People Have Mixed Feelings About These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Getting Upset When My Husband Mocked My Music On My Birthday?
“Today is my birthday and my husband and I went out to dinner. We were going to go grab some drinks, dance, and then catch a late-night movie.
After dinner, we were feeling good and he started doing this thing where he makes fun of songs I listen to or am listening to.
I know he’s trying to be funny but I told him “dude, stop. You’re ruining the song.” He laughed it off and then I specifically put a song on to show him. He started doing it again during the song and I got so annoyed. I turned off the song and told him how I was so annoyed that he does this when I’m trying to show him something.
I was being too in my feels and emotional as he said and things escalated.
We ended up at home and I feel like my birthday is ruined because I should have just shut up. AITJ for telling him something and blowing things out of proportion??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he sounds like someone who sucks the joy out of everything in the name of a “joke”. Personally, I love showing the people around me things that I’m excited by and invested in and there is nothing worse in them not showing any interest, or worse, making fun of it.
This doesn’t sound like an isolated incident, he should let you enjoy yourself and take your feelings into consideration.” highschool_stress
Another User Comments:
“It’s not a joke if the other person doesn’t find it funny. And, if they ask you to stop but you don’t, that’s bullying.
I’m sorry your husband has been such a jerk when today should have been all about things that make you happy. Buy yourself some headphones as a birthday self-gift. That’s definitely a thing, btw. Treat yourself to keeping your music for you, to enjoy uninterrupted. And make yourself a Spotify playlist called ‘Screw You’, to play whenever he winds you up in the future.
Happy Birthday. NTJ – but you’re married to one.” the_esjay
Another User Comments:
“Sometimes, in these situations, we have to accept who people are. Your husband is someone who doesn’t take people’s musical tastes seriously or listens to people who ask him to stop.
You are going to have to accept this and you cannot change him. So, don’t show him any songs. You don’t need to show him them, you already know he won’t respect them. In the future, if he behaves like he did, just laugh it off until he’s done and bored, and then get back to enjoying your time together.” [deleted]
21. AITJ For Not Sharing My Sauce Or Driving Back To Get My Mom Some?
“I (18f) was driving home from work (about an hour-long commute) and offered to buy my family Chick-fil-A if they cashapped me. Everyone accepted and sent me their meal orders. (My mom sent me hers too.) After I received their order, I asked if anyone wanted sauces, condiments, etc. They all said no. (My mom didn’t reply, so I assumed her answer was no because I didn’t know what she liked from Chick-fil-A.) I got one packet of buffalo sauce for my sandwich.
Once I got home, my mom asked if she could have my sauce. I told her no because I got the sauce for myself. I didn’t know she wanted sauce. I told her if she wanted sauce she could have replied. She got mad, saying I was greedy for not sharing with my own mother.
She then started demanding that I drive back to Chick-fil-A and get her sauce. I told her to go get her own. (She wasn’t going to pay for my gas money and Chick-fil-A was about 45 minutes from my home.) She then called me rude and useless.
“How dare you not want to get sauce for your own mother!” I sat and ate in silence in my room. AITJ for not sharing my sauce/not driving back to get her some?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yeesh it’s just freaking sauce, overreaction on her part.
How would you have even known she wanted sauce when she didn’t respond? That is on her.” yogagirl54
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Surely, she has some BBQ sauce or ketchup or something in the fridge! Next time, get yourself something and eat at the restaurant or in your car.
And don’t offer to pick up for your family.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You got yourself a sauce for your sandwich so you can enjoy it. The end. You didn’t forget the sauce and you didn’t have more than you needed (which might have changed the outcome a bit).
But it’s a very harsh reaction from your mother.” Newt-Future
20. AITJ For Letting Only My Responsible Son Have Snapchat, Not My Misbehaving Daughter?
“My son and daughter are twins, both turn 13 in a few weeks.
My daughter has been begging me for Snapchat for the past few years, under the argument that all her friends have it. My son also wants it but doesn’t care if he doesn’t get it. Their mom passed shortly after giving birth, and it’s always been just me.
I believe 13 is the right age for it, but here’s the problem.
The thing is, I don’t know if my daughter is responsible enough to use it appropriately. She’s been grounded from her phone for misusing it (ex: staying up till 2 am on Facetime, cussing via text, all things they’re not allowed to do).
The most recent being three weeks ago, and she just got it back last week. I don’t think she is ready for something like that.
But my son has worked hard in school and is very mature, and I think he deserves it. I’m afraid my daughter will accuse me of playing favorites.
WIBTJ if I let my son get Snapchat, but not my daughter?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you would be the jerk. I see your concern, and here’s my thought: put rules around it, and give her the chance to rise to the challenge. Both of them can get a Snapchat, and if they’re on that (or anything) past X time, phones are given to you at bedtime for a week.
You will be seen as playing favorites if you just give it to your son, so make it as fair as you can, and then you’re just parenting to keep them making the right choices if she can’t handle it. Also, how do you know she was cussing by text?
Consider that if you’re going through phones, that’s a big violation of privacy. You do want to keep them safe, and the best way to do that is to be a parent who’s trusted and safe to talk to/mess up around.
Sure there can be consequences, but going through their phones and punishing them for things will just make them better at hiding things from you.” SisterAlliance
Another User Comments:
“Lol, dude, chill. Strict parents are only making children better in hiding, nothing more. It’s way more important to talk about safe use than restricting it.
And if you deny her something based on former behavior, which she already was punished for, you’re sending the message “I don’t trust you can grow and change. I love your brother more”. Your examples of “bad” behavior are also kinda laughable. Who has never stayed late because of stupid things on the internet?
It’s not like she started a Kickstarter campaign to harm homeless dogs or stole your credit card to buy stuff on the internet.” No_Room_10604
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – kids need the freedom to make mistakes and make decisions for themselves. Talk to her about boundaries and the responsibility that having freedom brings.
Explain to her the social consequences that she can have with her peers if conversations she is having in private become public. Whatever happened to getting your kids ready for adulthood? It seems that most parents just want to avoid their kids maturing and developing their brain to be able to function in the real world but that’s just my general opinion.” feeteffigy
19. AITJ For Asking My Landlord To Keep His Dog Out Of My Apartment?
“Recently the apartment building I live in was sold. The new landlord is always finding reasons to come in and has a HUGE poorly-trained Dalmatian. The building has always been no pets allowed. I assumed this continued. I double-checked my lease and we’re still not allowed pets.
On his third unannounced visit, I said “Can you keep the dog out of the apartment?” He replied, “Why?!” I said, “The lease says no animals”. He did it.
This was Wednesday morning. Since then, at least 20 neighbors have discussed this with me. I was getting mixed messages.
I called a neighbor I am friendly with. While they were at work, they said the going story is the landlord now asks if he can bring his dog into apartments. Another neighbor asked why he asked. My landlord named my apartment number and said “Some tenants are troublemakers”.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He may own the building now, but that doesn’t give him the right to do just anything to a property for which you currently have a lease. I’m not 100% positive, but I suspect that there are actually laws that address this sort of thing.
I know there are laws that cover when/how a landlord can enter an apartment or property. They may also address who/what he can bring into the property while doing so. He may not like it, but he’s not allowed to make these unannounced visits, depending on where you live.
In many areas, landlords have to give notice before they are allowed to enter. I believe it’s 3 days where I live. Might be work looking into it where you are.” CesareBorgia713
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You wouldn’t think so since they have very short hair, but Dalmatian hair gets everywhere.
Literally everywhere. And it’s impossible to remove. They’re one of the few breeds where the hairs actually have little barbs on them, and they stick to literally everything. I have a friend who used to have a Dalmatian and the hair is still around even though the old boy died years ago.
On the other hand, they sure are pretty though.” TerribleTwinTeddy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Why”? Are you joking?? I would have made his head spin so fast.. ” well landlord which angle do you want me to start at… the fact that it’s my apartment that I pay rent for and that alone is a good enough reason for you… or because it’s not allowed.” You should’ve asked how much is the pet fee since they’re allowed inside now..
but even if they were allowed it’s still disrespectful of him to assume you want his unpleasant dog in your living space. He wouldn’t have made it inside the first time with me.” Wild_Candle9522
18. AITJ For Declining To Be A Caregiver For An Elderly Man I Just Met?
“I (20f) moved in with my partner (20m) like 5 or 6 days ago. He lives with an older quadriplegic man (70s), his granddaughter (25f), and a middle-aged woman (45f?) who cares for him.
