People Turn Sour In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mom Forces Me To Practice Tennis With My Ex?
“Recently my (14F) mom has been planning things and telling me literally hours before they happen. A couple of days ago, she informed me that my ex’s mom was going to pick me up every night at 6:30 so I could practice tennis with my ex.
My mom absolutely adores him because he has a way with adults but he’s a stupid, racist, misogynistic piece of garbage.
I was extremely annoyed and told her that. She goes “Well, sometimes you have to suck it up. You need to practice tennis.” I told her I could just practice by myself and I didn’t want to play tennis with a person I hate.
Plus, he is not as skilled at tennis as me so I won’t get anything out of practicing. (I agree, that was rude of me.) My mom told me that she couldn’t drive me if I wanted to practice by myself so I said I could walk since the courts were within walking distance.
She then hit me with the “OhHhhH but I already made these plans for you to go every single day to see your ex and play tennis with him while he spews garbage!” Then don’t make plans without asking me. Simple.
The first day was awful.
He kept trash-talking, hitting on me, bragging about how great he was at tennis, how much better boys are than girls at sports, etc. He then started throwing a temper tantrum when I whooped his behind 6-0. This has gone on every night and it will until the end of the week.
Plus, I have gotten nothing out of the practices. I spent hours trying to rally with him only for him to hit terrible shots, unfriendly feeds, etc.
I asked my mom to please stop making plans like this without asking me because I hate having to cancel plans.
(I had to cancel a night in with my partner, binge-watching Steven Universe, going to the gym with friends, and hanging out at my cousin’s place because I had to practice with that clown.) She told me since “I have already committed” by showing up for 3 days that she forced me to do, I can’t ditch it now.
Great. I told her that these plans were poorly delivered and I had to miss things I actually cared about just because she couldn’t at least ask me first. Plus, she shouldn’t act all surprised that I’m annoyed about having to show up to things she planned without asking me first. She said sometimes I just had to suck it up.
I seriously wouldn’t have been as annoyed if it was a one-time thing, but a whole week? You could at least tell me about that. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop going. You need to get over this fear of canceling plans your mom makes.
It won’t stop until you refuse to go. Unless she plans to do something radical (a punishment) then just refuse. Walk to the courts yourself, disappear when they show up. Or, what always worked with me, tell the other adult your mom is making you do this and you do not want to spend time with their child.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is a massive jerk here for deliberately trying to force you to spend time with an ex. And there’s nothing wrong with asking for more advance notice on plans. She probably sprung this on you last minute because she knew you wouldn’t want to do it.
So then you’d have less time to object. You can ask for more notice, and a good parent would try to respect that because being informed of things at the last minute is distressing to some. But I think the real issue here is that she’s likely trying to manipulate you into some sort of relationship with your ex.” opinionreservoir
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My parents did stuff like this all the time. Your mom clearly has zero respect for you regarding this and based on some of the comments has an ulterior motive. I suggest you just tell her you’re done and stop. Don’t argue with her and just go do whatever you were going to do instead.
You don’t have to be disrespectful about it or make a fuss. Just don’t go. It worked for me. If she tries to ground you or something I’d suggest calling out the fact you know she has an ulterior motive and it really hurts you that she would try to force you to go out with a bigot and subject you to his verbal abuse because she can’t accept your decision to see your partner.” montrasaur009
20. AITJ For Ignoring My Boss' Calls During My Scheduled Days Off?
“About a month ago I put in a four-day block of days off for a procedure I was going to get on my wisdom teeth. Long story short, the procedure didn’t happen and I decided to not go back to work until I’m scheduled to.
They knew I didn’t get the procedure when I went to pick up my check the day after.
We recently had several people quit and another person on vacation right now so I know they’re struggling but I just don’t want to go in and enjoy these days.
AITJ for ignoring my boss’ calls to come in earlier than I want to?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Your days off are earned and you should be allowed to take them for whatever you want (personally I feel it’s nonsense that corporations make you choose between vacationing and taking care of major health items because they’re too stingy to give you more than a handful of weekdays off, but that’s another matter).
They aren’t required to know why you’re off, and if they say something dumb like “didn’t you get that taken care of already with your last time off request?” – you are not obliged to answer and can/should white lie. That’s my opinion.
Companies don’t need to know more about you than they’re allowed. They aren’t permitted to snoop or demand you tell them why you’re asking for days off. Especially if management gets many more weeks and takes them even when there are fires to put out.
Personally, I’ve learned to value myself first and my job second. So enjoy those days off. Take care of your teeth another time. And don’t let them make you feel bad about it. They may be going through changes and problems due to a lack of staff, but that isn’t a you problem.
You shouldn’t have to be guilted into trying to hold down a messy fort. That’s literally why managers became managers. To deal with stuff like that. They get paid the bigger bucks anyway.” n0rrd
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Does your workplace have separate sick and vacation leave?
or just one category of “Personal Leave”? If you booked out 4 days of sick leave and ended up not needing them, that can be an abuse of sick leave and can be a big no-no (Granted, I work for State Government, so we do have different “rules”).
If you simply booked 4 days of “Personal Leave”, then you were well within your rights to ignore phone calls from work.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here as long as work has only called once or twice and hasn’t given out any ultimatums or been threatening.
They know you didn’t have the procedure, they’re struggling, and it doesn’t hurt to ask. Also, your designated time off is your own time, so you’re under no obligation to go back early. I will say though, if you like your job and you’re rescheduling the procedure and will be asking for another 4-day block off for it in the near future, you might want to consider going back a little early.
But if you don’t like your job and/or coworkers, then do whatcha want. You don’t owe them anything. It’s just work.” endymion2300
19. AITJ For Taking Over Pokemon Go Gyms And Allegedly Making A Kid Cry?
“I was just stopped on the street whilst on my lunchtime constitutional and playing Pokemon Go. Don’t judge me, yes it’s a lame old game but it really does spice up those long walks.
I was approached by someone near a Pokemon gym I regularly walk past who proceeded to stop me, tell me I was an aggressive player because I’m always taking gyms that he and his ‘community’ share between themselves, and that because I took one not long after a kid had put his Pokemon on it I’d made this child sob uncontrollably.
Now from where I’m sitting, that kid needs to get used to real life, and to be honest I’m not even sure there is a kid but my question remains, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The drama and politics in Pogo is insane and hilarious. Where I’m at, some groups claim gyms and go all hostile with it if they are taken down.
The most hilarious part is these groups of people are mostly over 35 to middle-aged men and generally in yellow team. NTJ but it’s funny seeing that this is happening elsewhere too.” SerWrong
Another User Comments:
“Okay…My partner and I play Pokemon Go every day still so don’t worry you’re not alone LOL.
But we have this gym right next to our apartment that we take literally all the time when we’re driving out of the complex. I’m sure there are other adults or kids in the complex who take it as well. If I was approached by a parent or anyone really about that I would laugh so hard.
I’m sorry but that’s the point of the game!! The gyms are there to be taken. They could just take it back no? I’m a sore loser sometimes but my parents would have never acted like that guy because they didn’t want me to think the world revolved around me at all times.
They sound immature as heck. I say take the gym every time you see their usernames. That’s just me though. I feel bad if the kid got his feelings hurt but I don’t feel bad for the grown man throwing a fit. You don’t need to walk on eggshells around other players, enjoy the game for what it’s intended.” throwaway2022888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it’s near a school or something I might check they’ve been there long enough to earn their coins since kids probably can’t buy them but there’s no need to. You were also presumably the only one holding the gym at that point, it wouldn’t be hard for the kid to wait until you were out of range and then to knock you right back out again.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Sister's Wedding Due To My Abusive Brother's Presence?
“When I was younger I had a rocky relationship with all my siblings, except my sister. I trusted her with everything and back in 2020, she caused my mental health spiral that landed me in a mental hospital. She betrayed my trust in such a way that I could never trust her again.
But the reason I don’t want to go to her wedding isn’t because of this. Growing up I was heavily abused by my older brother in many ways. He made my life unbearable; I was always walking on eggshells.
Because of all the abuse I endured growing up, I vowed never to see my older brother again.
Well, my family knows what happened to me growing up and doesn’t care. My little brother got a small taste of the abuse I endured, but it was nothing like what I endured. He has forgiven my older brother but he doesn’t push the subject of forgiving him onto me, whereas my parents and sister do.
