People Go On A Rant In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay Child Support After Custody Switch?
“I have been the custodial parent for about 11 years. The noncustodial parent rarely paid child support and owes about 7000 in arrears. NCP has been talking to our 16-year-old son about living with her. Son wants to. After a lot of deliberation, I agreed. I sent her a list of changes to the custody agreement that I thought were fair.
1. We would flip the visitation schedule and summer schedule, the holiday schedule would remain the same.
2. I would continue to pay for health, dental, and vision insurance.
3. I would not pay child support.
4. I would erase what she owes in child support.
5. She would claim him on taxes.
6. She would pay for car and auto insurance.
7. She would pay all legal fees for the custody agreement to be modified.
She thinks this is unfair. She wants…
1. Auto insurance to be split between us.
2. Split legal fees.
Am I the jerk? I legit thought it was a fair modification.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here 1. She would pay for car and auto insurance. 2. She would pay all legal fees for the custody agreement to be modified. Insurance benefits your son and protects both parents’ assets in the event of a serious accident. Everyone benefits here, so sharing the cost is reasonable.
The custody agreement establishes a good legal base that protects both of you. Again, everyone benefits so it is reasonable to split costs. The sticking point is, IMO, how much she owes you. If she isn’t willing to “make up” that debt in paying for some stuff here then you don’t need to feel obligated to forgive it.” rhomboidus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she hardly paid child support as it was, then she honestly shouldn’t even get a say in the revised agreement. If you were to go to court and your records show proof she never paid support she’d have to pay all of it.
I’d figure up the total of all support she didn’t pay and tell her, “You can sign the agreement I put down or we can go to court and I can hand the judge these records. The ball is in your court.”” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. I get your reasoning (she didn’t have to pay so why should I?) but child support isn’t about either of you: it’s about/for the kid and that’s ultimately who gets hurt no matter who isn’t paying. If your split or present situation is acrimonious, fully expect to hear how bad you are for not paying and that your kid will hear you’re the reason their financial situation is the way it is.
That might ruin your relationship with your kid. Her being a deadbeat doesn’t give you leave to be the same. Be a better example than her to your kid. This is direct jerk territory. Depending on your location, child support that’s in arrears may be owed to the child after they turn 18 so trying to erase what she owes (AKA what you should have been receiving on the child’s behalf not money actually due to you) hurts the kid’s position again.
This is incidental jerk territory. 1, 2, and 5 sound reasonable. I can see how you’d balk at her counter if you’ve been doing it all on your own.” Digital_Coyote
21. AITJ For Running Away From A Homeless Man After A Pizza Mix-Up?
“I (19F) live with great-grandma (81F). I bought us a Little Caesars pizza and we went to pick it up. We went home, opened it, and we had to take it back as they messed up our order.
When we were heading back, she told a man who was heading to his car that they messed up our order and to check his box.
He then told me that maybe I could give a nearby homeless man my order. I was uncomfortable but I let him follow me into the Little Caesars. He smelled like smoke and he was kind of giggling ever so often. I don’t know if he had a mental illness or was on something.
He told me that the fact they got my pizza order wrong was funny, but his voice was slurred. Eventually, the employee corrected my order and took the pizza I had previously before giving me my correct order. I just got out of there and the homeless man followed me, I kind of ran or sprinted into the car and told my grandma to drive.
She was upset that I ran to the car and that the homeless man just wanted something to eat.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You had to return your pizza and he followed you anyway. You ran. No problem. Grandma is upset because she didn’t understand.
(Took me a second too) Yes, you could have told him to ask the cashier for the first pizza. If he was confused that would have sorted him, if he was just creepy you could still run. But yes running was the correct response. Clarify with Grandma, that you ran because his pizza was on the counter, not with you.” MISKINAK2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Never, ever, be ashamed of running away from a person who gives you creepy vibes. You need to protect yourself first; their feelings come second, if at all. Listen to your instincts. Gavin De Becker, an expert on personal security, has called this “the gift of fear.”” VaneWimsey
20. AITJ For Keeping The Houses I Inherited From My Aunt And Father?
“My aunt had no kids and on her deathbed, she wrote owner rights of her whole house on me, reason unknown. I do have a younger brother, two years difference.
Time went by and our father also passed away with no will, meaning my brother and I got one-half of his house each. My brother got kinda angry at me stating I already have one house from our aunt, however, this was the will of our aunt.
AITJ for respecting her will and keeping also one half of the house of my father?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You are legally entitled to what your aunt gave you. She was aware of your brother’s existence and still chose to give her house entirely to you.
As your father’s child, you are also legally entitled to his estate. Theoretically, your dad also knew about his sister’s choices before he died as well. He had a chance to sort this out and never did. But your brother is ALSO right. It’s not “fair”.
You have 1.5 houses and he has 0.5. Right now you have a choice: you can do the legal thing or the ethical thing. The legal thing is to keep everything you are entitled to. The ethical thing is to gift your brother 0.5 houses, either your half of your dad’s or half of your aunt’s.
It comes down to: how much you like your brother and care about having a loving family relationship down the road. Because I promise you that brother will never forgive you for choosing property over treating him fairly.” Industry_Cautious
Another User Comments:
“Simply put, NTJ.
You would not be the jerk for keeping both wills as written – you would be neutral. But you would be a great sister if you did what he asks. That’s the debate – not jerk to great, but neutral to great. But he might not see it that way, and if you care about the relationship more than the property or the “who’s morally right” factor, that may play into your decision.
Good luck.” safbutcho
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Wills are about honoring someone’s wishes. Your aunt wanted you to have the house so you got it. Your dad wanted you two to share so you did. If you were feeling brotherly you might consider letting him buy your half off of you at a reduced price, or letting him live there full time while you stay in the aunt’s house.” littlestgoldfish
19. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mom Keeps Stealing And Stretching My Clothes?
“My mum (50f) for some reason keeps taking my (16f) clothes. Honestly, I suppose I wouldn’t mind but she keeps stretching them out and when I tell her, “Oh you’re wearing my (whatever she’s taken),” she denies it and says it’s hers and no offense but it doesn’t look good on her either.
It’s tight because she’s a size 24 and I’m a size 14. Don’t get me wrong, I like baggy clothes but it just annoys me that she takes my stuff without asking, stretches it out then tries to gaslight me into thinking it’s hers.
Today, for example, she was wearing one of my dresses as a top and when I commented on it she was just rude and said that it was her top and for me to drop it.
I don’t know why she keeps taking my stuff when it’s too small for her. I don’t know if it’s a self-esteem thing but she can’t keep doing this, it’s getting out of hand. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do because I feel bad telling her it’s clearly mine as it’s too small for her.”
Another User Comments:
“You are so sweet for trying to support your mum, but you are NOT responsible for your mother’s emotions. She is the mum; you are the daughter. You don’t need to “help her through this”, you just need to not make it worse for her on purpose and you need to keep yourself safe (and I mean emotionally).
I say this as someone with a mum that sounds like yours and I took to my 30s-40s to figure it out. I hope you can learn sooner than me, you are not responsible for your mother. She is responsible for herself.” The1Eileen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom did that shortly after she and my dad divorced. She even took my graduation outfit on a cruise while she had started smoking again. It smelled so bad, I cried because who does that?! Set up a camera in your room to catch her taking them or lock them up.
Suggest you have a girls’ day and you can help her find her own cute outfits. Stand firm, and every time she stretches something tell her you need new clothes because yours aren’t fitting.” AddressPowerful516
Another User Comments:
“She shouldn’t be taking anything from you, let alone clothes, my teenage daughter at 14 borrows a lot of my clothes, but even with her teenage brain she always asks, unless it is specific items I have already given her carte blanche to use, and socks, she doesn’t have to ask for using my socks… but she is more than capable of asking (and accepting a no when that happens) and not just taking.
Also that your mom denies that it’s your clothes, clearly tells that she knows what she is doing is wrong, and it might be some kind of midlife crisis, but taking clothes that are way too small won’t make her any younger, and it’s not fair to put on you.
She is a grown-up and should be more than capable of handling her own emotions in a reasonable and healthy way.” Original_Duck_371
18. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Support My Brother's Family This Time?
“My brother (22m) is married to his wife (23f) and they have 2 daughters both of which are under 2 years old. They are a dual-income household and my brother makes more than I do weekly by a decent margin, but on a regular basis, they will ask me (18m) for financial support.
