People Want All Eyes On Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Not Bring Her Sister On Our Dates?
“My partner Hannah & I have been together for a while now. Her parents had died a year ago due to a car accident, and she has a younger sister who’s 18 years old, Laura.
Laura was very distraught about it from the beginning, etc. and Hannah was spending more time with her in the beginning than with me.
She told me “My sister matters to me more than you.”
And then she began to take Laura along with me to our outings. Laura would constantly tell Hannah to not leave her alone.
Yesterday we were at a restaurant. One of my friends, Ethan, was also present.
He knew Laura, and he laughed and said “It looks like you are going to have fun with TWO people later.”
I was shocked, but before I could reply, Laura said “It’s none of your business what he does,” and in the end we managed to avoid a quarrel, Ethan just left.
The problem is, I told Hannah about it and said I do not want her there anymore. I asked her to just help her get therapy. She got mad, saying that I do not care about Laura, that I am attempting to manipulate her, etc. We got into an argument, and Laura found out.
She is not talking to me now. She called me a “controlling jerk.”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Hannah isn’t ready for an adult relationship right now. Both she and Laura need to process their grief and learn how to move on. Hannah can’t be the partner you deserve until Laura learns how to be alone, and Hannah learns boundaries.
If you really care for Hannah, offer to step back and just be friends knowing Laura will be part of the package until she’s ready to be in a relationship again. If Hannah can’t grasp that bringing her sister on outings isn’t normal, it’s time to cut your losses.” badpandacat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is trying to help her sister by herself, but the way she’s doing it is honestly not healthy at all. The sister needs therapy, and this is a good suggestion, but disregarding how you feel about the situation and bending over backward to make Laura feel comfortable is not healthy for you, Hannah, or Laura.” Adlehyde
Another User Comments:
“Before I pass judgment, I have a question. The SO states that her sister tells her not to leave her alone. But what about school, or work, or going to the store? There must be times throughout the day your SO leaves sister alone, so why is an outing with you the focus of her anxiety?
Maybe sister is deliberately forcing you out to ensure she has her sister to herself at all times. Either way, she needs intensive therapy.” rebootsaresuchapain
21. AITJ For Refusing My Dad's Demands About My Potential Wedding?
“I (27F) have been seeing my partner (33M) for just under a year.
We’ve discussed the future and agreed that if things go well, we think after one and a half or two years of being together would be a good time to get engaged, with a view to getting married in about five years. This would give us time to save up for an engagement and wedding, and make sure we’re both in jobs that allow us to take enough time off.
To be clear – we are not engaged. We have just agreed that we’d like to be and begun talking about what this would all look like. These are important details and I wouldn’t want to enter into an engagement without discussing what marriage itself would look like – we have spent a long time discussing our expectations and hopes, which happily align well.
Enter my family. I mentioned this to my parents as I was very happy things are going well. They now bring it up every time I see them. My father (60M) has demanded that my partner call him for permission, that he walks me down the aisle and makes a speech at my wedding.
We are not a traditional or religious family and while he did call my mum’s (59F) father for permission, no one asked him to and they found it old-fashioned.
My father and I have never got along. We have a really bad history and I don’t enjoy seeing him.
I only still have contact because he’s married to my mother. He was really abusive growing up and I have done a lot of work in therapy to overcome this as an adult.
I told him in no uncertain terms that I find his demands ridiculous and will not be happening.
The only permission needed is mine and my partner’s. I don’t want him walking me down the aisle or making a big speech. I also find it wild that I’m not even engaged and before even congratulating me or talking to me about this potential big step, the whole conversation has become about him.
Every time I see him he will shout at me and berate me over this until I leave.
He said if he doesn’t get to do these things, there’s no point in him or my mother coming to my wedding. I was enraged as currently there is not even an engagement and he’s issuing ultimatums and toddler tantrums. I said all of this to him.
I also said if he doesn’t want to come unless he gets things his way, don’t bother coming. I just want people there who are happy for me and my partner, and support us.
My brother (25M) says I was too harsh with him, that I should be more understanding of his wish to be involved, and that I’m overreacting.
He says I’m causing family drama over normal traditions when I could just do things the normal way. He also says I’ve caused my mother to be upset thinking she might not get to come because of my stubbornness. I feel very angry, but now I want to check AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not even engaged yet and he’s demanding all these things? IMO, you should just go about your lives/plans without any discussion with him or your family, as it will inevitably get back to him. Once you officially become engaged – same routine.
No mention of wedding, parties, invites, etc. If he cannot accept your wedding on your terms, he’s free to NOT come. If he persists, tell him you’re eloping due to his constant demands to make your wedding all about himself.” Ok_Conversation9750
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your brother tells YOU that you are overreacting? Your father acts like a toddler and throws tantrums. One thing I would try to soothe over is your mother. Tell her that you will make sure that she can be at your wedding regardless of the attendance of your father.
Tell her that you will take care of her transportation and (if needed) a hotel room. If she chooses your father’s side, don’t offer it.” UnhappyCryptographer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad sounds like a narcissist. Everything always has to be about them. Your brother is also being a jerk, talking about traditions that only exist in your father’s mind.
Let your mother know she’s welcome at your wedding even if your dad refuses to go. Unfortunately, she might not come because she’s now used to his bullying and is probably afraid to do anything against his wishes.” Clean-Fisherman-4601
20. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother-In-Law's Uninvited Guests At My Child's Party?
“My mother-in-law recently mentioned that she invited her friends to our child’s first birthday party without asking. We are planning it and having it in our home. From my perspective, this feels personally disrespectful. It also feels like she put no consideration into the planning I’ve been putting into it for the past three months.
Or the fact that after a lot of tragedy on my side of the family this past year, I wanted to keep it small. I put careful consideration into our invitation list.
A little background, this isn’t the first time it’s happened. She invited people to our wedding and our baby shower without asking.
So that makes 100% of the events I’ve thrown.
Lastly, the part where I question my jerkiness. I finally put my foot down. In addition to her friends, she invited some kids that she watches occasionally. I don’t know them, but I’ve heard stories of their bad behavior.
They don’t have great role models in their lives and lost their father a few years ago.
Considering I don’t know them, I said I didn’t want them attending. The risk of them acting out and ruining the party isn’t worth the reward to me.
After saying no, I was called cruel for not being more considerate to the kids.
I gotta hear other people’s opinions on this, AITJ? Please and thank you.”
Another User Comments:
“So she has done it at your baby shower and your wedding and now your daughter’s first birthday, and each time she gets away with it.
You can’t keep allowing behavior and then be shocked it keeps happening. So say “I wish you had asked, then you would have known it’s a small party. Please do ask next time, though, because now you need to uninvite these people, and asking first will save you that embarrassment” and stand your ground.
NTJ.” Rainbowbright31
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and about time you put a stop to this. Guests do not get to unilaterally add people to your invite list. You’d have been within your rights to turn away these party crashers at the door. Instead, you were nice enough to tell her not to bring them in the first place.
When she called you cruel, it would have been totally appropriate to revoke her invitation. It would have been bad enough had she invited people you knew, but inviting strangers into your house? She’s seriously over the line. She will not stop overstepping without firm correction, and you’ve now made a start.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Contact all your INVITED guests and inform them that you will only have enough refreshments for those that you and/or hubby have PERSONALLY invited, and any extras need to accept that they will not be getting any food/cake/party favors.
Another option is that you inform those same invitees that the only people who will be allowed entrance are those personally invited by you and/or your husband and anyone else WILL be turned away at the door and not allowed entrance (so make sure your invites specifically name everyone you want coming).
If you choose to use option 2, even in conjunction with option 1, make it clear that you and your husband have a prepared list that will NOT be amended last minute and you WILL be checking and enforcing that list. The reason I bring up option 2 (including creating the list of invitees) is that it sounds like MIL isn’t going to take no for an answer and show up with these people anyway, and use the excuse “I drove them here.
If they aren’t allowed to stay, I’m going to have to go with them.” Make it clear that if such a thing happens, tough luck.
Rules are rules, and the extras can either take a walk to the nearest coffee shop until the party is over, or the oh-so-convenient driver (aka MIL) can go with them.
I can also see MIL making every effort to sneak them in the back door, so to speak. Denied entrance, she’ll find another way to get them in, even if it means sneaking over to the front door when she thinks no one is looking and opening the door for them.
