People Are Concerned About These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Continue My Family's Military Tradition?
“My (18F) family has a “tradition” that goes back 5 generations, and that is the oldest of the family joins the military (only the 4 main branches). My mom was in the army and retired as a major, my grandpa was in the Air Force and retired as a Colonel I believe, my great grandpa was in the Navy, my great great grandfather was a marine, and my great x3 grandfather was also a Marine.
My family is VERY proud of this fact and has been throwing this in my face since I was fresh out of the womb.
With the school year coming to an end and I turned 18 last month, my mom has been forcing me to do fitness courses and buying textbooks to help me study for the ASVAB.
Now I would have rebelled against this a while ago but sadly my younger brother passed away a few years ago and it was really hard on my parents so I’ve just been going along with this until now. Last week, I overheard my mom talking on the phone to a recruiter talking about my options for possibly becoming an officer.
I guess the realization finally hit. I told my mom I’m not joining a few days ago and a huge fight happened. I basically “wasted her time” and she called me a disappointment but I think I have a right to choose.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One Amy Brat to another, you’ve already served. All of those nights away and all of the deployments at a young age are enough. You gave the military your childhood. Now you get to live for you. I do want to clarify, I am forever and always the luckiest Military Brat you will ever meet.
My parents met in ROTC in the 80s, are still together, and our family has supported each other throughout everything during one parent’s ongoing military career. I wouldn’t trade my childhood for anything. I am the lucky one. So please read, listen to, and elevate the other military children who have commented on this post and take in their stories and experiences.
Having said that, I will always believe that joining the military is like marriage—you get the entire family. And later in family therapy, few things are off limits.” TooAnxiousForOwnGood
Another User Comments:
“If the family tradition was for the firstborn child to be a dentist, is that fair?
If the family tradition is that the firstborn child is a lawyer, is that fair? No…it’s not fair for parents to give you a career because you’re the firstborn and it’s tradition. Do what you want to do. Also, being in the military isn’t easy.
Moving around a lot, intense training, possible harm or even death, traumatic experiences needing PTSD care. Going into the military is like getting a face tattoo. Make darn sure you want to do it before you do it. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Especially as an Army Veteran, I want to point out that this is entirely your choice.
This isn’t signing up for school or college. This is YOUR LIFE. And it will change your life. I signed up for a job that was considered noncombat and I was barely deployed (long story). I still wound up with PTSD (not deployment-related), depression, and probably undiagnosed survivor’s guilt.
I lost 5 people I knew well including my best friend. This isn’t a simple choice and pardon my rant here but I admit I am sick of seeing people get forced in “because honor” or “tradition” or even “if you don’t, someone else will have to”.
Screw all that. It is your choice and yours alone. If that is something you decide to do with your life then I will support you 100%. If you don’t? I still support you 100%. It is your life. It is your choice. NTJ.” artemis1860
21. AITJ For Not Always Babysitting My Brother On Weekends For My Ill Father?
“I (18F) work part-time and have just finished my A-levels…hoping to go to uni. My brother (10) has struggled with losing my mum and so has my dad as my dad is also very ill with a chronic lung disease.
My dad often calls me selfish and I am starting to believe him. I’ve been doing the shopping for him and cleaning the house since I finished my A-levels. I’ve been at home more when I’m not working. My brother is in school til 3 pm so my dad has all day to do whatever he wants.
However, he doesn’t. On weekends I work, but my dad regularly wants to plan things for Saturday. When I remind him I’m working, he gets very upset at me. Says I ruined his plans. Recently I’ve started going out some Saturday nights with my partner and mates which I also get called selfish for.
I do help my dad. I have plenty of people who would tell you I help my dad quite a bit. I help my brother with getting him up and ready for school. I often make meals. I know how to tidy up. But sometimes he just ignores that.
Disregards the things I do for him as small things. I do understand my dad’s ill but I am 18 and have no responsibilities like children etc. but since my mum passed I feel like I have taken on the responsibility of a mother.
But AITJ for not always taking care of my brother for my dad so he can do things on weekends?
He makes me feel like it.”
Another User Comments:
“Just because he’s sick doesn’t mean it’s right that he’s pushing you into the wife/mother role, he sounds very sour that it’s not working. It is completely justified for you to push back and tell him to hire a sitter.
You’re at the age where you’re going to start being more independent, don’t be pushed into a parental role with someone who’s not your kid, it is psychologically damaging. NTJ.” Escape_Overlander
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m sorry but your dad is seeing you solely as a replacement for his wife.
That is wrong and not your responsibility. I lost my husband last year and am disabled, I try my best to be the parent and adult here. My eldest is your age and though I may need help occasionally to carry things or when I can’t move far.
I do my utmost to make sure they both still have their lives and don’t have to worry about me. My oldest university is in a different city and I encouraged him to carry on there after our loss. To the point that he wanted to keep the flat during the summer and I’m happy for him.
He visits every second week at the least but that is his choice as he also wants to do things with his friends here. Yes they are classed as part-time careers but mostly it is them picking up after themselves and doing the couple of chores they have always gotten pocket money for as most kids do.
I am the one who cares for them, myself, and the household. No matter how difficult that is for me. Please live your life, you are in no way selfish unfortunately that’s your father, yes loss is hard but he is the parent. You mentioned college, is there any way you could get housing at it?
Unfortunately, until your dad is forced to do things for himself and your brother he will continue to demand it. I do think you need to get out of the home but make sure your brother can keep contact but don’t go running back.
As much as you want to help them and be there you need to be able to live your life without being gaslighted and made the parent of two.” Sweet-Interview5620
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel for your brother as he is young, lost his mom, and seems to have a father who does not want to spend time with him.
You have outside activities such as work to distract you. The fact is your brother is not your responsibility, but it is nice that you do for him what you can. You need to have a conversation with your dad when your brother is not around.
He needs to be reminded that raising your brother is his responsibility and that if he wants to make plans on weekends, he needs to include your brother or find a babysitter for your brother. You need to remind him that you already do a lot of the daily raising of your brother and you have other commitments as well.
I say do this when your brother is not there because your brother should not feel as if you do not care for him or that he is a burden.” holisarcasm
20. AITJ For Wanting To Attend A Family Party That My Mom Uninvited Me From?
“My mom’s side of the family, including me, have been going to a campground for almost 15 years. We go up every weekend of summer and the campsite holds a two-day music festival on the lake for everyone who resides there or who is just visiting.
It’s on a lake and booze is basically required. A majority of my family is going, especially my cousins.
Well, I (20f) planned on going this Saturday to celebrate my 21st birthday because I’ll be legally allowed to drink and a bonus is that it’s adult weekend.
My mom (41) basically said I wasn’t invited, simply because she didn’t want me to come for some reason. My cousin asked if I was going, and I told her I wasn’t invited. They got confused and asked why I wasn’t invited when my mom’s coworker was invited. Yes, my mom invited her co-worker and her significant other, over her daughter.
Everyone in my family is telling me I should go and that it’s rude of my mom to uninvite me from a family party. My mom and I never had a relationship and I want to go because I want to build a relationship and repair my relationship with my family.
(I moved to a different city about an hour away so I don’t see them often). But honestly, my mom scares me. It’s obvious my dad and I are her least favorite people. I have my mind set on going but I need other people’s opinions.
WIBTJ? Should I just go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are an adult now, you make your own choices. And your relationship with your extended family is yours not your mom’s. One thing though, go as an adult. Meaning have your own accommodations, food/drinks/pay your way, etc.” throwaway1975764
Another User Comments:
“Info: you said you don’t have a relationship with your mom but you have been doing this for 15 years. Has your mom typically gone as well? When you attended in the past were you her plus one or were you going on your own?
And what reasons did she give you for uninviting you? Who hosts the party and how were you invited?” cherry_armoir
Another User Comments:
“Info – what’s the relevance of the first half of this post? Is it implying something that your mom thinks your behavior is bad when you get inebriated and/or she just doesn’t want you to be in that position?
Or what happened to cause her to be that way with you? Did you do something to her? If no then obviously this is a resounding NTJ.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Making My Partner Feel Guilty And Ruining His Relationship With My Dad?
“I’ve known my partner my whole life as our parents are friends.
My dad made it very obvious that if he had a son, he would want him to be like my partner so he would always push me to be closer to him and more like him, but it only made me secretly resent him.
