People Get Annoyed In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Pulling Out of a Family Holiday I Don't Want to Attend?
“So just for some context, this family ‘holiday’ is in 2 weeks, and we did one last year as well (although without my partner)
The holiday is in the country, close for my family to drive to.
It’s 2 and a half days (We’ll miss one because of work). For context, my mum said I have to go “because it’s family”. For the record, neither my sibling nor my mum want to go even though she’s the one who planned it
We will have to drive for a total of 6 hours. We will get there earliest at 11 pm and then try to be pressured into drinking (my parents traumatized me about drinking, and it took me years to even think about drinking, I still barely drink now)
The family holiday is to celebrate a couple of big birthdays this year, (Aunt turning 50, Sister turning 30, Grandma turned 60). When explaining this to everyone, my mum completely forgot that I turned 21 this year, and then half-heartedly said they’d include me
Things like this have happened a lot, where I just get left out with my family.
For context my brother and sister planned something for Mother’s Day without telling me, I only found out when it was mentioned the next day (my mum just told me she was busy that day).
Me and my partner are moving out the weekend before to our first apartment, and I am starting my job that week which I’m super excited about!
The family weekend is going to cost us £400, which would be way better saved/spent on necessities (we haven’t even bought a microwave yet), and neither of us has had our first paychecks yet
I never wanted to go to this family holiday, but I was told we have to because we’re “adults and adults have to do things they don’t want to do”.
My mum is kinda controlling and always has been, she spent 20 minutes talking to me, in front of my partner, about how she raised me to be independent, and not to follow a man. She also suggested me and my partner break up for a year during university so we could “focus on our studies”.
Then she had my sister invite me over, and then she spent a few hours also telling me that our mum raised us independent and to not just follow a man around, and she suggested we live apart for 6 months and see how we feel.
For added context, my partner got a job in a different area of the UK, and I started applying for jobs in the same area ( I would’ve moved out even if I and my partner weren’t together)
My family is also insanely close, and my sister and her family are seeing my parents every weekend.
My visiting every 2 weeks isn’t often enough for them, and when I do come over they sit with us for an hour and then start gardening
Overall, I just feel I need space to spread my wings without my mum trying to control every aspect of my life, and I honestly don’t have the funds to spend, especially £100 for a private chef!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Yeah she didn’t raise you to let a man boss you around, she raised you to let *her* boss you around! Adults DON’T have to do things they don’t want to do, that’s pretty much one of the only perks of being one.
Sounds like she’s been steamrolling you your whole life, and not giving a darn about your wants or needs. Time to start laying down some boundaries.” ididitforcheese
Another User Comments:
“Tell them you can’t because of the new job. Send a card as suggested and call it a day.
Sounds like it’s only a party fest anyway I don’t think you’re as close to your family as you think from reading this post. You were left out of the Mother’s day get-together. Even your mother excludes you. I’m guessing you’re the oldest – I say that because it seems to be the case that the oldest are overlooked Don’t feel bad over it .” FredStone2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I know I probably not going to be popular for saying you NTJ. But the only important family get-togethers are holidays. I know the whole excuse you don’t know how much time you have left with the older ones, but let’s be honest good memories are better than horrible ones.
Edit: PS Being an independent woman doesn’t mean no man” drownigfishy
19. AITJ For Considering Not Paying For My Daughter's College After She Mocked Her Injured Step-Brother?
“I (44M) am a widower of a previous marriage and so is my wife (42F). She has a son (19M) from her previous marriage and I have a daughter (17F) as well. We were in a relationship for roughly 5 years before being married for 3 years now and our kids have known each other since the beginning, no major fights or weirdness besides getting to know someone else as a parent/guardian.
My stepson was a tremendous athlete in basketball and I used to play in college at a school I’m sure none of you heard of. Regardless, I know the ins and outs of basketball and when he asked me to coach him, I was more than happy to.
Turns out that he was good, really good. Division 1 good. My wife is a controller and I’m a pharmacist, together, we make a very, very comfortable living, but are not rich. So when my stepson was getting scholarship offers for basketball, I realized we could pay for my daughter’s college in full and neither of them would have any student loan debt when they graduate.
A plan that I shared with my daughter, which I think was a mistake to begin with.
These plans changed when my stepson tried riding on someone else’s motorcycle, with their permission, but with zero training, and got badly injured in a ensuing crash. He lost part of his hand and foot, not life threatening, but basketball ending.
This happened last year and my stepson has been in a deep depression that we’re desperately trying to bring him out of, but he feels like his entire identity got ripped away in the blink of an eye. He’s been in counseling and prescribed medication but it has not helped thus far.
Recently he confided in me that the pills he’s on have unfortunate side effects and wants to stop them. I told him the important thing is that he’s with us, but he can bring that up with his doctor next visit.
Fast forward about 2 weeks.
I’m upstairs looking for something in my room and I heard my daughter talking to her friends on her phone about college. The conversation turned towards her brother and she said she “can’t wait to be gone, I’m tired hearing him (her brother) cry every day” and saying his hand is gross I knew “spirits” in the house has shifted since he became injured, but I didn’t think she felt this type of way.
I was gonna talk to her later about this, but then I heard her laughing about him.
At that, I was furious.
I stormed in her room, took her phone, laptop, car keys and TV out of her room. I told her she should be ashamed of how she’s talking about her brother and he might do something permanent if he heard you talking about him like that.
When my wife got home, we talked about what happened and while she’s proud of the way I stood up for my stepson, she thinks it’s too far to also not pay for her college, since we could easily do so.
WIBTJ if I don’t pay for my daughter’s college?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So you found your dream son, and your daughter had to take a back seat to your amazing new “son.” He’s the golden boy, and she’s just a girl. Was what she said okay? No. Was she unkind and resentful? Yes.
The fact that you WANT to destroy her life because she was unkind to your precious son shows her very clearly exactly who you are and how little you value her. What was she doing during all the hours you spent coaching and mentoring your shiny new son?
Who was mentoring her? Who was listening to her struggles? Who was laughing and joking with her while you were bonding with your new best buddy? Even your wife values your daughter far more than you do. Why not just drop her off at the nearest bus station and be done.
That way, she can’t interfere with your precious boy.” AdOne8433
Another User Comments:
“YTJ This is not a proportionate response. Your son did something very dumb, and unfortunately he’s dealing with lifelong consequences from that. But his actions are also having immediate and lifelong consequences for your daughter.
She’s lost a lot of your attention during an important transitional point in her life (preparing for college, completing high school) and she may now start her life with a lot more debt because college funds are now likely to be split. Your daughter needs to work on empathy, but so do you – you seem to have no clue the extent to which your son’s actions are impacting your daughter.” thirdtryisthecharm
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First. This is not your daughter’s “brother.” It is your wife’s son. Secondly, your daughter is your actual kid. Yet you’re going to make a permanent decision over her future over just overhearing private thoughts about your wife’s son who put himself in this situation?
I’ve seen parents sell out their own kids in order to favor a new spouse or their kids, but wow this takes it to a whole new level.” QuesoDelDiablos
18. AITJ For Wearing a Pronoun Pin at Our Family-Owned Store?
“I (37NB) and my mother (72F) own a store in a rural town together. I came out to her as nonbinary last year but she has never referred to me as anything other than her daughter despite paying heavy lip service to being accepting of LGBT+ people and having gay friends.
Despite this, when I tried to come out to her in college, she asked if I was doing it because it was popular and since I married my wife she’s consistently been trying to undermine the love we have for each other.
So like I said.
Lip service.
Anyway, I got a very modest “they/them/theirs” button not too long ago and put it on my shirt. Mom saw it and…asked me if “we have to wear political things in the store?”
I asked how it was political, to which she said it would be the same if she wore something like a political party pin or a “Justice for [oppressed group] pin.
I asked again why it was political or how it compared to either of those. She then changed her approach and said it was unprofessional. I asked how it was unprofessional and got the response “It just is.” I asked her to explain how it was unprofessional and she said “You wouldn’t see bankers or Wall Street professionals wearing a button like that”.
I responded that I’ve seen doctors wearing them. She was getting visibly angry at this point and said that they shouldn’t be wearing them. I asked if it would be better if it was a pin. Things devolved quickly from there: asking if she was going to have to turn her request into a demand, I still kept my cool despite internally fuming as I was asking why it’s so wrong to want people to address me the way I want them to, to her saying I was giving customers the information they didn’t need. I eventually asked if I took off the pin, would she refer to me correctly?
