Meeting My Husband's Family?
“Before anybody in my husband’s family gets married, they ask the grandparents for their approval/permission. If they say no, the marriage usually doesn’t happen. The only time a no still led to a marriage was when my husband’s parents married.
Fitting into my husband’s family was extremely difficult in the beginning, and the only reason I got a yes was because I was already pregnant by the time my husband introduced me to everyone.
My friend is seeing my husband’s cousin and has been for longer than I’ve been with my husband. This trip was the first time she was meeting the family officially, though. I was with her while she was packing and I noticed she was packing revealing outfits and nothing more toned down.
I tried to hint to her to pack some of her more conservative outfits and her nicer outfits too because I know how some of my in-laws can be and I know how much is riding on this trip for her. She wasn’t getting my hints and eventually when she asked me what I thought of a dress she was packing I told her I didn’t think the clothes she was packing were appropriate and that it wasn’t going to win their approval (which is what she wants).
She got angry at me for trying to dictate what she could wear and told me that since they said yes to me after I showed up already with a baby on the way, they would definitely say yes to her. She ended up kicking me out and things were extremely awkward between us during the flight there since she was still angry at me.
We’re currently in the middle of the trip which has been a disaster but was I the jerk for saying the clothes weren’t appropriate?”
Another User Comments:
“If that man won’t marry her just because some awful, controlling old relative says no, then she is better off without him.
So the only people in that family that have a working backbone are your in-laws?? Honestly, I wouldn’t wish a friend of mine to be in that horrible family. You people do know that you don’t actually need their permission right? You can go no contact and be done with their old flakey selves.
YTJ because when you support an abuser, you are one.” KingOfDarkness_CB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – As long as it was conveyed in a, “love your style, but as someone who has been there, this trip might call for your most conservative clothes since the grandparents are from a much different generational mindset” and not, “the way you dress, they will think you’re a dirty woman.” Sometimes it might be a darned if you do and darned if you don’t situation.
On the one hand, your friend would likely be very distraught if she came back without the approval and felt like she should have been warned by you, on the other hand, sometimes being a good friend is actually being able to take the risk to convey information that is important for a friend to know in a kind (yet direct) way.” MolassesFragrant342
Another User Comments:
“The thing is hints very often come off as incredibly passive-aggressive. It’s 100× better to be straight-up and straightforward. “Hey has your partner told you how his family is?? Because they are super conservative and incredibly judgemental. I’d recommend packing lots of formal wear and conservative outfits & fancy clothes.
I literally think the only reason they approved of me is because I was already pregnant. Only one person has ever taken a relationship forward without their approval, so it might be a stressful trip for you. I’d recommend making it easier by not giving anyone the opportunity to ‘disapprove’ of your outfits.” Dancing around the subject and then when your friend asked if you liked a dress she clearly planned to pack going, “I don’t think any of these clothes are appropriate or will win their approval” wasn’t kind and clearly didn’t communicate anything about the problem being that the people she was meeting are rigid, strict people with old-school mindsets.
And that her outfit choices weren’t wrong but more wouldn’t fit the occasion. YTJ.” excel_pager_420
8. AITJ For Implementing New Closing Time Policies As A Restaurant Manager?
“I (26M) am a new manager of a restaurant.
When I took the position, I instructed my employees to not take table service 30 minutes and takeout orders 15 minutes before the place closes.
My goal is for everyone to be able to clean up and go home at the time that the restaurant closes or shortly after.
This change was announced to our customers through our website and our social platforms.
Of course, this unfortunately did not sit well with some regular customers who, prior to this, loved to come in at 5-10 minutes before we closed and request for tables.
Prior to becoming a manager, I was a server at the restaurant, and over the course of time I was there, I observed that many regulars loved coming in late and staying 40 minutes to an hour or even longer after we closed.
I do not feel that it’s right for customers to come in and extend their stay. The time that the restaurant is closed is the time all of the customers should leave the premises if they have finished their food or maybe 15 minutes over at max but no longer.
