People Try To Settle These 'Am I The Jerk?' Debates
19. AITJ For Refusing To Clean Up My Mom's Bathroom Mess?
“I (18F) just had my mom (66F) scold me and threaten to cut off financial support (though she does this often, so I doubt she actually will) because I didn’t clean up a mess she left on the hall toilet seat lid.
For context, it looked like she sat on the closed toilet seat, had an accident, and then lifted the lid to use the toilet. I’m not squeamish about cleaning up messes (we have two old dogs, and I’m in college studying to be a nurse), but my mom is completely able-bodied and not actually unwell right now.
When she says she’s “unwell,” it’s usually because she ate something she knows will upset her stomach.
When I went to use the bathroom, I noticed the mess because the seat was left up, which I never do. I didn’t clean it up—I just washed my hands, left the light on, and walked away, figuring she’d see it soon enough.
A little later, I heard her walk by, turn off the bathroom light, and not clean the mess. Annoyed, I turned the light back on and left it for her to deal with.
Eventually, I heard her clean it up, but when she came out, she seemed upset.
She snarkily said, “Oh, I did clean up the toilet seat like you wanted,” and then went off on me. I don’t remember everything because I started tuning her out, but here are the key points:
- “I make all the meals—I COOK for you, and you can’t even help me when I’m unwell?”
- “Maybe you should drive yourself to the dentist tomorrow. You should figure out where your other appointment is and drive yourself there too!”
- “I should start making you pay for your expenses. Your phone? $100 a month. Insurance? $250. Car insurance? And if you can’t pay, tough luck.”
- “If you keep this up—refusing to help your unwell mother—you can figure out another place to live because I WON’T be paying your expenses.”
- I didn’t really react because I’m used to her saying stuff like this, but now I’m questioning if I was in the wrong.
Cleaning it up wouldn’t have been hard, but it felt like a matter of principle. She made the mess and didn’t clean it at first, even though she probably saw it.
I told my friends, and they were confused and grossed out too, but they are all teenagers who already disliked my mom.
AITJ for not cleaning it up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she was well enough to rant to you about you not cleaning up her accident then she was well enough to clean up her mess. It’s just common courtesy to clean up stuff like that (if you are well-bodied and not passed out on the floor) if you’re sharing a bathroom and not a small child.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Sounds like she was feeling defensive/ embarrassed and didn’t have the tools to deal with her own emotions so she went on the attack. It’s weird but also sad, also sad that you think this is just “how moms are” I hope one day you can talk to each other honestly.
Does she think you need to clean up her mess accident to show your “thankfulness” for her doing things for you? Does she resent you or is this about something else? Do you take her for granted? Is that what it could be about?” Minute_Lifeguard_137
18. AITJ For Confronting My Sister About Borrowing Money From My Ex Constantly?
“I (36F) have a sister, Amy, and an ex, Martin, with whom I share two children.
For a while now, Martin has been complaining to me about Amy asking to borrow money. Initially, it was infrequent—once a month or so—but now it’s at least once a week. The issue is that Amy never pays him back. Instead of confronting her about it, Martin always comes to me.
This bothers me for a couple of reasons:
- Amy and Martin seem to have a “friendship” behind my back. For example, when my kids visit Amy, Martin often offers to pick them up, and my eldest (14F) has mentioned that he stays for a while and that Amy talks about me.
- While Martin is willing to lend Amy money regularly (up to £150 a week), if I ask him for anything—like food for our kids or a ride somewhere—it’s a huge hassle, and he demands repayment immediately.
My eldest daughter has noticed this imbalance.
She’s called him out, saying things like, “Dad, you lend Aunt Amy £150 a week, but you can’t spare £20 for Mom to get food?” I always tell her to stay out of adult conversations, but I secretly agree with her.
This has been going on for months, and I’m tired of Martin venting to me about something he refuses to address directly with Amy.
Last night, I decided to confront Amy about it. Here’s how the conversation went:
Me: “Why do you ask Martin for money every week behind my back? Are you okay? You know I’m always here for you if you need help.”
Amy: “What are you talking about?”
Me: “Martin’s been complaining for a while that you borrow money and don’t pay it back.”
Amy: “Why the heck are you asking me this? How DARE you!”
She blew up at me and stormed off. Later, I woke up to angry messages from Martin, accusing me of being out of line.
Both my eldest daughter and another sister think I did nothing wrong, but now I’m second-guessing myself. My daughter even suggested I post here for some outside perspectives.
So, AITJ for confronting my sister about borrowing money from my ex?”
Another User Comments:
“Peace out of this mess, OP.
I think you shouldn’t have said anything. It sounds to me like Amy and Martin might be a bit more than friends, which is a bit off but there’s nothing you can do about it and it’s not your business. It’s not your business that Martin bankrolls Amy, either, and as long as he keeps giving you the child support he owes it’s not affecting you.
The way to deal with this is to tell Martin to put a freaking sock in it. Don’t entertain his constant complaining anymore. Every time he tries to start, tell him to sort out his messes and stop trying to involve you in them. Unless it’s about the kids, you don’t want to hear it.
He’s being exasperating, but you are not obligated to do anything about the matters that Martin and Amy have between themselves.” Ok-Map-6599
Another User Comments:
“So is Amy Martin’s supplier, his lover, or both? Maybe ask your daughter since she seems to have ALL the tea.
And then take it to court and get full custody because she shouldn’t be exposed to his angry outbursts or whatever is going on here–the actual money seems to be the least of your problems. NTJ.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, stop entertaining both of them.
Tell him to stop complaining if he doesn’t want you to worry about your sister, and tell your sister you only asked because he wouldn’t stop involving you in the matter. They can solve this and whatever else is happening between them. But your comment about your ex taking his issues out on your kids is troubling.
Talk to your lawyer about what could be done about it.” Another_Loner
17. AITJ For Locking The Shared Bathroom Door While Getting Ready?
“I (14F) and my sister (12F) share a bathroom.
For a bit of background, we come from a family of 5 that live in a slightly smaller house. My brother (16M) has his own bathroom in his room and that has never been a problem. My sister’s room is much larger than mine and she is 2 steps away from our shared bathroom, which is right next to her room.
I have the smallest room, which was my choice to take.
Of course, being a teenage girl, I have my period. I also have curly hair, and anyone who has curly hair will know how high maintenance it can be. Recently, I have decided to put a little more effort into my skin (I have acne and my skin is very dry) and my hair.
This has led to me taking a little more time in the bathroom, 10 mins maybe than I usually would. When I do skincare, hair styling, or just hygiene in general, I don’t lock the door because I don’t need to. But when I’m on the toilet, showering, or changing my pads I always lock the door.
It has never been a problem before, I’ve had my period since I was 11 and even when I began locking the door my sister never really said much.
Recently, however, there has been a slight change in her behavior. She had become very irritable, and rude and made some offhand comments about my appearance, and brushed it off very lightly.
I assumed it was just hormones or changes at school. She has also come to me claiming she has depression, anxiety, and ADHD. I’m currently in the process of being diagnosed with autism, and I’m a bit of a psychology nerd, my sister displays little to no symptoms of any of the things she claimed she had.
I know people mask, I’ve done it my entire life, but she doesn’t show any symptoms.
Anyway, I’m also very picky when it comes to my personal property. I hate people using my stuff. My sister knows this, she has for many years now.
But the other day I found her using my mascara and foundation without my permission in secret. She got angry when I told her to stop using it and claimed she was insecure and that it didn’t matter that it was mine. Yet again, I understand insecurity.
I’m insecure, but she knows she isn’t supposed to touch my things and she did anyway. My mum has also told her she is under no circumstances allowed makeup.
All of this lead up to now. I have been locking the bathroom door when I get ready in the mornings so I can have some privacy.
She bangs on the door till I let her in no matter what I am doing. She has also complained to our dad about it, and he has told me that I need to stop locking it because we share it. My mum took my side and said I need the privacy and I don’t lock it for long anyway.
Now my sister is bringing it up whenever she can and is being cold to me over it. My dad is also being passive-aggressive about it. My sister also locks the door and I have never complained. I don’t want her in the bathroom when I’m doing my stuff.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, As a mom of three teen girls. I understand the frustration. Maybe you get a lighted mirror and do some of your skin and hair routine in your bedroom. This would free up some bathroom time and allow you to keep your items in your room.” Some_Pipe59
16. AITJ For Not Giving Out My Friend's Number After Accidentally Thwarting A Love Interest?
“So, a bit of backstory, I have a friend, “Allison”. Known her for close to twenty years now. Due to life stuff, hadn’t seen her in person in a few years.