She said she’d call me whatever I wanted. (Since this fight she has continued to refer to me exclusively by my AGAB despite this). I eventually caved, took off the pin, and went about the rest of my day.
Come closing time, I went to leave without hugging her and she tried to hug me when I was heading out.
I kept it cold and professional. She told me I was allowed to be mad at her. I told her that I wish she’d stop pretending to accept me. She looked aghast at me and said she did. I told her no, she doesn’t, because if she did, she wouldn’t have done what she did earlier, and that I have seen bankers and other “professionals” wearing pins, and then said goodbye.
She told me to grow up, to which I responded with a very even “why don’t you?” To which she told me to grow up again as I was walking out the door.
Later that night she tried coming by my house and then called me, leaving a message that said “I don’t care if you’re blue, purple, or green.
You’re still my [AGAB].”
All this started because I wore a pin. So…AITJ for wearing this pin?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have seen many professionals wearing pronoun pins. They are no more political than a name badge is. Do you have any way to get away from this situation?
Your mother constantly diminishing you and lying about treating you better in the future has to be wearing you down.” Voidfishie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Sounds like your mom is the type of person to accept only when it doesn’t affect her i.e. “I don’t have a problem with gay people, but I wouldn’t want my kids to be gay!” The moment you came out as nonbinary it was now obvious that she couldn’t pretend that you weren’t a part of the LGBTQ+.
Putting on that pin put it into perspective for her. She most definitely has some internalized issues with the LGBTQ+ that she’s not addressing.” WhyNotKaren
Another User Comments:
“So NTJ! I’m female by birth and by choice. Hetero. I have minimal exposure to the LGBTQ+ community.
However, if told a preferred pronoun for someone, I would do my best to remember and address the person as they would like. It isn’t a political statement, a taboo topic (so many people argue about not wanting to know bedroom activities), or unprofessional to want to be respected for who you are.
Your mom may struggle with your identity, but that doesn’t give her the right to willfully ignore and disrespect you, or try to get others to do so by default because they aren’t aware of your pronouns.” isocommonsense
17. AITJ For Being Upset That My Ex-Wife Took Our Kids To A Planned Trip Destination Before Me?
“I informed my ex wife (Jane) back in early Sept that I would be taking our two sons to a family farm that is about a 2 hour drive out of state.
We are planning to go next weekend on Saturday the 28th. The place is amazing, I went once with my partner and her kids 2 years ago. Look it up, Cherry Crest Adventure Farm in Pennsylvania.
Last week, at the advice of a friend who has been there, Jane decided to look into the place where we were going.
She was impressed with how big the farm is and all of the activities that there were for kids of all ages. We were at our son’s soccer game and Jane mentioned that she saw the website and how she wants to take the kids there so I offered for her and her new husband, their baby, and his daughter to come along with us.
We all get along better than most “broken families”. She said she would talk to her husband, but the weekend I’m going is a weekend that her husband’s daughter is with her mother and the mother is a hard ass when it comes to changing the visitation schedule, even for a day.
This morning we’re at soccer and I asked if her and the family were going to go with us to the farm next weekend. Jane said, “No I’m taking them today because we can’t get my husband’s daughter next weekend.” I was really upset, shocked, and caught off guard.
Not that she couldn’t go next weekend, but that she actually intended to take our kids to a place I had plans made for 2 months in advance. As I was contemplating a polite way of asking her not to go today her father shows up for the game.
He and I get along, but it’s very superficial and fragile, so I don’t bring it up. Then after the game the kids are with us so I hold off again.
Once I get home I send off a text.
Excerpt:
“I am thankful for all of the wonderful opportunities you can provide for them like Disney, Great Adventure summer passes, the week long vacation in OCMD every year, and so many other things that I will likely never be able to afford.
I am grateful that our children can enjoy those experiences with you. However, I hope you understand that my financial situation is different, and I might not be able to offer them the same level of extravagance. What I lack in financial resources, I try to compensate with love, time, and the genuine desire to make meaningful memories with our boys.
These moments might not always involve expensive outings, but they are filled with love, laughter, and genuine connection. It’s not about competing with the experiences you can provide; rather, it’s about ensuring that I, too, can have the chance to share quality time and create lasting bonds with our children.”
Her excuse is that the kids will have just as much fun going again next weekend. From experience I already know that next weekend is going to be, “oh we did that with Mommy,” on repeat for the day.”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you are going to have to let your ex know how much fun your kids *had* on the next outing.
She can’t do the outing before you-if she doesn’t know it’s happening. (Making absolutely sure you are following the guidelines of your custody agreement, of course). NTJ for being upset. You had the idea first, and she is stealing it. Not cool of her to do that.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s completely understandable that you are upset, you planned a great trip for you and your kids and now it won’t have the same impact that it would have. I looked up the place, looks like a lot of fun.
I did notice that next weekend is the last weekend that it’s open for the rest of the year, I can see why your ex planned her trip for this weekend since she wanted to share it with her stepdaughter. It sucks for you but it looks like there’s a lot to do there so maybe you’ll still find fun new activities to do next weekend.
I hope that you and your boys still have a great time.” snarkyshark83
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are also being overly polite. Co-parenting doesn’t quite mean asking for permission. (Other than whatever is in the custody agreement). A better text is something Mike hey- you taking the kids to the farm I was already planning on is not okay.
I informed you of our plans as we are supposed to coparent and communicate. But this crossed a line as I planned something special and you essentially took that away. Let’s make sure we respect one another more going forward Or something. She doesn’t see it so the other option is to inform after.
Sadly, it might be the only way as she doesn’t see the issue” Innerouterself2
16. AITJ For Not Rescheduling My Recital To Attend My Niece's Graduation?
“I love my niece a lot! I’m the youngest sibling and I’m widowed and childless. Of all of my sisters’ kids, one niece and I have been really close.
She’s an only child and kinda considered me the “fun Aunt.” She was the flower girl at my wedding. She’s confided in me about things. I’ve always cherished our relationship. I’m so proud of her graduating college, and I’ve been looking forward to it for years.
However, things happened this summer that changed this dynamic. My niece’s mom (my sister), our mom, and I went on vacation this summer. I drove my car. My sister – who I love- can be extremely annoying and difficult to be around. There are topics we have decided to never discuss because we both get upset.
That said, she still brings up these topics on occasion. When she does this, I ask her to please change the topic. When she doesn’t, I leave the room. It’s gotten really bad at times. Another sister of ours hates being around her.
Even our mom has gotten the vitriol at times. So going on vacation was probably not a good idea. Nevertheless, we did. After biting my tongue for two days at her constant inability to “read the room” and belittling me for crazy things (like how quickly I walked through a crosswalk), I lost it.
My mom did not stick up for me at the time. She now realizes what really happened and understands me getting upset. I’d simply had enough. I really wanted to get in the car and drive home. I felt completely alone and ganged up on.
I decided that I would never again go on vacation with her. We tried to talk things out, but it never really resolved.
So, about a month later, I was cleaning out my closet and decided to offer her some of my really nice clothes that I was purging.
This was in my heart an olive branch. She didn’t text me back. My niece explained that my sister was busy painting her house. Ok. But then I committed the unforgivable sin! I disagreed with her in a social media post where our aunt had asked a question.
After that, she blocked my texts and unfriended me.
I am a music teacher, and I have a large private studio. I scheduled our next recital months ago. I’ve booked the location. Recital music has been assigned.
I got a text yesterday from my mom saying that my sister texted her saying that my niece will be sending out graduation invitations and that my niece wants both mom and I there.
It’s the same date as the recital
We live 6 hours away, so there’s no way I can do both. I might could change the date, but the other two options are no-gos. It really has to be the date I scheduled! I talked with my mom and my other sister.
I will of course be giving a nice gift to my niece, and I’m going to invite her to visit after she graduates. I’m sick that I’m going to miss it, but I don’t want to move heaven and earth – probably forcing some students out of the recital – when I know my sister doesn’t even want me there.
She didn’t even text me about it but our mom.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just deal directly with your niece and let her know about the time conflict and how sorry you are that you cannot be in two places at one time.
Remind her what she means to you, include your present, and invite her to visit with you soon. These things happen and hopefully, she will understand. As for your sister, if she’s that difficult and unreasonable, it’s unlikely you are going to change her no matter what you do.
Just accept that and do you best to do right by all. That is all anyone can expect from you.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your sister really has nothing to do with it. Your niece loves you and wants you to be there to celebrate her accomplishment with her, and you love your niece and want to be there too but unfortunately already have an unmovable work commitment.
