People Worry About The Aftermath In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Not Attending My Friend's Wedding After She Didn't Congratulate Me On My New Job?
“A few months ago, a friend of mine told me she was getting married, it wasn’t meant to be a regular wedding but more of an elopement kind of thing.
We were supposed to be her, the groom, me (as a Maid of Honor), and a Best man, plus a few close family members, about 10 people in total, and it was planned for early November.
I say “wedding” like that in the title because there will be no invites, no “save the date”, no ceremony, no walk down the aisle, just courthouse and dinner (that comes from the bride herself, I’m not guessing anything).
A week ago I got the news that I had gotten a permanent job, I don’t know how to explain it because this is a very typical thing in my country, Spain, where every so often, the government will hire professionals to work either in the administration or in public institutions (education, high school…) This is usually a great opportunity because these positions are for life (well until you retire) and they can never fire you.
To apply for these positions, you have to take an exam, and then depending on your years of service to the institution and the score you get on the exam, you can get one of those jobs.
Long story short, I took my exam last year and last week I got told that I got one of the jobs, but I will be moving cities for that.
When I told my friend this, the only thing she said was “When are you leaving?? Can you still come to my wedding?” No congratulations, no “I’m happy for you”, nothing.
I must add, that two weeks ago I talked to her to find out where were we having dinner for her wedding, and she said she didn’t have anything planned yet, let alone booked.
Had she told me she had everything booked and that she needed my RSVP, I would’ve understood her answer, but in that context, I’ve decided that if the only thing she cares about is her and her wedding, and she can’t be happy for me, I’m not going to the wedding.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yes, it’s rude that she didn’t congratulate you on your job, but in your post, you’re denigrating her wedding by putting it in quotes. It’s clear you were to play an important role that day and you must be close friends if you’re the maid of honor and one of just 10 guests.
Also, Spain is a small country with good trains. It shouldn’t be hard to go back on a Saturday for the wedding.” analyst19
Another User Comments:
“Sounds a little over-reactive to me. You blame her for being all about herself when you are being all about yourself too.
You don’t have to go because an invite is not a mandate, however, if you aren’t going in retaliation for her not being happy for you about your job, then absolutely…YTJ.” IamIrene
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re going to skip her wedding because she didn’t congratulate you?
Maybe in your excitement over your life event, you don’t realize how petty this sounds. Whether she chooses to get married in a church, courthouse, event space, etc. it’s still a wedding. This person considers you a very important friend if she asked you to be one of so few people in attendance and to fill a special role and you didn’t seem to have one nice thing to say about her or this event in her life.” MiddleHuckleberry445
20. AITJ For Banning My Brother From Using My Car After Repeated Disrespect?
“My younger brother (17m) who just got his driver’s license had been borrowing my car since April. He asked me if he could borrow my car while I was on a trip to another country.
I said yes because he needed to get around and I wasn’t using it at the time. I get back after three months to discover my clean and neat car a total mess, old McDonald’s food in the back seat, new stains, dirty windows, and footprints on the glass.
I asked him what happened and he just said it got a little messy.. it wasn’t a little messy ants were starting to infest my car, so I cleaned it up and just let it go. I continued to let him use it to get to school and take friends places and it was usually okay, but he constantly forgot to pick up after himself and fill up gas, and where I live gas isn’t cheap.
I started back to work in mid-August and used my car a lot more, kept it clean and I had no issues until I let him use my car for a week while I was sick, and he trashed the inside.
His friends weren’t a help either and they damaged a liquid car scent and it spilled out everywhere.
I was angry and told him if he didn’t clean up my car and respect my property that he wouldn’t be allowed to use it. It took some arguing but he eventually cleaned it and I thanked him. Since he had been using it more he finally offered to fill up gas, and he did.
But in the process, he lost the gas cap and didn’t tell me. My car is a lot older and the gas cap isn’t attached, so a whole week went by and he didn’t tell me. He used my car this morning and his friends were in it too because there was mud and fast food garbage everywhere.
He also didn’t tell me until right as I was leaving for work there was no gas in the car, no big deal I live a few minutes from my work he said I had enough to make it there and back. I did not, I got off an 8-hour shift it was midnight and my car was empty, the car is also a manual so I was able to push it for thirty minutes to a gas station and fill it up which is when I discovered my missing gas cap.
I was cold, wet, and extremely frustrated. So when I got home I immediately pulled my parents aside and told them he was forbidden to use my car, the last of his respect for my property is nuts since whenever I use his things or computer he is a stickler for the care of his items. And I comply because they’re his property.
My parents agreed and also said that they won’t let him use their cars too since he left multiple messes in them, he has a motorbike which he can use for transportation but it’s getting cold. When I told my brother he couldn’t use my car anymore he flipped out, yelling that it was cold out and he had no way to get to school, to which I reminded him of his dirtbike and he shrugged me off saying he would take my keys when I wasn’t looking I said if he took my keys I would call the cops and have him arrested for theft. Maybe I was too harsh but I just want him to respect my property.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – until he treats you and your property with respect, don’t let him anywhere near your car. If he wants to do it on his own, assuming he ever gets one, all the power to him. Let him deal with his mess.
He has no right to push it onto you or others.” 8ullred
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You might need to have your fuel tank drained and cleaned out, or at the very least check your fuel filter if you have one. Driving around without a gas cap for a week would allow all sorts of dirt and junk to get into your tank.
Your brother sucks and you gave him way too many chances” Agarrabrant
Another User Comments:
“It’s your fault for letting this go on so long. If he takes your car report it stolen. Tell him under no circumstances is he allowed to use it again since he and his friends have no respect for your property.
I’m surprised they haven’t wrecked it the way they behave. He can get a job and buy his vehicle. Don’t let him have access to yours. He’s an ungrateful brat taking advantage of you. NTJ” mccky
19. AITJ For Not Paying For My Daughter's College After She Took A Gap Year?
“I am a single mother to 3 daughters. Twins 21f and ‘Alice’ 19f. I told my daughters since they were in elementary school that if they pursued higher education, I would pay for it. They would not have to take out loans or worry whatsoever. This applies to any sort of program, university, community college, trade, etc.
My only rules were that they were to share their grades with me at the end of each semester of course and that they must go straight into whatever program they chose. No gap years or going back to school when they were older. I always encouraged college, but in no way forced it.
One of my twins took me up on this and she is currently a senior with a major in psychology, and my other twin did not and is currently in the tattoo artist industry. They are both kicking butt and I’m equally proud of them both.
However, Alice informed me while she was a senior in high school that she wanted to take a gap year. When I asked what she planned to do during this gap year, she said something like “Relax before having to be in the real world.” She said she wanted to go to college, just not right away.
She also said she did not plan to work during this time. I told her she had the whole summer to relax, but she held strong and wanted her gap year. I said fine, but not to expect me to fund her schooling a year from now.
She brushed me off. If she had planned to do something productive or anything with the gap year (internship etc) I would have had a different attitude towards this.
Flash forward to September and Alice has done exactly that for the last 4 months, relax. She sleeps until 2 and has not gotten a job.
She has a car and the means to do so but simply does not wish to. The topic of her going to school next year got brought up by her and she asked if I would pay. I said no, and that she knew this.
I told her I would be happy to help her, but would not be paying in full. She blew up on me, asking if I was serious and saying how unfair I was. She yelled at me and called me a mean person for paying for her sister’s college in full but not hers.
I reminded her of our conversation and how she knew my stance since she was a little girl. I also asked her if she had applied for scholarships or done anything to start trying to help with these funds, but she had not.
I told her since I was retiring in 2025, I did not have the funding to pay for her schooling in full anymore and that I had to start thinking about saving for myself and my future.
I said she had missed her chance.
She is very angry and has barely been speaking to me. I feel bad, but I also don’t. I feel like this will be the first of many things in her life to teach her some responsibility.
She had her opportunity to have her schooling paid for and she knew this, but chose to do nothing for a year. She can still go to college and I will help foot the bill, but she would have to take out some loans. I’m not sure how to talk to her about this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Some people need a gap year for a variety of reasons. Being inflexible is not a good example for your kids. It’s also kinda sus that in 4 months you no longer have the funds for her to go to school. It’s very likely she’s overwhelmed and needs guidance.