I don’t have a job yet so I cook and clean most of the time.
Yesterday, the middle-aged lady left unexpectedly due to her having an affair with the granddaughter’s husband and I overheard that they want me to start taking care of him while they go to work.
They also said that they will take $200 off of the rent that we pay. Yes, I am here most of the time but I was planning on going back to college and I have ZERO experience in caring for an elderly person. WIBTJ if I decline being a caregiver to an elderly man I just met?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to accept any job you don’t want, anyway. Caring for an elderly quadriplegic is something that should be attended to by a professional. It’s physically and emotionally labor intensive– you’ll likely have to lift him multiple times a day, dress him, feed him, and help him use the toilet.
$200/mo isn’t adequate for all that, even if it’s only part-time. They probably want you to do it because an actual trained caregiver would be much more expensive than a couple hundred dollars. Taking this job without the necessary training puts you and the patient at risk for serious injury.
It’s just not worth it. Politely decline and get yourself enrolled in school.” joanclaytonesq
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a quadriplegic cousin. I don’t know the degree of the elderly man’s paralysis such as fused hands. I recommend no due to health complexities such as urinary and rectal issues, bed sores, infections, lack of ability to feel overheated or frostbite, the bedtime routine (I e lift use), shower routine, and food prep (is the food cut properly to ensure ease of consuming).
There is a liability issue. I.e. my cousin sued (and won) a lawsuit against a nursing agency for not proper care (he acquired an infection from a bed sore and it nearly killed him because the nurse didn’t do anything about it and a PSW came and saw the state of infection and took him to the hospital where he stayed for 6 months).
A lot of responsibility and liability involved.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m not even going to read what anyone else has said. $200 a month? That’s ludicrous for 24-hour care it’s not even scratching the surface of what they should pay. Moving on, caring for a quadriplegic needs someone with knowledge.
You could truly hurt yourself, as well as him, by trying to do things without proper training. You should be insured and protected. What if something were to happen to him accidentally? That is just the basics. Not everyone is made for that kind of work, I find touching the skin of people I don’t know, icky.
Much less anything else. I would let them know if they just leave him and assume you will tend to his needs, you will have to call social services. It’s not something that is negotiable you will not take responsibility for his care. If they are not concerned about your lack of desire or training you are.” oberlinmom
17. AITJ For Wanting To Visit My Nephew Against My Brother's Wishes?
“My brother got divorced 10 years ago and practically abandoned his kid and ex-wife (he was unfaithful to his ex and now lives with his new partner). His ex-wife and nephew live overseas.
My brother has never visited his son in the past 10 years, but he does video chats and plays games with him once every 2-3 weeks.
4 years ago, my brother’s ex contacted me asking if I’d be willing to talk to my nephew. And of course, I said yes, and now I have a good relationship with both my nephew and his mom.
Before she contacted me, I didn’t even have a way to be in touch with them, because my brother didn’t tell me anything (even when I asked).
After talking to his ex-wife, I found out that my nephew had been begging my brother to come visit him for many years, but he always said he couldn’t (due to work and other excuses).
I know he can easily go visit him (he makes a lot of money and his job gives him a lot of leave).
I’m traveling soon and I’ll be visiting my nephew and his mom. My nephew is really excited, he’s always asked me when I’ll visit him.
I mentioned this to my brother (because I thought my nephew already told my brother), but my brother got upset and he told me not to see his son.
To add some more info, my relationship with my brother isn’t that good to begin with.
WIBTJ if I ignore him and visit my nephew anyway?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You haven’t written anything that would indicate ex-SIL was abusive or cruel or criminal. This child is your family too and you are allowed to have a relationship with him.
Your brother probably doesn’t want to hear about your visit from his son or feel guilty for not visiting. He’s got that child nicely compartmentalized. If you go be prepared for friction between you and your brother. I think if you approach a relationship with your nephew as completely removed from your brother’s life and relationship with his son you have a chance of it being a good thing.” Firm-Molasses-4913
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk for visiting. Your brother doesn’t sound like he has the right to determine who his son can and can’t see. Additionally, since y’all don’t have a good relationship, he probably hasn’t earned enough respect for you to follow his request. Having a connection to his dad’s side of the family is something that your nephew will cherish.
Hope you visit and have a wonderful time. If your brother protests, you can tell him that as a screen-only father, he doesn’t have the right to dictate who your nephew sees in person.” love_eumore
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and good for you. My father wasn’t around when I was a kid and him paying child support was a very spotty thing.
My uncles and grandparents were more parent-like to me than my father ever was. Even today, I’m very close to his older brother and have seen far more of him throughout my life at all stages of life than I have of my own father.
Your nephew needs you. Kids can never have too many loving adults in their life.” Spinnerofyarn
16. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Close His Unsuccessful Business?
“My (31F) husband (38M) has owned his own business since 2010-ish. That is where we met in 2012, fell in love, and within two years got married and had a child.
He had two kids from a prior relationship and we had them frequently and eventually 50/50 (for the last 7 years or so).
It took a little while, but his baby mama and I became very close and are good friends to this day.
After working with him for about two years, I moved on to a different job that offered benefits for our family and an opportunity for advancement.
His income over the years has been sporadic at best and not dependable so I have solely been responsible for the majority of bills. When we get into a jam or need a lump sum of money, like for car repairs, he does typically figure it out, but again no dependable income coming in.
On top of being in charge of both managing and paying finances, I have been the primary caretaker for our children and our home. I constantly have to ask him to help with chores, especially any kind of deep cleaning, and managing the kids’ schedules.
Literally, if I don’t ask, nothing gets done. And if I’m having an off day or week, no one is picking up the slack.
Don’t get me wrong, I know I am not perfect. I admittedly suffer from depression and that can cause my general attitude to vary greatly depending on the day but I’ve always been very supportive of his business and our family.
In so many ways, this man is wonderful to me, but in some of the big ways, he continues to fall short, no matter how much I communicate my needs. I honestly feel if the business wasn’t part of the equation and he brought home a steady income we would all be happier!!
He is very smart/talented and capable of finding work just about anywhere.
At the beginning of this year, we had a conversation about the business and I told him that if things didn’t get better this year, I felt he needed to shut it down.
We are now in late November and it’s been the same story again this year. So I told him he needs to make a decision and start positively contributing to the family so that we can have the future we keep talking about. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The sad reality is that if he cannot take a reasonable salary from the business every two weeks then his business is not successful. It is a hobby that your family can no longer afford. This is going to be a very painful reality for him to accept.
Things will get worse at home before they improve. It could take him the better part of next year to find a job. And he is likely to deal with some anger/grief/depression over losing his business. Since he isn’t getting a financial windfall from it you need to figure out what he DOES get out of it.
Is it a social outlet for him? Does it make him feel important to be an entrepreneur and business owner? You need to know these things BEFORE you have a conversation about where things lead in the future. You are NTJ but you need to handle this with incredible tact and diplomacy.
I speak as a person who grew up with a business owner parent and didn’t realize until pretty far into adulthood that it wasn’t a very successful business. It functioned on a shoestring and at one point in my early adulthood I was making more money than my parent did – after running that business for over 25 years.
Just because someone owns a business doesn’t mean the business is successful, even if they manage to keep it running.” AlbanyBarbiedoll
Another User Comments:
“Wow, this was my and my wife’s situation for years. I ran a construction company and was sporadic with my income until I made it a priority to pay myself a weekly salary.
Same amount every week. It forced me to find the additional work and streamline my bids and labor. I gave myself a raise every year and continued this way for another 5 years. Focusing on being reliable and consistent with my pay added to the stability of my business.
No jerks here. But the conversation needs to happen about finding consistency or moving on.” AKams79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, I believe someone else replied your husband’s “job” is more like a hobby, not a business. Does he pay any child support/maintenance for his children from his previous marriage?
You said you have depression; I believe I would also have depression if my husband didn’t provide a steady income, expected me to work, do the bulk of the home care, child care, and anything else. If a man were posting this “my wife has a hobby that she calls a job and the income barely helps us live”, then people would clamor that the wife needs to get a Real Job and quit playing around.
It is Adult Time Now. Could be this is one reason he has an “ex” wife, he won’t grow up. Of course so many of us dream of being our own boss, living our own lives the way we want it. But that isn’t how real life works most of the time, right?
Give him a deadline, talk to an attorney. If you do have to leave him, he WILL need to suck it up, get a REAL PAYING JOB to support your babies. Questions: if you average his yearly income, and estimate how many hours he puts in at this “job”, what is his hourly wage?