Then my dad forced me to go to the same university as him because he felt like it would be “good for me” because I was “too shy” to go to university on my own.
To make it even more embarrassing he and my partner’s dad made a big show of asking my partner to look out for me and make sure I socialised.
I didn’t want to go to that university and for the first year, I was pretty miserable.
I started to hate my partner because I blamed him for me having to be there and I hated how he would keep trying to force us to be friends again and that all of his friends would pretend to be my friend too.
It was only in my final year that I got over it and I didn’t think my partner even noticed my hate but he did and he asked me about it recently.
I was going to deny it but I’m bad at lying so I told him the truth.
Now my partner keeps telling me he feels guilty and it’s ruined his relationship with my dad. My family has noticed and asked me what was going on with him.
I told my sister the truth and she told me I shouldn’t have made our dad look like the bad guy since things obviously worked out in my favour. She’s since told our parents who are upset with me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You and your partner are not jerks in this situation, but your father is a major jerk. It doesn’t matter that you actually get along with your partner now, you were forced into that relationship by your father against your will. The rest of your family are also jerks for defending your father’s behavior.
I don’t blame your partner for feeling the way he does right now. He is definitely feeling conflicted because he likes you but also knows that your father basically tried to set y’all up without your consent. I definitely think he deserved the truth.” Panther-Turtle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Part of being in a relationship is being open and honest. Your dad was being controlling and forced you into going to a school you didn’t want. It wasn’t exactly right of you to take that frustration out on your partner but you eventually got over it.
If he wants to let this ruin his relationship with your dad that’s on him, not on you. It probably would have come out at some point anyway.” SpaceKates
Another User Comments:
“So from what I understand your father messed up by basically comparing you to the guy and pushing you to be a copy of him simply saying that he’d rather have him as his child not you, and because of that you started hating him (thinking like I dunno, if only he didn’t exist I wouldn’t have to go through all of this?) and then you got over it so the relationship started after that maybe.
Yeah everyone’s the jerk here except your partner, you were projecting your anger and hatred at the wrong person.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Aid My Mom's Struggling Business Anymore?
“I am a 30yo male. I live in the capital city of my country with my partner. I work for a large corporation and earn enough to call myself a middle-class citizen in my country.
Three years ago my mom (now 57yo) decided to start a business back in my hometown, to make luxury clothes.
I fully supported the decision, psychologically and financially, as she was out of work for some time and she is really talented. My older sister also went for it with her, as she had some money that she earned while working abroad. They’ve been struggling with that business every step of the way and they still do, not because they have bad products, but because of bad business decisions.
I have been helping financially each month with substantial amounts during all these three years.
I finally got a promotion that starts in August this year, and I decided to treat my partner and myself with a trip to the seaside. Airbnb, nothing luxurious, but a trip that I really need, to rest and prepare myself for a new line of work.
I got a call from my mom asking me for money again to cover some tax debt, which I politely declined and asked if we could consider it after the trip, after I consolidate my finances. She completely lost it, literally cursing me and promising that she would go traveling when I had a bad time in life.
We had a big fight, it happened 3 days ago and we haven’t spoken since.
Am I somehow a jerk here? I feel like I’m not even regarded as a person from her side. That I don’t deserve rest, even though I work hard. That I don’t have other problems. That her business problem is the only one that matters in the whole world.
I feel bad for not helping because I really had her full support while growing up. On the other hand, I also have a life and I deserve to be happy and I am not responsible for my mom’s bad business decisions, and plus I really helped all along the way.
Do any of you know how to approach this? Any advice will help. I am really torn apart.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – clearly she has taken you for granted. Since she has decided to blow up at you, you can take a break and wait for her to reach out to apologize.
Should she come at you with anything other than an apology something like “have you reconsidered and when are you sending the money,” just say – I have reconsidered… I have reconsidered that you no longer see me as a son but only as a source of free money and I do not appreciate it.
I was happy to contribute what I could spare to my mom, but it appears that my mother is no longer involved and is only some cranky business person. To that end, any further “investments” will come with terms and we can evaluate your business and I will become an equity partner based on any further contributions.
Otherwise, it’s a loan with terms and interest.” chuckinhoutex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Make a deal with yourself that you’ll only think about helping again when she apologizes. You might find yourself with a healthy little nest egg to help with your own future soon!
Also, might I suggest that your help hasn’t really helped them with their business? It may have, in the beginning, but now it’s just training wheels, or a crutch, or a cushion so they don’t have to suffer so much with the consequences of their own bad decisions.
What would happen if you took away the training wheels? Could they get it together and learn how to ride? Or would they just falter and fail? If so, isn’t it better to know that now, rather than after more years of throwing your own money into an enterprise that will never succeed?
It’s untenable to continue a business the way you all have been, and I think everyone knows it.” TrudieKockenlocker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s been running a business for 3 years and is still losing money on the business every month? What she needs is business advice, big time.
Granted, fashion is a tough business, but you say she has good products so by now, she should be breaking even or making a small profit. Sounds like she’s not pricing her work right, not negotiating with her suppliers for good prices, not managing her money and accounting well, and just about every other small little mistake new business owners make when they don’t know how to run a business.
When you get back from your very much deserved vacation, my advice is to offer to pay towards a proper manager or accountant, or offer to pay for her to take some business and/or accounting classes online (there are lots of that kind of info available free, too), offer to help with the accounting side of things or other kinds of assistance that are not direct financial handouts.
Think of ways you can help her learn how to run the business professionally but cease direct financial contribution to her because right now, all you are doing is throwing good money into a losing proposition with no end in sight.” TetonMaverik
17. AITJ For Excluding My Female Best Friend From My Male-Only Wedding Party?
“We have been friends for over 15 years and she has always been there for me and included me in everything. We have a close friend group, my only friends, and I’ve always been closest to her.
However, my fiance wants each wedding party side to be gender exclusive. This does not create a problem for her friends involved, as they are all females. Only my best friend was affected due to her gender, which is out of her control.
We invited our wedding party publicly, and she was obviously upset for being the only one left out & in front of everyone.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Stand up to your fiance and tell her absolutely not, this person goes in your wedding party as she is your friend and you’re not leaving her out just because of some photos. If you want my HONEST opinion, she’s doing this on purpose because she doesn’t WANT your friend in the wedding party.
If you want proof for how I know that, she didn’t invite her to be on her side of the wedding party, did she?” 304LCollector
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your fiancee’s choice to have gender-exclusive support seems like a manipulation tactic.
You really need to find out if she has a problem with your bestie?? Because if she is trying to purposefully exclude your friend, then this is a battle you will always be having. And every time you choose your friend, she will take it as evidence that you love your friend more.
And if you choose your wife, your friend will feel let down by her best friend. So you will lose one of them, either way. My other concern is, if this is manipulation, then she will always be manipulating you when you’re not doing something she wants.
Didn’t want kids, surprise! She’s pregnant. Want to go out with your friends, a mates’ night out? She’s not feeling well.
The other side is, maybe this isn’t manipulation, she’s not jealous of your friend and your history together and she’s just had this traditional picture in her head since she was 9 of what her wedding would look like.
Then either accept that you’re willing to give that to her and apologize to your friend and understand that your friendships will always take a back seat to you and your wife’s marriage. Or have a discussion that a 9-year-old girl’s dreams are beautiful, but they pale in comparison to the adult reality that will be your marriage.
Which is about respecting each other, and allowing the separate histories that you both have in playing a part to help celebrate the next stage of your life together. Either way… sincerest best of luck with your wedding, your friendships, and marriage.” kiwikween80
Another User Comments:
“For real?! YTJ! You just described a dear friendship that sounds so meaningful to you and then proceeded to report that you essentially publicly disowned said friend. One could speculate about the possibility of your fiance having other reasons for wanting gender-exclusive wedding parties (jealousy, to create distance between you and your friend, or maybe it is just for her version of a perfect wedding photo).
Regardless, a kind friend would have pulled their best friend aside and at the very least, prepared them for a public announcement like that. I was mildly convinced At first but became more and more certain as I read more of your message – YTJ for knowing “she was obviously upset for being the only one left out and in front of everyone” and doing it anyway!