At this point, plan for every possibility and have a reaction/response for each possibility.” ToriBethATX
19. AITJ For Refusing To Drive A Kid To Theatre Rehearsals?
“I’m in a production of Kinky Boots at a theatre about an hour from where I live.
Rehearsals start at 6:30, so I have just enough time to get home from work, let the dog out, eat, and then I’m off to rehearsal. I was brought in a couple of weeks late because a female ensemble member dropped out and the director (who I’ve worked with before) asked if I would step in.
This is community theatre, so I’m not getting paid and am actually losing money because of the long drive (did not know where the theatre was when I said yes), but I committed, so whatever.
For those unfamiliar, Kinky Boots has 2 kids in the show who portray younger versions of the leads.
They are only in two songs, the opening and the finale. The week I start rehearsals, I get an email from “Young Charlie’s” dad asking if I would drive his son to and from rehearsals on the days he is called. He said the actress playing “Lauren” had been doing it, but she is having to miss a couple of weeks of our rehearsals because she is going into tech/shows for another play.
In short, Lauren told this father that I would drive his son to rehearsals without asking me beforehand if I would be cool with it. If she had, I would have told her no and this all could have been avoided.
The main reason is that I don’t particularly like kids and I don’t want to spend up to two hours driving back and forth with a 14 YO when I would much rather listen to my music really loud and not feel the need to entertain this particularly chatty kid.
Also, I’d have to pick him up/drop him off and change my routine to accommodate this new inconvenience.
And I get it, the parents don’t want to drive to this theatre, drop off the kid, and then come back to the theatre hours later to pick him up, but they made the decision to let him be in the play, so transportation is their responsibility.
Also, we’ve never met, so why are they blindly trusting me with their child?
Back to the email, the dad asked if I could pick up Charlie from their home outside of downtown and then drop him off. I used this as my excuse, saying their home was out of my way in getting to the theatre and would add on at least 20 minutes to my commute and I was already struggling to get to rehearsals on time, which was kind of true.
He responds that he would be happy to drop Charlie off at my home or we could meet somewhere in between. I finally had to be (somewhat) honest and say I wasn’t comfortable being responsible for someone else’s child and I wouldn’t be driving Charlie to rehearsal. His response was a very clipped, “Fair enough.”
Yesterday, as I was approaching the theatre I see a man I didn’t recognize leaving it, so I smile and say hello. He didn’t say anything and just stared daggers into me. Turns out that was Charlie’s dad and now I’m feeling guilty.
So AITJ for not helping out the parents of this kid simply because I don’t want to be inconvenienced and I just don’t want to spend lengthy one-on-one time with a 14 YO?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have solid reasons for not driving his kid. You don’t need to make excuses for your decisions. If anyone asks why, you simply say, “No means no, and my reasons are my own”. You don’t even have to answer the email.
Do cast members share emails? I’m trying to figure out how on earth he got your email address? I’d have a quick chat with the girl and tell her volunteering you was rude and inappropriate. As far as the dad staring daggers at you, maybe he looks like that at everyone.
If it’s just you, he’s acting entitled and rude, and this just confirms you were right not to drive his son.” lilolememe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But here’s your valuable lesson: when declining to do a huge favor, never give detailed explanations why — it only gives the favor-asker ammo to knock down your reasons one by one and haggle.
Internalize a cordial “Unfortunately, I won’t be able to do that. I wish I could help but I can’t.” Period. And yeah, don’t be surprised when people who demand unreasonable favors give you a cold shoulder after you decline to let them steamroll you. But good for you for standing your ground.
Break a leg!” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You have no obligation to do it at all, you didn’t even need to go into all of your explanations about time and distance and responsibility and all of that. No is a full sentence.
You’ll probably never even talk to this guy or the kid again after the production so who cares if he thinks you’re a jerk because he doesn’t want to take his own kid to the thing he signed his own kid up for? You didn’t need to explain yourself, but hard agree with your point of “I don’t want responsibility for someone else’s kid”.
What if something happened? An accident or something? You don’t want to be anywhere near the liability for that.” Own-Kangaroo6931
18. AITJ For Not Switching Apartments With Elderly Tenants?
“For context: when we moved into our apartment complex after being on a long waitlist, we were asked by property management if we would be willing to switch from our intended first-story unit to one on the second floor.
This was because the current tenants (of about a year) made the request due to aging and having difficulty walking up and down the stairs. We probably wouldn’t have minded switching much, albeit moving our furniture up the stairs would be a pain, but overall it wouldn’t be that big of a deal.
However, the big thing was that our downstairs unit was one of the few in the complex that had in-unit washer/dryer hook ups and newly-replaced carpet. The one on the second floor did not have either of those. The complex has multiple laundry rooms, but after countless trips to the laundromat, while living at our old apartment, we were excited to finally have an in-unit washer and dryer.
Not to mention, that we would’ve probably had to wait longer at a friend’s house (at which we had already been staying at for 6 weeks) to move in while the tenants moved their own stuff.
In the end, we decided not to switch mainly due to the fact that we had already arranged to purchase a washer and dryer.
We haven’t really had any regrets, but we recently found out that one of the tenants has Parkinson’s disease and ever since our move in, we have received numerous dirty looks whenever we run into the other tenant. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – OK to ask but you don’t have to give up what’s important to you.
The management can ask anyone on the first floor (or on the ground floor if the complex has any units there) whether they would be able to swap but at the end of the day the elderly people may consider moving to a more suitable accommodation with either an elevator or ground floor flat.” szabidoki
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Upstairs neighbors probably didn’t alert management to their changing needs until they saw the upgrades going into the downstairs apartment. By then, management would have already booked a new tenant (OP). It’s on the upstairs tenants for not communicating as soon as they knew they needed better accommodations.
Management would have probably switched them to this unit without ever putting it on the market. Management was the jerk for even telling them they asked you, though. They should have immediately told them it was not possible, so if you DID say no, you wouldn’t be the “bad guy”.
Management handled that poorly. You are not their last, best hope. I am sure another downstairs unit will eventually come open, and now management knows to give it to them without putting someone else in the position they put YOU in. This is not your issue to resolve and you are not the jerk.” alc2757
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is a crappy situation, however, having a w/d in the apartment is huge. Better savings, more time to do what you need to, less chance of getting your stuff stolen/mistreated, and all the other baloney you deal with at a public laundry.
(I kid you not my mom forgot to check the washer once and we lost a whole load to some careless person’s ink residue.) You waited for this unit, you intended to have this amenity, and now it’s your responsibility to go out of your way to ensure a different family gets it?
I think not. Like I said, it’s a crap situation and frankly, it should never have been pushed onto you. The management didn’t want to be the bad guy and say no. So you’re getting dirty looks and bad vibes instead of them. What nonsense.” lyan-cat
17. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Father Borrow My Motorcycle?
“I (28NB) own a motorcycle and like to ride solo most of the time. My father (62M) also owns a motorcycle that is much better suited to his body type than mine is.
He knows that, but still often pesters me to let him ride it all the time. I, of course, tell him he has his own bike and he is not allowed to ride mine under any circumstances.
This, without fail, makes him furious. I’ve caught him trying to take my keys on several occasions, saying he just wants to try it.
But it’s not his bike, and he knows better, but it has gotten to the point that I take the keys with me if I’m leaving the house.
Here’s where I might be the jerk though.
Yesterday he asked if he could borrow my bike since his tires are getting a little bald and his buddies want to go on their weekend group ride.
I, of course, told him no, and if he needs tires then to go get tires at the bike shop down the road. This made him go ballistic, screaming at me and slamming doors until my mother (59F) intervened. She got him to leave me alone, and told him that wasn’t appropriate, but later asked me to “just let him show off to his friends” and “keep the peace”.
But the bike is in my name, and it’s all I genuinely own. The thought of him crashing her gives me hives, and I can’t bring myself to let him take her.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father needs to refresh himself on biker codes.
One of the most important is to not touch, sit on, or ride another person’s bike without permission. That permission should be granted without the other person begging, asking, cajoling, threatening, or throwing tantrums. I’m still trying to wrap my head around him trying to steal your key.