They did this so much in fact that it put me in a mental hospital, I felt like my life was meaningless and they valued him more than me.
Well, he’s going to be at my sister’s wedding, I’ve known this for a long time but I thought I would be able to bring a friend for emotional support.
I was told by my parents that, that was stupid and if I need support I should just go to them. I reached my breaking point recently on my birthday when my mother told me that if I did go to the wedding I wouldn’t be able to drive there because my car couldn’t handle the drive (my car is very old), and that I would have to go with my grandparents.
I do not like my grandparents as they are unpleasant people to be around. The original plan for me was to go and leave as soon as possible so I wouldn’t have to endure a long period of time with my abuser. So hearing this news that I would have to stay the entire time was a stab in the back.
Not only that but my sister asked me if I would like to sit with the whole family or with a group of strangers. I was told that my brother would be with our family. I told her I would rather sit with strangers, and she said “ok.
You have fun with that.” And it felt like she was dismissing the whole fact of what he did to me and what I endured. I felt like crying.
I then told her I wouldn’t go anymore and I felt like my presence wasn’t needed because he would be there.
I told my mother later on that if he’s invited to a family event then I will not go, you all could have either me or him there. And both my parents said, “you’ll be missing out on a lot of family events then.”
I thought I could keep my family in my life and be okay but apparently, I was wrong.
So AITJ for not going to my sister’s wedding? I feel like I am because this is her wedding and I don’t want to do anything to ruin her big day.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was abused horribly by my brother. I got married at 17 to a military man, just so I could leave home and move far away. I went NC with my parents for a while because they downplayed how much I was hurt, how violent the abuse was.
Even worse the mental abuse. The things my brother said to me can’t be erased. Luckily I had an aunt who when I had a breakdown, found out why. She took me in as my marriage ended. She got me counseling and I started to heal. My dad came to see me and broke down in tears and apologized and begged for forgiveness.
Thank God because until my brother started abusing me my dad was my hero and we had a great relationship. So we grew close again and he was a wonderful grandfather to my children. My mother still refuses to acknowledge the reality of what happened. I now have learned to live with this, but we’ll always have that wall between us.
I’m glad I went NC for a few years. I needed that time away from them as I was hurt and angry just seeing them and feeling like they didn’t care about me.
I hope someday you get help, get counseling. I have a rule.
If after 3 visits I don’t feel better-try a different counselor. I hope the pain of feeling neglected and people not believing how much you’re truly being abused fades with time and help. NTJ at all if you skip any family functions where you feel anxious or unsafe.
Stand strong on that!!! I wish you well and the strength to go forward and overcome the damage your family has caused you emotionally. Hugs from me. Peace and stay strong.” Professional_Ad6086
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to be around your abuser, sadly your family doesn’t see an abuser but a brother, who probably feels really really really really really bad….
I very much doubt it, and as they haven’t been abused (your little brother only a little) and because they can’t seem to put themselves in someone else’s shoes I very much doubt they will ever take your side, family bond is more important than standing up to abusers.
I say don’t go, instead go and try to find new friends that you can trust and do your best to build a life without your close family there.” Royal-Space-Pirate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, you were admitted to a mental health hospital because of the abuse that you suffered by your older brother and none of your family cared. Go no contact with your family for a while (except your little brother, it’s up to you) and move on with your life at your own pace.” Frosty-Donkey-8551
17. AITJ For Giving A New Friend An Amazon Gift Card For Her Birthday?
“I recently went to my friend’s birthday party and decided to give her an Amazon gift card. Recently she’s been pretty rude to some of my close friends but I decided to get her a small gift anyway. I’ve only known her for around a couple of months so I didn’t really know what to get her.
I woke up to a text saying “Thank you for the Amazon gift card, kinda disappointed it was a bit bland.. umm anyways thank you”. I then responded by asking if she was serious and saying it was one of the craziest texts I’ve ever received. I’m honestly shocked she had the audacity to send a text like that but am I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve only known her a few months so didn’t necessarily know what she liked. You got her a gift, which is a nice thing. You gave her the benefit of the doubt, even though she was recently rude to some close friends.
May be smart to distance yourself from her, it sounds as if she doesn’t play nice with others.” tlf555
Another User Comments:
“She sounds really thankful. On a serious note, that’s super rude and you’re right – to have the nerve to send that after how she’s treated your friends is the mail on the coffin.
Definitely don’t buy her any more gifts and I’d recommend thinking if you still want to be her friend; I’d never be friends with someone who is so unappreciative and who treats my close friends poorly. NTJ.” EVANonSTEAM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
But I guess it depends on the amount as well. If you did not know her but knew her enough to know she shopped on Amazon, she could always use the card. But there are some people who think receiving a gift card is tacky – that you could not take time to shop for them.
Others, just ask for gift cards/cash and some think those people are tacky.” crbryant1972
16. AITJ For Forcing My Cat Out Of Her Comfort Zone For Her Health?
“I have 3 cats. Rascal (9m), Jinxie (7f) and Slinkie (5f). All are street rescues.
All are healthy and spayed. All are indoor apartment cats.
Slinkie was the most recent rescue about 3 years ago. She’s always been a loner. She comes when she wants affection but otherwise keeps to herself. Specifically high up on top of the dusty cupboard in our bedroom.
She can sleep there for hours and hours, only coming down for food and toilet. Then it’s back up there she goes.
Recently, her dandruff has been getting worse, to the point I am suffering severe allergic reactions to her. A trip to the vet said that she needs more nutrients and gave her a shot.
Also not to let her stay too long in a hot and dusty environment.
So we started locking her out of the bedroom, in the living room where the rest of the family is. (In addition to feeding her food that’s high in omega 3 and 6).
We even took to sleeping in the living room with her so she won’t feel lonely. At first, she was distressed. She was howling and clawing to get back in but we didn’t give in. It’s been 2 weeks now. Her dandruff is much better. She’s also much better socialized with our other 2 cats.
She actively comes for more cuddles and treats as well as play with toys during play hunt sessions. The doctor is very pleased with her skin tests and says that she’s much better.
I told a friend about this, and she called me a demon.
She said I had no right to do this to a cat who was obviously anxious and desperate for her comfort space. Also that I was only doing this because I was selfish. She said I don’t deserve to be a cat mom. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Does she have a place to get away from everything in the lounge room? I get why you locked her out and it’s obviously working for her in some ways, but she obviously wants a high place to hide, so you should have given her one somewhere else.
Also… dust the top of the cupboard?” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My boss’s toddler screamed and cried like she was being tortured the entire time she was being weaned from breastfeeding at age 2.5. Like your cat, she was not being tortured and was perfectly fine and cared for if a little angry during the adjustment period.
Kiddo needed weaning, cat needed to relocate, both are entitled to their opinions while unqualified to make executive decisions regarding their needs.” AlasAntigone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The old way led to the cat needing the vet, the new way is improving your cat’s health.
A bit like a spoiled child who wants something and doesn’t understand the consequences: you are the one making decisions, even if they are not always easy. Would your friend always give in to the child? I hope not. Sometimes it’s kind to say no. Glad your kitty is getting better!” boniemonie
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Parade Float After Winning A Competition?
“I 16F have recently been in an Armed Forces Day pageant. I was in the eldest category with two other girls 16F and 17F whom I know very well.
I happened to win this year and my best friend 17F got runner-up. Everything was great until today. There is a parade this Saturday for Armed Forces Day, and all the winners have their own float, it’s a tradition. However, since there were only three of us and we know each other they want us to share a float.
Now I know that doesn’t seem that bad but I have never won anything in my life. I have participated in so many events without winning so when I was crowned it was a big deal for me. As much as I love the runner up I was really looking forward to being all alone on top of a car for the parade.
Now I have to share the car and figure out seating so my gown isn’t ruined, and I have to be “buddies” with a girl I don’t like.
So am I the jerk for wanting my win to stay MY win?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: If the organization putting on the parade insists you all share a float, then you should all share a float.
If one or both of the other girls suggested sharing the float with you, you have no obligation to share the float with them.” mets2016
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everyone wants to feel special. This was your chance to have the attention most humans crave.