Is it below minimum wage? You need to quit carrying his dreams on your shoulders.” NCKALA
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit My Niece While My Brother And His Wife Do Substances?
“My brother and his wife live out of town and are coming for a visit over the Thanksgiving holidays. They have asked my mom and me to reserve a day to spend 8 hours (possibly more) watching their 1-year-old baby, my niece.
Meanwhile, they want to go off and do substances together all day. I love my niece and she’s an easy baby, but I also don’t know much about taking care of a baby, and my aging mother hasn’t done it in over 30 years, especially for this long.
They left us with their baby for 4 hours while they went to a movie when they visited last time (baby was 6 months old). We played with her, fed her, and put her down for a nap.
So, part of me is thinking, “okay maybe it’s not that hard to take care of the baby for a few hours.” But I really don’t want to for that long, especially so they can go off and have a day to themselves.
It’s not like an emergency and they needed me. On the other hand, I get that it’s their “date day,” and they don’t often get to be alone just the two of them anymore, and she just finished breastfeeding last month, thus she is freer now with what she puts in her body.
I’m also concerned that my mother and I will have questions and they will be unreachable for so long. It’s not my obligation to watch their kid! That’s the bottom line I’m trying to tell myself. But I still feel like a jerk for wanting to say no to this.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I’m a parent, I don’t use substances, but I see no issue with this. They are being responsible and making sure their child is taken care of. You don’t have to agree but it’s completely ok for them to ask.” HailTheCrimsonKing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Going out for a few hours to get a bit of a break is one thing but going out for 8 hours to be unable to make rational decisions & choices in case of an emergency with your child is quite another story.
You might as well tell your brother the party is over now that he has become a father you are now on call for your child 24/7 there are no days off, it’s time to grow up, be responsible & get it together. He cannot just go off with his wife for 8 hours where you won’t be able to ask them questions about the baby or in an emergency be able to tell them about it & have them take over parental duties & make life decisions.
You & your mother need to be a united front in this standpoint and both refuse to watch the baby under these conditions & if they find a friend or someone else then it’s on them.” dwassell73
Another User Comments:
“Unpopular opinion. First of all, you are NTJ if you choose not to babysit.
It’s totally your decision and you should do what feels best for you. Second, as a parent, I feel irritated hearing all these other people shaming “parents” for having a day to themselves. Just because you have a kid doesn’t mean you can’t still be yourself and find ways to enjoy life, provided your kid(s) are in a safe place.
OP – you should never feel obligated to babysit. And, if you’re willing, I can say as a parent who has little to no family support, it means the world when a family member spends quality time with our kid, while also helping us stay sane by getting a small break.
(Also, maybe think ahead – if you ever have kids one day, will you hope your brother/his wife reciprocate and help with your kid? Because I’m just saying, when our siblings have kids we will say good luck because we never got an ounce of support.)” Reddit User
14. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Master's Thesis With A Friend?
“My friend and I just finished a Master’s degree in Law and over the summer we had to write a thesis.
Anyway, he was supposed to but he deferred it to November/December (basically now). He called me to ask a few weeks ago if he could see my thesis now I have my results back to understand my structure.
I told him that we are doing completely different topics and questions so it doesn’t apply.
He doesn’t seem to get that and texted me again yesterday if he can see it. I feel like I shouldn’t give it, especially when I asked him for a favor last month and he said he’d do it then didn’t, and also I’m worried what plagiarism issues could arise with him having my whole dissertation.
WIBTJ if I refused to give it to him? I’m just worried he could change topics last minute to the same as mine and then the submission software catches us both for plagiarism. My friends warned me against it since he was in the same class as us and quite an opportunistic person.”
Another User Comments:
“You don’t have to share anything you don’t want to. If he’s annoyed you and you don’t feel like helping that’s 100% your decision. But also it is totally normal to read someone’s thesis to get an idea of scale, structure, level of detail, etc (I mean plenty of universities have examples archived – academic research is intended to be read after all).
This isn’t him asking for exam questions – it’s asking to read something that could reasonably be published. As you have said different question and topic so the plagiarism point isn’t really relevant. If you just don’t want to then own it.” Competitive-Sail6264
Another User Comments:
“Yes. YTJ. First, this doesn’t make sense. If you’re in a research LLM program requiring a thesis (as compared to a professional LLM program that generally doesn’t require one) then there should have been some sort of research module where you develop your thesis and workshop aspects of it, and get help on structure and development.
Also, you don’t just “defer” your thesis. It’s an ongoing process requiring a supervisor and a committee. It’s unrealistic that a supervisor just lets you defer beginning your writing til several months later. If you’re telling the truth about this whole thing, but you’ve left out the above details… There shouldn’t be a problem letting your friend read your thesis for help on structure.
When I did my Master’s, my friends in the program and I did allow each other to read our work as we went along. “Different topics” is irrelevant. Most theses and dissertations in law follow a basic sort of structure. It can help a lot to read other’s work.
If you plan to enter academia, it’s almost all peer review and workshopping and reading each other’s work. That’s also how you get cross-pollination of ideas that help both parties. If this is some super untrustworthy person, who isn’t really your friend but an acquaintance, I could maybe understand the hesitation.
But at the Master’s level, if this is a good friend, I’m not sure why you think they would plagiarize off you when there’s literally an entire library of old theses to read and plagiarize off of.” TubbyPiglet
Another User Comments:
“Not enough info to know if no jerks here or ESH.
I recently did a master’s thesis. Professors kept giving me different structures for it so I understand why there may be some confusion. My adviser told me to do it a certain way, another got annoyed I did it that way. I kept referring to newer theses to try and follow those structures at least so it’d be easy to edit.
Whatever the topic, the structure would be the same so you don’t make sense there. But why you may also be a jerk is academic work is meant to be shared once it’s published. It’s literally kept in the library for every student to look at.
So you obviously don’t like him for a specific reason. If he changed topics last minute, that wouldn’t make sense. You have already submitted your thesis and it’s already approved… for him to change topics, he would either have to research an entirely new topic he isn’t familiar with or he’d need to entirely steal your stuff – which was already approved and no way for a masters degree does your friend know not to plagiarize.
So either he is a giant jerk and he steals a MASTER’S THESIS last minute…. and it’s easy to show you gave him your thesis BEFORE he changed topics and that he was the problem. Or you just don’t like the guy… Without any reason why you think he’d steal your topic and thesis – which again would be monumentally stupid given you would have written timelines and his adviser would know exactly when he changed topics so the paper trail is entirely obvious – it seems more you just don’t like him and are ‘punishing’ him for not doing you the favour before.
In which case, yeah. ESH.” roymondous
13. AITJ For Leaving My Aunt's Filthy House Without Telling Her?
“I (18M) have lived with my aunt (47F) for about 3 years now and we have a rather strained relationship.
I went away to university a few months ago and came home this weekend to get some Christmas shopping done, however, I was mortified when I saw the shape the house was in.
When I walked in, I was nearly knocked off my feet by the overwhelming smell of urine.
My aunt has a big dog that she leaves home alone for the majority of the day. I noticed dark stains all over the floor and asked my cousin what they were. He informed me those were stains from the dog vomiting in the house that nobody cleaned up.
There were dishes in the sink covered in mold and my shoes stuck to the kitchen floor. I was super overwhelmed so I decided to take a shower and listen to some tunes to calm down. When I pulled back the shower curtain I saw that there were puddles of dried urine on the floor and even a line of urine up the wall, apparently someone had turned my shower into their own personal urinal. Not to mention the drops of dried urine I found around the bathroom floor.
The icing on the cake was finding out my bedroom had been completely ransacked as if someone was digging around in my belongings looking for something.
I was so appalled I packed as many of my things as I could into my car and took off in the middle of the night to find somewhere else to stay.
I woke up this morning to a series of texts from my aunt calling me names and telling me how rude and ungrateful I am. I’m a pretty stoic person but these texts nearly drove me to tears. I blocked her but I feel totally consumed by guilt and I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for leaving, that place is a health hazard. My only question is, did you tell anyone you were going to stay somewhere else? If you said you were unable to stay, no further discussion is necessary. If you left and they didn’t know what happened, you might apologize for making them worry.
In no circumstance should you be sorry you can’t live in filth.” LuckiOregon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would be reporting that house to your local health department or whoever can get the house in your area shut down, and to get the dog out of that situation I would be calling your local animal shelter or animal control.