Get one of those coded lockboxes if you can’t keep your key on you all the time. Keep it locked always. Also, make sure he can’t get a key made for your bike. All bets are off here.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. FWIW, several years ago, my idiot brother (late 40s at the time) borrowed a motorcycle to go on a charity run with a club he rode with because his was being worked on.
Oily patch, unfamiliar bike, he went down hard. Crushed his pelvis and some other stuff. Hospitalized for a very long time, basically hung in a sling by his armpits to let the crushed bones try and heal. Never worked again. Still in constant pain and always will be.
Oh, and he had to pay for the bike, too. It took him a very long time, being permanently out of work as he was. Don’t let your father end up like my idiot brother. Don’t you end up like the guy who loaned him the bike.
Keep the keys on you at all times.” PrairieGrrl5263
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You would probably be willing to lend it to him if you trusted he would reimburse and make you whole if he damaged your motorcycle. But you don’t trust him like that.
You’ve known the man all your life. Trust what your gut tells you about him. “Without fail, makes him furious.” Whoa. Hello emotional issues. It’s not normal nor acceptable for a grown man to have trouble processing his feeling like this. “I’ve caught him trying to take my keys on several occasions.” So he’s asked and knows your stance, yet is still willing to violate your wishes.
“Borrowing” without consent is stealing. That’s not controversial to say. “This made him go ballistic, screaming at me and slamming doors.” I don’t know a single person who is a grown-up slamming doors. I’m dead serious. This would be wholly unacceptable at age 30. Like bro, you need to get better by seeing a counselor or by going to anger management classes.
At age 62, I guess it just makes it more pitiful. That is a person with emotional issues who doesn’t respect private property. Just take note of that and protect yourself and your stuff accordingly.” degenerat2947
16. AITJ For Charging My Family For A Wedding Cake?
“Let’s get straight to the point, I (22F) am a full-time baker for a small business and college student.
I moved back up to my home state in September of 2023, mostly to get away from my toxic family and for better opportunities. Also to add why this is even an issue in the first place, My brother Jay (25M) and I are the “black sheep” of the family, mostly due to the fact we were born and mostly raised outside of marriage.
The teasing and neglect only grew worse after our mother (44F) married Jerkfish (54M) and had our half siblings; (20F), (17M), (16M), and (11M).
Now, here’s the dilemma. My half-sister who we will call Jojo (20F) is getting married to Rhitt (22M) in July. My mom and grandma asked that I make them a wedding cake, which I would’ve happily agreed to if I was invited to the wedding.
The thing is, they wanted me to make a cake fit for 200 people, get a hotel near them (They hate that I’m not a Christian, so they think I’ll bring evil into their house), work for 3 days, and get a flight there and back. I’d have to pay for all of it, they think it’d be a nice gift to my sister.
I just laughed and sent them my price sheet, they. flipped. out. I was bombarded with texts from them about how selfish I am, how I am truly vile, how I am toxic for expecting my family to pay for my cake when they could just go to Walmart to get one, etc.
Jojo even messaged me on Discord a week after I had sent the price sheet and asked why I would charge her when I made my best friend a free wedding cake. I simply told her to screw off as not only was I invited to her wedding, but I was the MOH and in a way, it was a “returning the favor” for being a genuinely good friend and helping me out when I was going through a lot.
Jay and his wife had said I’m not wrong for it and they’d do the same thing, and my partner is on my side. However, a few people in my life are saying I should’ve just said a simple no instead of sending the sheet and that my response to my sister was harsh.
So, I need an outside perspective, hopefully, other bakers on here too.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So family should get a free cake but not be invited to a wedding? Make it make sense. Maybe since they’re so religious you could send them links to Christian bakers.
Therefore the cake would be blessed and not be made from the hands of a “heathen”. NTJ.” sunlightofourpast
Another User Comments:
“Were I in your shoes, I wouldn’t even make a cake for these people if they DID pay me for it; if you aren’t good enough to stay in their house and aren’t good enough to be invited to the wedding then you aren’t close enough to be expected to give them a free cake.
They can’t have it both ways; either you’re family and are invited to the wedding or you aren’t treated as family and don’t owe them freebies. NTJ.” DueIsland2983
Another User Comments:
“Major NTJ! This is absolutely disrespectful. My fiance and I are planning our wedding and I made it very clear that if we expect any kind of friends/family discount for a service, they have to get an invite.
They want a free cake from you, for you to pay your way there, and they can’t even invite you? Disgraceful. Absolutely vile.” The_Iron_Mountie
15. AITJ For Not Allowing My Dad's New Partner To Attend My Wedding?
“I (29F) am set to marry my partner (32M) Cal in September. We’ve been together a little over five years and engaged for about nine months now.
One of the first things we decided on for our wedding was that it would be relatively small. We planned for (including ourselves and the bride/groom party) a total of 100 people. It was a bit difficult to shave down our guest list to fit that, but we managed, and we will also be streaming the ceremony so that those who cannot attend will still be able to witness our union.
A couple of weeks ago, I thought Cal and I had everything figured out, deposits paid, dresses and tuxes picked out, decorations ordered etc, etc. It may sound a bit early to have all my ducks in a row but I have always preferred being as prepared as possible as quickly as possible over last-minute headaches.
Anyway, I thought I had everything finalized or figured out, and then my dad (47M) called, asking if his partner (45F) could come, because his invitation “didn’t allow for a plus one”. I didn’t even know my dad had a partner. My mom passed late last year, and I had no idea my dad had even started seeing someone again.
I told him no, that there was no room, as the guest list had been finalized and explicitly stated there would be no allowance for additional guests or plus-ones.
Here’s where I might have been the jerk. Dad asked if his partner could “use my mother’s seat”.
And I got INCREDIBLY upset. “My mother’s seat” is an extra chair that will be decorated and left empty for my mother in her memory since she can’t be there on my special day. Pretty much everyone who is going to my wedding knows about this chair.
I again, very firmly, told him no, and that his partner is not invited, but she is welcome to watch the livestream. Dad told me I was being rude and ungrateful and that he’d call me back later, then hung up. He’s not always been the most agreeable person, but this was shocking to me.
He has continued to ask, I have continued to say no, and he isn’t slowing down. Am I being a jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“I just can’t believe he has the audacity to ask if she can use your mother’s chair!!!
Is your dad helping to pay for the wedding? If so, then I’d allow him a plus one, but it needs to be VERY strictly stated that under NO circumstances can he let anyone know he has a plus one, as it would get other people asking for the same.
If he is not helping pay for the wedding, you can tell him that the reason that no +ones were allowed, was in order to stop a whole bunch of people asking for it. Tell him you don’t want to set this dangerous precedent because you really just can’t afford loads of extra people, and if people find out that he has a plus one, it will not stop at just him.
You can also mention to him that your mother passed less than a year ago and you really don’t want a partner of his to be at the wedding because this is too new for you. Under these circumstances, NTJ.” ScoobaChick28
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Firstly, I am sorry for your loss. It’s your wedding and you do exactly as you wish. I think the idea of the chair is very thoughtful and made me quite emotional reading it. I think your dad is being incredibly insensitive towards you, and should have realized how this would make you feel.
You’re not being rude and ungrateful at all, he is showing a lack of empathy and support for his daughter. This day is about you and your partner. It is also about anything you deem to be important – e.g. close friends and family.
This is not about him.” the-minsterman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a stranger. Your dad wants to put her literally (oh, really literally) in your mother’s place. That is such an awful thing to even suggest. Up until now, she wasn’t worth a mention, and now she’s more important than a woman he lost just a short while ago.
Oh, God! I bet he was planning to just turn up with her as his plus one as a surprise! Plan was spoiled when the invitation didn’t have a plus one. And can you even imagine what your friends and relatives who loved her would think if they found out you had decided that your dad’s current partner was more important than your recently deceased mother?
If she was my sister, I wonder if I would even stay. You are a hero if you don’t go LC/NC after this!” kimba-the-tabby-lion
14. AITJ For Wanting My Name Removed From A Stranger's Obituary?
“For context, my father left my mother for his affair partner about 7 years ago. I was in my twenties at this point and I made it clear from the start that I wanted nothing to do with this woman and in the 7 years have never met her and made a point of knowing as little about her as possible.