AITJ? (please note that all of the staff members agree and are happy with my decision)
I understand that everyone will have a different opinion based on your age and belief, so if you could kindly mention which generation you belong to in your reply, it would help me kindly.”
Another User Comments:
“I was born in 95, and you are not being rude at all IMO! Closing time is closing time, I’ve worked a few fast food/restaurant jobs and one of my biggest pet peeves is customers who like to order as late as they possibly can or stay past closing.
Only the staff at the restaurant know how much time they need to clean, prep, restock, etc. And then still be able to get home, do what they need to do, and REST before they’ve got to wake up and be back at work. NTJ, it was announced and made clear.” SilverSymbiotic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anyone who works in customer service absolutely HATES it when people do this crap! Those customers/clients are entitled and will have that idiotic mindset of “__ closes at this or that time, so they are obligated to take/service me.” “They should be happy to get my money.” Or my favorite “the customer is always right.”
My mother used to do this crap until I finally told her off one day because she wanted to go to a grocery store at 10:50 pm when they close at 11 pm, because “they’re still open and will take meeee.” First off, you were home all day, so why are you deciding now to go so late at night 10 minutes before they close?
Second, I hate people like you who do that crap at the vet clinic. Just because we’re still technically open doesn’t mean anything, especially when it’s less than 10 minutes before we close and you want EVERYTHING. 30 minutes before closing is the maximum amount of time people should be coming in.
Additionally, the veterinarians are salary so they don’t get paid overtime and they’ve been, understandably, upset about having to stay an hour or so more after closing, when they aren’t getting paid for it. So we’ve also cracked down on that. Clients have to be in 30 minutes before closing.
I even told her that we (customer service workers) talk so much crap about y’all (people who come in 10 minutes or less before closing) too when y’all leave.” Careful-Listen2277
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Family full of servers, I consider FF kitchens closed 15-20 mins before closing.
For sit-down restaurants 45mins – 30mins. My behind will hit no booth if there is less than an hour before closing. It’s dining for convenience not indentured servitude. GenX 1977. Full disclosure I have come in right at closing once when my POS Ford decided to break down and left me stranded. I asked first, told them no was an acceptable answer, tipped well and ordered “whatever the heck hasn’t been claimed by employees or thrown away” and got out of their faces.
Pretty good deal actually. Got like 10 chicken tendies, some nugs, a grilled cheese, and a bucket of chicken noodle soup. Stuffed my face and kicked my POS Taurus every five minutes to work off some calories. Pays to be kind to servers.” Dragon_Bidness
7. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For An Extra Night I Won't Stay During A Birthday Trip?
“My friend is organizing a trip for her birthday in the Bahamas. It is going to be 7 girls in total. Each girl is responsible for her expenses (flight, hotel, food, etc.). Even though I covered the total cost of the hotel on my birthday trip, I didn’t hold it against her and agreed to go.
We’re supposed to go for 6 nights but I have an exam the day they’re all flying there so I am going to join them the next day, which means I will be staying 5 nights. She was aware of it and did not see any issue.
Everything was okay until she sent what everyone had to pay for the hotel in the group chat that she had made. Mind you, it is a very luxurious hotel and it is expensive even after splitting the cost. I messaged her privately and mentioned the fact that I will be staying 5 nights so I will be paying for the 5 nights only.
She ignored my private message, went into the group chat, called me selfish, and said that I’m “doing too much for a small amount of money.”
The cost per night per person is about $96. My plane ticket was $514 + $60 for a checked baggage. The activities she chose are pricey as well.
She wants to spend one day on a boat where everyone has to pay $200 AND buy a bottle of champagne. A beach club for $120. An activity that costs $75. Not to mention, we will be eating out the whole time and there are a lot of unexpected expenses that come with trips.
So it might seem like a “small amount of money” but with all the money I will be spending there, I want to save the most I can.