I would also start keeping documents of every little interaction with your aunt so you could start looking into a restraining or protective order if you are scared of her hurting you. Please keep yourself safe also might be time to get some pepper spray to protect yourself.
I also would recommend therapy to start working on how to handle an abusive family member.” momo10567
Another User Comments:
“Yes YTJ for your approach here. Unless she was mistreating you your disappearance in the middle of the night was unwarranted. This woman presumably took you in when you needed help and were a child and you dipped at the first chance.
Did it occur to you that she maybe needed some help? Did it occur to you to maybe do some cleaning with your time home to help out?” Shortestbreath
12. AITJ For Disputing My Daughter's Self-Diagnosis Of Autism?
“My daughter is one of the most well-adjusted and socially adept people I have met. She has organized her own birthday parties, excelled at debate team and the Feminist Roundtable club at her school where she organized a fundraiser for at-risk young women… I’m beyond proud of her.
She is an incredible person and I truly feel the sky is the limit for her.
However, she has recently made a friend group that I believe is not great for her. Three people, two are non-binary and one girl and all of them claim to be autistic.
I guess this has rubbed off on my daughter because now she is also claiming to be autistic. My sister is following her on TikTok and I guess she posts “stimming” videos and other things. She has given me zero evidence before this point to even entertain the notion that she is autistic.
I truly never even considered it until she met these friends. This leads me to believe it is made up.
I have noticed that these friends are causing her to distance herself from her other friends who encouraged a more healthy lifestyle – friends she met in a feminist roundtable for example who I really liked. She does not really do anything anymore but sit in her room and make videos with these friends about autism.
It’s really strange and has me feeling pretty bad.
The other day she and her friends were in the kitchen and my daughter said something along the lines of “she wouldn’t understand because she isn’t autistic” about a classmate. I calmly stated after she said this that she is not autistic either, has self-diagnosed, and shouldn’t patronize people by claiming that she is autistic as it is inappropriate to people who actually struggle.
She got furious and stomped up to her room. Her friends followed. She’s not talking to me anymore.
AITJ for “calling out” my daughter?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for telling her that. However I think that you should maybe take her to an expert and have her checked, that will not just confirm what you are saying but also give your daughter the assurance that her self-diagnosis was wrong, and maybe ease her doubts.
Worse comes to worst, if she does turn out to be one, you can then take appropriate steps to deal with it.” BoredofBin
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Wait for her friends to go home before you start the conversation. Of course she’s mad at you, you embarrassed her.
And regardless of whether or not she actually is autistic (that’s not for me to judge), you’ve now shown her that she won’t be getting the support she needs from you if she is. Even if that’s not what you meant, that’s how she will interpret it.
Autism is not diagnosed nearly as often in women as it is in men because society pressures women to mask even more. It’s possible that it wasn’t until she started making autistic friends that she felt more comfortable not masking. That’s what it was like for me: I wasn’t comfortable referring to myself as neurodivergent until other neurodivergent people told me they recognized things I did as autistic behaviors, and it actually helped me to feel way more comfortable and at peace with myself.
I think you have some personal biases to check: why can’t your daughter do all these incredible extracurriculars and be this brilliant person you’ve always seen her as and be autistic? Why are those two things mutually exclusive? It’s also possible that she may not be formally autistic, but is neurodivergent in some other way.
But again, even if she is faking to try and fit in, you still should’ve waited for her friends to leave and actually communicated instead of just shutting her down.” StaringAtStarshine
Another User Comments:
“Bless her heart. She’s 15, she’s still finding herself, and it’s easy to copy your friends at that age.
Being (or pretending to be) autistic probably makes her feel unique, which all teenagers love. I’m sure she’ll start talking to you by the time she graduates high school. Seriously though, you probably shouldn’t have left the conversation there, nor should you have aired your concerns for the first time in front of her friends, when it would be the most embarrassing for her.
There must have been some part of you that wanted to do that though, maybe as a way to diminish your daughter in her new friends’ eyes so you could delegitimize her somehow, maybe even to the point where her friendship with the people you don’t like would be ruined. I would urge you to have a calm, non-judgmental, and mature conversation with your daughter about her fixation on being perceived as autistic and your concerns about her new friends.
First apologize for embarrassing her though. You do have some humble pie to swallow. Soft YTJ. (P.S. I don’t know why one of the friends being non-binary has anything to do with it.)” dystopiadattopia
11. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Uses Me As An Excuse To Leave Work Early?
“My husband (60M) came home early yesterday and told me (47F) that he used me as an excuse to leave work early. He told his manager and foreman that I had taken a bad fall putting up Christmas decorations.
That is not all of it. When he called them this morning he continued his story telling them he had come home to me on the floor with plants and soil thrown everywhere from my fall, that I had hit the coffee table on my way down, and that my knee and my ankle are swollen and he was going to be taking me in for x-rays.
Here is the thing we work for the same company, I work from home on a couple of different projects than him, but we know a lot of the same people from previous jobs.
He is telling me the story that way if anyone comes up to me at our upcoming Christmas party I can be prepared if they ask me how I’m feeling.
I told him I thought this was seriously messed up. I told him I didn’t like being used as an excuse so he could get off work early and I have been making comments towards him. For example, when he asked me if I was okay, I told him “I’m not sure you tell me” or he asks me to get him something, I tell him “no, my knee is hurting I can’t walk right now.” He told me he is getting sick of my comments and that he is over it.
I told him I don’t appreciate being used as an excuse and I don’t appreciate someone “wishing harm upon me.” He told me I was overreacting.
So AITJ for not wanting to be used as an excuse? FYI this isn’t the first time he has done this to me the last time he didn’t tell me I was his excuse so when I was asked by an acquaintance if I was feeling better I told them I was never ill.
They gave me the weirdest look and when I mentioned it to my husband that night he told me why they were asking me that, he was upset that time too telling me I should’ve known to just go with it.”
Another User Comments:
“Why can’t the lie be about his mother, someone no one in his company is going to run across and who won’t have to keep a memory of all the lies?
Nope, husband is wrong to involve you so often and put you in an uncomfortable situation. He’s besmirching your good name at work as well because when this becomes known, you’re going to be painted with the same liar, liar brush as he will be.
Tell him not to involve you in his shenanigans and to expect you to be truthful about your “injuries” when asked. What an idiot. NTJ.” Majestic_Register346
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – let’s grant some grace and ignore the ick of a 60-year-old needing to lie rather than just simply taking a day off when he’s feeling burnt out (assuming that’s the reason he’s leaving work early), and putting aside him roping you into a lie without your consent which ugh.
I’m with you on the manifestation thing. I was taught to never lie about my health/well-being to get out of things (school, family event, etc) because the universe would turn that lie into the truth. I would absolutely lose it if someone was doing this to me.” PanPolyHexenbiest
Another User Comments:
“The only time my husband used me as an excuse was when he wanted to buy a large number of chocolates at the petrol station. He told the cashier his pregnant wife had cravings. I don’t eat chocolate but he does. Yeah look.
Put it this way. If a co-worker wants to fake a sick day, I don’t care. I won’t judge them most of the time. Enjoy your day off, whatever. But I wouldn’t enjoy it if they asked me to corroborate their story in any way.
I don’t want to lie. I think what does seem worse somehow is how specific your husband is. Like again, mine has used me for an excuse- oh missus asked me to come home because the kids are sick (they were but I didn’t ask).
But it’s not like he got into specifics. If we ran into his boss and he asks about it, I’m not going to expose a lie, or have to lie. I can just say “thanks for letting him come home, appreciate it, kids are doing well.”” missbean163
10. AITJ For Defending My Disability Against My Mom's Partner's Criticism?
“I’m a disabled 21-year-old woman and my mom’s current partner (m 46) doesn’t believe I am. I struggle with a lot of mental health issues (childhood PTSD, major depression, anxiety, ADHD, and autism. All diagnosed by a professional and I am in treatment for them all) from childhood trauma and have severe chronic migraines.
But overall I seem like a “normal” person, and I think that’s what he gets stuck on.
Every time I try to talk about problems with my mom, well he’s around. It turns into a competition in which one of us is more disabled. Personally, I think that’s a regressive mindset and puts more stigma on mental health by saying there’s a magical bar you have to get to for your struggles to really matter.
But clearly, he thinks two different disabilities should be measured on a one-to-one scale and his disability is worse than mine. He states that he’s disabled too but doesn’t have nearly as much trouble as I do and his disability is worse than mine. His disability being PTSD from his time as a marine.