Before my parents were even legally separated my father moved across the state and into his AP’s house and they told her family and friends that he and my mother had already been separated when they started seeing each other. It became clear very quickly that my father did not care about the effect his behavior had on the rest of the family (my mother, my sister, and myself) which has severely damaged my relationship with him and, at times, we have been estranged.
Several months ago it was brought to my attention that his affair partner’s mother had died a while back and my sister and I had been listed as her granddaughters in the obituary! (Not even a step-granddaughter). Not only had I never met this woman, or anyone in her family, but I didn’t even know that she had died, I didn’t even know her name!
When I called my father to demand what was he thinking, his explanation was that “you’re a part of my family”. (I have seen this man 3 times since the night he told me he was leaving my mother and never at his own initiation).
I told him I expected him to fix this, he said “fine” and hung up on me and hasn’t spoken to me since.
I think the real reason he included me is he is either lying to himself that he still has a big happy family (he somehow managed to delude himself that no one would be upset about him leaving mom) or it is to keep up the lie about how he and his AP’s relationship actually started. My sister sees him once a year on Christmas but I don’t believe that she has ever spent time with his AP’s family and I don’t know how he explains my absence.
The reason I’m asking if I’m the jerk is because my sister thinks I should let it go for the sake of the deceased woman and her family.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They had NO reason to put you onto this obituary.
You told them that you wanted nothing to do with this “stranger” that had passed away, and then put you on the obituary as a “Granddaughter”?! That is insane, and I would do the same. You are NOT the jerk.” Kirasully2005
Another User Comments:
“Did he have your names removed?
If not, if the obituary is online, comment below it. Tell your story and your truth. Give them exactly the same respect they’ve given to you and your mother. Tell them you’re sorry it had to come to this, but you won’t have them continue to spread their lies about their treatment of your mother and her children, if they don’t believe you, your father has your number and they can call you and ask you.
Do a search to make sure the obituary isn’t posted on multiple sites. If comments have been closed, call the site’s/paper’s number to see if there’s any way to get your names redacted.” Hungry_Composer644
13. AITJ For Being Upset That My SIL Invited Herself To My Ultrasound Appointment?
“My husband and I have our 20-week ultrasound in a couple of weeks and had invited my mom and his mom to come.
This is our 4th pregnancy with no living children, and we have never made it this far. We agreed that we wanted our mothers there so we could hopefully find out the gender and tell them at the same time because both sides never get together and we hate having to tell one first than the other.
It has caused problems in the past.
Well today while talking to my MIL, my 40yr old sister-in-law who basically lives with her, says, “oh, I’m coming to your appointment by the way, if that’s okay.” I was in shock, and said what??
They said they’d talked to my husband about it, who was standing there and said he didn’t remember talking about that. He said if anything he would have said he would have to talk with me first. I got upset and said I guess she could come, but she could wait in the waiting room.
This made her and my MIL upset, and I said I was upset because it was rude to invite herself without asking. My MIL said she figured it would be okay because my SIL goes everywhere with her anyway. This caused an argument and I’m sure it’s going to last for a while.
Keep in mind, neither party is disabled or in need of care, in my opinion, they’re just unhealthily close and codependent on each other.
Am I overreacting? I know everyone is excited about this baby, but I felt like I was being railroaded. Plus, my SIL is always inviting herself to things, volunteering others to do things, and inserting herself without asking permission first, so this wasn’t out of the ordinary, everyone just goes along with it.
She and my MIL are glued to the hip, so anywhere one goes the other is always there anyways… But this situation is very personal and it pushed me over the edge. AITJ for speaking up?”
Another User Comments:
“No no no absolutely NTJ. These moments are for you and your husband, not for everybody else to feel they have a right to intrude and insert themselves into your business.
I’d be giving her a firm NO and if it causes issues with your MIL then I’d pull rank and say it will just be you and your husband in those appointments. Time to start setting boundaries now or these people are going to railroad you once the baby is here.
Hope all goes well OP.” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Call her to explain that you were initially caught off guard; having had time to think about it, you don’t want her to attend. I would seriously consider disinviting both mothers, because SIL will show up if MIL is there.
They can all get over whatever petty problem they have with being the first to know information. Gently, this is a wonderful time for you. Don’t waste it fretting about who knows what and when. That is an issue for other people; don’t make it yours.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“NTJ nobody has the right to invite themselves to a private medical appointment. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Small tip: as somebody who also had losses and is now 26wks go in alone with your husband first. Hear all the medical stuff, as I’m assuming this is your anatomy scan, and then when you are full of joy – invite the rest in.
This is more relaxing for the tech – and they don’t mind giving the “grand tour” after they get all their data. In my country, you aren’t even allowed visitors during this scan. We are however participating in a study and did it this way with my mom and dad.
It gives me some time to get the anxiousness down, hear the heartbeat, see our little dancer, and then celebrate that joy. Our tech told me they could come in from the start, but I explained our worries and told her that my sister had news at one of her scans that was worrisome (her daughter is a lovely 11-year-old now) and I wanted to be sure everything was ok first. She said it was smart and my mom and dad just melted in this lovely puddle of love and joy when they saw the 3D image of their grandbaby’s face.” empressbunny
12. AITJ For Not Wanting My Smoker FIL To Stay With Us After Our Baby Is Born?
“My husband (34m) and I (36f) have had a very difficult pregnancy.
We are expecting our baby girl in July and his family lives a few provinces over.
For context, my mom died a brutal battle with lung cancer when I was 26 after spending her life as a smoker. It completely devastated me. I also spent my early years begging her to stop and have a tremor due to exposure to toxins from her and my dad as a child.
My new FIL is a chronic smoker, both of harmful substances and mind-altering substances, not to mention a chronic drinker. I have no problem with his life choices for himself however it has driven a wedge between my husband and me. I refuse to visit inside FIL’s house because he smokes inside.
My husband feels caught in the middle between us, he just accepts it’s his dad. He gets mad when I’m blunt about it and wants me to use kid gloves towards his dad.
With our baby coming and family having to travel from out of town, it’s caused a lot of grief between my husband and me.
He wants my FIL to stay with us while he visits and I’m the complete opposite. I don’t want him bringing second and third-hand smoke into our home let alone holding our child.
I was hopeful that we could ask him to attempt to quit or at least put it down for the days he comes to stay with us.
I know it’s very hard to quit.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Listen, your job as a parent is to reduce the unnecessary harm your child is exposed to. It’s pretty reasonable for you to want to remove exposure to second or thirdhand smoke where possible.
It’s not a strange request that when your infant is so young, that any guests staying in your home adhere to a smoke-free visit. Or if they cannot do that, then stay in a hotel and prior to visiting you and baby, their bodies and clothes are also smoke-free.
I’d also recommend outdoor visits if possible too.” coastalkid92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ of course. And your husband needs to wake up. He’s not “caught in the middle” at all. He needs to come down on the side of sanity and good parenting. He needs to re-evaluate his priorities, and if necessary re-evaluate his relationship with his father (and throw out the kid gloves).
Spell it out to him, that he’s literally saying “My wife wants to protect our child but my father wants to harm her, and I am stuck in the middle.” What middle is there between unarguably right and unarguably wrong.” notforcommentinohgoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I don’t even want the stench of a smoker around me, much less an innocent baby. A smoker is a smoker is a smoker. You can smell a smoker a mile away. Even if he doesn’t smoke inside the house, that stench LINGERS. Their clothes, their skin, their hair.
My point is, once a smoker stays in your home, even if they don’t smoke inside the house, the harmful smoke (that they blow in right when they walk in the door after their last “puff” and you all know they do this) and smell lingers for DAYS!
Another poster said it well (not verbatim), “Decision for your hubby is easy. Either you want to protect your child’s health or you want to make your dad feel good about his addictions. Choose one.”” MyGutReaction
11. AITJ For Telling My Husband About His Mom's Inappropriate Comments At Our Kid's Soccer Game?
“I 33f have been with my husband 39m for 12 years.
We have a child who plays co-ed soccer. We’ve always invited my mother-in-law 70f to see his games. MIL has a tendency to just speak what’s on her mind even if they are not appropriate. She likes to comment on some of the players on our kid’s team over the years.
Some of the comments have been about how some of them run funny (We’ve had a few special needs kids) or how a girl with short hair looks like a boy and vice versa.