You are just being a normal human girl with normal feelings. Nothing wrong with that.” AlienBeingMe
Another User Comments:
“How much is much younger for the other contestants? NTJ in my opinion. I would feel ripped off if I saw previous winners get their own float and enjoy their win but this time I had to share.
I’d speak with your parents and coach and explain that in previous winners, they all got to be on the float themselves and you feel it should remain in tradition.” ItsKisa
14. AITJ For Cancelling My Online Grocery Order Due To Many Unavailable Items?
“I just got home from a long weekend away. I place an online order for delivery from a local grocery store for 30 items. On checkout, I am immediately told 5 items are not available.
I’m okay with this as those items were snacks. Unbeknownst to me, they sent a 3rd party to shop. I have seen store employees shopping before. When the shopper texts me that the 6th of the remaining 25 items is unavailable, I ask her to cancel as I cannot afford the $10 shopping fee plus tip with so many items missing.
I get a text that she was almost finished shopping, already paid for gas, and was depending on the income. I thought this was unprofessional and odd as I thought the employee was shopping. I called the store to cancel. I was down to 19 items of the original 30.
3 were individual peppers for 21 cents. 4 other individual produce items that total about a dollar. I was still going to go to the store for missing milk, missing meal replacement shakes for an elderly household member, missing ground beef, and missing popsicles. It is hard to believe that the store was out of all of these.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they don’t have 1/5 of your items, then it’s completely appropriate to cancel. They seem fine with having items on their site that they don’t actually have available, so that’s on them. They also didn’t say there was a third party involved, and that’s not your issue at all.
Lastly, the shopper was out of line with that text. It sucks & I feel sorry for them, but your money is valuable to you as well. Plus these things happen when being a shopper/delivery, and they tell you as much when you take those jobs.” Pantera42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but neither is she, gig economy apps are evil. The employee shouldn’t be in this situation, but they are. Gig economy stuff isn’t moving anything forward, it’s sidestepping workers’ rights regulations. Most “independent contractors” don’t realize how much less they’re making than they think when they factor in insurance, wear and tear, and proper risk prevention.
By proper I mean the fact that most don’t realize that they are under-insured and opening themselves up to huge financial risk (for example, you drive Uber and are injured driving to a fare, but the clock has not started – you discover Uber’s insurance doesn’t cover this in-between phase but neither does your actual insurance when they discover the situation.
This isn’t a made-up situation by the way!). Her problems aren’t your problems, but she’s also not the jerk. She’s frustrated with the reality of the poor system she didn’t get what she was signing up for.” whateverathrowaway00
Another User Comments:
“INFO? When you were alerted to the out-of-stock situation, were you given the option for a substitution? Or did you flag “No Substitutions?” I only ask as a former inventory control clerk. These online ordering sites suuuuuuck in design because the site frequently recognizes multiple UPCs tied together as a “product” to manage inventory while shoppers are given one UPC.
For example, a standard pack of Oreos may have multiple UPCs. Regular, any bonus sizes, seasonal packaging, etc., etc. The copy sent down to a shopper may only include the normal UPC, but seasonal displays/shippers might mean they only have a holiday packaging…. Of what is essentially the same exact product.
If you had your shopper working to figure out appropriate substitutions and STILL canceled on them, you may have really wasted a ton of their time.” thatsharkchick
13. AITJ For Reporting My Neighbor's Dog's Poop On Our Apartment Balcony?
“A couple of weeks ago I noticed the smell of urine/poop waft through my apartment window. I figured no big deal, a dog probably had an accident and it would get cleaned up.
As time goes on I’m noticing the constant smell of urine and poop coming from below. I take a look down and just see crap everywhere on the balcony below and pee puddles. When the sun hits the apartment balconies the smell becomes rancid and I can’t even have my windows open.
So I write a friendly note to leave on the doorstep requesting the neighbor not leave the crap out as I can smell it through my windows… A week goes by, no improvement. He might have picked up some of it, but the dog is still peeing and baking big old stink brownies on the patio….
I report it to the landlord and they send out an email to everyone in the building saying that dogs are not allowed to urinate or defecate on balconies. Well as I’m parking my car, who do I see but Shaggy McCraps-alot squatting to lay down a hot evening lemonade or mud pie.
So I’m going to have to tattle-tell again because I cannot use my balcony let alone even leave the window open without the stench of a Coachella port-a-potty at 2 AM. I love dogs, but in my opinion, it’s not okay to let your neighbors suffer because you don’t want to take your dog outside the building to do its business… Or am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly curious if we’re neighbors because we’re going through the same exact thing with our neighbors. Not only does it stink and it’s gross to look at but it’s also super unhygienic and unhealthy for not only the dogs but also humans that live in nearby apartments.
It makes me feel really bad for the dog and angry at the owner. Why would you get a dog to never ever walk it?” Inevitable_Train2126
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look, I’m a severely disabled dog owner. When I lived in an apartment building, my dog went on the grass and I immediately picked up the poo (I had a poop scooper because I don’t bend well).
It’s basic courtesy to not leave dog poop where other people have to suffer from it.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My neighbor and I own our houses and I can’t use one side at all due to the dog pee on their balcony.
I have no idea how to address this. I can’t believe they can live with it as the smell is horrific. Anyone have any ideas for counteracting the smell?” Delicious_Wish8712
12. AITJ For Considering Reporting My High School Teacher's Odd Behavior To The School Director?
“I’m (16F) in my senior year of high school in a small private school (there are about 350 in high school) which makes all the teachers friendly and close to us. They’re more laid back and let us call them by their first name, talk with us, etc.
One of my chemistry teachers (I think 34M) has always been like that, but now he is doing some things that I think are weird.
Some of the things:
– I used to have very long hair, all the way to my hips. This year I got it cut up to my neck and donated 35cm of it to make wigs for cancer patients.
When he saw it he kept asking me why I did it and if I had sold off my hair.
– He started calling me by my street address, like a nickname. He’ll see me in the hallways or when he starts class and will say “Hey **** street!” I think it’s weird because I never told him where I live and he doesn’t do it with anyone else.
– My best friend and I were walking arm in arm and laughing down the hallway during recess and he stopped to say “Street name and *my best friend’s name*! Always together right? Would be good to see you without the other one day, college is coming.”
– Last year we had an end-of-the-year event and I was one of the students chosen to give a speech. After, he told me that I was great, way better than the other 2 (a boy and a girl) who also gave speeches, and asked for a hug, saying he didn’t know when we would see each other again.
– Last week he complimented me on my weight loss (I am losing weight so it’s not weird) but he continued saying I had a tiny waist and if I could recommend my gym to him because he wants to exercise more.
Some of this stuff is making me really awkward around him and nervous, it feels like he is always paying attention to what I do.
My best friend said to report him to the school director and that he is a weirdo.
I don’t know if he is just friendly and I’m making this a big deal. No one else in my class has any complaints and everybody likes him, he is funny.
WIBTJ if I talked to the school director?”
Another User Comments:
“As an introvert and someone who just isn’t good at going against others, this gives me anxiety just by reading it. I’m terrible at dealing with people who are good at warping/disguising their intentions like that.
You should definitely work up the courage to report it though, because I seriously doubt he’s just being friendly. Even if he is, that doesn’t give him the right to continue doing something that makes you uncomfortable. You should consider bringing around pepper spray or a Taser just in case he tries something too.
It may seem like it’s going a little overboard, but your personal safety precedes over anything. NTJ.” Sidarthus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ some of this could be just a slightly socially awkward teacher but asking for a hug from you is seriously inappropriate, as is commenting on your waist and body.
if you have a weird feeling about this guy you should report him – you aren’t overreacting. If he’s just not good at maintaining appropriate boundaries they will give him training or something, not fire him straight away. If it turns out to be something more than that, you could be saving a future student from similar weirdness.
You deserve not to feel weird or uncomfortable at school. It doesn’t matter if everyone else likes him.” pktechboi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Trust that feeling…it is really important to keep you safe in life. So many times we are told to ignore that feeling of discomfort, you shouldn’t.
Go and speak to a school counselor or admin…let them know all you have said above and tell them you feel uncomfortable and that he has not done anything to you, but you didn’t like that he knows your address and is trying to get to see you out of school (at the gym).