He believes because he’s really disabled (the government sends him money every month) and I’m not (because it’s incredibly difficult to get disability for migraines) that he gets to tell me how to handle my disability and that I’m doing it poorly. Not only that he very much implies that I’m not just playing up my issues but faking them.
This all came to a head when I told him while he was on another of his tirades, That he got a say in his disability. Not only is he a man and his issues are actually taken seriously by the medical industry, but he applied for the military knowing about PTSD.
He got 18 years of normality before going into the military, and he knew he had a risk of developing PTSD when he went in. I however was born this way and had no control over my trauma as I was a child when it occurred.
Please don’t get me wrong. I fully respect veterans and their need for treatment. They deserve respect and validation. I was just tired of him telling me I wasn’t disabled and had no excuse for not being a fully functional member of society because even if I was disabled he can function just fine.
I have never before played down his PTSD (and I don’t think pointing out he had an idea that going into the military could and likely would result in PTSD is me downplaying it.) I normally don’t even justify his comments about me with a real response.
I just wanted to point out that it’s not fair to compare our struggles on a one-to-one scale, and that I am just as deserving of understanding for my disabilities as he is. After 2 years of him degrading and belittling my issues.
Now he’s trying to get my mom to kick me out because of how disrespectful I was to him.
Even though this is the first time I have ever snapped back at him, while he’s always going on and on and on about how I’m a failure of a human being.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a female veteran who “had a choice” I’m so proud of you.
So so incredibly proud of you and I’m glad you stuck up for yourself. He’s a giant jerk and makes us (vets) look bad. I’m sorry your mother has no self-respect and is seeing a loser! I put the “had a choice” in quotations because at least from what you wrote I get where you are coming from.
I’d still sit you down and have a conversation about how dumb 18-year-olds are and they can’t comprehend the choice they are going to make or what their PTSD could look like. From a place of empathy and compassion though I totally understand why you said what you said and I back your comment.
Cause I understand where you’re coming from.” _parenda_
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your mother’s partner is being a jerk to you, and he’s certainly sticking his oar in where it does not belong. I do get why you reacted eventually, nobody is expecting you to have the patience of a saint when constantly being questioned or probed. But, like, come on.
You mocked a veteran over their PTSD. That’s a low blow in general, but you know how it looks from an ‘optics’ perspective. Respectfully, from a self-preservation perspective, you are starting a battle you cannot win; don’t give him any more excuses to dislike you than he already has.
Go into damage control and just apologize before you end up falling out with your mother over this.” crazyheather345
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t understand the people calling you a jerk. He seems to be able to criticize you but not take criticism when thrown back at him.
My interpretation of the events you presented is that you are well aware of the ins and outs of having a disability and what that means in terms of identity and that you wouldn’t go around saying that to random veterans. But he is not a random disabled veteran, he is a disabled veteran who does not respect your identity, experiences, or difficulties.
You had every right to stand up for yourself. Disabilities are hard, you don’t need jerks like him making it harder.” seasonsgreeting42
9. AITJ For Not Locking Up My Cats During A Hurricane When My Friend Is Allergic?
“In July hurricane Beryl came through and I (f,25) miraculously never lost power. Because of this, I kept my door open to my friends and their family who were less lucky. I had no issue until my friend who we‘ll call Joe (m, 25) came with his partner Emily (f, mid 20s).
I have two cats, an older cat who stayed under my bed the whole time and a 1-year-old who loves people. My cat was out and about giving kisses and jumping from lap to lap but if you pushed her off she was good about just moving on.
This became an issue as Joe is allergic to cats, runny nose and red itchy eyes type of allergic. He didn’t bring this up until I noticed him avoiding my cat and asked if he was ok which is when he told me but that he didn’t want to be a bother.
That he ‘knew I had cats and still made the choice to take up my offer.’ I told him it was no bother and offered meds and to lock my cat in my bedroom. Joe insisted it would be fine just as long as she ‘wasn’t crawling all over him.’ The rest of the people over kept her occupied and Joe just has a few sniffles.
I offered a few more times to lock up my cat but he insisted it was fine and I had already done enough. Emily was quiet and made no effort to keep my cat away from Joe if she came near.
Fast forward and I was at a BBQ with Emily and Joe.
The topic of Beryl comes up and Joe makes a joke about how thanks to me the hardest part for him was ‘having a cute cat right in front of him that he wasn’t allowed to pet.‘ Emily is glaring as he says it.
Someone asks if she’s ok and she just goes off on me. That I was ‘cruel to force Joe into an allergic reaction when they were all already suffering’ and that ‘I didn’t even care about helping people since I was so willing to put someone between being out during a hurricane or anaphylactic.’ Joe is standing there with a look I could only describe as gobsmacked. Another friend mentioned that I offered to lock my cat in my bedroom multiple times and that Joe insisted it was fine.
At this Emily starts again that of course he did because ‘who would tell me to lock my cat up when I was already helping them and that I should never have even asked and put him in that situation. That the gracious thing would have been to just lock both my cats in my car while everyone was over.’
At the idea of locking my cats in my car post-hurricane, my heart sinks and everyone gets more upset at Emily resulting in a huge back and forth. One friend accuses Emily of ‘not doing anything to help Joe’ and that she could have asked me to lock the cat up if she felt that strongly.
She shot back that shouldn’t have had to because she ‘wasn’t the host and I should have been more respectful and on top of things like that.’ After a few minutes, Joe snaps out of his apparent shock and drags Emily away apologizing for her and insisting that he had no issue, it wasn’t that serious, and is still grateful.
Emily finally leaves but yells out again how ‘cruel I was for putting my cats above everyone else in need.’”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Emily’s embellishment of Joe’s allergic reaction and her solution don’t match up. If his symptoms were that severe (“anaphylactic shock”), you’d need to also have a HEPA filter set up and have meticulously vacuumed and washed the rugs, blankets, and pillows in the common area beforehand.
Removing the cat or limiting direct contact is usually a suitable solution for moderate allergies, but risk of anaphylactic shock would mean full decontamination is necessary and most allergic folks know to ask ahead of time, assess risk, and prepare if their allergy is that severe.” RevolutionaryBuy5282
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We have a sign on our front door that says, “Cats. Welcome, People Tolerated”. We make it clear to any guests that we have cats. I’m allergic to cats and dogs and took allergy shots for many years and take allergy medicine every day.
We have some friends that have allergies and they take a Benadryl or other meds before coming over, but have no problem with the cats as they know this is their home.” Forward-Wear7913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I agree with one thing, you could have locked the cats away out of your own initiative, considering how obvious is that your friend didn’t want to be a bother, so he would rather keep such a wish to himself.
Emily was out of line, she could have told you as well calmly: my SO doesn’t want to bother you, but I’m sure it would help to lock the cats in your bedroom. I’m very sorry for this inconvenience, but allergies are hard.” Impossible-Most-366
8. AITJ For Losing My Temper At A Disrespectful Customer At Work?
“I (24 female) currently work at a Hooters in Texas.
It was a busy day dealing with gross men so I was already in a bit of a mood but one customer stood out to me. It was mid-shift when a group of older guys came in and sat down in my section. There was one guy in particular who was eyeing me up and down right when I asked them if they wanted to start with drinks.
He looked to be about 45-50 years old and was balding (we’ll call him Jeff)… immediate red flag.
They all ordered margaritas and Jeff asked me if I was gonna ask for ID, I laughed and started to close up my book and walked away.
As I turned around he whistled at me and was holding his ID. I politely took it and gave a two-second glance before handing it back. The other guys at the table seemed to be just as uncomfortable as I was. The whistling really got me going but I remained calm because I’ve got bills to pay and tips with these types are usually good.
When I came back with the drinks Jeff commented on my hair saying it “lays nicely on my chest” whatever that means and I didn’t know what to say. It was clear the other guys were super uncomfortable as was I. I said a polite thank you and got started on their food.
Fast forward after the orders and food had made its way to the table I did my usual check-in. I could hear them laughing from across the restaurant and they seemed to go quiet as I approached, I was able to make out Jeff saying watch this.
When I got up to ask if everything was tasting alright Jeff looked at the guys at the table and said “it’s tasting great but can we talk about those lips are they natural if so you’ve got a perfect set of lips.” Everyone at the table and in the general vicinity went quiet because what the heck like that had to be a double meaning but I was too grossed out to think of it.