Does she even know how to search for scholarships? More importantly, does she even know what she wants to study? Right out of HS, I went to community college. However, I didn’t understand how GPAs worked and ended up with a GPA of a little less than 2.0 – which was very disappointing for me.
I was 23 before I realized that I wanted to be a nurse. I think y’all can come to a compromise. For example, maybe she can start school in January, so it won’t be a gap year, it’s just 4 months. I strongly believe you should reconsider.” sfgothgirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. you made it clear from the very beginning that you wouldn’t cover the full cost if any of your children did this and that. But I do understand wanting to take a gap year, school can be extremely exhausting. Both on the body and mentally, it’s a lot of stress.
But what I don’t get is why Alice isn’t even applying for anything?? also maybe take your offer of helping her back after she called you a mean person. I definitely wouldn’t let that slide lol” collection
18. AITJ For Canceling My Financially Irresponsible Friend's Car Insurance And Phone Plan?
“So my friend (D) got in a really bad car accident that killed his adoptive father and seriously injured him to the point where he lost his job. He used the funds from the sale of his dad’s car to buy a car. So, I helped him get a job where I used to work at a special ed school.
At this time I’m working 2 jobs and going to school at night. So, I got a call one morning from D saying his car broke down on the way to work and he needed a ride. I tell him to call roadside assistance and he says he doesn’t have car insurance and starts giving me some long story.
I roll my eyes and I go give him a ride.
Later that week I got him to reinstate his car insurance. I don’t know how he thought he was paying them without a bank account but he gave me the cash and we called the insurance company and paid with my card.
The problem was that was the same week my card was stolen. I was so flustered I accidentally canceled his payment. He came to my house so upset, and I don’t know why I did it but I offered to put him on my car insurance.
If he promised to pay. The payments would be cheaper than they were originally. And I thought everything would be fine. I was wrong.
Shortly after that, there was an issue with his cell phone. He couldn’t afford to get a new phone so I added him to my plan and got him the free phone.
He promised to pay! Again this would actually be cheaper for him.
A couple of months later I’m hemorrhaging money. My job at the pre-school isn’t giving me the hours they promised so I had to quit and go back to work at the special ed school.
Now I work from about 8:30 in the morning, class from 6 am-8 pm, and clean a bank from 9 pm to 11 pm. Just to make ends meet. And guess who I need to shake down for cash every month when bills are due? D
A couple of months later I got a job at an assisted living on the weekends, better pay than the bank, so I quit but got D the cleaning job.
And I still need to beg him to pay me every month.
So now it’s almost the end of the school year and I won’t see D for at least a month until school starts again. And I am done! I can’t afford my bills.
So I told him I’m dropping him. He has 30 days to get his stuff. 29 days later I went to his house to try one more time to get the money from him and explain my situation. He refused to pay. Do you want to know his reasoning?
He smoked me up for free “All the time”. I just walked away. I canceled his phone line and canceled his car insurance.
Later found out he was ready to sue me if I tried to get the phone back. And he bad-mouthed me to all his coworkers.
A year later I was in his area and ran into his cousin. She kicked him out for not paying rent a little after I cut him off. Last I heard he was still working at the school but was living out of a motel and bumming rides from coworkers.
I feel bad his life went so downhill after the accident but I tried so hard to help and all I asked was that he paid his share.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is extremely immature and doesn’t understand consequences or responsibilities or friendship.
He doesn’t understand promises or commitments. You gave him ample opportunity and gave him plenty of warning that you were going to cut him off. Your friend has some very big issues to work through, and nothing you do is going to make him do that.
He has to do his life in his own time, and it is in no way your responsibility to carry him until he does.” Competitive_Cod_3843
17. AITJ For Not Eating My Partner's Mother's High-Calorie Meals?
“I was previously overweight and have since lost 40 pounds.
I had no understanding of calories before this and was overeating. I now have a caloric deficit I try to match and it’s been going well. I’ve lost 40lbs.
Here’s the thing. I recently moved in with my partner and her parents.
The reasoning is unnecessary. In the beginning, I would eat whatever was cooked because I mistakenly assumed it was healthy and not extreme in calories. I noticed I was gaining weight and I wasn’t sure why. Then, however, after standing with her mother one night chatting while she was cooking dinner I realized. The amount of oil she uses is ludicrous.
And her dinners that could be relatively 350-450 calories a serving quickly and easily become 850-1000 calories.
Even when she makes breakfast every Sunday morning, I realized just how much butter she uses for the pan and… again… it is ridiculous. Two eggs probably end up being 400 calories from butter alone.
I feel rude not eating her dinners. And recently I’ve opted out but noticed she does get quite sad when I do so. I don’t know how to tell her that it just isn’t healthy. Once she made salad and put two entire bottles of caesar dressing in it.
It was made to feed 4. It wasn’t a huge bowl.
I feel like a jerk. She’s nice enough to cook everyone (and me, a new addition to the household) dinner every single night. I feel like I should just shut up and deal with it since I’m living under her roof but I’m not gonna just eat less in the day and starve while I’m at work so I can eat her food while maintaining my calorie deficit.
I’ve also had talks with her about calories and she said she has no idea how they work and she never even looks at nutrition labels. I don’t know what to do. And I feel even ruder if I turn down her dinner and make my own.
And she’s in the living room all day so it isn’t like I can just wait until she’s sleeping (sometimes 1 am) to make my dinner.
I feel stuck.”
Another User Comments:
“Perhaps the best way to handle it is to just tell her that your doctor has recommended you avoid excessive use of butter, oils, and dressings to lower your cholesterol.
If she makes a salad, ask if you can get dressing on the side, and that way you can put as much as little as you would like on it. Better yet, how about you offer to cook for her, something healthier and lighter.” justtired2022
Another User Comments:
“My nonconfrontational butt would do this: eat much smaller portions of meals she cooks for you and starts cooking the weekend family breakfast in her stead explaining that she does enough during the week and deserves not only a break but some pampering herself.
You get a chance to cut some calories out of that meal while doing something that contributes to the house. You could apply this to weeknight meals as well. Offer to be the one who makes the salad or a side at night. Serve dressings on the side so people can add what they like to it.
That way you can load up on your healthy sides, take a small portion of her lovely cooking, and keep everyone happy.” OutcomeMysterious281
Another User Comments:
“I’d just say I’d had a check-in with my doctor and also the nutritionist, and I was told not to eat X.
Y, and Z at all due to some condition (if asked what condition, then “I’m sorry, that’s private). Express extreme gratitude for her delicious cooking, but “Unfortunately I will need to prepare my meals to stick with my doctor’s orders, and I don’t want you to have to make a special meal just for me, so I will need to prepare my own.” Easier to “blame” a third party like a doctor.
Good luck – it’s very difficult when you are living under someone else’s roof where they do the cooking. I know because I lived with my mother as an adult for a while. She also didn’t want me cooking in her kitchen while she was using it.” Glittering_Search_41
16. AITJ For Not Telling My Ex-Wife Our Apartment And Car Were Rentals?
“Back in 2008 when I started University, I rented a 2 bedroom apartment with my (exex)partner at the time and my friend & his partner. We got a great deal for it, as the owner of the place lost his job because of everything that happened back then and decided to try her luck abroad where she still lives.
Years went by and after University my friend and his partner decided to find a place of their own, as we had full-time jobs, renting this apartment together did not seem expensive anymore, and also did not seem expensive to rent alone after we broke up some time later.
So there I was, alone in a 2-bedroom apartment in the central part of the city. The owner decided that she was too lazy to mess with bills and stuff every month and made arrangements for me to pay everything directly, as I earned her trust, I still pay her monthly rent which is very cheap for today, and deal with everything else having her authorization.
Because of the perfect location, my second bedroom was basically “free BNB” for my friends who did not live in the city and I did not mind, it is good to have company if you live alone. In 2020 I met a girl who was in a rush to get married and as I was madly in love we did in 2021.