The excuse for excluding her is subpar, but there is NO excuse for knowing she’d be surprised and hurt to learn she’d not be in the wedding party and still moving forward with a planning public announcement without first speaking with her privately.” namenerd101
16. AITJ For Wanting To Buy A House In My Name Only After Inheriting Money?
“My partner and I have been together for 8 years.
No children, not married, no immediate plans for either. We bought a house, both investing our savings, though I paid more of the mortgage we both contributed.
A few years ago I came into a lot of funds when I inherited a family business. I’d worked for that business for upwards of 25 years.
It was in the process of being sold by my father when he unexpectedly passed away, and the sale went through regardless of his death, leaving me with a substantial sum after the other shareholders had been paid. I paid off our house and car loans immediately and put the rest in the bank.
Now it’s a few years later, we’re looking to buy a new house. I can afford to buy it without a mortgage, and we plan to keep the old house and rent it out.
Initially, I’d planned to put both our names on the deeds but the more I think about it the more I think perhaps since I’m completely funding it using my own funds, I should retain ownership.
WIBTJ if I wanted that house to be solely in my name?”
Another User Comments:
“Dude don’t buy the house in cash. There’s literally no reason to do that especially given the economic uncertainty coming up. Imagine how nice it would be to have a few hundred grand in the bank fully liquid in the event the US goes into a truly severe recession/depression.
Get a low-interest fixed-rate mortgage, or wait a few more months for housing prices to come down. Most people use adjustable rate mortgages so there’s going to be a lot of foreclosures over the next year or two.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think you need to think about your long-term game plan and how to give your partner more financial security if you want to go through with sole ownership with your relationship intact.
Since it sounds like you plan to live in that house together, how will your financial situation be? Do you expect her to invest in that house, stuff like renovations? Do you plan to charge her rent? You’re in no way a jerk for not wanting her name on the ownership if you’re paying for the entire house but she’ll also live there, meaning she very likely will invest into your new place (whether it’s bills, renovations, etc.) as well.
If you decide to sell, the money will be in your name only, even if she contributed to the home’s value, she won’t get a return on investment. I think drafting a legal agreement that gives her a percentage of a potential sale would be a good idea, as a gesture that while you don’t want her name on the ownership, you still see this house as shared property.” Jules2106
Another User Comments:
“Is she your forever? If so, then it’s not a big deal to have her on the title. Unless you need her to qualify for a loan, it’s not a big deal. And it sounds like you’re paying cash.
However, It’s a pain in the butt to remove someone from the title. It’s not but can be and more times than not, if it’s not handled properly, it becomes a nightmare if you break up and she’s on the title.
She’s got you by the balls because she has to sign the quit claim to be removed and for vesting to be updated/to be recorded in your name only. The other issue that I saw a lot when I was a loan officer (in CA with prop 13) was knowing your state specifics.
In CA, I can’t tell you the number of times I had to explain to bank clients why their property taxes, which were ridiculously low, suddenly quadrupled because they didn’t talk to an estate atty to make sure there weren’t any tax implications before adding/removing people from title.
ANYTIME there is a title change, the title company reassesses the value of your property (land value not appraisal value) and updates your taxes. NTJ. My suggestion is to talk to an estate attorney and make sure you know all your options/any tax implications BEFORE YOU PURCHASE!
Source: 20 plus years in mortgage/15 years as a loan officer.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Refusing To Care For My Half-Sister During My Dad's Absences?
“I (15F) have a single dad (48M). I also have a half-sister (6F). I have chronic insomnia. It takes hours for me to go to sleep, and if I get woken up, I’m not going back to sleep. It doesn’t help that I’m an extremely light sleeper.
Last night, my sister walked into my room. She was sobbing because she couldn’t find her dad. I get up from sleeping and have to take care of her for 15 minutes while he gets home – no big deal. I then spend 4 hours trying to get back to sleep and get 2 hours of sleep.
Great!
I talked to him about it but he just gets mad and says that it’s no big deal. So, I get mad at him and tell him that I’m not taking care of her if she comes into my room again. I also tell him that I’m not her mother, and she’s not my problem.
Now he’s super mad, and I can’t help but feel I’m being petty. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Info: where was your dad? Why wasn’t he home? How often does this happen? He shouldn’t be leaving a 6-year-old at home unattended unless he has organized with you prior to be babysitting.
I am thinking you are NTJ in this situation, depending on the answers to the above questions. Your dad needs to act as a responsible parent. You would be a jerk to ignore your distressed sister though. Even though the situation is not of your making and you cannot control your father and it is extremely unfair to you, you simply cannot refuse to comfort a child who is so clearly distressed in such circumstances.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“So after reading all your comments, I’m going YTJ. Your dad goes out 1-2 times a month, only goes after your sister is asleep, and comes home immediately if you text him that she’s awake. He’s also offered to pay you for these nights even though you usually don’t have to do anything.
Your sister isn’t your responsibility, BUT this is part of being in a family. We help each other out. I bet your dad does lots for you, don’t you think it’s appropriate to do a small favor for him once a month?” Jorbarip
Another User Comments:
“Info. Were you babysitting (was the understanding that while your dad was out you’d watch her)? If you were, suck it up cupcake, that’s part of the job. If you weren’t and you’re saying a 6-year-old was unsupervised the only thing that’s going to save your dad’s butt from CPS is that you were technically there.
Do you want a babysitter? Because that’s what’s going to happen. You don’t want to babysit your sister? Your dad is going to get the both of you a sitter for when he goes out.” bbbrashbash
14. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Mooching Friend A Ride Unless He Pays For Gas?
“My college friends and I just finished up for the year and decided to kick off the summer by spending the weekend at my one friend’s house a few hours away.
I volunteered to drive my car if people pitched in for gas money, which everyone was fine with. In total, we had three cars going up.
A couple of days before we left, my friend “Jason” asked if he could take the last seat in my car since the other cars were full.
I said no problem but then Jason said he assumed he wouldn’t have to pitch in for gas because “you are going up anyway.” This made me angry. Jason is not a bad guy, but he definitely mooches off the group a fair bit (e.g., drinks beer at our apartment but rarely brings any, assumes he can crash on couches without asking, etc.).
We’ve pointed this out to him before and he’s gotten better for a bit before doing it all again. Maybe this was the last straw or something but I told him it was a jerk move to try to get out of paying and I wasn’t taking him at all.
He backtracked and offered to pay his share but I said too late. He ended up having to drive by himself.
He thinks I was a jerk, and my friends are split (especially since it meant others in my car had to pay more per share).
I don’t know, his entitled attitude just made me angry.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ; but I think it’s obvious the reason your friends are split – it would have cut the cost down for them. That doesn’t make them jerks either; but just stating – I think that’s why you got a mixed reaction.
It was your car – you had every right to stand on principle. But they (effectively) suffered because of it.” SDstartingOut
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Moochers like that annoy me to no end. Offering to pay AFTER he already assumed he’d ride for free. This was him not getting a ride because he’s a jerk, not because of anything else.
Sure, the other friends had to pay a few bucks more, but this is entirely about the principle of the thing. Dude assumed/expected that you guys would pay his way. You refused. Only THEN did he cave and offer to pay, but the offer had already been rescinded.” TehG0vernment
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – your friend shouldn’t have assumed he had to pay however you know him not getting the social norms around payment is a problem for him and one he is seemingly trying to improve on. When he asked if he could have the seat you should’ve said ‘yes if you pay x for gas’ and given his response to the situation he seemingly would’ve done just that.” yeet-im-bored
13. AITJ For Not Spending Time With My Sisters Because I Want To Hang Out With My Guy Friends?
“I (17m) have an older sister (18f) and two younger twin sisters (both 15f).
We used to all be pretty close back in elementary and middle school, but come high school I realized I should hang out more with my guy friends. Since then I’ve been pretty distant with my sisters.
Every Saturday night (besides finals week or an SAT prep week), my sisters play board games or watch a movie together and they always ask me to join them, but I always say no and it makes me feel guilty since I know my older sister especially wants to spend more time with me before she leaves for college in a few months.
Yesterday, my sisters finally asked me why I always turn down their requests to do stuff with them, and I told them the truth. They got pretty upset and said it was a stupid reason. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you don’t value family, just say that.
The opposite-gender thing is absolute nonsense. Lots of siblings of opposite gender love one another and have very close relationships and connections. You’ve apparently been lucky enough to be born into a family where that’s possible, but you are going to throw that blessing to the side to prioritize your guy friends.