This past weekend our kid had a game and one of the boys on his team has long hair and she kept referring to him as she.
I corrected her and said it was a he. She replied back well it’s hard to tell when they have long hair. The boy passed us and she asked me rather loudly are you sure he’s a boy. I sat up and just gave her the wtf are you serious look and she replied with sorry sorry and ended the conversation but I’m sure the couple next to us heard.
After the game, I told my husband as he was coaching during the game what his mom had said and I told him I wouldn’t have cared for her comments but she should really be mindful of what she says in public. Luckily the boy’s parents were not sitting next to us but I told my husband she put me in an uncomfortable situation and what if the parents were nearby and had heard it.
He reached out to his mom telling her she needs to stop making comments about the players while at the games, if she needs to comment on something she should wait until we are at home (they usually come to our house after) or not say them at all.
She replied that she can say whatever she wants whenever she feels like it and that maybe she won’t keep coming to the games. My husband told her if she can’t keep the comments to herself then maybe she shouldn’t.
So AITJ for telling my husband about her comments?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A 70yo woman who thinks it’s her right to loudly be a homophobic bully towards young kids has no right being around those young kids. You’re right that it could cause serious problems, you’re lucky it didn’t this time, and she is 50+ years older than the impressionable children she’s harassing.
I really hope despite her intent to shame that boy for his length of hair, he didn’t hear her or he’s just a cool child who never gets bothered by that kinda nonsense.” BoopityGoopity
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You let her make comments about kids for years.
Just so you’re aware, other parents are hearing this and wondering why you allow someone like that to come to these games. Your children are learning to say these things! She sucks for obvious reasons. You suck for not uninviting her the first year or even the second year this became a pattern.
And btw, if I overheard that conversation, I’d make sure to tell the kid’s parents so they know to keep their kid away from your family.” Floating-Cynic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also pretty awesome your husband had your back 110%. Teamwork makes the dream work lol.
People think it’s a huge flex that they are brutally honest and can say whatever they want until someone is brutally honest with them and they get all butt hurt. No one wants to hear every thought you have about people Helen.” 519EOG_1979
10. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend Who Partially Invited Our Group To His Wedding?
“There are 7 of us who have grown up together.
We went to the same schools, lived within a 10-minute walk of each other, went off to university, and then moved home at about the same time, we went out to bars as a group, went on vacation as a group, snowboard and mtb as a group.
Pretty tight.
As each of us has married we’ve been in each other’s wedding parties. Helped organize and pay in.
This continued until the last one of the group got hitched. We did the stag do together. Barry told us that he wanted a small wedding.
We all said we’d see each other there.
However, at the reception, it became obvious that three of the group had received all-day invitations, and three of us didn’t. The three who had been there all day asked why we were so late and when we explained we’d been told it was family only they said they’d assumed something had come up.
It’s caused a bit of a split to say the least. Two of the group who weren’t invited to the day wedding aren’t talking to Barry. I’m still hanging out with Barry and the day invites. The day invites and I and the other two hang out but not with Barry.
I took the decision that, although surprised at Barry’s decision it is what it is.
However, we recently went out as a group, missing two, and Barry was banging on about how the two needed to grow up. This was where I might be the jerk.
I told him that he could choose how to organize his wedding but he can’t moan about two of the group being offended at the lack of an invitation. I told him he was sly in inviting our group in a way that meant we all thought we were being treated the same so it was a surprise to see half the group treated as family and half treated as add-on guests.
I told him he was either an idiot or didn’t value the decades of friendship. It got a bit heated as I defended the other two for cutting him off. He now isn’t talking to me. I think this is another it is what it is situation – one of the day invites is saying I should apologize for being over-the-top blunt while the others are staying out of it.
So, AITJ for calling out my friend for splitting up the group by not inviting us as a group to his wedding? Does the ‘invite who you want to your wedding’ rule apply? Should I apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This has no good solution.
You are correct – Barry didn’t invite some of his “friend group” to the wedding. His choice, but the others are hurt by it. He has to accept that. People have hurt feelings their whole lives. Being hurt by a situation doesn’t mean you are immature – it means you were hurt by a friend who was callous and couldn’t even be open about the true situation.” ElmLane62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While Barry can invite whomever he wants to his wedding, the way he went about it is a complete jerk move. Any friend worth having will be honest, even when it’s hard. Barry wasn’t. He also appears to not be smart enough to recognize that those friends ditched him because he HURT them.
He’s acting like they’re holding a grudge out of pettiness. You want smart, honest friends. Barry is neither.” ProfPlumDidIt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you see this a lot with weddings. People make choices, and it can bring to light a lot of differences in how people independently view the relationships they are in.
If you think you are extremely close friends with someone, there’s no way to not be hurt finding out they don’t view you the same. Once that happens, the relationship is going to change. For some people, it ends the friendship. For others, it can mean taking a huge step back.
Barry is dumb if he thought he could do this without repercussions.” Inconceivable76
9. AITJ For Asking My Neighbors To Move Their Trampoline For Privacy Reasons?
“We moved in almost 4 years ago to a suburban neighborhood. We really enjoy spending time in our backyard, and noticed the neighbors behind us had a trampoline that allowed their kids to see into our yard while jumping on it. We paid to have an additional row of bricks added to the shared wall (with the consent of all neighbors who would be affected by it), and could no longer see the kids’ heads while they played on their trampoline.
The trampoline is now pushed right up to our shared wall, and the children are constantly staring over the wall at us while they jump on it. I have caught them dangling over the wall, taunting our dogs (who will bite), and have heard them creepily comment on what my husband is watching in our living room.
I want to ask them to move it a few feet away from the wall. If they move it back to where it was prior to being pushed against the wall, they will not be able to see into my yard while using it or get onto the wall.
However, my husband does not believe I should talk to them about it or ask that they move their trampoline.
These are children around ages 7-15. I do not have ANY issue with children playing, the sounds they make, having to fetch balls out of my yard.
I just don’t want to be openly observed in my backyard, and it is causing me to feel resentful of the children and their parents. I would rather discuss this and hopefully resolve it, than stew on it at home. WIBTJ for asking them to move their trampoline a few feet away from our shared wall?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. Let them know you value your privacy, and for this reason, you request whatever it is you want to request they do about their kids. I wouldn’t just ask them to move the trampoline. Dangling on the wall and the deliberate invasion of privacy also should be addressed. You especially have to say something about them taunting your dog.
Their mother should want them to not get bit; you don’t want your dog to get put down. Children taunting a dog can make the dog get aggressive, even if the dog wasn’t aggressive to begin with.” mifflewhat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking. I wouldn’t even mention anything else other than the fact that they used the trampoline as a ladder to get into the fence and how dangerous that might be for them and your dog.
They aren’t obligated to move it, there’s no harm in asking.” TheSciFiGuy80
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ but don’t waste your time, they clearly don’t care. It sounds dangerous to have children bouncing their heads up and down near a brick wall. If their kids’ safety isn’t enough will they care about your privacy?
If you think they’re unaware then make a polite request, but if they rebuff you then, I think the answer is to be in your home all the time, or play horror movies on the TV. That’s what I would do.” loverlyone
8. AITJ For Being Upset At My Parents For Attending My Ex's Wedding?
“My ex-partner and I were together for five years but it ended after she left me last January.
There wasn’t any physical betrayal involved but she admitted to building an emotional relationship with him. She met him three years ago through some mutual friends.
I broke up with her after finding some flirtatious texts between them after she asked me for directions on her phone.
Which I confronted her about and she admitted to talking to him. Things ended between us. Two months went by and she already moved in with him. A few days ago, I found out she was getting married.
To my surprise, she had invited my parents to the wedding.
They were pretty close with her, even paying for her college for two semesters. We never told anyone that she betrayed me, I thought everyone would do the mental math and realize that I was betrayed.
After calling my parents after learning of their RSVP to her wedding from my younger sibling, I got into an argument with my father about everything.
I told him that she betrayed me and he told me I should move on.
AITJ for telling my parents off for their RSVP to my ex-partner’s wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your parents should’ve told you and not had you find out.