That changed when I ran into her at my local grocery store. She now works there and lives about 4 blocks from me. Onto the issue at hand. A couple of days ago a mutual friend of ours was throwing a birthday party for himself and invited a bunch of people over.
I went and as a surprise brought Allison along with me as no one expected her to show up, and since we live so close I gave her a ride.
People were happy to see Allison again in person after so many years and she was happy to see them and meet new people there.
Later when I was getting ready to leave as I had to work early the next morning, I saw Allison talking with a girl, “Samantha”. I don’t know Samantha all that well, we’ve been to a couple of board game nights my friend hosted but that’s it.
Always been polite to each other but are not friends. I approached the two and let Allison know I was leaving and asked if she wanted a ride home or not. She said yes and quickly gathered up her stuff and said goodbye to a few people.
I noticed that Samantha seemed annoyed/upset but didn’t say anything to me, just walked away. I didn’t think much of it and Allison and I left. I dropped her off at her place and we made plans to get dinner in a few days.
Cut to the next day, I am on my lunch break and chatting with friends on a discord server when I get a message from Samantha, she is also on the server, basically screaming at me for “dragging Allison away” just as Samantha was about to ask her out.
Confused, I responded that I didn’t do anything of the sort, just offered her a ride home from the party as I drove her there and she accepted. Samantha then started sending me more messages calling me a jerk for ruining her chances and accusing me of being jealous.
After we left Samantha complained to my friends and one of them told her that I had feelings for Allison. While this isn’t wrong, it’s also something I talked with Allison about several years ago, she did not return them, so while they have not fully gone away, I don’t dwell on them or let them affect our friendship.
I told Samantha she was being ridiculous, that all I did was offer my friend a ride home and nothing more. Samantha didn’t like this and demanded I give her Allison’s number to “make up for being a jerk.” I flat out told her no, I would never just give out someone else’s personal information like that without their approval first. Samantha started going off, saying that I was a homophobic jerk, and several other people jumped on, agreeing with her that I needed to “do the right thing” and just give her Allison’s number.
I told them all to take a hike and logged out. I have since gotten several angry texts from Samantha and others about this.
I don’t think I’m in the wrong, but could use some third-party judgment here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ IMO. I get how it can seem like you were intentionally trying to get Samantha away since you did admit that your feelings never fully went away.
You don’t let them affect your friendship though so I can see how you were just offering her a ride out of the kindness of your heart since you did take Allison there. Their DEMANDING that you give Samantha Allison’s number is insane and you’re right in saying that you wouldn’t just give out someone’s personal information.
I think you should ask Allison if she would give Samantha her number since she wanted a chance to get to know her more. I don’t think she deserves her number though since she was saying that you were being homophobic when you seemed like you were just offering Allison a ride.” knobslobber35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You were offering her a ride back home and had no idea Samantha was interested in Allison. While still having feelings for her years after being rejected feels like a red flag, it doesn’t give Samantha the right to go the nice guy on you by calling you homophobic and immediately assuming ill intentions.
And why does she think she’ll get anything out of you after talking to you like that? If Samantha makes any more moves on Allison I would keep screenshots of those harassing texts on standby.” techmakerdb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ how were you even supposed to know Samantha was hitting on her?
Do they think you have clairvoyance abilities or something? And also calling you homophobic for not wanting to pass a person’s info to a stranger is so out of pocket. Please get better friends to cause what the heck is this” Ok_Aardvark_5975
15. AITJ For Defending Myself Against My Brother's Toxic Partner?
“I had to go to my brother’s, Zach, house at 11 pm because his significant other, Bridget, started breaking his stuff and kicking him out. I need to give a backstory before the rest.
At the beginning of their relationship, she lived with us and there was constant fighting between them.
Eventually, they moved in with her mom and the fighting just continued. I would get a call at least 2x a week saying that Bridgett kicked him out again and that I needed to come get him or him just showing up because she kicked him out.
During this whole relationship, she would disrespect all female family members but none of my brothers or male family members. It got so bad that my mom had to reach out to her to tell her that she couldn’t just disrespect them and expect nothing to happen.
A week before we found out she was pregnant, she slept with Zach’s best friend. During her pregnancy, she would try kicking him out and would tell him that he was a horrible person and was being unfaithful to her and made him delete all social media.
After giving birth they got their place with her mom. After my niece was 4 months old it all started again with Bridgett “kicking him out” but then telling him to come back. She started leaving in the middle of the night when my brother and their baby were asleep to go out to bars and parties and wouldn’t respond to texts from Zach until she was coming home or would just say okay.
This week, Zach and his daughter had to come to my house because she had kicked both of them out to go bar hopping with her friends.
Back today, I got a call from Zach to come get him and help him bring all his stuff to my house.
When I got there she was yelling at him and told me right away not to just walk into her house, which I’ve done multiple times when she was there and she never said anything before. I started getting Zach’s stuff and anything my mom or myself paid for.
Her mom had to come out multiple times because Bridget kept coming out and yelling again.
At one point she came out and when we asked her why she said “Because I want to make sure you’re not taking my stuff.” I responded because at this point I had been there for 30 minutes listening to her yell and belittle my brother.
I said, “No one is taking your stuff.” Right away she said, “I wasn’t talking to you.” Me making any sort of face or going against her in any way is a horrible thing because she then proceeded to say “Don’t look at me with that face you ugly jerk.” And I responded with “Okay you fat jerk.” Because like I said I was done with this conversation.
Zach and I went into the hallway to start bringing his stuff out and she tried locking us out of the house with more of his stuff inside. Her mom very quickly stepped in and let him get the rest of his stuff but Bridgett’s reasoning for not allowing it was because I called her fat.
My brother told me that I shouldn’t have said anything because she’s his baby’s mother but, unlike him, I don’t let her disrespect me. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I probably would have said a lot worse. That could make me a jerk.
You had enough of her behavior. Your brother is a jerk for not getting out of this situation, especially with a baby. That is horrible for that little one to have to be around that chaos. Her breaking things makes it a dangerous situation for your niece.
That baby needs a stable environment. It is also your brother’s fault that she doesn’t have it. He keeps going back. If he cannot provide a better environment for the baby, he doesn’t deserve to be a father. At this point, stop going to get him if the baby is not coming with him.
When the baby is coming with them, only grab what she needs. If he shows up, allow the baby to stay but not him. It may sound very harsh. But, he needs to learn that he will not get support if he doesn’t take steps to try to remedy this situation.
He needs to be recording these incidents and taking her to court for custody of the baby.” ImaginaryStandard293
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s only so much a person can take. She is unstable & should not be raising a baby. When someone is incessantly yelling at you & calling you names, you just may snap & say something nasty back & that’s what happened. No one could fault you for that.
You were defending yourself & you had enough of her. Who cares about her insecurities? Seriously, she’s a nasty person & deserved what she got.” NOTTHATKAREN1
14. AITJ For Charging My Non-Driving Twin Sister For Rides Home From Work?
“I will start this with the fact that my twin sister (28f) and I (28f) do not drive. Many reasons have led us to be 28 years old and not drive, but the main reason for both of us is anxiety.
My twin suffers more than I do. For example: She tried to pull a sedan out of the driveway and park on the side of the road. She only got as far as driving forward by a foot and being launched into a 30-minute panic attack.
Now the point of my post: My partner (28nb) is the main driver in my life. They drive me to work every day (it’s on the way). On the way home, my partner will pick up my twin, pick me up, drop her off at her home, and then we go home ourselves.
Picking my twin up from her work and dropping her off at home adds about 30-45 minutes to our commute (sometimes more depending on if she comes out late from work, which is at least 2-3 times a week).
My partner and I just moved into our own home (previously lived with my twin) and, with the addition of bills and new financial responsibilities, we have asked her to pay $20 per week for the rides home from work.
The breakdown essentially is based on charging $5 per day, which leads to $25 per week. We knocked off $5 leaving the total at $20, which gives leeway for getting a rider for 1 day or taking 1 day off per week. We, also, were willing to subtract $5 per day that she may miss work for holiday, vacation, or sick time or if she gets a ride from someone else.