Don’t be shocked when, as an adult, your family relationships end up distant and superficial because of your bad attitude.” ghostforest
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not super duper but clear cut. If you don’t want to hang out because you don’t like board games? That’s one thing.
If they are doing things you don’t like? that’s another. If it’s because “I’m a dude and you’re chicks. I should be playing foosball while you do makeup”? Seriously? You don’t need to spend 24/7 with your siblings… so what’s wrong with a night on occasion of playing board games with people you admit you were close with until you went “dude” on them?
You’re allowed to do other things… you’re allowed to be distinct people. But not wanting to hang out simply because “girl”? Lol.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Look man I know you’re young and still figuring things out but there’s nothing wrong with spending time with your sisters or girls in general. There’s also no problem hanging out with your guy friends, but you don’t have to stop spending time with family in order to do it.
YTJ but you can still repair the situation, apologize, and spend as much time as possible with them, cause when your sister leaves for college that’s the end of this stage of your life.” Unit-00
12. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom About Her Messy Room?
“My mom (56F) went through a depressive episode back in 2016 and hasn’t gotten better ever since. Due to her mental health, she didn’t have the energy to do anything around the house and I respect that as I have depression myself and know how it feels like.
She stopped cleaning around the house, doing chores, and basically taking care of me. I was 14 at the time so I was old enough to help her out with the chores and I didn’t really mind.
It all went downhill when she started seeing this guy and started living with him.
(Bear in mind that before that my parents were broken up but still living in the same house because my dad couldn’t afford rent to leave, so imagine what the fighting was like.) I thought that her leaving the house would be a good thing but my dad didn’t clean anything and all week I was living with my mom so I was only home on the weekends and as a child, I really didn’t want to do the cleaning because I had other things on my mind.
So my house became basically a storage room all at once. My dad would live on the 1st floor where his office was and the rest of the house was completely neglected. My mom would come home once a week to get clothes (she has a LOT of clothes) and leave the rest back.
After a couple of weeks, I couldn’t even step into her bedroom due to the mess but I ignored it.
Fast forward a couple of months my mom broke up with this guy and came back home so the fighting started again between her and my dad but as usual, I ignored it.
Ever since her bedroom has been the same mess it was (clothes everywhere, floor bed and some spread around the house) so as you can imagine she cannot sleep in there so she sleeps on the couch. Yesterday we had an argument and she came to my room and told me “clean a bit in here it’s like a stable” to which I replied, “if you like clean rooms you should start with your own.” I hated myself for saying it but I cannot take it anymore.
I can’t even bring my friends over because of the mess and when I tell her that I will clean everything for her she says “no I will do it you will end up making a bigger mess” but she never does it. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – obviously tensions and personal relationships from your parents have put a lot of strain on you so it’s very normal that you would burst and have a go at your parents. It’s very normal especially over something small like cleaning and this is what happened with me and my family.
My family and I are somewhat strained. I don’t spend time with them and it got to the point where I moved out of my family’s house. We argue over things that don’t need to be argued over and yes I have sometimes lost my cool.
As millennials (I’m assuming you are) life is hard for us even when we have others who have problems.” sweetdeath45
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think it’s important to recognize what a toll growing up in a house like that with dysfunctional parents will have on you and your own mental health.
I would try to make plans to move out as soon as possible. But in the meantime maybe try to keep your own room clean, for the sake of your own mental health. Also, you don’t need her permission to clean the common areas of the house or to tell her first. If you want to clean, just do it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here…. Your mom is not doing well for whatever reason and you are compounding everything with your actions. At what point do you stand up and say, “I’m not living like this”, and take action? Practicing good housekeeping and making your area clean is the first step.
If your mom sees good practices there it could encourage her to clean her area. If everything continues to be a mess then everyone stays the same. Change things up and it could mean you get a positive outcome.” righteousredo
11. AITJ For Criticizing My Friend's Discriminatory Business Plan?
“I (17F) have a friend (20F) who has been struggling financially recently due to losing her job and having an unplanned pregnancy with her partner. She moved back in with her parents, and her partner does not contribute at all financially, he does not live with them, but they are still together.
For context, I’ve known this girl for only about a year and a half. We met through a mutual friend and only kept in contact because she was an alumnus at my high school. I never really got along with her because of her obvious fat-phobic and homophobic comments, but my friends insisted it was an accident and a one-time thing.
She has been relying solely on her parents and friends’ gifts and donations. About a week ago, she called me and our mutual friend over to her parents’ house because she had a job opportunity. I was a bit proud of her because I felt bad for her 60+ year-old parents who had to financially support her.
When we got there she said that she had gotten a proposal from some company that wanted to sponsor her clothing brand. Apparently, she won a fashion competition her senior year and they liked her designs, which was kind of late if I do say so myself.
She showed us her notes and plans for everything. And I agreed that her designs were really nice, it was stuff that would cater to a lot of people’s fashion tastes.
Once we got to the sizing charts, I was surprised to see that she was planning on only selling size small for all clothing.
I shuffled around the papers to see if it was an error on just that page but it was not. I also pulled out another page that said, “we reserve the right to reject merchandise sales to certain persons” with a little note on the side that said, “aka, gay (slurs)” with a winking emoji next to it.
I was shocked. I held up the two papers in front of her and said what the heck? She explained to me that she would only be selling one size because “that size is the standard that women should uphold for themselves” and that “homosexual jerks should go get fixed before they even think of buying clothes from her”.
I told her that this idea was stupid and the worst idea I’ve ever heard and that she should learn to accept the ways of society because the world does not revolve around her.
I left after that and went home. The friend who was with us later informed me that the business plan fell through anyway because the manager of her project was a lesbian and did not take kindly to her comment lol.
Some of our friends said that I was too harsh though and that I should pity her because of her current situation. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Selling clothes only in size small? Even if people were evenly spread across sizes, that eliminates XS, M, L, XL, XXL, 1X, 2X, etc. Eliminating 7/8 of your potential customers is reason enough to blow up a business model and refuse to invest. And then going out and insulting even more of your customers, and refusing to sell to them?
Any customer who behaves professionally in the store and is ready to spend is a good customer. Disruptive customers get booted – you can’t let one or two disruptive people upset your staff or drive away good customers. As for the project manager rejecting it because she’s a lesbian – the project manager rejected the business model (sell only size S clothes) because it is a bad business model, and refused to work with your friend because she knew even the best business model would collapse when the person running the business goes around insulting investors, business partners, and customers.
Your so-called friend is a bad person, with bad ideas for a business.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She asked you to come see her business idea, presumably to get your opinion. When you gave it, she didn’t like it. Also, it sounds like your “friend” is a HUGE jerk, and stupid.
“I never really got along with her because of her obvious fat-phobic and homophobic comments, but my friends insisted it was an accident and a one-time thing.” Clearly it was NOT an “accident” nor a “one-time thing” as she modeled an entire business around NOT selling to fat or gay people.
(BTW, WHO the bleep does that, especially in this day and age?) This woman is a homophobic, fat-phobic, freeloading, jerk, and she’s really stupid to boot. No one in their right mind who wishes to have a successful business would ever do something like this.
Designing a product and openly stating in an offensive manner an intent to disregard a large section of society, is just plain stupid. Of course the company pulled out from doing business with her, and she got what she deserved. NOTHING. I personally wouldn’t want this person as a “friend”.
There’s enough hate and shaming going on in the world today, why would I ever support someone like that? People like that don’t need support, they need to get their heads out of their behinds. NTJ, but she sure is.” PhilShank22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It was wise of you to warn your friend that her plan was problematic, though you might have sketched it out a little plainer. Also, it’s not strange to both sympathize with your friend for the pickle she’s in, as well as censure her for putting herself in it.” akaioi
10. AITJ For Wanting To Ban My Wife's Coworker From Visiting Our Sick Son In The Hospital?
“My (M42) wife (F41) has a coworker (F50) whose husband went back home to Africa for a 3-month visit. I get the feeling that her coworker has been extra lonely because of this. She has been visiting our home frequently and attending our son’s (M9) birthday parties.
The frequency has been mildly annoying, but I too have had some lonely times in my life so I let it go. I figure she isn’t hurting anything.
More recently, my other son (M2) has been hospitalized with RSV. In addition, he has had a host of unknown medical problems that we are still trying to work through.