They have their own relationship with this person and they seem inclined to continue for some reason – which I’m neutral on, I guess. I’d want to know what the end goal with this ex is, exactly. I wonder if your ex invited to be polite and expected them to decline.” Small-Help-8382
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – Your ex is a jerk for the obvious reasons of having an emotional affair. She’s got a lot of audacity for inviting your parents to the wedding after that. You’re a jerk for fighting with your parents about going to the wedding, all without giving them any context whatsoever.
People aren’t mind readers. They had no knowledge of the intimate details of your breakup; if they liked your ex enough to pay for her education and you knew she was close to your parents, they likely assumed you guys may have just grown up and grown in different directions.
They had no way to know or no reason to suspect they shouldn’t be supporting your ex into a new chapter of her life. You have to actually communicate things you want other people to know instead of just assuming. Your parents are still jerks because once they learned the truth, they should have refused to go to the wedding in support of their own kid.” ItsDiddyKong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would tell them that you hope they realize that this is a choice that they can’t take back later and all 3 of you will have to carry that choice and the repercussions of it with you forever. They don’t get to later say “but we’re family!” when the repercussions show up if there wasn’t a “but we’re family!” when the choice was made.” bobofiddlesticks
7. AITJ For Not Allowing Booze At My Brother's Wedding Barbecue?
“My (32F) brother’s fiance, Chelsea (32 also), does not fit in well with our family. My parents have always been very kind to Chelsea, though blow-ups have happened with my dad related to her financial decision-making.
She and my brother announced their engagement around 2-3 years ago.
This led to some intense planning and spending, despite their lack of funds. Shortly after, they announce she is pregnant. They end up canceling the reception, but only after losing the deposit. The baby has since been born.
Because we want people to have somewhere to go after their ceremony, my dad offers to host a barbecue for them.
Chelsea is initially hesitant, but eventually gets on board and creates a social media group with everyone she wants invited (including our extended family). She insists we not refer to the event as the “reception” because she still believes they will have the reception they intended at some point.
She makes it clear in the group that we are planning the event. My parents and I get together and clarify roles. The budget is coming out at a couple thousand when you include food, chair rentals, etc. I make a website where people can RSVP.
I post the RSVP link to the social media group. Very shortly after, she starts peppering me with questions about food, etc. She seems pleased with my responses.
Then she asks, “is it gonna be a BYOB kinda thing, or if we’re gonna be providing the beverages?”
It’s 7:00 in the morning. I informed her that we aren’t providing beverages and that my dad prefers to not have booze because of liability concerns.
She absolutely explodes and sends me a slew of messages. Here are the highlights:
- a dry “reception” is stupid
- no one will come if the event is dry
- if people can’t drink they will smoke tons
- my family is judgemental
- it’s not what she had envisioned for her day (“MY day”)
I weather the comments, telling her to talk it over with my brother and bring up her concerns with my dad.
She then says that if there is no booze there is no barbecue.
She proceeds to delete my RSVP request from the social media group, and adds a post that says the event is canceled “on account of no booze.” This is mortifying to me – 20 people had already RSVP’d.
I’m livid, to the point that it affected me at work all week.
I think she’s ungrateful and entitled, and she has behaved atrociously towards the family she is joining. I sent her an angry message saying that she had disrespected my parents and that she had thrown my work in my face. To which she responded, “Nothing’s getting thrown in your face, it’s canceled unless we can make booze happen.
Not a big deal.”
She continues to insist that my parents and I are in the wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You and your parents know full well that booze is a normal part of socializing in the U.S., especially at a celebration.
To say you are throwing a celebration in honor of someone and wait until after sending invites to disclose that is either intentional deception or awful planning. She is DEF also a jerk for how she reacted and how she talked about the cancellation.” No_Glove_1575
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. By your own admission, your dad has picked fights with a grown woman about her own finances. Two things that are most assuredly none of his business. So your family has a history of overstepping and animosity towards the bride.
Your own post is dripping with judgment and dislike of her. Your parents didn’t offer to host to do something nice for her or your brother. In the comments, you say they didn’t want to make family drive (gasp!) half an hour “just” for the ceremony.
You mean just to watch them get married? That isn’t important enough? So they wanted to host a gathering which is fine, but if you’re going to pretend it’s for the couple you should at least let them have some input.
She’s right about a lot of things she said when she “explodes.” Your family is judgmental, having a dry event completely changes the vibe of an event, her group will smoke if they can’t drink, and it’s not what she envisioned. When most people hear there’s going to be a BBQ backyard party they assume there’s going to be some beer.
She decided she didn’t want to be associated with the event so pulled out of it. Why is that unfair? If your dad wants to just throw a dry party for his family why does he need her pretending to be okay with it?
So he can pretend he did this for her? I’m assuming it’s a cultural thing but you’re awfully hung up on her disrespecting your parents when it sounds like they (or at least your dad) have been disrespectful to her since day one.” Jilltro
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. After reading with clarifying comments that the reception is not at 7 AM but later in the day BBQ she is absolutely correct to be surprised at no booze being allowed. And frankly, that is odd and I could imagine a lot of people not wanting to come.
But what really makes you the jerk is your attitude. You come across as judgmental and condescending. Like she should be happy that you’re doing anything for her at all so she just shut up. I think you would have been better off not offering to help at all.
What you’re doing does not seem genuine. So why do anything at all. And yes, it does sound like she could’ve handled this better as well.” lakeviewdude74
6. AITJ For Not Letting My In-Laws Use Our Airbnb Kitchen After They Opted For A Hotel?
“My wife and I have 2 kids (6 and 3) and my wife has 2 siblings. One brother (living in Cali and soon to be married later this summer), one sister (married with 3 kids all under 10), and both her parents (still married).
We are pretty close with my wife’s family, spend a lot of time with them and all the kid cousins get along super well. I have a very good relationship with everyone.
The brother is getting married later this summer in Southern California. The rest of the family, including us, live in the Midwest. We’ve planned a big 7-night family vacation down to SoCal for the wedding.
I proposed that our family (4 of us) + my sister-in-law’s family (2 adults, 3 kids), and my wife’s parents (2 adults) rent a house for the 7 nights we will be in SoCal. My reasons were:
- More space for everybody instead of living out of a suitcase in a hotel for 7 nights
- Have a kitchen available to cook and eat together instead of eating out for every single meal
- My son has a severe anaphylactic allergy to nuts so eating out can often be stressful for us as a family.
Initially, everyone was on board. I estimated that renting a large enough house (via Airbnb) would be approx $300/night per family unit (So $900/night split 3 ways).
There are cheaper ones but they would be too far from the wedding venue.
My sister-in-law and my parent-in-law learned that hotel rooms are available for approximately $150/night. They’ve now bailed on the house idea and have reserved hotel rooms. It’s their money and I understand renting a house is a lot of money to pay above the hotel rates.
I have no issue with them changing their mind.
My wife and I still want to stay in a house, mainly for access to a full kitchen, so we booked an Airbnb. The smaller house will cost us about $350/night. So we’ll be spending about $350 more than planned ($50 x 7 nights).
We’ve booked the Airbnb and the free cancellation period has now expired. We can’t cancel without losing money.
When my wife’s family learned that we booked an Airbnb they said, “Oh great! We can come to your house to cook food”. I said, “No. If you wanted to cook then you should have reserved a house with us, not make us pay the extra for accommodations with a kitchen and then take advantage of that.
If you want to use the kitchen cover the extra $50/night you have to pay and then you can use it.”
They say I’m being unreasonable and greedy. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Read the rules on the Airbnb. There is a good chance that them even coming over will give you a nice fine/fee.
We always have issues finding rentals that allow niece/nephew/mil to come over for a game night/pizza night when visiting family. It would fall under rules about “parties” or extra guests.” maybeRaeMaybeNot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not even about the cooking, it’s about privacy and personal space.
You can’t just invite yourself to someone’s house/hotel room. It’s one thing to share a big space with your extended family, it’s a completely different thing to cram 10 people into a small place just because Grandpa wants to cook himself some eggs. If anything, I wouldn’t have put a price tag on it, I’d just say the place was too small to have people over.” RelevantSchool1586
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for the unfairness of the initial split. You should have been splitting by rooms or per person, not “family units.” Why would a 5-person family be paying the same as your wife’s parents, who are only two people? Or course they’d rather get a hotel room than subsidize your housing.” staygoldsodapop
5. AITJ For Trying To Interact With A Dog That Turned Out To Be A Service Animal?
“I was in a pet store that allows all animals, picking up cat food. And in the same aisle as me was a lady with her dog that was clearly very excited by everything around him and was looking over to me and wagging his tail and pulling to say hi.