AITJ for refusing to pay $96 for a night I won’t spend there?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I wouldn’t put a cent toward her birthday seeing as she reacted to your legitimate request but you do you … I mean, if it was a bachelorette party, supposedly a once-in-a-lifetime event, I get it but it is a birthday!
Does she expect her friends to pay hundreds of dollars EVERY YEAR?” meanjerk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but also think if you go you should pay. Sounds like people are going and sharing rooms. It’s not an option for them to not have the room if you aren’t there.
Even though you paid for hotels on your bday trip this is a different structure. She should have chatted with you about it separately instead of the public shaming. She also should have said she’d cover it – since you paid for her hotel – or offered something else to make up for it.
But don’t turn it into a big thing. Let her know you think it’s one-sided and see what she’s said. If it keeps happening then it may become time to evaluate whether or not you want her as a friend.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Honestly, I’ve done trips with partial room splits both ways. The room just split evenly and the room split by what nights people actually stayed. There was one time it was a discussion about if things should be split by bed space (couples paid less) or individual head count.
Things get weird. For the most part, no one wanted hurt feelings and weren’t too terribly worried about the individual arrangements. At the end of the day, the split was cheaper than having an individual accommodation regardless. You’re coming across as cheap, they’re coming across as inconsiderate.
This is one of those cases where people are going to view things differently. Is this a hill you’re willing to die on? Maybe it is. If you’ve explained your opinion of fairness and they disagree, you can either deal with it or bow out.
Do remember that winning an argument isn’t always worth it.” bamatrek
6. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Pay For My Tattoo Cover-Up?
“I (21NB) recently got a tattoo I thought my sister (17F) designed. That was a couple of months ago and since then it’s become the strangest thing to ever happen to me. It turns out the tattoo is the Eroda fish from a Harry Styles music video; I do not care for Harry Styles.
My sister made this drawing in her sketchbook over two years ago when she was a fan of Harry and forgot that it was associated with him. It was an innocent mistake but now I have a Harry Styles tattoo. Initially, I was shocked and horrified but at this point, it’s pretty funny and bizarre.
I still want to get a cover-up, however, and I don’t have much money. My sister lives at home and works part-time, and I work full-time and live with roommates. I told my parents I was going to ask her to pay for half of the cover up and they were both pretty unsupportive of the idea.
My dad said my sister doesn’t have the money to pay for it, but I reminded him I also don’t have the money to pay for it and it’s not my fault I’m in this situation.
My parents were unsympathetic to my situation in the first place, and I think my sister needs to take responsibility for this mistake because it’s something permanent that I have to deal with.
By not having her contribute, it would be a financial burden on me, and I don’t think she would understand how important it is and how she needs to be more careful in the future. My sister and I are on good terms and able to laugh about the situation, and I haven’t talked to her about her financial situation but she doesn’t have any expenses.
It’s a stretch for me when I want to get a tattoo in the first place, and the work I want to get done on it will be expensive. Should I just pay for it to avoid creating a rift between me and my family, or should I double down on having her contribute?
ETA – she told me it was an original piece because she didn’t remember what it was from. She was passing it off as her own, so I didn’t research it.”
Another User Comments:
“Googled the dude and his tattoo to see what this thing looked like.
It’s a generic fish tattoo. There is nothing super unique about it; he’s not the first or only person in the world to get a tattoo of a fish. He’s covered in tattoos. Want a bird? A skeleton? A heart? Tough. He already has those; no one else is allowed to get one.
It’s your body so do what you want but YTJ for blaming your sister or expecting her to pay for “fixing” it.” TahiniInMyVeins
Another User Comments:
“Your sister has to take responsibility for your dumb decision-making? And no one is supportive of that idea?
I wonder why that might be. Any guesses? You’re the one that did this and you’re the one that needs to take responsibility. At 21, you shouldn’t be making messes and expecting others to clean it up. Don’t talk about responsibility until you know what it actually means.