I work full time, am living at home to save for a house, and graduated high school last year. Truth be told I do have the money to spare and have given it to them almost every time they’ve asked for the past year and a half even if they don’t pay me back half of the time.
Something is different this time though, my brother has actively been calling out of work since Thursday of last week and is now asking me for $40 to get gas for both of his vehicles and I just can’t bring myself to do it this time because this is a hole that he dug himself.
After I didn’t respond to the messages from him or his wife they started basically begging me and my older sister (20f) and we both flatly refused. They then started calling us jerks and selfish which really truly hurt seeing as how I have helped them so much in the past. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have any money to spare. Any money you don’t spend should be going into your savings so you can move out. If you choose to share your hard-earned money with your brother, that’s your decision, not his. The proper response is, “I’m sorry, I can’t afford it.” No explanations necessary.
Your brother has reached the position of entitlement. He has made his decisions in life, married with two children. He is now using you to avoid the consequences of those decisions. He feels entitled to your money because “reasons.” He is not entitled to your money.
Instead of accepting this reality, he is now using guilt to manipulate you. That’s what entitled people do.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Family relationships can be complicated and it sounds like you’ve already been doing as much as anyone could expect to help your brother out.
You’re right, this time something is different and you detected it right away and responded accordingly. Something is fishy with the calling out and it’s not really your responsibility to just throw money at what is probably a more complicated problem than just being short a little on cash, and it probably isn’t something that is your place to fix for them anyway.” twodtwenty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should not be supporting your brother and his wife. Your first mistake here was viewing the money you have as “money to spare”. In all reality, you do not have money to spare. You need to have at least six months’ worth of money set aside to pay bills if you lose your job.
The money you are saving for a house is not spare money. Money you use for gas, food, and entertainment is not spare money. Every dime you have is earmarked for something important in your life. Your brother and his wife have clearly made some poor decisions and it’s their responsibility to figure a way out of it, not yours.
If you continue to bail him out, he will never step up to the plate.” Glinda-The-Witch
17. AITJ For Inviting Female Company Over During A Trip With My Married Best Friend?
“In September, my best friend and I took a trip. He’s married, I am not. While we were planning the trip, I suggested an Airbnb to accommodate me having female company in my own room. He agreed, and never once indicated it was an issue.
And not once did I ever think he was interested in extramarital affairs.
His wife, in my opinion, is highly insecure. Implants. Tons of makeup. I should mention, we are all over the age of 40. My best friend is loyal to a fault. He takes his vows and his marriage as his biggest responsibilities.
When he proposed to the woman, who had 3 kids of her own, he added on to the home he bought years before and moved them all in. I don’t see a reason to have trust issues with a man who is that decisive and intentional in his relationship with her.
They, of course, talked daily. He would give her updates as to what we had seen and done. Upon our return, she questioned what he had told her during their daily phone calls. Even asked, “Are you sure there were no girls over at your place?”
During our trip, I had company over, as planned, and my friend excused himself. When the party was over, I texted him “clear” to let him know my company had left. He was not even in the house when my company visited.
Fast forward 2 months.
She gets an opportunity to go through my friend’s phone and finds the text message I sent during our trip and questions him. He tells her I’m an adult and he was not included in my activities. She is upset at me for “putting him in that position”.
Clearly, if he was not, at all, tempted, I do not understand what position I put him in.
AITJ or is his wife tripping?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ your disdain for this woman is palpable. Were you on vacation with this guy or just out trying to hook up in a new city?
You would kick this guy out of his Airbnb multiple times and you were a good travel companion? I don’t think you were somehow tempting him, and no I don’t like her going through his phone – but none of that changes the fact that you treated him like a jerk on that trip.” Cultural_Section_862
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You’re an adult. You need to read the room: I see your point, but had he mentioned the slightest bit of unease things would have gone differently. This is what a jerk would say. If you’re on a trip with a friend, you stay with that friend.
You plan things together. You don’t ditch him/put him out in the cold just so you can get some. Doesn’t matter how long the event was. Stop trying to say you’re in the clear because “he didn’t say anything” or “I would have done it for him” or “what am I supposed to do with all this time”.
You’re an adult. You should know this already. Those are BS, manipulative ways of thinking that are making you the jerk here. You ditched your friend on a trip for a person that you’re probably never going to see again.” slap-a-frap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
In this specific case because he, a grown adult, agreed to the setup ahead of time. His marriage is between him and his wife, not you. You’re not dangling anything in front of this man by hooking up with your own people. Where YTJ is thinking it was appropriate to hook up with anyone while sharing an overnight accommodation for one night.
He was more than accommodating to you – he left and gave you privacy. He’s a super good dude. But seriously, you should’ve waited til you got home to mess around. It was one night and you really should’ve spent it with your friend or just hung out by yourself if it had been a long day.
You could’ve even hooked up at a woman’s place who wasn’t also sharing an overnight accommodation with someone else. You blew off your friend for some fun, couldn’t go one night without hooking up, and essentially had him removed from the place so you could do these things.
YTJ for saying she’s insecure because she has implants and wears makeup.” Jmfroggie
16. AITJ For Returning My Cousin's Christmas Gifts After He Tried To Trick Us?
“I (28F) have been buying the Christmas presents that are given by my grandparents for their 6 other grandchildren for quite some time now. I am the oldest by 10 years and most of them are 12-15.
We built a house together and now living with them it’s been a lot easier coordinating presents this year. The kids pretty much caught on that I pull the work for Christmas and mostly send links in a group chat with me and my grandma.
One cousin in particular (15M) sent me his Amazon wishlist that was pretty close to the dollar amount budget per kid. I went ahead and ordered everything on the list and thought he was going to be easy this year. A few days later my brother (17) let me know that the cousin showed him how to check what had been bought off an Amazon wishlist. A few more days later and cousin sends a text to our grandma explaining that he is too old for sitting around opening presents and wants an eBay gift card of the shopping budget amount instead.
He also basically said that he never sent a list and I must have bought him random stuff. At first, I was pretty annoyed but whatever, he was going to be getting stuff he really asked for.
I’ve been dwelling on this for a few weeks now and was thinking about returning everything, which is really simple with Amazon.
Talking to my mom and my grandma about it we have a theory that perhaps he was attempting to blindside each of us to get double Christmas, something I would totally believe this kid would come up with since he has masterminded things in the past.
So today I returned everything and bought him the gift card. I sort of don’t care if this makes me the jerk, I mean, the kid is getting exactly what he asked for. What may make me the jerk is being a little interested in his reaction on Christmas to getting basically 1 present and his younger sisters getting a basket full.”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely not the jerk. He is 17 and lucky he still gets anything for Christmas that isn’t from his immediate family. And you are right he got exactly what he wanted! Let it ride.” Influenxerunderneath
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Whatever the smaller details are, the fact is that he lied to get his way.
He either wanted the gifts and the money, or he thought that lying would be the easiest way to get the money instead even after already having sent his list. He’s lucky he is getting anything. This wasn’t an honest mistake.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t understand why you don’t call him out on the behavior, instead of waiting and seeing if he will ark up about it. When my kids tried to pull a fast one over us both, say different things to each parent in the attempts for more loot, we’d call him out and let him know that we communicate with each other, and he has a choice.
He can have one of the items he asked for from either parent but not both. If he can’t decide then we’ll decide for him. Worked a treat, he discovered quickly that he couldn’t have his cake by deception and eat it too. Why not let your cousin know that since he contacted you and then grandma with two different ideas for his gifts, he needs to decide which one he really wants.
As he isn’t going to get both options as you talk to each other, before purchasing gifts for the family. Then warn him for the future if this keeps happening then you both will come up with your own ideas for gifts for him, without his input.” Longjumping_Win4291
15. AITJ For Not Letting Other Children Bother My Daughter At The Pizzeria?
“We have a monthly plan for a national pizzeria chain where children go in and play games while eating pizza. My children love it here, especially the youngest, and we go often. I’ve noticed that my youngest has been asking me to spend the entire time with her lately and so I have, going to each game and ride with her, not knowing why but just being supportive (fyi I don’t leave her by herself, she’s either with her mom or her siblings).
Well about a month ago during one of our visits, I walked away for a minute and when I turned around I noticed she was upset, and wouldn’t tell me why. Spent more time with her and everything seemed fine. I walked away but this time I kept an eye on her.