About 20 minutes go by without checking on them and one of Jeff’s friends signaled me for the check so I brought it over and asked the usual together or separate. Jeff insisted on paying so I handed the bill to him, waited for him to finish up and thanked them for coming in.
As they were leaving I saw Jeff’s friend start to put a $20 bill on the table and Jeff told him to put it away. When I looked at the check to make sure it went through I saw a big fat 0 by the tip.
This is where I got a little petty but mind you I kept a very good composure the whole time I served them so I asked if there was a problem with the service. Jeff smiled and said maybe next time pull your shirt down a little or wear a smaller size.
I lost it. I told him that the job was bad enough having to flaunt around like some show pony but guys like him make it even worse. I even told him that the world would be better without bald-headed jerks like himself. Then I walked away.
I’m not proud of it but he was just so gross. And I’m used to the occasional stares because it comes with the job I guess but this rubbed me the wrong way. Anyways I have a meeting with my boss tomorrow and I’m expecting the worst. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Jeff crossed too many lines, his behavior was obviously inappropriate. On your part: it is never okay to yell at a customer unless they touch you inappropriately or something extreme like that. Yelling only escalates situations and is highly inappropriate in a professional setting.
You can calmly point out that they’re inappropriate and that you’d like for them to stop or they’ll have to leave, but what you did was let your frustrations build up until you burst. The first way you addressed his inappropriate behavior was by yelling and insulting him.
That’s not how to deal with inappropriate customers. Also “There was one guy in particular who was eyeing me up and down right when I asked them if they wanted to start with drinks. He looked to be about 45-50 years old and was balding (we’ll call him Jeff)… immediate red flag.” You are working at a business where the main point is for people to ogle women.
If you think it’s a red flag for someone to do exactly what the point of the business is, then maybe look for a different job?” Snow2D
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk with a side of everyone sucks here. “He looked to be about 45-50 years old and was balding (we’ll call him Jeff)… immediate red flag.” Was this your first day on the job?
You just described a hefty percentage of the customers at Hooters. Not sure why his age or lack of hair is a red flag. After he started with the inappropriate remarks, you should have directed a manager to the table instead of putting up with it.
He was out of line and you don’t deserve to be treated that way. “I’m not proud of it but he was just so gross.” You should be. He was deliberately baiting you and deserved a sharp rebuke.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“I’m a balding 40-something man, and reading this made me want to jump out of my skin.
I am going to blindly believe you didn’t mean to say that balding men my age are the red flag, rather his behavior was, but nonetheless I promise just because my hair is no longer flattering my unflattering figure that I’m not a creep. Leaning toward YTJ because of your voluntarily chosen place of employment and your clear hatred of men without sufficient locks, but I guess you’re NTJ because that dude was a jerk.” Reddit User
7. AITJ For Wanting To Fill The Christmas Stockings For My Son And Grandkids?
“My son, B (25m) married my daughter-in-law (27f) in October of last year. She has 2 kids from a prior relationship, L (6f), and A (5m).
I love all of them very much and I think DIL is an amazing person and her kids are every bit my grandkids. Son, DIL, and grandkids moved into our house in May.
I had stockings custom-made for our family last year. They’re extra large and embroidered with each person’s name.
We have ones for DIL and the grandkids as well as the rest of the family. They all match.
We’ve had a conflict recently about Christmas, which is a very big deal for me and my favorite time of year. DIL mentioned several months ago that she wanted to be the one to fill my son’s and grandkids’ stockings (only her).
That caught me off guard but I let it go until we could have a chance to talk.
In the meantime, a friend suggested that they get stockings for themselves and the kids and they could hang them from the end of the bed (like old school) and she could fill those and I could fill the custom ones upstairs.
I thought this was a great idea and mentioned it to DIL. She said she liked the plan.
Out of nowhere today she said that she didn’t want to do that, and that me suggesting it is taking something away from her. Apparently, she doesn’t want anyone to put anything else in the stockings…just her (for son and the grandkids only).
She says if I don’t go along, I’m taking something away from her but she also doesn’t see how it’s taking something away from me to not be able to do that. She said that I can fill the other stockings just nothing for those 3.
I made a point of wanting to honor her wishes and traditions and have tried to include them in our celebrations. I want to be a good mother-in-law (I’ve read way too many terrible stories) but I don’t think this is fair.
My husband agrees with me and my son sides with her (which I don’t have a problem with because he should take her side).
So…I’m coming to you. AITJ?
The stockings at our house have NEVER been from Santa as far as my grandkids are concerned. They’re from Oma & Poppy.
They moved in with us because we had more room here for the kids and they wanted to start saving for a house.
That’s another story. No, they don’t pay rent.
I have 3 other kids ages 18, 21, and 32 who are excited about the stockings. It’s one of their favorite parts. So I can’t just not do them.”
Another User Comments:
“Probably no jerks here, depending on the outcome.
If I were you, I would express understanding and let her do the stockings for her husband and kids. She may have agreed to the plan previously because she was trying to just ‘go along to get along’. And maybe after further reflection decided it’s important to her.
And then don’t hold a grudge about it… otherwise, I might think YTJ. Conflicts arising from idealized images of how things should be are pointless. Enjoy being together and keep things in perspective, because who knows what’s going to happen starting Jan 2025.” 54321hope
Another User Comments:
“So, your son got married. Typically, that would mean he and his wife would start their own nuclear family with their own traditions and their own stockings in their own space. Instead, they currently live with you, so it’s understandable that the boundaries might be a bit blurred. In short, you and your husband are now your son’s extended family.
His wife is now responsible for filling his stocking and the kids’ stockings, and he’s responsible for filling hers. You are responsible for your husband and any minor or unmarried children you are the mother of. Perhaps she should buy stockings for them, or you could view it as you gifted their stockings to them so they can start their own traditions as a nuclear family.
Either way, step back with as much grace as you can and recognize that your role has changed. Small YWBTJ if you overstep your DIL’s boundaries.” Professional-Room300
Another User Comments:
“So, while I would assume both of you should be able to fill the stockings, it sounds like this means a lot to her.
I’m merely speculating, so could be wildly wrong, but it’s possible the various big changes in their lives (divorce, new relationship/marriage/moving in with y’all) have made her feel the need to stake her claim in certain areas. This doesn’t mean she feels you threaten her or overstep, but you’re a mom and know how it feels to want to do certain things for your kids even when things are even keel.
I agree with those who’ve suggested finding your own way to give fun stocking gifts in a non-stocking way so she can do her thing and you can do yours. Just give all of them their stocking gifts in boxes, buckets, or even non-stocking like pouches.
Have your son fill her stocking (because he should), so each of them can have the same thing. Also, I don’t know how you open gifts, but maybe don’t make a huge thing about them opening the boxes/buckets/pouches at the same time or letting them know it’s your version of the stockings.
Just a fun box of fun stuff… otherwise, she may feel you were trying to one-up her.” SunshineShoulders87
6. AITJ For Warning My Roommate About My Abusive Brother?
“My (20M) family refuses to accept this but my older brother “Kevin” (23M) is an abusive jerk… When I was around 15 I lost my best friend growing up after he started going out with my brother and after what my brother did he couldn’t be around me anymore especially after my parents got my brother off in court.
I’m a theater kid so I had/have a lot of queer friends and I’ve lost friends over the years after Kevin started seeing them…
I met my roommate “Wayne” (19M) last year and we became really good friends pretty fast. Kevin recently came back to the States after a year in Italy with our grandparents.
He moved near me and has recently been hanging around and I could tell Wayne was interested. They’d flirt and I’m pretty sure had already been on a date or two.
The other day I confronted Wayne and told him to back off my brother.
He at first thought I was being mean but I told him the truth about Kevin. He quit talking to Kevin after that. Kevin of course called me screaming that I had no right to interfere with his love life and my parents got mad at me for spreading lies about Kevin to people.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If you told the truth about your brother, then NTJ. It sounds like your parents either think you lied, but you were actually telling your friend the facts, or your parents have a blind spot for your brother and don’t believe he can do any wrong.
Which is awful. You did your friend a favor! Anyone would appreciate being warned away from seeing a jerk, no matter what your relationship is to them.” Lizwings
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kevin shouldn’t be seeing your roommate. Your roommate shouldn’t be seeing your brother.
That is a recipe for disaster for anyone. Wayne needs to learn to background check his interests and roommates. Kevin needs to go out with people you aren’t associated with. I feel like you need to warn your friends about Kevin before they meet Kevin.