Reach out directly to your niece, express your sadness and disappointment at being unable to attend, congratulate her, and then invite her out to visit you after graduation whenever you both have time for some fun aunt-niece bonding time.” Better2021Everyone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Op, I’m sorry, but you buried the lead here. Based on your replies to others, your sister isn’t a factor in this. You scheduled a recital months ago and just now found out about graduation. You specifically said it’s not really an option to move the recital even if your sister didn’t attend the graduation.
Be an adult, treat your niece like an adult and talk to her. Tell her what’s going on and make arrangements to celebrate her graduation with just the 2 of you. As for your sister, maybe NC is best.” bmw5986
15. AITJ For Not Allowing My Brother-In-Law To Bring Boxed Drinks To My Wedding?
“Me (F32) and my husband (M35) got married in our home country 2 years ago and as we are drinks lovers and in our home country is common to have an open bar, we made a big investment in the open bar part.
Essentially the package we have chosen includes unlimited craft beer and +32 cocktails to all guests for the whole night.
As my husband was sharing the planning details with pretty much everyone he knew, his sister (F29) (and her husband (M39)) heard that even though there would be many drink options.
Honestly, we did not include wine because it would also make things even more expensive, and we thought there we had plenty of options.
Six months prior to the wedding his sister casually mentioned through text something along the lines:
Her: my husband is now prepared for your wedding
My husband: how come?
Her: he bought 5 liters of wine to take to your wedding
Then she sent a picture of 5l of boxed wine
My husband: you are kidding, right?
Her: No, he actually bought the wine and he intends to take it.
My husband: where is he going to place it?
Her: in a cooler, under our table.
At that point, my husband showed me the conversation and I got really mad. I told my husband that this was a biggie no for so many reasons
1) it was extremely disrespectful that they were just informing us, without asking
2) other guests may see it and assume there is wine, which would not be available to them
3) our wedding was a rustic chic style, and having a cooler under a table would really mess the decoration
I told my husband he could blame me, but they absolutely could not bring this wine to the wedding.
My husband then said to his sister something along the line “I need to check with the decorator how we could make it work, as my future wife is not feeling great about it”. Then my husband started asking the opinion of people living in our home country what they thought about the situation, and it included one of his cousin.
Essentially, he told this cousin the whole conversation and asked if it was unreasonable we be upset with the situation. This cousin ended up telling my husband’s sister that my husband told him the situation, and his sister got very angry. Essentially she said that it was disrespectful of him tell their cousin the situation and said that they would not bring the wine anymore, but that they still did not see anything wrong with it, and this was a way of her husband’s toast with us.
In the end, my husband’s sister and BIL went to the wedding, but neither of them had not said one word to me, and barely to my husband and left really early without saying goodbye. Since then (2 years today), my husband’s sister has pretty much-cut contact with him, and even when my husband tried to reach out to talk about the situation, she refused.
So, AITJ for not letting my BIL bring boxed wine to our wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – besides it being your wedding: He’s just bringing enough for his table. If it was that important he could have said something like “You’re going all out on this, but I don’t see any wine listed. Can we work on some wine options together and I cover the cost?” OR Just do it and not say a word.
If he wanted wine that badly (and providing wine for everyone is expensive) just bring some on the side and don’t draw attention. I doubt you would have noticed on your wedding day. Or better yet, he can just go with one of the dozens of other options at his disposal.” Dismal_Detective2405
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bringing box wine? Really? We’ve all snuck drinks into dry weddings in my circle (blue laws about what can be served on Sunday were usually the reason) but the key is we snuck it in (discreet flasks in purses). No one saw or knew, and we had the bride’s blessing because those were stupid laws.
I prefer vodka, but at weddings with only beer and wine, I drink the wine. It’s one night. There is drinks on offer. That was sufficient. Where do you draw the line? Next people will be ordering pizza from receptions because they didn’t feel like having any of the catered food.” HelenaBirkinBag
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your BIL has some serious problems if he can’t go a day without drinking wine, especially when so many other drinks were available to him. It’s absolutely tasteless to bring boxed wine anywhere, much less to a wedding you’re invited to.
Good riddance to these people!” backyardchick
14. AITJ For Prioritizing My Family Over My Friend's Expectations?
“I (25f) have a friend (49F) who I’ve known for years. We started off working together and we clicked from there. I’m aware there’s a bit of an age gap however she’s been like a second parent so to speak.
For some context, my mom passed away last year. I’m one of 5 siblings the youngest was in high school at the time he was a sophomore. I and 2 of my siblings live with him and work to make it as normal of a household for him as possible.
I’m aware that he’s older and can take care of most things himself however I don’t think it’s fair at all to expect him to have to cope in this world all on his own.
The issues with my friend have started since my mom passed. She’ll ask to go out to dinner and there are times when I have to tell her no because my brother has a dr appointment or haircut or something of that nature.
A lot of the time she’ll make a comment that I’m treating him like a baby but I honestly don’t see this as a terrible thing. We have lost the single most important person in our lives and I truly don’t see how me “babying” him by taking him to get a haircut is a bad thing.
I want him to know he has people who unconditionally love him even though his mom is no longer on this earth.
Recently my friend is going out of town for a few days and has all but expected me to watch her dog. This is something in the past I would do in a heartbeat, in fact in the past I have dropped everything for her.
But at this moment in time, things are different I have a life now and I can’t drop all of my responsibilities to stay at her house(she won’t let me take the dog to my own house).
Here’s where I think I might be the jerk.
My friend’s mom passed 6 months before my own mom’s passing. I was there for her. I showed up to both the wake and the funeral, I dropped meals off, etc. I didn’t do this expecting the same energy I did this because I’ve lost important people and I understand how hard it is.
My friend on the other hand couldn’t even be bothered to show up to my mom’s funeral she showed up to the wake for a bit but refused to go into the room because it was too hard. I understand and I don’t hold it against her.
But the morning of the funeral she messaged me to tell me she wouldn’t be showing up because it’s “too hard”. I didn’t think this would be something I’d hold a grudge over but the first thought that came into my mind was she couldn’t be bothered to show up for me so why should I show up for her?
I’ve never told her that I’m still upset about it, in fact, I don’t think she ever thought I was.
So AITJ for telling her no and potentially being toxic by holding a grudge?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Relationships often have seasons, the ebb and wain.
You’re no longer in the same place in your life that you were in the past, and no longer able to be as readily available for this friend. That’s okay. And it’s perfectly normal. But be prepared; your friend may not be happy that your relationship is changing.
It may be that your life changes result in the end of this friendship. And that’s okay too. Your family needs to take priority.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I do wonder what was behind her saying your mom’s service was too hard for her.
Was it physically hard like she didn’t have transportation or emotionally hard because she was grieving her mom and it was too much? Maybe you can let go of this grudge, it’s not healthy to hold that in your heart. But you’re NTJ for putting less energy into a friendship now that your situation and needs have changed, and she’s not providing the support you need.” Esmer_Tina
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Friendships DO change over time, and it seems you are finding that you need to re-prioritize your time right now. Sometimes that’s just the way life goes. If you value saving this friendship, a heart-to-heart would definitely be to clear up the grudge, otherwise, it will be toxic as time goes on.
But I don’t think you are wrong in feeling that this relationship is a little one-sided.” DoinMybest187
13. AITJ For Preferring Expensive Daycare Over Free Childcare From My Manipulative Mother?
“I – 30(F) – have a 1.5-year-old daughter with my 30(M) husband. Our daughter has been attending daycare for 10 months since I returned to work. Childcare fees are expensive but my husband and I have been making it work and because I work part-time, I got a second job to top our funds.
My mother works part-time and on her days off looks after my brother’s children, to save my brother fund’s on daycare bills. When I was pregnant – no offer was made to me and my partner regarding looking after our daughter when I returned to work, which was fine.
My mum seemed to have enough on her plate with my brother’s kids.
Not only that, but my mother and I do not have a strong relationship. My mother can be narcissistic and very manipulative – and due to my childhood and the trauma I have because of my mother, I didn’t want or expect her to look after my daughter.
My mom is the type that fits the narrative to suit her agenda and if you don’t agree with her perspective can become a hostile and very nasty human being. She doesn’t and hasn’t to this day, taken any responsibility for the actions that caused my and my brother’s childhood trauma.
Every time we have broached the subject in the past, she’s shut us down and turned the situation back on us.
Even with all of this I still force myself to see my mom, I do it so my daughter can know her Grammy.