For example: If my twin takes off or gets a ride 3 days in a 5-day work week, she will only owe us $10 for that week of rides.
Advice from my friends has been on opposite ends of the spectrum. Some friends are along the lines of ultimatums. “Tell her she needs to pay $20 per week or $20 per day on Uber or Lyft. She is the one who doesn’t drive, so she needs to figure out her stuff.” I get where those friends are coming from, but I will not leave her high and dry without a ride.
I just can’t do that to her. My other friends think that I shouldn’t be charging that much period because I know that my twin does not have a lot of disposable income. “Don’t be money-grubbing. You could charge $10 per week or not at all.” Those friends have a point but my partner (the driver here) refuses to that low.
My twin is not used to paying multiple bills. She primarily has her student loans and occasionally helps with bills in her home (lives with my mom and dad). If she has any other bills or financial responsibilities, she has not made it known to my partner or me.
We are supposed to have an open discussion with her this weekend. I have been feeling like a jerk as that’s my twin and I will always help and support her. However, my partner is being inconvenienced every day that they pick her up due to the extra time added to our commute and the gas impact.
They feel $20 per week is more than fair and are only willing to go down to $15 per week at my request.”
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, YTJ to your partner “I will always help and support her” – except you’re not. Your partner is. “I will not leave her high and dry without a ride” – again, you’re just a passenger in all this so none of this falls on you.
You’re not the one doing anything. Your partner is the one being very inconvenienced. Your sister wants a personal taxi, she pays for it. It’s ridiculous that your partner has to be a personal driver for your sister, and kinda for you too.
Her inability to drive is her problem to solve, not you or your partners. $15 is insultingly low. $20 is not enough.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“As someone who currently doesn’t drive – she needs to figure her stuff out. Your partner is very generous to be burning hours of their week driving Miss Daisy around and waiting on her schedule when she works late.
She is suffering from a bit of immaturity. She’s 28 and can’t handle paying multiple bills? She can’t pay $20/week for a personal driver? It’s not the job of everyone else in her life to carry her. Your support needs to be healthy. It needs to be about building her independence and helping her function like an adult.
Your partner’s solution is a good one and a generous one. If she’s got a problem with it she needs to adjust her expectations. NTJ.” Kitastrophe8503
Another User Comments:
“I get wanting to help your twin but here is the thing you and your twin are essentially treating your spouse as a taxi driver for free and that’s not right.
Your twin should have the decency and common courtesy of offering the money without you or your spouse saying anything at all. Don’t take this personally because the way your post reads is you and your twin sound like you were sheltered as children and have some codependency issues but you are not being a good partner and your twin whether she realizes it or not is taking advantage of your partner” momof20408
13. AITJ For Locking My New Bandmate Out Of Our Apartment?
“I (20F) live with two out of four of my bandmates (all 20M) in a two-bedroom apartment (making them also my roommates). I am currently in a relationship with our lead singer/guitarist and we share a bedroom. Me and our bassist are all close and have spent about a year and a half seeing and working with each other almost every day.
About 4 months ago we said goodbye to our old drummer (27M) who we had played with together for a year and welcomed a new drummer (19M) shortly after.
The drummer is the only band member who doesn’t live with us, as we only met him about 4 months ago – he shares a house about 3 miles away with his friends.
He drives and can meet up with us easily whenever we need him to so it’s no problem. We have a group chat between the four of us so we can plan rehearsals, gigs, and meetings.
Last week my roommates wanted to wrap some freebies to give out as band promotion and our bassist invited our drummer over to help us wrap them so he didn’t feel left out.
He invited him on a private chat outside of our band chat so me and our lead singer/guitarist were unaware that he would be coming to our apartment. The morning of we looked outside and decided against doing the freebie giveaway outside due to poor weather, however since I and my lead singer/guitarist didn’t know our drummer was told to come he still arrived anyway.
This was okay – but I expressed that all plan communication should be put in the group chat.
When our drummer came, we sat wrapping up the freebies. My roommates both had a lecture and decided to leave me and the drummer to finish up the rest of them before I had to head off to my own about an hour later.
Our bassist said clearly to me and the drummer that he would be back before I left for my lecture.
After my roommates left it was just me and the drummer, and a lot quieter. I had music on so it wasn’t awkward and we were still finishing up on the wrapping, me and him are not as close as he is to my roommates so we didn’t talk much.
The drummer expressed that he had written in to miss uni lectures to join us today and was not told that we wouldn’t be going out. He told me it was okay though and we finished up wrapping quite soon. We waited a while for our bassist to come back and with no sign of him 5 minutes before my lecture I decided to head to my lecture, lock the apartment up take our drummer down to our lobby to wait for the bassist as the drummer mentioned they would be going straight out to put up posters around the city.
I didn’t think our bassist would be much longer since he told us he would be back before I left and they would be heading straight out anyway so I thought this would be no issue. Plus – our lobby is very nice!
Once my roommates found out they were livid and told me that I was being rude and unwelcoming to him by not letting him just wait in our apartment.
Our drummer had messaged them privately from the lobby saying ‘She’s locked me out’. Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you’re gonna let someone you don’t know that well and have only known for a few months hang out in your apartment alone with no supervision when he could rob you blind?
Have a serious discussion with your partner and roommate about that and if they can’t see the reason buy a lockbox or move out because they don’t value your safety or any of the expensive stuff in your apartment. He could make copies of your keys figure out how to break your lock or put up cameras in sensitive areas like the bathroom and your bedroom.
So many ways that could go wrong.” BriefHorror
12. AITJ For Refusing To Agree To My Roommate's Dish Washing Rule Due To My Disability?
“I (M27) noticed a few days ago that one of my roommates broke a mug and bowl that I had in the sink. I sent a message saying “Hey guys! I found my mug and bowl cracked in the sink, I’m not mad but I would appreciate it if we’re more careful in the future when moving stuff around!” One roommate (F21) responded with paragraphs, saying that she had never seen that bowl before and that while she didn’t do it, I should wash anything that means a lot to me immediately if I didn’t want it broken.
They weren’t important so to say but I only have two mugs, a bowl, and two plates, so I wasn’t thrilled about having two of my few dishes broken. I responded that I was not asking for anything other than being more careful.
She decided she’d single-handedly create a rule that dishes can’t be left in the sink and need to be washed right away.
I said no since I work a hectic job and am disabled and I’m already neglecting my room and pushing through exhaustion/pain to keep up with my part of the chores like sweeping, mopping, bathroom, etc. (I am the only one who sweeps/mops ~2x a week) I’m in a really bad health spot right now as my seizures have started happening more often, along with my knees dislocating and debilitating migraines.
She said that if I’m “so tired” to just do it when I have energy “later, within 24 hours.” I explained to her it doesn’t work that way, and that I will not agree to anything other than doing my best. Then she wrote a note on the fridge with her rules.
She kept trying to push me to agree to a time limit, and I kept telling her no. Sometimes after a seizure I sleep for almost two days straight with a few painful hours of wakefulness and don’t want to promise something I know I may not be able to keep.
When I am sick like that I always make sure to at least rinse them with water if I’m in too much pain so I can get the rest of my chores done.
I said I’ll still keep doing them whenever I can which is usually three times a week for a full wash, and every other day washing one or two since I only have five pieces of dishware.
I also let her know that with my disabilities please respect where I draw the line, as I had already agreed to other extra cleaning requests and always do what we already agreed upon within the 5 months of living together (there are 3 of us, and did not know each other prior because it’s NYC lol.)
She sent me another several-paragraph text instead of just talking to me, saying I was going to have “bugs swarming the apartment” washing 3x a week and that since we all live together I need to adhere to her standards of living since she has the highest standards between all of us.
She also went into how she won’t take me “disrespecting” her, and that she’s been “more than accommodating” to my disabilities with her suggestions and it was suggested that I should purchase paper plates and bowls and stop using the sink. I also said no to and said I would not be having conversations over text anymore, and we need to talk this out.”
Another User Comments:
“She’s being unreasonable, and her communication sucks. But leaving your dishes in the sink for 2-3 days, even if they’re rinsed, inconveniences other people who want to use the sink/ kitchen. Living in NYC I’m guessing there’s not a lot of kitchen space, do leaving dishes there is a lot of clutter for your roommates to work around.