“Kevin will appear warm and charming and while yes, he is my bro and I love him, there are things about him that cause me to caution anyone in getting into a deeper relationship with him as he does not respect boundaries.” Then if someone wants to know more they can ask.
There is nothing wrong with making sure the people around you are protected and safe from any threat you are aware of. Blood relations are not the only way to bond, and they are not more important than other bonds.” Ok-Classroom5548
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk for protecting your roommate.
If you allowed him to go out with your brother, knowing what he did to your friends, and you did not tell him that would’ve made you a really bad friend. You don’t really go into that many details in the post, you just say that he’s been “hanging around”.
But if you’re willingly hanging out with him, then you are definitely a jerk. Honestly knowing what your brother is, should’ve been enough for you to not hang out with him. If you are morally objected to abuse, you shouldn’t willingly hang out with people who are known abusers.
And if that wasn’t enough to deter you, your brother has a history of going after the people that you care about. The safety and the well-being of your friends is something that should be important to you. You literally stated that he has done this over and over again.
No one is responsible for your brother’s abuse but him. But if he likes to pick his victims from your social circle, the appropriate thing to do is to do the best you can to not expose them to him.
And if you’re not going out of your way to hang out with him, maybe your parents gave him your address or something, why didn’t you warn your roommate before?
If I knew that my brother who was abusive was coming to my home and I had a roommate that could have been his next victim, I would’ve warned my roommate before he met my brother. The way you wrote this makes it sound like he’s met your roommate at the home multiple times, and you only warned the roommate when you realized that they liked each other and were flirting.
You did the right thing in warning your roommate. But if you’re still hanging out with your brother, I’m really confused as to what exactly you’re waiting for in order to cut him off. Like it got serious enough it went to court. Like how badly does he have to hurt someone before you are not going to associate with him?
If you haven’t already gone low contact with your family, I would consider it because they are not gonna hold your brother accountable for his actions. But you have to stop dealing with your brother for your sake, and for the sake of the people around you.” Mammoth-Hour-7048
5. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Stop Impersonating Me On My Hockey Instagram?
“I (17F) am a competitive hockey player who is trying to eventually make it onto the national team. I have had a hockey-specific Instagram for four years now that has always been managed by my mom (39F) and even though I let her manage it, I still know what is being posted and have no issue with it.
The only issue is recently I have seen that she had been sending messages to potential sponsorships/teams/people whilst pretending to be me in the messages. Whilst I understand it for sponsorships and teams, my only issue is when it comes to people and I don’t know, I just don’t like it.
It makes me uncomfortable that there is someone on the other end of the message thinking I’ve typed something I haven’t. There is nothing in these messages that is inappropriate and most of the conversation is about hockey but they’re not my words.
I spoke to my mom about it but she brushed it off, saying that it was for my own good and that me finding it weird was ‘stupid’.
WIBTJ for telling her to stop it?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – She comes from a place of care, but that doesn’t necessarily excuse her dismissing your feelings. I’d suggest you approach her by saying something along the lines of: “Mom, I really appreciate what you’re doing for me, but here’s the thing: when these people wish to speak with me, I won’t talk in the same way you write.
How about we do this together – you help me find people to reach out to, we craft a message together, and then we send it off. That way, you’re still helping me (which I appreciate a lot), but it becomes my voice and my writing style.”” IcebreakersDuo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If I were you I would change the password on the account and do what you have to do so she can’t get access. I’d tell her that you appreciate what she does for you, but it is no longer appropriate for her to impersonate you at this stage (not that it ever was).
You don’t want to argue about it so you have taken back what is yours by rights. Tell her if this kept going your image would become more and more unnatural because it would not be your voice and you wouldn’t be the one creating relationships.
It would only be a matter of time before some trouble came from it. You know she means well but this is not the way. If she wants to give you advice on who to build relationships with and what to say, that’s fine. You appreciate that.
But it has to be actually you posting and in your voice. If she says that she’s the parent and what she says goes, point out that is true when in comes to parenting your behavior, but it doesn’t give her the right to pretend to be you.
She can tell you not to put something on social media or set up rules for you around it, but she can’t impersonate you so that others think her words are yours — that’s not part of parenting. Also, check if it breaks the terms of service — I bet it does.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If these are people who regularly communicate with 17-year-olds, they will recognize that her word choice, tone, and use of punctuation are not in the style of a 17-year-old. Deception is not a great way to start a working relationship. I wonder if she would be open to you two crafting an initial inquiry she can repeatedly use.
And then if someone responds back, she can still get whatever little thrill she’s getting, and then her job is to let you know so YOU can respond. You, the actual 17-year-old, will get practice communicating with adults. You don’t have to be perfect or polished. Your genuine passion and knowledge for the sport will shine through.” HowlPen
4. AITJ For Wearing Expensive Gifts From My Ex While Seeing Someone New?
“I have an ex, N, who was very wealthy, and she knew I liked fashion, so she bought a lot of presents for me. These included a gold chain, gold rings, a Tom Ford cardholder, a Cartier watch, lots of clothes, cologne, etc. To clarify, I didn’t ask for these presents and actively told her I didn’t need them, but she gave them to me nevertheless, and they’re nice presents so I accepted.
She and I broke up, and I’m seeing a new girl, H, now. The split with N was amicable and we’re still friendly, and besides, I’m a mostly broke college student and can’t afford to replace the stuff she got me, so I kept it.
H takes issue with me wearing stuff an ex got for me and says that it’s disrespectful to her. I don’t think it’s that deep. N gave me nice stuff, I like it, and currently, I can’t afford to replace them myself, and even when I can, what’s the sense of spending lots of money on what I already have for a symbolic gesture?
H says I’m a jerk. I think I’m just being practical. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. On a surface level, there’s nothing disrespectful about wearing clothes or accessories bought for you by an ex-partner. It would be a red flag if your ex is continuing to buy you nice things in an attempt to get you back somehow, or if the objects are being used in some kind of power play to make your current partner feel lesser-than.
But if it’s just stuff to you then there’s no deeper issue here. Your current partner may very well just be feeling insecure in the event that she can’t ‘compete’ with excessive monetary wealth. If you want to keep things copacetic then maybe try to tell her that it’s just stuff and your love/attention isn’t something that can be bought.” nervousandweird
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The way I see it, useful/functional gifts (clothing, accessories, etc) are totally appropriate to wear after a breakup. It’s not like you’re still wearing a locket that says “together forever” from your ex. My high school partner got me a really nice winter coat for Christmas one year because I was wearing oversized hoodies in the colder months and they’re not that great.
We broke up when I was 21, and I still wore that coat until I just outgrew it, and no one was going to tell me I couldn’t wear it. I gave back or stopped wearing the sentimental stuff because that was reasonable.” Arctic_Puppet
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your new partner is insecure, she sounds very young. Unfortunately, some people never grow up and recognise that sometimes you keep things just because you like them and that you’re not keeping them due to an attachment to the giver. I also think it can be hard coming in as the second partner where the previous one was loaded (or exceptionally pretty or well accomplished at anything).
There are some compromises that could be made… Obviously, things like the watch and jewellery you’d keep (although maybe not wear the jewellery?). I think colognes could probably go, that’s a very intimate gift, and when wearing them you’re smelling how your ex wanted you to smell.
If there’s one you really like, then say that it’s your favourite cologne and was before you met the ex?” Fun-Translator-5776
3. AITJ For Choosing To Go On A Solo Trip Despite My Mom's Disapproval?
“I chose to organize a solo trip drive from my town to our family’s sea house. Usually, it’s a 4h drive, but I decided I wanted to take many detours to test my recently bought car, making the drive around 8h long. The day before leaving, my mom who is also in love with our sea house heard about my plans and decided she wanted to come too.
The problem is, she is the passenger driver type of person, and going 1 km/h over the limit is a death penalty for her. I love being alone and I like going to our second house because in this period the town is empty and quiet.
My mom also likes the peace of this place, but she hates doing something that she doesn’t like, and my drive would be restricted to going from A to B and I wouldn’t have the same degree of freedom that one gets when being home alone.
So I tried to tell her I’d rather go by myself and after a short talk I left, she didn’t look upset but my sister said she called me a jerk a few times after I left…
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a pet peeve of mine.
Growing up I had an “aunt” who if she heard one of my parents or other aunt and uncle talking about going somewhere would always say “Can I goooooo???” Or she would assume she was going and start talking about what she would be doing on that trip.
It got to the point where my parents and aunt and uncle wouldn’t even mention there was a trip being planned until it was too late for her to be added. It just made things very uncomfortable. There were times she was invited…other times not.