Recently my mother and I have reconciled and we are trying to build a better relationship for the future and for the sake of my daughter. My brother and my mom reached out to me the other day about taking my daughter out of the daycare we pay for and placing her with my mom and my brother’s kids – while I work.
It would save us a ton of funds.
However, my mother doesn’t do anything with my brother’s kids. They stay in, watch TV, play some games and do very little in the way of learning activities. I never hear of my mom taking the kids to the park or doing activities that are developmental or educational – not in the way they do at my daughter’s daycare.
My daughter’s daycare is a Montessori nursery and they do so many activities to stimulate and build the child’s development. They bring in petting farms, have culture days, library days, and sand, mud, water fun – you name it. I know my daughter is very young but I believe these things to be important in a child’s development.
When I don’t work I always do activities with my daughter. Sensory group, music classes, swimming etc. The second job I have helps me pay for all these activities.
But my husband and I are so torn. My mum having our daughter would save us nearly $600 a month – but I fear my daughter won’t be partaking in the fun and educational activities that the daycare has to offer.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t see where the issue is here. You are happy with your childcare service. Duhhh you pay them premium funds so of course they will do things. Your mom offers free, unprofessional childcare so it can’t be the same. You are happy with your choice, your brother is happy with his.
I don’t know how many children your brother has. But they are both valid choices for different reasons.” MadeCrazy
Another User Comments:
“Of course NTJ. You aren’t obligated to take her up on this offer, or to make a change you think would negatively impact your daughter.
If she is the type to take offense to this, that just shows how selfish and unreasonable she is. And it’s none of their business what this choice means for you in terms of finances. Simply say “Thank you, but we’re happy with her daycare and we don’t want to disrupt something that is working well for us.” Maybe you can turn this into something else that benefits you though like maybe you can ask if, instead of that suggestion, your mom provides OCCASIONAL babysitting in the evening or weekend so that you and hubby can go out together or do a project at the house or just relax.” owls_and_cardinals
12. AITJ For Cancelling MLM Membership My Mother-In-Law Signed Me Up For?
“My (30F) mother-in-law (65F) signed me up for her MLM company without my consent today.
My MIL hasn’t been talking to my husband (31M) for a couple of months now due to a disagreement related to horror movies & religion.
After that, she stopped talking to him.
My brother-in-law (38M) was forced to choose between my husband or his mom when there were birthday celebrations or dinners. Often he would choose my MIL because he wants his kids to spend as much time with her as possible.
That left my husband and I out of family gatherings.
This weekend is his birthday and he wanted to eat out with the rest of the family so he decided to reach out to his mom to clear the air.
He invited her to a birthday lunch with my brother-in-law’s family as well. She said she’ll go under one condition – he has to attend a seminar and sign up as her downline for her MLM company.
Wanting to keep the peace he agreed under the agreement that I would not be involved. I didn’t want any part in the MLM company. MIL reassured me that it was no problem that I didn’t want to join as long as my husband joined.
Today was the seminar. My husband went to the MLM office with my MIL. She also gave him a birthday present. 80 bottles of juices from the MLM company. He got sad, not because he wanted any birthday present, but because it seemed like she was just trying to get rid of them and disguised it as a birthday present.
Because of that, he just decided to cancel the birthday lunch the next day. He still planned to sign up for the MLM just to keep his mom happy.
She gave him funds, around 100k PHP, and told him to sign a distributor. Then she gave him more funds and told him to add me as his downline.
He resisted but she persisted and eventually signed me up.
I received a welcome email from the company. I was upset because they still signed me up even though we agreed not to. I took the matter into my own hands. I called the hotline to cancel my membership.
They said they would process it and call me back. They called my MIL while she was still with my husband. She got embarrassed and got mad at my husband.
My husband messaged me telling me to stop the cancellation but I stood my ground and proceeded.
When my husband got home and found out I continued with the cancellation, he called his mom to give her a heads-up because if she still wanted to reach her quota by next Friday, she would have to find a replacement for me.
She said that because of this, we will just have to live our lives without seeing her again.
If there are family gatherings, she will refuse to go if we are there. This again made my husband sad because, for the first time this December, his dad will be home for the holidays. His dad works abroad and is rarely home for the holidays.
So this would’ve been the first time in a long time that we’re complete as a family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your MIL signing you up for an MLM without your consent is a massive overstep. You’re an adult and she has no business making financial decisions for you.
Your husband should’ve had your back from the get-go. The fact that she’s willing to sever family ties over an MLM is a whole other level of messed up. Keep your ground, you did nothing wrong.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ And keep an eye on your finances.
Given how quickly your husband not only caved to his mother’s demands but betrayed your trust and demanded you also acquiesce to his mother’s demands, there is a very good chance he will soon be bailing out his mother financially when she inevitably fails in her lucrative business venture.
Particularly given how she is already in danger of failing to meet her quotas. Prepare yourself for a garage full of worthless products, and increasingly more expensive ‘loans’ as her can’t fail money-making opportunity does just that.” DrTeethPhD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This woman stopped speaking to or interacting with her own son because of a disagreement over horror movies and religion, which leads me to assume she had some asinine view on this combo that she expected your husband to agree with.
He’s not the problem, she is. Someone who holds a relationship over your head and tries to extort participation in a pyramid scheme is not a friend, they’re a user and a controller. In a few years, she’ll probably have a “medical episode” and force your husband to apologize because she might die with “his sin” on his conscience or some manipulative stuff.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Sending a Strong Email to an Event Organizer After Our Tent Was Destroyed?
“I’m 15m and this happened with my mom 34F, she sells these amazing baked goods like homemade cakes and cupcakes and cookies. She has amazing oatmeal cream pie cookies, it’s a mix of our grandma’s recipe and her own.
Anything you want she can make.
Back on track we went to this town 4 hours away from where we live so setting up and going back home is a pain. Well it was a two day event meaning we had to leave stuff there overnight.
Well we went the first day and made 3 sales then we had to go home. We went home and around 9:50 pm my mom got a call from her friend saying her tent and product was destroyed by someone. Her friend checked on our stuff it was okay so we left the next morning at 4:30 because we had to be there at 9:30.
So we went I had to make a quick stop because morning hitting hit me hard so we stopped then went to the event. Once we got there we saw a tent next to us destroyed and we thought it was ours. We were like 200 feet so it was hard to tell.
Once we got there to our tent it in fact was our tent that was destroyed. Weights were thrown on top of the tent and the metal bars to hold it up were snapped off. The tent was destroyed and we went to other vendors turned out that every nonlocal vendor’s stuff was destroyed and you can’t sell if you don’t have a tent, all the local’s stuff was okay and didn’t get destroyed. We had to load a 400 dollar tent that was broken into the car and traveled 4 hours back.
I feel so bad for my mom because she made thousands of dollars worth of products for it to be a waste of time and money also I forgot to mention it was 100 bucks to be able to sell at that festival and there was supposed to be a security guard overnight making sure everything was safe.
So I sent a long email to the person who was running the event saying “we should at least get that 100 we paid to stay at your event back because all of our stuff was destroyed. And it’s your job to make sure everyone’s stuff is safe where was the security guard watching the stuff why is it that the local vendor’s stuff isn’t destroyed, you made my mom waste her money and time and effort into making awesome baked goods for someone to come and destroy our stuff.
We have no money for a new tent, this is your fault, we will never be going to your nonsense events. You need to give us a refund and everyone else had their tent and products destroyed.” There’s more to the email just don’t wanna make this longer then it is.
I’m very upset and sad for my mom. so AITJ for sending a strong long email to an event organizer?
Also, I should’ve been clearer my apologies I did ask my mom if I could send the email she said sure and she did email on her own business email we will not be going to that event ever again.”
Another User Comments:
“I would expect that e-mail to come from your mother rather than from you. When you send an email like that, you are representing the business. Understandably, you are angry, but it’s your mother’s job to explain to the festival that you (as a business) are angry and to set the tone that she wants regarding future interactions.
I would say that YTJ if you didn’t check with your mother before sending it.” fuzzy_mic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are 15, you’re upset (rightfully so) and your intentions were good. They do owe your mom that $100 fee. I would ask your mom to write reviews everywhere she can about that event so other out-of-town makers and merchants don’t experience the same thing you two did.
And the email should have come from your mom rather than you. You could have talked to her and encouraged her to send it. Or let her read over the one you wrote so she could edit and send it if she chose to.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s their fault your tent got destroyed, you could’ve been more professional in the email. But again, it’s not your fault, there should’ve been a guard, which there either wasn’t, or they didn’t care, to prevent a thing like this from happening.