I smile and just look to the owner and say “oh he’s so handsome” and hold my hand out.
I need to add that he was wearing one of those dog clothes which was this hoodie. (Even cuter). The woman then scowls at me and yanked him away and tells me he’s a service animal and pulls the hoodie down to see a collar saying service dog.
I feel terrible as I would never EVER try and interrupt a service animal if I knew. I start to apologize profusely and she just looks at me in disgust and keeps pulling the dog away.
(Who at this point is still jumping and pulling towards me excitedly)
She snaps at me saying that now I’ll know better than to try to pet service dogs and just shakes her head when I apologize again and walks away. I genuinely feel so bad and I’m awful when it comes to confrontation like this and I felt like I was going to cry.
But looking back I don’t know if she was being unreasonable. I don’t want to claim the dog wasn’t legitimate, but by his behaviour and lack of clear sign he was one, I don’t know if he was. But with how angry and disgusted the woman was with me I just don’t know if she was right.
So I come to thee for your opinion.
I never once actually petted the dog, or went to pet him I wouldn’t touch somebody else’s dog without permission regardless of service dog status. What happened was the dog approached me very excitedly to sniff, and I held my hand for him to do so.
It’s also why I spoke directly to the owner first of all when complimenting him, instead of kneeling or baby-talking to get his attention. And again, this all happened before I even knew he was a “service dog.”
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“It wasn’t a service dog. First of all, they’re much better trained. Secondly, it doesn’t say service dog on just the collar. They wear a vest that says it so that it’s easy to see. More than likely an emotional support animal and she’s just trying to be entitled and difficult.
But in reality, you should never try to pet anybody’s dog without talking to the owner first even if the animal comes over to you. That’s just basic courtesy and safety because the animal still might nip and or bite hard. NTJ but you should ask next time.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with ESH since you should ALWAYS ask someone before trying to interact with their pets, service animal or not. She definitely also acted like a jerk since it was not clear the dog was a service dog, but you shouldn’t assume it’s ok to try and pet someone else’s animal.” Squid0s
Another User Comments:
“This has probably been said a hundred times…here goes 101. That was either the world’s worst service dog or….it wasn’t a service dog, LOL. Also, and I could be wrong here, my gut says people who genuinely have service dogs might be alarmed by your behaviour and correct you but they wouldn’t be disgusted and berate you like that.
My only humble recommendation to you based on how I like people to treat my very friendly and very big dog is to ask first before extending a hand. She likes people and I love that about her but my favourite ones are the ones who ask “can I say hello” before holding out a hand that she’s just going to pull harder towards.
It makes my life easier. P.S. – I loathe the ones who say nothing to me and just reach for her…I hope they rot. I’m kidding….mostly…” fluffticles
4. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Brother-In-Law And His Pregnant Partner Live With Us?
“My partner’s (we’ll call him Jim) brother Jack and his partner Jane recently found out they were expecting a baby.
Both are 23 but have only been together for 4 months. Both live at home with their parents (both single parents).
He works full-time as a 2nd year apprentice and she works part-time while doing college.
They are both scared and excited but seem a bit naive to the reality of raising a baby. They don’t have a plan about how they would cope or living arrangements etc.
Jim and I are older (37) and are comfortably set up (no children), however, I’ve made it clear I don’t want them to rely on us for somewhere to live or funds, they have to manage this situation themselves. Jim and I agreed on this expecting some kind of request for help.
As expected, the first request came asking that they stay with us till they can get some funds together after the baby is born. We said no. They complained and said we have spare rooms and they will contribute.
Our concerns are:
1. This will become a financial burden on us and we will end up paying many of their expenses
2. I don’t know Jane I’ve met her 3 times and don’t know how she would be to live with
3. I work from home 3 days a week and need some quiet, that’s going to be hard with a baby around
4. I know her family and friends are all close and spend a lot of time together.
I don’t want my house to be a hangout spot for people I don’t know
5. They would not give a timeframe, there has been no planning here so I have no idea how long they would even stay or if they would stick to a plan anyway
6. They also couldn’t confirm their plan after they get funds together, no idea about the area they would live in, the cost of rent and utilities, etc.
We know that they are welcome at Jack’s mother’s house, they will just have to make do with 1 room for the 3 of them.
Jack’s mother also gets heavily subsidized utilities so it will have a minimal impact on them from a financial perspective.
Ever since we said no, their family has been hounding us and acting like we are abandoning them. They are not out on the street, they are just going to be in a tight space and inconvenienced for a while.
I’m pretty firm on this stance, they are not entitled to our space or resources and made a choice to have a baby but made no independent plans on how to manage it.
Would be interested to hear other people’s views on this, AITJ, or are they being entitled?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your space is your space, you don’t need to justify saying no. But even if justifications were needed, you have plenty. And yes, they are being ‘entitled’. Going forward, do not engage with anyone about this: do not ‘JADE’ (justify, argue, defend, explain) because that turns it into a discussion; you are not discussing this, you are announcing your final decision.
Anyone who chastises you for not taking them in, tell THEM to take them in (and sit back as they frantically make excuses why they won’t) — people are always happy to make free with other people’s resources but shut down when you suggest them helping out.” notforcommentinohgoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The family are massive jerks for hounding you. The idiot couple got pregnant before even being able to look after themselves independently. The kids having a kid want an adult to sort the situation out. Of course they do. But just because they want it doesn’t mean they deserve it.
They need to grow up. Fast. And if their family wants an adult to look after the couple and child instead, why don’t they do so themselves? You’ve hardly met the mother, aren’t related to the kid, aren’t advocating the infantilization, and are child-free by choice.
The family knows it’s outrageous to hound you but wants to see what they can get for their relatives because they are chancers. Talk to your partner about going NC until things settle.” PaulErdos8MyHamster
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re right, they aren’t entitled to your house.
They chose to keep the baby knowing they can’t afford it. How exactly do they expect to get more funds after the kid is born? That’s so illogical and irresponsible. They have a place to stay, even if it’s only one room.
And it’s recommended parents have their baby’s crib in their room, so I’m not seeing the problem here — at least until the kid is like 2. They don’t have a plan, they just have blind hope that things will work out.” citrushibiscus
3. AITJ For Drinking My Favorite Tea That My Spouse Is Allergic To?
“This is far from the first situation of this kind in my marriage, and I really need some perspective here.
My spouse of a year and a half has A LOT of food allergies. The only one that is life-threatening is citrus. As such, we try to keep our house as allergen-free as possible, and if I want to be able to kiss them, I don’t eat anything they’re allergic to (which again is most things, it would take way too long to list).
I have learned to cook so they can eat safely at home, I have removed many of my favorite foods and drinks from my diet, I have given up scented candles, and perfume, and I have to use all the same skin and hair products as them, even if I don’t like them.
For the past few weeks, there’s been a nasty bug going around our house and so we’ve both been pretty sick and miserable. I’ve had a sore throat and cough for five days. Before I met my spouse, I would have been enjoying my favorite peach and orange tea and honey religiously to help soothe it.
But my spouse is allergic to honey, and most teas. The only tea we have that they’re not allergic to is one that I don’t like the taste of.
So today I have to go to work and I have to be able to speak, so I made myself a thermos of the tea I like, taking care not to cross-contaminate anything, and I even put the lid on while it steeped, so that the vapors wouldn’t trigger their asthma.
It wasn’t enough. When my spouse walked in, they said “is that poison tea?” And I replied that yes it was and they immediately left the room and said “Ah, so I’m staying away from you today, then. Enjoy your poison tea.”
Their tone made me feel like a jerk.
I just wanted the tea I love that I hardly ever get to drink to make me feel a little bit better while I worked. And just breathing in the vapor is not going to endanger their life. At most, it will make them cough and have to take their inhaler.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “At most, it will make them cough and have to take their inhaler.” At most? I understand that’s a minor reaction in comparison to your spouse’s other possible reactions but that alone is enough for most people to avoid an allergen.