A little boy came up, pushed my child aside, and started playing the game. I stopped and told the boy that she was playing and to wait. My daughter is upset so we walk away. He comes back and does it again, upsetting my daughter.
My daughter gets upset and tries to walk away but I stop her and tell the little boy he needs to leave and he’s not allowed to play with her. A few visits later and it happens again with another child, I tell them no and that she doesn’t want to play.
Yesterday we get 1 game in before being interrupted. A little girl comes up and tries to push her out of the truck game. I tell her no and that she needs to leave, but she refuses. The game ends, she grunts, I tell her no and she needs to move.
She full force tries to push my daughter out and I prevent my daughter from falling out. The little girl cries and leaves. We played one last game of air hockey. The same little girl comes over, I stop and tell her she needs to leave us alone.
She cries and her mom begins yelling at me. She is mad because I refuse to let her daughter play with us and when I tell her that her daughter was not trying to play with us but instead tried to take over the games we were playing and that it upset my daughter, she said I upset her daughter by not letting her play and that I was a jerk because of it and the fact I was preventing my child from learning how to share and “dealing with difficult and uncomfortable situations”.
Another parent says that this is something I do all the time and that I am a jerk to children because I won’t let her kids play with my daughter. She said “children are children” and that if my daughter is uncomfortable in these situations then I shouldn’t be bringing her around other children.
Speaking with an employee I asked if I was wrong and they said no. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds like the parents are not giving their kids enough money to play the games. So the kids end up bullying other kids by taking their games.
It also sounds like they are feeding off each other seeing another kid do it. It might be good to try and help your daughter learn to deal with this herself. But I’d lean more to the side these kids are being predatory jerks – and that’s no way to spend a day out.
F the parents, give them a piece of your mind.” sneksnacc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Keep being a champion to your kiddo(s). Maybe in the future 1) inform staff immediately when this happens. The staff (especially the managers) have the ability to ban those kids/those families from the establishment as well as immediately kick them out, especially if there is a repeated pattern and across multiple visits.
And 2) when the parent(s) try to step in and make you the bad guy: “My daughter knows very well how to share. What I’m now teaching her is how to stand up to spoilt, entitled brats who bully her off the game she is playing instead of politely waiting their turn or politely ASKING her to play with them/share with them, or if they can have a turn.”” ToriBethATX
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to be honest and based on the ending say I don’t know if you’re the jerk or not. Based on how you present it you’re NTJ but the fact other parents have noticed and commented makes me feel like you’re not telling the whole story.
Like I teach 4 year olds and even my worst behavior kids don’t act like you described the kids acting to your kid. I can’t read it without feeling like you’re over-exaggerating everything. Maybe I’m wrong and every other child there is a monster who pushes and shoves and has no idea how to take turns or you’re overly protective and your kid doesn’t know how to cooperatively play with same-age peers.
So I won’t leave a judgment because I don’t feel like we have the whole or true story.” Loud-Rhubarb-1561
14. AITJ For Being Upset When My Friend And Partner Excluded Me In A Conversation?
“My (20F) best friend (also 20F) came to visit me at college after a few weeks since we hadn’t seen each other in a while.
She had made plans for us to meet up and go out after classes, and I was looking forward to it. I even told my partner (21M) in advance that I’d be hanging out with her, and he was cool with it too.
Both of them come from a place where they have a common language.
When she arrived, she met me and my partner in the corridor and immediately mentioned how we’d be late if we didn’t leave right away. I was ready to go then and there, but instead, she started talking to my partner in their native language, which I didn’t understand.
I had no idea what they were talking about, though I did hear my name come up in their conversation. They didn’t make any effort to include me or check if I was comfortable with them speaking a language I couldn’t follow. I even made a light-hearted comment, saying, “Guys, I really need subtitles right now,” but they ignored me and kept talking.
I just stood there awkwardly for about 15 minutes while they chatted, even though she had initially said we needed to leave quickly. I started feeling frustrated and unwelcome, so I left the area without a word and stepped outside the building to give them their space.
Later they picked up on my upset mood and started tiptoeing around me and I couldn’t enjoy hanging out with my best friend later at all.
I was upset because it felt like I wasn’t needed there, and they didn’t seem to care about including me but now I’m wondering if I made a big deal about an insignificant issue.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your best friend made plans with you, excluding someone from a conversation its not cool not only because she was supposed to be hanging out with you, but especially because they were talking ABOUT you. That type of behavior from both partner and best friend?
I would have left too. You were not comfortable and they even ignored your joke, which was a very straight signal that you gave them, so leaving the situation was not a bad decision. If you are uncomfortable in a situation you should NOT stay in that situation (unless you really can’t leave).
You did not overreact, you understand what you felt, they didn’t. I also don’t get all the hurry she had and then she wasn’t worried about getting late anymore? Priorities changed I would say.” AdSome1924
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can kinda relate to this situation, I have friends whose first languages I don’t speak and I can’t understand them when they talk to each other in their language.
That said, they’ve never had long conversations in their language while they’re hanging out with me or any of my other friends who don’t speak it, just a few brief remarks here and there, and they’d often translate what they said to avoid any misunderstandings, like “Oh, I was just telling him so and so…” so I’ve never felt excluded or slighted by them speaking in a different language around me every now and then.
That said, if they were to have a fifteen-minute conversation in their language while I was hanging out with them, I’d definitely feel really awkward and like I was being excluded. I think the best way to handle this situation is to just be honest and direct, simply tell them how it made you feel excluded from the conversation.” depravedQ
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. Your best friend and partner were rude. You need to lay it out for them: conversations in a group of 3 people with a common language, need to take place in the common language you all understand. It’s understandable that the two of them were excited to converse in their native language, but they allowed their natural excitement to 1) distract them from your friend’s plans that required you to leave right away as she stated 2) keep them from taking a hint “guys I need subtitles”.
Be more direct: “Hey. When we’ve made plans to hang out TOGETHER, speak the language we all understand. It’s rude to exclude one person from a conversation, especially when I hear my name so I know you’re talking about me. Especially for more than 15 minutes, right after you’ve said “we’ll be late if we don’t leave right now.” When you speak a language I don’t understand, it feels like you don’t care about including me, and I know you’d feel the same if it happened to you.”” Constant_Host_3212
13. AITJ For Yelling At A Mom To Control Her Misbehaving Kids On The Bus?
“I was on the bus and in front of me there was a mother with 2 kids.
She looked around 30 and one of her kids looked around 8 years old and the other was 2. The mom looked very depressed and totally out of it, and her kids were being total nuisances and doing whatever they wanted. They must do this often because the 2-year-old decided to turn around to me, and started blowing raspberries for about 5 minutes until I respectfully asked the mom to tell him to stop.
She did, and he did stop. For about 2 minutes.
After some of his saliva went into my mouth & he started doing it to his brother I was done and shouted at the mom to control her kids. She was visibly mad at me for shouting, but she did stop him again.
I could tell he wanted to start again after whispering to his brother (presumably for him to start as well) but we got off before they did and I kind of felt bad after.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to work on, and perfect, The Mean Mom face.
Some people can’t do it, but I have usually been able to give a child like that with oblivious parents a mean expression that usually makes them afraid so they leave you alone. If that doesn’t work, you just have to find a way to get mom engaged. Start asking the child if he/she ever heard of stranger danger.
That should snap her out of her oblivion.” Ok-Position7403
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The reason we’re not all completely feral is because at some point our mothers brought the hammer down. It’s her job to make sure her kids aren’t spitting on strangers on the bus.
It’s really a pretty low bar. I once told a customer of mine that her kids weren’t allowed to play in our store’s toilet. She was mad at ME and said I had too many rules. I don’t have rules. I have standards. Yes, motherhood is tough.
Kids are often like adorable little piranhas that will gnaw you down to your skeleton in a matter of moments if you let them. (Which is unfair to piranhas, as I understand they don’t really do that.) Still, it’s her job to thwart them when they become vectors for disease.” LostArtofConfusion
Another User Comments:
“I would have rebuked the children. When little brats are actively disrespectful to me in public, I give them my best ‘mean teacher’ dressing down. The kids snap into line almost immediately, and I usually get an apologetic look from a grateful mother.