For some reason, I never told her the story of how I rented the place or that it was a rental at all, it just never came up! I have been so used to the fact that I am an authorized representative with building cooperative things etc, that I refer to it as my place.
Our relationship started to cool down and we found out that we were not perfect for each other after all, so divorce it is. So we did the paperwork for divorce and she is moving out. A few days ago I received an email from her with a real estate valuation document as an attachment – while I was not at home she wasted 500€ for someone to evaluate an apartment that does not belong to us… and wrote that I probably have to take a loan to pay her the 50% of that.
I replied to her, didn’t I ever tell her that this place is a rental? Why does she even assume that I can afford a 2-bedroom apartment in the city center? She knows where I work and how much I earn.
She called and screamed at me, that I had lied to her for years and hid the fact that the apartment was rental!
Then she tells me that well, she will take the car as we got that together! And I was quiet for a moment and then told her: “You do know that is a lease right? The owner of the car is the bank!” Then she demanded that I pay for the valuation and I replied “I didn’t ask you to do it!”
She called me a jerk and ended the call. Of course, she told our whole friends group how I “lied to her during the whole marriage” and there was a discussion in a messenger group with friends about if is it a lie or not, whether was it a jerk thing to do, some agree with me and some with her.
Now I ask you Reddit, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You never lied and told her you owned she was the one making assumptions. Even if you’re just visiting it’s not uncommon to refer to it as “my place” or “home” etc. She sounds like a money-grabbing individual, and I’m happy that you rent your apartment and lease your car so you aren’t losing half of them to her.
At least now you know for sure who she is and that you made the right decision to get divorced. ” Equivalent-Moose2886
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She made an assumption and even though you didn’t explicitly tell her it was a rental, she didn’t ask either.
I have a friend that has been renting the same place for over 15 years and the owner is more than happy with them doing maintenance and treating it like their own since they have been such good tenants. Also saves the owner the hassle of having to organize maintenance through an agent.
I can see where it didn’t cross your mind to point out that it was a rental.” sukidu
15. AITJ For Choosing To Live With My Grandparents Instead Of My Neglectful Mother?
“My mom had me (16f) when she was 18. My dad was some guy she hooked up with at college and for years it was just the two of us. She didn’t want to go back to her hometown so my grandparents could help us. She didn’t even tell them about me for several years and then used a 6-year-old me to break the news to them.
Then not only did she use me to break the news but she had me ask them if we could stay there for a while and she coached me to do the puppy dog eyes and “make it good”. I did all that because she asked and I was 6.
When she wanted me to lie about my father, I did. When she wanted me to lie about where we’d lived before, I did. I did everything she asked. I followed her along eagerly, for the most part, when she was bouncing between guys and putting those relationships before me.
I even shared a room with a random baby and toddler when I was 8 because mom’s then partner only had one extra room where his kids slept.
I tried to speak up once about wanting Mom to focus more on me. She figured out what I was going to say and gave me this guilt trip about needing to be put first because she had me so young and how she needed me to get on board.
So I never tried again.
Four years ago she met her husband and started a relationship with him online when everyone was staying at home. They moved in together 3 years ago and got married 2 weeks after we moved in together. It was him, his three kids, and mom, and me.
His kids spent some time with their mom but were with us a lot too. I hated it honestly but for Mom, I said nothing. She put more effort into his kids than she did to me and it stung a lot. They were younger but so what?
I was still her kid too. She treated me more like an older sister by burdening me with her issues and asking me for “help” with them. So I started spending more time with my grandparents and started to thrive.
And then her husband’s ex passed away and my mom and her husband wanted to take in her other kids (not mom’s stepkids) and mom told me she/they were adopting them all.
At that point, I just sorta gave up and asked my grandparents if I could live with them. There were some custody things still being worked out so I was only living with those other kids for a couple of days. Mom was shocked when I told her I wanted to stay with her parents but she let me, thinking it was temporary.
But she’s realized after more than a month that I’m serious. She has tried to get me to come and spend time with and bond with the kids… and help out around the house. I said no. She said they’ll be my official siblings in a year and we need to give them a good life.
I told her no. They’ll be her kids and I won’t be because she never treated me like hers. I told her I didn’t want to give those kids a good life or to be their sister. I don’t want to help her or her husband.
I don’t want to put her first anymore. I told her I was done supporting her.
Mom started crying, and her husband cussed me out and accused me of cruelty and abandoning my family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just as your mother has put her needs first, you need to put your needs first. You have no obligation to be her Cinderella so she can pretend she’s a good mother.
Go live your own life. If you’re not already in therapy, as your grandparents to go your mother’s neglect could impact you in the long term in ways you don’t expect.” Pleasant-Koala147
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask your grandparents for help getting your important documents from your mother, things like birth certificates, etc. Also, ask your grandparents to help you check your credit and identity details.
You don’t want your mother doing something like taking out loans or credit cards in your name. She may not be that kind of person, but it doesn’t hurt to err on the side of caution.” ghostoftommyknocker
Another User Comments:
“Big NTJ. I don’t even need to say anything else to justify you being NTJ.
You are. Period. I do want to add the following: Parents are role models. Always. Unfortunately, some parents are the role models of what you don’t want to become and you learn through their jerk behavior. As much as it hurts, learn from it. You’ve taken a big step in standing up for yourself.
You did the right thing. And this is something that will shape your character and who you will become. You set boundaries. That’s important to learn to do so that you can say no and stand up for your well-being. You may have heard how experiences make a person.
That’s not true. What YOU take out of an experience and learn from it is what makes you. Other daughters may have decided to stay much longer with their mother. But you decided to stand up for yourself and that’s what will shape you.” Prussian-Pride
14. AITJ For Calling My Father A Hypocrite For Not Standing Up To My Assaulter?
“I, 28F, have never been extremely close to my father, 59M. He was barely present for my family, growing up. However, he had always had a softer corner for my sister since they shared a lot of common interests.
Growing up, I pined for his attention and his love and never really got it. As I became an adult, I stopped trying and became my person.
I was assaulted by a cousin when I was 8 years old, and I only opened up to him when I was 19.
However, he did nothing and continues to be in touch with my assailant’s family. I had expected him to stand up for me and get me justice, or at least confront him, and the family. Yet, he did nothing about it. And instead told me to get over it, and move on.
He also barely made any effort to understand my mental health situation.
Four years back, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. And we were the only two people caring for my mother. During that time, we began to bond a little more. Three years ago, I attempted to take my own life, and that’s when he started to understand how much I had been struggling.
Since then, he has been trying to be there for me.
However, he has still not taken a stand against my assailant. He simply says that he doesn’t “engage” with them and that he can’t do anything more, like calling him out publicly because the assailant is “family”.
A month back, a horrible case happened in my country and everyone was angry. Yesterday, we were talking about it, and he went on and on about how there’s no justice for victims of such crimes, and that we’ve failed as a country. I started laughing at the irony of the statement.
He asked me what happened and I simply said “It must feel great to live as an absolute” hypocrite, and stormed off.
Now my mom and he are mad at me for not letting go of my past and bringing it all back while “He’s trying to be a better dad!” So, AITJ – was I the jerk for calling my father a hypocrite?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your feelings are completely justified, It’s incredibly frustrating when someone preaches about justice and morality but refuses to stand up for their own family when they need it most. It’s good that your father is trying to be there for you now, but that doesn’t wipe out the hurt and betrayal you experienced when he didn’t protect you.
Healing from trauma is a long process, and he can’t expect you to move on easily without taking real accountability. You’re allowed to feel hurt and to voice that hurt out. I hope he can realize that trying to be a better dad now means owing up to the mistakes he made before” tgoddes867
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Society loves to coddle men as protectors…but they rarely are. When your mom and dad claim you haven’t let go of the past…tell them you’re not obligated to let go of the past so he can feel better about how bad he was.
If they truly believed this it’s in the past nonsense he wouldn’t have been ranting over the horrible case reported in the news. When they bring up he is trying to be a better dad. Then tell them why they expect better and more from you the victim and their child.
