People Appreciate What We Have To Say About Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories

“My four-year-old daughter and I live with family. I really appreciate my family for allowing us to stay while I work on getting our own place and whatnot. There is tension… Not that it applies to the story but I am disabled and waiting on disability approval. I moved with my daughter out of state due to an extremely abusive relationship.

I do buy my own food and contribute to the household, including chores. I make sure our space is clean and that I clean up any messes my daughter or I make. Point being is that I am trying to be the best guest I can be.

I have done a number of different things to help our situation but at this point, it’s a waiting game.

My daughter just had her 4th birthday. She had the stomach flu that night and then everyone else got sick. So, she didn’t get a chance to have any more of her cake.

Today, I go to pull something out of the fridge and the entire cake is gone. I look over and the case is sitting on the counter, empty… There was half a cake left out of a 10-inch cake. That’s a lot. I knew immediately who ate it… My seventeen-year-old niece.

How do I know this? Because she has a problem, at least I suspect, with binge eating. She and I are both um, fluffy. She has taken my food before. I wouldn’t have minded if she took a piece or if she takes a small amount but she doesn’t… She takes the whole thing.

Blocks of cheese, an entire box of cereal after it was opened and one serving was taken, bags of chips after they are opened. She doesn’t have a specific food. I don’t do this, I have medical conditions, and medications like steroids, so my fluffiness is a little different than hers.

I can totally understand food cravings but I have never binged.

I understand depression. I have it, been managing with it for a long time now. Still, my depression has never caused me to seek food as a dopamine fix or coping mechanism.

I saw my niece in the hallway and asked to speak with her.

Yeah, I was mad. I basically told her that I didn’t care too much about the other food but that this was crossing the line. That among all the other tons of snacks, including the ones she buys for herself, that she felt the need to eat a four-year-old’s birthday cake is nonsense.

She shrugged her shoulders and gave an apathetic, “sorry.”

My jaw dropped and I just said, “what?” I rolled my eyes and told her that she needed to think about why she did it. She shrugged again and I walked away. I did try to talk to her mother, my sister, later.

At first, she was angry with me but then her mood changed. She said that she should not have done that but that it’s another reason why we should find another place to live. That I should not have said anything to her daughter because she was going to keep doing it and it probably didn’t help her situation anyway.

Now, my niece has not been diagnosed. She doesn’t want therapy and my sister doesn’t want to push her into it.”

​Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but your sister and niece are huge jerks. Your niece is almost an adult. Even with an ED, she absolutely should have enough self-control to not take a child’s cake.

Her reaction to you confronting her just shows she doesn’t care about you or your daughter’s feelings. Your sister is a bigger jerk for just enabling her daughter and refusing to get her any help, and also suggesting you should GTFO soon. If you can, stay with someone else until you can get your place, or your relationship with your sister may be ruined because I doubt this will get any better.” Another_Loner

Another User Comments:

“That is the sound of your sister telling you that you have worn out your rent-free welcome, and you need to speed up your alternate living situation. She is done. She is paying all the bills while you throw out some groceries and get mad when someone eats some of them.

While it hurts that this was leftover birthday cake, it is a reminder that you are living on charity in someone else’s home. Of course she is going to protect her child in her own house. You don’t say how long you’ve been living with your sister and niece but it’s longer than they are comfortable with.

You can try labeling your special foods, but your sister just said ‘your’ food is open to the household so accept it, be grateful you aren’t on the streets, and get moving finding another place and some income. Maybe you can move in with some different relatives for a time.

Maybe you can get help with your issues so you can work instead of claiming disability. Maybe you can hit the child’s father for child support or seek more support from state or local institutions. The bottom line is you are responsible for yourself and any children you create.

You can dictate who eats leftovers in your own home when you make one. For now, buy another cake, give a piece to your daughter and one to your niece, and then cut the leftovers into pieces and label them. It is a cheap price for a place to live and household harmony.

Good luck, OP. No jerks here/ESH.” Avlonnic2

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Depression and binge eating issues aside, it’s simply common courtesy not to eat another person’s food without asking – especially food that has emotional significance like a birthday cake. I’ve struggled with depression and binge eating too, but there are lines you just don’t cross.

This is literally like taking candy from a baby. Binge eating is an addiction and she may not have been able to stop herself from fixating on the cake, but people with addictions aren’t unthinking zombies. Controlling binge eating every day with nothing but willpower is next to impossible, but stopping yourself from eating a particular food for a day or two is very possible.

It’s common for binge eaters to eat in secret and to minimize what they’ve eaten, so her lack of a real apology isn’t surprising. Hopefully, you’ll be able to move out soon! In the meantime, buy your kid a single slice of cake or a cupcake, let her eat it in front of your niece, and throw away any leftovers.” shinkouhyou