It could be nothing, but it could be part of a pattern of him overstepping and if no one speaks up, no one will know.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Sister Deal With Bullies At School?
“I’m (m17) a junior at my high school and my little sister (f16) is a sophomore at my high school. Yesterday, my sister came home in tears (she has some after-school club so she comes home later on Fridays). I asked her what was wrong, and she said that some other girls ganged up on her and insulted her after she accidentally bumped into one of them and caused them to fall.
Apparently, they also told her that they would continue to “disrespect” her if they ever saw her again in school.
She asked me if I could go meet with the girls on Monday and talk to them and ask them not to do it again, but I said no and told her to deal with it.
She’s way too old for me to be fighting her battles for her. She got upset and called me a “terrible brother” and told me that all her friends’ brothers would help her out. I know she wouldn’t tell our parents because our parents are very protective of her (another complaint I have regarding my sister) and would probably react harshly.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not even that you’re a guy and she’s a girl and you have to protect her or anything like that, it’s that that’s your sibling, your own blood, your family, who asked you for help because they’re being bullied, heck, my older brother (a few years older than me) had a spider in his room and I went there to kill it for him.
Why can’t you just take a few minutes out of your day to help your sister when she’s clearly outnumbered?” AkiliosTheWolf
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yeah, she is at an age to “fight her own battles”, but let me tell you a new one: some battles are bigger than us.
She was mature enough to understand the situation, and realize that she needs someone that she can trust to help her. And you just crushed that trust and her maturity. I’m in a bad mood, so I’m going to scale this a lot. TW ahead.
Next time she may get beaten up, and won’t tell you, because you will tell her to suck it up. Next time she might be harassed, and won’t tell you, because you will tell her to deal with it. Next time she might be assaulted, and guess what?
She won’t tell you, because she knows she has a terrible brother who won’t help her when she needs, since according to him, she has to suck it up, deal with it alone and “fight her own freaking battle.” Major jerk op.” Hanjil_16
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. My brother is neurodivergent and I never expect him to stand up for me, same age difference, in fact, I have stood up for him and we’re not close. My mom showered him with love and affection and I was always kind of just there, but when I found out these guys were talking crap about him because he was smarter than them, I went off on them.
Why? Because he’s my brother and if someone is going to give him crap, it’s going to be me. I’m his younger sister but he doesn’t always get that they’re talking badly about him or even me, he’s just like, “I am smarter than you, this is factual.” So it didn’t even really bother him, but I hated that they were laughing at him and taught him how to differentiate sarcasm.
So when my brother walked over and this guy was talking trash to me because I called his partner out for trash-talking some poor girl who was a foreign exchange student, imagine my surprise when my brother broke this dude’s nose. He just punched him and told him not to talk to me like that or every rude word would be another punch and then went to go turn himself into the principal, but I grabbed him and got on the bus.
I cried a little later because I didn’t even know that he cared about me that much honestly but he just said, “You’re my sister.” You’re just like, whatever, and there is nothing wrong with you.
My brother and I had a crap life growing up and I always protected him.
I always figured out what we could do to eat next because his plans always involved honest work and usually got us scammed because he couldn’t tell the people were lying to him. I had to be an adult at 8 and teach him how to run game on adults for a couple of bucks and I would do it again, there is nothing worse than going hungry and not having an adult around but having someone dependent on you to feed them.
You and your sister have lived life together and no matter what she just told you she thought you at least had her back in life and you basically shattered that and told her you didn’t. She probably would stand up for you, but you won’t for her, that sucks man.” Chi-Aiyoku
10. AITJ For Refusing To Cover My Tattoos For Our Wedding?
“I proposed to my fiancee of 2 years last month.
She came over last night asking me to cover up my tribal tattoos on my arm, and forearms for our wedding day and all the pictures. I said I didn’t mind for the main wedding but I asked when it was all over I could take pictures with friends and family and her answer was no. She doesn’t want any wedding pictures with my tattoos and I felt a little upset.
I may have really messed up when I said a wedding is meant to be a celebration of both parties not just one. And I told her I already compromised a lot for the wedding because I couldn’t have any say in the planning of the party or anything basically, all I had to do was show up and I just wanted this one thing.
I don’t feel I should have them covered the entire time because I’m proud of them. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s clear your fiancee cares more about HER chance to be a princess for a day than she does about the actual marriage itself.
You should sit down with her and tell her that you deserve to have your opinions taken into account regarding the wedding and that if she is not willing to make any compromises or do some of the things you want then perhaps the wedding should be indefinitely postponed.” The__Riker__Maneuver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her vision of HER day and not your (plural) day is more important than… Your comfort and health with your skin condition. Your input in any of the plans. Your heritage which you should definitely be proud of and celebrate. Please carefully consider if this is how you want to live your life.” A-Cat-Servant
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but sir, there are big flashing red lights everywhere. I am concerned about what your life is going to be like for the next (however long until the wedding). What on earth do you mean you ‘can’t have a say’ in any of the planning, or that you might have messed up by suggesting that the wedding is for both of you not just for her?!
Let me tell you, if you could be replaced by a mannequin in a suit with no difference to the wedding, and things that make you unique are covered up rather than celebrated, you might want to rethink this. Does your fiancée actually want to be married to you, specifically for the rest of your lives, or does she just want to have her perfect wedding?
(it can be a bit of both – maybe she’s just over-excited and that’s overriding her good sense right now). If you go ahead with this, you might want to nip this in the bud or it will probably completely ruin the experience for you.
It’s okay to assert that it is your wedding too, and if she does not want to marry you, personal tastes and tattoos and all, you might not yet be ready for this step. Making decisions together can be hard.
When my husband and I were planning our wedding there were definitely challenges.
Mostly where one of us cared vastly more about a particular thing and struggled to get the other person engaged, or where we simply had different ideas about what we wanted and had to negotiate those changes. (We grew up in different countries with different wedding traditions and religions involved, so each side of the family expected something different).
But what we learned was to work together on a large-scale project, and it confirmed that we had a really strong, respectful partnership. So I’d urge you to pay attention to the way your partner treats you when they consider the stakes to be high because if you get married, you will inevitably go through hard times.
This is a good indicator of how your partner will treat you under pressure. You’re engaged: this is crunch time. Time to find out if you can work together when stuff gets hard or not. Now go and have a good think and a proper conversation about where your boundaries are, what you both want and how you are going to work together to achieve it.
Good luck.” scarletteapot
9. AITJ For Wanting A Private Christmas Morning Before Visiting Family?
“My (28F) husband (27M) and I disagree on how we should handle Christmas mornings.
For perspective, I am an only child. Christmas morning was always done at home with my parents, and after opening gifts, we’d head over to my grandparents to celebrate with them. They all still live locally. My husband is the middle of 3, and they often had family that lived out of state.
So Christmas morning was sometimes at their home, sometimes at a grandparent’s out of state, etc. We alternate our holidays between Xmas and Thanksgiving with our families. Before having kids, we’d stay with them for a week or long weekend over Christmas. After having kids, I want to be home for Christmas morning, and then spend the rest of the day with my family or his family depending on the year.
Our kids are still young, (2,1) but it is still such a special moment for me and I want it to be sacred and intimate amongst the four of us. We only get so many years of little kids on Christmas morning and I want to soak up every single moment.
His parents live 3 hours away and are having his siblings come on the 22nd-30th. No one else has kids yet. I told my husband that we should have our kids open up presents on Xmas morning, and then make the drive to their place shortly after.
He is calling me selfish and inconsiderate of his parents’ feelings because it would mean the world to them to watch the grandkids open presents from Santa. His mom has made comments in the past about how Santa would always travel for them wherever they went (being passive-aggressive towards my feelings on it).
We had the same argument last year. I told my husband that they had their turn with their own kids, and this is now about us and our children. I still want to see and celebrate with his family, but only after we have Christmas just the 4 of us on that morning.
Am I being unreasonable?”
Another User Comments:
“”He is calling me selfish and inconsiderate of his parents’ feelings.” His parents had years and years of doing Christmas the way they wanted, with their kids. Now it’s your turn, with your own traditions. Your husband is the jerk for still being his parents’ boy, and not considering his family.