Tell them you’re trying to be a better daughter and at least all you’re doing is pointing out his behavior while what he is doing is avoiding accountability for his actions. Always stresses accountability and responsibility for his actions. Men love to imagine themselves as unsung tragic heroes who have to do everything.” Maleficent-Bottle674
13. AITJ For Telling My Friend Not To Mention Names Of People Who Harassed Me?
“Decades ago, I (F,56) had a group of 6-7 “friends” all around the same age. I had a falling out with two of them, and it was very bad. They crank-called me so that I had to change my home phone number, and crank-called me at work and contributed to a harassment situation (they made friends with someone I worked with and involved him in the crank-calling) which ended up involving Human Resources and my having to find another job.
Just mentioning their names brings up horrible memories. That was about 25 years ago.
I have moved out of state and keep in touch with only one of the original crowd. She still associates with the two crank callers. She didn’t have any conflict with them and I understand that.
My problem is that recently she has been bringing up their names when we talk or text. Every time she does I am flooded with bad memories, get upset, and the conversation goes south fast. The last time was not pretty. I made it clear that I don’t wish to talk about those two individuals and just want to purge my memories of them. She just says she is not involved, and claims she didn’t know about the crank calling, which is not true.
I don’t know if she honestly is just remembering “good times” as we are getting older, or if she is being passive-aggressive.
She and I have no other issues and used to enjoy visiting when I was back in town. We’ve been friends for 40 years.
I want to know if people think I AITJ for telling her not to bring up the names of people who trigger very bad memories for me.
Maybe I should mention that of all these people I am the only one who is financially independent from my family.
I purchased two homes as a single woman and worked a full-time job in high tech. To me, causing someone to lose a job is unforgivable. Of the others, some work full-time but still live with their parents without paying market rent, and some don’t work at all or part-time and rely on family/husband for support. We all attended the same private school.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what? Whether she knew about the crank calling is completely irrelevant. She knows that these people were so bad to you that it cost you your job, and she’s still friends with them, which frankly would already be a dealbreaker for me!
But that’s not all, she’s so inconsiderate she can’t even honor your extremely reasonable request not to talk to you about the people who treated you that way. Either she’s so incredibly selfish that she can’t be bothered, or she’s doing it on purpose because she enjoys your discomfort.
Either way, she’s not a friend to you anymore. There are much better people to hang with, I promise.” runicrhymes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, 25 years is a long time. Over that period, people’s attitudes toward life and others usually change (though not for everyone). That being said, your friend should understand that she’s causing you discomfort, as well as be aware of the potential consequences of bringing them up.
It’s always better to communicate this clearly with her, so she fully understands how it affects you.” EskMaxUa
12. AITJ For Wanting To Get Rid Of Our Demanding Cat?
“My wife ‘rescued’ a cat a year ago. He is the most frustratingly annoying creature on the planet. He demands attention 24/7.
He does not allow us to do anything without his input. I haven’t slept since we got him. He wails all night, incessantly. He’s cost us thousands of dollars in vet bills and behaviorists trying to figure out what’s wrong and how to fix it.
Ultimately he’s an orange cat and they’re prone to being jerks. He’s healthy and has all of his needs met. He’s treated better than most cats. I am at my wit’s end. He wants wet food 24/7 and he will scream all night until someone gives in and feeds him.
He has kept me awake for hours. If he’s not screaming he’s scratching at the wall or door. He just stands there, scraping his feet against the wall, staring into my soul.
I was a single father for the first seven years of my son’s life and let me tell you working 14-hour days and coming home to a colicky newborn was easier than whatever torturous methods this cat is trained in.
I want rid of the cat. My wife knows how hard he is and doesn’t think he’ll be adopted so doesn’t want to give him up. At this point, I do not care. I told her she could either move into the garage with him at night and deal with him solo or we could get rid of him.
But I refuse to suffer any longer because this fat orange cat can’t survive an hour without a meal.
My wife is pretty upset – we took on the responsibility of a cat together, and we should keep looking for solutions together, she shouldn’t have to suffer solo just because she doesn’t want him to end up on some euthanasia list. I do not care.
I am exhausted. My kids think I’m evil but also refuse to do anything to help with the cat so I’m not super keen on listening to them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are at your wit’s end and something must change. But before you accept a euthanasia solution for this orange oligarch, consider an intermediate solution.
Make a nice little area with water, food, a litter box, and a comfy bed for him in the garage. Be kind to him and feed him well during the day, and put him with some provisions, in the garage at night. Away from you both and the kids.
Get him in the morning. Keep to the same times each day. Treat him well, but make it clear that this is a permanent schedule. He will complain. Your wife and kids will complain. But you deserve the opportunity to have peace and a full night’s rest, and it’s not cruel to the cat.” Euphoric_Travel2541
Another User Comments:
“I had an orange cat whose behavior changed over time into what you’re describing. He was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism (thus the need to eat at 4 am … and then a couple of months later at 2 am and waking me up by trying to eat my hair…).
His case wasn’t treatable and he was starving. We had to put him down. During his illness, which lasted well over a year, I didn’t sleep through the night and I didn’t realize the impact until after he was gone. It had practically driven me crazy.
Get the cat checked for hyperthyroidism and make sure you’re feeding him enough. Good luck. NTJ” Separate_Print_1816
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I wonder if your wife realizes that the cat has trained the two of you to feed him every hour. The wailing and crying are working for him!
An animal behaviorist should have told the two of you a long time ago to give the cat two reasonable portions of nutritious cat food per day and remove uneaten food until the next meal no matter how much he carries on. With some tough love, you could have gotten this behavior under control if you’d started right away.
However, it’s clear that you’re now at your wit’s end, need sleep, and a less stressful home situation. And you’ve tried many things that didn’t help. Therefore getting rid of the cat is the right thing. However, I suggest that looking for a cat rescue that might be able to rehome the cat would be the most humane solution.” Leading-Knowledge712
11. AITJ For Not Inviting My Estranged, Recovering Addict Mom's Family To My Wedding?
“A little back story for my mom’s family. My mom left my dad when I was 3 and took my sisters with her. My mom didn’t start visiting me until my dad filed for child support (when he went to file he learned that she had already filed for child support despite not taking care of me or seeing me at all).
Once she did, she would have me every other weekend per court order. If she showed up I went to my grandma’s with my sisters until she finally remarried when I was 7. Other times she didn’t show up after calling saying she was on the way, and I remember crying and yelling at my dad asking for my mom.
While she was with my stepdad she was a bit better about visitations but used to try to get me to go to court to tell the judge I wanted to live with her. My stepdad was never really fond of me but I enjoyed the time with my mom.
Fast forward to 13, my stepdad died in a car accident. This is where everything went downhill. My mom got the life insurance money and went off the deep end of substance use. I spent the next 7-8 years with my mom in and out of jail, telling me not to tell my dad’s family about things, asking me for money, and to bail her out (I was 13-22 around this time).
I remember working my first job and my mom asking me for money constantly and never paying me back. She didn’t come to my high school graduation, or any sporting/band events before I graduated.
When I joined the military she didn’t write me any letters.
I had accepted that maybe she had passed because I told my dad not to bring me home from training if she did. When I got my final phone call home for an hour my dad and stepmom asked me if I had talked to her.
I called her and she told me her letters got lost in the mail. This seems unlikely as I had received letters from everyone else to include my stepdad’s parents and my sister.
The older I got the more I kept a distance, some due to my job, but mostly due to the stress and anxiety the relationship caused me.
I never expected my mom to live to see me get married and just kind of accepted that.
Well, just over a year ago she got sober. I am beyond happy to know my mom has overcome the addiction, and we are working on a better relationship.
Last month my now fiancé proposed. My best friend and he planned it and it was a big secret. My dad and stepmom asked if they thought I would want my mom there. They decided I wouldn’t because she and my dad haven’t been in the same room in over 20 years, they have seen the anxiety just a phone call with her causes me, and they have heard about what I experienced growing up.
We had the proposal exactly how I dreamed. My dad, stepmom, brothers from his side, grandparents, and my fiancé’s immediate family were all there. All the people who supported me through everything growing up and my new soon-to-be family.