This is a financial burden because you’re an idiot. Not because of your sister. You’re the older sibling. Grow up and set a good example instead of being a brat and a leech. This is embarrassing. YTJ.” GiveBirthSurfAndTerf
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – how on Earth is it your sister’s fault that you didn’t know what the heck you were getting tattooed on you?
As someone who is covered in ink, and who has several tattoos that I got when I was young and dumb (and I regret), I have NO ONE to blame but myself for the tattoo choices. No one forced you to get that design. You opted to get it and didn’t do any research on what it was/meant.
I would highly suggest not getting ANY more tattoos unless you take the time to properly research the design, etc.” ImAScurred1138
5. AITJ For Wanting A Dryer Instead Of A Clothesline?
“I’m a mom of 4. 2 (full-time) stepkids, 2 biological. Ages 17, 15, 4, and 2. My husband works 3rd four days a week and although it’s only 4 days a week, if you factor in his sleep and commute, I see him maybe 45 minutes of days he works, so 4 days out of the week I pretty much do everything.
We have enough money put back for about a month and a half worth of bills or whatever in case something were to happen. Not a lot I know, but we’re not completely broke.
Our dryer broke the other day and I’m not even asking for a NEW one.
We can get a used one for about $300, but instead of getting a used one he brings home a darn clothesline as a “temporary fix”. His temporary fixes ALWAYS end up being permanent. I mean it really just feels like that’s a slap in the face.
Like, “You don’t have enough to do so here, here’s a darn clothesline. Get to work.” And God forbid I were to take any of his money and buy one myself. He’d be sulky for a month if I touched any of his precious money.
So am I the jerk for not wanting to do laundry like it’s the year 1750?”
Another User Comments:
“Why is it “his money”? You’re married it should be your money as well as his money. You’re also raising four children, a very emotionally and physically consuming task.
He’s not making you a partner in the marriage he’s calling the shots. Stand up for yourself. Tell him as long as there’s a clothesline outback he will no longer do laundry. If he thinks it’s a good idea on his three days off a week he can do the laundry.
Otherwise, he better buy a dryer. Further you need to have a talk about his money versus your family money. I hope he has some positives. Good luck, NTJ.” PilotEnvironmental46
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Does he do any of the laundry? Was the idea of a clothesline as a temporary fix brought up before he bought one?
What do you mean, “his” money? Doesn’t he have clothes that need washing, too? Clotheslines are great in theory. They’re good for the environment, the clothes smell great, no nasty lint filters, blablabla. Then there’s the reality: birds poop on the clothes, you invariably drop clean clothes on the ground trying to hang them up, they get wound around the clothesline and don’t dry, and then there’s rain.
And dust. NTJ. But it sounds like there might be much bigger issues lurking behind the “here’s a rope” thing?” NoreastNorwest
Another User Comments:
“You clearly don’t live in Australia. Developed country, high average family income, most people use a clothesline. So that 1750s comment is completely inaccurate, plenty of affluent families in developed nations use a clothesline because the clothes last longer, more environmentally friendly and ironing is way easier so you make back all your time plus some.
In saying that while I don’t think you’re a jerk for wanting a dryer, if you only have 6 weeks’ worth of savings and one income I’m not entirely certain you can afford a dryer. That’s a tiny buffer zone. Can’t the teens start doing their own laundry and you and your husband do the rest together until you have a bit more saved up?
Personally, I’d be too nervous if I was living on such a razor-thin financial edge to make large purchases. Also line dried clothes last longer, look nicer, and are super easy to iron if they need ironing at all.” throwAWweddingwoe
4. AITJ For Waking My Mom Up Early To Support A Grieving Family?
“I, a 16-year-old female, have been working (nannying) for this one family for 5 years.
They’ve pretty much adopted me into the family and I spend pretty much every summer watching their kids.