He is also the jerk for calling you selfish when having a quiet Christmas morning with your young children, and then spending the day with his family is entirely reasonable. “His mom has made comments in the past about how Santa would always travel for them wherever they went.” AND the mother is the jerk for manipulating the kids, using “Santa” as an excuse, when it is her that is the selfish one.
She wants it to still be all about her, and your husband is doing what his mom tells him to do, like the good boy he’s always been to her. Your husband needs to reorient himself. He has a loving wife, a new home, and 2 young children.
Time to build your own traditions, and make YOUR Christmas special. NTJ.” 4th_chakra
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here; you (an only child) and your husband (middle of three) were reared differently and have come to think of XMas in different ways. To you, it’s about traditions within a small, tightly knit nuclear family; to him, it’s about celebrating within a widespread clan of immediate family.
Quite honestly, where and when XMas gifts get opened is not a sword worth falling upon, especially for one and two-year-olds who have no clear idea about the commotion that is going on around them. My personal solution would be to open gifts at the home of the gift-giver(s).
This would give the grandparents the joy of watching their grandchildren open up at least some gifts. Where it should be spent should depend on who is hosting dinner and/or who has the best TV for watching football games (just kidding!). In my family, we opened gifts at midnight, had hot chocolate and cookies, and then went to sleep.
That freed XMas day for us kids to play and to visit friends and neighbors.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I understand your desire to have your intimate family Christmas morning with your kids but you have to remember they’re not just your kids, they’re also your husband’s kids.
This isn’t a disagreement between you and your MIL, it’s between you and your husband. You’re right that your kids are only little for so long and maybe it would be equally as meaningful and important to your husband to see his children celebrate Christmas with his parents and siblings while they’re still small.
Plus you said that your kids are the only ones on either side of the family and kids bring the magic of Christmas morning! Of course you’re not required to forgo your own traditions for that reason, but it’s something to keep in mind when you’re discussing this (not just putting your foot down) with your husband!
Try not to forget: this is a good “problem” to have! Your children are blessed with 2 sets of living grandparents who love them, live near them, and want to spend Christmas loving on them. That is a blessing.” Pintsize90
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Niece My Expensive Collectibles?
“I am quite geeky and I am collecting a lot of things such as Funko Pops, t-shirts, figurines, etc. I don’t have a lot, but my collection is something that I am proud of.
My niece (5) admires some of them and recently she broke my heart when she destroyed a box that had one figurine. I am upset, but she’s a child so I let it go. I have had this particular item since 2013 and it was not valuable, but it hurt to see it like that.
She has a lot of things. She has so many toys that she could open a big toy store. From New Zealand, which was my dream holiday spot, I bought a plush sheep. She really wanted it so I ordered it for her. And now she is asking for more.
In this case, it is a pair of socks. I am a fan of Linkin Park and some years ago, Mike Shinoda released a video where the main characters were two socks – Boris and Miss Oatmeal. I have the socks. They were quite pricey and the tax was huge (I am in Poland), but since I ordered more merchandise it added up to the price.
Recently my niece discovered the socks and I showed her the video. She adores Boris and Miss Oatmeal and since they’re socks I let her play with them.
Today she asked me if she could have a pair. I checked on the internet and they’re 20 dollars plus shipping plus tax, I am not willing to spend so much.
It’s just socks so I don’t know about that. I am not at home and I haven’t taken the socks out of the drawer for many years.
WIBTJ if I decide not to give it to her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But it’s time to figure out what your boundaries are with non-adults touching your stuff.
Little kids don’t have a lot of context for how much things cost or how specific things can be difficult to source. It’s both age-appropriate and not unexpected when magical beings regularly give them expensive stuff just for existing. Setting clear boundaries with kids is the kind thing to do in these situations, whether it’s your own kids or other peoples’ kids.
For what it’s worth, I have a feeling that it’s not actually about those socks, but because you’re their super-cool relative who has all sorts of neat weird stuff. Keep sharing your passions and hobbies, but you can say, “Sorry, that’s a ‘look but don’t touch’ sort of item” without feeling guilty about it.
Also “sorry nope, that’s expensive for a just-because gift. Would you maybe want that as your big gift for your birthday?” It might be helpful to have a special box or area for items that *are* okay for her to play with when she’s in your space.
Activity kits that you do together (and she can take home what she creates) would be a way for her to have a tangible item to associate with you that doesn’t cost a ton of money.” ATXNerd01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to give your niece everything she asks for.
In fact, that’s making things worse. Being told ‘no’ is something she needs to learn to deal with. But you should stop showing your niece all these things. She’s five, she’s going to want to have just about anything you show her. Set aside a few replaceable items. Those are the items you show her or let her play with.
That way if she breaks them or you wind up giving her one it’s nothing you care about.” Deep-Okra1461
Another User Comments:
“Okay so you would not be the jerk. I’m glad that you were able to forgive her for destroying something. Five years old is simply not old enough to fully understand the different values of different objects.
She may not be used to seeing toys being collected by adults, and it would be somewhat normal for her to think that toys are for kids, and therefore, for her. You are nice to her! And, I think she’s old enough to start learning that not all toys belong to her, and she can’t always have a new toy every time she sees you.
I remember being her age and one of my first memories was asking my grandparents where my present was because they always brought me a present. My mom corrected me and let me know that a gift is something that we don’t request. It is given freely.
It’s really one of my earliest memories, and she handled it well. So, here’s what I suggest. Let her know that you are excited to be able to give her a present on her birthday, and maybe Christmas if that’s what your family celebrates.
On how the year works, maybe you want to pick one other special day. But setting her expectations is a great idea. Kids need to understand what to expect in order to know how to behave. So set rules around when she can expect a gift. Teach her to say thank you and please.
And have fun! Kids don’t need expensive gifts. If she asks for something you can say “not this time, honey. Let’s go play with the toys we do have!”” FindAriadne
7. AITJ For Doubting My Friend's Pregnancy And Miscarriage Story?
“I (20F) have a friend named Monica (19F), and earlier this year she announced that she was pregnant to our group of friends from her significant other.
We all have been supporting her throughout the whole process.
However, there are some things that are really suspicious. When she announced her gender reveal to us, she couldn’t give us any ultrasound pics (digital or print). She said that the hospital still had to deliver the pictures to her, but she has never shown us the ultrasound pics, even though it has been months since the gender reveal.
Also, she said she took last semester off from school because her parents told guidance, and they said they didn’t want a pregnant student walking around campus. However, they allowed her to return this semester, despite the fact that she should be showing more since she’s in her third term.
By the way, she also does not show at all. Her stomach has stayed the exact same, despite the fact she should be eight months pregnant now.
There is also her long-distance significant other. They’ve been together for 2+ years now, and no one has ever seen or heard him.
No one knows what he looks like except for the descriptions she gave us, which is that he is a six-foot-tall premed student, who has a six-pack. No one has ever spoken to him on the phone, even those closest to her in our circle and have known her for over five years.
He has an Instagram account, but it has no posts, profile pic, or tagged posts. His bio is purely about Monica, and all of his followers are roleplay accounts (they both do online roleplay) or are our friends. He also comes to visit her every few months from the UK, yet he always has to go before we can hang out with him.
If miscarriages are triggering for you, please skip this part. She recently informed our circle that she had a miscarriage. She said that her baby didn’t make it, and she has to be induced. She was supposed to be induced this weekend yet she did not leave her house at all (we all have life360) and went to school the very next day.
When one of our friends asked about a funeral, she said her parents just wanted to sweep it under the rug, so there would be no funeral.
All of this written down makes it seem that it is really fake, but I want to state that we did not have a reason to doubt her.
We’ve had each other’s back since high school and we’ve been on many trips and bonding experiences that made us genuinely believe that we were friends for life. Our friend group started because of Monica. The only people she told about this pregnancy were our circle and she was very secretive about it.
We cannot think of any motivation or reasons why she would lie, so this mostly stayed at the back of everyone’s mind until her miscarriage. She is very caring to us friends, even going out of her way to host hangouts and, at times, sponsor people’s meals.”
Another User Comments:
“I think what you’re getting at is that you’re worried about your friend. The whole story does seem made up and it’s a pretty big lie. I would talk to her 1:1, do not discuss with friends, just you and her.