It’s okay to ask for a refund, you could’ve done it more professionally. If you don’t get the money back for the destroyed property which was promised to be protected overnight, I’m not saying you (and your mom) should sue them, I’m not saying you shouldn’t.” umattyu
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Negative Friend To My Bachelorette Party?
“I (31 F) have an old friend (30 NB) named Dylan. We’ve known each other for almost 15 years now. We were very close as kids/teens, but have drifted apart as we grew up.
In the past few years, they have transitioned to NB. (They were AFAB.)
To be honest our relationship has been very strained the last few years. I find it very difficult to spend time with them as all they want to discuss, is social justice issues and negative news. Don’t get me wrong, some of these are very important issues.
But it’s not something I want to discuss *every single time* I see them. I usually politely ask them to stop, but they frequently don’t.
Dylan spent most of my birthday dinner last summer talking about MY ex and MY dad. People who I have had very strained relationships with in the past. They are familiar with my issues with these people in my life, but I did not want to spend the night talking about them.
Especially in front of my co-workers and other friends. I did tell them to knock it off, but they changed seats and continued to have a discussion about *my* personal life with my other dinner guests.
We have a group of friends (about 10 of us) who we frequently get together with.
Most of us went to Uni together. (Dylan did not attend.) I met most of this group of friends through my fiance several years ago. My friend Dylan started seeing one of the men in this group about 5 years ago. He and my fiance are very close.
At my bachelorette party, I just want a get-together with the girls in this friend group. Spending a few nights in a hotel with dinner and maybe a board game night where we wear pink and drink out of novelty-shaped straws or something. Dylan calls this “stereotypical pink-girl behavior.”
Here is where I might be the jerk. I don’t want Dylan to come to my bachelorette party. I just really do not want their negativity there. But inviting this group of girls, and not inviting them, is going to be very obvious that I excluded them.
Another issue that I’m concerned with is that Dylan is unemployed as has been since 2019. Whenever this group goes out, we frequently pay their share of the bill. They live off of disability checks and food stamps. I’m afraid my friends, but mainly myself will be responsible for paying for their accommodation, activities, & meals.
I’m worried Dylan is going to take me not inviting them poorly and blame it on me being queerphobic. While I am on the queer spectrum as well I am cis, and not as politically active as they are. Regardless of their gender identity, if they were not seeing my fiance’s close friend, I probably wouldn’t spend any time with them.
So, would I be the jerk to not invite them?
Or should I just suck it up, pay for their share, and deal with the negativity for the sake of this friend group?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- It sounds like this situation is going to be uncomfortable for you whether or not you invite them.
So don’t invite them if you don’t want to. You’re going to hurt some feelings. You may have some people turned against you. It may be beneficial to be upfront with your mutual friends about why this is happening.” MarkedByFerocity
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do you have your reasons for not inviting them?
So just tell everyone those if asked. They literally make fun of that type of stuff, it wouldn’t be fair to ask them to pay for this stuff, they have been violating my trust and talking about my personal trauma behind my back, etc.” PrettyLittleAccident
Another User Comments:
“I think you need to decide if you want to have any sort of relationship with Dylan moving forward. If that answer is yes, then you’re the jerk. If that answer is no, you are drifting apart, then no NTJ. You could always have the bachelorette invite state, the plans, cost per person, etc, and state you totally understand everyone has different financial situations so no hard feeling if anyone can’t attend.
You’ll have a dinner or special evening out for anyone who can’t attend this larger trip.” Personal-Stretch4359
9. AITJ For Asking A Woman To Stop Knitting At A Concert?
“I went to a concert tonight at a seated venue to see a folk singer. The music is relatively tame/quiet and fairly emotional – in my opinion, seeing this artist is a pretty immersive music experience, at least for me.
I was really excited to see this particular show at a seated theater where it’s easier to just focus on the music. I’d venture a guess that most of the people who would go to this type of show are going because they’re emotionally invested in this person’s music.
The show starts, and I notice the woman sitting directly next to me is knitting. Odd, I thought, but okay.
But as the show went on, I kept finding myself so distracted by this knitting. I must have tried for a solid 30 minutes to ignore it, but the constant motion in my peripheral vision + the quiet clicking of the needles kept stealing my attention away from the show.
After awhile, I felt like I couldn’t focus on the show at all, and all I could think about was whether I should try to politely say something. The woman was with a partner, and I noticed on their other side there were 2-3 open seats.
So I finally worked up the courage to politely say something. I thought the best and least disruptive way to do that was to write a note on my phone and show it to her, so that’s what I did.
The note said (this is a direct copy/paste) – “I’m so sorry to ask and I know this is probably ridiculous but the knitting is distracting me from enjoying the show..: would you mind either stopping or moving one seat over?
Again I’m sorry “
I don’t know, I assumed anyone who knitted in public, and especially someone at this kind of very chill show, was probably a generally chill human, so I was not expecting the kind of negative reaction that followed. The woman gave me the nastiest look, let out an angry sigh, threw her hands up, dramatically stuffed her knitting stuff into her bag, huffed and puffed to her partner, and then got up and completely left the show.
I was so baffled by how angry she got, especially since I tried really hard to phrase this as politely as I could.
I even considered that maybe there are reasons beyond my understanding why someone might not be able to sit still during a show and might need to keep their hands busy, (Neurodivergence?
Some sort of recovery? Some other reason?) so I really tried to avoid speaking up out of sensitivity, and again it’s why I included the suggestion that maybe she could just slide over instead of stopping completely.
I realize that knitting is definitely not the most disruptive thing a person could do, and I couldn’t tell if me asking her to stop was unreasonable and maybe I should have just sucked it up, but I thought I was polite about it and I’m still just really shocked at how mad she got and even more shocked that she completely left the show halfway through the set.
So – AITJ for asking her to stop knitting or move one seat over?”
Another User Comments:
“OP is absolutely NTJ. Anyone saying otherwise has never been to a stripped down folk / acoustic show – you can hear a pin drop as the audiences are generally very quiet, similar to a classical concert.
The clickety-clack of knitting needles would certainly be audible, and would certainly be distracting if you were sat close. Plus, as someone who has played dozens of shows like this, seeing someone in the audience just knitting away would be demoralizing as a performer and would feel pretty disrespectful.
I don’t knit, so I would assume it had their full attention and they weren’t particularly interested in my music.” leboydiabolique
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anyone who’d walk out on a music performance if she can’t knit her way through it is on her own.
You were entirely within bounds making a reasonable request to remove a distracting activity, not customary at this sort of a public gathering, out of your peripheral view and earshot. Your suggestion was polite and considerate. The lady was the problem, not you.” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“I’m a knitter and you are NTJ. Leaving this comment to explain why someone would do this. I personally struggle to concentrate when my hands aren’t busy. So eg. in a meeting or listening to a podcast, if I’m knitting or doodling or doing something to keep my hands busy it’s actually easier to listen.
So I bet she was better able to enjoy the music while knitting. However there are social norms in a theatre, knitting does make a clicking noise, so she was the jerk for taking her knitting to a show, and then even more the jerk for being dramatic when you asked her to stop.” Ms-DangerNoodle
8. AITJ For Not Wanting to Give My Inheritance to My Mom?
“My mum (F56) and my dad (M54) never had a good relationship.
My dad has always had narcissistic tendencies (using the silent treatment, never being wrong, etc.) and my mum has a victim complex and honestly some narcissistic tendencies herself.
My (F24) childhood consisted of mistreatment from my dad (mental and physical). I was the only one he ever hit.
He would never touch my mum or my sister ( F20). I begged my mum to leave him because she was always unhappy and would complain to me. I was also parentified by my mum. She would talk to me about finances, her personal life, and many other things you shouldn’t talk to your child about.
In 2022 my parents decided to call it quits. My mum and sister left our family home to live with my nanna. I was left to live with my, still abusive, dad. And, they tried to make me the mediator.
In June of 2022 my nanna, who I was very close to, passed away.
I was shattered. We had been very close as she had always been there for me. Also, we had spent a lot of time together as my mum had practically forced me to leave a full scholarship at the university of my dreams to become her carer for the last few years of her life.
It was hard not to blame my mum and sister as they had treated her like she was a visitor in their house. Drinking and smoking every night and taking her food etc.
To make things worse my mum wouldn’t let me tell anyone, and refused to have a funeral, in case my dad found out.
I also wasn’t allowed to grieve, because he couldn’t know.