ESH” Internal_Progress404
Another User Comments:
“ESH. While she should not have responded that way and been so defensive, the new rule would help clutter and prevent anything from breaking. While I don’t think she should fault you for not being able to do it every time because of your disabilities, I do think you should make an effort to try to.
It also depends on how the other roommates feel, but personally not allowing things to build up doesn’t seem unreasonable, just her approach of way of going about it.” Little_Manager2727
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Not washing your dishes is gross. You both need to talk to each other like adults instead of just announcing how things are going to be over text.
There are of you, and you ALL need to be on the same page regarding chores, none of you gets to go ‘Well, my standards are highest, so this is how it is’ or ‘I’m not gonna clean my dishes, but I’m gonna leave them in the sink so nobody else can clean theirs’.” KittikatB
11. AITJ For Speaking Spanish With My Ex's Friend In A Group Setting?
“So my ex (22M) invited me (28 F) to go downtown for a night out with a group of his friends (this was done while we were together). Some of the friends I knew some I didn’t. I know at times I can be a little awkward in groups especially when I want to make a good impression.
Well to keep my awkwardness at a minimum I talked to one of his friends (24M) that I already knew and we seemed to get along. During our chat, keep in mind we were in a big circle of 8 friends maybe 10, I found out he is from San Diego not too far from my hometown,n and that he first-generation Mexican.
I am also a first-generation Mexican and have been feeling a little out of touch with my roots as I now live in a town that is 85 percent white. I asked him if he spoke Spanish, I was just excited to potentially be able to practice my Spanish with someone as I didn’t usually have that privilege.
He said he understood it but spoke very little. For those of you who are familiar with Mexican culture, roasting is a big thing. So I started roasting his friend a little in Spanish telling him “Whattt? You don’t speak Spanish and you lived so close to the border.
Shame shame. [insert more general roasting here]”. I kept it light and said everything in Spanish and he was laughing alongside me.
I was so excited to have this small moment where I could express a part of me tied to my Mexican roots that I hadn’t been able to in a very long time.
I was having a good old time and my ex’s friend seemed to be having fun or at the very least did not mind I was roasting him. The problem with that is no one else knew Spanish, even my ex who is 2nd gen Mexican knew very little and had trouble understanding Spanish.
I didn’t pay too much attention, I was just happy to have this nice moment with one of his friends. Later in the night my ex pulled me aside and told me I was being very rude and making his friends uncomfortable. And I asked what did I do?
He responded you spoke a language no one knew in a circle of people. Keep in mind at one point everyone had their little Side conversations. I said sorry but I didn’t notice the group was paying attention to us (my ex-friend and I).
Disheartened I said sorry and that I wouldn’t speak Spanish for the rest of the night.
Flash forward 6 months. I experienced something similar. I am at a party my ex is now my official ex and I am at a party where he is not.
In a circle of friends chatting it up two of my friends in the group of 10 people realize that they both speak Mandarin. They both then switch to speaking only Mandarin. No one else knows Mandarin in the group. They were so animated and happy, that I just stared. To me, it was something beautiful to witness, but maybe I’m wrong.?
Maybe I was rude? What do others think of this? I felt like I was gaslit a lot in my relationship with him so I don’t know how to feel about this.
Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were just speaking in a shared code with someone.
It’s the same as if you were to have met someone who works in the same highly technical field as you and your conversation shifted to some new thing people outside the profession wouldn’t know (ex. you’re both marine biologists and talking about a new paper that came out on like fish psychology or something) or you and only one other person had been playing this really good new video game and were talking about it.
No one would have been mad in either of those situations. Your ex is at best enormously insecure about only speaking one language but is more likely just straight-up kind of racist.” itsastrideh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, in a large group, there are multiple conversations with small members of the group.
OP wrote that she had some awkwardness, and that isn’t uncommon, so it’s fine to have a conversation with maybe just a few people. I don’t need to know exactly what everyone is saying or to be involved in every conversation. Language is a beautiful thing, and it is great when people speak the language of their culture.
In America, for a long time, there was a forgetting about culture and language as people wanted to be American and leave their rough old life behind, and they didn’t teach their old language. People are working to reconnect and discover about their past. It’s a beautiful thing.” Severe-Hope-9151
Another User Comments:
“I think if it is a side conversation, it is fine. If someone is sitting next to you with no one to talk to, it would be kind to start speaking in the language they understand. But from what you said, everyone had someone to speak to.
My native language is English, but my second language is Turkish. When I hang out with Turkish people, they take turns to have side conversations with me to practice their English. The other people in the group don’t consider this rude, but sometimes I would like to practice my Turkish in the group conversation.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's Partner At My Graduation?
“I (F22) will be graduating college in May. I go to school a ways away from home so for family traveling for the ceremony it will be about a 4.5-hour flight.
I understand that this is expensive and have told everyone it is okay if they cannot come for financial reasons. Recently I have been communicating with my mom (F56) about logistics. When planning her trip I made it clear that my time would be limited due to the busyness of the weekend and that I might not be able to spend much time with her outside of the ceremony and my graduation party that night.
She responded by saying that it would be a huge financial commitment and that if she’s going to spend that much money on a trip she wants it to be worth it. It’s important to note my mother makes good money is comfortably upper middle class and has no problem making big purchases, for example, she recently installed an inground hot tub in the backyard on a whim.
She told me that since I wouldn’t be able to commit to spending enough time with her she was going to bring her partner and use my graduation as a stop on a road trip they had been wanting to take together.
A little bit of background, my parents (mom (F56) and dad (M65) divorced in 2021 after a very contentious marriage.
After promising to be civil in the process things understandably got heated and now my mom refuses to speak to or be in the same room as my dad. (I recognize that everyone has a right to set the boundaries they need to heal but this presents issues for family-centered events) A few months after the divorce my mom met a new guy for this post we will call him Mark (M50s?) and they started seeing each other.
My mom and Mark live in different states and regularly visit each other. While I’m glad she’s happy I have no interest in meeting Mark or having a relationship with him. I’m very close to my dad and even though he has no problem with my mom moving on I still feel uncomfortable with the situation.
I was stunned that she would bring him to an event that means so much to me given the fact I have repeatedly voiced I am not interested in having him be a part of my life. When I asked what she planned to do with him during the ceremony and party she responded that he would be attending with her and that it wouldn’t matter because there would be lots of people at both events.
College has not been easy and graduating is a huge accomplishment for me and one that I am proud to celebrate. It feels like she is trying to make this moment about her drama instead of this milestone. (sadly not a new thing when it comes to her)
I’m going to tell her that I don’t want Mark to come with her and that if the only way that coming to my graduation is worth it is if she gets to also make it a vacation with her partner then she just shouldn’t come, so does that make me the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I can understand that you don’t want to make the effort of having a relationship with Mark but the way you present it, you don’t even want to meet him at all. It is very controlling and it is very difficult to exclude him completely.
That’s why I vote YTJ. I don’t see how big of an issue his presence can be during the graduation ceremony. For the party, I can accept that it’s different but you already told your mother that you would barely see her.
When I read your post, my feeling was that you are not a nice person and you are acting quite entitled. It’s very sad actually. There might be some background missing that could explain your reaction:” TwinZylander214
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t say one word about Mark doing anything that justifies you excluding him.
It’s socially unacceptable to prohibit a close family member from bringing their partner to a family event for no other reason beyond just having “no interest in meeting him.” I’m sorry, you don’t have to be interested in this man, but if you want to enter the adult world you need to start acting like one.
This is what that looks like. First, accept that your mother is divorced and free to move on. Second, accept that her partner – either this one or a future one – will frequently accompany her to events of all kinds. And third, accept that you have a social obligation to be polite to this person who has done nothing to wrong you.
Especially if your mother contributed to your college education, she has a right to bring a companion with her to an event that you have already told her will involve only limited time with you. So you won’t spend much time with her (understandable) but you’re going to begrudge her time with someone else just because you don’t want to meet him?
Are you planning on never allowing her to bring him anywhere that you’re going to be? My parents had an ugly divorce when I was in college so I get the feelings involved, but it doesn’t justify telling your mom she has to come alone.
Would it kill you to just meet the man and be polite? It’ll be good practice for all the times you’ll have to get along with people you aren’t especially interested in throughout your entire career. Welcome to adulthood!” StrangelyRational
Another User Comments:
“You’re coming off very entitled, spoiled, and immature. She’s not asking for you to accept her partner as your dad. She’s asking to bring a companion, especially after you very clearly told her that she’s not a priority for you that weekend.