I messaged my mom’s family group chat as we have been working on mending the relationship.
Everyone was excited and tried to call. I told my mom we were at dinner but I would call her later.
After dinner, we went to a bar with friends and my mom called me. I rushed outside to FaceTime with her and showed her my ring and told her about it.
Initially, I was excited to feel like I finally had a supportive mother.
My mom asked how it happened and I began explaining it. When she realized my dad was there she started crying and hung up on me. I was so upset and went back to my fiancé.
My friends and him were able to cheer me up but it still sucked in the moment bad.
I reached back out to explain why the decision was made, and why I stand by it. I have tried to explain to her why I have a hard time being close with her and the trauma I have unpacked in therapy over the years.
She continued each time we talked to turn it around on me for not trying, and on my dad for not allowing her to be a part of my life. Despite my distinct memories of her being invited to so many things and not showing up.
I have tried a few times to have a civil discussion with her and she always turns it into an argument about how my dad ruined it all for her.
I have pretty much settled on not having any of the family from her side at my wedding.
Knowing how the family works if anyone was invited they would all tell each other and everyone would show up. So while there are members I want there like my grandma and my little brother I don’t trust that I can just invite a few.
I cannot go to family functions with their family for more than an hour without becoming extremely anxious and this is my wedding day with the love of my life. I don’t think I should put myself in a position to not have a good day due to my anxiety.
AITJ for not inviting my mom’s family?”
Another User Comments:
“Not at all. Given everything you’ve been through, it’s completely reasonable to prioritize your own well-being and peace on such an important day. Weddings are about celebrating love and support, and you’ve made the choice to be surrounded by those who’ve been there for you consistently.
Setting boundaries doesn’t make you a bad person or ungrateful; it’s just protecting your own happiness and mental health. If your mom’s family can’t respect that, that’s on them—not you.” User
10. AITJ For Telling My Grandma To Stop Taking Me To Her Homeopathic Specialist?
“My (16m) paternal grandmother is a pretty devout believer in homeopathic medicine.
I was raised in a fairly agnostic household, but I believed in it for most of my life by proxy to her. In the last few years, though, I’ve learned more about it and have become… disillusioned, I suppose?
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, and upon hearing about this, my grandma has taken me to her specialist a few times to get some treatment.
The specialist told me that eventually it would be gone, but after nearly a year of taking pills and powders without significant effect, I stopped taking them entirely, and (by the direction of my parents) have just told her I believe in homeopathy for the past few years.
However, trips have recently become more frequent. I pretty much didn’t go to the homeopath for a few months, and my grandma figured that was making the ADHD worse (I’ve been tired from school and just switched my ACTUAL meds to a different brand). I’ve also been diagnosed with anxiety.
First and foremost, given the amount of schoolwork I have I have almost no free time or free energy to use on going to the homeopath once every week or two on a school day.
Also, she’s said before that I have to believe in the medicine for it to work (which, doesn’t that defeat the point of medicine?) and I don’t believe in it.
I also haven’t been taking her medicine because it just doesn’t work for me. This means she’s wasting money on something for me, and I feel super guilty about that. She’s very well off and has money to spare, but still.
If I do tell her, though, it might hurt our relationship (which is good outside of this) because she believes in this stuff.
It’ll also reveal that I’ve been lying to her for a while about it. I’ve been hearing stories of many of my dad’s friends’ parents passing away, and though she’s extremely spry and fit for her age, I just don’t know how many years she has left. I would feel like a jerk if I were to sour our relationship and she was to pass away on bad terms with me.
She’s also reacted badly to hints I’ve dropped that I don’t believe in it.
So, would I be the jerk if I were to tell my grandma to stop taking me to the homeopath?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Homeopathy is pretty much just magic and prayer and it doesn’t even make sense in the context of magic (the past 20-year-old Wiccan me still has all the rants ready, and I’ve not believed in that stuff for 20 years now).
It’s a waste of money and a waste of time. I’d make sure to be polite when declining, but if she insists it just requires belief, say that after seeing no effects you can’t believe in it, so it’s simply a waste of everyone’s time and her money.” Leshunen
9. AITJ For Not Paying My Friends Who Claim I Owe Them Money?
“So the story starts March 2023 when I, 25, and my daughter moved into a friend’s house. My friends, f28 and m28, and their 6 kids. My friends I’ll call R and R. But as soon as I moved in with them, I started helping out with rent without any written agreement and when the electricity got shut off, I put it in my name, taking over that bill with them agreeing to help pay it.
Yeah, terrible idea. But I cleaned the house, got supplies for the house, and small things just for me and my daughter. Which R and R’s kids would eat? I’d ask them to replace it and they’d just laugh, but if my kid would eat a snack like a small bag of chips, I’d get told to replace it.
Just a lot. Then they started drama with the landlord and they never told them I was there helping with the rent, that didn’t help because, “Helping with rent?! Y’all are late every month and short” Umm, how?? Little did I know the $450 I was given for ‘rent’ R and R were using it for their truck payments, and to get their kid’s stuff.
After a few months, I helped R and R and the kids get a new place but I couldn’t move in because “There is no room” There bed trailer and two bathrooms. Which is understandable. I do apologize for the long background.
But just recently R and R’s mother have been getting into their heads saying I owe them money for something.
Like huh? They say I owe them $500. But I pointed out recent events. Their eldest broke my phone and it cost $400 to get fixed. One of their sons broke my $700 TV and a bunch of my kid’s toys. I’m too tired to try to add that up.
But every time I point that out and say that technically they would owe me money if we want to be petty. But every week they message me asking if I’m going to pay them anything. I ask if they’re going to pay me anything for broken property.
They say no, I say no.
So people, AITJ for not paying them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Why are you keeping these people in your life? They sound like a big, entitled mess of drama and like you’d be better off without them around. I can’t imagine they’re a good model for your daughter, either.
It feels like you’d both be better off cutting contact. You should make notes of all the things they should owe you with the best dates and details you can remember. If you can find pictures of items broken and track down their value, it may be information you may need in the future.
Receipts would be even better. It honestly sounds like you have enough cause to look into legal routes, but I’m not a lawyer and I don’t know. But what I do know is that covering your backside is a really good idea with people of this sort.
Even if you don’t pursue the money you’re owed, they may try something in the future. I kind of doubt it because they sound too lazy, but you’d still be better off doing what you can to prevent them from continuing to be a problem.” MossSloths
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have a similar deal. I moved into my friend’s backyard to finish building a motorhome. We are living in it (it’s unfinished, no running water). Our friend/landlord was supposed to be the plumber but cracked the stuff at us and canceled, meaning we would have to find another plumber.
He’s asking for the money we owe him for the work he did do (which he de-certified) but we lent them a pretty hefty amount of money to buy their dream property which is still not paid back. And their kids have also broken a bunch of our stuff.
Do not pay them back! You’re not the jerk” bam_blackwood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were paying rent, paying bills, and putting up with them stealing your food and their kids breaking your belongings. You even helped them find a new home, which they excluded you from.
You owe them nothing. Do not respond to their attempts at contacting you. Do not attempt to communicate with them. Do not engage them in any way. You and your kids are better off without them.”disappointedvet
8. AITJ For Making My Daughter Share A Room During A Family Trip?
“I have a daughter 15f. We are planning to go to a family event with a city for 5 days and have planned a lot of activities. My sister and her kids are also going. The plan is for my sister and her younger daughter to stay in a room together while my daughter and her older daughter who is 19 stay in a room nearby.
My daughter is angry as she doesn’t want to share a room, especially with an adult she is upset that she won’t have privacy.
Unfortunately, our hotel doesn’t have available connecting rooms and she can’t stay in a non-connecting room alone because of hotel policies so the only option would be to get a 2 bedroom suite which would cost thousands extra of dollars and would be a waste of money in my opinion.
So I told my daughter no.
She started to cry and asked to stay home I told her she could but she’d have to stay with her grandparents who are old-fashioned and think video games and electronics ruin kids’ lives they have a policy that she isn’t allowed to play video games or use her phone unless she needs to call anyone.
Which she hates.