My mum had also made my nanna change her will before she died to leave everything to my sister and I, for my mum to take back after the divorce, as she didn’t want my dad to be able to get any of it the divorce settlement.
Eventually, dad found out that I hadn’t told him about nanna passing and kicked me out and cut me off. I was devastated, as, at this point, he was the better parent.
I moved in with mum for a while and my mental health plummeted. I dropped out of uni, and I left my job because I was so depressed, and I was also diagnosed with PTSD from my nanna’s death.
Eventually, once the funds came in from the inheritance, I left. It took me a while to get back to a point where I could actually breathe but I am getting there.
My mum got over $120, 000 and a house in the divorce settlement and now wants the funds (~$50, 000) I got from my nanna’s will.
But I am not sure I should give it to her. After losing all for my family, losing my job, having to drop out of uni, and all of the trauma, I don’t think it would be so wrong of me to keep it as a security blanket.
Not to mention that legally, it is mine.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is simply NO reason at all why you should give your mother anything, not even a single cent. Your nanna put your name on the funds. It’s legally yours and you will need it.
There is no need to feel any guilt. Get back to uni, live your life, thank your nanna and cut contact to your mother.” EuropeanFreak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is legally yours. Take it and go to college or invest in future in some way.
Block your family members because it sounds like they will simply drag you back down into a difficult situation with them. Good for you and I hope you have a much better life than what your parents tried to dump on you.” fckinsleepless
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Legally like you said it is your funds, and throughout your life you’ve had to put your life on hold to care and support those around you. This is your time to claim your life back , potentially re-enroll in university if you would like too , obviously if you want to share it with your siblings too, but I wouldn’t give it to your mother You’ve done a lot for everybody else, do something for you now” MegRea678
7. AITJ For Punishing My Daughter For Her Father's Actions?
“I (35f) and her father (37 M)had two kids six years apart.
I left him because I watched him overuse substances. Provided by none other than his father.
Three years after I left him he ended up in prison with all substance use-related charges. Ended up going to prison for 7 years, the 3 years prior he was Mia from both kid’s life, deep in his addiction.
He was then released at the end of June 2022. Once released he was doing good (or so I thought)and ended up getting a very good job saving a couple of months’ worth of his income and bought our daughter her very first car. Once he exceeded his time at the halfway house, I let him crash on my couch for about two months.
He ended up getting his own place. I wrote off 12k of child support to help him get his license back.
Being in his own place now I ended up finding out that he was giving my daughter substances. Knowing how he grew up, and his father started him off by giving him substances.
It just made me think he was following in the same footsteps as his father whether this is the same thing same situation or not I’m not OK with my daughter doing either of those so I ended up, grounding her from her car, her phone and even made her quit her job.
On top of that, he was having her fill out forms for a home loan!!!!! Who does that to their kid!? My daughter was sending him screenshots of her getting denied because she’s a minor!!!
She started her punishment on a Monday and Saturday morning and went to my aunt’s house.
She ended up running away to her dad’s.
I love her and she is such a good kid. She doesn’t come from an abusive home she’s not running away because of anything other than she did not want to go through with the consequences of her actions, or in this case, her punishment, I want her to come back home but then again, I’m not gonna budge on my parameters my rules and her punishment.
This was only a temporary punishment for a month.
I’m not sure how to respond to her without being a total jerk. I know I’m being a jerk, but her reasons for running away give me zero sympathy for her. She is now messaging me asking me for certain things but I feel like I’m totally saying the wrong thing to try to get her to come back.
I want her to come back home, but I’m not bending the rules for a 17-year-old. I have been the only parent she has had. But then all of a sudden pops up this guy and gives her all her wants not her needs like I have been for the past 13 years and she just drops me like that for him who is leading her down the wrong path and using her.
Am I the jerk for not letting her get more things”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You dropped the hammer on the wrong person. I’m not saying she shouldn’t be punished for her actions in this situation but she is a minor and very impressionable. Especially by her father who I am assuming she is trying to please as best she can in order to not lose the relationship with him again.
Hence filling out home loan forms. She’s almost an adult, all you did was push her away and make her fell like she can’t come to you or talk to you about things going on in her life. In a year or less, she will technically be an adult and you made it even easier to cut ties with you.
And then you’ll have zero influence to help her make appropriate decisions in her adult life.” JusT_HC
Another User Comments:
“Oh. My God. YTJ. How in the name of all that is good and holy did you think this was going to end well?
This girl was trying to take out a loan for her abusive dad, and you thought that punishing her was the right way to go!? She needs therapy to cope with this, not the parent who isn’t actively giving her substances to become the bad guy.
On the face of it, I imagine her father is currently looking more supportive than you to her right now.” Decimate_Studios
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here? Is it okay that your daughter broke the rules and messed with substances? No. However, her FATHER took advantage of her naivety and age – he supplied her with substances and then convinced her to apply for loans, etc. Can you not see that she was a victim to his manipulation?
I think you owe your daughter an apology and a real, long talk about safe decisions. You can always go nuclear later if needed.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Wanting Our Unofficial Fourth Roommate To Pay Rent and Not Bring Her Aggressive Cat?
“My (23f) partner (27/m) and I have been living in a duplex for almost 2 months with his friend. When we originally moved in, it was just going to be the three of us.
The rental market is crazy right now and it was great to find a roommate to alleviate some financial stress. We were aware friend had a partner, who lived at home with her parents and was unemployed, and we were under the impression he would only go visit her from time to time.
I will add we split everything in 1/3s. So we each pay a portion of the rent and bills.
He has a full basement with 2 bedrooms, and a wet bar and fridge. My partner and I live upstairs with our 2 cats who have access to the whole house.
Friend also has a cat, who after a bit of time, was able to get adjusted to our cats and they all thankfully get along.
However, almost right away friend’s partner started visiting. And over the past while her visits have increased more and more in length.
She has been here now almost 14 days straight. She has a friend’s key to the house and is beginning to wash clothes here. She stays home all day while the three of us are at work.
I made it clear to my partner that I was uneasy from the start about having to share a living space, and utilities with a 4th roommate I didn’t know I’d be having.
It feels unfair to me that we all pay our portion in rent and she is essentially getting the same privileges we work hard for, for free. It’s tough though because I do genuinely like her as a person. And she’s fine to live with.
But as an adult suffering financially, seeing someone older than me essentially free-loading, it hits in other ways much harder.
Now the main part. Today while my partner and I were at work, his friend and partner brought her cat into the house, supposedly “just for one night”, without asking us.
I didn’t find out until I got home and my partner told me there was a new cat downstairs. I value my cats’ comfort and security more than lots of things, and this cat that they brought into the home was mean. He spent the entire night hissing at all the cats, trying to fight them, and hissing at my partner and me in our room because they just let him free roam right after bringing him here.
I found out he also sprayed urine all over the wall, floorboards, and tile by the door soaking a few pairs of shoes in cat pee. I’m a little upset about how they didn’t even ask us before bringing a new animal into the home.
But I’m nervous about causing any sort of issues. They are good roommates otherwise.
AITJ for wanting her to either pay rent or have my partner’s friend pay a bigger portion of the rent to compensate for her living here?
AITJ for thinking her cat should remain at home with her parents where he come from?
Especially if he’s spraying and displaying threatening behavior to the other animals.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, I also need to point out that you and your other roommate need to be more assertive. You should have said, first thing, that anyone else who lives here needs approval from all three roommates, and regardless, her cat absolutely cannot stay.
If he’s spraying, he’s going to be causing property damage that all three of you will be held accountable for. And that cat is also dangerous to your other cats. You’re telling this to your partner, but you and your partner are not talking to your other roommate.
What’s the problem? I would just tell your roommate that her cat has to go, regardless, and if she’s going to stay, then you and your partner will only be paying for 1/4 of the rent each. If your other roommate wants to cover his 1/4 and her 1/4, that’s on him.
And if they resist removing her cat or an equitable split of the rent, just let the landlord know. Your landlord will have no problem evicting her and her cat to avoid property damage.” RighteousVengeance
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Friend had no business allowing this and the partner has seriously overstepped. You need to have a sit down with the friend right away.
If a fourth person is living there, they pay 1/4 of the bills. No partners who aren’t residents stay in the house while he is gone. You need to talk about boundaries. No animal comes into the home without the appropriate introduction period. I will say as a side note- please don’t refer to the cat as mean.