Which, fine, but what did you expect for her to do? You don’t need to have a relationship with Mark. You should be civil. You also don’t know the ins and outs of your mom’s finances or ability to take time off to travel.
Why do you think she’s trying to make your graduation about her? Why do you dislike her so much? Is your reaction justified to her past behavior? Do you want her in your life? I’ll tell you right now, trying to control who someone is won’t go well.” gimmetots123
9. AITJ For Not Immediately Telling My Brother His Ex Is Going Out With Our Friend?
“My brother (24) rekindled his relationship with his ex and baby mom (24) in March 2023 after four years of no contact.
They tried to make it work for their kids, but it ended around October.
We have a mutual friend (M28) who was going through a tough separation from his baby mom. He often talked to me and my brother about it and would hang out with my brother for support.
Recently, this friend confessed to me that he’d been secretly seeing my brother’s ex for the past five months—starting just two weeks after she and my brother broke up. He admitted he didn’t tell my brother sooner because he was scared of his reaction (my brother is a hothead) and worried about losing our friendship since I’m close to him through work.
I told him he needed to tell my brother, as it wasn’t my place to do so, but I offered to mediate if necessary.
Shortly after, I got a call from my brother’s ex. She immediately said, “Well, I heard you got a bombshell dropped on you,” and confirmed the relationship.
She claimed it started because she and the friend arranged playdates for the kids, but it grew from there. She revealed they’ve met each other’s families and spent a lot of time together.
During the call, she repeatedly brought up my brother, making negative comments about him, only to follow up with, “But I don’t care about him anymore.” I’ve known this woman for years and have always found her manipulative.
For context, she has two kids: her oldest (4) with my brother and her youngest (2) with another man, who is the ex of my brother’s other ex (it’s a messy situation). She has openly bragged in the past about having kids with both men to spite her enemy.
I suspect she’s now pursuing a relationship with our friend as another form of revenge against my brother. I plan to have a face-to-face conversation with our friend to warn him about her patterns and intentions. While I can’t force him to choose between her and us, I want him to understand what he might be getting into.
That said, I’ve decided to let our friend be the one to tell my brother about the relationship, rather than telling him myself. I don’t want to hurt my brother, who’s been doing well lately, but I also feel it’s not my place to interfere directly.
So, AITJ for waiting and giving our friend the chance to tell my brother instead of telling him immediately?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but don’t get too involved. Some of the ammunition from the drama this well set off can be thrown back at you and you’ve done nothing but lent an ear to the situation.
Things will happen the way they happen and your brother and friend and the baby mama are adults capable of making their own decisions.” Majestic_feline00
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re the jerk for not telling him immediately, I’m sure he will just because he’s going to feel betrayed by people he is or was close to but I don’t think it was your place to bring that news to him and it also has nothing to do with you.
You knowing was just probably because you’re the easier person to tell. The fact that you advised your friend to tell your brother is exactly what you should have done. Also about the ex using your friend to get back to your brother, I think maybe that’s appropriate to talk to your brother about but not your friend as I don’t think he would receive that the way you mean it.” Moon_water275
Another User Comments:
“Well, like it or not you’re in the middle of this mess. Here’s what I would do. First, tell your friend about this woman and her track record. Then give him a (short) time limit to come clean to your brother or you will.
If you keep this a secret from your brother indefinitely it will become a problem for you, so make sure you don’t. Frankly, I wouldn’t mediate that conversation between them. I mean, what was your friend thinking? Your friend is the kind of person who acts first and later worries about the consequences of his actions.
He didn’t come clean to your brother before started seeing her, that’s all on him. It’s too late for leniency.” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Let My SO's Sister Sleep In Our Bed During His Birthday Celebration?
“My partner and I are in the process of moving, and his 30th birthday will be a month after we officially move in. Both of our families (his parents, sister, and her partner, along with my parents) have planned to visit and celebrate the weekend from Saturday to Monday.
Since our new home will only have a bed and a small sofa bed by then, we couldn’t accommodate everyone. His parents booked a place for four, and my parents booked one for two, so everyone had a sleeping arrangement.
Before his sister and her partner made their plans, my partner had briefly mentioned they might be able to stay with us, even offering them our bed if needed. He later admitted this was a mistake.
Once the parents booked their accommodations, he told his sister it would be better for her and her partner to stay with their parents. Our living room has no shutters, so it gets very bright in the mornings, and the sofa bed is small and uncomfortable.
She responded that they could bring sleep masks.
Things escalated when his sister messaged him, saying she and her partner were planning to arrive on Thursday evening, stay with us until late Tuesday afternoon, and asked if he could pick them up and drop them back at the station.
The issue:
- My partner and I both work full-time during the day (he works in an office, and I work from home).
- We only have one car, so while he could pick them up, he couldn’t drop them off.
- She bought tickets before getting confirmation from my partner that this was okay.
My partner was frustrated but wanted to avoid conflict. He asked her to sleep at their parents’ rental for the two originally planned nights (Saturday and Sunday). However, she still insisted on staying at our place for the remaining three nights and even assumed she’d be sleeping in our bed.
When my partner confronted their parents, his father was understanding but said his sister probably acted this way because of ticket prices. He also downplayed her behavior and made comments like, “Are you sure the night mask suggestion wasn’t a joke?” and warned that if there was tension, they might as well cancel the celebration.
Ultimately, my partner sent her a message to call out her behavior, but now we’re stuck with this situation:
- She expects to stay with us for five nights despite the inconvenience.
- She’s unwilling to change her plans, even though we’ve made alternate suggestions.
- I feel frustrated that she assumes we’ll accommodate her without consulting us first, and I’m upset by the way my partner’s family downplays her entitlement and puts pressure on him to accommodate her.
This isn’t the first time his sister has behaved this way, and I feel strongly that we should refuse to host her for any of the nights.
I believe this would set a boundary and send the message that she can’t always impose on others. However, I worry that this might damage my partner’s relationship with his family.
So, AITJ for not wanting to let her stay at our place and sleep in our bed?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Make sure you are in the bed when they arrive. You can also pretend to be sick. Have a few bballed-uptissues around your bed and don’t forget to cough and splutter a little when they ultimately barge in. Or just refuse them entry.
The relationship between your partner and his family is already damaged. He just doesn’t realize how mistreated he’s been. Because it’s normal for him. He’s unable to shine his spine to stand up to them so you might need to do it for him.” KitchenDismal9258
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a really tricky situation, but your feelings are completely valid. Your partner’s sister has clearly overstepped, and it’s understandable that you’re frustrated—especially since you’ve already tried offering reasonable compromises that she’s refused to accept.
It’s not fair for her to assume she can stay at your place (and in your bed!) without proper communication or consideration for your situation. Your partner’s frustration is also understandable. It sounds like he’s trying to avoid conflict with his sister and parents, but it’s putting him in an unfair position.
His family is minimizing her behavior (e.g., saying the sleep mask comment was “a joke”) and even threatening to cancel the celebration, which shifts the responsibility for maintaining family harmony onto you and your partner. That’s not okay. This is his sister’s mistake, not yours or his, and it’s unfair for the family to pressure you into accommodating her just to avoid tension.
That said, this decision needs to come from your partner. It’s his family, and he’s the one who needs to communicate the boundary to his sister. Encourage him to explain that you’re both happy to celebrate his birthday together but that her current plan isn’t workable.
If she refuses to adjust her plans, that’s on her—not you or your partner. Ultimately, you’re not wrong for wanting to protect your space and set boundaries, especially during such a stressful time. Hosting guests should be a mutual decision, not something forced on you.
Stand your ground, and make sure you and your partner are on the same page so you can navigate this together. If his family gets upset, remind yourselves that her lack of consideration created this situation—not your reasonable boundaries.” User
7. AITJ For Wanting To Choose An Unconventional Name For My Baby?
“My husband and I (25) are expecting a baby together. I’m having some trouble with my family over the name.
Background: I don’t share the same mom as my siblings. My parents had me, and my mom chose my name. It’s not your typical name. It’s a natural name, which she also had, and isn’t one of the common types like Lily or Rose, for example.
My parents bickered over my name according to Dad, and Mom chose my first name while Dad chose my middle name. My parents’ marriage wasn’t great and by the time my mom died when I was 5, dad had met my stepmom “Jane”.