The RSV has made those problems worse, as in refusing to eat or eating very little.
When the doctors did the first chest x-ray, they found something that “could” be tuberculosis. The doctors didn’t think he had it, but the hospital policy was to put him in isolation.
No visitors besides parents. The test to determine if it is tuberculosis takes 72 hours.
During this time the coworker was told that she couldn’t visit. We just said sorry, but it’s just not allowed. This upset her and still insisted on at least seeing my wife.
So my wife went down to the lobby to visit her for a while. This raised all sorts of red flags. I can’t help but think that coworker only cares about my wife and not my 2-year-old.
The tuberculosis test came back negative. My son is still under isolation because of the RSV, but the hospital is not as strict about it.
So today the coworker came into the room. Nothing bad was said or done, but I couldn’t help but feel that she just wasn’t welcome. Our son is very sick and having extra people around him I don’t think is a good idea. Especially one that has tripped some red flags in my mind.
So WIBTJ if I told my wife that her coworker is not welcome at the hospital?
To add, my son is expected to be in the hospital for quite some time. He needs care that we can’t provide at home.”
Another User Comments:
“Hang on.
Stop. INFO: How does your wife feel about this? You have a lot of feelings about this, but you don’t give us any idea of how your wife is feeling about your son’s illness and whether her friend is providing her with emotional support. I think that’s pretty important in the scheme of things.
What’s going on with you and your wife emotionally? I’m assuming you’re both tired and feeling rather fraught. Who’s spending most of the time at the hospital? Who’s doing most of the childcare? Who’s keeping people’s spirits up? Is her friend helping or hampering?” Rowanever
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here: there are ways of handling this that reduce everyone’s stress and worry. This would involve speaking with your wife to gauge her feelings too… maybe wife telling her co-worker that while you very much appreciate the support, what her family needs most right now is some space and while you both know the support and care she’s shown come from a good place it’s unintentionally adding to the family’s stress (which you know is not the effect you know she wants it to have), Maybe offer to email weekly updates or text if you feel up to it or give her a job you need help with ie looking after other kids or gathering the mail for you but while your kid is in hospital you need time to focus on your child alone.
As a woman who is friends with other women co-workers we often know what’s going on in each others’ lives and care about each others’ kids.” nottodayoilyjosh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your wife should also be concerned. They suspected a communicable disease and protocol was to limit outside contact, and this woman’s reaction was to get upset?
There are red flags dropping all over the place and right now, your son needs a restful, relaxing environment without unnecessary contact with outside people, who carry additional germs. You and your wife need to set some hard boundaries – no hospital visits. Tell the hospital staff that you will give them a list of people authorized to visit.
Then tell this woman that the doctors advise minimal disruption and outside contact for your son. If she gets upset, that’s not your problem, she needs to understand that her wants are way farther down the list of priorities below your son’s health.” Izzy4162305
9. AITJ For Wanting To Stand Up To My Mom's Friend Who Constantly Compares Our Lives?
“My mom (45f) has this friend (36f) who has this obsession with high school.
Every conversation is about how many parties she went to in high school and how much fun it was. It doesn’t bother me usually but for the past seven years, she’s been somewhat competitive with me. She is literally 14 years older than me and has a son (19m) who went to my community college last year.
When I was in high school she made a face when I said that I had never been to a house party. She acted annoyed that I don’t share her interests and rolled her eyes when I talked about my interests and who my favorite writers and philosophers are and said that I wanted to study philosophy in college (now CPA, guess philosophy doesn’t pay the bills lol).
Once when I was 18, I made a comment about not knowing what booze was like because I was under 21, and kept asking me “Really? You never tried it even once?” She’s repeatedly teased me over not knowing the names of some drinks.
I moved out and became financially independent when I was 21, and we had a party to celebrate my community college graduation and my moving out.
She told me “Well, I moved out at 18!” in a cocky voice. Considering our age difference it would be like me going to a kindergarten graduation and telling one of the graduates “Well, I learned to read when I was THREE!”
Her comments were unintentionally triggering for me because I’m schizophrenic and that’s why I am super careful with substance use, and why I kind of struggled with adult responsibilities.
That’s also why I missed out on some of the teen things like prom etc and I don’t want her to know that. I also have been told by abusers that I “don’t know what real trauma is” and I’m “sheltered” and am working to unlearn it.
I am going to see them again soon and I am getting all A’s and working to pay the bills, but had to take a semester off due to schizophrenia right after I moved out. I know she is going to say something but I’m not the same insecure teenager anymore and I can laugh it off.
I want to stand up for myself without being rude and next time she says something I’m going to say “It’s not a competition. Also, you’re 14 years older than me. I don’t sit down with second graders and compete with them over my past achievements.
Talk about what you’re doing now and compete with people your own age.”
My mom enables her behavior and said that I was “showing off” in HS by talking about my interests. She’s also joined in with some of the teasing about me not partying or having a driver’s license even though she got her license at age 25 and also didn’t party in HS.
I’m scared that I will be too confrontational if I stand up for myself.”
Another User Comments:
“So so so NTJ and way to go on knowing your limits. That being said, do not be afraid to stand up for yourself. Sounds to me like this lady peaked in HS and has had a pretty crappy life since.
I mean if she can’t discuss her current life and reverts to only HS experiences that’s just sad and you should say … “It must really suck to have peaked in HS and have nothing else joyful in your life and I’m happy in my life and don’t need to live in the past” might just shut her up.” KaleidoscopeOdd9163
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Everyone has different interests and progresses through life in different ways. I’m happy with my life and what I’m accomplishing and feel as though I’m succeeding in the things that I value. I get that you were more interested in other things such as partying, but that’s just not who I am as a person.
When you compare or tease me about the differences between us, I feel as though you are looking down on me for my choices. I would appreciate it if you could respect my choices more.” Also, awesome job at your grades and your personal growth, keep it up!” EwokCafe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and she sounds obnoxious. As someone older than her and your mom, I would honestly be laughing at her at this point, and although I usually don’t like to take the unkind route, would probably not be particularly kind in my responses to her given that she has been so rude to you despite being aware that your choices have been informed by your responsible handling of a serious mental illness.
(BTW, good for you! I’m seriously impressed with you!) I’m not saying that you should do this, but if she started going off about her high school “glory days” again, I suspect that I’d probably raise an eyebrow and respond along the lines of, “Wow.
Thanks for sharing yet another story with me about how amazing your life was and how impressive you were 20 years ago. I mean, most people have moved on from thinking that what they did in high school means anything anymore by the time they’re your age, but I’m really glad for you that you still feel like it’s impressive that you Did All The Things that pretty much every teenager does when you were, um, 16.
Truly. Go, you.”” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
8. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Vegetarian Sister Refusing To Attend A Steakhouse Birthday Dinner?
“My sister has refused to attend a joint birthday dinner for my husband and our brother (who is turning 30) because the restaurant that they chose is a Brazilian steakhouse, which if you don’t know is very meat-focused. I wanted to make sure my brother’s 30th birthday was a special one.
My husband loves meat and has never been to this restaurant and he is also very excited.
My sister claims that as a vegetarian the restaurant is offensive to her in its celebration of meat so she won’t attend. I checked the menu beforehand and there is an extensive salad bar and a delicious-sounding vegetarian entree.
I have been vegetarian for most of my adult life (though not currently) so I am sympathetic and understanding towards that choice. I respect it. But I would never have refused to go to a birthday dinner on those grounds.
We chatted on the phone and I called her self-righteous.
I asked her how she can stomach feeding her two 80lb dogs their regular meat-heavy dog food and still justify refusing to join us? AITJ for being upset she is refusing to join us?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – All she did was tell you she’s not coming to dinner because she has moral reservations about the restaurant.
Nothing you said indicated she was rude about it or demanded that you change the restaurant, and you called her self-righteous. Would you go to a restaurant that served dolphin? Probably not (even if it was legal) because most people find eating dolphins to be immoral.” BeepBlipBlapBloop
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for inviting her but you are the jerk for your response when she said she wouldn’t go. She’s right that a Brazilian steakhouse is a celebration of meat, and if she’s an ethical vegetarian it makes sense that she would be uncomfortable there.
She may have been self-righteous in how she declined, but you shouldn’t have tried to argue her into going. Feeding her dogs meat doesn’t make her a hypocrite, it makes her a responsible pet owner who can separate her desire to not eat meat from their need to.