Everything the cat did was because it had been taken from its territory, and immediately thrust into the territory of other cats. It was probably terrifying. Spraying its scent was desperation. The kindest thing is for this cat to stay in its own home. If you were to allow the girl to move in, please look up how to do a lengthy, proper introduction of a new cat, if you aren’t already aware.
It takes time, but can be done.” Traveler691
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But you do realize she’s moving in with you? Your other roommate is slowly moving her in already. Why else would she take her cat out of its own comfort zone to be at your place?
You and your partner need to talk with them ASAP before this goes any further. If they aren’t moving in and she’s just hanging around, you and your partner need to establish boundaries on when she’s there and pets are allowed. NTJ good luck.” gerogeroneko212
5. AITJ For Publicly Exposing My Hoarder Relatives Who Destroyed Our Rental Property?
“My (54f) cousin SuzyQ* (55f) tried to help family members, Ginny* & Rose*, out by renting them a small home under-market value so they could have a chance at a better life. The plan was for Rose to find a better job which she did making good money.
Then they’d move out.
Issues arose as soon as she discovered they were hoarders. Then along came 2020. After trying to help them clean up several times with no progress – she was ready to give eviction after the upcoming holidays.
3 weeks ago they moved on their own and only gave 7-day notice – our state requires 30 days but SuzyQ wasn’t going to push it.
Didn’t demand the 30 days they’d owe due to improper notice, just asked for what they owed from previous bills.
Out by Oct 1st. Nope. They tried to burn major appliances in the front yard. Mouse droppings, ruined carpet, etc
After moving out SuzyQ took photos as she realized it was worse than she thought.
She has also found out that all major appliance and home repairs were caused by Ginny and Rose. Who talked to other ppl, those ppl have now come forward with copies of chats where they each have admitted to being behind those issues.
After 2 weeks of mulling it around, SuzyQ made a public post to show the damage done by these 2.
I had encouraged her to do so tbh. I have also encouraged her to sue them. She’ll probably never see a dime but not the point.
I have thought long and hard on this and it’s time I finally say something. This is how my relatives a mother and her grown daughter left our rental property.
I’ve been called every name in the book but unkind woman is their favorite name for me among a few more that I won’t even put in writing. When I would tell them that they needed to get the grass cut which was their responsibility or that they had to clean up inside and out I’m an unkind woman and I could come do it myself if I wanted it done, but you know they never said that to my face but I’ve seen it in writing with my own eyes.
A lot of things have gotten back to me in the past couple of weeks well actually a few years but I’ve kept it to myself this is how two grown women left our property and left unpaid bills. Now we have to hire a cleanup crew to come in and clean and haul off all their trash and old appliances plus the stove that was there when they moved in is too nasty for anyone to ever use again and to take up the living room carpet which is destroyed. She wrote me a message that said, I appreciate everything you have done for us I want you to know that no hard feelings on my end at all we’re family always……… I feel so sorry for their new landlord…
These posts are garnering attention as friends and family read and share.
Most are like this is disgusting but some think we are jerks due to sharing this private information. So are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cousin tried to do them a favor and they destroyed the place.
You’ve provided clear and fair warning to anybody else who may want to help them. You may have saved some relatives who might have let them move in “temporarily”. This prevents the two of them from making up a false tale about how badly they were treated and how their cousin is lying about them.
It also provides cousin with some satisfaction about having warned other landlords.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“Okay. A minimum of 3 years of trying to help your family/tenants from trouble get their lives together to be rewarded with this hot mess dropped into your lap.
If this is real, I don’t blame you for dropping the pics on social media. They’ve likely been bad-mouthing you to friends and family for years and this was your fastest, if most ruthless, method of setting the record straight. I do not condone your behavior but I do understand it.
10% ESH on you 90% on Ginny & Rose.” piccolo181
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for posting the pictures. Would you do that to a tenant, when other people could figure out who it was? In my state, you can post pictures but not the name of the tenant.
Your situation is different, people already know the name of the tenant. Depending on your state, and its rental laws, this may have been illegal. Please do not misunderstand me, they sound horrible. Your cousin SuzieQ needs to file a lawsuit against them for damages.
Most judges will give those funds. However, if there are laws protecting tenants identity, those damages may be waved.” donnamayj1
4. AITJ For Doing Exactly What My Difficult Coworker Told Me To Do?
“AITJ for doing EXACTLY what my coworker told me to do?
So for a little context, I (22F) am a CMA. I’m a caregiver in a Dementia facility taking care of 20 residents. I work nights and on my team, there’s another woman, I’m gonna call her Maya (50F), who started around the same time as me.
Maya has been a constant source of drama and tension since I started. From starting fights with other coworkers, calling the cops on coworkers, cussing out and threatening our DON, and many more. I could write a book, but to summarize, Maya is bossy. I dread every shift I have to work with her.
I came in last night, (I’ll take my L because I was 15 minutes late) and Maya had already taken the keys to the med cart, started the laundry, cleaned the bathrooms, and wiped the tables. So all that was left for me to do was sweep and mop.
Which wasn’t a big deal. I was supposed to be on meds and laundry, but I wasn’t going to make a mountain out of a molehill. I swept and mopped.
Usually, we also split the house in two rounds. I’d take on half and she’d take the other.
Before we even started, she stopped me and told me that she would worry about everyone else and I only had to focus on rooms 1-6. Okay, whatever, fewer people for me! Cool!
The issues started early in the night. Since I didn’t have the keys when a resident got up asking for melatonin I had to go outside and interrupt Maya’s smoke break.
She seemed a little irritated but I kept it pushing. She wanted to do meds so this was part of it.
Later in the night, we have a resident who’s technically supposed to be a 1:1, but since we don’t have enough staff on nights we just sort of have to deal. Anyhow, he woke up.
So she told me to handle him and she would do my rounds. I told her it was fine and she didn’t have to, assuming she would take over with him. She didn’t and did my rounds anyway. A lot of the residents had been wet and she had to change a lot of beds, while I was handling our aggressive resident.
Then the morning time rolls around and I only get people from the rooms she told me to do. I didn’t rush to get them done to help her with her residents, because she wanted them so she could do them. It didn’t even matter because she still went behind me to double-check my work.
By the end of our shift, I could tell she was mad. She kept muttering under her breath and making comments about how I didn’t do anything all night, and after doing rounds with the day shift they also seemed a little miffed that I didn’t get any extra people up.
So once the whole team arrived I clocked out and left. I know I could’ve helped more, but I did exactly what I was told. Since she wanted to tell me what to do. But am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH I guess they’re desperate for help if Maya hasn’t been fired. I feel sorry for the day shift; which is probably short-staffed as well and the residents who weren’t ready because they were the ones you punished with your passive aggression.
If Maya is so confrontational I wonder why she was only talking under her breath.” copy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I bet Maya dreads every shift she has to work with you. If you would try being on time and doing the stuff you’re supposed to do, you might find working with her goes more smoothly.
And when you’re late, apologize and offer to do more, not less, to make up for it. SMH” ASTERnaught
3. AITJ For Not Wanting My Parents To Babysit My Future Child?
“I (28F) and my Husband (36M) got married last year, and I am currently 12 weeks pregnant. Not everyone knows yet because I have PCOS and I’ve been worried about being able to carry to term. Needless to say, we are very excited. Now onto the issue.
My husband and I had VERY different upbringings as children. His parents could not be nicer if they tried, and treated me like their daughter before we were even engaged. But my family? Not so much. My father was authoritarian, emotionally abusive (I didn’t realize it at the time, but every friend or specialist I’ve talked to has described him as such), and neglected to spend time with us.
My mom was by all accounts a wonderful SAH mom and a caring woman. Her only flaw is that she NEVER stood up for us when my dad was being a jerk. She would tell us in private that she agreed with us, but it “wasn’t her place” to question him.
My dad has gotten better since they became empty nesters, but he still doesn’t think he did anything wrong with the way he raised us (maybe one or two things). If we bring it up, he says that children always complain about their parents, and it won’t make a difference to apologize now.
And I completely disagree.
Being loved by my wonderful husband, being around his family, and having this life growing inside me made me realize how horrible my upbringing was. My biggest goal in life is to be nothing like my parents when it comes to my kids.
That being said, my parents were overjoyed to hear about their first grandbaby. They talked about how I could always leave my kid with them if my Husband and I ever needed a babysitter, and I immediately felt cold. I had flashbacks of all the yelling, all the times I felt neglected and unloved, and their strict rules and punishments.
And it must have shown on my face because my dad asked if something was wrong. I tried to brush it off, saying my husband’s family was closer so we would probably use them, but he didn’t buy it. He asked if we had a problem leaving our child with them.