My daughter wants to bring her laptops to play video games at the hotel but she plays loud games and screams a lot while doing so which my niece doesn’t like especially as she plays at night a lot my niece always tries to get my daughter to do something else whenever she comes over.
My daughter thinks her cousin won’t let her okay video games if she shares a room with her.
Now my daughter wants to stay alone or get a suite I’m not doing either of them. But I’m wondering if this is the hill to die on.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Why did you delete your other post and then make this one again? Your daughter is 15 and acting like a spoiled brat. She doesn’t get to dictate who’s room she stays in etc. Just share a room with her and your sister shares a room with her kids.
You’re NTJ for making a child behave, no. This is the hill to die on. EDIT: I think I figured this post out. The OP is creating and deleting this post over and over in different subs. I think we may be talking to the daughter here” Strong-Appeal5809.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Of course, it is a hill to die on. Your daughter needs to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around just her. There are times, like a family trip, when it is expected to have shared accommodations and the such.
Also, there will be a lot of shared activities. So you are not going to just stay alone and play your games by yourself. I would lock up the laptops in your room and not allow her to use them until during downtime you determine.
Little Miss will just have to contend with socializing like a normal person and being a part of the family. It’s not going to be that world ending.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – you aren’t the jerk for making her share a room but you are for raising an entitled brat who can’t live without electronics.
What child gets their hotel room? After my dad died when I was almost 20, my mom took us to the Bahamas using part of the insurance money and I shared a room with a woman whose snores shook walls because I couldn’t pay for my room. The four of us (mom, dad, me, and bro) shared one hotel room when we would do a beach vacation in the summer (until we got too poor to afford that).
You need to check your 15 y.o. because that’s not right.” Jealous-Contract7426
7. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Half-Brother's Birthday Vacation?
“I (16m) will be 17 soon. I live with my dad. My parents are divorced. But there’s a twist. They were already divorced when I was conceived (a couple of weeks after).
Dad was clear he wanted to be in my life. Mom and he didn’t get back together. While mom was pregnant with me she met her husband (Dan). It started awkwardly especially when Dan showed up at the hospital when Mom was in labor but Dad was in the delivery room.
It got worse during Mom and Dan’s engagement because he wanted to take me out of state for 4 nights without Mom. Dad needed to permit it to happen but Dad said no. Dan argued that he was going to be my second dad, that I’d grow up with two dads, and that he should be trusted to take me out of state for 4 nights.
Dan was always talking negatively about my dad and telling me about that incident and how Dad treated him like a lesser parent. He also talked about Dad pushing him (Dan) out of the delivery room which makes me think there’s a lot of jealousy over that still too.
He also mentioned the fact my parents were divorced before I came along. I disliked Dan for doing that and my loyalty is with my dad. I have rejected Dan in every possible way and Dan blames my dad for that. My mom never told Dan to knock it off.
She would also encourage us to spend time together. I made Dan’s life difficult when I was younger in retaliation for how he talked about my dad. I also made a few big scenes when Dan would try to make others believe he was my dad.
I did this in front of my half-brother too. I probably dislike Dan as much as Dan dislikes my dad.
My half-brother has grown up knowing how I feel about Dan and how Dan feels about my dad. So he dislikes my dad on Dan’s behalf.
He doesn’t like how I treat Dan. Which means we fight a lot. My half-brother tries to say Dan is a better dad and I should treat him better and stuff. We do not like each other. And I can honestly say I do not love or care about my half brother and I have zero loyalty to him.
We have never had a good relationship. We fight constantly about Dan and Dad. Our relationship, if you can even call it that, sank when I told my half-brother I would never like or respect Dan and I would celebrate if he and mom divorced and I would never see him again.
My half-brother feels like Dan deserves better.
I disliked Mom’s house so last year Dad, on my behalf, asked the judge to let him have custody. I was interviewed and custody was changed. But I still have to go one weekend a month until I’m 18.
My half-brother is turning 16 in May. Mom has promised him a birthday vacation. She wanted to check dates with me so we’d all be there and I told her I was not going. That I’m not celebrating her other son and won’t in the future either.
She started crying and asking why we had to be like this and she told me we’re family and I should be there because I might regret losing a brother one day. I told her I wasn’t changing my mind and she told me I was so unfair to everyone.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…This all started with Dan declaring you were going to have two dads. If he had just accepted a role as step-parent and friend all of the fighting and animosity may never have happened. This looks like a done deal at this point and everyone has to accept the situation as it is.” RoyallyOakie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your mother had made Dan shut up about your father all along and not say bad things against him and just acted as a good stepdad/bonus parent, the relationship could have been different. If there wasn’t animosity in the relationship between you and Dan (Dan’s fault), you could have had a much better relationship with your half-brother.
But Dan encouraged his son, your half-brother, to hate your father, which led to arguments with you. Looks like Mom and Dan have a lot to think about. I believe it’s mostly their fault that they can’t have “the family unit” they want.” needabook55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ remind your mom that with the way Dan is, you will never visit once you turn 18. That Dan will cause her to never see you again. There is no family. There is OP, Mom, a jerk, and a bratty mini-jerk. OP has no familial relationship with the jerks and doesn’t want one.
Then suggest that if Dan had just accepted being Stepdad. An adult OP could rely on who didn’t have parental responsibility then he might have developed a relationship with OP. But he didn’t. He couldn’t whilst Dan had an unbreakable urge to be “better” than OP’s dad and replace dad in all aspects of OP and mom’s lives.
Dan has built this relationship, and now everyone has to live with it, at least until OP is 18 and they can skip out forever.” squiggly
6. AITJ For Not Letting My FIL's GF Turn The Heater On In Summer?
“My husband and I live with my father-in-law.
My father-in-law has a partner who lives in a whole other state and comes to visit for about 3-4 weeks during summer and maybe 1 week in October for his birthday. In the beginning, we all lived in a smaller apartment that was my husband’s cousin’s but due to his moving, he let my father-in-law take over.
This year the cousin moved back so the three of us rented out a condo.
In a year and a half we lived at the cousin’s place, my father-in-law paid most of the rent, and the electricity. Of course, he did what he wanted there as in messing with the thermostat to how he wanted it when he wanted.
Now that we have this new place it’s the three of our names on the lease and my husband and I pay our share of the rent, the electricity, and the internet bills. My father-in-law pays the rent.
She just came to visit for three weeks and she was turning the heater on at 80 degrees at night in the middle of summer when it’s 70-75 degrees outside.
All because she doesn’t like the cold. Each room has a ceiling fan and my father-in-law leaves him on 24/7. I became frustrated because it is still expected of us to sacrifice our comfort for his guest without him doing more to make sure HIS guest is comfortable.
I finally said if she doesn’t get cold there won’t be a reason for the heater to come on at night and shut the whole air conditioner off. Eventually, he came to speak with me and I told him that it was not okay. That our electricity bill was already 89$ for just 21 days and it’s crazy to turn on the heater when it’s hot outside.
He said he would pay for the electricity and apologized for the heater turning on.
That same night she decided to turn the heater on at 78 degrees. It was very obvious that the point was missed and my husband and I shut the air conditioner off again.
The next day father-in-law turned the AC on again and I said no. We are not doing this again because the heater was turned on. He again said he would pay for the electricity. I let him know it’s not even about him paying, it’s about the heater not needing to come on during summer.
If she is cold he can shut the AC off and open a window which will give her the temp she desires. He can turn the fan off in the room. Buy her a bigger blanket. It’s much easier for someone cold to warm up in a house than it is for someone hot to cool down in a house.
Let him know of the fact that my husband has not been able to sleep at night because it’s so hot and he’s the one who goes to work early in the morning. We ended the conversation on a good note.
After that, the partner didn’t come out much.
My father-in-law gave me a little attitude The 2x I did see her, I didn’t get the usual friendly “hey. Instead it was just a “hey” in monotone and an up-and-down look like she was sizing me up. I have no qualms with the partner.
I’m just tired of constantly being uncomfortable in my home. Especially now that this is a place with my name on it and had a part in acquiring it. I know I could have gone about it in a better way but this has been going on for 2 years now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get cold easily. I am the person under a blanket in the summer. I always make sure I have a sweater to wear at someone else’s house in case they like the air cooler than I do. And that is exactly what your father-in-law’s partner should have done.