Say you had convinced her to come to the restaurant that she described as “offensive.” Do you think she would enjoy it? Do you think your brother and husband would want her there if it was going to make her miserable? Ultimately I’m calling you the jerk.
You asked, she said no, that should have been the end of it.” Effective-Slice-4819
Another User Comments:
“You sound like a very reasonable person, but in this situation, you’re the jerk. A Brazilian steakhouse is a shrine to meat (and a delicious one at that), so I can see why a vegetarian wouldn’t feel comfortable there even if there is an amazing salad bar.
You need to let this go since it isn’t YOUR birthday dinner. She can figure out a way to celebrate the birthday boys in her own way, or not… But either way, it doesn’t really concern you. Her removing herself from this dinner is definitely the best option for everyone involved. It’s not like she’s trying to make you all change the venue or planning a protest outside or something.
Just let it go.” friendly_cub
7. AITJ For Asking My Wife To Get My Attention Before She Starts Talking?
“My wife (F37) has a habit of walking into a room I’m (M38) in and speaking as if we were already in the middle of a conversation.
I’ll be reading (often on my phone), or listening to a podcast, or on my computer and she’ll just start talking.
Often times she’ll just have a one or two-sentence thought to share, or even a question. I will sometimes have to ask her to repeat herself.
Or sometimes I might even be so deep in concentration, and the thing she’s said is so brief, that I don’t notice she’s said something at all.
This really irritates her.
I’ve asked her several times in the past if she’d please say my name, or ‘hey babe’, or stand in my field of vision, or do something to initiate a conversation with me before expecting that she has my attention.
I’ve given her the example that, to get our child’s attention, we ask the kid to please ‘pause’ what she’s doing… we wait a beat… we get eye contact… then we start a conversation.
My wife uses that technique willingly with our child but finds it insulting that a grown man needs the same thing.
I don’t know how ‘to fix’ that I’m dense and don’t notice her speaking in the first place.
In the past, I’ve apologized for being dense.
When she has something to say that’s three or four sentences or more, I’ll notice I’m being spoken to and I’ll
gently interrupt her and say ‘I’m sorry I missed the first part, can you say it again?’
But if it’s quick, and I’ve missed it, then I’ve missed it entirely.
Now, I’m growing ever more frustrated that I am authentically trying to ask her to please use this technique to circumvent the initial frustration, but she refuses to do it.
Is this normal? Am I being a jerk for asking a grown woman to please get my attention before expecting me to retain what she’s saying? Particularly when it’s a one or two-sentence quick thing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are not dense, and you should not apologize for her unwillingness to communicate properly.
She wants you to hear what she has to say, it is her responsibility to communicate that to you, not your responsibility to be waiting every waking moment for her to decide she wants to talk. It is, ironically, childish and immature to act as though people don’t exist when you are not actively engaging with them, which is how she is treating you.
Stop apologizing. Tell her again that if she wants to talk to you to get your attention first, and if she doesn’t you will assume that she is talking to herself and continue with what you are doing. This is some major disrespect and she needs to realize that.” Wrong-Construction40
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, most likely this is a combination of wanting control and wanting a reason to be mad at you. I deal with the same thing. There’s something going on I don’t want to hear (loud music I don’t care for, a movie I’m not interested in, whatever), so I shrug and put on my headphones to listen to music or a podcast, then I realize I’m being spoken to and pull one of my headphones out, then it’s thrown up hands, rolled eyes, and “ugh, you weren’t listening?” Uh, no?
You see I’ve got headphones on? The worst part is when it’s loud music because I ask if it can be lowered first, get ‘no, put on your own music if you don’t like it.’ I do, then all of a sudden I’m so friggin’ popular and the fact that I can’t hear is taken as a personal insult or something.” Caalcu_Ieraas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it took years of this conversation for my husband to finally comply with this same request. I’m always listening to podcasts (with headphones since he likes it quiet). He started saying my name but no pause so I still couldn’t hear him until I stopped my podcast. Now when he says my name I almost always say “hang on a second let me pause this so I can listen to you” all while pausing the podcast. At first, I was annoyed to say this every time but it’s just habit now and he is patient while I pause things instead of being annoyed. A compromise to everything, not my preferred solution but it works and neither of us is annoyed with this solution.” phemonoe153
6. AITJ For Wanting To Report A Maid Who Used My Perfume Without Permission?
“I F29 am from the US and am away in the Caribbean at a highly rated resort with my sister, F27.
It’s our last day and we found a note on the bed in broken English from the maid saying anything we don’t want to leave behind as she is a single mother of four and can’t buy things like perfume. It specifically said perfume, nothing like money for food or necessities.
I understand the desire to feel beautiful, but still found this unprofessional and was annoyed at it. I got actually angry when I walked into the bathroom; it’s important to note that the bathroom has a double sink so I was keeping my glasses and toothbrush at one and my sister at the other.
I noticed my perfume bottle was taken out of the bag, it was on top of the shelf underneath the sinks and placed next to my sister’s sink. It’s also about a quarter less full, not just some spritzes gone.
I would’ve left a nice tip tomorrow when we leave, but now I’m angry as my perfume isn’t cheap.
I’m also aware that if I report this, she’ll be fired. I’m back and forth on what to do, so WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Although stick to strictly the facts. You have a note, and you have missing perfume. Presuming the note is handwritten and not your family’s handwriting, then bring it up with the management of the hotel that a member of their staff stole from you.
There is this silly idea that someone got that a misbehaving employee shouldn’t get fired because that employee needs the job. If it were an honest mistake of some sort, such as spilling a drink when bumped or entering the room to clean while you’re there and didn’t hear the knock, that’s one thing.
A deliberate theft of your property is entirely different, and the management should know.” The_Werefrog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Had it just been the note with nothing missing, I would’ve just let it go and not reported anything. But in your case, you have a beggy note specifying perfume AND a portion of your perfume missing.
It doesn’t take a detective to figure it out. No matter how seemingly small it is, it’s theft. You should report her. If she was concerned about getting fired or being unable to provide for her children, she wouldn’t have done something as brainless as stealing perfume and then leaving literal clues about it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So you didn’t notice anything until you read the note? I think you might be “thinking” she used your perfume. That’s a lot of perfume to use for one person in a couple of days. Did she bathe in it? This is all speculation.
So she saw your perfume and was hoping you’d leave it for her. No harm, no foul. Actually, this is why I NEVER have my sheets changed. If I want fresh towels I have them leave them by my door. I never let people go into my hotel rooms. Don’t want anybody touching my stuff.
Better safe than sorry.” dichingdi
5. AITJ For Not Paying My Late Husband's Funeral Costs With His Life Insurance Payout?
“My husband and I were both in our early 40s, married for 6 years, when he passed away suddenly a few months ago.
It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever faced, and honestly, I’ve just been trying to survive each day since. Right after he died, his mom (my MIL) stepped in and insisted on paying for all the funeral expenses. I was completely out of it, just in a fog, and really grateful for the help.
Here’s the thing: I totally forgot that my husband had a small life insurance policy through my job. I only remembered it recently and filed a claim, getting a payout. It’s not a huge amount of money, but enough to help me move back across the country to be with my family and maybe put something down on a modest home so I can start over.
When my MIL found out about the insurance payout, she flipped out. She’s demanding I pay her back for the funeral costs and accusing me of ‘using’ her son. She’s said some really hurtful things, calling me selfish and implying I’m somehow profiting off his death.
But she offered to pay for the funeral, and I truly didn’t know about the insurance money at the time. I’m still so broken over losing him, and the thought of being called heartless just adds to the pain.
I know she’s grieving too, but I’m trying to do what’s best for me to heal and move forward.
So, AITJ if I don’t give her the money? I’m already barely holding it together and just need a chance to rebuild my life.
I’m ready, I hope- to handle the criticism that may be coming my way.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
When you found out that you were going to be getting a payout from the insurance company, in my opinion, you should have let her know and offered to pay her back for the funeral expenses. Whether she chose to accept it or not is up to her, but I think the right thing would be to at least offer, even if some time had passed by that point.
Sounds to me though like she said some pretty cruel stuff, seems like she crossed the line. On the plus side, you probably won’t have to talk to her ever again anyway.” Tdluxon
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to be honest. You should at least give her some of the money.