Hormones got the better of me, and I answered. I said I didn’t trust them to leave my child alone with them. I didn’t believe they would treat my child better than how they treated me, and I didn’t want my child to ever feel like I felt.
They were surprised. My mom got misty-eyed, and my dad was shocked, asking why I would say something like that. I once again, reminded him of all the stuff he did as a dad. He said, “that’s all in the past, I don’t understand why it matters now”.
At this, I slammed my hands off the table and yelled “THIS is why it matters!! You don’t listen, you’ve NEVER listened! Why the heck would I trust you to listen to my feelings/boundaries when it comes to MY child when you can’t even pretend to care about my feelings when I was YOUR child!?”.
And then he told me it wasn’t nice to swear. Literally, in one ear and out the other.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only reason I don’t think we have the same father is that mine would have ended that with “Ladies don’t talk like that”.
You can be sure, at a minimum, they won’t listen to your rules regarding your child, even the small ones. Foods that you aren’t supposed to give a baby will likely be the first things they give the child.” LowBalance4404
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, bad parents always make for bad grandparents.
The fact your father doesn’t think he did anything wrong, is a clear sign that he doesn’t feel sorry for anything he has done in the past, nor has he changed for the better. Also, if your mom could not stand up to him, what makes you think she will do so for her grandchild?
Keep your child safe, OP.” Random_Trinidadian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My ex-husband was very abusive, and I would walk through fire slowly to keep him away from my grandbabies unsupervised. I regret staying with him so long, he had beat me down so far, I was immobile, and it took years of therapy and medication to start resembling myself again.
He still doesn’t admit to doing any wrong. He tells my kids he doesn’t know why no one wants to talk to him, he was a good dad…BAH! The ability of these men to admit no wrong is ridiculous. Protect your sweet little one, visit all you want, but use caution before they babysit without you.” No_Mathematician2482
2. AITJ For Threatening To Disown My Daughter Over Piercings?
“My (55F) daughter (17F) has moved out of province for university. She’s been mentioning piercings for a while and I told her I would disown her if she got them. A few days ago my daughter sent me pictures of piercings she just got. She said she was sorry, but she has been wanting to do this for a long time.
She asked me if I would still love her. I said of course, but why would she be willing to throw away our relationship over holes in her body? If she got them that means she didn’t love me enough to be scared of losing a relationship.
I mentioned this to my oldest daughter (26F) who lives with me. She said that her sister had contacted her a few days before in a panic over how I would react. I asked my eldest daughter why my youngest would be willing to throw away a relationship with me after everything we’ve been through, but also why my youngest would think I could ever stop loving her.
My eldest paused, and looked at me with I guess bewilderment and said it’s because I said I would disown her. I told her I just said that to scare my youngest because as a parent, it’s my job to discourage her from doing stupid things.
Find me a parent who doesn’t talk like that to their kids, and at least others’ kids listen. My eldest rolled her eyes and said we aren’t other people. I told her I’m a human being and I have the right to be angry and have boundaries.
She said as a parent I have the obligation to model healthy communication instead of manipulation. I told her that manipulation is part of being a family, babies manipulate their parents by crying when they don’t get what they want. My eldest stared at me for a long time, and then just laughed and said that explained a lot about me.
She said babies “manipulating” (she used air quotes) their parents because they have no form of emotional regulation isn’t the same as a parent manipulating their child with threats and lies and being surprised that their children start to be afraid of their parents. She’s always bringing up this weak western parenting stuff and she’s always twisting things in her head because she’s sensitive and vindictive towards me for perceived slights I’ve made towards her.
My eldest said “Why did you ask me if I know nothing? Right before you brought this up you said you were reflecting on how it is that your children can both care for you and resent you.” And I told her they’re adults now so I don’t care how they live their lives.
She said “Obviously you do otherwise you wouldn’t be saying things like we’re disrespecting you and trying to end the relationship by doing things that don’t even concern you.” She then got up, said goodnight and went to bed.
Usually, my eldest is mature enough to sit through a conversation like an adult, even if she gets emotional. I was surprised and now I’m wondering if I actually did something wrong, but she has no right to tell me how to parent.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She’s not doing anything. Why are YOU willing to throw away a relationship over piercings? You’re the one making the threats of throwing family away etc, not her. You’re the one making ‘ultimatums’ not her. You are literally the one throwing it away if she doesn’t obey you.” esmegalileo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you are willing to destroy your relationship with your daughter over piercings. Let me ask what’s wrong with piercing? And no manipulating is not what a family does. Your elder daughter is right. She is more mature than you are and babies cry because that’s the only way they can communicate that’s not manipulation.” kageyama1009
Another User Comments:
“YTJ She’s an ADULT and she gets to decide what she does with her body. You threatening to disown an adult over something like this is just pitiful and not at all mature. The fact your youngest took you seriously is actually depressing.
You know, that means that she was in the mental space where she was willing to walk away from you and no longer have any maternal relationship. Think about that.” PurpleMarsAlien
1. AITJ For Forcing My Best Friend To Leave A Party After Catching Her Partner Having An Affair?
“My best friend has long suspected her partner of almost 8 years of being unfaithful to her. We are 22 and nearly everyone in our friend group kind of thought she was being a little bit crazy because her partner seemed like a great guy. So we always just tried to talk her down, tell her to trust him, he’s in a busy program at work and things will get better.
She was heartbroken when he told her he had fill-in duty (he’s a new cop) on Saturday night and couldn’t do the couple costume she planned for them.
I got invited to a party hosted by a coworker last minute on Saturday and told my friend it would be good for her to go and just get out instead of doom-scrolling.
We went and it was a huge party we did not know anyone there but we had a blast dressing up like last-minute vampires.
At about 1 am her partner sort of just appeared in the crowd and when I saw the red football Jersey my heart sank because about a minute later a girl dressed up as Taylor Swift came up and held his hand.
My friend saw it and she immediately ran to the bathroom sobbing. In the bathroom, she went from pleading with god that this wasn’t real to out and out rage and back again. I told her we needed to leave. She said no she had to confront him.
I asked her if she confronted him was she going to do something that would end her up in jail. She said maybe and she was serious. I said to her we had to leave. She said no. I told her to wait and went to find my coworker to help make her leave.
We ended up dragging her out and she made such a scene that her partner finally noticed she was at the party and he took off like a scared rabbit.
We got to my house and she started drinking heavily so I grabbed her keys and tried to get her to go to bed and she kept screaming how “Everyone messes me over, including you.” Finally, she fell asleep but woke up feeling terrible and angry that I didn’t let her find out what was going on.
I said we knew what was going on, he’s being unfaithful. She called me a horrible friend for not believing her for the past few weeks. I said I was so sorry. She said I’m a major jerk for making her leave because she could have caught him in the act and made a clean break.
I said she was scaring me with how she was talking in the bathroom. She said she’s an adult and can make her own choices. She said it’s going to be a long time before she can forgive me and leave and I think she’s blocked me on everything.
I feel bad for the whole situation and I feel bad that I may have made the wrong decision. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for removing an upset friend from a volatile situation. But you are *so thoroughly* the jerk for dismissing her out of hand, because her partner “seemed like a great guy.” People who “seem like” good people are unfaithful *all the time* – they don’t generally walk around with “I am a philandering jerk” tattooed on their foreheads.
If she had cause to be concerned, as a friend, you should have at *least* heard her out. It’s not likely that your friendship will survive this.” Trastevere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even though you turned out to be mistaken about some things, you acted in good faith with your friend’s best interests at heart throughout this situation.
Also, your judgment was probably spot-on in taking the friend away from the party, when her staying there would have resulted in AT BEST a big public scene. I suspect that, in time, your friend will come to understand your position here and your relationship will get back on track – she’s obviously in a heightened emotional state due to the situation with her now-ex and the fact she was drinking at the time, so she likely just needs time and space to get some perspective on the matter.
Hopefully, that’s the case but if it’s not, take comfort in knowing that this situation is the fault of her unfaithful partner, and ultimately he, not you, is the jerk.” BanterPhobic
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. First, you didn’t believe her, you just discounted her suspicions because “he’s a nice guy.” Secondly, you removed her agency in this situation.
It wasn’t your decision to make whether she made a scene or not. Who are you to drag her out? Why did you want to prevent a scene, did you want to not embarrass the partner? You’re not a good friend to her. You were substituting your judgment for hers.
What makes you think you know better? You are the jerk and not a very good friend.” Hairy-Dark9213
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