If she’s cold at night, she can ask for an extra blanket. She could ask to borrow a sweatshirt if she didn’t bring one. But she doesn’t get to make everyone else uncomfortable. The way I see it is, I can always ADD layers if I am cold and everyone else is comfortable.
It doesn’t work as easily the other way around.” Own_Lack_4526
Another User Comments:
“Where in the world do you live where you feel $89 is a lot for an electric bill? It’s for sure not the Southern US where I have never had a bill under $250 and in summer it’s $500.
Of course, there is zero reason to have on a heater in the summer. Was she cold because of the ceiling fan? She could turn off the fan. NTJ” No_Mathematician2482
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry you bought a house with your father-in-law because he is behaving very poorly in his desire to please his partner. If it’s at all possible, sell the house and get out.
It’s clear he considers it “his house” and you are the children who must obey, and that is no way to live. NTJ. ” Anonymous-Haunting
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Relative's New Partner To Move Into Our Home?
“I (25F) and my friend (25F) allowed my relative (28F) to move into the spare room of our home in Nc two months ago because she didn’t want to go back to her dad’s house and wanted to leave the guy she was staying with.
A month ago, she met a guy who seemed nice and charming and they talked for a bit.
3 weeks ago I believe, she invited him over for the first time. It was our first time meeting him. He spent the night so I assumed they were just getting to know each other and hit it off.
Well, days had passed and they were always under each other like glue. He asked her to be his partner after a week and when she told us, she was ecstatic. Then she told us that she declined because he needed to focus on himself.
We didn’t really buy it but we went along with it. They were so lovey-dovey in front of us that we thought it was weird that she said no. A week had passed now. He left for the weekend and came back Monday. He stayed every day which I thought was kinda weird.
I didn’t even know he was staying while she was at work because I work at night. I wouldn’t have known if my friend hadn’t informed me.
Her dad comes by the following weekend and I overhear her telling him that he can’t meet her dad.
Well, she’s already met his mom and family. She’s told us of how nice they were and such. I went outside to ask her if he had met her dad yet and she scoffed, “It hasn’t been that long yet. It’s not that serious.” So if it isn’t that serious, it was even weirder that he was around every day all day with her.
They were always close and made sure to let us know. It wasn’t that big of a deal at the time but I didn’t want to pry in their business. I didn’t know how to confront them in my own home.
Two weeks ago, he came over while she was at work.
He walked to my house with all of his clothes in a duffle bag. He said that she told us what was going on. We had no clue. He said he got the job at Dennys that day and he would start in the morning.
So the following day, I stopped them before they went to the room and asked what was up because she took him to work picked him up, and brought him back here. She said that they were in a serious relationship. So I said that’s not what you told me or my friend.
She said things changed because he finally got a job. He had just got the job that night.
So I said, “So you became his partner last night?” And she wouldn’t answer me. So I asked her to explain to him to bring all of his clothes.
She said she wasn’t trying to move him in but it’s looked so weird so far. I’m like “If ain’t that serious, why was here so long? And if something is up, I need to know. I’m willing to listen.” They wouldn’t say anything at first. Then he disclosed his housing situation and I just..
( ‘n’) His aunt doesn’t want him at her house alone and he sleeps on a recliner at his brother’s house. I understand he’s been to jail and finding a job was hard but this is “my” home. She said again that she wasn’t trying to move him in.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How they got together the status of their relationship and how serious is not your business. But her moving him in IS–especially when it sounds like you only let her move in to help her out in the first place. Tell her in no uncertain terms that he cannot live with you, whether officially or unofficially (re: just casually staying over every night), and that she and he need to look for their place.
Give her a firm deadline for making that happen and say it will move up if you catch him living there. Put all of this in writing–he is not allowed to live there and she has been given notice to leave–to avoid any claim of tenant’s rights.
Explain that it’s not personal to him or his situation (even if it is) but that you and your original roommate were originally meant to be a household of two and you just can’t handle upping it to four.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ—This is already a bad situation.
What do you know about this guy other than what your relative says? If you know his last name, I highly suggest a background check. Your relative—and to an extent, you and your roommate—are letting a stranger live in your home. Your relative sounds very immature, easily manipulated, and not a good judge of men.
I suggest you and the roommate talk with the relative ASAP when the partner isn’t around. Tell her this wasn’t your arrangement and he isn’t allowed to stay, period. I know guys like this – Let him live on the streets (he’ll whine he has no place else to go – too bad, not your problem).
Get him out immediately before he becomes too comfortable, and dump his stuff on the lawn if you must, because once he’s in your house, getting him evicted will cost you time and money, and who knows what he’ll do to your stuff if you’re not around.
I hope you have a rental agreement or something showing your relative pays you money, because, depending on the situation, you may eventually have to get her to leave too. I hope this works out for you with a minimum of fuss.” NonaYerBiz
4. AITJ For Not Feeling Safe Around My Partner's Mom After She Violated My Boundaries?
“I am 24f and my partner is 24ftm (but we are generally queer ppl) in upstate NY. About 2 years ago (I was 21 he was 22), we all hung out at his sister’s place in Austin (at 32) and she invited their parents and us for a vacation.
During the trip, his heavy-drinker parents drank the whole time. His mom had chocolate liqueur in her coffee kinda thing from 9 am. Later that night, his mom, dad, sister, sister’s longtime partner (sister and her partner’s house), and I were all hanging out. It got to the point of talking about the trauma my partner had and sharing it with their family.
It got ugly with “No you didn’t” “That didn’t happen” and “Don’t imagine things”. When talking about actual issues we both have faced.
At one point, I went into my designated room and just had time to process my trauma. I was covering my ears and rocking telling myself it’s okay (I have DID and with the trauma, I felt like I was a little girl waiting for the things to happen).
My partner (from what I’ve learned in context) talked to his mom outside about the fact that even his therapists think it’s unhealthy and unsafe to talk to either of his parents alone.
She came into my room and knocked asking if she could come in and talk.
I told her no, I didn’t feel safe, and I felt unsure if I could. I got to the point of her knocking and asking so many times in a row, I covered my ears and tried to tell her “Please don’t come in, please leave”
But she came in, grabbed my wrist, and pulled my arm off of my head saying “You’re gonna listen to me” over and over again.
I’m genuinely asking if I’m the jerk for not feeling comfortable around her anymore. It feels scary in a different way than I’ve ever experienced. She said she was safe, but only proved to make things uncomfortable.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ When people show you who they are, believe them. They don’t respect you and you aren’t safe with them because of it. Boundaries are limits for yourself. If you never want to be in a position where they can make you feel uncomfortable again, that is your obligation to yourself.
Never see them again, never go on a trip with them again, never meet them in a place you can’t easily leave, only meet them in public, or only have specific people around when you meet them that will help intervene or keep them on their best behavior.
You decide how you are willing to interact with them. They do not hold power over you and cannot force a relationship onto you that you don’t participate in. ” mama2babas
3. AITJ For Refusing To Cook For My Father Who Took Our Inheritance?
“My (18F) and my brother’s (16M) mum (53F) passed away a couple of months ago very suddenly.
Our dad (52M) separated (but not legally) from our mum a few years ago after he was unfaithful, and has not lived at home since then, but came round every day to walk the dog and would often eat with us.
He was the one who chose to move out and our mum always wanted a positive relationship with him for me and my brother.
Our mum didn’t like cooking for him, as he would often take a lot of the food or complain, and has been gradually stopping cooking for him, and he hadn’t eaten here since January.
Our mum was our only provider, and he never cooked or looked after us when we were kids and he lived here.
In the last weekend, our mum was alive, around mid-July, our dad started sleeping on our living room couch to take us to the hospital, as neither I nor my brother can drive.
Since then, he’s not left our home, where he doesn’t even have a bed. I am currently paying for all of the utilities and food shopping, though shouldn’t have to pay for rent or mortgage when the estate is settled.