Both of you are grieving, and it’s common for people who are grieving to be a bit…not selfish, but self-centered as a way to protect themselves. I don’t think you are a selfish person. But you are only thinking about yourself, which is understandable in a crisis.
Here’s the thing. Funerals are not cheap, and his mother had to pay for the funeral and was supporting you. The least you can do is reimburse her. I am genuinely sorry for both of your losses and I hope that the relationship was not damaged by this misstep, as you both will need each other.
It’s okay if you need to tell her that you needed to hear from some peers to realize the mistake.” AggressiveMennonite
Another User Comments:
“I don’t get all the YTJ votes. So many people just assume OP told MIL she couldn’t pay for the funeral so MIL offered and now is in need of the payout OP received. That is a bold assumption!
OP mentions in a comment that she would have been able to pay for a funeral and would have done so, had MIL not offered! A mother might want to make decisions about her child’s funeral, and the best way to do that is to arrange it all, and pay for it.
This does not reflect on OP’s ability to pay for it, or any insurance money OP may or may not receive in case of a spouse’s death. OP, you are NTJ. It is completely up to you if you want to give MIL some money to reimburse her for the funeral costs, but she offered, you did not ask.
It is your choice. I’m very sorry for your loss and I hope moving back to where your family lives will help you heal!” JuggernautWilling851
4. AITJ For Intervening When My Husband Let Our Baby Cry While He Cooked Dinner?
“My husband, 42m, is really angry right now.
I had asked him if he could watch the baby (3 months male) so I could take a shower. He said yes and took the baby right away. I took my time getting my soaps, towel, washcloth, and other shower things organized in the bathroom. During the entire 15 minutes of me being in the bathroom, the baby was crying so hard that he was losing his breath.
I was wondering why he had been crying for so long, so I came out of the bathroom and found that my husband had brought the baby swing into the kitchen and left the baby to cry while he cooked dinner on the stove. The baby’s face was red and tears were down his face.
I grabbed his pacifier and tried to calm him down a bit, and my husband became irritated that I was fussing over the baby instead of getting in the shower. I went to the sink to grab a clean bottle, intending to make a bottle and sit down to feed him so he would stop crying.
My husband reacted instantly. He swore at me and grabbed the bottle himself and started making it. He said I was ruining his plan for the night, and that I was taking over. He made the bottle and took the baby to the living room and fed him, telling me to go take my shower already.
Why didn’t he just feed the baby 15 minutes ago?
I went and took my shower, came out, and found the baby to be perfectly happy now, and my husband back at the stove and babbling with the baby. His mood was perfectly fine at this point.
I decided my best option would be to go sit in my room and try to calm down before I talk to him. He comes in and asks why I closed the door. I say that I don’t really want to talk to him right now.
And that he is not to swear at me like that again. He immediately becomes angry and says that I didn’t need to be messing with the baby when he has him. It got a little heated, with our voices raised, but nothing was said that was regrettable.
In the end, I went back to the bedroom and he finished cooking.
Later, he came into the room and angrily took his pillow, and brought it to the living room. A clear statement that he wasn’t sleeping in the bed with me tonight. I got the baby to sleep and put him to bed, then swiped his pillow off the couch on my way back to our bedroom.
I then crafted a text message basically telling him that he needs to come in and communicate with me about this because I don’t think that I deserved to be sworn at for fussing over a screaming baby. So, AITJ for “taking over” when he didn’t feed the baby?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s absolutely unacceptable to allow the baby to cry and scream until they lose their breath, especially a 3-month-old. I don’t give a darn what way or things he tried, none of them worked. So yelling/screaming/swearing at you for helping out when he CLEARLY needed help is out of the question.
At best, you choosing when you want to address him could be seen as passive-aggressive, but I also think if you’re unsure of how you’d respond to him the only thing to do was to communicate with him that you needed time (which it appears you did just that).” Mandiezie1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you had checked on them after 2 minutes, yeah… that would have been a little much. But it was 15 minutes of the baby crying hard. While it is possible the dad has been trying to soothe him, it kind of sounds like he was just going to let him cry while he did his thing.
Like… literally the opposite of WHY you wanted him to watch the baby while you showered. You could have had the baby in with you crying in the bathroom so you could shower. But you wanted the baby attended to. It is not the least bit relaxing to try and shower with a screaming baby.
Then for him to yell at you? Not okay.” Personibe
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. As a first-time mom, I totally understand the urgency to run and care for your child. You’re wired to do so, and I fully believe their little cries hit different.
That being said, I don’t think your husband was coming from a place of being cruel. Do you often overtake parenting when you feel he is being insufficient? Do you often take control and do things for your baby instead of allowing him to answer to the baby?
Maybe you two should have a good sit down and express things you need. Maybe he wants a chance to handle things with the child without your intervention. Maybe you want him to not let your child scream-cry for 15 minutes. Maybe next time walk in and say, “oh I see you’re busy with dinner!
Want me to start on his bottle so it’s ready for you when you’re done?” Parenting/partnership is hard in this phase. Strongly suggest counseling or having these discussions, setting boundaries/expectations, and expressing how you make each other feel. Often dads just feel like a background ornament.
Was his delivery the best? Absolutely not. But given his reaction, he’s probably felt this several times before and finally lost it. Give each other space to cool off and hopefully have a constructive and safe conversation in the future.” cementfeatheredbird_
3. AITJ For Giving Leftover Baby Shower Food To A Homeless Man?
“Today my cousin hosted a baby shower at a local park.
Not as big of a turnout as we expected due to cold weather, but we had a good time…for the most part.
Towards the tail end of the event, an old homeless man named Earl passed by and asked if we could spare a sandwich.
Earl is cool, all he does is pick up trash, collect cans and bottles to recycle, and mind his own business.
There was a lot of leftover food so I made him a simple plate with a sandwich, chips, and grapes. I handed them over to Earl, who looked like he was going to cry, thanked me, and went on his way.
My cousin, her sister, aunt, uncle, and guests from my cousin’s husband’s side of the family all told me I shouldn’t give food to someone who wasn’t invited, especially a bum. I pointed out that there were like 11 sandwiches, a dozen untouched croissants, and a bunch of charcuterie stuff left over.
They said if I didn’t pay them don’t give it away like an inconsiderate jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No you absolutely aren’t. What’d the plate cost, at the end of the day, less than 2$? I get being upset about hosting a baby shower nobody showed up too, but honestly.
What are you gonna do with that much food? That guy might not have eaten all week, and think about how they made him feel for the rest of the day? Not all homeless are bad, some just had bad luck. And everybody deserves to eat.
You’re a saint, we need more people like you and less like your cousin’s husband’s family.” Ok-Arrival-8975
Another User Comments:
“I used to feed a homeless man in my house. He loved hotdogs, baked beans, and relish. I would cook for him as he mostly existed on sandwiches from gas stations.
He was in his 70s, had no family (his only child died of cancer years ago) and whilst he had an income (he collected social security after paying into it for decades) he just couldn’t make ends meet. He suffered a stroke a few years ago and was paralyzed on one side so used a walker and the hand on that side was nonusable.
Not every homeless person is a “bum”. Some people just have plain bad luck. I am shocked at how we treat our elderly in this country (USA). I tried endlessly to try to help him find somewhere to live (he was living in his car).
There was nothing available. It’s truly a heartbreaking situation, these are people too. Your family is stingy and mean-spirited. I would’ve slapped some cash down for the food and told them to pray they never need help. NTJ.” rocksparadox4414
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a wonderful, kindhearted, compassionate human being!
And you treated Earl with the compassion, dignity, and respect that he deserves, as another kindhearted, compassionate human being! Thank you for being you! Thank you for treating people the way that they deserve to be treated. Such a small act of kindness like that can make all the difference in a person’s life.
And believe me, I know from personal experience. I’ve been homeless before. More than once, actually. More than twice, truth be told. And I DON’T look like what your disrespectful, judgmental, hateful family members, referred to Earl as. I didn’t look like a “bum”. Not a single time that I was homeless.
No one could just look at me and know that. It also wasn’t anything that I even did myself, that caused me to be homeless any of those times either. One was losing everything to Katrina. I mean that. Home. Job. The towns I both lived in and worked in, they were wiped off the map. The second time, that’s when I had to leave my abusive ex-husband after he tried to murder me twice one night!