I can only recall one time the mother was mad at me for ‘yelling ‘ at her kids (I never yell, I’m just very stern) and I told her ‘if you disciplined your kids, strangers wouldn’t have to.'” MighendraTheWanderer
12. AITJ For Reacting Badly To My Brother's Homophobic Joke Gift?
“I (24M) and my family do a yearly weekend trip in December every year. The trip typically includes renting a very nice Airbnb and several “outings”, some geared towards the men in the family (gun range, axe throwing, etc.), and others for the women (shopping trip, water park with the kids, etc.).
I’ve been openly gay for 8 years now and the majority of the family has come to terms with it by now, that is, everyone except my older brother (28M).
For context, my older brother (we’ll call him Isaac) has a tendency to poke fun at people and try to get a rise out of them.
The family finds this absolutely hilarious and will often join in. Personally, I don’t mind this, however, ever since I came out 8 years ago, Isaac will take any opportunity to make my sexuality the butt of the joke. I’ve told him on multiple occasions that jokes about my sexuality tend to sting a bit more and asked that he not do that, but nothing works to get him to stop.
That brings us to the last night of the trip. I had separated from the guys’ group for all the outings because the girls’ activities just seemed more fun. On the final night of the trip, the entire family was gathered in the living room to open gifts, when Isaac announced that he got me a gift this year because he felt bad that I had missed the guys’ activities.
He then proceeds to hand me a bag to open in front of everyone. I opened the bag, and inside was a fruit cake that he had bought from Fleet Farm. Isaac starts laughing hysterically, but the rest of the family looks at me because I’m not laughing.
I stood up, told Isaac that I didn’t find his gift funny, and stepped out onto the balcony to get some fresh air.
The rest of the night, Isaac tried to tell me that I was the jerk for being ungrateful when he didn’t get anyone else a gift, which resulted in a very long yelling match.
The family is divided on whether my reaction was warranted, or if I need to lighten up about his jokes. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Isaac is completely out of line here, and I’m really curious how the rest of the family took that “You’re ungrateful because I didn’t get anyone else a gift.” He’s right, and I assume the other people are more grateful because he didn’t target them.
Isaac is a homophobe and a bully, and your family sounds like playground bystanders. They will laugh along because the bully doesn’t torment them. You made the right call, calling him out and stepping outside. If he can’t accept responsibility there, check him off as immature and limit your time with him.
Is putting up with him worth going on these trips? Only you can answer that, but IMO, if no one else in the family is making things better or standing up for you, I’d be asking myself what I get out of it. Cause this year, you got a worse-than-the-jokes-about-it fruitcake.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“Your family is gross. NTJ. And to be clear, the people in your family who are NOT ‘Isaac’ are grosser than he is. Some family systems are just toxic and yours is one of them. Joining this trip and being a good sport is not in your best interest and I hope that you will stop doing it.
The entire family has tacitly agreed to endorse Isaac’s bigotry. In a healthy family, he would not dare to pull that stuff and if somehow he did the rest of the group would shout him down before you had a moment to respond. Please give yourself the gift of a real family that loves and accepts you.
It can take time to form a family-by-choice but you deserve it and you’ll be fine while you’re working on it.” EmceeSuzy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is the one who caused the tension, not you. He is blatantly homophobic and your family is standing by and accepting that instead of supporting you.
They’ve “come to terms” with your being gay? Hello, this is 2024. Your family members who are supporting Isaac’s unfunny “jokes” are just quieter homophobes. Your family’s outdated gender expectations are definitely part of the issue here. The boys go off to grunt and do “manly” things, and the women take care of the kids while shopping and doing their own thing?
I mean, it’s fine for groups to do separate activities, and it sounds like they’re okay with you choosing a different group, but it shows gender essentialism that is tied to their homophobia. I understand putting up with behavior from family members that you would never tolerate elsewhere because you don’t want to lose them all.
But you need to set boundaries too, don’t just put up with everything to “keep the peace”. You need to resolve this issue before you bring a partner to meet the family. Imagine how badly that would go in the current setting.” NapalmAxolotl
11. AITJ For Cutting Off My Ex-Roommate's Access To My Amazon Account After She Used My Gift Card?
“I (18f) and my roommate J (18f) were roommates for part of the first semester in college. At first, everything was great, we’d eat together, talk all night, and go shopping. It all changed however when we rushed for a sorority, I got into the one she wanted and she got into a different one.
From then on, she was a little more distant, but we were still good friends.
It’s worth mentioning that on our shared TV, which I bought, I pay for Amazon Prime, Disney Plus, and Peacock while her parents paid for Max and Netflix. I didn’t have a problem with this because I had money saved from a young age to do what I wanted with in college.
Later, I found out that she had to move out due to health reasons, and I know how that sounds, but it was actual health issues with certain foods that she needed to cook. I was a little upset because she told me a week before she moved out, but I understood and supported her.
The entire process she was out with her friends at her sorority and left me to pack up her stuff, which I did because I wanted to be nice.
Fast forward a few weeks and she asks me to log out of her Netflix and Max account, which I hadn’t used since she moved out and frankly forgot she had.
So I did as soon as possible. Later that same week, I looked on my Amazon account and saw that a gift card I had on there was used up. When I looked into it, I saw that some movies were rented that I didn’t rent.
I texted and asked if she had rented movies and she said that she did. I asked her why she was on my Amazon account and she said that she didn’t have one and wanted it. I told her that it wasn’t fair that I had to get off the Netflix, but she could spend my money to watch a movie.
She said it was different because Netflix was hers and Amazon was ours. I said no and told her that if she didn’t get off of my account I would find a way to kick her off myself. She refused so I called my dad and we figured it out.
She called me screaming that I ruined her movie night with her friends and I basically said pay for your own then. Was I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“Verdict: NTJ (Not the Jerk). You were generous to share access to streaming services when you lived together, but her entitlement to continue using your account after moving out—and spending your money—is unreasonable.
Her claim that Amazon was “ours” doesn’t hold water since you were the one paying for it. Calling you to scream about ruining her movie night was immature and entirely out of line.” TherapySpider
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was completely unreasonable for your ex-roommate to assume she had unlimited access to your Amazon Prime account, especially after using your money without your permission.
Renting movies with your gift card crossed a major boundary. That’s theft, plain and simple. You were kind enough to pack her belongings when she moved out, and her response to use your account without asking shows a lack of respect. She also didn’t reciprocate by letting you continue using her Netflix or Max accounts.
The idea that Amazon was “ours” is just her trying to justify her entitlement. You had every right to revoke her access and protect your account. If she wanted to host a movie night, she could have paid for her own subscription or rented the movies herself.
You didn’t ruin her movie night—her own actions did.” TinoTheOG
Another User Comments:
“Oh no, NTJ at all. The girl stole money from you! It’s one thing, and fine, to share a streaming/account password if you’re sharing living spaces with somebody. But if the person is no longer living with you then it’s done.
I’ve told previous roommates that my Netflix becomes off-limits when they move out because of the more strict password-sharing rules. On that note, I can understand her asking you to get off the Netflix and Max accounts since you two were no longer living together.
But she’s got a lot of nerve to say that the Amazon account is “ours” and therefore should still be in use for HER, especially when it was an account YOU created and paid for prior to everything. And her taking the gift card money to rent movies without your permission?
That’s theft, plain and simple. One final note, you can rent movies just fine on several other platforms. Tell her to switch to Youtube and pay for them herself, or use the Netflix and Max accounts.” ParaGoofTrooper
10. AITJ For Not Inviting My Husband's Sister To His Surprise Birthday Trip?
“My husband (39M) has never been to Nashville but has been talking about wanting to go for years and years. I decided to try to plan a trip as a gift for his 40th. I wanted to keep it a surprise if at all possible.
I rented a 4 bed, 4 bath Airbnb, and invited three of our closest couple friends, with whom we hang out all the time, and have gone to multiple country concerts, as well as previous spring break trips. Relevant to the story is that two of those couples are my husband’s cousins and their spouses.
Last week my husband’s sister (42F) found out about the upcoming trip and had an absolute meltdown. She screamed at me for denying her the opportunity to be at her only sibling’s surprise 40th birthday celebration. I was taken aback. I never viewed this trip as a traditional 40th birthday celebration.
If I had planned something local with more friends and family she would have absolutely been at the top of the guest list. Since she found out her mom (my mother-in-law) has been texting me how hurtful I am being.