A few weeks ago I found out that the grandfather of the kids who I watch got diagnosed with leukemia (about 1 1/2 months ago). So this week when I went to watch the kids the dad of the kids told me that his dad’s cancer was getting worse (his b***d count was 2.8 and he had a fungal infection).
Them being my second family, I also hurt because they hurt.
This morning I woke up at 5:30 because I had this awful feeling something happened. I reached over and grabbed my phone to a text from the kids’ mom saying that her father-in-law just died. She asked me if I could come over early today.
I told her yes, I’ll be there at 10. I woke my mom up at 6:05 and she said okay I’ll take you in a bit. I went into the kitchen and made breakfast to take to the family and to say sorry for waking my mom up.
I knocked on her door around 9:30 asking if she was about ready. She flipped out and started screaming “yes yes I’m freaking ready let’s go let’s go”. We got in the car and started off.
She said that I was being an inconsiderate jerk for waking her up since it wasn’t an emergency.
She screamed at me for the entire ride and when I said “yep” she threatened to stop me from going to my driving test. I know saying yep probably wasn’t the best thing to say in the moment but I apologized profusely. She told me that she didn’t even want breakfast and I was just trying to get on her good side.
She said I never think about her and only do things when I want and then said that I always put her out but never do that for (client who just lost family member).
My mom is an insomniac and I feel bad because she doesn’t get to bed until usually 3 am so waking up at 6 am can be hard.
I feel terrible but I’m really torn on what to do, she said she’s gonna wake me up at 6 am for the next two weeks as punishment and not let me take my driver’s test. I want to make it up to her because I truly do feel bad but I don’t think it makes me a jerk.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ unless there’s more to it. Her reaction and punishment are very strongly exaggerated and a little crazy. Not letting you take a driving test?! What kind of punishment is that? It will only make her drive you to places longer and create more situations like this.
I suggest having a serious talk about your mom’s problems about you in general or start to plan moving out when you can. Insomnia doesn’t justify her reaction, nothing does. I’m very sorry you have to deal with that.” fancyboop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom went a bit nuts here.
That 6 AM punishment is petty and weird. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume it has something to do with the stress and exhaustion brought about by insomnia, but I think her reaction was really inappropriate. This might not have been an actual emergency, but it’s probably as close as you can get without it being an actual emergency.
At the very least, it was an incredibly important day to be there for help and support. Was “yep” great? No, but I’ve been there. You just wanted the yelling to stop and that’s what came out. My dad used to take all of my teenage mistakes as personal attacks against him.
Levels of shouting and attacks on my character that were way disproportionate to what happened were unfortunately the norm. (We’re in a much better place now.) IMO all of this is going to blow over, but it might be good to ask your mom if she’s doing okay when things calm down.” thefanciestcat
Another User Comments:
“INFO – Is your mother really going to wake you up at 6 AM or was that just hyperbole said in the heat of the moment? I mean realistically to do that she would also have to wake up early which she doesn’t like doing.
That said I think your mother had an extreme reaction but the whole episode seems extreme. Why does she need 3 hours to drive you somewhere? Most people I know who have to drop off a kid in a car throw on a sweatshirt and a pair of sunglasses and grab a cup of coffee en route.
They don’t need the same amount of time that would be necessary if they were actually going to work or the equivalent. Heck, many people dress like this to run errands like grocery shopping. Also – and not blaming you – but if you know that your mother would only have 3 hours of sleep why wouldn’t you tell the family that getting there at that time is difficult because you have no transportation?
They could then offer to reimburse for Uber which wouldn’t be unreasonable since you were doing them a favor. Also – and not excusing your mother for her extreme reaction, the death of the grandfather of a family that you work for is really not something most people would care about except on a very general level of realizing that it is a sad event for the family and friends of the grandfather.” Jujulabee
3. AITJ For Charging My Annoying Cousin An Extra Fee For Her Wedding Dress?
“I have a full-time job but on the side, I design and sew custom gowns and outfits for people. I don’t take on a lot of projects or make a lot of money off of it which is why I still have a day job, so I have a lot of discretion as to what jobs I do take on.