You married someone who needs you to put in a little more care and attention than an average relationship. You agreed to put in that time and care when marrying them. It’s perfectly natural to have feelings and frustrations about that. However, you can’t decide to push the boundaries of what is and isn’t acceptable when it comes to your spouse’s pain and comfort.
It’s not for you to decide that potentially needing her inhaler is a risk worth taking. Make yourself your own little treat drawer at work, along with extra toiletries so you can brush your teeth before going home. Is your spouse allergic to peaches as well as citrus?
Peach tea without the orange can be amazing. Treat yourself to teas produced from specific farms or local vendors.” EmpressJainaSolo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. OP himself says citrus is life-threatening, and then brings this life-threatening substance INTO THEIR LIVING SPACE and prepares it. OP, do they or do they not, have a life-threatening allergy to citrus?
If they do, and you brought citrus tea into the house, you know it can kill them. You just told us they’ve got a life-threatening allergy to it. Why are you also saying: “And just breathing in the vapor is not going to endanger their life.
At most, it will make them cough and have to take their inhaler.” DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT AN INHALER IS? They take this when they aren’t breathing right. We humans need to breathe to live. Please explain how needing to take medicine to keep breathing isn’t their life being in danger.” Super-fictious
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re sick and wanted to enjoy your thing, they’re sick and don’t want to get sicker, neither of you is at your best and the situation is challenging. It sounds like you guys have good systems for managing their allergies in your home, but it does seem like you’re kind of fed up and missing the stuff you like, maybe you could go out for dinner and drinks with family or a friend who isn’t your partner and enjoy some of the things you can’t have at home, and communicate that early with your partner so they can stay safe.
You should do this every few months so you don’t get that pent-up resentment, you don’t have to totally avoid non-life-threatening allergens forever.” Novel-Fun5552
2. AITJ For Wanting To Be Paid To Help My Partner Paint Her Apartment?
“My partner just rented this apartment in a city we don’t currently live in and her landlord is paying her and her roommate $1000 to paint the inside of it (supplies included).
Originally we weren’t sure if her roommate was gonna do it so I immediately offered to help and split the money with my partner, which she agreed to. Turned out her roommate did want to help, so I figured I wasn’t needed and didn’t think anything more of it.
Yesterday, my partner and I headed to the city where we share a cheap apartment we call our studio. She dropped me off to do my thing then she went to her apartment to meet up with her roommate and her roommate’s mom. This is where the issue begins.
That evening, she texts me asking why I’m not helping her. At this time I’m busy making music at the studio so I just tell her that. When she gets back to the studio a couple hours later, she’s telling me all about her day and everything and mentions how I ought to help her tomorrow.
I don’t say anything then but I’m thinking, ain’t no way unless you pay me or something. I would of course help if there was no money on the table but in this situation, I think that asking me for free help when she’s getting paid for labor is unfair.
I didn’t say anything that night though, I just went to bed.
The next morning she asks if I’ll come help and I pretty much just said no. This made her pretty mad and she was saying that I really should help since I’m her partner.
She also said her roommate’s mom is helping and she’s not getting paid. I still didn’t think it’s right and I told her I wouldn’t ask for half of her $500 but I think I should be paid some for the labor if there’s money allocated to that.
I then realized I don’t even have clothes to paint in. The argument went in circles just like that for a minute or two and then she stormed out to go back to her apartment.
So then I text her because I don’t think she understands my perspective of the situation.
I said that she should have told me to bring some paint clothes if she wanted me to help. Also, I said that it’s pretty entitled to expect help for free when you’re getting paid so much for labor. She said that money is for her rent.
Well, that money could be for my rent too! I said, “he’s paying you for LABOR and you’re asking me to do the labor, but you’re keeping all the money.” She said “it’s just called helping a friend.”
Again, I would absolutely help her if there wasn’t money for labor involved. But since there is, I think it’s pretty messed up that she wouldn’t even consider paying me for the labor she’s asking me to do.
It just feels really unfair and it’s not what I would do in her place. But still, I feel bad because I do sort of think I should be there for her regardless. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think your logic is sound.
You’ve said if no money was on the table, you’d help for free. There’s money on the table, though, so you’re asking for some of that money. Also, it sounds like you and your partner are on a similar financial footing and that your partner never even asked you to help, she demanded it.
She’s being entitled to the extreme and her communication style seems problematic.” saintandvillian
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go against the grain here and say everyone sucks here. While yes, if there is money on the table, she is getting paid, and in a purely transactional situation she should then pay you for your labor… But that’s the point.
You’re making this a transactional event within your relationship. That’s no way to approach a romantic relationship. The partner sucks also for wanting to profit from your labor. I’m all about capitalism – but again no way to treat a romantic relationship.” Intrepid_Entrance294
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You – just help your partner when she asks for it. No pay necessary. I wonder how many things she’s done for you expecting nothing in return. Her – would have been great to offer to take you out to dinner as a thank you for helping.
Both of those are normal behaviors for people in a relationship. Anyone telling you NTJ has never been in an adult relationship and I seriously doubt either you or your partner have either.” kraegm
1. AITJ For Not Calling My Mom Early On Mother's Day?
“My wife (54F) and I (52M) moved to a far southern state (US) from a northern state in 2020. Prior to that, we would go see my mom on Mother’s Day or any other family holiday every year.
Except for Thanksgiving. Bless her heart but her turkey was like eating an eraser and for 25 years I thought that’s what turkey was supposed to be. My ex-wife and I got her to come to us that day. I digress.
When my now wife and I moved down here it became a thing that, at the start, we would do Zoom calls or FaceTime, or Alexa our family calls.
By family calls I mean the big ones; Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving. Any others were phone calls or face times scheduled always after 5:00 because of work and we are active on weekends. In the 4 years we’ve been down here it’s been like that. Family holidays are scheduled and individual holidays are a free for all after 5:00.
(We live in the same time zone so that’s not an issue and we’ve made these calls at 7-8.)
So on Mother’s Day, we were invited to a BBQ at a work friend’s place where I was the cook. When it comes to BBQ I am always the cook but whatever.
I had everything planned out to the minute as to how long it would take and have time to call my mom. At 5:10 I had 10 minutes left and I would be done cooking and could slip off someplace quiet to call her when my phone rang.
It was her. I stepped into the house because of the chatter outside but answered before I could. She asked what was going on and told her that we were at a friend’s house. She then got upset and hung up on me before I could explain what was going on.
I walked back outside and my wife could see something was wrong. I told her and pretty much everyone within earshot what happened and they were on my side.
For them, the show went on but for me, I was on the fence. I wanted to call her back but she has a history of pulling these stunts and everyone told me to let it go.
So I did. She texted me today and said she was hurt because I didn’t call her and she was hurt I didn’t call her back. I texted her back and offered no apology and told her what I was trying to tell her but she wouldn’t listen and hung up on me.
I said I’d call her after work today. I did call and she didn’t answer. Where did I go wrong and am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“May be a minority opinion, but I view individual-centered holidays or special days (birthday, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day) to be days where you want to try to catch someone early in the day as the day is a celebration for them.
While I know you stated it’s been a tradition over the last 4 years, it sounds like she’s not too keen on it. She’s not right for having a tantrum about it. She should have communicated this to you. I think some people want the other person to WANT to do that without asking (consider/prioritize them earlier), but that’s not always the best approach.
I think you guys need to talk about the miscommunication and consider restructuring going forward. I’m gonna go with NTJ, but also, I might be a little hurt too if I was Mom.” Habagoobie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Have you ever paused to consider your new habit of not calling until Sunday after 5 makes your mom feel disposable to you?
That you are willing to call, but only when you have absolutely nothing better to do in your life? Would it have killed you to have sent your mom a text in the morning that said Happy Mother’s Day. I will call between x and y today, but I wanted you to know I was thinking of you and love you?” Inconceivable76
Another User Comments:
“What a jerk. So, your mom is supposed to hold on all day hoping you don’t forget to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day? She was sitting at home. All day. Waiting for her son to call her on Mother’s Day.
YOU have a “tradition” that’s nonsense. The rest of the world calls our moms early in the day so they know they are remembered. We send flowers on Friday or Saturday and still call before lunch to let her know she matters. you went to a BBQ and ranked your mom lower than flipping the meat on the grill?
Complete jerk.” nowaynohowanyway
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