Important to add in my opinion is that my husband and his sister are not particularly close.
She’s also not close with her cousins (our closest couple friends). We see her maybe 6 times a year for holidays and kids’ birthdays. She also does not care for country music and makes snarky comments about how terrible it is. She never crossed my mind as someone who would enjoy Nashville.
However, I’m trying to be objective and see her side of things.
AITJ for planning this as more of a friends’ trip and not considering this more of a 40th birthday trip that his only sister should have been included in?”
Another User Comments:
“If his sister really, really wants to share the experience there is nothing stopping her from booking her own accommodation and transport and meeting you there. That could work well as you would necessarily part ways to go to your own accommodations. However, as she hasn’t even suggested this I suspect it’s less about your husband’s birthday and more the expectation she will somehow get to go for free.
At the end of the day she doesn’t actually have a ‘right’ to go with you and considering, the siblings are not exactly close, she doesn’t even have a moral right. However, do not be surprised if she completely ruins the surprise and tells your husband out of spite.
NTJ.” East_Parking8340
Another User Comments:
“The sister’s reaction is over the top, and she’s in the wrong for that. But the fact that two of your three “closest couple friends” are his relatives is definitely muddying the waters here. You’re seeing it as you guys going on vacation with your 6 closest friends, and excluding your families.
SIL is seeing it as you guys going on vacation with 4 shared family members of the same age, and excluding her. No jerks here because you guys are coming at this from different angles and you’re being a bit oblivious to the optics. I think she’s out of line in how she reacted, but I can see why she’s hurt and lashing out.” Primary-Friend-7615
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a general rule, I don’t entertain adult temper tantrums (SIL your hubbs doesn’t really even speak to) nor those that enable that type of behavior (MIL). You’re doing the right thing. If SIL can throw a temper tantrum over not being invited, I assume she can throw the same tantrum ON the trip when things aren’t going her way.
Ignore MIL or you can respond with a nice “Hey MIL, thanks for reaching out. I understand that you may be feeling put in the middle but this issue is between your daughter and me. I won’t be discussing this with you. I hope that you understand.”” EJ_1004
9. AITJ For Wanting To Report My Neighbor For Breaking HOA Bylaws?
“My neighbor, who lives directly above me, installed flooring in a section of their unit that is prohibited by the bylaws of the HOA for my building.
The bylaws prohibit this because the change in material will cause significant noise to be transmitted from any non-ground-level units to the ones below.
It has since caused an enormous amount of noise to come from his unit to mine.
I brought it up with him and he said he didn’t know or didn’t read the bylaws well enough to know that he wasn’t supposed to do it.
Ok fine. So then I asked when he would remove it. He said he planned on putting down carpet over it until he moves or rents it out. Mind you, this isn’t actual carpet–it’s some sort of paneled carpet “system”. I haven’t seen any of this by the way.
So ultimately he gets to just break the bylaws without any enforcement unless I tell my HOA. The problem is he is 1/3 of the HOA board in an 8-unit building.
It’s stressing me out and the noise is insane and there’s no way to stop him from just leaving the flooring in when the unit changes occupancy.
I think I should tell the board but then will he just be louder to spite me? I am thinking about just sending an email to everyone instead of just the board.
I should also say we don’t have regular board meetings or anything like that so I can’t just add it to the agenda of the next meeting.”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah. HOA Boards. LOL. In this case, I’d rather be you than them. 1) How can a Board member be uninformed about the rules? Is this a prima facie breach of fiduciary duty? 2) Also, the rule is probably NOT in the by-laws (which govern corporate behavior), but in the Covenants (which attach to the deed, and restrict the conduct of owners.) Does he as a deedholder not know what deed restrictions apply to him?
Does he, as a Board member, not understand the by-laws? 3) Does the entire Board treat violations by individual Board members preferentially? 4) Has the Board waived this rule elsewhere? 5) Is there a record in the minutes of this waiver? Are modification requests submitted to a Covenant Committee?
Was the instant request submitted pursuant to the HOA rules? Or was an exception made for this Board member? 6) In some states, HOA boards are subject to the state attorney general. Find out about your state, and don’t be afraid to publish your findings to all residents.
And don’t be afraid to write to your AG, and let everyone know that you are doing so. Board members are drawn from all walks of life: teachers, nurses, electricians, truck drivers, and whatnot. Not all are knowledgeable about the law. Some are blowhards and bullies and will walk all over you if they think you will allow it.” maxthed0g
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s on the board but doesn’t know bylaws? BS. I think he knew. Also, not sure where you live but where I live if a complaint is filed, if a board member is party to the complaint, they must not be present during the discussions of how to handle it.
They can legally respond to the complaint as an owner but have no say and can’t even be present for discussions as a board member. I would report him. This isn’t just an “I hate his door knob cover” which doesn’t impact you; this is annoying and significant noise transfer.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your HOA has a property manager go through them. If not I’d write to HOA being as specific and pointed as possible. Tell them you require a permanent solution and ask for an HOA member to witness the noise.
Bombard them with letters if they try to blow you off. If all that fails get a lawyer to send them a stiff letter. Through this whole process keep communications in writing as much as possible. Get witnesses to the noise too and attach their written reports to your complaints.
My experience is owners will resist changing noncompliant floors and HOAs struggle to resolve it. Be very assertive and persistent. This neighbor cares nothing about your right to peace.” No-Highlight-1882
8. AITJ For Refusing To Co-Sign A Loan For My Neighbor?
“A couple in my building, second marriages, 60s, she is American and he is Canadian. I’m 30 and a nurse. They are nice people. She had a very high-paying, good pension job in the US, now retired. They frequently stop me in the hall to complain about healthcare and talk about how good their private plan was through her pension when they lived in the US (I guess red flag #1.
If it was so good there, why are you here? Plenty of mountain towns in the US). They know that I work long hours and have a dog walker, said they’d be happy to take my dog out while I work. My walker is only Monday to Friday so the odd weekend that I worked I did take them up on taking my dog out.
Made them a key. He was let out to pee, nothing more. That is still SO helpful. I got them a $100 gift card to a restaurant for Christmas 2 years ago with a card. They didn’t say if they got it or not until we ran into each other days later and I asked. Not my style, but meh maybe thanking someone for a thank-you gift is redundant.
One year and many cornered hallway complaints about healthcare later I get a text from her asking if I have AMA (AAA). Keys locked in car. I told her if she got a membership today they would come the same day. I told her I did the same once and it was $130.00 Canadian.
She said she doesn’t have that kind of money today (RF 2?). She said her husband wouldn’t come down and help because he was sick. It was -30 out and I was meaning to renew my membership so I renewed mine and sent them to unlock her.
AMA had an” add a second person for $80.00″ promo so I added them and got them their own membership as that year’s thanks.
Quick side, the dog walks weren’t an every Saturday and Sunday thing, but maybe once a month. I also took in their mail when they traveled and occasionally dog-sat for them if they had to go into the city, so I thought an AMA membership was nice.
They once again didn’t acknowledge it.
Soon after she knocks on my door, I’m thinking she was just embarrassed about the car locking thing and wanted to thank me. She proceeds to tell me that she needs a new car because hers didn’t pass the Canadian inspection and her money is all “locked up” so she can’t get a loan and her husband doesn’t want her to have a car because they already have his (fair enough) so he won’t help.
She asked if I would co-sign a loan for her! She has kids my age so I used the old “I’m going to discuss this with my parents. I’m sure you’d want your daughter to do the same”. She then sends me texts with these signing bonuses I’ll get if I do it.
I eventually blame my parents and say they advised me not to (was never going to). She has gone back to normal with me but I have not. I just find that kind of request insane! I wouldn’t ask my siblings, parents, or close friends to do that for me!
Neighbor who occasionally walks my dog? Hard no. All of my friends and family think she was entirely inappropriate and advised me to get my key back (I did).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Obviously NTJ for declining to co-sign the loan. It would have been crazy for you to co-sign a loan for your neighbor.
With that, it sounds like after you said no, she hasn’t bothered you about it, pushed the issue further, or treated you any differently. I think it’s fine if you want to distance yourself from the neighbor. But overall, the neighbor seems to have taken the rejection well enough, so she doesn’t seem to be completely off her rocker.” SunnyBunnyHopHop
Another User Comments:
“Regarding cosigning. This was pre-1954. My maternal grandfather cosigned a loan. The borrower defaulted. My grandfather didn’t. It cost him every single thing he owned. Things were so bad that my grandfather wasn’t even able to afford to purchase new shoes for my mother.