When I’m not interested in doing a specific project or the client is giving me a headache, I add a “jerk fee” to the quote – usually somewhere between 15-25% of the original quote idea I had for them. If they don’t take it because it’s too expensive, I don’t have to deal with it anymore.
If they take it anyway, I get enough money to make the headache worth my time. Win-win.
My cousin just announced her engagement, and she wants me to make a reception dress for her. I don’t really like this cousin and she’s incredibly nitpicky, so I’m really going to have a headache meeting her demands.
So I added the jerk fee. This put the dress out of her budget. She’s been going around telling people how I was “cruel” and how I “couldn’t just do a favor for family.”
I was talking with another cousin and the topic of the dress came up.
He mentioned that I should cut her some slack just once and that a discount could be like my wedding gift to her. I stood my ground and mentioned that I thought it would be too stressful and that I gave the quote I did factoring in the stress.
Now not only does he think I’m the jerk, but my extended family has found out and is fairly split about it. so AITJ for adding a jerk fee?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A friend cleans houses for a living. She absolutely adds a PITA (Pain In The A) charge to some people.
Sewing a gown is an intimate commission. You will have to listen to her complain, she will complain about gaining weight, losing weight, and likely blame you when it doesn’t fit just perfectly. You absolutely deserve to be adequately compensated for all of it.
All the complaining. All the stress. All the nitpicking. All the headaches. You deserve to be paid for all of it. That is the fee you are adding. And you deserve it.” Algebralovr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your time is worth what you decide it is worth.
I love baking and don’t mind doing it for free because my poor husband can’t eat everything I make. But if someone annoying is asking about baking a cake or party desserts, you bet your sweet behind I’m charging the jerk fee. It’s compensation for the time I spend putting up with you that normally I wouldn’t.
Don’t want a fee, be less sucky to be around, I guess.” flyin_high_flyin_bi
Another User Comments:
“So the jerk fee is something you charge during your side job, which from how you describe is a form of self-employment? You provide a specific service with your talents and you’re within your right to charge whatever you can get away with.
If they pay it, it’s legitimate. I’d refer to it as something else on the invoice though. I saw one car insurance bill call something a “statistical assessment recoupment” and I still don’t have a clear idea what that is. So charge them an “Accelerated Handling recoupment” fee or something, then just hand wave it as part of the expenses for the job when they ask.
NTJ.” Fragholio
2. AITJ For Not Letting My SIL Borrow Our Only Reliable Car For A Long Trip?
“My SIL (34) asked my husband (32) if she could take our vehicle on a 16-hour round-trip drive to take her stepdaughter back to her mom’s.
My SIL wants to take our vehicle because her 2018 Jeep has the check engine light on. Her vehicle was bought for her family by someone on our BIL’s side. So she makes no payment on it, she just pays insurance and maintenance. My husband and I have a 2022 Kia but it’s the only reliable vehicle we have.
Our other vehicle is a 2004 Chevy. Our system is, whoever transports our child drives the Kia since it’s more reliable and has more safety features.
I told my husband I think my SIL should take her car somewhere to have the codes read and that they should consider fixing their vehicle or taking it depending on the problem.
I’m not comfortable with them taking our car because we still owe money on it, she’s not on our insurance, but most importantly we’d be out of our only reliable vehicle until she’s back.
He told me that they don’t really have the money to fix it if there is something wrong.
And that it would be more convenient for her to take our car and for us to drive hers in town since it won’t be as hard on whatever’s wrong.
But my problem with all of that is that if something were to happen she likely won’t have the money to fix it, tow it, etc. And I’m not sure how insurance would play out in a situation like that.
So am I the jerk for telling him I’m not comfortable with her taking our car?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She doesn’t have money to fix her car, she won’t have the money to repair yours either. Guaranteed there will be damage done to your vehicle, not to mention the wear and tear.