Don’t gossip about it afterward, just have a conversation. If you do, know you are taking a chance that it might ruin your friendship. NTJ if you keep it between you two. YTJ if you start gossiping about it and don’t talk directly to her.” SFGal28
Another User Comments:
“Here is something I have not seen any other commenter say: Have you considered reaching out to her parents? In your post, you mentioned that she claims her parents want to sweep it all under the rug. Which implies that they know about the baby and the miscarriage.
You could reach out to them since you’ve been friends with this girl since high school, and just ask them how she’s doing. Say something like: “Wanted to check in on friend, I know she said there wasn’t going to be a funeral for the baby, but I wanted to see if there was another way I could offer my support?” If she’s lying, it will clue her parents in, and maybe they will tell you.
More importantly, they’ll hopefully get her help she needs if she’s lying. Granted, if she’s lying, your discovering the truth will probably end your friendship with her, so prepare for that…
If she’s not lying, and she might not be, not all women show heavily when they’re pregnant for various reasons, that gives you an opportunity to offer your friend support.
The family may not want to have a funeral, her parents may be trying to help their daughter move on, and your friend may be trying to move past the loss. You don’t know. It’s important you don’t make accusations. She sounds important to you, so don’t destroy a friendship on suspicions.
And if it turns out she wasn’t lying, take this as a lesson in the future. Also, who is the “WE” in your post? You say “we would be accusing” or “we wouldn’t spread it around”. Who’s we? Have you and some of your friend group already discussed this?
I will say this does sound very suspicious, but as you don’t have definitive proof, YWBTJ if you told your friends. Don’t say anything if you don’t have proof she’s lying, because then your friend group might turn on you, with her leading the charge.” Spiritual-Phoenix
Another User Comments:
“There’s zero doubt in my mind your friend is making the whole thing up, unfortunately. Too many pieces aren’t fitting together. I have a 1yo. When we first got the ultrasound done, in the ER, they printed us copies right in front of us, on the spot.
There was no wait. There’s not a single educational institution, private or public, that would force a pregnant student out for a semester unless their Dr said so, and even then, they would work with the professors to make sure the student is getting her classwork done and still meeting standards.
Additionally, even the skinniest of women still show a little. Finally, 3rd tri miscarriages are extremely rare. But, when they do happen, they’re painful as heck, because at that point, she’d be literally giving birth to a whole stillborn baby. She would have been out for at least 2 weeks while her body and mind recovered from such a traumatic experience.
Why your friend felt the need to fabricate the whole thing is wild to me and disrespectful as heck to people who really do get pregnant and have stillborns. As of this point in the story, if all you do is confront her privately with the facts and ask why she lied, you’re NTJ.
If you turn this into gossip material, with the rest of the friend group, then you’re just as much a jerk as she is.” R4eth
6. AITJ For Refusing To Answer My Colleague's Calls Outside Of Work Hours?
“My colleague, to whom I explicitly explained that I don’t like to talk over the phone and I’m more comfortable using texts, got angry because I refused to talk to them over the phone about literally nothing on a weekend.
There’s nothing at work that needs or requires us to have this call.
I wanted to set boundaries, so I told them I’m not going to answer my phone outside of work hours, and if they need anything they can just text. But they got very upset and kind of disappointed in me.
I don’t want to cause them any harm or bad feelings, but at the same time I feel like I shouldn’t have to go above and beyond just to make them happy.
Honestly, I’m having conflicted feelings, what do you think I should do ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a work relationship, your colleague thinks it’s a personal relationship. Definitely need boundaries and clarification. “I don’t want to cause them any harm or bad feelings.” If they will not accept your personal boundaries, then they really aren’t the kind of person you need to be involved in your life…beyond work-related issues that is.
It’s their unrealistic expectations of you that are hurting them. All they have to do is listen to you and this person is choosing not to so any pain they feel at your boundary is really on them. You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.” IamIrene
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, do not feel conflicted and do not feel responsible for their feelings. It is not normal for a person to want to have 1- 1.5 hour conversations with a co-worker about non-work stuff, during non-work time when the co-worker is clear that THEY DO NOT WANT TO TALK.
That is a person with some major boundary issues and confusion over the difference between a work relationship and a friendship. The thing to do is: 1. Be completely and calmly unapologetic – because you have nothing to apologize for! 2. Be your normal pleasant and work-talking co-worker while you are at work.
3. If they exhibit being upset or being sad or whatever, pleasantly ignore that demeanor. Do not ask if they are upset/sad… Do not apologize. Do not explain. 4. If they bring it up, (complain or ask why), simply reply, “I’ve told you that I’m not taking calls about work or from co-workers outside of work hours.” If they ask you what you do with your personal time on the weekends, give them a happy grin, and say with gusto, “*Whatever I choose to do with my time!*” By pleasantly and professionally going about your workday and being clear that you are not engaging with them about your personal time, you make it harder for them to dump their expectations or their feelings in your lap/ make them your responsibility.” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“How could you possibly think of yourself as possibly the jerk because you don’t want some random dipstick lonely heart from work bothering you at home, when you’re just trying to relax? Do you understand why this loser is calling you?
Because nobody else is dumb enough to answer. Your answering trains the caller that you’re there to be used at will. If you can’t say no, then you’re saying yes. Simply stop answering. You’re concerned about this bully’s feelings? Is the bully concerned about your feelings?
If someone is going to get upset, what mandates that it has to be you? You’ve explained the situation – which you were under no obligation to do – and you’ve been ignored. The bully calls you anyhow. And you answer! Thereby demonstrating the bully has no reason to respect your boundaries because you don’t have the guts to defend them.
To paraphrase an American jurist: “You have no boundaries that your bully is obliged to respect.” This role reversal that you’re in which you are the bully and the bully is the victim is a zero-sum game: if you’re going to win, then you’re going to have to make the bully lose, because every time that the bully wins, you lose.
Unless you start kicking butt, your bully will take over your life.” lamontDakota
5. AITJ For Telling My Mom Her Concerns About My Weight Gain Are Unhealthy Projections?
“My (20M) mom (38F) recently came back from a year-long journey away from all of our family due to my grandma passing away, and right from the get-go, she told me I put on some weight.
Ever since I began working in the city, I’ve been eating out every other day and even got into a pizza frenzy, and I’ll admit: my body has seen better days (current height: 166 cm weight: ~80 kg).
But in my defense, my physical performance is as good as ever: I constantly walk 3 km daily back and forth towards my work (6 km daily total) and somehow I don’t grow tired from sprinting here and there.
Anyway, today in the morning my mom went on a tangent on how I’m slowly killing my body and how I should hit the gym already because my weight hasn’t been distributed correctly (whatever she meant by that).
I paid no mind to it and went to take a shower, and when my aunt went to the kitchen my mom broke into tears, saying how she thinks I ate too much because on the inside I felt lonely without her (I didn’t) and how I’m actually depressed (not likely), because those are the reasons she gained weight when she was my age (a single mother, mind you.
Kids are not in my book, I can’t even get a partner).
Once I put a foot outside the bathroom, she pulled me into a hug and told me how I’m “not alone anymore” and how she wanted me to eat fiber, protein, and yadda yadda yadda.
I just nodded and went on my way, a little frustrated by the whole exchange.
Would I be the jerk if I told her that the things she thinks about my weight gain are just unhealthy projections and that I’m just a person who enjoys food as much as sleeping?”
Another User Comments:
“I bet your mum has felt guilty about not being there to be your mum. She’s overcompensating by trying to ‘take care’ of you now. While she’s going about it in the worst way possible, it might be better to get her to nurture you in ways you might actually appreciate, or acknowledge if she’s made sacrifices for you.
It sounds as though her mother has just died, so she’ll be grieving also and probably panicking that everyone she loves will die too soon if they’re not super, extra healthy. So maybe ask her to make you some meals, or help make some kind of decision.
Alternatively, you could challenge her to a race or a competitive gym workout. NTJ.” NinjaHidingintheOpen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you set some boundaries and tell her she needs to back off. It sounds like everything she is saying is more about her than it is about you.
If she was genuinely concerned she could have just said she was concerned and then asked you if you want to talk about it, and if there’s anything she could do to support you. Her going on a whole rant telling you how feel is really….I don’t know the right word here but it’s not good or helpful.