For a while, after my dad and Jane moved in together, they asked me if I would like to use my middle name, “Claire,” instead of my first name, “Acacia.” I didn’t want to use my middle name, and my dad was a little upset, but they let it go.
My dad and Jane were more compatible with their naming preference, and my siblings were expected to be appropriately named Elizabeth, James, Hannah, Michael, etc.
My name got comments, and I would proudly tell people my mom named me. It wasn’t easy for Jane to hear, and my family didn’t love it.
I love my family, but I was always proud of being named by my mom and never cared that I stood out. I never wanted to be more like them or blend in with them better. It was a connection to my mom that made me proud.
When I was young, I used to talk about carrying on with nature-themed and more uncommon names when I had kids. Based on that, my family questioned when we told them I was pregnant if we planned to do just that. We do, but we did not tell them that.
We told them we would discuss names and announce them after our baby was born.
My family made suggestions. Jane made suggestions that she thought were “darling” and would “blend in so beautifully with the family.” I told them we didn’t need the names and asked them to stop suggesting them.
Talk of the baby shower and planning on that has brought this to my family’s focus. They told me we should take their thoughts on board, and my dad and I said I should consider not letting my baby’s name stand out among theirs the way mine did.
My siblings wanted me to think about Jane and how she would feel if I copied my mom’s style and stayed far away from hers when she had been raising me for years and hearing me bask in the joy of people knowing my mom named me.
I reached the end of my rope and told them all that they don’t get a say on my baby’s name and that I don’t want my child’s name to blend in with theirs. That it doesn’t matter the way they seem to think. And the way they make it sound, it’s like telling me I have to choose between them and my mom or, more accurately, Jane and my mom.
They told me I was dismissing their feelings, what this meant to them, and what message I was sending others. They said I started it years ago by clarifying that I wanted to name my kids like mom called me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and frankly, you must cut back on contact with them WAY.
The fact that they genuinely believe that they have the right to dictate to you what your child’s name should feels creepy. They are, of course, wrong. Name your child whatever name you want. If they don’t like or respect it, they can bow out of spending time with your little nature baby.
Be prepared for them to refuse to call your child by their name and to put them on a time-out until they do. This is a common tactic of controlling parents and step-parents. Do not hesitate for a second or go easy on them. This is your baby, not theirs, and they need to get that through their thick skulls IMMEDIATELY.
Lay down the law.” SlabBeefpunch
Another User Comments:
“From reading your post, it’s like they’re trying to airbrush your mother out of everyone’s lives, and your siblings are upset that you don’t see their mother as your mother. Well, she isn’t your mother, and she and your father tried but failed to make you change your given name, which is awful, and she never respected her memory and position as your mother.
It’s your baby; their name doesn’t have to ‘fit in’ with anyone or any theme. You and your OH can give the baby whatever name you decide on. Strong NTJ” PurplePlodder1945
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – What is it with, while not necessarily evil but clueless and entitled, stepmothers on this sub today?
I imagine it must be quite difficult to be a step-parent, but it might be a little easier if they didn’t get so worked up about trying to replace bio-parents who have passed away. No one gets to name your child other than you and your husband.
It’s okay for your dad and stepmom to express their opinions if you’re open to hearing them, but once you’ve made it clear that their opinions were unwelcome, they should STFU. Add to that, your stepmom keeps trying to make it all about her and try to get your siblings to pressure you.
It’s honestly disgusting.” OldMetalHead
6. AITJ For Giving My Distressed Dad A High-Dose Substance?
“So I (22 F) gave my dad (59 M) an edible. Here’s the backstory: My dad’s partner of almost 5 years supposedly was unfaithful to him.
There’s no concrete evidence but they’re broken up (let me know if y’all want that tea).
It all went down last Tuesday, they broke up on Sunday, this happened Monday night, and I’m writing this post on Tuesday. He has been distraught over the breakup.
Barely eat anything besides toast and coffee, and has been called out of work. He was taking some strong painkillers from his last kidney stone passing to go to sleep. I called out of work Monday since I was unwell that morning but hung out with him in the afternoon running errands.
I take gummies (he doesn’t know that) and they help me sleep. I suggested to him we get him some legal substance gummies. He used to smoke when he was my age but hasn’t since. We went up to the smoke shop around the corner from our neighborhood and the lady suggested a brand I knew of.
We got 7500mg gummies.
Later, I made sure he ate a better dinner than he’s been having (Panda Express) and gave him one gummy around 9 pm. I told him to wait an hour and to just lie down, relax, and watch TikTok. Later a little after 10 pm he came into my room, claiming his heart was racing.
He was feeling anxious and was pacing in the hallway, several feet from me. I told him to come sit on my bed and talk, but he said no and walked away. It wasn’t long before he came back saying he wanted to go to the hospital and he should’ve never taken it.
I got dressed but then he said he no longer wanted me to take him and to call 911. I did and they brought an ambulance over. My dad was worried and wanted to wake up my younger brother but I insisted on leaving him be.
Two paramedics came in to examine him and I explained what happened, showing them the gummies. He insisted he wanted to go to the hospital, they went to the ambulance and sat in the driveway for a good 20 minutes before leaving. I texted my dad to call me as soon as he had updates and needed me to get him.
Around 2:30 am he called me to get him the (hospital was about 15 minutes away). They had given him something, he passed out, they woke him up with papers and said to go. He called me about 5 times on my way asking where I was, still scared. I picked him up and he called his ex-partner.
He texted her at the hospital. Got home then we both went to sleep.
Later on, I took my brother to get breakfast and dropped him off at school. My brother slept through everything and I’d rather not tell him what happened. My dad woke up when I got back and was fine.
Said he didn’t like that at all and it was a bad trip. Not excited for that ambulance bill. He left for a date with an old friend and I went to work.
So, AITJ for giving my dad an edible? Should I have gone to the hospital with him?
I feel bad he was put in that position and contacted his ex. Definitely should have given a smaller dosage of something I wasn’t fully knowledgeable about.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because 250mg is a completely insane dosage for a first-timer. I have been smoking and doing edibles for years.
5-10 mg TOPS for a newbie. That dosage level is like telling your dad to drink a whole bottle of booze. My dose, from a legal medical dispensary, is 35-40mg a night. Again, I have been consuming THC for YEARS. I have had the same experience as your dad when taking too much THC: heart racing, massive anxiety, and paranoia.
Your saving grace is those edibles were probably nowhere near as strong as they said on the package — lots of states with less strict regulations don’t check those claims on packaging. But even if we chop off a whole zero, you gave a brand new THC consumer 25 milligrams which is TERRIBLE.
With edibles, start low and go slow. YTJ x 1000.” wossquee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Initially I thought you were going to say that you secretly gave him the edible. But he knew what he was taking. You aren’t responsible for his bad trip. I’d also guess he had a panic attack when he first felt the edible kick in, which exacerbates the bad trip.
Apologize, basically acknowledging that you wanted to help him and you feel bad that it went badly for him.” veroaf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m glad you corrected the dosage because my jaw dropped at 7500mg! You didn’t trick him into taking it; you gave him one (even though 250mg is pretty strong for someone who’s out of practice).
You’re reminding me of a night at uni when my housemates and I threw a party, someone baked both regular and “special” brownies, and those of us who were used to smoking had to keep the others from calling the emergency line because they’d had three or four brownies and were freaking out (back in the illegal days).
I would have given him a quarter or less of a gummy and gone to the hospital with him, but next time maybe start him with CBD.” TemptingPenguin369
5. AITJ For Admitting I Love My Biological Brother More Than My Stepsister And Half-Siblings?
“My mom has been married to Rob for the past 5 years. I’m 16f and my brother, Dante, is 13. Rob has a 15-year-old daughter named Tessa.
Mom and Rob also have my half-siblings, Jayden (4m) and Tyla (2f) together. Mine and Dante’s dad died 8 years ago and Tessa’s mom has been in prison since she was a baby.
Mom and Rob started seeing each other a year after my dad died. We met Rob and Tessa a year into his and mom’s relationship.
We get along fine. There was never any huge drama or anything. But we never became the not-blended blended family. You know the kind where everyone is just a parent or a sibling and you don’t think of the step or half at all. Where you wouldn’t know who was the bio and who was the step-siblings.