In other words, don’t cosign unless you can afford to painlessly pay off the loan.” Efficient_Art_5688
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Their reasoning sounds super shady. A sixty-year-old couple with 40 years of credit history should be able to get a loan on their own without issues, even if their money is “tied up” (why is it even tied up?).
Every conman is super helpful and likable, which is why they’re able to gain your confidence. Don’t sacrifice your credit for someone else’s payday.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
7. AITJ For Rejecting My Neighbor's Constant Food Donations?
“I’m a retired woman with an adult son roommate.
My neighbor (also retired) keeps bringing me food, even though I have told her both my son and I are on ‘special diets’, we don’t eat pork, I have no room in my fridge/freezer, etc. I have told her I do appreciate an occasional donation if she happens to have too many avocados, sure, I’ll take a couple.
Big mistake. I used to feel obligated to return some food items I’d made when I returned her plastic containers, but those days are over. Over the years we have been neighborly but not exactly friends. This has been going on for 2 or 3 years.
I assumed she means well, but I have asked her NOT to bring food here many times, as diplomatically as I could for at least 2 years.
Last week, I told her that a lot of times it’s unidentifiable in my fridge, I don’t recognize it and I regretfully end up throwing it away. Reiterating we are both on restrictive diets.
Lately, she’s been leaving food items (and unwanted magazines and knickknacks) outside my dining room window, since I started posting a sign on my door that reads ‘Naptime – Do Not Disturb’ which she usually respects (but not always).
Sometimes she peeks in the window to see if I’m there.
I am starting to resent all these donations at this point, which makes me feel like an ungrateful jerk. My son thinks I should just accept her largesse and throw it away without telling her (which I have been doing).
Yesterday, she left a ‘package’ on my windowsill. I brought it inside (still warm/freshly-made something) and bagged it, wrote a note reading NO Thank you, and dumped it back on her front stoop, along with last week’s empty containers.
Let me mention that she isn’t lonely- she has a husband and two adult female roommates, 3 dogs, numerous cats, and family in the area.
So – who’s the jerk? Will this ever STOP????”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This neighbor is not well-meaning. They are intrusive and probably more than a little judgemental. You need to stop being polite here. Tell your neighbor in very direct terms that you cannot eat her food and do not want her garbage.
If she persists, there’s a midway step here, where you bring anything she drops to you back to her door. Not a window, and not a lawn. You put it in front of her door with a note saying “I have told you repeatedly that I cannot accept these things.
You must stop.” And EVERYTHING she brings goes back unopened and unchanged except for your note on top of it. Make sure you mention it to the husband and the roommates, that you hate doing it, but she won’t stop bringing you things you have told her repeatedly to stop bringing you, and you have no option but to return them to their door.
I have a lot of questions about this whole situation, but in the end, if she won’t listen to you, then you have to ask her other housemates, and if they can’t do anything, you call an authority and have the authority, bylaw or police or landlord or SOMEONE, and have them tell her to stop.
She’s going to be offended, but you need to ignore that because she’s already being a pest.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve seen this a lot with parents and their adult children. Basically, they get two things going in their heads: 1. I have Perfectly Good Stuff Which I Do Not Want I don’t want, but I cannot bear / would feel guilty to discard it, and 2.
There are these people in a lesser position than me, so of course they would be grateful to treasure my Perfectly Good Stuff Which I Do Not Want. Sometimes they are simply trying to remove the stuff without feeling guilty themselves by forcing you to take it off their hands and make it disappear, but sometimes it’s actually them seeing your home as their space, so of course they get to use it as a storage locker and you should be grateful they allow you to live in their storage space.
Constantly returning all the Perfectly Good Stuff Which I Do Not Want they push at you is the only thing I’ve ever seen work. As you have discovered, words don’t, because they make no impact on the brain weasels above that are driving their behavior.” HelenGonne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…You have tried to tell this woman to stop. She is not listening. I would now talk to the husband. State it as you are concerned because you have tried numerous times to get his wife to stop. Maybe she has some health issues they are unaware of.
But the food and gifts need to stop. Let him know you are on special diets and you hate to see good food go to waste. If they do not listen, you can return items so they get the hint, let them pile up outside so they get the hint, or just toss everything.” Worth-Season3645
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Old Friend To Crash With Me While Studying Abroad?
“I (21F) am currently studying abroad. I’ve been here since September and I leave in 2 and a half weeks!
In my freshman year of college, I had a friend (22M) Nick. Wild would be an understatement. Nick would always want to have sleepovers, go out on adventures, go party, and flirt with guys, but would go MIA for days afterward.
It was frustrating because we had so much fun when he was actually around! Second semester, my mental health got bad. Nick had basically ghosted me. He moved off of my floor and had brand new friends. I dropped out of school and moved back home.
I never heard from him.
About a year ago, he reached out. He’d dropped out too. We called maybe twice to catch up, and he never had a clear answer for why he ghosted me. He was still across the country though, so I brushed it off as just a casual friend to send songs, reels, memes, etc to.
We texted sporadically, mostly him spamming me, but I’d respond whenever I got the chance.
He knew I was studying abroad and had mentioned wanting to visit, but I never took Nick seriously because he never was serious! Concrete plans were never a thing for him.
I told him my parents were coming, but then I had finals and a trip, so I wasn’t sure about my schedule. He didn’t talk about it again, I didn’t respond for a while because I got busy. But last night he reached out: he was at the airport, boarding a flight to come see me?!
He said he had no hotel, no return flight, so would it be a bother if he could stay with me for 1-2 weeks TBD?! I said no, of course.
I’m furious! We never made concrete plans. I never gave him a yes, only a maybe but barely that.
I’m appalled he thinks he can fly 4,000 miles, drop back into my life, and stay with me, all after ghosting me during one of my hardest times, but I do wonder if part of me “led him on” with occasional texts here and there.
Some of my friends said to not respond at all, but I don’t know if I want to fully ghost him.
I think I could stomach maybe coffee or lunch, but I have finals and friends and he just expects me to be his tour guide all of a sudden. I’m angry and confused.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’d skip the coffee, he could use it as an opportunity to guilt you into letting him stay with you, claiming he has no money, no phone data, missing travel documents, and who knows what excuse he could come up with?
A real friend respects your time and commitments way more than this and communicates with you to make plans that work for you both, and they don’t ghost you when things get hard, they’re there for you at both your highs and your lows, not just when you’re conveniently studying somewhere cool abroad they want to visit for cheap.
Seriously don’t open any lines of communication up, say no, and ignore him like he ignored you, you’ll regret leaving even an inch for him to try to weasel his way in to just use you again.” According_Pizza8484
Another User Comments:
“First of all, airlines have a real issue with this “open return” scenario that your so-called friend presented to you.
And trying to do that internationally? That is a security issue for EVERY. SINGLE. AIRLINE!! When I worked for the 3rd largest airline in the world, we would not board this person’s luggage until we had a visual from a crew member that he was on board.
Now, I don’t think you can buy a ticket with no return date. So, Nicky is either lying to you (not at the airport but is trying to buy a ticket ASAP) or he is trying to flee the country. Do you really want a fugitive from justice around?
Do you really want to house someone that stupid and have the police beating down your door? Write him off. He only contacted you because you could be useful to him, not because you are friends. This is not a friendship to lament the loss of and you really won’t miss it or him.
NTJ.” Valuable-Release-868
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. YWBTJ, to yourself, if you let him stay. I promise he has a backup plan. This is too calculated for him not to. He only asked when he was at the airport so you’d feel pressured to let him stay.
“….I do wonder if part of me “led him on” with occasional texts here and there.” This tells me what kind of guy he is. A guilt-tripping one who is manipulative and makes you question yourself for normal reactions. Occasional texts are normal between acquaintances.
“I said no, of course.” This is a bit unclear to me. If you mean you said no he couldn’t stay with you then good job keeping boundaries. If you mean no it wouldn’t be a bother for him to stay with you then you’re going to need to send him a message saying you’ve realized this isn’t a good time for a visit so he needs to stay elsewhere. Don’t feel bad that it’s short notice.