When he lived alone, he would only eat takeaways and ready meals, which although I don’t see as my problem, he prefers the home-cooked meals I make for my brother.
At the start, I was ok with cooking for everyone, but I recently found out he’s taken all of the insurance and inheritance money our mum explicitly said she wanted for me and my brother. Unfortunately, she died too suddenly to make a will and English Law entitles us to almost nothing.
Out of frustration, I have stopped talking to him and have been refusing him anything I make. I’m unsure if I’m simply being petty in doing this and I’m also fairly worried for his health. He already has high blood pressure and various mental health issues from the past 10 or so years, and possibly other issues I’m unaware of.
AITJ for not letting him have the food I’m cooking anyway and have I inherited my mum’s people-pleasing tendencies?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ BRUH. Forget his blood pressure. Consider it his karma for not giving you any portion of what should be yours. He’s selfish and entitled. Right now your only focus should be you and your brother.
Also, sorry for your loss love.” Spoonthievery
Another User Comments:
“He definitely should not be sponging off you. If for no other reason than that, do not feed him. He can manage on his own. Be sure your other family is aware of the situation and ask them to help you figure out how to manage the coming months, financially and otherwise.
NTJ” hadMcDofordinner
2. AITJ For Wanting My Ex To Remove Photos Of His Ex-Partner?
“My ex and I had been together for a year.
When we first started seeing each other he came over to my place for the first time and told me to throw away this bear made out of flowers. He said he didn’t like the fact that someone else got it for me, even though it was before we got together.
I was hesitant about throwing it away but, out of respect, I threw it away. He asked me to throw away other items from my ex’s, and I did.
Fast forward – I realized that he had a tattoo on his hand that was a picture of his ex-partner.
He’s a photographer, a great one, and told me that he got the tattoo because it was the first photo of his that he got a large amount of money for & that it didn’t have any emotional ties to it.
Throughout the year I asked him to throw away old items of his ex-partners, the same ex that he has tattooed on him because it made me feel uncomfortable.
He also had various items from different women that he saw and I asked him if he could throw them away. He made the effort to throw away some things, but not all. The issue became bigger because, after a few months of seeing each other, he asked me to move in.
I told him that I would but that I would need him to get rid of the items from all the women he saw. I swear I felt like he kept those things as souvenirs.
Fast forward some more – I noticed that he had a lot of pictures of his ex hanging up around his house.
He said they were just pieces of his photography work but he did take 3 of the pics down that were in his living room. I wasn’t jealous & I truly didn’t think he had any feelings for her. I respected the fact that he was a photographer and valued his work.
Toward the end of our relationship, I was looking at this huge picture on his bedroom wall of a woman. It was just her back, not her face. But as I stared at it, I realized it was yet again his ex. I brought it to his attention and he took it down.
The next day, I realized that all he did was take down the picture, but the picture was still in his bedroom, sitting on the floor in the direction of the bed….. So if I was to lie down, I’d be looking directly at the picture.
I addressed it again, I told him I respect his work and don’t want it thrown away, but would like for it to be placed somewhere I wouldn’t have to see it. He got mad, picked up the picture,& walked out of the house to throw it into the trash shoot.
Months later he surprised me by covering up the tattoo of his ex-partner. I never asked him to do that, although I’m sure he did it because I mentioned it made me uncomfortable, but that was at the beginning of our relationship. I felt kinda guilty but I was happy.
About 2 or 3 months after that, he broke up with me and told me he wasn’t happy. A few weeks after our breakup I realized that he went to re-follow his ex-partner.
AITJ for not respecting that he was an artist/photographer and wanting the ex-partner’s photos to be taken down?
Should I just have stayed quiet? I thought what I was asking was reasonable, especially since he kept asking me to move in.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but only because he made it clear at the beginning of the relationship that mementos from exes should be thrown away, and you agreed. I think if you have a healthy understanding of a previous relationship, and you no longer have any romantic feelings at all towards an ex, it’s fine to keep some things.
It’s part of your life. I don’t think you did anything wrong. The dude had a tattoo of the woman on his hand and had pictures of her hanging in his bedroom. Unfortunately, I think this relationship was doomed from the beginning.” Skippymcpoop
Another User Comments:
“He’s asked you to throw away belongings just because another guy had given them to you? Jeez, he’s a jerk for that. My hubby has never asked me who gave me things I still possess for years and I wouldn’t do that to him. I have photos of a couple of old partners (but those are in boxes or photo albums), but I don’t display them on shelves.
I imagine someplace in the boxes of slides he’s taken over the years, some are of old partners from his past. And all of that is in the past. I would have been peeved if I was seeing someone who would have photos displayed like that and he was using the excuse that these were photos he has taken.
Why couldn’t he have taken some photos of you and replaced the old ones on the wall? He should have done this even without you mentioning it to him.” Frogsaysso
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Have you ever heard of a person who is too jealous and incompetent and wants everything to go his way but if someone tells him the same thing he just throws a tantrum?
That was your ex, and for your mental health (because with this type of person, you only get headaches) it is time to cut him off forever. That he demanded that you throw away things from your ex because it makes him uncomfortable is okay, but that he doesn’t want to do the same makes him a hypocrite.” Roroin
1. AITJ For Wanting My Birthday Balloon Back From My Baby Sister?
“I (20 F) live with my mum (41 F) and my little sister (1.5 F).
Originally I planned to move out 2 years ago, but since the baby’s dad abandoned her she asked me to stay, and keep her company while the kid is small. It was obvious she needed help, so I agreed to stay until my sister was two.
My mum favors my sister over me. Not in a “she needs more attention” way but in a “you were so much worse even as a baby” way. She often talks about how bad I was as a child and how my sister is already so much smarter, and easier than I was.
How it was so tough to love me and I should be grateful she didn’t start hating me after it. And my sister is perfectly easy to love and she’s so proud of her. I even apologized for being a tough baby and toddler a few times.
But it doesn’t make much of a difference.
My whole family, including my grandparents and some close family friends, was having dinner for my twentieth birthday. The whole dinner everyone was yapping about my little sister. How cute she is, how smart for her age.
Asking my mum about how my sister sleeps, eats and poops. Afterward, my grandparents gave me a gift with a “Happy Birthday” balloon tied to it. I loved it and actively expressed how I loved the balloon.
Everybody close enough to me knows how much I love balloons.
It makes me feel like a child and I simply think balloons are adorable. I used to get a balloon for my b-day since I can’t remember myself and I felt deeply touched by this move, which I of course mentioned when thanked them for the gift.
My baby sister immediately started reaching for it, so to be a good sis I pulled it lower, showed it to her, and let go back in the air. She kept fussing over the balloon, but as long as it was tied to my present and in my hands I didn’t pay too much attention to this.
Just a curious toddler.
As I came home I put the balloon in my room and tied it to my work chair. The next day when I came home from work I noticed the balloon was not there. I just assumed Mum’s cat could have popped it.
But anyway, I asked my mum about what happened to the balloon. When I did, she casually said she tied it to my sister’s bed since she “liked it and needed it more because my birthday is over and I’m an adult”.
I replied that I never agreed to gift her my birthday balloon and wanted it back.
What my mum answered that I was being dramatic, balloons are for kids and she wouldn’t allow me to “take away or steal” this little happiness from a baby. And I basically should get over it.
It’s a small thing but it made me cry instantly and I just locked myself inside my room for a while.
I was emotional over the fact that it was nothing for her and she genuinely thought it was okay to take away something I liked just because my sister liked it too. She knew balloons were emotionally valuable to me and still did not care.
When I came out of the room my mum angrily shoved the balloon inside and yelled how selfish I was. I feel like I am the biggest jerk in the world. But I also feel unloved and betrayed.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk for feeling hurt in this situation.
It’s completely valid to have emotional attachments to things that bring you joy, especially on your birthday. It sounds like your mom is dismissing your feelings and prioritizing your sister in a way that makes you feel unappreciated. It’s hard to feel like your value is overlooked, especially when you’ve already been working to support your mom and sister.
It’s okay to express your feelings and set boundaries about what’s important to you. You deserve to be seen and appreciated, too!” User