Even if she feels bad about leaving (despite the fact that you’re an adult and seem unbothered), and, and was concerned you might be struggling without her, she still should have asked you. She can’t tell you how you feel. That’s really condescending. There’s also the aspect that weight gain in general is a sensitive topic to broach with someone, and she doesn’t know how to talk about it in a normal way.
It does sound like you have developed some unhealthy eating habits (surviving off of pizza and takeout isn’t great) and are overweight, and I hope you work to manage that, but you’re an adult, and nothing she is doing here is actually helpful. I just want to bring that up to counter anyone saying it’s ok how she spoke to you because you are overweight.
You have every right to tell her to back off.” Comprehensive-Bad219
Another User Comments:
“Your mother sounds like she’s feeling guilty from disappearing for a year and is now going to over-mother you to pretend she never left. You need to work on boundaries with her.
And please always remember her feelings are not your responsibility to manage. It’s not your job to manage her emotions, she has to be responsible for how she copes with her emotions of guilt, fear whatever. She may need to see a therapist to help her process her grief and hopefully tackle anything else she has going on.
Don’t let her projected feelings affect how you see yourself. You’re active, you sound happy. Don’t let her get in your head with her mind games.” Rohini_rambles
4. AITJ For Prioritizing Kitten Welfare Over An Elderly Woman's Feelings?
“In the area where I (32F) live, there’s an old lady (let’s call her Martha) who is a bit mentally unwell, I met her at the pet shop buying food. She explained that she looked after a colony where someone dumped a bunch of cats and therefore the colony went from 4 neutered cats to 22 cats.
I said I’d help her with TNR (Trap-Neuter-Return) after I did some fundraising.
I then learned from neighbors that the colony is actually a byproduct of Martha not spaying her own cats and at one stage 10 years ago there were 50 cats in the colony all inbred with health issues and someone poisoned a few of them because of the smell and this caused Martha a lot of mental health issues.
Eventually, cats got spayed and over the years the outside cats died out and there were only 4 left from the original ones. People know about this place so someone dumped 2 unwanted females there a year ago and now there are lots of cats once again.
I went over to do TNR and she told me she only wanted me to TNR the 3 mom cats who had already had litters as they got to experience motherhood. I explained it doesn’t work that way.
There were 5 kittens who I thought were 3 weeks old because they were tiny.
They were actually 6 weeks old as they were newborns when I met Martha for the first time. I asked the rescue for help and they found a foster for the small kittens. When I spoke to Martha she started freaking out that I wanted to take the kittens so I said I wouldn’t and left it alone.
2 weeks later I went back to TNR some more cats and the kittens had not grown at all.
I explained to Martha that the kittens were way too small and I needed to take them to the vet and to the foster family. After talking for a while she started to agree with me, but once I actually caught the kittens and took them away she had a massive freak out and panic attack and told me I had betrayed her and kept saying to bring the kittens back to the colony.
Kittens were half the weight they were meant to be for their age, full of worms and ringworm. They are with an experienced foster now dewormed and on high-calorie kitten food and kitten milk. They most likely would not have survived in the wild.
A few of my friends said that I am upsetting an old lady with bad mental health for some cats and am traumatizing her.
Also, they said that the shelter could’ve just helped some other cats since they don’t have resources to help every single cat and they could have just left these kittens alone so Martha wouldn’t have been upset. I’ve honestly been feeling awful about myself and I don’t know if I’ve done the right thing now after speaking to them.
I guess I know there are lots of kittens waiting to go into foster and I could have just told the foster team to take someone else in, I know that because the foster team took these kittens in there are kittens out there that won’t get a spot but I wasn’t really thinking about it in those terms.
I want to know if I am a jerk for doing this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry but the lives of the cats matter more than her delicate feelings. We can’t just allow the animals to suffer because she is ill. There is no end to the cruel things we would let slide if it was for the sake of comforting or entertaining someone who wasn’t quite right.
She can get an electronic cat or something if she needs the company of animals so much but isn’t capable of actually taking care of them. ” Fluffy_Sheepy
Another User Comments:
“So your friends are saying you should have let a bunch of kittens – and probably all future kittens – die a miserable, painful death or starve to save the lady who is partly responsible for the misery some distress?
Maybe phrase it that way and ask again. NTJ and please keep an eye on the colony for future kittens and cats in need. Thank you for not closing your eyes to this.” GSD_enthusiast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a hoarder. She won’t change; she will always mistreat cats and will always freak out when anyone tries to help, and it’s useless to argue with her.
Do what you can for the kittens, whatever it takes, and frankly, disregard her ‘mental health’. My father was a hoarder (though luckily not an animal hoarder), and I know what they are capable of (and what they are not capable of, which is any kind of meaningful change or ability to see reason).” Cauth_Bodva
3. AITJ For Buying My Own Food For Family Gatherings Because I Dislike Their Favorite Pizza Place?
“I am not a picky person. I don’t just…turn down food. I’m always willing to try new things, even if they’re weird or unconventional. One of my favorite things to do is to pick out something I’ve never tried in the grocery store.
But my in-laws are hooked on this one take ‘n bake pizza joint that I just cannot stand.
I’ve tried to like it. I’ve ordered so many different things off of their menu. I just. Don’t. Like it. They order it for every single family event. Every get-together. Every holiday. Every birthday.
I started ordering my own meals to bring to the parties.
They got upset when they realized what I was doing. I explained that I like ordering my own food because it’s a chance to get a treat for myself that I don’t normally order. Still, they’re always trying to convince my partner to get me to change my mind and just eat the same pizza as everyone else.
This Halloween, we’d all planned to get together for a Halloween party. My partner and I had actually planned out a fun homemade meal (pasta bar) for everyone, but my mother-in-law became very upset that we weren’t getting pizza. She put her foot down so hard that we thought there’d be an actual honest-to-God fight about it, so we told her she could order the take ‘n bake she wanted.
And of course, I was going to run to the store and get my own favorite pizza. She became so angry. She insisted that I eat what she ordered, what everyone else was eating, and even offered to buy me anything that sounded good off the menu.
I told her again that I don’t like anything on the menu and that I’m perfectly willing to go and buy something that I do enjoy instead.
She’s still angry with me. My father-in-law is angry with me. They tried again and again to convince me (they always do) to get something off the take ‘n bake menu.
But I just don’t like it!
AITJ for buying my own takeout instead of what’s being served at the party?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, have you actually sat down with your in-laws and explained that you really, really, truly cannot stand the food from this restaurant?
If you have, then they’re the jerks for continuing to order from a place they know you hate. If you haven’t, then you’re still NTJ, but by a very fine margin, because in the absence of giving them an honest explanation, you come off as someone who is being intentionally difficult by insisting on getting food from a different restaurant every time.
It’s okay not to like the same pizza place that your in-laws do. It’s also okay for them to not like the same pizza place you do. What isn’t okay is not being open about it.” JTBlakeinNYC
Another User Comments:
“Wait. So you and your husband were hosting and your mother-in-law was furious that you weren’t serving food from the place she knows you hate?
Yeah, that’s a hard no. You’re all adults and no one else gets to tell you what you must eat. Maybe she’s too used to being in charge, maybe she can’t process the rejection of what she loves, I don’t know. But what she absolutely is not is the boss of you. You have to be willing to stop getting together for meals with them for this to stop.
And to frame it as her distress is worrisome, and to save her from it, it’s best that you don’t eat together anymore. You can see movies, go to places you all want to visit, do any and everything – except eat together. Because she becomes so upset when eating and you’re afraid for her health.
When that is unacceptable, because everything revolves around food, tell her there’s one other thing you can think of instead of having to cut off meals. She can think of it as you being allergic to that restaurant. You CAN’T eat their food. Your body just can’t do it.
It’s not up to you, it has nothing to do with anyone else, and you don’t mind that others love it. They can eat your lifetime share. If she can make that work, she might be able to keep you guys around. If not, you have to be willing to let her miss you for a while.
NTJ. It’s not that you don’t like it. You’re allergic.” External-Hamster-991
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your in-laws are insane. Why hasn’t your husband put his foot down and refused to give in to her toddler tantrums? He needs to set a clear boundary. When she is hosting she can order from wherever she wants to, but if it is from that restaurant you guys will bring your own food and if she throws a tantrum or makes any comments you will both leave and skip the next get-together.