IT’S ALSO A BRAND NEW CAR!!!!!! No, tell her I said no! If she wants to have a discussion, send her to me. Can you guys offer to assist in finding out what is wrong with the Jeep? Also, with gas prices the way they are, flying the stepdaughter back would be cheaper.” Shoo_B_Doo_B_Doo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your sister-in-law needs to take responsibility for her situation and her stuff. She needs to get her car checked. The check engine light might be something as simple as a sensor getting (in my mechanic’s words) gummed up, but it could also be something more serious.
Your position on this is reasonable.” magnus_the_fish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I knew this just from reading your title. Your car, your rules. Besides, if this is her stepdaughter, where’s her husband and his fam in all this? It’s possible none of them can help, but that doesn’t mean her fam has to do it.
Obviously, she and her husband need better planning for this stuff, including getting that car checked. If I was in her situation, I’d rent a car. It’ll probably be cheaper than what she’ll end up paying in gas.” maricopa888
1. AITJ For Telling My Neighbor To Leash Her Dog?
“Someone down the street from me will not keep their dogs in their yard, I am constantly seeing their German short-hair chasing the feral cat colony here (I’ve had to stop it a couple of times from killing cats) and running around the neighborhood free.
Normally it stays closer to the backyard since its house is like behind us but across the street but today it and its little chihuahua friend was running down the street in front of my house while my dogs were out (on tie-outs).
I could see the owner behind our house in the alley so I yelled at the owner from my front yard that they needed to keep their dogs leashed because my dog isn’t friendly to other dogs and will hurt it to which she replied it just got off the leash.
As if I didn’t live here and see the dog constantly running free, so I yelled back no I live here, I see that dog running free all the time, keep it leashed up. And she grabbed her dog and went home.
Am I the jerk for yelling at my neighbor like that or is it justified?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I live in a rural city & have this issue as well. My dogs are territorial. I ended up with seven puppies when my husband’s cousin wouldn’t leash theirs. It’s aggravating. I had to fence almost an acre to prevent it.
Expensive. People claim to love their pets and then let them terrorize the neighborhood. Not everyone loves your dog & just because they seem friendly doesn’t mean they are like that towards everyone or every situation. But I take as much issue with the cats as I do with the dogs.
And I am going to be furious if I end up running over someone’s dog because they are too lazy to take their dog out or leash them outside. I shouldn’t have to live with that. Why have a pet if you aren’t going to love & care for it?!” kelly08howell
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My parents live in a neighborhood and the rule was your dog could not roam around the neighborhood without a leash. Plot twist, the owners of the neighborhood (it was like an HOA without actually being condos) always let their dog roam around the neighborhood…their dog would constantly come into our garage and eat our cat’s food that was stored out there.
Luckily the dog was nice and kid me always enjoyed seeing her trot down the hill behind us, but it was extremely hypocritical. Luckily the dog was nice and not vicious, but it was kinda crappy of the neighbors to try to enforce the rule on everyone else but not themselves.” 1000Vikings
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve had neighbors like this before. They would just open up their front door and let their dogs run around the neighborhood. I had to constantly chase them off so that I could let my dogs out to go potty in peace.
Was tired of cleaning up other people’s dog and cat crap in my yard as well. I have my own animals to pick up after. I shouldn’t have to do it for the whole neighborhood. One neighbor had 6 dogs that would get out multiple times a day every day.
I’d corral them towards their house every time I saw them. She blamed it on her little kids opening the door so I suggested putting a small baby gate on her front porch to stop them from constantly getting loose when the front door was opened, but she never listened. Her little Yorker ended up biting a lady who was trying to save it from another dog trying to attack it.
Lady said she wouldn’t report it if they could show proof of rabies and of course they couldn’t so the dog had to be left at a vet which is really expensive after animal control got involved. Of course the neighbor didn’t want to accept any responsibility for her dog biting the lady.” robot1513