It was always clear to us. Dante is my favorite person in the world and I’m his. I act sorta like another mom figure for him. And he looks up to me. I know Tessa has been jealous of it sometimes. She has picked up on the fact that neither of us calls her our sister, though we do acknowledge her as our stepsister.
We still hang out and stuff. But the relationship is very different. And it’s the same with my half-siblings. I only feel the really strong protective instincts toward Dante. He’s the only one I would walk through fire for.
Mom and Rob have brought up concerns about our closeness and the fact Dante comes to me for stuff and never Tessa.
Or the fact we’re different from each other than the others. Everything from Dante sitting beside me at dinner, to the fact my friends know Dante and his know me, while they sorta know Tessa but not really. It bothered them enough to speak to Dante and then to bring me to therapy.
They brought up to the therapist that they feel like my and Dante’s relationship is the most important one to either of us and that by doing that, we show favoritism to each other and don’t give or have the same love for Tessa, Jayden, and Tyla.
They felt like this was concerning because it excludes three of our siblings from our closeness. Mom said we even fight like we’re close. The therapist wanted us to do some solo stuff for a minute first but Rob insisted we do it together and get it over with.
So the first and second sessions were mom and Rob sharing their concerns. The third (and final) one was me being asked questions which I answered honestly. The big question is Dante my favorite and do I love him more? I said yes. I told them I will always love Dante more.
He’s my brother, we’ve been through stuff together and while I care about Tessa, Jayden, and Tyla, my feelings for them are nowhere as strong. I told them even when Dante annoys the crap out of me I would do anything to protect him. The therapist wanted us to do more with Mom together but mom and Rob heard what they wanted to hear and declared it was the last session.
They then told me how wrong I was for feeling the way I do and that my blasé attitude while saying it was not okay. They also gave Dante grief after it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents used therapy to get you to reveal your feelings about your closeness to/with your biological brother and then to judge you for having those feelings.
Not only did they ambush you; but also, they sabotaged what is supposed to be a helpful process.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They don’t understand how relationships work. You and Dante will always have a closer relationship with each other than your little half-siblings.
The half-siblings will grow up and always have a closer relationship with each other than the rest of you too. That’s simply how it is whenever there is a large age gap between siblings. You and Dante also experienced the trauma of losing your dad which helped forge you both closer.
Step-siblings follow a similar process. You’ve only known each other for 5 years while you and your bio brother have known each other your whole life. It’s only natural you’re closer to the one you’ve known the longest.” -Nightopian-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They expected the therapist to tell you that you should love Rob’s kids as much as your real brother.
That backfired on them. I understand you perfectly. I have a stepsibling 2 halfsiblings and a full brother. I feel the same way as you do. My brother is my brother, the others aren’t my family. My situation is easier since I live with my dad, so I don’t have to put up with this.
Ignore your mom and ignore Rob. You and Dante have a special bond and he is your brother. Don’t let Rob and your mom ruin that for you.” svdw_nyxoxo
4. AITJ For Lying To My Friend's Partner About Our Weekly Party?
“My friend Kelvin (m34) has been seeing a new girl Cornelia (f22) for 2 months, and I invited them to a party 1 week ago.
All of my friends knew about it, so we were all down to party. Cornelia was also super excited to party with Kelvin for the first time. All of a sudden, Kelvin texts me 6 days later saying that he wants me to lie to Cornelia that the party isn’t happening.
NOTE: This party happens every week.
He tells me that Cornelia’s parents told him secretly that they want her back by midnight every time they hang out, and that she doesn’t know about this secret midnight curfew – it is between him and her parents (this doesn’t sound believable on his part).
He said he wanted to honor her parent’s wishes and keep their secret. He also tells me that she used to have a drinking problem, and he doesn’t want her to go down the same path.
I told him that this would be a problem because our other friends know that the party is happening, and this lie will probably be exposed to them if they talk to her.
So he requested that I should get our friends to not mention the party around her and lie about it if asked. I ended up getting my friends in on it and they reluctantly obliged to not mention it, but they said they wouldn’t lie if asked.
So I proposed the idea that I’ll say I can’t make it to the party. That way our friends don’t have to lie (but they will stay silent about it), and she won’t want to go if the inviter (me) isn’t going. He ended up agreeing, but bummed out that I wouldn’t just lie that the party wasn’t happening.
I made it clear that if I did that and my other friends exposed that the party did happen, then I would look like a liar and a jerk, but he kept insisting.
I asked him why doesn’t he just say he’s uncomfortable going to the party and talk it out with his partner.
He responds with “I can’t tell her parents about the curfew”, and I say, Bro, you don’t have to mention the curfew, just say you don’t want to go to the party (he hates partying and drinking). He then tells me that he can’t do that, and he can’t tell me the reason why….
Fast forward, we end up meeting together and I tell her that I can’t make it to the party this week. She then says “OK, but next week for sure!”. I just nod my head in a defeated manner, because I realize she will never attend the party while he’s around.
We hung out a little more (along with the other friends who were in on the issue), but I started to become bothered by having done this. I succeeded in getting myself and my other friends to lie and say I wasn’t going to the party hen I was.
Everyone felt uncomfortable, but we did it for his sake.
It’s been 2 days since then, but I don’t think I can keep lying like this every week. On top of that, I think he lied to me about the secret parent curfew to save his wage for me, because that sounds like nonsense.
Why wouldn’t the parents just tell her to be home by midnight? Why won’t he just say he’s uncomfortable? AITJ? Please help…”
Another User Comments:
“I’d say soft YTJ but you need to put an end to this. Your friend Kelvin is either lying to you or weak or both.
I mean, he’s 34 and supposedly in cahoots with a 22-year-old’s parents over a curfew? Weird, weird, weird. Tell your buddy to grow up and leave you out of this bizarre dysfunction.” BadgerGirl92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Something fishy is going on here. I have never heard of anyone having a secret curfew.
What would be the purpose of that? Like you, I call BS. If Cornelia is indeed in recovery from a booze problem, it might not be the best idea for her to go to a drinking party. If he is serious about seeing her, they should talk about it.
Keeping it secret is also BS. Not that a recovering heavy drinker needs to share their info with all and sundry, but for her partner to know, really, but not officially just also screams BS. All in all, I think you are right not to get into spinning and weaving a net around this woman.
If it is to be done for some weird reason, let her partner and her parents do that on their own. Frankly, it sounds more like Kelvin has another girl he wants to cultivate at said party, which is why it would be awkward for him if Cornelia I was there.
Then again, I have this suspicious mind and in many ways jaded view of the world that many old people get for some reason. I think they call it experience.” FragrantEconomist386
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for enabling your tiresome friend here. The curfew is complete BS.
The truth is that this girl likes to party and he doesn’t want her going to a party where there will be other guys that are going to be more fun than him (probably wouldn’t be that hard). So he expects you all to go along with this BS.
He’s also quite a bit older than her and trying to manipulate/control her, he sounds pretty creepy tbh.” Fromasha
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Cat With My Roommates?
“My partner (25f), Alice, and I (26m) have a long-distance relationship and sometimes I don’t see her for more than 2 weeks. I am attending college and she has work in a different city, but we make due and have a healthy relationship. However, this doesn’t make me immune from getting lonely once in a while.
To remedy this, we decided it would be good to get a cat for me. That way I’d have company during the day and someone to cuddle with at night to keep the loneliness at bay. We did our research and paid a bit extra to get a Siberian Cat, Gus.
We found online that they are great companions and are often used as therapy animals for folks with trauma.
It started off great and my roommate (26m), Denis, was super happy to have a pet in the apartment – I was happy too with my little buddy and very thankful on those nights that I felt down.
I took responsibility for all chores that pertained to the cat, got him groomed every month, and took him to the vet to make sure Gus was doing good.
Things started to turn when I had to leave for a weekend and my roommate and his partner (28f), Sarah, took care of him for a few days.
Denis let Gus sleep in his room with him and fed him some of the treats I had bought. At the time, I was very grateful that he would take care of him while I was away and for free! However, after that weekend I noticed Denis was acting different, it seemed like he was jealous that I had Gus.
The problems only worsened from there, things got… weird. They started to give Gus treats that I had bought without asking. Then they started taking Gus into their room at night – leaving me alone again. One night, Sarah was a little tipsy and asked me when I move next year if we could do “split-custody” of my cat.