And if you guys are hosting she does not get to dictate the menu but she is welcome to bring her own food. But again, any complaints or comments about the food will result in her being asked to leave and again you will skip the next get-together.
It is critical though that you and your husband are on the same page and that he is willing to enforce this boundary. Hopefully, once she knows that her behavior will no longer be tolerated she will stop acting like this or other family members will realize that this is not normal.” Little_Loki918
2. AITJ For Confronting My Parents About Favoring My Sister?
“My parents have my sister Amy (17F) and me (15F). They always liked Amy more. I’m not sure why. I don’t know if I’m not their real kid or if they only wanted one kid and I ruined everything but they pay so much attention to Amy, show her so much love, support her in everything and I get nothing from them.
My support comes from a couple of extended family members and friends and friends’ parents.
Some examples: Amy since she was in elementary school got to pick what summer camp she went to and she never got told no to where she wanted to go.
I was never given a choice. Some years I went to the local free one during the day and other years I went to no summer camp at all.
When Amy turned 8 she got a bedroom makeover and was given her own TV, a cool new bed, a desk space, and a new computer and they put a mini fridge in it, all in pink to match her favorite color.
I still don’t have any of that stuff. The laptop I’m using now was a gift from a family member. When I turned 8 I was given used dolls from the thrift store that were from the dollar store (I saw them enough times to remember).
Some were even broken with missing limbs or hair that was half pulled out.
My parents will buy Amy pizza or Taco Bell as a treat for “being a good daughter” and “being their special girl” and it happens at least 3 times a month when she gets it just because.
I never get it just because. I don’t even get it for doing well on a test like she would.
They spoil her whenever she does well in a test. I never get spoiled.
They told Amy they have money saved for her future. They never told me that.
I brought it up to my parents before but they brushed me off, even when I cried. My mom told me to stop being so childish.
That’s why when my parents had a party Saturday for Dad’s birthday and they started boasting about Amy and how great her grades were, I kind of lost my temper and asked about me.
I pointed out my grades were actually better than hers. But they never talk about me like that. I asked why they only talked about Amy. Why is she their favorite? Why don’t they care more about me? My uncle (Dad’s brother) said out loud that I had a point.
But stuff got awkward after and my parents yelled at me for doing that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only are you not the jerk here, your parents definitely are, sorry. This is not your fault and it’s nothing you deserve. A lot of parents have favorites, but most of those have the decency not to be obvious about it.
Some families go through cycles where one kid is the golden child; others take turns. Find your strength, love, connection, and belonging in other areas. You need those to grow and be strong for the remaining years you are with them. And try not to let it sour your relationship with your sister if you can.
If you can’t, at least acknowledge that it wasn’t her fault, but theirs.
More unsolicited advice: try not to let their bad parenting make you a bad person. Some people never get over this stuff and it can make them more likely to engage in risky behavior (drinking, substance use, inappropriate relationships, etc.), thinking “if I don’t matter to them, I don’t matter to me”.
Check in with yourself and if you see self-negativity, pull it out and remind yourself that you deserved as much love as the next kid, and you still do. Definitely write down all the examples you can think of — dates, times, who was present, whatever.
Narrative therapy can help solidify details outside your head, getting them out of your system and onto the page. But don’t destroy it. One day it might be valuable to you, to keep faith with your young self, to have a record of the truth if they ever claim you are exaggerating.
I’m also not joking when I say this is fodder for future work: adult reflection, therapy with a pro, or literally writing a novel or performing stand-up comedy. Always keep the receipts. If your parents ever turn to you for help, you can remind yourself whether you want to put them in a nice retirement community or the kind of raisin ranch that shows up on 60 Minutes — or simply tell them to ask the daughter they invested themselves in.” Ladiesbane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was prepared to dismiss your complaint but it sounds serious: do you really have no college fund or bedroom furniture while she does? Do they really never praise your grades or reward you in a comparable way to sister? If so that is bizarre and inappropriate.
Maybe discuss with the uncle who thinks you have a point unless your parents are willing to listen again and hear you out. Good luck!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s called the golden child and scapegoat dynamic in psychology. It’s a known phenomenon with no specific trigger.
Sometimes it’s about half-siblings or step-siblings. Sometimes it’s about the scapegoat being an unexpected baby or because the parents had gender disappointment and put all their issues on the child. Sometimes it’s just that the parents are narcissistic jerks. You need to go to outside trusted adults like your uncle or grandparents and explain exactly what’s going on in the household including the bullying you described in another comment.
Start doing research and making plans based on not having your parents’ support in the future. Heck, if you can get emancipated with the help of relatives that will go a long way to helping you to get funds for college. FAFSA uses your parents’ income until you’re about 24 unless you can prove you’re not connected to them such as with an emancipation ruling.” Silaquix
1. AITJ For Enforcing A 5 Minute Rule On My Late In-Laws?
“Married 16 years and my in-laws have never been on time for anything. Not just a couple of minutes late, usually 20-30 minutes or more and they don’t ever tell us they are going to be late.
On Halloween they were supposed to be here at 6:30 to go trick-or-treating, my kids are teens so they already had plans but canceled to spend time with them instead. At 7:15 we called and they said they were ‘5 minutes away’. 22 minutes later, they arrived without any concerns.
This inspired a new rule for me, I called it the 5-minute rule. Basically, if you tell me you’re gonna be somewhere at a time and aren’t, after 5 mins I will leave. If we are meeting to eat or something, and you’re late, we will order and eat without you, we will leave when we finish even if they are just getting there.
Tonight they had plans to take my kids out for dinner, they said they’d be here at 7. We talked at 2p and I reminded them of the new rule. At 7:05 they weren’t here and had not called or anything, so I called them. They said they were 10 mins away.
I told them to not bother with it, they tried to ask me to give them another chance since they live an hour away, and I said no way and stuck to it.
I feel like they are disrespectful by doing this and that they aren’t valuing my time.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s inconsiderate af. I have taken a very similar stance with my parents because my mom has no sense of respect for other people’s time. “Oh well, they’ll just have to wait.” Nope. Not me. We celebrated my daughter’s 18th birthday an hour away and we were 10 minutes out when my mom texted all excitedly “We’re on our way.” I said we are parking.
See ya when ya get here. We had already gotten our food by the time they were there. Tough luck. Should have left when you were asked.” MadderHatter32
Another User Comments:
“My in-laws are very similar. Often they will tell me a time to expect them, and then at the time they’re supposed to be here (or even later), they’ll send a text that says they’re on their way.
They live ~55 minutes away in zero traffic. They have disappointed my kids so many times. Eventually, I asked my husband to draw some boundaries with his parents about punctuality. It has helped some. He basically told them that if they’re going to make a promise to our kids, they need to keep it or they wouldn’t be welcome anymore.
Then on Halloween, they invited themselves over, I told them dinner was at 5 so we could start trick or treating around sunset. Dinner was on the table at 5 and I made a bunch of extras so there would be plenty. At 5 they sent me a text that said they were stopped dead in traffic.
I checked the traffic apps. There was no traffic. They showed up over 45 minutes late at which point we had eaten without them. The food wasn’t good anymore and most of it wound up wasted. I was so mad, especially because it meant the sun was fully down and we got a late start on trick or treating which is a big deal because my younger children are very young and need to go to bed earlier and it was COLD.
So basically I think NTJ, but I’d be shocked if they actually change their behavior.” Netflickingthebean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My parents were this bad years ago. They’re mostly better, though Dad slips up more than Mom. He’s not as late as OP’s ILs though, not anymore.
It was so bad that an exchange student we’d had for a year came back for a visit a few years after he’d stayed with us. He told my parents his flight left at a certain time. The airport is about 45 minutes from my parents’ house.
An hour before the flight was supposed to leave, we’re just leaving the house. My parents were beside themselves, promising to pay for another ticket and just distraught. He just smiled and said, “I have to tell you something. My flight doesn’t leave for another hour.” He knew they were chronically late (far worse back then) and literally built their tardiness into the time he told them for his flight.
It was a big wakeup call and they started getting better. It took time, but now they’re mostly reformed.” infiniteanomaly