It’s only short because he opted not to contact you ahead of time. Cheap hotels/hostels often don’t need any reservations. Don’t engage if he responds with anything but ‘ok I understand. I’ll figure it out.'” ApprehensiveBook4214
5. AITJ For Disagreeing With My Partner's Pet Peeve?
“My partner was very upset at me last night because while we were driving, he said his pet peeve is when people drive on the freeway for only one exit.
He said it bothers him if they get on the freeway only to get off at the next exit. I said, “that is an inconsequential pet peeve because there’s no traffic and it has no effect on you.” I could tell it bothered him because later in the evening he was cold to me, so I apologized for invalidating his pet peeve.
I realized everyone is entitled to their pet peeves, regardless of how they seem to me. But he remained cold the rest of the evening, so I asked if he was annoyed at me and he said yes. I asked him why and he said it was because I “got on him” earlier about his pet peeve.
I said “but I apologized unprompted,” and he said he’s just going to need more time to get over it. I feel like his continued annoyance is disproportionate to the circumstance. Am I still the jerk here for what I said to him?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, you said yourself that you were the jerk for dismissing his pet peeve. Or at least you implied it by apologizing for it. So the question here isn’t, “Am I the jerk for what I said?” It’s “Am I the jerk for being annoyed that my partner is still annoyed” to which isn’t really a conflict.
PS: the whole point of a pet peeve is that it doesn’t affect you. Otherwise it’s just a peeve.” peggingpinhead
Another User Comments:
“Mild ESH. It was a tiny bit rude when you “got on him” and invalidated his pet peeve. The whole point of a “pet peeve” is that it’s an unusual or unexpected annoyance, that most people aren’t bothered by.
Your partner seemed to overreact, because he took it really hard, acted cold for hours, and needed more time to get over it. Just in case, I should mention – if your apology was defensive or ungenerous, then he’s not overreacting to be upset for hours.
A defensive or ungenerous apology is something like, “I’m sorry if you can’t take a joke,” or “I’m sorry if you feel so sensitive.” I’m assuming that DID NOT happen.” LTK622
Another User Comments:
“Clearly his pet peeve is people telling him that his pet peeve is inconsequential. I’m gonna go with NTJ.
No, you shouldn’t dismiss other people’s pet peeves, but also, IMO, a pet peeve is inherently something that bothers you more than other people, or is out of proportion to other people. Nobody likes people talking in a movie theater, for example, but some people can brush it off (they might say it irritates them) and some people get enraged (as in, this is my pet peeve, it is particularly and especially irritating to me).
If he’s saying it’s a pet peeve, he’s admitting that this bothers him more than the “norm” is bothered by this. You saying that it’s such an inconsequential thing to get upset about is basically you saying that yeah, he’s pretty outside the norm on how much he’s bothered by this.
He couldn’t just say “yeah, I know, it’s weird but it just drives me absolutely bonkers”? And then you could both laugh about it and move on … if having his pet peeves criticized wasn’t also his pet peeve. Usually, I’m pro letting people have their feelings and not minimizing how they feel, so in that vein, yes, I think you need to let this go and give him the time he says he needs.
But I also agree with you that this is way out of proportion and possibly even a miscommunication (perhaps you have the same definition of a pet peeve that I do, and it means something different to him), and it’s a jerk move to hold this over you for this long.” peony_chalk
4. AITJ For Not Letting Roommates Use My Expensive Art Markers?
“I (18F) am in my first year of college and live with 3 other girls in a dorm. My roommate and I share one room, there’s a connecting bathroom, and then our two other roommates in the other room. I went home for the weekend and got a text from my roommates who live in the other room.
They were asking me if they could use the expensive markers that were on my desk for creating their vision boards. For anyone who buys art supplies like that, you know that some markers aren’t cheap, specifically copic and ohuhu markers.
I respectfully texted her that I was sorry but that they weren’t allowed to use them because they are expensive.
They blew up at me saying that nothing would happen if they used them and that if I had been the one asking for markers they wouldn’t have minded. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to say no to using expensive art supplies on something that normal markers can be used for.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the thing that will happen is that they will use the expensive ink and put wear on the tips that also cost money to replace. So saying “nothing” will happen is ignoring the fact that using the markers is the biggest cost in using them.
They can go and buy cheap markers from the dollar store and do as much “nothing” to those as they like.” Alimoria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but unfortunately, you are VERY LIKELY going to be going back to your dorm to find they’ve used the markers without your permission.
A good rule of thumb for any roommate situation (even ones with long-time friends) is to keep expensive and/or precious possessions under lock and key if you don’t plan on taking them with you on away trips. While it’d be nice to just trust that no one will disrespect you, unfortunately, there are enough entitled people in the world that it’s better to be safe than sorry.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one is obliged to share things – I am astonished at how many roommates are under the assumption they can help themselves to other roommates’ property. I’d suspect they have no real idea how expensive your markers are; they might be a bit less annoyed if you had told them that when they use them up and need to replace them it would cost $X but they could buy ones that are OK for their purpose at $Y at any dollar store.
But you shouldn’t really need to justify yourself for not lending out your property.” SavingsRhubarb8746
3. AITJ For Being Upset That My Family Sneaked Meat Into My Vegetarian Meals?
“In high school, I was a vegetarian for a couple of years.
I was really into it, not like vegan teacher crazy but more like I just enjoyed being in a community, I’m no longer a vegetarian as an adult though. I overheard my mother and grandma laughing and telling something to their friends.
Turns out, the whole time I was vegetarian my whole family (even extended which is like 50 people) had a game where they would see how often they could sneak me meat.
Cooking veggies in bacon grease and stuff like that. At birthday parties, family gatherings, Thanksgiving, and just dinner at home. It was like an inside joke game for years, and I’m kinda upset.
I confronted them but they said they were only doing it for my own good, that I needed more protein, but they kept smiling and giggling to one another about it so it felt like more of a joke.
I dunno, maybe it wasn’t and they really did do it because they cared, but it still feels mean. They all say I’m being a drama queen for being upset. So I guess what do you think? Am I the jerk for being upset by this or should I just laugh with my family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s valid you’re upset by this. At the same time, you can’t retroactively do anything about it, unfortunately. So pick your battles. Although I would be wary of eating their food, considering the history of food tampering. Also, you may need to help your family understand nutrition.
And just basic science. Bacon grease has 0 protein in it. Because it’s a fat. Not a protein. It sounds like they think animal products = protein and that plant products can’t have protein, and that’s just horribly inaccurate. To be clear, the comment about teaching their family about protein was sarcasm because they actually did this to humiliate her, not give her protein.
Although OP could give them science/nutrition lessons as a tongue-in-cheek way to insult them.” Mobile_Following_198
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s about respect, which they didn’t have for you. I would tell them that this really changes how you view them and your relationships with them.
Hold them accountable, whenever they say they’re being truthful just point out that you can’t really know that because they have a history of lying to you. You don’t have to get mad, just be upfront that you see them differently now and that’s their fault.
You don’t have to cut them off or anything but some healthy distance won’t hurt.” blueswan6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should be very upset. They lied to you and used you for their own amusement. You are not something they can toss around in their little private game.
You are a real person who deserves respect. Your family, in mass, decided you don’t get any respect, that you are just theirs to do with what they please. Now they are lying to you. The “It’s for your own good” is a justification bullies use to keep their victims coming back.
They bullied you, plain and simple. You should be very upset about this mistreatment, disrespect, and contempt from your family. Look at it this way. If you were vegan in a relationship and your partner laughed with his friends about sneaking meat into your food, would you still be in that relationship?
They get the same standard.” WhereWeretheAdults
2. AITJ For Telling My MIL To Stop Rearranging My Kitchen Or Move Out?
“I (29F) am married to a wonderful man (30M) who is also the brother of my best friend. Our heights are very different with me being 6’6″ and him being 5’7”.
All of his family are on the short side and it led to some adjustments in our living arrangements at first but we found what worked for us. We realized early on that it was easier for him to use a step stool to reach what he needed in the kitchen than for me to constantly be crouching to get what I needed as that gets painful quickly for me.
This was fine until my mother-in-law came to stay with us two weeks ago. Her roof needs repairs, and my husband and I have a spare room while my best friend doesn’t so it was only logical she come stay with us. She has constantly been moving things about in the kitchen, lowering items as she doesn’t want to use the step stool, which isn’t anything to do with her age, or fearing she’ll fall she just doesn’t want to.