I laughed it off and said I’d always let them watch him when I went on trips. During a Christmas party, Sarah bought matching sweaters for her, Denis, and my cat. She put it on him during the Christmas party without me knowing and was carrying him around telling everyone that she was Gus’s favorite.
I am not the competitive type, so I tried to ignore these slights. But they were persistently attempting to lure Gus into their room at night. So I finally had a chat with them. They seemed very understanding as I told them why I bought Gus and that I was struggling with a bit of depression and loneliness.
I never mentioned any of this to them before, so I am not sure if they knew they were crossing a boundary. I politely asked them if they would like Gus for the night, and they gave me the courtesy of just asking if it was okay for that night.
For a while it was okay and they respected my wishes. But recently, they’ve started to lure him into their room again without asking me. It all just feels so weird. These guys are supposed to be my friends, I feel like they should respect my boundaries.
Sometimes I think they are taking advantage of me. AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, if you bring a cat into a shared apartment you run the risk of the cat liking them better. Yes, you are the cat’s owner, but the cat doesn’t care about that.
It seems like the cat is gonna go where it wants. If the cat didn’t want to go in their room at night then it wouldn’t go. No matter how much a person calls the ccat’sdoesn’t matter unless the cat willingly goes there.
But, NTJ” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sounds like this isn’t going to resolve itself so you’ll have to make some hard boundaries. All feeding and treats need to be done by you and keep them in your room so they don’t do it behind your back, and don’t allow them to have the cat in their room at night, knock on their door and retrieve him if necessary.
Tbh they seem like they will fight you on this, either buying their treats or getting angry at you taking him back. Good luck” Solid_Seb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d make sure to tell them to stop expecting him to sleep in their room at night, for starters.
Make it a point to go out of your way to get him before bed, even if you have to knock at their door and wake them up. Also, put away the treats, and stop leaving food and toys, etc in shared areas. If they ask again about split custody I would be honest and say no, he’s my cat.
Keep reasserting your boundaries and they will hopefully get the hint. If they don’t, I’d consider moving out when the lease comes up.” fckinsleepless
2. AITJ For Being Upset About My Husband's Messy DIY Project?
“My husband scraped the paint off our stairwell ceiling without putting anything down on the floor. Then he spackled and said he was going to sand. Remembering the mess from before, I asked him to put a dropcloth down (he wouldn’t, since he didn’t feel safe with the floor being slipperier) and to seal off the steps from the rest of the house, including our bedrooms and my office upstairs.
He said he would but I was being annoying and that I needed to take our son and leave the house.
When we came back, it became obvious that what I meant when I said: “seal off our rooms and my office” (blue tape plastic dropcloths across all the doorways, tape the sides and bottom) was different than what he meant (close the doors, put a line of blue tape at the bottom of each door).
EVERYTHING was COVERED in dust in ALL the rooms. I told him there was no way our son was sleeping upstairs and went to the basement. He said it wasn’t a big deal, but turns out he had to sleep on the sofa in the living room because he couldn’t stop coughing and sneezing from all the dust.
The next day, my husband yells at me about how awful I’ve made him feel for trying something new. He made a mess but it doesn’t excuse the way I’ve been acting. He said I get so anxious that I never get anything started and if it weren’t for him, this project would never have gotten done, or we would have spent $800 on a contractor and they would have made the same mess.
I say that I appreciate that he tried something but I’m upset about the spackle dust being everywhere and having to clean it all up. He says he knew I would be mad so he spent two hours cleaning up before I got home instead of finishing the job.
I was like, thanks, but there’s still a ton to clean.
I set to work cleaning my office (I’ve done the bedrooms and 10 loads of laundry already at this point). My husband says there’s just going to be a mess again when he finishes sanding what’s left. I say that if he seals up the work area and tries wet sanding, there won’t be enough mess to make cleaning my office a waste of time.
He yells at me for never doing anything outside my comfort zone but always being critical, I try to show him the DIY blogs I’ve been reading, and he snarks that I can just do it myself.
So I do. I seal off the whole staircase (plastic on the floor, too), and put on my coveralls and PPE.
I wet sand. The whole thing, including cleanup (which is just taking down and rolling up the plastic dropcloths and my coveralls), takes four hours. There’s NO DUST left.
My husband is impressed but points out some parts that need to be spackled and resanded. I say I’m happy to do it or help him seal the area if he wants to do it.
He says the job is small enough now that there’s no need since the amount of dust generated will be minimal. He says he’s not going to want to do any work around the house in the future if I’m going to make everything a huge production.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That is weaponized incompetence with a heavy dose of gaslighting at work. He dismissed all your suggestions and input even when you showed him where you got the information. And even dared you to do it yourself, thinking you’d fail.
When he saw that you were correct, pointed out a minor parts you missed, BUT STILL insists on NOT sealing the area. He’s a piece of work.” Ayane_Redfield
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You can avoid a lot of extra work and a mess if you prepare for a job properly.
He is mad because you were right. It’s just common sense to seal off what you can when you’re doing a job that creates that kind of dust. I just lived through a kitchen remodel down to the studs, so I know all about sanding dust everywhere.
And you do choke on it. Even the crew here wore n95 masks and respirators.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here, when you do DIY the house gets messy and sometimes you have to live in a bit of discomfort. IMO I wouldn’t have gone beyond taping up the doors either.
He thought it was enough, but it wasn’t. You thought he understood what you hadn’t clearly explained, he hadn’t. These things happen, and instead of going ‘well, this is a bit rubbish let’s deal with it in the morning. But thank you for doing it’ You’ve gone ‘Why have you done this’ Makes sense he is put out, makes sense you’re annoyed. You’ve just got to figure out a way of dealing with it instead of playing the blame game.” MountainSecurity9508
1. AITJ For Leaving My Partner At The Library After He Disrupted My GRE Practice Test?
“Me (23F) and my partner (22M) went to the library earlier today to study. I’m currently studying for the GRE, so I decided to take a practice test in the library. I figured it would be a good testing environment, and my test is only a week away so it was a perfect opportunity to assess where I’m at.
Keep in mind that this practice test was one of the only official, timed, graded versions available, so I took this attempt seriously. My partner was aware of this and decided to study for his tests since he was already in grad school. Also notable to mention is that we were on the top floor of a college library, which is the quiet floor, and there were a bunch of people studying around us.
The test went smoothly for the first 1.5 hours, and then it came down to the last math section. I was already mentally drained from the previous sections and was on my final stretch to finish the test. But as I began, I heard my partner laughing and talking loudly in response to a lecture he was watching.
I looked up and said “shh” to remind him that I was still taking my test plus the room was super quiet. I can’t focus when I hear people talking around me, so I wanted him to reduce the noise. In response, my partner loudly said, “Shut up, I don’t give a darn.” I showed him my screen and mouthed that I was still taking the practice test, and he repeated what he said, laughed, and went back to work.
I was immediately rattled and embarrassed because not only did I not expect that response, but as I mentioned before, we were on the quiet floor and there were a lot of people around us who likely heard our exchange. I could feel myself becoming flustered and felt tears forming in my eyes, and I tried to finish the exam as best as I could.
Once I submitted my exam, I immediately saw my scores which were worse than what I hoped for, particularly for the last section. I felt very frustrated, and I decided to pack my things to go. My partner noticed this and asked where I was going, and I whispered that what he said was super rude/humiliating and impaired my performance, and I didn’t want to be there anymore.
He said OK, and I left.
Now that I’m home, my partner has been texting me asking why I would ditch him. He explained that he didn’t know he was being loud and that I impatiently shushed him like he was a baby, which is what provoked his comment.
I explained my situation and what I was feeling at the time, to which he responded that I overreacted and was emotionally all over the place because of the test. He said I should take some time to myself and speak to him again when I regain my composure.
But he didn’t apologize or express remorse for what he said, and he even said I’m too old to be crying in public like that.
I don’t feel like I did anything wrong, maybe I could’ve pulled him aside and explained everything, but ultimately I feel justified in leaving since the space turned negative for me and I didn’t want to be around him after he made me feel like that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ewww. Your partner is a jerk, a big nasty jerk. The lack of apology and putting it all on you are some definite red flags. “He said I should take some time to myself and speak to him again when I regain my composure.” I don’t think you realize how messed up that line is, else you’d be out of the relationship already.
He’s scolding you like a child, putting everything on you, when he’s the one who messed up. “Why are you crying when I hurt you? That’s your fault.” This is a really bad sign.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