I can continue. But, that’s the Cliff’s Notes. I’m not the stereotypical homeless “bum” according to your horrible family. Feel free to use this to school them.
The majority of the homeless are people who are mentally unwell, and/or military veterans. That is a fact.
And now, a growing number of our homeless population have been joined by those who are unable to afford housing in the areas where they work and/or attend school in. Rising rents, mortgage interest finance rates climbing, inflation, rising tuition, have caused increasing numbers of our population to be forced out of their homes and onto the street.
So many people are living in their cars. They don’t look like “bums”, either! Your family’s remarks were nothing but willful stupidity and judgmental hatred. There’s no excuse for such things. Especially when most of us are one paycheck from being homeless ourselves!” Medusa-1701
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Old IPhone To My Fiancée's One-Year-Old Niece?
“I (M29) travel for work and I got home yesterday and saw my old iPhone 4 sitting out charging, I asked my fiancée (f28) about it and she said that she was going to give it to her sister’s 1-year-old as a toy. I told her I didn’t want to – that I don’t think that a 1-year-old needs an iPhone.
She said I was being selfish and that her sister doesn’t like giving her phone to the baby and since I don’t use this anymore I should be happy to give it to her. I don’t think I need to give it away as a toy and I don’t think they should give her a real phone just because she always takes theirs.
I said she can get a fake phone or play with other toys and my fiancée said she’s just going to take it and I don’t have a say in it since I’m being selfish. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. WHY is it that “selfish” is being misused so much these days?
No, you are NOT the jerk for this, a baby should NOT have their slobber over the phone, it might still harm the kid darn it. Your fiancee does not respect her sis either, there’s a reason a mum won’t give a kid an ELECTRIC toy darn it.
I get furious when I see something like that, take that phone and keep it close so your fiancee doesn’t steal it. NTJ but your fiancee is entitled and a major jerk.” Awkward_Friendship36
Another User Comments:
“It is not selfish to have a different view about what kind of gift is appropriate for a child.
Calling you “selfish” is a mischaracterization of the conflict. I wish people would lay off with their judgment of how your fiancée’s sister should raise her kid — but OP, you are not obliged to support parenting choices you don’t agree with. Your fiancée may disagree, and if you intend to have kids, maybe this different approach is worth discussing.
No two people have the same view about how to raise kids, so it’s a good idea to talk about this kind of thing to see what compromises may be in your future if you do decide to have children together. Are you keeping the phone as a backup in case your current one breaks or something?
If not, maybe wipe it, and donate it to a charity where a grownup could use it. NTJ.” dj1nni1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No 1 year old needs an iPhone – or any type of cell phone – to use as a “toy”. The child shouldn’t even be in a position where she is demanding a phone from others either.
That tells me that the adults around her have already got her “addicted” to the phone by using it as a digital babysitter, and now she knows she can throw a fit and get what she wants (or just take it whenever she wants, which also isn’t good).
But putting that aside for a moment, your fiancée has no right to just take your old phone and give it away. It’s your property. Doesn’t matter if you’re not using it anymore or not; it’s your property, not hers. It’s not being selfish to want to keep property of yours from being stolen and given away to someone else, and that’s basically what she’s doing here.
She’s going to steal your phone, regardless of what you say, and give it to her sister. I would be looking at this with wide-open eyes because this could set precedence if she’s allowed to do this. Because yeah, it’s just this old phone now, but it could be something else next time.
It may not even be to give something away to a family member; it could be something she hates that you use and don’t want you to use anymore. I know that sounds extreme, but we’ve seen many stories like that on here like that.
Perhaps this could be a one-time thing, but I wouldn’t be so confident in that.
This is a big red flag that shouldn’t be ignored. You need to take the phone back, hide it away, get rid of it for yourself, and lay down the boundary that your fiancée can not and will not take anything of yours without your permission.
I wouldn’t go so far as to give an ultimatum yet (such as reporting the phone stolen to the police or breaking up if she goes through with this), but there needs to be a line in the sand. You wouldn’t take anything of hers and give it away, so she needs to give you the same respect.
If she does love and care for you and your relationship, this should be enough to convince her not to go through with this. But if she doesn’t, I definitely recommend postponing the wedding until you two can go through some sort of couples’ counseling, because this breach of trust needs to be remedied before you get married.” SweetAshori
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Pregnant Sister Change Her Bridesmaid Dress Last Minute?
“I recently got married, and during my wedding process, my sister was supposed to be a bridesmaid. Now, my engagement was 9 months in length, and we told her that she would be a bridesmaid once I got engaged. When my fiancee first started dress shopping, she told my sister she wanted all bridesmaids to wear the same style and color.
My fiancee asked if she should look at maternity-style dresses so my sister could work on the family expansion, which she had been discussing for the past three years. My sister said that it was not going to be an issue and we didn’t need to worry about her.
So, my fiancee picked a dress that she was okay with.
A couple of months later, my sister announced she was pregnant. My fiancee contacted her to see how she could help her with the dress alterations. My sister said she would figure it out.
Well, five months later, it’s a month before our wedding, and my sister calls me in a fit of rage, saying that I am not allowing her to be a part of my big day. I need to change the dress. It’s super bad; she has to wear the same dress style, and I need to let her wear a different dress than the other bridesmaids.
At this point, I told her no, she needed to figure it out, and she had a five-plus month plan for this, or she could have told me to back out. For reference, we are 3 weeks away from our actual wedding date. At this point as well my sister plays on my parents’ emotions and has my mom and my father start pressuring me into changing and allowing my sister to have her way.
Now granted, the matching is something that both my fiancee and I wanted.
I had to remove my sister from the bridesmaid party because she could not get into the dress; I had to pay for another dress and make-up for a backup bridesmaid. Now, my family won’t talk to me, and my wife feels we’re being excommunicated because we didn’t let my sister have what she wanted at my wedding.
Am I the jerk for telling them that they were all in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“The wedding is all about the couple getting married, pretty much everyone else is irrelevant. Your sister had ample time to address any issues around her pregnancy and the dress she had to wear, but likely procrastinated and realized way too late that she had a problem.
She made it your problem, and you solved it, just not how she wanted it solved. NTJ. Too bad your sister can’t participate, but hopefully you’ll enjoy a wedding day with less drama.” baka-tari
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the bad guy here. From the sound of it, you gave your sister plenty of time and options, even asking upfront if a maternity dress would be better since she’d been talking about family planning.
She told y’all it wouldn’t be an issue, so it’s only natural you took her at her word and moved forward with a plan to keep things matching just like y’all wanted. Honestly, it sounds like you and your fiancée tried to be fair and thoughtful, and it’s a shame it turned into this.
When she changed her mind last minute and made a fuss, you were already knee-deep in wedding prep, and there’s just no easy way to change things that late in the game without piling on stress. It’s tough when family starts chiming in, too, especially when you’re just trying to keep things organized and stick to the plan.
It’s your day, and you deserve to have it feel right for y’all. Maybe after some time, your family will realize you weren’t trying to make things difficult—you were simply holding everyone to the plan that was set. Letting go of family pressure isn’t easy, but you did what you thought was best.” Basic_Dig1720
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Slowly start distancing yourself from these toxic people OP. Your sister is the golden child and nothing you or your fiancée do will ever compare to the wants, needs, and desires of the golden sister. Now ask yourself how you felt growing up in her shadow?
Now ask yourself how you would feel watching your own future children (if you want them) being treated less than by their own grandparents in comparison to your sister’s kids? People who play favorites really love that game and will do so over and over again.
The best thing you and your fiancée can do for yourself is keep your distance. And if you don’t have kids or want kids – you are going to need to establish that distance now before you become the default parents to your sister’s kids because your poor sister is going to need all the breaks she can get and since you two don’t have any kids then you must be available to pick up the slack and provide all the childcare.
Oh! And forgot to mention, if you and/or fiancée make more money, that money should clearly be spent on your sister’s kids and their needs as well…let them excommunicate you. It would be the kindest thing you could do for yourself. And if you really want to jab at all of them, uninvite them but post nothing but glorious happy photos of the wedding.
People like your sister and parents are incapable of understanding how others could have a great time without them. In their minds, everything should be ruined and tragic if their presence is missing. Go LC asap.” BigDrive9121