She keeps harping on about how it’s ridiculous everything is so high up and it’s rude for guests. My husband has repeatedly shut her down stating my comfort matters more than theoretical guests and asked her not to move things. She lets it go for a day then things are moved again.
I’ve expressed frustration to my husband about this and the final straw came today when I went to make myself a coffee and could not find my coffee mugs anywhere, it took me five minutes to find them in my kitchen and I found them in the lower cabinet that I had to kneel to get them out of.
I was angry and snappish at this as my back had hurt from getting my mug, and I told her if she couldn’t stop herself from rearranging my kitchen she could get a hotel room as I have had enough of her entitlement.
This led to a lot of blustering and some tears that she was just trying to make it make more sense and how this is her son’s home and how it’s just a little reorganization and that they shouldn’t all suffer just because I’m tall, she then also began to say how I’m heartless to expect her to stay in a hotel over the holidays.
My husband was clearly uncomfortable at this and didn’t want his mother upset but he told her that it wasn’t just his home, but mine too, and if she wouldn’t respect my comfort and happiness then she would have to leave. She has gone into the guest room and I can hear her crying still.
My husband is clearly getting anxious and upset over this but he’s not backing down and I feel awful that my snapping led to him feeling like this, maybe I should have just put up with it or been more gentle about how I dealt with it?
I honestly don’t care that she’s upset which may make me sound heartless but I hate that my husband is feeling this way.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you stood up for yourself and gave a fair warning. I believe you’ve been quite patient. I appreciate that your husband is uncomfortable but so be it, sometimes life is uncomfortable.
She had plenty of opportunities to stop complaining and to stop moving things around before you drew this line. Express appreciation for your husband and just let her sit with it. To be honest, I’d be wondering about past interactions with her. She seems to almost take offense to your height somehow, and I wonder if anything has ever come up about your ‘fit’ with your husband, the optics of such a statuesque person, or whatnot.
People are weird.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The simple solution is for her to leave your kitchen alone. If she just agreed to that there would be no issue. If she is crying at the thought of having to stay in a hotel, it’s because she doesn’t intend to respect your wishes.
Tell your husband that his mother rearranging your kitchen (after being told multiple times not to) was a choice on her part which amounts to her asserting that she has more right to do what she wants in your home than either of you do.
If you let her ignore you both and do what she wants anyway then that would only be the start of it. You understand that he is uncomfortable, but his mother’s tears over not being able to get her way in your home can’t be allowed to become a successful weapon.
That too would be the start, not the end of them. The omelet you need to make is for your mother-in-law to respect that this is your home and not hers to rearrange to her liking while she stays there. She is a guest. She is not moving in as the parental authority to you both.
The eggs you need to break to make that omelet are her reactions to being told that she can’t get her way and that there will be consequences for her refusing to respect that this is your house and not hers.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s wrong to rearrange people’s things without their permission. Does she live in a giant mansion where it takes a long time to fix a roof? Getting the booking for the repair can take a while, so I’m not sure why she wants to be in your home while she waits.
I’d want to be at home in case the roof develops any leaks in the ceiling. If there are any damp marks on the ceiling, she should have marked around them with a soft pencil so that she could monitor their progress (or lack of progress).
If you want a story to tell her about how failing to accommodate the needs of tall people can hurt them, tell her that Robert Pershing Wadlow, who for a long time was the tallest man ever according to Guinness World Records at 8 feet 11.1 inches died of an infection that he got from an ill-fitting ankle brace.
However inconvenient it is for her, it is worse for you because you are taller than most people and you live in a world that isn’t really built for you.” No_Philosopher_1870
1. AITJ For Refusing To Learn Polish Before Visiting My Partner's Family?
“I (27f) have been seeing my partner (29m) for a little over a year. We met through mutual friends and immediately hit it off.
To this point, our relationship has been nothing but great, except for this one story.
My partner was born in Poland and both of his parents are Polish, but he went to international schools growing up and has been living in the US for the past 8 years.
That means that he speaks English like a native speaker, and only speaks Polish around his parents or other family members.
I have never met his parents because they still live in Poland and I work a very demanding job so we never really had time to go visit them.
But this year I got promoted, which also means more free days, so we will be going to Poland around Christmas and spend like 2-3 weeks there. Since we first decided on going I have been super excited to meet his family and discover the country he grew up in.
Here’s where we started to have a problem: my partner asked if I could start learning Polish before we go to Poland so that I could communicate with his family. I completely understand why he would ask and have no problem with the idea itself, however for multiple reasons this would be complicated for me, so I said no.
He got a bit confused and asked why so I explained. First of all, we are leaving for Poland on December 19th which is in two weeks so there’s no way I’ll have time to learn a language in two weeks, especially since Polish is pretty difficult.
Also, I currently have a lot of work to do before I can leave for the holidays so I have very little time to spare. And lastly, I’ve been asked by my company to learn Italian for professional reasons, so I’m currently learning and I feel like starting a new language now would make it all tangled up in my head.
So I told him that I could learn some simple words and phrases, but that there was no way I’d be able to communicate with his family members in Polish in two weeks.
Also for context, both of his parents speak English pretty well, and some of his other family members too.
And I suggested that he could translate for us if needed but he doesn’t want to.
He got angry at me and said that I was disrespectful to his family and I wasn’t making an effort to understand his culture. He went on a rant about how Americans never make efforts to speak other languages (I speak 3 languages fluently and am learning another one…).
He even told me that I should just stay here and not come with him for the holidays.
I don’t know what to do. I can understand his point of view and try to make efforts but what he’s asking me is just not doable.
I don’t know if I’m in the wrong here…”
Another User Comments:
“Even if you tried, even if you had nothing else to focus on, no Italian, and no job, I sincerely doubt you would be able to get more than basic phrases in the time you have.
They speak English. You speak English. You cannot become conversational in a whole new language in two weeks. I don’t know what kind of miracles he’s expecting of you, but he is, indeed, being unreasonable. And speaking of “not trying hard enough” how about asking you sooner?
How about trying to teach you? How about not springing this on you the same month he expects you to be conversing in Polish? NTJ. ” dryadduinath
Another User Comments:
“Time to reconsider going to visit Poland with him. And maybe more. You are in the process of learning Italian for work, so Polish is not a priority.
If he was so interested in you speaking Polish, he could have spent time during your relationship teaching you the basics. Lots of Europeans are anti-American, so don’t take his rant about that too seriously, he wanted to hurt you and insulting Americans came easy to him, Europeans do it like breathing.
LOL NTJ You explained why it was not practical for you to learn Polish now. His reaction was childish and very revealing about how he sees you. He even forgot you speak several languages already, which meant that you are not the horrible stereotypical American he had renting space in his mind.
LOL.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and here’s why. Polish is a very difficult language both to pronounce and in terms of grammar. Since you’re a native English speaker there’s another problem – the cases (we have 7) which are a completely abstract/absurd concept for English speakers.
Well, it’s the same for any language that doesn’t have cases. (Allow me to skip explaining what they are). And I’m speaking from experience since my lovely partner is an Australian. Oh and we are not only aware of that, we’re smug about it. There is zero chance you learn more than basic survival Polish in such a short time.
Maybe simple phrases like hello, thank you. Conversational Polish is difficult for foreigners who have lived in Poland for years in most cases. I understand he’d love to be able to express himself in his language as well as his parents would love to have a conversation with you but again – this is unrealistic.
Feel free to show my comment to him. Oh and as a side note, here’s a message in Polish to him “Chłopie, nie ma szansy, żeby się dziewczyna nauczyła polskiego w 2 tygodnie. Spróbuj się nauczyć niemieckiego w tak krótkim czasie, to pogadamy” (Dude, no chance she can learn Polish in 2 weeks.
Try to learn German in 2 weeks, then we’ll talk).
He is saying you’re being disrespectful to his family that speaks English? Given the whole context, I see more red flags than during a parade in China and some gaslighting as well. How old is he, 16?
I am Polish born and raised and Polish is my primary language. I speak fluent English and German and understand a lot of Slavic/Balkan languages thanks to my interest in other languages. The one exception is the Czechs but this is because of a lot of misleading ‘false friends’ in our languages.” Wiechu