I think she finally got it when she wasn’t invited on a “sisters” trip. Never heard her ask again.” Normal_Atmosphere432
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You planned this as a solo trip. You deserve some peace too. Mom was not on board with YOUR plan.
So, you don’t take her. If you are driving your car, she does not get a say in which roads you take. If she wants a say in which roads, tell her how much it will cost per hour. I’d go with $40 per hour to drive her.
If she doesn’t want to pay, your choice. If she complains about your driving, tell her it is too stressful to listen to the criticism while driving. If she doesn’t stop, she will be getting out. Stop at a gas station, convenience store, or truck stop.
Leave her there. She can call for a ride. You deserve respect too.” Fickle_Toe1724
Another User Comments:
“Conversation: Thank you for inviting yourself on my special day! This is the itinerary. Should you find it not to your liking, please feel free to find another chauffeur to take you to the sea house, because, as you can see from the itinerary, I will not be having time in my day to locate one for you.
Should you be unable to refrain from complaining about potholes, road choice, speed, detours, stoppages, or other scenic detours I have taken to make this trip as enjoyable as possible for myself, may I suggest ensuring your mobile has service so you can call for a ride as I drop you at the nearest intersection.
Or perhaps you can arrange alternate transport since you weren’t actually invited to this part of the trip? Hmmmm??? NTJ.” Decent-Worldliness95
2. AITJ For Accepting My MIL's Wedding Dress Despite My SIL's Objection?
“I (26F) am getting married in three months to my fiancé (34M). It’s going to be a small ceremony at my grandparents’ house. I know it’s kinda late to be talking about dresses, but I was originally planning to wear my stepmom’s wedding dress.
It’s a beautiful dress that I love, and it means a lot to me because she’s the one who raised me and loved me when my bio mom didn’t want me.
But here’s the thing: while planning the wedding, I got pregnant.
I’m three months along now, so I’ll be six months pregnant at the wedding. The dress from my stepmom is tight-fitting and there’s no way it’s going to fit a six-month baby bump. I was devastated, not because I’d have to buy a new dress, but because I really wanted that special mother-daughter bond on my wedding day.
Last weekend, I was venting about it to my MIL, and I broke down crying. She then said she’d be honored if I wore her wedding dress. She showed it to me, and it’s a stunning vintage dress from the ‘70s with a boho/hippie vibe, gorgeous embroidery, and funnily enough, she was pregnant when she wore it too.
She made me feel so loved and welcome, so I accepted.
The issue is, my MIL has a daughter (my SIL), and when she found out I got the dress, she was furious. She actually came over to my house trying to take the dress back and even said I was “living in sin” for getting pregnant before marriage (??).
My fiancé just kicked her out and told me not to worry since she’s always thought the dress was ugly and never wanted it.
Still, she and my FIL have been harassing me on social media and through messages. Even though my fiancé and MIL don’t care what my SIL thinks, I kinda feel like a jerk because if my mom did something like this, I’d probably feel a bit hurt too.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. If you want, let your FMIL know that SIL has made it clear that she wants the dress and that you had no idea how much of an issue this is for her. Let your FMIL respond – you may learn a lot.
1. FMIL might tell you that her daughter had previously rejected the dress or always made fun of how it looked. (Then you know this is more about SIL not wanting you to have something more than about her actually wanting it for herself.) 2. FMIL might tell you that she knows and regrets how this hurts her daughter but she didn’t want to hurt you either.
(Then you can decide if you want to offer it back to her to save for her daughter to use.) 3. FMIL might tell you that she knows and (for whatever reason) still wants very much for you to wear the dress. (This might relieve your guilt.) By starting a conversation where FMIL can let you know her perspective, you don’t have to offer/give up anything unnecessarily, nor do you have to carry guilt unnecessarily.
The SIL’s behavior makes her the jerk, so do what’s best for you and for your FMIL.” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for accepting something that was offered. Would they feel better if you told them it was your “something borrowed?” You wearing it doesn’t mean SIL can’t.
Also, your fiance says she doesn’t even like the dress, so is the issue you’re getting something she thought was her right to not use? I feel like you’re being the scapegoat in whatever interpersonal issues your MIL, SIL, and FIL have going on.” andmewithoutmytowel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but SIL is upset you got the dress and you correctly pointed out you would be upset in her shoes. So you aren’t doing anything wrong by accepting. However, as irrational as it is, you understand really well how it might bother her.
If you choose to go through with it don’t expect a cordial relationship with her. I’m not sure you should expect one at all though. It sounds like she’s unhappy with you for some reason that is outside the dress. Rejecting the dress might put her at ease until the next irrational angry thought crosses her mind.
There isn’t much winning to be had. I think you need to have lunch and discuss it with her. If I had to guess from her comment, her parents held her to certain standards that your husband has not lived up to. She may see it as unfair and want to punish you like she might be in your shoes.
These expectations might be founded in reality or all in her head.” GiveMeBackMySoup
1. AITJ For Yelling At My Aunt For Letting My Estranged Parents Meet My Kids?
“I’m (26M) bi and when I was 15 I was seeing one of my soccer teammates who was an abusive jerk who outed me to my homophobic parents after I worked up the nerve to leave him.
They subsequently kicked me out and I “survived” on the streets for almost 2 years until my aunt found out about me when she came home from tour and took me in… She helped me get back in school and graduate and then to get in college.
I met my wife there and we have twin boys (4M).
My dad found out he was dying of cancer. He and my mom have been trying to get back in touch with me to reconcile and meet their grandkids. I’ve rejected them so far even though my aunt urges me to try to reconnect.
I told her no and I didn’t even want them near my boys.
My wife and I went out for our anniversary Saturday and my aunt was watching the kids. My wife wasn’t feeling well and we decided to call it an early night and I forgot to call my aunt before we got there… I pull up and I notice my parents’ car.
Confused we get out and go in and there’s my parents playing with my sons in the living room.
To say I was furious is an understatement. I immediately asked what is going on. My wife tried to calm me down to no avail. She takes the boys to the car.
My parents start talking about how they just wanted to meet them and I yell at them to get out. My aunt says I’m not being fair to them. That they’ve tried to apologize for what happened. I yell at her that it wasn’t her place to let them and how it hurt seeing them.
I yell at her about how our family basically excommunicated her when she came out. She starts crying explaining that they just showed up at her house. She starts saying she wished she made up with her brother (my dad) and my grandparents years ago if she had the chance and I’m being selfish knowing my dad is dying.
I didn’t know what to say after that and just left.
My wife says I was being unfair to my aunt if they did just show up and that maybe my aunt’s right. She also thinks I shouldn’t have yelled at her like that after all she did for me.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Your aunt should not have let your parents in to meet your children even if they showed up unannounced. Just because someone is knocking doesn’t mean they get entry. She could have told them that yes she is watching your children but it is not for her to be making unilateral decisions.
And just because she wishes she had made up with someone is no reason for her to foist that upon you, that decision is yours and yours alone. NTJ. And I am sorry this happened to you, it had to be very unsettling.” Chilling_Storm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What happened: Your auntie has a big heart and big hearts bleed into areas they don’t belong as well. Most people’s greatest strength is also their weakness. Parents: I am sure they regret what they did and genuinely want to meet your kids.
You: Clearly made the decision to not attempt a repair, as your parents literally abandoned you. As a gay dude, I know the dangers and it’s absolutely disgusting that they did this. This would’ve TRIGGERED me so hard, like a panic attack. Wife: Scared of your reaction and also probably wants to help heal wounds.
I do think you need to apologize to your aunt and set boundaries. You need to calm yourself down and explain things further to your wife and apologize. Your parents missed out on being grandparents the day they kicked you out. Trying to surprise reconciliation is cowardice and a half-baked step at best, trying to force your hand.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had EVERY right to be angry at your aunt, what she did was absolutely unacceptable. Her trauma is no excuse for disregarding your wishes. And I don’t buy for a second that they just HAPPENED to show up the one time you and your wife were out.
You don’t have to cut her off, inb4 a bunch of people screeching that no contact is the only option. She’s family and clearly she’s been through a lot and this was clearly a trauma reaction, but you are NOT the jerk. Tell her she needs to get help so that her trauma doesn’t bleed out onto your family ever again.
Maybe you shouldn’t have yelled, not because it wasn’t an appropriate response, but just because it’s not effective communication and your kids are there. Still NTJ though. Just always try to provide feedback so people can learn and grow.” kharmatika
